The Ren & Stimpy Show (1991–1996): Season 1, Episode 4 - Fire Dogs/Stimpy's Storybook Land: The Littlest Giant - full transcript
On the brink of starvation, and disguised as Dalmatians, the pair find employment at a fire station. Can these two handle an inferno at a towering skyscraper, with all of its exotic residents in need of rescue? Next, Stimpy, a little giant, and the brunt of the big giants' jokes, leaves home to find a happier life. What partnership will unfold when he meets Ren, a simple dairy farmer?
( announcer )
It's time for
"ask Dr. Stupid."
With your host,
Dr. Stupid.
Oh, hello there !
Doctor, here's a letter from
billy of lompoc, west Kansas.
And he asks,
"dear Dr. Stupid,
why do I have to go to school ?"
That's a very good
question, billy.
I'd better put on my
patented stupomitron helmet.
Prepare to activate !
( explosion )
Well, the answer's
simple, really.
The reason is because,
your parents are aliens !
And while you're at school,
they shed their human skins
and breathe dryer lint !
( laughing )
Thank you, Dr. Stupid.
( blaring siren )
Stimpy, old pal.
I can go no further,
I feel I shall die.
I've had not a thing
to eat for so long,
I care not to think.
Take this morsel.
It may not be much,
but it is all that I have.
( groaning )
Gulp !
That was delicious,
Stimpy, what was it ?
It was my last
grain of litter.
I'd been saving
it for weeks.
( screaming )
You !
You broke it,
you broke it.
My first material
possession.
Maybe now you'll keep
your stinkiness to--
look, Ren,
we're saved !
Fire dogs needed,
benefits, good pay.
( sadly )
Dalmatians only.
What's a dalmatian, Ren ?
Take a look for
yourself, man.
What do you see ?
Ugly black spots.
Good.
Now shut up
and look stupid.
I've had it up to here
with the likes of you people !
Oh !
I'm sorry.
I thought you
were circus midgets.
Now, what can I do
for you, hmm ?
Your troubles are over.
It is we who are
your fire dogs.
But Ren, I'm a cat.
Shut up, you fool !
Don't listen to him.
He's a good man, but he's not
quite right in the head.
I've known
fellers like that.
Well, boys, you got
yourselves a job.
But you're gonna work !
( thumping footsteps )
Now, cut that out !
Relax, man.
Do you know what the odds
are against there ever
being a fire ?
A million to one.
Take it from me, I know
what I'm talking about.
( alarm ringing )
Whoa !
Oh, joy !
( siren )
( crowd screaming )
Oh, please !
Save my baby !
Okay, lady,
let her go.
( gurgling )
Save my horse !
( screaming )
( teeth clanking )
( groaning )
( struggling )
I can't stand it.
Excuse me,
Mr. Horse.
What are your feelings
about that fall ?
Hmm...
hmm, no, sir,
I didn't like it.
Oh, my god,
it hurts.
Save my walrus !
Save my elephant !
Humph.
( grunting )
Save me !
( screaming )
Whew.
( crowd screaming )
Oh, dear.
( flapping fat )
( crash )
Oh, my brave
little man.
( howling )
( screaming )
( helicopter whirring )
( sighing )
You boys are heroes !
And I thought
you were bums !
For bravery above and
beyond the call of duty,
I present you with
our highest honor,
the sacred golden
fire hydrant helmets !
Congratulations, boys.
I'm so happy,
I can hardly
contain myself.
( man )
Neither can I !
( whimpering )
( crying )
( announcer )
What's the matter, Susie ?
What's the matter, Jill ?
We're sick of our toys,
we've had our fill.
Dollies are boring,
and I hate to cook.
We want a new toy !
Well, let's have a look.
It's log for girls.
I'll comb her hair.
And I'll do
her makeup.
Look at log now !
She's beautiful !
Yes, log.
All kids love log.
