The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills (2010–…): Season 5, Episode 8 - Wining and Dining - full transcript
Brandi and Lisa Vanderpump finally meet for lunch to talk about the status of their tenuous relationship. Yolanda struggles with trusting Bella after her recent DUI charge. Eileen and Brandi share marriage stories over dinner, but the evening quickly turns sour when Brandi hears Eileen was married to somebody else when she met Vince. The ladies attend a dinner party at Yolanda's home in Malibu where tensions are high between Eileen and Brandi.
- PREVIOUSLY ON THE REAL
HOUSEWIVES OF BEVERLY HILLS...
I HAVE TO TEACH YOU
HOW TO DO YOUR LAUNDRY.
- THAT I NEED TO LEARN.
- YOU SERIOUSLY DON'T KNOW
HOW TO DO LAUNDRY?
- DO YOU?
- HONEY, I KNOW... I MEAN,
I KNOW HOW TO DO LAUNDRY.
- [laughs]
- OBSESSED WITH DAYS OF OUR
LIVES FOR A LONG TIME.
- OH, MY GOD.
- NO, I REALLY...
I... MARLENA, JOHN BLACK.
- I HAVE EXPERIENCED FANS BEING
VERY ENTHUSIASTIC, LET'S SAY.
BRANDI IS KIND OF BORDERING
ON SUPER FANDOM.
- I CAN'T WAIT
TO SEE WHAT AMOUNT
OF TROUBLE
YOU'RE GOING TO GET INTO.
- I'M NOT GONNA
GET INTO ANY TROUBLE.
- I THOUGHT THE LAST THING
THAT WOULD EVER HAPPEN
IS FOR BELLA TO HAVE
A DRINK AND GET IN A CAR.
BUT, YOU KNOW, SHE DID.
- MY GOD, YOU'VE NEVER
ACTUALLY SAID TO ME,
"I APOLOGIZE FOR SAYING
YOU'RE BANKRUPT."
- IT WENT BOTH WAYS.
LISA CAN'T SAY SORRY
EVER BECAUSE SHE'S PERFECT.
IT'S AN OLIVE BRANCH.
- IT'D NEED TO BE
A LOT BIGGER ONE THAN THAT.
YOU NEED TO CHOP THIS TREE DOWN
AND GIVE IT TO ME.
WHAT?
[upbeat music]
- THROW ME TO THE WOLVES,
AND I SHALL RETURN
LEADING THE PACK.
- CHARACTER ISN'T WHAT YOU HAVE;
IT'S WHO YOU ARE.
- YOU'VE HEARD A LOT ABOUT ME,
BUT IT'S ONLY TRUE
WHEN IT COMES FROM MY LIPS.
- I'M NOT A BITCH,
BUT I'VE PLAYED ONE ON TV.
- I'VE BEEN RICH,
AND I'VE BEEN FAMOUS,
BUT HAPPINESS BEATS THEM BOTH.
- I'D RATHER SPENDING MY LIFE
KICKING ASS THAN KISSING IT.
- PLANES AND YACHTS ARE NICE,
BUT MY HAPPINESS STARTS AT HOME.
- KEN, DON'T KEEP
GIVING HIM BISCUITS.
- WHY?
- BECAUSE THEY'RE
HUMAN BISCUITS.
THEY'RE NOT DOG BISCUITS.
- THESE ARE SUGARLESS.
- NO, THEY'RE NOT.
- THEY AREN'T?
- THEY'RE NOT.
OKAY, SO I AGREED TO GO
AND HAVE LUNCH WITH BRANDI.
BUT, YOU KNOW...
- IS SHE GOING TO APOLOGIZE?
IS THAT WHAT IT IS?
- I DON'T KNOW, BUT I THINK
I'M JUST GONNA GO...
SEE WHAT SHE HAS TO SAY.
- OH, WELL, GOOD LUCK.
- I DON'T PARTICULARLY
WANT TO HAVE LUNCH WITH BRANDI,
BUT THESE WOMEN HAVE A HABIT
OF KIND OF GANGING UP,
SO I THINK IT'S BETTER
I JUST SIT DOWN WITH HER,
AND... LET'S HEAR WHAT SHE HAS
TO SAY ONCE AND FOR ALL.
WHY DON'T YOU COME?
- I'M FINE. YOU HAVE FUN.
- FUN IS NOT WHAT IT'S GONNA BE.
- HELLO. HOW ARE YOU?
I HAVE A RESERVATION
FOR GLANVILLE FOR TWO.
I'M OWED AN APOLOGY FROM LISA,
BUT DO I THINK
I'M GETTING IT 100%?
PROBABLY NOT.
LISA'S A VERY
STUBBORN INDIVIDUAL.
- HELLO.
- HOW ARE YOU?
- HELLO.
- HI.
- DID YOU THINK I'D SHOW UP?
- YES.
YOU SAID YOU WOULD,
AND YOU'RE USUALLY...
DO WHAT YOU SAY.
- SO, I'M HERE.
- YES.
- YOU HAVE MY
UNDIVIDED ATTENTION.
- OH, GREAT. ARE YOU HUNGRY?
- STARVING.
- I'M STARVING AS WELL.
THANK GOD.
I'M GONNA WAIT FOR THE WINE
BEFORE WE GET
INTO HEAVY CONVERSATION.
- HEAVY CONVERSATION?
IS THAT WHAT I'M HERE FOR,
HEAVY CONVERSATION?
- WELL, I MEAN, I THINK
THAT WE NEED TO HAVE ONE
IF WE... IF WE
WANT TO MOVE FORWARD.
IF YOU EVEN
WANT TO MOVE FORWARD.
- ALL THOSE THINGS
THAT YOU SAID ABOUT ME,
I'M THINKING,
WHY DO YOU WANT ME IN YOUR LIFE
IF YOU REALLY BELIEVE THAT?
DO YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?
- IT'S A TWO-WAY STREET.
I MEAN, YOU'VE SAID
SOME VERY NEGATIVE,
BAD THINGS ABOUT ME AS WELL.
I MEAN, I'M GLAD THAT YOU'RE
CAPITALIZING OFF MY HEARTBREAK.
IT'S AMAZING.
- NO, YOU'VE GOT IT WRONG.
- TAKE A LIE DETECTOR TEST.
- I DON'T UNDERSTAND
WHAT YOU WANT FROM ME.
- WHAT I WOULD HOPE TO...
I MEAN, OBVIOUSLY
I CARE ABOUT YOU.
I WOULD LIKE US TO MOVE FORWARD.
- BUT DO YOU, BRANDI?
- IF I DIDN'T,
I WOULDN'T BE HERE.
- SHE DOESN'T REALIZE THAT ONCE
YOU GO DOWN A CERTAIN PATH,
IT MIGHT BE DIFFICULT TO REPAIR.
YOU HAVE TO BE ACCOUNTABLE
FOR WHAT YOU SAID
AND WHAT YOU'VE CREATED
OR WHAT YOU'VE DONE.
AND THINGS MIGHT NEVER GO BACK.
KEN REALLY PUT HIMSELF
ON THE LINE FOR YOU.
HE REALLY DID. - OKAY.
- AND HE DOES FEEL VERY HURT,
AND I DO THINK THAT HE WENT
ABOVE AND BEYOND TO THE POINT
THAT I THINK HE ALMOST
LOOKED A LITTLE RIDICULOUS,
THE WAY HE USED TO DEFEND YOU.
- LET'S PAY
BRANDI'S LAWYER'S FEES,
AND WE'LL ALL LIVE
HAPPILY EVER AFTER.
- ARE YOU... YOU'RE TOUCHING
ME FOR ME TO PAY FOR IT?
- YEAH, BECAUSE YOU SUED HER.
- WHY DON'T YOU
PAY FOR IT, SINCE...
- YOU SUED, I DIDN'T.
MAURICIO, WHEN YOU'RE BEING
SUED BY SOMEBODY,
MAYBE YOU DON'T WANT
TO PICK UP THE PHONE.
- HAVE COMMON SENSE.
- THAT'S BULL[bleep].
- FOR HER TO TURN ON HIM...
I THINK IT'D BE
A LONG TIME COMING
BEFORE KEN EVER FORGIVES HER.
HE FELT VERY PROTECTIVE OF YOU.
SO TO SLAP HIM IN THE FACE,
I THINK MAYBE YOU NEED TO...
- BUT... OKAY, BUT LISTEN.
I DIDN'T JUST
SLAP HIM IN THE FACE.
WHEN YOU LEFT ME AS A FRIEND,
HE LEFT ME AS A FRIEND.
KEN AND LISA
WERE LIKE FAMILY TO ME.
THEY WERE LIKE A...
ALMOST LIKE PSEUDO-PARENTS.
AND I JUST FELT LIKE IT REALLY
SUCKED TO HAVE THEM JUST
WALK AWAY WHEN THINGS GOT ROUGH.
- DO YOU THINK IT COULD
GO BACK TO HOW IT WAS?
- I DO... I MEAN, I DON'T THINK
IT CAN GO BACK TO HOW IT WAS,
BUT I THINK THAT WE HAVE
A VERY SIMILAR PERSONALITY.
I THINK THAT OUR SENSES OF HUMOR
ARE VIRTUALLY THE SAME.
- WE DON'T HAVE
A SIMILAR PERSONALITY AT ALL.
- OKAY.
OUR SENSES OF HUMOR
ARE VERY SIMILAR.
- MAYBE.
- THAT'S A PART
OF A PERSONALITY.
THE POINT IS FRIENDS ARE THERE
IN GOOD TIMES AND IN BAD.
WHEN I'M DEPRESSED AND ON...
IN A DOWNWARD SPIRAL,
I'M DRINKING TOO MUCH
OR MY DOG'S GONE,
MY DAD'S NOT TALKING TO ME,
THAT'S WHEN I NEED
MY FRIENDS THE MOST.
AND TO FEEL LIKE YOU GUYS
ARE FAMILY AND THEN TO HAVE YOU
PULL AWAY AND NOT BE THERE,
IT HURT.
- WHAT DO YOU ACTUALLY WANT?
- I WANT TO HAVE FUN
WITH YOU AGAIN.
- WELL, THEN
YOU HAVE TO APOLOGIZE.
- ARE YOU GONNA APOLOGIZE TO ME?
- I'M SO EXCITED.
- IT'S GONNA BE GOOD.
- IT'S GONNA BE A GOOD DAY.
IT'S YOUR DAY TODAY.
WE JUST NEED TO LOOK
AT THIS ONE APARTMENT, BELLA.
WE NEED TO FIND...
- YOU'RE MOVING TO NEW YORK.
YOU'RE, LIKE, AN ADULT NOW.
- I KNOW.
- I DON'T LIKE IT.
- SO SOON.
- MY BABY ADULT.
- I JUST WANT TO GO THERE.
IT'S NICE, LIKE,
BEING IN A NEW PLACE.
I'VE BEEN IN THE SAME PLACE
FOR SO LONG.
- YOU KNOW, WE NEED
TO FIND AN APARTMENT
CLOSE TO THE SCHOOL, BELLA.
BELLA'S STILL DEALING
WITH THE SHAME OF GETTING
A DUI EARLIER THIS SUMMER.
IT'S MORE EXPENSIVE THAN WE
PLANNED ON, BUT LOOK AT THIS.
IT HAS TWO BEDROOMS,
SO ONE FOR YOUR ROOMMATE
AND ONE FOR YOU.
- ARE YOU GONNA HAVE A ROOMMATE?
- AND THEN... YEAH.
- MM-HMM, MY FRIEND LEAH.
- IT'S 17 YEARS
OF BUILDING BLOCKS
WITH THIS CHILD
THAT IS ALWAYS SO RESPONSIBLE,
AND ALL OF A SUDDEN, YOU KNOW,
SHE MADE A MISTAKE.
- I AM HAPPY TO LIVE ON A FLOOR
IF I HAVE SOMEWHERE TO SLEEP
AND I CAN BE
IN NEW YORK AND HAPPY.
- TOTALLY, YEAH.
- I'M SURE
I'M GONNA GET OVER IT,
BUT IT'S GONNA TAKE TIME.
I'VE LOST MY CONFIDENCE
IN DECISIONS THAT BELLA
MIGHT MAKE IN THE MOMENT.
- OH, HERE WE GO.
- HERE WE GO.
- WE'RE FULL WRAPPAGE RIGHT NOW.
- I'M DISAPPOINTED
AND I'M SCARED.
IT'S MADE ME VULNERABLE
IN A WAY THAT I'VE NEVER FELT.
- IT'S A TOTALLY
DIFFERENT FEEL THAN GIGI.
- TOTALLY DIFFERENT FEEL, YEAH.
- COMPLETELY.
- YEAH.
- I'M LOVING IT.
- LOVE IT.
I TOOK AWAY HER PHONE
FOR 21 DAYS,
AND NO SOCIAL MEDIA,
NOT TALKING TO HER FRIENDS.
IT'S KIND OF FLAPPY
IN THE FRONT,
THE HAIR, YOU SEE THAT?
SHE'S GONNA HAVE TO PAY
FOR HER OWN LAWYER'S FEES
WITH HER SAVINGS,
AND I THINK THE HARDEST THING
FOR HER IS ACCEPT FROM HERSELF
THAT SHE'S MADE THE MISTAKE.
YOU'RE DOING REALLY
GOOD TODAY, BELLA.
- THANKS.
- DO YOU FEEL GOOD?
- YEAH.
- I HAVE TO TRUST THAT BELLA
HAS THE TOOLS TO MAKE THE...
THE RIGHT DECISIONS.
YOU LOOK... ALL OF A SUDDEN...
YOU LOOK LIKE A WOMAN.
REMEMBER I ALWAYS
SAID TO YOU, "AH, YOU GIRLS
DON'T NEED TO WORK
BEFORE YOU'RE 17 BECAUSE..."
- I KNOW.
- YOU SEE NOW WHY?
- YEAH, OF COURSE.
MOTHER'S ALWAYS RIGHT.
- 80% OF THE TIME, MAYBE.
- WHAT DO YOU ACTUALLY WANT?
- I WANT TO HAVE FUN
WITH YOU AGAIN.
- WELL, THEN
YOU HAVE TO APOLOGIZE.
- ARE YOU GONNA APOLOGIZE TO ME?
- WHAT DO YOU WANT
ME TO APOLOGIZE FOR?
I DON'T THINK
I BELIEVE IN MARRIAGE ANYMORE
THANKS PARTLY TO YOU.
I DO NOT WANT TO TALK TO SOMEONE
THAT [bleep] MY HUSBAND
WHILE I WAS PREGNANT.
- I GET IT. I GET IT. [sighs]
I APOLOGIZE
FOR SCHEANA BEING AT...
NOT GIVING YOU THE HEADS UP
OF THE FACT THAT SHE WAS THERE.
- OKAY.
I'M HONESTLY SHOCKED THAT LISA
WAS ABLE TO MAKE THOSE WORDS
COME OUT OF HER MOUTH.
AND I APOLOGIZE FOR REPEATING
THINGS THAT I SAID
THAT WERE GOSSIP, THAT I HEARD.
- YOU SAID THAT I USED
TO LIVE DEEP IN THE VALLEY
ON YOUR PODCAST.
- I DIDN'T SAY THAT.
- I USED TO LIVE
DEEP IN THE VALLEY
AND I FILED FOR BANKRUPTCY.
I'VE NEVER LIVED DEEP IN THE
VALLEY OR FILED FOR BANKRUPTCY.
- I MEAN, I WAS AN
ASS[bleep] TO YOU, YES,
BUT YOU HAVE BEEN
AN ASS[bleep] TO ME TOO.
- YOU KNOW WHAT?
I CAN'T BE THE FRIEND THAT YOU...
THAT YOU WANT.
IF WE'RE ALL
IN THE SAME SITUATION,
I'M HAPPY TO BE
FRIENDLY WITH YOU.
- THAT'S ALL I ASK FOR.
- OKAY.
- LISA TAKES A REALLY LONG TIME
TO GET OVER THINGS.
BUT BABY STEPS ARE FINE WITH ME.
I CAN DO IT.
WE'LL JUST TAKE IT SLOWLY.
I'M HAPPY TO HAVE
A CONVERSATION WITH KEN.
- I DON'T KNOW
WHAT TO EXPECT FROM BRANDI.
SHE IS ONE OF THE MOST
UNPREDICTABLE CHARACTERS
I'VE EVER MET IN MY LIFE,
SO WHO KNOWS?
I'LL JUST HAVE TO SEE
WHICH WAY THE WIND BLOWS.
WELL, YOU'RE BUYING ME LUNCH.
- OKAY.
I WILL BUY YOU LUNCH FOR SURE.
- AND I MIGHT EVEN HAVE
SOMETHING TO GO.
- OH, NOW YOU'RE TAKING
ADVANTAGE OF ME.
- COMING UP...
- DO IT. DO IT.
- I CAN'T.
- IF YOU DON'T DO IT,
LISA WILL [bleep] DO IT.
- OH!
- WOW.
CLICK, CLICK, LOOK AT THIS.
- HI.
- SO GORGEOUS. SO PRETTY.
HOW ARE YOU? I LOVE THAT JACKET.
- I'M GOOD. THANK YOU.
- OOH.
NOW THAT THE KIDS ARE GROWING UP
THEY DON'T NEED ME AS MUCH,
AND I WANT TO BE SOCIAL AGAIN.
- HI, GIRLS.
- HI.
- HI.
- I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA FALL.
- IF YOU DO, FALL INTO MY ARMS.
- GIRLFRIENDS REALLY
ARE FOR GETTING TOGETHER,
LAUGHING, TELLING STORIES,
BEING THERE FOR EACH OTHER,
EATING, DRINKING, OF COURSE.
- YOU LOOK STUNNING.
- HI.
- THANK YOU. I TRIED.
YOU ALWAYS LOOK GOOD.
I HAVE TO KEEP UP WITH YOU.
- OH, GOD, YOU'RE SO BEAUTIFUL.
- HI, GORGEOUS GIRLS.
- YOU LOOK AMAZING.
- THANK YOU.
- I WANT TO DO MORE OF THAT,
AND I JUST HAVE
TO MAKE THE EFFORT TO DO IT.
- ARE YOU READY
FOR YOUR PARTY TOMORROW?
- OH, YAY.
- I'M SO READY, YES.
- SO NICE.
- I MEAN, YEAH, IT'LL BE FUN.
I HOPE IT'S A NIGHT...
A WARM NIGHT,
BECAUSE I WANTED
TO DO IT A LITTLE BIT
OUTSIDE AND DO S'MORES AFTER...
