The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills (2010–…): Season 9, Episode 2 - Eat Your Heart Out - full transcript
On a private island in the Bahamas, newcomer Denise quickly discovers that fun in the sun, sand, and surf comes with plenty of conflict for the rest of the women. Lisa Rinna suspects Kyle ...
- Previously on "The Real
- Previously on "The Real
Housewives of Beverly Hills"...
- Erika, Denise.
- I'm Erika.
- I'm a hugger.
- Oh, I like that!
- Denise and I go back
so many different lifetimes.
- How long
were you and Charlie married?
- Ugh!
4 1/2 years.
A lot's happened since then.
[laughs]
- We got this adorable
little puppy
from Vanderpump Dogs.
She was not the right fit
for the family.
- The person
that she re-homed the dog to
ended up dropping it off
at a shelter.
- She could have just come
to you and said,
"I can't do this."
- You unfollowed her?
- Yes.
- [laughs]
- But there's potential
for me re-following you.
- Imagine losing him just after
you've lost your brother.
- People say
taking your life is selfish,
but my brother didn't mean
to do this.
It was a cry for help.
[crying]
I do feel depressed.
[upbeat music]
- In the game of life,
it's Rinna take all.
♪ ♪
- Most people talk
about their fantasies.
I'm living mine.
♪ ♪
- In business and in life,
I wear many hats...
and hairstyles.
- Oh, you can stab me
in the back,
but whilst you're there,
kiss my ass.
- I'm not afraid of hard work,
but I'll never do
your dirty work.
- My problem with gossip?
I'm so much juicier
in real life.
- Taste may be subjective,
but the truth is undeniable.
♪ ♪
[upbeat music]
♪ ♪
- Hello, Hanky and Panky.
- Oh, just let yourself in,
why don't you?
Did you get past
the security guards?
'Cause they're terribly...
- You are so vicious.
- I told them
not to let you in.
- Why can't you have a guard dog
like everybody else?
- I have swans.
I have dogs, I have...
- I know. They're actually
scarier than any guard dog.
- Okay.
- Oh, look.
He's got his feathers
all puffed up to--
[swan cries]
No, you ----er. Oh, my God.
- Do not call my swan
a ----er.
- Do you like my glasses?
- You look like John Lennon.
- I stole them from Portia.
[both laugh]
Literally.
- Did you really?
- Yeah.
- We need to get some fixin',
baby.
- I like lasers.
They have no downtime.
- If you do that down there,
nobody will know.
- You have an obsession
with my vagina.
[both laugh]
I love Lisa.
I think right now,
she's going through a hard time,
but Lisa and I can laugh
anywhere we go.
- I'm sorry, but if you have
four children,
it must have had
a little wear and tear.
- I honestly--
if I had a dime
for every time you said that,
I'd be a ----ing billionaire.
♪ ♪
We're gonna be looking
like different people
when we come out of here later.
- Hopefully.
- Hello.
Welcome to Epione.
- Hello. Hi.
- How are you guys?
Right this way.
- You seem right at home here.
- You don't look like this
if you're not here really often.
Me first!
- We live in a town
where nobody ages.
So you've got to try the newest,
latest, and greatest treatments.
- We'll baste her and cook her
for 20 minutes, and then--
- I love feeling like a turkey.
- Can you actually, like,
maybe stop moving?
- I'll show you the probe.
- That goes in the vagina?
- God, no!
I could never put that in mine.
[laughter]
- Well, that tells us a lot
about Ken.
- Hello. Hi, darling.
- Hello!
My favorite surgeon
on the planet.
- Nice to see you.
- How are you?
- How's everything?
- Not bad.
How are you guys doing?
- I want to rejuvenate my neck.
- So what we can do
is to just basically put
a little bit of filler
in the areas that are--
- Oh, yeah.
- Do you want to have
laughing gas to do this?
both: Oh, yes.
- Yes.
- Yes.
Do you have any to go?
[laughs]
- Could we take it
to Pump with us?
- Just to pump it up in there.
Take a deep breath and hold it.
Hold it for ten seconds.
[clock ticking]
- Oh, I love that.
- You look like
you enjoy that a lot, actually.
- Oh, it's so good.
Okay.
It's like drinking
a whole bottle of wine
without a hangover,
right, doctor?
Oh, it's so good.
Kyle, just try it.
Just have some.
Make all that stress go away.
Just have a--
[giggling]
Just have a little too.
Are you videoing me?
- No.
- That is not funny.
- [laughs]
- Listen, do I look beautiful?
- Almost.
[both laughing]
- Beautiful.
- Do you want to laugh
like that
with a needle going
in your neck?
- It's okay.
I'm good with a moving object.
- [laughing]
- You can't slide
with a needle in your neck.
- Oh, my God.
Kyle and I love to have
a laugh together,
and with everything
that I've been thinking
and dealing with lately,
just to have a brief respite
and have fun together
is something
that's very important to me.
- You are all done.
You have a brand-new neck.
- What are you gonna do now?
- I don't know.
- You've got, like,
an eye patch.
- Do you have a hair clip?
I could just put this on,
like, here.
- You could actually put
a little bit of a...
- I'm too scared.
- Scotch tape here.
- Oh, yeah?
Oh, yeah, Scotch tape.
That's more my speed
these days.
♪ ♪
- Hi.
- Hi.
- I'm meeting a couple
of girlfriends here.
My name is Erika.
- Okay.
Follow me right this way.
Can I get you
a beverage started?
- Yes, can I have
an Arnold Palmer, please?
- Of course.
- Thank you.
♪ ♪
Oh, yay, yum.
Thank you very much.
- I'll be back
with some water as well.
♪ ♪
- Ah!
- Oh, yeah!
Oh, (BLEEP), yeah.
- Hello!
- Oh, my God.
- Look at you!
Oh, my God,
you look so great.
♪ ♪
- Well, well, hello.
- [shrieks]
- She's giving us, like,
'80s glam.
- Wow.
Mwah!
Between you and me,
we're like '80s, '90s, '50s.
- '80s glam!
I love it.
- [kisses]
- I love it.
- It's nice to see you guys.
- You are just--
Oh, you're looking so gorgeous.
- Yeah.
- Can I get you ladies
any beverages started?
- Let's try the burgundy.
- Why don't I do
a glass of Chardonnay?
- You know what?
I want a beer.
Just whatever is in a bottle,
please.
- [gasps] Love that!
- It's a hot summer day though.
- Exactly.
- It's a hot summer day.
- I drank beer as a young girl.
- I certainly did.
That's all there was to drink
at the keggers at my parties.
- Hello.
- High school
was all about the kegs...
- It's all we had.
- And the keg handstands.
[gasps]
I think I've done--
- Keg handstand.
I'm sure I have, for sure.
- Oh, my God.
I remember
being 16 years old,
in high school, going to
these outdoor parties,
and I think I gagged
and probably, like,
vomited the beer...
[laughs]
One point or another.
both: Cheers.
- I love your beer bottle!
- I know.
- It's so good.
- Cheers.
- Cheers.
- All right, girls.
So what's been happening?
- Okay, we had
a very big robbery.
- [gasps]
No.
- All of my handbags,
all of my jewelry.
Every single thing.
- Wow, babe.
- I think maybe a Rottweiler
or a Doberman is next for you.
Or a...
- A Dutch shepherd.
- A Dutch shepherd.
- We had
this beautiful little dog.
I mean,
that's a whole other story.
After everything
that's happened
with the Lucy situation...
After Lucy had bit the kids
a few times...
- Oh.
- PK was just--
- Like, "Maybe we should
find Lucy another place."
- Yes, exactly.
I think it's safe to say
that the Kemsleys
are gonna put having a dog
on the back burner.
I--honestly, I can't even
bring myself to talk about--
You know when you can only take
so much?
- Yes.
- Yes, we do.
both: Yes, we do.
- I could use a getaway.
I could use--I could use
a girls' trip getaway.
- Even Lake Tahoe, even--
- Tahoe's beautiful.
- Something that's different.
- There are some beautiful
places in Tahoe.
I think we have a house
in Tahoe.
[laughter]
I have a few houses
I don't go to.
- Erika, you kill me.
- Who says that?
"I think we have a place
in Tahoe."
- "I think I have a place
in Palm Desert."
- I have two.
- You have two!
- I have two, and one of them,
I'm a neighbor to Kyle.
- That's right!
- Oh, how funny.
- You know that, right?
I've never been in it.
Listen, this house is enough
with the broken pool tiles.
I think we had, like, a leak.
When I designed this pool,
I chose these tiles.
They are falling apart,
my dear.
I just brought you out here
to extort you for some money
to fix this place up;
I'm not gonna lie.
- No, but see, it was the usual.
- Yeah.
You know, so I'm good
just worrying about this place.
I'll get around to the others
someday.
- You know what?
My sister just came back
from the Bahamas.
- Oh, my God,
I love the Bahamas!
- I love the Bahamas.
- My sister just came
from this new place.
She went there
for her husband's 40th birthday.
- Oh, that's fun.
- It's called Baha Mar.
And she said it was exquisite.
- Really?
- Ooh.
- Exquisite.
- So it's new.
- It's new.
I think a trip is a great way
to get everyone together,
let us connect.
Anyone that's had their issues
will have a safe space
to be able to duke it out
and find a way forward.
I'll organize everything.
- Okay.
- Let me get some ideas.
- That is great.
Let's do it.
- And then I'll come back.
And then we'll think about it.
We'll make a plan.
- That wound be fun!
- I'm excited.
[laidback music]
♪ ♪
- Are you hungry-mungry?
Do you have water?
Good.
All right, baby,
I have burgers and steak.
- I'll do--I'll do steak.
- And then I was going to make
some potatoes too.
Sami, do you want
a veggie burger?
- Um, yes, please.
- Sami!
How was school?
- It was okay.
I'm pretty sure I failed
my English test.
- What do you mean,
you failed your English test?
Do you want me to get you
a tutor
so that you can try
and get caught up?
Do you think it would help?
- Yeah.
- With my past, you know,
doing "Wild Things"
and being provocative,
being on lists
of sexiest whatever,
it's not something that,
obviously,
I thought of back then,
like, "Oh, one day
when I have kids..."
You don't know
any Spanish?
- I mean, I know "hola."
- I even know that.
I have two teenage daughters,
Sami and Lola.
And their father
is Charlie Sheen.
Their father and their mother
were both nuts,
so maybe they have a shot
at being somewhat normal.
Louise-y.
I know, I'm gonna take you
to get your nails done.
And then I have
a daughter Eloise.
She's seven, and I adopted her,
when she was born,
as a single mom.
There was a rumor at one point
that Eloise was Charlie's child
with a hooker.
And that's false.
