The Ren & Stimpy Show (1991–1996): Season 2, Episode 2 - Ren's Toothache/Big House Blues - full transcript
Ren learns the benefits of dental hygiene the hard way, as he refuses to listen to Stimpy's advice on brushing your teeth. Then Ren and Stimpy are tossed in the pound, where they discover the true meaning of 'going to sleep'.
( crickets chirping )
( snoring )
( scraping )
( drilling,
scraping )
( squirting )
( drilling )
What are you doing,
man ?
Duh, I am brushing
my teeth, Ren.
Boy, what a waste of time.
You'll be sorry when
all your teeth fall out.
Oh, you're
talking kid stuff.
Crazy stuff.
I've never
brushed before,
and I'm not
about to start now.
Well, maybe
you should, Ren,
if you want to have
a nice smile like mine.
Eeeee...
( Nbc jingle plays )
Ah, big deal.
I'll show you a smile.
( bubbling )
( snoring )
Ohh !
Stimpy.
My tooth...
it hurts !
Why, Stimpy, why ?!
There, there, now.
I know it hurts.
Why does it hurt ?
Did I ever tell you the story
about the tooth beaver, Ren ?
Tell me a story.
Well, you see, Ren,
inside every mouth
there are teeth,
and wherever
there's teeth,
you'll find
the tooth beaver.
And where you find
the tooth beaver,
you'll find
a nerve ending.
( growling )
Now, your nerve endings
are the tastiest part
of your body,
and your tooth beaver
knows this.
( screams )
Ohh-ho.
Well, hello, Ren.
I guess you're ready to brush
your teeth with me tonight.
Oh, no,
you don't.
I told you before,
brushing your teeth
is for humans.
Kid stuff.
Crazy stuff.
( drilling )
( grinding )
Peeew !
This place is too stinky,
even for me !
Oh, man !
( flies )
Taste... taste...
taste...
taste...
taste...
taste !
Cripes !
What is that smell ?
Oh, gee !
( coughs )
Man !
I don't know, man,
but it's ruining my meal.
Hey, hey, hey, hey,
hey, hey, hey, hey !
We're trying
to eat here !
And you stand here,
airing out your stinky
old gumholes !
What are you
trying to do ?
Make us puke ?!
( sobbing )
What's wrong, Ren ?
Stimpy,
I've been a fool.
I should have
brushed my teeth,
but now my teeth,
they're gone.
And all I have left...
are stinky holes.
Hmm...
aw, look on
the bright side, Ren.
At least you still got
your nerve endings.
My nerve endings ?
What good are they
gonna do me ?!
Would you like me to
tell you a little story ?
( gasps )
A story.
If you put your nerve endings
under your pillow tonight,
the nerve ending fairy...
will come and
take them away.
And she'll leave you
hundred-Dollar bills.
Then you can buy
new teeth !
Oh, Stimpy !
You are my friend.
( crickets chirping )
( snoring )
( "Dance of the Sugarplum
Fairies" playing )
I smell something
stinky !
( squeaking )
Ah !
Come here,
you little rascals.
( squeaking )
Well, time to pay up.
Hmm...
out of bills.
Wait.
Here we go.
Ball of lint.
That's good enough
for him.
( rooster crows )
Morning !
Good morning, Ren !
Oh, is it time
for my mush ?
Oh, Stimpy !
Happy birthday, Ren !
For me ?
You shouldn't have.
Why...
it's beautiful.
Go ahead,
try it on.
Wow !
Oh, Stimpy !
I wuv my new tooth !
Thank you !
( squeaking )
♪ What rolls down stairs
alone or in pairs ♪
♪ rolls over your
neighbor's dog ? ♪
♪ What's great for a snack
and fits on your back ? ♪
♪ It's log, log, log ♪
( announcer )
Hey, kids !
Wait 'til you see what's new
from the amazing world of log !
Start heading for
the store right now
because you can't live
without the all-new...
puppet show log !