♪ What rolls down stairs
alone or in pairs ♪
♪ rolls over
your neighbor's dog ♪
♪ what's great for a snack
and fits on your back ♪
♪ it's log, log, log ♪
♪ it's log, log ♪
♪ it's big, it's heavy
it's wood ♪
♪ it's log, log ♪
♪ it's better than bad
it's good ♪
♪ everyone wants a log ♪
♪ you're gonna love it
log ♪
♪ come on
and get your log ♪
♪ everyone needs a log ♪
log, from blammo.
And please bless
grandma and grandpa.
And please give me
a million dollars.
And, oh, yeah,
huge pectoral muscles.
Amen.
( yawning )
Will you button
me, Ren ?
Sure thing, pal.
Good night, Stimpy.
Good night, Ren.
( snoring )
( lullaby playing softly )
What is it, man ?
Will you read me
a bedtime story ?
Read me
a bedtime story ?
Read it yourself !
Oh, this looks wonderful.
Once upon a time...
uh, there, uh,
there lived, uh...
oh, yeah, a giant.
( snoring )
( Stimpy )
He was a handsome giant,
but he was different
from all the other giants.
He was the, uh...
littlest giant.
Why, he's barely enormous.
He's merely huge.
He's no bigger
than a house.
Hey !
What's the idea ?
Pick on somebody
your own size.
All the bigger giants
laughed at the little giant.
( laughing )
You'll never
have any friends.
You're too little to
have any friends.
( laughing )
Finding his life
in hugevania unbearable,
the little giant decided
to run away.
( sniffling )
( water pouring )
( sobbing )
To my dearest friends,
the big, mean giants.
I'm running
away forever.
Your punching bag,
the littlest giant.
( sobbing )
( slurping )
Chew.
Chew.
Chew.
( swallowing )
With a tear in his eye,
the littlest giant left
the village of hugevania,
never to return again.
( screaming )
Meanwhile, in the village
of, uh, thumbsville...
wee Ren of the wee folk
sat aside his well.
He was very
forlorn 'twas he.
Oh, woe is I.
The well has gone dry.
And my cow will
just give powdered milk.
I tell you no lie.
My sow, she does fry.
And my chickens--
( struggling )
They only lay silt.
( crying )
One morning,
wee Ren was awakened
by the sound of large
sobbing and crying.
And there,
next to the well,
was the littlest giant,
sobbing his gigantic
little heart out.
( crying )
And lo, the little giant's
tears filled up the well
to overflowing.
Wee Ren was overjoyed.
( cheering )
Oh, Mr. Giant,
you saved the farm !
You are my
true friend.
Friend ?
I'm your--
I'm your friend ?
Why, of course !
You are the biggest
friend I've ever had.
I'm your friend ?
And I'm big ?
Big ?
You kidding ?
You're repulsively
titanic.
Gosh !
I've never had
a friend before.
Just name it, pal.
And I'll do
anything for you.
Anything ?
That's right,
anything.
Really ?
Absolutely anything ?
Anything you say, man.
Anything my tiny
heart desires ?
Yes, anything !
You fat, bloated idiot !
What a pal.
Would you...
scratch my back ?
Sure, I'd be glad--
and, uh, comb my hair ?
Pluck my eyebrows ?
Do my nails ?
Mend my clothes ?
Brush my teeth ?
Shave my tongue ?
( screaming )
And so, the littlest giant's
heart was filled with blood.
And wee Ren agreed
to let the littlest giant
live with him forever.
( owl hooting )
( loud snoring )
And they lived
happily ever after.
Joy, joy.
( slapping and screaming )
Hey, boy, Stimpy,
we sure had fun today,
didn't we ?
Come on, Stimpy,
say goodbye.
Where are we going ?
The show's over,
see you next time.
What'll we do
till then ?
Why, you can clean
your bellybutton.
Eat olive loaf
till you puke !
( crying )
I know, man.
