The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills (2010–…): Season 5, Episode 17 - Amster-damn Slap - full transcript

(Kyle) Previous on The Real
Housewives of Beverly Hills...

(Kim) Welcome to
Amsterdam. Whoo!

I love your country!

Lisa.

[laughs]

The last time I smoked pot,

I was with you,

so let's not pretend
like we're angels.

(Kyle)
She's dangerous, and she just
throws things out there.

Not [bleep] cool.

You guys are the biggest
hypocrites of all [bleep] time.



[screams]

You have gone around to
everybody and talked to...

How do you know...

Asking... and you too.

- And you too.
- Don't point your finger at me.

(Lisa R)
You're behavior's
not okay.

- Really?
- Yeah.

- Talking about the husband.
- You never go near my husband.

[both shouting indistinctly]

I will never
talk it out with her.

I can tell you that right now.

That will never happen.

- Are we good?
- I believe so.

I believe we can move forward.



[upbeat music]

Throw me to the wolves,

and I shall return
leading the pack.

Character isn't what you have;
it's who you are.

You've heard a lot about me,

but it's only true
when it comes from my lips.

I'm not a bitch,
but I've played one on TV.

I've been rich,
and I've been famous,

but happiness beats them both.

I'd rather spending my life
kicking ass than kissing it.

Planes and yachts are nice,
but my happiness starts at home.

- Morning.
- Hi, honey.

How are you?

(Kim) I woke up at 7:00 again,

but I'm getting no more
than four to five hours,

and I need one night
of nine hours.

Where are the other girls?

- How are you?
- Oh, I feel like [bleep].

You do?

You know what?
You've been doing so much.

I've been doing too much, yeah.

You've been doing too much.

(Yolanda) God, I waited so long

to take all these girls
to my country,

and here I am.

I wake up, and I'm shut down.

I mean, and all of us
have not been sleeping,

so for you, especially...

Yeah, no, I can't...
I just can't move this morning.

- I woke up paralyzed.
- No.

I woke up feeling
so bummed about yesterday.

(Yolanda)
Ever since I've gotten sick
with Lyme disease,

it makes me feel so inadequate

that I can't keep up
with everybody,

but the truth is that this is
my new normal,

and I have to learn
to accept that.

I know everybody's
trying to pull together

to make me happy,
and I feel bad about that.

But yesterday,
it was just so awkward for me,

and then I just felt,
last night,

that all of a sudden
there was a divide

between everybody,
and I woke up just feeling,

you know, not only sick
but also bad about that.

Oh, stoner, what's up?

What's up, stoner?

(Lisa R) Go on, use that mouth.

Go on.

You did it.

Ah, you did it.

[applause]

I tell you what, I had one bite.

I'm not advocating.
Slept for seven hours.

Slept for eight hours.

(Kim) Yeah, I'm sure.

(Lisa V)
Okay, what are
we doing?

(Kim) We're going shopping.

Would you prefer
to go by yourselves?

What do you mean?

What? No.

We would love for you to come.

Let's do it.

Good morning.

- Hi.
- How are you?

What are you guys up to?

What are you all doing?

- I don't know.
- We're going shopping.

- Really?
- Yeah.

(Eileen)
I'm going
to the museum.

Yeah, we're gonna
go shopping with them.

Oh, good.

How can you just go shopping

and pretend
that nothing happened?

It's like I walked
into an insane asylum

with these women
and these really nice shoes

and purses.

- Want to come with us?
- I don't think so.

I think I'll stay
with Kyle and Yolanda.

All right.

- Okay.
- Okay.

(Lisa V)
All right,
have a good day.

Maybe we could all meet up.

(Lisa R)
I know that if I go
with Kyle and Eileen,

I know it's all gonna be
about what we've been through

and what we've gone through,

and it's gonna be, you know,

possibly reliving.

I don't want to go
anywhere near reliving

because I'm in shell-shock.

Oh, fun girls.

You need to take responsibility
for your situation with Kim.

Well, do you know
how frustrating

that is for me, Yolanda?

Doing... Always...
It's always about me

having to fix and do this.

No, I get it,
but God has given all of us

a certain job in life

and has given us
certain tools to work...

I don't want this [bleep] job.

- No, I know.
- No, you don't.

- I get it.
- I see you with your brother.

You're lucky.

I know that, you know,
it's a burden sometimes,

because we look so strong,
but we're not that strong.

Exactly, that's what I said.

Everybody thinks, you know,

I'm the strong one.

I have it all together.

You know, I have feelings too.

And look the other night,
she's screaming.

She's being an [bleep] to me.

I got so upset.

She defends me more than you do.

Kathy would not
ever act like this.

Kathy would have
my back like a real sister.

You have been doing this
to me for years.

Physically,
my whole body was shaking.

I thought I was gonna throw up.

I felt sick.

(Yolanda)
It makes me sad to see her
fight with her sister.

I cannot ever imagine
not talking to my brother.

I want to fix
their relationship.

What are you gonna do?
Are you gonna stay in bed?

- I need to just rest.
- You do.

You go and enjoy your day.

I mean, I really want
you guys to see

as much of Amsterdam
as possible.

