The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills (2010–…): Season 9, Episode 5 - The Proof Hurts - full transcript

- Previously on "The Real

- Previously on "The Real
Housewives of Beverly Hills,"

- Did you have a good day?
- I did.

- Good.
- How did you meet Aaron?

- One time we had sex
in one of his rooms...

- Oh.
- And now we've been

inseparable ever since.

- Bahamas, baby!
all: Yeah!

- Children, Mommy wants to dry
you off for lunch. Come on.

- Stop ruining my vacation.

- Are you missing Sophia
already?



- My whole life feels
like it changes every time

one of them leaves.

- Lisa Vanderpump
set you all up.

- Now it's awkward.
It doesn't make sense.

- I did not tell my employees
to tell you.

- You're creating sh--
because you got busted.

- Are you serious?
- Get your story straight.

- I know how you're feeling
right now.

- Thank you because all
this feels very yucky.

- I'm going. Bye, guys.

- So I went to Blizzard,

and I got him to print out
all of her texts.

- She says,
"Have the dog there,

and I can say
it looks like Dorit's dog."



- She's a ----ing liar.

[upbeat music]

- In the game of life,
it's Rinna take all.

♪ ♪

- Most people talk
about their fantasies.

I'm living mine.

- In business and in life,

I wear many hats
and hairstyles.

- You can stab me in the back,

but whilst you're there,
kiss my ass.

- I'm not afraid of hard work,

but I'll never
do your dirty work.

- My problem
with the tabloids?

My real life
is so much juicier.

- In Beverly Hills,
the truth always

has a way
of rising to the top.

[energetic music]

♪ ♪

[clanging]

- Are you guys feeling sad?

Mo.

Honey, mine's ready too.
- All right. Cool.

- Mom.
- Yes?

- Can you help me?

- Sophia, I can send you
a vanity mirror.

- No. I'm bringing it.
Can you get me a blanket?

- You can buy it online
and have it sent.

- No. I already bought
this one for the...

- As a parent,
it just feels good to know

that all your kids are home
under one roof.

I still have Alexia and Portia
at home and Farrah in LA,

but Sophia is moving to D.C.
to go to college.

I talked to Farrah,

and she's meeting us in D.C.
- Awesome.

- To think that this child

that I carried in my stomach
for nine months

is now just going to leave,

it's really hard for me
to digest that.

Alexia.
- Yeah?

- How you doing?

What time did you
get home last night?

- It was--[laughs]
- The truth. An hour ago?

- I don't know fully.
- She definitely just got home.

- Was it like an hour ago?
- It was Shelby's birthday...

- Yes.
- [laughs]

- [sighs]

- You're not
in college anymore.

- It's hurting. It's hurting.
That's all I can say.

- Alexia graduated Emerson
and moved back home.

She's had a little bit
of an adjustment

learning that the party
is over,

college is done,
and now, hi.

Welcome to the real world.
Time to get a job.

- Alexia, is your bag ready?
- Not yet.

- Come on, kid. Close it up.
Close it up.

- Um, yeah, okay.

- You're always the last one
in the car.

- Did you say good-bye
to all the dogs, Fifi?

Alexia, let's go.

- I'm depressed.

- Here.

Make sure the dogs
don't get out.

- [moans sadly]

- It's gonna be okay.
- [crying] I know.

I just love her.

I just feel better
when she's home near me,

and I know she's safe,
and...[sniffles]

and I don't like change.

I do not like change.

[fountain water gushing]

[lively electronic music]

♪ ♪

- Denise!
- Hi, honey.

It's warm out.
- I can't believe

how warm it is...
- I know.

- And I can't believe
I've never been here.

both: Hi.
- And I forgot my sunglasses.

- Oh, jeez.
- It's so bright.

- I know.
- You look cute.

- Don't you love this?
- Oh, I love that.

- How great is this?
- I want one.

- We have to get one for you.

- Absolutely.
- You know, she brought this--

we very first met her
in the Hamptons...

- I brought you guys T-shirts
from the show.

both: Oh, thank you.
- Sweet.

- Beautiful.
- It's very thoughtful of you.

- I love it.
- We'll get you one.

How are you feeling
after that trip?

I think I've just recovered.

- I had so much fun.
I love Erika.

- Yeah, she's great, right?
- She's so funny.

- I want my Bond girl
in the water right now.

- Yeah!
- Ah! Yes!

- Yeah, Denise!
- Whoo!

- Aw.
- That was awesome.

- And actually, LVP.

- Oh, that's right.
- Yeah.

- You guys had a massage.
- It was nice.

- Your seven-year-old
was adopted.

Is she very close
to her sisters?

- Yeah.
- Oh, I love that.

You should bring her
to see my little ponies.

- Oh, she would love them.

- So you had a nice time
doing that.

- I did--I actually did.

- So what's going on with Aaron
and the kids?

- Aaron's divorce was final,
finally, after two years.

- Wow!
- So we're gonna get married.

- What?
- Yes.

- You guys are
gonna get married?

- Yes!
- Congratulations!

- Well, thank you.
- I didn't know that.

- Well, we were waiting
for his divorce to be final.

- That's so exciting!
- Thank you.

- Do you know when
you're gonna do it or where?

- We want to do it,
like, soon.

- Wow!
- But we want to, like--

you know, I didn't want,
like, an engagement ring.

I just want
to do wedding bands.

- Why not?
- I don't know.

We're doing
everything the opposite.

- All right.

You deserve happiness.
- Thank you.

