The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills (2010–…): Season 9, Episode 14 - The Show Must Go On - full transcript

- Previously on "The Real
- Previously on "The Real
Housewives of Beverly Hills."
- Hi.
- Oh, my God.
What was I thinking?
- You guys,
we're going on tour.
- This is what we've
always dreamed of.
- Right?
- Yeah!
- What happened to Vanderpump?
- Obviously not coming.
- She's coming
to your wedding, right?
- I don't know.
- You don't treat people
you love like that.
I don't really want them
to be part of my life.
- It's surreal when you see
your kids become adults.
Oh, it just makes me cry.
- They'll always
be your daughters.
- It goes so ----ing fast.
[all yelp]
- Camille's fired
from this job.
Ow.
- Okay, don't.
- You like to talk out
of the side of your mouth,
but the second
you're with somebody
to their face, you back down.
You have a whole other--
- Well, my face is right here.
[upbeat music]
- In the game of life,
it's Rinna take all.
♪ ♪
- Most people talk
about their fantasies.
I'm living mine.
- In business and in life,
I wear many hats
and hairstyles.
- You can stab me in the back,
but whilst you're there,
kiss my ass.
- I'm not afraid of hard work,
but I'll never
do your dirty work.
- My problem
with the tabloids?
My real life
is so much juicier.
- In Beverly Hills,
the truth always has a way
of rising to the top.
[upbeat music]
♪ ♪
- Okay, guys.
- Here we go.
- Here she comes.
- I love it.
- Wow.
- Look!
- Stunning.
- Wow.
- Aw, thank you.
- Cinderella dress.
- I know.
I feel like a princess.
♪ ♪
- I want to see the kitchen.
- Okay.
- Oh, my gosh.
- Do you love it?
- This looks so good.
- Isn't it gorgeous?
- This is unbelievable.
- I know.
It's been a horrible
few months,
but now, suddenly, this makes
it feel so much better, right?
- It is very Lisa Vanderpump.
- It is.
- And she deserves it,
you know?
- Some people think so.
Some people, not so much.
♪ ♪
- You haven't been to LA
in a while.
What's it like coming home
and performing to this crowd?
- Well, you know,
LA's always tough,
because LA does not like to
let loose, let's be honest.
Everybody's watching here,
you know?
They're always, like--hm.
- They're judge-y.
- Oh, Justin,
they are so judge-y.
But that's okay.
I'm here to have a good time.
[upbeat music]
♪ ♪
- Bubba?
- Baby, I'm making you
a coffee.
- Oh, good.
So how was your camping?
- It was a fun time.
I did think to myself
what it'd be like
to go with the kids.
The kids would love it.
- Honey, nothing about us
is RV holidays.
- It wasn't as roughing it
as I thought.
- As it sounds.
- PK is not
a wilderness kind of guy.
Not at all.
But this camper girl
can climb mountains,
can rock climb...
[buzzer blares]
Can kick everyone's ass
at beer pong.
[yells]
There's a new girl in town,
and she likes the wild.
- Did you, like,
brush your teeth
before you go to bed at all?
- When have I not brushed
my teeth before I go to bed?
- Yeah, but how do you do it
if there's no sink?
- Well, there's, like,
a public restroom.
- Ugh.
- Honey, it's camping.
It's not going to
the Four Seasons.
- [chuckles]
- So, um--I told Camille that
you can't go to the wedding.
- Honey, I've got so much on--
on so many different things.
I've got to work.
I've got to focus.
- I know.
Anytime I have to leave town
for more than a night,
my mother will come in
from the East Coast
and she'll stay with the kids.
She's going to help out
in the house,
make sure PK eats,
and I feel at peace
because I know my kids
are in good hands.
All of them.
- Who are you going to dance
with, Bub, if I'm not there?
- Well, Lisa Rinna's
the only other one
not bringing a husband.
- So you've got Lisa Rinna
as your date.
- Exactly, that's what
I told her.
- You'll have fun, you two.
- [chuckles]
[upbeat music]
♪ ♪
- Okay, guys, follow me.
- Okay.
- Don't mind my dogs
following us everywhere.
Just stay on the path, girls.
Stay on the path.
Come on, River.
Would you like to pick some
basil on your way through here?
- Oh, sure.
- We bought a lot
of food for our camping trip.
- We need hot dogs, hamburgers,
alcohol, sides.
- Okay, we could get donuts.
These cheese balls,
do you remember these?
- So we have to now burn
those calories off.
- I've never run around
my backyard like this.
- Rinna, what's wrong with you?
- I don't know.
- Our property here
at the house
is approximately two acres.
- You do what you
got to do, babe.
- Ow!
- If you run around
the property nine times,
that's one mile.
Ugh, I'm sweating more than I
should be for that, right?
- That got my heart rate
up a little bit.
- I know.
It feels good.
- Oh, I haven't been
in your gym yet.
- Oh, you haven't?
- It's fab.
- Now it's time to work off
all those calories we ate.
- Okay.
- Oh, my God.
Oh, I had pie for breakfast.
It's actually really good.
Mm, okay, this is
a first for me.
- Pie?
- I think, pie in the morning.
That was fun, actually.
We had such a good time.
Think about it.
- I know.