I'm going to.
I'm gonna enjoy my day.

Okay, you stay in bed.
You stay in bed.

You relax. Do you need anything?

I just need to rest. I'm sorry.

- Bye.
- Bye.

- Hi.
- You look cute.

- How are you doing?
- I'm okay.

How are you?

Good, are you sure you're okay?

Yeah. Where are the others?

Oh, they already left.

- They did?
- Yeah.

- Where did they go?
- Shopping.

Who all went?

Vanderpump and Rinna

and Kim and Brandi.

- The four together?
- Yeah.

What the hell is going on here?

Yolanda's not coming.

What's going on? Where is she?

She's not feeling well,

and she's feeling
really uncomfortable.

She feels like she's
being pulled in,

you know, two directions.

I feel bad that Yolanda's
taking this so personally,

and that's awful.

(Eileen)
I don't blame her.
It's a lot to take.

Actually, that's
the most sane reaction.

Seriously.

To stay in your room with
all this nuttiness going on,

that's a good sign
of her mental stability.

- So let's go and enjoy our day.
- Okay.

Which museum do
you want to go to?

The Rembrandt, I think.

Does that sound good to you?

Yeah, I would love that.

Okay, let's go do that.

Okay, sounds good.

(Kim)
Oh, my gosh.
This is great, right?

Yeah, I don't want
to spend all day inside

in a museum.

I want to be outside.

Oh, there's gravel on the floor.

Yes, wow,
that's an interesting concept.

That is so beautiful.
Look at this.

Do you see that way up there?

(Kyle) Gosh, that is so pretty.

Oh, I love museums.

That's one big snake.

(Kyle) And one little wiener.

Too bad it wasn't
the other way around.

(Lisa R) These are cute.

Oh, I love these.

(Lisa V)
I love the land
of the little wooden shoe,

but if I could find
a little wooden shoe

with a six-inch heel,
then I'll be good to go.

Hey, Rinna, you scratch my back,

and I'll scratch yours.

[laughs]

I like to site-see.
I like to go to museums.

See the windmills and the tulips

and the canals, all of it,

but I really like to shop.

(Lisa V)
Oh, this is for removal
of weeds between cracks.

(Brandi)
And this is
for cleaning cobwebs

out of the middle
of your thighs.

[laughs]

(Kyle)
So is this where
all the Rembrandts are?

(Eileen) I think so, right?

(Kyle) Oh, wow.

How do you paint
a shadow like that?

I mean, no offense, but I could
draw those birds better.

(Kyle) Right?

I mean, we think our outfits
are complicated.

(Eileen) I know.

What did they do
if they ever had the runs?

[laughs]

Eileen, look at this outfit.

I mean, really, it's amazing

how feminine it was.

(Kyle) I think I see sequins.

[both laugh]

(Lisa R)
Oh, that's cute.
Isn't that cute?

Just, like, you wear
over a dress.

- This is cute.
- I like it.

- Like, a must-have?
- I think so.

- Are we done?
- Let's go get a coffee.

(Kyle) I am...

Oh, I am...

I Amsterdam.

I am Amsterdam.

Ready?

(Kyle)
I'm so small,
I can fit in here.

(Lisa V)
Oh, this looks beautiful.

(Brandi)
Oh, my God,
that bra is gorgeous.

- I like the tassels.
- Try them on.

- Those are for your nipples.
- Yes, I know.

[laughter]

(Lisa R)
So we each could have one.

I'd take the leopard probably.

Vanderpump would be the pink.

Which one would you be?

The white with
the little black bow.

Look at this. This is so cute.

Oh, God, no.
What's the point of that?

I think you'd be
happier with this

than me walking around
with my ass hanging out.

(Lisa V)
This kind of reminds me
of the old days.

Brandi and I used to have
a laugh together.

Yes, sometimes
she makes me giggle.

(Kim) Oh!

Ooh!

- Oh, yeah.
- Oh.

(Kim) Oh.

This one, you could
get an orgasm

while I clean your tonsils.

[imitates vibration]

Oh, ah!

(Lisa V) Kim seems so excited.

I almost want to buy
this thing for her.

It'd almost be like
a charitable act.

Thank you so much.

- Oh, my gosh.
- This is our home.

(Eileen) We belong here.

(Kyle)
It's got our name
written all over it.

Do you have one with just,
like, a chocolate inside?

- Just a simple...
- This one.

Okay. Am I the only one?

Yeah, I'm gonna have a coffee.

Thank you.

- This is so cute, isn't it?
- So cute.

Setting my purse down over here.

What you like to drink?

- I'll have a cafe ole, please.
- Yes, please.

Thank you.

How are you feeling? Good?

Mm-hmm, better
than I did yesterday.

I know.

Because the night was
so horrible and so emotional...

I can't find one damn thing

to like about you
right now in the moment.

I've never found one thing
to like about you.

I did nothing to you.

From your hair, to your face,
to your attitude.

How did everything just get
to be okay like that?

Lisa Rinna, for whatever reason,

seems to be okay now,

and then are we just supposed
to be okay with it too

after she said she was
never gonna talk...

She was yelling, "I'm never
gonna talk to her again."