AROUND THE FIRE...
- OH, CUTE.
- OH, I LOVE THAT.
- THE FIREPLACE.
- NICE.
- I THINK IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE.
- I LIKE TO THROW
THESE DINNER PARTIES
BECAUSE WE ALWAYS END UP
AROUND THE PIANO.
♪♪ WHEN THE SAINTS
GO MARCHING IN ♪♪
♪♪ ♪♪
- WHOO!
- THERE'S SOMETHING ABOUT MUSIC
THAT JOINS PEOPLE TOGETHER.
- SO GIRLS, HOW WAS YOUR DAY?
- I HAD A REALLY
LONG TALK WITH LISA.
- HOW DID THAT GO?
- OH, THAT'S, OH.
- I THINK IT ULTIMATELY
WAS A POSITIVE...
THING, SITUATION.
WE'RE GONNA MOVE FORWARD
AS MUCH AS WE CAN,
AND IF THAT'S JUST BEING SOCIAL
AND SAYING HELLO OR IF THAT'S,
YOU KNOW, BEING ABLE TO HAVE
FUN AGAIN AND HANGING OUT,
WE'LL JUST TAKE IT DAY BY DAY
AND SEE HOW THAT WORKS.
- LISA IS NOT SOMEONE TO JUST
SAY, "OKAY, I'M SORRY AS WELL."
- I FELT SOMETHING WEIRD
BETWEEN YOU AND LISA.
- WE ALL LOVE HER, BUT WE'RE...
WE'VE ALL MOVED ON FROM IT AND...
- WELL, LOVE IS A BIG WORD.
IF THEY CAN FIND IT
WITHIN THEMSELVES TO...
TO FORGIVE AND MOVE ON,
I'M HAPPY.
- WELL, THAT SOUNDS POSITIVE.
- YEAH. NO, IT WAS.
IT REALLY WAS.
- ARE YOU GONNA GO WITH US
TO DROP ALEXIA OFF?
- I'M NOT SURE.
- WE NEED HANGERS.
YOU KNOW, MOPS AND BROOMS,
YOU'RE GONNA NEED.
- I KNOW.
- TRASH, 'CAUSE EVERY...
THAT'S A LOT
OF STUFF WE HAVE TO GET.
I'M A BIT OVERLY DRAMATIC ABOUT
MY KIDS GROWING UP AND LEAVING.
ALEXIA'S GOING OFF
TO COLLEGE IN ARIZONA.
FOUR MORE YEARS LEFT
AND SOPHIA'S GONNA LEAVE.
NEXT THING I KNOW,
I'M GONNA BE LIKE,
"HELLO, WHAT'S MY
JOB AROUND HERE?"
BY THE WAY,
SOMEONE PUT RED IN WITH
ALL THE WHITE THE OTHER DAY,
AND ALL MY WHITE
UNDERWEAR TURNED PINK.
- THAT WASN'T ME.
- NO, I KNOW THAT,
'CAUSE YOU'VE NEVER
LOOKED AT A WASHING
MACHINE IN YOUR LIFE.
I'M FORTUNATE ENOUGH
THAT I HAVE SOMEONE
WHO HELPS ME IN THE HOUSE,
DO THE LAUNDRY,
AND CLEAN.
UNFORTUNATELY, THAT MEANS
THAT ALEXIA IS NOW 18 YEARS OLD
AND DOES NOT KNOW
HOW TO DO HER OWN LAUNDRY.
- WHICH ONE'S THE DRYER?
- THIS IS THE DRYER,
AND THIS IS THE WASHING MACHINE.
SO RIGHT NOW,
THIS IS ALL LIGHT STUFF.
THESE ARE JUST DIRTY TOWELS,
CLEANING TOWELS AND STUFF.
SO WHATEVER. OKAY.
- ARE YOU SURE THOSE ARE DIRTY?
- THIS IS CALLED A HAMPER.
- I KNOW WHAT A HAMPER IS.
- AND YOU'RE GONNA
NEED ONE OF THESE.
RIPPER,
CAN YOU GET OUT OF MY WAY?
OKAY,
THIS WILL BE A NORMAL WASH.
AND THEN...
TA-DA.
I FEEL LIKE I'VE
PREPARED MY KIDS
FOR A LOT OF THINGS IN LIFE.
LAUNDRY IS NOT ONE OF THEM.
YOU KNOW, YOU WIN SOME,
YOU LOSE SOME.
- KIMBERLY, ONCE WE
PLAYED HIDE AND SEEK
WHEN WE WERE LITTLE KIDS
WITH ALL OF OUR COUSINS
IN PALM SPRINGS.
- IN A DRYER?
- WE COULDN'T FIND HER,
AND SHE WAS IN THE DRYER,
AND CONRAD AND BARRON
PUT THE DRYER
ON WHILE SHE WAS IN THERE.
- NO! YOU'RE LYING TO ME.
I CAN'T HEAR THESE THINGS.
OH, MY GOD.
YOU GUYS ARE SO BAD.
I MEAN, IT'S ALL FUN AND GAMES
UNTIL YOUR UNDERWEAR
COME OUT THIS BIG.
JUST SO YOU KNOW,
I WANT YOU TO KNOW,
AND I MEAN THIS.
I KNOW A LOT
OF PARENTS WOULD SAY,
"YOU HAVE TO FINISH
WHAT YOU START."
YOU DON'T HAVE TO...
I'M SORRY, I DIDN'T MEAN
TO DO THIS RIGHT NOW.
- MOM.
- I'M SORRY, AND I KNOW WE'RE...
I'M GONNA BE OKAY,
AND YOU'RE GONNA BE OKAY,
BUT I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW
THAT IF YOU'RE NOT HAPPY,
YOU CAN COME HOME.
YOU CAN ALWAYS COME HOME,
AND I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT.
- I KNOW.
- THERE ARE LOTS
OF GREAT SCHOOLS HERE.
I'M NOT GONNA
MAKE YOU STAY SOMEWHERE
WHERE YOU'RE NOT HAPPY.
AFTER BELLA'S DUI,
I FEEL NO MATTER
HOW GOOD OF A PARENT YOU ARE,
NO MATTER HOW MANY LESSONS
YOU TRY TO TEACH THEM
AND TRY TO SET THE BEST EXAMPLE,
KIDS WILL MAKE
MISTAKES SOMETIMES.
- WELL, I'M ONLY AN HOUR AWAY.
IT'S NOT BAD.
- I KNOW. I KNOW. I KNOW.
OF COURSE, AS A PARENT,
YOU HOPE THAT THESE THINGS
WILL NEVER HAPPEN,
BUT YOU KNOW THEY CAN.
AND NOW I HAVE TO JUST LET GO
AND HOPE THAT SHE'S GONNA BE
OKAY AND MAKE THE RIGHT CHOICES.
YOU KIND OF HAVE
TO HAVE BLIND FAITH.
LET'S GO.
WE HAVE A LOT OF STUFF
TO BUY AND ORDER AND DO.
- OKAY, I'M COMING.
- HOW OLD'S YOUR DAD?
- 65.
- OH, MY GOD. HARRY'S 62.
YOU DON'T KNOW HARRY
THAT WELL, DO YOU?
- I ALWAYS SEE HIM
IN PASSING, AND...
- ONCE YOU GET TO KNOW HIM,
HE'S WAY CHATTIER THAN I AM.
BUT COMPLETE
OPPOSITES, YOU KNOW.
- OH, THAT'S GOOD.
OPPOSITES ATTRACT.
- OH, WE'RE COMPLETE OPPOSITES.
- BUT THAT'S WHAT
MAKES YOU GUYS WORK.
WHEN YOU'RE THE SAME PERSON,
THEN THAT'S WHEN PEOPLE CHEAT.
- I JUST THINK WE'RE
MEANT TO BE TOGETHER.
- VINNY AND I ARE TOO.
THE FIGHTS, WE GOT
OVER THEM SOONER
BECAUSE WE KNEW
THAT WE WERE GONNA BE THERE,
AND WE JUST CAME...
- BUT HE WAS MARRIED
WHEN YOU MET HIM, RIGHT?
- WE BOTH WERE.
- OH.
- YOU WERE BOTH MARRIED
WHEN YOU MET EACH OTHER?
- YEAH.
- I DON'T THINK
CHEATING IS RIGHT AT ALL,
BUT PEOPLE DO IT.
- WE KNEW EACH OTHER.
WE WORKED TOGETHER
'CAUSE HE WAS ON MY SHOW.
THAT'S HOW WE MET. - OH.
- RIGHT, AND NEITHER ONE
OF US WAS LOOKING.
- WELL, YOU WERE MARRIED.
- OF COURSE, YOU WERE MARRIED.
- BUT I MEAN,
BUT IT'S LIKE WE WEREN'T, LIKE,
TRYING TO GET
OUT OF THE MARRIAGE.
- RIGHT.
- OH, SO IT WAS EVEN...
- NO. WE WERE FRIENDS.
- IT'S HARD BECAUSE I JUST
WENT THROUGH THIS WITH JR
AND HIM CHEATING ON ME.
I WENT THROUGH IT WITH EDDIE,
AND EDDIE CHEATING ON ME.
- AND EVERYTHING WAS FINE,
AND THEN ALL OF THE SUDDEN
WE JUST REALIZED
WE WEREN'T HAPPY
IN OUR MARRIAGES
BECAUSE OF HOW WE FELT
ABOUT EACH OTHER.
- OH, THAT'S A SCARY MOMENT.
- AND LITERALLY, WE MET IN 2000.
WE WERE TOGETHER BY 2001.
- [bleep] HAPPENS.
YOU FALL IN LOVE WITH WHO
YOU FALL IN LOVE WITH, BUT...
BREAK UP AND GET
TOGETHER WITH THEM.
YOU KNOW? DO IT THAT WAY.
WAS IT HARD IN THE BEGINNING?
- ABSOLUTELY.
- RIGHT.
- IT WAS ONE
OF THE MOST HORRIFIC
EXPERIENCES OF OUR
LIVES, YOU KNOW?
- HOW WAS... HOW DID YOUR
HUSBAND DEAL WITH IT?
- MY EX?
- YEAH.
- HE WAS OKAY BECAUSE I WAS MORE
UP-FRONT ABOUT EVERYTHING.
I SAID,
"THIS IS WHAT'S HAPPENING.
I'M HAVING FEELINGS,
AND YOU JUST NEED TO KNOW THAT."
- RIGHT. OH, THAT'S GOOD.
- AND THAT'S WHY I HAVE
SO MUCH EMPATHY FOR YOU,
BECAUSE IT SUCKS, AND IT WAS,
LIKE, THE WORST THING,
BECAUSE I NEVER WANTED TO...
YOU KNOW, WE DIDN'T WANT
TO HURT ANYBODY.
I'M VERY SYMPATHETIC TO BRANDI
AND WHAT SHE'S GONE THROUGH
WITH HER EX-HUSBAND LEAVING HER.
BUT IF A MARRIAGE
IS IN GOOD SHAPE,
A THIRD PARTY CAN'T
COME IN AND DESTROY IT,
AND THAT'S THE BOTTOM LINE.
- ARE YOU FRIENDLY
WITH HIS EX-WIFE?
- VERY MUCH.
- I'M GLAD THAT WE'RE HAVING
THIS CONVERSATION TODAY.
YOUR HONESTY IS AMAZING.
- THANKS.
- I'M NOT, LIKE,
THE SCORNED WOMAN POLICE,
BUT IT'S HARD FOR ME
NOT TO FEEL MAD.
OH, CAN YOU... I FEEL
LIKE YOU NEED TO FLIP YOUR HAIR
AND SAY, "WE'RE
JOHN BLACK AND MARLENA."
[all laughing]
- WAIT, DID YOU SEE
THE SHOW TODAY?
SHE'S, LIKE, SITTING THERE,
AND YOU'RE ON THE PHONE.
- I HAVEN'T EVEN SEEN THE SHOW.
- OKAY, I NEED TO WATCH IT.
- YOU'VE GOT TO WATCH HER.
- I'VE BEEN OBSESSED.
- SHE'S A WHORE ON TV.
- SHE'S A TOTAL MEAN, MEAN...
- WELL, ON THAT SHOW.
ON THE OTHER ONE, I'M NOT.
- YEAH, OF COURSE.
- NASTY.
- ON DAYS...
- YOU'RE GANGSTER ON DAYS.
- THIS IS 1995.
- SHOW ME HOW YOU DO IT
WHEN YOU DO.
- I CAN'T DO THAT.
- DO WHAT YOU DID TODAY.
YOU WERE...
HOW DO YOU DO THE HAIR?
- I CAN'T DO IT.
I NEED A SCRIPT,
AND I NEED SOME WORDS.
- COME ON. DO... GET ON THE PHONE.
- PAY ME SOME MONEY
AND I'LL DO IT.
- OKAY.
- I'LL GIVE YOU 20...
WAIT, HOLD ON. HOLD ON.
- I DO NOT KNOW WHO
I'M DEALING WITH.
- YOU JUST... OKAY.
- OH, MY GOD.
- DO THE SCENE
THAT YOU DID TODAY.
- I'M LIKE A POOR,
SAD ACTRESS BY THE FREEWAY,
"WILL ACT FOR FOOD."
- LISTEN, IF YOU DON'T DO IT,
LISA WILL [bleep] DO IT.
I'M JUST SAYING.
I JUST WANT TO SEE THIS SIDE
OF HER THAT I SEE ON DAYS,
WHICH IS THE VILLAIN WHO SLEEPS
AROUND AND TRIES TO STEAL MEN.
I WANT TO SEE THE...
LIKE, THE JOHN,
MARLENA, JOHN BLACK.
I WANT TO SEE IT. DO IT.
- I CAN'T.
- DO IT.
- WHAT AM I, A CIRCUS SEAL?
- I'M GONNA THROW A DRINK
ON YOU IN ONE SECOND.
- [imitates seal barking]
- I CAN'T.
- YOU CAN, YES.
- I DON'T WANT
TO PLAY THIS GAME.
I DON'T WANT TO RE-ENACT
A SCENE FROM THE SHOW,
AND SHE'S NOT GETTING IT.
- I... THIS IS WHAT ACTORS DO.
- NO, I DON'T...
IT'S NOT $40, ANYWAY.
THAT'S... SHE WON AN EMMY.
- I'M GONNA THROW
A DRINK ON YOU.
- SHE WON AN EMMY,
SO SHE'S REALLY GOOD.
- THAT'S PRETTY...
THAT IS PRETTY...
I KNOW. THANK YOU SO MUCH.
- IMPRESSIVE.
- YOU'VE WON AN EMMY.
- OH! BRANDI!
- WHY DID YOU DO THAT?
- COMING UP....
- WE HAD DINNER
LAST NIGHT WITH BRANDI.
AND SHE JUST THREW A GLASS
OF WINE IN MY FACE.
- ARE YOU SERIOUS?
- SHE WON AN EMMY.
- I'M GONNA THROW
A DRINK ON YOU.
- SHE WON AN EMMY,
SO SHE'S REALLY GOOD.
- THAT'S PRETTY...
THAT IS PRETTY...
- I KNOW. THANK YOU SO MUCH.
- YOU'VE WON AN EMMY.
- THANKS. OH!
- OH, YOU DIDN'T.
- BRANDI!
- WHY DID YOU DO THAT?
- ABSOLUTELY INAPPROPRIATE
AND [bleep] WEIRD.
IF BRANDI'D THROWN THE WINE
IN MY FACE,
I WOULD HAVE GONE
ACROSS THAT TABLE
AND... I DON'T KNOW
WHAT I WOULD HAVE DONE,
BUT I WOULD PROBABLY
BE IN A COP CAR.
- SHE'S HAD A FEW DRINKS.
- I HAVE.
THAT WAS GOOD. - BAD GIRL.
NO, IT'S NOT GOOD. YOUR HAIR.
OH, YOUR... YOUR...
YOUR TOP, YOUR LEATHER TOP.
- IT WAS SO BIZARRE. REALLY?
- WOW.
- WHERE DID THAT COME FROM?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT TO SAY.
WHAT DO YOU SAY TO THAT?
- I JUST THOUGHT THAT BEING
A DAYS OF OUR LIVES ACTRESS,
LIKE, YOU COULD...
- TAKE PEOPLE
THROWING THROWING THE...
- THE DRAMA.
- OH...
EVERY DAY OF MY LIFE PEOPLE
THROW GLASSES IN MY FACE.
- I THINK I JUST DID IT FOR,
LIKE, A SOAP OPERA MOMENT,
OR MAYBE 'CAUSE SHE TOLD ME
A ROMANTIC STORY
ABOUT HER CHEATING.
BUT IT COULD HAVE BEEN
A COMBINATION OF EVERYTHING.
- THERE'S AN ICK FACTOR HERE.
I'M GONNA GET OVER IT.
I'M GONNA BE FINE.
THERE'S JUST AN ICK FACTOR HERE.
IT'S RIGHT...
IT'S JUST ICKY.
I'VE NEVER HAD A GLASS
OF WINE THROWN IN MY FACE.
I'M CONFUSED AND...
AND ANGRY AND HUMILIATED,
AND IT'S JUST
KIND OF SHOCKING AND BIZARRE.
ANYWAY, SAY SOMETHING ELSE.
- OKAY.
- MOVING IT ON.
- MOVING ON.
- ALL RIGHT.
LET'S GET THE CHECK.
CAN WE HAVE THE CHECK, PLEASE?
- BY THE TIME IT'S DONE,
WE'RE GONNA SEAT SEVEN ON
EACH SIDE AND TWO ON THE ENDS.
- YEAH, AND TWO ON THE END?
- YEAH.
- JUST TWO ON ONE END, RIGHT?
- RIGHT.
- FOR DAVID AND I?
- YES.
- I HAVE NEVER HIRED
A PARTY PLANNER
TO DO A DINNER AT THE HOUSE,
BUT MINDY
IS A REALLY GOOD FRIEND,
AND I LOVE HER VISION
OF THROWING A DINNER PARTY.
I LOVE IT.
I USUALLY DO ALL OF THIS MYSELF.
IT'S SO NICE TO JUST HANG OUT.
- SO NOW YOU CAN GO TAKE A BATH
AND JUST DO YOUR THING.
- YEAH, I'M JUST GONNA GO
AND DO MY MAKEUP AND GET READY.
- GOOD.
- THANK YOU. I LOVE IT.
I LOVE IT. YOU'RE AMAZING.
Both: THANK YOU.
