The Ren & Stimpy Show (1991–1996): Season 1, Episode 5 - Marooned/Untamed World - full transcript
After a crash-landing on a strange planet, Commander Hoek and Cadet Stimpy go about cataloging and reporting on the strange planets inhabitants. But, before long, and quite unexpectedly, an inhabitant takes a very close look at them. Next, in kitsch documentary style, Ren narrates over some footage of curious flora and fauna. Finally, we are treated to a rare spotting of the Crocostimpy.
Oh, joy !
Hey, Ren, it's
commander Hoek and Stimpy !
Happy happy
happy !
Joy joy joy !
My favorite
live-Action drama.
Don't let it start !
Don't let it start !
Roger, a-okay,
activate--
( announcer on Tv )
All systems go !
10, 9, 8, 7,
6, 5, 4,
3, 2, 1.
Blast off to adventure
in the amazing year
400 billion
with Commander Hoek
and his faithful companion
Cadet Stimpy,
as they roam the endless,
uncharted regions of space
at speeds so fantastic
they throttle
the imagination !
Prepare to surge
to sublight speed.
( wailing alarm )
En... gage.
( creaking )
( screaming )
Yes, join us as Commander Hoek
and Cadet Stimpy
probe the spaceways
in the name of
interplanetary justice !
These selfless men are
dedicated to ensuring
the freedom of
Americans yet to be born !
Okay, spade cadets,
prepare to hurtle
through the cosmos
in today's turgid episode !
( soaring whistle )
( clanking metal )
( creaking )
Man, it's a good thing
that planet was there
or we never
would have stopped.
We'd better call
space command.
( rattling )
Calling space command,
come in, do you read ?
( man on radio )
No, sir. I didn't like it.
Aw, cripes !
Well, that's it.
Our space time
disrupter is melted.
So we can't leave
on our own power,
and it could be centuries
before another ship
violates
this sector.
We are marooned !
Just like the title
of this cartoon.
( growls )
Well, there's
no use crying
over spilled
mitochondria.
I'm afraid this is
a test of survival.
Survival ?
Science officer Stimpy
to the rescue.
Look, captain,
I brought my trusty
space cadet handbook.
It tells you everything
you need to know
about survival.
The space cadet
handbook.
Of course !
Stimpy, sometimes
your wealth of ignorance
astounds me.
They don't call me
stupid for nothing.
So, uh, let's
scout around.
You fool !
We can't just wander
around like ee-diots !
We'd better see what
the prime directive says
about alien worlds.
The prime directive !
It says to
"scout around."
Great, let's go.
Man, we've been
scouting for weeks.
I am starved.
What are we
gonna do about food ?
Hey, get the space
cadet handbook.
I can do it.
Joy !
Read it, numbskull,
don't eat it !
Well, what
does it say ?
It says we better
perform some test
before eating any
indigenous flora.
( electronic beeps )
Hmm, interesting.
( beeping faster )
Well, I'll be.
( rapid beeping )
( belches )
Well, did you
find anything out ?
Did I ?
You bet !
This thing makes
the coolest noises.
( high-pitched screeching )
( dog howls )
( air leaking )
( rubber stretching )
Stimpy,
where's my dinner ?
What are we
having ?
Space cabbage.
Is it stinky ?
Just how
you like it.
Whoo-whoo-whoo-
whoo-Whoo-whoo !
( gurgling )
Now that's what I call
a head of cabbage.
Stimpy, my boy,
I misjudged you.
You're okay in my book.
( roars )
Ye-ouch !
( glass shattering )
( bowling pins falling )
( yawns )
Good night,
Stimpy.
Good night, Ren.
( snoring )
( snoring )
Oh, my !
Hey, Ren,
wake up !
The moon is out,
come see it.
Aw, come on, Ren,
wake up and see the moon.
It's beautiful !
Are you nuts ?
What ?!
I was just
dozing off.
All right, all right,
where's this moon ?
( thud )
Ye-Ouch !
( growls )
That ought to stop
your hijinks.
( snoring )
( knocking )
Hey, Stimpy,
go answer the flap.
( snoring )
( knocks on door )
Who the he--
aah !
( coyote howling )
Hello.
