The Real Housewives of New York City (2008–…): Season 5, Episode 14 - Slutty Island - full transcript

Previously on The Real
Housewives of New York City..

Woo!

- Glad to have you all
in this beautiful island!

- Holy macarroni!

Let the drama begin.

I actually spoke to
Reed this morning..

I'm gonna go!

- She's gonna come for the weekend!

- With or without Reed?

- With Reed.

Alright!



I love her Johnny Depp boyfriend.

- Let's go, Thomas!
Are you ready?

I'm in bad shape!

LuAnn came to my room
at three in the morning..

with a man!

- We heard men's
voices with you last night!

- No, I had a group of
people, the Italians!

If LuAnn is going to continue
to perpetuate this Italian story,

I'm just really uncomfortable
with it. I know she was with Thomas

and so it's not
something I can lie about!

And now they say,
"You brought a guy.."

and I told them it was
a group.. a group.

- Hello, Thomas!

It's unfortunate for LuAnn that
Thomas is the only one that showed up.



Never underestimate a woman
born and raised in New York City.

I may be a Princess but I am
definitely not a drama queen.

My success is built on making
women look and feel their best!

Holla.

To some people living
elegantly just comes naturally.

I'm not afraid to say what
everyone else is thinking.

A little Sonja will
spice up any part.

Girls! Girls!

And Thomas!

Thank you for coming by.

LuAnn is definite
clampdown mode.

The hatches are covered.

She's not talking
about anything.

I don't know what
LuAnn did with you.

- What are you insinuating?

- What? I just said because
he's here! He's a great guy!

I'd be here with him too! I
like to being next to Thomas!

Ramona, don't be get
too friendly, you know?

- Why? You're worried?

- I'm joking!

You love to tease
me! I'm teasing you!

Money can't pay you class.

No! Money can't buy you class, silly!

- Money can't buy you class.

I know LuAnn brought
a man home last night

Just wasn't quite sure who.

But, hey!

You don't have to be a rocket
scientist to figure out who it is now.

So I dunno why they're playing
this game, but you know what?

I'll play it too! Why not?

Let's play cat and
mouse everyone.

Were you here last night?
You were here last night!

At Le Ti. You saw me?

- Yeah, I saw you!

You saw me at Le
Ti? You came to Le Ti.

- No, but I saw you here! At the house.

It's a great house, right?

Yeah.

I've been here once
last year for a big party.

- But you were here last night, so?

- Hello?

- You didn't come to visit me! Why didn't you visited me?

- It's Thomas! What's up?

What is this? Is this a game? I
dunno this game at all!

- You have to get one without
making move any other piece.

- Yes! Like pick up sticks!

Pick up sticks.

They must have adapted from the
game in the US called pick-up sticks.

So did you have fun here last night?

Okay.

Kiss and don't tell.

Did I gave fun last
night? Yeah. Yeah.

Definitely not yeah yeah.

Thanks to you coming to Le Ti.

And after, I was really tired, so..

I didn't move anywhere, anyways.

- I saw you here.

You saw me now.

No, I saw you last night here.

I saw you last night here!

I did.

No, you didn't!

I wasn't looking to nail LuAnn to the wall.

I was just playing with her.

LuAnn likes to make
up her own stories,

I dunno the big deal is!

She's not married, she's single,
who cares who she brought home?

Could have been a two
legged pig for all I care.

- She's bonding with Thomas.

I'm scared!

She's going "Let's play husband".

I didn't..

- Okay.

- Maybe you'll see me.

Maybe tonight?

- It was your double.

- Yes, it was my..

So your double!

My double came
with me yesterday.

- Your double came?

Yes.

I'll ask for you.. maybe.

I know that two
hours I didn't see him.

Maybe he came.

For two hours?

Did he make something wrong?

- No, your double
did everything right.

Yeah?
- Oh, yes!

Okay, she's the crazy one.

She's the frazzled one.

- I told you!

- He says "Who's the crazy
one" and we're like..

- I busted him and he's not happy.

Jacques is not going to be too
happy when he hears about this.

LuAnn is going to have a
lot of back pedaling to do.

Sonja, you know.

Ramona.

- She's a Princess, I know.

- Yeah!

Anthony!

- Yes, my husband!

I remember when you
were getting married.

- We rented this house when it was
the old house, when it was a little one.

I was surprised that
she remembered me.

And she remembered me from I think
the time I was there down with Anthony,

before we've even married.
It was a long time ago.

You're alone or now
you're married again or..?

No, I'm not married again.

- But she has a boyfriend here.

He's a musician.

You don't have a boyfriend?

- Who needs a boyfriend
when you can try a little..

I's a job to get boyfriend.

You know, my
boyfriend is coming later.

Your boyfriend?

You are gay?

- No, he's bi-coastal,
he is not bisexual.

Well, maybe he's bisexual!

