The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills (2010–…): Season 5, Episode 18 - Confessions of a Housewife - full transcript

(Yolanda) Previously on The
Real Housewives of Beverly Hills...

I am... oh, I Amsterdam.

Look at this. This is so cute.

This kind of reminds me
of the old days.

Brandi and I used to have
a laugh together.

Clearly, Brandi says things
that are hurtful to Kyle.

Yes, obviously. We've all... yes.

So it's all very
interconnected and weird.

I know how much
you've been there for her.

- And that's zero.
- You don't know anything.

I talk to her every [bleep] day.
You don't even talk to her.



Wait, wait, what do you mean?
Brandi, you're...

- Get away from me.
- You're a [bleep].

For whatever reason,

she chose to turn to Brandi
and not to me.

She defends me more than you do.

- Kim...
- Kathy would have my back

like a real sister.

You never go near my husband.

Everybody will know.

- [bleep] you!
- Everybody will know!

Don't you go after
my [bleep] husband!

Everybody will know
what you don't want!

If you hit me,
I'll hit you back.

- No, do it.
- Pick on somebody your own...



I smacked her.

What do you mean,

you slapped Lisa Vanderpump
in the face?

I am so over this.

[upbeat music]

Throw me to the wolves,

and I shall return
leading the pack.

Character isn't what you have;
it's who you are.

You've heard a lot about me,

but it's only true
when it comes from my lips.

I'm not a bitch,
but I've played one on TV.

I've been rich,
and I've been famous,

but happiness beats them both.

I'd rather spending my life
kicking ass than kissing it.

Planes and yachts are nice,
but my happiness starts at home.

[upbeat music]

[bell rings]

♪♪ ♪♪

[tram bell rings]

Should we go
to the flower market?

- The flower market?
- Through there.

[ambulance wails]

Oh!

Aah!

[bleep]. Oh, my God.

If we live to tell...

Oh, my God.

We almost died in Amsterdam.

- Hi.
- Hi, how are you?

- I'm great, girls.
- Hello.

Hello. How are you doing?

Hi, did you have a fun night?

- I did.
- Yeah?

- Really fun, yes.
- Did we see our boyfriend?

- Yes.
- Oh, you're wearing

your new thing.
Did you have fun last night?

Oh! Yes, I did.

I met Amster Boy
in the red light district.

I saw a really hot guy
going by on a scooter,

and all of a sudden,
he's talking to Lisa Vanderpump.

Apparently, Andre grew up
with Max, Lisa's son.

- Did you have fun?
- I was up all night with him.

- Yeah.
- Aah!

One thing led to another.

Andre asked me on a date.

- There's Yolanda.
- Where?

Right over there.

(Lisa V) Oh, my God.

I can't believe
you've got those on.

- No way!
- Hi.

(Kyle)
Where did you get those?
We tried to stop and buy them.

- Oh, are they real?
- Yeah.

What are you gonna
do with flowers?

I slapped Vanderpump as a joke.

- I went like this.
- You slapped her?

- Yeah, and now I...
- Now you're fighting?

Now she hates my guts.

It was a joke.

I was joking around.

I took it too far, as she's done
with me many of times.

You hit her?

No, I... not like... oh,
I don't know.

Oh, my gosh.

It was a joke.

And she's like,
"It was kind of hard."

It was a joke, like... ugh.

Aah!

What are you gonna
do with these?

For tonight... for dinner.

Oh, how sweet.

Yellow roses is a sign of...

Friendship.

Hope.

Hope for friendships and peace.

Yeah... you need to buy
more than this.

[laughter]

I've got to take
the whole shop for that.

Oh Eileen, look at... oh,
these are cute.

Little clicker clogs.

Oh, my God,
I used to love these pencils.

- I love it here.
- Yeah.

I wouldn't kind of want
to leave in a way, if I was you.

Oh.

Here.

- Not happy.
- I know.

- No, I mean, really not happy.
- I know, I tried...

No, I mean, like, upset,

pissed off...

I understand. It was a joke,

and I apologize,

and I... what else can I do?
You can be mad at me...

Well, you could stop
doing things like that.

You can't do things and keep
[bleep] apologizing, Brandi.

- Okay.
- It upset me.

She has finally crossed the
[bleep] line one too many times.

I've been
her emotional punch bag,

and I will not be
her physical punch bag.

- Think before you do something.
- Think about it

before you do something.

Okay.

I've never been hit
around the face before,

and I'm not even saying
it was that hard, but...

I'm sorry.
You don't have to accept it.

I apologized last night.

I'm apologizing now.

You don't want the flowers?

That's fine, I'll keep them.

I don't know what else to do.

Think before you act.
That's what you need to do.

Okay.

You give her an inch
and she takes a bloody mile.

She always crosses the line.

And she's hurt me before,
and she's offended me before,

and it's just totally
un-[bleep]-acceptable.

(Yolanda)
I guess we got to, you know,

teach her slowly,
because obviously...

I don't have the [bleep]
patience for that, you know?

- Yeah, I know.
- I've been burned big time,

okay, by her,
giving her a second chance.

Yeah.

She always takes it
to another level.

Yeah, I took her for coffee
this morning,

and I tried to say in
the sweetest way possible that...

