The Ren & Stimpy Show (1991–1996): Season 2, Episode 11 - A Visit to Anthony - full transcript
Ren and Stimpy visit a young fan at his home.
( rooster crows )
( cheers & applause )
( Ren Hoek )
We interrupt this program
for a special report.
This is ace reporter, Ren Hoek
here in times square
to have a word
with our returning boys.
( kissing smacks )
Ah, here's one now.
( kissing continues )
Excuse me,
Mr. Horse.
That's private horse,
civilian.
Tell me,
private horse,
how does it feel
to be home ?
Mmm...
( ding )
Good !
Mighty good.
Yes, sir,
I think America
is the greatest country
in the world.
Yes, sir,
I like it.
How do you feel about
the president's decisions
during this
terrible crisis ?
Hmm... president.
Gotta know about
the president, ey ?
All right, if that's
the way it is.
I think the president
did what he had to do.
A lot of people suffered,
including me.
But I would have
done the same thing,
had I been in his hooves.
Yes, sir,
I would.
It's our duty to make
America a safe place
for our kids to graze in.
Say...
who's this
pretty lady ?
Is that your
fiancee ?
No, it's my sheep !
Well, there you have it,
straight from the horse's mouth.
I'm Ren Hoek,
ace reporter.
( gloomy chorus )
♪ Oh oh oh oh... ♪
♪ oh oh oh oh... ♪
( baa )
( clucking )
( moo )
I just love to hear
from our fans,
don't you, Stimpy ?
Duh, yeah, Ren !
Hey, listen to
this one !
It's from
little Anthony.
He says, "dear Ren
and Stimpy,
"I hope you can
visit us in our country...
( Anthony )
The united states of America.
And please bring
your costumes.
Signed, Anthony.
Whaddaya say, Ren ?
Sure thing, pal.
Joy !
Hee hee, happy !
Well, we'd better
kiss the wives good-bye.
( smooch )
( wet smooch )
( deep voice )
Hee hee hee.
( screeching )
( frogs croaking )
Well, we're off
to America.
( sloshing )
( bubbling )
( panting )
( bubbling )
( Anthony )
It's Ren and Stimpy, mom !
Oh, boy !
They're my favorite
cartoon characters !
Can I keep 'em ?
Well...
we'll have to
ask your father.
But it's all right
with me.
Yipeee !
We're gonna have
so much fun together !
Oh, wait 'til your
father sees !
Hey, fellas,
let's play !
I have the real
Ren and Stimpy !
Hey !
Will you make me
laugh in person ?
You guys are
so funny !
Oh, pffft !
I know !
Will you do that thing
where your eyes bug out
and veins fill up on 'em
and you look all ugly
and everything ?
Wise up, kid,
that's a trick.
It's done with puppets
and stew meat.
What ?!
( hyperventilating )
Ren, at least
give it a try.
He loves you !
Hmm...
okay, kid, watch.
I'll show you
the secret.
Yay, yay !
Ow, ow ow ow ow !
Ow, ow-ow-ow-ow
ow, ow, ow !
Wow, let me try !
Hey, it's my turn !
( laughing )
( lullaby )
You guys are
my best friends.
Let's never go to sleep.
Never go to...
never go to...
go...
to sleep...
( plopping )
( Anthony gasps )
What... ?
No, no !
What are you doing ?
Cartoon characters
don't do that !
Oh, for--
( hyperventilating )
( gasp )
Anthony !
You're
hyperventilating !
Oh, my poor baby !
What did
they do to you ?
Shame on you !
What, what ?
What did we do ?
( Mother )
You're destroying
his youthful fantasies !
I hope for your sake
father doesn't
find out about this !
( sobbing )
( sobbing fades )
My word !
People.
Let's get some things
straight here.
I don't like you.
I don't like
cartoons.
You're here
for one reason...
my son, Anthony
likes you.
And as long as
you're good to my boy,
you can stay.
But if you do anything
to destroy his beliefs
( tearfully )
Or harm him in any way,
so... help... me.
