The Ren & Stimpy Show (1991–1996): Season 1, Episode 2 - Robin Hoek/Nurse Stimpy - full transcript
Ren Hoëk becomes "Robin Hoëk" in this parody of the Robin Hood legend. Stimpy, however, runs from scene to scene as he takes on the role of every other character. Next, stricken with an illness, Ren is brought back to health through Stimpy's unusual nursing practices. In some cases, the cure can be worse than the illness!
( narrator )
Now let's join Ren Hoek
at breakfast time.
What ?
( wobbling )
I'm all out
of powdered toast.
Calling powdered
toast man.
Come in,
please respond !
( soaring whistle )
Powdered toast man !
( both )
Powdered toast man !
Hello, fellas.
( squart )
Out of powdered
toast again ?
Leave everything to me.
( scraping )
Just look at
those eyes light up.
( squart )
Isn't he wonderful ?
Why, he's toasterrific.
( both )
Just like powdered toast.
Don't run out of powdered toast
at your house.
From primo.
And please bless
grandma and grandpa.
And please give me
a million dollars
and a fridge
with a padlock
and, heh,
oh, yeah,
huge pectoral muscles.
But most of all,
please watch out
for my best pal Ren.
He's not strong.
( both )
Amen.
( yawns )
Will you
button me, Ren ?
Sure thing, pal.
Good night, Stimpy.
Good night, Ren.
( snoring )
What is it, man ?!
Will you read me
a bedtime story ?
"Read me a bedtime story" ?
Read it yourself !
Oh, this
looks wonderful.
Uh, once upon a time,
deep in
the logwood forest,
there lived--
uh, let's see.
Who lived
there ?
Oh, yeah,
robin Hoek !
( snoring )
( Stimpy )
Now, robin was
a brave hero.
And he wore
the finest green leotards,
but we'll forgive him,
for he was the finest
archer in all the land.
And with his trusty bow,
he would shoot a--
what did he shoot ?
Oh, yeah,
he shot A...
a melon into the air !
( whistling )
Yeah, that's it.
No, no,
it wasn't a melon.
Uh, what the heck
was it ?
Oh, yeah !
It was a chicken !
( clucks )
( blows a raspberry )
No, wait,
it was A...
moose !
Now, robin didn't
prance around in the woods
in his underwear alone.
Heavens, no !
He had a band
of merry man.
First, there was
friar chuck.
A handsome fellow, indeed.
And then there
was little brain.
And, of course, there was
ransack the elder.
And elkhorn
the downtrodden.
But most beloved of robin
was the lovely maid moron,
who dwelt in a castle
far across logwood forest.
( panting & wheezing )
Oh, you know what,
I completely forgot.
The last merry man.
The loyal will truncheon.
Robin and his band
of man were robbers.
( screaming in the distance )
They would rob from the rich
and give to the...
cheerleaders.
That's not it.
Let's see...
they would rob from the rich,
and give to
the criminally insane.
No, no, no.
They robbed
from the rich and, uh...
gave to the poor.
( dinging cash register )
And woe be to the rich
that dared to enter
logwood forest.
Reachest, thou,
for the sky.
Yay.
Stickest them upest.
And they robbed
the evil prince.
And they robbed
his evil wife.
And they
robbed his evil cow.
( mooing )
Meanwhile, in the castle,
the lovely maid moron
was being held prisoner
by the evil sheriff of, um...
dodge city.
So robin flew
to her rescue.
But the castle was
surrounded by a big moat,
which robin had to cross.
But was
he scared ?
No way.
He was all naked
and rarin' to go.
He just dove into
that water lickety-split.
( splashing )
But it was
a dangerous moat.
( popping bubbles )
Swarming...
with ferocious...
man-eating...
blood-Thirsty...
monks.
Aaaaah !
( honking horn )
Cripes, man,
let's beat it !
( teeth chomping )
( splashing )
( growling and barking )
( chattering )
Once outside the tower,
robin gazed up
at his fair damsel.
He harkened unto her.
"Hark, hark,
harkened he."
Oh, fairest maid moron,
let down
thy silken hair,
thateth I may
climb of it.
( whistling )
( music swells )
My hero !
Huh...
( sniffs )
( snorts )
But, alas, lovers bliss
was not to be had so easy.
Nay, for there at yon door
stoodst the evil sheriff.
But robin was alert.
In a sprig,
he unsheathed his...
his, uh, well, what did
he unsheathe ?
Oh, yeah,
his turkey baster !
And thrust a generous portion
of giblet gravy unto he.
Thou hast besquirted me,
oh, leotarded one.
The maiden be thine.
Together at last,
they were married.
Thou may kisseth
the bride.
( smooches )
Aaaaah !