(Eileen)
I think Lisa Rinna should've
included Kyle and myself

when she spoke to Kim,
because as it is now,

Kyle and I are on the outs.

Apparently Yolanda talked to Kim

and said, "You need
to go apologize to Lisa."

Thank you.

(woman) There you go.

By the way,
I think that's great,

but then what happens to...

[both talking at once]

That were caught
in the crossfire.

Let me ask
your advice, honestly.

Did I do something wrong
to my sister?

Just tell me that, please.

No, she's mad at you
'cause you didn't defend her.

I heard her say that.

But how do you defend that?

I don't know.

(Eileen)
Everybody's off
having a good time,

and I'm like, "Uh, hello.

Resolution, party of one."

We were part of the argument.

We need to be
part of the solution.

You can't just have
one faction of it be okay,

and then we're all going...

You know.

So I'm gonna talk to Lisa later.

We should get back to the hotel.

Let's do it.

(Lisa R) Coming up...

The behavior was heinous,

and to just say,
"Now we're gonna move on,"

is a [bleep] bunch of BS.

Can I get a nice dry red,
whatever that looks like to you?

Whatever that is?

Do you have a rose?

- Rose.
- Glass of rose, please.

- Hi.
- How was your day?

My day was just very nice.

How was your day?

Well...

Let me hear about your day.

Okay, here's the thing.

I have to say that, I mean,

I think I've been in shock
for the last day and a half.

After what happened with me.

Well, why wouldn't you be?

With us.

And... Thank you.

And that night was one
of the most bizarre...

It was horrific.

And the next day got weirder,

because all of a sudden,
it's like it didn't happen.

You seem to have
gotten from A to Z,

and me and Kyle are kind
of still stuck on A.

And there's been no resolution.

Whatever apology or
quasi-apology you got from Kim,

I haven't heard a thing.

And I'm glad you guys are okay.

That's fabulous.

Well, you know, I can't say
that we're just okay.

I don't ever have to hang out.

I never have to call her up.

Well, you did
hang out with her today.

Uh...

Yeah, I'll tell you...

It's almost like...
I don't know how to describe it,

but she knows it's not okay;
I know it's not okay.

But she doesn't know
it's not okay,

because I haven't heard
a peep from her.

Yeah, but that's why
I think you have

to say something to her.

(Eileen)
I'm very confused
by what she's saying

because I had her back
when Kim was going after her.

You want to bring up my stuff.

Let's talk about your home life.

- Kim.
- Excuse me.

I'm not talking to you.

Shut your [bleep] mouth.
I've had enough of you.

- You beast.
- Beast?

So I guess on some level
I'm thinking,

"Well, why doesn't
she have my back

when Kim's coming after me?"

I had your back,
and I'm glad I did.

But I have your back.

- Doesn't feel like it.
- Why?

'Cause you never said anything.

But you know she...
All she does is attack.

I can't say anything
about it anymore to her.

You can't talk to somebody
who's not completely rational.

(Lisa R) Kim Richards scares me.

I don't want to approach Kim
on anybody's behalf.

I don't know
what she's capable of.

She'll [bleep] bite my head off.

It's been extremely,
extremely tricky.

But this went down,

and no matter how many times you
want to pretend that it didn't...

I can't pretend that it didn't.

But you kind of are.

(Eileen)
Lisa Rinna's
absolutely just going

around in circles in her head,

and I think she can't
even come to terms

with everything that's happened.

I'm just as tortured inside.

Okay, I just needed to know.

That's the truth.

All I'm seeing is,
you seem okay.

No, I'm survival mode.

Please don't think
I'm insensitive.

I just needed to know.

The behavior was heinous,

and to just say,
"Now we're gonna move on

'cause I don't want
to ruffle any more feathers,"

is a [bleep] bunch of BS.

- Isn't it gorgeous?
- Beautiful.

(Yolanda)
I'm glad I got to rest today,

and I feel excited
about showing the girls

the canals tonight.

[woman speaking Dutch]

[all speaking Dutch]

- How are you feeling, honey?
- I just...

I couldn't... I couldn't get up.

I just... I couldn't do it,

but I'm up.

I pulled it together.

- You look gorgeous.
- Thank you.

- Hello.
- Hi, how are you?

- I'm fine.
- Oh, that looks nice.

(Kim) That looks really nice.

- Hi, how are you?
- Hi.

- Did you get a glass of...
- No, I don't...

- I don't need one.
- I'm sorry.

[both talking at once]

Cheers.

This is so cute.

(Kyle)
I'm so glad we wore
boating shoes.

I'm gonna need
a crane with this dress.

[Eileen laughs]

- Hello.
- How fabulous is this?

Hi, how is everybody?

- How are you feeling?
- All right.

- Okay.
- Hello.

(Lisa V) Oh, looking splendid.

- Hello.
- Everybody looks beautiful.

(Yolanda) I like the red lips.

- Pretty.
- Thank you.

(Yolanda)
I heard you guys
had a wonderful day.

What is it fun or not fun?

Well, we had a nice time,
actually, you know.

Our day was filled
with shopping and shopping.

I needed retail therapy
more than I think

I needed the museum.

