The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills (2010–…): Season 6, Episode 5 - Will Power - full transcript

- Previously on...

- Ooh, you clean up good.

I'm called a gold digger,

but I knew there was a huge
age difference between us.

It's not like
I'm some dumb-dumb.

- We missed you.
- I don't remember

what it's like to be normal.

- This seems like a lot more
than just Lyme disease.

- Whoo! Whoo-hoo!

- Is she better now?
I'm confused.

- "True Munchausen's Syndrome.



Those affected feign disease to
draw attention to themselves."

- That's a serious word.

- Is this real?

[upbeat music]

- My lips were made for talking,

and that's just what they'll do.

- In Beverly Hills,
you can be anything,

but it's most important
to be yourself.

- I'm an enigma
wrapped in a riddle and cash.

- I may be an actress,

but that doesn't mean
I'll stick to your script.

- Fake friends
believe in rumors.

Real friends believe in you.

- I'm passionate about dogs,
just not crazy about bitches.



[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- We only got black?
No other colors?

- No, and your friend
wanted one of these, too.

- Hello!
- Hello!

- Hello.
- How are you?

- Hey gorge.
- How are you?

- I'm good. How are you?

- You look adorable.
I love that.

- I'm so excited to be here.

I haven't been here
in so long, I just realized.

- You want to look around at
some of the new stuff we got in?

- I do, because remember,

your sweet husband,
who I adore beyond...

Do you remember he said to me,

"Go into Kyle's store

and pick out whatever
you want for your birthday."

- My present to Lisa....
- Oh, that's cute!

- I told her
to go into your store

and pick any item she wants,

and then you can just
bill me for it.

- Aww. Thank you.

Most people would be, like,
"No, please.

"Oh, gosh,
you don't have to do that.

Kyle already got me a present."

- You're like, "Okay,
pick something, Bill Mauricio."

- I have learned in life
that you should receive.

It's very hard
for some people to receive.

I'm like a receiving vessel.

I miss Belle Gray.
I miss when I had this store.

- It is a lot of fun.

- Belle Gray was a store

that we opened in Sherman Oaks,
California in 2003.

We didn't have backers.

We just took our own money
and just did it ourselves.

We closed the store
because we had a recession,

and we had been robbed three
times in a row in six weeks.

This is great.
- Well, you know what.

Now I have children's clothing.
- Smart.

- But it's selling out
like that.

- I know. That's so smart.

The store would have
taken us down completely.

To say good-bye to that
was like a big loss.

- Anyway, so you know I opened
a store in the Hamptons.

A pop-up shop. - I do.

Which is fabulous.
- So... I know, it's so exciting.

Right on Main Street there.
It's gorgeous.

The store's doing really well.

So we decided to open
a pop-up shop in South Hampton.

And Lisa has to be
in the Hamptons also

for some event.

So I was thinking it would be
fun if we all went together.

Do you want to come?
- I'm going to be

in Philadelphia because
I'm doing QVC on the 8th.

I could just come on the 9th.

- Perfect, Yeah.

I think a girl's weekend
is a time

when you can let your hair down
and do the things

that we don't get to do
when we're home making breakfast

and driving the carpool.

That looks really pretty on you.
- So pretty.

- I like this color.
- I do, too. I like it a lot.

I think you should just do it.

- I think I should do it.
- Okay. Done.

- Thank you, Mauricio. Muah!

- You're welcome, mi amor.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- He looks a lot better,
but that's a watery poop.

That's not right, either.

[swan honks] You've got him?

Oh, good.

I've got his head. Good boy.

Okay, good boy.

Come on, we're going to
the vet, I think.

Come on. - That was easy.

I never caught him
without assistance.

- Yeah, normally he's much
more difficult, right?

Hanky's got a stomach infection,

and they're not sure
whether he's going to make it,

which to me would be...

Okay, Hanky, it's all right.

Don't worry.
We're gonna make you better.

Yes, we're gonna
make you better, aren't we?

I'm on the cover
of "Bella Magazine,"

and they're hosting
a white party,

and they want me
to fly in to the Hamptons,

and Hanky's been
worrying me lately.

So I need to make sure
he's healthy

before I get on that plane.

Come on, Hanky.
- You get in first.

- Do I put a seat belt on him?

Come on, Hanky.

- Ooh, he bit me.
- He didn't.

- He did.

- Did he? Where did he bite you?

That's a good boy, Hanky.
Good boy.

Good boy, Hanky. I got him.

Okay, Hanky. That's a good boy.

[Hanky squawks]
Good boy, good boy, Hanky.

No, don't bite.

Why do you behave so badly?

What a naughty boy you are,
Hanky.

[Hanky squawks]

[upbeat music]

Can't we give him
some Imodium or something

to plug
that little feathered butt up?

- Stick your finger in there.

- It wouldn't be the first time.

- [laughs]

Yep, you're a bad little duck.

- Hello. Hi, guys.
- He just bit me.

- Oh, no! Does that mean
he's feeling better?

- He's cross today.

- Aww, we can get you
a Band-Aid.

- Can I... no...
Can I get anything?

Rabies or anything?
- There we go... there we go.

No, birds can't get rabies,
so you're good.

- I think animals
have very much become

like my children.

These guys can't survive
on their own.

They depend on you.

When something depends on you,
then I think you love it more.

- You are feeling feistier.

That's good. Good job, bud.

