The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills (2010–…): Season 9, Episode 6 - Fifty Shades of Shade - full transcript
Erika pushes Dorit to take her sex appeal to the next level during a magazine photo shoot. Denise lets it all hang out at dinner with Lisa Vanderpump and Kyle, and reveals some big details ...
- Previously on "The Real
- Previously on "The Real
Housewives of Beverly Hills:"
- How did you meet Aaron?
- So, I met him at his center,
and one time,
we had sex in one of his rooms.
[all gasp]
- The only free day we can do
would be September 8th.
- You wanna get married
in ten days?
- (BLEEP) yeah I do.
- When we went into
Vanderpump Dogs,
John grabs your dog out,
and told Kyle.
- Dorit's dog.
- Oh.
- [indistinct]
- You gave direct
instructions to them
to tell me.
- No.
- Teddi asked Blizzard
to have the dog there
when her and Kyle arrive.
- Well, you certainly didn't
get this bit of information,
did you, Dorit?
- No, I didn't. No.
- So somebody was guilty
by omission.
[dramatic music]
[bright electronic music]
- In the game of life,
it's winner take all.
- Most people talk
about their fantasies.
I'm living mine.
- In business and in life,
I wear many hats
and hairstyles.
- You can stab me in the back,
but whilst you're there,
kiss my ass.
- I'm not afraid of hard work,
but I'll never do
your dirty work.
- My problem
with the tabloids?
My real life is
so much juicier.
- In Beverly Hills,
the truth always has a way
of rising to the top.
♪ ♪
[upbeat electronic music]
[phone ringing]
♪ ♪
- Hi, Jane.
- Hey, honey. How are ya?
- Good. Went and
showered at the gym.
- Good.
- Wanna have lunch?
- I have a meeting coming up.
Then I could have lunch
at 12:30, 12:45.
- I have a meeting at my store.
I can't do that.
Have you talked to Sophia?
- Yeah, I did.
She's doing great.
- I feel so much better
now that we've dropped her off.
When it comes to our kids
and affection and being
emotional with them,
we're extra, what can I say?
Okay, you guys, we have
to be happy and excited.
- We are. Can't you tell?
[both laugh]
- I'm gonna be worried 24/7.
But I also know that getting
an education like this
is a gift.
Anyway, so,
I'm getting stressed.
I haven't heard
anything yet about
"American Woman"
getting picked up.
I want another season.
I put my heart
and soul into it.
- I know. Well, you deserve
another season.
- Even though
"American Woman" has been
a point of contention
with my sisters and me...
Since "American Woman,"
it's not like it was before,
where we did
everything together,
talk every single day,
ten times a day,
it's not like that.
The idea that I've been able
to keep my mom's memory alive
has been one of
the best parts about it,
especially when everything
was stolen from me...
They got almost
every single handbag,
the ones that my mom had
left me that she'd saved.
So I feel like there's
a lot riding on this.
I just have to, uh,
keep my fingers crossed still.
Anyway, why is there
a bottle of tequila behind you?
Like, four bottles?
- Oh, whatever.
- And that bottle is,
like, almost empty.
[both laugh]
[dings]
There you go. Tequila time!
- [laughs]
♪ ♪
- Ash, I think I'd like
to be in the pink today.
[door bell rings]
- Hi! How are you?
You look cute.
- Welcome.
You look beyond fab.
- Thank you.
- Damn, Dorit.
- Erika's here!
- [laughs]
- Body gold.
[laughter]
- You look ----ing great.
- Yeah?
- Yeah. Good job.
- I don't think I realized
how much I missed working
and having my own business.
I just don't want it
to look like
she has to pull it
out of her bum.
It's actually giving me,
like, anxiety.
Now that I'm back in it,
I see Beverly Beach
as another baby.
And now, to have "JMG"
feature Beverly Beach
on the cover?
Wow. I'm a proud mama.
[smooth electronic music]
- Need a heel, girl.
I'm sorry.
- Ooh, I love those, yes.
- I've got these.
Right, these are
really super sexy.
I have them myself.
- Mmm, okay.
- And then, if somebody wanted
to get kinda funky,
because they're tall.
- Yeah.
- I don't know, how you feel?
- Oh, perfect. I love these.
- I can do sexy...
What do you think?
- Whatever makes you pussy.
[laughter]
You shouldn't have invited me!
[laughs]
- But Erika?
She kinda, like, takes sexy
to a whole other level...
- At the very last minute,
you turn and walk away
from his ass,
'cause you don't need him.
- It's like tango.
- It's like hooking on Sunset.
So, it's much worse.
- You people are crazy.
- So, if I'm looking
to push the boundaries,
having her on set is
an absolute must for me.
- Bring your feet together,
both girls.
Feet together, feet together,
not apart.
- Best creative director.
Like, I live for it.
[hip-hop music]
- Guts in, tits up.
Weigh your ass out,
like you like it.
You're selling ass.
So, we're not selling cookies.
Confidence is the most
important thing.
You have to feel comfortable
in your own skin.
But at the end of the day,
we're selling a product.
Looks good!
- We're good? Okay.
- Boobs and butt are
the most persuasive tools.
- Are we on to the next?
- We can move to the next one?
- Yeah.
- Perfect.
- Let's change it.
[electronic dance music]
- Good. I like this ass.
Yeah, you guys look
really good together,
and it looks really good.
[bright electronic music]
♪ ♪
- This is so pretty.
♪ ♪
Oh, boy, don't--
don't break anything.
Wow, Lola, look at the swans.
Aren't those cute?
♪ ♪
- Hello.
- Hi, how are you?
- Hi, how are you?
- Hi, good, how are you?
Nice to see you.
- Nice to see you too.
Hello.
- This is Eloise.
- Hello, hi.
You met Lola at Kyle's,
I believe.
- Oh, yes. Come in.
- How do you keep white
in everything?
That never happens
at our house.
This is so nice down here.
- Isn't it unusual?
- Yeah.
How many swans do you have?
- There's two black
and four white.
- Where do you find swans?
- I don't know,
at the swan shop.
[both laugh]
- "At the swan shop."
Oh, my gosh, I love
that you can keep them
in your backyard.
- Aww.
- These little horses are
called Diamonds and Rosé.
- I know all the ladies
are really upset
with Lisa Vanderpump,
but she has been nothing
but so warm and lovely
and compassionate with me,
and I wanna make
my own judgment
of who I think
she is as a person.
- Go on then. Off you go.
It is like a children's
playground here really.
- Oh, wow, they get
to just come out here?
- Oh, no, they're not
supposed to be here.
Oh, no. Poppy, come here.
- [chuckles]
- Okay, wait one second.
- Can I take a photo of them?
- Yeah.
- Okay, let me just, uh,
give them their biscuits.
[dogs barking]
[gasps] No, no, no.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no.
They're not supposed
to come around here.
No, no.
Can you hold him for a second?
- Yeah.
- Hold on, Eloise, come here.
[laughter]
Hold on. [mumbling]
- [laughs]
- Come on.
That's it.
That's exactly right.
We've got the biscuits, see?
- Come here, you. Come on.
- Come on. Come on.
- [chuckles] Come here, you.
- In you go.
See, that's the craziness
of Villa Rosa.
You are naughty ponies,
aren't you?
[horse snorts]
What would you like?
Wine or...
- No, I'll have water.
That's fine.
- All right then, darling.
- Thank you.
Oh, this is nice. There's
a little berry in there.
- Yeah.
- That's fancy. [laughs]
- Eloise, do I have
a funny accent?
- Don't you love
the way she talks?
I wish I talked like that.
- No. [laughs]
- Yes, you do.
Eloise was diagnosed with
having a chromosome disorder.
People ask me what it's like
having a child that
isn't able to talk,
but this is all I know
with Eloise,
and she's really,
truly an angel.
- Do you like that cake?
Do you?
- Is that good? Is it good?
I know, it looks very good.
It's Schnooky, right?
- Schnooky, yeah
How many dogs do you have?
- Well, we have quite a few.
One dog we have, he's 22.
We've had him four years.
He was just dumped off.
- Who does that?
That's what happened with
Poppy.
- Oh, it's terrible.
- He does have terrible gas
sometimes.
I understand
why he got there.
[laughter]
Denise is just a very
warm-hearted woman.
I mean, we have
a lot in common.
I mean, I wasn't
in "Wild Things,"
but I can be a bit of
a wild thing, I suppose,
if you ask me nicely.
It wasn't much fun
in, um, the Bahamas.
- Well, you've been
through a lot.
- I just wanted to have
a good time, basically...
- No, I understand.
- You know, and in fact,
I really enjoyed the time
that we were talking about...
- I do too. You're so lovely.
I'm glad we're going
to dinner with Kyle.
- Yeah, maybe get a chance
to talk there...
- Maybe we can, uh,
have grown-up talk.
- Without little ears
listening.
- Right, Lola?
[upbeat music]
- Girl, you got me
sweating around here.
- Oh, my God, honey...
- [laughs]
- I'm so glad you're here.
- Me too! I'm excited.
- I know, I feel bad
putting this on.
But let me tell you something.
- What's going on?
- Owie.
- What?
That does not look good.
[tense music]
- I went to Lisa Vanderpump's
yesterday.
She pulls out six pages
of text messages
between Teddi
and John Blizzard...
- Okay.
- In where Teddi says,
"Have the dog at
Vanderpump center,
and I'll bring it up"...
- Whoa.
- And then texts him five
minutes before she gets there,
and says, "Is the dog there?"
- I'm finding out
different facts
than what I was told
in my chapel...
- Kyle and I get invited
by Lisa Vanderpump
to go to Vanderpump Dogs,
and I couldn't go
through with it.
- What does she want you
to go through with, baby?
- Telling everybody
what Dorit did.
- Oh, God.
So, what's really
----ing going on?
- Even with this new evidence,
I still feel the same way.
- Lisa never took
any responsibility?
- No.
Are you saying that this was
all Teddi and John Blizzard
and you had nothing
to do with this?
- All this bullsh--,
I had nothing to do with.
- I feel like
I've got two friends
that were trying to set me up
to hurt me.
- What is the end-game?
- What is the motive?
- To make you look mad?
- Right.
Why would you do this to me?
- Don't trust anybody.
- I need to trust somebody.
- You have to trust yourself.
♪ ♪
- Coming up...
- Dorit, there's
a little bit of phoniness,
Like, I don't know if she has
all the money she has.