Why the sweetest way?

Why not tell her, "You're
out of [bleep] order?"

- No, I... but...
- Why don't you tell her?

I did.

- How?
- I did.

I told her
that it's unacceptable.

Do you have any other friend
that would throw

a glass of wine in your face,
or slap you around the...

No, of course not.
I'm not arguing.

Well, so why do you
make allowances for it?

I'm not allowing it at all.

- I'm not allowing it at all.
- I don't need...

I don't want Yolanda
fighting my battles for me.

I was wrong. I said I was sorry.

You made a mistake,
but you know what?

And it will... just
give it a little time.

I guess I take fun
to a level that isn't fun.

At no end.

The fun has no end
with Brandi Glanville.

I feel like I need to keep
trying to engage her to not

just show up every day
and be an ass[bleep].

She's your ass[bleep].
She's not mine.

Lisa.

These clogs really hurt.

They hurt, right?

(Lisa R)
You got better shopping
than I did.

[line rings]

- Hello?
- Hi, darling... I miss you.

I miss you too.

- We're going out for dinner.
- All right, good.

I know.

Anyway, I'm kind of a bit
over it here now, really.

Oh, it... just stuff
went down last night.

(Ken) Who was the culprit?

Brandi.

(Ken) Again? My God.

- Yeah.
- Get away from her.

Anyway, I had an okay day
with her, and we're having fun,

but then, it just took a turn.

And she's just like,
"Kiss me, kiss me."

And so,
she's just like, "Oh, Kiss me."

And I'm like,
"Get off, get off."

And then, she kind
of slapped me round the face.

- And...
- What? Slapped you?

Yeah, look...

(Ken)
She slapped you
round the face?

Listen, it wasn't hard.

It was just...

It just shocked me a bit,

and I just felt upset.

I don't want to exaggerate this.

I'm not saying I was punched
round the chops

by Mike Tyson or something,

but it was just a feeling
of being violated.

I just kind of wish
Ken was here right now.

Kiss Giggy for me.

(Ken) Giggy's with me now.

I love you.

(Ken) I love you, too.

Bye, darling.

[knock on door]

- Oh my...
- Hello.

I have a dress! In white!

That's what I thought.

- I was hoping you didn't...
- Of course you do.

I was hoping
you didn't bring it.

- No, no... I love it, though.
- You look cute.

It's gorgeous. I have it.

Brandi's created such
destruction that, you know,

it's kind of a sore
and open wound for everybody.

How are you?

I'm good.

I felt bad for today.

I didn't... I don't want
to think you're trying

to fight my battles
for me and sticking up for me,

and she didn't want
to accept the apology,

which I totally understand.

And at that point, all I
could do is walk away, you know?

She's really, rightfully upset.

- Yeah.
- And you know,

you need to start
thinking before you speak.

We've had this discussion
this morning.

- Yeah.
- And I already know that.

- And...
- But that happened last night.

I know,
but this is the third day,

and we haven't gone one day
without any problems,

and people, you know...

And it's all my fault?

No, it's not all your fault,

but you seem to be
the common person

that everybody's upset
with right now.

- Okay.
- So...

Okay.
Is this, like, a mom lecture?

No, no, no, sweetheart.
I'm not your mom.

- I have my own three kids.
- I know.

I'm just... I'm loyal to you
because you've been loyal to me.

- I love you and I...
- But at some point,

you need to take responsibility
for your actions, and...

I did last night. I'm sorry.

I know, but you don't just
slap somebody in the face

and then say, "I'm sorry."
It's not enough.

I didn't slap... I... it was...
We were joking around.

Sometimes sorry is
not good enough anymore

after too many sorries.

Okay, and that's
why I walked away.

And now what?

We're going to sit again
at a dinner table,

all faking it.

- Right, okay, then...
- Kyle is not talking to Kim.

- You know what, then?
- You're...

Then I won't go, 'cause
I actually have a date.

So, I don't need to go.

I'd rather go on my date.

All right,
so maybe you should do that.

Okay, I'm happy to do that.

Be probably more fun for you.

Yeah.

For sure.

The thought
of going to spend the night

with a 23-year-old hunk
or five menopause mamas...

I think I'm gonna
pick the hunk, right?

- It is what it is.
- I know.

- It's just... it's exhausting.
- It is.

It's just as much for me.

That's a response from a child.

"I'm gonna have
a better time anyway."

Okay, great.

- I'm sorry.
- Give me a hug, honey.

- Okay, keep me posted.

- Have fun.
- Okay.

I just feel like no matter
what I do with this group,

I can't win, so maybe
I should just stop trying.

(Lisa V) Coming up...

(Brandi)
We're in this beautiful country

with a beautiful scene,
beautiful cock.

You're a really good kisser.

[upbeat music]

♪♪ ♪♪

[indistinct chatter]

[speaking Dutch]

Hello.

Hi, guys.

(Lisa V) Hello.

- We're here.

- How are you?
- This is my wife.

I didn't know you were married.

[laughter]

- Nice to meet you.
- Hi, nice to meet you, too.

You look spectacular.

So do you. I love this dress.

- Thank you.
- I like those zippers.

- Hi.
- Hi.

Hi, how are you?

