The Ren & Stimpy Show (1991–1996): Season 4, Episode 10 - Insomaniac Ren/My Shiny Friend - full transcript
All right, Stimpy,
I've got a six A.M.
Tee-Off time tomorrow.
So let's get to bed.
( flushing toilet )
You hear ?
Okay, Ren.
( whistling )
( ping ping )
( snapping,
ricocheting )
( shattering )
Whatever it is you're
doing in there, stop it.
( rings )
( farts )
That's enough
hygiene for one night.
I'll give you to the count
of three to get in bed.
One, two... three !
( running toilet water )
You didn't jiggle
the handle, did you ?
Get back in there
and jiggle it !
( grunts )
( humming )
♪ La la lee
la la la la la lee ♪
( chuckles )
For the last time,
I want you
to be...
quiet !
( snoring )
( wheezing and snoring )
That's it !
Not tonight !
Snore your way
through that.
( snoring and wheezing )
( Ren )
Ah, peace and quiet.
So very quiet.
You could
hear a pin drop.
( ticking clock )
( thumping heartbeat )
What ?!
( popping fireworks )
( white noise )
Sleep.
Maybe I'm too
smart to sleep.
Yes, that's it.
Stimpy's asleep
and he's an idiot.
Look at him.
So peaceful.
Dreaming his
stupid little dreams.
( chirping birds )
( weeping )
What is this ?
It's just
a dream, Ren.
How am I supposed to sleep
with all this peaceful
dreaming going on ?!
( crying )
You're scaring
the children, Ren.
Wake up !
What's the matter,
Ren ?
Can't you sleep ?
You want me to help you
get to sleep ?
What you need is
a warm glass of milk.
Don't go away !
Hey, you moron.
What's the matter
with you ?
Were you
born in a barn ?
Get on out of
here, you.
And get some milk.
( engine failing )
( dinging )
Here you go, Ren.
This'll do
the trick.
Hey, this isn't some crusty
four-month-old science fair
milk, is it ?
Oh, no, Ren,
it's fresh,
you crazy you.
Hey, it's working.
I'm half asleep
already.
Give me another.
Oh, Beulah !
( hocking a loogie )
Hurry, Ren, while it
still has fizz.
Blah !
Wha...
I know, Ren,
I'll read you a story.
A story ?
It's my favorite book.
Okay.
"Once upon a time,
"the sky grew
black as blood...
"and the last word he spoke,
"as his head rolled
across the floor, was...
"ahhh !
And they lived
happily ever after."
Good night, Ren.
Ren ?
There you are.
Aren't you
asleep yet ?
( clattering )
Well, I guess I could
sing you a lullaby.
A lullaby ?
Yeah, that'll work.
( clanging instruments )
♪ Rock-a-bye baby ♪
♪ when the wind blows
on the treetop ♪
♪ whack-a-doo whack-a-doo
whack-A-doo-doo-doo ♪
♪ down came the rain
and washed the spider out ♪
♪ boom boom boom
and a bang bang bang ♪
♪ a-boolya-doh
yeah yeah yeah ♪
♪ whack-a-doo
whack-A-whack-a-doo-doo... ♪
that's beautiful.
♪ ... And the dish ran away
with the spoon ♪
( snoring )
Don't stop,
it's working !
( chirping birds )
( dinging alarm )
What are you doing
in bed, Hoek ?
We've got to
tee off in ten minutes.
I'm sorry, fellas,
I, I haven't had
too much sleep lately.
( chuckles )
You lousy bum.
Who's gonna
drive ?
Let's get
out of here.
Wait.
I'll give
five whole bucks
to anyone who could
just knock me out.
Five bucks !
Five bucks !
Five bucks !
Five bucks !
( maniacal cackle )
Nighty-night.
( Haggis )
Fore !
( clattering )
Gotta work
on that slice.
( humming )
Shh.
Ren's taking
a coma.
( applause on television )
Hey, muddy, don't hit me
with that mallet.
Hey, Muddy, don't hit me
with that mallet.
Shut up, stupid !
Pow !
( laughing )
What are ya ?
What are ya ?
Look at him go.
I'm sure you
wanna waste
perfectly good
lunch meat like that.
What are ya ?
Hey, genius,
think I go to work
so you can watch
Tv all day ?
Tv, Tv, Tv, Tv !
Why don't you do
something constructive
with your life ?!
Now go iron
my shirts !
( growls )
Oh, what's the use ?
