The Ren & Stimpy Show (1991–1996): Season 1, Episode 3 - Space Madness/The Boy Who Cried Rat! - full transcript
On their journey through space, Ren and Stimpy find that the true danger is "Space Madness", a cabin-crazy condition that Ren succumbs to. Next, in a sick tribute to classic animation, the two cook up a ploy to act as a rodent removal service. Ren becomes the mouse, and Stimpy as the cat. They take their services to suburbia with mixed results.
Well, Stimpy,
what's on Tv tonight ?
Oh, joy !
Hey, Ren, it's "commander
Hoek and Stimpy" !
Happy, happy, happy...
joy, joy, joy.
My favorite
live-Action drama.
Don't let it start !
Don't let it start !
Roger, a-Ok,
activate view screen.
I can't watch this show
without my...
trusty commander Hoek
radar decoder ring...
my o-fficial commander Hoek
space helmet...
not to mention
your genuine
super-elastic
time shorts.
Bet you don't have a pair
of these, earthling.
And... nggaaaaaa...
my anti-gravity
bubblegum.
( crash )
( Tv announcer )
All systems go !
Prepare for countdown !
10, 9, 8, 7,
6, 5, 4,
3, 2, 1--
blastoff to adventure
in the amazing year
400 billion
with commander Hoek
and his faithful companion
cadet Stimpy,
as they roam the endless,
uncharted regions of space
at speeds so fantastic
they throttle
the imagination !
Prepare to surge
to sub-light speed.
( alarm sounding )
En-gage.
( screaming )
You'll see
futuristic technologies,
thrilling headgear...
( ding )
Spine-tingling toast !
Be there,
scour the spaceways,
explore vast alien worlds !
Come in,
cadet Stimpy.
Do you read me ?
Cadet Stimpy here,
we read you, roger.
Roger here.
Okay, space cadets,
prepare to hurtle
through the cosmos
in today's turgid episode !
( rumbling roar )
( unwinding )
( electricity zapping )
( Commander Hoek thinking )
Captain's log...
commander Hoek here
on a 36-year mission
to the crab nebula.
We've made this trip
dozens of times.
You know,
they say sometimes
people go crazy
on these long trips.
They get the--
( voices )
Space madness.
Heh-- space madness.
Mr. Science officer,
commence relaxation period.
Aye, aye, cap'n !
Well, it's break time.
We're not on duty
for another six years.
So, what do you
wanna do ?
Why don't we just spend
some quality time together ?
( incessant tapping )
( pounding, echoing )
Do you have to keep
tapping like that ?!
You bloated sack
of protoplasm ?!
Hey, cap, ease off.
Oh, hey,
I'm sorry, man.
I-- I just been
cooped up here so long.
I think we both need
a good, hot meal.
Just hang on, okay ?
Mmm, boy,
I'm starving !
How about that !
A 3-course meal.
Ppbbppbb...
that's it !
I need some real food !!
Relax, cap'n.
I'm here for you.
Let it out...
that's right...
hey, I know
what you need.
( waltz playing )
Yes, sir,
a good, hot bath
is the best thing
for nerves.
( snap )
Ow ! Hey !
Cut it out !
( splash )
Ahh...
I'll turn off
the gravity.
It'll help you
relax.
( buzzer )
What a pal.
Ahh...
this is the good life.
Just relax and
let my mind drift.
Ahh...
I'll just lie back
and think pleasant thoughts.
Chicken pot pie...
chocolate-covered
raisins...
glazed ham !
Ohh, oh...
heh heh.
Heh heh
heh heh heh.
Ooh...
they think I'm crazy,
but I know better.
It is not I
who am crazy--
it is I who am mad !
Didn't you hear 'em ?
( voice cracking )
Didn't you see the crowds ?!
Oh, my beloved
ice cream bar...
how I love to lick
your creamy center !
Awwmmf !
Awwmmf !
Awwmmf !
And your oh-so-nutty...
chocolate covering.
You're not like
the others.
You like the
same things I do.
Heh... wax paper...
boiled football
leather...
dog breath !
We're not
hitchhiking anymore.
We're riding !
Stop it !
You're talking crazy.
( record scratch )
Oh, no-- I know
what you want.
You coveted
my ice cream bar !
Come on, now.
No you don't !
You can't take it
from me now !
I've had this ice cream bar
since I was a child !
People... always trying
to take it from me !
Why won't they
leave me alone ?!
E-easy now.
Back off, man !!
Don't make me use this !