- I thought it was
going to be miserable.
I thought we'd be cold.
But it was fun.
- Some of those conversations
were really making me laugh.
- Guys, what about this?
- A man has a better orgasm
if you massage their prostate.
So I went up and massaged his
prostate through his bumhole.
[laughter]
- Oh!
- I'm sorry, I do not
want to stick my fingers
in anyone's butt.
I just don't.
I'm kinky, I'll do things.
I--I am.
But someone has to teach you
how to do that sh--, okay?
That's not my thing.
You are not just
going to be, like,
"I think I'm going to slip
my finger up his ass!"
- She went from prostate
to calling me a know-it-all.
I didn't say
I know everything.
- You said "I know a lot."
- I said I'm very direct.
- Did you say
you're a know-it-all?
- No--
- I think she's a know-it-all.
- I don't even mind that
she called me a know-it-all.
It was just the tone
she did it.
- Yeah, you guys definitely
have a thing.
- Yeah, there's, like,
a little thing.
- You guys have a little--
I think it's called
"oil and water."
- I don't think to myself,
"Oh, yeah, Teddi thinks
she knows everything."
- Because most of the time
I'm right, Rinna.
[laughter]
- Well, you know why she said
the know-it-all thing.
- Why?
- At the Boy George concert.
- Me and Vanderpump were good.
- It doesn't matter.
Let me have a conversation
with Kyle for two seconds.
- Yeah, and she was saying
that, you know,
you had to butt your nose in
or whatever.
Like, but you were
being a friend.
- Well, it was just--
to me, it was obvious.
Because if I feel something,
I'm going to say it.
And the second that I can't say
what I'm feeling,
I don't want to be friends
with those people.
- Camille invited me
to her wedding.
I'm going to assume
her and I are fine,
because I wouldn't
invite anybody
to my wedding
that I didn't like.
If you can't, like,
speak your mind
and talk to your friends and
get through things, then--
- What is the point?
- What is the actual point?
I can't be walking
on eggshells around everybody,
agreeing with everybody.
- Well, you'll learn.
It takes time.
- No, I probably won't.
- Well, yeah,
you probably won't.
- She still is a know-it-all.
"No, I won't do that."
- No, I won't.
[laughter]
- Coming up...
- Mom, why are you crying?
- Because this is a big dance,
and I feel bad
that I'm not going to be here
to see you leave.
I'm sorry.
- I love you.
- I love you too.
[upbeat music]
♪ ♪
- You're just taking
a carry-on?
- Yeah, I'm going to take
a carry-on because
I'm only there for a few days.
And it's Miami.
It's, like, 85 degrees there.
So...
- All right,
what do you need me to do?
- Um, you know what,
I packed most of it.
Oh, wait, here's my pages
for my scenes.
- Yeah, don't leave those.
- I love working
as an actress.
Right now, I'm juggling
different projects,
going out of town a lot.
Today, I am packing
to go on location
for a TV show in Miami
that's really edgy and sexy
and provocative.
As soon as I land, though,
I have to go straight to set.
- Baby, how do you do this?
- Well, that's why I'm going
to try and sleep on the plane.
- That's insane.
- Lola is at her friend's.
I already called her
and said good-bye to her.
- What do you need me to do?
- Nothing, I got it.
- This is it?
- I squeezed everything
in my tiny suitcase.
They dress me when I get there.
My favorite thing
about acting and being on set
is people ask me,
"Do you want coffee?
What can we get you
for breakfast?"
Oh, wait, I almost forgot
my charger.
My long charger.
- That's--that's actually
my charger.
- I know.
You let me borrow it.
- I let you borrow it.
- At home, I get all
the list of complaints.
Don't fight.
- She won't get out
of my closet.
None of my stuff--
none of her stuff is in here.
- Yeah, because I need
something to wear.
- Guys, stop fighting.
For me, being on set
is a vacation.
[laughs]
- Here, I got it.
- Thanks, honey.
I'm just going to say good-bye
to Eloise.
- Let's say good-bye.
- Your mom.
Your mom's leaving.
- Eloise, Mommy's going to
see you in a few days, okay?
But Aaron's going to be here.
As a working mom,
it's challenging, sometimes,
to balance everything
and juggle the kids
and flying out of town,
and it's hard.
There's a lot of guilt
being a working parent.
Can I have a hug?
I love you.
[bright music]
He's going to be here.
He's not leaving, okay?
He's just taking Mommy
to the airport.
- I'm just taking her
to the airport.
- Okay?
And then, he'll come back.
I have to give Aaron
a lot of credit
for being so supportive.
He has a great relationship
with the girls.
They know they can
count on him.
Bye, honey, I love you.
And it eases my mind,
and I know
they're all taken care of.
I love that you're taking me.
- I want to see my wife off...
- I love that.
- On her trip.
- I like when you say
"my wife."
[upbeat music]
♪ ♪
- Pretty nice crew.
A-one, two, three, four,
big dick energy.
Second group of boys.
Big dick energy.
Here comes the queen of the--
one, two, three, four.
Boom, six, seven,
kitty's like a python.
Tick--ticking like a time bomb.
- I've always wanted
to headline my own tour.
I'm very proud
I'm no longer performing
in the smallest of venues.
