The Ren & Stimpy Show (1991–1996): Season 4, Episode 7 - It's a Dog's Life/Egg Yolkeo - full transcript
( dogs barking )
( door clangs )
"Thessalonians,
"we will always thank
timothy for all of you,
"mentioning you
in our prayers.
Looketh not behind you,
for, lo, you will... "
well, this is it, pal.
Yeah, a nice, hot sauna.
Back so soon, ma'am ?
Well, you know,
me and the old man upstairs
do have our divine mission.
You're in luck.
Just got
a fresh batch in today.
Domesticated.
Subservient.
Well-trained.
They're all so talented,
but I'm sure
they'll find a home.
Actually, I'm here
to save the unloved.
What you got in there?
( Clergyman )
"Thessalonians, peace unto you
"and on the third day,
he walked though
the valley of the hidden..."
oh, look at them.
Poor, pathetic vermin.
They're weak, wretched,
insipid, scabrous
mounds of disease.
Aren't they cute ?
All right, boys, look sharp.
"... An idle mind
is the devil's toolbar."
I'll take 'em.
( together )
We're saved !
Ahh...
not too shabby, lady.
Mmm... eyow !
Now, what to name
you little peaches?
I'm Ren Hoek
and he's stim--
I'll call you Abraham...
and you'll be Leviticus.
Eh, whatever, lady.
Welcome to your
new home, boys.
( screaming joyfully )
( Ren )
No more scrounging
or begging for us.
This is the good life.
How's it going, pal ?
We're your new roomies.
Hey, buddy.
Wake up.
Come on, pal...
wake up !
( shattering, mice squeaking )
( screaming )
Ah-Ah-ah-ah !
Aahh ! Aahh ! Aahh ! Aahh!
Aaahhh !
( teeth chattering )
Ehh...
( teeth chattering )
Wh-what's wrong with him ?
Oh, that's
just Ezekiel.
He fell asleep
and never woke up.
I had him freeze-dried...
'cause I love him so much.
Hi, Ezekiel.
He's a piñata, you idiot.
( crack )
( gasps )
Well, first things first.
Let's get to work.
Ahh...
oh, heavens !
My poor babies !
They're possessed.
The devil's worms
are at work within ye.
( footsteps thudding )
( smashing and yelping )
( tinny ding )
Grub !
( gasps )
Come and get it !
( rumbling and thudding )
( cracking )
( grunting )
Go on.
( louder grunting )
( cracking )
( shattering )
( slurring wetly )
Delicious.
You're choking !
Spit it out, stupid !
There's only one thing to do !
I must administer
the hindlich maneuver.
( grunting )
( groaning )
( gasping )
Mary, mother of pearl !
Don't just stand there,
woman !
( screaming )
( gagging
not on a Sunday !
It's time we go
for a little ride.
( wind whooshing )
I love a ride !
Where are we going,
anyways ?
To see some
very impo'tant people.
A miss spay and a Mr. Neuter.
Haven't we had
a big day ?
You two angels deserve
a little treat.
A nice, hot flea bath
before bedtime.
( yawning )
I don't know
about you, Leviticus,
but I don't know if I can take
any more of this good life.
Stimpicus ?
( snoring )
Good night, stupid.
Huh ?
Time for bed, angels.
We all know how
you little creatures
love to sleep
in the yard.
( crickets chirping,
owl hooting )
Well...
it could be worse.
We could be sleeping in a Ce...
Ce... Ce...
( thunder crashes )
Cemetery !
( gasping )
Eee!
( shrieking )
( teeth chattering )
We gotta get out of here !
Escape !
( alarm buzzing and clanging )
Hey, Ren, look at this.
A loose brick.
Nice work, buddy.
Now step aside,
bubble boy.
( excited giggling )
Free... d-- !
( grunting )
( pop )
( both panting )
( breathless )
We made it.
Hmm, what do we
have here ?
Couple of
lost pups, huh ?
Uh, but I'm a ca--
lost, heh-heh.
No tags, eh ?
Hmm, your I.D.
Should be
tattooed
here somewhere.
Let's see...
anything written
in there?
