The Ren & Stimpy Show (1991–1996): Season 5, Episode 4 - Stimpy's Pet/Ren's Brain - full transcript
Ren and Stimpy find an abandoned circus clown at their doorstep. While Ren DOES NOT want to keep him, Stimpy pleads and begs until Ren agrees. Ren's status as Lord of the Manor is challenged.Stimpy the mad scientist replaces Ren's brain.
( actor on television )
Communication on speaker.
Alien life form, what is
your purpose in this sector ?
( alien )
Well, looking
for a hit show !
( doorbell rings )
Stimpy, get off
your hairy butt
and answer the door.
Your command is my wish.
Joy !
I'm going to be sick.
It's an adorable,
abandoned...
circus clown.
( honk honk )
Good,
let's fry him up.
No, Ren, he's just
a lost babe in the woods.
Oh, no, the last time you
adopted a circus clown,
I ended up
doing all the work,
and I still haven't
gotten rid of that rash.
Please, Ren, please.
He's all alone in the world,
with no one to shave him,
to floss his toes,
to stroke his soft fur.
Just look at that
cute little face.
Hmmm...
well...
do you promise
to feed him, burp him,
and take him to his
parole officer ?
Duh.
I don't think...
rapture !
( voice like Jerry Lewis )
And he shall be
my very own,
and I shall
name him... Sid.
( voice like Jack Nicholson )
What's shakin', sparky ?
( giggling )
Oh, no, backyard !
( whimpering )
( honk )
Take that phony
circus act outside.
I ain't buying it.
( whimpers )
Hmmm...
oh, I see.
The pink mosquito wears
the pants in this family.
Fine, I'm taking it
to the street.
But don't be surprised
when tomorrow you find
my frozen, bloated corpse
rotting in the noonday sun !
( honk honk )
Sparky.
( scratching at door )
( snoring )
( howling )
Poor little Sid
is cold, Ren.
Hey, mosquito boy,
let me in.
I'm getting emotionally
scarred out here.
And I'm freezing
my tuchus off !
Oh, Ren, his tuchus,
a victim
of the cruel elements.
He could die !
( voice like John Wayne )
I will save him.
Welcome to the house
of snuggles.
Snuggle this !
♪ Happy happy
joy stinkin' joy ♪
♪ happy happy
joy stinkin' joy ♪
♪ happy happy
joy stinkin' joy ♪
♪ happy happy
joy stinkin' joy ♪
hope you got a plunger,
sparky.
There you little--
runt.
Isn't Sid a good boy ?
No.
He's a hairy...
little... freak !
But he's a trained
little person.
Do a trick for Ren, Sid.
You want a trick ?
Pull my finger.
Stimpy, no !
( fart )
Okay, one more time.
If you let that little
monster come near me again,
I'll...
duh... oh, yeah.
Kill me slow.
Ha ha ha ha !
And ?
Take my show
away from me ?
Hmm, smooth butt.
I heard of that.
And ?
( chomp )
Aah !
Oh, good.
He's teething.
Okay, you little miscreant,
it's time for paper training.
Go do your business.
What's taking so long ?
Yeah, put 200 down
on greased lightning.
He's paper trained,
and he's learned
to use the phone, too.
Aah !
( sirens and screaming )
That's it !
I've had enough of you
and your stupid pet.
There's toupees
all over the house !
The toilet seat
is always up !
And have you seen the price
of clown pants nowadays ?
And playing with my stuff
is strictly verboten !
Raah !
( growling )
Now, Ren,
you should refrain
from using
any Slavic dialects.
Sid is a German
attack clown.
Gonna bag me a clown.
All right, buddy,
you want a piece of me ?
Come on, big boy,
let's wrestle !
( demonic laughter )
This little clown is taking
his act on the road.
What's this ?
You can't flush me.
The pipe's too small.
You're gonna need
a wider gauge--
ha ha ha ha ha ha !
Ren !
Ren, have you
seen little Sid ?
I can't seem to
find him anywhere.
Hmmm, Sid, you say.
Oh, yeah,
yeah, he ran away.
Ran away ?
Mentioned something about
not loving you anymore,
and took off.
Aah !
But I loved him !
I loved him
more than anything
in the world...
except... you, Ren.
( Stimpy sobs )
He was the fruit
of my loins !
The apple of my pie !
Send in
the clowns !
Send in the... clowns.
Dear lord,
please let Sid know
I'm sorry,
and I hope he forgives me.
And I hope
that wherever he is,
and whatever he's doing,
he's happy.
Amen.
Good night, Stimpy.
Good night, Ren.
Good night, Sid.
( sobbing )
What's shakin', sparky !
( yawn )
Hey !
What stinks ?
Did we have a little
accident last night ?
Let's take a look.
It's Sid !
He's back.
And he's had puppies.
( deep voice )
What shakin', sparky ?
( voice like Ed Wynn )
What's shakin', sparky ?
( Italian accent )
What's shakin', sparky ?
Yeah, yeah,
I'm full of love.
But-- but you don't
love me anymore.
