The Ren & Stimpy Show (1991–1996): Season 1, Episode 1 - Stimpy's Big Day/The Big Shot - full transcript
Stimpy wins a competition that takes him to the Big-time in Hollywood. Ren, left at home, begins to miss Stimpy more than he ever would of thought. Will Stimpy, rich and successful, remember Ren and return home?
( man )
Hey, kid,
you want a toy ?
Uh-huh, uh-huh.
How about a bike ?
No.
A video game ?
No !
Well, okay,
you pick a toy.
Hmm, I want...
log !
Boy, oh, boy.
Yes, log.
All kids love log.
♪ Log rolls down stairs
alone or in pairs ♪
♪ rolls over
your neighbor's dog ♪
♪ what's great for a snack
and fits on your back ? ♪
♪ It's log, log, log ♪
♪ it's log, log ♪
♪ it's big,
it's heavy, it's wood ♪
♪ it's log, log ♪
♪ it's better than bad,
it's good ♪
♪ everyone wants a log ♪
♪ you're gonna
love it, log ♪
♪ come on and get your log,
everyone needs a log... ♪
log, from "blammo".
( clattering, clanging
& boinging )
Look at you, man.
You're a full-grown cat,
still watching cartoons.
Why, you're 3 years old !
Do you know what that is
in human years ?
Oh, listen to me, man,
I'm your friend.
Don't you know cartoons
will ruin your mind ?
Look what it's
done to your brain.
( splash )
( toilet flushing )
( toilet handle rattles )
( fanfare on T.V. )
Eee !
Shhh...
( man on T.V. )
And now, kids,
it's time for the
Muddy Mudskipper Show !
( Muddy Mudskipper theme
music playing )
♪ Who's the greatest
mudskipper of them all ? ♪
♪ Who can skip through the mud
with the greatest of ease ? ♪
♪ What kind
of wonderful guy ? ♪
♪ Who can crawl like a dog
without scraping his knees ? ♪
♪ Who's got
segmented eyes ? ♪
♪ It's muddy ♪
♪ mudskipper,
it's muddy ♪
♪ mudskipper,
it's muddy... ♪
♪ mud... ♪
♪ skipper show ! ♪
And now, a word
from our sponsor.
The Muddy Mudskipper Show
is brought to you
by "Gritty Kitty Litter".
Friends, do you use
Gritty Kitty Litter ?
Then you know
about its absorbency...
its fragrance...
it's like the smell
of fresh bison !
( splat )
It sticks to
any surface.
It's great
as a between-meal snack.
And how 'bout that
wonderful feeling you get
when you squish it
between your toes ?
So, remember, folks,
if it doesn't say
"Gritty Kitty", it stinks.
And now, for all you
kiddies at home,
I'd like to
announce a contest !
We'd like you to
write us a poem
of 47 million words
or less,
telling us why you love
Gritty Kitty Litter.
Whoever writes
the best poem will win...
( chattering )
$47 million,
a lifetime supply
of goat cheese,
a 12-hour record set of
the top hits of the '70s,
but best of all,
a trip to Hollywood
and a guest appearance on the
Muddy Mudskipper Show !
"Gritty kitty
ain't so pretty,
( thinking )
But it's really...
thick."
Well, you're
out of your mind.
"It fills my cat box,
oh, so snug...
"it always
does the trick.
"I like to rub it
on my toes
"and squish
and squish and squish.
"It never offends
my tender nose...
"like a smelly fish.
"Its texture
is a joy to me,
"it's just as smooth
as silk.
"It makes my little
whiskers twitch...
it stays crunchy,
even in milk.
Aah !
"It stays crunchy,
even in milk.
"I may not be the president,
I may not be the pope.
"But as long as
I have gritty kitty...
I shall never mope."
( slurps )
Where are you going ?
I tell you,
these contests are a scam.
Nobody ever wins them,
don't be a sucker.
But I wanna meet
muddy mudskipper.
Oh, you ee-diot !
He's just
a cartoon character,
not real, not flesh
and blood like we !
