The Ren & Stimpy Show (1991–1996): Season 4, Episode 2 - House of Next Tuesday/A Friend in Your Face - full transcript
Ren and Stimpy spend some time in a flawed futuristic house; Ren and Stimpy have parasitic creatures living in their heads annoying Ren immensely.
( man )
Welcome to the fabulous future
world of the ultra-modern
house of next Tuesday !
In the world of next Tuesday,
giant ants will rule the earth !
But fear not.
The house of next Tuesday
is equipped with the latest
extermination devices.
( buzzing )
You see, the earth's atmosphere,
in the world of next Tuesday,
will be polluted
to the consistency
of warm giblet gravy.
But fortunately, the house
of next Tuesday
features air you can breathe.
( huffing )
In fact, it's climate
controlled.
Ooh !
In the world of next Tuesday,
door-To-door salesman
will be replaced by
viciously
aggressive peddler-bots.
( ringing doorbell )
But in the house of
next Tuesday,
you'll be safe and sound.
( crunching )
( buzzing )
Wouldn't you like to live in
the house of next Tuesday ?
Of course you would.
So why let me
go on about it ?
Experience it for
yourselves.
This, gentlemen,
is the state of the art
in luxury living.
A monument
to modern design.
And the best thing about
the house of
next Tuesday is...
( inhales )
( shattering slam )
We get a
10-Day free trial.
( squeaking )
Now, uh, where do they keep
the chow in this dump ?
Ahh.
I think the kitchen
is over this way.
Duh, oh, boy !
Hope they got something
good in the fridge.
I'm in the mood for
some future meat products.
Ren, look !
( screaming )
Jerky !
Jerky !
( buzzing )
( female computerized voice )
Welcome to the future
of jerky technology,
the jerky 2000.
Please select the jerky
of your preference.
Hmm, teriyaki...
pepperoni.
I love sweet jerky.
Make mine sour.
( beeping )
Man, I can almost taste that
barbecued shoe leather now.
( buzzing and beeping )
Hey !
Commencing
jerky processing.
Tenderizing meat.
( screaming from
within machine )
Marinating meat.
( yelling )
Tenderizing meat again.
( howling )
Lots more tenderizing.
( screeching )
Shredding meat.
( yelping )
Smoke and dry.
( hissing )
Oh, boy, I do love
a good piece of jerky.
Don't you, Ren ?
( female computerized voice )
Welcome to the bathroom
of next Tuesday.
Yeah, yeah, gotta go !
( unzipping )
Woo-hoo-hoo !
Yipes, man !
That toilet seat is colder
than a well digger's chicken.
Don't worry, Ren.
No more frosty toilet seats
in the world of next Tuesday.
Observe.
( buzzing )
( grumbling )
Be ready in few minutes.
Thank you for using
the bathroom
of the house
of next Tuesday.
( coughing )
Oh, man !
Ah, bathroom's
all yours, buddy !
( giggling )
Funny.
What the heck is that ?
It's the new
sens-O-Rama Tv, Ren.
The television of next Tuesday
puts you right in the picture.
It's fun !
Here, you try.
What the--
hey, I can't see
anything.
I'll try and find
you a good station, Ren.
Wait, I, I see it,
I see it !
Today, we are cooking
something really good.
Let's-a have a
smell, okay ?
Okay !
( sniffing )
Oh, boy, that
smells-A so good,
I-a gotta smell
it again.
( sniffing )
Hey, that-a does-a
smell pretty good-A.
( slurping )
Tastes great, too !
And now we cook our
main-A course-a,
a nice-a,
big-A, fat-a lobster.
Oh, boy, I love lobster !
Look-a how fresh
and-A tender he is.
That's-a good.
Fresh and-a--
huh ?!
( screaming )
Good heavens, Ren.
What on earth
are you watching ?
( clunking )
Oh, no, I'm not
going in there.
Some cockamamie
futuristic bed
will probably
rip me to shreds.
Oh, come on, pal,
you're just tense.
You need the kind
of relaxation
only the bedroom of
next Tuesday can provide.
Well, maybe you're right.
I could use
some shuteye.
Hey, there's no bed
in this room.
Yeah, there is, Ren.
There's an
insta-Bed.
I'll set it up for us.
( buzzing )
That's it ?
Sure, look.
It says: "just add one
drop of water."
Stew, meat and puppets !
It'll never work.
It will once I get into
my utility belt.
( rumbling )
( screaming )
( snoring )
( dripping and giggling )
( screaming )
That does it !
I'm gettin' out
of here !
Rickin' rackin'...
house of
stupid Tuesday !