- You deserve so much happiness
in this area.

- Thank you so much.
- You know how I feel.

- I'm so glad. I know.
- You've been through it, girl.

I'm happy for you.
- Just a tiny bit.

- Well, that is just
the best news ever.

I am so happy.
- Thank you so much.

- Let's focus on that
instead of this other...

dog business. God.
- [laughs]

♪ ♪

- Baby?
- Hi, honey.

- Come upstairs.
I haven't seen you.

- Come join me.
- Look at you

with a glass of wine.
- I know.

I just thought
I'd take an hour out.

I'm just doing
some simple stuff.

- I'm coming down.
- Okay. Come down.

- What's going on, Bubba?

- Just what you
call management, babe.

You look good.
- Thank you, my darling.

- Where are we going?
- Oh, my God, PK,

I've been working all day.
Oh, I'm so tired.

- So, honey,
have you spoken to LVP?

- No.
- What? Not since the Bahamas?

- Nope.
- Not at all?

She never called or texted me
on my birthday,

which isn't like her.

- We have to clear
some things up.

Her and I need
to have some resolve.

It can't just disappear
into thin air.

- I love her, but LVP

is a genius
at manipulation and control.

That's what--she's the best
in the world at it,

and I respect her for it,
but it gets a bit different

and a bit difficult for me
when it's my wife.

- You know what I
would like, PK?

I would just like
a little bit of honesty,

because if she can just
tell me the truth,

then we'll work through it.

- But is there any scenario
that Teddi's making up?

- I don't believe so.
- Impossible.

Somebody is lying. Somebody.

- It's very difficult to look
at somebody like Teddi,

who has so much conviction,

and so much angst,
and not believe her.

- In this particular instance,
you did nothing wrong,

and she was
a little bit naughty,

so she's got to address that,

and at the moment, you're only
trying to make her say "sorry"

once,
so just remind her of that.

"Honey, I had to say sorry
to you 15 million times.

You, I only need one,
your majesty."

- Do I have to add in
the "your majesty"?

- No. That was me being funny.
- Oh, okay. [chuckles]

- Coming up...
- I wouldn't lie.

If I wanted to lie,
I wouldn't have said

I was petty at the beginning,
and I was involved...

- I don't believe your lie.

[exciting music]

♪ ♪

- No, you're not eating tarts.

These carafes--not working.
Oh, my God.

[knocking at door]

Come on, Tiago.
Hurry.

♪ ♪

both: Hi.
- I'm glad you did not

ring the doorbell,
because it gets stuck,

and then it's, like, a
disaster.

- Well, that would be fun. Oh!
- This place is falling apart.

- Hi!
- That's a whole 'nother story.

- You look beautiful,
and you're very handsome.

- So this is Tiago.

Teddi and I have had
our issues in the past.

- You pretending that it's full
amnesia right now is confusing.

- I'm telling you the truth.
I don't remember saying that.

Don't ever say
that to me again.

We put those to bed.

We had a great time
in the Bahamas.

[laughter]

- Teddi ain't no punk,
you know?

She found her voice.

Going up against
Lisa Vanderpump to say,

"Uh-uh. I'm not playing
this game,"

shows a different level of
strength, and that's admirable.

You've never been to my home.
- No! I love it.

- I'll give you a quick tour,
and then we'll...

- So great.
- Go hang out.

I won't take you outside,
'cause it's hot

and dusty, but...
- Oh, but I love it out there.

- It's very pretty.
It's a couple acres.

So we'll have to have you
over some other time.

- Oh, it's so much space.
It's amazing.

- It's really nice.
This is the living room.

Piano that never gets played,
but whatever.

Come on in the kitchen.

I got you
a whole bunch of sugar.

I know you're not gonna eat it,
but I did it for myself,

'cause it gives me
a good excuse.

- Well, I am so sore today.

Does this happen to you when
you film your music videos?

- What did you do?
You're filming a video?

- I filmed my workout video.

- Roll camera.

- Hi. Thanks for joining
us for--[babbles]

- Let's get those jumping
jacks, push-ups. Here we go.

- So when is the
workout video out?

- Well, the director said
he can probably

finish it within three weeks.
- Wow.

- So that's what we're in
the process of right now.

- All right. Here it is.

I know you go to church,
so welcome to my chapel.

Fun, right?

- This...
- Is crazy, right?

- Wow. How amazing.

Yeah.
- Have a seat.

So tell me.
What's been going on?

Did you have fun
in the Bahamas?

Be honest.
- When you and I said, like,

"Okay,
we're gonna let things go,"

I was like, "Okay, we're gonna
let things go,"

but I didn't think that you
and I were really gonna...

- Let things go?
- But once we were there,

we were having fun,
and I was like,

"Okay,"
and then all this happened.

- [snickering]

Okay.
Where are you with everything?

- Dorit and I were not in
a good place a month ago,

because we have seen each other
at a couple public functions,

and she ignored me,
which is fine.

Whatever.
But Lisa Vanderpump

knew there was tension
between Dorit and I.

- Okay.
- So I get the call

from Vanderpump Dogs.

They said, "This thing happened
with Dorit and the dog.

Can you believe it? It's crazy.
Lisa wanted you to know."

- Lisa wanted you to know.
- Right.

And I had
a very dramatic response,

and I was kind of in it,

texting with them,
being catty back and, like,

"All right, well,
give me more deets."

- I understand.
- "Show me the tea."

Not being the most above-board
human being. Yes.