She makes the back of
the little hairs on your neck
just stand up, just going,
"What is real?"
[bright electronic music]
[phone ringing]
- Hello?
- Hi.
- Hi, are we on
for dinner tonight?
- Yeah. Of course, of course.
- Oh, good.
I'm just--I'm checking.
I'm going to visit Camille.
She's turning 50,
and I'm gonna go meet her,
see this place that she wants
to have her party at.
I was terrified to turn 50.
In Hollywood, at 50,
you're ----ing old.
You're done. You're washed up.
And so, you start to
figure out all your doctors
and all your potions,
and it's very much like
a science project.
- Your bag is going so fast.
- I go fast, honey.
I suck that sh-- up.
- [laughs]
- This is my--[indistinct]
- Wait, I bet you had to
name a bunch of those.
- I'm continuing to figure it
out, so that it works for me.
That's the key.
I'll see you tonight.
Bye, love you.
- Love you. Okay, bye.
- Bye.
[hip-hop music]
♪ ♪
- Thank you, sir.
- What a cool building.
Hello. Hey, Chris.
- Hey, darling,
lovely to see you.
- So good to see you.
I wanna thank you so much
for doing this.
- Hi!
Hi, girls.
- Hi! [chuckles]
Oh, my gosh...
- Hi, Kimber.
- You look amazing.
- Hi, you look gorgeous.
- So, now it's gonna be
my 50th birthday.
- I can't believe that!
- 50. My God.
- Okay, so, what I wanted
to show you a little bit:
So, we have a lot of drinks,
which are kinda related
to the boulevard.
You've gotta read these.
- Oh, let's see.
You can have a Santa Monica
Boulevard martini.
That's cute.
The Melrose.
That's cute!
- Yeah.
- So, let's talk
about nibbles, food.
- I thought, like,
pass around appetizers:
lamb chops, shrimp cocktails.
- Some bread to absorb
all the alcohol
that's gonna be...
- It's always good
to have food.
- They're passed around
all night, not...
- Well--I mean, what time
does it start exactly?
- 6:30, so...
- We're having 6:30 arrivals.
7:00 is the party.
- Okay, so let's start
the food around 7:00 then,
until about--yeah.
- Yeah, that sounds perfect.
- What's the dress vibe
gonna be for your 50th?
- Nice, cocktail...
- Maybe just cocktail.
- Fun, fabulous at 50.
- I'm gonna talk to Kimberly
about details.
All right, sounds good. Enjoy.
- Did well. Thanks, hon.
- I'll see you this Saturday.
- All right.
- Thank you.
- It'll be fun.
- I've made it to 50 years!
Through cancer...
I have cancer,
and you have a hysterectomy.
They remove the top part
of your cervix,
and the top part of
your vajayjay also.
Through a horrible divorce...
I hope you win.
- I won already.
- Wow.
- It's just the night
and everything...
- I thought he was gonna say,
me he won already,
'cause he has me
in his life, but...
- Uh, yes.
- Getting married soon.
And I can't wait
to start anew.
- This is so fun. I love it.
- I'm a little overwhelmed,
'cause there's
a lot of logistics.
I gotta get the
guest list together.
I'm inviting all of the girls.
And, you know,
there was a lot of commotion
in the Bahamas.
- You know, here's the thing,
Camille...
- Mm-hmm?
- This is something that's
gone on a long time,
this pattern.
It's happened to me.
I believe it's happened
to you or--
- Years ago, yeah.
We've all experienced this,
the wrath of Vanderpump,
and it feels terrible,
because it's a character
assassination.
Lisa Vanderpump
asked me to bring up
the Taylor-Russell abuse issue.
Because we don't say
that he hit you.
We don't say that,
but now we said it.
Lisa had a habit of
keeping her hands clean,
and having other people
doing her dirty work.
- Now they're saying,
"Oh, Camille's saying
you said this about Taylor."
- But you ask me
to repeat things.
- No, I didn't.
- Yes, you do.
And you tell me what to say,
and now you throw me under
a bus, and I'm leaving.
- I'm not throwing you
under a bus.
- You threw me
under a bus just now.
But then on the
flip side of it,
I do feel bad for
Lisa Vanderpump,
'cause she's going through
a very tough time.
In Lisa's defense,
there's something about Dorit
that just gets me.
- Jeez, Camille, tell me.
- There's a little bit
of phoniness,
and I don't know where she's
at.
Like, I don't know if she has
all the money she has,
or, is it a show?
The fake accent, all of it.
She makes the back of
the little hairs on your neck
just stand up, just going,
"What is real?"
- Camille is quite wishy-washy.
She and Dorit seemed to be
getting along just fine
in the Bahamas.
- I'm having such
a good time with you.
Thank you for inviting me.
And I feel that
I can move forward,
and we can all move forward.
- Great. I love that.
- Like, why all of the sudden
is she going off on Dorit?
- Did she really want a dog,
or was she trying to get
closer to Vanderpump?
[hip-hop music]
I don't know.
- You know, that--
- That, to me--I'm just
throwing that out there.
I know I'm being catty
right now, but, I mean...
- Oh, I love you
when you're catty.
[both laugh]
[upbeat music]
♪ ♪
- Are you digging?
Come on, Luke, go potty.
Come on, bud.
[gasps] Did you find that?
'Cause I like those.
Are you gonna add that
to your collection?
Come on, Luke!
♪ ♪
Even when it's a little chilly,
it's still pretty out here.
- I love it here.
- I do too.
Oh, wow, the tide is
really high today.
- It's beautiful. [grunts]
Oh, these are comfortable.
- [laughs]
Without the cushions? Oh, well.
- Jesus.
- They're better than nothing.
All right, well,
cheers to trying to
put a wedding together
in less than a week. [laughs]
- Yeah, right?
Well, we have a venue.
Cypress, it's beautiful.
- It's really pretty.
I really don't care
if people think I'm crazy
for putting this wedding
together in just a week.
I've learned early on to have
thick ----ing skin. [laughs]
People thought I was crazy
when I married Charlie Sheen,
so I really don't
give a (BLEEP).
The only problem is, though,
they don't have anything.
We just use the space.
They don't have tables, chairs,
toilets too.
- They don't have toilets
on the property?
- We can't have a ----ing
porta ----ing potty
in there.
- No, no chance.
- It needs to be the ones
that are heated.
- Toilet seat, whatever.
- Yes.
That smells good.
- Right.
I don't need all
the fancy stuff.
- I know.
- There's something to be said,
being in ripped jeans
and a T-shirt,
and just, you know...
- I would like to wear
more than that, though.
- You can buy anything
on Amazon.
- I am not buying my wedding
dress from Amazon.
- I'm--I'm kidding with you.
- [laughs]
If we pull this off,
I will be amazed.
- Stop saying "if."
We just are.
- Okay, okay.
- We're doing it.
- We are locked in,
and no matter what,
the wedding is
----ing happening.
We are crazy...
- Yes, we are.
- But I think it's
a good crazy.
- It's a great crazy.
- Well, it's our crazy.
[chuckles]
[bright electronic music]
♪ ♪
- Hi.
- Hello.
- Thanks for meeting me
here today.
I don't wanna be
in that office today.
- Let's get you moving.
- [sighs] How's everything?
- That's a big sigh.
- [chuckles] I'm, like,
a little bit of a mess today,
to be honest.
- Okay, that's okay
to be a mess.
What's going on?
- [exhales]
Well, I'm feeling
an actual physical pain
from the anxiety of
what's happening
within my friend group.
One of my favorite things
about therapy with Val is,
she comes to you.
She truly knows where
I'm gonna be the most open,
so she always comes to meet me,
like, on hikes or walks,
or any place where
I can just be out.
- Okay, so, tell me...
- Okay...
- What happened?
- Vanderpump Dogs calls me in.
They're like, "Lisa Vanderpump
wants us to tell you
"a crazy story with Dorit,
and with one of her dogs
ending up in a shelter."
- Okay.
- Vanderpump Dogs and Lisa
wanted to call Dorit on it,
but wanted to use me to do so.
- Mm.
- And there's mult--
I can't even tell you
how many phone conversations
were had,
where they're like,
"Hold on, we're on hold
with John Sessa and Lisa
and blah-blah-blah."
Like, it was--
- It was a whole orchestrated--
- It was a whole
orchestrated thing
that I was totally messy
and involved in, and...
- You're owning it. I hear it.
- I'm owning it 100%.
I--I said, you know, "Okay,
this is what needs to happen
for me to orchestrate
your plan."
And then, the dog thing
came up, and Dorit sat down,
and I'm like, "Listen, I know
you know about the dog thing."
- Good for you.
- And I said,
"Listen, I was catty."
I didn't go into the entire,
how catty I was at this point,
because, truthfully,
I wanna protect her.
- It's your motivation
for holding back even.
- Because the original story
I was told was so bad.
But that's why I was
so angry on top of it,
because I was told an inflated
version of the truth.
The original story
I was told wasn't true.
I was told that not only was
Dorit's dog in a kill shelter.
That Dorit had locked
that dog in her basement,
and it hadn't seen
the light of day in months.
So, then I confront
Lisa Vanderpump,
and she still said, "I'm
confused. I don't understand.
This John Blizzard
and I aren't even close."
And I'm thinking,
"He runs all of your events,
"works under an office
that says 'Vanderpump Dogs,'
and you're trying
to convince me..."
- Yeah.
- "You didn't know I knew?"
Lisa can deny that
she wanted me to know
anything about Lucy Lucy
Apple Juicy all she wants,
but I have the text proof.
John says, "I'm getting
mixed messages, haha.
"Lisa, tell her.
Ken, don't say anything.
"I'm like, 'Send help.'
Lisa said you should
adopt the dog, LOL."
A week later, I'm at
Vanderpump Dogs with Kyle,
and Lisa makes the same joke.
- No, Teddi, you're not
fostering that dog.
- I think it's pretty clear.
I'm gonna see everybody
this weekend
at Camille's birthday party,
and I really feel
like Lisa Vanderpump
is going to try to turn
this all around on me,
and not admit what she's done,
and I don't know
how to move on from it.
I mean, you know me.
I don't know how to do that.
- You're out of control now,
and you don't like
being out of control.
- I don't like being an adult
crying over a friend situation,
when so many wonderful things
are happening in my life.
- And there's nothing
silly about crying.
You're upset. You've been
betrayed by someone.
- Why can't I be one of
those people that just--
when something like this
happens, just, phew?