Can you spare a cup
of protoplasm, huh ?
Eee !
( coyote howling )
Oh, baby...
I love you.
What ?!
Help !
Let me go !
Ren, I'll save ya !
( squishing )
( chattering )
( chirping )
Oh, captain Hoek,
what ever shall we do ?
The book, Stimpy,
the book !
The book ?
The book !
Yes, the book !
Well, what's it say ?
It says...
we're doomed.
Give me that !
( aliens laughing )
Let's play house.
We'll be mommies
and you be the baby.
No !
Have some tea.
( maniacal laughing )
Golly, I wish we had
a nice little brother.
( fairy )
Your wish
is my command.
( both )
It's my little
brother doll !
I can dress him funny and put
dirt in his hair.
I'll do
something wrong...
and blame it on him.
And when we pull
his string,
he talks to us.
( recorder voice )
I did it.
( announcer )
Yes, it's new.
It's my little brother.
You're the best sister
in the world.
It's time for
ask Dr. Stupid
with your host, Dr. Stupid.
Oh, hello there.
Doctor, here's a letter
from Joe bob henry Jed,
from deer creek falls, cornwa.
And he asks,
"dear Dr. Stupid
"how come some camels
have one hump
and others got two ?"
That's a
very good question
uh, Joe mark bob
Joe henry bob...
I'd better put on
my patented,
water-resistant
stupomotron helmet.
Prepare to activate.
( horn honks )
Well, Joe, this is
where gasoline comes from.
One hump for regular
and two for premium
and unleaded ?
Thank you, Dr. Stupid.
What ?
Hey !
Tune in next time
for ask Dr. Stupid.
( man screams )
( electronically distorted )
At last I have control
of your Tv set.
Are you
receiving me ?
Welcome to our
secret headquarters.
Thousands of miles
below the earth's crust.
Shut up, you fool !
How do we know
we can trust...
them ?
We could make them
take the oath.
Perfect, the oath !
Put your hand
on the Tv screen
and repeat after me:
I do hereby promise
only to watch
the Ren & Stimpy show
to make under-leg noises
during the good scenes,
to wear
unwashed lederhosen
every single day
of the rest of my life !
That's it !
You're in
our secret club.
All right, Stimpy,
they're okay.
Show them the stuff.
Uh, congratulations--
shut up and show them.
I'm showing 'em,
I'm showing 'em.
Okay, kids, it's time
for a secret cartoon !
Welcome to another exciting
episode of "untamed world".
I'm your host Marlon Hoek,
and over here we have my
courageous assistant Stimpy.
Today, we focus on the vast
diversity of organisms
that have evolved
on our humble planet.
To observe some of
this vast variety,
we will travel to
the fabled Galapagos islands,
a virtual textbook of
the process of evolution.
Today we retrace
the footsteps
of the famous
naturalist, Charles Darwin,
who, thousands of years ago,
came upon these
remote islands
formed by piles
of volcanic material
thrown up in
a fiery cataclysm !
These islands have
produced a plethora
of exotic mandibles,
each a slight variation
on a similar theme.
For instance, on one island
we find the elusive
horny-Billed chihuahua.
This handsome creature
has evolved
a rather large beak,
which it uses to find
delectable nuts
hiding in the grass.
He uses this
powerful appendage
to burst open the hard shell
in order to get the soft,
pulpy, nutmeats inside.
On a neighboring island,
we find the needle-billed
chihuahua.
( rapid tapping )
This fellow has
adapted his beak
for obtaining food in
hollow logs
and other
hard-To-get-at places.
( squishing )
On the same island we find
the leviathan of tortoises,
the giant,
soft-Shelled Stimpy.
We are about to witness
a miracle of nature.
Every 30 years,
this marvelous creature
painstakingly drags
its ponderous bulk
to a secluded
spot on the beach,
where she digs a hole
in the sand
and begins
her beautiful ritual.
( pop )
The job done,
the mother Stimpy
buries her young.
Then, after concealing
her payload of life,
she mysteriously drags
herself back to the sea.
Where she goes...
nobody knows.
But then,
in just a few months,
something beautiful
happens.
Life begins anew.
