The Ren & Stimpy Show (1991–1996): Season 3, Episode 6 - Jiminy Lummox/Bass Masters - full transcript
Stimpy tries to remedy Ren's nasty behavior by introducing him to his conscience. Ren's conscience is played by the great guitar playing oaf, Jiminy Lummox.
( dialing phone )
( ringing )
( man )
Yello !
Hello, this is
the phone company.
And we're phoning up to warn
you about the crank caller.
Have you had
any crank calls ?
Umm, nope.
No ? Good.
Oh, and one last thing,
your mother sews my socks !
( laughing )
( ringing )
Yello.
( Ren )
Hello, is your
refrigerator running ?
Hold on, I'll check.
Umm, yes it is.
Well, you better
go catch it !
What the--
( laughing )
Why, you little--
I oughtta pound you into
the ground like a tent peg !
( ringing )
( humming )
Yello ?
Hello, this is
Colonel Sanders.
Do you have
crispy thighs ?
Doh !
( Ren humming )
Joy, joy...
( gulping )
Ah...
( man humming )
Hmm, water looks
a little heavy today.
Well, you can't get
enough minerals.
Bottoms up !
( gulping )
( chirping )
( shouting )
Listen, I can still
hear him, screaming,
screaming, screaming,
screaming !
What's with all
the screaming ?
( crying )
Why won't he stop ?
( screaming )
I'm dying, I'm dying !
Hi ya, Ren,
whatcha doing ?
Nothing.
Nothing ?
Well, then what's all
that horrible screaming
I've been hearing ?
Ralph !
My poor baby, just relax,
daddy'll make it better.
Ren, how could you ?
Don't you have
a conscience ?
Uh, a conscience ?
What the heck's
a conscience ?
He's my little friend
that makes me do right.
Man, I knew you were stupid,
but you're a nincompoop !
No, Ren, he's real.
He's good and kind and always
knows just what to say.
I know, I'll let you
have him for a while.
Oh, jimminy !
Jimminy lummox !
Now listen, you.
It's him, Ren !
It's jimminy lummox !
♪ When you wish
upon a side of beef ♪
♪ soon will come an end
to all your grief ♪
♪ but if you've
been mean or kinda bad ♪
♪ I will knock out
all your teeth ♪
that was nice.
Now will somebody get this
big fat oaf off my back ?
Duh, if you can't say
nothing nice,
don't say
something at all.
Mm-hmm !
My teef.
Where's my teef ?
Stimpy ?
♪ Great green gobs of
greasy grimy gopher guts ♪
♪ teeny-weeny
birdy's feet ♪
♪ French-fried eyeballs
smothered in a pool of blood ♪
♪ and me without
a spoon ♪
my teef !
Gimme those !
( growling )
You blithering
brain cramp !
Duh, you can't squeeze
cheese from a goat
before it's hatched.
Must not get angry.
Must not get angry.
What ?
My used celebrity
underwear-- Gone !
Where ? Who ?
Oh no, oh no !
He didn't, he didn't !
( crying )
Stimpy washed my collection of
used celebrity underwear.
I can't even tell the difference
between van Johnson's socks
and June
Allison's underwear.
Why ?
( crying )
Eh, what's wrong, Ren ?
You, why I oughtta--
Stimpy, what's
wrong with you ?
Why must you make
me so angry ?
You know I get hurt
when you make me angry.
Do you want to
get me killed ?
Unless-- of course !
That's the plan,
isn't it ?
You set me up and
he knocks me down.
Is that it ? Huh ?
Well, it won't work 'cause
I'm not gonna get mad.
I'm not getting mad.
No, sir, not me.
( laughing )
I'm happy !
Happy, happy, joy, joy,
happy, happy, joy, joy.
( laughing )
I'm happy, happy, happy,
not mad, mad, mad.
( laughing )
Mr. Happy boy, right ?
Hey, world,
am I happy enough ?
( laughing )
And now... you... die !
Mother.
( honking )
Duh, no use crying
over slim Whitman.
That's it.
Look, I can't take
any more of this hitting.
Don't you have
a conscience ?
Duh, sure.
His name's
tinkergaloot.
Let this be
a lesson to you, Ren.
You should always listen
to your conscience.
'Cause if you don't,
you'll get the shinola
beat out of you !
Shut up, you !
Duh...
me !
See !
I said, shut up.
Duh...
me !
( man )
Good morning, it's dawn.
So grab your pole
and put your canoe in the water
'cause it's time
for "bass master."
These are the trophies
of a lifetime.
They represent the triumphs
of a true sportsman.
A man who has
taken a mere sport
and elevated it to the level
of fine art.
The lake is his canvas,
the fish, his paint.
The hook, his paintbrush.
And now, let us join the master
basser himself, Ren Hoek.