I'm not going to lie.
I'm not going to sit here
and be shy and bullsh-- humble.
No, mother----er,
I've been dreaming
this sh-- up
since I was a baby.
- Five, six, seven, eight.
So just keep it more, like,
"What's up, it's the
first number, mother----ers!"
You know?
- Yeah.
- The Globe Theatre
holds about 900 people.
We've sold it out.
- You've got to really
perform up, too.
Not just out.
- Get my musical theatre on?
- Full-on.
- There's a lot
of history here,
and a lot of great people,
a lot of great energy
has passed through
this theatre.
This is what it's all about.
This is when
all the hard work pays off.
[yelps]
- Lasers!
- I love it.
- Ugh, orgasm.
[hip-hop music]
♪ ♪
- Clyde, you know what was cool
about the hair that we did
was that we wove in some
yak hair in the front
so it made it fuller.
- I was going to do--
- It's Los Angeles, Clyde.
- Just a little more--I know.
I'm--I'm looking for a picture.
- Okay, all right.
Show me you're--okay, okay.
- Yeah.
- There's a pressure to LA
that is unmatched.
You're performing in front of
other performers.
I'm just saying.
- I'm just saying.
- If there's a night--
- A little special, right.
- Am I nervous?
Of course.
I prefer performing
for strangers, honestly.
If there's a night,
tonight's the ----ing night.
- [laughs]
[upbeat music]
♪ ♪
[doorbell rings]
- Hi, Mami.
- Hello.
How are you?
I love you, too.
- Thank you, thanks for coming.
- They're all here.
- Look who's here?
- The girls!
- Hi.
- Hi.
- You guys look so pretty.
- Thank you.
- Are you excited?
- I'm nervous.
My hands are sweating.
- Why are you nervous?
- Because I'm just scared.
- Because it's her first--
- With a guy.
- Date-ish?
- Yeah.
- We're not going to call it
a date, though.
- Well, no, he asked me.
- I know, but this is your only
date until you're 16, sorry.
I gave in and let Sami go
to her first dance.
- If a guy asks me to go
to the homecoming dance,
am I allowed to say yes?
- If you think it's the right
person to go with.
- Thank you.
- To me, it's not a date.
It's a dance.
There's a ----ing difference.
- What do you think I should do
with my lips?
Should I leave it
or go lighter?
- Well, actually,
both dresses are black.
- I know, and then, I have
this purple, sparkly one.
- Can I--should I get it, Sam?
- It's pretty.
- Show it to her.
- I--I approve.
- Is it super short
and strapless?
- I don't know what
the definition of "short" is.
- It's really, really,
really pretty.
- In the olden days
when I was growing up,
my mom did my own hair
and make-up before a dance.
These girls in Beverly Hills,
they have a glam squad.
It's very different.
Wardrobe.
- I really like it.
- Oh, I like that.
- Isn't it beautiful?
- I approved, yes.
- She's, like, "I love it
as long as I don't
eat any food."
- Hey, Sami,
I have to get going
because I have to go
to the airport.
- Okay.
- I wish I could see you
in your dress.
- I don't even know
if this is the dress.
It's, like--
- Well, let me see it on.
- Okay.
I've missed Lola presenting
her science fair project.
You know, I've missed
cheerleading things.
And that's one of
the hardest things,
being a working parent.
Sometimes, you're going
to miss these,
you know, beautiful moments
in their life.
- I don't know if I should do
this one or the black one.
- I like this!
- Yes, that's the look.
This looks beautiful.
- Thank you.
- I love it,
and you're going to
wear it with sneakers, right?
Except for the pictures?
- Yeah.
I can't really walk in these.
My ankles are, like--
- I know, they're
Christian Louboutin.
You got to figure it out.
- We should probably get going.
- All right.
Will you walk me out?
- Mm-hmm.
- Bye, girls.
all: Bye!
- I think it looks
really, really pretty.
- Thank you.
- All right, be careful.
- Okay.
- Have fun.
- Thank you.
Mom, why are you crying?
It's only, like, three days.
- No, but I know,
because this is a big dance
and I feel bad
that I'm not going to be here
to see you leave.
I'm sorry.
- Can you send a picture?
- Yes, I'll send a picture
of me and Kyle to you.
- There you go.
- I love you.
- I love you too.
- Have a safe flight.
- If you need anything, Sami,
just call me
or text me, okay?
- Thank you.
- He's going to be there
the whole time I'm gone.
- Okay.
- Be careful, all right?
Have fun.
- Love you.
- Love you, too.
- Have fun.
both: Bye.
- Here, do you
want me to drive?
- Yeah.
I feel so bad
that I'm not here.
- Well, you know what?
Maybe, um--
you can text her just before
you get on the flight.
- I know, but it's
not the same.
These are the things
with working that's hard.
I miss stuff, you know?
- I know.
- [exhales]
[upbeat music]
- Okay, so we have one hour.
I'm stepping out.
Glam is attacking.
- The (BLEEP)
is going on, girl?
Macramé?
[laughter]
Basket macramé.
I love it.
Hi!
- Hi, guys.
- Come on in here.
Everybody, the man of the hour.
They let you in here?
- Well, yeah, but I knew a guy.
- Okay, babe.