It's really amazing how these
cute little fellows
instinctively crawl
their way to the open sea,
yet few escape
the keen eyesight
of the hungry seagull.
Even now, nature's scavenger
has spotted an
unfortunate newborn.
Oh, Mr. Hoek,
here comes old man seagull !
Aah !
We've got to help
the poor little turtle !
No, my friend,
we must not interfere,
for it is nature's way.
Yes, it may seem cruel,
but we must admire
the skill with which
this powerful scavenger
stalks his meal.
See how he spreads
his magnificent plumes,
how he exposes his powerful,
gleaming incisors,
paralyzing his
victim with fright !
Yes, this looks
like it !
( roars )
Say, mack,
could you, like,
spare some change for,
like, a bite to eat ?
What ?!
Daaah...
here !
Now, go on, scram !
Like, bless you,
sir !
Deadbeat.
Phew !
Here we are,
deep in the bowels of
a stinking hot cave,
which has not been
penetrated by light
in millions
of years.
What kind of creatures
could possibly live
in an environment
such as this ?
I'm going
to be sick !
Nevertheless,
the blind albino cave Hoek
has developed a keen sense
of radar,
which it uses
to track its prey.
( buzzing )
There !
He's got it !
Thanks to the magic of
the slow-motion camera,
we can now show you
just how ugly the inside
of someone's mouth can be !
( slapping )
( muffled screams )
( munching )
Now, we in the nature game
know how important
the art of camouflage is.
( splash )
( gargling )
Soon, we approach
the nesting grounds
of a creature from
the prehistoric past...
the terrible, fearsome,
Crocostimpy !
If we listen
very carefully,
we might just hear
the beautiful,
haunting mating call
of this majestic beast.
Listen,
you ee-diot.
Happy happy...
joy joy !
( horn honks )
Happy happy...
joy joy !
Happy happy...
happy happy...
joy joy !
Happy happy...
happy happy happy...
joy joy joy !
Happy happy happy...
joy joy joy !
Today, we stalk the wily,
speckle-Throated,
burrowing five-toed yak.
And I'm going
to tag him !
( clanking )
There's its lair.
Quietly, patiently,
we wait.
Hey, buddy,
where's your tag ?
Aah !
Quick, follow
that yak !
( screaming siren )
The tranquilizer, man,
use the tranquilizer !
You, there, yak !
It's no use...
to...re..sist.
You're no match...
for us...
you... creature...
you.
( thud )
Oh, boy !
I got one,
I got one !
( clanking )
Finally on our quest
we visit a species
with a unique method
of fighting the searing
heat of the desert sand.
Ow ow ow
ow ow !
Ahh !
Now see the unusual hind-leg
running style,
distinctive to
the frilled Ren.
Often, this perky
little lizard
will perform
a fascinating display.
Watch it now,
as it extends and inflates
its neck sac.
It does this
in order to attract...
ooh wow !
...Nature show hosts !
Ahh !
Wonderful !
Marvelous !
Nice sac, man !
Each creature
is important
in the scheme of
the untamed world,
and we must preserve this
delicate balance.
For, without creatures
such as the frilled Ren,
there would be no
nature show hosts.
Say, Stimpy,
what's that
on your tongue ?
Eeh !
See you again for
"untamed world" !
( crying )
( announcer )
What's the matter, Susie ?
What's the matter, Jill ?
( both )
We're sick of our toys,
we've had our fill.
Dollies are boring.
And I hate
to cook.
( both )
We want a new toy.
Well, let's
have a look.
It's log for girls.
I'll comb her hair.
And I'll do
her makeup.
( both )
Look at log now.
She's beautiful.
Yes, log.
All kids
love log.
♪ What rolls down stairs
alone or in pairs ♪
♪ rolls over
your neighbor's dog ? ♪
♪ What's great for a snack
and fits on your back ? ♪
♪ It's log
log log ♪
♪ it's log log ♪
♪ it's big
it's heavy it's wood ♪
♪ it's log log ♪
♪ it's better
than bad it's good ♪
♪ everyone wants a log ♪
♪ you're gonna
love it log ♪
♪ come on
and get your log ♪
♪ everyone needs
a log... ♪
log, from blammo.
So long, kids,
see you next time.
