The Ren & Stimpy Show (1991–1996): Season 4, Episode 9 - Pixie King/Aloha Hoek - full transcript
( chattering )
All right, man,
get out of there.
I gotta go.
Ahem.
Now be
patient, Ren.
You get out of there
right now !
You know I can't
go unless you...
read me a story !
( groans )
All right, Stimpy,
you win.
"Once upon a time
in the tiny, quaint village...
( Ren )
"Of cocokanu, new jersey,
"at the foot of a great elm
stood the antsy, humble home
of two cute little elves..."
hey, Ren, wake up.
It's time to go about
our pixie ways.
( grumbles )
Man, what a dream.
I dreamt I had a good-looking
wife and a real job.
( sighs )
Oh, well.
Say, Ren,
be a sport, will ya ?
Hand me your shaving cream
and razor.
Sure thing, pal.
( humming )
We pixies must be clean
and void of unsightly
bodily hair.
Don't give me
that pixie jazz.
We're just lowly
worker elves.
Now give me
back my razor.
Here you go, Rennie.
( jingling bells )
Well, Ren,
how do I look ?
You look ridiculous.
Come on,
let's go to work.
( jingling )
Elves, huh.
You know
the drill.
Back in the bug
with yous.
Psst, why do we always have to
sit in the back of the bug
with the tapeworms
and sheep liver flukes ?
Don't worry, Ren,
when we earn our wings,
we'll be sitting up front
with the real pixies.
( farts )
Well, Ren, ready for another
day of back-braking labor,
kissing dew drops ?
Do drop dead.
♪ Happily we're working
working working working ♪
♪ working working working ♪
♪ and then some day
we'll die ♪
♪ and then
some we'll die ♪
everybody, sing.
♪ Happily we're dying
dying dying dying ♪
♪ dying dying dying ♪
♪ and then we'll
work some more ♪
( hocking a loogie )
Buck up, buckaroo.
Kissing dew drops
here, boss.
( growling )
( snoring )
Scraping pollen off
bee abdomens earns us points.
Just be careful of that
stinger, Ren.
( jingling )
Yeah, thanks
for the warning.
Isn't it fun mining
pixie dust ?
Pixie dirt.
Fah !
( speaking in
foreign language )
All right already.
Nobody gets
away with this.
Talk to me like that.
Show you what I do
with pixie dirt.
♪ I've been working
in the nose hole ♪
( blowing raspberry )
There's got to be
an easier way
to earn those
dad-Gum wings.
( Pixie )
So, did you hear
about the king ?
I know, such a thing to have
to have had happened.
An ambitious young pixie
could move right in
and take over.
King on his
way out, huh ?
I'm ambitious !
I can almost taste
that crown now !
( maniacal cackle )
( snoring )
Up and at 'em,
deadbeat !
How am I ever gonna earn
my wings and become king
if you're sleeping
past midnight ?
That's the last of
the bee pollen, Ren.
What a haul !
Let's move 'em out !
In recognition of your
halfhearted-- ( chuckles )
Selfish and desperate attempts
at personal gain,
I wing thee.
Come on, man,
yank me !
( screaming )
One giant step for man,
two skimpy slings
for snoopy.
Get out of here,
you disgust me.
Well, Ren,
we got our wings.
We're pixies now.
That's nothing.
Just wait 'til
I'm king.
Are you gonna
change things, Ren ?
Am I ?
( Pixie )
Have you heard the latest ?
They're giving the king
the ax and whoever brings in
the most pixie dust
gets the job.
I'll let you in
on a little secret.
One handful of the sleeping
giant's eye crust
is worth all
the dust in the world.
He'd of have to be one heck
of a man to pull that off.
Stay here
and keep quiet.
( snoring )
Psst, how's it
going, Ren ?
( whispering )
Success.
Yippee !
( screaming )
No, let go !
Bye now.
Ren, are you okay ?
I feel great.
( cheering )
( applauding )
Well, now that I'm king,
I got a few changes
to make around here.
