The Ren & Stimpy Show (1991–1996): Season 2, Episode 9 - The Great Outdoors/The Cat That Laid the Golden Hairball - full transcript
Camping at a lakeside wood, Ren and Stimpy go about making a pleasant camping trip. Faced with dehydrated food, mosquito squadrons and eccentric skinny dippers, the great outdoors shows that it has it's share of challenges for the pair. Next, Ren exploits Stimpy's hairball habit upon hearing the price of this rare commodity soar. A production line (featuring Kowalksi as a laborer) is where Ren extracts the over-priced and disgusting fur from his swiftly balding friend Stimpy.
( whistling )
Oh, joy !
What a
beautiful day !
We're gonna spend the whole
weekend really roughing it,
just like the animals !
Yes, sir, it's back
to nature for us !
Right, Ren ?
Will you shut up ?
I don't want to rough
anything, so shut up !
( giggling )
Shut up, all right ?
Well, I'm hungry !
Don't tell me you didn't
bring any food.
Here we go, Ren.
Dehydrated
food pills.
What ?
Just like
the primitive man ate.
See, there's pills
for meat, cheese,
vegetables, grain,
tacos, applesauce.
Now, that is
truly disgusting.
Pills for food.
Hmm !
I'll have
the red meat pill.
Uh-uh-uh, Ren !
The red meat
dinner pill
is only for
the ruggedest of people.
Since you wanna
make it easy,
why don't you try
a nice creamed
spinach pill ?
I'll show you
who's rugged !
Give me that
meat pill !
Okay, Ren, okay.
But first
you have to add Wa--
shut up !
I know what
I'm doing.
Mm.
Cowboys
delight dinner.
I'm a cowboy.
Waah !
( gulps )
( sighs )
( rumbles )
No, sir,
I don't like it.
Gosh, Ren,
isn't this beautiful ?
Huh ?
Hey, you know what
would be fun ?
Let's go
skinny dipping.
What ?
Are you crazy ?
Oh, come on, Ren,
you'll like it.
No !
It's all right,
Ren.
It's nature.
( gasps )
( wolf whistle )
Come on in, Ren,
the water's fine.
I don't know.
What if someone
sees me ?
We're in the middle
of nowhere.
Who's gonna see you ?
Hmm.
Well, that water does
look pretty inviting.
( unzipping )
Okay, here I come !
No fair.
Huh ?
Oh, no.
Oh, come on, Ren.
Mm-mm.
Come on !
Well... okay.
( dings )
Well, hello there !
This feels great !
Come on,
let's frolic.
( gargling )
( giggling )
Skinny dipping.
I just love
skinny dipping !
Hey, fellers !
( soaring whistle )
How're you
fellers doing ?
Beautiful day,
isn't it ?
Boy, it sure is
nice to find other guys
who are comfortable with
their nakedity, like me.
Say, you know
who'd like this ?
Ma !
Hey, ma !
Hello, men !
( shattering )
I'm off to
pick berries, Ren.
Yeah, yeah.
Will you light
the fire while I'm gone ?
What ?
Do I have to do everything
around here ?
You know I'm lost
without you.
How am I supposed
to light this thing ?
Rub two
twigs together !
Twigs ?
What are
twigs ?
( squealing )
( scraping )
( buzzing )
( popping )
( belches )
( buzzing )
Ah, bah !
That's no way
to light a fire.
This is !
Yes, sir, this will
get her going.
( flowing )
Ahhh...
one roaring campfire,
coming up !
( explosion )
( screaming )
Ahh !
Hang on there,
young feller,
I'll save you.
( pounding )
I just love
skinny stomping.
After stomping
your campfire,
always douse the embers
and stir the ashes
with a stick.
( chattering )
( crash )
Aren't the stars
beautiful, Ren ?
Yeah, they are.
This roughing it stuff
is great, Stimpy.
Why don't we sleep
under the stars tonight ?
Okay, pal.
( snoring )
( insect buzzing )
( growling )
( gulping )
( screams )
( sighs )
( snoring )
( heart beating )
( loud buzzing )
( rooster crowing )
Oh, man,
what a feast !
Oh, I'll never do
that again.
Oh, I'm stuffed.
( burping )
I don't know
about you guys,
but I'm gonna lay me
some eggs.
I hear you, man.