Tonight is going to be good
because not only
is the show great,
but you're going to see,
like, the total compilation
of everything
that Mikey and I
have done together.
- Tonight's the full shebang.
- Yeah, no, the real deal.
- Screen content, pyro, lights.
You're going to be wowed.
- Man, that's cool.
- It's really cool.
- The culmination of a decade.
- I know.
- You know?
Maybe Jack can take you guys
up to the VIP since you are the
most important person there.
- Yeah, because without you,
there ain't no show, baby.
There's always pressure
when Tom is in the audience.
- Hi, honey.
- Putting the show on,
it's an expensive project,
so I want Tom to see
where all the hard work
and money have gone.
I love you, mwah.
Will you take him?
- Yeah.
- Is this your--
is this what you're going to--
- Yeah, I'm wearing this.
- It's really cool.
- He likes this?
- He--he likes all this sh--.
Otherwise, he wouldn't
put up with it.
See y'all in a minute.
The most satisfying part
of this whole thing
is that your partner is
your biggest cheerleader.
- Oh, my God, I'm so nervous.
- I--yeah, yes.
I'm always nervous.
You know that.
♪ ♪
- Coming up...
- ♪ Like a painkiller ♪
[music stops]
- Oh, no.
The music is gone.
- What should we do?
Should we stop it?
[upbeat music]
♪ ♪
- So, Dorit, how was
the camping trip?
Did you guys have fun?
- We did, Mo.
I mean, we laughed and laughed.
Camille's saying that
her first boyfriend--
- Yes.
- She'd massage his prostate.
And she was using
her fingers like this,
and giving the example,
and going like this.
[laughter]
- You make it look like she was
playing the piano upside down.
- Well, she kind of did.
She was, like--
[imitates piano]
PK apologized to me after
Boy George's concert.
I got a text from PK
last night.
- What?
- Good.
- Hold on, what kind?
- What'd he say?
- Basically, you know that that
was, like, me joking around,
and you need to drop it now.
I knew that he felt bad.
It just took him
a little bit of time.
So I'm over it now.
We're good.
[upbeat music]
- Is this it?
- Oh, honey.
You're going to be really
impressed seeing Erika.
- Good, I'm excited.
- I mean, I'm excited for her.
- I know.
- It's, like, so exciting.
- Hi, guys.
- Welcome to the club.
- Thank you.
I've seen Erika twice now.
- ♪ I'm a princess,
I'm a princess ♪
♪ My kitty's like a python ♪
♪ Tick-ticking like
a time bomb ♪
- But now, I'm going
with my husband,
who has never
seen Erika perform.
And I bragged
about her to him.
Like, you know, hello,
my friend's a rock star.
- This is awesome.
- I'll have a vodka
on the rocks
with a splash of Red Bull.
Sugar-free Red Bull.
- Can I have a margarita
on the rocks, no salt?
There she is!
- Hello, sexy lady.
- Hello.
- How's it going?
- How are you?
Mwah.
This looks packed.
- How fun, right?
It's packed.
[upbeat music]
♪ ♪
- I'm going to miss you, baby.
- When do I get
to see you again?
- Are you going to be able
to go four days without sex?
- Yeah, I'm going
to have to, right?
- [laughs]
- You can jerk off
while we have phone sex.
- Oh, thank you.
That sounds--
- It's better than nothing.
I'm a very giving,
generous wife.
- Yes, you are.
That is for sure.
[upbeat music]
♪ ♪
- Honey, she is packed
out there.
- Yeah?
- How much longer do you need?
- No minutes.
- Like, ten--five--
mm, five minutes.
- Ten, five, no, got it.
♪ ♪
- Oh, hi.
[all yelling]
Look at you!
- I didn't recognize you!
- I love your hair like that!
- It took me a second!
- Oh, I love it like that.
Look at all the--
- Lisa!
- My traditional look
is so iconic.
- Lisa, you've had the same
hairdo for 20 years,
and you're basing it
on my look?
- Rinna, have you had
the same hairdo for 20 years?
- Yes, I have, and (BLEEP) you!
- I didn't even recognize her
with the new hair.
- Crazy, right?
- How are you?
- This is so weird.
- Yeah, you're all right?
- My goal is before I die
to have another hairdo,
so I'm working on it.
I'd love to take
a little hair risk, ladies.
- Okay, look up.
- And I never do this.
- But I mean, you kind of
can't beat this.
Like, who looks better
than I do in this hair?
Don't I look so weird?
Right?
- He's the worst photographer
in the world.
He's the worst.
- I honestly don't know if he
can ----ing get it right.
- All right, I got it.
They're a little blurry.
- Oh, babe.
You're the worst
photographer ever.
- Oh, my God!
[upbeat music]
- Erika Jayne!
♪ ♪
- So all her quick changes
are over here
on this side, right?
Right there, okay.
- We love you, Erika!
- I don't want that to happen.
- Go in your quick change.
[cheers and applause]
- When the lights go off
and the music starts,
I get, like, really turned on.
It's, like, I salivate.
- Yes, Erika!
