The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills (2010–…): Season 5, Episode 16 - Amster-damn! - full transcript

(Kim) Previously on The Real
Housewives of Beverly Hills...

I know that you need
your relationship with Brandi,

and I totally get that.

It does seem
like she's adding a lot of fuel

to the fire though.

(Kim)
I really didn't know if
I was gonna tear her head off.

I just felt like
it wasn't her business.

Maybe Kim is, like...

Whatever the "program" is,
she's not doing it.

Whoo!

Out of her [bleep] mind.



I think Kim's an addict.

It's not necessarily our place
to stage an intervention.

We can't do something like that.

We don't even know.

(Lisa V)
If Lisa questions
Kim's sobriety,

she's playing with fire.

(Brandi) Amsterdam!

[all cheering]

Amsterdam, here we come.

(Kim) I don't drink.

I don't do drugs.

So, please stop talking
about me.

(Lisa R)
I was concerned about you.

People need to mind
their own beeswax.



Every time I'm ever late,
you always make a big deal.

What is she talking about?
I don't even know
where that just came from.

Welcome to Amsterdam?

[upbeat music]

(Lisa V) Throw me to the wolves,

and I shall return
leading the pack.

(Yolanda)
Character isn't what you have.
It's who you are.

(Lisa R)
You've heard a lot about me,

but it's only true
when it comes from my lips.

(Eileen)
I'm not a bitch,
but I've played one on TV.

(Kim)
I've been rich,
and I've been famous,

but happiness beats them both.

(Brandi)
I'd rather spend my life
kicking ass than kissing it.

(Kyle)
Planes and yachts are nice,
but my happiness starts at home.

(woman)
Welcome to Amsterdam! Whoo!

Should we check our luggage,
making sure it all gets off?

(Yolanda)
No, no, he'll take care of it.

- Hello. Hello.
- Good morning.

Welcome to Hotel De L'Europe.

- "Dank je dinka."
- Dank je wel.

(both) Dank je wel.

(Brandi)
I do know a few Dutch words:

"Flooten, flacken,
flacken, fooken."

[bleep] is universal though.

(Kim)
I love this lobby
and these chandeliers.

[speaks Dutch]

(Yolanda) Home sweet home.

The smell of my country,
the food,

the language... you know, it's...

That's my culture.

That's where I feel
most complete.

- Bye.
- Okay.

- Okay, see you guys in a bit.
- See you later.

Yes, let's go.

Hi there.

- Hello. Hi.
- How are you?

Well, it took a long time
to get here, but it's beautiful.

(Lisa V)
It feels fantastic to finally
touch down in Amsterdam.

We're gonna celebrate.
We're gonna have fun.

We're gonna get naughty.

There we go.

(Yolanda) My favorite blue.

It's very Dutch. [chuckles]

- Beautiful...
- Oh.

Deluxe one-bedroom suite
with river view for you.

(Eileen) Oh, it's gorgeous.

So romantic... red roses
and champagne all by myself.

[laughs]

[sighs]

Oh!

I've never been so happy
to see you guys.

Hi.

(Lisa R) To see Lisa and Eileen

is like seeing a lifeboat
in a very stormy ocean.

I had... I've been very open
about talking about Kim

and trying to help her.

Come to getting on the
private jet to go to Calgary,

I walk up, and we're all saying
our hellos.

I don't get anything from Kim,
and she just doesn't look at me,

doesn't say hi,
and doesn't hug me.

Like, she was angry.

"You're talking behind my back.
It's none of your business."

Why does it have
to get mean and vicious?

- Because she's defensive.
- I'll tell you why.

She's an addict,

and this is a classic,
textbook addict behavior.

Why is there always an excuse
for this bad behavior?

- Well, this is why.
- Excuse me.

Eileen, Kim is gonna
come right at you, my friend.

(Eileen) Oh, good.

I don't know
what the [bleep] to expect.

Kim is in a weird place,

so for Eileen's sake,
she better watch out.

I don't think
anybody should be afraid of her.

