The Ren & Stimpy Show (1991–1996): Season 5, Episode 3 - Hair of the Cat/City Hicks - full transcript
Ren is suffering from horrible allergies. Little does he know that he may be allergic to his best pal Stimpy.
( gurgling and applause
from Tv )
Ah-choo !
Bazoon-kite !
Could you get me
a tissue, Stimpy ?
One tiss-oo, coming up !
Pul-luck !
Your hankie, sir !
Honk away !
You're one of
the good ones, Stimpy.
Ahh...
that's better.
( snort )
Ahh...
ah-choo !
Gazoom-tite.
I must be coming down
with something.
( gasp )
Hives !
I've got hives !
Aah !
Hey, looks like you're
allergic to something.
Hmm, I wonder
what it could be.
I know.
Betcha
it's your aftershave.
Huh ?
But that's impossible.
I've been a yak-wavelva
man for years !
Still...
maybe you're right.
( baritone singing scales )
♪ Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah ♪
♪ me-me-me-me-me-me-me ♪
♪ me-me-me-me-me-me-I ♪
♪ I-I-I-I-I-I-me ♪
♪ mine-mine-mine-mine
mine-Mine-mine ♪
♪ ah-h-h-h-h ♪
ah, I feel like a new man.
( gasp )
Aah !
Look at me.
Aah !
Oh, sorry, Ren.
What's happening to me ?
( sobbing )
Geez, Ren, your allergies
have never been this bad.
It's time we got to the root
of this phenom-en--
phen-I-men--
phe-Lina-hah-men ?
Pah-Di--
fah-Nah-bah-Lin ?
Fli-man-hi-man ?
I should have known.
I'm allergic to everything.
I can feel...
my sinuses...
crushing my brain !
Luncheon is sir-ruved.
Idiot !
What are you trying
to do, poison me ?
No.
Well, from now on,
all my food's gonna
be hypo-allergenic.
So this is what
I'm reduced to.
Oh, well.
( muffled cry )
( belch )
So...
how's the chow, Ren ?
( muffled speech )
All you really need is some
fresh air and sunshine.
Now, you wait here, Ren.
Frolic, frolic, frolic, frolic,
frolic, frolic, frolic !
Hubba-hubba !
( singing with soundtrack )
♪ Ba-Da-Le-um bum bing ♪
♪ Ba-Da-Le-um bum bing ♪
♪ yucka tucka tucka
tucka tucka ♪
♪ tucka tucka tucka tucka
tucka Ba-Da-Le-um ♪
maybe he's right
after all.
Fresh air... good.
What the--
of all the low-down
dirty stunts.
( stab )
Ouch.
What the--
sti-I-m-m-py !
( rumbling )
Look, Ren, the hemlocks
are in bloom !
I think I'd
like to go home now.
( clatter )
Hey, what's
going on in there ?
( clang )
Ren ?
In the interest
of nasal security,
I have decided to
sterilize all our stuff.
You got your
rubber gloves on ?
Check !
Okay, catch.
Now you can
go make the bed.
And when you're done
with that,
you can re-wax
the disinfected car !
♪ Flippity-fold, flip-flap ♪
♪ flippity-fold, flip-flap ♪
♪ hucky Tucky Tucky
Tucky Tucky ♪
♪ Tucky Tucky tuck tuck
flippity-Flap ♪
there !
( snoring )
( ringing )
( crash )
( yawn )
Uhh... uhhn... uhh...
oh, my lard !
No !
No !
Stimpy !
Stimpy !
Stimpy !
I'm blind, blind !
Tsk-tsk-tsk-tsk.
You're not blind, silly.
Your eyes
are just crusty.
Stimpy to the rescue.
( jackhammer )
( Ren )
Aah !
( breathing heavily )
So...
what's for breakfast,
stupid ?
A nice, big cup...
of hot water !
I should have guessed.
Bland, yes,
but it's filling.
Nnn...
ah-ah-choo !
( sniff )
( rattling )
S'more ?
You !
You're the culprit.
Just look at this place !
Hairy furniture.
Hairy food.