[all talking at once]

I thought...
You know, I was so torn

as to which way to go,

and I don't know why
at the very last minute...

We'll be in the shops tomorrow.

I said I should go shopping,

but I... always a nice
diversion, that shopping.

Isn't it?

Whatever, it's a little bit
confusing right now.

(Lisa V) All is fine, darling.

Everything's fine?

It has to be.

It is not fine.

(Lisa V)
Yes, Kyle,
everybody is pretending,

and it's really working
very well right now.

Stiff upper lip and all that.

Let's just kind
of smooth it over

and hope that everybody
can be civil.

(Kim)
Lisa, will you take one?
I want this in the background.

(Lisa V) Okay, go.

Okay, good.

(Kyle)
I just don't understand
how they pretend

like they didn't say
the things they said

and did the things they did.

How do you do that?

What is this, The Love Boat?

(Yolanda) What's going on, Kyle?

You know, I'm feeling bad,

because after
our conversation this morning,

I don't know how
to fix the situation.

No, it's over.
I mean, I said it.

No, I know, but I haven't done
anything to change anything.

I still haven't
spoken to my sister.

I see that you're trying,

and that's the most
important thing.

We're still not talking,
and the way Brandi

treats me and acts toward me...

My sister and her, they're
like this no matter what.

How does she think
that makes me feel?

(Lisa V) I'm gonna go and see

if we've having dinner soon.

You guys okay?

Kim and I aren't speaking.

Brandi's giving
mean looks to me.

All this weird [bleep],
fake, phony,

like, Stepford Wives crap.

[Lisa R laughs]

Well, well, well,
I'd love to talk about it.

Well, well...

Okay, we can... okay, we can...

I mean, I think
there are separate issues here.

I've been a dick to you
on several different occasions.

I threw wine at you.

I said something about
your house and the figurines

and the antiques,
like, being creepy.

- I was say it's eclectic.
- Like American Psycho.

(Lisa R)
Ooh, those paintings
are cool.

Well, then congratulations
for owning it.

You know you're an [bleep].

Having said that, when
people speak behind my back

about I'm an alcoholic...

I never said
you were an alcoholic.

Not that I recall.

If I did, I'm very sorry,

'cause I'm very careful
about what I say.

I think I've told you before,

"Certain words
are a slippery slope,"

and I don't like
to go down that way."

She came to me. She came to me.

Yolanda came to me, said,
"This has been getting said

about you with the girls," so...

I don't really remember saying

that you're an alcoholic.

Is that specifically
what you're saying?

I'm an angry drunk.
I'm a this; I'm mean.

No, I think what I said is
that you're mean when you drink.

I don't think that's
some huge revelation.

Am I the first one
to ever say that?

- Kind of.
- Okay.

That wasn't my understanding.

I'm sorry.

But you have to make
your own decisions.

You have to have...

I did based on what
I've seen personally.

- Which was one time.
- No.

I also felt like
at the poker table,

you got a little
aggressive verbally.

(Kim)
You were saying
things about her

to my sister and I.

- At the lunch?
- Yeah.

Do you remember what I said?

I said, "I respect the fact
that she's your friend,

"but it seems like
she's saying things

that are making you
and your sister not get along."

I know that you need
your relationship with Brandi,

but it does seem like

she's adding a lot of fuel
to the fire, though.

She seems like she's
in the middle of a lot of stuff.

No, you said
other things about her.

This is what I'm hearing.

I can only go
from my own reality, Kim.

These are relationships
that go back years and years.

Well, my relationship
with you is brand-new,

and you've been mean.

(Lisa R) Coming up...

I have tried and tried with you,

and every time, you [bleep]
people over and over.

(Eileen)
My relationship with you is
brand-new, and you've been mean.

Okay, and I appreciate that,
and I agree with you,

and I apologize.

Okay, thank you. I accept that.

And I just want you to know
this was never behind your back.

Whatever I said to you,
I had no problem

with her knowing that.

Are they talking right now?

Yeah, I think... I'm just
gonna use the bathroom.

They probably worked it out
by the time we get back.

(Yolanda) Yeah, maybe they've...

(Eileen) I don't hate you.

(Brandi) I don't hate anyone.

And I feel great
having this conversation.

I just want you to know
that I have felt weird

about certain things,
and I think rightfully so.

(Kyle)
What did I just walk into?

I guess that "pretending
everything's okay" moment

is over.

(Eileen)
I wasn't trying
to be malicious

in talking about you that way,

but you were in my driveway,

and there has been issues,
and you did say

Kyle doesn't
want Kim to succeed.

Why are you saying that
right now

when she just comes
and sits back down to, like...

- Whatever.
- This isn't a soap opera.

We're trying to have, like,
a lovely night with Yolanda.

I feel like Brandi
just deflects everything.

Every time I try
to discuss with her

how she's treated me,

she finds an excuse
not to hear me.

It's getting really annoying.

Okay.

And I'm the bad guy
for bringing this up?

I'm trying to respect
Yolanda too.

Just like me taking
a medication at your house

makes you think
you have the right

to talk about the situation.

(Kim)
The people I love most
and that I'm closest with

don't have any big red flags
and concerns for me,

then neither should you.

