The Ren & Stimpy Show (1991–1996): Season 3, Episode 2 - A Yard Too Far/Circus Midgets - full transcript

Stimpy, I'm wasting
away from lack of food.

I'm nothing but
skin and bones.

Yeah, I'm nothing
but skin and fat.

Oh...

( sniffing )

Stimpy, what is that
delicious aroma ?

( sniffing )

Mmm...

go look and see
what smells so good.

Hey, Ren !

It's your favorite.



Hog jowls.

Hog jowls ?

Food for me,
food for me !

Wait a minute,
I'm not stupid.

I've seen cartoons
like this before.

If I set foot
in that yard,

I'll probably get ripped to
shreds by some enormous dog.

Go look again and
see if there's a dog.

Yes, sir !

Hmm... no, no dog.

Oh, boy !

( growling )

( Ren )
No, no, let go !

( screaming )



There's no dog,
but there's a baboon.

That's it !

Good.

The baboon's asleep.

( snickering )

( snickering )

Now get in there and
get me those jowls.

Well, soon we eat.

( snoring )

( farting )

( gasping )

Well, what
have we here ?

Hmm, well, I'll be.

Looks like one of the hog jowls
fell outta the window.

Aww, shoot.

It got all filthy.

Well, we can't
let it go to waste.

( whistling )

Here, boy,
come and get it.

( growling )

( blubbering )

I've gotta hand
it to you, Stimpy.

This is your
best idea yet.

( snoring )

( growling )

Oh, no, Ren,
he's gonna get us.

Relax, watch this.

( breathing heavily )

( snoring )

Oh, honey,
there you are.

I'm glad you're home

'cause it's your turn
to be mauled by the baboon.

Now go on, honey.

You remember what the man
at the pet store said

about nurturing
his natural behavior ?

Besides, what's the use of
having a bloodthirsty

primate around
the house if you can't

get mauled once
in a while ?

Atta girl.

This old gag never fails.

( whistling )

I saw it in a "Sylvester
the chicken" cartoon once.

( giggling )

( whispering )

Yoo hoo--

( high voice )
Oh, yoo-hoo,
Mr. Baboon.

( giggling )

Hey, big boy,
me love you long time.

( giggling )

( giggling )

You dog, you.

Oh, for me ?

How sweet.

Why, I can't wait
to try it out.

( gurgling )

( laughing bashfully )

Oh, you shouldn't have !

Chocolates for me ?
Oh, it's so sinful.

I shouldn't eat sweets,
but I'll have just one.

( gulp )

Wheee !

Joy !

I now pronounce you
simian and wife.

You may kiss
the puppet.

( smooching )

( wedding march )

( Stimpy )
Oh, Ren,
look what I've got.

( screaming )

Dinner is served.

My hog jowls.

Served open-faced,
just like you like it.

Go ahead, dig in.

Stimpy, you are
my true friend.

I'll gnaw to that.

( gasping )

Hey, Ren, it's a car.

Come on, Ren, smile !

We'll get
a ride today, Ren.

Just you wait and see.

Why, I'll wager the very
next car will pick us up.

Shut up !

You've been saying
that for three years.

Shut up !

( honking )

( laughing )

( laughing )

( Ren still laughing )

What were you
just laughing at ?

Was you laughing at me
and my friend here ?

Uh...

maybe it's me.

I'm a little funny in the head,
but I think we amuse you.

Is that it ?

We are here
for your amusement ?

Is that why you were
laughing at us ?

Oh, no.

I wasn't
laughing at you.

Oh, you didn't
laugh then ?

Well, I--

well, you see, I find that very
funny because I could've sworn

I heard you laugh.

Are we clowns to you ?
Is that it ?

Do we look like clowns ?

Umm... yes.

We do, don't we ?

Is it good to
see you boys.

We were starting
to get lonesome.

Allow me to
introduce myself.

I'm shlomo.

And he's momo.

We make people laugh.

Shake.

Gosh, it's nice to
make new friends.

Say, how'd you
like to smell this ?

How corny.

The old squirting
flower trick.

But as I am somewhat
parched from my travails,

what the hey.

( laugh track )

Hey, what are you
trying to pull ?

Have a cigar.

But we don't...

smoke.

Well, how do
they look ?

Hmm...
they're adorable.

You're both now
part of the act.

Come on, sit up, beg.

( whistling )

Eh, go peddle your
kippers elsewhere, clown.

Sit up !

Beg !

Dance !

Do the iron cross.

Now do a half gainer
with a triple twist.

Now relax !

( panting )

Okay, come here.

You think you can
jump through this hoop ?

Hoop ?

Oh, no, nothing doing,
we got our pride.

Aww, come on, fellas.

Think of the fame,
the fortune !

You'll be
show-Biz legends.

You wanna be show-biz
legends, don't you ?

Yes, I guess we do.

Just think, Ren,
fame and fortune await us.

We gotta go water the flowers,
so don't move from this car.

Stimpy, these clowns
got screws loose !

They're psychotic !

We gotta get outta here,
they're gonna kill us !

Besides, I gotta go
water the flowers, too.

I know, we'll
ask the driver.

Maybe he'll let us out.

Excuse me, Mr. Driver,
could you let us out ?

Thanks.

Boy, have I got to
go to the bath--

thanks, boy, have I--

thanks...

( laughing loudly )

♪ Our country reeks of trees
our yaks are really large ♪

it's so nice to have
an audience with which

to share our hilarity.

( laugh track )

( siren )

Cripes, it's the cops !

The cops ?

No dad-blasted cops are
gonna ruin our good time.

Okay, men,
this is war !

Yes, sir,
your shortness.

Ammo !

Huh ?

You need oil.

( laughing )

( screeching )

( screaming )

Come on, Stimpy,
we're free !

We'll get a ride, Ren.

We did last time.

And we nearly
became circus stars,

suffered minor
third-Degree burns,

and survived a collision
with the side of a mountain.

And on top of that,

we get to keep these
cool clown clothes !

( man )
Need a lift, do ya ?

Hop in !

Circus midgets.

( teeth chattering )

( sounds of beating )
(Empty Line)
( Ren & Stimpy )
Ow ! Ooh ! Ow !