[laughs]
Did you have a good day?
- I did.
- Good. It's nice having you
come home from work.
- You just put, like,
dirty...
- It's dirty--
what, the dirty celery water?
- I just want--yeah, I just--
- Sorry.
I just recently moved
to Malibu.
Aaron has moved in with us.
I love the house.
It's about
just under 4,000 square feet.
It's got four bedrooms.
This is very simple, beachy,
clean, Zen,
and I really feel like
this is a fresh start
for me, for Aaron,
for our family.
- I'm just gonna start
the grill, baby.
- The first time
that I saw Aaron,
I thought he was hot as balls.
We've been together
for a little over a year.
I really feel like
he's my soul mate.
He's such a good man.
- Careful, Eloise.
It's very hot.
- I met him because I started
going to his clinic,
where he does
a lot of frequency work
and balancing the body.
- There you go.
- [laughs]
People are gonna be like,
"Well, what the (BLEEP)
is the"--
But you have to, like,
I think, video something
for people--'cause I didn't
understand it,
but it is so fascinating,
and it's crazy.
What about the potatoes?
- Um, I'm gonna start that
right now.
- With my ex-husband,
Charlie Sheen,
if I put
the toilet paper on wrong,
it was like I burnt
the ----ing house down.
- Cheers?
There you go.
- So I'm grateful
for my relationship with Aaron.
A lot.
Sami?
- What?
- When is homecoming?
- I haven't gotten asked yet,
if that's what you're wondering.
- You know what you're gonna
tell a boy if he asks you?
- I'm gonna say yes.
- No, you're not.
- Mom, it's a big deal
getting asked to homecoming.
- You can't date
until you're 16 years old.
- You guys are
so freaking strict.
- I know.
My mom and dad
were strict with me.
I couldn't date
until I was 16.
So maybe I'm actually doing
a disservice,
because I then went
the opposite way.
- Now I want a boyfriend,
because you told me
I can't have one.
- All right, well,
let's see what Dad says.
- Should I call him?
- Yeah.
[phone line trilling]
- Hey, you there?
- Yeah, I have a question.
- Yeah, what's going on?
- If a guy asks me to go to
the homecoming dance with him,
am I allowed to say yes?
- Oh, I'll trust your judgment
if you think it's
the right person to go with.
- Thank you.
Okay, love you.
- I love you too, sweetie.
- Okay, bye.
- All right, buh-bye.
- All right, well,
whatever.
- No.
- [laughs]
- You're mad.
- I'm not mad.
- Yeah, I proved you wrong.
- I disagree.
- Okay.
- Coming up...
- I get a call
from my manager,
and he's like, "Listen,
you need to lose weight,
or they're not gonna hire you."
- Oh, God.
[upbeat music]
- Am I gonna get
a glass of wine?
- I'm gonna pour you one
right now.
Do you like white,
my dear?
- Just a little, honey.
That's good.
Thank you.
Tell me what's going on.
- I had a lot of aggravation
today.
- Why, honey?
- You know, I'm just tired.
I've been on that tour
for three, four weeks.
- I know.
- Took flights every night,
as you know.
- I know.
- And it takes its toll on you.
- Well, I just feel like
we both have had
these really trying,
long weeks.
- Is it, like, completely rude
for your husband to be clocking
your ass or not?
- If it's not my husband,
who else should it be?
You know, I saw Rinna and Erika
the other night for dinner.
It was really nice to catch up,
and I had said,
"Wouldn't it be nice
"for us girls to take
another trip,
bring the group back together?"
- You're not gonna ask
all the girls, are you?
I mean, you're not
gonna ask Teddi.
- Actually, I was thinking
of asking Teddi.
With everything that's happened
between us,
I just kind of feel like
I'd like to give it a chance.
After Kyle's pool party,
Teddi and I definitely
took a small, little, tiny
baby step.
Why don't you invite Jagger
to your birthday?
- We could take a page.
We could learn something
from our kids.
- We'll just follow along
with these two.
- And I'm really hoping
she doesn't interfere
in my business
and she doesn't try and make
a mountain out of a molehill
about the dog situation.
- It got heated
at the center.
- What was said?
- Well, John Blizzard
spoke to Teddi.
- We had some differences.
- If somebody says 4:00,
it's 4:00.
- You really think I believed
it was 4:00
and I'm lying
and saying 4:30?
- I don't know.
- They've been trivial.
Let's put them behind us.
You are psycho.
- Well, honey, I think
that's super cool of you.
May as well ask the rest.
- Well, I had mentioned--
- You're going to ask LVP,
obviously.
- [scoffs] Obviously.
- Duh.
Yeah, so you'll ask her.
Just go there.
Clean slate. Move forward.
- I'd like to move forward.
- Give her a call.
- Lisa knows me.
I hope, in her heart,
she fully believes
that we had the best
of intentions with Lucy.
- Should have brought the dog
back to Vanderpump.
- That's it.
Thank you.
That's it.
That makes it go away.
Let's forget it now, shall we?
- Let's move on.
- And I really do want
to move forward.
I think I'm going
to call now.
- Go do it.
No time like the present.
- Okay.
- All right, my love.
Go phone 'em.
- Wish me luck.
- You don't need luck.
You'll calling people
to invite them
to the most incredible place.
- I know.
- They're very lucky.
♪ ♪
- Hello.
- Hello!
- I've missed you at Soul.
- I need Soul.
I miss it.
- I've never even done
this trail.
- You haven't?
- Never.
- This is our trail.
If you ever want to see
Harry Hamlin,
this is where you'll find him.
- Well, I'm trying
to get ready for--
I'm going to do
a half marathon.
- And then you'll do
a whole one.
[snake rattling]
- Oh, my God.
- Oh, it's a ----ing huge
rattler!
That is a huge one.
We love to see snakes.
I mean, they're better here
than at my house,
but that is a big one.
Harry does not like to kill
the rattlesnakes.
- I found this guy outside.
This is the rattlesnake
that was--
- Harry, it could jump out!
- [shrieks]
- Like, whose husband does that?
So what about you?
What's been happening?
- All work stuff's good.
The business has grown so much.
A year ago, it was me
and my 40 clients
and my assistant.
Now it's just
a whole different lifestyle.
- Now, did you just do
an acting job?
- I did.
- What is it?
- Oh, my gosh, so I--
I was at first gonna say no.
I don't even know
if I'm a decent actor,
and I still don't know,
even after doing it.
- I don't know if I'm
a decent actor, to this day.
I don't know.
- I don't think that this role
in this movie
is going to lead
to some illustrious
acting career for me.
- Action.
- What do you have in here?
A body?
- Can you please hustle?
- I'm trying, sweetie.
It's just this thing
is kind of heavy.
I did it to have some fun
and to see
if I could even do it.
- So you wanted to be
an actor.
- I wanted to be an actor.
Well, I thought I wanted to.
I had these, like, big dreams.
When I first moved out here,
I put on, like,
a lot of weight
between when I met
my agent and manager
to when I started auditioning.
And I got sent out
on a bunch of auditions
for pilot season,
and a day later,
I get a call from my manager,
and he's like, "Listen.
"You need to lose weight,
or they're not gonna hire you."
- Oh, God.
Oh, no.
- They said it's--
- That's pretty detrimental.
- "I didn't realize,
but it's contingent
on you losing weight."
- Oh, my God, Teddi,
that says a lot right there.
- And I was like,
"I'm never doing this again."
It just took
such a negative turn
of like, "This is me.
Take me or leave me."
And then I developed
a whole problem
where food was
my best friend...
- Sure.
- And all I cared about.
- We all have issues
with our bodies.
- Tuna tartare
on a wonton crisp?
- Beautiful.
She doesn't eat, though.
- Oh.
- Shut--you know what?
I'm gonna ----ing--
- [gasps]
- I'm gonna smack you
in the face pretty soon.
Don't say that ever again.
And in this business,
you have to look a certain way.
That's the truth.
How long did that go on?
- I mean, it went on
for years.
It doesn't define who I am,
but it defines
why I do what I do.
- Totally.
- Now not only do I need
to do this for me;
I have 500 women that I need
to practice what I preach on,
because the second that you're
not practicing what you preach,
you're a complete fraud.
- If you don't hear
this depth of it,
you don't really understand.
I totally understand it.
- And that's why I post
my workouts every day,
and that's what holds me
accountable.
- We had, like,
a therapy session.
- [laughs] I know.
How much do I owe you?
[laughs]
- Coming up...
- My whole life feels
like it changes
every time one of them leaves.
- It does change.
- I know.
- But the nice thing
about it is,
you've already done it twice.
- Doesn't make it easier.
[lively music]
♪ ♪
[indistinct chatter]
- All right.
Yeah, let's do it.
Let's call David.
Done.
Hey, honey.
- Hi.
- How are ya?
- Good.
Hi, Jane.
- What's going on?
- It's quiet in here, huh?
- Yeah, it's Tuesday.
It's caravan day.
Everybody's out working.
If anybody's here,
they're not working.
- Does that mean
Farrah won't be here?
- Farah will--
should not be here.
I think she has an open house.
- Oh, I should go see her
at her open house.
Where is it?
- Uh, I think
she's holding Chantilly open.
- You know I love to look
at open houses anyway.
- I know, and there's
some great properties
on the market right now.
It's pretty cool.
- Your neck is killing you.
- My neck is killing me.
- Your neck and my eye.
- But, honey, it's getting
better, I promise you.
- You think that.
- Yeah.
- Lookit right now.
When I blink,
it blinks slow.
- [laughs]
- It's not funny.
My one eye
is bigger than the other.
It's, like,
tickling on the side.
- That means
is probably going through--
- How can I walk around
like this?
- No, it doesn't look
that bad right now.
It looks better
than yesterday.
- I'm a hypochondriac.
There, I said it!
I know what this whole eye
is about.
It's 'cause Sophia's leaving.
- You're missing Sophia
already?
- I just don't want
to do this right now.
I'm trying
to make my eye go--
I need my eye
not to be swollen,
so I'm just pulling it
together here.
- But the nice thing
about it is,
you've already done it twice,
and look what happens.
Farah right back here.
Alexia right back here.
- As a mom,
I always feel complete
when I have all of my kids
and my husband together.
That's when I feel 100% Kyle.
Hi, girls.
I brought you some salads.
Will you help me with this?
- Thank you.
- Each one that leaves
is difficult.
I love you so much, honey.
You're gonna have
so much fun here.
Okay?
Okay, I love you.
And with Sophia,
now she's going to college.
Every time I look at her,
I think,
"I can't believe
she's leaving me.
I can't believe she's
leaving me."
- What do we want to do
as a family
over the next week,
before Sophia leaves?