( wails )
What'll we
do 'til then ?
Why, you could
Spackle the den,
martinize your shorts.
You could play horsey
with your pet Crocostimpy.
( trotting )
Happy happy...
joy joy.
Captioning made possible by
comedy central
Captioned by
Soundwriters™
Hey, Ren, it's
commander Hoek and Stimpy !
Happy happy
happy !
Joy joy joy !
My favorite
live-Action drama.
Don't let it start !
Don't let it start !
Roger, a-okay,
activate--
( announcer on Tv )
All systems go !
10, 9, 8, 7,
6, 5, 4,
3, 2, 1.
Blast off to adventure
in the amazing year
400 billion
with Commander Hoek
and his faithful companion
Cadet Stimpy,
as they roam the endless,
uncharted regions of space
at speeds so fantastic
they throttle
the imagination !
Prepare to surge
to sublight speed.
( wailing alarm )
En... gage.
( creaking )
( screaming )
Yes, join us as Commander Hoek
and Cadet Stimpy
probe the spaceways
in the name of
interplanetary justice !
These selfless men are
dedicated to ensuring
the freedom of
Americans yet to be born !
Okay, spade cadets,
prepare to hurtle
through the cosmos
in today's turgid episode !
( soaring whistle )
( clanking metal )
( creaking )
Man, it's a good thing
that planet was there
or we never
would have stopped.
We'd better call
space command.
( rattling )
Calling space command,
come in, do you read ?
( man on radio )
No, sir. I didn't like it.
Aw, cripes !
Well, that's it.
Our space time
disrupter is melted.
So we can't leave
on our own power,
and it could be centuries
before another ship
violates
this sector.
We are marooned !
Just like the title
of this cartoon.
( growls )
Well, there's
no use crying
over spilled
mitochondria.
I'm afraid this is
a test of survival.
Survival ?
Science officer Stimpy
to the rescue.
Look, captain,
I brought my trusty
space cadet handbook.
It tells you everything
you need to know
about survival.
The space cadet
handbook.
Of course !
Stimpy, sometimes
your wealth of ignorance
astounds me.
They don't call me
stupid for nothing.
So, uh, let's
scout around.
You fool !
We can't just wander
around like ee-diots !
We'd better see what
the prime directive says
about alien worlds.
The prime directive !
It says to
"scout around."
Great, let's go.
Man, we've been
scouting for weeks.
I am starved.
What are we
gonna do about food ?
Hey, get the space
cadet handbook.
I can do it.
Joy !
Read it, numbskull,
don't eat it !
Well, what
does it say ?
It says we better
perform some test
before eating any
indigenous flora.
( electronic beeps )
Hmm, interesting.
( beeping faster )
Well, I'll be.
( rapid beeping )
( belches )
Well, did you
find anything out ?
Did I ?
You bet !
This thing makes
the coolest noises.
( high-pitched screeching )
( dog howls )
( air leaking )
( rubber stretching )
Stimpy,
where's my dinner ?
What are we
having ?
Space cabbage.
Is it stinky ?
Just how
you like it.
Whoo-whoo-whoo-
whoo-Whoo-whoo !
( gurgling )
Now that's what I call
a head of cabbage.
Stimpy, my boy,
I misjudged you.
You're okay in my book.
( roars )
Ye-ouch !
( glass shattering )
( bowling pins falling )
( yawns )
Good night,
Stimpy.
Good night, Ren.
( snoring )
( snoring )
Oh, my !
Hey, Ren,
wake up !
The moon is out,
come see it.
Aw, come on, Ren,
wake up and see the moon.
It's beautiful !
Are you nuts ?
What ?!
I was just
dozing off.
All right, all right,
where's this moon ?
( thud )
Ye-Ouch !
( growls )
That ought to stop
your hijinks.
( snoring )
( knocking )
Hey, Stimpy,
go answer the flap.
( snoring )
( knocks on door )
Who the he--
aah !
( coyote howling )
Hello.
Can you spare a cup
of protoplasm, huh ?
Eee !
( coyote howling )
Oh, baby...
I love you.
What ?!
Help !
Let me go !
Ren, I'll save ya !
( squishing )
( chattering )
( chirping )
Oh, captain Hoek,
what ever shall we do ?