- Why can't I just be perfect?
- [laughs]
- Why?
- Why?
- Don't do that to yourself.
It's okay.
It's okay that a loose end
isn't gonna be tied up.
- I know. I feel better.
I was, like, very,
like, hyped up,
when I first got here,
and now I feel more relaxed.
- I saw. I saw.
- Well, that's why I pay you
the big bucks.
- The big bucks, baby.
- [laughs] Oh, gosh.
- Coming up...
- When you met him, was there,
like, instant attraction?
- Well, he has
a very big penis.
[laughter]
- Okay then.
[smooth electronic music]
♪ ♪
- Hello.
- You decided to join me?
- Sorry, sorry.
- It's okay.
- Welcome to The Hart
and the Hunter.
Here you are with some drinks,
and we also have
some cocktails as well.
- What kind of chardonnay
do you have by the glass?
- Uh, we have a Crusher
Chardonnay.
- Okay, I guess
I'll try that one.
- Cool.
- Sauvignon Blanc.
- Thank you.
Um, so, what's new?
What's happening?
Love that blouse.
- You do? It's not new.
- Yeah. Is there
black panthers on it?
- I don't know.
- I know that
everything is unresolved
between Lisa
and Teddi and Dorit...
- Teddi has specifically said
that John Blizzard
was given an order.
- Why are you believing
Teddi over me?
- It's not that I don't believe
that these text messages
are true,
but Teddi's not here.
- I'm really trying to just
keep my relationship with Lisa
separate from what's going on
with the rest of the group.
- So, "American Woman"?
Do you know anything or not?
- It was not picked up.
I know.
It was really upsetting.
- And how are you about that?
- I did get a little teary-eyed
this morning.
- Listen, you should be
absolutely proud of it.
You really should.
- I am very proud of it. I am.
I'm obviously
extremely disappointed,
but who knows?
Maybe with "American Woman"
off the table,
maybe another door will open
with my sisters.
We'll see.
- Where's Denise?
- I have no idea.
Obviously, you got the call too
about what she's doing
this weekend.
- I know.
- I can't go.
We have the agency's
seven-year anniversary party.
[line rings]
Hello?
- Kyle, do you have
big plans on Saturday?
- I have to do something for
my husband at the agency.
What's going on?
- We might be getting
married Saturday.
- What?
[dog whimpers]
- Well, I don't know why
she's doing it so quickly.
She has to be pregnant.
- Well, he just got
divorced last week.
- Oh, well, then that's why.
[both laugh]
- Hello.
- Hello.
Oh, my God.
- Hello.
- Hey.
- Hey.
- Look at you.
- Hi.
- Congratulations as well.
- Hi.
- Thank you.
- This is fantastic.
Did you get a dress?
- No.
- Okay, let me ask you this,
when you met him,
was there, like,
instant attraction?
- Um, I thought
he was very cute,
and I wanted to (BLEEP) him.
I just wanted to
have sex with him.
- Well, I bet he was thrilled
to find that out.
- Well, he has
a very big penis.
- Oh, my God.
[laughter]
And there is that that's
set up now on the table.
Okay, well...
- Okay, then.
- I'm not sure what Denise
has been partaking in
in the car ride over here,
but the party has
already started.
Now Lisa's going to want him.
- Oh, my God!
- Okay, then, he's got a
monster
as big as a baby's arm.
Now I understand the need
to get married. [laughs]
- What do you do?
- He offers a very good
service...
aside from his big penis.
[laughter]
- Denise, listen to me,
listen to me...
- Yes?
- You never tell other women
that your husband's
well-endowed.
- You make people think
it's this big.
[laughs]
- Your penis is this big, baby.
I'm sorry.
- All right, all right,
all right.
- I never took
a ----ing ruler to it,
but he does have a big penis,
and I've seen some penises
in my life,
and I will say,
he has the biggest penis
that I've ever been with.
His penis is very small...
- Are we ready
to place an order?
- Oh, okay, yes.
- Yeah? Excellent. Perfect.
- I'm gonna do the shrimp.
- The barbecued shrimp? Yeah.
- I'm going to have
the fried green tomatoes.
- Do you want a burger?
- Yeah, you know what,
I'm just gonna...
- Do you want a "buuuh-ger"?
[laughs]
- Yeah, I'll just do a burger,
well-done please, no aioli.
- Perfect.
- So, energy healing?
- Energy medicine.
- Okay.
- With the penis.
- I mean, she can keep going.
- Sorry.
- Whatever, that's good.
- I'm so ----ing sorry.
- It's been a long day,
obviously.
- [laughs]
- I would like to
offer you a drink,
but I don't think I dare.
- [snorts]
- Denise is just having
a grand old time.
You know, she's eating
the food with her hands.
I mean, like,
what's going on here?
- What treatment
did you want a year ago?
- The tiny penis.
[laughter]
- Okay, Denise,
you need to shut up now.
- Yeah, right.
- I don't know you that well,
but I'm just giving you
some friendly advice, okay?
- I am gonna shut my ----ing
piehole right now, baby.
I really love you...
- Right.
- And your big ----ing penis.
[laughter]
- Maybe she's having, you
know,
last-minute wedding jitters,
I don't know,
but if I had a dollar for
every time Denise said "penis,"
my dinner would be
paid for tonight.
- So nice to spend
time with you.
- You too.
- Yeah.
And good luck tomorrow,
because you've got
a sh-- lot to do.
Tonight, I don't actually know
who Denise is marrying...
- Bye, girls.
I'm gonna go to the bathroom
before we get in the car.
- Okay, bye.
- Bye, bye, bye.
- Bye, guys.
- Aaron or his penis.
[laughing, snorting]
- Oh, my God, I'm dead.
- Oh, my God.
She is probably the most
unconventional person...
- He wants to kill her right now
for talking about his penis
and having sex in that room.
- I know, I know.
He doesn't want to kill her.
- He's like,
"That's great for business."
[both laugh]
- Everybody's gonna be
queuing up an appointment,
including me.
[both laugh]
- Coming up...
- You just set me up,
and now you're pretending
that your hands are clean?
I don't care about
this petty crap, Dorit.
(BLEEP) you.
[upbeat music]
♪ ♪
- No, Hanky.
[swan quacks]
- Get Kyle, not me.
- Hi, guys.
- Oh, you look nice.
Come and say hello
to your friends.
- I'm not coming
to say hi to them.
- I think we need to go, Pops.
- All right, let's do it.
- No.
- Oh, my ponytail?
You don't like?
- You can't do a little
baby ponytail.
That's insane.
- It's in-training.
- [laughs] Oh, my God.
♪ ♪
- Okay. Oh, Mason's here.
Hey!
Oh. Oh, my God, I love you--
- You have the Don Julio
Reposado, right?
I'll do it neat, straight-up.
- I'll do a double.
- Look at this cake.
It's so pretty.
- Hi!
- You look great.
- Happy birthday.
- Thank you.
♪ ♪
Hi, beautiful.
You look gorgeous.
♪ ♪
Hi!
Hello, beautiful.
♪ ♪
- Beautiful.
Aw, Mille, how are you?
You look gorgeous...
- You look great.
Thank you.
- Absolutely beautiful.
- Thank you, Mom, and so
do you. You look amazing.
- You know, it's not
that often you turn 50.
- Happy birthday.
- Hello, PK.
Thank you for coming.
- How are you? Muwah.
- My god! Look at you.
Always hitting it
out of the ball park.
Always gorgeous.
- And you. Look at you.
- Beyond.
Hello! Ah!
- Hi, how are you?
Hi, hi, hi.
Nice to see you.
- Good to see you.
- How are you, gorgeous?
Ooh, you look pretty.
Well, clearly Camille is not
too down on Dorit tonight.
Flip-floppers are confusing.
- Okay, I'll let you say
hello to your guests...
- Okay, okay.
- Please, baby, please. Please.
- Gorgeous.
- Hi, stunner, hi.
- Hi, sexy lady.
- Hi!
Hey, how are ya?
- Hi. Good!
Hi. Oh, my gosh, I love this.
- Thank you.
- How are you?
- Hi!
- [laughs]
- I just wanna say, I had
so much fun in the Bahamas.
- I would've stayed
in that water all day.
- That was our best day.
- I'm sorry it ended
so abruptly.
- I'm going. Bye, guys.
- Please do not leave, Lisa.
- Like, that was so
long ago now, right?
It's like, what happened?
- Yeah. You know?
- Tell her.
- Now?
- Just tell me.
- I would love some water,
just because I feel like...
[overlapping chatter]
- Oh, just tell me,
'cause now I'm all anxious.
[tense hip-hop music]
- I had lunch with Lisa,
and she pulled out
all the text messages.
♪ ♪
She was highlighting,
specifically it was you
that said,
"Have the dog there."
[solemn percussive music]
♪ ♪
- I was involved,
but none of it
would've ever happened
if Lisa Vanderpump
wouldn't have given them
direct orders to
constantly contact me.
- This is very unfair for me
to get this information...
- Here, let's go over here,
so we're not bugging her.
♪ ♪
I can tell you this:
I'm sorry, and I wanna move on,
and I wanna start
fresh with you.
None of it would've happened
without her orders.
- Her whole point is that
she had nothing to do with it,
and that it was entirely
John Blizzard and you.
- They sought me out,
because of your and I's
past relationship...
- Teddi...
you are psycho.
- And because
of the information
Lisa Vanderpump fed me,
I was in on the scheme.
- You need to explain yourself,
and I'm glad you're doing it...
- No, I--I was part
of the sche--
- But, Teddi, on its face,
it sounded sh---y.
- When I really knew
the setup was beyond
was when I saw Lisa
and how she was acting.
- I don't wanna talk about it.
I don't wanna talk about it.
I've told everybody, I don't
wanna talk about it anymore.
Come on, let's go.
- "No! No! No, don't you dare!"
Like, this bad acting.
And at that moment, I shifted,
and I said, "I don't care
about this petty crap
"Dorit and I have issues with.
"This is somebody
I can't look at anymore.
"You just set me up,
"and now you're pretending
that your hands are clean?
"So you can be relevant and
you can be the hero to Dorit,
for me the bad guy?
(BLEEP) you."
[tense hip-hop music]
- Guys, here she comes.
♪ ♪
- I was set up,
and I took the bait,
but I could not
go through with it.
I didn't tell Kyle,
I didn't tell Lisa Rinna,
and I told you that
your friend betrayed you.