Oh, hello, folks.
On today's show, we search for
the granddaddy of all fish,
the legendary
fowl-Mouth bass.
And we'll get going
as soon as I finish
tying this here fly.
Come on, man !
Breathe down
on that line.
I'm a man,
I can take it !
Well, it's 5:00 A.M.
Time to wake up
my assistant, Stimpy.
Hey, lazy bones !
Drag your worthless
butt outta bed now,
and don't forget
the worms !
Okie dokie, Ren.
Wake up, babies,
time to go to work.
Carrying the equipment is a lot
easier when you share the load.
I got the tackle
and Stimpy's got the bait.
Well, here we
are at the boat.
Ain't she a beaut ?
Hey, worm boy !
Load the stupid boat
and quit fooling around.
( alarm sounding )
( panting )
All right, first mate.
Anchors away--
( man )
Hold on,
coming aboard.
Don't tell me you're gonna fish
these treacherous waters
without an Indian guide.
You'd be two bucks
short of a bushel.
You'll need
the help of me.
Big chief, uh, Eddie,
uh, lightning frog.
Yeah, Eddie
the lightning frog.
The greatest, a whole
lot of, bunch of--
all right, already,
you can go.
( screaming )
When fishing for
the grand lunker,
all we have to do is
sit back and wait.
( male voice )
Yoo-Hoo !
Hey, hey, hey,
over here, over here !
( fish )
Hey, over here, over here,
what are ya, blind ?
( Stimpy )
Excuse me, Ren,
but I think we
should move the--
shut up,
this is the spot.
( Eddie )
Now, if you
want my advice--
what did I just say ?
This is the right spot !
Now shut up or you'll
scare away the fish !
( teeth chattering )
( growling )
That's it.
Poles up, everyone.
No use fishing now.
You just scared
away all the fish.
Hello, folks,
here we are again.
And since my idiot and his
smelly friend scared
all the fish away,
we'll just have
to lure the fish back.
That's why I fixed up this
nice, big pail of chum.
Would you just
look at that ?
Mm, mm, mm !
Yes, sir, fish will be
here any minute.
Ooh, boy !
Lookie, big Wilbur,
a fish whistle !
( whistling )
Calm down, girly,
you'll scare away the fish.
Aww, thanks, man,
I needed that.
Krackety jacks ?
Hey, yeah.
I haven't had these
since I was an Egg.
Oh, boy, this is the life,
eh, fellas ?
How do you
like that ?
These morons are catching
my fish with crappy jacks.
Okay, we've got
our fish decoys out
and the harpoon
launcher's loaded.
You see, fish love
to loiter.
And when they see
other fish hanging around,
they can't resist
the urge to join in.
And my keen fishing instincts
tell me that my prey is at hand.
Howdy-do, neighbor.
Howdy-do, neighbor.
Howdy-do, neighbor.
Howdy-do, neighbor.
What are you hanging around
with all these stiffs for ?
Hmm, still using these
outmoded fishing methods, eh ?
Fish are onto
those old tricks.
You gotta be modern,
up-To-date.
And I got the space-age
answer to your fishing
needs right here.
The Cobb co.
Pocket weasel.
Guaranteed to catch
a jillion fish.
And it fits
in your pocket.
A jillion fish, huh ?
Wow !
Hey, it does fit
in my pocket.
Hey, I wanna try.
Ooh, that's nice.
Ooh !
Huh ?
Well, look at that.
Wha...
a ten-pound crappy.
Go get yourself
a rubdown, kiddo.
Yeah, thanks, Stimpy.
Hey, save me some
kracky Jacky.
Now hold on a minute.
I just wanna
know one thing !
What's your secret ?
It's easy, Ren,
I speak fish.
Watch me now.
( gurgling )
Free pork rinds.
All right, everybody,
make yourself at home.
Would you like
a Vienna sausage ?
There he is,
Mr. Fish talk.
Fish talk,
my rosy rump !
You cheated !
I deserve
these fish, me !
Come here, you, you too,
and you guys, too.
You're coming with me.
( male voice )
Just one gosh dang ding
dong cattle frickin' minute !
( gasping )
It's Albert, Albert...
it's Albert,
the fowl-mouthed bass !
Drop those
dang-Blasted fish !
Look at you,
Mr. Big-shot sportsman.
You, with your
dang fancy gear
and mother-loving
scientific equipment.
But what do
we fish have, huh ?
Nothing !
Nothing but shattered
nerves and fish hooks.
See ?
The trouble with jerks like you
is, you don't understand fish.
I, I could learn.
Well, I shouldn't be
so nice, but... okay.
See, the trick is, you
gotta think like a fish.
So why don't you jump in
the lake and swim around,
and I'll try
and catch you.
Okay.