I'm telling you,
cartoons aren't real.
They're-- they're--
uh, they're buppets !
Eee !
If you put that
letter in the box,
you're a bigger fool
than I thought.
I'm telling you right now,
you let go of that letter
or I'm going to lose
all respect for you.
Are you listening ?
Oh, forgive me, Ren !
Please forgive me !
( sobbing )
I could not help myself !
Nope, can't,
won't forgive you.
Nope, nope, forget it.
No way.
( Stimpy )
Night, Ren.
( Ren grunts and grumbles )
Uh, listen, Stimpy,
I, uh...
( doorbell rings )
( birds tweet )
Yes, what is it ?
Are you
Stimpson J. Cat ?
Oh, you want Stimpy.
Uh, he's in there.
Well, would you tell him
he's won $47 million ?
Right, uh, 47 million,
I'll get him.
47 million...
dollars !
I'm the cat !
See ?
I'm the cat !
( ripping )
See ?
I told you.
I'm the cat !
( yawns )
What's up, Ren ?
( horn honks )
Nothing, rover,
go back to
your doghouse !
Congratulations,
Mr. Stimpy.
Your wonderful poem
won first prize !
( crash )
It's my money !
I wrote
that poem !
Stimpy cheated !
I always use
your stinky old litter.
Look how I love it !
( crunching )
Mmm !
( car engine starts )
( car doors slam ) )
( honk, honk )
Go on,
get out of here !
Who needs ya ?!
( sobbing )
Muddy mudskipper ?
I can't believe it,
you're my idol !
( gravelly voice )
Yeah, yeah, kid, I know,
don't sweat it.
Someday you're gonna
be big, bigger than me !
Stick with me, kid,
I was once a lousy bum
just like you.
I crawled my way up out of
the mud to get where I am.
You wanna make it
in this world,
you gotta adapt.
Ever breathe oxygen,
son ?
( gasps )
Good, don't start.
Me, I'm hooked.
Get it ?
( inhales )
Shut up !
( man )
Five minutes to airtime.
Well, kid,
this is your big break.
You're gonna be great.
Ya lousy bum.
( thumping )
( squeaking )
( slap )
( blowing )
( ding )
( man )
There's a new face
in Hollywood today.
It's fresh,
it's redundant...
let's give him
a warm welcome
because his whole career depends
on this next important message !
Well, I've been--
( smack )
( birds tweeting )
Oh, hello !
You're just in time for another
one of my breakfast tips.
And what have we here ?
A brand-new
box of cereal.
And what's inside ?
A prize !
Let's try a little experiment,
shall we ?
Get your hand
out of that box !
How many times
do I have to tell you ?!
You can't open a new box
until you finish
the last box !
Do you think that
money grows on trees ?!
Do I have to--
sounds familiar.
Do you know how lucky you are
we even have cereal ?!
Why, when I was your age,
we ate wood and rocks !
Hey !
Cripes,
I'm late for work !
Remember, keep your
filthy mitts
out of that cereal box !
So when you're faced
with this problem,
do what I do.
First, get a big bowl and
pour all the cereal in it.
Yes !
I can hardly wait
to see what it is !
Joy !
It's a muddy mudskipper
cereal bowl caddy !
Now, boys and girls,
just pour the cereal
back in the box,
close the lid and...
it's as good as new !
Then you put it away
and no one
will ever know.
Join us again for more
"Stimpy's breakfast tips".
Bye for now !
Man, this is the life.
No one to fuss over me,
no one to tell me what to do.
Why, I haven't bathed
in three weeks.
Mmm, I wonder if there's any
Chinese food left in the fridge.
( scuffling )
( clinking & clanking )
Stimpy's...
catnip mouse.
( crash )
( squish )
( choking up )
It's Stimpy's...
hairball.
( fly buzzing )
♪ Memories... ♪
I wonder what the old boy
is doing right now.
Gritty kitty commercial,
take three.
Ladies and gentlemen,
we're here
at your local supermarket
to demonstrate the absorbency
of gritty kitty litter.