Mm-mm.
That's queer.
No I.D.s. ?
Hmm...
well, it's off to
the pound with you.
( gulps )
( crying )
All right, you win !
Here !
( tires squeal )
Mr. Oh,
how did it happen ?
Lead poisoning.
( clank )
( chuckling )
( Man)
"I, granny,
"being of stout mind
and ankles,
"hereby bequeath my
earthly goods as follows:
"to my faithful butler...
( sobbing )
"My house and property.
"To my chauffeur...
"my solid gold Lincoln.
"And to my goldfish...
$43 million."
We're next !
What do we get ?!
"And to my loving
Abraham and Leviticus,
"I will that
they join me
"in the eternal
salvation
of the hereafter."
Eee !
( clink )
( clanging )
Ahh, hammering my eggs
just doesn't thrill me
like it used to.
( shatters )
Why, I've polished the eggs of
the crowned heads of Europe...
and yet I feel unfulfilled.
Oh, father, why was I not
blessed with an heir ?
That's where you come in,
my pet project.
Eee !
Oh, my beautiful mound of yolk.
I will mold you
and make you
unto my own graven image.
Yes, come, my child,
I will help you.
So that you will have sight
with which to see,
I give you splendid brass eyes.
And to keep your head warm,
so as not to catch a chill,
I give you a lock of my...
scalp... !
And, so that you will have
wisdom with which to think...
a lock of my...
brain.
But you are incomplete.
Wait!
Of course, I forgot.
My assistant Stimpy is
retrieving the final addition.
Stimpleton !
( thunder rumbling )
Finally !
Do you have it, man ?
( creepily )
Yes, Ren.
Duh... here are
those lederhosen
you wanted, Renwaldo.
( bones cracking )
There !
Is he not
my spitting image ?!
Ah, I'm living
in a dream world.
You can't make a son
out of eggs.
Oh, father...
I know I may not have always
been a good man,
but I have been a short man,
and if you will only
deliver unto me a son,
I promise to be kind and good
from now on.
Amen.
( blows raspberry )
Good night, Renwaldo.
Good night, stupid.
♪ Dum-Dee-dum dum-dum ♪
oh, boy made of eggs.
Oh, well,
I can't sit in judgment.
I just do my job.
Ah, here it is.
Now, how'd that go again ?
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
"Boy of Egg, boy of Egg,
sis-Boom-Ba,
matzo ball, matzo ball,
Ra-Ra-Ra."
Well, I'm outta here.
Now, where'd I leave my head?
Boy, what a night.
I dreamt about
a chicken in a dress.
( woman screaming on t.v. )
Huh ?
( laughing )
Verily, 'tis funny.
S-s-son ?
It's true.
You're alive.
Say something to your old dad !
Ah-aaahhh...
( gurgling )
He spoke !
He's a genius !
A quality boy such as thee
needs an excellent name !
I shall call thee...
Egg Yolkeo !
( splat )
Aaahhh...
first, my boy, you
must learn to use a spoon.
I will demonstrate.
( loud slurping )
Now you try it.
That's it.
Come on, son,
you can do it.
Aaahhh...
this is indeed
a proud day.
Okay, son, turn the key.
( engine starts )
Now put the car in gear.
That's fine, son.
Keep checking your mirrors,
and don't forget to signal.
Man, dig that ride
with the Egg inside.
Wiggy.
Now, that was a streudel
in the old noodle.
Cuh-razy.
Dig my plan, man.
I'm ears, dad.
( engine starts, tires squeal )
Huh ?
( sniffing )
I smell...
bacon !
Egg Yolkeo !
Why ?!
( sobbing )
Egg Yolkeo !
Why... ?
Why ?
( sobbing )
What are you looking at ?!
You're not my son !
I want my son !
Egg Yolkeo-o-o !
Egg Yolkeo-o-o-o-O.... !
( wailing )
Oh-Oh-oh-oh... !
( thud, gasp )
( humming and chewing )
( jazz playing )
( gulping loudly )
Check it out, chicks.
Dig my main man-- Egg Yolkeo.
This cat does
anything I tell him to.
Dopey.