♪ ♪
- Well, this doesn't
look very inviting.
♪ ♪
- Guys, here she comes.
[tense music]
- I was set up,
and I took the bait,
but I could not
go through with it.
- Well, this doesn't
look very inviting.
- The thing is, Teddi,
'cause I don't even
wanna get into
the "he said, she said."
You know, the idea
that there are even,
you know, two people set out
to try and hurt me that bad...
- I know.
- Hurts.
- Normally, I'd be
getting your typical,
"You look great."
But no, there's
something going down,
and I'm just gonna mosey on by.
[electronic percussive music]
- Awkward.
♪ ♪
- Happy birthday. We're excited
to be here and celebrate.
- Oh, thank you so much.
And, oh, my gifts.
Really you didn't have to.
- We just walked in. It looks
like an intense situation.
- I know.
- Literally right as we walked
in, it was so awkward.
- I know, I know.
Come on, girls,
this is about celebrating
me being on this planet.
Stop with the fighting!
- The first time in my life
I have ever done this
to somebody,
and it's because--
you wanna know what,
last year, when I was
struggling with this group,
Lisa Vanderpump was the one
calling me every night
to check in on me,
and I got sold,
and I'm sorry.
- She feels used.
She feels set up...
- Totally.
- And she took the bait,
and she willingly says it.
- Yeah, I'm willingly
telling you.
- She's accepting
responsibility.
Teddi omitted some things,
but now I see,
she's actually taking
accountability for her role.
That's the most important
thing.
- There's two people that
play a part in this.
Teddi is owning her part.
- Yes.
- Teddi was caught in a lie,
but at least she's taking
ownership of that.
So now, I really hope
that Lisa Vanderpump can just
admit her part in all of this,
and we can just finally
put it behind us.
You've gotta own up.
- And I'm very, very sorry
that I hurt you.
I'm sorry.
[bright electronic music]
- Did you see
their little doggy?
Isn't he adorable?
- Hey, Ken or the dog?
- I was saying the dog,
but Ken's cool, so yeah.
[laughter]
- Ken's adorable too.
- Hi, girls.
- Hi, ladies.
- Hello, Spanish chiquitita.
- How are you?
- We just were coming out
to see what was happening.
- Everyone's wearing
black tonight.
- It's a funeral.
I'm not mourning anything,
but by the end of the night,
we may be burying a few
of these friendships.
- What's happening?
- No, I--
I mean, it's everything
I ever said before.
I just left out
some of the things,
in order to protect Dorit.
- Oh, boy, it looks like
there's fighting going on.
- There's something
going on out there.
- They all should come
inside for her birthday.
- I'm gonna hide.
[hip-hop music]
- I think you all
need to come in.
[laughter]
- Okay, I know.
[soft dynamic music]
- I honestly feel like
people were just upset
for whatever reason,
so I am, um...
♪ ♪
We're talking about
the other day...
- I--I want to move on from it.
I've seen--
it's all clear to me,
but, you know what--
- What--what's clear to you?
- You are guilty by omission.
You sat there when
they were saying,
"Who said bring
the dog forward?"
And I saw the texts.
I was shocked.
If Teddi had actually owned
her own poop in the Bahamas,
we could've had
an honest conversation.
- Why is this still on me?
I told my story,
the 100% truth.
I've never lied
one second of my life ever.
- You should rename
that whole little situation
you've got going on.
Ms. ----ing Avoid-ability.
What about that one?
That might be better.
- Lisa, I was on a phone call
with John Blizzard,
while you were on
the other line with John Sessa,
where they were saying,
"Well, let's figure this out.
Hold on one second..."
- I didn't know
you were involved
in the machinations of the dog.
- How did you know to text
Dorit, "Dorit, Teddi knows"?
[tense hip-hop music]
- Of course I knew you knew.
Of course I knew.
♪ ♪
- How did you know
that Teddi knew?
- I didn't know at the time
Teddi knew.
She didn't know at the time.
- But you said that
they sent a text saying...
- No, that was--
- To her, "Teddi knows."
It's very clear to me,
Lisa wanted Teddi to have
that information about Dorit.
Then Blizzard lets Lisa know,
"Okay, job's done.
Teddi knows about the dog."
And then she texted Dorit,
"Teddi knows,"
just to stir up sh--
between Dorit and Teddi.
♪ ♪
- You said there was no texts.
- That's what I heard
in the Bahamas,
that there were no texts.
- Yeah.
- That was what was said
at the table.
I'm just gonna pipe in.
- Well, maybe John Blizzard
didn't wanna show the texts.
- There were no texts.
- How do I know
who's texting who?
I've never looked at an
employee's phone in my life.
- All the twists and turns
that this has taken,
all roads lead to
Lisa Vanderpump.
If Vanderpump knew Teddi knew,
why didn't she call
Teddi and say,
"Teddi, you gotta keep
your mouth shut"?
Did she do that?
Nope.
- I know you're not gonna take
any ownership for your part.
I've taken ownership.
I have told the truth.
I have apologized.
If you can live with yourself
doing this, then go for it.
It's been working for you
for a long time.
- [gasps]
- Okay, I'm fine with that.
- Lisa is full of sh--.
I have texts proving Ken
was contacting John Blizzard
to discuss how it comes out
to Kyle and I.
John Blizzard's texting me.
"He's like, before you tell
Teddi and Kyle...
"I'm just going to try
and control the situation,
because PK has been
his best friend for 40 years."
And number two, shortly after
Kyle and I leave
Vanderpump Dogs,
I get this text
from John Blizzard,
saying that he's with Lisa
and Pandora,
discussing everything.
This once again proves
that Lisa Vanderpump
is lying about
having zero relationship
with John Blizzard.
Then let's all just co-exist,
put on our little happy faces,
and let's do this.
- I'm not into
co-existing, Teddi.
- I know I'm not
gonna change you,
so if you're not gonna
admit to anything,
then it is what it is.
- So, you don't feel
any kind of guilt or remorse?
- I don't feel
any guilt with you.
- Oh, really?
- No, I feel betrayed by you.
- Okay, well, I feel
betrayed by you too.
- Oh, 'cause I couldn't
carry out your plan?
Sorry.
- This is no longer
about Lucy and a lie.
This is about my friendship
with Lisa Vanderpump.
- Okay, let's go get
a drink of margarita.
Let's go get a margarita.
- She plotted against me,
behind my back,
to hurt me.
A friend doesn't
do that to someone.
- Now she's angry at me?
Come on.
- That's okay, honey.
- I know.
- This is one thing I know:
The truth will always
set you free.
♪ ♪
- Coming up...
[cheers and applause]
- Yes!
- Why do I have to be cute
all the ----ing time?
[smooth electronic music]
- You got schmaltz
on your shirt.
- Is that you, Poppy?
Is that you?
- I can't believe
I just touched that.
all:
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
♪ Happy birthday,
dear Camille ♪
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
[cheers and applause]
- Thank you, everybody.
[cheers and applause]
- [whistling]
- Speech! Speech! Speech!
- Thank you, David,
for being in my life.
You've brought great joy.
And my family for being here.
My dear friends, all of you,
you've been on this journey
with me.
You've been through
the highs and lows.
We believe in love,
and we believe in
respecting one another,
no matter what.
- "Love and respect."
Nice words, Camille,
but I don't think
Teddi Mellencamp
is somebody I would ever
really trust again.
- Happy birthday.
[laughter]
Camille and I almost
made out on her birthday!
Love the speech, Camille,
but when somebody
does something
to intentionally hurt you,
and then lies to you about it,
there's only one way to take
it.
Bye.
[upbeat music]
- Can you get me one?
- No. [laughs]
- [laughs] Okay, what--
okay, what happens?
- Tequila can be
your best friend...
He likes to supply me
with alcohol.
I don't know what his goal is.
- Drink your margarita.
- Okay, hold on.
Or your worst enemy.
I'm so--I'm literally
bombed right now. Bombed.
- Me too. I'm with you.
Should we dance?
- I am ----ing bombed
- [screams] Kyle's bombed.
- I've had no ----ing food.
I'm bombed.
- Okay!
- Oh! Oh, God, here she goes.
- Whoa!
[lively dance music]
[laughter]
- Hi, hon.
♪ ♪
- We need splits.
Can we do splits in that dress?
- I'm trying, I'm trying.
[yelling, cheering]
- Yes! Yes!
She did it! She did it!
[upbeat music]
- Bye, honey.
Thank you for coming.
- Nice chatting with you.
- Thank you for coming.
- Camille, please.
- You're awesome. Thank you.
- Thank you for accepting
my apology.
- You know what,
I appreciate it.
- Bye, honey.
- Bye, honey.
♪ ♪
- Kyle, no. No.
Put your legs down.
- Bye, girl.
- Bye, honey.
♪ ♪
- Why do I have to be cute
all the ----ing time?
- But you weren't, darling.
Your vagina was on the floor.
- My vagina's ----ing cute.
- She did it on the floor,
without any underwear.
- Guess what, this is who I am.
[laughter]
- Goodbye, hon.
- Happy birthday, Camille.
Is this our car?
[hip-hop music]
Oh, my Lordy.
- Tell me what happened.
- Yeah, well,
all I can tell you is
that Teddi has owned up to
all of the ugliness
in those texts.
- But Lisa is denying that?
- Vehemently.
- What about Teddi?
She was just like,
"Well, I guess we'll just
agree to co-exist." [laughs]
- Well, that's better
than nothing.
- It's like, "You should be
so lucky, bitch."
[both laugh]
- (BLEEP) my life.
- I don't think Lisa's
100% herself at the moment.
She's going through a lot.
So, I just think
you should give her
some elasticity.
- I get that hurt people
sometimes wanna hurt people,
but how much do I have to take?
Well, with Lisa,
I have to just find a way
to numb myself to the idea
that she did play
a part in this.
[tense music]
♪ ♪
- Next time on "The Real
Housewives of Beverly Hills:"
- Oh, bitch, what is this?
- It's a gladiator.
It's slit all the way
on both sides.
- I'm ----ing hot.
- Right?
- Yeah!
- When do you wanna
get married?
- Do you think you can
do this in two days?
- You're gonna see Lisa
at Denise's wedding.
- ♪ Perfect ♪
- I'm really starting
to get nervous.
- What time's the ceremony?
- [indistinct]
I definitely feel like
the clock is ticking.
- I'm hot, and I'm mad.
- Where is this bride?
- When's it happening?
- Oh, my God, PK.