( woman on P.A. system )
Clean-up on aisle 7, please.
Clean-up on aisle 7.
Now, before
we start the test,
I'd like you to
meet someone.
Excuse me, sir, could you
come here for a second ?
Don't be shy, sir,
it's just a television camera.
Tell me, Mr. Horse,
uh, are you
a professional actor ?
No, sir,
I am a real horse.
Thank you.
Would you mind stepping over
to our isolation booth ?
Not at all.
Now, ladies and gentlemen,
of course we don't expect you
to subject your kitty litter
to this kind of
severe test,
but we're out
to prove a point.
Now, we have here,
two cat boxes.
One's filled with
a popular name-brand litter
and the other filled
with gritty kitty.
Are you ready for
the test, Mr. Horse ?
Yes, sir, I am.
( zipper unzips )
While Mr. Horse
does his duty,
let me remind you
that gritty kitty also makes
an excellent casserole
for when those
unexpected guests show up.
( bell rings )
Ah, there's the bell.
( organ intro music )
Mr. Horse,
are you ready ?
Yes, I am.
Would you please take
a sniff of cat box "a" ?
( sniffing )
And what are your feelings
about that, Mr. Horse ?
No, sir,
I don't like it.
Now would you
try box "b" ?
( sniffs )
Why, I don't believe it !
I can't smell
a thing !
Well, friends,
there you have it.
If gritty kitty
can do that for a horse,
think of what it can do
for your home !
Wait 'til I tell
the missis about this.
So make sure
you use gritty kitty.
Just look for me
on the label.
( crickets chirping )
( music box music )
( footsteps tinkling )
( air deflating )
( sighs )
Good night, Stimpy.
Aah !
You're haunting me !
( echoing )
He's talking
to pillows, kids.
Ooh, isn't that Stimpy,
the famous Hollywood cat ?
Oh, my gosh,
he's looking at me !
Don't be silly,
he's looking at me.
Ooh, what a hunk.
Look at that
manly physique.
( thud )
I'll watch some T.V.
It'll help me
to relax !
( zap )
( man on T.V. )
Join us now for
"Marshal Stimpy".
( zap )
It's time for
"Stimpy, the Jungle Boy".
( zap )
( zap )
"Sergeant Stimpy
of the Klondike."
( zap )
( bubbling )
"Ask Dr. Stupid."
( tuning signals whining )
( cheers & applause )
Get your hand out of
that pic-a-nic basket,
you dusty old cat !
Psst...
hey, kid,
say your line.
Oh-- oh, yeah.
Jane, stop
this crazy thing !
Well, blow me down.
I'm huntin'
for a wabbit !
I hate mee-ses to pieces !
( laughter & applause )
Hey, kid,
you did all right.
Ya lousy bum.
Well,
what's the matter ?
( whimpering )
Hey, kid, I don't get it,
you got it made.
You got $47 million,
you got my
T.V. Contract.
What more could you
possibly want ?
I want Ren !
( sobbing )
♪ Who's the greatest
mudskipper of them all ? ♪
( doorbell rings )
( squeaking )
( sweeping, orchestral
music playing)
Pal ?
Buddy ?
Pal !
Buddy !
What did you do
with all your money ?
I gave it all away.
For-- for me ?
For you.
( sniffles )
You gave away
$47 million ? !!
You...
you daft,
bloated ee-diot !
You worm !
You-- you stupid...
( groaning
in frustration )
Uh, boy, Stimpy,
we sure had fun today,
didn't we ?
So long, kids.
Come on, Stimpy,
say good-bye.
Uh, where
are we going ?
The show's over,
see you next time.
Next time ?
When's that ?
Pretty soon,
don't worry.
Pretty soon ?
How long is that ?!
In a little while, man.
( sobbing )
A little while ?
What'll we do
'til then ?
Why, you could,
uh, shampoo the rug
eat your
creamed asparagus...
bleah !
( sobbing )
( ding )
You could keep yourself
busy with this !
Oh, joy !