- EILEEN, GET OUT HERE.
IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL.
- "GET OUT HERE!"
HERE I COME.
IT'S GREAT.
- SIT DOWN.
LET'S RELAX BEFORE WE GO.
- OKAY. WELL, WE CAN'T RELAX.
WE'VE GOT TO GO SOON.
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?
ARE YOU SURE I LOOK OKAY?
I JUST FEEL SO...
TIRED, 'CAUSE I DIDN'T
SLEEP VERY WELL LAST NIGHT...
- YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL. I LIKE THAT.
- AND I'M JUST POOPED.
- I LIKE THAT DRESS.
YOU WANT A GLASS OF WINE
BEFORE WE GO?
- NO, I DON'T THINK SO.
I THINK I'M GONNA AVOID WINE
FOR A LITTLE WHILE.
AT LEAST TILL WE GET THERE.
BRANDI'S GONNA BE THERE.
- I KNOW. IT'S...
- IT'S NOT THAT FUNNY.
- DAMN PSYCHO.
- YEAH, I DON'T KNOW.
SHE'S LIKE A SUPERFAN.
I DON'T GET IT.
I DON'T KNOW
WHAT TO EXPECT, YOU KNOW?
I'M GOING TO BE VERY CAUTIOUS
AROUND BRANDI.
I THINK SHE'S CAPABLE
OF ALMOST ANYTHING.
- LOOK, SHE'S OBVIOUSLY WEIRD...
- HONEY, WHO THROWS A GLASS
OF WINE IN SOMEBODY'S FACE?
I MEAN, JUST FOR NO REASON.
- IT'S A STRANGE THING,
BUT, SHE... YOU KNOW...
I THINK SHE REALLY
LIKES YOU, YOU KNOW.
- OKAY.
- I WOULDN'T TAKE IT
PERSONAL, REALLY.
- WE'VE GOT TO GO.
- PUT YOUR LITTLE FUN FACE ON.
BEAUTIFUL, PERFECT.
- YEAH, YOU LIKE IT?
- LIKE I MADE IT MYSELF.
LOVE YOU, BABY.
- I LOVE YOU TOO.
- THANK YOU.
I'VE INVITED EVERYBODY,
INCLUDING BRANDI,
TO MY DINNER PARTY,
BEFORE THIS CRAZY WINE INCIDENT.
I WOULD BE HORRIFIED
IF BRANDI WOULD
BEHAVE LIKE THAT IN...
WITHIN MY HOME.
HI, GUYS.
- HEY.
- WELCOME.
HI.
- HOW ARE YOU?
- GOOD.
- YOU LOOK GORGEOUS.
- THANK YOU. HI.
LOOK HOW HANDSOME HE LOOKS.
SO HANDSOME.
- THANK YOU.
- I KNOW.
- I LIKE THAT.
- HE TEACHES ME HOW TO BE COOL.
- HE... HE IS COOL.
HE'S PRETTY COOL.
DAVID AND BABYFACE
WORKED TOGETHER
FOR THE PAST 20-SOME YEARS
WRITING AND PRODUCING TOGETHER,
AND I LOVE HIS VOICE.
I LOVE HIS SONGS.
I LOVE THE HUMAN BEING
THAT HE IS.
- HI THERE.
- HEY.
- HOW ARE YOU? GOOD TO SEE YOU.
- HOW ARE YOU?
NICE TO SEE YOU.
- NICE TO SEE YOU
LOOKING GORGEOUS.
HOW ARE YOU? - I'M GOOD, THANKS.
- HOW ARE YOU?
- KENNY, KYLE.
- KENNY.
- KYLE, NICE TO MEET YOU.
- MARTIN KATZ.
- HI, MARTIN.
- NICE TO SEE YOU.
- OH.
- YOU DIDN'T NEED TO DO THAT,
BUT THANK YOU.
- YEAH. MAURICIO'S ON HIS WAY.
HE'S WORKING, HE'LL BE
HERE IN, LIKE, 20 MINUTES.
- LET'S GO.
YOU WANT TO GO OUTSIDE?
- SURE.
OH, MY GOSH,
YOU MATCH YOUR CUSHIONS.
- I KNOW.
I DID THE YELLOW
AND BLUE THEME TODAY.
- OH, MY GOSH, LOOK AT THIS.
- IT'S NICE, NO?
- HELLO?
HOW ARE YOU?
- HOW ARE YOU?
- I'M GOOD.
- LAST NIGHT I HAD DINNER
WITH EILEEN AND LISA RINNA
AND BRANDI AND I.
AND IT JUST... IT WAS TERRIBLE.
- WHAT HAPPENED?
- SHOCKING.
I DON'T... I DON'T KNOW
WHAT HAPPENED.
WE WERE HAVING A GREAT TIME,
AND ALL OF A SUDDEN,
BRANDI TOOK HER GLASS OF WINE
AND THREW IT IN EILEEN'S FACE.
- WAIT, NO, NO.
- I MEAN, IT WAS JUST,
LIKE, OUT OF NOWHERE.
BRANDI WAS TRYING TO SAY TO HER,
"OKAY, DO YOUR PART,
WHAT YOU DID TODAY AT WORK."
- LIKE A "LET'S PRETEND WE'RE
ON A SOAP OPERA" KIND OF THING?
- LIKE, I DON'T KNOW.
I... WHO KNOWS?
I DON'T KNOW
WHAT SHE WAS THINKING.
- I'M TRYING TO MAKE
SENSE OUT OF SOMETHING
THAT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE.
- NO, IT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE.
I MEAN, I'M... IT'S SO RUDE.
- OH, GOD.
- LET'S GO INSIDE.
- OKAY.
I CAN NEVER FIGURE OUT
HOW BRANDI OPERATES,
WHY SHE DOES
THE THINGS SHE DOES.
BUT IT DOESN'T
SURPRISE ME AT ALL
BECAUSE BRANDI IS
COMPLETELY UNPREDICTABLE.
- VINNY.
- HI, THERE.
- HOW ARE YOU?
- GOOD.
- GREAT.
- HOW ARE YOU?
- YOU FINALLY MADE IT.
WELCOME TO OUR HOME.
- MY LOVE, DID YOU GUYS MEET?
- HI.
- HELLO.
- GORGEOUS.
- ARE YOU STILL PLAYING TENNIS?
- I DO.
I JUST PLAYED WITH JOHN MCENROE
THIS WEEK, A COUPLE TIMES.
- DID YOU?
- YEAH.
- CAN HE STILL HIT THE BALL?
- HE'S PLAYING GOOD.
- YEAH.
- HI.
- HELLO.
- NIKKI, NICE TO MEET YOU.
- NIKKI, EILEEN.
- WE'VE MET.
- YOU'VE MET?
- HI.
HI, BEAUTIFUL.
YOLANDA'S HOUSE IS MAGNIFICENT
FROM THE MOMENT YOU DRIVE IN
TO THE MOMENT
YOU GO THROUGH THE DOORS.
I LOVE SEEING PEOPLE'S HOMES
BECAUSE YOU GET SUCH A...
AN INTERESTING HIT OFF OF,
YOU KNOW, WHO THEY ARE,
WHAT THEY'RE ABOUT.
AND THIS IS BEAUTIFUL.
I LOVE YOUR NECKLACE.
I LOVE YOUR BOOBS.
- OH, THANK YOU.
- BOOBS ARE GOOD.
- HI, HONEY.
- MAURICIO.
- HOW ARE YOU?
- I'M GOOD, AND YOU?
WHAT'S GOING ON?
- MY HUSBAND
COULDN'T COME TONIGHT.
IS YOUR HUSBAND HERE?
- YES, HE'S RIGHT THERE.
- OH, I DIDN'T SEE HIM.
- I'M GONNA MISS HIM.
I'LL MISS KEN. - YES, I KNOW.
- I HAD A VERY
STRANGE EXPERIENCE.
WE HAD DINNER LAST NIGHT
WITH BRANDI,
AND SHE'S A BIG FAN
OF DAYS OF OUR LIVES.
AND THEN SHE WAS WANTING ME
TO KIND OF RE-ENACT
A SCENE ON THE SOAP
AND DO SOMETHING BITCHY AND TOSS
MY HAIR BACK LIKE THE CHARACTER.
I SAID, "NO,
I DON'T WANT TO DO THAT."
AND THEN, UM,
SHE JUST THREW
A GLASS OF WINE IN MY FACE.
- ARE YOU SERIOUS?
- AND AT FIRST I LAUGHED,
BUT THEN IT WAS JUST SO BIZARRE.
- THIS IS A BEAUTIFUL,
ELEGANT WOMAN...
EILEEN, NOT BRANDI.
AND TO THROW A GLASS
OF WINE IN HER FACE,
I'VE HEARD AND SEEN
SOME THINGS FROM BRANDI,
BUT THIS IS A WHOLE NEW LOW.
- I'M JUST WONDERING
IF SHE'S GONNA SLAP ME NEXT.
SHE'S GONNA TRY OUT ALL THE
CLASSIC SOAP OPERA MOVES ON ME.
- WELL, THEN,
RATHER YOU THAN ME.
- THANKS A LOT.
- JUST OPEN
AND TAKE IT DOWN IN ONE.
YOU KNOW YOU CAN. COME ON.
- OH, MY GOD.
- WHAT'S UP, BROTHER?
- HOW ARE YOU DOING?
- I'M GOOD, AND YOU?
IT'S NICE TO SEE YOU.
WHAT'S GOING ON?
- WHAT DO YOU...
WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DRINK?
- WHAT ARE YOU ALL DRINKING?
- WE ARE... THERE IS, LIKE...
- I'M HAVING A MARGARITA.
- LEMON MARTINIS.
THERE'S MARGARITA.
THERE IS CHAMPAGNE WITH LEMON.
THERE'S WINE.
- I'LL HAVE A CHAMPAGNE.
IT'S CHAMPAGNE O'CLOCK, I THINK.
- IT'S... OKAY.
- [laughs]
- CHAMPAGNE O'CLOCK.
THAT WAS FUNNY.
- WE'RE GONNA DO A LITTLE POKER
PARTY AT OUR HOUSE.
- CAN'T YOU POKE HIM
FOR A CHANGE, RATHER THAN HER?
- I WANT... I HEAD YOU'RE GONNA
TEACH THEM HOW TO PLAY POKER.
- YEAH.
- HI, NAUGHTY GIRL.
IF YOU WERE MY CHILD,
YOU WOULDN'T BE DOING THAT.
- I THOUGHT YOU WERE GONNA SMACK
ME UPSIDE THE HEAD LAST NIGHT.
- YOU'RE A BAD GIRL.
- I KNOW.
- YOU NEED A SPANKING.
YOU'RE IN TIME-OUT. - I KNOW.
- OKAY, WAIT.
I'M STILL WEIRDED OUT.
- WHAT? WHAT?
- I'M JUST WEIRDED...
THIS IS JUST WEIRD.
THIS JUST FEELS, LIKE,
WEIRD HIGH SCHOOL WEIRD STUFF.
I HATE THIS STUFF.
- WHAT'S HAPPENING?
- NOTHING. I DON'T KNOW.
- OH, BUT YOU'RE SUPPOSED
TO SAY HI TO THAT?
- NO, THAT'S OKAY. IT'S JUST...
- WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO DRINK?
- WHITE WINE.
- WHITE WINE?
- YEAH.
- I'M CONFUSED.
- IT'S OKAY.
- IT WAS A JOKE.
- WE'RE JUST TALKING
ABOUT LAST NIGHT.
- SO WE'LL HAVE TWO
WHITE WINE, PLEASE.
- PRETTY MUCH OUT OF THE BLUE,
LIKE IF YOU AND I WERE JUST
STANDING HERE TALKING,
AND I HAD A DRINK IN MY HAND,
I WOULD JUST GO
LIKE THAT IN YOUR FACE.
- I'M FEELING A LITTLE WEIRD
ABOUT SEEING BRANDI.
I REALLY AM.
I DON'T REALLY
WANT TO SEE BRANDI,
BUT I WANTED
TO SEE YOLANDA AND DAVID
AND SEE EVERYBODY ELSE.
IT'S SHOCKING.
I WAS JUST IN SHOCK.
SO I LAUGHED, AT FIRST.
- HI.
- THE GROUP IS COMPLETE.
- HEY.
- WE WERE JUST TALKING
ABOUT YOU.
- COMING UP...
- I WANT TO, LIKE,
TAKE CARE OF HER.
- HOW CAN YOU BE MAD AND ANGRY?
- BUT I ALSO WANT TO [bleep]
SPANK HER AT THE SAME TIME.
- SO WAIT A SECOND.
IS IT A FRIDGE?
CAN I OPEN THIS?
OH, MY GOD.
- ISN'T IT GORGEOUS?
- WELL, I HAVE NEVER IN MY LIFE,
AND I'VE SEEN A LOT OF THINGS.
- GET IN THERE.
I'LL TAKE A PICTURE OF YOU.
IT'S A WAY TO
PRESERVE YOU, DARLING.
- OH, GOD, I'LL TAKE IT.
[laughs]
I'M A FREAK STANDING
IN YOLANDA'S FRIDGE.
WHAT THE [bleep]?
I'LL STAY BEAUTIFUL FOREVER.
- THE GROUP IS COMPLETE.
- HEY.
- WE WERE JUST TALKING
ABOUT YOU.
- HELLO.
- HEY, CAN I TALK TO YOU
FOR A SECOND?
- SURE.
OKAY, COULD YOU...
LEAVE YOUR WINE HERE.
- NO, I KNOW, YOU OWE ME ONE.
YOU CAN THROW IT ON ME.
- NO, THAT'S OKAY.
I DON'T NEED TO DO THAT.
- NOT IN MY HOUSE, GUYS.
- OKAY. WELL, I'LL BE OUTSIDE.
- DID YOU LEAVE THE WEIRDO
SUPERFAN AT HOME,
I HOPE, AT THE DOOR?
- YES.
- OKAY.
- I'VE LIKED DAYS OF OUR LIVES,
LIKE... IT FELT LIKE I
WAS IN THE SOAP OPERA.
- IT WAS THE MOST BIZARRE THING
I THINK I'VE EVER SEEN,
I WAS GONNA SAY.
- WE WERE THROWING MONEY
AT HER AND SAYING...
- THANK YOU.
- HOW ARE YOU?
- YOU GUYS SHOULD... YEAH.
- YOU GUYS SHOULD GO. YOU GO.
- I WAS WRONG,
AND I HAVE REALLY BAD ANXIETY,
AND I JUST WANT TO GET
IT DONE AND OVER WITH RIGHT NOW.
- JUST GO A LITTLE CLOSER
TO THE POOL, BRANDI.
- I KNOW, RIGHT?
YOU... LISTEN, DO IT. DO IT.
IT'S FINE. JUST...
- OKAY, WE KEEP GOING
FURTHER AND FURTHER.
WE'RE GONNA BE
IN CATALINA PRETTY SOON.
- OKAY. SO.
- YES, EXPLAIN.
EXPLAIN THE WEIRDNESS.
- I DON'T REALLY
HAVE AN EXPLANATION,
BUT I GOT YOU A LITTLE PRESENT
TO SAY I'M SORRY.
- DID YOU REALLY?
- YES.
- OKAY.
- IT'S JUST A REALLY PRETTY
LITTLE NECKLACE.
- THAT'S VERY PRETTY. THANK YOU.
- I MEAN, IT DOESN'T GO
WITH WHAT YOU'RE WEARING NOW,
BUT I THOUGHT YOU MIGHT...
- THANK YOU.
- IT'S A PEACE OFFERING.
I'M VERY SORRY.
VERY WEIRD.
I MEAN, A NICE GESTURE
IN A REALLY KIND OF WEIRD WAY.
IT'S LIKE A KISS AND A SLAP
AT THE SAME TIME.
- I DON'T KNOW IF I
DRANK TOO MUCH, OR...
I WAS, I REALLY THOUGHT...
I WAS WAITING FOR THE HAIR FLIP
AND THE... I DON'T KNOW.
- FROM WHOM?
- FROM... I WANTED YOU
TO GO INTO YOUR CHARACTER.
- WHY?
- I DON'T KNOW.
I DON'T... I MEAN,
I'VE BEEN A FAN ALL...
NOT MY WHOLE LIFE,
BUT SINCE HIGH SCHOOL.
- RIGHT, UH-HUH.
- ANYWAY, I REALLY AM SORRY.
I DON'T... I'VE NEVER THROWN
A DRINK AT ANYONE IN MY LIFE.
- IT JUST FELT LIKE AN ATTACK.
- OH, I'M SORRY.
IT WAS... I REALLY WAS HAVING...
I GOT CAUGHT UP IN A MOMENT.
I WAS DRINKING, AND I... JUST
HAVE NEVER DONE THAT BEFORE.
BUT I'VE ALSO NEVER
BEEN AROUND, LIKE,
PEOPLE THAT I WATCHED
ON TV MY WHOLE LIFE, YOU KNOW?
- YOU WERE LIKE A LITTLE
CREEPY FAN-TYPE THING.
- YEAH.
DO YOU ACCEPT MY APOLOGY?
- I DO.
- OH, GOOD.
- JUST DON'T DO IT AGAIN.
- I WON'T.
- I CAN ACCEPT AN APOLOGY
FROM BRANDI
BECAUSE I DON'T LIKE
TO GET CAUGHT UP
IN THE PETTY SMALL STUFF
THAT DOESN'T REALLY MATTER.
I STILL DON'T TRUST HER,
BUT I'M WILLING
TO ACCEPT HER APOLOGY.
- SO WE'RE GOOD?
- YEAH, WE'RE GOOD.
LET'S MOVE ON. - OKAY, GREAT.
- I DO. I APPRECIATE IT.
THANK YOU.
- OF COURSE.
I'VE FELT LIKE [bleep] ALL DAY.
- I'M SO GLAD. YOU SHOULD.
- NO, I DID.
I... EVEN LAST NIGHT,
I WENT OUT BY THE POOL.
- OH, GOOD. YOU FELT REALLY BAD?
YOU FELT LIKE AN [bleep]?
- I CRIED.
I WAS, LIKE, WHAT DID...
- OH, THAT'S GOOD.
- YES.
- I ALWAYS LIKE BEING
IN THE KITCHEN.
WHAT ARE YOU MAKING?
- GOAT'S CHEESE
STUFFED IN [inaudible].
- OH, YUM.
- AND THEN DEEP FRIED.
- I LOVE THAT. IT'S ITALIAN.
SO NOTHING'S FATTENING AT ALL.