Should we make a point to, like,
try to have more dinners?
- We'll have a party
at the house every Friday.
- Yes!
- I love that plan.
- Me too.
- Boo-yah!
- It was my dream to be a mom
and to have a lot of kids.
That's why, one day,
when they do all move out,
it's going to be
really, really, really hard.
- Last night, I was laying down
with Portia,
and I was so excited
that she was laying with us
that I was like--I decided
to sleep in an awkward position
just so I could be cuddling
and snuggling with her.
- I know.
- And I know that that's not
lasting very long.
- Don't say that to me
right now.
- [chuckles]
- I mean, when Portia leaves...
Are you kidding me with this?
- I need that.
- Oh, my God.
God help us.
- They go.
They come back.
Everything works out perfectly.
So it's not like
it's your first time.
You got two more
little babies.
- Doesn't make it easier.
My whole life feels like
it changes
every time one of them leaves.
- It does change,
but, honey,
one of these days, one of them's
going to get married.
Another one of these days,
you're gonna be a grandmother
with amazing grandkids.
- My nest is not
gonna be empty.
But I'm preparing myself
by just...
I'm lying.
I'm not preparing myself.
I don't know how to prepare
for Sophia leaving.
You know, each experience
has been different.
And there's a dog.
But I have all those dogs,
so it's easier. [laughs]
I love you, honey.
- I love you too, honey.
Thanks for stopping by.
- Thanks for talking to me
about it.
[kisses] I love you.
- Feel better.
You're gonna be fine. I promise.
Don't worry about it.
- Okay.
- Do not worry.
- I love you.
- Better now. I love you.
♪ ♪
- Who wants a cookie?
Sit, girl.
Sit!
Down.
Good job. Here.
Oh, wait, wait.
Whose is this?
Is this yours?
No, chew it.
Let her chew it.
Okay, you guys be good.
I'll be back in a minute.
No funny business,
no fighting.
Oh, hello.
- Lady's tired.
- Are you sleepy?
Hi, Lady.
Hi, mommy.
- She's biting my boob.
- She's gonna try
to get your nipple.
Don't do it.
Amelia, don't.
She wants to nurse.
[laughs]
Oh, God!
Where are you coming from?
- My nails.
It's so sad.
There was this mom and daughter
who just, like, really looked
like they were suffering.
- Skinny?
Really thin?
- It's, like, sad for me
to see a skinny person
and have to identify that
with an eating disorder.
You know what I mean?
- A year ago,
we found out that something was
going on with Amelia.
I could see it.
My response to it at first was,
you know, "You got to eat."
And of course it scared
the sh-- out of me.
I know it scared the sh--
out of Harry.
I know it scared the sh--
out of Delilah.
- No matter how many deaths
anorexia causes,
no matter how much blindness,
how much hair loss,
all I cared about
was the skinniness.
It's hard, and I don't want
what happened to me
to happen to other people.
- I know.
- I could have died.
- It's a very scary thing
when your child is suffering.
You feel totally helpless.
- Literally, every single one
of my friends
and I'm sure every single one
of your friends,
they think about
how many calories
they're consuming in a day,
how many--
When they sit down for a meal...
- We all do, of course.
- They look at the bread basket,
and they think, "Holy sh--."
Like, you know what I mean?
- Amelia started watching
food shows,
and I thought, "That is
the weirdest ----ing thing ever.
Why would you want
to see people eat?"
- Wait, wait,
this is her trying--
- She doesn't eat
all the pizza, does she?
- Oh, yeah.
- Wow.
- You know, it's like
I'm sure
a lot of people will say,
"Well, you know,
your kids are ----ed up
because you had anorexia."
And I've never had anorexia.
- I hope people
in the entertainment industry
can stop putting up this facade
of being perfect,
'cause we all have
so much--
- It's really tough.
- Probably we're all way worse
than everyone else
that have normal jobs.
- Oh, we are.
We're way worse.
Am I and have I been aware
of my weight
and what I look like?
Of course.
That's part of my job.
But this is--
this is who I am.
I had a conversation with Teddi,
and she opened up to me
about her own struggle.
She came to Hollywood,
and her agent said to her,
"They want you to lose"--
I want to say ten pounds.
- Oh, sh--.
- She stopped acting
and basically gained
200 pounds,
because it triggered her
the other way.
- The opposite way.
- The opposite way.
To watch my young girls
go into that business
and to see some brutalities
in that business
that I've now seen,
I don't want that to be
the only thing
that my girls focus on.
I think Harry and I
have shown them
that there's more out there.
- I don't know; there's so much
I need to say about anorexia,
because, like, I get
so many girls commenting
on my Instagram,
like, "Help me,"
like, "I can't believe
you got out of it,"
like, "How did you do this?"
But, like, I'm not out of it,
and I'm never gonna be
out of it.
- She came out to the world.
I was shocked.
I was beyond proud.
She's shown something
that most people
would never admit to,
never show--
a vulnerability
that is so fragile.
You have done an amazing job
at working through it
and being strong
and sharing it.
- You were there for me
through it.
- I'm proud of you.
- Coming up...
- Sometimes
Dorit calls it wrong,
as we know and we've seen.
So sometimes it's hard
to defend her,
if you know what I'm saying.
I've tried my best;
that's for sure.
[upbeat music]
- Oh, I love this teamwork.
Whoo!
This is exercise.
- Mommy, you my robot!
So you only listen
to what I say.
- Yes...sir.
- I would like peanut butter.
- Here...you...are...Jagger.
♪ ♪
- You've rear-ended
many, many, many people.
- And none of those
were my fault.
- If you rear-end someone,
it's your fault.
- Not always.
- Of course it is,
because you're going too fast.
You're going too close
to the car,
just like the example right now
and the car in front of us.
If you end up in bed
with someone late at night
and you're rear-ending them,
it's your fault.
♪ ♪
- I'm so tired today.
- Hello.
- What's up, gorge?
- Nothing. I'm going
to meet Alexia for lunch.
- I know that you told me
that I can go to the Bahamas,
but I'm feeling guilty,
'cause I want to be with you.
- I think you should go.
I'm gonna be spending time
with my friends.
Like, we're also gonna be
together in D.C.
when you drop me off.
- Sophia, don't leave!
♪ ♪
- You guys,
I need the wine opened
and the champagne opened.
But it's got to be cold.
It's not cold.
♪ ♪
- Thank you.
[doorbell rings]
- Ah!
- Hi.
- Hi, welcome.
Come on in.
- Hi.
- This is Chris.
This is Teddi.
- Oh, my gosh.
Hi, nice to meet you.
- We're doing a sexy-time thing
here today.
- Well, I'm glad I came
in my sexiest of outfits.
[laughter]
- Excuse me.
I hear the door.
- Oh, this is cool!
- Hi!
- Hello.
- How are you?
- Oh, this looks so nice!
- Harry's away.
The kids are away.
I mean, I can only post so many
bikini shots on Instagram
to get attention,
so I figure
I might as well have
the ladies over.
[laughs]
- Hi.
Oh, I let myself in.
- Hi!
- You're, like, miniscule.
- Hi.
- That's fab.
- Oh.
I love that jacket.
- Thank you.
- Fabulous!
Hi.
Come on in.
- Rocking the animal prints.
I love it.
- You look great.
- Thank you.
- We're just waiting on Dorit.
- Is Kyle coming too?
- Kyle's not coming.
Kyle has a tequila tasting
with Mo.
- And Lisa Vanderpump?
- No, I think something's wrong
with Jiggy.
Something's wrong with Jiggy.
- Aw.
- I know.
♪ ♪
- Hi.
- Hey, Lisa, how's it going?
- It's okay.
Where is he,
the man in question?
- Right down there on 44.
- Oh, he's waiting for me.
Don't pretend to be working
when you're sitting there
drinking rosé.
Hi.
- I am drinking rosé.
Mwah.
- I'm not gonna go
to Lisa Rinna's
pastry-tasting thing.
I've just been
emotionally depleted lately,
and I couldn't put on
a brave facade.
I couldn't do that.
Um, I'm starving.
Hey, darling,
can I have the--
you know, the new
avocado mango...
- We have
a beet and avocado tartar.
- Yeah, that.
- Okay.
- And get him
half a crispy chicken sandwich.
- Okay, we'll do that too.
[laughs]
Thank you.
- Tom Tom seems to be
doing well, thank goodness.
- Well, it was a lot of work,
especially
those last two weeks.
- Ooh, I know.
What do you think
about me going
to the Bahamas?
I know it's terrible timing.
I mean, I know--
- Yeah, but I think
it's a must that you go.
- A must that I go?
- I think you should go,
definitely.
- I feel that
I'm so emotional lately
the last few weeks,
and I'm--I just haven't
been myself, you know?
- I think it'd be good for you.
- I've never been
to the Bahamas.
- Exactly.
- What do you think, Puffy?
You want me to go away
or not?
If I go, maybe I will come back
to Beverly Hills
with a kind of renewed vigor
and a fresh outlook.
The trouble is, I don't want
to leave Jiggy as well,
because he's so precarious.
Will you, like, keep Jiggy
with you all the time?
- Of course.
He's not well,
but he's a strong little bugger.
- Jiggy actually needs
a pacemaker.
That's what we've been told.
- He has something called
sick sinus syndrome,
where the electrical wiring
of his heart
has just aged a little quicker
than he has.
So he has an overall
slow heart rate.
- What's the chance of him
not surviving the operation?
- Less than 20%.
- How many have you lost?
- Zero.
- And to leave Jiggy and Ken
and my new baby,
the restaurant,
is a bit of a challenge.
It's just like
suddenly being away.
But then again, I could do
with a break, dear God.
- You've got Kyle there.
You always have fun with her.
Dorit.
- I love Dorit.
But sometimes Dorit
calls it wrong,
as we know and we've seen.
So sometimes it's hard
to defend her,
if you know what I'm saying.
I've tried my best;
that's for sure.
It's just been
kind of exasperating,
really, the way Dorit handled
the whole dog thing,
and it ended up
in a kill shelter.
It was easy; she just needed
to give the dog back to us.
But you know what?
I love her anyway,
and that's the way Dorit rolls.
Maybe you're right.
Maybe it would do me good.
Oh, okay, good.
Thank you.
All right, I'm gonna go.
I'm gonna take the plunge
and start having fun again.
- Here's to fun.
- You're not having any fun
when I'm gone.
Trust me.
You're going to work.
- [laughs]
- Coming up...
- My visuals of you and Aaron
having sex
are, like, right up there
with my favorite porn.
[laughter]
That's real--
- Hi, sweetie.
How are you?
- Thank you for having me.
- Come on in.
- Hey.
- Hi!
- How are you?
- That's Chris...