( ripping, pouring
& crunching )
Uh, good-bye, folks.
Uh, good-bye, folks !
Captioning made possible by
comedy central
Captioned by
Soundwriters™
Hey, kid,
you want a toy ?
Uh-huh, uh-huh.
How about a bike ?
No.
A video game ?
No !
Well, okay,
you pick a toy.
Hmm, I want...
log !
Boy, oh, boy.
Yes, log.
All kids love log.
♪ Log rolls down stairs
alone or in pairs ♪
♪ rolls over
your neighbor's dog ♪
♪ what's great for a snack
and fits on your back ? ♪
♪ It's log, log, log ♪
♪ it's log, log ♪
♪ it's big,
it's heavy, it's wood ♪
♪ it's log, log ♪
♪ it's better than bad,
it's good ♪
♪ everyone wants a log ♪
♪ you're gonna
love it, log ♪
♪ come on and get your log,
everyone needs a log... ♪
log, from "blammo".
( clattering, clanging
& boinging )
Look at you, man.
You're a full-grown cat,
still watching cartoons.
Why, you're 3 years old !
Do you know what that is
in human years ?
Oh, listen to me, man,
I'm your friend.
Don't you know cartoons
will ruin your mind ?
Look what it's
done to your brain.
( splash )
( toilet flushing )
( toilet handle rattles )
( fanfare on T.V. )
Eee !
Shhh...
( man on T.V. )
And now, kids,
it's time for the
Muddy Mudskipper Show !
( Muddy Mudskipper theme
music playing )
♪ Who's the greatest
mudskipper of them all ? ♪
♪ Who can skip through the mud
with the greatest of ease ? ♪
♪ What kind
of wonderful guy ? ♪
♪ Who can crawl like a dog
without scraping his knees ? ♪
♪ Who's got
segmented eyes ? ♪
♪ It's muddy ♪
♪ mudskipper,
it's muddy ♪
♪ mudskipper,
it's muddy... ♪
♪ mud... ♪
♪ skipper show ! ♪
And now, a word
from our sponsor.
The Muddy Mudskipper Show
is brought to you
by "Gritty Kitty Litter".
Friends, do you use
Gritty Kitty Litter ?
Then you know
about its absorbency...
its fragrance...
it's like the smell
of fresh bison !
( splat )
It sticks to
any surface.
It's great
as a between-meal snack.
And how 'bout that
wonderful feeling you get
when you squish it
between your toes ?
So, remember, folks,
if it doesn't say
"Gritty Kitty", it stinks.
And now, for all you
kiddies at home,
I'd like to
announce a contest !
We'd like you to
write us a poem
of 47 million words
or less,
telling us why you love
Gritty Kitty Litter.
Whoever writes
the best poem will win...
( chattering )
$47 million,
a lifetime supply
of goat cheese,
a 12-hour record set of
the top hits of the '70s,
but best of all,
a trip to Hollywood
and a guest appearance on the
Muddy Mudskipper Show !
"Gritty kitty
ain't so pretty,
( thinking )
But it's really...
thick."
Well, you're
out of your mind.
"It fills my cat box,
oh, so snug...
"it always
does the trick.
"I like to rub it
on my toes
"and squish
and squish and squish.
"It never offends
my tender nose...
"like a smelly fish.
"Its texture
is a joy to me,
"it's just as smooth
as silk.
"It makes my little
whiskers twitch...
it stays crunchy,
even in milk.
Aah !
"It stays crunchy,
even in milk.
"I may not be the president,
I may not be the pope.
"But as long as
I have gritty kitty...
I shall never mope."
( slurps )
Where are you going ?
I tell you,
these contests are a scam.
Nobody ever wins them,
don't be a sucker.
But I wanna meet
muddy mudskipper.
Oh, you ee-diot !
He's just
a cartoon character,
not real, not flesh
and blood like we !
I'm telling you,
cartoons aren't real.
They're-- they're--
uh, they're buppets !
Eee !
If you put that
letter in the box,
you're a bigger fool
than I thought.