Thank goodness
it was only a dream.
( ringing bell )
( snoring )
Ahhhh !
( man screams)
( electronically distorted )
At last I have control
of your Tv set.
Are you
receiving me ?
Welcome to our secret
headquarters.
Thousands of miles
below the earth's crust.
Shut up, you fool !
How do we know
we can trust...
them ?
We could make them
take the oath.
Perfect, the oath !
Put your hand
on the Tv screen
and repeat after me:
I do hereby promise
only to watch
the Ren & Stimpy show
to make under-leg noises
during the good scenes
to wear unwashed lederhosen
every single day of
the rest of my life !
That's it.
You're in
our secret club.
All right, Stimpy,
they're okay.
Show them the stuff.
Uh, congratulations...
shut up
and show them.
I'm showing 'em,
I'm showing 'em.
Okay, kids.
It's time for
a secret cartoon !
( birds chirping )
( ticking )
( ringing )
Oh, joy of joys !
Another
beautiful day.
Smell that fresh air.
It's so
invigoratin'.
Yes, sir, I sure feel
great today.
Fit as a fiddle.
Don't you,
Ren ?
Ren ?
Ren, you don't
look so good.
Oh, my !
Oh, dear.
Oh, fudge !
Speak to me, Ren.
You're
making me sad.
( whimpering )
My... friend.
Don't worry, ol' buddy,
I'll take care of you.
Nurse Stimpy
to the rescue !
I, nurse Stimpy,
do solemnly swear
by the sacred bed pan
to fix the patient,
and ease his
wretched suffering
even until all hope
is gone.
Now, just relax,
and don't worry
about a thing.
I'm just going
to perform a few tests.
( unzipping )
Now, open wide, Ren.
Hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-mm.
Heavens, I don't like
the looks of that !
Now, let's have a look
at those glands.
Say, "ahh."
Ahh !
Oh, my gracious.
It's worse
than I thought.
I better perform
some more tests.
Okay, let's check
your blood pressure.
( pumping )
Well, that looks normal.
It's time for
your medicine, Ren.
Now open up.
( flowing steadily )
Ahh.
Get on with it, man.
Patience now.
You must have
the correct dosage.
All righty, open wide.
Ahh...
( grunts )
Now swallow
every little drop.
Isn't it tasty ?
Mmm, mm-hmm.
( laughs )
( choking )
( alarm wailing )
Man !
That's some
icky-Tasting stuff.
What is that anyway ?
( crash )
Okay, Ren, time for your
daily spleen cleansing.
( sniffing )
( boat horn blows )
( chirping seagulls )
Why, Ren, you haven't
washed in weeks.
What you need
is a nice sponge bath.
( creaking )
Aw, you're all sticky
with filth.
( nonsensical singing )
Okay, now,
take off your fur.
Oh, no,
forget that stuff.
Come on,
don't be stubborn.
Now, Ren, are you going
to take off your fur
or do I have to ?
( whimpering )
Back up, man !
Just you...
back up.
I can do it.
That's a good boy.
Was that
so bad ?
Now, isn't that nice ?
( dripping )
( scraping )
You know, Stimpy,
this is not so bad.
In fact, I feel
better already.
You're so good to me.
But it is kind
of embarrassing.
Oh, pshaw.
No one will
ever see you.
( gasps )
My, you're looking
chipper this morning.
Look, I brought you your
breakfast in bed.
I don't
deserve you.
Mmm, my coffee.
Uh-uh-uh.
( clattering )
I brought you
your paper, too.
I know how you like to read
your paper at breakfast.
God bless you, Stimpy.
I'm sorry I'm all
the time mean to you.
( sipping )
Aah !
Oh, no,
a total relapse.
( teeth chattering )
( snorts )
( coughing )
( bubbling )
( beeping )
( pumping )
( slurping )
( screaming )
( birds chirping )
( pop )
Why, I...
I'm better !
I feel like a
million bucks.
Ha ha ha ha ha !
Stimpy, look,
you did it !
You cured me !
Stimpy ?
Stimpy ?
Oh, my gosh,
what's wrong, man ?
Why, you're sick.
You're sick !
Don't worry,
I'll save you !
Now it's my turn !
Nurse Ren to
the rescue !
Ha ha ha ha ha ha !
( gulps )
Oh, boy, Stimpy,
we sure had fun today,
didn't we ?
So long, kids.
Come on, Stimpy,
say good-bye.
Uh, where are we going ?
The show's over.
See you
next time.
Next time ?
When's that ?
Pretty soon,
don't worry.
Pretty soon ?!
How long
is that ?
In a little while, man.
( wailing )
A little while ?
What'll we do
'til then ?
You could get
your teeth drilled.
