The Ren & Stimpy Show (1991–1996): Season 4, Episode 6 - I Love Chicken/Powdered Toast Man vs. Waffle Woman - full transcript
In a deranged tribute to the "I Love Lucy" show, Stimpy lavishes affection on a store-bought oven-ready chicken. Next, Powdered-Toast Man and Waffle-Woman face off in a fight-to-the-death; the world hangs in the balance.
Stimpy, I'm home !
Oh, joy !
I brought you
your slippers.
Here comes your pipe.
Did you clean
the apartment ?
Yes, sir.
Iron my B.V.D.s ?
Yuh-huh.
Good, now,
get in the kitchen
and fix my dinner.
Okey-dokey.
Throw, throw, toss, pitch,
chuck, throw.
Oh, look at this young, fresh,
lovely, plump chicken !
Aren't you just
the cat's B.O. !
Hmmm...
what do we do with you ?
Oh, doesn't
that look nice ?
Step one:
some vigorous tenderization.
Butter.
Baste.
There now, a prettier bird
there never was.
( orchestra playing
"Tonight We Love" )
Hey, where the heck's my--
my-- my chicken !
( growling )
My chicken and my best friend !
Skulkers
in the dark !
Did you think
I wouldn't notice ?
The stuffing on your collar
at night ?
The drippings
on the carpet ?
The gravy on the couch ?
I want my chicken dinner
and I want it now !
Ren ! How can you be
so insensitive ?
You're talking
about the chicken I love !
And I want to spend the rest
of my life with chicken.
Huh ?
And I've consented
to give my hand in marriage.
Marriage ?!
( giggling )
And now, my love,
let us off to Vegas
and be married this very night.
Bye, Ren !
( crash )
We're home from our honeymoon.
Put me down, silly.
Ren ?
( Ren )
In the kitchen.
Well, we're back.
I'm still waiting for you
to fix my chicken dinner.
Well, it was kind of a long
drive and we're kind of tired.
We'll see you
in the morning.
( steam hissing )
( snoring )
( Ren )
♪ Mammy's little baby loves
short'nin', short'nin' ♪
♪ mammy's little baby
loves short'nin' bread ♪
hey, Ren.
Fixing a little
midnight snacky ?
Yes, I am.
What you got in there ?
Hmmm...
( gasping )
Aahh !
Chicken !
Oh, my poor little baby !
( sniffing )
It's done, let's eat !
What is wrong with you ?
I'm hungry.
Well, in the future,
when you're hungry,
I'll thank you
not to cook my wife !
Oohh, I'm gonna get
that chicken !
( Stimpy )
Here comes your slippers, toot,
toot, toot, toot, toot, toot !
Oh, boy !
( Stimpy )
I'm bringing your fez.
There.
Why, it almost
makes you look
like you have a head.
Your nice pipey-wipey !
There you go.
Chicken !
Chicken !
( Ren laughing evilly )
Grindy, grindy, grindy.
( laughing )
Oh, you poor baby !
( light tapping )
Now, have you come
to your senses
or are you still so blind
that you can't see our
relationship for what it is ?
Well, let me spell it out
for you, mister.
I love chicken
and chicken loves me.
And we do not abide coveters,
hmmm !
But what about my sausage ?
( Stimpy )
There, now, all better.
You know,
I like your new look.
So firm and tightly packed.
Yup, you're my ideal...
sugar lumps.
( Ren crying )
Ren, what's wrong ?
It's just that I-- I--
I miss you !
You and I used to do
everything together.
But now it's
you and the chicken.
And there's no room for me !
So that's how it is, huh ?
You are so silly.
Now, dry those tears
and listen to me,
Ren Hoek.
You're still
my best friend.
Really ?
Yup. I know,
let's go out,
just you and me,
just like
the old days.
Just you and--
( gulps )
-- Me ?
Could we-- could we--
could we go on picnic ?
Why, sure.
( Ren )
Well, here we are.
I'll spread out the blanket.
Save me a pickle.
Forgot the ketchup.
Be right back.
Okay.
( crickets chirping,
owl hooting )
( car approaches,
door opens and closes )
( Stimpy )
Good-Bye, thanks for the ride.
Ren, I'm home.
I got tired of waiting.
Don't bother with the ketchup.
( chomping )
Ren, what are you eating ?
I was eating
some delicious
chicken sausages.
( sobbing )
Stimpy ?
I-- I'm sorry
I ate your chicken.
It wasn't even that good,
I got bad gas.