(Lisa R)
I'll be civil.
I'll be kind.

All right,
let's go to our rooms.

I need some sleep before...

I need to get a little
I don't know what.

I got the check.
I put it on my room.

- Don't worry about it.
- Okay, thank you. Thank you.

(Eileen)
Since you have the nice room.

(Yolanda) Hi, guys. How are you?

- Good.
- Welcome.

- Hi.
- Hey, Eileen.

Welcome, girls.

- And hi, my beauty.
- Hi.

Did you get some sleep?

I slept like a baby.

I didn't wash my hair.
I just crashed.

And this is what you look like
not washing your hair

and crashing?

- Hi.
- Hi.

Hi, everybody.

- Hi, darling.
- Welcome.

- How are you?
- How was your flight?

- It was good.
- Good, good, good.

So now, we're missing one...
Your sister.

Oh.

It seems like there's
a lot of things bothering Kim,

but she's using me
as her punching bag.

- Hi.
- How are you?

Good, how are you?

(Brandi)
Everyone's wearing black.

I feel like we're going
to a funeral.

I like it though.

I'm thinking to myself,

"Is this just because
everyone's jet-lagged?"

But honestly,

it's been since poker night.

[bells chiming]

- That beautiful.
- Yeah.

Ah, welcome!

(Yolanda)
Bicycles in Holland
go before anybody.

(Lisa R)
They'll run you right over,
so don't get run over.

I went to Amsterdam
when I was 18,

and I was too scared
to go in the red-light district.

I'm too afraid to go anywhere.

Fear holds you back.

So now, I think it's fabulous.

(Lisa V)
I've been here before, but I
haven't been here for 30 years.

(Brandi)
I haven't been here for 20.

(Yolanda) Hi.

[both speaking Dutch]

(Lisa V) Thank you.

(woman) Oh.

Do you want to go
to the red light district?

How is it looked upon,
you know, here?

Is it looked upon like something
you aspire to do, or...

- No, no.
- Oh, Lisa. Come on.

Well, no.

Oh, yeah, I want to grow...
I want to be a hooker.

Listen, if I was dead broke

and I had to feed
my three children,

I would do anything, even that.

- Well, true.
- Cheers.

(Lisa V voice-over)
I don't understand
this prostitution rationale.

I mean, I don't think
you need a dick in your mouth

to put food in their mouths.

Sorry. Just saying.

So to start off this trip,

I'd love to go around the table
and see

if any of you have something
to share that, you know...

I don't know, that connects us
on a deeper level.

I really wanted to share with
you guys, especially with you,

because you were with me
when it happened...

Was that my daughter got a DUI.

The thought of what could have
happened to her...

Like, it shook me, you know?

But I just wanted to
share that with you girls,

because I think
sometimes we talk... you know,

we try to hide all these things
from each other,

and, you know, just to pretend
that we're all so perfect.

Well, guess what?
We're not perfect.

My life isn't perfect either.

(voice-over)
In Beverly Hills, nobody really
shows anymore the true core

of who they are
as a human being,

and I think that
that to me is important.

As a mother,

obviously you can't control
their choices, you know?

You're gonna cry.
Why are you gonna cry?

- It's emotional to me.
- Oh, no.

(Lisa R) It's emotional.

(Lisa V)
Stop. It's okay.
It's all good.

Why is it emotional?

(Lisa R) Well, it's so long ago,

but I lost my sister when
I was six to a drug overdose...

- Oh, yeah. Yeah.
- Yeah.

And alcohol.

My sister died of a Seconal
and alcohol overdose.

And she was 21.

So I have
really deep-rooted issues

about people dying
from alcohol and drug overdoses.

I just... it's in my DNA.

It's in my blood.

[sniffles]
I didn't really process it.

So I'm so terrified
of my own children

and everyone, you know?

If I ever come across
too strong about anything,

I definitely have a...
You know, a fear of it.

- An Achilles' heel.
- An Achilles' heel.

And it, you know...