- Hi, Chris.
- Our fabulous chef.
- Very nice to meet you.
- Gloves on.
- Okay.
- So in the center
of the table,
we have salted caramel,
almond marshmallow,
vanilla shortbread,
vanilla meringue.
You can fill your heart
with whatever you'd like.
- Oh, I like that.
- Could be for your kids
or your husband, but--
So I thought it would be cute
if we write, like,
a little love note.
So we'll put that on top
of all your little pastries
we put inside.
- So we're writing a note
to whomever we want?
- Yeah, I'm writing to David
about our new life together.
- Aw!
- Let's fill these up.
- Are these two caramels
different?
- Nope, they're the same.
- I think mine's full.
- Okay, so then you can put
your note right on top.
- Wait, we put the note
on top of the candy?
- On top of the candy.
- Oh!
- That way,
that's the first thing,
so they'll see the note
and be like....
- Aw.
- Love notes.
- This is really a good idea.
- I love this idea.
- I'm loving this.
- I'm glad you like it.
- This is the tricky part.
We'll melt...
- Oh!
I mean, really,
how hard is this gonna be?
We're gonna take two pieces
of chocolate
and put them together,
and, like,
make it nice around the edges.
Who's gonna (BLEEP) up
besides me?
- And then freeze spray.
- Oh, how cool.
- I don't know about the back,
but the top of my sh--
is flawless.
[laughter]
- So this is the fun part,
'cause you're just gonna
pour it all over.
- Oh!
[people cheering]
- I wouldn't really
refer to this
as baking or pastry,
because there's
no ----ing dough.
I don't know how
it's even called
a pastry class, I'm sorry.
- Ooh, that looks cool.
You could dip your whole body
in that in a bathtub.
- [laughs]
- Kind of like "Goldfinger."
- Yes.
- That's what you're gonna do.
You Bond lady.
- Oh, cool!
- This is so chic.
- Love that.
- Very chic.
- So this was all, like,
the hard work, right?
- Oh, yeah,
that was very hard.
- So we got to go
to the next room for the love.
- Ooh.
- Oh, my gosh.
- This is so nice.
- Wow, how pretty!
- This is a love den.
- Are these edible flowers?
- Yup.
Each petal is hand painted,
set in a mold,
and then we place it
each individual one.
- Wow, it's so beautiful.
- I haven't eaten anything
but candy today.
- That's a good day--
candy and champagne.
- Yeah, right?
- Sugar, sugar, sugar.
I eat dessert
every day of my life,
because it's one of the things
that really brings me pleasure.
- This is the small piece.
- Oh, my God.
Well, no one's here to see me,
so it's okay.
- Enjoy.
- That's just my life,
and I'm not ----ing making
any excuses for it.
Mmm.
Superb.
- I don't want to eat this.
It's so pretty.
- I would love
to take mine home, if I can.
- You can.
- I promise you
you're not gonna blow up.
And so what if you do?
You get it off.
Eat the ----ing cake.
- Lisa?
- Yes?
- I am gonna have to top this
in the Bahamas.
- Okay, Dorit.
Do it!
- I mean, goodness.
I left you a voicemail.
I haven't heard from you.
- I know. I was trying to get
through the specifics.
- You have to come.
- Yes, I'm coming.
- And you, I know that you--
- I'm good.
- Yes, you're good?
- No, Aaron can take care
of the kids, and--
- She's a good time.
- Okay, I have a question
for you.
How did you meet Aaron?
- So I met him at his center
doing DNA repair and anti-aging
and that sort of thing.
And then one time, we had sex
in one of his rooms.
- That was the treatment.
- And we've been inseparable
ever since.
- That is so great!
My visuals of you and Aaron
having sex
are, like, right up there
with my favorite porn.
[laughter]
That's real ----ing good.
Real ----ing good.
- We like to have a good time.
- I can tell.
- I am actually very flattered
that Erika thinks of Aaron
and I having sex.
It's definitely a turn-on.
He's technically still married.
- Okay.
- They've been split
for over two years, but it's--
- I've been going through
the same thing.
- So once it's final,
we're getting married.
- Harry was married to her
for 11 months,
and, what, Aaron was six?
- The same person?
- Yes.
- Wait, wait, wait.
I didn't know this!
Whoo!
- Hold on.
- I did not know that!
- Denise's boyfriend
was married
to Nicollette Sheridan.
He's still married
to Nicollette.
And Harry was married to her
for a hot minute.
So there's that.
So yeah,
we have some intertwining...
stuff going on, don't we?
Okay, Harry was married
to her 30 years ago.
The story is, she went
to a Michael Bolton concert
at the Hollywood Bowl.
- No way.
- Swear to God.
- And left him, and that was it?
- Yes.
- Is that really true?
- (BLEEP), yes!
Harry was in Canada.
I thank Michael Bolton
to this day.
Are you kidding me?
Let's cheers Michael Bolton!
- Yeah, Michael Bolton!
- Thank you, Michael Bolton,
because I would not have
these beautiful children.
- That's right.
- I mean, I really never got
that urge
when I saw Michael Bolton
with that ponytail
and the music video.
But I guess
a life of a rock star.
- How did you meet Edwin?
- I was with
a bunch of girlfriends,
sitting at dinner,
and there was a club next door.
And as I'm walking in,
he was leaving,
and he turned around
and followed me back in.
We pretty much consummated
the relationship night one.
- That's good.
- Whoo!
- When I met him,
he had the ponytail.
Now it's creep--
- Yeah, it's creeping back in.
- If you're not
sexually attracted to him,
he needs to cut
that ----ing thing off.
- I'm sexually attracted
to him.
- Okay, so how many times a week
is it?
- Two.
I'm very scheduled.
- Of course you are!
- It's not like--
- "Sex on Thursday at 5:45."
- Do you put it in a calendar?
- You do?
- It's not in a calendar
unless it's, like, a big night.
- Aaron and I have sex
every day.
So--when--unless, of course,
I'm out of town.
And even then,
we'll do it on Facetime.
- What if you did it, like,
five times in a week?
- Well, then that was
a really good week for us.
- Okay.
[laughter]
- Unbelievable.
[upbeat music]
- Phoenix, I need to pack.
I need your help.
I gotta go to the Bahamas.
I need to look relaxed.
I'm going in the sunshine.
- I help you.
- You help me?
- All Mommy's stuff.
- Just gently place it in there.
Thank you.
- Here.
- Oh, Mommy's got a lot
to teach you, baby girl.
♪ ♪
- Let's see, what else?
♪ ♪
T-shirt.
Um, um, um, um, um.
That one.
- Okay, I think this is the one.
- Thank you so much.
- Oh, you finish packing.
- Well, I'm getting there.
I need a little break.
- Can you see
what the temperature is
in the Bahamas?
Don't hate me.
- Mid-80s, humid.
Fabulous for your hair.
- Will you send me
your itinerary
just so I know when you're
not available on text?
- Yes.
That could be nighttime,
right?
- Yeah,
and you have comfy clothes too
if you guys just hang out?
- Oh, yeah, they're a big
comfy clothes group.
- Okay, we pulled out
lots of options.
- Are you living
in my closet again?
- We do!
- Yes, she's major.
- Lounge wear.
- Super cute.
- It says, "I am tigers
but tropical."
- Right.
- Let's talk about swimsuits.
- Well, definitely that,
because these are--
- This is
my California girl.
- These are life.
- These are gonna be great.
- That is a moment.
- I'd better stop eating now.
[soft music]
♪ ♪
- You want to take that one
and I'll take this one?
- That would be great.
♪ ♪
Good-bye.
I love you.
Oh, my God, I love you.
I got to leave you.
I love you.
[door bangs]
♪ ♪
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
- Thank you so much.
- Thank you.
- Hi, ladies.
- Oh, hey.
- Look at you.
- You look adorable.
- Mwah!
Let's do this.
- Hi, Denise.
- Hi, Dorit. Nice to see you.
- I want this trip to be
luxurious, glamorous, and fun.
Are you looking forward?
- Yeah, thank you so much.
- Oh, my goodness.
- Whoo-hoo!
- Hi!
- Private plane,
brand-new resort,
first class all the way.
- Go on, Dorit.
- Welcome aboard.
- Thank you.
[gasps]
It's so nice!
- Wow!
Treats!
Who doesn't want to hop
on a private jet?
It's just easier,
and it's so fabulous.
- Sit wherever you'd like.
- Head back here?
- Yeah.
- Oh!
Not a lot of people
get the chance
to experience a private jet.
- How are you gonna get there?
- Let's see.
I'll jump on my plane,
and I'll meet you guys there.
- Jump on your plane.
- You know, one day,
you're on a Gulfstream.
The next day,
you could be in coach.
It's not about
how you get there.
It's that you ----ing got there,
honey.
- Dorit, you got something right
for once.
- Whoo-hoo!
- [laughs]
- Is this our vacation?
I'm good with right now.
♪ ♪
- I'm hungry.
I'm eating like a wolf.
- Chardonnay?
- Why does this plane
sound like this?
- The 7X has this fluke
of the sound with the brakes.
- Right.
- I love the word "fluke"
when flying.
[laughs]
- I'm really excited.
I just want to tell you about
a few different things
that I've organized.
Firstly, we'll take
a little trip
to a private island tomorrow.
- Nice.
- There's lunch.
You can have a massage
on the beach if you want.
Everybody has a beautiful room.
There are two suites.
Lisa, I would love for you
to stay with me.
- Stay with you?
- Yes.
I'd like for you
to stay with me, and there's--
- Share a room?
- Share a room, baby.
It's a big enough room
where we'll have our own space.
- I'm not sharing a room
with anybody.
- I'm starting to rethink
sharing my beautiful suite
with you, Lisa.
- Well, I'm always available.
Nobody ----ing asked me
if I wanted to be
in the chairman's suite.
- Whoever else wants to bunk...
- We'll stay together.
- Okay, good.
- Kyle, isn't there
a three-bedroom suite?
- Why would you leave Dorit?
- She's got
a terrible snoring problem.
Yeah, and gas problem
as well.
- Oh, stop.
- What the (BLEEP)?
Are you kidding me?
- [laughs]
- Wow.
- Wow, she's back.
Cheers.
- It's all fun and games,
and then one jab goes too far.
♪ ♪
- Next time on "The Real
Housewives of Beverly Hills"...
- Oh, my God.
- This is a sexy place to stay.
- It's gorgeous.
- Gorgeous!
- Children, Mummy wants
to dry you off for lunch.
Come on.
- Stop ruining my vacation.
- Let's move on, can we?
- Don't make me out
to be a bad guy,
'cause I will defend myself
down to the ----ing bone.
- If you cross Lisa Vanderpump,
it's over. You know that.