WE CAN EAT WHATEVER WE WANT.
- DARLING, YOU ARE THE SIZE
OF A LITTLE TINY TOOTHPICK.
YOU CAN EAT EVERYTHING.
- I CAN EAT WHATEVER I WANT.
WHAT'S THAT?
- IT'S NOT EDIBLE.
- OH.
- HI.
- YOU GOT, LIKE, SUPER SKINNY.
LOOK AT HOW HOT YOU LOOK.
- REALLY? THANK YOU.
YOU'RE SO CUTE.
- YOUR HAIR LOOKS AWESOME.
- THANK YOU.
- YEAH, IT DOES.
IT'S ALL HERS, TOO.
- YEAH, THAT LOOKS REALLY GOOD.
I LIKE IT A LOT.
- THANK YOU. I LIKE IT A LOT.
I LIKE IT A LOT.
- THEY GOT THE...
THEY GOT THE GOOD HAIR GENES,
THE RICHARDS GIRLS.
DID YOU HEAR?
- NO, I DIDN'T HEAR.
- I THREW WINE
IN EILEEN'S FACE LAST NIGHT.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW
WHAT I WAS DOING.
I WAS, LIKE, I WAS, LIKE,
TELLING HER ALL ABOUT...
WERE YOU TIPSY?
- WE'D ALL HAD
A COUPLE GLASSES OF WINE,
BUT I APOLOGIZED.
- BUT YOU KNEW.
- OKAY.
- I CRIED.
- "OH, MY GOD, YOU'RE NOT...
- HE'S LIKE, "WHY?"
AND I'M LIKE, "FOR NO REASON."
- SOMETIMES YOU DO THAT.
WHERE BRANDI IS AT TODAY, SHE'S
MOVING IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION.
SHE ACKNOWLEDGES HER...
HER MISTAKES,
AND SHE SAYS, "I'M SORRY."
YOU KNOW, SHE'S STILL BRANDI.
YOU KNOW?
OKAY, BUT YOU SAID YOU'RE SORRY.
[piano playing]
♪♪ ♪♪
- DINNER TIME.
- HI.
- HI. I'M KENNY.
- BRANDI.
- OH, THANK YOU.
- THIS IS BEAUTIFUL.
- DO YOU FIND THAT SOMETIMES
WHEN YOU LOOK AT SOMEBODY
AND CAN'T REMEMBER THEIR NAME?
- I DON'T KNOW, I'VE WATCHED
MY HUSBAND DO IT FOR 21 YEARS,
AND HE NEVER KNOWS ANYONE,
AND THEN RIGHT AS THEY
LEAVE, "WHO WAS THAT?"
- YEAH.
- I GOT IT.
- WHAT ABOUT OUR FRIENDS
DOWN AT THE END THERE?
- NIKKI.
- AND WHAT ABOUT HER HUSBAND?
- PAP... PAPAFACE.
- NO. [laughs]
BABYFACE!
- PAPAFACE.
- BABYFACE.
- I'M PAPAFACE.
HE'S BABYFACE.
- I LOVE THAT.
- THOSE EARRINGS ARE GORGEOUS.
- THANK YOU.
- OH, THANK YOU.
- THEY'RE BOTH PRETTY.
- AFTER TWO YEARS...
- UH-OH.
- AFTER TWO YEARS OF NOT BEING...
- WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.
[glass ringing]
- I LOVE HOW SHE
JUST GETS UP AND SPEAKS.
- I THINK, EVERYBODY.
I DON'T KNOW WHY...
YOU KNOW, BECAUSE I LOST
MY VOICE FOR TWO YEARS.
SO NOW ALL OF A SUDDEN, I JUST
WANT TO TALK ALL THE TIME.
- DO IT.
- ANYWAY, I JUST WANTED TO
WELCOME EVERYBODY TO OUR HOME
AND I WANTED TO SAY
I LOVE YOU TO YOU.
THANK YOU FOR BEING MY STRENGTH
IN TIMES THAT I
LOST MY STRENGTH.
I ADORE YOU, AND THANK YOU FOR,
YOU KNOW, BEING NEXT TO ME
THROUGH THE HARDEST TWO YEARS
OF MY LIFE.
ANYWAY, THANK YOU
FOR BEING HERE TONIGHT.
EILEEN, I JUST WANTED
TO MAKE A TOAST TO YOUR EMMY.
BECAUSE I AM JUST
SO PROUD OF YOU.
- GO INTO CHARACTER.
- AND I LOVE, YOU KNOW.
- I'M JUST KIDDING.
- YOU, BRANDI GLANVILLE,
YOU'RE IN TIME-OUT.
- I'M SORRY.
- YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED
TO TALK TONIGHT.
- I'M SORRY.
- SHH.
- I'M ARMED.
- ALL RIGHT.
- SO CHEERS TO YOU.
- THANK YOU.
- CHEERS.
- OH, AND LISA.
- CHEERS TO YOU.
- OH, WAIT, THERE'S MORE.
- CHEERS.
- I FORGOT TO SAY...
I FORGOT TO SAY CHEERS TO LISA
ON YOUR OPENING OF PUMP.
- OH, THANK YOU.
- YEAH.
- IT ALMOST KILLED ME,
BUT THANK YOU.
- NEXT TIME YOU INVITE US.
- YES, YES.
- I'M PROUD OF YOU.
I'M VERY PROUD OF YOU.
- VERY GOOD. THANK YOU.
MOVING ON.
- MOVING ON.
- MAYBE YOU SHOULD FIGURE IT OUT
WHY I DIDN'T INVITE YOU.
IT'S NOT ROCKET SCIENCE.
- DO NOT TOUCH ME, KEN.
- THIS IS GETTING RIDICULOUS.
LET'S GO.
- YOU ARE SO RUDE.
- OH, YOU'RE SO STUPID.
- YOU'RE DISRESPECTFUL.
- IT'S ALWAYS ALL
ABOUT YOU, DARLING.
- DID YOU GUYS HAVE
A NICE LUNCH, THE TWO OF YOU?
- WE DID.
I THOUGHT WE HAD A NICE LUNCH.
- WE FIXED IT BETWEEN OURSELF.
- YEAH.
- BUT I WANT TO HEAR.
- I THINK
THAT WE'RE MOVING FORWARD,
AND WE'RE JUST TAKING IT SLOW.
AND IT WAS GOOD.
- BUT REALLY SLOW, OKAY?
- REALLY VERY, VERY SLOW.
- I'M SERIOUS.
- SHE CAN EASILY SEE, YOU GUYS
BOTH HAD STUFF GOING ON, SO.
- YEAH.
NO, WE TALKED ABOUT BOTH A BIT.
- I'M JUST SAYING,
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?
OH, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.
IT'S JUST...
- WE GOT IT. WE GOT IT.
- I KNOW THAT BRANDI
WOULD LOVE FOR IT TO BLOW OVER
AND EVERYTHING BE FINE AGAIN,
BUT LISA DOESN'T
OPERATE LIKE THAT.
IT'S NOT GONNA BE, YOU KNOW,
DISMISSED SO QUICKLY.
- SO YOU PREFER WHITE WINE
OVER RED?
- I DO. YOU KNOW, I...
I LIKE RED WINE,
BUT IT GIVES ME A HEADACHE.
- IT'S... IT'S THE OPPOSITE
FOR ME.
WHITE WINE GIVES ME A HEADACHE.
- IT'S LIKE...
THEY CALL IT THE COUGAR DIET.
IT'S, LIKE,
WHITE WINE AND TABLOIDS.
- BRANDI?
- YES, SIR.
- HE'S MARRIED.
- I KNOW, TO THIS GORGEOUS
WOMAN RIGHT HERE...
- OKAY? YEAH.
- AND THEY'RE NEWLYWEDS.
- JUST... JUST TELLING YOU.
- I KNOW THAT.
OH, MY GOSH.
HOW BEAUTIFUL IS YOUR WIFE,
BY THE WAY?
- SHE'S AMAZING.
- YOU'RE VERY LUCKY.
- THANK YOU.
- I DO FEEL, THOUGH,
BY THE WAY, LET ME SEE THE RING.
WE COULD GO BIGGER.
- YOU CANNOT SAY THAT.
- YES, I CAN.
- NO, YOU CAN'T.
I MEAN, THAT IS SO
EMASCULATING FOR A MAN,
TO SAY THAT THE RING
HE'S BOUGHT HIS BEAUTIFUL WIFE
ISN'T BIG ENOUGH.
I MEAN, THAT'S LIKE A MAN
TAKING HIS CLOTHES OFF
AND SAYING HIS PENIS
ISN'T BIG ENOUGH.
I'M SORRY, BUT IN YOUR OWN
WORDS, SHUT THE [bleep] UP.
- THIS IS WHAT I DO
WHEN I GET EMBARRASSED.
- OH, GOD.
- IT'S NOT ABOUT THE SIZE,
IT'S ABOUT THE LOVE.
- YES.
- SHE'S GONNA NEED ONE OF THESE,
BUT NOT NOW.
IF YOU'RE TOO YOUNG
AND YOU HAVE THIS GIANT ROCK,
THAT MEANS YOUR HUSBAND
IS CHEATING.
- I THINK IT'S SOMETHING
BECAUSE OF SOME THINGS
THAT YOU'VE GONE THROUGH
THAT YOU FEEL THAT WAY.
- RIGHT, NO, YEAH.
- BUT, UM...
- IT'S TRUE.
HE'S RIGHT. HE'S RIGHT.
- LET'S DO S'MORES.
- S'MORES.
ISN'T THAT NICE?
- YEAH.
- ARE THERE MARSHMALLOWS
ON MY LIP?
- YEAH.
- NO.
- YEAH. [inaudible].
[all laugh]
- YES, YOU CAN, SWEETIE.
- YES, SWEETIE.
- I'M JUST GONNA FILL
IN WHEREVER I NEED BE.
- MY TURN FOR THE CHILDREN.
YOU CAN TAKE THE WHOLE...
FASHION SHOW.
- FASHION SHOW.
- FASHION SHOW. YES, GO.
- WHOO!
- YOLANDA IS AN AMAZING HOSTESS.
SHE JUST DOES IT
SO EFFORTLESSLY,
EVEN THOUGH SHE'S SICK.
- OH!
- OH, YEAH, SHE'S BACK.
- WHAT I LOVE ABOUT YOLANDA
AND HER STRENGTH
IS SHE PUTS IT BEHIND HER,
AND SHE JUST POWERS THROUGH IT.
- I THINK I MADE IT PRETTY GOOD.
IT'S A LITTLE BIT BURNT THERE.
- YOU'RE SO [bleep] SEXY.
- THANK YOU.
- IT'S RIDICULOUS.
- I'VE WATCHED... SHE...
I'VE WATCHED BOTH OF YOU GUYS
FOR SO MANY YEARS,
AND SO IT WAS SO WEIRD FOR ME.
IT WAS LIKE...
- YOU'RE WALKING THE LINE OF
BEING A CRAZY, LIKE, WEIRDO FAN.
- I KIND OF TELEPORTED INTO...
NO, IT'S TRUE.
- NO, SHE'S NOT, THOUGH.
- NO, BUT I KIND OF TELEPORTED
INTO A DAYS
OF OUR LIVES SITUATION.
- BRANDI, YOU'RE
KIND OF [bleep] CRAZY.
- AND CHEERS TO THAT.
[laughs]
I TAKE IT AS A COMPLIMENT,
BECAUSE I DON'T WANT
TO BE LIKE ANYONE ELSE.
I WANT TO BE ME.
I'M [inaudible]. - NO.
- YOU'RE VERY MAD.
- I'M DONE WITH YOU.
- OH, YOU'RE DONE WITH ME?
- I'M DONE WITH YOU.
- NO, YOU'RE NOT DONE WITH ME.
NOT YET.
YOLANDA.
OKAY.
- YOLANDA, KICK HER ASS.
- NO, I'M NOT DOING
ANYTHING BAD.
- WONDER WOMAN IS COMING
TO GET YOU.
- GO BACK WITH THE GIRLS.
COME ON.
[both laughing]
- TELL ME REALLY, DID YOU
REALLY, LIKE, EVERYTHING'S FINE?
- YES.
- OKAY.
- ABSOLUTELY. 100%.
- 'CAUSE SHE'S CRAZY.
SHE'S CRAZY.
- I DON'T KNOW.
I FEEL BAD FOR HER.
- I LIKE HER, BUT SHE'S NUTS.
- AND, LIKE, SHE SAYS, "DID YOU
HAVE TO GET SOMEBODY TO HIT ME?"
I'M LIKE... SHE GOES,
"I LOVE YOU GUYS.
I'M JUST A BIG FAN." - I KNOW.
IT'S LIKE A LITTLE GIRL,
A VERY NEEDY GIRL.
- BUT SHE'S, LIKE,
THREE YEARS OLD.
- I KNOW.
- AND I WANT TO,
LIKE, TAKE CARE OF HER...
- LIKE, HOW CAN YOU
BE MAD AND ANGRY?
- BUT I ALSO WANT TO [bleep]
SPANK HER AT THE SAME TIME.
SHE WANTS A REACTION WHEN SHE
SAYS ALL THOSE THINGS, YOU KNOW?
- YEAH, SHE DOES.
SHE WANTS ATTENTION.
CLEARLY, IT'S SO OBVIOUS.
- SHE WANTS ATTENTION.
WHAT I SEE IS THIS WOUNDED
LITTLE GIRL INSIDE OF BRANDI.
- I'M BRINGING HER
TO LIVE WITH ME.
WE'RE GONNA GO LESBIAN.
- NO ONE DRINKS THAT MUCH
IF THEY'RE HAPPY.
- I'M SURPRISED
SHE'S NOT AN ACTRESS.
SHE'S, LIKE,
NEUROTIC ENOUGH TO BE ONE.
- OH, SHE'S MORE THAN NEUROTIC
ENOUGH TO BE AN ACTRESS.
- OH, I DON'T WANT TO BE MEAN,
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.
- THAT'S WHY YOU WON AN EMMY.
- THANK YOU, BITCH.
- WHACKO.
- COMING UP...
- WHY DID YOU DO IT LIKE THIS,
LIKE YOU WERE
FINGER-BANGING YOUR WIFE?
- I THINK WE'RE GONNA DO
A LITTLE MUSIC WITH THE PIANO.
WHEN KENNY AND I
TOURED A COUPLE YEARS AGO,
WE FELL INTO THIS THING WHERE WE
WOULD GO TO THE AUDIENCE,
AND WE'D GET THEM TO SAY
ANY KIND OF RANDOM THOUGHT,
LIKE, "I LOVE POLICEMEN,"
"I HATE MY WIFE,"
"I HATE MONDAYS,"
"I LOVE SATURDAY AFTERNOON."
WHATEVER YOU COULD IMAGINE.
GIVE ME A TITLE, ANYBODY.
- I LOVE MY LIFE.
- CAN YOU HANDLE THAT?
- I LOVE MY LIFE.
- I LOVE MY LIFE.
IT'S GOT TO BE
A SEXY SLOW JAM, THOUGH.
- YEAH, IT'S GOT
TO BE VERY SEXY AND ROMANTIC.
- I LOVE MY LIFE.
- WHY DID YOU DO IT LIKE THIS,
LIKE YOU WERE
FINGER-BANGING YOUR WIFE?
- WHY DID YOU RUIN
A BEAUTIFUL MOMENT?
WHAT IS THAT...
DON'T RUIN A BEAUTIFUL MOMENT.
- NO, HE SAID, I LOVE MY LIFE,
AND HE WENT LIKE THAT.
I'M IN TIME OUT. I FORGOT.
- YOU ARE IN TIME OUT.
- I APOLOGIZE.
- I THINK WE JUST
BLEW THE MOMENT, HUH?
- IF THAT'S NOT SOME WHITE
TRASH, I DON'T KNOW WHAT IS.
- NO ONE WAS THINKING
ABOUT THAT.
- SO FREAKING WEIRD.
- ALL RIGHT.
- I... I APOLOGIZE.
- I LOVE MY LIFE?
- I LOVE MY LIFE.
- AND FINGER BANGING, OKAY.
- CAN YOU PUT THAT IN THE SONG?
I LIKE IT. I WOULD LOVE...
I WOULD DIE FOR THAT.
- ALL RIGHT.
- HERE WE GO.
[jazzy piano playing]
[laughs]
[all laughing]
THIS IS GONNA GET GREAT.
- ♪♪ I LOVE BEING IN L.A. ♪♪
♪♪ THIS IS TRUE ♪♪
♪♪ BRANDI LIKES
FINGER BANGING ♪♪
[all laughing]
- THIS DOESN'T SOUND
VERY ROMANTIC TO ME.
ISN'T THERE A SWEETER WORD
IN THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE
FOR THAT ACTIVITY?
- ♪♪ I JUST LOVE MY LIFE ♪♪
- AH, YEAH.
- ♪♪ I LOVE MY LIFE, YES ♪♪
all: ♪♪ I LOVE MY LIFE ♪♪
- ♪♪ OHH ♪♪
all: ♪♪ I LOVE MY LIFE. ♪♪
- ♪♪ WON'T YOU SING IT
LIKE YOU MEAN IT? ♪♪
♪♪ I LOVE ♪♪
♪♪ FINGER BANGING ♪♪
♪♪ I LOVE MY LIFE ♪♪
- WHOO! [cheers and applause]
- LOVE YOU.
- WHOO!
- NEXT TIME ON THE REAL
HOUSEWIVES OF BEVERLY HILLS...
- I DON'T HAVE
PROOF OF INSURANCE
ON MY OTHER CAR, EITHER.
- WELL, WHY WOULD YOU
DRIVE IT UP HERE?
- IT'S JUST ONE DAY.
- THAT IS SO IRRESPONSIBLE.
HE NEEDS TO STEP UP HIS GAME.
- EDDIE IS ASKING
FOR CHILD SUPPORT
AND SPOUSAL SUPPORT THAT
HE SAYS HE OVERPAID.
- I'D RATHER HONESTLY
JUST GO TO COURT.
- I'M SORRY, YOU'RE
JUST THIS LITTLE KID
WITH YOUR LITTLE SURFBOARD,
AND NOW HERE YOU
ARE GRADUATING FROM COLLEGE.
ONE BY ONE, YOU WATCH THEM GO,
AND THE HOUSE
GETS QUIETER AND QUIETER.
- IT WASN'T A GOOD MISTAKE,
BUT YOU CAN STILL TRUST ME.
- SHE KNOWS THAT THERE IS
NO SECOND CHANCE IN THIS.