( soft farting )
Look, I'm getting
just a little sick
of this bereaved
chicken widow crap !
Now, get your fanny
in the kitchen,
unpack the groceries,
and cook me some dinner !
( sarcastically )
Yes, master.
( sadly )
Toss... throw... chuck...
pitch... throw.
( orchestra playing
"Tonight We Love" )
Mmm, boy, can't wait
for that goat head stew.
( Stimpy )
Hey, Ren !
Huh ?
I'm engaged !
( wedding march playing )
Aaahhhh !
( Narrator )
And now, let's join
pastor toast man
as he attends his flock.
The lord is my shepherd,
but thou shall want--
b-11 !
Bingo !
( laughing )
( buzzing )
Uh-oh, a distress call.
A secret message.
Encoded in olive loaf.
Holy catechism !
Not little johnny !
Leave everything to me.
Powdered... toast... man... !
Instantly...
powdered toast man
rushes off on another
perilous mission.
Powdered...
toast... man... !
Hello, little johnny.
What seems to be the trouble ?
I wanna meet the president
before I take my nap,
but he says he's too busy.
That lousy crumb,
he owes me one.
Leave everything
to me !
Powdered... toast... man... !
( Narrator on Tv )
Yes, once again, it's Powdered
Toast Man to the rescue.
( sarcastically )
"Powdered toast man
to the rescue."
How much more
can Vicki Velcro take?
Once I had success.
I was queen
of the breakfast food industry.
Liquid waffles
with super vacillating action
sold billions !
Profits soared !
Then along came powdered toast.
( sobs )
And then ruin.
Someday, I'll make
that lousy half-loaf pay !
I will have my revenge !
( "Star-Spangled Banner"
playing )
And now for the most historic
moment in human history!
The president is about to sign
the world peace treaty
that will end all wars forever !
Drop that crayon,
farm boy !
You're coming with me !
( yelling in
foreign languages )
Cripes ! It's almost time
for little johnny's nap.
I better use my warp speed !
( yawning )
Powdered toast man !
Yay !
Well, little johnny,
I kept my promise.
Here he is !
Now look
what you've done !
How could you let down
poor little johnny ?!
You destroyed his dreams !
You should be ashamed
of yourself !
Why, you're nothing
but a failure...
( echoing out )
( thinking )
"Nothing but a failure."
How could I let down
poor little johnny ?
Why I've let down...
the whole world.
Oh...
and so, having
finally failed mankind,
powdered toast man retires
to his secret hideout,
the breadbox of solitude,
where, wallowing in the mire
of his past accomplishments,
the man of toast
hangs up his shorts...
for good !
( Vicki Velcro )
Aha !
At last !
Now's my chance !
( laughing evilly )
( alarm blaring )
Finally !
The return of waffle woman !
( laughing )
And so waffle woman
sets out to wreak revenge
on powdered toast man.
I think.
Oh, never mind.
( burping )
I have to throw up
now, Poopie.
Do you want to
pick my nose ?
Calling Powdered Toast Man.
Please respond, heh-heh-heh.
I challenge you to a battle,
face to face.
But if you don't show up,
there'Il be no t.v.
tonight for...
Little Johnny !
( crying )
( gasping )
( shouting in agony )
I'll save you,
little johnny !
Leave everything to me!
Ouch. I've been meaning
to fix that circuit.
Yes, the crusty crusader
is back in action
to avenge little johnny !
Powdered... toast... man !
( sniffing )
Uh-oh...
no time to lose !
( laughing )
Powdered...
toast... man... !
Yay !
So, waffle woman,
I see I came too late.
No, powdered toast man,
you're too early.
As usual !
You were late
for our last battle !
Taste my super-oleaginous
butter pats !
( yelling in
foreign languages )
What battle ?
Chug on my radioactive
polythermal syrup launcher !
Ha !
Boy, she's really mad.
( people screaming )
Quit your waffling,
waffle woman !
I left a message
with your secretary.
Eat my nuclear-powered
hyperacidic marmalade !
I never talked to my secretary !
You said you were best friends
with your secretary !
I changed my mind !
You never listen to me,
you flaky woman !
You always talk
about yourself !
Give it up, powdered toast man.
Haven't you had enough ?
Not so fast, waffle woman.
I'm not finished yet.
Your powers are done for !
Aaahhh !
Ohh, I feel a little queer.
You win this time,
powdered toast man
but I'll be back !
Maybe.
Yay, powdered toast man !