- I had no idea
Teddi would be gossiping.
- I never told a soul.
- Hold on a second.
- No, let me finish.
[dramatic music]
- Previously on "The Real
Housewives of Beverly Hills"...
- Erika, Denise.
- I'm Erika.
- I'm a hugger.
- Oh, I like that!
- Denise and I go back
so many different lifetimes.
- How long
were you and Charlie married?
- Ugh!
4 1/2 years.
A lot's happened since then.
[laughs]
- We got this adorable
little puppy
from Vanderpump Dogs.
She was not the right fit
for the family.
- The person
that she re-homed the dog to
ended up dropping it off
at a shelter.
- She could have just come
to you and said,
"I can't do this."
- You unfollowed her?
- Yes.
- [laughs]
- But there's potential
for me re-following you.
- Imagine losing him just after
you've lost your brother.
- People say
taking your life is selfish,
but my brother didn't mean
to do this.
It was a cry for help.
[crying]
I do feel depressed.
[upbeat music]
- In the game of life,
it's Rinna take all.
♪ ♪
- Most people talk
about their fantasies.
I'm living mine.
♪ ♪
- In business and in life,
I wear many hats...
and hairstyles.
- Oh, you can stab me
in the back,
but whilst you're there,
kiss my ass.
- I'm not afraid of hard work,
but I'll never do
your dirty work.
- My problem with gossip?
I'm so much juicier
in real life.
- Taste may be subjective,
but the truth is undeniable.
♪ ♪
[upbeat music]
♪ ♪
- Hello, Hanky and Panky.
- Oh, just let yourself in,
why don't you?
Did you get past
the security guards?
'Cause they're terribly...
- You are so vicious.
- I told them
not to let you in.
- Why can't you have a guard dog
like everybody else?
- I have swans.
I have dogs, I have...
- I know. They're actually
scarier than any guard dog.
- Okay.
- Oh, look.
He's got his feathers
all puffed up to--
[swan cries]
No, you ----er. Oh, my God.
- Do not call my swan
a ----er.
- Do you like my glasses?
- You look like John Lennon.
- I stole them from Portia.
[both laugh]
Literally.
- Did you really?
- Yeah.
- We need to get some fixin',
baby.
- I like lasers.
They have no downtime.
- If you do that down there,
nobody will know.
- You have an obsession
with my vagina.
[both laugh]
I love Lisa.
I think right now,
she's going through a hard time,
but Lisa and I can laugh
anywhere we go.
- I'm sorry, but if you have
four children,
it must have had
a little wear and tear.
- I honestly--
if I had a dime
for every time you said that,
I'd be a ----ing billionaire.
♪ ♪
We're gonna be looking
like different people
when we come out of here later.
- Hopefully.
- Hello.
Welcome to Epione.
- Hello. Hi.
- How are you guys?
Right this way.
- You seem right at home here.
- You don't look like this
if you're not here really often.
Me first!
- We live in a town
where nobody ages.
So you've got to try the newest,
latest, and greatest treatments.
- We'll baste her and cook her
for 20 minutes, and then--
- I love feeling like a turkey.
- Can you actually, like,
maybe stop moving?
- I'll show you the probe.
- That goes in the vagina?
- God, no!
I could never put that in mine.
[laughter]
- Well, that tells us a lot
about Ken.
- Hello. Hi, darling.
- Hello!
My favorite surgeon
on the planet.
- Nice to see you.
- How are you?
- How's everything?
- Not bad.
How are you guys doing?
- I want to rejuvenate my neck.
- So what we can do
is to just basically put
a little bit of filler
in the areas that are--
- Oh, yeah.
- Do you want to have
laughing gas to do this?
both: Oh, yes.
- Yes.
- Yes.
Do you have any to go?
[laughs]
- Could we take it
to Pump with us?
- Just to pump it up in there.
Take a deep breath and hold it.
Hold it for ten seconds.
[clock ticking]
- Oh, I love that.
- You look like
you enjoy that a lot, actually.
- Oh, it's so good.
Okay.
It's like drinking
a whole bottle of wine
without a hangover,
right, doctor?
Oh, it's so good.
Kyle, just try it.
Just have some.
Make all that stress go away.
Just have a--
[giggling]
Just have a little too.
Are you videoing me?
- No.
- That is not funny.
- [laughs]
- Listen, do I look beautiful?
- Almost.
[both laughing]
- Beautiful.
- Do you want to laugh
like that
with a needle going
in your neck?
- It's okay.
I'm good with a moving object.
- [laughing]
- You can't slide
with a needle in your neck.
- Oh, my God.
Kyle and I love to have
a laugh together,
and with everything
that I've been thinking
and dealing with lately,
just to have a brief respite
and have fun together
is something
that's very important to me.
- You are all done.
You have a brand-new neck.
- What are you gonna do now?
- I don't know.
- You've got, like,
an eye patch.
- Do you have a hair clip?
I could just put this on,
like, here.
- You could actually put
a little bit of a...
- I'm too scared.
- Scotch tape here.
- Oh, yeah?
Oh, yeah, Scotch tape.
That's more my speed
these days.
♪ ♪
- Hi.
- Hi.
- I'm meeting a couple
of girlfriends here.
My name is Erika.
- Okay.
Follow me right this way.
Can I get you
a beverage started?
- Yes, can I have
an Arnold Palmer, please?
- Of course.
- Thank you.
♪ ♪
Oh, yay, yum.
Thank you very much.
- I'll be back
with some water as well.
♪ ♪
- Ah!
- Oh, yeah!
Oh, (BLEEP), yeah.
- Hello!
- Oh, my God.
- Look at you!
Oh, my God,
you look so great.
♪ ♪
- Well, well, hello.
- [shrieks]
- She's giving us, like,
'80s glam.
- Wow.
Mwah!
Between you and me,
we're like '80s, '90s, '50s.
- '80s glam!
I love it.
- [kisses]
- I love it.
- It's nice to see you guys.
- You are just--
Oh, you're looking so gorgeous.
- Yeah.
- Can I get you ladies
any beverages started?
- Let's try the burgundy.
- Why don't I do
a glass of Chardonnay?
- You know what?
I want a beer.
Just whatever is in a bottle,
please.
- [gasps] Love that!
- It's a hot summer day though.
- Exactly.
- It's a hot summer day.
- I drank beer as a young girl.
- I certainly did.
That's all there was to drink
at the keggers at my parties.
- Hello.
- High school
was all about the kegs...
- It's all we had.
- And the keg handstands.
[gasps]
I think I've done--
- Keg handstand.
I'm sure I have, for sure.
- Oh, my God.
I remember
being 16 years old,
in high school, going to
these outdoor parties,
and I think I gagged
and probably, like,
vomited the beer...
[laughs]
One point or another.
both: Cheers.
- I love your beer bottle!
- I know.
- It's so good.
- Cheers.
- Cheers.
- All right, girls.
So what's been happening?
- Okay, we had
a very big robbery.
- [gasps]
No.
- All of my handbags,
all of my jewelry.
Every single thing.
- Wow, babe.
- I think maybe a Rottweiler
or a Doberman is next for you.
Or a...
- A Dutch shepherd.
- A Dutch shepherd.
- We had
this beautiful little dog.
I mean,
that's a whole other story.
After everything
that's happened
with the Lucy situation...
After Lucy had bit the kids
a few times...
- Oh.
- PK was just--
- Like, "Maybe we should
find Lucy another place."
- Yes, exactly.
I think it's safe to say
that the Kemsleys
are gonna put having a dog
on the back burner.
I--honestly, I can't even
bring myself to talk about--
You know when you can only take
so much?
- Yes.
- Yes, we do.
both: Yes, we do.
- I could use a getaway.
I could use--I could use
a girls' trip getaway.
- Even Lake Tahoe, even--
- Tahoe's beautiful.
- Something that's different.
- There are some beautiful
places in Tahoe.
I think we have a house
in Tahoe.
[laughter]
I have a few houses
I don't go to.
- Erika, you kill me.
- Who says that?
"I think we have a place
in Tahoe."
- "I think I have a place
in Palm Desert."
- I have two.
- You have two!
- I have two, and one of them,
I'm a neighbor to Kyle.
- That's right!
- Oh, how funny.
- You know that, right?
I've never been in it.
Listen, this house is enough
with the broken pool tiles.
I think we had, like, a leak.
When I designed this pool,
I chose these tiles.
They are falling apart,
my dear.
I just brought you out here
to extort you for some money
to fix this place up;
I'm not gonna lie.
- No, but see, it was the usual.
- Yeah.
You know, so I'm good
just worrying about this place.
I'll get around to the others
someday.
- You know what?
My sister just came back
from the Bahamas.
- Oh, my God,
I love the Bahamas!
- I love the Bahamas.
- My sister just came
from this new place.
She went there
for her husband's 40th birthday.
- Oh, that's fun.
- It's called Baha Mar.
And she said it was exquisite.
- Really?
- Ooh.
- Exquisite.
- So it's new.
- It's new.
I think a trip is a great way
to get everyone together,
let us connect.
Anyone that's had their issues
will have a safe space
to be able to duke it out
and find a way forward.
I'll organize everything.
- Okay.
- Let me get some ideas.
- That is great.
Let's do it.
- And then I'll come back.
And then we'll think about it.
We'll make a plan.
- That wound be fun!
- I'm excited.
[laidback music]
♪ ♪
- Are you hungry-mungry?
Do you have water?
Good.
All right, baby,
I have burgers and steak.
- I'll do--I'll do steak.
- And then I was going to make
some potatoes too.
Sami, do you want
a veggie burger?
- Um, yes, please.
- Sami!
How was school?
- It was okay.
I'm pretty sure I failed
my English test.
- What do you mean,
you failed your English test?
Do you want me to get you
a tutor
so that you can try
and get caught up?
Do you think it would help?
- Yeah.
- With my past, you know,
doing "Wild Things"
and being provocative,
being on lists
of sexiest whatever,
it's not something that,
obviously,
I thought of back then,
like, "Oh, one day
when I have kids..."
You don't know
any Spanish?
- I mean, I know "hola."
- I even know that.
I have two teenage daughters,
Sami and Lola.
And their father
is Charlie Sheen.
Their father and their mother
were both nuts,
so maybe they have a shot
at being somewhat normal.
Louise-y.
I know, I'm gonna take you
to get your nails done.
And then I have
a daughter Eloise.
She's seven, and I adopted her,
when she was born,
as a single mom.
There was a rumor at one point
that Eloise was Charlie's child
with a hooker.
And that's false.
[laughs]
Did you have a good day?
- I did.
- Good. It's nice having you
come home from work.
- You just put, like,
dirty...