Are the Ren
biting today ?
Nah, nothing yet.
Wait a minute.
I think...
yes, yes...
and that's how your old grandpa
landed that pesky critter.
( ringing )
( man )
Yello !
Hello, this is
the phone company.
And we're phoning up to warn
you about the crank caller.
Have you had
any crank calls ?
Umm, nope.
No ? Good.
Oh, and one last thing,
your mother sews my socks !
( laughing )
( ringing )
Yello.
( Ren )
Hello, is your
refrigerator running ?
Hold on, I'll check.
Umm, yes it is.
Well, you better
go catch it !
What the--
( laughing )
Why, you little--
I oughtta pound you into
the ground like a tent peg !
( ringing )
( humming )
Yello ?
Hello, this is
Colonel Sanders.
Do you have
crispy thighs ?
Doh !
( Ren humming )
Joy, joy...
( gulping )
Ah...
( man humming )
Hmm, water looks
a little heavy today.
Well, you can't get
enough minerals.
Bottoms up !
( gulping )
( chirping )
( shouting )
Listen, I can still
hear him, screaming,
screaming, screaming,
screaming !
What's with all
the screaming ?
( crying )
Why won't he stop ?
( screaming )
I'm dying, I'm dying !
Hi ya, Ren,
whatcha doing ?
Nothing.
Nothing ?
Well, then what's all
that horrible screaming
I've been hearing ?
Ralph !
My poor baby, just relax,
daddy'll make it better.
Ren, how could you ?
Don't you have
a conscience ?
Uh, a conscience ?
What the heck's
a conscience ?
He's my little friend
that makes me do right.
Man, I knew you were stupid,
but you're a nincompoop !
No, Ren, he's real.
He's good and kind and always
knows just what to say.
I know, I'll let you
have him for a while.
Oh, jimminy !
Jimminy lummox !
Now listen, you.
It's him, Ren !
It's jimminy lummox !
♪ When you wish
upon a side of beef ♪
♪ soon will come an end
to all your grief ♪
♪ but if you've
been mean or kinda bad ♪
♪ I will knock out
all your teeth ♪
that was nice.
Now will somebody get this
big fat oaf off my back ?
Duh, if you can't say
nothing nice,
don't say
something at all.
Mm-hmm !
My teef.
Where's my teef ?
Stimpy ?
♪ Great green gobs of
greasy grimy gopher guts ♪
♪ teeny-weeny
birdy's feet ♪
♪ French-fried eyeballs
smothered in a pool of blood ♪
♪ and me without
a spoon ♪
my teef !
Gimme those !
( growling )
You blithering
brain cramp !
Duh, you can't squeeze
cheese from a goat
before it's hatched.
Must not get angry.
Must not get angry.
What ?
My used celebrity
underwear-- Gone !
Where ? Who ?
Oh no, oh no !
He didn't, he didn't !
( crying )
Stimpy washed my collection of
used celebrity underwear.
I can't even tell the difference
between van Johnson's socks
and June
Allison's underwear.
Why ?
( crying )
Eh, what's wrong, Ren ?
You, why I oughtta--
Stimpy, what's
wrong with you ?
Why must you make
me so angry ?
You know I get hurt
when you make me angry.
Do you want to
get me killed ?
Unless-- of course !
That's the plan,
isn't it ?
You set me up and
he knocks me down.
Is that it ? Huh ?
Well, it won't work 'cause
I'm not gonna get mad.
I'm not getting mad.
No, sir, not me.
( laughing )
I'm happy !
Happy, happy, joy, joy,
happy, happy, joy, joy.
( laughing )
I'm happy, happy, happy,
not mad, mad, mad.
( laughing )
Mr. Happy boy, right ?
Hey, world,
am I happy enough ?
( laughing )
And now... you... die !
Mother.
( honking )
Duh, no use crying
over slim Whitman.
That's it.
Look, I can't take
any more of this hitting.
Don't you have
a conscience ?
Duh, sure.
His name's
tinkergaloot.
Let this be
a lesson to you, Ren.
You should always listen
to your conscience.
'Cause if you don't,
you'll get the shinola
beat out of you !
Shut up, you !
Duh...
me !
See !
I said, shut up.
Duh...
me !
( man )
Good morning, it's dawn.
So grab your pole
and put your canoe in the water
'cause it's time
for "bass master."
These are the trophies
of a lifetime.
They represent the triumphs
of a true sportsman.
A man who has
taken a mere sport
and elevated it to the level
of fine art.
The lake is his canvas,
the fish, his paint.
The hook, his paintbrush.
And now, let us join the master
basser himself, Ren Hoek.
Oh, hello, folks.
On today's show, we search for
the granddaddy of all fish,
the legendary
fowl-Mouth bass.