Now who'da told you
that crap ?
Hey, get off.
Cut that out !
Let go.
They're kinda cute
when they're little.
So can we keep 'em ?
Ach Du lieber.
Raah !
Raah !
Aah, aah, no !
Let go !
A house full of love.
Aah, aah, aah !
Help !
( sigh )
Another failed experiment.
None of these brains
are any good.
If only I had a quality
brain to experiment on,
a perfect brain.
Ah, dream on.
( sigh )
( sigh )
( snoring )
Good night, Ren.
( angelic chorus )
It-- it--
it's the perfect
b-- B-- b--
( dong dong dong )
( chattering )
( pop )
This won't hurt a bit,
little buddy.
Woo... wooo... wooo.
( grunting )
Oh, my perfectest brain.
Verily, you will bringest me
most joyous
of all experimentations.
But first, you'll
need a good night's sleep.
See you in the morning.
( ding ding ding )
Ahh...
( snoring )
( cock crows )
Ahh...
( Ren's voice )
Hmm, that's funny.
Feel kinda strange.
Oh, well, must be the ions.
Yikes, I'm gonna
be late for work.
( car starts )
( key unlocks door )
Good morning,
old brainy brain--
( gasp )
Ren's brain.
Missing !
Oh, no, what'll I do now ?
If Ren wakes up and finds
his brain missing,
he'll kill me.
( ding )
Shh... whew.
There, now.
( dial tone )
He'll never
know the difference.
( Ren yawns )
R-- r-- Ren ?
S-say something to me,
Ren.
( telephone being shaken )
Ahhh.
Gee, Ren,
will you play with me ?
( gurgling sounds )
( Stimpy's inner voice )
He'll play with me.
Joy !
Oh, Ren, I've dreamed
of this for years.
( Stimpy giggles )
Uhh...
that's it.
( telephone signal )
You have reached a number
that has been disconnected
or no longer in service.
Oh, idiot Ren.
Let's be friends
forever.
( cheeping )
Man, what a great day
at work.
Wait 'til Stimpy hears
about my promotion.
Can't wait to get home
to my best pal.
Wha--
aah !
What-- what is this ?
How dare you entertain
another chihuahua
in my home !
I work my medulla oblongata
to the bone,
and this is the thanks
I get ?
Duh.
You...
wait, I can explain.
Get your filthy hands
off of me, you flounce !
Huh-huh-huh-huh-huh-huh.
And you, you diseased
home wrecker !
If you'd like
to make a call,
please hang up
and try again.
( straining )
Aah !
( snap )
( both straining )
No !
It's terrible !
Make it stop !
Oh, I can't stand it !
Ohh !
( announcer )
And thus ended
the republican party
as we know it.
You idiots !
Communication on speaker.
Alien life form, what is
your purpose in this sector ?
( alien )
Well, looking
for a hit show !
( doorbell rings )
Stimpy, get off
your hairy butt
and answer the door.
Your command is my wish.
Joy !
I'm going to be sick.
It's an adorable,
abandoned...
circus clown.
( honk honk )
Good,
let's fry him up.
No, Ren, he's just
a lost babe in the woods.
Oh, no, the last time you
adopted a circus clown,
I ended up
doing all the work,
and I still haven't
gotten rid of that rash.
Please, Ren, please.
He's all alone in the world,
with no one to shave him,
to floss his toes,
to stroke his soft fur.
Just look at that
cute little face.
Hmmm...
well...
do you promise
to feed him, burp him,
and take him to his
parole officer ?
Duh.
I don't think...
rapture !
( voice like Jerry Lewis )
And he shall be
my very own,
and I shall
name him... Sid.
( voice like Jack Nicholson )
What's shakin', sparky ?
( giggling )
Oh, no, backyard !
( whimpering )
( honk )
Take that phony
circus act outside.
I ain't buying it.
( whimpers )
Hmmm...
oh, I see.
The pink mosquito wears
the pants in this family.
Fine, I'm taking it
to the street.
But don't be surprised
when tomorrow you find
my frozen, bloated corpse
rotting in the noonday sun !
( honk honk )
Sparky.
( scratching at door )
( snoring )
( howling )
Poor little Sid
is cold, Ren.
Hey, mosquito boy,
let me in.
I'm getting emotionally
scarred out here.
And I'm freezing
my tuchus off !
Oh, Ren, his tuchus,
a victim
of the cruel elements.
He could die !
( voice like John Wayne )
I will save him.
Welcome to the house
of snuggles.
Snuggle this !
♪ Happy happy
joy stinkin' joy ♪
♪ happy happy
joy stinkin' joy ♪
♪ happy happy
joy stinkin' joy ♪
♪ happy happy
joy stinkin' joy ♪
hope you got a plunger,
sparky.
There you little--
runt.
Isn't Sid a good boy ?
No.
He's a hairy...
little... freak !
But he's a trained
little person.
Do a trick for Ren, Sid.
You want a trick ?
Pull my finger.
Stimpy, no !
( fart )
Okay, one more time.