Or read a book.
( whimpers )
( wailing )
( ding )
Wait a minute, I got it.
You could play with
your magic nose goblins.
Yay !
Picked them myself.
Captioning made possible by
comedy central
Captioned by
Soundwriters™
Now let's join Ren Hoek
at breakfast time.
What ?
( wobbling )
I'm all out
of powdered toast.
Calling powdered
toast man.
Come in,
please respond !
( soaring whistle )
Powdered toast man !
( both )
Powdered toast man !
Hello, fellas.
( squart )
Out of powdered
toast again ?
Leave everything to me.
( scraping )
Just look at
those eyes light up.
( squart )
Isn't he wonderful ?
Why, he's toasterrific.
( both )
Just like powdered toast.
Don't run out of powdered toast
at your house.
From primo.
And please bless
grandma and grandpa.
And please give me
a million dollars
and a fridge
with a padlock
and, heh,
oh, yeah,
huge pectoral muscles.
But most of all,
please watch out
for my best pal Ren.
He's not strong.
( both )
Amen.
( yawns )
Will you
button me, Ren ?
Sure thing, pal.
Good night, Stimpy.
Good night, Ren.
( snoring )
What is it, man ?!
Will you read me
a bedtime story ?
"Read me a bedtime story" ?
Read it yourself !
Oh, this
looks wonderful.
Uh, once upon a time,
deep in
the logwood forest,
there lived--
uh, let's see.
Who lived
there ?
Oh, yeah,
robin Hoek !
( snoring )
( Stimpy )
Now, robin was
a brave hero.
And he wore
the finest green leotards,
but we'll forgive him,
for he was the finest
archer in all the land.
And with his trusty bow,
he would shoot a--
what did he shoot ?
Oh, yeah,
he shot A...
a melon into the air !
( whistling )
Yeah, that's it.
No, no,
it wasn't a melon.
Uh, what the heck
was it ?
Oh, yeah !
It was a chicken !
( clucks )
( blows a raspberry )
No, wait,
it was A...
moose !
Now, robin didn't
prance around in the woods
in his underwear alone.
Heavens, no !
He had a band
of merry man.
First, there was
friar chuck.
A handsome fellow, indeed.
And then there
was little brain.
And, of course, there was
ransack the elder.
And elkhorn
the downtrodden.
But most beloved of robin
was the lovely maid moron,
who dwelt in a castle
far across logwood forest.
( panting & wheezing )
Oh, you know what,
I completely forgot.
The last merry man.
The loyal will truncheon.
Robin and his band
of man were robbers.
( screaming in the distance )
They would rob from the rich
and give to the...
cheerleaders.
That's not it.
Let's see...
they would rob from the rich,
and give to
the criminally insane.
No, no, no.
They robbed
from the rich and, uh...
gave to the poor.
( dinging cash register )
And woe be to the rich
that dared to enter
logwood forest.
Reachest, thou,
for the sky.
Yay.
Stickest them upest.
And they robbed
the evil prince.
And they robbed
his evil wife.
And they
robbed his evil cow.
( mooing )
Meanwhile, in the castle,
the lovely maid moron
was being held prisoner
by the evil sheriff of, um...
dodge city.
So robin flew
to her rescue.
But the castle was
surrounded by a big moat,
which robin had to cross.
But was
he scared ?
No way.
He was all naked
and rarin' to go.
He just dove into
that water lickety-split.
( splashing )
But it was
a dangerous moat.
( popping bubbles )
Swarming...
with ferocious...
man-eating...
blood-Thirsty...
monks.
Aaaaah !
( honking horn )
Cripes, man,
let's beat it !
( teeth chomping )
( splashing )
( growling and barking )
( chattering )
Once outside the tower,
robin gazed up
at his fair damsel.
He harkened unto her.
"Hark, hark,
harkened he."
Oh, fairest maid moron,
let down
thy silken hair,
thateth I may
climb of it.
( whistling )
( music swells )
My hero !
Huh...
( sniffs )
( snorts )
But, alas, lovers bliss
was not to be had so easy.
Nay, for there at yon door
stoodst the evil sheriff.
But robin was alert.
In a sprig,
he unsheathed his...
his, uh, well, what did
he unsheathe ?
Oh, yeah,
his turkey baster !
And thrust a generous portion
of giblet gravy unto he.
Thou hast besquirted me,
oh, leotarded one.
The maiden be thine.
Together at last,
they were married.
Thou may kisseth
the bride.
( smooches )
Aaaaah !
Thank goodness
it was only a dream.
( ringing bell )
( snoring )
Ahhhh !
( man screams)
( electronically distorted )
At last I have control
of your Tv set.
Are you
receiving me ?
Welcome to our secret
headquarters.