["XXPEN$IVE" by Erika Jayne]
♪ ♪
[cheers and applause]
- ♪ My kitty's like a python,
tick-ticking like a time bomb ♪
♪ Limited edition, got to
buy it with no try on ♪
♪ I purr just like a lion,
knock 'em out like Tyson ♪
♪ Everybody knows that I'm
a million dollar diamond ♪
♪ It's expensive to be me ♪
♪ Looking this good
don't come for free ♪
♪ Uh, bitch, what ♪
♪ That's just who I be,
it's expensive to be me ♪
[cheers and applause]
[upbeat music]
- I'm so proud of Erika,
and she's gotten
so much bigger.
I love to see her come out,
dressed the way she wants to,
perform in front
of hundreds of people
that are freaking out
and screaming.
Like, Erika Jayne
is a rock star.
- See, the guys are tall, babe.
Edwin wants an audition
to be a background dancer.
And I said, I'm sorry, babe,
you're not tall enough.
When he was younger,
like, a teenager,
Edwin was a background dancer,
like, at different clubs.
[cheers and applause]
- Now that sh--,
I can definitely not do.
- He's got some moves.
I mean, I don't know
how good they are,
but they won me over.
- ♪ Like a painkiller ♪
- [screams]
["PAINKILLR" by Erika Jayne]
- ♪ Like a painkiller ♪
♪ Like a painkiller ♪
[music stops]
[tense music]
- Oh, no.
- What happened?
- The music is gone.
- (BLEEP).
- Should we stop it?
What should we do?
- She is pissed.
- There's no music on that side
of the stage!
- They ----ed up the sound.
It's so horrible.
♪ ♪
["PAINKILLR" by Erika Jayne]
- ♪ Like a painkiller ♪
[music stops]
[tense music]
- Oh, no.
- Should we stop it?
So what should we do?
- She is pissed.
- There's no music on that side
of the stage!
- They ----ed up the sound.
It's so horrible.
- I know.
♪ ♪
[cheers and applause]
- You're live.
Sh-- happens.
The thing is, you can't
point attention to it.
You can't be, like,
"Oh, my God, I just ----ed up!"
You just keep on going.
[cheers and applause]
- ♪ I wanna get crazy ♪
♪ Let's just get crazy ♪
♪ Let's just get crazy ♪
Thank God!
- That's showbiz, baby.
- Yes, Erika, you got this!
- ♪ Ooh, baby, baby ♪
♪ I wanna get crazy,
I wanna get crazy ♪
♪ Let's just get crazy ♪
[cheers and applause]
- Erika!
[dance music]
- Oh, my God.
- Thank you, LA!
Thank you so much,
and I love you all.
Thank you for supporting me.
Thank you and good night.
[cheers and applause]
♪ ♪
[upbeat music]
- Honey, we blew the power
at the Globe.
- Was it okay?
- It was incredible.
People were freaking.
- It was so good.
- I've never seen LA
freak out like that.
- From LA, the jaded city?
Come on.
- That's what I thought too.
- Ugh, that wasn't jaded.
- Hi, honey.
Did you like the show, babes?
[laughter]
Aw.
- Oh, God.
[laughs]
- Did you enjoy it?
- It was unbelievable.
- It was really fun, wasn't it?
- Really fun.
- All I really need
is for Mr. Girardi
to think that it was good.
I love you.
Thanks, babes.
- Hey, girl.
- He's been with me
since I came home
and I told him
in the kitchen table
"I think I want
to start performing again."
So thank you, Tom.
I mean, this really is
because of him.
- I was really proud of you.
- Were you?
Thank you.
- Yeah, that was cool.
- Thank you, I appreciate that.
- Hello?
- Rinna!
- LA!
[laughter]
[cheering]
- Well done, guys.
- Thank you.
- Amazing, amazing, amazing.
Respect, man.
[upbeat music]
- Oh, hey!
Oh, it's been too long.
How are you?
- Wasn't that fun?
- Wasn't that awesome?
I'm so proud of her.
- So am I.
- She's so ----ing awesome.
Look how far she's come, Tom.
- I know!
- Erika!
[cheers and applause]
- Hi.
- We're so proud of you.
- Thank you very much.
- Bursting, bursting.
- I'm glad, I hope everybody
had some fun.
[cheers and applause]
- That was my first time
watching you.
It was amazing.
- Thank you.
- You must be so proud.
- I was beside myself.
- Oh, that's so cute.
- Well, we blew the power,
blew up the place.
It was great.
- You did.
- That's rock and roll.
♪ ♪
- Did you like the show?
- It was amazing.
- I'm glad you liked it.
- Do you think Erika's going to
notice if I take the red boot?
- Oh, my God!
- No, I already called
the red boots.
- Shut up, Teddi.
There's no way
she has bigger feet than me.
This is not ----ing normal.
Are you ----ing kidding me?
- They're not going
to go on, Kyle.
- Shut up, Teddi!
- [laughs]
- I can't breathe, Teddi.
I'm dead.
- I'ma just ----ing
take a seat.
- Let's sit down like
"The Three Stooges."
- Like the three stooges
we are.
- Might as well do that
before I ----ing try them on
myself.
- I don't trust
these three together.
- Let them be.
[dance music]
- Uh, no!
♪ ♪
- Where's my straddle?
- You got your
straddle yesterday,
and it only lasted two minutes.
[laughter]
- No?
- I'm getting out of the way.