( slamming door )
( man on television )
Hey, racing fans, it's time for
the "Drag Your Butt
On The Carpet 500."
Brought to you by
Dr. Chuck Heimley's
Worm Burn Cream.
( Curly )
Gee, Moe, I wish I could
remember when I was a baby
brought by the stork.
( Moe )
You weren't
brought by a stork,
you were brought
by a bun--
Oh, special delivery, eh ?
Well, well,
I might have guessed it.
Still watching Tv, eh ?
Could you tear yourself away
long enough to make my dinner ?
And now I'm going
to change
into something
more comfortable.
( man on television )
Okay, housewives,
it's "Cookin' with Chicken."
( chef )
Today I am gonna cook-a for you
my all-time favorite dish:
chef surprise,
Marcello Mastroianni !
Now add-a your tomatoes--
Aahh !
And simmer for
20 minutes-- Ooh !
Until golden brown !
Now you cookin'--
Aahh !
That's-a good.
Man, smell that
hickory flavor.
( knocking )
Somebody's knocking
at the door.
I'll get it.
♪ Fiddle-d-Dee
fiddle-D-Dee ♪
♪ the fly
married the bumblebee ♪
( whistling )
( knocking )
Hold your water,
I'm comin', I'm comin'.
Coming through !
Ahh !
( man on television )
Okay, boys and girls,
it's time for "Fire Patrol."
Now see here,
that's my dinner !
Shh.
Shh. Shh.
( chirping crickets )
Well, time to crawl into
my nice, big, soft bed.
What ?!
And just where the heck
am I supposed to sleep ?
( grumbling )
( shattering )
( crowing rooster )
♪ Yellowish puce
nilly Nelly ♪
♪ yellowish puce... ♪
ahh !
( man on television )
Okay, farm boys,
grab ahold of
the under cow and squeeze.
All right, that's it !
I'm putting a stop
to this right now !
Yep, you're going outside.
There now,
isn't that better ?
Now run along and play with
your idiot friends.
Look at him go,
daddy's little simpleton.
( laughing from television )
( gasps )
( man on television )
Don't hit me with that mallet.
What are ya ?
( laughing )
( mocking )
What are ya ?
( crying )
Good riddance
to bad rubbish.
( screaming )
Ah.
Come on.
Ren, no !
Aaiie, aaiie, aiiee,
aaiie, aaiie, aaiie...
ahh !
Aaiee-yah !
( wailing cry )
( breathing heavily )
Whew.
No !
No !
Please...
must have Tv.
Please.
Look at you.
You disgust me.
Must put it
back together.
( weeping )
Snap out of it !
Ooh.
Gee, Ren,
I'm sorry.
I guess I kinda went
a little crazy.
But I'm okay now.
All right, but I'm
keeping an eye on you.
Okay, Ren,
you're the boss.
( growls )
Uh, Ren, can I go
number one ?
Huh ?
Oh, yeah, yeah,
sure, sure.
You have a nice one ?
None nicer.
( chirping crickets )
Oh, Ren ?
Yes.
I've gotta
do number two.
Don't wake
the neighbors.
Hey, Ren.
Yes.
I gotta go number three.
Number three
it is, pal.
Hee-hee.
Why, I can't remember
the last time
I did number three.
Number three !
What the heck !
Hmm.
Hey, pal, I'm back,
and he doesn't
suspect a thing.
Hmm.
I'll have you out of there
in a jiffy, little buddy.
( Ren )
I see what you're
doing in there.
Open that door !
I'm not kidding.
I said open up,
you little punk.
Open that stinking door
or I'll kick it in.
Stimpy !
Oh, no, he's
overdosed on Tv !
There, there, old pal,
we'll have to put
you somewhere
where you can't
hurt yourself any longer.
( howling wolf )
( opera music
on the phonograph )
( grunting )
Hey, muddy, what are you
gonna do with that mallet ?
Muddy, I'm your friend.
Ah-ha !
Ooh.
Give the bum
a big hand.
What are ya ?
You're a bum.
But, muddy,
I love you.
A lousy stinkin' bum.
( grunting )
You're a bum, bum,
bum, bum, bum, bum...
bum !
Aah !
Muddy !
Lord, help me.
( weeping )
I want my Tv !
Well, Stimpy,
I have to admit,
your behavior has
been exemplary.
So, you don't have to
live in the basement anymore.
Ring-a-ding-ding.
Thank you, sir.
Okay, buddy, be good.
Good-bye, Ren,
I promise, no Tv.
( whistling )
Okay, guys,
he's gone.