Oh, by the by,
did I forget to mention
that the house of next Tuesday
also features--
( slamming )
Cripes !
I wish we'd never come
to this place.
I can arrange that, Ren,
with that time machine,
over there.
Huh, time machine ?
Sure, Ren, it's a
convoluted plot device.
Well, I'll be darned,
it is a time machine.
Does that mean we can
go anywhere in time ?
Sure.
It can take us back to
before we got here.
You know, our used to be.
Or even further
back in time,
to eras where we can exploit
our knowledge of next Tuesday,
where we can live
on easy street
for the rest of our lives.
Hmm.
You know, that just
might work !
Yeah, yeah,
go to it, genius.
It's almost ready, Ren.
( clanking )
( bleeping )
( buzzing and chugging )
( screaming )
Good boy, Stimpy !
Next stop,
the past !
( jangly bells )
Whoa,
that was weird.
I, I...
( screaming )
( yelping hootenanny )
( chirping crickets )
( snoring )
( Ren )
More pastrami ?
Uh, okay.
Stimpy ?
Uh-huh.
Oh, yes, I'm putting
lots of mustard on it.
A triple-decker
cream chipped head cheese,
corned ham and pastrami on rye
with the works !
Delicious !
There you go.
Hope you like it,
buddy.
I'm afraid to ask,
but what are you doing ?
I am pushing food
into my head, Ren...
for my friend.
Your friend ?
Yeah, Ren,
the friend in my face.
( burping from within )
A friend in your face.
What kind of
dopey crap is that ?
It's true, Ren.
Since my sabbatical
in the amazon,
my head's been inhabited
by a friendly parasite
named
choo choo nong nong head.
Have a look !
Oh, brother !
Well, hello there !
Well, he's friendly,
all right.
Ah, well, this has all
been quite entertaining.
I don't think I've ever dreamed
about head parasites before.
Pretty soon I'll
find myself in the fifth grade,
taking a math test
in my underwear.
Well, I'd better get
back to bed before I wake up.
Good night, Stimpy.
Good night, Ren.
( belching from within )
( telephone ringing )
H-h-hello ?
Uh, yeah, yeah, yeah,
he's here, just a second.
It's for you, choo choo.
Uh, thank you.
Hello ?
Oh, uh,
hello, noony.
Fine.
Oh, ha-ha-ha !
By all means yes.
Stop by sometime
for a visit.
( knocking )
Whoops !
Hold on a second,
noony.
Someone's at the door.
Yes ?
How do ?
Well, here I am,
your long lost cousin,
noony bratweiler.
Hiya, cuz !
Hoo-whee, this here's
a right pretty barn.
Where do we sleep ?
I'm sorry, noony,
you can't stay here.
( giggling )
What I mean to say is...
that you can
move into
the apartment next door
free of charge !
It's been
empty for years.
Well, this place
is perfect.
I done found
myself a home.
Let's celebrate !
( rowdy southern rock )
Stimpy, wherever that
music is coming from,
make them turn it down !
Uh, huh ?
Okay, Ren.
Hey, pipe down in there,
will ya ?!
( music stops )
There, how's that,
Ren ?
Ren ?
Aw, he's sleeping
like a baby.
Well, there you are,
sleepyhead.
I was just
about to call you.
Ohh, whew !
What a night.
Lots of weird
dreams and voices.
But say, that breakfast
smells pretty good.
Well, it ought to, I was
up all morning fixing it.
Eggs Benedict, crepe Suzette,
link sausage, toast,
and "cafe oh late."
Mmm, boy,
my favorites !
What ?
Well, isn't that
a coink-ee-dink.
They're my friend in my
face's favorites, too !
What are you,
some kind of a nut case ?
This is the last straw !
I'm fed up
with you !
( Ren )
You and these
silly things
I've had enough of you...
shoot, I can't sleep with all
that hollerin' a-goin' on.
I ain't hardly
even tired no more.
Is you, piggy ?
I know what we
oughta do.
Let's wrestle !
( squealing )
Aww, pig,
yah, I say !
Come on, move !
Soo-eee !
I don't want to hear
any more about your
make-believe face friends !
( squealing )
Uh, are you
okay, Ren ?
You're acting
kinda strangely.
( knocking )
Why, cousin choo choo,
what are you doin' here ?
Hiya, noony.
Hey, I was cleaning
Stimpy's head
and I thought
you might want these
sinus scrapings
and nose nuggets
I had left over.
Thank you kindly.
Come on,
let's put it to use !
I'm planning a fine
crop come spring,
so I started makin'
me a nice compost heap.
Say, that's something.
What are
you growing ?
Why, ticks, chiggers
and head lice, of course.