I'm sorry
if I've ever, you know,

gotten into your business.

I never meant to.
I only wanted to...

Well, you have.

- Gotten into your business?
- Yes, you have.

And we've discussed that.

I only meant to help.

Lisa, I have been sober
for three years,

and in three years, my friends
right here and my family

have not ever seen me
like that in three years.

- But I saw you like that.
- Okay.

Don't [bleep] feel sorry for me,
bitch.

Okay. I won't.

You don't know
what I go through at night.

- I call a thousand.
- The blue, not the black.

You don't even know
what you're doing, you stupid...

I don't know what I'm doing.

- [bleep] you.
- Don't [bleep] call me stupid.

(Lisa R)
Don't start me with... don't.
Don't.

I said that night
I had taken something for pain,

and it obviously didn't work
for me, and I... let me finish.

And I said that.

It didn't react to me,

and the next day, I ended up
in the hospital for a week.

If any of my friends right here
had seen that more than once

in three years, my friends,

my sister would have come to me,

and they would have been
concerned.

You have gone around
to everybody

and talked to them, asking...

How do you know
I've gone around to everybody?

And you too. And you too.

Don't point your finger
at me, Kim.

(Kim) And you too.

And you too, asking
where I've gone to treatment,

do I have a sponsor?

We've asked you.
We've asked you.

You've asked me if I was okay,
and I said I am fine.

I asked you
if you were in meetings.

And I told you on the plane,
I am fine.

Kim, we care about you.

I'm concerned about you.

First of all,
let's not talk about...

- This is supposed to be nice.
- Excuse me.

Yolanda started this
to have a nice...

I'm concerned about you...
At your situation at home.

You want to bring out my stuff?
Let's talk about your home life.

- Kim.
- Excuse me.

- I'm not talking to you.
- Well, I'm talking to you.

- Excuse me.
- Shame on you.

- We've all talked about it.
- I have not...

- Shame on you.
- I'm not talking to you.

- And I'm talking to you.
- Shut your [bleep] mouth.

I've had enough of you,
you beast.

- Excuse me. Beast?
- Yeah.

How dare you.

- How dare me?
- You came into my home.

- And I apologized.
- You know what?

- Actually, you didn't.
- And in three years...

Actually, you didn't.

- I don't like you.
- Guess what?

I don't particularly
like you either.

Well, good.

I can't find one damn thing
to like

about you right now
in the moment.

Well, good. I've never found
one thing to like about you.

I did nothing to you.

From your hair to your face
to your attitude.

Would you stop... why would you
treat her like that?

(Eileen)
I don't know where this hatred
is coming from.

It's pure evil.

- What is wrong with you?
- Hush. Hush up.

You should have said
right from the beginning...

In three years,
I have been okay.

I talked to them on the plane,
you were like this.

- What the [bleep] was that?
- Why do you act like this, Kim?

(Kyle)
You want me to defend you, even
though you're acting like that.

I'm not... just because
I'm your sister, I'm supposed...

I've never needed you to defend
me, 'cause you never have.

Kim, yes, I have.

She does defend you, Kim.
She does defend you 1,000%.

She defends me more than you do.

Kathy would not ever act
like this.

Kathy would have my back
like a real sister.

(Kim)
You have been
doing this to me for years.

It's not okay to talk to your
sister or anyone like that.

You don't understand...
You don't understand

the relationship with my...

No, I don't, but it's not okay

to talk to anyone like that,
Kim.

It's just not okay.

Your behavior's not okay.

- Really?
- Yeah, it's not okay.

Why don't you have
a piece of bread,

and maybe you'll calm down
a little.

- Shame on you.
- Oh, for God's sakes, come on.

(Eileen) You're disgusting, Kim.

Please...

Can I interfere one second?

I understand your sensitivity,

because you've worked
really hard for three years.

When I talked to her, she said,

"Yolanda,
I've lost two brother-in-laws.

My husband has only been
sober for three years."

Let's talk about the husband.

Excuse me, did you just say,
"Let's talk about the husband"?