- What?
- This is a whole other
layer of betrayal.
- Lisa must know the truth
is gonna come out.
- You think this is Lisa?
♪ ♪
- Previously on "The Real
Housewives of Beverly Hills:"
- How did you meet Aaron?
- So, I met him at his center,
and one time,
we had sex in one of his rooms.
[all gasp]
- The only free day we can do
would be September 8th.
- You wanna get married
in ten days?
- (BLEEP) yeah I do.
- When we went into
Vanderpump Dogs,
John grabs your dog out,
and told Kyle.
- Dorit's dog.
- Oh.
- [indistinct]
- You gave direct
instructions to them
to tell me.
- No.
- Teddi asked Blizzard
to have the dog there
when her and Kyle arrive.
- Well, you certainly didn't
get this bit of information,
did you, Dorit?
- No, I didn't. No.
- So somebody was guilty
by omission.
[dramatic music]
[bright electronic music]
- In the game of life,
it's winner take all.
- Most people talk
about their fantasies.
I'm living mine.
- In business and in life,
I wear many hats
and hairstyles.
- You can stab me in the back,
but whilst you're there,
kiss my ass.
- I'm not afraid of hard work,
but I'll never do
your dirty work.
- My problem
with the tabloids?
My real life is
so much juicier.
- In Beverly Hills,
the truth always has a way
of rising to the top.
♪ ♪
[upbeat electronic music]
[phone ringing]
♪ ♪
- Hi, Jane.
- Hey, honey. How are ya?
- Good. Went and
showered at the gym.
- Good.
- Wanna have lunch?
- I have a meeting coming up.
Then I could have lunch
at 12:30, 12:45.
- I have a meeting at my store.
I can't do that.
Have you talked to Sophia?
- Yeah, I did.
She's doing great.
- I feel so much better
now that we've dropped her off.
When it comes to our kids
and affection and being
emotional with them,
we're extra, what can I say?
Okay, you guys, we have
to be happy and excited.
- We are. Can't you tell?
[both laugh]
- I'm gonna be worried 24/7.
But I also know that getting
an education like this
is a gift.
Anyway, so,
I'm getting stressed.
I haven't heard
anything yet about
"American Woman"
getting picked up.
I want another season.
I put my heart
and soul into it.
- I know. Well, you deserve
another season.
- Even though
"American Woman" has been
a point of contention
with my sisters and me...
Since "American Woman,"
it's not like it was before,
where we did
everything together,
talk every single day,
ten times a day,
it's not like that.
The idea that I've been able
to keep my mom's memory alive
has been one of
the best parts about it,
especially when everything
was stolen from me...
They got almost
every single handbag,
the ones that my mom had
left me that she'd saved.
So I feel like there's
a lot riding on this.
I just have to, uh,
keep my fingers crossed still.
Anyway, why is there
a bottle of tequila behind you?
Like, four bottles?
- Oh, whatever.
- And that bottle is,
like, almost empty.
[both laugh]
[dings]
There you go. Tequila time!
- [laughs]
♪ ♪
- Ash, I think I'd like
to be in the pink today.
[door bell rings]
- Hi! How are you?
You look cute.
- Welcome.
You look beyond fab.
- Thank you.
- Damn, Dorit.
- Erika's here!
- [laughs]
- Body gold.
[laughter]
- You look ----ing great.
- Yeah?
- Yeah. Good job.
- I don't think I realized
how much I missed working
and having my own business.
I just don't want it
to look like
she has to pull it
out of her bum.
It's actually giving me,
like, anxiety.
Now that I'm back in it,
I see Beverly Beach
as another baby.
And now, to have "JMG"
feature Beverly Beach
on the cover?
Wow. I'm a proud mama.
[smooth electronic music]
- Need a heel, girl.
I'm sorry.
- Ooh, I love those, yes.
- I've got these.
Right, these are
really super sexy.
I have them myself.
- Mmm, okay.
- And then, if somebody wanted
to get kinda funky,
because they're tall.
- Yeah.
- I don't know, how you feel?
- Oh, perfect. I love these.
- I can do sexy...
What do you think?
- Whatever makes you pussy.
[laughter]
You shouldn't have invited me!
[laughs]
- But Erika?
She kinda, like, takes sexy
to a whole other level...
- At the very last minute,
you turn and walk away
from his ass,
'cause you don't need him.
- It's like tango.
- It's like hooking on Sunset.
So, it's much worse.
- You people are crazy.
- So, if I'm looking
to push the boundaries,
having her on set is
an absolute must for me.
- Bring your feet together,
both girls.
Feet together, feet together,
not apart.
- Best creative director.
Like, I live for it.
[hip-hop music]
- Guts in, tits up.
Weigh your ass out,
like you like it.
You're selling ass.
So, we're not selling cookies.
Confidence is the most
important thing.
You have to feel comfortable
in your own skin.
But at the end of the day,
we're selling a product.
Looks good!
- We're good? Okay.
- Boobs and butt are
the most persuasive tools.
- Are we on to the next?
- We can move to the next one?
- Yeah.
- Perfect.
- Let's change it.
[electronic dance music]
- Good. I like this ass.
Yeah, you guys look
really good together,
and it looks really good.
[bright electronic music]
♪ ♪
- This is so pretty.
♪ ♪
Oh, boy, don't--
don't break anything.
Wow, Lola, look at the swans.
Aren't those cute?
♪ ♪
- Hello.
- Hi, how are you?
- Hi, how are you?
- Hi, good, how are you?
Nice to see you.
- Nice to see you too.
Hello.
- This is Eloise.
- Hello, hi.
You met Lola at Kyle's,
I believe.
- Oh, yes. Come in.
- How do you keep white
in everything?
That never happens
at our house.
This is so nice down here.
- Isn't it unusual?
- Yeah.
How many swans do you have?
- There's two black
and four white.
- Where do you find swans?
- I don't know,
at the swan shop.
[both laugh]
- "At the swan shop."
Oh, my gosh, I love
that you can keep them
in your backyard.
- Aww.
- These little horses are
called Diamonds and Rosé.
- I know all the ladies
are really upset
with Lisa Vanderpump,
but she has been nothing
but so warm and lovely
and compassionate with me,
and I wanna make
my own judgment
of who I think
she is as a person.
- Go on then. Off you go.
It is like a children's
playground here really.
- Oh, wow, they get
to just come out here?
- Oh, no, they're not
supposed to be here.
Oh, no. Poppy, come here.
- [chuckles]
- Okay, wait one second.
- Can I take a photo of them?
- Yeah.
- Okay, let me just, uh,
give them their biscuits.
[dogs barking]
[gasps] No, no, no.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no.
They're not supposed
to come around here.
No, no.
Can you hold him for a second?
- Yeah.
- Hold on, Eloise, come here.
[laughter]
Hold on. [mumbling]
- [laughs]
- Come on.
That's it.
That's exactly right.
We've got the biscuits, see?
- Come here, you. Come on.
- Come on. Come on.
- [chuckles] Come here, you.
- In you go.
See, that's the craziness
of Villa Rosa.
You are naughty ponies,
aren't you?
[horse snorts]
What would you like?
Wine or...
- No, I'll have water.
That's fine.
- All right then, darling.
- Thank you.
Oh, this is nice. There's
a little berry in there.
- Yeah.
- That's fancy. [laughs]
- Eloise, do I have
a funny accent?
- Don't you love
the way she talks?
I wish I talked like that.
- No. [laughs]
- Yes, you do.
Eloise was diagnosed with
having a chromosome disorder.
People ask me what it's like
having a child that
isn't able to talk,
but this is all I know
with Eloise,
and she's really,
truly an angel.
- Do you like that cake?
Do you?
- Is that good? Is it good?
I know, it looks very good.
It's Schnooky, right?
- Schnooky, yeah
How many dogs do you have?
- Well, we have quite a few.
One dog we have, he's 22.
We've had him four years.
He was just dumped off.
- Who does that?
That's what happened with
Poppy.
- Oh, it's terrible.
- He does have terrible gas
sometimes.
I understand
why he got there.
[laughter]
Denise is just a very
warm-hearted woman.
I mean, we have
a lot in common.
I mean, I wasn't
in "Wild Things,"
but I can be a bit of
a wild thing, I suppose,
if you ask me nicely.
It wasn't much fun
in, um, the Bahamas.
- Well, you've been
through a lot.
- I just wanted to have
a good time, basically...
- No, I understand.
- You know, and in fact,
I really enjoyed the time
that we were talking about...
- I do too. You're so lovely.
I'm glad we're going
to dinner with Kyle.
- Yeah, maybe get a chance
to talk there...
- Maybe we can, uh,
have grown-up talk.
- Without little ears
listening.
- Right, Lola?
[upbeat music]
- Girl, you got me
sweating around here.
- Oh, my God, honey...
- [laughs]
- I'm so glad you're here.
- Me too! I'm excited.
- I know, I feel bad
putting this on.
But let me tell you something.
- What's going on?
- Owie.
- What?
That does not look good.
[tense music]
- I went to Lisa Vanderpump's
yesterday.
She pulls out six pages
of text messages
between Teddi
and John Blizzard...
- Okay.
- In where Teddi says,
"Have the dog at
Vanderpump center,
and I'll bring it up"...
- Whoa.
- And then texts him five
minutes before she gets there,
and says, "Is the dog there?"
- I'm finding out
different facts
than what I was told
in my chapel...
- Kyle and I get invited
by Lisa Vanderpump
to go to Vanderpump Dogs,
and I couldn't go
through with it.
- What does she want you
to go through with, baby?
- Telling everybody
what Dorit did.
- Oh, God.
So, what's really
----ing going on?
- Even with this new evidence,
I still feel the same way.
- Lisa never took
any responsibility?
- No.
Are you saying that this was
all Teddi and John Blizzard
and you had nothing
to do with this?
- All this bullsh--,
I had nothing to do with.
- I feel like
I've got two friends
that were trying to set me up
to hurt me.
- What is the end-game?
- What is the motive?
- To make you look mad?
- Right.
Why would you do this to me?
- Don't trust anybody.
- I need to trust somebody.
- You have to trust yourself.
♪ ♪
- Coming up...
- Dorit, there's
a little bit of phoniness,
Like, I don't know if she has
all the money she has.
She makes the back of
the little hairs on your neck
just stand up, just going,
"What is real?"
[bright electronic music]
[phone ringing]
- Hello?
- Hi.