Show him, eggy.
Like, walk the skillet, man.
( all chanting )
Skillet, skillet, skillet,
skillet, skillet,
skillet, skillet...
( "Dracula" accent )
I'll do the frying
around here...
y'all.
( all screaming )
Ch-check it out,
col-O-nel.
We brung a new cat
to work with you.
Very good, boys.
And here's your reward.
( chomping loudly )
( gulps )
( laughing )
Bleh-Ha-ha-ha... !
Hmm...
and as for you, my
little prairie oyster,
I've got special plans
for you, I reckon.
Bleh-ha-ha-ha... !
( birds chirping )
( wind blowing )
Huh, wha... ?
Egg Yolkeo !
Taxi !
( Colonel )
L-Ladies and gentlemen,
I, colonel scrambolio,
present...
Egg Yolkeo !
( rock music playing )
( applause )
( cheering )
( women shrieking with joy )
( laughing wildly )
Ee-Ha-ha-ha...
( music continues )
( music stops )
Aaahhh... !
( musical finale, cheering )
You're the hottest thing
since potted meat!
You'll be
a rock-n-roll l-legend !
Hey!
Get your hands
off my eggs !
( crowd yelling )
I'm coming, son !
( Ren yelling gibberish )
Don't worry, son !
I've... got... you !
Come with me
to our rat-infested house,
where we can
happily live out
the rest of our
miserable lives
in total, abject poverty.
Here we are, son....
home sweet home.
I kept your room
just as you left it.
( gurgling, raspy )
I love you, daddy.
Ohhh... !
Good night, son.
Hush now.
Daddy's here.
( Ren )
Day has come and I am anew.
Away, away I must fly
to crush my child to my bosom.
Wakest thou, my son,
for the hour is late
and we must begin
our glorious,
fulfilling lives
together.
Egg Yolkeo ?
Hey, Stimpy,
where's Egg Yolkeo ?
( chewing and humming )
Stimpy, will you listen to me?
Put down that...
Egg salad sandwich !
( Egg Yolkeo )
I love you, daddy.
( gulping and burping )
Aahh ! Aahh !
Aaahhh... !
( door clangs )
"Thessalonians,
"we will always thank
timothy for all of you,
"mentioning you
in our prayers.
Looketh not behind you,
for, lo, you will... "
well, this is it, pal.
Yeah, a nice, hot sauna.
Back so soon, ma'am ?
Well, you know,
me and the old man upstairs
do have our divine mission.
You're in luck.
Just got
a fresh batch in today.
Domesticated.
Subservient.
Well-trained.
They're all so talented,
but I'm sure
they'll find a home.
Actually, I'm here
to save the unloved.
What you got in there?
( Clergyman )
"Thessalonians, peace unto you
"and on the third day,
he walked though
the valley of the hidden..."
oh, look at them.
Poor, pathetic vermin.
They're weak, wretched,
insipid, scabrous
mounds of disease.
Aren't they cute ?
All right, boys, look sharp.
"... An idle mind
is the devil's toolbar."
I'll take 'em.
( together )
We're saved !
Ahh...
not too shabby, lady.
Mmm... eyow !
Now, what to name
you little peaches?
I'm Ren Hoek
and he's stim--
I'll call you Abraham...
and you'll be Leviticus.
Eh, whatever, lady.
Welcome to your
new home, boys.
( screaming joyfully )
( Ren )
No more scrounging
or begging for us.
This is the good life.
How's it going, pal ?
We're your new roomies.
Hey, buddy.
Wake up.
Come on, pal...
wake up !
( shattering, mice squeaking )
( screaming )
Ah-Ah-ah-ah !
Aahh ! Aahh ! Aahh ! Aahh!
Aaahhh !
( teeth chattering )
Ehh...
( teeth chattering )
Wh-what's wrong with him ?
Oh, that's
just Ezekiel.
He fell asleep
and never woke up.
I had him freeze-dried...
'cause I love him so much.
Hi, Ezekiel.
He's a piñata, you idiot.
( crack )
( gasps )
Well, first things first.
Let's get to work.
Ahh...
oh, heavens !