- It's dirty--
what, the dirty celery water?
- I just want--yeah, I just--
- Sorry.
I just recently moved
to Malibu.
Aaron has moved in with us.
I love the house.
It's about
just under 4,000 square feet.
It's got four bedrooms.
This is very simple, beachy,
clean, Zen,
and I really feel like
this is a fresh start
for me, for Aaron,
for our family.
- I'm just gonna start
the grill, baby.
- The first time
that I saw Aaron,
I thought he was hot as balls.
We've been together
for a little over a year.
I really feel like
he's my soul mate.
He's such a good man.
- Careful, Eloise.
It's very hot.
- I met him because I started
going to his clinic,
where he does
a lot of frequency work
and balancing the body.
- There you go.
- [laughs]
People are gonna be like,
"Well, what the (BLEEP)
is the"--
But you have to, like,
I think, video something
for people--'cause I didn't
understand it,
but it is so fascinating,
and it's crazy.
What about the potatoes?
- Um, I'm gonna start that
right now.
- With my ex-husband,
Charlie Sheen,
if I put
the toilet paper on wrong,
it was like I burnt
the ----ing house down.
- Cheers?
There you go.
- So I'm grateful
for my relationship with Aaron.
A lot.
Sami?
- What?
- When is homecoming?
- I haven't gotten asked yet,
if that's what you're wondering.
- You know what you're gonna
tell a boy if he asks you?
- I'm gonna say yes.
- No, you're not.
- Mom, it's a big deal
getting asked to homecoming.
- You can't date
until you're 16 years old.
- You guys are
so freaking strict.
- I know.
My mom and dad
were strict with me.
I couldn't date
until I was 16.
So maybe I'm actually doing
a disservice,
because I then went
the opposite way.
- Now I want a boyfriend,
because you told me
I can't have one.
- All right, well,
let's see what Dad says.
- Should I call him?
- Yeah.
[phone line trilling]
- Hey, you there?
- Yeah, I have a question.
- Yeah, what's going on?
- If a guy asks me to go to
the homecoming dance with him,
am I allowed to say yes?
- Oh, I'll trust your judgment
if you think it's
the right person to go with.
- Thank you.
Okay, love you.
- I love you too, sweetie.
- Okay, bye.
- All right, buh-bye.
- All right, well,
whatever.
- No.
- [laughs]
- You're mad.
- I'm not mad.
- Yeah, I proved you wrong.
- I disagree.
- Okay.
- Coming up...
- I get a call
from my manager,
and he's like, "Listen,
you need to lose weight,
or they're not gonna hire you."
- Oh, God.
[upbeat music]
- Am I gonna get
a glass of wine?
- I'm gonna pour you one
right now.
Do you like white,
my dear?
- Just a little, honey.
That's good.
Thank you.
Tell me what's going on.
- I had a lot of aggravation
today.
- Why, honey?
- You know, I'm just tired.
I've been on that tour
for three, four weeks.
- I know.
- Took flights every night,
as you know.
- I know.
- And it takes its toll on you.
- Well, I just feel like
we both have had
these really trying,
long weeks.
- Is it, like, completely rude
for your husband to be clocking
your ass or not?
- If it's not my husband,
who else should it be?
You know, I saw Rinna and Erika
the other night for dinner.
It was really nice to catch up,
and I had said,
"Wouldn't it be nice
"for us girls to take
another trip,
bring the group back together?"
- You're not gonna ask
all the girls, are you?
I mean, you're not
gonna ask Teddi.
- Actually, I was thinking
of asking Teddi.
With everything that's happened
between us,
I just kind of feel like
I'd like to give it a chance.
After Kyle's pool party,
Teddi and I definitely
took a small, little, tiny
baby step.
Why don't you invite Jagger
to your birthday?
- We could take a page.
We could learn something
from our kids.
- We'll just follow along
with these two.
- And I'm really hoping
she doesn't interfere
in my business
and she doesn't try and make
a mountain out of a molehill
about the dog situation.
- It got heated
at the center.
- What was said?
- Well, John Blizzard
spoke to Teddi.
- We had some differences.
- If somebody says 4:00,
it's 4:00.
- You really think I believed
it was 4:00
and I'm lying
and saying 4:30?
- I don't know.
- They've been trivial.
Let's put them behind us.
You are psycho.
- Well, honey, I think
that's super cool of you.
May as well ask the rest.
- Well, I had mentioned--
- You're going to ask LVP,
obviously.
- [scoffs] Obviously.
- Duh.
Yeah, so you'll ask her.
Just go there.
Clean slate. Move forward.
- I'd like to move forward.
- Give her a call.
- Lisa knows me.
I hope, in her heart,
she fully believes
that we had the best
of intentions with Lucy.
- Should have brought the dog
back to Vanderpump.
- That's it.
Thank you.
That's it.
That makes it go away.
Let's forget it now, shall we?
- Let's move on.
- And I really do want
to move forward.
I think I'm going
to call now.
- Go do it.
No time like the present.
- Okay.
- All right, my love.
Go phone 'em.
- Wish me luck.
- You don't need luck.
You'll calling people
to invite them
to the most incredible place.
- I know.
- They're very lucky.
♪ ♪
- Hello.
- Hello!
- I've missed you at Soul.
- I need Soul.
I miss it.
- I've never even done
this trail.
- You haven't?
- Never.
- This is our trail.
If you ever want to see
Harry Hamlin,
this is where you'll find him.
- Well, I'm trying
to get ready for--
I'm going to do
a half marathon.
- And then you'll do
a whole one.
[snake rattling]
- Oh, my God.
- Oh, it's a ----ing huge
rattler!
That is a huge one.
We love to see snakes.
I mean, they're better here
than at my house,
but that is a big one.
Harry does not like to kill
the rattlesnakes.
- I found this guy outside.
This is the rattlesnake
that was--
- Harry, it could jump out!
- [shrieks]
- Like, whose husband does that?
So what about you?
What's been happening?
- All work stuff's good.
The business has grown so much.
A year ago, it was me
and my 40 clients
and my assistant.
Now it's just
a whole different lifestyle.
- Now, did you just do
an acting job?
- I did.
- What is it?
- Oh, my gosh, so I--
I was at first gonna say no.
I don't even know
if I'm a decent actor,
and I still don't know,
even after doing it.
- I don't know if I'm
a decent actor, to this day.
I don't know.
- I don't think that this role
in this movie
is going to lead
to some illustrious
acting career for me.
- Action.
- What do you have in here?
A body?
- Can you please hustle?
- I'm trying, sweetie.
It's just this thing
is kind of heavy.
I did it to have some fun
and to see
if I could even do it.
- So you wanted to be
an actor.
- I wanted to be an actor.
Well, I thought I wanted to.
I had these, like, big dreams.
When I first moved out here,
I put on, like,
a lot of weight
between when I met
my agent and manager
to when I started auditioning.
And I got sent out
on a bunch of auditions
for pilot season,
and a day later,
I get a call from my manager,
and he's like, "Listen.
"You need to lose weight,
or they're not gonna hire you."
- Oh, God.
Oh, no.
- They said it's--
- That's pretty detrimental.
- "I didn't realize,
but it's contingent
on you losing weight."
- Oh, my God, Teddi,
that says a lot right there.
- And I was like,
"I'm never doing this again."
It just took
such a negative turn
of like, "This is me.
Take me or leave me."
And then I developed
a whole problem
where food was
my best friend...
- Sure.
- And all I cared about.
- We all have issues
with our bodies.
- Tuna tartare
on a wonton crisp?
- Beautiful.
She doesn't eat, though.
- Oh.
- Shut--you know what?
I'm gonna ----ing--
- [gasps]
- I'm gonna smack you
in the face pretty soon.
Don't say that ever again.
And in this business,
you have to look a certain way.
That's the truth.
How long did that go on?
- I mean, it went on
for years.
It doesn't define who I am,
but it defines
why I do what I do.
- Totally.
- Now not only do I need
to do this for me;
I have 500 women that I need
to practice what I preach on,
because the second that you're
not practicing what you preach,
you're a complete fraud.
- If you don't hear
this depth of it,
you don't really understand.
I totally understand it.
- And that's why I post
my workouts every day,
and that's what holds me
accountable.
- We had, like,
a therapy session.
- [laughs] I know.
How much do I owe you?
[laughs]
- Coming up...
- My whole life feels
like it changes
every time one of them leaves.
- It does change.
- I know.
- But the nice thing
about it is,
you've already done it twice.
- Doesn't make it easier.
[lively music]
♪ ♪
[indistinct chatter]
- All right.
Yeah, let's do it.
Let's call David.
Done.
Hey, honey.
- Hi.
- How are ya?
- Good.
Hi, Jane.
- What's going on?
- It's quiet in here, huh?
- Yeah, it's Tuesday.
It's caravan day.
Everybody's out working.
If anybody's here,
they're not working.
- Does that mean
Farrah won't be here?
- Farah will--
should not be here.
I think she has an open house.
- Oh, I should go see her
at her open house.
Where is it?
- Uh, I think
she's holding Chantilly open.
- You know I love to look
at open houses anyway.
- I know, and there's
some great properties
on the market right now.
It's pretty cool.
- Your neck is killing you.
- My neck is killing me.
- Your neck and my eye.
- But, honey, it's getting
better, I promise you.
- You think that.
- Yeah.
- Lookit right now.
When I blink,
it blinks slow.
- [laughs]
- It's not funny.
My one eye
is bigger than the other.
It's, like,
tickling on the side.
- That means
is probably going through--
- How can I walk around
like this?
- No, it doesn't look
that bad right now.
It looks better
than yesterday.
- I'm a hypochondriac.
There, I said it!
I know what this whole eye
is about.
It's 'cause Sophia's leaving.
- You're missing Sophia
already?
- I just don't want
to do this right now.
I'm trying
to make my eye go--
I need my eye
not to be swollen,
so I'm just pulling it
together here.
- But the nice thing
about it is,
you've already done it twice,
and look what happens.
Farah right back here.
Alexia right back here.
- As a mom,
I always feel complete
when I have all of my kids
and my husband together.
That's when I feel 100% Kyle.
Hi, girls.
I brought you some salads.
Will you help me with this?
- Thank you.
- Each one that leaves
is difficult.
I love you so much, honey.
You're gonna have
so much fun here.
Okay?
Okay, I love you.
And with Sophia,
now she's going to college.
Every time I look at her,
I think,
"I can't believe
she's leaving me.
I can't believe she's
leaving me."
- What do we want to do
as a family
over the next week,
before Sophia leaves?
Should we make a point to, like,
try to have more dinners?
- We'll have a party
at the house every Friday.
- Yes!
- I love that plan.
- Me too.
- Boo-yah!