You've seen me like that
two, three times.

You've seen me... that
five, six times,

come to me then
and say, "I have a concern."

All I know is,
I saw some behavior.

We both did.

She talked to me about it,

and I think I told you

sobriety's
a very slippery slope.

Do we really want
to go down that road?

Because it's
a very personal issue.

For me, I always feel
that somebody that's sober

and then you're
acting like that,

they've, you know, fallen.

My only concern about that is,

those are really big words,

so I don't want to assume
anything about anybody,

'cause that's
a very slippery slope.

If somebody's showing things

and they're showing
that they're vulnerable,

where do you decide
to look the other way,

and where do you decide to say,
"Hey, are you okay?"

I guess we were just confused.

I wasn't confused.

Why don't you focus
on your own family?

I think...

If my family had a concern,

they would come to me.

You know, Kim,
sue me for giving a damn.

But if you say something

that is life-changing
about someone else,

that could possibly
ruin their lives...

(Eileen)
What did I say
that was life-changing

that somebody else
that could ruin their lives?

Are you kidding me?

Don't roll your eyes at me, Kim.

Tell me.

If I've said anything
that is gonna damage your life

for the rest of... I am so sorry.

That was never my intention.

I have worked too hard
for you to unravel things

that mean the world to me.

(Yolanda)
Eileen is not apologizing
to impress anybody.

She's really apologizing
'cause she feels it,

and I feel like that Kim
is just listening to it

and not allowing her

to really absorb it
in her heart.

(Kim) It was one night.

I didn't take a bunch of pills

to go to a party
and have some fun.

I was in pain
and been sick for two months.

I [bleep] don't
want to discuss this again.

I am good. I have worked...

But it's out on the table now.

Accept the apology.

So just... can we put it
behind us?

(Yolanda)
Yeah, but, can you
accept it in your heart?

Don't just say, "Let's move by."

(Kim) I think we just did.

Listen, if anyone
at this table wants help

with sleeping with half of LA...

I'm kidding...

Taking every pill
in the world...

Right.

Me clearly
drinking way too much,

you being overly bossy,
you not eating,

and you being a homewrecker...

Don't [bleep] call me
a homewrecker.

Don't go down the road.

Don't bring it up, Brandi.

(Brandi)
Did Eileen sleep with a married
man while she was married?

She did.
That's called homewrecking.

I know a lot about it.

You weren't there.
You don't know.

(Brandi) You're right. I don't.

Stop.

(Yolanda)
And it's been
20 years since.

But I was saying
what everyone's saying

about the other person,
which is wrong.

Stop, man.

We're this close
to getting along.

You can't just say that,
put it out there.

(Kim)
Brandi's just trying
to lighten the moment.

Can't you take a joke?
Seriously.

Have a little fun. Lighten up.

Brandi, just say you're sorry.

You cannot make a joke...

It was... what I'm saying...
People are saying as a joke.

Jokes are supposed
to make people laugh.

It's not trying to, like,
put something out there...

It's not a joke for me either.

(Eileen)
By the way, I never said
you had a drinking problem.

I just said you got kind of mean
when you drank.

All I've heard
is that you guys think

I drink too much,
I'm an alcoholic,

and that I'm an angry drunk,

and that hurts my feelings.

That has not been
my issue with you, okay?

[all talking at once]

(Lisa R)
You got to the person,
and you say to the person,

"This is what"...

So who is it? Who are the girls?

I mean, there's only three left.

(Kyle)
I don't know.
Ask the people who told you.

- I really... I don't know.
- Ask the people who told you.

(Yolanda)
If they decide
to just keep bickering

over the same old, old stuff,

you know, I don't want
to deal with it anymore.

I want to have a nice dinner.

I want to look
at the beautiful canals.

And if they can't join me,
then I'll do it by myself.

[all talking at once]

(Brandi)
It's the same thing, and
I talked to her about it today.

Did you order sea bass or meat?

To start saying,
"You sleep with"...

I have not...

I've been faithful
to my husband for 32 years.

What I end up doing
is just saying,

"You know what?
I don't invest in it."

I mean, she's more your friend.

I'm happy to have
a laugh with her

if we're on a trip.

That's it.
That's all I want from it.

I don't invest in it anymore.

I never made any comments
about your parenting

or any of that ever, never.

The only time I've said things
is when we've had an argument.

Obviously after what
happened at her house...

You've said a lot of things.

You want to talk [bleep]
about your own personal sister...

Listen...
You do not know the history.

That's a real good... that's
a good weapon to pull out.

- It's not a weapon.
- You do that all the time.

- That's what you do.
- And you make [bleep] up.

- Yeah.
- I don't make [bleep] up.

Really?

And you put it out there
all the time.

I don't make anything up.

Who are you to come
between two sisters?

You're not my family.
You are mean.

You say mean things.

Vice versa, homey,
and that's the truth.

- Okay.
- Excuse me.

I've been summoned. Excuse me.

And that's a lot of stuff that
you guys need to talk about.

(Eileen)
I don't think there's any point
in continuing this conversation.

Let's go eat.

Eileen, you want to sit here?

I am stuck
in the middle of this.