- So now you're gonna...
- We're gonna feed him.

- This goes straight
into his stomach?

- Mm-hmm. It's a complete food.

- You did play that part
of the dying swan for a second,

but now he's shaking his ass
and flapping his wings,

and he looks
like he's doing a lot better.

- He's not out of the woods yet,

but I see an improvement,
which is always good.

- See, shake your ass.
Look at you.

You're feeling good, now.

- We will be in touch.
- Thank you, Doctor.

- No problem. Thank you.

Bye, Hanky!

[Hanky squawks]

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- It's hard to get
out of this car.

It's so cute, but it's hard.

You love it because it's fast.
- Of course.

- You little speed devil.
- That's right.

- Oh, there she is on the bench.

Let's scare her. - Oh, my God.

She's going to end up hating me.

[mischievous music]

♪ ♪

- Ahh!
- Aah! Fááá!

Oh, my God!
You scared the sháá out of me.

Oh, my God.

You just scared me.

Hi, welcome home.

- I think
Erika's gonna like Kyle.

Kyle loves to have fun.

- Nice to meet you.
- How are you? Erika?

- Yes, Erika.
- It's so nice to meet you.

- Nice to meet you, too.

- You know, Erika has a little
bit of a crazy side to her,

so I think they're going
to connect perfectly.

Do you want to walk a little?

- Yeah. How are you guys?
- We're good.

- I like the way
you have your hair,

like, twisted like that.
- Oh, thanks, yeah.

- Very cute.
- Thank you.

- Look how beautiful
and healthy this looks.

- Oh, my gosh. I know... oh!

- Like you don't have long,
beautiful hair?

Stop.

- So how was your trip?

- Oh, my God. It was amazing.

- Oh, my God, that's my favorite
kind of thing.

Just in the water
like that... calm.

- It was so beautiful.

- Seeing Yolanda in Canada

looking beautiful on the boat

and smiling with David

is a stark contrast from what
we've been seeing here in L.A.

First of all, I'm so happy
to see you up and out like this.

It's like a miracle. - I know.

- ♪ We're walking
through the park ♪

- Well, we can't go that far.
Let's make it to the bench.

- Hey, when, you know,
you were laying in your bed,

you would have thought
just walking in the park

was like an exciting day.
- It is an exciting day.

- Right? So let's not take

those little things
for granted, right?

- We try and get her out
and get her conditioned.

- She's been trying to be
a firecracker under my butt.

"Okay, you need to walk.
You need to walk.

Let's go." - Yeah.

I am not bringing up

the "Munchausen's" conversation
right now.

If Lisa Rinna really wants
to tell Yolanda what she said,

because she felt bad about it,
that's her business.

I don't want any part of that.

A few years ago, when you
didn't know what it was, we...

I had a lot
of the same, similar, symptoms.

- Yeah.
- But...

mine started when my mom died.

All of the sudden,
I had ringing in my ears.

I was confused.

- What did they end up
saying it was?

- Fibromyalgia.
But I know a lot of it

was the depression
that brought that on.

- Uh-huh, yeah.

- Right before I lost my mom,
I became very ill.

I had many symptoms that were
very similar to Yolanda's.

I actually did have depression
from losing my mom.

It was completely debilitating
for two years.

- Well, depression can have
all of those symptoms.

I mean, it's such a...
- It's all similar.

They all mimic each other.

- You can't compare
Lyme disease to anything.

It's not just depression
or just anxiety.

It's like
a whole freaking bag of tricks

that go on at the same time.

- You look beautiful.
I'm just saying,

like, you know, you're there.
You're almost there.

- Yeah, but you know
that's the sad thing about this.

You can't judge somebody
on the way they look

from the outside, you know?

- Why not? Just kidding.

[laughter] Just kidding!

- Welcome to Beverly Hills.

Kyle, that's amazing.

So anyway,
what's going on with your life?

- I'm recording. I'm performing.

I've got gay pride in Chicago.

- You're a singer?
- Yeah.

- Yes.
- Yeah.

- She has... she has
eight number one disco hits.

- Oh, fun.
- Yeah, club...

Club... club records.

- She's a showgirl.

- I'm a showgirl.
That's what I do.

I put on shows. - Oh, I love it.

She looks very put together

with the lashes and the diamonds
and her makeup,

and then she's a singer
and a performer.

Who is this girl?

Do you have kids? - I do.

I have one boy. - Oh.

- And he's a police agent.

- My son's a police officer.

It's a dangerous line of work.

So I always get my hugs in.

You know, I always tell him
I love him,

'cause it's definitely scary.

- How old is he?
- He's 23.

- You have a 23-year-old?

- Crazy, right?
- That's crazy.

- I was married
when I was 20 years old.

My son was born
right before I turned 21.

My ex-husband's a great guy.

It just didn't work out.
We were young.

- When I look at Alexia, I can't
believe I was a mom that young.

- I feel the same way.
I look at my son and I was like,

you know, "You would have
a 2-1/2-year-old

right now..."
- I say that all the...

Do you say that all the time?
- "And you cannot barely

get it together."
I'm like... it's amazing.

- Isn't it amazing?
- How did I pull this off?

- We should all go
for a drink tomorrow

and introduce Erika
to the rest of the crew.

- Okay, I'd love that.
- Yeah.

- I only hang out with gay men

with the exception
of a few accomplished women

such as Yolanda Foster.

- It'll be nice.