Let's not talk about
what you don't want out.

You know what?
Let me tell you something.

You're a scary,
vicious human being.

Don't you ever...
Don't touch my husband ever.

- Just saying. Just saying.
- Don't you [bleep] ever...

What you don't want out for
everybody to know...

You better watch
what you talk about me,
or everybody will know...

- You never go near my husband.
- Everybody will know.

Everybody will know.

[bleep] you!
Do you understand that?

Everybody will know.

Never go after
my [bleep] husband!

Everybody will know
what you don't want!

(Kyle) Coming up...

She lies about me,

and all I said was
I was gonna tell the truth

about her [bleep] life.

You want me to defend you, but
your behavior is indefensible.

(Kim) She's lying about me.

- Never go near my husband.
- Everybody will know.

Everybody will know.

[bleep] you!
Do you understand that?

Everybody will know.

Never go after
my [bleep] husband!

Everybody will know
what you don't want!

(Eileen)
Don't go there.
Don't go there.

Don't go.

Don't you [bleep]
go near my husband ever.

[bleep].

I [bleep] lost
my [bleep] marbles.

What the [bleep] does
Kim know about Harry?

What did he do?

She doesn't even
know my husband.

[sobbing]

It's gone too far.

(Kim)
I'm sorry,
but she can't lie about me,

or I'll tell something
that is true!

(Lisa V)
Kim, stop it. Stop it now.

- It's okay.
- [sobbing]

I know. I know.

- I'm sorry for...
- I know. I know.

I know. All right.

Don't cry. Don't cry, please.

(Kim)
Go after your new friend, Kyle.

Oh, Kim, stop!

How can I defend your behavior
when you act like this?

What are you talking about?

She lies about me,

and all I said was
I was gonna tell the truth

about her [bleep] life.

You want me to defend you, but
your behavior is indefensible.

(Kim)

She's lying about me.

You came from a good place.

(Lisa V)
She's just gone... like, I...

I'm like, "You've gone too far.

You've gone too far. Stop."

(Kim)
How can someone
be such a mean person?

I don't even know what to...
This is... I've never...

I have, like, glass
in my [bleep] skin.

It's awesome.

[Kyle sobbing]

I'm sorry, honey. I'm sorry.

Thought she was gonna choke me.

I'll be in trouble
for not defending her.

That's the best part.

I'm sick of [bleep]
defending behavior

that's indefensible and covering
for her [bleep] ass.

(Lisa V)
Okay, look.
You've got to breathe deep.

Come on. Get it together.
Get it together.

Let's go back to the hotel.
Let's go back to the hotel.

(Kim)
Kyle... that just gets me.
Really?

[bleep] that.

- What happened?
- I don't even...

- I don't even know what to say.
- I know.

I mean, that is not the way
to communicate.

- She was...
- Kim.

Once again, after we already
discussed it on the plane?

But, Kim,
there are certain way to talk.

- Oh, my God.
- That is not the way to talk.

Sometimes
Kim speaks without thinking,

and then it turns out
to be these explosions

that are so unnecessary.

I have been pushed
to the limit with this.

Every day, I hear
something new that she said.

(Yolanda)
Well, this is not okay.

(Kyle) [bleep]. [bleep].

[bleep].

I get it,
but you can say the same thing...

(Kim)
I have.
I said it on the plane.

- You can say the exact same...
- I said it on the plane.

I've said it. She sent me texts.

I told her I don't want to
discuss it.

I said,
"Do not bring this up again.

We're done."
And she does it again tonight.

And then
this one's screaming at me?

[jabbering mockingly]

I don't want
to discuss it again.

I'm done.

You don't know
what I go through.

- Hey, Kyle.
- You don't understand.

- Don't put up with it.
- Nobody knows.

I know. I know.
I've seen it for years, yeah.

She feels responsible
for her sister.

She feels responsible
for everything she does,

and she can't defend her,
and it's...

But if I don't defend her, I'm
an ass[bleep] and a bad person.