- Hi, are we on
for dinner tonight?
- Yeah. Of course, of course.
- Oh, good.
I'm just--I'm checking.
I'm going to visit Camille.
She's turning 50,
and I'm gonna go meet her,
see this place that she wants
to have her party at.
I was terrified to turn 50.
In Hollywood, at 50,
you're ----ing old.
You're done. You're washed up.
And so, you start to
figure out all your doctors
and all your potions,
and it's very much like
a science project.
- Your bag is going so fast.
- I go fast, honey.
I suck that sh-- up.
- [laughs]
- This is my--[indistinct]
- Wait, I bet you had to
name a bunch of those.
- I'm continuing to figure it
out, so that it works for me.
That's the key.
I'll see you tonight.
Bye, love you.
- Love you. Okay, bye.
- Bye.
[hip-hop music]
♪ ♪
- Thank you, sir.
- What a cool building.
Hello. Hey, Chris.
- Hey, darling,
lovely to see you.
- So good to see you.
I wanna thank you so much
for doing this.
- Hi!
Hi, girls.
- Hi! [chuckles]
Oh, my gosh...
- Hi, Kimber.
- You look amazing.
- Hi, you look gorgeous.
- So, now it's gonna be
my 50th birthday.
- I can't believe that!
- 50. My God.
- Okay, so, what I wanted
to show you a little bit:
So, we have a lot of drinks,
which are kinda related
to the boulevard.
You've gotta read these.
- Oh, let's see.
You can have a Santa Monica
Boulevard martini.
That's cute.
The Melrose.
That's cute!
- Yeah.
- So, let's talk
about nibbles, food.
- I thought, like,
pass around appetizers:
lamb chops, shrimp cocktails.
- Some bread to absorb
all the alcohol
that's gonna be...
- It's always good
to have food.
- They're passed around
all night, not...
- Well--I mean, what time
does it start exactly?
- 6:30, so...
- We're having 6:30 arrivals.
7:00 is the party.
- Okay, so let's start
the food around 7:00 then,
until about--yeah.
- Yeah, that sounds perfect.
- What's the dress vibe
gonna be for your 50th?
- Nice, cocktail...
- Maybe just cocktail.
- Fun, fabulous at 50.
- I'm gonna talk to Kimberly
about details.
All right, sounds good. Enjoy.
- Did well. Thanks, hon.
- I'll see you this Saturday.
- All right.
- Thank you.
- It'll be fun.
- I've made it to 50 years!
Through cancer...
I have cancer,
and you have a hysterectomy.
They remove the top part
of your cervix,
and the top part of
your vajayjay also.
Through a horrible divorce...
I hope you win.
- I won already.
- Wow.
- It's just the night
and everything...
- I thought he was gonna say,
me he won already,
'cause he has me
in his life, but...
- Uh, yes.
- Getting married soon.
And I can't wait
to start anew.
- This is so fun. I love it.
- I'm a little overwhelmed,
'cause there's
a lot of logistics.
I gotta get the
guest list together.
I'm inviting all of the girls.
And, you know,
there was a lot of commotion
in the Bahamas.
- You know, here's the thing,
Camille...
- Mm-hmm?
- This is something that's
gone on a long time,
this pattern.
It's happened to me.
I believe it's happened
to you or--
- Years ago, yeah.
We've all experienced this,
the wrath of Vanderpump,
and it feels terrible,
because it's a character
assassination.
Lisa Vanderpump
asked me to bring up
the Taylor-Russell abuse issue.
Because we don't say
that he hit you.
We don't say that,
but now we said it.
Lisa had a habit of
keeping her hands clean,
and having other people
doing her dirty work.
- Now they're saying,
"Oh, Camille's saying
you said this about Taylor."
- But you ask me
to repeat things.
- No, I didn't.
- Yes, you do.
And you tell me what to say,
and now you throw me under
a bus, and I'm leaving.
- I'm not throwing you
under a bus.
- You threw me
under a bus just now.
But then on the
flip side of it,
I do feel bad for
Lisa Vanderpump,
'cause she's going through
a very tough time.
In Lisa's defense,
there's something about Dorit
that just gets me.
- Jeez, Camille, tell me.
- There's a little bit
of phoniness,
and I don't know where she's
at.
Like, I don't know if she has
all the money she has,
or, is it a show?
The fake accent, all of it.
She makes the back of
the little hairs on your neck
just stand up, just going,
"What is real?"
- Camille is quite wishy-washy.
She and Dorit seemed to be
getting along just fine
in the Bahamas.
- I'm having such
a good time with you.
Thank you for inviting me.
And I feel that
I can move forward,
and we can all move forward.
- Great. I love that.
- Like, why all of the sudden
is she going off on Dorit?
- Did she really want a dog,
or was she trying to get
closer to Vanderpump?
[hip-hop music]
I don't know.
- You know, that--
- That, to me--I'm just
throwing that out there.
I know I'm being catty
right now, but, I mean...
- Oh, I love you
when you're catty.
[both laugh]
[upbeat music]
♪ ♪
- Are you digging?
Come on, Luke, go potty.
Come on, bud.
[gasps] Did you find that?
'Cause I like those.
Are you gonna add that
to your collection?
Come on, Luke!
♪ ♪
Even when it's a little chilly,
it's still pretty out here.
- I love it here.
- I do too.
Oh, wow, the tide is
really high today.
- It's beautiful. [grunts]
Oh, these are comfortable.
- [laughs]
Without the cushions? Oh, well.
- Jesus.
- They're better than nothing.
All right, well,
cheers to trying to
put a wedding together
in less than a week. [laughs]
- Yeah, right?
Well, we have a venue.
Cypress, it's beautiful.
- It's really pretty.
I really don't care
if people think I'm crazy
for putting this wedding
together in just a week.
I've learned early on to have
thick ----ing skin. [laughs]
People thought I was crazy
when I married Charlie Sheen,
so I really don't
give a (BLEEP).
The only problem is, though,
they don't have anything.
We just use the space.
They don't have tables, chairs,
toilets too.
- They don't have toilets
on the property?
- We can't have a ----ing
porta ----ing potty
in there.
- No, no chance.
- It needs to be the ones
that are heated.
- Toilet seat, whatever.
- Yes.
That smells good.
- Right.
I don't need all
the fancy stuff.
- I know.
- There's something to be said,
being in ripped jeans
and a T-shirt,
and just, you know...
- I would like to wear
more than that, though.
- You can buy anything
on Amazon.
- I am not buying my wedding
dress from Amazon.
- I'm--I'm kidding with you.
- [laughs]
If we pull this off,
I will be amazed.
- Stop saying "if."
We just are.
- Okay, okay.
- We're doing it.
- We are locked in,
and no matter what,
the wedding is
----ing happening.
We are crazy...
- Yes, we are.
- But I think it's
a good crazy.
- It's a great crazy.
- Well, it's our crazy.
[chuckles]
[bright electronic music]
♪ ♪
- Hi.
- Hello.
- Thanks for meeting me
here today.
I don't wanna be
in that office today.
- Let's get you moving.
- [sighs] How's everything?
- That's a big sigh.
- [chuckles] I'm, like,
a little bit of a mess today,
to be honest.
- Okay, that's okay
to be a mess.
What's going on?
- [exhales]
Well, I'm feeling
an actual physical pain
from the anxiety of
what's happening
within my friend group.
One of my favorite things
about therapy with Val is,
she comes to you.
She truly knows where
I'm gonna be the most open,
so she always comes to meet me,
like, on hikes or walks,
or any place where
I can just be out.
- Okay, so, tell me...
- Okay...
- What happened?
- Vanderpump Dogs calls me in.
They're like, "Lisa Vanderpump
wants us to tell you
"a crazy story with Dorit,
and with one of her dogs
ending up in a shelter."
- Okay.
- Vanderpump Dogs and Lisa
wanted to call Dorit on it,
but wanted to use me to do so.
- Mm.
- And there's mult--
I can't even tell you
how many phone conversations
were had,
where they're like,
"Hold on, we're on hold
with John Sessa and Lisa
and blah-blah-blah."
Like, it was--
- It was a whole orchestrated--
- It was a whole
orchestrated thing
that I was totally messy
and involved in, and...
- You're owning it. I hear it.
- I'm owning it 100%.
I--I said, you know, "Okay,
this is what needs to happen
for me to orchestrate
your plan."
And then, the dog thing
came up, and Dorit sat down,
and I'm like, "Listen, I know
you know about the dog thing."
- Good for you.
- And I said,
"Listen, I was catty."
I didn't go into the entire,
how catty I was at this point,
because, truthfully,
I wanna protect her.
- It's your motivation
for holding back even.
- Because the original story
I was told was so bad.
But that's why I was
so angry on top of it,
because I was told an inflated
version of the truth.
The original story
I was told wasn't true.
I was told that not only was
Dorit's dog in a kill shelter.
That Dorit had locked
that dog in her basement,
and it hadn't seen
the light of day in months.
So, then I confront
Lisa Vanderpump,
and she still said, "I'm
confused. I don't understand.
This John Blizzard
and I aren't even close."
And I'm thinking,
"He runs all of your events,
"works under an office
that says 'Vanderpump Dogs,'
and you're trying
to convince me..."
- Yeah.
- "You didn't know I knew?"
Lisa can deny that
she wanted me to know
anything about Lucy Lucy
Apple Juicy all she wants,
but I have the text proof.
John says, "I'm getting
mixed messages, haha.
"Lisa, tell her.
Ken, don't say anything.
"I'm like, 'Send help.'
Lisa said you should
adopt the dog, LOL."
A week later, I'm at
Vanderpump Dogs with Kyle,
and Lisa makes the same joke.
- No, Teddi, you're not
fostering that dog.
- I think it's pretty clear.
I'm gonna see everybody
this weekend
at Camille's birthday party,
and I really feel
like Lisa Vanderpump
is going to try to turn
this all around on me,
and not admit what she's done,
and I don't know
how to move on from it.
I mean, you know me.
I don't know how to do that.
- You're out of control now,
and you don't like
being out of control.
- I don't like being an adult
crying over a friend situation,
when so many wonderful things
are happening in my life.
- And there's nothing
silly about crying.
You're upset. You've been
betrayed by someone.
- Why can't I be one of
those people that just--
when something like this
happens, just, phew?
- Why can't I just be perfect?
- [laughs]
- Why?
- Why?
- Don't do that to yourself.
It's okay.
It's okay that a loose end
isn't gonna be tied up.