- Oh, how are you?
- Good evening, hi.

- Hello.
- Gorgeous.

- Nice to meet you.
- We're in this beautiful,

beautiful restaurant
on the canal.

I mean, you can't get more Dutch
than that.

This is what I wanted
to share with the girls.

- Where's Brandi?
- She's not coming.

- Oh, she's not?
- She's not coming?

- No.
- She said...

She's not coming?

Brandi's not coming.

Yeah, she decided.

This honestly feels like a gift.

Brandi's not coming.

- Brandi's not?
- No, she's not coming.

Oh, then I'm sure
we're in for a nice...

- Quiet evening?
- Yeah.

Yay!

[laughs]

[romantic music]

♪♪ ♪♪

- Hello, how are you?
- I'm good, and you?

- Good.
- Table for one?

- For two.
- For two?

(hostess)
You can have that one
right over there.

(Brandi)
Oh, yeah, perfect, thank you.

(waitress)
Would you like to
order anything to drink?

I'll have a really
cold glass of chardonnay.

- Chardonnay?
- Yeah.

- Thank you.
- Thank you.

(Kyle)
So she has a date tonight?

Well, she just felt that maybe
it was better if we all

take a break for a night,

and she had
something really nice to do.

- Yeah.
- You know, and I said it's...

(Kyle)
Maybe that was a nice move
on her part.

(Yolanda)
Yeah, and I think...
I said I agreed.

You know, and I said, you know,
it's totally fine with me.

She's with a beautiful
Dutch boy tonight.

- The young one?
- The cute one.

(Lisa V)
Not... not my son's friend?

The one's that
she went out with...

- No, no, no.
- Yes.

- Not... no.
- Yes.

If she wants to try
and hump a 22-year-old,

well, she can
carry on doing that.

But as long as I don't have
to have dinner with her,

I'm fine with that.

Of course,
it's totally inappropriate.

Thank you.

(Lisa V)
Oh, my God, then it's all gonna
get back to Max... I mean, that...

Dutch boys don't kiss and tell.

This one will.

He'll squeal like
a little piglet.

Trust me.

[laughter]

[sighs]

Well, he probably
stayed here last night.

He did.

- He spent the night.
- With Brandi?

- Yeah.
- Kim, you're lying.

No, I'm not. He spent the night.

Lisa, he spent
the night with her.

She just said that.

- Yeah, because he was here.
- He stayed the night here?

- She said he was...
- No.

[laughter]

Hey, sweetie.

- Oh, my goodness.
- How are you doing?

Hi, how are you?

- Oh, you look gorgeous.
- Looking beautiful again.

The ladies stress me out,

and everything's my fault,

and sometimes, it's like, this...

We're in this beautiful country,

we have a beautiful scene,
beautiful food,

beautiful cock.

Oh, you smell great.

- You too.
- Yeah.

Like, my day just got real good.

- Yeah, so...
- Any drink?

- Oh no, I'm fine.
- You're fine?

Oh, I'll have one more of these.

(Andre)
Can I have
a gin and tonic, please?

- Gin and Tonic?
- Thank you.

Do you have, like, a chamomile?

- Chamomile?
- Yeah, thank you.

- I just love this hotel.
- This hotel is...

- How did you find it?
- I love this hotel.

You know, I've been
coming here for 30 years.

- Really?
- Tomato soup, amazing.

(Yolanda) 30 years ago.

- Perfect.
- I mean,

not that I could ever afford
to stay here 30 years ago,

but I had a boyfriend.

Well, if you had a boyfriend
with a windmill-

I... no, he didn't
have a windmill.

[laughter]

[speaking Dutch]

Do it again,
just for old times' sake.

Ooka-makin-flooka-flakin!

I used to date Julio Iglesias.

I don't know
if you guys know him.

- Oh, my God.
- Of course! Hello.

(Kyle)
Everybody knows Julio Iglesias.

Anyway, he... you know, when
I was dating him 30 years ago,

he's the one who brought me here
for the first time.

Wow, I mean,

Yolanda's more fabulous
than you even realize, you know?

She's got little
fabulous skeletons in her closet

that come on out and say,

"Hi, I'm Julio Iglesias."

I had a great time
with you last night.

Great. No hungover anymore?

- Yeah, yeah.
- You good? Yeah, you good?

- Okay.
- I feel like kissing

and making out is more intimate
than the other thing.

It depends.
I think, yeah, that...

Oh, we didn't have
the other thing.

We didn't do it the right way.

- That's why I say... yeah.
- Yeah, probably true.

The only guys I make out
with are 20 to 25,

and the other guys
are in their 50s.

50s...

What do you like more?

Well, I don't know.

Give me a kiss.

- Give me a kiss?
- Yeah.

Okay.

You're a really good kisser.

- Yeah, last night was good.
- Yeah.

Tonight's gonna be better.

I'm telling you.

[laughter]

Finish your drink
so that we can leave.

Oh, I love that you're
so bossy and so cute.

- Yeah.
- I like it.

Let's have a drink
somewhere else, then.

[laughs]

We still haven't been
to see the live sex show.

- It's not too late.
- Lisa wanted to see

the live sex show so badly.

Have you ever seen one?

- I have.
- You have?