Your smelly old hair
is everywhere !
It was you... all along !
Know what I
ought to do ?
Do you ?
You do,
don't you ?
Why, I ought to--
( dingaling )
( stifling sneeze )
Ha-ha-choo !
Ah-choo !
Ah... ah... ah...
aah !
Choo !
Ah-choo !
Uh... gesundheit.
You...
stay away from me.
You-- you--
you make me sick.
( cheerful music on Tv )
( announcer )
And now, a word
from our sponsors.
There's my cue.
♪ Lum Dee dum dum dum ♪
♪ lum Dee
dum dum dum dum ♪
eh, pass the mustard,
Stimpy.
Here you go, Ren.
Thanks, pal.
( mustard splats )
Some salt ?
Okay, just a pinch.
Hmm... now,
what's missing ?
Don't forget the pickle !
Ah, of course.
Sharesies.
Sharesies.
Ah...
( sigh )
What a guy.
It's been one heck
of a year, Stimpy:
scorching heat,
locusts,
blight, pestilence,
not to mention
the manure famine.
Yep, the lord has surely
smiled upon us this year.
Yep, this here dust
is just about ripe
for the reapin'.
By this time tomorrow,
we'll have us
a bumper dust crop,
ready for the harvest.
Come on, Stimpy.
Let's go home.
It's dinnertime.
( Stimpy )
Ren, dinner's ready.
Oh, boy, I'm starved.
I cooked one
of your favorites.
Roast dirtkey with
gravel sauce.
And for desser-rut,
a big plate
of hot dust puppies.
Mm-mmm, man,
would you look at that.
Stimpy, I'm bloated.
I think
I'll hit the sack.
Same here.
But we gotta say
our prayers, Ren.
Dear lord, we thank thee
for this blessed drought
which thou
has beset upon us.
And let no seed
find purchase
in this forsaken land
which we have stolen
from the Indians.
Amen.
Amen.
Duh, yeah, and bless
old saint dusty Claus
so he will give us nice
dirt clods in our stockings
on dustmas eve.
Amen.
Good night, Stimpy.
Good night, Ren.
( poink )
Gasp !
Stimpy, wake up !
It's raining !
We've got to go
save the crops.
I'll go check the damage.
You go get
the dust mites.
Oh, no !
Seedlings sprouting
in my dust !
Okay, fellas,
it's dust hunting time.
Mush !
Get back !
Back, I tell you, back !
Be gone,
green, leafy devils !
( panting )
It's no use.
The rain is making
everything fertile.
( weeping )
My dust.
Why did this happen to us ?
The crops are ruined !
This isn't fair.
We've been good.
What have we done
to incur your wrath, o lord ?
Why don't you answer me ?
The dust mites drowned, Ren.
What are we gonna
do now ?
There's nothing left
for us here now, Stimpy.
Our poor, poor farm,
choked with useless fruits
and vegetables.
( sighs )
It's time to move on
to grayer pastures.
( horns honking )
You know, Stimpy,
the trick to making it
in the big city
is to dress like city folk.
Wow, Ren, we really
blend in now.
Huh ?
My sheep !
It's been stripped !
And mine's
being towed away.
Baah...
baah...
hey, you, come back
with our sheep !
Flossie, Flossie,
come back !
Flossie... Flossie...
come back,
you low-life, cowardly,
sheep-thievin'
truck driver !
All you truck drivers
are bad, stupid,
oafish... uh...
ha ha, take that !
You don't like truck
drivers, eh ?
Ha ha, hmm, take that !
Ha ha ha ha !
Ta-Ta !
Ah ha ha ha ha ha !
Uhh... hie... hey...
Stimpy !
How could we be
so blind ?
Look, it's grime.
Miles and miles of it !
Why, it's every bit
as filthy
as our dust
back home.
And it's all ours
for the taking !
With the lord as my witness,
I promise you,
before we're finished,
we're gonna own this town !
Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha !
Finally, I'll be able
to afford that strap-on
otter-Skin underwear
I saw in that fancy catalog.
( poink poink poink )
Hello, boys.