- Kyle and Mauricio
are in love,
and if there's
tequila involved,
that always, you know,
adds an extra layer.
- Drink your margarita.
- Oh, okay, hold on.
- [laughs]
- Okay, we're--okay.
- Did you get me one?
- No.
I am ----ing bombed.
[cheers and applause]
- I'm all for it, my God.
They got four kids.
Hump away.
- You said he only lasted
two minutes?
- We put on music, and I'm,
like, "Let's really go at it."
He lasted one song.
- Okay, I want to know.
What is the song?
- It was "Party In The USA."
- No, no!
So bad!
- Whoo!
Let's just say that
Harry Hamlin and I
are not doing it to Miley.
- I'm never going to be able
to listen to that song again.
- Like, I like
the dirty stuff.
Ginuwine, my "Pony,"
that's a good one.
Yeah, oh, yeah.
That's my sh--.
I like that stuff.
[bright music]
[cheering]
- Yes, I saw some
of your choreography!
I'm so proud of you.
- I hope it was okay.
- It was so great,
and I never saw
any of the costumes
until stage.
So I was, like--
- I know.
- I love you, great job.
- Thanks, babe.
- For real, seriously.
- It's hot as (BLEEP) in here.
[exhales]
We're dead.
- Edwin thinks
he's, like, ready
to audition to be on
the Pretty Mess tour.
[tense music]
- I said--
- You know what, I was ready--
I was ready until
I saw the back flip.
- We don't need
extra people here.
- Wait, can you tumble?
- I can tumble,
but I can't backflip.
I can do this.
- Oh, oh!
- Remember how I said
that my husband
does everything he can
to (BLEEP) with me?
That's it.
- I mean,
if that's any indication
of what happens in
the bedroom, I don't know.
- Sorry, you're wrong,
he's right.
He can audition.
- [laughs]
- I pulled a hamstring.
- Coming up...
- You guys have been
so close for so long, Lisa,
and you both have
a special friendship--
- We don't.
It's done.
[upbeat music]
♪ ♪
- Oh, you're feeling
so much better.
Look at you, chasing him.
Back to being a little
troublemaker, aren't you?
Sit up here nicely.
You relax.
We don't want you
out of breath.
[exhales]
[phone rings]
Say hello to Camille.
Say hello.
- Hello?
- Hi, Camille.
- Hi, Lisa.
- How are you?
- Good, I missed you.
- Aw, I missed you, too.
- I'm in Beverly Hills doing
some last minute shopping.
Picking up some stuff
for the wedding.
- I'm at home.
You don't want to stop by
and have a cup of tea, do you?
- I would love to.
Lisa Vanderpump should have
reached out to me,
or at least text me
that she wasn't going to
show up at my bridal shower.
I was disappointed
that she wasn't there.
- I would love to see you.
- Okay, I look forward to it.
It's easier for me
to keep the peace
than get into it with Lisa.
I'm getting married.
I want to focus on my wedding
and the next phase of my life
and new beginnings.
And not arguing.
- All right, darling.
- See you soon, okay.
- All right, bye-bye.
She's coming by.
Hey, I have to make some tea.
- [barks]
[upbeat music]
♪ ♪
- I haven't seen your hair
straight like that.
Did you cut it more?
- Well, yeah.
We cut a little bit off
because I got
my roots done the other day.
- Mom--
- It looks really good.
- Doesn't her hair
look cute parted?
- It looks really good.
- Thanks, guys.
- Hi.
- Hi.
- How are you?
- Welcome to
The Beauty Nail Bar.
How may we help you?
- I need a manicure
and a pedicure,
and then, two manicures.
- Now, I'm going back
to pretending it's not fall,
since we're going to Hawaii.
- I know, I'm already
in fall mode.
But I have to wear
a navy dress, let's not forget.
When Camille asked me
to be a bridesmaid,
it was very unexpected.
- Thank you
for being there for me,
and I wanted to ask you
to be one of my bridesmaids.
- Oh, I would love to be.
When you look at our history,
I've gone from,
"You're such
a ----ing liar, Camille."
You're such
a ----ing liar, Camille.
To "Sure, I'll be
your bridesmaid."
[bright music]
- You and Portia pick
your favorite fun colors.
You can give one
to Portie, too.
- Portia.
- Hey, so my dress,
by the way, you're not
going to believe this.
- What?
- It hasn't arrived.
I ordered it late,
I'm admitting that.
And when I told Camille,
she went--
She goes,
"They take a long time."
And I was, like, "Oh, my God."
So I paid for rush, nothing.
Still not here.
Tomorrow's the last opportunity
for it to arrive.
Let's keep in mind
how tall I am.
I have to have
everything altered.
I will cut the bottom off.
I've done this before.
You know what,
I don't have time.
We're running out of time
and Erika's going to be here,
and I don't want
to make her wait.
Whatever.
- That's your scissors?
- I don't have
another scissors.
Oh, now it looks
like someone ate them.
- There's, like,
nine outfits that are needed
for this situation.
- Nine?
I haven't gone through
the schedule.
What is it?
- We have
a paddle boarding/
canoe competition.
- Excuse me?
I don't want to wear
a bathing suit right now.
