The Ren & Stimpy Show (1991–1996): Season 3, Episode 4 - Stimpy's Cartoon Show - full transcript
Stimpy draws an animated cartoon to show to his idol, Wilbur Cobb, while Ren serves as a producer on the project.
( sharpening )
What are you doing ?
I am making an "aminated"
cartoony picture, Ren.
Just like my hero,
the godfather of
all animation,
the great Wilbur Cobb.
You see, Ren, all I have to do
is draw the exact same picture
over and over,
1,000 times per second,
and VIOLà !
I have a cartoon.
It couldn't be simpler.
Stimpy.
Yes, Ren ?
What did I tell
you about cartoons ?
Uh, they're not real and
they'll ruin your mind ?
Uh, and, uh...
oh, yeah, they're
really only puppets.
That's absolutely
correct, stupid.
So now that you've come to your
senses about this Cobb foolery,
what are you
going to do next ?
Uh, uh...
duh, I'm gonna
finish my cartoon.
Well, go ahead then !
Finish your stinky
old puppets !
See if I care !
But if you think that
I'm gonna help you,
you're barking up
the wrong thinking.
( crying )
There, there now.
Tell mama what's wrong.
I want to work on
your smelly old cartoon.
Well, that's great, Ren !
I'll go get you
some pencils !
But you don't understand.
I can't--
I can't...
( crying )
I, I can't draw !
( sobbing )
Oh, so it's like
that, is it ?
Come, come now,
it's okay, Ren.
Lots of people make
cartoons that can't draw.
You can do
something else.
Like, uh...
you can write !
I can't type.
( crying )
Well... you
can... direct !
Can you make coffee ?
Can't you see ?
I have no... talent.
( crying )
Hmm...
I got it, Ren !
You can play producer !
Producer ?
What's that ?
A producer is the guy that
tells the artist what to do
and later makes
all the changes.
And then, when the cartoon's
done, he takes all the credit.
I'll take it !
Now get to work,
deadbeat !
( evil laugh )
( whistling )
( whistling )
( no sound )
( struggling )
( panting )
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
( door creaking )
Please, god, please.
Hmm...
hmm...
( no sound )
Hey, hey, hey, hey,
you're blocking my sun !
Oh, it's you.
Well, what is it ?
The cartoon's
finished, Ren.
Would you like
to see it ?
Yeah, I suppose.
You know, you should
get out more.
So you think
you're done, huh ?
Oh, yes.
It came out
very... chunky.
I'll be the judge
of that.
Hmm...
what ?
It all looks the same.
So what do
you think ?
Eh, it's a film.
Now leave me alone, so I
can get back to producing.
Oh, joy !
Now I can show it to
my idol, Wilbur Cobb.
I will call
him right now.
You're living
in a dream world
if you think the great
Cobb will see you.
( man )
Listen, I own this town.
Built it from scratch out of
bailin' wire and blastin' caps.
( clearing throat )
Later, babe.
I got a 12:00 P.M.
And I can't do lunch.
Thursday ?
Yeah, yes, I'll get
right under it.
Well, well, girlies,
what can you do for me ?
Uh... here is the cartoon
movie I have brought
to show you,
I hope you--
shh, the walls
have teeth.
Us sight-challenged have
to stick together, you know.
Now, what is it
you have for me ?
My-- my film.
The film, the film,
of course, the film !
Have I ever told you how
we made that film ?
We spent hundreds of
millions of hours and dollars
on that film, and it was
a lot of bunch of crap,
a whole bunch of crap
and lot of...
uh, crap ?
No !
Walter lantz !
No-account son
of a bus driver.
( laughing )
Now get pitching.
If you wanna be
a genius, it's easy.
All you gotta say is,
everything stinks.
Then you're never wrong.
That's how much
of a genius I am.
That's how I got to
where I am today.
Then we got smart.
We are not-- we will
not be the janitor
of these
starry-Eyed amateurs.
( coughing )
World war I,
there I was up to
my elbows in Nazis.
Now don't get me wrong,
I'll eat just about anything.
So long as it's
easy to swallow.
Now, to make a moving picture,
you gotta have two things:
pushers and shovers.
Oh, we made mistakes,
but I don't regret it.
No, sir.
Fortunately,
everybody can't be a chief.
The chief is not only
the right-hand man,
but also
the left-hand man.
He is the short man,
he is the tall man.
From one man to another,
he is no man whatsoever.
You get that, shorty ?
( teeth chattering )
He-he.
Now get this.
They either got it or
they don't got it.
But, gosh darn it,
I can hold my water.
Until the masses cry,
"cheat the plate" !
