The Ren & Stimpy Show (1991–1996): Season 2, Episode 4 - Sven Hoek - full transcript
Craving intellectual stimulation, and resenting Stimpy's idiocy, Ren talks highly of his cousin Sven who is said to be visiting shortly. On arrival, it is revealed that Sven has more in common with Stimpy than in Ren, and his frustration turns to mania. Will Stimpy and Sven, who act like messy, idiotic brats survive Ren's wrath?
Captioning made possible by
comedy central
♪ what rolls down stairs
alone or in pairs ♪
♪ rolls over your
neighbor's dog ? ♪
♪ What's great for a snack
and fits on your back ? ♪
♪ It's log, log, log ♪
( announcer )
Hey, kids !
Start jumping up and down
like idiots,
because look what's new
from log this time !
It's all-new
action log !
With realistic
facial moss !
And you can dress new
action log for adventure
with these great new
action outfits !
There's log of Arabia...
officer log...
athletic log...
and cheerleader log.
You can explore
uncharted arctic terrain
with sergeant log,
of the Yukon !!
And get set for
super secret spy action
with agent double-o-log.
And how about the all-new
log lion tamer play set ?
And girls, you'll swoon
when you hear singing log.
( operatic )
♪ Laa, la, la, la
la, la, la ♪
♪ la, la, la
la, laa ♪
( applause )
Look out, earthlings !
Here comes the mysterious
log from mars !
Kids, you can be
just like dad
with the armchair quarterback
adventure play set.
( burp )
And you'll have hours of fun
playing doctor
with the log authentic
civil war first aid station !
( screaming )
Yes, when it's this much fun,
it must be log.
♪ It's log, log ♪
♪ it's big, it's heavy
it's wood ♪
♪ it's log, log ♪
♪ it's better than bad
it's good ♪
♪ everyone wants a log ♪
♪ you're gonna love it
log ♪
♪ come on and
get your log ♪
♪ everyone needs a log ♪
( accordion music )
( crickets chirping )
( rooster crows )
( gibbering )
You're an idiot.
I am so sick of
your stupidity.
Thank heaven my cousin Sven
is coming to visit.
I still remember
the days when Sven and I
were in the
whelping box together.
I can hardly wait to have
an intellectual
conversation again.
( alarm buzzing )
Ahh, excuse me, Ren.
It's time for
my appointment !
( laughing maniacally )
( gibbering )
That's it !
I've had enough of
your tomfoolery !
( doorbell rings )
Cousin Sven !
He's here !
Now, you're gonna meet
a dog with real breeding.
He's a Hoek.
He's got my blood.
At last, cousin,
come on in !
Say something intelligent.
Duh, he is Ollie,
you are Sven.
He is Ollie,
you are Sven.
Sven, get in here,
you old yak gelder !
I want you to meet
my friend, Stimpy.
He's an idiot.
Wow... !
Stimpy, say hello to
a superior creature.
Duh, hello,
superior creature !
Duh, he is Ollie,
you are Sven.
He is Ollie, you are Sven.
Is that the face of
intelligence or what ?
Turn around,
you sick little monkey !
Hee !
Haw !
Whee !
Wah... !
Wa-Wu-Wa !
Whee-ahh ! Whee-ahh !
I'll go get some
refreshments.
Stimpy,
help Sven unpack.
Duh, okay !
( rattling )
( honk honk )
Duh, you are
my new friend.
I share with you.
Say, what's that ?
It's my jar of spit.
I've been saving it
since I was a child.
You saved your spit ?
Wait here !
I wanna show you
something.
Look !
It's my magic
nose goblins.
Jiminy !
I picked them myself.
Look what I have
for you !
Wow !
What is it ?!
It's my ball
of band-aids.
I've saved every band-aid
I've ever used.
Here, this one's from 1962.
Joy !
Whoops !
Uh, I'll get it.
What's that ?
Oh, that's just my brain.
It's always
falling out.
Willikers !
It's so big !
I know.
( banging, crash )
( cranking,
bomb falling )
( water drop )
You want to see mine ?
Okay !
( snap ! )
Golly !
( humming )
( screaming )
Hey, Ren !
Your cousin
is the coolest !
We're lodge brothers.
We both belong to the
loyal order of stupids !
Yah, and now we show you
our secret handshake.
( laughter )
( snap )
( giggling )
( kettle boiling,
whistling )
( giggling )
Give me !
( laughing )
( cackling laughter )
Now, cut that out !
I am going
to work now.
So don't do
anything stupid !
( shrieking )
Let's play
seek and hide !
Okay.
9, 11...
k, fjord...
one hundred !
Okay, here I comin' !
I'm looking
for you now !
I'm finding you !