No, you're not. Between us?

No, you're not.
You can not worry about that.

I am.

- I tried.
- That's all.

(Lisa V)
And I know you came
from a good place.

I know that.

And I've said that to Kim.
I know that too.

(Yolanda)
If somebody apologizes,
then take it to heart,

and I really feel that...

I've seen you apologize
so many times,

and it seems to not
be taken to heart,

and I have a problem with that.

(Eileen)
I've definitely said
enough "I'm sorrys" to Kim.

I don't think I owe her
any more apologies.

You want to be her best friend?

Do you want to do
everything with her?

(Kyle) I'm her sister.

You will never be her sister,

and I will never be
only her "friend."

I'm not asking
to be her sister, Kyle.

I have tried and tried
and tried with you,

and every time, I go one step
forward, two steps back.

You [bleep] people
over and over.

You don't get to go like this
and hit people

and go scream and say,
"[bleep] you, [bleep] you,"

and not have repercussions.

It does not [bleep] happen.

I have never hit someone
in my life.

Are you kidding?

I have never hit someone
in my life.

Okay, grabbing and pointing
and doing this

is the same [bleep] thing.

It's not, and you know what?

I don't want to be
your friend, okay?

I don't want
to be your friend either.

But I will tell you this.
I wish you the best.

Yes, and I wish you
and your children the best too.

I wish you success.
I want your children...

[both talking at once]

Exactly. You too.

- But we're done.
- Yeah, we are.

(Brandi)
Where's a [bleep] life jacket?

Like, I'm out. Later.

Deuces, [bleep].

I knew this was gonna happen.

Didn't want to argue
with my sister.

I didn't want
to argue with Eileen.

Just...

[sniffling]

- Are you good?
- Mm-hmm.

It's hard for me
to be ignored by her,

with her hanging out
with people that are just...

I feel have been,
you know, unfair to me.

It's hard.

(Kim) It's weird.

It's weird to sit there
and have your sister be there

and not talk to her

and not really want
to look at her,

but, you know, I'm very hurt.

Can you guys
come and eat, please?

Yeah. Just a minute.

We got to be able
to move forward

somehow, some way.

(Eileen)
Well, it's not the end
of the goddamn world.

(Yolanda)
Good for you for finally
saying your peace.

I had no problem ever saying it.

I've just never had
the opportunity.

I'm glad you finally
the opportunity, lady.

- Thank you.
- Yeah.

(Eileen)
This is really good, by the way.
Are you enjoying yours?

This is so good. Is it really?

(Lisa V)
Brandi, just come and sit down.
Have dinner.

(Yolanda)
Either we learn to forgive
and move on,

or we should just all split
and find new friends

and, you know, go elsewhere.

(Lisa R)
Why can't we just [bleep]...

(both) Get along.

(Eileen) Coming up...

Pick on somebody your own...

- Hey.
- Hi, Dad.

Hey, buddy boy. How you doing?

How was school? All right?

The dynamic in our family
between Vincent and the boys...

He tends to let them
goof off more.

I'm like, "Do your homework!"

[shouts]

Oh, come on.

[speaking indistinctly]

(Eileen)
"Can we please just get
the homework done, please?

Stop goofing around."

Drives me crazy.

- Dad, we're best friends.
- Oh, thanks, buddy.

- Best friend.
- Don't start.

Don't... don't... no more spiders.

No, seriously,
you're my best friend.

I believe you.
All right, get back to work.

- See you.
- Okay, pal.

You gonna do
something creepy again?

I can feel it.

[screams]

[Jesse laughs]

(Eileen)
How about if we all do
a group deep breath?

In through the nose.

Out through the mouth.

Just let it go. It's okay.

It's not the end of the world.

(Eileen)
We're all good people.
We are.

I have an idea.
Let's all go around.

We have to say nice things
about each person.

That's what I want to do.

Go around and say something nice

and what you admire
abt that person.

Are we opening up
a box here that we don't...

(Brandi)
No, it has to be positive.

- There's no negatives.
- You cannot be negative.

(Brandi)
There's so much negativity
with this group of ladies

on this little, tiny boat.

Just trying
to change the subject.

Like, hocus pocus,
change our focus.

We're gonna go
with Eileen first.

I think you have
a very big heart

and that you are
a very kind person.

I admire the kind
of mother that you are.

Thank you.

I think that you have
really pretty eyes.

Oh!

- Throwing that right now.
- Take it.

(Brandi)
All right, so...
and Yolanda!

And Yolanda.

Loves her husband
the way I love mine,

and I admire that.

A survivor filled with love

and wants to give.

(Brandi)
I love everything about you,

but the best thing about you
is your waistline.

All right, and now
we're gonna talk about

Lisa Vanderpump.

(Yolanda)
Last night, I saw Lisa at 18
or, like, this young girl.

You were funny.
You were fearless.

You were sexy. You were...

You know, I just looked at you...

All right... Perfect.

Oh, no, no.
Please, you don't have to.

I just really think
you have great tits.

But everything you say
is superficial.

You're not getting
to the real core.

That's what she...
That's all she wants to give.

- I'm staying positive.
- That's her positive.