I, your king,
do hereby proclaim that--
hold it,
your heiney-ness,
you've got to perform your
kingly duties first.
Here you go,
your majesty.
Down the hatch.
And the new king partook
of his royal feast
and did his duty.
( grunting )
( rumbling )
( grunting )
Hey, I--
( grunting )
"And that's...
that's the end
of the story."
( flushing )
It's all yours, buddy.
Waah...
Stimpy ?
Yeah, Ren.
Have you still
got that book ?
( chuckling )
Sure thing, pal.
( ripping pages )
Uh, good-bye, folks.
( flushing )
( wheezing )
Land.
Hey, stupid,
breathe air.
Uh...
oh, yeah,
I forgot.
Well, Stimpy, we're on
dry land at last.
We're saved.
It'll be dark soon.
We should
seek shelter.
Hey, you're right.
There's no
time to lose.
We must build a dwelling
to protect us
from the unforeseen dangers
that await us on this
horrid island of despair.
Well, don't just
stand there.
Build !
I'm buildin',
I'm buildin'.
( sizzling )
How's that chicken fried
sand coming ?
Sandy.
And now a toast to my
best friend in our new home.
( sighs )
( snoring )
( crowing rooster )
Hey, Ren, I think
the water ate our house.
Why didn't you use
waterproof sand, genius ?
( growls )
I'll find
the house myself !
Huh ?
Ahh !
It's gonna
kill us !
Run, run !
Oh, it's okay, Ren.
It's just a stinky,
old fish carcass.
Let's go
check it out.
Wow, wall-to-wall innards.
Looks like our
worries are over.
I've always dreamed of
living in a fish bowl.
Let's hit the beach
and dig up some chow.
Hey, beach monkey,
how's that
foraging coming ?
Great !
Oh, I got-- I got some
nice, stinky old kelp,
and, and, and...
lots of beautiful
foul-smelling seashells
and, and some delicious
slime-Incrusted dead corral.
( both )
Bounteous is nature.
( sizzling )
( buzzing mosquitoes )
Hey, Ren, it's really
gettin' hot in here
and, uh, and it's stinky.
( mocking )
Ren, it's hot and stinky.
I don't like it.
Of course it's
hot and stinky,
it's a carcass rotting
in the sun !
I'm so sick
of your whining.
Nothing's ever good enough
for you, is it ?!
Well, maybe we could find
another home
that's not rotting.
Find another home ?
Where are we
ever gonna find
another fish carcass
as nice as this ?
We're staying !
But, Ren, the worms
are rising !
It's just a few
little maggots.
Shut your hole !
But worms...
...almost higher.
Okay, that's it !
If you don't like it here,
then get out !
Go find your own
carcass to live in !
But, Ren, I wanna
stay with you.
Go on, go rot
in the jungle,
scavenger, hyena,
parasite,
communist, deadbeat !
Who are you to come
to me on my island ?
Duh, my name is Stimpy
and I am homeless and have no
fish with which to live in.
Yes, I accept you.
I even love you
because you're a part of me,
an extension of myself.
( howling hyena )
Yes, sir !
There's nothing like
roasting fish gall stones
over an open fire.
( knocking )
Uh-oh, somebody's knocking
at the baleen.
♪ Didley dum dum
De-De dum dum ♪
♪ jimmy crack corn
and I don't care... ♪
I bet it's Stimpy come
crawling back to daddy.
Hello.
( screaming )
I guess he don't wanna
come to the luau.
( chuckles then gags )
I think I
swallowed a bug.
Cannibals !
Poor Stimpy, he was probably
tortured and eaten.
It's all my fault.
I killed
my best friend.
I deserve to die !
We have prepared a feast
for you of chicken legs,
sauerkraut and beans,
octopus pie,
ratatouille
and the rats are fresh.
( burps )
Are you hungry ?
Sure, big kahuna.
I have for you
some kind of bug.
( screams )
Some kind of slug.
A Portuguese
man-O-war.
Oh, no thanks,
I'm stuffed.
Hmm.
Belch.
I thought that vacation
would never end.