I'm hiding
in the closet !
Like an idiot !
Hey !
What is this
beautiful thing ?
Duh, it's my first
material possession.
Can I have some ?
Sure, hop in.
Stimpy... ?
I love this !
I know.
( fart )
Hey !
This is private !
What shall we do now ?
I know,
let's play circus !
( swishing )
Look at me !
I am a juggler !
( swoosh,
splat splat )
( sawing )
And I am
a bearded lady !
( sawing )
And I'm a sword
swallower !
Ahh...
( gulping )
Whoops.
( giggling )
( Stimpy sighs )
I hate rainy days.
Yah, and me too.
( record scratches )
I know,
let's play a game !
( fart )
Hmm, let's see.
There's "scribble",
and "gamey",
and "monotony",
and "purecheesey".
"Misery date".
These are boring games.
( squeals )
Joy !
Joy !
It's the funnest game
in the whole wide world !
"Don't whiz on
the electric fence" !
♪ Don't whiz on ♪
♪ the electric fence ♪
you set up the board, and
I'll go plug in the fence.
( electrical crackle )
( laughing )
Eight !
1, 6, 13...
eight.
Duh, your turn,
brother Stimpy.
I... knew it !
Get dirt everywhere !
( boiling water )
Well, at least I'm home.
I can follow my
intellectual pursuits.
My opera records !!
Covered in
bubblegum !!
( screaming )
( glass shatters )
My collection of rare
incurable diseases !
Violated !
Noooo !!!
My dinosaur droppings !
Painted like
easter eggs !!
( screaming )
You !
Idiots !
( smack )
You... !
Both of you !
Oh, what I'm gonna
do to you...
I'm so angry !
First, I'm gonna
tear your lips out.
Yeah... that's what
I'm gonna do.
And then, I'm gonna...
gouge your eyes out.
( squishing,
rumbling )
Yeah...
that's what
I'm gonna do.
We don't like this, Ren.
Yeah, you scaring us.
Good...
you're scared, huh ?
Next...
I'm gonna... tear your arms
out of the sockets !
( whimpering )
And you wanna know
what else ?
I'm gonna hit ya !
And you're
gonna fall.
And I'm gonna look down,
and I'm gonna laugh.
( sobbing )
But first...
first !!
I gotta take a whiz !
Don't you go
anywhere !
You stay right here.
Right on this spot.
I'll be back !
What's this
stupid thing ?
That's a game, Ren.
Yah, it's really fun.
( electrical buzzing )
Oh, you like this game ?
Yeah, Ren.
We love it.
Oh, you like
the game, huh ?
Do you reeeeally
like it ?
It's our favorite game
in the whole world.
Oh, you like
the game, huh ?
Well, how do you
like... this ?!
( tinkling )
( crackling )
So, you whizzed on the
electric fence, didn't you ?
♪ Don't whiz on ♪
♪ the electric fence ♪
eeeee !
Shh !
( announcer )
And now, kids...
It's time for the
Muddy Mudskipper Show !
♪ Who's the greatest
mudskipper of them all ? ♪
♪ Who can skip through the mud
with the greatest of ease ♪
♪ what kind of
wonderful guy ? ♪
♪ Who can crawl like a dog
without scraping his knees ♪
♪ who's got
segmented eyes ? ♪
♪ It's muddy
mudskipper ♪
♪ it's muddy
mudskipper ♪
♪ it's the muddy ♪
♪ mud ♪
♪ skipper show ♪
And now, a word
from our sponsor.
The Muddy Mudskipper Show
is brought to you by
Gritty Kitty Litter.
Hello, friends.
Of course, you know that
when it comes to absorbency,
odor control,
and, of course, flavor,
gritty kitty is the best
litter money can buy.
But did you know
that gritty kitty
now comes with
a prize inside ?
That's right,
in every bag
there's a neat prize
waiting for you !
Collect them all !
There's the shaven yak
litter box caddy !
A baloney sandwich !
( belching )
A live crab !
A junior barbell set !
Real dynamite !
( blast )
A fake toe !
A real toe !
( scream )
A fish clip !
And don't forget,
after you're through,
make sure to cut out
the free mask,
printed on the back
of every bag.
Remember, if it doesn't say
"gritty kitty",
it stinks.
Oh boy, Stimpy, we sure had
fun today, didn't we ?
So long, kids.
Come on, Stimpy,
say goodbye.
Duh, where
are we going ?
The show's over.
See you next time.
Next time ?
When's that ?
It's pretty soon,
don't worry.
Pretty soon ?!
How long is that ?!
In a little while, man.
( sobbing )
What'll we do
'til then ?
Why, you could
floss your toes !
Or you could eat
olive loaf.