The variable speed
electro log...
G.I. Log...
girls, you'll love
baby-Wet-myself log...
and you boys will have hours
of fun playing fort
with frontier log !
Everyone will marvel at
the visible log...
and invisible log.
You'll wanna be the first
on your block
to sport the new line
of log wear !
Like the log helmet...
and snug fitting
log underwear for petite...
and portly sizes.
Rush to buy the new
log lunch box.
Learn about nature with the
anatomically correct log...
and visit distant worlds
with the log of tomorrow !
And, boy, will your friends'
eyes bug out of their skulls
when they see your new
super deluxe ultra log !
Hurry, rush to the store
'cause supplies can't last
on products this good !
♪ It's log, log ♪
♪ it's big, it's heavy
it's wood ♪
♪ it's log, log ♪
♪ it's better than bad
it's good ♪
♪ everyone wants a log ♪
♪ you're gonna love it
log ♪
♪ come on and
get your log ♪
♪ everyone needs a log ♪
batteries not included.
( narrator )
Now, believe it or not,
I've been known to lie.
But this here's
a true story.
The desire for food sometimes
makes strange bedfellers.
And that's where Ren Hoek
and Stimpy come in.
That's Hoek,
you idiot.
Not hoooke.
Natural enemies in the wild,
the cat and
the asthma hound chihuahua
have united in the face
of adversity.
Now, old man hunger was just
a-Gnawing at their bellies.
Why, heck, even
a dad-gum crust of bread
could look mighty
appetizing.
Excepting, of course,
if it happened to be some
other feller's lunch.
And old man pigeon wasn't
about to give up his meal.
( thunder )
Well, it looks like old man
lady luck just about run out
on these two fellers.
But always remember,
when the black, hoary
clouds of despair
darken your doorstep,
look for that
one ray of hope,
come a-shining down
from above.
♪ Hallelujah ♪
hot diggity dog !
I filled my quota
for the day !
( man )
You boys are gonna
like this place.
We're gonna have
a lot of fun here.
You boys like to
have fun, don't you ?
Yeah, sure.
Fun.
Anything you say.
Go ahead, have fun.
See if I care.
Yeah !
This is the life.
A square meal a day,
a roof over your head.
What do you
think, boys ?
Yes, food, shelter.
Yep, nothing can
go wrong here.
Take it from Phil !
Hey, jasper.
Where are they
taking Phil ?
He's going to sleep.
( yawning )
Oh, great.
I could use
a nap myself.
( snoring )
( rooster crowing )
Oh, my darling.
My little cucaracha.
I kiss your sleep-encrusted
eyes of morning.
I caress your
large, bulbous nose.
Let us join lips
in one final sweet
exchange of saliva.
( screaming )
I've been poisoned !
I must wash myself.
What's the matter
with you, man ?
Have you no
sense of hygiene ?
Hey, jasper,
where's Phil ?
I told you,
they put him to sleep.
So wake him up !
You don't wake up
from the big sleep.
The big sleep.
The big sleep ?
The big sleep ?
The big sleep ?
( crying )
What's the big
sleep, Ren ?
It's dead !
Dead, you idiot !
Do you know
what dead is ?
Just like we'll be,
if we don't
get outta here !
( crying )
What ?
Don't do it, Ren.
I'm covered
with hairballs.
You filthy dope !
You fat, bloated idiot !
You worm !
You stupid--
mommy, mommy, I want
the cute little poodle !
Oh, he's adorable !
I'm gonna take you home
and love you and feed you
and fix you and kiss you
and everything !
( laughing )
I'm alive, I'm alive,
I'm alive, I'm alive...
I'm out of here !
( grunting )
Stop !
You can't have me,
unless you take
Stimpy, too.
Yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah !
Please, please,
god, please !
Mmm... okay !
Oh, just look at you
cute little things.
What's this ?
And do we have a gift for
our big, brainless puddy ?