Are you using
fresh manure ?
The freshest kind, son !
( mooing and farting )
( sniffing )
Ren, is that steer manure
cologne you're wearing ?
Ugh !
The stink,
the voices.
I don't understand what's
happening to me.
( gagging )
Ren, do you find
yourself waking up
with the taste of raw sewage
in your mouth ?
Uh, yes.
And has your head put on
15 or 20 pounds ?
Yes !
( weeping )
( dinging )
Ren...
this is truly a
blessed event.
You are with
head parasite.
Yipes !
But I don't want
a head parasite !
Please, Ren, please,
not in your condition.
Where are you, ya freakin'
frackin' face elf ?
Howdy, y'all !
Why, you !
( pounding thud )
Hey, Ren, better let
me handle this.
I've had lots of
parasitic experience.
( rowdy music and commotion )
Hot darn !
Excuse me, Ren,
I'll be right back.
Ahh !
Nothing like a hot
bowl of gruel
to calm one's
shattered nerves.
♪ Well, she'll be comin'
'round the mountain ♪
♪ she'll be comin'
'round the mountain ♪
♪ she'll be comin'... ♪
friend in my face,
my heiney !
Suck on this, friend !
A-ha !
Live in my face,
will you.
Ah, got you now,
you little vermin !
( squishing )
( maniacal laughter )
That'll teach
you to-- huh ?
( thumping )
( grunting )
Ahh...
a black sea lamprey.
He'll suck
that freeloader out.
Ahh !
( munching )
( shattering )
( screaming )
( panting )
( laughing )
( booming explosion )
Well, I hear thunder, but
there ain't a cloud in the sky.
( grunting )
Whoo, doggies,
bacon grease stew.
Huh ?
The pilot light's
done gone out.
This'll do her.
( screaming )
Let 'Er rip,
Charlie !
Okay, Charlie, kill it.
Yech.
This place is unfit
for habitation.
Sorry, sir, your head
is due for demolition.
Gawl, what a hole
this dump is.
I ain't stayin'
here a second longer.
But, but I don't wanna
have my head torn down.
Well, Ren, then there's
only one solution:
urbane renewal.
Of course, we'll have to
have your head renovated.
Sure, man,
anything you say.
( whistles )
Oh, Gunther.
( drilling )
( man )
Friends, parasites,
and lice alike,
welcome to
the grand, gala opening
of the glorious, new
parasite arms luxury
condominium tower.
( whistling )
I christen thee.
( shattering )
( giggling )
Welcome to the fabulous future
world of the ultra-modern
house of next Tuesday !
In the world of next Tuesday,
giant ants will rule the earth !
But fear not.
The house of next Tuesday
is equipped with the latest
extermination devices.
( buzzing )
You see, the earth's atmosphere,
in the world of next Tuesday,
will be polluted
to the consistency
of warm giblet gravy.
But fortunately, the house
of next Tuesday
features air you can breathe.
( huffing )
In fact, it's climate
controlled.
Ooh !
In the world of next Tuesday,
door-To-door salesman
will be replaced by
viciously
aggressive peddler-bots.
( ringing doorbell )
But in the house of
next Tuesday,
you'll be safe and sound.
( crunching )
( buzzing )
Wouldn't you like to live in
the house of next Tuesday ?
Of course you would.
So why let me
go on about it ?
Experience it for
yourselves.
This, gentlemen,
is the state of the art
in luxury living.
A monument
to modern design.
And the best thing about
the house of
next Tuesday is...
( inhales )
( shattering slam )
We get a
10-Day free trial.
( squeaking )
Now, uh, where do they keep
the chow in this dump ?
Ahh.
I think the kitchen
is over this way.
Duh, oh, boy !
Hope they got something
good in the fridge.
I'm in the mood for
some future meat products.
Ren, look !
( screaming )
Jerky !
Jerky !
( buzzing )
( female computerized voice )
Welcome to the future
of jerky technology,
the jerky 2000.
Please select the jerky
of your preference.
Hmm, teriyaki...
pepperoni.
I love sweet jerky.
Make mine sour.
( beeping )
Man, I can almost taste that
barbecued shoe leather now.
( buzzing and beeping )
Hey !
Commencing
jerky processing.
Tenderizing meat.
( screaming from
within machine )
Marinating meat.
( yelling )
Tenderizing meat again.
( howling )
Lots more tenderizing.
( screeching )
Shredding meat.
( yelping )
Smoke and dry.
( hissing )
Oh, boy, I do love
a good piece of jerky.
Don't you, Ren ?
( female computerized voice )
Welcome to the bathroom
of next Tuesday.
Yeah, yeah, gotta go !