- I knew that Teddi and Dorit
weren't best friends,

but I didn't know that Teddi
really had it in for Dorit.

- She fed me information.
I bit.

- We should get the truth.

What'd you do?
What'd you say?

What were you almost gonna do?

- Kyle might get invited
by Lisa Vanderpump

to go to Vanderpump Dogs...
- For?

- They wanted me to say it.

I already know this going
into Vanderpump Dogs,

and I couldn't
go through with it.

- What did she want you
to go through with, baby?

- Telling everybody
what Dorit did.

- Oh, God.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- Puppy.

No, you're not doing
shagging.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

We're not doing shagging.
Get down!

Come here.
- You want a cup of tea or...

- No. I've just got
a glass of water.

- All right.
- I need to keep my mind

straight for--visit.
Why don't you talk to him?

- I'm too angry about it.
It's best I don't say anything.

Teddi asked Blizzard
to have the dog there

when her and Carl arrive.

She says, "Have the dog there,

and I can say it looks like
Dorit's dog."

- No way.

I was absolutely 100% sure

that Teddi was nothing to do
with this scenario,

and then there it is
in black and white.

She sat there with me
being hammered when it was her

that was texting
John Blizzard saying,

"Bring the dog
to the front." Not me.

- Where's Lisa?
- She's out in the garden.

- Okay.
- The culprit is here.

- Hi, Lisa.
- Have a seat, young man.

- Are you gonna stay?
- No. I'm going to my office.

- Well, I'll call you
if I need you.

- Call me if you need me to do
anything with him.

- [laughs] Okay.
- Come on, guys.

- I'm not laughing. I'm really
not laughing right now.

- Come on.
Are you staying there?

- Okay. Yeah.
You can go. Go on.

I know I don't know you
very well. I mean I don't.

I know you've worked
at the center, and I really--

- Yeah.
- Before we even start

anything,
I really appreciate everything.

However, you have kind
of complicated my life.

Our relationship
is not that close,

but clearly, you seem
to be a lot closer to Teddi.

- Yeah, I am.
- Right.

- Lisa is now in a full tizzy.

"Don't say anything!
Don't say anything!"

- It's nothing to do
with Dorit's fault.

It's not her fault.
I don't want to talk about it.

- That is when I realized
I am set up.

Something's going on,

and I don't feel good
about it anymore.

- I've said to Teddi,

"I don't think you are
as innocent as you portray,"

and I believe
I was proven right.

And I think that you are
much stronger than you let on,

and I think that you
are much more calculating

than you're saying.

You are not this innocent

fawn in the wood.
- I agree with that.

- It takes a lot to want
to help take someone down.

- I wouldn't lie.

If I wanted to lie,
I wouldn't have said

I was petty at the beginning
and I was involved.

- You do have the proof.
- I have the proof.

- Yeah.
- But somehow

she's gonna
try to flip it.

I know it.

In my heart of hearts,
I think

that's what
she's doing right now.

- Somehow, some things
got misconstrued.

Now, there was a big argument
between Ken and John Cesar.

- Mm-hmm.
- You heard about that?

- Yes, I did.
- That was the night we found

out about the dog
being in the shelter.

- They're all very passionate,
and John Cesar...

- He lost his mind.

- Ken and him were going head
to head, so I said, "Stop.

"I don't care
if you tell Donald Trump.

I don't give a sh--."

Now, obviously,

John has said
something to you, right?

- Mm-hmm. Yes.
- To the effect of,

"Lisa doesn't care
who says what."

- Yeah. He said, "Lisa says it
doesn't matter. Tell whoever."

- Okay. Right. You told her.
But then you implicate me.

- You gave direct instructions
to them to tell me.

- No!

- "Lisa wants you to know
this happened."

- Who from?
- From John Blizzard.

- I put words in your mouth

that were not true.
- Okay.

- And I will own that,
and I'm sorry for that.

- Okay. I mean, sometimes,
there are moments

when you can just shut
the (BLEEP) up.

- I'm not proud of it, but--
- But it's also

the center's business.

She doesn't work
for the center.

- She doesn't, but she is very
involved with what we do, so...

- Well, she might not be
anymore.

I mean, she gave me
a really hard time,

and that's really not fair.
- And see, and that's what

everyone at the center
is so frustrated about,

is how this is being
all flipped onto you.

- Never put my name to anything
unless you're sure

I've said it...
- Exactly.

- And I really mean that.
- I completely understand that.

- I mean, I'm pissed off
because I didn't realize

Teddi had said,
"Bring the dog forward,

and I'll ask
if it's Dorit's dog."

I had not a clue,

because I didn't think
Teddi was involved.

- She said that on text.
- Oh!

Miss Accounta----ing-bility?
Really?

Like, it's not just about
what you eat, you know?

It's about your actions
in life.

Own your poo.

I mean, she's not
gonna be happy

that you've shown me
the text.

- No, but also,
at the same time,

she shouldn't have
brought up my texts.

- I think I've got to
tell Dorit what Teddi said.

- Coming up...

- [screaming]

- You really know
how to work a hose.

- Coming from you,
that's a big compliment.

[energetic music]

- George Washington.

[door buzzes]

Sweet.
[laughs]

- Sweet.
- I like that.

- Your sisters are gonna come
by later to see the dorm.

- Okay.
- This is exciting.

- Okay, I have the keys
somewhere.

- I know we got to decorate
your place,

and you're gonna put
your name on the doors.

- That's the least
of our worries, honey.