My poor babies !
They're possessed.
The devil's worms
are at work within ye.
( footsteps thudding )
( smashing and yelping )
( tinny ding )
Grub !
( gasps )
Come and get it !
( rumbling and thudding )
( cracking )
( grunting )
Go on.
( louder grunting )
( cracking )
( shattering )
( slurring wetly )
Delicious.
You're choking !
Spit it out, stupid !
There's only one thing to do !
I must administer
the hindlich maneuver.
( grunting )
( groaning )
( gasping )
Mary, mother of pearl !
Don't just stand there,
woman !
( screaming )
( gagging
not on a Sunday !
It's time we go
for a little ride.
( wind whooshing )
I love a ride !
Where are we going,
anyways ?
To see some
very impo'tant people.
A miss spay and a Mr. Neuter.
Haven't we had
a big day ?
You two angels deserve
a little treat.
A nice, hot flea bath
before bedtime.
( yawning )
I don't know
about you, Leviticus,
but I don't know if I can take
any more of this good life.
Stimpicus ?
( snoring )
Good night, stupid.
Huh ?
Time for bed, angels.
We all know how
you little creatures
love to sleep
in the yard.
( crickets chirping,
owl hooting )
Well...
it could be worse.
We could be sleeping in a Ce...
Ce... Ce...
( thunder crashes )
Cemetery !
( gasping )
Eee!
( shrieking )
( teeth chattering )
We gotta get out of here !
Escape !
( alarm buzzing and clanging )
Hey, Ren, look at this.
A loose brick.
Nice work, buddy.
Now step aside,
bubble boy.
( excited giggling )
Free... d-- !
( grunting )
( pop )
( both panting )
( breathless )
We made it.
Hmm, what do we
have here ?
Couple of
lost pups, huh ?
Uh, but I'm a ca--
lost, heh-heh.
No tags, eh ?
Hmm, your I.D.
Should be
tattooed
here somewhere.
Let's see...
anything written
in there?
Mm-mm.
That's queer.
No I.D.s. ?
Hmm...
well, it's off to
the pound with you.
( gulps )
( crying )
All right, you win !
Here !
( tires squeal )
Mr. Oh,
how did it happen ?
Lead poisoning.
( clank )
( chuckling )
( Man)
"I, granny,
"being of stout mind
and ankles,
"hereby bequeath my
earthly goods as follows:
"to my faithful butler...
( sobbing )
"My house and property.
"To my chauffeur...
"my solid gold Lincoln.
"And to my goldfish...
$43 million."
We're next !
What do we get ?!
"And to my loving
Abraham and Leviticus,
"I will that
they join me
"in the eternal
salvation
of the hereafter."
Eee !
( clink )
( clanging )
Ahh, hammering my eggs
just doesn't thrill me
like it used to.
( shatters )
Why, I've polished the eggs of
the crowned heads of Europe...
and yet I feel unfulfilled.
Oh, father, why was I not
blessed with an heir ?
That's where you come in,
my pet project.
Eee !
Oh, my beautiful mound of yolk.
I will mold you
and make you
unto my own graven image.
Yes, come, my child,
I will help you.
So that you will have sight
with which to see,
I give you splendid brass eyes.
And to keep your head warm,
so as not to catch a chill,
I give you a lock of my...
scalp... !
And, so that you will have
wisdom with which to think...
a lock of my...
brain.
But you are incomplete.
Wait!
Of course, I forgot.
My assistant Stimpy is
retrieving the final addition.
Stimpleton !
( thunder rumbling )
Finally !
Do you have it, man ?
( creepily )
Yes, Ren.
Duh... here are
those lederhosen
you wanted, Renwaldo.
( bones cracking )
There !
Is he not
my spitting image ?!
Ah, I'm living
in a dream world.
You can't make a son
out of eggs.
Oh, father...
I know I may not have always
been a good man,
but I have been a short man,
and if you will only
deliver unto me a son,
I promise to be kind and good
from now on.
Amen.
( blows raspberry )
Good night, Renwaldo.
Good night, stupid.
♪ Dum-Dee-dum dum-dum ♪
oh, boy made of eggs.