(Lisa V)
With the rest
of the family.

I don't know how you
do it, Kyle.

(Kyle) Really mean stuff.

You know, you shouldn't go after

her husband or her children.

That's where we draw the line.

Here's the thing.
She's going after me.

- But not after your children.
- And... yes.

Because when you go after me...

My kids have been through hell
with my drinking,

and I will never let her
do that,

because if they ever
thought for one minute

that I was drinking or using,

they would walk away from me
in a heartbeat.

But if people
started hearing that...

And she's spreading the rumor.

And that affects my children.

I'm fine. Hurt me.

You [bleep] with my kids,
I will [bleep] with you.

And I've always said that.

And that's what she's doing.

She's [bleep] with my family
now.

Alcohol ruled my life.

It called the shots,

and it took a hell of a fight
to get it back.

I'm just not gonna let
one person go around

putting doubt in people's minds.

You need to stand up
for yourself,

and you need to take your power.

- Yeah.
- And I love what you're saying.

I just don't agree with the way
you're saying it.

There was no way
for me to get my point across,

'cause there were five people
talking at me at once.

- The same point...
- So I was having to...

And Lisa should not have
stood up and thrown a glass

or tried to choke her and...

She threw... came like this,
threw her glass.

I mean, not a glass of wine.
Threw a glass down.

These women just don't know
how to drop something

when you ask them to drop it,
so it sent Kim into a rage,

and I get it.

(Kyle)
Sorry if my room
is a little messy.

I was rushing to get dressed.

Oh, my God.

(Eileen)
I may go. I don't know.
Maybe I'll go home early.

No, we're not going home early.

We're not doing that, okay?

We're not gonna
let her ruin the night.

(Brandi)
Oh, my gosh.
[bleep] hey, what do we do?

It's hard to watch
how she treats you.

(Lisa R) It is.

(Eileen)
And it's like,
everybody's saying

it's nobody's business,
but when you see it,

it becomes our business.

It's just weird
to say... to just pretend

you're not seeing it and you
don't have an opinion about it.

(Eileen voice-over)
I feel so sorry for Kyle.

Kim treats Kyle
in a very demeaning way.

I don't understand.

Whatever your personal
relationship

is with your family member...

To treat them like that in front
of other people,

it's just gross.

I can't even think straight.

- I know, I'm like...
- I'm so jet-lagged.

(Brandi)
I feel like... getting, like,
shards of glass

out of my hair and my ears

and thinking, "What the [bleep]
just happened?"

(Kim)
Me too. It's all over me too.

I have glass in my pants.

Any defending I do,
any supporting her,

there seems to be absolutely
no acknowledgement,

no appreciation,
so what's the point?

(Eileen)
Kyle, nothing
you do will ever be enough.

Why do I do that?
Why continue to do that?

(Lisa V)
It'll never be good enough.

(Kyle)
She always wants to
try to put me down

in front of everyone,
but when we're alone, she says,

"You've always been there
for me.

You've supported me always."

I'm tired of this [bleep] abuse.

It's getting harder and harder

to brush over things and pretend
like everything's okay.

Are we ever gonna be just okay?

You know, it's always like,
well, Kim is the weak one.

You know, Kyle's the strong one,

so I'm supposed
to have to be [bleep]...

[crying]

Maybe it's the other way around,
you know?

(Lisa V)
No, it's not the other...

She didn't seem so [bleep]
weak tonight.

At the end of the day,
you are sisters.

You'll always stand up for each
other at the end of the road.

You stick together,
and you should

because you're sisters...
You're family.

I think after tonight,
I really need a break.

(Lisa R) Kyle, it's abusive.

And when you're
in an abusive relationship,

you walk away from it.

You are being abused by Kim.

The cruelty is just, like...

- I know.
- It's so cruel.

It's so bizarre to me.

It's them.
They're in so much pain.

(Lisa V)
It's weird that they found
each other, isn't it?

- I know.
- They're in so much pain.

It's like a perfect match.