- I LOVE YOU SO MUCH.
HONEY, YOU'RE GONNA
HAVE SO MUCH FUN HERE.
THE WHOLE DYNAMIC
OF OUR HOME CHANGES
WITH EACH CHILD THAT LEAVES.
HOUSEWIVES OF BEVERLY HILLS...
I HAVE TO TEACH YOU
HOW TO DO YOUR LAUNDRY.
- THAT I NEED TO LEARN.
- YOU SERIOUSLY DON'T KNOW
HOW TO DO LAUNDRY?
- DO YOU?
- HONEY, I KNOW... I MEAN,
I KNOW HOW TO DO LAUNDRY.
- [laughs]
- OBSESSED WITH DAYS OF OUR
LIVES FOR A LONG TIME.
- OH, MY GOD.
- NO, I REALLY...
I... MARLENA, JOHN BLACK.
- I HAVE EXPERIENCED FANS BEING
VERY ENTHUSIASTIC, LET'S SAY.
BRANDI IS KIND OF BORDERING
ON SUPER FANDOM.
- I CAN'T WAIT
TO SEE WHAT AMOUNT
OF TROUBLE
YOU'RE GOING TO GET INTO.
- I'M NOT GONNA
GET INTO ANY TROUBLE.
- I THOUGHT THE LAST THING
THAT WOULD EVER HAPPEN
IS FOR BELLA TO HAVE
A DRINK AND GET IN A CAR.
BUT, YOU KNOW, SHE DID.
- MY GOD, YOU'VE NEVER
ACTUALLY SAID TO ME,
"I APOLOGIZE FOR SAYING
YOU'RE BANKRUPT."
- IT WENT BOTH WAYS.
LISA CAN'T SAY SORRY
EVER BECAUSE SHE'S PERFECT.
IT'S AN OLIVE BRANCH.
- IT'D NEED TO BE
A LOT BIGGER ONE THAN THAT.
YOU NEED TO CHOP THIS TREE DOWN
AND GIVE IT TO ME.
WHAT?
[upbeat music]
- THROW ME TO THE WOLVES,
AND I SHALL RETURN
LEADING THE PACK.
- CHARACTER ISN'T WHAT YOU HAVE;
IT'S WHO YOU ARE.
- YOU'VE HEARD A LOT ABOUT ME,
BUT IT'S ONLY TRUE
WHEN IT COMES FROM MY LIPS.
- I'M NOT A BITCH,
BUT I'VE PLAYED ONE ON TV.
- I'VE BEEN RICH,
AND I'VE BEEN FAMOUS,
BUT HAPPINESS BEATS THEM BOTH.
- I'D RATHER SPENDING MY LIFE
KICKING ASS THAN KISSING IT.
- PLANES AND YACHTS ARE NICE,
BUT MY HAPPINESS STARTS AT HOME.
- KEN, DON'T KEEP
GIVING HIM BISCUITS.
- WHY?
- BECAUSE THEY'RE
HUMAN BISCUITS.
THEY'RE NOT DOG BISCUITS.
- THESE ARE SUGARLESS.
- NO, THEY'RE NOT.
- THEY AREN'T?
- THEY'RE NOT.
OKAY, SO I AGREED TO GO
AND HAVE LUNCH WITH BRANDI.
BUT, YOU KNOW...
- IS SHE GOING TO APOLOGIZE?
IS THAT WHAT IT IS?
- I DON'T KNOW, BUT I THINK
I'M JUST GONNA GO...
SEE WHAT SHE HAS TO SAY.
- OH, WELL, GOOD LUCK.
- I DON'T PARTICULARLY
WANT TO HAVE LUNCH WITH BRANDI,
BUT THESE WOMEN HAVE A HABIT
OF KIND OF GANGING UP,
SO I THINK IT'S BETTER
I JUST SIT DOWN WITH HER,
AND... LET'S HEAR WHAT SHE HAS
TO SAY ONCE AND FOR ALL.
WHY DON'T YOU COME?
- I'M FINE. YOU HAVE FUN.
- FUN IS NOT WHAT IT'S GONNA BE.
- HELLO. HOW ARE YOU?
I HAVE A RESERVATION
FOR GLANVILLE FOR TWO.
I'M OWED AN APOLOGY FROM LISA,
BUT DO I THINK
I'M GETTING IT 100%?
PROBABLY NOT.
LISA'S A VERY
STUBBORN INDIVIDUAL.
- HELLO.
- HOW ARE YOU?
- HELLO.
- HI.
- DID YOU THINK I'D SHOW UP?
- YES.
YOU SAID YOU WOULD,
AND YOU'RE USUALLY...
DO WHAT YOU SAY.
- SO, I'M HERE.
- YES.
- YOU HAVE MY
UNDIVIDED ATTENTION.
- OH, GREAT. ARE YOU HUNGRY?
- STARVING.
- I'M STARVING AS WELL.
THANK GOD.
I'M GONNA WAIT FOR THE WINE
BEFORE WE GET
INTO HEAVY CONVERSATION.
- HEAVY CONVERSATION?
IS THAT WHAT I'M HERE FOR,
HEAVY CONVERSATION?
- WELL, I MEAN, I THINK
THAT WE NEED TO HAVE ONE
IF WE... IF WE
WANT TO MOVE FORWARD.
IF YOU EVEN
WANT TO MOVE FORWARD.
- ALL THOSE THINGS
THAT YOU SAID ABOUT ME,
I'M THINKING,
WHY DO YOU WANT ME IN YOUR LIFE
IF YOU REALLY BELIEVE THAT?
DO YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?
- IT'S A TWO-WAY STREET.
I MEAN, YOU'VE SAID
SOME VERY NEGATIVE,
BAD THINGS ABOUT ME AS WELL.
I MEAN, I'M GLAD THAT YOU'RE
CAPITALIZING OFF MY HEARTBREAK.
IT'S AMAZING.
- NO, YOU'VE GOT IT WRONG.
- TAKE A LIE DETECTOR TEST.
- I DON'T UNDERSTAND
WHAT YOU WANT FROM ME.
- WHAT I WOULD HOPE TO...
I MEAN, OBVIOUSLY
I CARE ABOUT YOU.
I WOULD LIKE US TO MOVE FORWARD.
- BUT DO YOU, BRANDI?
- IF I DIDN'T,
I WOULDN'T BE HERE.
- SHE DOESN'T REALIZE THAT ONCE
YOU GO DOWN A CERTAIN PATH,
IT MIGHT BE DIFFICULT TO REPAIR.
YOU HAVE TO BE ACCOUNTABLE
FOR WHAT YOU SAID
AND WHAT YOU'VE CREATED
OR WHAT YOU'VE DONE.
AND THINGS MIGHT NEVER GO BACK.
KEN REALLY PUT HIMSELF
ON THE LINE FOR YOU.
HE REALLY DID. - OKAY.
- AND HE DOES FEEL VERY HURT,
AND I DO THINK THAT HE WENT
ABOVE AND BEYOND TO THE POINT
THAT I THINK HE ALMOST
LOOKED A LITTLE RIDICULOUS,
THE WAY HE USED TO DEFEND YOU.
- LET'S PAY
BRANDI'S LAWYER'S FEES,
AND WE'LL ALL LIVE
HAPPILY EVER AFTER.
- ARE YOU... YOU'RE TOUCHING
ME FOR ME TO PAY FOR IT?
- YEAH, BECAUSE YOU SUED HER.
- WHY DON'T YOU
PAY FOR IT, SINCE...
- YOU SUED, I DIDN'T.
MAURICIO, WHEN YOU'RE BEING
SUED BY SOMEBODY,
MAYBE YOU DON'T WANT
TO PICK UP THE PHONE.
- HAVE COMMON SENSE.
- THAT'S BULL[bleep].
- FOR HER TO TURN ON HIM...
I THINK IT'D BE
A LONG TIME COMING
BEFORE KEN EVER FORGIVES HER.
HE FELT VERY PROTECTIVE OF YOU.
SO TO SLAP HIM IN THE FACE,
I THINK MAYBE YOU NEED TO...
- BUT... OKAY, BUT LISTEN.
I DIDN'T JUST
SLAP HIM IN THE FACE.
WHEN YOU LEFT ME AS A FRIEND,
HE LEFT ME AS A FRIEND.
KEN AND LISA
WERE LIKE FAMILY TO ME.
THEY WERE LIKE A...
ALMOST LIKE PSEUDO-PARENTS.
AND I JUST FELT LIKE IT REALLY
SUCKED TO HAVE THEM JUST
WALK AWAY WHEN THINGS GOT ROUGH.
- DO YOU THINK IT COULD
GO BACK TO HOW IT WAS?
- I DO... I MEAN, I DON'T THINK
IT CAN GO BACK TO HOW IT WAS,
BUT I THINK THAT WE HAVE
A VERY SIMILAR PERSONALITY.
I THINK THAT OUR SENSES OF HUMOR
ARE VIRTUALLY THE SAME.
- WE DON'T HAVE
A SIMILAR PERSONALITY AT ALL.
- OKAY.
OUR SENSES OF HUMOR
ARE VERY SIMILAR.
- MAYBE.
- THAT'S A PART
OF A PERSONALITY.
THE POINT IS FRIENDS ARE THERE
IN GOOD TIMES AND IN BAD.
WHEN I'M DEPRESSED AND ON...
IN A DOWNWARD SPIRAL,
I'M DRINKING TOO MUCH
OR MY DOG'S GONE,
MY DAD'S NOT TALKING TO ME,
THAT'S WHEN I NEED
MY FRIENDS THE MOST.
AND TO FEEL LIKE YOU GUYS
ARE FAMILY AND THEN TO HAVE YOU
PULL AWAY AND NOT BE THERE,
IT HURT.
- WHAT DO YOU ACTUALLY WANT?
- I WANT TO HAVE FUN
WITH YOU AGAIN.
- WELL, THEN
YOU HAVE TO APOLOGIZE.
- ARE YOU GONNA APOLOGIZE TO ME?
- I'M SO EXCITED.
- IT'S GONNA BE GOOD.
- IT'S GONNA BE A GOOD DAY.
IT'S YOUR DAY TODAY.
WE JUST NEED TO LOOK
AT THIS ONE APARTMENT, BELLA.
WE NEED TO FIND...
- YOU'RE MOVING TO NEW YORK.
YOU'RE, LIKE, AN ADULT NOW.
- I KNOW.
- I DON'T LIKE IT.
- SO SOON.
- MY BABY ADULT.
- I JUST WANT TO GO THERE.
IT'S NICE, LIKE,
BEING IN A NEW PLACE.
I'VE BEEN IN THE SAME PLACE
FOR SO LONG.
- YOU KNOW, WE NEED
TO FIND AN APARTMENT
CLOSE TO THE SCHOOL, BELLA.
BELLA'S STILL DEALING
WITH THE SHAME OF GETTING
A DUI EARLIER THIS SUMMER.
IT'S MORE EXPENSIVE THAN WE
PLANNED ON, BUT LOOK AT THIS.
IT HAS TWO BEDROOMS,
SO ONE FOR YOUR ROOMMATE
AND ONE FOR YOU.
- ARE YOU GONNA HAVE A ROOMMATE?
- AND THEN... YEAH.
- MM-HMM, MY FRIEND LEAH.
- IT'S 17 YEARS
OF BUILDING BLOCKS
WITH THIS CHILD
THAT IS ALWAYS SO RESPONSIBLE,
AND ALL OF A SUDDEN, YOU KNOW,
SHE MADE A MISTAKE.
- I AM HAPPY TO LIVE ON A FLOOR
IF I HAVE SOMEWHERE TO SLEEP
AND I CAN BE
IN NEW YORK AND HAPPY.
- TOTALLY, YEAH.
- I'M SURE
I'M GONNA GET OVER IT,
BUT IT'S GONNA TAKE TIME.
I'VE LOST MY CONFIDENCE
IN DECISIONS THAT BELLA
MIGHT MAKE IN THE MOMENT.
- OH, HERE WE GO.
- HERE WE GO.
- WE'RE FULL WRAPPAGE RIGHT NOW.
- I'M DISAPPOINTED
AND I'M SCARED.
IT'S MADE ME VULNERABLE
IN A WAY THAT I'VE NEVER FELT.
- IT'S A TOTALLY
DIFFERENT FEEL THAN GIGI.
- TOTALLY DIFFERENT FEEL, YEAH.
- COMPLETELY.
- YEAH.
- I'M LOVING IT.
- LOVE IT.
I TOOK AWAY HER PHONE
FOR 21 DAYS,
AND NO SOCIAL MEDIA,
NOT TALKING TO HER FRIENDS.
IT'S KIND OF FLAPPY
IN THE FRONT,
THE HAIR, YOU SEE THAT?
SHE'S GONNA HAVE TO PAY
FOR HER OWN LAWYER'S FEES
WITH HER SAVINGS,
AND I THINK THE HARDEST THING
FOR HER IS ACCEPT FROM HERSELF
THAT SHE'S MADE THE MISTAKE.
YOU'RE DOING REALLY
GOOD TODAY, BELLA.
- THANKS.
- DO YOU FEEL GOOD?
- YEAH.
- I HAVE TO TRUST THAT BELLA
HAS THE TOOLS TO MAKE THE...
THE RIGHT DECISIONS.
YOU LOOK... ALL OF A SUDDEN...
YOU LOOK LIKE A WOMAN.
REMEMBER I ALWAYS
SAID TO YOU, "AH, YOU GIRLS
DON'T NEED TO WORK
BEFORE YOU'RE 17 BECAUSE..."
- I KNOW.
- YOU SEE NOW WHY?
- YEAH, OF COURSE.
MOTHER'S ALWAYS RIGHT.
- 80% OF THE TIME, MAYBE.
- WHAT DO YOU ACTUALLY WANT?
- I WANT TO HAVE FUN
WITH YOU AGAIN.
- WELL, THEN
YOU HAVE TO APOLOGIZE.
- ARE YOU GONNA APOLOGIZE TO ME?
- WHAT DO YOU WANT
ME TO APOLOGIZE FOR?
I DON'T THINK
I BELIEVE IN MARRIAGE ANYMORE
THANKS PARTLY TO YOU.
I DO NOT WANT TO TALK TO SOMEONE
THAT [bleep] MY HUSBAND
WHILE I WAS PREGNANT.
- I GET IT. I GET IT. [sighs]
I APOLOGIZE
FOR SCHEANA BEING AT...
NOT GIVING YOU THE HEADS UP
OF THE FACT THAT SHE WAS THERE.
- OKAY.
I'M HONESTLY SHOCKED THAT LISA
WAS ABLE TO MAKE THOSE WORDS
COME OUT OF HER MOUTH.
AND I APOLOGIZE FOR REPEATING
THINGS THAT I SAID
THAT WERE GOSSIP, THAT I HEARD.
- YOU SAID THAT I USED
TO LIVE DEEP IN THE VALLEY
ON YOUR PODCAST.
- I DIDN'T SAY THAT.
- I USED TO LIVE
DEEP IN THE VALLEY
AND I FILED FOR BANKRUPTCY.
I'VE NEVER LIVED DEEP IN THE
VALLEY OR FILED FOR BANKRUPTCY.
- I MEAN, I WAS AN
ASS[bleep] TO YOU, YES,
BUT YOU HAVE BEEN
AN ASS[bleep] TO ME TOO.
- YOU KNOW WHAT?
I CAN'T BE THE FRIEND THAT YOU...
THAT YOU WANT.
IF WE'RE ALL
IN THE SAME SITUATION,
I'M HAPPY TO BE
FRIENDLY WITH YOU.
- THAT'S ALL I ASK FOR.
- OKAY.
- LISA TAKES A REALLY LONG TIME
TO GET OVER THINGS.
BUT BABY STEPS ARE FINE WITH ME.
I CAN DO IT.
WE'LL JUST TAKE IT SLOWLY.
I'M HAPPY TO HAVE
A CONVERSATION WITH KEN.
- I DON'T KNOW
WHAT TO EXPECT FROM BRANDI.
SHE IS ONE OF THE MOST
UNPREDICTABLE CHARACTERS
I'VE EVER MET IN MY LIFE,
SO WHO KNOWS?
I'LL JUST HAVE TO SEE
WHICH WAY THE WIND BLOWS.
WELL, YOU'RE BUYING ME LUNCH.
- OKAY.
I WILL BUY YOU LUNCH FOR SURE.
- AND I MIGHT EVEN HAVE
SOMETHING TO GO.
- OH, NOW YOU'RE TAKING
ADVANTAGE OF ME.
- COMING UP...
- DO IT. DO IT.
- I CAN'T.
- IF YOU DON'T DO IT,
LISA WILL [bleep] DO IT.
- OH!
- WOW.
CLICK, CLICK, LOOK AT THIS.
- HI.
- SO GORGEOUS. SO PRETTY.
HOW ARE YOU? I LOVE THAT JACKET.
- I'M GOOD. THANK YOU.
- OOH.
NOW THAT THE KIDS ARE GROWING UP
THEY DON'T NEED ME AS MUCH,
AND I WANT TO BE SOCIAL AGAIN.
- HI, GIRLS.
- HI.
- HI.
- I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA FALL.
- IF YOU DO, FALL INTO MY ARMS.
- GIRLFRIENDS REALLY
ARE FOR GETTING TOGETHER,
LAUGHING, TELLING STORIES,
BEING THERE FOR EACH OTHER,
EATING, DRINKING, OF COURSE.
- YOU LOOK STUNNING.
- HI.
- THANK YOU. I TRIED.
YOU ALWAYS LOOK GOOD.
I HAVE TO KEEP UP WITH YOU.
- OH, GOD, YOU'RE SO BEAUTIFUL.
- HI, GORGEOUS GIRLS.
- YOU LOOK AMAZING.
- THANK YOU.
- I WANT TO DO MORE OF THAT,
AND I JUST HAVE
TO MAKE THE EFFORT TO DO IT.
- ARE YOU READY
FOR YOUR PARTY TOMORROW?
- OH, YAY.
- I'M SO READY, YES.
- SO NICE.
- I MEAN, YEAH, IT'LL BE FUN.
I HOPE IT'S A NIGHT...
A WARM NIGHT,
BECAUSE I WANTED
TO DO IT A LITTLE BIT
OUTSIDE AND DO S'MORES AFTER...
AROUND THE FIRE...
- OH, CUTE.
- OH, I LOVE THAT.
- THE FIREPLACE.
- NICE.
- I THINK IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE.