Can I, uh, ask what
youse guys is doin' here ?
We're harvesting grime
to take to market.
This is a union town, boys.
You, uh, okies just can't
walk in and shovel grime.
It takes years
of payoffs and bribes
to become grime collectors.
You've gotta
start at the bottom
and for a small service fee,
we could do that
for you.
Wow, did you
hear that, Ren ?
It's our lucky day.
We get to start
at the bottom !
Boys, take good care of
our, uh, new friends here.
Ren.
What ?
My butt's itchy.
( Ren )
Soon we found jobs
working the night shift
at Tex-a-dyne.
( man on p.a. )
Chemical engineers
Ren and Stimpy
report to the test
kitchen.
Hey, that's us !
Quick, into your uniform.
Hey, man, it's dark.
( security alarm buzzing )
Run for it !
Aah !
Aah !
Then we got important
government jobs,
processing new Americans
at Elvis island.
Next.
Name.
Uh, Jones.
Chad Jones.
Too confusing.
Hmm, let's see.
( whispering )
Your new e-merican name
will be
begayholm bagdasarian.
Congraduations.
Well, Stimpy,
we finally made it.
A steady paycheck,
lifetime security,
jalapeño fries.
And all the government
cheese we can stomach.
Okay, break's over.
Uncle Sam is waiting.
What ?
Name.
We lost our jobs
through a takeover move,
double-crossed
by the union scabs.
We ain't cut out
for this city life.
I guess the odds
are just against us.
We're nothin'.
Now, now, Ren,
look at the bright side.
We'll probably
die of exposure.
( weeping together )
Goodbye, Stimpy.
Goodbye, Ren.
( belch )
( wind blows,
angelic choir sings )
Dust flurries !
Mlaaaa.
Grade "a" filth !
Oh, my gosh !
It's dusty Claus !
( hyperventilating )
Gather round, my emaciated
little street urchins.
Behold.
Hallelujah !
Hallelujah !
Come with me
to the dust mines,
where you shall toil and slave
for the rest of your lives.
Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha !
( fart )
Ho ho ha ha ha ha ha !
( spit )
Woo hoo ha ha ha ha ha ha !
from Tv )
Ah-choo !
Bazoon-kite !
Could you get me
a tissue, Stimpy ?
One tiss-oo, coming up !
Pul-luck !
Your hankie, sir !
Honk away !
You're one of
the good ones, Stimpy.
Ahh...
that's better.
( snort )
Ahh...
ah-choo !
Gazoom-tite.
I must be coming down
with something.
( gasp )
Hives !
I've got hives !
Aah !
Hey, looks like you're
allergic to something.
Hmm, I wonder
what it could be.
I know.
Betcha
it's your aftershave.
Huh ?
But that's impossible.
I've been a yak-wavelva
man for years !
Still...
maybe you're right.
( baritone singing scales )
♪ Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah ♪
♪ me-me-me-me-me-me-me ♪
♪ me-me-me-me-me-me-I ♪
♪ I-I-I-I-I-I-me ♪
♪ mine-mine-mine-mine
mine-Mine-mine ♪
♪ ah-h-h-h-h ♪
ah, I feel like a new man.
( gasp )
Aah !
Look at me.
Aah !
Oh, sorry, Ren.
What's happening to me ?
( sobbing )
Geez, Ren, your allergies
have never been this bad.
It's time we got to the root
of this phenom-en--
phen-I-men--
phe-Lina-hah-men ?
Pah-Di--
fah-Nah-bah-Lin ?
Fli-man-hi-man ?
I should have known.
I'm allergic to everything.
I can feel...
my sinuses...
crushing my brain !
Luncheon is sir-ruved.
Idiot !
What are you trying
to do, poison me ?
No.
Well, from now on,
all my food's gonna
be hypo-allergenic.
So this is what
I'm reduced to.
Oh, well.
( muffled cry )
( belch )
So...
how's the chow, Ren ?
( muffled speech )
All you really need is some
fresh air and sunshine.
Now, you wait here, Ren.