- Other than that,
I'm with queens only,

but I think
it's a great new possibility

to step out of your comfort zone

and get to know
a few new people.

- I'd love for you all to meet
before I leave for my surgery.

- When do you leave? Monday?

- Monday.
- Monday.

- Are you scared?
Where are you going to do it?

- I'm scared. In Cleveland.

You know, in my MRI they found

that I have the silicone
on my lymph nodes.

So they're removing
lymph nodes and...

- Ugh.
- So the doctor

that is doing the surgery

is a doctor
who's done 9,000 explants.

Went to get an MRI,

and they saw bubbles of silicone
under my chest cavity

and under my arm.

So I'm going to Ohio
to have my breast implants,

plus all the leakage, removed.

- That sounds really not good.

- Anyway, you want to be
with the best.

There's no doctor
in Beverly Hills

that has that kind
of a track record.

- This is a very
extreme measure to go through

in her quest to feel better,
and I hope it's the answer.

- Now, it's also proven that
women that breastfeed children...

Babies with imp... you know?

- Well, that I would assume.

I don't think
I would breastfeed if I had...

- Well, I did with three kids,
and I have two children

that have severe
suppressed immune systems.

I mean, both of my kids are,

you know, struggling
for the last two years.

[dramatic music]

- They are?
- Yeah.

I mean,
both Bella and Anwar, you know,

had Lyme disease and...

- Wait, what?

Okay, I had not heard
this before.

- Wow.
- Yeah.

- Coming up...
- Get it all.

Make sure you get all that.

Clean as a whistle. - Okay.

That have severe
suppressed immune systems.

Both of my kids are,

you know, struggling
for the last two years.

- They are?
- Yeah.

I mean, both Bella and Anwar,
you know, have Lyme disease.

- It's crazy to think
that three family members

could all have Lyme disease.

So what, you were all bit
by a tick?

It's so confusing.
- Yeah, where do you...

- It's not really...
Not that confusing,

because, I mean, there's...
Millions of cases worldwide.

- I know,
but three in one family?

- Well,
we lived on a horse ranch.

We had ticks everywhere
every day of our life.

We lived on a ranch
their whole life

until we moved to Malibu
four years ago.

My kids spent their entire life
in the barn riding horses,

an then Bella was diagnosed
with Lyme disease

and co-infections
about three years ago,

and Anwar shortly...
Six months after that.

Whatever treatments I have tried

that I thought benefitted me
just a little bit,

I've brought them on
and tried the same with them.

It's all little pieces
to the pie that keeps you...

Keeps me sick, obviously,
but for... like I said,

if you're healthy,
you can do them.

- If you have
a sensitive system,

you can't do... - But I mean,

there's no 20, 30-year study

on how Botox affects the brain.

- Yolanda says no more Botox.

- Well, I'm not there yet.
- I'm not there yet, either.

- I said to her
about her boobs...

She goes like, "I'm not
taking out my boobies."

- No.

Botox
is a solution to a bad day.

Can you see my Botox right now?

- Enjoy it.

- I-I most definitely am...
Enjoy it.

[laughter] - While you can.

[upbeat music]

[knock at door]

- Hello, hi!
- Hi, Lisa.

- Hello, welcome.

Thank you for making
a house call.

- Of course.
- I love it.

I'm packing, so excuse the mess.
- Oh, yeah.

You going to island again?

- I'm going to the island,
Canada, and then we have QVC

and then the Hamptons.
- Oh, my God.

- So it's a little bit
like, you know...

I don't have any time,
and I need this taken care of.

Okay, let's do it.

- Okay, lay down here.
- Ready?

I need to get this done,
because I haven't had time

and I'm just not going to go
and be in a bathing suit

and... you know. - I know.

- And not be
all trimmed and clean.

- Oh, my God. I tell you.

- Eiko's been waxing...

my hoo-hoo. [laughing]

Eiko's been taking care
of the whole hoo-hoo business

for about 17 years.

[playful music]

Oh!

She's known
my hoo-hoo long time.

You ready for me to flip?

- My butt has wrinkles,
and I look in the mirror.

It's just gross.

- Well, don't look at it.

- I try not to look
in the mirror.

- Don't look at it.

Get it all.
Make sure you get all that.

Clean as a whistle. - Okay.

- We done?
- Done deal.

- Oh.

Traveling's exhausting.

It's hard
to pull it all together

and do a three-prong trip.

Thanks for coming.

Thank you so much.

Going to Canada takes, like,
nine hours to get there.

You have to go by car,
by plane, by boat.

You know, it's a...
It's a long trip.

Everything's good, how are you?

When you're in Canada,
you're like on another planet.

It makes us all bond,

and that's
what makes it really special.

Let's go...
I think the 405 to Mulholland.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- Hello!

[car horn honks]

♪ ♪

- You know in soaps where they
say, "The part of Barbie

"will not be played
by Eileen Davidson today.

It will be played
by Lisa Vanderpump."

That's why we're here.

- You know, I was on
"Young and the Restless"

when I was like four years old.
- No.

- And it's still the same place.

[both chuckling]

- Eileen has asked us
if we want to do a tour

of the studios where "The Young
and the Restless" is shot.

I'm quite excited
to see it, actually.

- I'm gonna...
I'm gonna get a job here.

- Hi. Lisa Vanderpump
to see Eileen Davidson,

and my assistant.
- Kyle Richards,

for a part on "Y&R."