- I LIKE TO THROW
THESE DINNER PARTIES
BECAUSE WE ALWAYS END UP
AROUND THE PIANO.
♪♪ WHEN THE SAINTS
GO MARCHING IN ♪♪
♪♪ ♪♪
- WHOO!
- THERE'S SOMETHING ABOUT MUSIC
THAT JOINS PEOPLE TOGETHER.
- SO GIRLS, HOW WAS YOUR DAY?
- I HAD A REALLY
LONG TALK WITH LISA.
- HOW DID THAT GO?
- OH, THAT'S, OH.
- I THINK IT ULTIMATELY
WAS A POSITIVE...
THING, SITUATION.
WE'RE GONNA MOVE FORWARD
AS MUCH AS WE CAN,
AND IF THAT'S JUST BEING SOCIAL
AND SAYING HELLO OR IF THAT'S,
YOU KNOW, BEING ABLE TO HAVE
FUN AGAIN AND HANGING OUT,
WE'LL JUST TAKE IT DAY BY DAY
AND SEE HOW THAT WORKS.
- LISA IS NOT SOMEONE TO JUST
SAY, "OKAY, I'M SORRY AS WELL."
- I FELT SOMETHING WEIRD
BETWEEN YOU AND LISA.
- WE ALL LOVE HER, BUT WE'RE...
WE'VE ALL MOVED ON FROM IT AND...
- WELL, LOVE IS A BIG WORD.
IF THEY CAN FIND IT
WITHIN THEMSELVES TO...
TO FORGIVE AND MOVE ON,
I'M HAPPY.
- WELL, THAT SOUNDS POSITIVE.
- YEAH. NO, IT WAS.
IT REALLY WAS.
- ARE YOU GONNA GO WITH US
TO DROP ALEXIA OFF?
- I'M NOT SURE.
- WE NEED HANGERS.
YOU KNOW, MOPS AND BROOMS,
YOU'RE GONNA NEED.
- I KNOW.
- TRASH, 'CAUSE EVERY...
THAT'S A LOT
OF STUFF WE HAVE TO GET.
I'M A BIT OVERLY DRAMATIC ABOUT
MY KIDS GROWING UP AND LEAVING.
ALEXIA'S GOING OFF
TO COLLEGE IN ARIZONA.
FOUR MORE YEARS LEFT
AND SOPHIA'S GONNA LEAVE.
NEXT THING I KNOW,
I'M GONNA BE LIKE,
"HELLO, WHAT'S MY
JOB AROUND HERE?"
BY THE WAY,
SOMEONE PUT RED IN WITH
ALL THE WHITE THE OTHER DAY,
AND ALL MY WHITE
UNDERWEAR TURNED PINK.
- THAT WASN'T ME.
- NO, I KNOW THAT,
'CAUSE YOU'VE NEVER
LOOKED AT A WASHING
MACHINE IN YOUR LIFE.
I'M FORTUNATE ENOUGH
THAT I HAVE SOMEONE
WHO HELPS ME IN THE HOUSE,
DO THE LAUNDRY,
AND CLEAN.
UNFORTUNATELY, THAT MEANS
THAT ALEXIA IS NOW 18 YEARS OLD
AND DOES NOT KNOW
HOW TO DO HER OWN LAUNDRY.
- WHICH ONE'S THE DRYER?
- THIS IS THE DRYER,
AND THIS IS THE WASHING MACHINE.
SO RIGHT NOW,
THIS IS ALL LIGHT STUFF.
THESE ARE JUST DIRTY TOWELS,
CLEANING TOWELS AND STUFF.
SO WHATEVER. OKAY.
- ARE YOU SURE THOSE ARE DIRTY?
- THIS IS CALLED A HAMPER.
- I KNOW WHAT A HAMPER IS.
- AND YOU'RE GONNA
NEED ONE OF THESE.
RIPPER,
CAN YOU GET OUT OF MY WAY?
OKAY,
THIS WILL BE A NORMAL WASH.
AND THEN...
TA-DA.
I FEEL LIKE I'VE
PREPARED MY KIDS
FOR A LOT OF THINGS IN LIFE.
LAUNDRY IS NOT ONE OF THEM.
YOU KNOW, YOU WIN SOME,
YOU LOSE SOME.
- KIMBERLY, ONCE WE
PLAYED HIDE AND SEEK
WHEN WE WERE LITTLE KIDS
WITH ALL OF OUR COUSINS
IN PALM SPRINGS.
- IN A DRYER?
- WE COULDN'T FIND HER,
AND SHE WAS IN THE DRYER,
AND CONRAD AND BARRON
PUT THE DRYER
ON WHILE SHE WAS IN THERE.
- NO! YOU'RE LYING TO ME.
I CAN'T HEAR THESE THINGS.
OH, MY GOD.
YOU GUYS ARE SO BAD.
I MEAN, IT'S ALL FUN AND GAMES
UNTIL YOUR UNDERWEAR
COME OUT THIS BIG.
JUST SO YOU KNOW,
I WANT YOU TO KNOW,
AND I MEAN THIS.
I KNOW A LOT
OF PARENTS WOULD SAY,
"YOU HAVE TO FINISH
WHAT YOU START."
YOU DON'T HAVE TO...
I'M SORRY, I DIDN'T MEAN
TO DO THIS RIGHT NOW.
- MOM.
- I'M SORRY, AND I KNOW WE'RE...
I'M GONNA BE OKAY,
AND YOU'RE GONNA BE OKAY,
BUT I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW
THAT IF YOU'RE NOT HAPPY,
YOU CAN COME HOME.
YOU CAN ALWAYS COME HOME,
AND I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT.
- I KNOW.
- THERE ARE LOTS
OF GREAT SCHOOLS HERE.
I'M NOT GONNA
MAKE YOU STAY SOMEWHERE
WHERE YOU'RE NOT HAPPY.
AFTER BELLA'S DUI,
I FEEL NO MATTER
HOW GOOD OF A PARENT YOU ARE,
NO MATTER HOW MANY LESSONS
YOU TRY TO TEACH THEM
AND TRY TO SET THE BEST EXAMPLE,
KIDS WILL MAKE
MISTAKES SOMETIMES.
- WELL, I'M ONLY AN HOUR AWAY.
IT'S NOT BAD.
- I KNOW. I KNOW. I KNOW.
OF COURSE, AS A PARENT,
YOU HOPE THAT THESE THINGS
WILL NEVER HAPPEN,
BUT YOU KNOW THEY CAN.
AND NOW I HAVE TO JUST LET GO
AND HOPE THAT SHE'S GONNA BE
OKAY AND MAKE THE RIGHT CHOICES.
YOU KIND OF HAVE
TO HAVE BLIND FAITH.
LET'S GO.
WE HAVE A LOT OF STUFF
TO BUY AND ORDER AND DO.
- OKAY, I'M COMING.
- HOW OLD'S YOUR DAD?
- 65.
- OH, MY GOD. HARRY'S 62.
YOU DON'T KNOW HARRY
THAT WELL, DO YOU?
- I ALWAYS SEE HIM
IN PASSING, AND...
- ONCE YOU GET TO KNOW HIM,
HE'S WAY CHATTIER THAN I AM.
BUT COMPLETE
OPPOSITES, YOU KNOW.
- OH, THAT'S GOOD.
OPPOSITES ATTRACT.
- OH, WE'RE COMPLETE OPPOSITES.
- BUT THAT'S WHAT
MAKES YOU GUYS WORK.
WHEN YOU'RE THE SAME PERSON,
THEN THAT'S WHEN PEOPLE CHEAT.
- I JUST THINK WE'RE
MEANT TO BE TOGETHER.
- VINNY AND I ARE TOO.
THE FIGHTS, WE GOT
OVER THEM SOONER
BECAUSE WE KNEW
THAT WE WERE GONNA BE THERE,
AND WE JUST CAME...
- BUT HE WAS MARRIED
WHEN YOU MET HIM, RIGHT?
- WE BOTH WERE.
- OH.
- YOU WERE BOTH MARRIED
WHEN YOU MET EACH OTHER?
- YEAH.
- I DON'T THINK
CHEATING IS RIGHT AT ALL,
BUT PEOPLE DO IT.
- WE KNEW EACH OTHER.
WE WORKED TOGETHER
'CAUSE HE WAS ON MY SHOW.
THAT'S HOW WE MET. - OH.
- RIGHT, AND NEITHER ONE
OF US WAS LOOKING.
- WELL, YOU WERE MARRIED.
- OF COURSE, YOU WERE MARRIED.
- BUT I MEAN,
BUT IT'S LIKE WE WEREN'T, LIKE,
TRYING TO GET
OUT OF THE MARRIAGE.
- RIGHT.
- OH, SO IT WAS EVEN...
- NO. WE WERE FRIENDS.
- IT'S HARD BECAUSE I JUST
WENT THROUGH THIS WITH JR
AND HIM CHEATING ON ME.
I WENT THROUGH IT WITH EDDIE,
AND EDDIE CHEATING ON ME.
- AND EVERYTHING WAS FINE,
AND THEN ALL OF THE SUDDEN
WE JUST REALIZED
WE WEREN'T HAPPY
IN OUR MARRIAGES
BECAUSE OF HOW WE FELT
ABOUT EACH OTHER.
- OH, THAT'S A SCARY MOMENT.
- AND LITERALLY, WE MET IN 2000.
WE WERE TOGETHER BY 2001.
- [bleep] HAPPENS.
YOU FALL IN LOVE WITH WHO
YOU FALL IN LOVE WITH, BUT...
BREAK UP AND GET
TOGETHER WITH THEM.
YOU KNOW? DO IT THAT WAY.
WAS IT HARD IN THE BEGINNING?
- ABSOLUTELY.
- RIGHT.
- IT WAS ONE
OF THE MOST HORRIFIC
EXPERIENCES OF OUR
LIVES, YOU KNOW?
- HOW WAS... HOW DID YOUR
HUSBAND DEAL WITH IT?
- MY EX?
- YEAH.
- HE WAS OKAY BECAUSE I WAS MORE
UP-FRONT ABOUT EVERYTHING.
I SAID,
"THIS IS WHAT'S HAPPENING.
I'M HAVING FEELINGS,
AND YOU JUST NEED TO KNOW THAT."
- RIGHT. OH, THAT'S GOOD.
- AND THAT'S WHY I HAVE
SO MUCH EMPATHY FOR YOU,
BECAUSE IT SUCKS, AND IT WAS,
LIKE, THE WORST THING,
BECAUSE I NEVER WANTED TO...
YOU KNOW, WE DIDN'T WANT
TO HURT ANYBODY.
I'M VERY SYMPATHETIC TO BRANDI
AND WHAT SHE'S GONE THROUGH
WITH HER EX-HUSBAND LEAVING HER.
BUT IF A MARRIAGE
IS IN GOOD SHAPE,
A THIRD PARTY CAN'T
COME IN AND DESTROY IT,
AND THAT'S THE BOTTOM LINE.
- ARE YOU FRIENDLY
WITH HIS EX-WIFE?
- VERY MUCH.
- I'M GLAD THAT WE'RE HAVING
THIS CONVERSATION TODAY.
YOUR HONESTY IS AMAZING.
- THANKS.
- I'M NOT, LIKE,
THE SCORNED WOMAN POLICE,
BUT IT'S HARD FOR ME
NOT TO FEEL MAD.
OH, CAN YOU... I FEEL
LIKE YOU NEED TO FLIP YOUR HAIR
AND SAY, "WE'RE
JOHN BLACK AND MARLENA."
[all laughing]
- WAIT, DID YOU SEE
THE SHOW TODAY?
SHE'S, LIKE, SITTING THERE,
AND YOU'RE ON THE PHONE.
- I HAVEN'T EVEN SEEN THE SHOW.
- OKAY, I NEED TO WATCH IT.
- YOU'VE GOT TO WATCH HER.
- I'VE BEEN OBSESSED.
- SHE'S A WHORE ON TV.
- SHE'S A TOTAL MEAN, MEAN...
- WELL, ON THAT SHOW.
ON THE OTHER ONE, I'M NOT.
- YEAH, OF COURSE.
- NASTY.
- ON DAYS...
- YOU'RE GANGSTER ON DAYS.
- THIS IS 1995.
- SHOW ME HOW YOU DO IT
WHEN YOU DO.
- I CAN'T DO THAT.
- DO WHAT YOU DID TODAY.
YOU WERE...
HOW DO YOU DO THE HAIR?
- I CAN'T DO IT.
I NEED A SCRIPT,
AND I NEED SOME WORDS.
- COME ON. DO... GET ON THE PHONE.
- PAY ME SOME MONEY
AND I'LL DO IT.
- OKAY.
- I'LL GIVE YOU 20...
WAIT, HOLD ON. HOLD ON.
- I DO NOT KNOW WHO
I'M DEALING WITH.
- YOU JUST... OKAY.
- OH, MY GOD.
- DO THE SCENE
THAT YOU DID TODAY.
- I'M LIKE A POOR,
SAD ACTRESS BY THE FREEWAY,
"WILL ACT FOR FOOD."
- LISTEN, IF YOU DON'T DO IT,
LISA WILL [bleep] DO IT.
I'M JUST SAYING.
I JUST WANT TO SEE THIS SIDE
OF HER THAT I SEE ON DAYS,
WHICH IS THE VILLAIN WHO SLEEPS
AROUND AND TRIES TO STEAL MEN.
I WANT TO SEE THE...
LIKE, THE JOHN,
MARLENA, JOHN BLACK.
I WANT TO SEE IT. DO IT.
- I CAN'T.
- DO IT.
- WHAT AM I, A CIRCUS SEAL?
- I'M GONNA THROW A DRINK
ON YOU IN ONE SECOND.
- [imitates seal barking]
- I CAN'T.
- YOU CAN, YES.
- I DON'T WANT
TO PLAY THIS GAME.
I DON'T WANT TO RE-ENACT
A SCENE FROM THE SHOW,
AND SHE'S NOT GETTING IT.
- I... THIS IS WHAT ACTORS DO.
- NO, I DON'T...
IT'S NOT $40, ANYWAY.
THAT'S... SHE WON AN EMMY.
- I'M GONNA THROW
A DRINK ON YOU.
- SHE WON AN EMMY,
SO SHE'S REALLY GOOD.
- THAT'S PRETTY...
THAT IS PRETTY...
I KNOW. THANK YOU SO MUCH.
- IMPRESSIVE.
- YOU'VE WON AN EMMY.
- OH! BRANDI!
- WHY DID YOU DO THAT?
- COMING UP....
- WE HAD DINNER
LAST NIGHT WITH BRANDI.
AND SHE JUST THREW A GLASS
OF WINE IN MY FACE.
- ARE YOU SERIOUS?
- SHE WON AN EMMY.
- I'M GONNA THROW
A DRINK ON YOU.
- SHE WON AN EMMY,
SO SHE'S REALLY GOOD.
- THAT'S PRETTY...
THAT IS PRETTY...
- I KNOW. THANK YOU SO MUCH.
- YOU'VE WON AN EMMY.
- THANKS. OH!
- OH, YOU DIDN'T.
- BRANDI!
- WHY DID YOU DO THAT?
- ABSOLUTELY INAPPROPRIATE
AND [bleep] WEIRD.
IF BRANDI'D THROWN THE WINE
IN MY FACE,
I WOULD HAVE GONE
ACROSS THAT TABLE
AND... I DON'T KNOW
WHAT I WOULD HAVE DONE,
BUT I WOULD PROBABLY
BE IN A COP CAR.
- SHE'S HAD A FEW DRINKS.
- I HAVE.
THAT WAS GOOD. - BAD GIRL.
NO, IT'S NOT GOOD. YOUR HAIR.
OH, YOUR... YOUR...
YOUR TOP, YOUR LEATHER TOP.
- IT WAS SO BIZARRE. REALLY?
- WOW.
- WHERE DID THAT COME FROM?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT TO SAY.
WHAT DO YOU SAY TO THAT?
- I JUST THOUGHT THAT BEING
A DAYS OF OUR LIVES ACTRESS,
LIKE, YOU COULD...
- TAKE PEOPLE
THROWING THROWING THE...
- THE DRAMA.
- OH...
EVERY DAY OF MY LIFE PEOPLE
THROW GLASSES IN MY FACE.
- I THINK I JUST DID IT FOR,
LIKE, A SOAP OPERA MOMENT,
OR MAYBE 'CAUSE SHE TOLD ME
A ROMANTIC STORY
ABOUT HER CHEATING.
BUT IT COULD HAVE BEEN
A COMBINATION OF EVERYTHING.
- THERE'S AN ICK FACTOR HERE.
I'M GONNA GET OVER IT.
I'M GONNA BE FINE.
THERE'S JUST AN ICK FACTOR HERE.
IT'S RIGHT...
IT'S JUST ICKY.
I'VE NEVER HAD A GLASS
OF WINE THROWN IN MY FACE.
I'M CONFUSED AND...
AND ANGRY AND HUMILIATED,
AND IT'S JUST
KIND OF SHOCKING AND BIZARRE.
ANYWAY, SAY SOMETHING ELSE.
- OKAY.
- MOVING IT ON.
- MOVING ON.
- ALL RIGHT.
LET'S GET THE CHECK.
CAN WE HAVE THE CHECK, PLEASE?
- BY THE TIME IT'S DONE,
WE'RE GONNA SEAT SEVEN ON
EACH SIDE AND TWO ON THE ENDS.
- YEAH, AND TWO ON THE END?
- YEAH.
- JUST TWO ON ONE END, RIGHT?
- RIGHT.
- FOR DAVID AND I?
- YES.
- I HAVE NEVER HIRED
A PARTY PLANNER
TO DO A DINNER AT THE HOUSE,
BUT MINDY
IS A REALLY GOOD FRIEND,
AND I LOVE HER VISION
OF THROWING A DINNER PARTY.
I LOVE IT.
I USUALLY DO ALL OF THIS MYSELF.
IT'S SO NICE TO JUST HANG OUT.
- SO NOW YOU CAN GO TAKE A BATH
AND JUST DO YOUR THING.
- YEAH, I'M JUST GONNA GO
AND DO MY MAKEUP AND GET READY.
- GOOD.
- THANK YOU. I LOVE IT.
I LOVE IT. YOU'RE AMAZING.
Both: THANK YOU.
- EILEEN, GET OUT HERE.
IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL.
- "GET OUT HERE!"
HERE I COME.
IT'S GREAT.
- SIT DOWN.
LET'S RELAX BEFORE WE GO.
- OKAY. WELL, WE CAN'T RELAX.
WE'VE GOT TO GO SOON.