Of course we do, yeah.
My first material
possession !
Oh, joy !
I can hardly
wait to try it.
( coughing )
Captioning made possible by
comedy central
Captioned by
Soundwriters™
( snoring )
( scraping )
( drilling,
scraping )
( squirting )
( drilling )
What are you doing,
man ?
Duh, I am brushing
my teeth, Ren.
Boy, what a waste of time.
You'll be sorry when
all your teeth fall out.
Oh, you're
talking kid stuff.
Crazy stuff.
I've never
brushed before,
and I'm not
about to start now.
Well, maybe
you should, Ren,
if you want to have
a nice smile like mine.
Eeeee...
( Nbc jingle plays )
Ah, big deal.
I'll show you a smile.
( bubbling )
( snoring )
Ohh !
Stimpy.
My tooth...
it hurts !
Why, Stimpy, why ?!
There, there, now.
I know it hurts.
Why does it hurt ?
Did I ever tell you the story
about the tooth beaver, Ren ?
Tell me a story.
Well, you see, Ren,
inside every mouth
there are teeth,
and wherever
there's teeth,
you'll find
the tooth beaver.
And where you find
the tooth beaver,
you'll find
a nerve ending.
( growling )
Now, your nerve endings
are the tastiest part
of your body,
and your tooth beaver
knows this.
( screams )
Ohh-ho.
Well, hello, Ren.
I guess you're ready to brush
your teeth with me tonight.
Oh, no,
you don't.
I told you before,
brushing your teeth
is for humans.
Kid stuff.
Crazy stuff.
( drilling )
( grinding )
Peeew !
This place is too stinky,
even for me !
Oh, man !
( flies )
Taste... taste...
taste...
taste...
taste...
taste !
Cripes !
What is that smell ?
Oh, gee !
( coughs )
Man !
I don't know, man,
but it's ruining my meal.
Hey, hey, hey, hey,
hey, hey, hey, hey !
We're trying
to eat here !
And you stand here,
airing out your stinky
old gumholes !
What are you
trying to do ?
Make us puke ?!
( sobbing )
What's wrong, Ren ?
Stimpy,
I've been a fool.
I should have
brushed my teeth,
but now my teeth,
they're gone.
And all I have left...
are stinky holes.
Hmm...
aw, look on
the bright side, Ren.
At least you still got
your nerve endings.
My nerve endings ?
What good are they
gonna do me ?!
Would you like me to
tell you a little story ?
( gasps )
A story.
If you put your nerve endings
under your pillow tonight,
the nerve ending fairy...
will come and
take them away.
And she'll leave you
hundred-Dollar bills.
Then you can buy
new teeth !
Oh, Stimpy !
You are my friend.
( crickets chirping )
( snoring )
( "Dance of the Sugarplum
Fairies" playing )
I smell something
stinky !
( squeaking )
Ah !
Come here,
you little rascals.
( squeaking )
Well, time to pay up.
Hmm...
out of bills.
Wait.
Here we go.
Ball of lint.
That's good enough
for him.
( rooster crows )
Morning !
Good morning, Ren !
Oh, is it time
for my mush ?
Oh, Stimpy !
Happy birthday, Ren !
For me ?
You shouldn't have.
Why...
it's beautiful.
Go ahead,
try it on.
Wow !
Oh, Stimpy !
I wuv my new tooth !
Thank you !
( squeaking )
♪ What rolls down stairs
alone or in pairs ♪
♪ rolls over your
neighbor's dog ? ♪
♪ What's great for a snack
and fits on your back ? ♪
♪ It's log, log, log ♪
( announcer )
Hey, kids !
Wait 'til you see what's new
from the amazing world of log !
Start heading for
the store right now
because you can't live
without the all-new...
puppet show log !
The variable speed
electro log...
G.I. Log...
girls, you'll love
baby-Wet-myself log...
and you boys will have hours
of fun playing fort
with frontier log !