- Hello!

- Hey, how are you?

- Good, welcome.
- Good to see you.

- Welcome to my playground.

- So we're actually
filming today?

- What?
- She thinks she's gonna

get a part here.
- We're not exactly

filming today.
- No, but hold on a second.

- It always comes to this.
- The part of what's her name?

- Oh, Ashley Abbott is being
played by Lisa Vanderpump.

- Yes, that's what I want to do.

- And that's why you
dressed like this, this morning.

- Yes, yes.

- This is "All About Eve"
all over again.

She just wants my job.
I know she does.

- Can I just have one line?
- I don't have

that kind of power.
- Can I have one line?

Just speak to Newman.

- They can't have it. It's mine.

No, I just
want to show you guys.

This is my section.

- Oh...
- Ba-bam!

- This is all your section?

- No, just this part right here.

- Oh, my God.
This looks like Lisa's closet.

- That's not my section.
- Oh.

- It's like herding cats.

- Lisa, these are yours.
- Please.

Mind yourselves! Come on!

- Do you know your lines,
Miss Davidson?

- You can run them with me.

Do you guys want
to run lines with me?

- Oh, yeah, I'll do it.
Yeah, I'll do it, yeah.

- Because I need to audition.

I need to get a part here.

I want to do a part
where nobody would recognize me.

You know,
be like the cleaning lady.

You know, like, "Morning."

I'm going to get
something to eat.

- They don't take $100 bills,
Lisa.

- Put something else in there.
- It's $1.

Insert bill face up.

What do we do?

Lisa, get some Doritos, please.
- I don't want Doritos.

It won't go in.

- She's never used one
of these machines in her life.

- I haven't. Come on, eat it.

- [British accent] Excuse me,
do you take American Express?

[accent] Push H2
for the tuna tartare.

- I'm at the top of the stairs
in a cozy little room.

Let's go.
- Is this where you live?

- Yes, watch your step.

- How long... how many years
have you had this?

- [whispering] Be quiet.

Jeez, big mouths. Girls.

[mischievous music]

Here's my cozy little place.

My chill zone.
- Do we have to whisper?

- No, we can actually talk now.

- Oh, okay.

Is this it today?

- I already did seven,
eight scenes this morning.

- Okay, let me do Ashley.
Just, you do...

- No, I need to learn my lines.
You can't play my role.

- Let me
just have a go at Ashley.

I think I could do Ashley,
though.

You try. - Go ahead.

- "I'm right.

You've made some kind of deal
with Victor."

- "I'm right."

- I don't think
she should hold her breath

for the Emmy, that's for sure.

- So you guys,
what's happening tonight?

So we're having drinks? - Yeah.

Yeah, if Yolanda comes.

- Well, yesterday I saw her

when she was with a friend
of hers, Erika.

She's really nice.

I think you're gonna
like her a lot.

It's not that often
I meet someone

who had their kids really young.

So I feel like immediately

that's something
that Erika and I have in common.

You know, I really wanted a boy.

- I knew I was having a boy.

I did not want a girl.

I knew I was a boy's mom.
- Really? That's so funny.

- Yeah, I just felt...
I just felt like, you know what?

This is a boy. I'm good.

If you were to see my boy,

you'd be like,
"Oh, that's Erika's son."

- My fear is that boys
look like the mom

and girls look like the dad.
- Like the mother... that's true.

- I'm sure that Erika
has dealt with

a lot of people
being very judgmental about her,

but I think that if the women
get to know Erika,

they're going to see
that she's a very smart,

kind, intelligent woman.

- Last time I saw Yolanda,

she just was not well at all.

So how is she feeling?

- Must be feeling
a little bit better.

- Yeah.
- So, yeah.

- I just... I didn't
like that whole conversation,

you know.

- Which conversation?
- Well, before you got there.

- Munchausen is...

and I want to cry
to even say this out loud,

but it's something
that people could create

if they... might not be sick.

They make themselves sick.

- I know it's not Rinna
that's brought that up.

It's gossip around there.
- It doesn't seem like her.

I think she just got caught up
in a conversation.

- Exactly.
- But I think that Yolanda,

knowing Lisa, would know
that Lisa's not malicious.

- Yolanda's going to be upset
if she thinks Lisa said that.

- She knows that people
are talking.

- Does she?
- Doesn't Yolanda know?

She must know. - I don't know.

- I've never discussed
that with her.

- If Lisa's gonna say anything,

she's gonna want to say it
to Yolanda directly.

- Rinna should clear the air

so she doesn't hear it
from somebody else.

That's the worst.

- Coming up...
- My husband's 76.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- So tell me who's coming today.

- You met Kyle yesterday.

Kyle's coming,

and then my friend
from Malibu, Eileen.

- Okay.
- And Lisa.

Lisa Vanderpump. - Okay.

- Our friend Lisa Rinna
is in "Mush-koka."

- Where is that?

- "Mush-koka." I don't think
that's the right way.

You know, in Canada? - No.

- Muskoka.

Mush... I don't know.

Whatever. She's out of town.

I think that Erika's gonna
get along with all the women.

- Hello.

- Hi, darling.

- Hi.

- Erika, Lisa. Lisa, Erika.

- Hello.
- Nice to meet you.

- I can't wait for them
to start asking questions

and to really get
to know her brain.

She actually has one.

Hard to find these days.

- Thank you.

- Would it be rude
to down it in one?