Boy, oh, boy,
it's great to be home.
Carcass sweet carcass.
I can't wait to play
with my fly.
And the joint
looks just like we--
ah-ah-ah-ah !
Hey, somebody
rearranged the guts.
Someone's been wearing my
favorite negligee.
And the big crybaby
got tear stains
on my country record.
Where is he ?
Why, I'll murder
the bum.
Hey, dad,
I found the culprit.
Look.
Oh, what is it ?
Why, it's dinner.
Yay !
Yay !
( screaming )
Please don't eat me,
kindly crab family.
I'll do anything you say.
Well, we could
use a maid.
And there's always
something dead that needs
dragging up from
the beach.
Besides, we could
eat you anytime.
You can start by
walking the fly.
Get movin' !
Everyday it's
the same thing.
Bring in the garbage,
spit-shine
the mandible.
And walk the fly,
always the fly.
I wish I was a fly.
Then I would
fly away... far away.
Hey, wait a
minute !
Flies can fly.
( buzzes )
Well, fly,
this is it.
Our big moment.
Our ticket
to freedom.
Hee-yah, hee-yah
hee-Yah !
( screaming )
We're, we're doing it,
we're flying.
Higher, higher,
higher into the sun !
( maniacal laughter )
Higher, higher,
high...
hey, what's the matter ?
Don't go down,
go up, stupid.
Come on, old pal,
don't fail me now.
We can still
make it !
Get up !
Get up, you
good-For-nothing maggot !
Don't, don't !
( screaming )
A fly.
Ren, are you okay ?
Ahh !
Ren !
( sobbing uncontrollably )
He was my friend !
( buzzing alarm )
Whoa.
Well, secret agent comrade,
the mission is over.
Time to go home.
Duh, Yuri, and here comes
the submarine-ski.
A spy's life amongst men
is a lonely one.
I can hardly wait to caress
my lovely wife's
beard stubble again.
Heh-heh-heh.
I'm with you, comrade.
Good-bye, 'Lil bug.
Good-bye.
Good-Bye.
Good-bye, you moron.
Woo-hoo !
Woah !
Woah !
All right, man,
get out of there.
I gotta go.
Ahem.
Now be
patient, Ren.
You get out of there
right now !
You know I can't
go unless you...
read me a story !
( groans )
All right, Stimpy,
you win.
"Once upon a time
in the tiny, quaint village...
( Ren )
"Of cocokanu, new jersey,
"at the foot of a great elm
stood the antsy, humble home
of two cute little elves..."
hey, Ren, wake up.
It's time to go about
our pixie ways.
( grumbles )
Man, what a dream.
I dreamt I had a good-looking
wife and a real job.
( sighs )
Oh, well.
Say, Ren,
be a sport, will ya ?
Hand me your shaving cream
and razor.
Sure thing, pal.
( humming )
We pixies must be clean
and void of unsightly
bodily hair.
Don't give me
that pixie jazz.
We're just lowly
worker elves.
Now give me
back my razor.
Here you go, Rennie.
( jingling bells )
Well, Ren,
how do I look ?
You look ridiculous.
Come on,
let's go to work.
( jingling )
Elves, huh.
You know
the drill.
Back in the bug
with yous.
Psst, why do we always have to
sit in the back of the bug
with the tapeworms
and sheep liver flukes ?
Don't worry, Ren,
when we earn our wings,
we'll be sitting up front
with the real pixies.
( farts )
Well, Ren, ready for another
day of back-braking labor,
kissing dew drops ?
Do drop dead.
♪ Happily we're working
working working working ♪
♪ working working working ♪
♪ and then some day
we'll die ♪
♪ and then
some we'll die ♪
everybody, sing.
♪ Happily we're dying
dying dying dying ♪
♪ dying dying dying ♪
♪ and then we'll
work some more ♪
( hocking a loogie )
Buck up, buckaroo.
Kissing dew drops
here, boss.
( growling )
( snoring )
Scraping pollen off
bee abdomens earns us points.
Just be careful of that
stinger, Ren.