- So they're already furnished,

so we don't have to do
that much.

[laughs] Just joking.

- Honey, well, obviously this

is a lot more space
than Farrah had.

- Farrah's room was, like,
half the size.

- We have a lot of work
to do, though.

I want it to feel
cozy and comfortable.

As a mom, it's not like you go,
"Oh, okay.

You're 18.
My job's done."

It's not like that.
Now she's going to college.

I have a different job
with her:

making sure she feels safe
and comfortable and secure.

My job's not done.

- I think this is great.
You have a gorgeous window.

- That's just a regular window.
- So exciting.

- Bathroom lighting
is really scary.

I'm not gonna lie.

- Well, you have your mirror
that you had to have,

so don't worry about it.
- Oh, yeah.

- And now, cleaning?

Scrubbing around toilets
and all that?

- Why do you have
to clean a toilet?

- Really?

- It flushes itself,
doesn't it?

What?
- You have to put, like,

toilet cleaner and then,
like, scrub in there too.

- I know you have
to clean the shower.

- Is there a special brush?
- [mock laughs]

Yeah, you know what I use
at home? Your toothbrush.

- Ew. [laughs]
- Yeah.

Your toilet's clean
all the time. Trust me.

♪ ♪

- So this is a cover, right?

- Cover and inside too,
I think.

- Will they let us, like,
bronze your entire body

and put, like,
petals of flowers

all over
your titties and stuff,

or is it more
conservative than that?

- "CVLUX" magazine wanted
to do,

like, a home and garden issue,

which I thought
was kind of funny,

'cause I have no green
thumb whatsoever,

but I'm a real good actress.

- Is this gonna be,
like, a fun day or not?

- Oh, Joey.
I'm just going with the flow.

So it's gonna be high fashion
in the garden.

- Have you ever actually...
- Gardened?

- Gardened?
- No.

- It's good to laugh
at yourself, you know?

You don't want to
take yourself too seriously.

- You definitely don't want to
take yourself too seriously,

like some people we know that
take themselves too seriously.

- Not in Beverly Hills,
you know?

- Lisa Vanderpump, she takes
herself too seriously.

She can't ever
be seen as ----ing up.

Lisa, you should have protected
Dorit, period, end of story.

- Oh, my God.
I have 400 employees.

I can't be responsible
for everything they do and say.

- Yeah, you can.
It's Vanderpump Dogs, baby.

- I actually can't.

- If you own up
to your mistakes,

it means you're not perfect,

and I feel desperately sorry
for her,

because when you take yourself
too seriously,

I feel like it ages you.

I'm just saying.

Look how fresh as a ----ing
daisy this is.

- Gorg'. Oh, my God, yes.

Lift the dress a little
and make it behind your ankle.

Yeah, like that! Love.

- Welcome to my home, bitches.
- Beautiful, Lisa.

And a little lower.
I see your hoochie.

- Yeah, I was gonna say,
I'm seeing snatch.

- I'm going into
my third act of life.

I've been hustling
for 31 years now.

That's a long time.

- Can you pull the dress up?

Okay. Spread it out more
so it's bigger.

- I've done many, many,
many different things--

"Days of Our Lives,"
"Dancing with the Stars,"

Roxie Hart in "Chicago"
on Broadway, my QVC line.

The thing I've done,
if anything,

has been to be tenacious,
and to just stay in the game.

- Nice.
- Oh!

We should do a shot
with a hose.

- Nice.

- [screaming]
- Love it!

- I've never looked better.
I've never felt better.

Life has never been better,

and I've never been
more successful,

so go ----ing figure.

Yay! That's fun.

- You really know
how to work a hose.

- Coming from you,
that's a big compliment.

[laughter]

[phone ringing]

- Hi, Teddi.

- Oh, hi, Mo.
- Hold on a second. Here.

I'll pass her the phone.
Here you go.

- I'm just struggling
with my hair.

- Here you go, honey.
- Ugh!

I can't get this...
- Here. I'll do it for you.

- Hold on. One second, Teddi.

There's literally a piece
that is stuck straight.

If you hold it too long,
it'll burn the piece off.

Hello?
- Are you having Mauricio curl

your hair right now?

- He's put--honey, you need
a little bit of the end out.

If you hold it too long,
the whole piece will burn off.

Oh.
That was actually impressive.

- Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!
- I'm really struggling

with my hair over here.

Okay. What's going on?
How are you?

- I'm good. I was just calling
to check on you

and see how you were feeling.

- I'm feeling good,

because I really
love the school,

and the area is so great,
so that part of it is great.

I'm just not looking forward
to Saturday.

- I know.
- I'm getting scared about,

you know, that.
- Mission accomplished.

- It's for the best.
- I know.

How are you feeling?
How is everything over there?

- Good.
I just left Erika's house.

She goes, "Here's the thing
you need to remember:

"we all believe you,
but the whole point was,

Lisa Vanderpump told
Vanderpump Dogs to tell you."

And then she used me
to threaten Dorit.

Those are true facts.

- Well, you just have to think
about, what's her next move?

What's she gonna do?

I've been friends with Lisa
for so long,

and Teddi is also
one of my closest friends,

and this is gonna be,
like, well, pick a side.

I can feel that's
what's coming,

and I don't want
to have to do that,

so what I have to do
is just stick

with the truth
and what I feel in my heart.

- With Erika, I'm like, "So,
where do we go from here?"

and she's like, "You just--you
keep telling your truth

no matter how many times
you have to tell it,

and you just watch your back.