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?
ARE YOU SURE I LOOK OKAY?
I JUST FEEL SO...
TIRED, 'CAUSE I DIDN'T
SLEEP VERY WELL LAST NIGHT...
- YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL. I LIKE THAT.
- AND I'M JUST POOPED.
- I LIKE THAT DRESS.
YOU WANT A GLASS OF WINE
BEFORE WE GO?
- NO, I DON'T THINK SO.
I THINK I'M GONNA AVOID WINE
FOR A LITTLE WHILE.
AT LEAST TILL WE GET THERE.
BRANDI'S GONNA BE THERE.
- I KNOW. IT'S...
- IT'S NOT THAT FUNNY.
- DAMN PSYCHO.
- YEAH, I DON'T KNOW.
SHE'S LIKE A SUPERFAN.
I DON'T GET IT.
I DON'T KNOW
WHAT TO EXPECT, YOU KNOW?
I'M GOING TO BE VERY CAUTIOUS
AROUND BRANDI.
I THINK SHE'S CAPABLE
OF ALMOST ANYTHING.
- LOOK, SHE'S OBVIOUSLY WEIRD...
- HONEY, WHO THROWS A GLASS
OF WINE IN SOMEBODY'S FACE?
I MEAN, JUST FOR NO REASON.
- IT'S A STRANGE THING,
BUT, SHE... YOU KNOW...
I THINK SHE REALLY
LIKES YOU, YOU KNOW.
- OKAY.
- I WOULDN'T TAKE IT
PERSONAL, REALLY.
- WE'VE GOT TO GO.
- PUT YOUR LITTLE FUN FACE ON.
BEAUTIFUL, PERFECT.
- YEAH, YOU LIKE IT?
- LIKE I MADE IT MYSELF.
LOVE YOU, BABY.
- I LOVE YOU TOO.
- THANK YOU.
I'VE INVITED EVERYBODY,
INCLUDING BRANDI,
TO MY DINNER PARTY,
BEFORE THIS CRAZY WINE INCIDENT.
I WOULD BE HORRIFIED
IF BRANDI WOULD
BEHAVE LIKE THAT IN...
WITHIN MY HOME.
HI, GUYS.
- HEY.
- WELCOME.
HI.
- HOW ARE YOU?
- GOOD.
- YOU LOOK GORGEOUS.
- THANK YOU. HI.
LOOK HOW HANDSOME HE LOOKS.
SO HANDSOME.
- THANK YOU.
- I KNOW.
- I LIKE THAT.
- HE TEACHES ME HOW TO BE COOL.
- HE... HE IS COOL.
HE'S PRETTY COOL.
DAVID AND BABYFACE
WORKED TOGETHER
FOR THE PAST 20-SOME YEARS
WRITING AND PRODUCING TOGETHER,
AND I LOVE HIS VOICE.
I LOVE HIS SONGS.
I LOVE THE HUMAN BEING
THAT HE IS.
- HI THERE.
- HEY.
- HOW ARE YOU? GOOD TO SEE YOU.
- HOW ARE YOU?
NICE TO SEE YOU.
- NICE TO SEE YOU
LOOKING GORGEOUS.
HOW ARE YOU? - I'M GOOD, THANKS.
- HOW ARE YOU?
- KENNY, KYLE.
- KENNY.
- KYLE, NICE TO MEET YOU.
- MARTIN KATZ.
- HI, MARTIN.
- NICE TO SEE YOU.
- OH.
- YOU DIDN'T NEED TO DO THAT,
BUT THANK YOU.
- YEAH. MAURICIO'S ON HIS WAY.
HE'S WORKING, HE'LL BE
HERE IN, LIKE, 20 MINUTES.
- LET'S GO.
YOU WANT TO GO OUTSIDE?
- SURE.
OH, MY GOSH,
YOU MATCH YOUR CUSHIONS.
- I KNOW.
I DID THE YELLOW
AND BLUE THEME TODAY.
- OH, MY GOSH, LOOK AT THIS.
- IT'S NICE, NO?
- HELLO?
HOW ARE YOU?
- HOW ARE YOU?
- I'M GOOD.
- LAST NIGHT I HAD DINNER
WITH EILEEN AND LISA RINNA
AND BRANDI AND I.
AND IT JUST... IT WAS TERRIBLE.
- WHAT HAPPENED?
- SHOCKING.
I DON'T... I DON'T KNOW
WHAT HAPPENED.
WE WERE HAVING A GREAT TIME,
AND ALL OF A SUDDEN,
BRANDI TOOK HER GLASS OF WINE
AND THREW IT IN EILEEN'S FACE.
- WAIT, NO, NO.
- I MEAN, IT WAS JUST,
LIKE, OUT OF NOWHERE.
BRANDI WAS TRYING TO SAY TO HER,
"OKAY, DO YOUR PART,
WHAT YOU DID TODAY AT WORK."
- LIKE A "LET'S PRETEND WE'RE
ON A SOAP OPERA" KIND OF THING?
- LIKE, I DON'T KNOW.
I... WHO KNOWS?
I DON'T KNOW
WHAT SHE WAS THINKING.
- I'M TRYING TO MAKE
SENSE OUT OF SOMETHING
THAT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE.
- NO, IT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE.
I MEAN, I'M... IT'S SO RUDE.
- OH, GOD.
- LET'S GO INSIDE.
- OKAY.
I CAN NEVER FIGURE OUT
HOW BRANDI OPERATES,
WHY SHE DOES
THE THINGS SHE DOES.
BUT IT DOESN'T
SURPRISE ME AT ALL
BECAUSE BRANDI IS
COMPLETELY UNPREDICTABLE.
- VINNY.
- HI, THERE.
- HOW ARE YOU?
- GOOD.
- GREAT.
- HOW ARE YOU?
- YOU FINALLY MADE IT.
WELCOME TO OUR HOME.
- MY LOVE, DID YOU GUYS MEET?
- HI.
- HELLO.
- GORGEOUS.
- ARE YOU STILL PLAYING TENNIS?
- I DO.
I JUST PLAYED WITH JOHN MCENROE
THIS WEEK, A COUPLE TIMES.
- DID YOU?
- YEAH.
- CAN HE STILL HIT THE BALL?
- HE'S PLAYING GOOD.
- YEAH.
- HI.
- HELLO.
- NIKKI, NICE TO MEET YOU.
- NIKKI, EILEEN.
- WE'VE MET.
- YOU'VE MET?
- HI.
HI, BEAUTIFUL.
YOLANDA'S HOUSE IS MAGNIFICENT
FROM THE MOMENT YOU DRIVE IN
TO THE MOMENT
YOU GO THROUGH THE DOORS.
I LOVE SEEING PEOPLE'S HOMES
BECAUSE YOU GET SUCH A...
AN INTERESTING HIT OFF OF,
YOU KNOW, WHO THEY ARE,
WHAT THEY'RE ABOUT.
AND THIS IS BEAUTIFUL.
I LOVE YOUR NECKLACE.
I LOVE YOUR BOOBS.
- OH, THANK YOU.
- BOOBS ARE GOOD.
- HI, HONEY.
- MAURICIO.
- HOW ARE YOU?
- I'M GOOD, AND YOU?
WHAT'S GOING ON?
- MY HUSBAND
COULDN'T COME TONIGHT.
IS YOUR HUSBAND HERE?
- YES, HE'S RIGHT THERE.
- OH, I DIDN'T SEE HIM.
- I'M GONNA MISS HIM.
I'LL MISS KEN. - YES, I KNOW.
- I HAD A VERY
STRANGE EXPERIENCE.
WE HAD DINNER LAST NIGHT
WITH BRANDI,
AND SHE'S A BIG FAN
OF DAYS OF OUR LIVES.
AND THEN SHE WAS WANTING ME
TO KIND OF RE-ENACT
A SCENE ON THE SOAP
AND DO SOMETHING BITCHY AND TOSS
MY HAIR BACK LIKE THE CHARACTER.
I SAID, "NO,
I DON'T WANT TO DO THAT."
AND THEN, UM,
SHE JUST THREW
A GLASS OF WINE IN MY FACE.
- ARE YOU SERIOUS?
- AND AT FIRST I LAUGHED,
BUT THEN IT WAS JUST SO BIZARRE.
- THIS IS A BEAUTIFUL,
ELEGANT WOMAN...
EILEEN, NOT BRANDI.
AND TO THROW A GLASS
OF WINE IN HER FACE,
I'VE HEARD AND SEEN
SOME THINGS FROM BRANDI,
BUT THIS IS A WHOLE NEW LOW.
- I'M JUST WONDERING
IF SHE'S GONNA SLAP ME NEXT.
SHE'S GONNA TRY OUT ALL THE
CLASSIC SOAP OPERA MOVES ON ME.
- WELL, THEN,
RATHER YOU THAN ME.
- THANKS A LOT.
- JUST OPEN
AND TAKE IT DOWN IN ONE.
YOU KNOW YOU CAN. COME ON.
- OH, MY GOD.
- WHAT'S UP, BROTHER?
- HOW ARE YOU DOING?
- I'M GOOD, AND YOU?
IT'S NICE TO SEE YOU.
WHAT'S GOING ON?
- WHAT DO YOU...
WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DRINK?
- WHAT ARE YOU ALL DRINKING?
- WE ARE... THERE IS, LIKE...
- I'M HAVING A MARGARITA.
- LEMON MARTINIS.
THERE'S MARGARITA.
THERE IS CHAMPAGNE WITH LEMON.
THERE'S WINE.
- I'LL HAVE A CHAMPAGNE.
IT'S CHAMPAGNE O'CLOCK, I THINK.
- IT'S... OKAY.
- [laughs]
- CHAMPAGNE O'CLOCK.
THAT WAS FUNNY.
- WE'RE GONNA DO A LITTLE POKER
PARTY AT OUR HOUSE.
- CAN'T YOU POKE HIM
FOR A CHANGE, RATHER THAN HER?
- I WANT... I HEAD YOU'RE GONNA
TEACH THEM HOW TO PLAY POKER.
- YEAH.
- HI, NAUGHTY GIRL.
IF YOU WERE MY CHILD,
YOU WOULDN'T BE DOING THAT.
- I THOUGHT YOU WERE GONNA SMACK
ME UPSIDE THE HEAD LAST NIGHT.
- YOU'RE A BAD GIRL.
- I KNOW.
- YOU NEED A SPANKING.
YOU'RE IN TIME-OUT. - I KNOW.
- OKAY, WAIT.
I'M STILL WEIRDED OUT.
- WHAT? WHAT?
- I'M JUST WEIRDED...
THIS IS JUST WEIRD.
THIS JUST FEELS, LIKE,
WEIRD HIGH SCHOOL WEIRD STUFF.
I HATE THIS STUFF.
- WHAT'S HAPPENING?
- NOTHING. I DON'T KNOW.
- OH, BUT YOU'RE SUPPOSED
TO SAY HI TO THAT?
- NO, THAT'S OKAY. IT'S JUST...
- WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO DRINK?
- WHITE WINE.
- WHITE WINE?
- YEAH.
- I'M CONFUSED.
- IT'S OKAY.
- IT WAS A JOKE.
- WE'RE JUST TALKING
ABOUT LAST NIGHT.
- SO WE'LL HAVE TWO
WHITE WINE, PLEASE.
- PRETTY MUCH OUT OF THE BLUE,
LIKE IF YOU AND I WERE JUST
STANDING HERE TALKING,
AND I HAD A DRINK IN MY HAND,
I WOULD JUST GO
LIKE THAT IN YOUR FACE.
- I'M FEELING A LITTLE WEIRD
ABOUT SEEING BRANDI.
I REALLY AM.
I DON'T REALLY
WANT TO SEE BRANDI,
BUT I WANTED
TO SEE YOLANDA AND DAVID
AND SEE EVERYBODY ELSE.
IT'S SHOCKING.
I WAS JUST IN SHOCK.
SO I LAUGHED, AT FIRST.
- HI.
- THE GROUP IS COMPLETE.
- HEY.
- WE WERE JUST TALKING
ABOUT YOU.
- COMING UP...
- I WANT TO, LIKE,
TAKE CARE OF HER.
- HOW CAN YOU BE MAD AND ANGRY?
- BUT I ALSO WANT TO [bleep]
SPANK HER AT THE SAME TIME.
- SO WAIT A SECOND.
IS IT A FRIDGE?
CAN I OPEN THIS?
OH, MY GOD.
- ISN'T IT GORGEOUS?
- WELL, I HAVE NEVER IN MY LIFE,
AND I'VE SEEN A LOT OF THINGS.
- GET IN THERE.
I'LL TAKE A PICTURE OF YOU.
IT'S A WAY TO
PRESERVE YOU, DARLING.
- OH, GOD, I'LL TAKE IT.
[laughs]
I'M A FREAK STANDING
IN YOLANDA'S FRIDGE.
WHAT THE [bleep]?
I'LL STAY BEAUTIFUL FOREVER.
- THE GROUP IS COMPLETE.
- HEY.
- WE WERE JUST TALKING
ABOUT YOU.
- HELLO.
- HEY, CAN I TALK TO YOU
FOR A SECOND?
- SURE.
OKAY, COULD YOU...
LEAVE YOUR WINE HERE.
- NO, I KNOW, YOU OWE ME ONE.
YOU CAN THROW IT ON ME.
- NO, THAT'S OKAY.
I DON'T NEED TO DO THAT.
- NOT IN MY HOUSE, GUYS.
- OKAY. WELL, I'LL BE OUTSIDE.
- DID YOU LEAVE THE WEIRDO
SUPERFAN AT HOME,
I HOPE, AT THE DOOR?
- YES.
- OKAY.
- I'VE LIKED DAYS OF OUR LIVES,
LIKE... IT FELT LIKE I
WAS IN THE SOAP OPERA.
- IT WAS THE MOST BIZARRE THING
I THINK I'VE EVER SEEN,
I WAS GONNA SAY.
- WE WERE THROWING MONEY
AT HER AND SAYING...
- THANK YOU.
- HOW ARE YOU?
- YOU GUYS SHOULD... YEAH.
- YOU GUYS SHOULD GO. YOU GO.
- I WAS WRONG,
AND I HAVE REALLY BAD ANXIETY,
AND I JUST WANT TO GET
IT DONE AND OVER WITH RIGHT NOW.
- JUST GO A LITTLE CLOSER
TO THE POOL, BRANDI.
- I KNOW, RIGHT?
YOU... LISTEN, DO IT. DO IT.
IT'S FINE. JUST...
- OKAY, WE KEEP GOING
FURTHER AND FURTHER.
WE'RE GONNA BE
IN CATALINA PRETTY SOON.
- OKAY. SO.
- YES, EXPLAIN.
EXPLAIN THE WEIRDNESS.
- I DON'T REALLY
HAVE AN EXPLANATION,
BUT I GOT YOU A LITTLE PRESENT
TO SAY I'M SORRY.
- DID YOU REALLY?
- YES.
- OKAY.
- IT'S JUST A REALLY PRETTY
LITTLE NECKLACE.
- THAT'S VERY PRETTY. THANK YOU.
- I MEAN, IT DOESN'T GO
WITH WHAT YOU'RE WEARING NOW,
BUT I THOUGHT YOU MIGHT...
- THANK YOU.
- IT'S A PEACE OFFERING.
I'M VERY SORRY.
VERY WEIRD.
I MEAN, A NICE GESTURE
IN A REALLY KIND OF WEIRD WAY.
IT'S LIKE A KISS AND A SLAP
AT THE SAME TIME.
- I DON'T KNOW IF I
DRANK TOO MUCH, OR...
I WAS, I REALLY THOUGHT...
I WAS WAITING FOR THE HAIR FLIP
AND THE... I DON'T KNOW.
- FROM WHOM?
- FROM... I WANTED YOU
TO GO INTO YOUR CHARACTER.
- WHY?
- I DON'T KNOW.
I DON'T... I MEAN,
I'VE BEEN A FAN ALL...
NOT MY WHOLE LIFE,
BUT SINCE HIGH SCHOOL.
- RIGHT, UH-HUH.
- ANYWAY, I REALLY AM SORRY.
I DON'T... I'VE NEVER THROWN
A DRINK AT ANYONE IN MY LIFE.
- IT JUST FELT LIKE AN ATTACK.
- OH, I'M SORRY.
IT WAS... I REALLY WAS HAVING...
I GOT CAUGHT UP IN A MOMENT.
I WAS DRINKING, AND I... JUST
HAVE NEVER DONE THAT BEFORE.
BUT I'VE ALSO NEVER
BEEN AROUND, LIKE,
PEOPLE THAT I WATCHED
ON TV MY WHOLE LIFE, YOU KNOW?
- YOU WERE LIKE A LITTLE
CREEPY FAN-TYPE THING.
- YEAH.
DO YOU ACCEPT MY APOLOGY?
- I DO.
- OH, GOOD.
- JUST DON'T DO IT AGAIN.
- I WON'T.
- I CAN ACCEPT AN APOLOGY
FROM BRANDI
BECAUSE I DON'T LIKE
TO GET CAUGHT UP
IN THE PETTY SMALL STUFF
THAT DOESN'T REALLY MATTER.
I STILL DON'T TRUST HER,
BUT I'M WILLING
TO ACCEPT HER APOLOGY.
- SO WE'RE GOOD?
- YEAH, WE'RE GOOD.
LET'S MOVE ON. - OKAY, GREAT.
- I DO. I APPRECIATE IT.
THANK YOU.
- OF COURSE.
I'VE FELT LIKE [bleep] ALL DAY.
- I'M SO GLAD. YOU SHOULD.
- NO, I DID.
I... EVEN LAST NIGHT,
I WENT OUT BY THE POOL.
- OH, GOOD. YOU FELT REALLY BAD?
YOU FELT LIKE AN [bleep]?
- I CRIED.
I WAS, LIKE, WHAT DID...
- OH, THAT'S GOOD.
- YES.
- I ALWAYS LIKE BEING
IN THE KITCHEN.
WHAT ARE YOU MAKING?
- GOAT'S CHEESE
STUFFED IN [inaudible].
- OH, YUM.
- AND THEN DEEP FRIED.
- I LOVE THAT. IT'S ITALIAN.
SO NOTHING'S FATTENING AT ALL.
WE CAN EAT WHATEVER WE WANT.
- DARLING, YOU ARE THE SIZE
OF A LITTLE TINY TOOTHPICK.
YOU CAN EAT EVERYTHING.
- I CAN EAT WHATEVER I WANT.
WHAT'S THAT?