( yawning )
Man, did I
sleep good !
How'd you sleep, Ren ?
Oh, I slept all right.
This outdoors stuff
sure makes you thirsty.
Ah, cool, fresh,
virgin
spring water.
Sweet lord, no !
You can't drink
that water, Ren !
Beavers do their business
in that water !
If you drink it,
you could get beaver fever !
( growls )
Beaver fever ?
Would you
mind telling me
what I am supposed
to drink, then ?
Don't worry, Ren.
I always bring a supply
of clean, pure,
unpolluted water.
( gasps )
( gulps )
Ah, thanks,
Stimpy.
You saved my--
( screaming )
I don't feel
so good.
( clattering )
Hey !
My ears !
( screams )
Oh, dear !
Beaver fever !
Look what you've
done to me now !
You fat, bloated,
stupid idiot !
( whopping )
Ahh !
I just love
skinny slappin'.
( birds chirping )
( yawning )
I think
I'll watch some tube.
( squishing )
( growls )
I'm surrounded
by filthy, dirty,
stinky hairballs !
Oh, when Stimpy
gets home,
oh, what I'm
going to do to him !
( stomping )
( man on television )
We interrupt your regularly
scheduled program
for this news flash !
Oh, boy,
mayhem !
Top scientists have discovered
that feline hairballs
are an excellent
source of non-polluting fuel.
They're the perfect material
for manufacturing
the space shuttle's heat shield.
They're a better source of
material for clothing
than either cotton or wool !
They have more
fiber than oat bran !
They even cure pinkeye !
The price of hairballs has
been rising steadily,
and by the end of the week,
they are expected to be more
valuable than gold !
( Ren )
They're wet !
They're vile !
They're stinky !
But I love
them !
( laughs )
( Stimpy )
Ren ?
Stimpy !
Are you
all right ?
Please, Stimpy,
do wharf a mighty pile
of golden fleece upon
my grateful crown.
( churning
and rumbling )
Wharf !
( giggling )
At last, I can have
those pectoral implants.
( slurping )
( dings )
Mm-hmm,
good texture.
( dinging )
( whistles )
Stimpy,
snap it up !
Hmm.
Uh, hey,
Ren--
( crashing )
Shut up and lick
your other arm !
( slurping )
( scratching )
( percolating )
( dinging )
( farts )
Hey, mister, get back
on that line
and start wharfing !
But, Ren...
I need fuel to
make hairballs
and I'm fresh out.
Ugh, I guess you can
lick off my hair.
Come on, come on.
Get it
over with.
( slurping )
( shuddering )
That makes
my flesh crawl.
Stop it !
You've rendered
me hairless.
Now get to wharfing !
( wheezes )
I guess you weren't
hairy enough, Ren.
( laughing )
Uncle Ren got
licked for nothing.
Hmm.
Bubba...
yes, uncle Ren ?
Extend to Stimpy your
powerfully hairy arm.
( slurping )
( gulps )
Ugh.
Where are
you going ?
Your plate's
still full.
( wolf howling )
( groans )
( laughing )
Now that
feels purty.
Hey, buddy !
You think you're ready
to wharf some hairballs ?
I think so.
Then get
to it, man !
Time is money !
( gagging )
( both chanting )
Wharf ! Wharf ! Wharf !
( grunting )
Wharf ! Wharf !
Wharf ! Wharf ! Wharf !
( straining )
Wharf ! Wharf ! Wharf !
Wharf ! Wharf ! Wharf !
( grunting )
( gagging )
( gurgling )
No !
( thumping )
Oh, Bubba, come lend
Stimpy a hand.
Yes, uncle Ren.
Squeeze that
monkey, Bubba !
That's it,
Stimpy !
Let her rip !
( retching )
Hmm, why, there's
nothing in here
but a bunch of
useless bones and organs.
Hmm, this is serious.
Well, we'll have to
do an exploratory.
An exploratory ?
What's that ?
Show him, Bubba !
( snap )
Well, what do
you see ?
Nothing.
It's dark.
Use your flashlight,
stupid.
That's better.
( squishing )
( bird cawing )
( horn honking )
I think
I found it.
It's his
hairball gland.
I think it's broke.
It can't.
Without hairballs,
he's only half a cat.
Stimpy, I...
( sighs )
I've got to
make hairballs.