- It was my dream to be a mom
and to have a lot of kids.
That's why, one day,
when they do all move out,
it's going to be
really, really, really hard.
- Last night, I was laying down
with Portia,
and I was so excited
that she was laying with us
that I was like--I decided
to sleep in an awkward position
just so I could be cuddling
and snuggling with her.
- I know.
- And I know that that's not
lasting very long.
- Don't say that to me
right now.
- [chuckles]
- I mean, when Portia leaves...
Are you kidding me with this?
- I need that.
- Oh, my God.
God help us.
- They go.
They come back.
Everything works out perfectly.
So it's not like
it's your first time.
You got two more
little babies.
- Doesn't make it easier.
My whole life feels like
it changes
every time one of them leaves.
- It does change,
but, honey,
one of these days, one of them's
going to get married.
Another one of these days,
you're gonna be a grandmother
with amazing grandkids.
- My nest is not
gonna be empty.
But I'm preparing myself
by just...
I'm lying.
I'm not preparing myself.
I don't know how to prepare
for Sophia leaving.
You know, each experience
has been different.
And there's a dog.
But I have all those dogs,
so it's easier. [laughs]
I love you, honey.
- I love you too, honey.
Thanks for stopping by.
- Thanks for talking to me
about it.
[kisses] I love you.
- Feel better.
You're gonna be fine. I promise.
Don't worry about it.
- Okay.
- Do not worry.
- I love you.
- Better now. I love you.
♪ ♪
- Who wants a cookie?
Sit, girl.
Sit!
Down.
Good job. Here.
Oh, wait, wait.
Whose is this?
Is this yours?
No, chew it.
Let her chew it.
Okay, you guys be good.
I'll be back in a minute.
No funny business,
no fighting.
Oh, hello.
- Lady's tired.
- Are you sleepy?
Hi, Lady.
Hi, mommy.
- She's biting my boob.
- She's gonna try
to get your nipple.
Don't do it.
Amelia, don't.
She wants to nurse.
[laughs]
Oh, God!
Where are you coming from?
- My nails.
It's so sad.
There was this mom and daughter
who just, like, really looked
like they were suffering.
- Skinny?
Really thin?
- It's, like, sad for me
to see a skinny person
and have to identify that
with an eating disorder.
You know what I mean?
- A year ago,
we found out that something was
going on with Amelia.
I could see it.
My response to it at first was,
you know, "You got to eat."
And of course it scared
the sh-- out of me.
I know it scared the sh--
out of Harry.
I know it scared the sh--
out of Delilah.
- No matter how many deaths
anorexia causes,
no matter how much blindness,
how much hair loss,
all I cared about
was the skinniness.
It's hard, and I don't want
what happened to me
to happen to other people.
- I know.
- I could have died.
- It's a very scary thing
when your child is suffering.
You feel totally helpless.
- Literally, every single one
of my friends
and I'm sure every single one
of your friends,
they think about
how many calories
they're consuming in a day,
how many--
When they sit down for a meal...
- We all do, of course.
- They look at the bread basket,
and they think, "Holy sh--."
Like, you know what I mean?
- Amelia started watching
food shows,
and I thought, "That is
the weirdest ----ing thing ever.
Why would you want
to see people eat?"
- Wait, wait,
this is her trying--
- She doesn't eat
all the pizza, does she?
- Oh, yeah.
- Wow.
- You know, it's like
I'm sure
a lot of people will say,
"Well, you know,
your kids are ----ed up
because you had anorexia."
And I've never had anorexia.
- I hope people
in the entertainment industry
can stop putting up this facade
of being perfect,
'cause we all have
so much--
- It's really tough.
- Probably we're all way worse
than everyone else
that have normal jobs.
- Oh, we are.
We're way worse.
Am I and have I been aware
of my weight
and what I look like?
Of course.
That's part of my job.
But this is--
this is who I am.
I had a conversation with Teddi,
and she opened up to me
about her own struggle.
She came to Hollywood,
and her agent said to her,
"They want you to lose"--
I want to say ten pounds.
- Oh, sh--.
- She stopped acting
and basically gained
200 pounds,
because it triggered her
the other way.
- The opposite way.
- The opposite way.
To watch my young girls
go into that business
and to see some brutalities
in that business
that I've now seen,
I don't want that to be
the only thing
that my girls focus on.
I think Harry and I
have shown them
that there's more out there.
- I don't know; there's so much
I need to say about anorexia,
because, like, I get
so many girls commenting
on my Instagram,
like, "Help me,"
like, "I can't believe
you got out of it,"
like, "How did you do this?"
But, like, I'm not out of it,
and I'm never gonna be
out of it.
- She came out to the world.
I was shocked.
I was beyond proud.
She's shown something
that most people
would never admit to,
never show--
a vulnerability
that is so fragile.
You have done an amazing job
at working through it
and being strong
and sharing it.
- You were there for me
through it.
- I'm proud of you.
- Coming up...
- Sometimes
Dorit calls it wrong,
as we know and we've seen.
So sometimes it's hard
to defend her,
if you know what I'm saying.
I've tried my best;
that's for sure.
[upbeat music]
- Oh, I love this teamwork.
Whoo!
This is exercise.
- Mommy, you my robot!
So you only listen
to what I say.
- Yes...sir.
- I would like peanut butter.
- Here...you...are...Jagger.
♪ ♪
- You've rear-ended
many, many, many people.
- And none of those
were my fault.
- If you rear-end someone,
it's your fault.
- Not always.
- Of course it is,
because you're going too fast.
You're going too close
to the car,
just like the example right now
and the car in front of us.
If you end up in bed
with someone late at night
and you're rear-ending them,
it's your fault.
♪ ♪
- I'm so tired today.
- Hello.
- What's up, gorge?
- Nothing. I'm going
to meet Alexia for lunch.
- I know that you told me
that I can go to the Bahamas,
but I'm feeling guilty,
'cause I want to be with you.
- I think you should go.
I'm gonna be spending time
with my friends.
Like, we're also gonna be
together in D.C.
when you drop me off.
- Sophia, don't leave!
♪ ♪
- You guys,
I need the wine opened
and the champagne opened.
But it's got to be cold.
It's not cold.
♪ ♪
- Thank you.
[doorbell rings]
- Ah!
- Hi.
- Hi, welcome.
Come on in.
- Hi.
- This is Chris.
This is Teddi.
- Oh, my gosh.
Hi, nice to meet you.
- We're doing a sexy-time thing
here today.
- Well, I'm glad I came
in my sexiest of outfits.
[laughter]
- Excuse me.
I hear the door.
- Oh, this is cool!
- Hi!
- Hello.
- How are you?
- Oh, this looks so nice!
- Harry's away.
The kids are away.
I mean, I can only post so many
bikini shots on Instagram
to get attention,
so I figure
I might as well have
the ladies over.
[laughs]
- Hi.
Oh, I let myself in.
- Hi!
- You're, like, miniscule.
- Hi.
- That's fab.
- Oh.
I love that jacket.
- Thank you.
- Fabulous!
Hi.
Come on in.
- Rocking the animal prints.
I love it.
- You look great.
- Thank you.
- We're just waiting on Dorit.
- Is Kyle coming too?
- Kyle's not coming.
Kyle has a tequila tasting
with Mo.
- And Lisa Vanderpump?
- No, I think something's wrong
with Jiggy.
Something's wrong with Jiggy.
- Aw.
- I know.
♪ ♪
- Hi.
- Hey, Lisa, how's it going?
- It's okay.
Where is he,
the man in question?
- Right down there on 44.
- Oh, he's waiting for me.
Don't pretend to be working
when you're sitting there
drinking rosé.
Hi.
- I am drinking rosé.
Mwah.
- I'm not gonna go
to Lisa Rinna's
pastry-tasting thing.
I've just been
emotionally depleted lately,
and I couldn't put on
a brave facade.
I couldn't do that.
Um, I'm starving.
Hey, darling,
can I have the--
you know, the new
avocado mango...
- We have
a beet and avocado tartar.
- Yeah, that.
- Okay.
- And get him
half a crispy chicken sandwich.
- Okay, we'll do that too.
[laughs]
Thank you.
- Tom Tom seems to be
doing well, thank goodness.
- Well, it was a lot of work,
especially
those last two weeks.
- Ooh, I know.
What do you think
about me going
to the Bahamas?
I know it's terrible timing.
I mean, I know--
- Yeah, but I think
it's a must that you go.
- A must that I go?
- I think you should go,
definitely.
- I feel that
I'm so emotional lately
the last few weeks,
and I'm--I just haven't
been myself, you know?
- I think it'd be good for you.
- I've never been
to the Bahamas.
- Exactly.
- What do you think, Puffy?
You want me to go away
or not?
If I go, maybe I will come back
to Beverly Hills
with a kind of renewed vigor
and a fresh outlook.
The trouble is, I don't want
to leave Jiggy as well,
because he's so precarious.
Will you, like, keep Jiggy
with you all the time?
- Of course.
He's not well,
but he's a strong little bugger.
- Jiggy actually needs
a pacemaker.
That's what we've been told.
- He has something called
sick sinus syndrome,
where the electrical wiring
of his heart
has just aged a little quicker
than he has.
So he has an overall
slow heart rate.
- What's the chance of him
not surviving the operation?
- Less than 20%.
- How many have you lost?
- Zero.
- And to leave Jiggy and Ken
and my new baby,
the restaurant,
is a bit of a challenge.
It's just like
suddenly being away.
But then again, I could do
with a break, dear God.
- You've got Kyle there.
You always have fun with her.
Dorit.
- I love Dorit.
But sometimes Dorit
calls it wrong,
as we know and we've seen.
So sometimes it's hard
to defend her,
if you know what I'm saying.
I've tried my best;
that's for sure.
It's just been
kind of exasperating,
really, the way Dorit handled
the whole dog thing,
and it ended up
in a kill shelter.
It was easy; she just needed
to give the dog back to us.
But you know what?
I love her anyway,
and that's the way Dorit rolls.
Maybe you're right.
Maybe it would do me good.
Oh, okay, good.
Thank you.
All right, I'm gonna go.
I'm gonna take the plunge
and start having fun again.
- Here's to fun.
- You're not having any fun
when I'm gone.
Trust me.
You're going to work.
- [laughs]
- Coming up...
- My visuals of you and Aaron
having sex
are, like, right up there
with my favorite porn.
[laughter]
That's real--
- Hi, sweetie.
How are you?
- Thank you for having me.
- Come on in.
- Hey.
- Hi!
- How are you?
- That's Chris...
- Hi, Chris.
- Our fabulous chef.
- Very nice to meet you.
- Gloves on.
- Okay.