I saw one in Rio de Janeiro.

It's a very surreal experience.

With people,
or did it have animals in it?

- Animals?
- Oh, in Mexico, yeah,

there are donkeys
and everything.

It seemed like a clinical study.

Like, this is what humans do
when they procreate.

I don't know, it was just like...

It just wasn't that sexy.

I still want to go back
to the banana bar.

- I'm not quite...
- I want to, like,

surprise you while I go
to the banana bar.

(Lisa V)
It's for men, it's for men.

You're gonna get a banana
up your ass!

Oh, what?

In Thailand,
in the Patpong area,

I did actually see
some very naughty goings-on,

some women kind of shooting
darts out of their Cucamonga

and aiming them at balloons.

They were playing ping pong
with their, you know,

coochie and stuff.

And they put a cigar in it
and smoke it.

No.

Oh, God.

[laughter]

(Andre)
Any drink?
Oh, thank you.

- I've had three now.
- Three already?

Yeah.

Should I show you around?

Sure.

This night is perfection.

I could not imagine
a more amazing night.

I mean, I don't know
what the ladies are doing,

but I'm pretty sure
it's not Andre.

Careful.

You're so sweet.

[talking over one another]

(Yolanda)
All right, I'd like to
make a toast.

So should I stand up and
do it really official in my...

(Lisa R)
Yeah, in your sexy dress.
You must.

(Lisa V) Oh, my God.

- Do it!
- Whoo!

I'm going to the red light
district tonight.

I didn't see anybody
who looked this good

- in the red light district.
- Yeah, exactly.

- I know.
- All right.

- Truly.
- All kidding aside,

I just wanted to say thank you,
girls, for coming all this way.

I thought it
was really important for you all

to see where I came from.

I just feel really blessed that
I was able to spend it with you.

- Aw.
- And a toast to Brandi

that is not... who's not here,

because she's included
in this conversation.

Cheers, everybody, I love you.

- And thank you for coming.
- Cheers, thank you so much.

- It's lovely.
- Cheers.

This dinner is just
filled with fun,

and laughter, and the way

that it should always be
when girlfriends get together.

- One more.
- Cheers.

(Lisa R) Coming up...

Brandi's concerned
about your sister.

We talked about an intervention.

- An intervention?
- We talked about...

For herself?

[upbeat music]

♪♪ ♪♪

- Come on, Gig.
- Come on, Giggy.

Come on, in you go.

(Eileen) Hey, Jesse?

Could you please go in your room
and get your trunks?

All right, I'll get the dog.
Let's go, come on, guys.

(Eileen)
Just get a pair of trunks.

- Good girl, come on, go, go!
- It's annoying... aah!

(Vince)
Okay, yeah,
you're coming with us, go.

(Pilates instructor)
We're gonna take it down,
and you're gonna exhale lift.

Okay, I'll come help you.

- It's like a tiny pebble.
- Come here, you.

[laughter]

(Yolanda)
Good morning.
How are you?

(man)
Good, thank you.
All right.

(man) Hi. Good afternoon.

- Hello.
- Hi, babe.

How are you?

- How are you?
- All right.

(Brandi) What's going on?

- How are you?
- Okay.

My dad's in the hospital, so...

He is?

Why, what happened?

He...

He blacked out three times,
and they can't stabilize him.

My dad has a bad heart,
basically.

He's had surgery on it.

He has artificial valves.

And right now, it's not working.

I chewed all my...
I didn't sleep all night.

I chewed all my nails off...

(Yolanda) Oh no, honey.

And just, like, I'm super...

Like, this is bad.

- You sure you want to do this?
- Yeah.

- You want to do your facial?
- Sure.

My dad and I have had
hard times in the past.

I love you.

Let's just cut it right there.

But this is my dad.

Like, my family and my friends
are everything to me,

so clearly, I'm not okay.

Thank you.

- Okay, dear.
- Thanks.

Well, I'm sure yours is
a lot more fun than mine.

So did you mom and your
brother recover from our visit?

My mom was so happy to meet
all of you and... you know?

Yeah, she's adorable.
She's a strong woman.

It's just crazy,
the stuff that happens.

- The first night was crazy.
- Oh, my God, I...

I mean...

But like, the next day,
everyone forgot about it.

Like, Kim's like, "That's fine."

And I'm thinking,
"If that was me,

they would've called the police
and put me in jail."

Everyone else gets away
with murder.

But you... that's so
not true, Brandi.

- It's true.
- That is, like... no.

You... that's... you're talking
about one incident.

You threw wine in Eileen's face.

- You slapped Lisa in the face.
- But we were joking around.

I mean, you have issue
with each woman individually.

[sighs]

- B, please don't cry.
- I'm sick of everyone.

- I know.
- I'm sick of the lectures.

I'm sick of the bull[bleep]

that everyone can say
and do whatever they want,

and take punches at me,
and say I drink too much,

and say, "Do a cleanse," and
I can't speak my mind freely,

but you guys all can.
It's bull[bleep].

You can speak your mind freely.

Speak.

Lisa Rinna can throw
a glass at Kim

and almost choke her
across a table,

and no one
mentions it the next day.

It's over, gone, and done.

Everything I do is
always mentioned.