Frolic, frolic, frolic, frolic,
frolic, frolic, frolic !
Hubba-hubba !
( singing with soundtrack )
♪ Ba-Da-Le-um bum bing ♪
♪ Ba-Da-Le-um bum bing ♪
♪ yucka tucka tucka
tucka tucka ♪
♪ tucka tucka tucka tucka
tucka Ba-Da-Le-um ♪
maybe he's right
after all.
Fresh air... good.
What the--
of all the low-down
dirty stunts.
( stab )
Ouch.
What the--
sti-I-m-m-py !
( rumbling )
Look, Ren, the hemlocks
are in bloom !
I think I'd
like to go home now.
( clatter )
Hey, what's
going on in there ?
( clang )
Ren ?
In the interest
of nasal security,
I have decided to
sterilize all our stuff.
You got your
rubber gloves on ?
Check !
Okay, catch.
Now you can
go make the bed.
And when you're done
with that,
you can re-wax
the disinfected car !
♪ Flippity-fold, flip-flap ♪
♪ flippity-fold, flip-flap ♪
♪ hucky Tucky Tucky
Tucky Tucky ♪
♪ Tucky Tucky tuck tuck
flippity-Flap ♪
there !
( snoring )
( ringing )
( crash )
( yawn )
Uhh... uhhn... uhh...
oh, my lard !
No !
No !
Stimpy !
Stimpy !
Stimpy !
I'm blind, blind !
Tsk-tsk-tsk-tsk.
You're not blind, silly.
Your eyes
are just crusty.
Stimpy to the rescue.
( jackhammer )
( Ren )
Aah !
( breathing heavily )
So...
what's for breakfast,
stupid ?
A nice, big cup...
of hot water !
I should have guessed.
Bland, yes,
but it's filling.
Nnn...
ah-ah-choo !
( sniff )
( rattling )
S'more ?
You !
You're the culprit.
Just look at this place !
Hairy furniture.
Hairy food.
Your smelly old hair
is everywhere !
It was you... all along !
Know what I
ought to do ?
Do you ?
You do,
don't you ?
Why, I ought to--
( dingaling )
( stifling sneeze )
Ha-ha-choo !
Ah-choo !
Ah... ah... ah...
aah !
Choo !
Ah-choo !
Uh... gesundheit.
You...
stay away from me.
You-- you--
you make me sick.
( cheerful music on Tv )
( announcer )
And now, a word
from our sponsors.
There's my cue.
♪ Lum Dee dum dum dum ♪
♪ lum Dee
dum dum dum dum ♪
eh, pass the mustard,
Stimpy.
Here you go, Ren.
Thanks, pal.
( mustard splats )
Some salt ?
Okay, just a pinch.
Hmm... now,
what's missing ?
Don't forget the pickle !
Ah, of course.
Sharesies.
Sharesies.
Ah...
( sigh )
What a guy.
It's been one heck
of a year, Stimpy:
scorching heat,
locusts,
blight, pestilence,
not to mention
the manure famine.
Yep, the lord has surely
smiled upon us this year.
Yep, this here dust
is just about ripe
for the reapin'.
By this time tomorrow,
we'll have us
a bumper dust crop,
ready for the harvest.
Come on, Stimpy.
Let's go home.
It's dinnertime.
( Stimpy )
Ren, dinner's ready.
Oh, boy, I'm starved.
I cooked one
of your favorites.
Roast dirtkey with
gravel sauce.
And for desser-rut,
a big plate
of hot dust puppies.
Mm-mmm, man,
would you look at that.
Stimpy, I'm bloated.
I think
I'll hit the sack.
Same here.
But we gotta say
our prayers, Ren.
Dear lord, we thank thee
for this blessed drought
which thou
has beset upon us.
And let no seed
find purchase
in this forsaken land
which we have stolen
from the Indians.
Amen.
Amen.
Duh, yeah, and bless
old saint dusty Claus
so he will give us nice
dirt clods in our stockings
on dustmas eve.
Amen.
Good night, Stimpy.
Good night, Ren.
( poink )
Gasp !
Stimpy, wake up !