( unzipping )
Woo-hoo-hoo !
Yipes, man !
That toilet seat is colder
than a well digger's chicken.
Don't worry, Ren.
No more frosty toilet seats
in the world of next Tuesday.
Observe.
( buzzing )
( grumbling )
Be ready in few minutes.
Thank you for using
the bathroom
of the house
of next Tuesday.
( coughing )
Oh, man !
Ah, bathroom's
all yours, buddy !
( giggling )
Funny.
What the heck is that ?
It's the new
sens-O-Rama Tv, Ren.
The television of next Tuesday
puts you right in the picture.
It's fun !
Here, you try.
What the--
hey, I can't see
anything.
I'll try and find
you a good station, Ren.
Wait, I, I see it,
I see it !
Today, we are cooking
something really good.
Let's-a have a
smell, okay ?
Okay !
( sniffing )
Oh, boy, that
smells-A so good,
I-a gotta smell
it again.
( sniffing )
Hey, that-a does-a
smell pretty good-A.
( slurping )
Tastes great, too !
And now we cook our
main-A course-a,
a nice-a,
big-A, fat-a lobster.
Oh, boy, I love lobster !
Look-a how fresh
and-A tender he is.
That's-a good.
Fresh and-a--
huh ?!
( screaming )
Good heavens, Ren.
What on earth
are you watching ?
( clunking )
Oh, no, I'm not
going in there.
Some cockamamie
futuristic bed
will probably
rip me to shreds.
Oh, come on, pal,
you're just tense.
You need the kind
of relaxation
only the bedroom of
next Tuesday can provide.
Well, maybe you're right.
I could use
some shuteye.
Hey, there's no bed
in this room.
Yeah, there is, Ren.
There's an
insta-Bed.
I'll set it up for us.
( buzzing )
That's it ?
Sure, look.
It says: "just add one
drop of water."
Stew, meat and puppets !
It'll never work.
It will once I get into
my utility belt.
( rumbling )
( screaming )
( snoring )
( dripping and giggling )
( screaming )
That does it !
I'm gettin' out
of here !
Rickin' rackin'...
house of
stupid Tuesday !
Oh, by the by,
did I forget to mention
that the house of next Tuesday
also features--
( slamming )
Cripes !
I wish we'd never come
to this place.
I can arrange that, Ren,
with that time machine,
over there.
Huh, time machine ?
Sure, Ren, it's a
convoluted plot device.
Well, I'll be darned,
it is a time machine.
Does that mean we can
go anywhere in time ?
Sure.
It can take us back to
before we got here.
You know, our used to be.
Or even further
back in time,
to eras where we can exploit
our knowledge of next Tuesday,
where we can live
on easy street
for the rest of our lives.
Hmm.
You know, that just
might work !
Yeah, yeah,
go to it, genius.
It's almost ready, Ren.
( clanking )
( bleeping )
( buzzing and chugging )
( screaming )
Good boy, Stimpy !
Next stop,
the past !
( jangly bells )
Whoa,
that was weird.
I, I...
( screaming )
( yelping hootenanny )
( chirping crickets )
( snoring )
( Ren )
More pastrami ?
Uh, okay.
Stimpy ?
Uh-huh.
Oh, yes, I'm putting
lots of mustard on it.
A triple-decker
cream chipped head cheese,
corned ham and pastrami on rye
with the works !
Delicious !
There you go.
Hope you like it,
buddy.
I'm afraid to ask,
but what are you doing ?
I am pushing food
into my head, Ren...
for my friend.
Your friend ?
Yeah, Ren,
the friend in my face.
( burping from within )
A friend in your face.
What kind of
dopey crap is that ?
It's true, Ren.
Since my sabbatical
in the amazon,
my head's been inhabited
by a friendly parasite
named
choo choo nong nong head.
Have a look !
Oh, brother !
Well, hello there !
Well, he's friendly,
all right.
Ah, well, this has all
been quite entertaining.
I don't think I've ever dreamed
about head parasites before.
Pretty soon I'll
find myself in the fifth grade,
taking a math test
in my underwear.
Well, I'd better get
back to bed before I wake up.
Good night, Stimpy.
Good night, Ren.
( belching from within )
( telephone ringing )
H-h-hello ?
Uh, yeah, yeah, yeah,
he's here, just a second.
It's for you, choo choo.
Uh, thank you.
Hello ?
Oh, uh,
hello, noony.
Fine.
Oh, ha-ha-ha !
By all means yes.
Stop by sometime
for a visit.
( knocking )
Whoops !
Hold on a second,
noony.
Someone's at the door.
Yes ?
How do ?