You can chase your tail
till you're dizzy.
Chase my tail ?
But Ren, I don't
have a tail.
Do what I tell
you, stupid.
How you
feeling, pal ?
Kinda sick.
( burps )
Captioning made possible by
comedy central
Captioned by
Soundwriters™
It's time for
"ask Dr. Stupid."
With your host,
Dr. Stupid.
Oh, hello there !
Doctor, here's a letter from
billy of lompoc, west Kansas.
And he asks,
"dear Dr. Stupid,
why do I have to go to school ?"
That's a very good
question, billy.
I'd better put on my
patented stupomitron helmet.
Prepare to activate !
( explosion )
Well, the answer's
simple, really.
The reason is because,
your parents are aliens !
And while you're at school,
they shed their human skins
and breathe dryer lint !
( laughing )
Thank you, Dr. Stupid.
( blaring siren )
Stimpy, old pal.
I can go no further,
I feel I shall die.
I've had not a thing
to eat for so long,
I care not to think.
Take this morsel.
It may not be much,
but it is all that I have.
( groaning )
Gulp !
That was delicious,
Stimpy, what was it ?
It was my last
grain of litter.
I'd been saving
it for weeks.
( screaming )
You !
You broke it,
you broke it.
My first material
possession.
Maybe now you'll keep
your stinkiness to--
look, Ren,
we're saved !
Fire dogs needed,
benefits, good pay.
( sadly )
Dalmatians only.
What's a dalmatian, Ren ?
Take a look for
yourself, man.
What do you see ?
Ugly black spots.
Good.
Now shut up
and look stupid.
I've had it up to here
with the likes of you people !
Oh !
I'm sorry.
I thought you
were circus midgets.
Now, what can I do
for you, hmm ?
Your troubles are over.
It is we who are
your fire dogs.
But Ren, I'm a cat.
Shut up, you fool !
Don't listen to him.
He's a good man, but he's not
quite right in the head.
I've known
fellers like that.
Well, boys, you got
yourselves a job.
But you're gonna work !
( thumping footsteps )
Now, cut that out !
Relax, man.
Do you know what the odds
are against there ever
being a fire ?
A million to one.
Take it from me, I know
what I'm talking about.
( alarm ringing )
Whoa !
Oh, joy !
( siren )
( crowd screaming )
Oh, please !
Save my baby !
Okay, lady,
let her go.
( gurgling )
Save my horse !
( screaming )
( teeth clanking )
( groaning )
( struggling )
I can't stand it.
Excuse me,
Mr. Horse.
What are your feelings
about that fall ?
Hmm...
hmm, no, sir,
I didn't like it.
Oh, my god,
it hurts.
Save my walrus !
Save my elephant !
Humph.
( grunting )
Save me !
( screaming )
Whew.
( crowd screaming )
Oh, dear.
( flapping fat )
( crash )
Oh, my brave
little man.
( howling )
( screaming )
( helicopter whirring )
( sighing )
You boys are heroes !
And I thought
you were bums !
For bravery above and
beyond the call of duty,
I present you with
our highest honor,
the sacred golden
fire hydrant helmets !
Congratulations, boys.
I'm so happy,
I can hardly
contain myself.
( man )
Neither can I !
( whimpering )
( crying )
( announcer )
What's the matter, Susie ?
What's the matter, Jill ?
We're sick of our toys,
we've had our fill.
Dollies are boring,
and I hate to cook.
We want a new toy !
Well, let's have a look.
It's log for girls.
I'll comb her hair.
And I'll do
her makeup.
Look at log now !
She's beautiful !
Yes, log.
All kids love log.
♪ What rolls down stairs
alone or in pairs ♪
♪ rolls over
your neighbor's dog ♪
♪ what's great for a snack
and fits on your back ♪
♪ it's log, log, log ♪
♪ it's log, log ♪
♪ it's big, it's heavy
it's wood ♪
♪ it's log, log ♪
♪ it's better than bad
it's good ♪
♪ everyone wants a log ♪
♪ you're gonna love it
log ♪
♪ come on
and get your log ♪
♪ everyone needs a log ♪
log, from blammo.