Because he's french!

- French guys are not bisexual.

- When you have a ménage
à trois, that's not bisexual?

Ménage à trois, with two girls.

French men, not with two men.

So, ménage à six? Ah, seven.

Ménage à seven?

Sure.

Okay.

- Ménage à anything
right now, I'll tell you.

Thomas is so hot

that he can get away

with wearing makeup
and he's straight.

Thomas, how old are you?

I'm uh, thirty in May.

I will be, like, older than
you, so I cannot be thirty.

I prefer be older.

- He said he's gonna 30
and he be older man me.

You are so cute.

- Okay, charming! I love
this guy! He is so cute.

Thomas is saying all
the right things to Sonja!

I mean, he certainly has it down and

Sonja is right in the crosshairs.

Oh, definitely there's something wrong
with my glass. It's dripping water.

Did you see LuAnn pull up?

- How many men did LuAnn
brought home from Le Ti St. Barths?

- Une fille!

Pension.

Your good timing.

- On another note,
let's have some wine.

LuAnn came home with
everybody from Le Ti.

All my Italian friends.

The more LuAnn kept talking
about the group of Italians

the more became obvious that she
was just trying to cover up something.

Didn't she learn what
we all learned in Watergate?

Is never the crime, it
is always the cover up.

Where are you going?

You did it already last night.

- I did what last night?

- You did it already last night, LuAnn.

- I did it in the Italian style.
Tonight's French style.

A little Johnny Depp time.

No nagging at my door tonight.

We're just figuring out who's on first and
who's on second and who's getting third.

And who has a bis.

Oh, the night is young!

I'm going in.

- Do you know who the
countess brought here last night?

Anybody talking?

Countess LuAnn De Lesseps.

She brought like all these guys back
from Le Ti St Barths here last night.

Well, no she didn't.

- It was you?

She didn't.

- No, we stayed out together, but
I knew there was a party tonight.

Must be very confusing
to be you, seriously.

- Is it confusing to be you?

Are you cheating on me?

I thought I only have
LuAnn to worry about.

- He has a great aura,

he's very sexy..

This Thomas gets around! Now
we have Sonja all over Thomas

and we have LuAnn
playing cool as a cucumber.

I'm just saying.

I loved Carole.

She was my Brigitte Bardot.

We are separated.

Oh my god.

Thomas knows exactly what he's doing.

He's got it all worked out
and he's easy to flirt with

because he totally gives it out.

I was with an artist for
three years, please.

Don't say it until you went in for years.

- I'm kidding! I know this!
- You know?

He's teasing me!

It's not over until
the fat lady sings.

Here I am.

Carole and I are just on the edge of
our seats watching this mating ritual.

I mean, which one of these lucky ladies
is going to take home the greasy price?

I take you out for drinks.

And we have a winner.

You get fabulous ass.

- That's for sure!

LuAnn had her
time with Thomas

last night!

- You have a nicer
ass than me, I think.

Tonight

is

Sonja's night!

You turn around.

You like it?

Soft, right?

Coming up

It's all big planes!

They fly and they float.

Float insinuates crash..

Which insinuates..

Die.

Bonjour!

Bonjour! Good morning

So this is it? Stealin' Sun?

We wanna steal some sun today.

Today was my day to plan so I decided we
should go on a beautiful boat for the day.

Merci beaucoup.

We got music, yeah!

- We get everything, champagne, wine..

- Bloody Marys! Let's start with Bloody Marys.

Last night I was in LuAnn's
room with her upstairs

and we heard some commotion in one of
the spare room,so we went to check it out.

And I walk in on none other
than Sonja and Thomas.

Now those bruises,

they all make sense.

- Can we go to..

Columbia?

- Sure, of course!

I'm not going to say who

but a sex act
happened at the house

that until recently was
considered a felony

in thirty seven states.

I mean, I don't want to say butt fuck. It's so rude.

Here we are, in Columbia.

- Oh, look at the
beach! How pretty!

Looking good, Lu!

- Thank you,
Sonjarita! So do you!

Cheers everyone!

- Salute! What a great day!

- Wow, that's beautiful.

You look like a Bond Girl.

- Thank you, honey!

You coming in?

Heather and Sonja! Look at me!

- Heather is allowed to
be in the vacation pictures?

- She likes me now! She does!

- Just today!

Okay, so now can you take
a picture, sir, of her and I?

Oh.

- Suck your gut in!

One thing I'll tell you!

These bellies are paid in full.

- I want another photo.

Like that! Just stand like that!

No, face him!

Not me!

- Let's do the Kama Sutra book.

Nice!

We crack ourselves up! It's too fun!

Wait, we can't do this
when Reed it's around.

So, when's Aviva getting in?

I think at six o'clock today.

Yeah, and you know I like Aviva!

She's our new best friend!

- I love Aviva, but she hasn't been here

and we already
having our mojo going.