(Eileen voice-over)
Kim and Brandi
are both very mean people.

They have no problem
going places

where other people
just would not go.

They seem very comfortable
with crossing a line.

(Yolanda)
Well, how are we gonna
continue this week?

Well, you know what, Yolanda?

It's your country.
You're our hostess.

So you say, "You be on your best
[bleep] behavior or don't come."

That's it.

Well, do you think tomorrow,
moving forward, that...

(Kim)
I don't want to look at Lisa.

- She's just... after really...
- But just... I know, I know.

I had my throat almost
torn off, a glass of wine

thrown and broken all over me.

- I'm just...
- I get it, you know?

And that face...
The one next to her.

[jabbering mockingly]

We can't show up
at my mom's house like this.

- I mean, it just isn't...
- Absolutely not.

- I mean, not the way we work.
- No.

(Brandi)
I'm gonna be
on my best behavior,

but I don't think it's me
they should be worried about.

It's not me this time.

[quietly] Thank God.

It's so provoking.

(Lisa V) I feel like
I want to run again.

- That's me.
- We're not fleeing.

We're not doing that.

- Yolanda...
- That's so... in me.

(Lisa V)
I just think as soon
as that intense conflict...

We just got here.
We're not doing that.

(Lisa V) I think...
I don't want any part of it.

(Kyle)
We'll either talk it out,
or we'll avoid them.

We'll do something separate.

We're all gonna hang together,
and...

(Kyle)
We're not doing that.
We're not doing that.

I will never talk it out
with her.

I can tell you that right now.
That will never happen.

- Just so you know, I...
- I hear you.

I don't want to talk anything
out right now either.

I love you and respect you,

but I will never, ever
talk to your sister again.

(Brandi) Coming up...

We dated.

Dated? Really?

[woman laughs]

- They had a kiss?
- We kissed? Oh.

(Lisa R) Last night was ugly.

I am in a post-traumatic mode,
and I'm not all here.

I'm half here.

[knock at door]

I'm in survival mode.

(Kim)
Do you have a minute to talk?

- Yeah.
- Okay.

Come on in.

- Can we sit down?
- Yeah, come on in.

(Lisa R voice-over)
I can't imagine
what she has to say to me.

I am just... I can't even

process the fact
that she's right in front of me.

This has gotten
just completely crazy,

and basically, Lisa,

you having concern
for me was fine,

but I would've respected you
more if you had come to me.

And I thought we'd handled it
on the plane.

You worry about your own
family. Stop talking about me.

(Lisa R)
Kim, I come from a good place.

Drop it now.

Okay.

When you brought it up in front
of seven people last night

after we agreed
you weren't going to,

it completely infuriated me,
and you saw a side...

I see how angry you were.
Yes, I absolutely did.

Because this is...
This is the most important thing

in my life... my sobriety.

And that's where my children
get hurt, that's where...

Well, that's never my intention.

That's where my children...

It really is never my intention.

That's where my children

really got hurt by all of this
a long time ago.

That I didn't know.

Things people said
that weren't true...

That I don't... I'm not aware of.

But when it starts
affecting my children...

I understand.

I will [bleep] kill for my kids.

You really pissed me off.
I've got to say that.

It was really low last night,
what happened, and...

For both of us.

(Kim)
I spent most of the night up.

I was very upset
about what happened.

And what I saw
was me at my ugliest.

So it bothered me to see where I
allowed this person to take me.

And I protected myself
as you did last night,

and I was not behind your back
talking about you.

And I think I've come at it
only with good intentions.

That's what you really
need to know.

I felt like we had talked
in Eileen's kitchen,

and that you had opened up.

You can get help.
You can talk to people.

You can go to... you know,

if you feel comfortable
going to a meeting,

going to a group... anything
so that you're not alone.

[in singsong]
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Right?

You really had wanted help.

I thought when you said,
you know, "I'm here for you,"

I thought you meant as a friend,
not going to people

saying, "Is Kim...
Where does she go to treatment?

Does she have a sponsor?"