There, there, big fellow.
Just lay back
and relax.
But Ren,
what about your
pectoral implants ?
Yeah.
( crying )
When a cat loses
its hairball gland,
it's-- it's--
it's over !
It's over !
Yeah, it's over !
Captioning made possible by
comedy central
Captioned by
Soundwriters™
Oh, joy !
What a
beautiful day !
We're gonna spend the whole
weekend really roughing it,
just like the animals !
Yes, sir, it's back
to nature for us !
Right, Ren ?
Will you shut up ?
I don't want to rough
anything, so shut up !
( giggling )
Shut up, all right ?
Well, I'm hungry !
Don't tell me you didn't
bring any food.
Here we go, Ren.
Dehydrated
food pills.
What ?
Just like
the primitive man ate.
See, there's pills
for meat, cheese,
vegetables, grain,
tacos, applesauce.
Now, that is
truly disgusting.
Pills for food.
Hmm !
I'll have
the red meat pill.
Uh-uh-uh, Ren !
The red meat
dinner pill
is only for
the ruggedest of people.
Since you wanna
make it easy,
why don't you try
a nice creamed
spinach pill ?
I'll show you
who's rugged !
Give me that
meat pill !
Okay, Ren, okay.
But first
you have to add Wa--
shut up !
I know what
I'm doing.
Mm.
Cowboys
delight dinner.
I'm a cowboy.
Waah !
( gulps )
( sighs )
( rumbles )
No, sir,
I don't like it.
Gosh, Ren,
isn't this beautiful ?
Huh ?
Hey, you know what
would be fun ?
Let's go
skinny dipping.
What ?
Are you crazy ?
Oh, come on, Ren,
you'll like it.
No !
It's all right,
Ren.
It's nature.
( gasps )
( wolf whistle )
Come on in, Ren,
the water's fine.
I don't know.
What if someone
sees me ?
We're in the middle
of nowhere.
Who's gonna see you ?
Hmm.
Well, that water does
look pretty inviting.
( unzipping )
Okay, here I come !
No fair.
Huh ?
Oh, no.
Oh, come on, Ren.
Mm-mm.
Come on !
Well... okay.
( dings )
Well, hello there !
This feels great !
Come on,
let's frolic.
( gargling )
( giggling )
Skinny dipping.
I just love
skinny dipping !
Hey, fellers !
( soaring whistle )
How're you
fellers doing ?
Beautiful day,
isn't it ?
Boy, it sure is
nice to find other guys
who are comfortable with
their nakedity, like me.
Say, you know
who'd like this ?
Ma !
Hey, ma !
Hello, men !
( shattering )
I'm off to
pick berries, Ren.
Yeah, yeah.
Will you light
the fire while I'm gone ?
What ?
Do I have to do everything
around here ?
You know I'm lost
without you.
How am I supposed
to light this thing ?
Rub two
twigs together !
Twigs ?
What are
twigs ?
( squealing )
( scraping )
( buzzing )
( popping )
( belches )
( buzzing )
Ah, bah !
That's no way
to light a fire.
This is !
Yes, sir, this will
get her going.
( flowing )
Ahhh...
one roaring campfire,
coming up !
( explosion )
( screaming )
Ahh !
Hang on there,
young feller,
I'll save you.
( pounding )
I just love
skinny stomping.
After stomping
your campfire,
always douse the embers
and stir the ashes
with a stick.
( chattering )
( crash )
Aren't the stars
beautiful, Ren ?
Yeah, they are.
This roughing it stuff
is great, Stimpy.
Why don't we sleep
under the stars tonight ?
Okay, pal.
( snoring )
( insect buzzing )
( growling )
( gulping )
( screams )
( sighs )
( snoring )
( heart beating )
( loud buzzing )
( rooster crowing )
Oh, man,
what a feast !
Oh, I'll never do
that again.
Oh, I'm stuffed.
( burping )
I don't know
about you guys,
but I'm gonna lay me
some eggs.
I hear you, man.
( yawning )
Man, did I
sleep good !
How'd you sleep, Ren ?
Oh, I slept all right.
This outdoors stuff
sure makes you thirsty.
Ah, cool, fresh,
virgin
spring water.
Sweet lord, no !
You can't drink
that water, Ren !
Beavers do their business
in that water !