( sobbing )
Ex-- Excuse me.
Don't you even put
that picture in my head !
Do we understand
each other ?
( both )
We understand very well.
( Anthony )
Daddy ?
( gasps )
Daddy... ?
Yes, son ?
Can Ren and Stimpy
come out and play ?
Oh, yes, son.
You should play with
your swell, new friends.
Remember what I said.
( tires pealing )
( panting )
( bomb falling )
Eee...
uhh...
ugh !
( Anthony )
Oh, no !
It's victor,
the school bully.
Don't make him mad.
Who's your new friends,
Anthony ?
Look, victor, don't
you recognize them ?
It's Ren and Stimpy,
the famous cartoon stars.
Oh, yeah, sure.
You're not Ren Hoek,
you're not even a chihuahua.
You're some kind of deformed
mosquito or somethin'.
Don't talk to me
like that.
I'm a Hollywood big shot.
( boiling )
Oh, yeah ?
I'll twist
your head off !
Ah ha ha ha ha ha !
Oh-- oh, and I suppose
you're Stimpy,
the stupid cat ?
Here, I'll give you
something you'll really like.
Happy... happy...
joy... joy...
( punching thuds )
( jazzy music
on radio )
Hey !
You can't do that
to my friends !
I'll show you !
( honk, crunch, crunch )
( snap )
Like I even believe
a fart like you
would be friends
with Ren and Stimpy !
Next time I see you, kid,
you're dead meat !
Ha ha ha ha ha ha !
( jazz music )
Nice goin', son.
Heh... heh, heh.
Ha ha ha ha !
Ha ha ha ha !
( crow caws )
( bells ring )
( Anthony
hyperventilating )
( bells ringing )
Oh, no, he's
hyperventilating again !
( crunching & squishing )
Come on, kid,
snap out of it !
( uneven ticking )
( wind howling )
What's all
the commotion ?
( gunshot )
No...
no !
Snap out of it,
I tell you !
( emotionally )
Get off.
Get off my son !
( thunder rumbles )
Ohh... oh, Anthony,
my beloved child !
( sobbing )
( weeping )
I know I strayed
from your path
and maybe I don't go
to church often enough,
but you know
I'm a good man.
I don't ask for much.
But I'm asking
for this one thing.
Please...
don't take my boy from me.
Give him a couple more
good weeks.
( crying )
I didn't do it, man.
All right, you two,
you march into the house.
Meet me in the den !
( thunder rumbles )
( birds chirping )
( sobbing )
You-- You're gonna
be all right, boy.
Just take it easy.
Be brave with me,
hush, now.
Daddy...
will make them pay !
( soft whimper )
( door slams )
( ominous music )
( flames roaring )
( scraping )
Oh, ho ho...
ah !
You guys
are big shots !
Ha ha !
Big shots
from Hollywood !
Is that what makes you
feel big, huh ?!
Pushing
little boys around ?
You feel like big men
playing with little boys'
feelings, huh ?!
You Hollywood types
make me sick !!
You think because
you come from... Hollywood
you can push decent
people around.
People who
work for a living !
I work my fingers
to the bone
to feed my wife and...
( whimpering )
My boy, Anthony.
Oh, Anthony, you've
got to pull through.
( sobbing )
I bet you wussies
never worked a stinkin' day
in your stinkin'
little lives.
Show me your hands !
Just as I thought,
soft as a baby's head.
Well, look at
these hands.
These are the hands
of a working man !
What'd you ever do
for society anyway ?
Just what do you do
to earn your keep ?
Uh... well,
we make people laugh.
Real hard work,
making people laugh.
Did you go to school
to make people laugh ?
Listen !
I make people
laugh, too !
But nobody
gives me money !
You wanna hear a joke ?
Hee hee hee...
well, I...
I'll tell ya
a joke.
And you're
gonna laugh !
All right,
here's the joke.
You ready ?
Why did they bury
the fireman--
ha ha ha ha ha--
behind the hill ?