( jingling )
Yeah, thanks
for the warning.
Isn't it fun mining
pixie dust ?
Pixie dirt.
Fah !
( speaking in
foreign language )
All right already.
Nobody gets
away with this.
Talk to me like that.
Show you what I do
with pixie dirt.
♪ I've been working
in the nose hole ♪
( blowing raspberry )
There's got to be
an easier way
to earn those
dad-Gum wings.
( Pixie )
So, did you hear
about the king ?
I know, such a thing to have
to have had happened.
An ambitious young pixie
could move right in
and take over.
King on his
way out, huh ?
I'm ambitious !
I can almost taste
that crown now !
( maniacal cackle )
( snoring )
Up and at 'em,
deadbeat !
How am I ever gonna earn
my wings and become king
if you're sleeping
past midnight ?
That's the last of
the bee pollen, Ren.
What a haul !
Let's move 'em out !
In recognition of your
halfhearted-- ( chuckles )
Selfish and desperate attempts
at personal gain,
I wing thee.
Come on, man,
yank me !
( screaming )
One giant step for man,
two skimpy slings
for snoopy.
Get out of here,
you disgust me.
Well, Ren,
we got our wings.
We're pixies now.
That's nothing.
Just wait 'til
I'm king.
Are you gonna
change things, Ren ?
Am I ?
( Pixie )
Have you heard the latest ?
They're giving the king
the ax and whoever brings in
the most pixie dust
gets the job.
I'll let you in
on a little secret.
One handful of the sleeping
giant's eye crust
is worth all
the dust in the world.
He'd of have to be one heck
of a man to pull that off.
Stay here
and keep quiet.
( snoring )
Psst, how's it
going, Ren ?
( whispering )
Success.
Yippee !
( screaming )
No, let go !
Bye now.
Ren, are you okay ?
I feel great.
( cheering )
( applauding )
Well, now that I'm king,
I got a few changes
to make around here.
I, your king,
do hereby proclaim that--
hold it,
your heiney-ness,
you've got to perform your
kingly duties first.
Here you go,
your majesty.
Down the hatch.
And the new king partook
of his royal feast
and did his duty.
( grunting )
( rumbling )
( grunting )
Hey, I--
( grunting )
"And that's...
that's the end
of the story."
( flushing )
It's all yours, buddy.
Waah...
Stimpy ?
Yeah, Ren.
Have you still
got that book ?
( chuckling )
Sure thing, pal.
( ripping pages )
Uh, good-bye, folks.
( flushing )
( wheezing )
Land.
Hey, stupid,
breathe air.
Uh...
oh, yeah,
I forgot.
Well, Stimpy, we're on
dry land at last.
We're saved.
It'll be dark soon.
We should
seek shelter.
Hey, you're right.
There's no
time to lose.
We must build a dwelling
to protect us
from the unforeseen dangers
that await us on this
horrid island of despair.
Well, don't just
stand there.
Build !
I'm buildin',
I'm buildin'.
( sizzling )
How's that chicken fried
sand coming ?
Sandy.
And now a toast to my
best friend in our new home.
( sighs )
( snoring )
( crowing rooster )
Hey, Ren, I think
the water ate our house.
Why didn't you use
waterproof sand, genius ?
( growls )
I'll find
the house myself !
Huh ?
Ahh !
It's gonna
kill us !
Run, run !
Oh, it's okay, Ren.
It's just a stinky,
old fish carcass.
Let's go
check it out.
Wow, wall-to-wall innards.
Looks like our
worries are over.
I've always dreamed of
living in a fish bowl.
Let's hit the beach
and dig up some chow.
Hey, beach monkey,
how's that
foraging coming ?
Great !
Oh, I got-- I got some
nice, stinky old kelp,
and, and, and...
lots of beautiful
foul-smelling seashells
and, and some delicious
slime-Incrusted dead corral.
( both )
Bounteous is nature.
( sizzling )
( buzzing mosquitoes )
Hey, Ren, it's really
gettin' hot in here
and, uh, and it's stinky.
( mocking )
Ren, it's hot and stinky.