[laughter]

Oh, well, cheers.
Nice to have met you.

- Nice to meet you.

- How do you know each other?

- Our husbands were friends,
and they introduced us.

- My first impression of Erika
is that she looks a little bit

like the kind of Barbie
I used to play with

when I was a little girl.

You know, the skirt up her butt

and the diamonds
and the blonde hair.

So maybe I can have some fun
with her now.

Hello, finally. - Hello.

- Nice of you to show up,
darling.

- Hi, there.

You're going that way?

How are you? Muah!

How are you? - Hey, pretty girl.

You look great.
- Good to see you.

Thank you.
- You don't have to kiss me.

- Did you miss me?
[kissing sounds]

- Oh, I like the pink shoes.

- I saw yours. They're gorgeous.

- Yeah, I know. Pink's my color.

Don't you start hijacking that.

You know that belongs to me,
right?

- No.

- Yeah, it does.
- Okay.

You can have it.

- Yeah? Okay.
What size are they?

[laughter]

- I didn't know anybody
could own the color pink, okay?

I didn't know.

So sue me.

- Look at that ring.

- Oh, yeah.
- Gorgeous.

- What is it, Cartier?

[overlapping chatter]

- Cartier's beautiful.
- Thank you.

- This is a gigantic diamond
Cartier panther ring.

It's basically like wearing
a Lamborghini on your finger.

- What did you do to get that?

- I did what every woman
does to get it.

I'm good.

- Clearly, I mean it was
probably like the splits in bed

and a couple of cartwheels
for that... hey.

Well, I'd do the same thing.

Don't worry.
- Yeah, we all do, honey.

What are you kidding?
- That's the job I do best.

Right? - I agree.

So do I.

- Erika's very over-the-top.

That's great, I love it.
- Thank you.

The blonde hair, the boobs,

the fast car, the pink,
the sparkles, you know?

She may be
giving Lisa Vanderpump

a little run for her money.

How are you feeling today?

- Sick.

- Feel sick?
- Yeah.

- Obviously, whatever Yolanda
is suffering from,

she is suffering.

I don't think
any of us question her.

But in addition to the positive
Lyme disease diagnosis,

maybe they've missed something.

Maybe it's something else.
I don't know.

You shocked me yesterday

when you told me
your son also had Lyme disease.

I did not know that.

Completely shocked me.

He and Bella.

- No, I didn't know that.

I've known the children
and Mohamed,

Yolanda's ex-husband, for years,

and I had no idea
that they had Lyme disease.

So I'm a bit taken back, really.

- Was she ever taken down,
like, really sick?

Like, bedridden?
- Well she... yeah.

She... she dropped out of school.

I mean, I never spoke about this

because she didn't want
to talk about it.

- Why? I never knew.

- But she
stopped her riding career

because she started
making calculation mistakes,

and all of a sudden she started
not being able to, you know,

to ride anymore,
and I took her off the horses,

and she dropped out of school,

and we've been dealing it... with
it now for two years, you know?

I never talk about it,

but because
they have Lyme disease,

that's what motivates me
every day to keep fighting,

keep researching and find
the cure for my children,

and I will.

Even if I have to make it
my life mission, I will.

- Is it... could it be hereditary?

I know that sounds like a really
stupid question, but is it?

- No. It can't be.
- That's what I'm wondering.

- No, no, you have to be
infected.

But if we would test
you, you know,

we could maybe find
Lyme disease in you.

- Oh, my gosh.

All this talk that Yolanda
is doing about Lyme disease

is making me think
that I have Lyme disease.

This is like
Munchausen by proxy for friends.

We're all, like, hypochondriacs.

Do you have any problems?

- No, I'm fine.
I don't have any.

- Would you like us to do
a Pap smear test?

- Yes, let's do it now.

No, I'm just kidding.
I'm dressed for the Pap smear.

- Kyle, Kyle, jump in there.

- Oh, my God.
- A little later.

After this rosé,
I'll take it out.

- Ooh, look who it is.

- Hello! I knew I'd find
the loudest table in the room.

Hi, pretty! How are you?

- Erika, Eileen. Eileen, Erika.

- Hi, Erika.
- Hey, nice to meet you.

- Nice to meet you as well.

- Thank you.
- Hello, again.

- Hello, darling. How are you?
- We see each other again.

- How are you doing?
- I'm good. Thank you.

- Good.
- Have you met?

- No, we've never met.
- We just met...

- Oh, okay.
- For the first time, yeah.

- Whose friend are you?
- I'm friends with Yolanda.

- Oh, yeah? Great.
- I love it,

"Whose friend are you?"

[all speaking at once]

- Who the fááá are you?

I'm friends with Yolanda.
- Good.

- We were just talking about
Yolanda's leaving on Monday

to go have a surgery.

Did you know this?
- I didn't know it was Monday.

I knew it was close.
- Monday, yeah.

- So you can't come
to the Hamptons then, huh?

- No, because I'll be there
for like...

- Boo...
- Nine days.

- Nine days?

- You're welcome to join us.
Why don't you come?

We're all going. - Yeah?

- You should.
- Are you sure?

- You should. We're going
to a white party for...

Lisa is gonna be on the cover
of "Bella Magazine."

So we're going for that.
- Get the fááá out of here.

- Get the fááá in here.
Absolutely.

- Okay. Okay.

Kyle looks like
she's a lot of fun,

and I'm a lot of fun, so...