I'm telling you right now,
you let go of that letter
or I'm going to lose
all respect for you.
Are you listening ?
Oh, forgive me, Ren !
Please forgive me !
( sobbing )
I could not help myself !
Nope, can't,
won't forgive you.
Nope, nope, forget it.
No way.
( Stimpy )
Night, Ren.
( Ren grunts and grumbles )
Uh, listen, Stimpy,
I, uh...
( doorbell rings )
( birds tweet )
Yes, what is it ?
Are you
Stimpson J. Cat ?
Oh, you want Stimpy.
Uh, he's in there.
Well, would you tell him
he's won $47 million ?
Right, uh, 47 million,
I'll get him.
47 million...
dollars !
I'm the cat !
See ?
I'm the cat !
( ripping )
See ?
I told you.
I'm the cat !
( yawns )
What's up, Ren ?
( horn honks )
Nothing, rover,
go back to
your doghouse !
Congratulations,
Mr. Stimpy.
Your wonderful poem
won first prize !
( crash )
It's my money !
I wrote
that poem !
Stimpy cheated !
I always use
your stinky old litter.
Look how I love it !
( crunching )
Mmm !
( car engine starts )
( car doors slam ) )
( honk, honk )
Go on,
get out of here !
Who needs ya ?!
( sobbing )
Muddy mudskipper ?
I can't believe it,
you're my idol !
( gravelly voice )
Yeah, yeah, kid, I know,
don't sweat it.
Someday you're gonna
be big, bigger than me !
Stick with me, kid,
I was once a lousy bum
just like you.
I crawled my way up out of
the mud to get where I am.
You wanna make it
in this world,
you gotta adapt.
Ever breathe oxygen,
son ?
( gasps )
Good, don't start.
Me, I'm hooked.
Get it ?
( inhales )
Shut up !
( man )
Five minutes to airtime.
Well, kid,
this is your big break.
You're gonna be great.
Ya lousy bum.
( thumping )
( squeaking )
( slap )
( blowing )
( ding )
( man )
There's a new face
in Hollywood today.
It's fresh,
it's redundant...
let's give him
a warm welcome
because his whole career depends
on this next important message !
Well, I've been--
( smack )
( birds tweeting )
Oh, hello !
You're just in time for another
one of my breakfast tips.
And what have we here ?
A brand-new
box of cereal.
And what's inside ?
A prize !
Let's try a little experiment,
shall we ?
Get your hand
out of that box !
How many times
do I have to tell you ?!
You can't open a new box
until you finish
the last box !
Do you think that
money grows on trees ?!
Do I have to--
sounds familiar.
Do you know how lucky you are
we even have cereal ?!
Why, when I was your age,
we ate wood and rocks !
Hey !
Cripes,
I'm late for work !
Remember, keep your
filthy mitts
out of that cereal box !
So when you're faced
with this problem,
do what I do.
First, get a big bowl and
pour all the cereal in it.
Yes !
I can hardly wait
to see what it is !
Joy !
It's a muddy mudskipper
cereal bowl caddy !
Now, boys and girls,
just pour the cereal
back in the box,
close the lid and...
it's as good as new !
Then you put it away
and no one
will ever know.
Join us again for more
"Stimpy's breakfast tips".
Bye for now !
Man, this is the life.
No one to fuss over me,
no one to tell me what to do.
Why, I haven't bathed
in three weeks.
Mmm, I wonder if there's any
Chinese food left in the fridge.
( scuffling )
( clinking & clanking )
Stimpy's...
catnip mouse.
( crash )
( squish )
( choking up )
It's Stimpy's...
hairball.
( fly buzzing )
♪ Memories... ♪
I wonder what the old boy
is doing right now.
Gritty kitty commercial,
take three.
Ladies and gentlemen,
we're here
at your local supermarket
to demonstrate the absorbency
of gritty kitty litter.
( woman on P.A. system )
Clean-up on aisle 7, please.
Clean-up on aisle 7.
Now, before
we start the test,
I'd like you to
meet someone.