I don't like it.
Of course it's
hot and stinky,
it's a carcass rotting
in the sun !
I'm so sick
of your whining.
Nothing's ever good enough
for you, is it ?!
Well, maybe we could find
another home
that's not rotting.
Find another home ?
Where are we
ever gonna find
another fish carcass
as nice as this ?
We're staying !
But, Ren, the worms
are rising !
It's just a few
little maggots.
Shut your hole !
But worms...
...almost higher.
Okay, that's it !
If you don't like it here,
then get out !
Go find your own
carcass to live in !
But, Ren, I wanna
stay with you.
Go on, go rot
in the jungle,
scavenger, hyena,
parasite,
communist, deadbeat !
Who are you to come
to me on my island ?
Duh, my name is Stimpy
and I am homeless and have no
fish with which to live in.
Yes, I accept you.
I even love you
because you're a part of me,
an extension of myself.
( howling hyena )
Yes, sir !
There's nothing like
roasting fish gall stones
over an open fire.
( knocking )
Uh-oh, somebody's knocking
at the baleen.
♪ Didley dum dum
De-De dum dum ♪
♪ jimmy crack corn
and I don't care... ♪
I bet it's Stimpy come
crawling back to daddy.
Hello.
( screaming )
I guess he don't wanna
come to the luau.
( chuckles then gags )
I think I
swallowed a bug.
Cannibals !
Poor Stimpy, he was probably
tortured and eaten.
It's all my fault.
I killed
my best friend.
I deserve to die !
We have prepared a feast
for you of chicken legs,
sauerkraut and beans,
octopus pie,
ratatouille
and the rats are fresh.
( burps )
Are you hungry ?
Sure, big kahuna.
I have for you
some kind of bug.
( screams )
Some kind of slug.
A Portuguese
man-O-war.
Oh, no thanks,
I'm stuffed.
Hmm.
Belch.
I thought that vacation
would never end.
Boy, oh, boy,
it's great to be home.
Carcass sweet carcass.
I can't wait to play
with my fly.
And the joint
looks just like we--
ah-ah-ah-ah !
Hey, somebody
rearranged the guts.
Someone's been wearing my
favorite negligee.
And the big crybaby
got tear stains
on my country record.
Where is he ?
Why, I'll murder
the bum.
Hey, dad,
I found the culprit.
Look.
Oh, what is it ?
Why, it's dinner.
Yay !
Yay !
( screaming )
Please don't eat me,
kindly crab family.
I'll do anything you say.
Well, we could
use a maid.
And there's always
something dead that needs
dragging up from
the beach.
Besides, we could
eat you anytime.
You can start by
walking the fly.
Get movin' !
Everyday it's
the same thing.
Bring in the garbage,
spit-shine
the mandible.
And walk the fly,
always the fly.
I wish I was a fly.
Then I would
fly away... far away.
Hey, wait a
minute !
Flies can fly.
( buzzes )
Well, fly,
this is it.
Our big moment.
Our ticket
to freedom.
Hee-yah, hee-yah
hee-Yah !
( screaming )
We're, we're doing it,
we're flying.
Higher, higher,
higher into the sun !
( maniacal laughter )
Higher, higher,
high...
hey, what's the matter ?
Don't go down,
go up, stupid.
Come on, old pal,
don't fail me now.
We can still
make it !
Get up !
Get up, you
good-For-nothing maggot !
Don't, don't !
( screaming )
A fly.
Ren, are you okay ?
Ahh !
Ren !
( sobbing uncontrollably )
He was my friend !
( buzzing alarm )
Whoa.
Well, secret agent comrade,
the mission is over.
Time to go home.
Duh, Yuri, and here comes
the submarine-ski.
A spy's life amongst men
is a lonely one.
I can hardly wait to caress
my lovely wife's
beard stubble again.
Heh-heh-heh.
I'm with you, comrade.
Good-bye, 'Lil bug.
Good-bye.
Good-Bye.
Good-bye, you moron.
Woo-hoo !
Woah !
Woah !