One step closer,
I'm warnin' ya !
Don't make me use it !
Now you've done it.
You've forced me
to use it !
( high-pitched scraping )
Hyah !
( screams )
I'm hurting.
You poor, crazy kid.
( thinking )
Captain's log...
I'm tired, so tired.
I can't believe my own
partner attacked me.
Maybe... if I occupy
his mind...
with more duties,
I can control his...
space madness !
( Commander Hoek )
Now, listen, cadet.
I've got a job
for you.
See this button ?
Don't touch it !
It's the history eraser
button, you fool !
So, what'll happen ?
That's just it--
we don't know.
Maybe something bad...
maybe something
good...
I guess we'll never know,
'cause you're going
to guard it.
You won't touch it,
will you ?
Hee... heh heh.
Hee...
heh heh heh.
( announcer )
Oh, how long
can trusty cadet Stimpy
hold out ?
How can he possibly resist
the diabolical urge
to push the button that could
erase his very existence ?!
Will his tortured mind
give in
to its uncontrollable
desires ?
Can he withstand
the temptation
to push the button
that even now beckons him
ever closer ?!
Will he succumb
to the maddening urge
to eradicate history
at the mere push
of a single button ?!
The beautiful,
shiny button !
The jolly,
candy-Like button !
Will he hold out, folks ?
Can he hold out ?
No, I can't !!!
Aahhh !
( alarm sounding )
Tune in
next week as...
( electrical surge )
( electrical surge )
( announcer )
New amazing product !
Hi, kids !
I start out my day
with my favorite breakfast--
that's right,
sugar frosted milk !
Mmm !
Smell those lumps !
Just four ounces of lumps
and six ounces of cereal
makes for
a balanced breakfast.
( screaming )
Help !
Nooo !
Boo hoo !
And sugar frosted milk
stays lumpy,
even in cereal !
Mornin', sis !
Oh, boy !
Sugar frosted lumps !
Hey, who stole my lumps ?!
( ding )
( man yodeling )
( chattering )
Hurry up, Stimpy.
I can't do this
all day.
( rattling )
I think
I see something.
I got something, Ren,
I got something !
( crunch )
I'm so hungry,
I can't stand it.
What are we having ?
Ta-Da !
A can !
Wait a minute--
what are you having ?
The usual.
I'm having a sock.
You're giving me
the can ?
Are you sure ?
Go ahead, it's yours.
You're one of
the good ones, man.
( man )
Hey ! Whose trash is that ?!
Stimpy, move your butt.
It's a higher mammal.
Keep out of my trash !
I'm telling you
for the last time !
A man works hard
for his filth
just to have vagrants
come and steal it.
It's a crying shame.
( sniffling )
Man, I'm starving.
What are we
gonna do ?
We could find
some work.
( woman screams )
Work ?!
Have you lost
your mind ?!
I'm sorry, Ren.
I don't know what
came over me.
( cash register rings )
That's it--
I've got a plan !
What's the plan, Ren ?
Well, we wait until dark,
then we...
( whispering )
And then we...
( whispering )
( dog barking )
( crickets chirping )
See you tomorrow, Ren.
( knocking )
Ah !
Mighty incisors.
( chain saw starting )
( belches )
( giggling )
( doorbell clangs )
Duh, hello.
Please allow me to make
a business proposal.
Oh, how cute !
Look, honey,
a kitty cat.
Isn't he adorable ?
Yep, that's a cat,
all right.
Can we keep him ?
He can catch mice.
Don't be silly,
dear.
You know we don't
have any mice.
Squeak !
Squeak !
Squeak, I tell you,
squeak !
( growling )
Man, that's the ugliest
mouse I've ever seen.
And he's beating up
on our cheese !
All right, cat,
you got yourself a job.
Here,
here's five bucks.
Five bucks ?!
Now, catch that mouse !
( raspberry )
Oh, my--
will no one save me ?
That's right,
you're in for it now.
Your days are numbered.
( falling bomb )
Yeow !
You're murdering me.
Duh, you are in trouble now,
mister rodent.
( woman )
Oh, dear !
I had no idea this would
be so gruesome !
( falling bomb )
Help !
The bad ol' cat
is gonna get me !
Oh, help !
He is so fast
and wily !
( Ren )
Hey ! What are you doing ?!
Put down that knife,
please !
No, no !
( woman )
Ohh !
No, I tell you !
Aaaahh !
( clanging )
Ow ! Stop it !
Help ! Help !
Ouch !