Ha ha ha ha.
Come on,
funny guys, huh ?
Huh, huh ?
Why ?
( both )
We don't know why they buried
the fireman behind the hill.
I'll tell you why.
Because he was...
dead !
Ha ha ha ha !
That's pretty good,
huh, Ren ?
Maybe we can use that.
All right,
funny guys...
I wanna know
something.
I just wanna
know one thing.
Just one thing
from you !!
So what makes you
guys move, anyway ?
( deflating sound )
( gurgling )
Oop !
Ha ha ha ha ha !
Ha ha ha ha ha !
That's the funniest thing
I've ever seen in my life !
Ha ha ha !
Do it again,
ah ha ha ha !
( gurgling )
Wharf !
( hysterical laughter )
Hey, honey,
bring Anthony in here !
Ya gotta see this !
Hey, funny guys,
do it again for my boy.
( gurgling )
Wharf !
( hysterical laughter )
Oh, my goodness,
that is funny.
Do it again !
Whaarf !
( screaming laughter )
I really love
those guys.
Ah, ha ha ha !
( muffled chatter )
( narrator )
Today, we're at the U.N.
For a global summit
to discuss the current
world crisis.
Today's residing chairman
is Mr. Horse.
( Stimpy )
Mr. Horse,
today we face a world crisis.
Yet, while initial indications
would suggest
a political backwash
that characterizes
the devastating
brouhaha we face today,
your administration has
refused to budge
on these
compromise proposals !
Nevertheless, many believe
a relief effort
emphasizing the
urgency of the situation
would serve as sort of
a catalyst
during a slow,
global upswing.
Foreign interest may be
moderately optimistic,
but superpower
co-Sponsors have left
a generally negative
impression
in the wake
of political failure.
Well, Mr. Horse,
what I'm getting at is,
just what is your opinion of
the world situation today ?!
( whispering )
Hmm...
las cucarachas entran,
pero no pueden salir.
No sir,
he doesn't like it.
( narrator )
Thank you, Mr. Horse.
Captioning made possible by
comedy central
Captioned by
Soundwriters™
( cheers & applause )
( Ren Hoek )
We interrupt this program
for a special report.
This is ace reporter, Ren Hoek
here in times square
to have a word
with our returning boys.
( kissing smacks )
Ah, here's one now.
( kissing continues )
Excuse me,
Mr. Horse.
That's private horse,
civilian.
Tell me,
private horse,
how does it feel
to be home ?
Mmm...
( ding )
Good !
Mighty good.
Yes, sir,
I think America
is the greatest country
in the world.
Yes, sir,
I like it.
How do you feel about
the president's decisions
during this
terrible crisis ?
Hmm... president.
Gotta know about
the president, ey ?
All right, if that's
the way it is.
I think the president
did what he had to do.
A lot of people suffered,
including me.
But I would have
done the same thing,
had I been in his hooves.
Yes, sir,
I would.
It's our duty to make
America a safe place
for our kids to graze in.
Say...
who's this
pretty lady ?
Is that your
fiancee ?
No, it's my sheep !
Well, there you have it,
straight from the horse's mouth.
I'm Ren Hoek,
ace reporter.
( gloomy chorus )
♪ Oh oh oh oh... ♪
♪ oh oh oh oh... ♪
( baa )
( clucking )
( moo )
I just love to hear
from our fans,
don't you, Stimpy ?
Duh, yeah, Ren !
Hey, listen to
this one !
It's from
little Anthony.
He says, "dear Ren
and Stimpy,
"I hope you can
visit us in our country...
( Anthony )
The united states of America.
And please bring
your costumes.
Signed, Anthony.
Whaddaya say, Ren ?
Sure thing, pal.
Joy !
Hee hee, happy !
Well, we'd better
kiss the wives good-bye.
( smooch )
( wet smooch )
( deep voice )
Hee hee hee.
( screeching )
( frogs croaking )
Well, we're off
to America.