[tense music]
- It says "wear a bathing suit"
on the email itinerary we got.
- Well, I'm tired
of this abuse.
[laughter]
- And then, the next day,
there's a breakfast, too.
- We're leaving in two days,
and Teddi has
this itinerary down pat.
Maybe Camille's going
to appreciate the fact
that Teddi actually
is a know-it-all,
because she actually does
know it all right now.
And then, the next day's
a breakfast,
and then, we leave.
- And we don't get home
till midnight.
- What, you don't get home
until midnight?
- You really had to say that,
didn't you?
- Mommy, you don't get home
until midnight?
- But I'll be back in time--
so when you wake up
Monday morning, I'll be there,
and I'm taking you
to school Monday morning.
- I know the guilt.
The mom guilt.
- It's so bad.
Slate gets emotional.
She'll cry.
- Like a girl, more like?
- Like, yeah, yeah.
She's, like--
Cruz is like a crazy maniac.
He's, like--
[strained yell]
- [cries]
- I'm going to go,
but I promise
I'll be here when you wake up.
- [cries]
- In my head, I'm, like,
maybe Cruz is just doing that
because he can tell
I'm working more.
- And then,
he started getting--
- And he's, like,
punishing me a little bit.
With my business, like,
it's grown a huge amount,
which I'm thrilled about.
- How many clients now?
500?
- We have over 500,
and, like, each month,
we've had our best month yet.
But, like, I know there's
certain things
that need to change,
so I met with this woman
to kind of be my partner.
Then all of a sudden,
I just, like, had cold feet.
I'm, like, I don't know
that I want
to give up half my company.
Working and being
a wife and a mom,
it kind of all
ties in together.
Sometimes, I mismanage.
The other day, I was
putting them to bed,
and Slate looked at me
straight in the eye,
and she said, "Mom, you're,
like, rushing bedtime."
My kids always know.
- And I'm going to Hawaii
when I'm supposed to be
handling everything
in my store.
I'm closing.
I'm going to close all of them.
- You are?
- Yep.
And I'm going to have one,
and then focus on online.
There's days that I feel that
I have spread myself too thin.
You know, it's a lot.
Having four kids
and a husband and a store.
I mean, my dogs alone are,
like, a full-time job.
- Cruz is feeling it
a little bit,
because as I've been
making the decisions,
I can tell that I'm a little
bit more preoccupied.
- Yeah, and then,
they want the attention.
- And then, he's, like--
- Mommy?
- You may have noticed.
Hey.
Do you want to know
the thing about mommies?
What do we always say?
- You always come back.
- Yeah.
[upbeat music]
♪ ♪
- Hello.
[bright music]
Hello?
Hello, Lisa?
Anybody?
- Oh, you gorgeous thing.
Look at you.
- Hey, puppy.
- How are you?
- Hi, good.
- Well, thanks for coming by
at such short notice.
- Yeah, you're welcome.
I missed you a lot.
- Have you brought things
to fatten me up?
- Yes, I did.
- So what kind of friend
are you?
[laughs]
Well, you're on
the wedding diet.
You're not allowed to eat them.
Sit down.
I've always had quite a
good friendship with Camille.
Hi, I haven't
seen you for ages, mwah.
Everything good?
- Yeah, everything's fine.
- Hello.
- Hello, darling.
Everything good?
- Everything's great.
- How are you?
- Hi, good.
- Well, thanks for coming by
at such short notice.
- Oh, you're welcome.
- And now, to see her happy,
it's great.
- Hi.
- Hi.
Are you okay?
- I am.
- Great ring.
- I know, gorgeous ring.
He's got great taste.
- That's a good reason
to marry him.
- [laughs]
Diamonds are in a best--
what is it?
Girl's best friend?
- Well, I think diamonds
are better friends
than your friends.
I'll take a diamond
any day right now.
- Oh, you know how
those girls can be.
- Yeah, they've been
horrible, horrible.
I don't like shouting,
and I don't
want to include you
in that battle.
- I understand.
- Not at all.
Whether it was Lisa,
Teddi, anyone,
I thought
the right thing to do
was to invite all of the ladies
to my wedding.
When I'm going through
anything with the ladies,
I always try to be
the better person.
If you were to come
to my wedding,
which you know I would love
for you to be there,
I would want you to feel
comfortable within the group.
- Who's the one that
encouraged you to get married?
- I know, Lisa, so of course
I want you there.
So, will you come?
[dramatic music]
[tense music]
- If you were to come
to my wedding,
which you know I would love
for you to be there,
I would want you to
feel comfortable.
So will you come?
- I've always really cared
about you, you know that?
And, um--I just--
I can't make the wedding.
♪ ♪
As much as I want to see
Camille get married,
I'm not going to put myself
in that situation
with them all against me.
Let the Real Bitches of
Beverly Hills go on their own.
- I really want you there,
but I understand.
Because I would hate for you
to come to my wedding
feeling all this pressure
from the ladies.
- Well, you could invite me
and cancel everybody else.
- [laughs]
There you go.
I've been there, you know?
I've had to sit there
and have people
call me delusional, liar.
- I will not ask you
any more questions,
believe me, because you're
paranoid and delusional.
- And maybe I have more
strength than she has,
that she runs away from it.