Every time I see somebody,
they bring it back up.

You can. You have all the space

you want to speak freely

as long as you do it
without going below the belt.

- Why is... why...
- That's the point.

What's... anyone...
This whole group

says everything and anything
they want about me.

People see the good in you.

That's not true.

And I don't agree with that.

Everyone else makes mistakes,

and they're forgiven
in one second.

But with me,
it's just never enough.

Hey, I didn't come here
to have a fight with you.

- I came to have a...
- It's seems like it,

and I really can't handle it
right now.

- You know it's...
- No, I didn't.

I honestly didn't.

I came to have a nice time.

This isn't nice.

Well, it's not nice,
but it's the truth,

and it's the conversation
that came up,

but I didn't come here
to make you cry.

I don't like that.

I know you have a good heart.

If I didn't believe
that in my heart,

I wouldn't be
sitting here with you, okay?

I wouldn't give you the time
of the day.

Whatever goes on,

Brandi always comes from
a place of fear or rejection,

and I think that
that's the lesson

I need to teach Brandi...

Is that no matter
what happened in your life,

there are people that are gonna
come into your life

that are not gonna
kick you to the curb.

She doesn't intimidate me
because I come from the heart.

I don't want to make you cry.

I never mean to hurt
your feelings or... or...

you know?

[upbeat music]

♪♪ ♪♪

And then we'll do
the mixology bar up here,

and then we'll have a very large
product bar down here

on the dance floor,

some cocktail tables,
some flowers...

(Krystal)
It should really be very light,
ethereal.

- Hi.
- Hey.

- How are you?
- How are you, Kimmy?

Come join us.

- Hi, I'm Krystal.
- Hi, I'm Kim, nice to meet you.

- Hi. Chad, good to see you.
- Hi.

I don't usually go to Hollywood,

but you know, Adrienne's like,

"Just come check this out.

Let me just show you
where I'm having my party."

It sounds amazing.

The magician is just
kind of roaming around

and doing the interactive...

- Yeah.
- I thought you were

the magician.

[laughter]

Oh, just wait.

Adrienne's easy to talk to,

and I'm a good listener
when she wants to talk.

I enjoy her company.

It's just kind of
always been that way.

I can never forget
the night in the limo.

Okay, you might not
be able to forget,

but maybe, eventually,
you can forgive.

So, how are the boys?

- They're beautiful.
- Yeah?

Yeah, I'm doing great.

I heard you had a big trip
to Amsterdam.

Yeah, we did.
It was very exciting to go

and see Yolanda's country.

That's the first thing.

- Right.
- Like, but it was also

a bit of a nightmare too.
You know, this thing with...

Do I dare ask
what the nightmare was?

Basically, Lisa Rinna
continues to question

my sobriety to everybody,

and it's just gotten to
the point where it has to stop.

I have worked very hard
for my sobriety...

- I...
- To let somebody take it down

and try to defame that.

I am not trying to
take down your sobriety.

And now I'm asking you
to drop it.

So when we arrived in Amsterdam,

the first thing Lisa does...

"You know, now that
we're all here,

"I wanted, like,

to say to Kim..."

And that's all I had to hear.

And I just lost it.

- Kim.
- I am fine.

We care about you. That's all.

Well, you don't even know me.
You know what?

I'm concerned about you.

Your situation at home...

She literally got up
and flew across the table.

- Oh, my gosh.
- And just, like,

she was gonna choke me.

But the thing that upset me
the most was... I mean,

I'm left standing there
covered in wine,

broken glass...

- Oh, my gosh.
- And my sister goes

running up to Lisa Rinna.

(Kim)
Go after your new friend, Kyle.

- Kyle, Kyle...
- Oh, Kim, stop!

She lies about me!

- You want me to defend you...
- She's lying about me.

But your behavior is
indefensible!

And I'm just like,
you know, once again...

But you should have
talked to Kyle afterwards.

I really just didn't know
what to say.

- It really... it really hurt.
- Yeah.

It was...

Have you spoken to her
since about this?

I feel... I didn't feel like... no.

(Kyle)
I think I'm gonna
have the kale salad.

And I'll have the Mikela
with no cheese.

- Mikela, no cheese?
- Yeah.

Thank you.

- Are you happy to be home?
- Okay, almost never happier.

It's [bleep] weird.

I still feel
[bleep] up about it all.

The most horrific thing that
I could have ever imagined

in my life happened on day one.

Why couldn't it have
happened on day four?

I still can't...
I've thought about it

every single day
since we've been home.

Yes, because... so, of course,
I dream about it,

and I live it daily.

I actually haven't spoken
to my sister yet.

Kim and I have gone through
a number of times

where we didn't speak to each
other for a couple of months.

You know, I was just
hoping and imagining

as we got older that
that wouldn't happen anymore.

So when I see this still
happening at this point

in our lives...

it worries me.

Here I am. We're home, you know,

and I still haven't been able
to deal with it.

Well, and I can understand
that with you.

She's your sister.

I don't have much
invested in her.

And she... you know, she's been

clearly clear about
that with me also.

I feel bad.

I felt bad that she was
talking to you like that.

I felt bad that you guys had
that whole thing that happened.

I felt bad that
she was screaming at me.