- I know. I feel better.
I was, like, very,
like, hyped up,
when I first got here,
and now I feel more relaxed.
- I saw. I saw.
- Well, that's why I pay you
the big bucks.
- The big bucks, baby.
- [laughs] Oh, gosh.
- Coming up...
- When you met him, was there,
like, instant attraction?
- Well, he has
a very big penis.
[laughter]
- Okay then.
[smooth electronic music]
♪ ♪
- Hello.
- You decided to join me?
- Sorry, sorry.
- It's okay.
- Welcome to The Hart
and the Hunter.
Here you are with some drinks,
and we also have
some cocktails as well.
- What kind of chardonnay
do you have by the glass?
- Uh, we have a Crusher
Chardonnay.
- Okay, I guess
I'll try that one.
- Cool.
- Sauvignon Blanc.
- Thank you.
Um, so, what's new?
What's happening?
Love that blouse.
- You do? It's not new.
- Yeah. Is there
black panthers on it?
- I don't know.
- I know that
everything is unresolved
between Lisa
and Teddi and Dorit...
- Teddi has specifically said
that John Blizzard
was given an order.
- Why are you believing
Teddi over me?
- It's not that I don't believe
that these text messages
are true,
but Teddi's not here.
- I'm really trying to just
keep my relationship with Lisa
separate from what's going on
with the rest of the group.
- So, "American Woman"?
Do you know anything or not?
- It was not picked up.
I know.
It was really upsetting.
- And how are you about that?
- I did get a little teary-eyed
this morning.
- Listen, you should be
absolutely proud of it.
You really should.
- I am very proud of it. I am.
I'm obviously
extremely disappointed,
but who knows?
Maybe with "American Woman"
off the table,
maybe another door will open
with my sisters.
We'll see.
- Where's Denise?
- I have no idea.
Obviously, you got the call too
about what she's doing
this weekend.
- I know.
- I can't go.
We have the agency's
seven-year anniversary party.
[line rings]
Hello?
- Kyle, do you have
big plans on Saturday?
- I have to do something for
my husband at the agency.
What's going on?
- We might be getting
married Saturday.
- What?
[dog whimpers]
- Well, I don't know why
she's doing it so quickly.
She has to be pregnant.
- Well, he just got
divorced last week.
- Oh, well, then that's why.
[both laugh]
- Hello.
- Hello.
Oh, my God.
- Hello.
- Hey.
- Hey.
- Look at you.
- Hi.
- Congratulations as well.
- Hi.
- Thank you.
- This is fantastic.
Did you get a dress?
- No.
- Okay, let me ask you this,
when you met him,
was there, like,
instant attraction?
- Um, I thought
he was very cute,
and I wanted to (BLEEP) him.
I just wanted to
have sex with him.
- Well, I bet he was thrilled
to find that out.
- Well, he has
a very big penis.
- Oh, my God.
[laughter]
And there is that that's
set up now on the table.
Okay, well...
- Okay, then.
- I'm not sure what Denise
has been partaking in
in the car ride over here,
but the party has
already started.
Now Lisa's going to want him.
- Oh, my God!
- Okay, then, he's got a
monster
as big as a baby's arm.
Now I understand the need
to get married. [laughs]
- What do you do?
- He offers a very good
service...
aside from his big penis.
[laughter]
- Denise, listen to me,
listen to me...
- Yes?
- You never tell other women
that your husband's
well-endowed.
- You make people think
it's this big.
[laughs]
- Your penis is this big, baby.
I'm sorry.
- All right, all right,
all right.
- I never took
a ----ing ruler to it,
but he does have a big penis,
and I've seen some penises
in my life,
and I will say,
he has the biggest penis
that I've ever been with.
His penis is very small...
- Are we ready
to place an order?
- Oh, okay, yes.
- Yeah? Excellent. Perfect.
- I'm gonna do the shrimp.
- The barbecued shrimp? Yeah.
- I'm going to have
the fried green tomatoes.
- Do you want a burger?
- Yeah, you know what,
I'm just gonna...
- Do you want a "buuuh-ger"?
[laughs]
- Yeah, I'll just do a burger,
well-done please, no aioli.
- Perfect.
- So, energy healing?
- Energy medicine.
- Okay.
- With the penis.
- I mean, she can keep going.
- Sorry.
- Whatever, that's good.
- I'm so ----ing sorry.
- It's been a long day,
obviously.
- [laughs]
- I would like to
offer you a drink,
but I don't think I dare.
- [snorts]
- Denise is just having
a grand old time.
You know, she's eating
the food with her hands.
I mean, like,
what's going on here?
- What treatment
did you want a year ago?
- The tiny penis.
[laughter]
- Okay, Denise,
you need to shut up now.
- Yeah, right.
- I don't know you that well,
but I'm just giving you
some friendly advice, okay?
- I am gonna shut my ----ing
piehole right now, baby.
I really love you...
- Right.
- And your big ----ing penis.
[laughter]
- Maybe she's having, you
know,
last-minute wedding jitters,
I don't know,
but if I had a dollar for
every time Denise said "penis,"
my dinner would be
paid for tonight.
- So nice to spend
time with you.
- You too.
- Yeah.
And good luck tomorrow,
because you've got
a sh-- lot to do.
Tonight, I don't actually know
who Denise is marrying...
- Bye, girls.
I'm gonna go to the bathroom
before we get in the car.
- Okay, bye.
- Bye, bye, bye.
- Bye, guys.
- Aaron or his penis.
[laughing, snorting]
- Oh, my God, I'm dead.
- Oh, my God.
She is probably the most
unconventional person...
- He wants to kill her right now
for talking about his penis
and having sex in that room.
- I know, I know.
He doesn't want to kill her.
- He's like,
"That's great for business."
[both laugh]
- Everybody's gonna be
queuing up an appointment,
including me.
[both laugh]
- Coming up...
- You just set me up,
and now you're pretending
that your hands are clean?
I don't care about
this petty crap, Dorit.
(BLEEP) you.
[upbeat music]
♪ ♪
- No, Hanky.
[swan quacks]
- Get Kyle, not me.
- Hi, guys.
- Oh, you look nice.
Come and say hello
to your friends.
- I'm not coming
to say hi to them.
- I think we need to go, Pops.
- All right, let's do it.
- No.
- Oh, my ponytail?
You don't like?
- You can't do a little
baby ponytail.
That's insane.
- It's in-training.
- [laughs] Oh, my God.
♪ ♪
- Okay. Oh, Mason's here.
Hey!
Oh. Oh, my God, I love you--
- You have the Don Julio
Reposado, right?
I'll do it neat, straight-up.
- I'll do a double.
- Look at this cake.
It's so pretty.
- Hi!
- You look great.
- Happy birthday.
- Thank you.
♪ ♪
Hi, beautiful.
You look gorgeous.
♪ ♪
Hi!
Hello, beautiful.
♪ ♪
- Beautiful.
Aw, Mille, how are you?
You look gorgeous...
- You look great.
Thank you.
- Absolutely beautiful.
- Thank you, Mom, and so
do you. You look amazing.
- You know, it's not
that often you turn 50.
- Happy birthday.
- Hello, PK.
Thank you for coming.
- How are you? Muwah.
- My god! Look at you.
Always hitting it
out of the ball park.
Always gorgeous.
- And you. Look at you.
- Beyond.
Hello! Ah!
- Hi, how are you?
Hi, hi, hi.
Nice to see you.
- Good to see you.
- How are you, gorgeous?
Ooh, you look pretty.
Well, clearly Camille is not
too down on Dorit tonight.
Flip-floppers are confusing.
- Okay, I'll let you say
hello to your guests...
- Okay, okay.
- Please, baby, please. Please.
- Gorgeous.
- Hi, stunner, hi.
- Hi, sexy lady.
- Hi!
Hey, how are ya?
- Hi. Good!
Hi. Oh, my gosh, I love this.
- Thank you.
- How are you?
- Hi!
- [laughs]
- I just wanna say, I had
so much fun in the Bahamas.
- I would've stayed
in that water all day.
- That was our best day.
- I'm sorry it ended
so abruptly.
- I'm going. Bye, guys.
- Please do not leave, Lisa.
- Like, that was so
long ago now, right?
It's like, what happened?
- Yeah. You know?
- Tell her.
- Now?
- Just tell me.
- I would love some water,
just because I feel like...
[overlapping chatter]
- Oh, just tell me,
'cause now I'm all anxious.
[tense hip-hop music]
- I had lunch with Lisa,
and she pulled out
all the text messages.
♪ ♪
She was highlighting,
specifically it was you
that said,
"Have the dog there."
[solemn percussive music]
♪ ♪
- I was involved,
but none of it
would've ever happened
if Lisa Vanderpump
wouldn't have given them
direct orders to
constantly contact me.
- This is very unfair for me
to get this information...
- Here, let's go over here,
so we're not bugging her.
♪ ♪
I can tell you this:
I'm sorry, and I wanna move on,
and I wanna start
fresh with you.
None of it would've happened
without her orders.
- Her whole point is that
she had nothing to do with it,
and that it was entirely
John Blizzard and you.
- They sought me out,
because of your and I's
past relationship...
- Teddi...
you are psycho.
- And because
of the information
Lisa Vanderpump fed me,
I was in on the scheme.
- You need to explain yourself,
and I'm glad you're doing it...
- No, I--I was part
of the sche--
- But, Teddi, on its face,
it sounded sh---y.
- When I really knew
the setup was beyond
was when I saw Lisa
and how she was acting.
- I don't wanna talk about it.
I don't wanna talk about it.
I've told everybody, I don't
wanna talk about it anymore.
Come on, let's go.
- "No! No! No, don't you dare!"
Like, this bad acting.
And at that moment, I shifted,
and I said, "I don't care
about this petty crap
"Dorit and I have issues with.
"This is somebody
I can't look at anymore.
"You just set me up,
"and now you're pretending
that your hands are clean?
"So you can be relevant and
you can be the hero to Dorit,
for me the bad guy?
(BLEEP) you."
[tense hip-hop music]
- Guys, here she comes.
♪ ♪
- I was set up,
and I took the bait,
but I could not
go through with it.
I didn't tell Kyle,
I didn't tell Lisa Rinna,
and I told you that
your friend betrayed you.
♪ ♪
- Well, this doesn't
look very inviting.
♪ ♪
- Guys, here she comes.
[tense music]
- I was set up,
and I took the bait,
but I could not
go through with it.