And I say unto them...
"let the doves free !"
Any questions ?
( crying )
Can we watch
the cartoon now ?
Now that's a tough one.
I'll have to
think about it.
But in the meantime, let's
have a look at your film.
Roll 'em, Smokey !
Let's get
this over with.
( rooster crowing )
Hey, Explodey,
I'm your best girl poopy.
Ren-- I mean, Explodey,
how about a kiss ?
( giggling )
No thanks, poopy.
Now we're in
an airplane !
( laughing )
Is that you,
Explodey ?
Well, Explodey, I'm
ready for that kiss now.
I have to throw
up now, poopy.
Okay, Explodey,
I don't mind waiting.
There's nothing wrong
here in Montana, poopy.
Do you want to pick
my nose, poopy ?
Okay, here's my purse.
Hmm, haha,
I'll get the both of you.
Uh-oh.
Hmm, haha,
I'll get the both of you.
Oh, my god, Explodey !
It's peg-pelvis Pete,
come to kill us !
Hmm, haha,
I'll get the both of you.
You win this time,
Explodey.
But I'll be back.
( Poopy )
Yay, yay !
How about that
kiss now, Explodey ?
Hmm ?
Okay, poopy.
( smooching )
( explosion )
That was very
good, Skippy.
Men like you are of
dispensable value
to the future
of filmmaking.
Keep up the good work and
someday you'll be where I am.
Lights, camera, action.
( laughing )
Whew, what is
that awful smell ?
It's flod.
Did you say "log" ?
No, flod.
Is it a food ?
Is it a toy ?
( announcer )
It's neither.
It's flod, the most
perfect cube of fat ever.
It's as big
as my head.
Bigger.
Made from reconstituted
padded fat byproducts,
it's poly-extra-saturated.
It shimmers !
It sparkles !
It's still !
I'll say.
Each cube of flod is
crash-Tested for durability.
And can withstand temperatures
in excess of 2,000,000.
For all-around family fun,
you can't beat flod.
Beware of imitations.
♪ You can ♪
♪ strap it to your butt
you can wear it as a hat ♪
♪ you can show it to your dad
you can drop it on your cat ♪
♪ it's fun ♪
♪ flod ♪
♪ it's odd ♪
♪ flod ♪
♪ the most perfect
cube of fat ♪
♪ flod ♪
( announcer )
Also, glow-in-the-dark
flod for nighttime fun
and lint-magnetic flod.
What are you doing ?
I am making an "aminated"
cartoony picture, Ren.
Just like my hero,
the godfather of
all animation,
the great Wilbur Cobb.
You see, Ren, all I have to do
is draw the exact same picture
over and over,
1,000 times per second,
and VIOLà !
I have a cartoon.
It couldn't be simpler.
Stimpy.
Yes, Ren ?
What did I tell
you about cartoons ?
Uh, they're not real and
they'll ruin your mind ?
Uh, and, uh...
oh, yeah, they're
really only puppets.
That's absolutely
correct, stupid.
So now that you've come to your
senses about this Cobb foolery,
what are you
going to do next ?
Uh, uh...
duh, I'm gonna
finish my cartoon.
Well, go ahead then !
Finish your stinky
old puppets !
See if I care !
But if you think that
I'm gonna help you,
you're barking up
the wrong thinking.
( crying )
There, there now.
Tell mama what's wrong.
I want to work on
your smelly old cartoon.
Well, that's great, Ren !
I'll go get you
some pencils !
But you don't understand.
I can't--
I can't...
( crying )
I, I can't draw !
( sobbing )
Oh, so it's like
that, is it ?
Come, come now,
it's okay, Ren.
Lots of people make
cartoons that can't draw.
You can do
something else.
Like, uh...
you can write !
I can't type.
( crying )
Well... you
can... direct !
Can you make coffee ?
Can't you see ?
I have no... talent.
( crying )
Hmm...
I got it, Ren !
You can play producer !
Producer ?
What's that ?
A producer is the guy that
tells the artist what to do
and later makes
all the changes.
And then, when the cartoon's
done, he takes all the credit.
I'll take it !
Now get to work,
deadbeat !
( evil laugh )
( whistling )
( whistling )
( no sound )
( struggling )
( panting )
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
( door creaking )
Please, god, please.
Hmm...
hmm...
( no sound )
Hey, hey, hey, hey,
you're blocking my sun !
Oh, it's you.
Well, what is it ?
The cartoon's
finished, Ren.
Would you like
to see it ?
Yeah, I suppose.
You know, you should
get out more.
So you think
you're done, huh ?
Oh, yes.