And please bless
grandma and grandpa.
And please give me
a million dollars.
And, oh, yeah,
huge pectoral muscles.
Amen.
( yawning )
Will you button
me, Ren ?
Sure thing, pal.
Good night, Stimpy.
Good night, Ren.
( snoring )
( lullaby playing softly )
What is it, man ?
Will you read me
a bedtime story ?
Read me
a bedtime story ?
Read it yourself !
Oh, this looks wonderful.
Once upon a time...
uh, there, uh,
there lived, uh...
oh, yeah, a giant.
( snoring )
( Stimpy )
He was a handsome giant,
but he was different
from all the other giants.
He was the, uh...
littlest giant.
Why, he's barely enormous.
He's merely huge.
He's no bigger
than a house.
Hey !
What's the idea ?
Pick on somebody
your own size.
All the bigger giants
laughed at the little giant.
( laughing )
You'll never
have any friends.
You're too little to
have any friends.
( laughing )
Finding his life
in hugevania unbearable,
the little giant decided
to run away.
( sniffling )
( water pouring )
( sobbing )
To my dearest friends,
the big, mean giants.
I'm running
away forever.
Your punching bag,
the littlest giant.
( sobbing )
( slurping )
Chew.
Chew.
Chew.
( swallowing )
With a tear in his eye,
the littlest giant left
the village of hugevania,
never to return again.
( screaming )
Meanwhile, in the village
of, uh, thumbsville...
wee Ren of the wee folk
sat aside his well.
He was very
forlorn 'twas he.
Oh, woe is I.
The well has gone dry.
And my cow will
just give powdered milk.
I tell you no lie.
My sow, she does fry.
And my chickens--
( struggling )
They only lay silt.
( crying )
One morning,
wee Ren was awakened
by the sound of large
sobbing and crying.
And there,
next to the well,
was the littlest giant,
sobbing his gigantic
little heart out.
( crying )
And lo, the little giant's
tears filled up the well
to overflowing.
Wee Ren was overjoyed.
( cheering )
Oh, Mr. Giant,
you saved the farm !
You are my
true friend.
Friend ?
I'm your--
I'm your friend ?
Why, of course !
You are the biggest
friend I've ever had.
I'm your friend ?
And I'm big ?
Big ?
You kidding ?
You're repulsively
titanic.
Gosh !
I've never had
a friend before.
Just name it, pal.
And I'll do
anything for you.
Anything ?
That's right,
anything.
Really ?
Absolutely anything ?
Anything you say, man.
Anything my tiny
heart desires ?
Yes, anything !
You fat, bloated idiot !
What a pal.
Would you...
scratch my back ?
Sure, I'd be glad--
and, uh, comb my hair ?
Pluck my eyebrows ?
Do my nails ?
Mend my clothes ?
Brush my teeth ?
Shave my tongue ?
( screaming )
And so, the littlest giant's
heart was filled with blood.
And wee Ren agreed
to let the littlest giant
live with him forever.
( owl hooting )
( loud snoring )
And they lived
happily ever after.
Joy, joy.
( slapping and screaming )
Hey, boy, Stimpy,
we sure had fun today,
didn't we ?
Come on, Stimpy,
say goodbye.
Where are we going ?
The show's over,
see you next time.
What'll we do
till then ?
Why, you can clean
your bellybutton.
Eat olive loaf
till you puke !
( crying )
I know, man.
You can chase your tail
till you're dizzy.
Chase my tail ?
But Ren, I don't
have a tail.
Do what I tell
you, stupid.
How you
feeling, pal ?
Kinda sick.
( burps )
Captioning made possible by
comedy central
Captioned by
Soundwriters™