Why, little johnny !
My hero !
And so, alas, in the name
of ignorance, prejudice,
and the American waste,
powdered toast man once again
rids the earth of evil,
making the world a safer place
for little johnny's
throughout the universe.
The end !
Oh, joy !
I brought you
your slippers.
Here comes your pipe.
Did you clean
the apartment ?
Yes, sir.
Iron my B.V.D.s ?
Yuh-huh.
Good, now,
get in the kitchen
and fix my dinner.
Okey-dokey.
Throw, throw, toss, pitch,
chuck, throw.
Oh, look at this young, fresh,
lovely, plump chicken !
Aren't you just
the cat's B.O. !
Hmmm...
what do we do with you ?
Oh, doesn't
that look nice ?
Step one:
some vigorous tenderization.
Butter.
Baste.
There now, a prettier bird
there never was.
( orchestra playing
"Tonight We Love" )
Hey, where the heck's my--
my-- my chicken !
( growling )
My chicken and my best friend !
Skulkers
in the dark !
Did you think
I wouldn't notice ?
The stuffing on your collar
at night ?
The drippings
on the carpet ?
The gravy on the couch ?
I want my chicken dinner
and I want it now !
Ren ! How can you be
so insensitive ?
You're talking
about the chicken I love !
And I want to spend the rest
of my life with chicken.
Huh ?
And I've consented
to give my hand in marriage.
Marriage ?!
( giggling )
And now, my love,
let us off to Vegas
and be married this very night.
Bye, Ren !
( crash )
We're home from our honeymoon.
Put me down, silly.
Ren ?
( Ren )
In the kitchen.
Well, we're back.
I'm still waiting for you
to fix my chicken dinner.
Well, it was kind of a long
drive and we're kind of tired.
We'll see you
in the morning.
( steam hissing )
( snoring )
( Ren )
♪ Mammy's little baby loves
short'nin', short'nin' ♪
♪ mammy's little baby
loves short'nin' bread ♪
hey, Ren.
Fixing a little
midnight snacky ?
Yes, I am.
What you got in there ?
Hmmm...
( gasping )
Aahh !
Chicken !
Oh, my poor little baby !
( sniffing )
It's done, let's eat !
What is wrong with you ?
I'm hungry.
Well, in the future,
when you're hungry,
I'll thank you
not to cook my wife !
Oohh, I'm gonna get
that chicken !
( Stimpy )
Here comes your slippers, toot,
toot, toot, toot, toot, toot !
Oh, boy !
( Stimpy )
I'm bringing your fez.
There.
Why, it almost
makes you look
like you have a head.
Your nice pipey-wipey !
There you go.
Chicken !
Chicken !
( Ren laughing evilly )
Grindy, grindy, grindy.
( laughing )
Oh, you poor baby !
( light tapping )
Now, have you come
to your senses
or are you still so blind
that you can't see our
relationship for what it is ?
Well, let me spell it out
for you, mister.
I love chicken
and chicken loves me.
And we do not abide coveters,
hmmm !
But what about my sausage ?
( Stimpy )
There, now, all better.
You know,
I like your new look.
So firm and tightly packed.
Yup, you're my ideal...
sugar lumps.
( Ren crying )
Ren, what's wrong ?
It's just that I-- I--
I miss you !
You and I used to do
everything together.
But now it's
you and the chicken.
And there's no room for me !
So that's how it is, huh ?
You are so silly.
Now, dry those tears
and listen to me,
Ren Hoek.
You're still
my best friend.
Really ?
Yup. I know,
let's go out,
just you and me,
just like
the old days.
Just you and--
( gulps )
-- Me ?
Could we-- could we--
could we go on picnic ?
Why, sure.
( Ren )
Well, here we are.
I'll spread out the blanket.
Save me a pickle.
Forgot the ketchup.
Be right back.
Okay.
( crickets chirping,
owl hooting )
( car approaches,
door opens and closes )
( Stimpy )
Good-Bye, thanks for the ride.
Ren, I'm home.
I got tired of waiting.
Don't bother with the ketchup.
( chomping )
Ren, what are you eating ?
I was eating
some delicious
chicken sausages.
( sobbing )
Stimpy ?
I-- I'm sorry
I ate your chicken.
It wasn't even that good,
I got bad gas.
( soft farting )
Look, I'm getting
just a little sick
of this bereaved
chicken widow crap !
Now, get your fanny
in the kitchen,
unpack the groceries,
and cook me some dinner !