I have got you
right where I want you,
you dirty old mouse.
( crashing )
( Ren )
I'm free !
I've escaped !
Ha ha ha !
That nasty old cat
will never get me now !
I am home free !
I have you now !
Oh, no,
do not throw me out
into the cold,
dark night.
( man )
Hey, cat !
Aren't you gonna
eat that mouse ?
Well, go ahead,
put him in your mouth.
( woman )
That's right,
eat 'im up good !
Don't be shy.
That's a good cat.
( woman )
Oh, look, honey,
isn't that cute ?
Well, go ahead, kitty,
chew him up.
Mmm...
mmm.
( fart )
Yes, sir, he's really
enjoying himself.
( woman )
Oh, honey,
it's too big to swallow.
Here, wash him down
with this.
( car horn honks )
Teeth to the
left of me...
gums to the right of me.
I tell you,
I can't stand it !
I am going... mad !
( squeaking )
Wharrrf !
Oh, honey, look.
The poor dear has
coughed up a hairball.
Get me a tissue,
will you ?
Why, that's no hairball.
That's that
ugly mouse.
Tell you what, hon,
wash it off
and we'll try again.
That cat must
be starving.
Oh, no, you don't !
I am no mouse !
I'm a asthma-hound
chihuahua.
Well, by Joe,
it is a chihuahua.
Go on, Stimpy,
he's got us.
Give him back
his five bucks.
I can't !
I've been bad, Ren,
you'll smack me.
When have I ever ?
Now, go ahead,
tell me what's wrong.
All this talk about eating
made me hungry.
I ate the five bucks.
You stupid idiot !
You filthy worm !
You bloated sack !
( woman )
And after you're done
with those dishes,
you can vacuum the rug,
paint the lawn,
mow the hedge,
shave the chickens...
hey, kids !
There's only five more days
till yak-shaving day !
I can hardly wait !
So start decorating
your house
with disposable diapers !
And remember to stuff dad's
rubber boots with coleslaw !
Then, on kilted yak eve,
if you look real closely
you just might catch a glimpse
of the shaven yak
on his enchanted canoe.
But don't forget to leave
a heaping bowl
of hot lather by the sink !
Shh !
Whoa !
Hmm...
ah !
( humming )
( Ren )
And if you've been
a good boy or girl
he just might leave
a surprise for you
to enjoy next morning.
Just what
I always wanted !
Shaving scum !
He got my letter.
Captioning made possible by
comedy central
Captioned by
Soundwriters™
what's on Tv tonight ?
Oh, joy !
Hey, Ren, it's "commander
Hoek and Stimpy" !
Happy, happy, happy...
joy, joy, joy.
My favorite
live-Action drama.
Don't let it start !
Don't let it start !
Roger, a-Ok,
activate view screen.
I can't watch this show
without my...
trusty commander Hoek
radar decoder ring...
my o-fficial commander Hoek
space helmet...
not to mention
your genuine
super-elastic
time shorts.
Bet you don't have a pair
of these, earthling.
And... nggaaaaaa...
my anti-gravity
bubblegum.
( crash )
( Tv announcer )
All systems go !
Prepare for countdown !
10, 9, 8, 7,
6, 5, 4,
3, 2, 1--
blastoff to adventure
in the amazing year
400 billion
with commander Hoek
and his faithful companion
cadet Stimpy,
as they roam the endless,
uncharted regions of space
at speeds so fantastic
they throttle
the imagination !
Prepare to surge
to sub-light speed.
( alarm sounding )
En-gage.
( screaming )
You'll see
futuristic technologies,
thrilling headgear...
( ding )
Spine-tingling toast !
Be there,
scour the spaceways,
explore vast alien worlds !
Come in,
cadet Stimpy.
Do you read me ?
Cadet Stimpy here,
we read you, roger.
Roger here.
Okay, space cadets,
prepare to hurtle
through the cosmos
in today's turgid episode !
( rumbling roar )
( unwinding )
( electricity zapping )
( Commander Hoek thinking )
Captain's log...
commander Hoek here
on a 36-year mission
to the crab nebula.
We've made this trip
dozens of times.
You know,
they say sometimes
people go crazy
on these long trips.
They get the--
( voices )
Space madness.
Heh-- space madness.
Mr. Science officer,
commence relaxation period.
Aye, aye, cap'n !
Well, it's break time.
We're not on duty
for another six years.
So, what do you
wanna do ?
Why don't we just spend
some quality time together ?