I honestly feel like
I'm looking over one shoulder.

But--

- Sleep with one eye
open, Teddi.

[laughs]

- Coming up...

- Well, you certainly didn't
get this bit of information,

did you, Dorit?
- No, I didn't. No.

- So somebody was guilty
by omission, right?

[exciting music]

♪ ♪

- Hello.

- You guys ready to ride
some horses?

- I am. How are you?
[smooches]

- Hi, sweetie.
- Look at you, you look great.

- How are you?
- I'm good.

- It's so pretty.
- Aw, how cool.

- I know.
- Hi.

- Hello there.
My name is Brooke.

- Teddi. Nice to meet you.

- Pleasure.
- Hi.

- Hey. I'm Erika.
This is Dorit.

- Dorit.
- This is Terrence.

- Nice to meet you.
- Hi, Terrence.

- And this is Trigger.
- Trigger.

both: Trigger!

- So you have
riding experience.

Is that correct?
- She's an expert.

- Oh, not an expert,
but I love to come

do this and change it up,

and I figured
they would have fun.

- I think because of the
Lisa Vanderpump situation,

my relationship with Erika
and Dorit has shifted,

and I figured this would be
a fun way for Erika, Dorit,

and I to all connect
while doing something

that makes us feel better,
not worse.

- Look. The LA river.

Probably a dead body in there.

I'm an amateur horseback rider.
I took a few lessons.

I enjoy horses. I think
they're absolutely magnificent.

I think it's a great departure
from what I'm used to,

and I enjoy being able to ride.
Come on, baby.

- Yours is taking
a pee or poop.

- Oh, really?
- Oh, when the pee,

get off their back
a little bit.

- Oh! We got a few toots
in there as well.

- You're making me have
to go, buddy.

- This doesn't feel like LA,
right?

Like this?

- You know that I've had
a love of horses

since I was a very little girl.

I've been on horses
all over the world.

- Have you really?
- Oh, yeah.

I took magical rides
in Israel...

- Really?
- Oh, yeah. Beautiful.

I love it. I really love it.
I feel like I connect.

- My horse just wants
to get to the bar.

He's like, "I would like
a spicy margarita, please."

- Right away.

- Hi. How are you this evening?

- Good, thank you. Umansky?
- Yes.

- Party of six?
- Of course, ma'am.

By all means. After you ladies.

- Thank you.
- My pleasure.

- All right.

- Good evening, everyone.
To start, may I offer you,

ice water
or sparkling water?

- Flat water, please.
- Flat.

- Flat? That's good
for everyone? Okay.

- And one sparkling as well.
- Very good, sir.

- Hey, what time are you
leaving tomorrow?

- The flight's at 9:00.

- In the morning? That early?
- Tomorrow morning?

- I know.
- Are you checking bags?

- One.
- You came two days,

and you checked a bag?

- Yep.
- So honey, tomorrow...

- Yes?
- I think

the first thing
that should be done

is going to the bank
to set up her bank account.

- First of all,
what we're going to do

is she's only allowed
to use her debit card,

just like Alexia.

We're gonna stop
the credit card thing...

- Wait. What?
- The credit card thing

is gonna be
for emergencies only.

- Wait. Why wouldn't you just
keep the credit card

and the debit card?
- Did we ever establish,

like, an amount?
- I didn't really need to

with Alexia, 'cause she doesn't
spend that much money.

- I don't spend
that much money.

- But with this one, I'm gonna
have to be a lot more...

- Are you kidding me?
I do not spend that much money.

- You spend a lot more
than Alexia.

- No, I don't.
- A lot more.

- Sophia's by far
the most high-maintenance

of my four daughters,

and the word "budget"--not
her favorite word.

- I never go shopping.
- You don't?

- No, ever.
- Oh.

- I literally never
go shopping.

- You just do
all your beauty routines.

- Gonna choke on that one.
- Yeah. I spend money on,

like, weird things...
- Hair, things like nails--

- So how do you get
all your clothes?

- I don't have
any good clothes.

- [laughs]

- I don't.
- What?

- You did--that did not
just come out of your mouth.

- [laughs]

- What would you like?
- Can I please

start with the Caesar salad?
- Yes.

- The salmon, please.
- Okay.

- I'm gonna have
the lobster bisque.

- Can I please get the fillet
really, really well done?

- Sure.
- Thank you.

- All right. You're welcome.
Muchas gracias.

- You guys, I'm the luckiest
mom in the whole wide world.

Sophia, I'm so
incredibly proud of you.

It's an amazing school
to get into.

It's an amazing city.

You're gonna have
the best experience ever.

We're gonna miss you every day.

[voice breaking] You're gonna
have the best time.

- Mom!
- I knew it was coming.

- I know. Me too.
I was waiting for that.

- No, but you are.
It's gonna be great, though.

It's gonna be amazing.

This is such a proud moment
for me.

I didn't go to college.

The fact that I can say,
you know,

"This is my third daughter
going to an amazing school

and getting
an incredible education,"

it makes me
so incredibly proud.

- Sophia, to your amazing
experience in college,

and to you coming back home
quickly and with lots of love,

and I love you.
- Love you.

Thank you.
- To Fief-meister.

- To the Fief-meister.
- Cheers.

- To the Fief-meister.

[upbeat music]

- [sighs]
- Well done.

- Thank you, Terrence,
you cheeky little monkey, you.

- Okay.

- Hello.
both: Hi.

- Welcome to Viva.
Right this way.