If you drink it,
you could get beaver fever !
( growls )
Beaver fever ?
Would you
mind telling me
what I am supposed
to drink, then ?
Don't worry, Ren.
I always bring a supply
of clean, pure,
unpolluted water.
( gasps )
( gulps )
Ah, thanks,
Stimpy.
You saved my--
( screaming )
I don't feel
so good.
( clattering )
Hey !
My ears !
( screams )
Oh, dear !
Beaver fever !
Look what you've
done to me now !
You fat, bloated,
stupid idiot !
( whopping )
Ahh !
I just love
skinny slappin'.
( birds chirping )
( yawning )
I think
I'll watch some tube.
( squishing )
( growls )
I'm surrounded
by filthy, dirty,
stinky hairballs !
Oh, when Stimpy
gets home,
oh, what I'm
going to do to him !
( stomping )
( man on television )
We interrupt your regularly
scheduled program
for this news flash !
Oh, boy,
mayhem !
Top scientists have discovered
that feline hairballs
are an excellent
source of non-polluting fuel.
They're the perfect material
for manufacturing
the space shuttle's heat shield.
They're a better source of
material for clothing
than either cotton or wool !
They have more
fiber than oat bran !
They even cure pinkeye !
The price of hairballs has
been rising steadily,
and by the end of the week,
they are expected to be more
valuable than gold !
( Ren )
They're wet !
They're vile !
They're stinky !
But I love
them !
( laughs )
( Stimpy )
Ren ?
Stimpy !
Are you
all right ?
Please, Stimpy,
do wharf a mighty pile
of golden fleece upon
my grateful crown.
( churning
and rumbling )
Wharf !
( giggling )
At last, I can have
those pectoral implants.
( slurping )
( dings )
Mm-hmm,
good texture.
( dinging )
( whistles )
Stimpy,
snap it up !
Hmm.
Uh, hey,
Ren--
( crashing )
Shut up and lick
your other arm !
( slurping )
( scratching )
( percolating )
( dinging )
( farts )
Hey, mister, get back
on that line
and start wharfing !
But, Ren...
I need fuel to
make hairballs
and I'm fresh out.
Ugh, I guess you can
lick off my hair.
Come on, come on.
Get it
over with.
( slurping )
( shuddering )
That makes
my flesh crawl.
Stop it !
You've rendered
me hairless.
Now get to wharfing !
( wheezes )
I guess you weren't
hairy enough, Ren.
( laughing )
Uncle Ren got
licked for nothing.
Hmm.
Bubba...
yes, uncle Ren ?
Extend to Stimpy your
powerfully hairy arm.
( slurping )
( gulps )
Ugh.
Where are
you going ?
Your plate's
still full.
( wolf howling )
( groans )
( laughing )
Now that
feels purty.
Hey, buddy !
You think you're ready
to wharf some hairballs ?
I think so.
Then get
to it, man !
Time is money !
( gagging )
( both chanting )
Wharf ! Wharf ! Wharf !
( grunting )
Wharf ! Wharf !
Wharf ! Wharf ! Wharf !
( straining )
Wharf ! Wharf ! Wharf !
Wharf ! Wharf ! Wharf !
( grunting )
( gagging )
( gurgling )
No !
( thumping )
Oh, Bubba, come lend
Stimpy a hand.
Yes, uncle Ren.
Squeeze that
monkey, Bubba !
That's it,
Stimpy !
Let her rip !
( retching )
Hmm, why, there's
nothing in here
but a bunch of
useless bones and organs.
Hmm, this is serious.
Well, we'll have to
do an exploratory.
An exploratory ?
What's that ?
Show him, Bubba !
( snap )
Well, what do
you see ?
Nothing.
It's dark.
Use your flashlight,
stupid.
That's better.
( squishing )
( bird cawing )
( horn honking )
I think
I found it.
It's his
hairball gland.
I think it's broke.
It can't.
Without hairballs,
he's only half a cat.
Stimpy, I...
( sighs )
I've got to
make hairballs.
There, there, big fellow.
Just lay back
and relax.
But Ren,
what about your
pectoral implants ?
Yeah.
( crying )
When a cat loses
its hairball gland,
it's-- it's--
it's over !
It's over !
Yeah, it's over !
Captioning made possible by
comedy central
Captioned by
Soundwriters™