I even have a mojo going with Heather!

Now it's all gonna kinda change!

Things are gonna change!

that.

- Why are you even hurted..

Why are you
connecting with Heather?

- Are you coming in the
water with me or not?

Ramona and Sonja
are fun to watch together.

They are harmless
in their activities.

I have to admit! Everybody's getting
along great and I'm having a good time.

Alright! We're here.

Or halfway here.

We're mostly here.

I am so petrified
at this moment to fly

on a ten seater plane,

with a propeller and
apparently the windows open..

Feeling trapped in an island and not being able
to get to help in case there's an emergency.

Especially with you
know these rowdy women.

I'll listen all my favorite songs on my iPad.

- That's a great idea.

- God! Don't tell me that's it!

- That's one of those little planes..

Smaller planes have a higher

incidence of crashing

and my personal history
with statistics is not very good!

How many people get their foot stuck
into a conveyor belt at the age of six

and lose their leg?

Alright.

Let's stop talking about it.

- That's a small plane..

- Let's just forget about it!

Okay.

- Now, it's.. that's not!

That's a five seater.

- Then there's big planes!

That thing definitely float!

They fly and they float!

Float insinuate crash..

Which insinuates..

Die!

- All right! It's time.

Alright!

Oh, goddess! So relaxing!

The ladies are very quiet, it's worrying
me!

- It's the calm before the storm!

What are you going to do
with Aviva and Reed tonight?

- It's fine! The house's huge! The grounds
are huge! They can go to me bungalow!

- Bring me out the food!

- I like this outfit
better. It's more normal.

- Oh, you're pretty in this! I think we
look good! We have in one pieces now!

We have another lunch look.

Let's see how lunch is coming.

- Sorry, I just.. I farted.

I have to go here!

- It's okay! I don't care
about your gas! C'mon!

- It's a chocolate kiss.

- Ramona has done an outfit change!

An outfit change on a boat?

That a new one!

- I guess you're a little tipsy!

A little bumpy, huh?

- Can you bring up the shade?

We have to get the
shade! We can't eat here.

I'm, like.. look at..

I'm transpiring!

That's not a way to bring the shade?

- Oh, you don't have an umbrella?

- You don't have a canopy?

Oh, Lord!

Why can't you turn the
boat? Just turn the boat!

Seriously! No, seriously.

I can stand like this the towel.

- You're so cute!

- I'll be like this.

- Fine! I'll accept that!

Oh, my God! They're asking
the boys to shield the sun!

Oh, my God!

OMG.

Oh my God, I feels great!

You guys are fantastic!
Look at those legs!

Remember that football player that join
the army after 11/9?

- Yeah!
- Tillman!

That's his widow!

She wrote a memoir
about their life together.

And he left a letter, "Do not
opens unless I do not come back",

And it was just sitting on
the dresser? That's crazy!

I know.

But you know what? There are some
times that I wish Anthony left me a letter.

- Well.. yeah.

I mean..

He knew he was dying but did he..
- No!

He were in denial about that. He didn't
even let it be known he's having cancer..

- You think you're going to beat it!

Right! You think you're
always have more time.

Then I never got that letter.

I was really enjoying
spending time with Heather!

I don't share that part of
my life with friends often.

- Did he have hospice care
for the week before he died?

- No, he just "I'm gonna fell
asleep" and I stayed sit next to him.

- Oh, you were there?

You're a superstar!

- Let's do this to distract.

I have a whole library of
"Go to, anti-anxiety songs".

There is "Ain't Nobody" by Chaka Khan.

"In Your Eyes", Peter Gabriel.

There is a lot of Stevie
Wonder and a lot of Seal.

The ones that make you want
to dance are my emergency kind.

This is more of a Chaka Khan

than a Stevie Wonder moment.

I was really trying
to distract myself

because I was getting very physically
uncomfortable.

I did keep focusing
on getting to the house..

Seeing the girls

and big hugs and a good time.

Almost there!

And touch down!

I'm gonna arrive with the
girls and I'm so English!

- Mazel! Mazel!

Bravo!

Great! You made it!

You did fantastic!

You got yourself here!

You got yourself here.

I just came for the ride! Thank you!

I still shaken.

You look great!

Great.

You look fantastic, marvelous.

Look at this! Look at
there! You're alright?

I'll hold you for a second.

Thank you very much!

He did fantastic!

Now I have to deal
with Ramona and Sonja.

After dealing with their a
drunken antics in Miami,

I can only imagine what
this trip is going to be like.

Let's see what we can get!
The "St. Barths Properties".

I always cover my options

and with Aviva coming with Reed and
staying at the place where all out now,

I don't know if it's going to work out.

So we're going to look for
something else just in case we need it.

Can I get a house for two..
Let's ask for a house for two.

Can we get a house for two days?

- Let's get a house.