It came out
very... chunky.
I'll be the judge
of that.
Hmm...
what ?
It all looks the same.
So what do
you think ?
Eh, it's a film.
Now leave me alone, so I
can get back to producing.
Oh, joy !
Now I can show it to
my idol, Wilbur Cobb.
I will call
him right now.
You're living
in a dream world
if you think the great
Cobb will see you.
( man )
Listen, I own this town.
Built it from scratch out of
bailin' wire and blastin' caps.
( clearing throat )
Later, babe.
I got a 12:00 P.M.
And I can't do lunch.
Thursday ?
Yeah, yes, I'll get
right under it.
Well, well, girlies,
what can you do for me ?
Uh... here is the cartoon
movie I have brought
to show you,
I hope you--
shh, the walls
have teeth.
Us sight-challenged have
to stick together, you know.
Now, what is it
you have for me ?
My-- my film.
The film, the film,
of course, the film !
Have I ever told you how
we made that film ?
We spent hundreds of
millions of hours and dollars
on that film, and it was
a lot of bunch of crap,
a whole bunch of crap
and lot of...
uh, crap ?
No !
Walter lantz !
No-account son
of a bus driver.
( laughing )
Now get pitching.
If you wanna be
a genius, it's easy.
All you gotta say is,
everything stinks.
Then you're never wrong.
That's how much
of a genius I am.
That's how I got to
where I am today.
Then we got smart.
We are not-- we will
not be the janitor
of these
starry-Eyed amateurs.
( coughing )
World war I,
there I was up to
my elbows in Nazis.
Now don't get me wrong,
I'll eat just about anything.
So long as it's
easy to swallow.
Now, to make a moving picture,
you gotta have two things:
pushers and shovers.
Oh, we made mistakes,
but I don't regret it.
No, sir.
Fortunately,
everybody can't be a chief.
The chief is not only
the right-hand man,
but also
the left-hand man.
He is the short man,
he is the tall man.
From one man to another,
he is no man whatsoever.
You get that, shorty ?
( teeth chattering )
He-he.
Now get this.
They either got it or
they don't got it.
But, gosh darn it,
I can hold my water.
Until the masses cry,
"cheat the plate" !
And I say unto them...
"let the doves free !"
Any questions ?
( crying )
Can we watch
the cartoon now ?
Now that's a tough one.
I'll have to
think about it.
But in the meantime, let's
have a look at your film.
Roll 'em, Smokey !
Let's get
this over with.
( rooster crowing )
Hey, Explodey,
I'm your best girl poopy.
Ren-- I mean, Explodey,
how about a kiss ?
( giggling )
No thanks, poopy.
Now we're in
an airplane !
( laughing )
Is that you,
Explodey ?
Well, Explodey, I'm
ready for that kiss now.
I have to throw
up now, poopy.
Okay, Explodey,
I don't mind waiting.
There's nothing wrong
here in Montana, poopy.
Do you want to pick
my nose, poopy ?
Okay, here's my purse.
Hmm, haha,
I'll get the both of you.
Uh-oh.
Hmm, haha,
I'll get the both of you.
Oh, my god, Explodey !
It's peg-pelvis Pete,
come to kill us !
Hmm, haha,
I'll get the both of you.
You win this time,
Explodey.
But I'll be back.
( Poopy )
Yay, yay !
How about that
kiss now, Explodey ?
Hmm ?
Okay, poopy.
( smooching )
( explosion )
That was very
good, Skippy.
Men like you are of
dispensable value
to the future
of filmmaking.
Keep up the good work and
someday you'll be where I am.
Lights, camera, action.
( laughing )
Whew, what is
that awful smell ?
It's flod.
Did you say "log" ?
No, flod.
Is it a food ?
Is it a toy ?
( announcer )
It's neither.
It's flod, the most
perfect cube of fat ever.
It's as big
as my head.
Bigger.
Made from reconstituted
padded fat byproducts,
it's poly-extra-saturated.
It shimmers !
It sparkles !
It's still !
I'll say.
Each cube of flod is
crash-Tested for durability.
And can withstand temperatures
in excess of 2,000,000.
For all-around family fun,
you can't beat flod.
Beware of imitations.
♪ You can ♪
♪ strap it to your butt
you can wear it as a hat ♪
♪ you can show it to your dad
you can drop it on your cat ♪
♪ it's fun ♪
♪ flod ♪
♪ it's odd ♪
♪ flod ♪
♪ the most perfect
cube of fat ♪
♪ flod ♪
( announcer )
Also, glow-in-the-dark
flod for nighttime fun
and lint-magnetic flod.