So, I'm actually thinking
I'm gonna call her

and just, I don't know,
maybe tell her

to come down to the desert
with me for a night,

and just maybe get away...
The two of us, or something.

Well, I think that's
a great idea.

I mean, it would... it could never
hurt for you guys.

- You know?
- Yeah.

There's so much
that only Kim and Kyle know.

It's really a hard decision

whether you walk away from
someone or you deal with it,

especially when
they're your family.

What would you have to do to

have Kyle understand that
it's hurting you?

Sometimes, like, siblings...

They know that,

you know, "You're my sister.

You're gonna forgive me, right?"

- You know...
- It shouldn't be such a given.

The way she reacted
by just running off

and leaving me standing there,

you know,
doused in wine... I'm upset.

I'm angry, I'm hurt.

I think in order
for people to move on,

you really do just have to...

- You have to forgive, yeah.
- Mm-hmm.

- Not forget, but just forgive.
- Forgive.

- You know?
- Right.

Is it forgive or forget?

I think Kyle and I need to talk,

because this doesn't just
affect us.

You know,
it affects her children, too.

You move on and hopefully,
you know,

the light at the end
of the tunnel...

And then the whole Brandi thing
was a whole other...

I mean, like...

Well, I don't understand that,
to be honest with you,

because you know, Brandi's
concerned about your sister.

Brandi has more to say,
but her hands are tied.

She feels that if she says more,
Kim will... Kim's too fragile.

Brandi said that, you know,
she's so vulnerable,

and there's such a vulnerability
about her sobriety,

and that if you broach it

that that could take her
over the edge.

I can't change who I am.

I'm not a sober companion.

But at the same time,
I can't just let go of her.

Kyle, we talked about
an intervention.

- With Kim?
- Yeah.

It's not like we
can do an intervention on her.

Maybe you have an intervention
with all of us.

- [laughs]
- Seriously!

- We talked...
- An intervention?

- We talked about...
- For herself?

No, not for herself...
For your sister.

If my sister knew that Brandi
was talking to you like this,

she wouldn't be happy.

- Well...
- Probably, I'm assuming...

- Maybe not, I mean...
- And so, coming...

Well, she was upset with you.

Kim is really mad if anybody's
talking about her situation.

Hello?
She's mad that I was talking

about her situation.

She's mad that Eileen's
talking about her situation.

She's mad that Kyle talks
about her situation.

So of course she's gonna be mad
that Brandi's talking

about her situation.

She doesn't want anybody
to talk about her "situation."

If she's really her good friend,

she should go directly
to my sister alone,

or she can come to me.

Well, that's what she said.
"I can't come to Kyle... I can't."

Oh, really?
But she can go to you?

Have you talked to Kyle
about it?

- Well...
- I can't talk to Kyle about it.

So she's so concerned
about that,

but yet, she won't come to me?

I'm sorry. That's bull[bleep].

It is a good point.

So Brandi is telling people
that she has the same concerns

about my sister
as Eileen and Lisa do,

but she's not saying
that to my sister's face?

That is not a good friend.

This is exactly
the kind of thing

I've been warning
my sister about.

I don't know
what I'm supposed to say.

You just got to be honest.

You know?

(Eileen) Coming up...

Brandi defended you.
She's a real good friend.

She was the only one
saying something to me.

Yeah, guess what else she says
behind your back to people, Kim.

You're yelling at me,
and you're... you're lying!

- No, I'm not lying!
- You're lying!

(Eileen)
We're gonna do Latin today.

We're gonna do
those note cards today.

(Jesse)
Why do you have to tell me that?

Sorry.

- You've got a lot of homework.
- I know.

I'm so happy just to
be back with my family

and to be away from
the insanity of Amsterdam.

Spanish packet.

No reading homework from Adam?
And your science...

You just have to talk a little
bit more of batteries, right?

- Okay.
- What's happening in math?

And the history...
We've got to figure out...

You've got to get a book about
the stock market crash of '29.

- Mm-hmm.
- And the Latin.

Oh, my goodness.

This is a lot of homework.

Maybe I still need to be
on vacation.

[laughs]

(Eileen) Hang in there.

[upbeat music]

♪♪ ♪♪

Going to the desert
has been a part of my life

since I was a baby.

I have a love affair
with the desert.

It's not easy to find space
when you have such a big family.

Mauricio and I have looked
and looked for a long time,

and this was
the perfect house for us.

We've had this house
for a few months now,

and this is Kim's first time
coming out to see it.

♪♪ ♪♪

I'm really hoping that Kim
and I can get back to a place

where we can get along again

and enjoy each other's
company again.

This is awkward.

We're barely speaking,

and I don't know
what's gonna happen.

♪♪ ♪♪

[indistinct chatter]

The bride and groom...
They're coming.

- No, there's no bride.
- There's a bride.

It's groom and groom.

(Lisa V)
There's no... will you stop it?

There is always a bride
and a groom.

No, not true.
There's not... I mean...

I am relieved to have
come back from Amsterdam,

and I've been away from
my restaurants for way too long,

so I'm really happy
to be back doing what I do.

Hey, I didn't get
any of that treatment.

(man) Exactly.

- Okay, you ready?
- Yes.