( sarcastically )
Yes, master.
( sadly )
Toss... throw... chuck...
pitch... throw.
( orchestra playing
"Tonight We Love" )
Mmm, boy, can't wait
for that goat head stew.
( Stimpy )
Hey, Ren !
Huh ?
I'm engaged !
( wedding march playing )
Aaahhhh !
( Narrator )
And now, let's join
pastor toast man
as he attends his flock.
The lord is my shepherd,
but thou shall want--
b-11 !
Bingo !
( laughing )
( buzzing )
Uh-oh, a distress call.
A secret message.
Encoded in olive loaf.
Holy catechism !
Not little johnny !
Leave everything to me.
Powdered... toast... man... !
Instantly...
powdered toast man
rushes off on another
perilous mission.
Powdered...
toast... man... !
Hello, little johnny.
What seems to be the trouble ?
I wanna meet the president
before I take my nap,
but he says he's too busy.
That lousy crumb,
he owes me one.
Leave everything
to me !
Powdered... toast... man... !
( Narrator on Tv )
Yes, once again, it's Powdered
Toast Man to the rescue.
( sarcastically )
"Powdered toast man
to the rescue."
How much more
can Vicki Velcro take?
Once I had success.
I was queen
of the breakfast food industry.
Liquid waffles
with super vacillating action
sold billions !
Profits soared !
Then along came powdered toast.
( sobs )
And then ruin.
Someday, I'll make
that lousy half-loaf pay !
I will have my revenge !
( "Star-Spangled Banner"
playing )
And now for the most historic
moment in human history!
The president is about to sign
the world peace treaty
that will end all wars forever !
Drop that crayon,
farm boy !
You're coming with me !
( yelling in
foreign languages )
Cripes ! It's almost time
for little johnny's nap.
I better use my warp speed !
( yawning )
Powdered toast man !
Yay !
Well, little johnny,
I kept my promise.
Here he is !
Now look
what you've done !
How could you let down
poor little johnny ?!
You destroyed his dreams !
You should be ashamed
of yourself !
Why, you're nothing
but a failure...
( echoing out )
( thinking )
"Nothing but a failure."
How could I let down
poor little johnny ?
Why I've let down...
the whole world.
Oh...
and so, having
finally failed mankind,
powdered toast man retires
to his secret hideout,
the breadbox of solitude,
where, wallowing in the mire
of his past accomplishments,
the man of toast
hangs up his shorts...
for good !
( Vicki Velcro )
Aha !
At last !
Now's my chance !
( laughing evilly )
( alarm blaring )
Finally !
The return of waffle woman !
( laughing )
And so waffle woman
sets out to wreak revenge
on powdered toast man.
I think.
Oh, never mind.
( burping )
I have to throw up
now, Poopie.
Do you want to
pick my nose ?
Calling Powdered Toast Man.
Please respond, heh-heh-heh.
I challenge you to a battle,
face to face.
But if you don't show up,
there'Il be no t.v.
tonight for...
Little Johnny !
( crying )
( gasping )
( shouting in agony )
I'll save you,
little johnny !
Leave everything to me!
Ouch. I've been meaning
to fix that circuit.
Yes, the crusty crusader
is back in action
to avenge little johnny !
Powdered... toast... man !
( sniffing )
Uh-oh...
no time to lose !
( laughing )
Powdered...
toast... man... !
Yay !
So, waffle woman,
I see I came too late.
No, powdered toast man,
you're too early.
As usual !
You were late
for our last battle !
Taste my super-oleaginous
butter pats !
( yelling in
foreign languages )
What battle ?
Chug on my radioactive
polythermal syrup launcher !
Ha !
Boy, she's really mad.
( people screaming )
Quit your waffling,
waffle woman !
I left a message
with your secretary.
Eat my nuclear-powered
hyperacidic marmalade !
I never talked to my secretary !
You said you were best friends
with your secretary !
I changed my mind !
You never listen to me,
you flaky woman !
You always talk
about yourself !
Give it up, powdered toast man.
Haven't you had enough ?
Not so fast, waffle woman.
I'm not finished yet.
Your powers are done for !
Aaahhh !
Ohh, I feel a little queer.
You win this time,
powdered toast man
but I'll be back !
Maybe.
Yay, powdered toast man !
Why, little johnny !
My hero !
And so, alas, in the name
of ignorance, prejudice,
and the American waste,
powdered toast man once again
rids the earth of evil,
making the world a safer place
for little johnny's
throughout the universe.
The end !