- I would like to
know that if I call you

in three hours or four hours..

So I.. I have a place
to go there with Sonja,

because you're coming
with me, obviously!

Maybe Heather will
come too, who knows?

LuAnn would come! She's
not going to stay with the dudes!

- Show me something!

Why don't I show you
some pictures up here..

She was mentioning
about the place called Solair.

Solair!

It's pretty great.

You think it might be available tonight?

In case we needed?

20, yes! It's available!

Good.

- They've got a little problem.

- We're not the problem!

The house you gave us is fantastic!

Hopefully will be calling
you to our fit place.

- No! Hopefully we don't have to.

Hopefully we don't have to!

- Well, you are flexible! I'm not.

Coming up

You're ungracious lady
and I thought more of you!

I hearded your mean things.

And I gave you the benefit of
the doubt and I'm disapointed!

- You have a cute butt, Sonja!

You look like a nymphe!

My nymph Sonja.

- Well, this is why we're
not staying in a hotel.

Well, right, in a hotel
we couldn't be doing this.

They'd be looking at us
like we were exhibitionists.

- We are exhibitionists!

What's up, you're crazy girls!

- Not coming in tonight?

- I just took a shower!
I would've come..

- So take another shower!

You know? There's plenty of
water in the Caribbean!

- Today was amazed!

It.

- It was very special.

- I guess there's somebody
who will get the stuff out of our car.

- Okay, right!

Thank you!

- I was gonna have a shower.
Look at you bathing beauties!

- Why are you so dressed up?
- Look at these topless bathing beauties!

last and downs.

Now

- I'm going to go to see
Russ' rehearsal before dinner

and then if anyone wants to come with me
you can come or I'll meet you at Bagatelle!

So, your choice!

- Rehearsal before dinner..

- But you have to put
clothes on for the rehearsal.

I'm gonna say, "Aviva,
get naked, join the girls."

- Where do we go?
- This way!

Upstairs.

- Oh, Jesus!

- Oh, this is nice!

- Oh, my God!

- Hi!

Ramona, here.

They look so New York.

Put your butt there, would you!

- How was it?

It was really really really hard.

- Man in the house!

Hi, handsome!
- How are you?

- So glad you here!

- It was really hard.

- Well, I'm glad you did it!

How it goes?
- I couldn't do that without Reed!

Really, I mean.. I was
hyperventilating at this.

- Oh, my God! The pools are
so beautiful! Oh, my God!

It's so good you made it.

It was really really hard!

Alright, well, you're here, so
let's just focus on the good things.

- We have presents!

Reed, should we get them my presents?
- Yes!

- Ramona, Sonja! Hello, ladies!

- Hi, honey!

- Carole, hostess first!

- Oh, my God!

Sonja..

Sonja's naked so she
can't come out right now.

Oh, okay.

Everyone came over to greet
us except for Sonja and Ramona

who were lingering in the pool
under this ridiculous charade

that we had caught them topless.

They knew we were coming.

- One of the themes of this weekend
and of this trip has been nudity.

- Nudity! Okay!

- Well yeah? On that
note, I'll be stepping out.

I've got a lot of work to do this
weekend so I delivered you Aviva

and I am going to
bow out! Do your thing!

- Where are you going?

- Actuallty, I'm gonna stay here.

I've got telephone calls
and emails work to do!

- Once Reed arrived,
he made it very clear,

"I'm going to my room! I'm taking
my computer! I'm here to do work!

I'm just depositing my wife".

Once he said that,

then it was like "Okay, now
we want time with Aviva!"

That's why she
came to be with us!

We were like worried that
your gonna not be trusting..

Like, you know.. we've been having so much fun!

- No, no, no! It's not fun to hang out
with the girls when their getting naked.

- See, Ramona, he's not gonna be an awe toward us!

- We all need to thank
Reed for getting me here!

- You're welcome, ladies.

Cheers!

So you're happy you're here?

- I'm decompressing, you now?

- Have you guys
lounge in the pool at all?

- They're in the pool
every night naked!

Naked!?

- It was good.

On your first night here did
you go at ten o'clock at night?

- We stayed here for the first night.

- Because we were tired!

- It's a long day!
- And then after that..

No return! Two, three, four!

- Oh, every night! We've been
up to three and four every day.

And not alone! With each other!

- All right!

- I'm going to go change for a new..

- Why?
- You don't need change!

Thought that you were wear that!

- You are not going to
decided what to wear.

And I'm gonna dry my hair!

I'm seeing my boyfriend!

- Is him in your room?

No, he got a rehearsal!

- What does that mean?
It means he isn't..

He is.. he's..

Look they sneaking around.

- He's in the room! Where's
is Mario? Where's Jacques?

- Reed invited Mario! Mario
was about to come down.

He was this close!

And then I dunno!
Something happened.

No, I decided last night
it wouldn't be fair to Sonja

and LuAnn and Heather.