(Lisa V) You want to do this?

- Yeah.
- Let's go.

It's gonna be fabulous, okay?

I wanted to be ordained so
I could officiate at weddings,

but in support
of the gay community,

it was only going
to be gay weddings,

and Pump is the perfect place
to do it.

Come here a second.
So you walk down the aisle.

So... do you, George,
take Mr. Ken...

- [laughs]
- Be careful.

He looks like one
of the Village People.

[laughter]

[applause]

You look fabulous.

I want to welcome all of you

to celebrate one of
life's greatest moments:

the joining of two hearts in
the solemnization of marriage.

Pump has just done really well.

I was there every single day
last year building it.

I don't have
assistants or designers,

so it really has been
my passion.

The ring is a symbol
of the unbroken circle of love.

Love freely given
has no beginning and has no end,

for each is
the giver and receiver.

Dominic and Magno,
it is with a full heart

and much pride and love

that I pronounce you
husband and husband,

spouses forever,
partners for life.

You may now kiss.

[cheers and applause]

(Lisa V)
I don't think
we'll open any more restaurants,

but Pump really is my baby.

So, to officiate a wedding,

it's really like the icing
on the cake, so to speak.

[cheers and applause]

- Thank you.
- Now I need a drink.

[upbeat music]

♪♪ ♪♪

- Thank you.
- You're welcome.

Well, five hours later!

- [laughs]
- Thanks.

Hello?

- Hi!
- Hi.

Five hours.

I almost wore that... what?

- Five hours.
- Why?

- Traffic. We left there...
- You left so late?

Oh, this is so pretty.

- Yeah, just...
- I almost wore this top.

- Did you?
- How are you?

- I'm good.
- You have to see.

- You haven't been here yet.
- No.

- Isn't it pretty?
- It's very pretty.

Beautiful. Do you have misters?

Mom would want you
to have misters.

You know what? We don't.
We should get those.

Yeah, that's like a must.

You're right.
We should have those.

Mom was... that's mandatory.

I think it's a beautiful home.

God bless them.

Enjoy it.

We love it down here.

I know. I do, too.

That's what I mean.

When I say "we,"
I mean you and me.

Oh, I thought you meant
you and Mauricio.

I haven't talked
to my sister since Amsterdam,

and there are
a lot of feelings inside me.

Whatever it is,
I know we need to talk about it.

This is Farrah's room,
and now it's your room.

Oh, okay.

(Kyle)
And if you want,
I'll show you around,

or if you want to look around...
Whatever you want to do.

Here's the... well,
you have your own bathroom,

but here's another bath.
Whatever.

Oh, nice. It's so pretty.

- I will get dinner started.
- Okay, thanks.

I'll be a few minutes.

When my mom passed away,

she left her home to
Kathy, Kim, and me equally.

Oh, my gosh, doesn't
this bring back memories?

I can remember Kimberly coming...

We're getting home at the end
of the day after school...

She'd get on her golf cart.

The dogs would go with her
and follow her,

and she'd go up
and down the golf course.

Kathy and Kim
both wanted to be bought out

because they both already
owned homes in Palm Desert.

Kim and I have made
so much progress

since we had
that horrible fight.

- You stole my God damned house!
- You... I'm...

You better [bleep]
take that back right now.

I don't want to see that
all thrown away for nothing.

[sighs]

First time she invites me
to her house in Palm Springs

to discuss this issue
we're having...

Hi.

Let's go sit in the living room.

It does feel in one way like...

Really? You know?

It feels so weird, right?

- Like, no...
- It's kind of nice.

You ever come down here
alone like this?

No, I've never been
down here alone.

I don't even know
how to work one thing.

Well, this is good for you
to get to know your house.

A lot of it's,
like, so electronical,

I don't... you know,
don't know how to work it.

So what's going on?

Doing the usual at my house.

Taking care of Monty.

He's just... he's weak.

You know, it's hard, you know,
because he's...

[clears throat]

But I was trying to think, like,

how do I talk to you
and explain how I feel?

I am not the same person
I was three years ago,

and I don't want you to treat me
like that person anymore.

I have changed.

Lisa was going around and asking
very personal questions,

not just,
"I'm concerned about Kim."

She's asking what
treatment center I went to.

Do I have a sponsor?

You can get help.
You can talk to people.

If you feel comfortable
going to a meeting.

Blah, blah-blah, blah-blah.

Right?

I mean, she was crossing
all kinds of lines.

And I don't want to get so
distracted with Amsterdam,

'cause I really want to deal
with you and I, but...

- No, let's break it down.
- Yeah.

Because I have
my own feelings too.

- Right... oh, okay.
- And I'm also very hurt.

First of all,

you were coming from...
You were being very aggressive.

Wouldn't you be?
She's attacked everything.

- No, I told you, when we... no.

- Oh.
- When we talked about it, Kim,

I said, "She was not coming
from a mean place.

Say it in a nice way."

I was infuriated,

and you would be too if somebody
was doing that to you

and you worked very hard
to get over these things.

You would be furious also.

Do you not get this is
stemming from Eileen's house?

Whoo!

I told you
I wouldn't let you fold.

- Are you jealous 'cause we won?
- What?

And I had made it
very clear to everyone.