- Thank you.

both: Thank you.
- This is so sweet.

- Your server will be Dave,
and he'll be right with you.

- Thanks.
- Perfect. Thanks.

- This is cute, Teddi.
- Yeah, it's fun.

- Yeah, this is really cute.
- Hi, you guys.

- Hey there. How are you?

- Can I get you
something to drink?

- I'll just have a regular
margarita, please.

- I'll have a Budweiser.

- I'm gonna go
with a Michelada.

- Sure.
- And if I don't like it...

- I'll drink it.
- Yeah.

- The last few weeks
have been really trying,

with Lisa and the dog drama,

and it's kind of nice to be
with two women where nobody

is trying to take jabs

or give a little dig
here and there.

all: Cheers.

- It's freeing.

- Do you know what you'd
like to order?

- Can I have the asada

quesadilla, please?
- Sure.

- May I have
the chicken fajitas?

- I'm gonna do
the vegetarian burrito.

That's great. Thank you.
- Thank you.

- Oh, goodness gracious.

Can you believe my parents just
had their 45th anniversary?

- Oh!
- 45 years.

My goodness.
My mother's a saint.

- [laughs]
- Oh, she's a saint.

- I think every woman that's
with a man is a saint.

I've never seen an easy one.

I swear to God.
I don't care who you get.

- A lot of them are the same.
It's the same...

- What are you talking about?
They're all the same.

- I think men have triggers.

I know what I need to say
if I want to piss off Edwin.

- Oy.
- And it's effortless.

- Really?
- Effortless.

- That's actually
very useful, maybe.

- Yeah.
- Edwin always says, like,

"I think the reason
I ended up with Teddi

is because she's
trained horses for a living,

so if she can train horses,
she knows how to train me."

- Part of PK's business
is socializing,

and he wants his wife there
at night, and I'm struggling.

- Listen, I can't keep Tom
at home, and he's 79.

- Yes. That's PK.

I'm trying to explain to him
that I'm a working mother...

- Yeah.
- So it's--my time

with my kids, I cherish.
I don't want to be...

- But instead of saying
that to him,

because he's gonna
take that as,

"Well, I want to be present
with my kids too."

Like, "Well, what are you
trying to say? I'm a bad dad?"

Just say, like, "You can do it.

You are, like--you're Superman.
You can do it."

- I always say that too.
I always say, "You know what?

You're so much better
at handling this than I am."

- Yeah.
- That's what I say.

- Whatever. Whatever.
- That's what I say.

- You know what Tom wants?
Soft, slow, and sweet.

If I do those three things,

I'm golden.
I can't do any of them.

For the first, what, 15 years,
I lived Tom's life

10, 15 years.
- Yeah.

- So it was a whole
new adjustment.

- Yeah. Now it's almost like...

- Well, you've recognized it,

and you started
to make the change.

That's where I am now.
- And he's accepted it.

That's big.
- It's huge.

I think that the Erika that
he married was really sweet,

and the Erika
that he's married to now

is, like, you know,
"Who is this broad?"

Erika Jayne is the most loud,
rude, and obnoxious person.

- Pat the puss. Pat the puss.
Pat the puss.

Drop it down. Bounce.

- But I think he still loves
both of us.

- Oh, my goodness.
We are such good wives.

- I mean, I don't know if I--

I don't know, but I just know
that I tried.

[laughter]

- Now you just need help.

- Coming up...

- The only free day we can do
would be September 8th.

- You want to get married
in ten days?

- (BLEEP) yeah, I do.

[upbeat dance music]

- Thank you.

♪ ♪

- Baby, we have date night.
- I know.

It's good we make it
a priority.

- Good afternoon, guys.

What can I get
you started with?

- I need a tequila.

I'll do a double
Casamigos Reposado,

straight up, neat,

maybe a triple.
- [laughs]

- I'll do the Don Julio
Reposado, just a single.

- Yeah, I'll be right back.
both: Thank you.

- No, I'm glad that we get
to even sneak away

while they're doing homework.

- How many couples
don't do that,

and then look what happens.
- I know.

- It just--after so many years,
it just fails.

I'm not gonna
make that mistake again.

- [laughing]
- I love you, baby.

- Mine was sideways before that

could even have been a mistake.
- Yeah.

- I met Charlie
on a movie that we did.

He was just a lovely man.
I adored him.

Things in my relationship
really started to go

sideways right after
I got pregnant with Lola.

- It was a little bit of a
----ing nightmare for a minute.

- It was a ----ing nightmare
for a minute.

It became an environment
that was dark and toxic,

and one night,
a very bad night.

The next morning,
I packed a bag,

went to a hotel, and I filed
for divorce that day.

- All right. Have we decided
on something to eat?

- I'll get
the heirloom burrata.

- Sure.
- I'll do the New York

done well.
- I'll be back.

- Thank you.
Cheers, baby.

- Cheers to my final piece
of paper.

I did my time. I'm out.

- Did you ever think your
divorce would take that long?

- It took longer
than I was married.

- Did you ever think you'd want
to get married again?

- (BLEEP) no.
- Really?

- Really.
- Why?

- Because it was
such a letdown.

- Aww.
- Do you know what I mean?

- Yeah, I do.
- It was like...

- I have a U-Haul of
baggage--two teenagers,

another daughter
that has special needs.

Are we gonna walk on the beach?

- You wanna walk on the beach?
- Yeah?

- You're getting tired, huh?
- She wants to sleep

in our room tonight.
- Okay.