Thousands of miles
below the earth's crust.
Shut up, you fool !
How do we know
we can trust...
them ?
We could make them
take the oath.
Perfect, the oath !
Put your hand
on the Tv screen
and repeat after me:
I do hereby promise
only to watch
the Ren & Stimpy show
to make under-leg noises
during the good scenes
to wear unwashed lederhosen
every single day of
the rest of my life !
That's it.
You're in
our secret club.
All right, Stimpy,
they're okay.
Show them the stuff.
Uh, congratulations...
shut up
and show them.
I'm showing 'em,
I'm showing 'em.
Okay, kids.
It's time for
a secret cartoon !
( birds chirping )
( ticking )
( ringing )
Oh, joy of joys !
Another
beautiful day.
Smell that fresh air.
It's so
invigoratin'.
Yes, sir, I sure feel
great today.
Fit as a fiddle.
Don't you,
Ren ?
Ren ?
Ren, you don't
look so good.
Oh, my !
Oh, dear.
Oh, fudge !
Speak to me, Ren.
You're
making me sad.
( whimpering )
My... friend.
Don't worry, ol' buddy,
I'll take care of you.
Nurse Stimpy
to the rescue !
I, nurse Stimpy,
do solemnly swear
by the sacred bed pan
to fix the patient,
and ease his
wretched suffering
even until all hope
is gone.
Now, just relax,
and don't worry
about a thing.
I'm just going
to perform a few tests.
( unzipping )
Now, open wide, Ren.
Hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-mm.
Heavens, I don't like
the looks of that !
Now, let's have a look
at those glands.
Say, "ahh."
Ahh !
Oh, my gracious.
It's worse
than I thought.
I better perform
some more tests.
Okay, let's check
your blood pressure.
( pumping )
Well, that looks normal.
It's time for
your medicine, Ren.
Now open up.
( flowing steadily )
Ahh.
Get on with it, man.
Patience now.
You must have
the correct dosage.
All righty, open wide.
Ahh...
( grunts )
Now swallow
every little drop.
Isn't it tasty ?
Mmm, mm-hmm.
( laughs )
( choking )
( alarm wailing )
Man !
That's some
icky-Tasting stuff.
What is that anyway ?
( crash )
Okay, Ren, time for your
daily spleen cleansing.
( sniffing )
( boat horn blows )
( chirping seagulls )
Why, Ren, you haven't
washed in weeks.
What you need
is a nice sponge bath.
( creaking )
Aw, you're all sticky
with filth.
( nonsensical singing )
Okay, now,
take off your fur.
Oh, no,
forget that stuff.
Come on,
don't be stubborn.
Now, Ren, are you going
to take off your fur
or do I have to ?
( whimpering )
Back up, man !
Just you...
back up.
I can do it.
That's a good boy.
Was that
so bad ?
Now, isn't that nice ?
( dripping )
( scraping )
You know, Stimpy,
this is not so bad.
In fact, I feel
better already.
You're so good to me.
But it is kind
of embarrassing.
Oh, pshaw.
No one will
ever see you.
( gasps )
My, you're looking
chipper this morning.
Look, I brought you your
breakfast in bed.
I don't
deserve you.
Mmm, my coffee.
Uh-uh-uh.
( clattering )
I brought you
your paper, too.
I know how you like to read
your paper at breakfast.
God bless you, Stimpy.
I'm sorry I'm all
the time mean to you.
( sipping )
Aah !
Oh, no,
a total relapse.
( teeth chattering )
( snorts )
( coughing )
( bubbling )
( beeping )
( pumping )
( slurping )
( screaming )
( birds chirping )
( pop )
Why, I...
I'm better !
I feel like a
million bucks.
Ha ha ha ha ha !
Stimpy, look,
you did it !
You cured me !
Stimpy ?
Stimpy ?
Oh, my gosh,
what's wrong, man ?
Why, you're sick.
You're sick !
Don't worry,
I'll save you !
Now it's my turn !
Nurse Ren to
the rescue !
Ha ha ha ha ha ha !
( gulps )
Oh, boy, Stimpy,
we sure had fun today,
didn't we ?
So long, kids.
Come on, Stimpy,
say good-bye.
Uh, where are we going ?
The show's over.
See you
next time.
Next time ?
When's that ?
Pretty soon,
don't worry.
Pretty soon ?!
How long
is that ?
In a little while, man.
( wailing )
A little while ?
What'll we do
'til then ?
You could get
your teeth drilled.
Or read a book.
( whimpers )
( wailing )
( ding )
Wait a minute, I got it.
You could play with
your magic nose goblins.
Yay !
Picked them myself.
Captioning made possible by
comedy central
Captioned by
Soundwriters™