- Well, this doesn't
look very inviting.
- The thing is, Teddi,
'cause I don't even
wanna get into
the "he said, she said."
You know, the idea
that there are even,
you know, two people set out
to try and hurt me that bad...
- I know.
- Hurts.
- Normally, I'd be
getting your typical,
"You look great."
But no, there's
something going down,
and I'm just gonna mosey on by.
[electronic percussive music]
- Awkward.
♪ ♪
- Happy birthday. We're excited
to be here and celebrate.
- Oh, thank you so much.
And, oh, my gifts.
Really you didn't have to.
- We just walked in. It looks
like an intense situation.
- I know.
- Literally right as we walked
in, it was so awkward.
- I know, I know.
Come on, girls,
this is about celebrating
me being on this planet.
Stop with the fighting!
- The first time in my life
I have ever done this
to somebody,
and it's because--
you wanna know what,
last year, when I was
struggling with this group,
Lisa Vanderpump was the one
calling me every night
to check in on me,
and I got sold,
and I'm sorry.
- She feels used.
She feels set up...
- Totally.
- And she took the bait,
and she willingly says it.
- Yeah, I'm willingly
telling you.
- She's accepting
responsibility.
Teddi omitted some things,
but now I see,
she's actually taking
accountability for her role.
That's the most important
thing.
- There's two people that
play a part in this.
Teddi is owning her part.
- Yes.
- Teddi was caught in a lie,
but at least she's taking
ownership of that.
So now, I really hope
that Lisa Vanderpump can just
admit her part in all of this,
and we can just finally
put it behind us.
You've gotta own up.
- And I'm very, very sorry
that I hurt you.
I'm sorry.
[bright electronic music]
- Did you see
their little doggy?
Isn't he adorable?
- Hey, Ken or the dog?
- I was saying the dog,
but Ken's cool, so yeah.
[laughter]
- Ken's adorable too.
- Hi, girls.
- Hi, ladies.
- Hello, Spanish chiquitita.
- How are you?
- We just were coming out
to see what was happening.
- Everyone's wearing
black tonight.
- It's a funeral.
I'm not mourning anything,
but by the end of the night,
we may be burying a few
of these friendships.
- What's happening?
- No, I--
I mean, it's everything
I ever said before.
I just left out
some of the things,
in order to protect Dorit.
- Oh, boy, it looks like
there's fighting going on.
- There's something
going on out there.
- They all should come
inside for her birthday.
- I'm gonna hide.
[hip-hop music]
- I think you all
need to come in.
[laughter]
- Okay, I know.
[soft dynamic music]
- I honestly feel like
people were just upset
for whatever reason,
so I am, um...
♪ ♪
We're talking about
the other day...
- I--I want to move on from it.
I've seen--
it's all clear to me,
but, you know what--
- What--what's clear to you?
- You are guilty by omission.
You sat there when
they were saying,
"Who said bring
the dog forward?"
And I saw the texts.
I was shocked.
If Teddi had actually owned
her own poop in the Bahamas,
we could've had
an honest conversation.
- Why is this still on me?
I told my story,
the 100% truth.
I've never lied
one second of my life ever.
- You should rename
that whole little situation
you've got going on.
Ms. ----ing Avoid-ability.
What about that one?
That might be better.
- Lisa, I was on a phone call
with John Blizzard,
while you were on
the other line with John Sessa,
where they were saying,
"Well, let's figure this out.
Hold on one second..."
- I didn't know
you were involved
in the machinations of the dog.
- How did you know to text
Dorit, "Dorit, Teddi knows"?
[tense hip-hop music]
- Of course I knew you knew.
Of course I knew.
♪ ♪
- How did you know
that Teddi knew?
- I didn't know at the time
Teddi knew.
She didn't know at the time.
- But you said that
they sent a text saying...
- No, that was--
- To her, "Teddi knows."
It's very clear to me,
Lisa wanted Teddi to have
that information about Dorit.
Then Blizzard lets Lisa know,
"Okay, job's done.
Teddi knows about the dog."
And then she texted Dorit,
"Teddi knows,"
just to stir up sh--
between Dorit and Teddi.
♪ ♪
- You said there was no texts.
- That's what I heard
in the Bahamas,
that there were no texts.
- Yeah.
- That was what was said
at the table.
I'm just gonna pipe in.
- Well, maybe John Blizzard
didn't wanna show the texts.
- There were no texts.
- How do I know
who's texting who?
I've never looked at an
employee's phone in my life.
- All the twists and turns
that this has taken,
all roads lead to
Lisa Vanderpump.
If Vanderpump knew Teddi knew,
why didn't she call
Teddi and say,
"Teddi, you gotta keep
your mouth shut"?
Did she do that?
Nope.
- I know you're not gonna take
any ownership for your part.
I've taken ownership.
I have told the truth.
I have apologized.
If you can live with yourself
doing this, then go for it.
It's been working for you
for a long time.
- [gasps]
- Okay, I'm fine with that.
- Lisa is full of sh--.
I have texts proving Ken
was contacting John Blizzard
to discuss how it comes out
to Kyle and I.
John Blizzard's texting me.
"He's like, before you tell
Teddi and Kyle...
"I'm just going to try
and control the situation,
because PK has been
his best friend for 40 years."
And number two, shortly after
Kyle and I leave
Vanderpump Dogs,
I get this text
from John Blizzard,
saying that he's with Lisa
and Pandora,
discussing everything.
This once again proves
that Lisa Vanderpump
is lying about
having zero relationship
with John Blizzard.
Then let's all just co-exist,
put on our little happy faces,
and let's do this.
- I'm not into
co-existing, Teddi.
- I know I'm not
gonna change you,
so if you're not gonna
admit to anything,
then it is what it is.
- So, you don't feel
any kind of guilt or remorse?
- I don't feel
any guilt with you.
- Oh, really?
- No, I feel betrayed by you.
- Okay, well, I feel
betrayed by you too.
- Oh, 'cause I couldn't
carry out your plan?
Sorry.
- This is no longer
about Lucy and a lie.
This is about my friendship
with Lisa Vanderpump.
- Okay, let's go get
a drink of margarita.
Let's go get a margarita.
- She plotted against me,
behind my back,
to hurt me.
A friend doesn't
do that to someone.
- Now she's angry at me?
Come on.
- That's okay, honey.
- I know.
- This is one thing I know:
The truth will always
set you free.
♪ ♪
- Coming up...
[cheers and applause]
- Yes!
- Why do I have to be cute
all the ----ing time?
[smooth electronic music]
- You got schmaltz
on your shirt.
- Is that you, Poppy?
Is that you?
- I can't believe
I just touched that.
all:
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
♪ Happy birthday,
dear Camille ♪
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
[cheers and applause]
- Thank you, everybody.
[cheers and applause]
- [whistling]
- Speech! Speech! Speech!
- Thank you, David,
for being in my life.
You've brought great joy.
And my family for being here.
My dear friends, all of you,
you've been on this journey
with me.
You've been through
the highs and lows.
We believe in love,
and we believe in
respecting one another,
no matter what.
- "Love and respect."
Nice words, Camille,
but I don't think
Teddi Mellencamp
is somebody I would ever
really trust again.
- Happy birthday.
[laughter]
Camille and I almost
made out on her birthday!
Love the speech, Camille,
but when somebody
does something
to intentionally hurt you,
and then lies to you about it,
there's only one way to take
it.
Bye.
[upbeat music]
- Can you get me one?
- No. [laughs]
- [laughs] Okay, what--
okay, what happens?
- Tequila can be
your best friend...
He likes to supply me
with alcohol.
I don't know what his goal is.
- Drink your margarita.
- Okay, hold on.
Or your worst enemy.
I'm so--I'm literally
bombed right now. Bombed.
- Me too. I'm with you.
Should we dance?
- I am ----ing bombed
- [screams] Kyle's bombed.
- I've had no ----ing food.
I'm bombed.
- Okay!
- Oh! Oh, God, here she goes.
- Whoa!
[lively dance music]
[laughter]
- Hi, hon.
♪ ♪
- We need splits.
Can we do splits in that dress?
- I'm trying, I'm trying.
[yelling, cheering]
- Yes! Yes!
She did it! She did it!
[upbeat music]
- Bye, honey.
Thank you for coming.
- Nice chatting with you.
- Thank you for coming.
- Camille, please.
- You're awesome. Thank you.
- Thank you for accepting
my apology.
- You know what,
I appreciate it.
- Bye, honey.
- Bye, honey.
♪ ♪
- Kyle, no. No.
Put your legs down.
- Bye, girl.
- Bye, honey.
♪ ♪
- Why do I have to be cute
all the ----ing time?
- But you weren't, darling.
Your vagina was on the floor.
- My vagina's ----ing cute.
- She did it on the floor,
without any underwear.
- Guess what, this is who I am.
[laughter]
- Goodbye, hon.
- Happy birthday, Camille.
Is this our car?
[hip-hop music]
Oh, my Lordy.
- Tell me what happened.
- Yeah, well,
all I can tell you is
that Teddi has owned up to
all of the ugliness
in those texts.
- But Lisa is denying that?
- Vehemently.
- What about Teddi?
She was just like,
"Well, I guess we'll just
agree to co-exist." [laughs]
- Well, that's better
than nothing.
- It's like, "You should be
so lucky, bitch."
[both laugh]
- (BLEEP) my life.
- I don't think Lisa's
100% herself at the moment.
She's going through a lot.
So, I just think
you should give her
some elasticity.
- I get that hurt people
sometimes wanna hurt people,
but how much do I have to take?
Well, with Lisa,
I have to just find a way
to numb myself to the idea
that she did play
a part in this.
[tense music]
♪ ♪
- Next time on "The Real
Housewives of Beverly Hills:"
- Oh, bitch, what is this?
- It's a gladiator.
It's slit all the way
on both sides.
- I'm ----ing hot.
- Right?
- Yeah!
- When do you wanna
get married?
- Do you think you can
do this in two days?
- You're gonna see Lisa
at Denise's wedding.
- ♪ Perfect ♪
- I'm really starting
to get nervous.
- What time's the ceremony?
- [indistinct]
I definitely feel like
the clock is ticking.
- I'm hot, and I'm mad.
- Where is this bride?
- When's it happening?
- Oh, my God, PK.
- What?
- This is a whole other
layer of betrayal.
- Lisa must know the truth
is gonna come out.
- You think this is Lisa?
♪ ♪