Oh, well,
I can't sit in judgment.
I just do my job.
Ah, here it is.
Now, how'd that go again ?
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
"Boy of Egg, boy of Egg,
sis-Boom-Ba,
matzo ball, matzo ball,
Ra-Ra-Ra."
Well, I'm outta here.
Now, where'd I leave my head?
Boy, what a night.
I dreamt about
a chicken in a dress.
( woman screaming on t.v. )
Huh ?
( laughing )
Verily, 'tis funny.
S-s-son ?
It's true.
You're alive.
Say something to your old dad !
Ah-aaahhh...
( gurgling )
He spoke !
He's a genius !
A quality boy such as thee
needs an excellent name !
I shall call thee...
Egg Yolkeo !
( splat )
Aaahhh...
first, my boy, you
must learn to use a spoon.
I will demonstrate.
( loud slurping )
Now you try it.
That's it.
Come on, son,
you can do it.
Aaahhh...
this is indeed
a proud day.
Okay, son, turn the key.
( engine starts )
Now put the car in gear.
That's fine, son.
Keep checking your mirrors,
and don't forget to signal.
Man, dig that ride
with the Egg inside.
Wiggy.
Now, that was a streudel
in the old noodle.
Cuh-razy.
Dig my plan, man.
I'm ears, dad.
( engine starts, tires squeal )
Huh ?
( sniffing )
I smell...
bacon !
Egg Yolkeo !
Why ?!
( sobbing )
Egg Yolkeo !
Why... ?
Why ?
( sobbing )
What are you looking at ?!
You're not my son !
I want my son !
Egg Yolkeo-o-o !
Egg Yolkeo-o-o-o-O.... !
( wailing )
Oh-Oh-oh-oh... !
( thud, gasp )
( humming and chewing )
( jazz playing )
( gulping loudly )
Check it out, chicks.
Dig my main man-- Egg Yolkeo.
This cat does
anything I tell him to.
Dopey.
Show him, eggy.
Like, walk the skillet, man.
( all chanting )
Skillet, skillet, skillet,
skillet, skillet,
skillet, skillet...
( "Dracula" accent )
I'll do the frying
around here...
y'all.
( all screaming )
Ch-check it out,
col-O-nel.
We brung a new cat
to work with you.
Very good, boys.
And here's your reward.
( chomping loudly )
( gulps )
( laughing )
Bleh-Ha-ha-ha... !
Hmm...
and as for you, my
little prairie oyster,
I've got special plans
for you, I reckon.
Bleh-ha-ha-ha... !
( birds chirping )
( wind blowing )
Huh, wha... ?
Egg Yolkeo !
Taxi !
( Colonel )
L-Ladies and gentlemen,
I, colonel scrambolio,
present...
Egg Yolkeo !
( rock music playing )
( applause )
( cheering )
( women shrieking with joy )
( laughing wildly )
Ee-Ha-ha-ha...
( music continues )
( music stops )
Aaahhh... !
( musical finale, cheering )
You're the hottest thing
since potted meat!
You'll be
a rock-n-roll l-legend !
Hey!
Get your hands
off my eggs !
( crowd yelling )
I'm coming, son !
( Ren yelling gibberish )
Don't worry, son !
I've... got... you !
Come with me
to our rat-infested house,
where we can
happily live out
the rest of our
miserable lives
in total, abject poverty.
Here we are, son....
home sweet home.
I kept your room
just as you left it.
( gurgling, raspy )
I love you, daddy.
Ohhh... !
Good night, son.
Hush now.
Daddy's here.
( Ren )
Day has come and I am anew.
Away, away I must fly
to crush my child to my bosom.
Wakest thou, my son,
for the hour is late
and we must begin
our glorious,
fulfilling lives
together.
Egg Yolkeo ?
Hey, Stimpy,
where's Egg Yolkeo ?
( chewing and humming )
Stimpy, will you listen to me?
Put down that...
Egg salad sandwich !
( Egg Yolkeo )
I love you, daddy.
( gulping and burping )
Aahh ! Aahh !
Aaahhh... !