( sloshing )
( bubbling )
( panting )
( bubbling )
( Anthony )
It's Ren and Stimpy, mom !
Oh, boy !
They're my favorite
cartoon characters !
Can I keep 'em ?
Well...
we'll have to
ask your father.
But it's all right
with me.
Yipeee !
We're gonna have
so much fun together !
Oh, wait 'til your
father sees !
Hey, fellas,
let's play !
I have the real
Ren and Stimpy !
Hey !
Will you make me
laugh in person ?
You guys are
so funny !
Oh, pffft !
I know !
Will you do that thing
where your eyes bug out
and veins fill up on 'em
and you look all ugly
and everything ?
Wise up, kid,
that's a trick.
It's done with puppets
and stew meat.
What ?!
( hyperventilating )
Ren, at least
give it a try.
He loves you !
Hmm...
okay, kid, watch.
I'll show you
the secret.
Yay, yay !
Ow, ow ow ow ow !
Ow, ow-ow-ow-ow
ow, ow, ow !
Wow, let me try !
Hey, it's my turn !
( laughing )
( lullaby )
You guys are
my best friends.
Let's never go to sleep.
Never go to...
never go to...
go...
to sleep...
( plopping )
( Anthony gasps )
What... ?
No, no !
What are you doing ?
Cartoon characters
don't do that !
Oh, for--
( hyperventilating )
( gasp )
Anthony !
You're
hyperventilating !
Oh, my poor baby !
What did
they do to you ?
Shame on you !
What, what ?
What did we do ?
( Mother )
You're destroying
his youthful fantasies !
I hope for your sake
father doesn't
find out about this !
( sobbing )
( sobbing fades )
My word !
People.
Let's get some things
straight here.
I don't like you.
I don't like
cartoons.
You're here
for one reason...
my son, Anthony
likes you.
And as long as
you're good to my boy,
you can stay.
But if you do anything
to destroy his beliefs
( tearfully )
Or harm him in any way,
so... help... me.
( sobbing )
Ex-- Excuse me.
Don't you even put
that picture in my head !
Do we understand
each other ?
( both )
We understand very well.
( Anthony )
Daddy ?
( gasps )
Daddy... ?
Yes, son ?
Can Ren and Stimpy
come out and play ?
Oh, yes, son.
You should play with
your swell, new friends.
Remember what I said.
( tires pealing )
( panting )
( bomb falling )
Eee...
uhh...
ugh !
( Anthony )
Oh, no !
It's victor,
the school bully.
Don't make him mad.
Who's your new friends,
Anthony ?
Look, victor, don't
you recognize them ?
It's Ren and Stimpy,
the famous cartoon stars.
Oh, yeah, sure.
You're not Ren Hoek,
you're not even a chihuahua.
You're some kind of deformed
mosquito or somethin'.
Don't talk to me
like that.
I'm a Hollywood big shot.
( boiling )
Oh, yeah ?
I'll twist
your head off !
Ah ha ha ha ha ha !
Oh-- oh, and I suppose
you're Stimpy,
the stupid cat ?
Here, I'll give you
something you'll really like.
Happy... happy...
joy... joy...
( punching thuds )
( jazzy music
on radio )
Hey !
You can't do that
to my friends !
I'll show you !
( honk, crunch, crunch )
( snap )
Like I even believe
a fart like you
would be friends
with Ren and Stimpy !
Next time I see you, kid,
you're dead meat !
Ha ha ha ha ha ha !
( jazz music )
Nice goin', son.
Heh... heh, heh.
Ha ha ha ha !
Ha ha ha ha !
( crow caws )
( bells ring )
( Anthony
hyperventilating )
( bells ringing )
Oh, no, he's
hyperventilating again !
( crunching & squishing )
Come on, kid,
snap out of it !
( uneven ticking )
( wind howling )
What's all
the commotion ?
( gunshot )
No...
no !
Snap out of it,
I tell you !
( emotionally )
Get off.
Get off my son !
( thunder rumbles )
Ohh... oh, Anthony,
my beloved child !