I wish there was a way
I can help make this better,
but I don't know how to.
I care about you and Kyle.
Like, we've been around each
other for a long time.
And there's some girls that
I'm still getting used to,
that are still new
to the group.
- You're upset with the girls?
What do you mean?
- Like, Teddi and I had
a little thing.
- Well, I could go on
for hours about that.
- She had a little go at me
on this trip we took.
- In this instance, it wasn't.
- Sometimes, Teddi, I think you
insinuate yourself,
and you're very brave,
but I don't--I agree.
- At least she just said
I'm very brave.
- No, no, no.
- Thank you for
your approval, Camille.
- It's too much.
You can't say
that you know this
and you know that
when you haven't been around
this group of ladies
for that long.
You don't understand.
The dynamic
is complex sometimes.
There's a lot of love between
you and a lot of these girls,
especially Kyle.
- And they're all trying
to make me feel
like I'm a terrible person.
A friendship is to
maybe defend somebody
when they might be wrong
and try and reason with them.
A friendship is to
believe them when they say--
I mean, what am I
supposed to do?
Take a lie detector test?
Is that what they
want me to do?
I don't need that in my life.
- Kyle, from what I see,
I see a sadness.
I do, I see a real sadness.
I think--I believe
she really misses you.
- Well, she can be sad,
you know?
I would be really sad if I
gave up a really good friend.
I really would.
[tense music]
I've always really, you know,
stepped to her side.
- I did see you
support her over the years.
Even when Kyle and I
were in it,
you were very supportive
to Kyle.
- Well, that's what friends do.
- Kyle and I left on
an uncomfortable note.
- I know.
- She said, "Why would anybody
be interested in you
without Kelsey there?"
Well, ow, that hurts.
- She didn't mean it like that.
I think you misinterpreted it.
I really do.
How she was when
she came around here.
You know, when she said,
"Well, I believe them,
"and I don't believe
you're a good friend,
"and I believe
you're more concerned
about your image
than your friends."
I was just, like,
she might as well
have hit me right in the face.
And I was just, like,
okay, just get out.
But I actually meant, also,
get out of my life.
- Lisa's never been a victim.
She doesn't live her life
like a victim.
But she's behaving
like she is one.
It's sad to see.
- She has said,
"Oh, you prey on the weak."
She's said,
"Oh, you're manipulative."
How many things do I
have to keep forgiving?
- You know, you guys
have been so close
for so long, Lisa.
And you both have
a special friendship.
And I've said this
to the other girls.
I said, "There's a very
special friendship"--
- We don't.
[cymbal shimmers]
It's done.
I think Kyle Richards
just enjoyed
throwing me under the bus
a little too much,
and unless she changed
her position and apologized,
I've got no intention
of seeing her again.
- Okay, I'm getting married.
I'm going to go
and have a good time.
- I'll see you
when you get back, love.
- Okay.
This is not the Lisa
that I knew.
You know, the Lisa
that I knew would show up.
So good to see you.
- Thank you so much.
- Thank you for inviting me
up to the house.
It really is
so good to see you.
- Thank you so much.
- It means a lot to me.
What she's doing,
she's running from everybody.
It's almost like this immature
girl hiding from the truth.
Lisa Vanderpump
talks the talk,
but I want to
see her walk the walk.
- I'm sorry.
- I get it.
- I--
- Believe me, I understand.
I've been there.
- I know.
- I know what it's like
when you feel like...
it's not fair.
- Go, love.
- Okay.
- When you
go through something,
and you've
kind of fallen apart.
And you try
and put it back together,
and you're successful in
doing so without that person...
Have an amazing time.
- Thank you, thank you.
Bye.
- Bye.
You kind of realize maybe
you're better off without them.
She's so nice, isn't she?
[horns honking]
- We're going to be reading
microscopic changes,
sweat, and blood as you answer
yes or no questions.
[dramatic music]
This is going to be scored
as if it was a serious criminal
test using federal guidelines.
If she's lying, I'm going
to catch it in a second.
♪ ♪
- Now I'm scared.
My stomach's turning.
What have you got me into?
- I don't know.
I'm re-thinking
this whole thing.
- Have you ever given
a story to "Radar Online"?
- This is quite tight,
this thing.
This blood pressure thing,
isn't it?
- Next, on "The Real
Housewives of Beverly Hills."
[upbeat music]
- Aloha.
- Ah, we made it!
- Cheers.
- Here's to--
should we make a toast to, uh--
who's getting married?
[laughter]
- Something seemed
a little off with Mauricio.
- What am I going to do
with the Umansky name?
Should we just
have another kid?
Just a boy,
just for the sake of it?
- Honey, are you kidding me?
- Do you have a thing
for bad boys?
- Are you considered a bad boy?
- Yeah.
Yeah, now we're talking.
- We have the opportunity to
scale, like, now and big time.
- But do you think that this
is at the expense of the kids?
- Well, baby, you can still--
- I want them to know
that I'm always there.
- What am I
supposed to be doing?
- Just walk.
- It's been a long time
since I was a bridesmaid.
Since I was in my 20s.
I'm going to get out there.
I will hold her train.
I will help lift her veil.
Whatever she wants.
- This is it.
- It's official.
- To learn more
about the housewives,