- IT'S NOT EDIBLE.
- OH.
- HI.
- YOU GOT, LIKE, SUPER SKINNY.
LOOK AT HOW HOT YOU LOOK.
- REALLY? THANK YOU.
YOU'RE SO CUTE.
- YOUR HAIR LOOKS AWESOME.
- THANK YOU.
- YEAH, IT DOES.
IT'S ALL HERS, TOO.
- YEAH, THAT LOOKS REALLY GOOD.
I LIKE IT A LOT.
- THANK YOU. I LIKE IT A LOT.
I LIKE IT A LOT.
- THEY GOT THE...
THEY GOT THE GOOD HAIR GENES,
THE RICHARDS GIRLS.
DID YOU HEAR?
- NO, I DIDN'T HEAR.
- I THREW WINE
IN EILEEN'S FACE LAST NIGHT.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW
WHAT I WAS DOING.
I WAS, LIKE, I WAS, LIKE,
TELLING HER ALL ABOUT...
WERE YOU TIPSY?
- WE'D ALL HAD
A COUPLE GLASSES OF WINE,
BUT I APOLOGIZED.
- BUT YOU KNEW.
- OKAY.
- I CRIED.
- "OH, MY GOD, YOU'RE NOT...
- HE'S LIKE, "WHY?"
AND I'M LIKE, "FOR NO REASON."
- SOMETIMES YOU DO THAT.
WHERE BRANDI IS AT TODAY, SHE'S
MOVING IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION.
SHE ACKNOWLEDGES HER...
HER MISTAKES,
AND SHE SAYS, "I'M SORRY."
YOU KNOW, SHE'S STILL BRANDI.
YOU KNOW?
OKAY, BUT YOU SAID YOU'RE SORRY.
[piano playing]
♪♪ ♪♪
- DINNER TIME.
- HI.
- HI. I'M KENNY.
- BRANDI.
- OH, THANK YOU.
- THIS IS BEAUTIFUL.
- DO YOU FIND THAT SOMETIMES
WHEN YOU LOOK AT SOMEBODY
AND CAN'T REMEMBER THEIR NAME?
- I DON'T KNOW, I'VE WATCHED
MY HUSBAND DO IT FOR 21 YEARS,
AND HE NEVER KNOWS ANYONE,
AND THEN RIGHT AS THEY
LEAVE, "WHO WAS THAT?"
- YEAH.
- I GOT IT.
- WHAT ABOUT OUR FRIENDS
DOWN AT THE END THERE?
- NIKKI.
- AND WHAT ABOUT HER HUSBAND?
- PAP... PAPAFACE.
- NO. [laughs]
BABYFACE!
- PAPAFACE.
- BABYFACE.
- I'M PAPAFACE.
HE'S BABYFACE.
- I LOVE THAT.
- THOSE EARRINGS ARE GORGEOUS.
- THANK YOU.
- OH, THANK YOU.
- THEY'RE BOTH PRETTY.
- AFTER TWO YEARS...
- UH-OH.
- AFTER TWO YEARS OF NOT BEING...
- WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.
[glass ringing]
- I LOVE HOW SHE
JUST GETS UP AND SPEAKS.
- I THINK, EVERYBODY.
I DON'T KNOW WHY...
YOU KNOW, BECAUSE I LOST
MY VOICE FOR TWO YEARS.
SO NOW ALL OF A SUDDEN, I JUST
WANT TO TALK ALL THE TIME.
- DO IT.
- ANYWAY, I JUST WANTED TO
WELCOME EVERYBODY TO OUR HOME
AND I WANTED TO SAY
I LOVE YOU TO YOU.
THANK YOU FOR BEING MY STRENGTH
IN TIMES THAT I
LOST MY STRENGTH.
I ADORE YOU, AND THANK YOU FOR,
YOU KNOW, BEING NEXT TO ME
THROUGH THE HARDEST TWO YEARS
OF MY LIFE.
ANYWAY, THANK YOU
FOR BEING HERE TONIGHT.
EILEEN, I JUST WANTED
TO MAKE A TOAST TO YOUR EMMY.
BECAUSE I AM JUST
SO PROUD OF YOU.
- GO INTO CHARACTER.
- AND I LOVE, YOU KNOW.
- I'M JUST KIDDING.
- YOU, BRANDI GLANVILLE,
YOU'RE IN TIME-OUT.
- I'M SORRY.
- YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED
TO TALK TONIGHT.
- I'M SORRY.
- SHH.
- I'M ARMED.
- ALL RIGHT.
- SO CHEERS TO YOU.
- THANK YOU.
- CHEERS.
- OH, AND LISA.
- CHEERS TO YOU.
- OH, WAIT, THERE'S MORE.
- CHEERS.
- I FORGOT TO SAY...
I FORGOT TO SAY CHEERS TO LISA
ON YOUR OPENING OF PUMP.
- OH, THANK YOU.
- YEAH.
- IT ALMOST KILLED ME,
BUT THANK YOU.
- NEXT TIME YOU INVITE US.
- YES, YES.
- I'M PROUD OF YOU.
I'M VERY PROUD OF YOU.
- VERY GOOD. THANK YOU.
MOVING ON.
- MOVING ON.
- MAYBE YOU SHOULD FIGURE IT OUT
WHY I DIDN'T INVITE YOU.
IT'S NOT ROCKET SCIENCE.
- DO NOT TOUCH ME, KEN.
- THIS IS GETTING RIDICULOUS.
LET'S GO.
- YOU ARE SO RUDE.
- OH, YOU'RE SO STUPID.
- YOU'RE DISRESPECTFUL.
- IT'S ALWAYS ALL
ABOUT YOU, DARLING.
- DID YOU GUYS HAVE
A NICE LUNCH, THE TWO OF YOU?
- WE DID.
I THOUGHT WE HAD A NICE LUNCH.
- WE FIXED IT BETWEEN OURSELF.
- YEAH.
- BUT I WANT TO HEAR.
- I THINK
THAT WE'RE MOVING FORWARD,
AND WE'RE JUST TAKING IT SLOW.
AND IT WAS GOOD.
- BUT REALLY SLOW, OKAY?
- REALLY VERY, VERY SLOW.
- I'M SERIOUS.
- SHE CAN EASILY SEE, YOU GUYS
BOTH HAD STUFF GOING ON, SO.
- YEAH.
NO, WE TALKED ABOUT BOTH A BIT.
- I'M JUST SAYING,
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?
OH, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.
IT'S JUST...
- WE GOT IT. WE GOT IT.
- I KNOW THAT BRANDI
WOULD LOVE FOR IT TO BLOW OVER
AND EVERYTHING BE FINE AGAIN,
BUT LISA DOESN'T
OPERATE LIKE THAT.
IT'S NOT GONNA BE, YOU KNOW,
DISMISSED SO QUICKLY.
- SO YOU PREFER WHITE WINE
OVER RED?
- I DO. YOU KNOW, I...
I LIKE RED WINE,
BUT IT GIVES ME A HEADACHE.
- IT'S... IT'S THE OPPOSITE
FOR ME.
WHITE WINE GIVES ME A HEADACHE.
- IT'S LIKE...
THEY CALL IT THE COUGAR DIET.
IT'S, LIKE,
WHITE WINE AND TABLOIDS.
- BRANDI?
- YES, SIR.
- HE'S MARRIED.
- I KNOW, TO THIS GORGEOUS
WOMAN RIGHT HERE...
- OKAY? YEAH.
- AND THEY'RE NEWLYWEDS.
- JUST... JUST TELLING YOU.
- I KNOW THAT.
OH, MY GOSH.
HOW BEAUTIFUL IS YOUR WIFE,
BY THE WAY?
- SHE'S AMAZING.
- YOU'RE VERY LUCKY.
- THANK YOU.
- I DO FEEL, THOUGH,
BY THE WAY, LET ME SEE THE RING.
WE COULD GO BIGGER.
- YOU CANNOT SAY THAT.
- YES, I CAN.
- NO, YOU CAN'T.
I MEAN, THAT IS SO
EMASCULATING FOR A MAN,
TO SAY THAT THE RING
HE'S BOUGHT HIS BEAUTIFUL WIFE
ISN'T BIG ENOUGH.
I MEAN, THAT'S LIKE A MAN
TAKING HIS CLOTHES OFF
AND SAYING HIS PENIS
ISN'T BIG ENOUGH.
I'M SORRY, BUT IN YOUR OWN
WORDS, SHUT THE [bleep] UP.
- THIS IS WHAT I DO
WHEN I GET EMBARRASSED.
- OH, GOD.
- IT'S NOT ABOUT THE SIZE,
IT'S ABOUT THE LOVE.
- YES.
- SHE'S GONNA NEED ONE OF THESE,
BUT NOT NOW.
IF YOU'RE TOO YOUNG
AND YOU HAVE THIS GIANT ROCK,
THAT MEANS YOUR HUSBAND
IS CHEATING.
- I THINK IT'S SOMETHING
BECAUSE OF SOME THINGS
THAT YOU'VE GONE THROUGH
THAT YOU FEEL THAT WAY.
- RIGHT, NO, YEAH.
- BUT, UM...
- IT'S TRUE.
HE'S RIGHT. HE'S RIGHT.
- LET'S DO S'MORES.
- S'MORES.
ISN'T THAT NICE?
- YEAH.
- ARE THERE MARSHMALLOWS
ON MY LIP?
- YEAH.
- NO.
- YEAH. [inaudible].
[all laugh]
- YES, YOU CAN, SWEETIE.
- YES, SWEETIE.
- I'M JUST GONNA FILL
IN WHEREVER I NEED BE.
- MY TURN FOR THE CHILDREN.
YOU CAN TAKE THE WHOLE...
FASHION SHOW.
- FASHION SHOW.
- FASHION SHOW. YES, GO.
- WHOO!
- YOLANDA IS AN AMAZING HOSTESS.
SHE JUST DOES IT
SO EFFORTLESSLY,
EVEN THOUGH SHE'S SICK.
- OH!
- OH, YEAH, SHE'S BACK.
- WHAT I LOVE ABOUT YOLANDA
AND HER STRENGTH
IS SHE PUTS IT BEHIND HER,
AND SHE JUST POWERS THROUGH IT.
- I THINK I MADE IT PRETTY GOOD.
IT'S A LITTLE BIT BURNT THERE.
- YOU'RE SO [bleep] SEXY.
- THANK YOU.
- IT'S RIDICULOUS.
- I'VE WATCHED... SHE...
I'VE WATCHED BOTH OF YOU GUYS
FOR SO MANY YEARS,
AND SO IT WAS SO WEIRD FOR ME.
IT WAS LIKE...
- YOU'RE WALKING THE LINE OF
BEING A CRAZY, LIKE, WEIRDO FAN.
- I KIND OF TELEPORTED INTO...
NO, IT'S TRUE.
- NO, SHE'S NOT, THOUGH.
- NO, BUT I KIND OF TELEPORTED
INTO A DAYS
OF OUR LIVES SITUATION.
- BRANDI, YOU'RE
KIND OF [bleep] CRAZY.
- AND CHEERS TO THAT.
[laughs]
I TAKE IT AS A COMPLIMENT,
BECAUSE I DON'T WANT
TO BE LIKE ANYONE ELSE.
I WANT TO BE ME.
I'M [inaudible]. - NO.
- YOU'RE VERY MAD.
- I'M DONE WITH YOU.
- OH, YOU'RE DONE WITH ME?
- I'M DONE WITH YOU.
- NO, YOU'RE NOT DONE WITH ME.
NOT YET.
YOLANDA.
OKAY.
- YOLANDA, KICK HER ASS.
- NO, I'M NOT DOING
ANYTHING BAD.
- WONDER WOMAN IS COMING
TO GET YOU.
- GO BACK WITH THE GIRLS.
COME ON.
[both laughing]
- TELL ME REALLY, DID YOU
REALLY, LIKE, EVERYTHING'S FINE?
- YES.
- OKAY.
- ABSOLUTELY. 100%.
- 'CAUSE SHE'S CRAZY.
SHE'S CRAZY.
- I DON'T KNOW.
I FEEL BAD FOR HER.
- I LIKE HER, BUT SHE'S NUTS.
- AND, LIKE, SHE SAYS, "DID YOU
HAVE TO GET SOMEBODY TO HIT ME?"
I'M LIKE... SHE GOES,
"I LOVE YOU GUYS.
I'M JUST A BIG FAN." - I KNOW.
IT'S LIKE A LITTLE GIRL,
A VERY NEEDY GIRL.
- BUT SHE'S, LIKE,
THREE YEARS OLD.
- I KNOW.
- AND I WANT TO,
LIKE, TAKE CARE OF HER...
- LIKE, HOW CAN YOU
BE MAD AND ANGRY?
- BUT I ALSO WANT TO [bleep]
SPANK HER AT THE SAME TIME.
SHE WANTS A REACTION WHEN SHE
SAYS ALL THOSE THINGS, YOU KNOW?
- YEAH, SHE DOES.
SHE WANTS ATTENTION.
CLEARLY, IT'S SO OBVIOUS.
- SHE WANTS ATTENTION.
WHAT I SEE IS THIS WOUNDED
LITTLE GIRL INSIDE OF BRANDI.
- I'M BRINGING HER
TO LIVE WITH ME.
WE'RE GONNA GO LESBIAN.
- NO ONE DRINKS THAT MUCH
IF THEY'RE HAPPY.
- I'M SURPRISED
SHE'S NOT AN ACTRESS.
SHE'S, LIKE,
NEUROTIC ENOUGH TO BE ONE.
- OH, SHE'S MORE THAN NEUROTIC
ENOUGH TO BE AN ACTRESS.
- OH, I DON'T WANT TO BE MEAN,
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.
- THAT'S WHY YOU WON AN EMMY.
- THANK YOU, BITCH.
- WHACKO.
- COMING UP...
- WHY DID YOU DO IT LIKE THIS,
LIKE YOU WERE
FINGER-BANGING YOUR WIFE?
- I THINK WE'RE GONNA DO
A LITTLE MUSIC WITH THE PIANO.
WHEN KENNY AND I
TOURED A COUPLE YEARS AGO,
WE FELL INTO THIS THING WHERE WE
WOULD GO TO THE AUDIENCE,
AND WE'D GET THEM TO SAY
ANY KIND OF RANDOM THOUGHT,
LIKE, "I LOVE POLICEMEN,"
"I HATE MY WIFE,"
"I HATE MONDAYS,"
"I LOVE SATURDAY AFTERNOON."
WHATEVER YOU COULD IMAGINE.
GIVE ME A TITLE, ANYBODY.
- I LOVE MY LIFE.
- CAN YOU HANDLE THAT?
- I LOVE MY LIFE.
- I LOVE MY LIFE.
IT'S GOT TO BE
A SEXY SLOW JAM, THOUGH.
- YEAH, IT'S GOT
TO BE VERY SEXY AND ROMANTIC.
- I LOVE MY LIFE.
- WHY DID YOU DO IT LIKE THIS,
LIKE YOU WERE
FINGER-BANGING YOUR WIFE?
- WHY DID YOU RUIN
A BEAUTIFUL MOMENT?
WHAT IS THAT...
DON'T RUIN A BEAUTIFUL MOMENT.
- NO, HE SAID, I LOVE MY LIFE,
AND HE WENT LIKE THAT.
I'M IN TIME OUT. I FORGOT.
- YOU ARE IN TIME OUT.
- I APOLOGIZE.
- I THINK WE JUST
BLEW THE MOMENT, HUH?
- IF THAT'S NOT SOME WHITE
TRASH, I DON'T KNOW WHAT IS.
- NO ONE WAS THINKING
ABOUT THAT.
- SO FREAKING WEIRD.
- ALL RIGHT.
- I... I APOLOGIZE.
- I LOVE MY LIFE?
- I LOVE MY LIFE.
- AND FINGER BANGING, OKAY.
- CAN YOU PUT THAT IN THE SONG?
I LIKE IT. I WOULD LOVE...
I WOULD DIE FOR THAT.
- ALL RIGHT.
- HERE WE GO.
[jazzy piano playing]
[laughs]
[all laughing]
THIS IS GONNA GET GREAT.
- ♪♪ I LOVE BEING IN L.A. ♪♪
♪♪ THIS IS TRUE ♪♪
♪♪ BRANDI LIKES
FINGER BANGING ♪♪
[all laughing]
- THIS DOESN'T SOUND
VERY ROMANTIC TO ME.
ISN'T THERE A SWEETER WORD
IN THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE
FOR THAT ACTIVITY?
- ♪♪ I JUST LOVE MY LIFE ♪♪
- AH, YEAH.
- ♪♪ I LOVE MY LIFE, YES ♪♪
all: ♪♪ I LOVE MY LIFE ♪♪
- ♪♪ OHH ♪♪
all: ♪♪ I LOVE MY LIFE. ♪♪
- ♪♪ WON'T YOU SING IT
LIKE YOU MEAN IT? ♪♪
♪♪ I LOVE ♪♪
♪♪ FINGER BANGING ♪♪
♪♪ I LOVE MY LIFE ♪♪
- WHOO! [cheers and applause]
- LOVE YOU.
- WHOO!
- NEXT TIME ON THE REAL
HOUSEWIVES OF BEVERLY HILLS...
- I DON'T HAVE
PROOF OF INSURANCE
ON MY OTHER CAR, EITHER.
- WELL, WHY WOULD YOU
DRIVE IT UP HERE?
- IT'S JUST ONE DAY.
- THAT IS SO IRRESPONSIBLE.
HE NEEDS TO STEP UP HIS GAME.
- EDDIE IS ASKING
FOR CHILD SUPPORT
AND SPOUSAL SUPPORT THAT
HE SAYS HE OVERPAID.
- I'D RATHER HONESTLY
JUST GO TO COURT.
- I'M SORRY, YOU'RE
JUST THIS LITTLE KID
WITH YOUR LITTLE SURFBOARD,
AND NOW HERE YOU
ARE GRADUATING FROM COLLEGE.
ONE BY ONE, YOU WATCH THEM GO,
AND THE HOUSE
GETS QUIETER AND QUIETER.
- IT WASN'T A GOOD MISTAKE,
BUT YOU CAN STILL TRUST ME.
- SHE KNOWS THAT THERE IS
NO SECOND CHANCE IN THIS.
- I LOVE YOU SO MUCH.
HONEY, YOU'RE GONNA
HAVE SO MUCH FUN HERE.
THE WHOLE DYNAMIC
OF OUR HOME CHANGES
WITH EACH CHILD THAT LEAVES.