It's raining !
We've got to go
save the crops.
I'll go check the damage.
You go get
the dust mites.
Oh, no !
Seedlings sprouting
in my dust !
Okay, fellas,
it's dust hunting time.
Mush !
Get back !
Back, I tell you, back !
Be gone,
green, leafy devils !
( panting )
It's no use.
The rain is making
everything fertile.
( weeping )
My dust.
Why did this happen to us ?
The crops are ruined !
This isn't fair.
We've been good.
What have we done
to incur your wrath, o lord ?
Why don't you answer me ?
The dust mites drowned, Ren.
What are we gonna
do now ?
There's nothing left
for us here now, Stimpy.
Our poor, poor farm,
choked with useless fruits
and vegetables.
( sighs )
It's time to move on
to grayer pastures.
( horns honking )
You know, Stimpy,
the trick to making it
in the big city
is to dress like city folk.
Wow, Ren, we really
blend in now.
Huh ?
My sheep !
It's been stripped !
And mine's
being towed away.
Baah...
baah...
hey, you, come back
with our sheep !
Flossie, Flossie,
come back !
Flossie... Flossie...
come back,
you low-life, cowardly,
sheep-thievin'
truck driver !
All you truck drivers
are bad, stupid,
oafish... uh...
ha ha, take that !
You don't like truck
drivers, eh ?
Ha ha, hmm, take that !
Ha ha ha ha !
Ta-Ta !
Ah ha ha ha ha ha !
Uhh... hie... hey...
Stimpy !
How could we be
so blind ?
Look, it's grime.
Miles and miles of it !
Why, it's every bit
as filthy
as our dust
back home.
And it's all ours
for the taking !
With the lord as my witness,
I promise you,
before we're finished,
we're gonna own this town !
Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha !
Finally, I'll be able
to afford that strap-on
otter-Skin underwear
I saw in that fancy catalog.
( poink poink poink )
Hello, boys.
Can I, uh, ask what
youse guys is doin' here ?
We're harvesting grime
to take to market.
This is a union town, boys.
You, uh, okies just can't
walk in and shovel grime.
It takes years
of payoffs and bribes
to become grime collectors.
You've gotta
start at the bottom
and for a small service fee,
we could do that
for you.
Wow, did you
hear that, Ren ?
It's our lucky day.
We get to start
at the bottom !
Boys, take good care of
our, uh, new friends here.
Ren.
What ?
My butt's itchy.
( Ren )
Soon we found jobs
working the night shift
at Tex-a-dyne.
( man on p.a. )
Chemical engineers
Ren and Stimpy
report to the test
kitchen.
Hey, that's us !
Quick, into your uniform.
Hey, man, it's dark.
( security alarm buzzing )
Run for it !
Aah !
Aah !
Then we got important
government jobs,
processing new Americans
at Elvis island.
Next.
Name.
Uh, Jones.
Chad Jones.
Too confusing.
Hmm, let's see.
( whispering )
Your new e-merican name
will be
begayholm bagdasarian.
Congraduations.
Well, Stimpy,
we finally made it.
A steady paycheck,
lifetime security,
jalapeño fries.
And all the government
cheese we can stomach.
Okay, break's over.
Uncle Sam is waiting.
What ?
Name.
We lost our jobs
through a takeover move,
double-crossed
by the union scabs.
We ain't cut out
for this city life.
I guess the odds
are just against us.
We're nothin'.
Now, now, Ren,
look at the bright side.
We'll probably
die of exposure.
( weeping together )
Goodbye, Stimpy.
Goodbye, Ren.
( belch )
( wind blows,
angelic choir sings )
Dust flurries !
Mlaaaa.
Grade "a" filth !
Oh, my gosh !
It's dusty Claus !
( hyperventilating )
Gather round, my emaciated
little street urchins.
Behold.
Hallelujah !
Hallelujah !
Come with me
to the dust mines,
where you shall toil and slave
for the rest of your lives.
Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha !
( fart )
Ho ho ha ha ha ha ha !
( spit )
Woo hoo ha ha ha ha ha ha !