Come on seven !
Baby needs
a new pair of shoes !
Craps !
I've got a six A.M.
Tee-Off time tomorrow.
So let's get to bed.
( flushing toilet )
You hear ?
Okay, Ren.
( whistling )
( ping ping )
( snapping,
ricocheting )
( shattering )
Whatever it is you're
doing in there, stop it.
( rings )
( farts )
That's enough
hygiene for one night.
I'll give you to the count
of three to get in bed.
One, two... three !
( running toilet water )
You didn't jiggle
the handle, did you ?
Get back in there
and jiggle it !
( grunts )
( humming )
♪ La la lee
la la la la la lee ♪
( chuckles )
For the last time,
I want you
to be...
quiet !
( snoring )
( wheezing and snoring )
That's it !
Not tonight !
Snore your way
through that.
( snoring and wheezing )
( Ren )
Ah, peace and quiet.
So very quiet.
You could
hear a pin drop.
( ticking clock )
( thumping heartbeat )
What ?!
( popping fireworks )
( white noise )
Sleep.
Maybe I'm too
smart to sleep.
Yes, that's it.
Stimpy's asleep
and he's an idiot.
Look at him.
So peaceful.
Dreaming his
stupid little dreams.
( chirping birds )
( weeping )
What is this ?
It's just
a dream, Ren.
How am I supposed to sleep
with all this peaceful
dreaming going on ?!
( crying )
You're scaring
the children, Ren.
Wake up !
What's the matter,
Ren ?
Can't you sleep ?
You want me to help you
get to sleep ?
What you need is
a warm glass of milk.
Don't go away !
Hey, you moron.
What's the matter
with you ?
Were you
born in a barn ?
Get on out of
here, you.
And get some milk.
( engine failing )
( dinging )
Here you go, Ren.
This'll do
the trick.
Hey, this isn't some crusty
four-month-old science fair
milk, is it ?
Oh, no, Ren,
it's fresh,
you crazy you.
Hey, it's working.
I'm half asleep
already.
Give me another.
Oh, Beulah !
( hocking a loogie )
Hurry, Ren, while it
still has fizz.
Blah !
Wha...
I know, Ren,
I'll read you a story.
A story ?
It's my favorite book.
Okay.
"Once upon a time,
"the sky grew
black as blood...
"and the last word he spoke,
"as his head rolled
across the floor, was...
"ahhh !
And they lived
happily ever after."
Good night, Ren.
Ren ?
There you are.
Aren't you
asleep yet ?
( clattering )
Well, I guess I could
sing you a lullaby.
A lullaby ?
Yeah, that'll work.
( clanging instruments )
♪ Rock-a-bye baby ♪
♪ when the wind blows
on the treetop ♪
♪ whack-a-doo whack-a-doo
whack-A-doo-doo-doo ♪
♪ down came the rain
and washed the spider out ♪
♪ boom boom boom
and a bang bang bang ♪
♪ a-boolya-doh
yeah yeah yeah ♪
♪ whack-a-doo
whack-A-whack-a-doo-doo... ♪
that's beautiful.
♪ ... And the dish ran away
with the spoon ♪
( snoring )
Don't stop,
it's working !
( chirping birds )
( dinging alarm )
What are you doing
in bed, Hoek ?
We've got to
tee off in ten minutes.
I'm sorry, fellas,
I, I haven't had
too much sleep lately.
( chuckles )
You lousy bum.
Who's gonna
drive ?
Let's get
out of here.
Wait.
I'll give
five whole bucks
to anyone who could
just knock me out.
Five bucks !
Five bucks !
Five bucks !
Five bucks !
( maniacal cackle )
Nighty-night.
( Haggis )
Fore !
( clattering )
Gotta work
on that slice.
( humming )
Shh.
Ren's taking
a coma.
( applause on television )
Hey, muddy, don't hit me
with that mallet.
Hey, Muddy, don't hit me
with that mallet.
Shut up, stupid !
Pow !
( laughing )
What are ya ?
What are ya ?
Look at him go.
I'm sure you
wanna waste
perfectly good
lunch meat like that.
What are ya ?
Hey, genius,
think I go to work
so you can watch
Tv all day ?
Tv, Tv, Tv, Tv !
Why don't you do
something constructive
with your life ?!
Now go iron
my shirts !
( growls )
Oh, what's the use ?
( slamming door )
( man on television )
Hey, racing fans, it's time for
the "Drag Your Butt
On The Carpet 500."