- So in the center
of the table,
we have salted caramel,
almond marshmallow,
vanilla shortbread,
vanilla meringue.
You can fill your heart
with whatever you'd like.
- Oh, I like that.
- Could be for your kids
or your husband, but--
So I thought it would be cute
if we write, like,
a little love note.
So we'll put that on top
of all your little pastries
we put inside.
- So we're writing a note
to whomever we want?
- Yeah, I'm writing to David
about our new life together.
- Aw!
- Let's fill these up.
- Are these two caramels
different?
- Nope, they're the same.
- I think mine's full.
- Okay, so then you can put
your note right on top.
- Wait, we put the note
on top of the candy?
- On top of the candy.
- Oh!
- That way,
that's the first thing,
so they'll see the note
and be like....
- Aw.
- Love notes.
- This is really a good idea.
- I love this idea.
- I'm loving this.
- I'm glad you like it.
- This is the tricky part.
We'll melt...
- Oh!
I mean, really,
how hard is this gonna be?
We're gonna take two pieces
of chocolate
and put them together,
and, like,
make it nice around the edges.
Who's gonna (BLEEP) up
besides me?
- And then freeze spray.
- Oh, how cool.
- I don't know about the back,
but the top of my sh--
is flawless.
[laughter]
- So this is the fun part,
'cause you're just gonna
pour it all over.
- Oh!
[people cheering]
- I wouldn't really
refer to this
as baking or pastry,
because there's
no ----ing dough.
I don't know how
it's even called
a pastry class, I'm sorry.
- Ooh, that looks cool.
You could dip your whole body
in that in a bathtub.
- [laughs]
- Kind of like "Goldfinger."
- Yes.
- That's what you're gonna do.
You Bond lady.
- Oh, cool!
- This is so chic.
- Love that.
- Very chic.
- So this was all, like,
the hard work, right?
- Oh, yeah,
that was very hard.
- So we got to go
to the next room for the love.
- Ooh.
- Oh, my gosh.
- This is so nice.
- Wow, how pretty!
- This is a love den.
- Are these edible flowers?
- Yup.
Each petal is hand painted,
set in a mold,
and then we place it
each individual one.
- Wow, it's so beautiful.
- I haven't eaten anything
but candy today.
- That's a good day--
candy and champagne.
- Yeah, right?
- Sugar, sugar, sugar.
I eat dessert
every day of my life,
because it's one of the things
that really brings me pleasure.
- This is the small piece.
- Oh, my God.
Well, no one's here to see me,
so it's okay.
- Enjoy.
- That's just my life,
and I'm not ----ing making
any excuses for it.
Mmm.
Superb.
- I don't want to eat this.
It's so pretty.
- I would love
to take mine home, if I can.
- You can.
- I promise you
you're not gonna blow up.
And so what if you do?
You get it off.
Eat the ----ing cake.
- Lisa?
- Yes?
- I am gonna have to top this
in the Bahamas.
- Okay, Dorit.
Do it!
- I mean, goodness.
I left you a voicemail.
I haven't heard from you.
- I know. I was trying to get
through the specifics.
- You have to come.
- Yes, I'm coming.
- And you, I know that you--
- I'm good.
- Yes, you're good?
- No, Aaron can take care
of the kids, and--
- She's a good time.
- Okay, I have a question
for you.
How did you meet Aaron?
- So I met him at his center
doing DNA repair and anti-aging
and that sort of thing.
And then one time, we had sex
in one of his rooms.
- That was the treatment.
- And we've been inseparable
ever since.
- That is so great!
My visuals of you and Aaron
having sex
are, like, right up there
with my favorite porn.
[laughter]
That's real ----ing good.
Real ----ing good.
- We like to have a good time.
- I can tell.
- I am actually very flattered
that Erika thinks of Aaron
and I having sex.
It's definitely a turn-on.
He's technically still married.
- Okay.
- They've been split
for over two years, but it's--
- I've been going through
the same thing.
- So once it's final,
we're getting married.
- Harry was married to her
for 11 months,
and, what, Aaron was six?
- The same person?
- Yes.
- Wait, wait, wait.
I didn't know this!
Whoo!
- Hold on.
- I did not know that!
- Denise's boyfriend
was married
to Nicollette Sheridan.
He's still married
to Nicollette.
And Harry was married to her
for a hot minute.
So there's that.
So yeah,
we have some intertwining...
stuff going on, don't we?
Okay, Harry was married
to her 30 years ago.
The story is, she went
to a Michael Bolton concert
at the Hollywood Bowl.
- No way.
- Swear to God.
- And left him, and that was it?
- Yes.
- Is that really true?
- (BLEEP), yes!
Harry was in Canada.
I thank Michael Bolton
to this day.
Are you kidding me?
Let's cheers Michael Bolton!
- Yeah, Michael Bolton!
- Thank you, Michael Bolton,
because I would not have
these beautiful children.
- That's right.
- I mean, I really never got
that urge
when I saw Michael Bolton
with that ponytail
and the music video.
But I guess
a life of a rock star.
- How did you meet Edwin?
- I was with
a bunch of girlfriends,
sitting at dinner,
and there was a club next door.
And as I'm walking in,
he was leaving,
and he turned around
and followed me back in.
We pretty much consummated
the relationship night one.
- That's good.
- Whoo!
- When I met him,
he had the ponytail.
Now it's creep--
- Yeah, it's creeping back in.
- If you're not
sexually attracted to him,
he needs to cut
that ----ing thing off.
- I'm sexually attracted
to him.
- Okay, so how many times a week
is it?
- Two.
I'm very scheduled.
- Of course you are!
- It's not like--
- "Sex on Thursday at 5:45."
- Do you put it in a calendar?
- You do?
- It's not in a calendar
unless it's, like, a big night.
- Aaron and I have sex
every day.
So--when--unless, of course,
I'm out of town.
And even then,
we'll do it on Facetime.
- What if you did it, like,
five times in a week?
- Well, then that was
a really good week for us.
- Okay.
[laughter]
- Unbelievable.
[upbeat music]
- Phoenix, I need to pack.
I need your help.
I gotta go to the Bahamas.
I need to look relaxed.
I'm going in the sunshine.
- I help you.
- You help me?
- All Mommy's stuff.
- Just gently place it in there.
Thank you.
- Here.
- Oh, Mommy's got a lot
to teach you, baby girl.
♪ ♪
- Let's see, what else?
♪ ♪
T-shirt.
Um, um, um, um, um.
That one.
- Okay, I think this is the one.
- Thank you so much.
- Oh, you finish packing.
- Well, I'm getting there.
I need a little break.
- Can you see
what the temperature is
in the Bahamas?
Don't hate me.
- Mid-80s, humid.
Fabulous for your hair.
- Will you send me
your itinerary
just so I know when you're
not available on text?
- Yes.
That could be nighttime,
right?
- Yeah,
and you have comfy clothes too
if you guys just hang out?
- Oh, yeah, they're a big
comfy clothes group.
- Okay, we pulled out
lots of options.
- Are you living
in my closet again?
- We do!
- Yes, she's major.
- Lounge wear.
- Super cute.
- It says, "I am tigers
but tropical."
- Right.
- Let's talk about swimsuits.
- Well, definitely that,
because these are--
- This is
my California girl.
- These are life.
- These are gonna be great.
- That is a moment.
- I'd better stop eating now.
[soft music]
♪ ♪
- You want to take that one
and I'll take this one?
- That would be great.
♪ ♪
Good-bye.
I love you.
Oh, my God, I love you.
I got to leave you.
I love you.
[door bangs]
♪ ♪
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
- Thank you so much.
- Thank you.
- Hi, ladies.
- Oh, hey.
- Look at you.
- You look adorable.
- Mwah!
Let's do this.
- Hi, Denise.
- Hi, Dorit. Nice to see you.
- I want this trip to be
luxurious, glamorous, and fun.
Are you looking forward?
- Yeah, thank you so much.
- Oh, my goodness.
- Whoo-hoo!
- Hi!
- Private plane,
brand-new resort,
first class all the way.
- Go on, Dorit.
- Welcome aboard.
- Thank you.
[gasps]
It's so nice!
- Wow!
Treats!
Who doesn't want to hop
on a private jet?
It's just easier,
and it's so fabulous.
- Sit wherever you'd like.
- Head back here?
- Yeah.
- Oh!
Not a lot of people
get the chance
to experience a private jet.
- How are you gonna get there?
- Let's see.
I'll jump on my plane,
and I'll meet you guys there.
- Jump on your plane.
- You know, one day,
you're on a Gulfstream.
The next day,
you could be in coach.
It's not about
how you get there.
It's that you ----ing got there,
honey.
- Dorit, you got something right
for once.
- Whoo-hoo!
- [laughs]
- Is this our vacation?
I'm good with right now.
♪ ♪
- I'm hungry.
I'm eating like a wolf.
- Chardonnay?
- Why does this plane
sound like this?
- The 7X has this fluke
of the sound with the brakes.
- Right.
- I love the word "fluke"
when flying.
[laughs]
- I'm really excited.
I just want to tell you about
a few different things
that I've organized.
Firstly, we'll take
a little trip
to a private island tomorrow.
- Nice.
- There's lunch.
You can have a massage
on the beach if you want.
Everybody has a beautiful room.
There are two suites.
Lisa, I would love for you
to stay with me.
- Stay with you?
- Yes.
I'd like for you
to stay with me, and there's--
- Share a room?
- Share a room, baby.
It's a big enough room
where we'll have our own space.
- I'm not sharing a room
with anybody.
- I'm starting to rethink
sharing my beautiful suite
with you, Lisa.
- Well, I'm always available.
Nobody ----ing asked me
if I wanted to be
in the chairman's suite.
- Whoever else wants to bunk...
- We'll stay together.
- Okay, good.
- Kyle, isn't there
a three-bedroom suite?
- Why would you leave Dorit?
- She's got
a terrible snoring problem.
Yeah, and gas problem
as well.
- Oh, stop.
- What the (BLEEP)?
Are you kidding me?
- [laughs]
- Wow.
- Wow, she's back.
Cheers.
- It's all fun and games,
and then one jab goes too far.
♪ ♪
- Next time on "The Real
Housewives of Beverly Hills"...
- Oh, my God.
- This is a sexy place to stay.
- It's gorgeous.
- Gorgeous!
- Children, Mummy wants
to dry you off for lunch.
Come on.
- Stop ruining my vacation.
- Let's move on, can we?
- Don't make me out
to be a bad guy,
'cause I will defend myself
down to the ----ing bone.
- If you cross Lisa Vanderpump,
it's over. You know that.
- I had no idea
Teddi would be gossiping.
- I never told a soul.
- Hold on a second.
- No, let me finish.
[dramatic music]