You know, maybe we
could have some fun together.

- How are you gonna get there?

- Uh, well, let's see.

I'll be in Chicago.
I'll perform.

I'll jump on my plane,
and I'll meet you guys there.

- Fun.

- Jump on your plane.
See, how easy it is?

- Everybody that lives
in this fáááing town

has got a private something...

a chef, a plane,

a fleet of cars...
Doesn't matter.

This is Beverly Hills.

- What's your show?

- I'm a performer.
- What do you do?

- Yeah, I'm a singer.
Yeah, so...

- She has eight
number one disco hits.

- Really? Where, here?
- Yeah.

- Okay, now this is
getting really interesting.

She's a singer, a performer,
she's wearing pink shoes.

So the plot thickens.

How come I've never heard
of this woman before?

- I want to see
you perform sometime.

I think that would be fun.

- It's a lot of hair.

It's loud.

It's me prancing around
with not a lot of clothes on

and rolling around
on the ground and being sassy.

- Yay! Love that.

I want to be
a dance disco queen, too.

Doesn't everybody?

This is amazing.
How did you get started?

- I've been performing
since I was a kid.

Moved to New York City.

Worked, got married,
had a baby, got a divorce.

Moved to Los Angeles.

Met my husband being a cocktail
waitress in Beverly Hills.

- No.

- And we finally went out
on one date,

and, you know,
have been together ever since.

We've been married 15 years...
- 15?

- Yes.
- But together 17, right?

- 16 1/2, almost 17, yeah.
- Really.

So you're in
for the long haul, then?

- You're damn right.

Or I get half.

- Her husband is amazing.

I can't wait
for you girls to meet him.

- Yeah, you'll really enjoy
meeting my husband.

- He's such a great guy.
- He's a cool guy.

- Ken and Tom
will be getting along perfectly.

- Really?
- Yeah.

- He's quite a bit older
than I am.

- What's quite a bit?

- My husband's 76.

- Oh, so that's quite
a lot older than you.

- Yeah, he's 76 now. I'm 44.

- Ah, bingo.

Her husband's
70 fáááing 6 years old.

Wow.

[dramatic music]

- Coming up...

- Lisa got caught in some kind
of a conversation

where it got misconstrued
or something.

- Eileen, shut up.
No, zip it, zip, zip.

My husband's 76.

- Oh, so that's
quite a lot older than you.

- Yeah, he's 76 now. I'm 44.

32 years. - Wow.

- Oh, my God.
The look on their faces.

[gasps] Give me a break.

I'm really happy being married.
- Yeah.

- No one would put up
with my sháá.

No one would, you know,
treat me the way he treats me.

I'm good.

- What is he like in the sack?

What have the last six years
been like?

- I'm gonna tell you something.
He's really vital.

Like, no Viagra. - No?

- We don't need it.

There's something in this man's
DNA that needs to be...

- I know.
Ken's like that as well,

which is kind of
really annoying.

I was hoping
it would ease up by now.

- Well...

I'm okay.

- He wants to shag twice a day.

- Not twice a day every day,
but he... it's possible, yes.

Yes. - That's great.

- You know,
after his hip surgery, I mean...

- Yes, it's worse.

- He wants to make sure
his hips are working.

- Don't do that. Don't do that.
Don't do that. Don't do that.

Come on. Come on. - [laughing]

- Oh, my God.
Keep it in the bedroom, folks.

- So he got a new hip,
and he's ready to roll?

- He's always ready to roll.

That old thing
keeps working perfectly.

- What old thing?
- That thing works perfectly.

Everything else doesn't, like
the shoulder, the elbow, that.

- But that...
- But, yeah... that's great.

- I love him madly.

So I'm not going anywhere.
- I'm not going anywhere.

- Unless somebody
comes along that I like better.

- Well, listen...
- Well, of course.

- I mean, you know,
no one lives forever.

- I'm always looking.
- No, you don't.

- Of course I'm looking.

I just don't see anybody
I like better.

- You can always appreciate
from afar.

- You're right.

I like him a lot.
What can I tell you?

I like him a lot.

- His birthday party, that she
threw for him, was so magical.

- I spent half your life
with you,

and you always
continue to inspire me.

You are my love, my life,

and I-I could not be
more in love with you now.

All: Happy birthday.

- I loved it.

I thought it was incredible.
- I loved it, too.

- Taylor was there...
Yack, yack, yack, yack, yack.

I wanted to slap her. - What?

- Why?

Why do you want to slap Taylor?
- Because she doesn't stop.

- She liked to get into the mix
a little bit.

- She's always in the mix.
I'm like, "Shut up."

- You guys hear something
about Lisa

and her saying
something about me being sick?

A friend of mine said that
Taylor said to Lisa,

"Oh, she doesn't believe
Yolanda's sick," or...

- Really?
- Something like that.

- I just want to know
what's going on with Yolanda.

- Because I know that she has
the best doctors money can buy,

but I just am, like, there's
just too many other things.

- She's had everything.
- I just smell a misdiagnosis.

- Well, it could be, you know,
she's gonna...

I probably... she should tell you,

but she's gonna check
out some other things.

- But it's okay, I mean, I have
not seen Taylor in three years.

So she really couldn't...
- Taylor, that was kind of...

- She couldn't really have
an opinion about my struggle.

- Nobody knows
what your experience is but you.