Brought to you by
Dr. Chuck Heimley's
Worm Burn Cream.
( Curly )
Gee, Moe, I wish I could
remember when I was a baby
brought by the stork.
( Moe )
You weren't
brought by a stork,
you were brought
by a bun--
Oh, special delivery, eh ?
Well, well,
I might have guessed it.
Still watching Tv, eh ?
Could you tear yourself away
long enough to make my dinner ?
And now I'm going
to change
into something
more comfortable.
( man on television )
Okay, housewives,
it's "Cookin' with Chicken."
( chef )
Today I am gonna cook-a for you
my all-time favorite dish:
chef surprise,
Marcello Mastroianni !
Now add-a your tomatoes--
Aahh !
And simmer for
20 minutes-- Ooh !
Until golden brown !
Now you cookin'--
Aahh !
That's-a good.
Man, smell that
hickory flavor.
( knocking )
Somebody's knocking
at the door.
I'll get it.
♪ Fiddle-d-Dee
fiddle-D-Dee ♪
♪ the fly
married the bumblebee ♪
( whistling )
( knocking )
Hold your water,
I'm comin', I'm comin'.
Coming through !
Ahh !
( man on television )
Okay, boys and girls,
it's time for "Fire Patrol."
Now see here,
that's my dinner !
Shh.
Shh. Shh.
( chirping crickets )
Well, time to crawl into
my nice, big, soft bed.
What ?!
And just where the heck
am I supposed to sleep ?
( grumbling )
( shattering )
( crowing rooster )
♪ Yellowish puce
nilly Nelly ♪
♪ yellowish puce... ♪
ahh !
( man on television )
Okay, farm boys,
grab ahold of
the under cow and squeeze.
All right, that's it !
I'm putting a stop
to this right now !
Yep, you're going outside.
There now,
isn't that better ?
Now run along and play with
your idiot friends.
Look at him go,
daddy's little simpleton.
( laughing from television )
( gasps )
( man on television )
Don't hit me with that mallet.
What are ya ?
( laughing )
( mocking )
What are ya ?
( crying )
Good riddance
to bad rubbish.
( screaming )
Ah.
Come on.
Ren, no !
Aaiie, aaiie, aiiee,
aaiie, aaiie, aaiie...
ahh !
Aaiee-yah !
( wailing cry )
( breathing heavily )
Whew.
No !
No !
Please...
must have Tv.
Please.
Look at you.
You disgust me.
Must put it
back together.
( weeping )
Snap out of it !
Ooh.
Gee, Ren,
I'm sorry.
I guess I kinda went
a little crazy.
But I'm okay now.
All right, but I'm
keeping an eye on you.
Okay, Ren,
you're the boss.
( growls )
Uh, Ren, can I go
number one ?
Huh ?
Oh, yeah, yeah,
sure, sure.
You have a nice one ?
None nicer.
( chirping crickets )
Oh, Ren ?
Yes.
I've gotta
do number two.
Don't wake
the neighbors.
Hey, Ren.
Yes.
I gotta go number three.
Number three
it is, pal.
Hee-hee.
Why, I can't remember
the last time
I did number three.
Number three !
What the heck !
Hmm.
Hey, pal, I'm back,
and he doesn't
suspect a thing.
Hmm.
I'll have you out of there
in a jiffy, little buddy.
( Ren )
I see what you're
doing in there.
Open that door !
I'm not kidding.
I said open up,
you little punk.
Open that stinking door
or I'll kick it in.
Stimpy !
Oh, no, he's
overdosed on Tv !
There, there, old pal,
we'll have to put
you somewhere
where you can't
hurt yourself any longer.
( howling wolf )
( opera music
on the phonograph )
( grunting )
Hey, muddy, what are you
gonna do with that mallet ?
Muddy, I'm your friend.
Ah-ha !
Ooh.
Give the bum
a big hand.
What are ya ?
You're a bum.
But, muddy,
I love you.
A lousy stinkin' bum.
( grunting )
You're a bum, bum,
bum, bum, bum, bum...
bum !
Aah !
Muddy !
Lord, help me.
( weeping )
I want my Tv !
Well, Stimpy,
I have to admit,
your behavior has
been exemplary.
So, you don't have to
live in the basement anymore.
Ring-a-ding-ding.
Thank you, sir.
Okay, buddy, be good.
Good-bye, Ren,
I promise, no Tv.
( whistling )
Okay, guys,
he's gone.
Come on seven !
Baby needs
a new pair of shoes !
Craps !