( sobbing )
( weeping )
I know I strayed
from your path
and maybe I don't go
to church often enough,
but you know
I'm a good man.
I don't ask for much.
But I'm asking
for this one thing.
Please...
don't take my boy from me.
Give him a couple more
good weeks.
( crying )
I didn't do it, man.
All right, you two,
you march into the house.
Meet me in the den !
( thunder rumbles )
( birds chirping )
( sobbing )
You-- You're gonna
be all right, boy.
Just take it easy.
Be brave with me,
hush, now.
Daddy...
will make them pay !
( soft whimper )
( door slams )
( ominous music )
( flames roaring )
( scraping )
Oh, ho ho...
ah !
You guys
are big shots !
Ha ha !
Big shots
from Hollywood !
Is that what makes you
feel big, huh ?!
Pushing
little boys around ?
You feel like big men
playing with little boys'
feelings, huh ?!
You Hollywood types
make me sick !!
You think because
you come from... Hollywood
you can push decent
people around.
People who
work for a living !
I work my fingers
to the bone
to feed my wife and...
( whimpering )
My boy, Anthony.
Oh, Anthony, you've
got to pull through.
( sobbing )
I bet you wussies
never worked a stinkin' day
in your stinkin'
little lives.
Show me your hands !
Just as I thought,
soft as a baby's head.
Well, look at
these hands.
These are the hands
of a working man !
What'd you ever do
for society anyway ?
Just what do you do
to earn your keep ?
Uh... well,
we make people laugh.
Real hard work,
making people laugh.
Did you go to school
to make people laugh ?
Listen !
I make people
laugh, too !
But nobody
gives me money !
You wanna hear a joke ?
Hee hee hee...
well, I...
I'll tell ya
a joke.
And you're
gonna laugh !
All right,
here's the joke.
You ready ?
Why did they bury
the fireman--
ha ha ha ha ha--
behind the hill ?
Ha ha ha ha.
Come on,
funny guys, huh ?
Huh, huh ?
Why ?
( both )
We don't know why they buried
the fireman behind the hill.
I'll tell you why.
Because he was...
dead !
Ha ha ha ha !
That's pretty good,
huh, Ren ?
Maybe we can use that.
All right,
funny guys...
I wanna know
something.
I just wanna
know one thing.
Just one thing
from you !!
So what makes you
guys move, anyway ?
( deflating sound )
( gurgling )
Oop !
Ha ha ha ha ha !
Ha ha ha ha ha !
That's the funniest thing
I've ever seen in my life !
Ha ha ha !
Do it again,
ah ha ha ha !
( gurgling )
Wharf !
( hysterical laughter )
Hey, honey,
bring Anthony in here !
Ya gotta see this !
Hey, funny guys,
do it again for my boy.
( gurgling )
Wharf !
( hysterical laughter )
Oh, my goodness,
that is funny.
Do it again !
Whaarf !
( screaming laughter )
I really love
those guys.
Ah, ha ha ha !
( muffled chatter )
( narrator )
Today, we're at the U.N.
For a global summit
to discuss the current
world crisis.
Today's residing chairman
is Mr. Horse.
( Stimpy )
Mr. Horse,
today we face a world crisis.
Yet, while initial indications
would suggest
a political backwash
that characterizes
the devastating
brouhaha we face today,
your administration has
refused to budge
on these
compromise proposals !
Nevertheless, many believe
a relief effort
emphasizing the
urgency of the situation
would serve as sort of
a catalyst
during a slow,
global upswing.
Foreign interest may be
moderately optimistic,
but superpower
co-Sponsors have left
a generally negative
impression
in the wake
of political failure.
Well, Mr. Horse,
what I'm getting at is,
just what is your opinion of
the world situation today ?!
( whispering )
Hmm...
las cucarachas entran,
pero no pueden salir.
No sir,
he doesn't like it.
( narrator )
Thank you, Mr. Horse.
Captioning made possible by
comedy central
Captioned by
Soundwriters™