Well, here I am,
your long lost cousin,
noony bratweiler.
Hiya, cuz !
Hoo-whee, this here's
a right pretty barn.
Where do we sleep ?
I'm sorry, noony,
you can't stay here.
( giggling )
What I mean to say is...
that you can
move into
the apartment next door
free of charge !
It's been
empty for years.
Well, this place
is perfect.
I done found
myself a home.
Let's celebrate !
( rowdy southern rock )
Stimpy, wherever that
music is coming from,
make them turn it down !
Uh, huh ?
Okay, Ren.
Hey, pipe down in there,
will ya ?!
( music stops )
There, how's that,
Ren ?
Ren ?
Aw, he's sleeping
like a baby.
Well, there you are,
sleepyhead.
I was just
about to call you.
Ohh, whew !
What a night.
Lots of weird
dreams and voices.
But say, that breakfast
smells pretty good.
Well, it ought to, I was
up all morning fixing it.
Eggs Benedict, crepe Suzette,
link sausage, toast,
and "cafe oh late."
Mmm, boy,
my favorites !
What ?
Well, isn't that
a coink-ee-dink.
They're my friend in my
face's favorites, too !
What are you,
some kind of a nut case ?
This is the last straw !
I'm fed up
with you !
( Ren )
You and these
silly things
I've had enough of you...
shoot, I can't sleep with all
that hollerin' a-goin' on.
I ain't hardly
even tired no more.
Is you, piggy ?
I know what we
oughta do.
Let's wrestle !
( squealing )
Aww, pig,
yah, I say !
Come on, move !
Soo-eee !
I don't want to hear
any more about your
make-believe face friends !
( squealing )
Uh, are you
okay, Ren ?
You're acting
kinda strangely.
( knocking )
Why, cousin choo choo,
what are you doin' here ?
Hiya, noony.
Hey, I was cleaning
Stimpy's head
and I thought
you might want these
sinus scrapings
and nose nuggets
I had left over.
Thank you kindly.
Come on,
let's put it to use !
I'm planning a fine
crop come spring,
so I started makin'
me a nice compost heap.
Say, that's something.
What are
you growing ?
Why, ticks, chiggers
and head lice, of course.
Are you using
fresh manure ?
The freshest kind, son !
( mooing and farting )
( sniffing )
Ren, is that steer manure
cologne you're wearing ?
Ugh !
The stink,
the voices.
I don't understand what's
happening to me.
( gagging )
Ren, do you find
yourself waking up
with the taste of raw sewage
in your mouth ?
Uh, yes.
And has your head put on
15 or 20 pounds ?
Yes !
( weeping )
( dinging )
Ren...
this is truly a
blessed event.
You are with
head parasite.
Yipes !
But I don't want
a head parasite !
Please, Ren, please,
not in your condition.
Where are you, ya freakin'
frackin' face elf ?
Howdy, y'all !
Why, you !
( pounding thud )
Hey, Ren, better let
me handle this.
I've had lots of
parasitic experience.
( rowdy music and commotion )
Hot darn !
Excuse me, Ren,
I'll be right back.
Ahh !
Nothing like a hot
bowl of gruel
to calm one's
shattered nerves.
♪ Well, she'll be comin'
'round the mountain ♪
♪ she'll be comin'
'round the mountain ♪
♪ she'll be comin'... ♪
friend in my face,
my heiney !
Suck on this, friend !
A-ha !
Live in my face,
will you.
Ah, got you now,
you little vermin !
( squishing )
( maniacal laughter )
That'll teach
you to-- huh ?
( thumping )
( grunting )
Ahh...
a black sea lamprey.
He'll suck
that freeloader out.
Ahh !
( munching )
( shattering )
( screaming )
( panting )
( laughing )
( booming explosion )
Well, I hear thunder, but
there ain't a cloud in the sky.
( grunting )
Whoo, doggies,
bacon grease stew.
Huh ?
The pilot light's
done gone out.
This'll do her.
( screaming )
Let 'Er rip,
Charlie !
Okay, Charlie, kill it.
Yech.
This place is unfit
for habitation.
Sorry, sir, your head
is due for demolition.
Gawl, what a hole
this dump is.
I ain't stayin'
here a second longer.
But, but I don't wanna
have my head torn down.
Well, Ren, then there's
only one solution:
urbane renewal.
Of course, we'll have to
have your head renovated.
Sure, man,
anything you say.
( whistles )
Oh, Gunther.
( drilling )
( man )
Friends, parasites,
and lice alike,
welcome to
the grand, gala opening
of the glorious, new
parasite arms luxury
condominium tower.
( whistling )
I christen thee.
( shattering )
( giggling )