Excuse me, sir, could you
come here for a second ?
Don't be shy, sir,
it's just a television camera.
Tell me, Mr. Horse,
uh, are you
a professional actor ?
No, sir,
I am a real horse.
Thank you.
Would you mind stepping over
to our isolation booth ?
Not at all.
Now, ladies and gentlemen,
of course we don't expect you
to subject your kitty litter
to this kind of
severe test,
but we're out
to prove a point.
Now, we have here,
two cat boxes.
One's filled with
a popular name-brand litter
and the other filled
with gritty kitty.
Are you ready for
the test, Mr. Horse ?
Yes, sir, I am.
( zipper unzips )
While Mr. Horse
does his duty,
let me remind you
that gritty kitty also makes
an excellent casserole
for when those
unexpected guests show up.
( bell rings )
Ah, there's the bell.
( organ intro music )
Mr. Horse,
are you ready ?
Yes, I am.
Would you please take
a sniff of cat box "a" ?
( sniffing )
And what are your feelings
about that, Mr. Horse ?
No, sir,
I don't like it.
Now would you
try box "b" ?
( sniffs )
Why, I don't believe it !
I can't smell
a thing !
Well, friends,
there you have it.
If gritty kitty
can do that for a horse,
think of what it can do
for your home !
Wait 'til I tell
the missis about this.
So make sure
you use gritty kitty.
Just look for me
on the label.
( crickets chirping )
( music box music )
( footsteps tinkling )
( air deflating )
( sighs )
Good night, Stimpy.
Aah !
You're haunting me !
( echoing )
He's talking
to pillows, kids.
Ooh, isn't that Stimpy,
the famous Hollywood cat ?
Oh, my gosh,
he's looking at me !
Don't be silly,
he's looking at me.
Ooh, what a hunk.
Look at that
manly physique.
( thud )
I'll watch some T.V.
It'll help me
to relax !
( zap )
( man on T.V. )
Join us now for
"Marshal Stimpy".
( zap )
It's time for
"Stimpy, the Jungle Boy".
( zap )
( zap )
"Sergeant Stimpy
of the Klondike."
( zap )
( bubbling )
"Ask Dr. Stupid."
( tuning signals whining )
( cheers & applause )
Get your hand out of
that pic-a-nic basket,
you dusty old cat !
Psst...
hey, kid,
say your line.
Oh-- oh, yeah.
Jane, stop
this crazy thing !
Well, blow me down.
I'm huntin'
for a wabbit !
I hate mee-ses to pieces !
( laughter & applause )
Hey, kid,
you did all right.
Ya lousy bum.
Well,
what's the matter ?
( whimpering )
Hey, kid, I don't get it,
you got it made.
You got $47 million,
you got my
T.V. Contract.
What more could you
possibly want ?
I want Ren !
( sobbing )
♪ Who's the greatest
mudskipper of them all ? ♪
( doorbell rings )
( squeaking )
( sweeping, orchestral
music playing)
Pal ?
Buddy ?
Pal !
Buddy !
What did you do
with all your money ?
I gave it all away.
For-- for me ?
For you.
( sniffles )
You gave away
$47 million ? !!
You...
you daft,
bloated ee-diot !
You worm !
You-- you stupid...
( groaning
in frustration )
Uh, boy, Stimpy,
we sure had fun today,
didn't we ?
So long, kids.
Come on, Stimpy,
say good-bye.
Uh, where
are we going ?
The show's over,
see you next time.
Next time ?
When's that ?
Pretty soon,
don't worry.
Pretty soon ?
How long is that ?!
In a little while, man.
( sobbing )
A little while ?
What'll we do
'til then ?
Why, you could,
uh, shampoo the rug
eat your
creamed asparagus...
bleah !
( sobbing )
( ding )
You could keep yourself
busy with this !
Oh, joy !
( ripping, pouring
& crunching )
Uh, good-bye, folks.
Uh, good-bye, folks !
Captioning made possible by
comedy central
Captioned by
Soundwriters™