Everyone will marvel at
the visible log...
and invisible log.
You'll wanna be the first
on your block
to sport the new line
of log wear !
Like the log helmet...
and snug fitting
log underwear for petite...
and portly sizes.
Rush to buy the new
log lunch box.
Learn about nature with the
anatomically correct log...
and visit distant worlds
with the log of tomorrow !
And, boy, will your friends'
eyes bug out of their skulls
when they see your new
super deluxe ultra log !
Hurry, rush to the store
'cause supplies can't last
on products this good !
♪ It's log, log ♪
♪ it's big, it's heavy
it's wood ♪
♪ it's log, log ♪
♪ it's better than bad
it's good ♪
♪ everyone wants a log ♪
♪ you're gonna love it
log ♪
♪ come on and
get your log ♪
♪ everyone needs a log ♪
batteries not included.
( narrator )
Now, believe it or not,
I've been known to lie.
But this here's
a true story.
The desire for food sometimes
makes strange bedfellers.
And that's where Ren Hoek
and Stimpy come in.
That's Hoek,
you idiot.
Not hoooke.
Natural enemies in the wild,
the cat and
the asthma hound chihuahua
have united in the face
of adversity.
Now, old man hunger was just
a-Gnawing at their bellies.
Why, heck, even
a dad-gum crust of bread
could look mighty
appetizing.
Excepting, of course,
if it happened to be some
other feller's lunch.
And old man pigeon wasn't
about to give up his meal.
( thunder )
Well, it looks like old man
lady luck just about run out
on these two fellers.
But always remember,
when the black, hoary
clouds of despair
darken your doorstep,
look for that
one ray of hope,
come a-shining down
from above.
♪ Hallelujah ♪
hot diggity dog !
I filled my quota
for the day !
( man )
You boys are gonna
like this place.
We're gonna have
a lot of fun here.
You boys like to
have fun, don't you ?
Yeah, sure.
Fun.
Anything you say.
Go ahead, have fun.
See if I care.
Yeah !
This is the life.
A square meal a day,
a roof over your head.
What do you
think, boys ?
Yes, food, shelter.
Yep, nothing can
go wrong here.
Take it from Phil !
Hey, jasper.
Where are they
taking Phil ?
He's going to sleep.
( yawning )
Oh, great.
I could use
a nap myself.
( snoring )
( rooster crowing )
Oh, my darling.
My little cucaracha.
I kiss your sleep-encrusted
eyes of morning.
I caress your
large, bulbous nose.
Let us join lips
in one final sweet
exchange of saliva.
( screaming )
I've been poisoned !
I must wash myself.
What's the matter
with you, man ?
Have you no
sense of hygiene ?
Hey, jasper,
where's Phil ?
I told you,
they put him to sleep.
So wake him up !
You don't wake up
from the big sleep.
The big sleep.
The big sleep ?
The big sleep ?
The big sleep ?
( crying )
What's the big
sleep, Ren ?
It's dead !
Dead, you idiot !
Do you know
what dead is ?
Just like we'll be,
if we don't
get outta here !
( crying )
What ?
Don't do it, Ren.
I'm covered
with hairballs.
You filthy dope !
You fat, bloated idiot !
You worm !
You stupid--
mommy, mommy, I want
the cute little poodle !
Oh, he's adorable !
I'm gonna take you home
and love you and feed you
and fix you and kiss you
and everything !
( laughing )
I'm alive, I'm alive,
I'm alive, I'm alive...
I'm out of here !
( grunting )
Stop !
You can't have me,
unless you take
Stimpy, too.
Yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah !
Please, please,
god, please !
Mmm... okay !
Oh, just look at you
cute little things.
What's this ?
And do we have a gift for
our big, brainless puddy ?
Of course we do, yeah.
My first material
possession !
Oh, joy !
I can hardly
wait to try it.
( coughing )
Captioning made possible by
comedy central
Captioned by
Soundwriters™