The book, Stimpy,
the book !
The book ?
The book !
Yes, the book !
Well, what's it say ?
It says...
we're doomed.
Give me that !
( aliens laughing )
Let's play house.
We'll be mommies
and you be the baby.
No !
Have some tea.
( maniacal laughing )
Golly, I wish we had
a nice little brother.
( fairy )
Your wish
is my command.
( both )
It's my little
brother doll !
I can dress him funny and put
dirt in his hair.
I'll do
something wrong...
and blame it on him.
And when we pull
his string,
he talks to us.
( recorder voice )
I did it.
( announcer )
Yes, it's new.
It's my little brother.
You're the best sister
in the world.
It's time for
ask Dr. Stupid
with your host, Dr. Stupid.
Oh, hello there.
Doctor, here's a letter
from Joe bob henry Jed,
from deer creek falls, cornwa.
And he asks,
"dear Dr. Stupid
"how come some camels
have one hump
and others got two ?"
That's a
very good question
uh, Joe mark bob
Joe henry bob...
I'd better put on
my patented,
water-resistant
stupomotron helmet.
Prepare to activate.
( horn honks )
Well, Joe, this is
where gasoline comes from.
One hump for regular
and two for premium
and unleaded ?
Thank you, Dr. Stupid.
What ?
Hey !
Tune in next time
for ask Dr. Stupid.
( man screams )
( electronically distorted )
At last I have control
of your Tv set.
Are you
receiving me ?
Welcome to our
secret headquarters.
Thousands of miles
below the earth's crust.
Shut up, you fool !
How do we know
we can trust...
them ?
We could make them
take the oath.
Perfect, the oath !
Put your hand
on the Tv screen
and repeat after me:
I do hereby promise
only to watch
the Ren & Stimpy show
to make under-leg noises
during the good scenes,
to wear
unwashed lederhosen
every single day
of the rest of my life !
That's it !
You're in
our secret club.
All right, Stimpy,
they're okay.
Show them the stuff.
Uh, congratulations--
shut up and show them.
I'm showing 'em,
I'm showing 'em.
Okay, kids, it's time
for a secret cartoon !
Welcome to another exciting
episode of "untamed world".
I'm your host Marlon Hoek,
and over here we have my
courageous assistant Stimpy.
Today, we focus on the vast
diversity of organisms
that have evolved
on our humble planet.
To observe some of
this vast variety,
we will travel to
the fabled Galapagos islands,
a virtual textbook of
the process of evolution.
Today we retrace
the footsteps
of the famous
naturalist, Charles Darwin,
who, thousands of years ago,
came upon these
remote islands
formed by piles
of volcanic material
thrown up in
a fiery cataclysm !
These islands have
produced a plethora
of exotic mandibles,
each a slight variation
on a similar theme.
For instance, on one island
we find the elusive
horny-Billed chihuahua.
This handsome creature
has evolved
a rather large beak,
which it uses to find
delectable nuts
hiding in the grass.
He uses this
powerful appendage
to burst open the hard shell
in order to get the soft,
pulpy, nutmeats inside.
On a neighboring island,
we find the needle-billed
chihuahua.
( rapid tapping )
This fellow has
adapted his beak
for obtaining food in
hollow logs
and other
hard-To-get-at places.
( squishing )
On the same island we find
the leviathan of tortoises,
the giant,
soft-Shelled Stimpy.
We are about to witness
a miracle of nature.
Every 30 years,
this marvelous creature
painstakingly drags
its ponderous bulk
to a secluded
spot on the beach,
where she digs a hole
in the sand
and begins
her beautiful ritual.
( pop )
The job done,
the mother Stimpy
buries her young.
Then, after concealing
her payload of life,
she mysteriously drags
herself back to the sea.
Where she goes...
nobody knows.
But then,
in just a few months,
something beautiful
happens.
Life begins anew.
It's really amazing how these
cute little fellows
instinctively crawl
their way to the open sea,
yet few escape
the keen eyesight
of the hungry seagull.
Even now, nature's scavenger
has spotted an
unfortunate newborn.
Oh, Mr. Hoek,
here comes old man seagull !
Aah !
We've got to help
the poor little turtle !