(Brandi)
I compliment the women
on their looks

because sometimes their insides

aren't as pretty
as their outsides,

and I couldn't find anything

good to say
about them otherwise.

(Eileen)
Lisa, I love you so much.

You got a huge heart,

and I know you always
try to do the right, fair thing.

I love your energy,

and I love your heart.

Thank you. Wow, thank you.

I look forward
to getting to know you

on a level
that's deeper than this,

because I know
there's more to this.

Oh, thanks.

Who's next? Kyle.

(Yolanda)
I'm really happy that I've
gotten to know more of you,

and my respect for you has
gone up to a whole other level,

and I hope we can continue
to grow from here.

Well, if I had to go out
and have fun with anybody,

there's my girl.

- Why are you crying?
- I don't know.

This is... I don't know why...

(Lisa V)
Okay, no, no, no, it's fine.
That's okay.

We do come back to each other
because we do have

the same basic principles
in life.

That's why I salute you.

I admire the mother you are,

the wife that you are.

Can you guys hug, please?

(Brandi) My turn.

So, Kyle, I really, really,
really like your hair.

It's great.

(Kyle)
Maybe the reason
Brandi has an issue

with so many people is,
she's only seeing the surface.

"You have nice hair.
You have nice eyes.

You have a good body."

Maybe dig a little deeper.

(Yolanda) Kim, you're next.

(Eileen)
I admire you
for overcoming

and for fighting so hard.

(Lisa R)
I think you're a winner.

I think you have
a beautiful heart

and a beautiful soul.

- You're a good person.
- Thank you.

And I love you.

That is the funniest
bloody thing I've ever heard.

This is a perfect example
of Lisa,

as sweet and adorable as she is,

being a people pleaser
and trying to make Kim happy.

You are an incredibly kind,

loving person,
and passionate person.

And I'm always proud of you,

and I always love
and support you.

I hope you always know that.

(Kim)
As sisters, Kyle and I
have been through births

and marriages and divorces

and, you know,
the death of our parents,

so when things
are flying around,

our feelings get involved,
but we've been through a lot.

Sisters.

(Brandi) Kimmy.

You're just a ray of sunshine

that's all [bleep] up,

and I love every second of it,
you know?

You and I were not
supposed to be friends,

and we're friends
for some [bleep] reason.

And I think you're beautiful,
and I think

you have a really bright future.

All right, that was
a really super fun game.

Whoo!

- You haven't done it yet.
- You're turn.

(Eileen)
Yeah, it's your turn.
Come back.

(Brandi) No, I'm good.

I don't want
to be a part of this.

(Eileen) Come on, Brandi.

(Brandi)
Yeah, I'm good.
No, I'm good.

- No, it's your turn.
- Don't be stupid.

- Come on, don't go away.
- No, no, come on.

(Kim) I'll get her.

[knock at door]

(Brandi) I'm coming.

(Eileen)
Let's pretend
she's there.

No, she needs
to sit there and hear it.

She needs to receive it.

(Lisa R) Yeah.

(Lisa R)
I think Brandi
is so very fragile,

but she plays the tough girl.

And she has the tough veneer,

but I think deep down
she is in a lot of pain.

- You okay?
- Yeah, I'm good.

It was a fun...
It was a fun game.

I just don't want
to be a part of it.

I'm not with this group.
I just don't...

- But you need...
- I don't want to.

- Hear how much I love you.
- I know.

I already know,

and that's what
friendship is about.

You don't have to say it.
You already know it.

(Yolanda) Come on, B.

I don't actually want
to play this game anymore.

(Kyle)
I think Brandi can't take
a compliment from someone else

because she doesn't always
like herself.

- Brandi.
- I don't want to do this.

I wish you would love yourself.

Aren't you supposed
to stay positive?

No... yes, it is. It is.

I wish you would love yourself
and stop beating yourself up.

(Brandi)
The ladies feel obligated
to make me feel good...

The world could be
just warm and fuzzy.

(Brandi)
But I don't want to sit there
and listen to them

make something up about me
just to get through the game.

I love your heart,

and I know there is
a beautiful person in there.

- Thank you.
- You're an amazing mom.

Thank you.

(Yolanda)
And I'm proud of you
for all that you do.

Thank you.
Okay, game over, but thank you.

(Lisa R) I-I get to say,

I really connect
on a level with you

that I didn't think
I ever would,

and I feel a sisterhood
with you in a way

that I don't understand.

But I admire you,

and I think
you work really hard.

She does.

Awesome, thank you.

[laughter]

- I like that game.
- This game [bleep] sucks.

(Yolanda) You started it,

and you thought of it,
and it was really cute.

And I'm so glad we did it.

(Yolanda)
If you can't hear somebody say
something beautiful about you,

maybe you don't
feel worthy of that.

That's sad.

(Eileen)
Okay, we're back
at the hotel.

Yolanda, thank you again.

[all talking at once]

- Thanks for the great ride.
- Thank you.

- Only different.
- Yeah, only...

(Brandi)
Where's Isaac?
I [bleep] need Isaac right now.

- Is that your man?
- Isaac from The Love Boat.

- You don't remember?
- Oh.