- Exactly.
- No, what it was is,

I think Lisa found herself
in some kind of a conversation

about what you're going through.

I'm sure you're aware of that.
Are you?

- Not really, no.

- People are saying that they
don't know really what it is

or they're not sure
if it's for real or whatever.

- "True Munchausen syndrome

"wherein those affected
feign disease, illness,

"or psychological trauma
to draw attention, sympathy,

or reassurance to themselves."

- Lisa Rinna's feeling
guilty about what she said

about Yolanda,
because she's afraid

it's gonna get back to her

and it's not gonna
seem very nice.

Lisa got caught
in some kind of a conversation

where it got misconstrued.

- Eileen, psst... shut up.

No, zip it, zip, zip.

Yolanda's talking about Taylor
saying something about Yolanda,

not Lisa Rinna
saying she has Munchausen's.

Shut up.

- I know that she felt horrible.

- Taylor or Lisa?
Lisa got involved.

- Is that what... you're alluding

to Lisa Rinna saying something?

- Oh, sorry!

I thought that Taylor
was the one that said something.

- Taylor said something
at the party.

- And then later, Lisa Rinna
came to us and said something.

She said she felt guilty she
engaged in this conversation.

Then she repeated it to us,
and then she felt bad.

So she wanted to say something
to you.

- I can't even...

- What's happening?

- I just was really honest
about people questioning

and coming up to me and asking
questions about Yolanda.

- Lisa Rinna feels
like she somehow betrayed you.

- But she's gonna
talk to you about it.

- Yeah, she wants to talk to you
and kind of set it straight

because she wants you to know
how much she loves you.

- I don't want to even
talk about it right now.

We'll talk about it
when I come back,

when I feel better.

Lisa Rinna and Taylor
are talking about

if my Lyme disease
was real or fake.

Who goes out into the world

and denies or belittles

any other human being's disease?

- I'm sorry
if I opened up something weird.

I didn't know.
- I can't even deal.

- I should have kept
my big mouth shut

and let Lisa Rinna
deal with this.

It's her mess.

She should be the one
that cleans it up.

- I can't even deal right now.

You know what I mean? - Yeah.

- But anyway, love you all.
Good-bye.

- Love you, I'm thinking
about you constantly.

- Bye. See you.

- I'm not gonna see you
till after the surgery.

So good luck.

- I think anyone that's
questioning Yolanda's health

is not a friend.

If someone broke their leg,
would you say she was faking it?

That's a cheap shot.
It's really cheap.

- Anyway,
I'll see you guys later.

Bye, see you.

- Oh, my goodness.

- I had no idea this was
like this big of a deal.

I'm kind of going...

- Well, I mean,
if someone is saying

that you have Munchausen's,

there's no way she's not gonna
not be offended by that.

That's a scary word.
- Sháá, okay, sorry.

- Coming up...

- People think that modeling
is like the easiest job.

It's not. - You have to, like,

be nice and look good.

♪ ♪

[swan squawks]

♪ ♪

- Rocio, can we have some tea?

- Yeah. I'll do it.

- Yeah? Can we have it out here?
- Yeah.

- I just weighed Hanky,
and he's put on...

He's put on weight, and he's
exactly what he was before.

- Ooh, Hanky. Come on. Let's go.

- Congratulate him.

Congratulate him.

- Let him have some grass
out here.

- I can't put him down
out there.

- Why?

- 'Cause he doesn't want
to be out there.

Hanky felt rough for a while,

but he's feeling
much better now.

Aren't you, Hanky?

Give me a kiss.

Good boy.

[swan squawks]

No, Hanky.

No, you're being naughty.

No, don't do that.

Be romantic. Be romantic.

You love me.

I love Hanky.

He's like my child.

Is there something wrong
with that?

If it's wrong,
I don't want to be right.

[Hanky squawking]
No, Hanky, don't.

No, don't be naughty.

Come on, I'll take you back.

Hanky, don't be naughty.

[continues squawking]

Don't be naughty.
Don't be naughty.

Come on, this way.

This way.

Don't be naughty.

[playful music]

You're a clever boy.

I love Hanky,
and I know he's only a swan,

but to me he's like my baby.

He's my swan, and I love him.

So I'll do anything
I can to save him.

I think these animals might fill
a void for the grandchild

that I'm waiting for
that hasn't been delivered yet.

Okay, flap your wings, Hanky.

Pandora better hurry up
and, you know, procreate.

Flap your wings, Hanky.

Good boy. See?

I like it when you do
what I tell you.

[swan squawks]

- I'm so frustrated.

I don't know where anything is.

Amazing how fast you
forget where everything is.

- I don't forget.
- Well, 'cause you're smart.

You got the good genes,
obviously.

- Remember you made risotto
that one time,

and I was... and then I got you...

- I made truffle risotto
when I was six.

- That is not true.
You weren't six.

- What are you making?
- I'm making tomato soup

with grilled cheese dippers.
- Ooh.

- Hi, Oma. You look cute.

- To see three generations
in the kitchen at the same time,

it's beautiful.

- Mommy, why doesn't
this thing work?

- Smells gas.
- They're the chefs.

Those are the most
important people in my life,

and I really need this time
with my family

before I go off to Ohio
to get my surgery.

- You're not gonna
win a competition

for cake against Bella.

- You're welcome.
- Oh, my God.

That was the nicest thing
you ever said to me.

- I taught you everything
you know.

- Both the girls are so good.