Or, you could
blow yourself up,
like a balloon !
Blow myself up !
Duh, goodbye, kids !
See you next time !
Goodbye, folks.
Captioning made possible by
comedy central
Captioned by
Soundwriters™
comedy central
♪ what rolls down stairs
alone or in pairs ♪
♪ rolls over your
neighbor's dog ? ♪
♪ What's great for a snack
and fits on your back ? ♪
♪ It's log, log, log ♪
( announcer )
Hey, kids !
Start jumping up and down
like idiots,
because look what's new
from log this time !
It's all-new
action log !
With realistic
facial moss !
And you can dress new
action log for adventure
with these great new
action outfits !
There's log of Arabia...
officer log...
athletic log...
and cheerleader log.
You can explore
uncharted arctic terrain
with sergeant log,
of the Yukon !!
And get set for
super secret spy action
with agent double-o-log.
And how about the all-new
log lion tamer play set ?
And girls, you'll swoon
when you hear singing log.
( operatic )
♪ Laa, la, la, la
la, la, la ♪
♪ la, la, la
la, laa ♪
( applause )
Look out, earthlings !
Here comes the mysterious
log from mars !
Kids, you can be
just like dad
with the armchair quarterback
adventure play set.
( burp )
And you'll have hours of fun
playing doctor
with the log authentic
civil war first aid station !
( screaming )
Yes, when it's this much fun,
it must be log.
♪ It's log, log ♪
♪ it's big, it's heavy
it's wood ♪
♪ it's log, log ♪
♪ it's better than bad
it's good ♪
♪ everyone wants a log ♪
♪ you're gonna love it
log ♪
♪ come on and
get your log ♪
♪ everyone needs a log ♪
( accordion music )
( crickets chirping )
( rooster crows )
( gibbering )
You're an idiot.
I am so sick of
your stupidity.
Thank heaven my cousin Sven
is coming to visit.
I still remember
the days when Sven and I
were in the
whelping box together.
I can hardly wait to have
an intellectual
conversation again.
( alarm buzzing )
Ahh, excuse me, Ren.
It's time for
my appointment !
( laughing maniacally )
( gibbering )
That's it !
I've had enough of
your tomfoolery !
( doorbell rings )
Cousin Sven !
He's here !
Now, you're gonna meet
a dog with real breeding.
He's a Hoek.
He's got my blood.
At last, cousin,
come on in !
Say something intelligent.
Duh, he is Ollie,
you are Sven.
He is Ollie,
you are Sven.
Sven, get in here,
you old yak gelder !
I want you to meet
my friend, Stimpy.
He's an idiot.
Wow... !
Stimpy, say hello to
a superior creature.
Duh, hello,
superior creature !
Duh, he is Ollie,
you are Sven.
He is Ollie, you are Sven.
Is that the face of
intelligence or what ?
Turn around,
you sick little monkey !
Hee !
Haw !
Whee !
Wah... !
Wa-Wu-Wa !
Whee-ahh ! Whee-ahh !
I'll go get some
refreshments.
Stimpy,
help Sven unpack.
Duh, okay !
( rattling )
( honk honk )
Duh, you are
my new friend.
I share with you.
Say, what's that ?
It's my jar of spit.
I've been saving it
since I was a child.
You saved your spit ?
Wait here !
I wanna show you
something.
Look !
It's my magic
nose goblins.
Jiminy !
I picked them myself.
Look what I have
for you !
Wow !
What is it ?!
It's my ball
of band-aids.
I've saved every band-aid
I've ever used.
Here, this one's from 1962.
Joy !
Whoops !
Uh, I'll get it.
What's that ?
Oh, that's just my brain.
It's always
falling out.
Willikers !
It's so big !
I know.
( banging, crash )
( cranking,
bomb falling )
( water drop )
You want to see mine ?
Okay !
( snap ! )
Golly !
( humming )
( screaming )
Hey, Ren !
Your cousin
is the coolest !
We're lodge brothers.
We both belong to the
loyal order of stupids !
Yah, and now we show you
our secret handshake.
( laughter )
( snap )
( giggling )
( kettle boiling,
whistling )
( giggling )
Give me !
( laughing )
( cackling laughter )
Now, cut that out !
I am going
to work now.
So don't do
anything stupid !
( shrieking )
Let's play
seek and hide !
Okay.
9, 11...
k, fjord...
one hundred !
Okay, here I comin' !
I'm looking
for you now !
I'm finding you !
I'm hiding
in the closet !
Like an idiot !
Hey !
What is this
beautiful thing ?
Duh, it's my first
material possession.
Can I have some ?
Sure, hop in.
Stimpy... ?
I love this !
I know.