( incessant tapping )
( pounding, echoing )
Do you have to keep
tapping like that ?!
You bloated sack
of protoplasm ?!
Hey, cap, ease off.
Oh, hey,
I'm sorry, man.
I-- I just been
cooped up here so long.
I think we both need
a good, hot meal.
Just hang on, okay ?
Mmm, boy,
I'm starving !
How about that !
A 3-course meal.
Ppbbppbb...
that's it !
I need some real food !!
Relax, cap'n.
I'm here for you.
Let it out...
that's right...
hey, I know
what you need.
( waltz playing )
Yes, sir,
a good, hot bath
is the best thing
for nerves.
( snap )
Ow ! Hey !
Cut it out !
( splash )
Ahh...
I'll turn off
the gravity.
It'll help you
relax.
( buzzer )
What a pal.
Ahh...
this is the good life.
Just relax and
let my mind drift.
Ahh...
I'll just lie back
and think pleasant thoughts.
Chicken pot pie...
chocolate-covered
raisins...
glazed ham !
Ohh, oh...
heh heh.
Heh heh
heh heh heh.
Ooh...
they think I'm crazy,
but I know better.
It is not I
who am crazy--
it is I who am mad !
Didn't you hear 'em ?
( voice cracking )
Didn't you see the crowds ?!
Oh, my beloved
ice cream bar...
how I love to lick
your creamy center !
Awwmmf !
Awwmmf !
Awwmmf !
And your oh-so-nutty...
chocolate covering.
You're not like
the others.
You like the
same things I do.
Heh... wax paper...
boiled football
leather...
dog breath !
We're not
hitchhiking anymore.
We're riding !
Stop it !
You're talking crazy.
( record scratch )
Oh, no-- I know
what you want.
You coveted
my ice cream bar !
Come on, now.
No you don't !
You can't take it
from me now !
I've had this ice cream bar
since I was a child !
People... always trying
to take it from me !
Why won't they
leave me alone ?!
E-easy now.
Back off, man !!
Don't make me use this !
One step closer,
I'm warnin' ya !
Don't make me use it !
Now you've done it.
You've forced me
to use it !
( high-pitched scraping )
Hyah !
( screams )
I'm hurting.
You poor, crazy kid.
( thinking )
Captain's log...
I'm tired, so tired.
I can't believe my own
partner attacked me.
Maybe... if I occupy
his mind...
with more duties,
I can control his...
space madness !
( Commander Hoek )
Now, listen, cadet.
I've got a job
for you.
See this button ?
Don't touch it !
It's the history eraser
button, you fool !
So, what'll happen ?
That's just it--
we don't know.
Maybe something bad...
maybe something
good...
I guess we'll never know,
'cause you're going
to guard it.
You won't touch it,
will you ?
Hee... heh heh.
Hee...
heh heh heh.
( announcer )
Oh, how long
can trusty cadet Stimpy
hold out ?
How can he possibly resist
the diabolical urge
to push the button that could
erase his very existence ?!
Will his tortured mind
give in
to its uncontrollable
desires ?
Can he withstand
the temptation
to push the button
that even now beckons him
ever closer ?!
Will he succumb
to the maddening urge
to eradicate history
at the mere push
of a single button ?!
The beautiful,
shiny button !
The jolly,
candy-Like button !
Will he hold out, folks ?
Can he hold out ?
No, I can't !!!
Aahhh !
( alarm sounding )
Tune in
next week as...
( electrical surge )
( electrical surge )
( announcer )
New amazing product !
Hi, kids !
I start out my day
with my favorite breakfast--
that's right,
sugar frosted milk !
Mmm !
Smell those lumps !
Just four ounces of lumps
and six ounces of cereal
makes for
a balanced breakfast.
( screaming )
Help !
Nooo !
Boo hoo !
And sugar frosted milk
stays lumpy,
even in cereal !
Mornin', sis !
Oh, boy !
Sugar frosted lumps !
Hey, who stole my lumps ?!
( ding )
( man yodeling )
( chattering )
Hurry up, Stimpy.
I can't do this
all day.
( rattling )
I think
I see something.
I got something, Ren,
I got something !
( crunch )
I'm so hungry,
I can't stand it.
What are we having ?
Ta-Da !
A can !
Wait a minute--
what are you having ?
The usual.
I'm having a sock.
You're giving me
the can ?
Are you sure ?
Go ahead, it's yours.
You're one of
the good ones, man.
( man )
Hey ! Whose trash is that ?!