I mean, Gigi kind of
hit the ground running

when she got to New York.

And Bella had a great cover
of "Editorialist" magazine,

and she shot with my favorite
photographer of all time,

Gilles Bensimon,
for "ELLE Magazine."

I mean, I'm so proud of her,

and so... I mean,
she's still a baby. She's 18.

People think that modeling
is, like, the easiest job.

- Yeah.
- It's not.

I mean,
it's so many hours a day.

We're up before the sun
comes up.

- You have to, like,
be nice and look good.

- It's true.

- I think I'm gonna
go pick lemons with Anwar

and decorate the table upstairs.

[speaking foreign language]

both: Lemons.

- My lemon orchard
is like my little heaven.

I mean, that's where I used
to spend hours a week

gardening and picking lemons

and making lemon pies
and lemonade and, you know,

like, that was my thing.

And being in there today
with my mom is just amazing.

Okay.
[speaking foreign language]

How can just looking
at a lemon make you happy?

I don't know
but, you know, it does.

- Just sit here all day?
- Yeah.

I'm tired now. I need to sleep.

- Okay.
- This is a perfect spot.

Yeah, it's all good.

All your kids are grown.

Your grandkids are growing up.

- Do you know
how to butter bread?

- No, I don't even know
where to start.

- Yeah.
- You're getting older.

I'm getting older.

Can you believe it, I'm 51?

- Can you believe I'm 47?

- You're not 47, you witch.
- 70... 74.

[laughter]

- No, you're 74.
You're not 47, Mom.

- I know.

- Cute.
- You're cute, Mommy.

What do you think
about the surgery next week?

Scary, scary, yeah.

I just want to be healthy
and alive to see my babies grow.

- Just pile it on.
I want it literally oozing out.

- This looks so good.

- I think I put too much cheese,

because now we're not gonna
have enough cheese.

- I want to be healthy and get
out of bed and live my life.

When you get older, you never
want to bother your mom,

but the truth is that
there's just no... you know?

There's no person closer to you
than your own mom.

You know?
I really need her close to me

and tell me I'm gonna be okay.

[sentimental music]

♪ ♪

- Coming up...

- Why are you talking
about that right now?

- I don't know why we're talking
about the surgery

like something's gonna happen.

Because I think that
if 51% of you feels like

something's gonna happen,
you shouldn't do it.

Into fours, and they become little dippers.

Mmm, so good.

- Oh, my God.
- That's why you use gruyere.

- Is the soup almost done?
- Yeah, it's done.

- How exactly do you want us
to bring a hot bowl of soup

up the stairs?

I have to run or I'm not gonna
make it up... sorry.

- No, me too.

- I don't think you guys
thought about the fact

that we had to climb to the top
of the hill with soup.

Both: Oh, yummy, guys.

- Good job, G.
Wow, that looks amazing.

Here, you sit next to Anwar.
I want to sit next to Gigi.

- I'm full.

I had, like,
200 grilled cheeses.

- Wait, Mom.
- Mm-hmm?

- What time
do you leave tomorrow?

- My flight is at 9:15.

I printed out this for you.

It's in my safe.

Gigi, Bella, and Anwar,

and I just wanted you to see it

so you know what it looks like,

and this is for you guys.

- What?
- It's nothing.

It's just my... my will.

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

- That's not nothing,
and I don't like

that's... how you just say
that so calmly.

- I'm saying it calmly
because it's important.

This... you know,
nothing is gonna happen,

but I just want you guys to know
that this is in the safe,

and this is all
you need to know.

When I was a young girl,
one day I went to school,

and the next day
my father was gone.

When my dad died,
my life was never the same.

And, you know,
my biggest worry lately is,

"Oh, my God. What if I die?

What's gonna
happen to my children?"

Don't cry, Mommy. It's okay.

And I just want you guys
to make sure

that you take care
of my Mommy, okay?

- Why are you talking
about that right now?

- I don't know why we're talking
about the surgery

like something is gonna happen.

Because I think that
if 51% of you feels like

something's gonna happen,
you shouldn't do it.

- Gigi, nothing's gonna happen.
I just...

- Why are you showing
us your will?

- I'm... well, do you...
It's important, Bella.

It's very important.

Nothing is gonna happen.
I'm fine.

The woman has done
9,000 surgeries like mine

and nothing has ever happened.

I'm just... don't want
to have any surprises,

and this is all
you need to know.

I mean, this will take care
of you kids

for the rest of your life

and take care
of my mommy and my brother.

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

- Next time, on "The Real
Housewives of Beverly Hills"...

- What's going on with you?

- I adore you so much.

- Tell me everything.

- All right, diva, well, listen.

- Did you call me diva, darling?

Off we go.

Hamptons, here we come.

- Home sweet home.

- Wow.

- Thank you, Mauricio.

This is quintessential Hamptons,

and I feel a little guilty
about leaving Lisa,

but it's vanishing
really quickly.

- Are you crazy?
I've come all the way here.

I can't leave the room.

Well, I'm a bit
pissed off they didn't stay.

It seems a little
high maintenance for me.

- I'm going into surgery now,

and then I'll call you
when I finish.

- Okay, I love you.

- Kim was arrested?

- I think she needs help.

- She would not go into a store

and steal $600 worth of toys.

- Obviously,
she's not of sound mind.

- Do you know where she is?
Do you know anything?

- To learn more
about the "Housewives,"