No, my friend,
we must not interfere,
for it is nature's way.
Yes, it may seem cruel,
but we must admire
the skill with which
this powerful scavenger
stalks his meal.
See how he spreads
his magnificent plumes,
how he exposes his powerful,
gleaming incisors,
paralyzing his
victim with fright !
Yes, this looks
like it !
( roars )
Say, mack,
could you, like,
spare some change for,
like, a bite to eat ?
What ?!
Daaah...
here !
Now, go on, scram !
Like, bless you,
sir !
Deadbeat.
Phew !
Here we are,
deep in the bowels of
a stinking hot cave,
which has not been
penetrated by light
in millions
of years.
What kind of creatures
could possibly live
in an environment
such as this ?
I'm going
to be sick !
Nevertheless,
the blind albino cave Hoek
has developed a keen sense
of radar,
which it uses
to track its prey.
( buzzing )
There !
He's got it !
Thanks to the magic of
the slow-motion camera,
we can now show you
just how ugly the inside
of someone's mouth can be !
( slapping )
( muffled screams )
( munching )
Now, we in the nature game
know how important
the art of camouflage is.
( splash )
( gargling )
Soon, we approach
the nesting grounds
of a creature from
the prehistoric past...
the terrible, fearsome,
Crocostimpy !
If we listen
very carefully,
we might just hear
the beautiful,
haunting mating call
of this majestic beast.
Listen,
you ee-diot.
Happy happy...
joy joy !
( horn honks )
Happy happy...
joy joy !
Happy happy...
happy happy...
joy joy !
Happy happy...
happy happy happy...
joy joy joy !
Happy happy happy...
joy joy joy !
Today, we stalk the wily,
speckle-Throated,
burrowing five-toed yak.
And I'm going
to tag him !
( clanking )
There's its lair.
Quietly, patiently,
we wait.
Hey, buddy,
where's your tag ?
Aah !
Quick, follow
that yak !
( screaming siren )
The tranquilizer, man,
use the tranquilizer !
You, there, yak !
It's no use...
to...re..sist.
You're no match...
for us...
you... creature...
you.
( thud )
Oh, boy !
I got one,
I got one !
( clanking )
Finally on our quest
we visit a species
with a unique method
of fighting the searing
heat of the desert sand.
Ow ow ow
ow ow !
Ahh !
Now see the unusual hind-leg
running style,
distinctive to
the frilled Ren.
Often, this perky
little lizard
will perform
a fascinating display.
Watch it now,
as it extends and inflates
its neck sac.
It does this
in order to attract...
ooh wow !
...Nature show hosts !
Ahh !
Wonderful !
Marvelous !
Nice sac, man !
Each creature
is important
in the scheme of
the untamed world,
and we must preserve this
delicate balance.
For, without creatures
such as the frilled Ren,
there would be no
nature show hosts.
Say, Stimpy,
what's that
on your tongue ?
Eeh !
See you again for
"untamed world" !
( crying )
( announcer )
What's the matter, Susie ?
What's the matter, Jill ?
( both )
We're sick of our toys,
we've had our fill.
Dollies are boring.
And I hate
to cook.
( both )
We want a new toy.
Well, let's
have a look.
It's log for girls.
I'll comb her hair.
And I'll do
her makeup.
( both )
Look at log now.
She's beautiful.
Yes, log.
All kids
love log.
♪ What rolls down stairs
alone or in pairs ♪
♪ rolls over
your neighbor's dog ? ♪
♪ What's great for a snack
and fits on your back ? ♪
♪ It's log
log log ♪
♪ it's log log ♪
♪ it's big
it's heavy it's wood ♪
♪ it's log log ♪
♪ it's better
than bad it's good ♪
♪ everyone wants a log ♪
♪ you're gonna
love it log ♪
♪ come on
and get your log ♪
♪ everyone needs
a log... ♪
log, from blammo.
So long, kids,
see you next time.
( wails )
What'll we
do 'til then ?
Why, you could
Spackle the den,
martinize your shorts.
You could play horsey
with your pet Crocostimpy.
( trotting )
Happy happy...
joy joy.
Captioning made possible by
comedy central
Captioned by
Soundwriters™