Stimpy, move your butt.
It's a higher mammal.
Keep out of my trash !
I'm telling you
for the last time !
A man works hard
for his filth
just to have vagrants
come and steal it.
It's a crying shame.
( sniffling )
Man, I'm starving.
What are we
gonna do ?
We could find
some work.
( woman screams )
Work ?!
Have you lost
your mind ?!
I'm sorry, Ren.
I don't know what
came over me.
( cash register rings )
That's it--
I've got a plan !
What's the plan, Ren ?
Well, we wait until dark,
then we...
( whispering )
And then we...
( whispering )
( dog barking )
( crickets chirping )
See you tomorrow, Ren.
( knocking )
Ah !
Mighty incisors.
( chain saw starting )
( belches )
( giggling )
( doorbell clangs )
Duh, hello.
Please allow me to make
a business proposal.
Oh, how cute !
Look, honey,
a kitty cat.
Isn't he adorable ?
Yep, that's a cat,
all right.
Can we keep him ?
He can catch mice.
Don't be silly,
dear.
You know we don't
have any mice.
Squeak !
Squeak !
Squeak, I tell you,
squeak !
( growling )
Man, that's the ugliest
mouse I've ever seen.
And he's beating up
on our cheese !
All right, cat,
you got yourself a job.
Here,
here's five bucks.
Five bucks ?!
Now, catch that mouse !
( raspberry )
Oh, my--
will no one save me ?
That's right,
you're in for it now.
Your days are numbered.
( falling bomb )
Yeow !
You're murdering me.
Duh, you are in trouble now,
mister rodent.
( woman )
Oh, dear !
I had no idea this would
be so gruesome !
( falling bomb )
Help !
The bad ol' cat
is gonna get me !
Oh, help !
He is so fast
and wily !
( Ren )
Hey ! What are you doing ?!
Put down that knife,
please !
No, no !
( woman )
Ohh !
No, I tell you !
Aaaahh !
( clanging )
Ow ! Stop it !
Help ! Help !
Ouch !
I have got you
right where I want you,
you dirty old mouse.
( crashing )
( Ren )
I'm free !
I've escaped !
Ha ha ha !
That nasty old cat
will never get me now !
I am home free !
I have you now !
Oh, no,
do not throw me out
into the cold,
dark night.
( man )
Hey, cat !
Aren't you gonna
eat that mouse ?
Well, go ahead,
put him in your mouth.
( woman )
That's right,
eat 'im up good !
Don't be shy.
That's a good cat.
( woman )
Oh, look, honey,
isn't that cute ?
Well, go ahead, kitty,
chew him up.
Mmm...
mmm.
( fart )
Yes, sir, he's really
enjoying himself.
( woman )
Oh, honey,
it's too big to swallow.
Here, wash him down
with this.
( car horn honks )
Teeth to the
left of me...
gums to the right of me.
I tell you,
I can't stand it !
I am going... mad !
( squeaking )
Wharrrf !
Oh, honey, look.
The poor dear has
coughed up a hairball.
Get me a tissue,
will you ?
Why, that's no hairball.
That's that
ugly mouse.
Tell you what, hon,
wash it off
and we'll try again.
That cat must
be starving.
Oh, no, you don't !
I am no mouse !
I'm a asthma-hound
chihuahua.
Well, by Joe,
it is a chihuahua.
Go on, Stimpy,
he's got us.
Give him back
his five bucks.
I can't !
I've been bad, Ren,
you'll smack me.
When have I ever ?
Now, go ahead,
tell me what's wrong.
All this talk about eating
made me hungry.
I ate the five bucks.
You stupid idiot !
You filthy worm !
You bloated sack !
( woman )
And after you're done
with those dishes,
you can vacuum the rug,
paint the lawn,
mow the hedge,
shave the chickens...
hey, kids !
There's only five more days
till yak-shaving day !
I can hardly wait !
So start decorating
your house
with disposable diapers !
And remember to stuff dad's
rubber boots with coleslaw !
Then, on kilted yak eve,
if you look real closely
you just might catch a glimpse
of the shaven yak
on his enchanted canoe.
But don't forget to leave
a heaping bowl
of hot lather by the sink !
Shh !
Whoa !
Hmm...
ah !
( humming )
( Ren )
And if you've been
a good boy or girl
he just might leave
a surprise for you
to enjoy next morning.
Just what
I always wanted !
Shaving scum !
He got my letter.
Captioning made possible by
comedy central
Captioned by
Soundwriters™