I have never seen you anything
except sober

since you've gotten out of rehab

until that night
at Eileen's when you were off.

Did you ever think
for one minute how scared I was?

I'm still, like...

I'm upset about it, obviously.

Wait, well you...
What are you mad about,

that I should have jumped in
on the plane and defended you?

No, I didn't need your help.

You sat there like, you know...

I know you're a woman. I know.

I've seen you defend yourself.

I've seen you
defend your children.

Yeah, there's many times
I feel strong and times I don't.

I didn't need your help
in Amsterdam.

- Well then, why are you angry?
- Brandi defended me just fine.

Yeah, Brandi defended you?

She's a real good friend.

Do you know what an insult
that is?

She was the only one
saying something to me.

Yeah, guess what else she says
behind your back to people, Kim?

And you yelling at me.
And you're... we're not...

Do you know the stuff
she says behind your back?

You think your [bleep] friend is
such a loyal, dedicated friend?

In every aspect of your life,
I have been there for you,

and that is mean and hurtful
that you don't acknowledge that.

Meanwhile, Brandi Glanville is
walking around

to people like Lisa Rinna

and saying,
"Kim needs an intervention."

How do you like that?

(Brandi) Coming up...

I thought that when you
went to rehab and we talked

and you came back,
we were starting from scratch.

I'm so done with you
and your [bleep] lies.

Brandi Glanville is walking
around to people like Lisa Rinna

and saying,
"Kim needs an intervention."

How do you like that?

Isn't that nice?
Isn't that a great friend?

So while I sat there
telling them

that you have been sober
since rehab until poker night

and since poker night,
this is what I get from you.

What a [bleep] insult!

I have been so gentle
with everything with you.

- I have tried.
- Oh, really?

You've been
talking behind my back.

Are you gonna do that?
I haven't brought up the house

in a long time,

but you bring me to this house
after you took Mom's,

and then you took the money
when you sold it to buy this?

Okay, I would love
to talk about that.

And I don't care.
It's beautiful.

No, no, you brought it up.
You sat there saying,

"You stole my house." Really?

Kim, you know the [bleep] truth.

We bought you out.

You bought Kathy out
for almost...

- For the same, exact amount.
- No.

I have the cancelled checks.

I tried to give you
back the check...

- Kim, no, no, Kim.
- And you wouldn't even take it.

- And it goes back to even...
- Kim, Kim, you're wrong.

When you even bought this,
you called me,

and you said,
"I'm moving out of Mom's.

"We sold the house.

- It's a quick escrow."
- Yeah, because I...

You never even gave me
one chance

to even go into that house.

Kim, everything
you say is a twist and a lie,

because I said to you, "Kim,
we're selling Mom's house."

You said, "Can we give Brooke
the listing," right?

- You should...
- Remember that?

Brooke and Farrah, you said,
and they we're gonna split it.

Right, so obviously,
we weren't in escrow

if we said that.

You're lying!

- No, I'm not lying.
- You're lying!

- Kim, you're lying.
- I am not.

You were not in the position
at that time

to share a mortgage.

Talk about your own [bleep].

I don't care what you [bleep]
talk about without me.

- I don't talk behind you back.
- I'm so done with you

and your [bleep] lies.

I'm sorry you see it that way.

Well, everybody sees it that
way, even your closest friends.

Well, you're a close friend.

I hope that you don't get
your heart broken.

If this isn't the friend
that I think she is,

I'm gonna be broken-hearted,
for sure.

You are gonna be broken-hearted.

It's almost sometimes
like Kyle...

She wants to show me
she was right about Brandi,

so she can say, "I told you so."

I thought that when you
went to rehab, and we talked,

and you came back,
we were starting from scratch.

So why is this happening again?

I guess we never really
dealt with it, right?

No, I thought we did.
That's the whole point.

We have fallen
right back into the trap

of being upset with each other,

and avoiding it,
and getting upset again,

and not talking about it.

It's brushing under the carpet,
brushing under the carpet,

brushing under the carpet.

[bleep], it's burning.

If Kim was a friend
and not my sister,

I probably would have given up
on this relationship

a long time ago.

Do you want me to help you?

Sometimes you just have to go

through a process,
whatever it is.

And this is a process
we're going through right now.

Kyle, I love you so much,

and I want to work
through all of this.

And you know,
you knew we had stuff,

but we needed to talk
about these things, you know?

And I love you.

I think Kim and I both want
to have a better relationship.

I just don't know
if we're capable of it.

- I love you.
- [sniffles]

(Brandi)
Next time
on the season finale...

- Kate! Kate!
- Would you sign one

for me, please?

- Yes.
- How was it in Palm Springs?

It was not good.

You look so fabulous!

[cheering]

You said that Brandi said
that I needed an intervention.

I'm not gonna go there with you.

She told me that same thing.

- I feel...
- Kyle...

That you made me look
like a liar to her.

- No, no, no.
- Hit me.

- No, I am not gonna...
- Hit me, hit me, I don't care!

That doesn't make it any better.

Don't be ridiculous.

I think she's concerned
too, Brandi.

I'm done. I'm done.

I already said I would not
do this with Kyle tonight.

Fine, I don't want
to be your friend.

I don't want to know you.