If you let that little
monster come near me again,
I'll...
duh... oh, yeah.
Kill me slow.
Ha ha ha ha !
And ?
Take my show
away from me ?
Hmm, smooth butt.
I heard of that.
And ?
( chomp )
Aah !
Oh, good.
He's teething.
Okay, you little miscreant,
it's time for paper training.
Go do your business.
What's taking so long ?
Yeah, put 200 down
on greased lightning.
He's paper trained,
and he's learned
to use the phone, too.
Aah !
( sirens and screaming )
That's it !
I've had enough of you
and your stupid pet.
There's toupees
all over the house !
The toilet seat
is always up !
And have you seen the price
of clown pants nowadays ?
And playing with my stuff
is strictly verboten !
Raah !
( growling )
Now, Ren,
you should refrain
from using
any Slavic dialects.
Sid is a German
attack clown.
Gonna bag me a clown.
All right, buddy,
you want a piece of me ?
Come on, big boy,
let's wrestle !
( demonic laughter )
This little clown is taking
his act on the road.
What's this ?
You can't flush me.
The pipe's too small.
You're gonna need
a wider gauge--
ha ha ha ha ha ha !
Ren !
Ren, have you
seen little Sid ?
I can't seem to
find him anywhere.
Hmmm, Sid, you say.
Oh, yeah,
yeah, he ran away.
Ran away ?
Mentioned something about
not loving you anymore,
and took off.
Aah !
But I loved him !
I loved him
more than anything
in the world...
except... you, Ren.
( Stimpy sobs )
He was the fruit
of my loins !
The apple of my pie !
Send in
the clowns !
Send in the... clowns.
Dear lord,
please let Sid know
I'm sorry,
and I hope he forgives me.
And I hope
that wherever he is,
and whatever he's doing,
he's happy.
Amen.
Good night, Stimpy.
Good night, Ren.
Good night, Sid.
( sobbing )
What's shakin', sparky !
( yawn )
Hey !
What stinks ?
Did we have a little
accident last night ?
Let's take a look.
It's Sid !
He's back.
And he's had puppies.
( deep voice )
What shakin', sparky ?
( voice like Ed Wynn )
What's shakin', sparky ?
( Italian accent )
What's shakin', sparky ?
Yeah, yeah,
I'm full of love.
But-- but you don't
love me anymore.
Now who'da told you
that crap ?
Hey, get off.
Cut that out !
Let go.
They're kinda cute
when they're little.
So can we keep 'em ?
Ach Du lieber.
Raah !
Raah !
Aah, aah, no !
Let go !
A house full of love.
Aah, aah, aah !
Help !
( sigh )
Another failed experiment.
None of these brains
are any good.
If only I had a quality
brain to experiment on,
a perfect brain.
Ah, dream on.
( sigh )
( sigh )
( snoring )
Good night, Ren.
( angelic chorus )
It-- it--
it's the perfect
b-- B-- b--
( dong dong dong )
( chattering )
( pop )
This won't hurt a bit,
little buddy.
Woo... wooo... wooo.
( grunting )
Oh, my perfectest brain.
Verily, you will bringest me
most joyous
of all experimentations.
But first, you'll
need a good night's sleep.
See you in the morning.
( ding ding ding )
Ahh...
( snoring )
( cock crows )
Ahh...
( Ren's voice )
Hmm, that's funny.
Feel kinda strange.
Oh, well, must be the ions.
Yikes, I'm gonna
be late for work.
( car starts )
( key unlocks door )
Good morning,
old brainy brain--
( gasp )
Ren's brain.
Missing !
Oh, no, what'll I do now ?
If Ren wakes up and finds
his brain missing,
he'll kill me.
( ding )
Shh... whew.
There, now.
( dial tone )
He'll never
know the difference.
( Ren yawns )
R-- r-- Ren ?
S-say something to me,
Ren.
( telephone being shaken )
Ahhh.
Gee, Ren,
will you play with me ?
( gurgling sounds )
( Stimpy's inner voice )
He'll play with me.
Joy !
Oh, Ren, I've dreamed
of this for years.
( Stimpy giggles )
Uhh...
that's it.
( telephone signal )
You have reached a number
that has been disconnected
or no longer in service.
Oh, idiot Ren.
Let's be friends
forever.
( cheeping )
Man, what a great day
at work.
Wait 'til Stimpy hears
about my promotion.
Can't wait to get home
to my best pal.
Wha--
aah !
What-- what is this ?
How dare you entertain
another chihuahua
in my home !
I work my medulla oblongata
to the bone,
and this is the thanks
I get ?
Duh.
You...
wait, I can explain.
Get your filthy hands
off of me, you flounce !
Huh-huh-huh-huh-huh-huh.
And you, you diseased
home wrecker !
If you'd like
to make a call,
please hang up
and try again.
( straining )
Aah !
( snap )
( both straining )
No !
It's terrible !
Make it stop !
Oh, I can't stand it !
Ohh !
( announcer )
And thus ended
the republican party
as we know it.
You idiots !