( fart )
Hey !
This is private !
What shall we do now ?
I know,
let's play circus !
( swishing )
Look at me !
I am a juggler !
( swoosh,
splat splat )
( sawing )
And I am
a bearded lady !
( sawing )
And I'm a sword
swallower !
Ahh...
( gulping )
Whoops.
( giggling )
( Stimpy sighs )
I hate rainy days.
Yah, and me too.
( record scratches )
I know,
let's play a game !
( fart )
Hmm, let's see.
There's "scribble",
and "gamey",
and "monotony",
and "purecheesey".
"Misery date".
These are boring games.
( squeals )
Joy !
Joy !
It's the funnest game
in the whole wide world !
"Don't whiz on
the electric fence" !
♪ Don't whiz on ♪
♪ the electric fence ♪
you set up the board, and
I'll go plug in the fence.
( electrical crackle )
( laughing )
Eight !
1, 6, 13...
eight.
Duh, your turn,
brother Stimpy.
I... knew it !
Get dirt everywhere !
( boiling water )
Well, at least I'm home.
I can follow my
intellectual pursuits.
My opera records !!
Covered in
bubblegum !!
( screaming )
( glass shatters )
My collection of rare
incurable diseases !
Violated !
Noooo !!!
My dinosaur droppings !
Painted like
easter eggs !!
( screaming )
You !
Idiots !
( smack )
You... !
Both of you !
Oh, what I'm gonna
do to you...
I'm so angry !
First, I'm gonna
tear your lips out.
Yeah... that's what
I'm gonna do.
And then, I'm gonna...
gouge your eyes out.
( squishing,
rumbling )
Yeah...
that's what
I'm gonna do.
We don't like this, Ren.
Yeah, you scaring us.
Good...
you're scared, huh ?
Next...
I'm gonna... tear your arms
out of the sockets !
( whimpering )
And you wanna know
what else ?
I'm gonna hit ya !
And you're
gonna fall.
And I'm gonna look down,
and I'm gonna laugh.
( sobbing )
But first...
first !!
I gotta take a whiz !
Don't you go
anywhere !
You stay right here.
Right on this spot.
I'll be back !
What's this
stupid thing ?
That's a game, Ren.
Yah, it's really fun.
( electrical buzzing )
Oh, you like this game ?
Yeah, Ren.
We love it.
Oh, you like
the game, huh ?
Do you reeeeally
like it ?
It's our favorite game
in the whole world.
Oh, you like
the game, huh ?
Well, how do you
like... this ?!
( tinkling )
( crackling )
So, you whizzed on the
electric fence, didn't you ?
♪ Don't whiz on ♪
♪ the electric fence ♪
eeeee !
Shh !
( announcer )
And now, kids...
It's time for the
Muddy Mudskipper Show !
♪ Who's the greatest
mudskipper of them all ? ♪
♪ Who can skip through the mud
with the greatest of ease ♪
♪ what kind of
wonderful guy ? ♪
♪ Who can crawl like a dog
without scraping his knees ♪
♪ who's got
segmented eyes ? ♪
♪ It's muddy
mudskipper ♪
♪ it's muddy
mudskipper ♪
♪ it's the muddy ♪
♪ mud ♪
♪ skipper show ♪
And now, a word
from our sponsor.
The Muddy Mudskipper Show
is brought to you by
Gritty Kitty Litter.
Hello, friends.
Of course, you know that
when it comes to absorbency,
odor control,
and, of course, flavor,
gritty kitty is the best
litter money can buy.
But did you know
that gritty kitty
now comes with
a prize inside ?
That's right,
in every bag
there's a neat prize
waiting for you !
Collect them all !
There's the shaven yak
litter box caddy !
A baloney sandwich !
( belching )
A live crab !
A junior barbell set !
Real dynamite !
( blast )
A fake toe !
A real toe !
( scream )
A fish clip !
And don't forget,
after you're through,
make sure to cut out
the free mask,
printed on the back
of every bag.
Remember, if it doesn't say
"gritty kitty",
it stinks.
Oh boy, Stimpy, we sure had
fun today, didn't we ?
So long, kids.
Come on, Stimpy,
say goodbye.
Duh, where
are we going ?
The show's over.
See you next time.
Next time ?
When's that ?
It's pretty soon,
don't worry.
Pretty soon ?!
How long is that ?!
In a little while, man.
( sobbing )
What'll we do
'til then ?
Why, you could
floss your toes !
Or you could eat
olive loaf.
Or, you could
blow yourself up,
like a balloon !
Blow myself up !
Duh, goodbye, kids !
See you next time !
Goodbye, folks.
Captioning made possible by
comedy central
Captioned by
Soundwriters™