[all talking at once]

(Brandi) He was the bartender.

You guys have zero memory.

I've never seen The Love Boat.

(Brandi)
Isaac is the bartender
that was super cute.

And Julie was the hot chick
that got to kiss everyone...

- Where?
- Like this.

- Pretend that you're...
- For what?

Don't... no tongue.

No, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no.

I don't want to do that.

(Brandi) I don't want to either.

I think that we should...

[both talking at once]

Don't do it. I will slap you.

I will slap you, Glanville.

- Go back there.
- Slap me.

- Okay, I will.
- Slap me.

(Brandi)
If you hit me,
I'll hit you back.

Okay, pick somebody
your own size.

Go on, go.

- No, do it.
- Pick on somebody your own...

No, no.

That's wrong. Stop it right now.

- No, you are, stop.
- Do it to me.

No, I'm not doing it.

- Do it to me.
- No, that's wrong.

- Do it to me.
- Quit while you're ahead.

I don't like that.
I don't like that.

That's like throwing a glass
of wine in somebody's face.

- No, do it.
- No.

For God's sake, what the hell
do you think you're doing?

I don't like that.
Don't like that.

(Lisa V)
It just goes to far
with her.

It just always goes to far.

(Lisa R) Coming up...

Out of nowhere, she just kind
of slapped me on the face.

What?

- Hello.
- How are you?

Okay.

Want to have breakfast here?

No, there's this famous
little pancake place

I want to check out.

Oh, I know what
you're trying to do.

Yes, trying to fatten you up.

Sabotage, okay.

[both chuckle]

(Kyle) This is it.

Go on, I'll give you a bunk up.

Go on. Kyle, Kyle.

(Lisa V)
There are coffee shops
all over the street

on the ground floor.

There's, like,
100 steps up here.

Have they got an elevator?

Who recommended
this place to you?

(Kyle) Um, Yelp.

In about 20 minutes,
my friend's gonna be here.

- You have a table for two?
- For two?

Is this always where you stay?

You always stay at this hotel?

I've been staying here
for, like, 30 years.

When I first started
staying there,

it was very authentically Dutch.

- Sit there?
- Yeah.

Ooh, look at this.

So cute.

Are there eggs?

We have only pancakes.
We've very small.

Only pancakes.

I'm gonna go
for the same one as this lady.

- I'll have the Mexican.
- Mexican one.

(man)
And the apple cinnamon
and sugar?

- Yes, please.
- Yes.

I'll have coffee
and orange juice.

[speaking Dutch]

Whatever she said.

Oh, my God.

These pancakes are the biggest,
most amazing things

I've ever seen.

No wonder Yolanda left.

You could never eat like this
and be a model here.

So exciting.

Well, what did
you think of last night?

It's like... when we left,

Brandi was obviously
a bit drunk by then,

messing about,

and she sometimes
gets very physical.

Yes.

Well, she said,
"Let me kiss you.

Let me kiss you," you know?

And, you know,
I'm like, "Get off me."

And then out of nowhere,

she just kind
of slapped me on the face.

What?

I smacked her.

But, I mean, smacked her smack?

Like...

And she was like...

I said, "No, you're
gonna smack me back,"

and she's like,
"I don't want to."

And then she got very upset,

and I tried to apologize.

I go, "I thought
we were joking around."

I'm like, "You can hit me
as hard as you want."

What do you mean you slapped
Lisa Vanderpump in the face?

Brandi needs
to learn boundaries,

even a joke.

Those jokes are not funny.

I don't want to overplay it.

I'm not saying she went... bam.

I mean, it almost provoked
a reaction from me.

I almost wanted to...
But that's not me.

I've never been hit.

I've never been hit in my life,

you know what I mean?

So it's just suddenly...

What did you say to her?

I just... "That is so not okay."

- You told her that?
- Yeah.

(Kyle)
I don't care how Brandi is going
to try to sugarcoat this.

A slap is a slap,

and that is never, ever okay.

We were joking.

But I feel like every time
we go a step forward,

then we go three back.

(Kyle)
She's mean.
She makes up stories.

I don't want to be around that.

I am so over this.

(Eileen)
Next time on The Real Housewives
of Beverly Hills...

Not happy.

(Lisa V)
She has finally crossed
the [bleep] line

one too many times.

(Brandi) Everything's my fault,

and we're
in this beautiful country.

There's a beautiful man,
beautiful cock.

You're so glossy and so cute.

I like it.

- Brandi's not coming.
- Brandi's not?

(Yolanda) No, she's not coming.

Yay!

The thing that upset me
the most was,

my sister goes
running up to Lisa Rinna.

But you should've talked
to Kyle afterwards.

Brandi's concerned
about your sister.

If she's really her good friend,

she should go
directly to my sister.

Well, that's what she said,
"I can't come to Kyle."

Oh, really?
But she can go to you?

Sick of the lectures.
I'm sick of the [bleep].

I can't speak my mind freely,
but you guys all can.

It's [bleep].

Brandi defended you.
She's a real good friend.

She was the only one
saying something to me.

Guess what else she says
behind your back to people, Kim.

- You're lying!
- No, I'm not...

You're lying!

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