And we'll get going
as soon as I finish
tying this here fly.
Come on, man !
Breathe down
on that line.
I'm a man,
I can take it !
Well, it's 5:00 A.M.
Time to wake up
my assistant, Stimpy.
Hey, lazy bones !
Drag your worthless
butt outta bed now,
and don't forget
the worms !
Okie dokie, Ren.
Wake up, babies,
time to go to work.
Carrying the equipment is a lot
easier when you share the load.
I got the tackle
and Stimpy's got the bait.
Well, here we
are at the boat.
Ain't she a beaut ?
Hey, worm boy !
Load the stupid boat
and quit fooling around.
( alarm sounding )
( panting )
All right, first mate.
Anchors away--
( man )
Hold on,
coming aboard.
Don't tell me you're gonna fish
these treacherous waters
without an Indian guide.
You'd be two bucks
short of a bushel.
You'll need
the help of me.
Big chief, uh, Eddie,
uh, lightning frog.
Yeah, Eddie
the lightning frog.
The greatest, a whole
lot of, bunch of--
all right, already,
you can go.
( screaming )
When fishing for
the grand lunker,
all we have to do is
sit back and wait.
( male voice )
Yoo-Hoo !
Hey, hey, hey,
over here, over here !
( fish )
Hey, over here, over here,
what are ya, blind ?
( Stimpy )
Excuse me, Ren,
but I think we
should move the--
shut up,
this is the spot.
( Eddie )
Now, if you
want my advice--
what did I just say ?
This is the right spot !
Now shut up or you'll
scare away the fish !
( teeth chattering )
( growling )
That's it.
Poles up, everyone.
No use fishing now.
You just scared
away all the fish.
Hello, folks,
here we are again.
And since my idiot and his
smelly friend scared
all the fish away,
we'll just have
to lure the fish back.
That's why I fixed up this
nice, big pail of chum.
Would you just
look at that ?
Mm, mm, mm !
Yes, sir, fish will be
here any minute.
Ooh, boy !
Lookie, big Wilbur,
a fish whistle !
( whistling )
Calm down, girly,
you'll scare away the fish.
Aww, thanks, man,
I needed that.
Krackety jacks ?
Hey, yeah.
I haven't had these
since I was an Egg.
Oh, boy, this is the life,
eh, fellas ?
How do you
like that ?
These morons are catching
my fish with crappy jacks.
Okay, we've got
our fish decoys out
and the harpoon
launcher's loaded.
You see, fish love
to loiter.
And when they see
other fish hanging around,
they can't resist
the urge to join in.
And my keen fishing instincts
tell me that my prey is at hand.
Howdy-do, neighbor.
Howdy-do, neighbor.
Howdy-do, neighbor.
Howdy-do, neighbor.
What are you hanging around
with all these stiffs for ?
Hmm, still using these
outmoded fishing methods, eh ?
Fish are onto
those old tricks.
You gotta be modern,
up-To-date.
And I got the space-age
answer to your fishing
needs right here.
The Cobb co.
Pocket weasel.
Guaranteed to catch
a jillion fish.
And it fits
in your pocket.
A jillion fish, huh ?
Wow !
Hey, it does fit
in my pocket.
Hey, I wanna try.
Ooh, that's nice.
Ooh !
Huh ?
Well, look at that.
Wha...
a ten-pound crappy.
Go get yourself
a rubdown, kiddo.
Yeah, thanks, Stimpy.
Hey, save me some
kracky Jacky.
Now hold on a minute.
I just wanna
know one thing !
What's your secret ?
It's easy, Ren,
I speak fish.
Watch me now.
( gurgling )
Free pork rinds.
All right, everybody,
make yourself at home.
Would you like
a Vienna sausage ?
There he is,
Mr. Fish talk.
Fish talk,
my rosy rump !
You cheated !
I deserve
these fish, me !
Come here, you, you too,
and you guys, too.
You're coming with me.
( male voice )
Just one gosh dang ding
dong cattle frickin' minute !
( gasping )
It's Albert, Albert...
it's Albert,
the fowl-mouthed bass !
Drop those
dang-Blasted fish !
Look at you,
Mr. Big-shot sportsman.
You, with your
dang fancy gear
and mother-loving
scientific equipment.
But what do
we fish have, huh ?
Nothing !
Nothing but shattered
nerves and fish hooks.
See ?
The trouble with jerks like you
is, you don't understand fish.
I, I could learn.
Well, I shouldn't be
so nice, but... okay.
See, the trick is, you
gotta think like a fish.
So why don't you jump in
the lake and swim around,
and I'll try
and catch you.
Okay.
Are the Ren
biting today ?
Nah, nothing yet.
Wait a minute.
I think...
yes, yes...
and that's how your old grandpa
landed that pesky critter.