- And then I have
this outrageous ex-husband

and a public life.

It says a lot to me
that a man like him

would embrace
and love all of us.

- The only free day we can do
would be September 8th.

- That's in...
- Like ten days.

- You want to get married
in ten days?

- (BLEEP) yeah, I do.
- [laughs]

- So numerology--

if you add it all up,
it's infinity. Eight.

- Add what up?
That's just September 8th.

- September is the
ninth month...

- Yes.
- Right?

So eight plus nine is what?
17, right?

- Right.
- One plus seven is eight.

- Oh, it's eight.
So is that a good luck number?

- What do you think?
Infinity, baby.

- Okay.
[laughing]

I don't even give a sh--
about this stuff, the numbers.

I'm like, "Pick a date.
Oh, really?

"In ten days,
you want to get married?

"The number eight? Great.
Infinity? Perfect.

"Okay. You can go
on and on and on about--fine.

I'm--how are we gonna do it?"

I would do, like,
a spontaneous,

throw something
together fast...

- That's what I love
about you, baby.

- He does have this thing
with numbers,

but for myself, I don't base
my decisions off of numbers,

but maybe I've ----ed up

by doing it that way.
I don't know.

- All right, guys. Here we are.
- Oh, this looks good.

Thank you.
- No problem.

- How funny that I was
a vegetarian when I met you?

You've converted me
to steak and booze.

- I'm a bad influence.
- [laughing] Yes.

[mellow music]

♪ ♪

- Guys, food's here.
Come sit down.

- Okay. Ooh, yay.

- You want Sophia to sit here?

- My favorite seat.
- Portia, you go here.

- She stole my seat.
- Oh, my gosh. I'm hungry.

Look at this little
[indistinct] here.

- Is that coffee, honey?

Oh, the food's right up there.
He brought it in.

I was not even
paying attention.

- Well, is he gonna serve it,

or is he just
gonna leave it there?

- No.
We're just leaving it there.

I just whipped that up for you.

- Thanks.

- Then I also carved these
grapefruits for you girls.

This is how dedicated I am.

Want to share this with me?
I only want a part of it.

- No.
- Do me a favor.

If you're not feeling well
or something,

let me know in advance,
and don't wait till like--

Alexia would call me
and say, "I have a fever,"

or, you know...
- I'm not feeling well.

- [laughs]
- I'm not.

- I know for me,
my anxiety is hereditary.

I believe I was born like that,
and I think Sophia was,

and I can see
that it's building up,

and she knows the time has come
when we're gonna have to leave.

- Honey, you're not eating.

You want some
of this omelet with me?

Some of the potatoes?

- My little princess.

- Can you stop staring at me?

- Can I stop staring at you?
- Yeah.

- It's kind of hard.

- She just reminded me
so much of me,

because when my mom was sick,

I never wanted my mom
to see me cry,

'cause I felt like my mom
needed me to be strong.

She's kept it together
this whole time, and--

And I just know that
whatever she's showing to me,

it's actually
so much worse inside.

Okay, you guys. We have
to be happy and excited.

- We are. Can't you tell?

- [laughs]

- You're gonna have
a great time.

- I promise you,
if you tell me,

"I need you to come here,"
I will get on a plane, okay?

I will drop everything.
- Okay.

- Okay? I'm gonna close
up my suitcases,

okay, you guys?
- Yeah.

- I'm feeling like I'm leaving
half of my body behind.

I know how good
this is for her.

It's just really hard for me
to leave her.

- [whimpering, crying]

- It's okay.
You're gonna be okay.

We're gonna be okay.
- You're gonna be amazing.

You'll have the best time
of your life, okay?

You ready?
Okay. Let's do it.

- Coming up...

- Why are you believing Teddi
when it's her saying

"have the dog there"?
That's absolute horsesh--.

[phone trilling]

- Hello?
- Hi, honey. How was D.C.?

- Ugh. It was very emotional
and draining.

- I'm sure, as a mother, that's
just the most difficult thing.

- Thank God for FaceTime.
- I know, Kyle.

I'm starving,
and I'm really looking forward

to one of Lisa's lunches,
but I have no idea

what she wants to talk about.

- Well, she basically
just said that she wanted

to sort of clear the air

since the Bahamas,
so we'll see.

- You know, I talked to PK,
and neither one of us

want this dog situation
to go any further.

- Well, maybe that's
the goal today.

I mean, I hope so.
- I hope so too.

[energetic music]

♪ ♪

- Oh, you just go
get the brush,

and I'll wait for you in here.
- Oh, okay. Yeah.

- Thank you.
I'll see you in a bit.

- Schnooky,
what's wrong with you?

- He doesn't like
to brush his hair.

- Hello? Hello?

- Hello. Thank you for wearing
my color to my house.

- How are you?
- You're so pink.

- I know.
[kisses]

There's so many
pink roses everywhere.

- You know me.

- I know.
- That's what makes me happy.

Sit down. Do you want
some tea or water or...

- I was hoping more of,
like, a rosé.

- Oh, you want a rosé, do you?

- Well, I was thinking,
"Why not?"

- Did you go to a college?
- Yeah. I dropped Sophia off.

[sighs] And my anxiety's
been reduced since then...

- Okay. Good.
- But it was really emotional

and really sad.

- Oh. Thank you.
- Thank you.

- Thank you.
I'll see you in a little bit.

- You seem drained.

- Do I?
- Little bit.

- I've been like that
for a little while.

You know that.
- Yeah.

- I'll perk back up soon.