- The conversation was
a little bitchier than that..

But..

Basically she was like,

"Well, if you bring you Reed, she
wants to her Mario" and I'm like..

You have the trauma because you
can't be without your husband for two days.

You're with me! You don't need Mario!

- If she was pissed, she
would moved out on me!

But we were hoping that Reed
would do exactly what he did.

He came here, said "I'm
just depositing my wife"!

- He's not here watching
me watching you guys..

Get drunk and party
and doing all that!

- Get drunk?

Drunk? We're never drunk!

- Takes a lot to get us drunk!

- If you could all do me a big favor
and thank him because I had to beg him..

- To come?
- To come!

Let us take one step at a time!

- I had to beg him!

We do have to digest that he was coming.

- You don't have anything negative to
say, right, about Reed being here, do you?

- Are you yelling at me now?
- No! I'm asking you a question!

You don't have anything negative to
say about Reed being here, do you?

I actually said that with him being
here it could change the dynamic..

- You did thought that the
dynamic would change?

You knew that if Reed was coming down here
was because I have a huge anxiety problem

and it would be to get me on the plane!

- We thought he'd be in a hotel!

We thought he'd be in
a hotel, not staying here.

- Reed got me here on the plane!

- Aviva, you're missing the point!

- Don't you yell at me.
- But you're yelling!

Don't yell at me!
- You are yelling.

You should all go upstairs and
throw your arms around Reed

and say "Thank you" for
bringing our friend down here.

And helping her!

- We did thank him!
- I don't want to hear any negativity!

Enough already! What
do you want me to do?

Engrave it on my forehead
"Thank you, Reed"?

Across my breasts? What?
What do you want to, Aviva?

We did that.

- Because he didn't come down
here to watch you both get drunk

and act like you did in Florida.

- And you came to be with us.
- You need to calm down.

Because my husband
just did an amazing thing.

- Take a Xanax! Calm down!

- I don't need Xanax!

I just need my husband.

I don't need Pinot Grigio!

I just need my husband!

- Come on, guys! Yesterday
you were saying to me

how are we going
to tell Reed to leave.

- How dare you?

- He didn't come down
here to watch you get drunk

or watch you go swimming
topless in the pool!

He came down here to
help me get on the plane.

- You're getting very
anxious right now!

- No, I'm getting pissed!
I'm getting pissed because

these are not friends
supporting friends!

These are people being really disgusting!

And you were going to ask him to leave?
How were you going to ask him to leave?

- Not to leave!

You know what? Honestly? We
are happy to leave! You know what?

And for you to being so ungracious
and to not welcome me and my husband..

Warmly into the house..

It's disgusting!

It's disgusting!

- Don't take your head! It's like
when Heather met your house.

It's like when Heather came
to your house in the Hamptons!

And you said that
she talks too much!

You're ungracious, lady!

And I thought more of you! I heard..

I heard that you were mean!

I heard that you did mean things.

And I gave you the benefit of
the doubt and I'm disappointed!

You are both white
trash quite frankly.

Coming up

You are the instigator, LuAnn!
You're always the instigator!

Go yell at her too!

You've got gotta ask them to
leave for being rude or I'm leaving!

I heard you did mean things.

And I gave you the benefit of
the doubt and I'm disappointed!

You're both white
trash quite frankly.

And you're both..

- LuAnn said "I feel the
dynamics will change!"

Those were your words, LuAnn!

"I feel the dynamics will
change if Reed comes"!

Go yell at her too!

Go yell to everybody,
don't yell only at me!

How dare you?

- You're not understanding!

I'm not letting you
dump this on Ramona!

Well, say something!

- Quiet! Quiet, everybody!

You are the instigator, LuAnn!
You're always the instigator!

- What did I instigate?

- She was trying to make it nice nice,

You make a freak comment!

No!

Yes.

- Can you tell me the truth?

She said the dynamics will
changes if your husband came!

She said it! I said
"How would you feel?"

She admitted, "The dynamics will change!"

- Of course! When there
is a man in the house..

- Well, this is a girl vacation.
Did you get that part?

Girls vacation!

- Okay, you are digging
the hole deeper! Oh, God!

- I'm walking to say
hello to your husband.

- Girls behaving badly
in the house! Okay?

- I know I want to leave. Thank
you for the warm welcome!

It's really mind boggling.

I thank Reed for bringing Aviva.

I tell her I'm so
happy to see her.

I opened her gift and the next
thing I know I'm white trash.

- Oh, Sonja!

She's out of control.

I think we should go to a hotel.

I really do.

I won't take this kind of bullshit.

- That's fine! But why they call and..

- Carole and Heather
invited and begged us to come

and I guess the other girls
didn't feel quite the same.

I don't think we should stay!

Hi, you know what?
We have a situation.

You know..