- Hello, girls.
- Hello.

Wow, you look beautiful.
- Hello.

- Gorgeous.
- Thank you.

So do you.

- How are you?
- I'm good.

- What is this?
- You're like,

"You can't have it."
- You look beautiful.

- Thanks, baby. Oh, so do you.

- Love the pink suit.

- Thank you.
- Wow. That was daring...

- I know.
- Coming into Lisa's...

- That's exactly what I said.
- In a pink suit.

- I'm not gonna
allow myself to be...

- Well, you're just as daring.
- I know.

- Bullied about the pink
any longer.

- I was gonna offer you
a cup of tea.

- Oh. What about lunch?

- Lunch? It's nearly 4:00.
- Oh, my God!

- I thought we were
having lunch.

- Sorry, Dorit.
I mean, even my restaurants

that are open
for lunch close now.

- Are these new?

- No, but they're nice
to drink out of.

- A little small.
- [snickering]

- Well, that's only half
a bottle.

- Do you have a problem
with the wine glass?

I've learned my lesson
about complaining

about any glass
that I'm drinking out of.

Do you mind if I switch glasses
to the wine glass

and have just a little bit
of the pump rosé?

I feel like--
-I get it. You need it in--

- It needs to go
in the right glass.

This is just fine.

- I--you know, I hated
what went down in the Bahamas,

and I felt that I was accused
of something

that I know I wasn't guilty of,
and when I got back,

Ken showed me something
that changed my mind.

Ken went to Blizzard,
and then he said,

"I want to see your phone,
and I want you to print out

all your texts to Teddi."

And...
- Oh, God.

- She says,
"Have the dog there,

and I can say
it looks like Dorit's dog."

[tense music]

- I can see what you're saying.

There's no doubt that her hands
aren't clean in this,

but I think that it's not fair
to put that on her

when she wasn't alone
in the situation.

I've already seen
these text messages.

Teddi gave me her phone
and said,

"This is what happened.
This is my part in it."

She did not initiate this.

- That's absolute bullsh--.

I've never spoken
to John Blizzard,

and John Cesar had no idea

that John Blizzard and Teddi
were interacting.

- How did you know
that Teddi knew?

- Lisa called me and said,

"I'm just letting you know,
Teddi knows this..."

- So you knew that Teddi knew.
- "Information."

- How did you know
that Teddi knew?

- I didn't know
at the time Teddi knew.

She didn't know at the time.

- But you said that they sent
a text saying...

- No, no, no. That--no, that--
- To her, Teddi knows.

- When you called me,
and you said,

"I'm just letting you know
John Blizzard and Teddi

are very good friends..."
- I texted you, and I said,

"You need to get
in front of this.

You need to clear this up."
I've got the text.

- Lisa's saying she never
spoke with John Blizzard,

but someone told her something,
'cause she quickly let Dorit

know Teddi knows about the dog.

- I've never even had
a discussion with Teddi.

I've never had a discussion
with John Blizzard, ever.

- So who told you?

Where'd you
get the information?

Obviously,
Lisa and John Blizzard

had a whole conversation
going on about that.

You said, "Teddi knows.
You better get in front of it."

- Well, I just knew that
if Teddi knows or I know,

you know, we all know,
we start talking about it,

so I said you should go
and talk to John

at Vanderpump Dogs.
- But Teddi specifically said

that John Blizzard
was given an order.

That is what she's saying.

- So she--well--
- Repeatedly.

- Why are you believing Teddi
over me?

You believe that I told Cesar,
Cesar told Blizzard,

Blizzard and Cesar are lying,

and that she would
never have said that?

- It's not that I don't believe
that these text messages

are true,
but Teddi's not here.

I mean, she's certainly
led me to believe

that they had the dog there,

they wanted the dog there,
and that...

- Okay.
- They brought the dog out--

- So that is slightly different
to this story, then.

- Yes.

- Sorry, well done!
[clapping]

It's actually seeing
the light that Teddi

has her little paw
in the cookie jar.

Yes. Thank you, Dorit.

- It's disgusting, by the way.
- Right--

- It's all disgusting.
- It's disgusting.

- Okay.
- So Teddi's hands

are definitely
not clean in this.

- I think that's the first time

you've ever listened to me.

- I'm getting one bit
of information

and another bit
of information,

and it's hard
to digest and process.

- Well, you certainly didn't
get this bit of information,

did you, Dorit?
- No, I didn't. No.

- So somebody was guilty
by omission, right?

- Teddi has led me to believe

that it is Lisa Vanderpump
and only

Lisa Vanderpump that
has any hand in all of this.

- I did nothing wrong.
I am an honest person.

Never once have I told a lie,

and never will you ever
heard me tell one.

- She's not as innocent
as she's claiming to be.

- You thought you found it
a good home.

The dog is safe now.

Let's just
move forward from this.

- Next on "The Real Housewives
of Beverly Hills"...

- We're selling ass.
We're not selling cookies.

- When you met him, was there,
like, instant attraction?

- Well,
he has a very big penis.

- [laughs] Okay, then.

- I feel like I've got
two friends

that were trying
to set me up to hurt me.

- Don't trust anybody.

- I was set up,
and I took the bait,

but I could not
go through with it.

- So you don't feel
any kind of guilt?

- No. I feel betrayed by you.
- Okay.

Well, I feel betrayed
by you too.

- Oh, 'cause I couldn't carry
out your plan?

- No.
- Sorry.

[dramatic music]

- To learn more
about the housewives,