The girls are ungracious. They were
discussing how they were going to ask

Reed to leave the house.

and I think that given the
circumstances and all of my anxiety..

- That was just their talking!

- I don't want my husband in
a house where girls are not

rolling out the
red carpet for him.

Opening up their hearts
and arms and sang,

"Reed, you are so fabulous!"

- I don't need that, sweetheart!
- But I do!

In this circumstances,
I don't feel comfortable.

- They are fine! They did
their whole like a little bluster

because they weren't in control
of the situation. I invite both of you!

They didn't!

So they were upset about
it! They lashed out a little!

- And you know what?
That's unacceptable to me!

They said "We wanted
Reed to stay in the hotel".

Well, you know what?

Reed is going to stay at hotel
and I'm going to go with him!

I'm not staying here
under these conditions!

it's just disgusting!

You've got to ask them to leave
for being rude or I'm leaving!

- Look, I don't want to be involvement,
please! I have a 45 minutes of work to do.

Let me finish work
in these documents.

There's no way that I would have
Aviva and Reed leave the house!

That was not going to happen!

But on the other hand,
there's no way I could

ask Ramona and Sonja to leave.

- I'm so afraid to go out and get
more wine! I'm drink your wine!

- It's okay!

Alright, but wait!

- What if I just hug her?

You know, let's what
we used to do to Kelly.

You touch them.

Gotta do like this.

That's what do I do
with you. I pet you.

Well, you still wake
up all pissed off!

All right! Here we go!

- We're gonna go there together?

- I'm going to hug her!

No! I don't think
I'm bringing you first.

I'm going to go out hug Aviva!

We're going to start
with the touch-feel thing.

- But..

- Sometimes it works on you!

I'd like to know why
LuAnn doesn't remember

she's the one who
started the whole thing!

- She actually had a little smirk
right now! She has a little smile.

- Yeah, she's a shit stirrer!

- With a little smile!
- She's a shit stirrer!

Yes, she's a shit stirrer!

- That I wasn't welcomed
with my husband

with any kind of grace
or elegance or kindness!

Is disgusting and quite frankly
it's very low class behavior!

Low class meaning uneducated!
Like no manners behavior!

And I'm done! I don't want..

The damage is done! I already
feel uncomfortable. It's wrong!

Ramona always makes it about Ramona!

This isn't about Ramona!

This one was about Aviva!

This is not our friend!

This is somebody who
only cares about herself!

Nobody, nobody treats
my husband that way!

Nobody does that!

I was wrong about her!

- Aviva, you know how uncomfortable was for
me to have to spend a week with Ramona?

You know what I mean? But I
sucked it up and I did it for my friends

and you know what?

- But she's never going to
after your husband or your family!

- Yeah, no! But she's gone
after me in pretty nasty ways, so..

- We don't want you to leave!

- Honestly..

I would have expected a party!

- Oh, I'm sorry!

I would have expected a party.

I was blown away! I was so
proud of her for being there!

She might have been
expecting a red carpet..

I was expecting someone
disheveled and a mess.

I wasn't thinking like party.

- I want you here!
Carole wants you here!

We both want Reed here!

- That's all, guys!

You're staying!

- All been go through this for you to get here
and fucking leave, okay? You're not leaving.

At the end of the day my
husband has to feel comfortable.

- You know what? He'll feel comfortable
if you'll making him comfortable.

Okay? So you have
to just settle this

once and for all!

Oh, you know, LuAnn,
I'm so mad at you!

- What you mean?
- You're Miss Diplomatic! You didn't diplomatic shit!

- You said "Ramona said"..

- And then she blasted!

- I know, because I told her..

- Why did you blame something on me?

You said Ramona!

Why are you turning
this around now?

- Because you're the one
who started the whole fight!

It was because of you.

- I caused anything!
- Because of you!

You started the whole thing!
- Give me my personal space,

don't come near my face.

- Okay, you started
the whole thing.

Listen to me, I didn't started..
- Yes, you did, LuAnn!

- I'll just tell you right now.

That the only thing that really help..

- And then you're are the one that
said the dynamics would change!

- Right, we talked
about, you talked about it!

In the bar area!

I said, "Well, LuAnn said
the dynamics would change"

And you said, "Ramona, I've never said that".

- She said never!
- Pull yourself together, honey,

because I never said that!

LuAnn who likes to be Miss Switzerland
all the time, "I'm Miss Switzerland!"

"I don't take any sides, I
don't have any opinions",

She felt the dynamics would change
when Reed and Aviva got there!

So why she pinning
it on just me?

- You started!
- You're not going to blame this on me!

- Yes, this is your fault!

- You know what? You're nuts!

- Oh, my goodness.. okay! I got
a problem with these women.

- Aviva?
- Yeah?

I want to model Ramona's
dress I'm wearing.

You're still in the same outfit?

You should be in a bikini..
- I am!

- Look, here's Ramona's dress,

I'm modeling it.
- Yes, that's lovely!

And looking shiny inside.

Clarity in the way..

- I can't put myself out.

- You feeling better?

I'm just really, really, really..

disgusted..

by you and Ramona!

Me too?

You didn't hear her,
you're not understanding!

- I went to law school

and I went to Vassar

and I speak several languages..
- Okay!

- I hear and I
understand everything!

- Okay, then you didn't hear say..

I was so happy that your
husband brought you!

- Okay, here are the
three things that I heard:

Here what I did hear..

- I heard you and Ramona were afraid

that it would change the
dynamic here having Reed here.

Yes, true!

I heard that you are afraid to
have him at the breakfast table.

True!
- Okay!

And I heard that there
was like a vote asking

who was going to tell
Reed to leave the house.

- I don't remember the
third part. The first two, true.

Reed was supposed to in a hotel..
- Right!

And you were supposed to
be with us. It's a girls week.

- But do you think that I would
really have Reed stay in a hotel

and not stay with my
husband in a hotel?

- That's when you and I discussed!

- Hey, you guys, can't I
just interrupt for one second?

- Except he's going to
be in the house with us!

- Hey, you guys, can I
interrupt for one second?

Oh, my God!

- When Carole called me to invite
Reed specifically down here..

Okay? She called me with this..

"Please, bring Reed,
he can meet Russ,

we can go to a double
date", blah blah blah..

- Well, Carole change
the trip too, didn't she?

- No, I did not change the trip
and Carole is sitting right here

and she hears
everything you're saying.

- Carole, come down!

You called her specifically
and told her to bring her guy

and you were going
to be with your guy,

you invite us for a girls week!

You know what I'm doing right now?

I'm leaving!

I'm going to a hotel!

- I actually think you and
Ramona should go to a hotel!

This is not about a girl's week
and having a guy come along!

- Russ is just staying here!

This is about somebody who
has anxiety and can't get on a plane

and the only way I can get
on the plane was to have him.

- That's fine! We love that!

- So then either you support me even if
you don't quite understand it or you don't!

- I just support you! The
first thing I said to you!

- No, support is not saying
who's gonna tell Reed to leave!

You don't treat your friends husband that way!
- Nobody said that!

Yes, they did!

I haven't said anything to Aviva

to incite her or to aggravate her,

all I've said is I want to
spend some time with you.

And she continues
to throw insults at me.

There's not much
more I can do here.

- Ramona told me herself
what she said! Okay?

And that's not a friend!

- Listen!

- That's not a friend!

- You never said who's
gonna ask him to leave..

- Please, excuse me!

Listen, I am so sorry
that this is going on!

I am like getting
goosebumps! I am shaking!

I really care about you, Aviva,

I am so sorry you're upset,

I'm so sorry you don't
feel like you're welcome,

we are so happy you're
here! Will we just let things go..

Can I talk to her, please?

Can we just.. I don't care
how you want Reed here..

I'm here to support you

how ever you want
to be supported!

You tell me what you want

and I will do it for you
because I care about you,

I admire you and I'm
learning to love you, okay?

Can we just like let all those
things go because I care, please?

- Thank you!

Thank you!

All I want you to
do is to tell Reed!

Absolutely!
- That's it!

- I think Reed knows!

I already told him
how bad that was.

And I'm sorry if I said things
that were unkind. I was angry.

- You go talk to him.

You go talk to Reed!

- Can you both go talk to Reed

and may can you go drool all over
him and make him feel welcome?

- I already did! I already gushed him
when he came and I told him I was so..

- Can you just gush him a little more?

You've gushed every guy!

Can you go gush to my husband?
- Why am I apologizing to Reed

if I already did?
- Sonja, stop!

Just enough!

We don't have to go to him
afterwards. We can tell him later.

Just get your hair
done! Get your hair done.

Apologize!?

What am I apologizing for?

Okay?

- Okay, I worked it at all
out. Not because of you!

Will.

Good!

Good, so you're coming for dinner?

- Yes.

Yes

If I do something wrong,

I own up to it!

If I do something it's not wrong,

I'm not saying I'm sorry.

Unless, of course, Aviva gets off the plane

and is traumatized and
acts like a crazy lunatic,

then of course, I just say 'I'm
sorry!' to calm her ass down!

Right, let's go get ready!

If it wasn't for the
fucking concert!

What the fuck!

It sounds like it was a
cluster, you know what?

A closture fuck.
- Yes, a clusterfuck.

- Suddenly, you're not Christian.

- Who are you?
What did you do to Heather?

- Right, yeah?

- Alright, get dressed
and meet me here, okay?

Fucking idiots.

Aviva feels better.

Reed is okay! Carole's
late to meet Russ!

- I'm not okay! I'm hurt!

I felt I had real
exchanges with Aviva,

a knew her intuitively and then to be
lumped in with her argument with Ramona

was very hurtful.

- Life is too short, so just let it go!

- I'm very disappointed.

- I know you are and I understand
where you're coming from.

Sorry about how this
whole thing went down!

My stomach is like in knots!

And you missed Russ' rehearsal.
- Yeah, everyone's screaming, and I'm trying..

It's so fucking selfish, I don't know!

It's like, what am I doing running
back and forth between rooms

like a headmaster?

You know what?

My boyfriend's on the island
and I never fucking see him!

- I'm very upset for trusting her now.

You know what? I think she
just was scared for the plane.

I think we have to just chalk it
up to she wasn't really herself!

She even said "Ramona, I'm so
sorry I said those things". She just said..

- I knew! So you apologize to her
and suck up to her she's like she's fine.

I'm not dealing
with ego grudges.

I trusted her, alright?

I'm not going to apologize to Reed!

- You don't have to apologize to Reed!

- When he came here, I said
"Thank you for bringing our girlfriend"!

All this stuff!

I thought I had a friend there
and I thought she was your friend!

I have no room for
people in my life..

I'm very disapointed.

I'm not saying you're
wrong! You know what?

I'm not saying you're wrong!

- But I have to the corner, okay?

I don't need any new friends.

Coming up

Let's make a toast!

- To fun! I love having fun!

- It's all about fun!

Fun, fun, fun!

It's your butler!

Are you getting dressed?

- Let's have some fun again!

- Yes! He was making..

- LuAnn, I'm not talking to you!

What do you mean?

- Alright, I'm just a political
with everybody, you know what!

- I think that's the best thing!

- C'mon, guys! That's enough already.

- Should we wear the same one?

I bought the same one!

- Let's do it! Let's do it!

Let's have fun, Sonja!

- You have the same exact dress?

- Same!

Somebody makes this a ..
We've gotta feel glittery and sparky!

- I'm exhausted, Aviva,
her antics exhausted me!

She called us "white trash".

Remember that?

There's something wrong with her.

- Like I just stated
"Light and fun!"

We're not gotta
let any negative..

Oh, it seems like a fun place!

How are you?

Good evening!

Welcome to..

Why don't you sit next to Sonja?
- Okay!

I went out because I
wanted to see St Barths.

I wasn't going to allow Ramona
and Sonja to ruin my night

and everybody else at night.

- Look what we got for you!

- What you get?

Oh, you mean, Ramona
Singer's my best friend?

One thing I've learned
about Ramona, for sure,

is that she doesn't like to fight
with more than one person at a time.

- You know what? Aviva,
why don't you sit over here?

- I'm over here!

- Here you go, sweetness!

Why was she trying to move me?

- I don't know!

- Why are you trying to move me?

Why do you need me over there?

Ramona?

- No reason!

- Any reason?

No!

I could have said
"Because you're buzz kill!

And I want you far away from me!

But I did not!
I refrained!

I said "No reason".

Drop it.

- Let's make a toast!

- To fun! I love having fun!

Here's to fun!

It's all about fun!

Fun, fun, fun!

Okay, listen! You have..

I'm just gonna tell you
now while I'm digesting it!

She was very vicious!

- She called us white trash!

..Vicious, mean things!

- I was in tears tonight, okay?

- People saying things they don't
mean in the heat of an argument.

Okay, she gave me venom tonight.

You gotta stop.

- It's enough.

- It's a long day.

I mean, I need to call
it an early night now.

Gotta go visit Russ.

- You go to him.. that doesn't
change the dynamic around here!

I love to ask Ramona, but
I guess that might cause

another problem, right?

Don't? Okay!

See, when I get really
pissed, I'm relentless.

That's not a good quality.

Aviva said things you really
have to think twice about saying

because once you say them

it's very hard to
take them back.

- It's just a "white trash", come on!

No!

- The "white trash"
you could've skipped!"

- You might want to
apologize for saying that.

For saying "white trash"?

I'm very sorry for
the words that I used.

But the rushly embalance when
you call somebody a whore..

Next time on The Real
Housewives of New York City

We're not "white trash",
as I was called last night!

- Google what is white trash!

"White trash vs cracker"

"Hillbilly"!

-A hillbilly can make
people feel welcome!

Welcome to my trailer!

Hello!

- There have been guys picked
from bars brought to this house!

- How dare you say
what we're been doing?

You can't handle the truth!

- They're dumping
us, the four of them!

- That's just bullshit!

- Well, you're never the fifth wheel with me ever.

Heather!

It was the one subject I had said
I didn't really want to talk about.

- Overweight old ladies gone wild!

- Aviva's not like my
best friend right now, so..

- I don't really want to rehash it.

I told you to trust Ramona!

- You are the biggest
double dealing personality..

- Oh, really?

You fucking call me a double dealer,

you'll see your ass where it ends up!