I'm so confused.

I really should have just come
to you, but I was scared.

And I was concerned.

I didn't know really how
to handle it.

I really didn't.

She told me in full terms
to back off,

and she had to go to a place

that was so nasty
in order to back me off.

Well, in the midst of it,
I could've killed her,

but I'm backed off now.

And let's let her best friend
Brandi help her now.

I'm sorry I didn't come to you.

Thank you.

I am sorry I didn't come to you,

because just... I really
was coming from a good place.

If you and I can come
from kindness, we can be okay.

I just want to put it aside
and remind you that I am good.

(Kim voice-over) I forgive her.

I can do that,
'cause I want peace in my life.

I think that's part
of one of the things that

I learned being in treatment
on and off all these years.

Are we good?

I believe so.
I believe we can move forward.

- Brandi, I'm so excited.
- I know.

Seeing my mom...
I was up at 4:00.

Like,
I couldn't go back to sleep.

I was up at 3:00. It's crazy.

- I just...
- Anyway.

Don't know how everyone...

I hope everyone just...
[clicks tongue]

(Lisa V)
I didn't sleep all night.

My brain was going round
and round at 99 miles an hour.

- Hi.
- Good morning, guys.

- Hello.
- Good morning.

Yeah.

So we're just waiting
for Lisa and Kim,

and then we're off.

- Are they coming?
- I believe so.

I saw Kim this morning
as she was going up

to talk to Lisa and try to
smooth things over.

Wow.

I'm hoping
that Kim is apologizing

and that hopefully she'll
apologize to me and Kyle next.

I just want to go for a bike
ride and get some fresh air.

We are, we're going... I'm gonna
show you the windmills.

Get rid
of all the negative energy.

- Hey.

- Hi.
- How are you?

Hi, guys. Oh.

- It's good to see you.
- Hello.

(Eileen)
You pulled it together,
didn't you?

- Hello, my girls.
- Oh, look at you.

- You have a smile on your face.
- Yeah.

(Eileen)
So did you two
work things out?

I mean, it was kind of
a big thing.

(Lisa R) Well, you know,

I think we came
to an understanding. I do.

It was pretty mind-blowing,
especially for Lisa.

For all of a sudden
it to be okay

and like nothing happened...
My brain is not computing.

So I'm hoping that we just can,
you know, have a nice day...

(Yolanda) Should we wait? Yeah.

And ride around Amsterdam

and enjoy ourselves,
because that's why we're here.

Yeah, let's go to the windmills.

- We're gonna do some biking.
- That's right.

Everybody can get
their anger out,

and then we're gonna
eat some cake and good food.

My life would be so much easier,

because Kim is my sister, just
to brush this under the carpet

and forget this happened,
but I can't.

But what happened last night
was just too intense.

- Hi. Mm.

- I'm glad you came.
- Yeah, yeah.

(Yolanda)
Well, we're all here.
Let's go.

- You okay?
- Mm-hmm.

- Three.
- Mm-huh.

- Come on then.
- Comes in three.

(Kim) Good morning.

- Morning, darling.

- Hi.
- Hi.

- All right, let's go.
- Okay.

(Brandi)
Gray is the color of the day.

You guys are okay?

Yeah, we're good.

(Yolanda) Okay.

[speaking Dutch]
They're here. Good-bye.

- Oops.
- Don't get run over by a bike.

- Amsterdam.
- Bikes everywhere.

Uh... you know what?
I'm gonna be right here.

(Lisa R)
God, I forgot
those bikes are [bleep] crazy.

Well, they...
It's all about the bikes.

We're about to be on some.

(Yolanda)
I'm excited to take them

to Papendrecht,
where I was born and raised.

I guess I'm just still
a little girl at heart,

because I'm proud
of where I came from.

That's what made me
who I am today,

and I want them to understand
that.

The core of me is that tiny
little town in Holland.

My town used to be
just like that when I grew up.

You see all this land?

That's very Dutch.

Those are all the old
little houses.

(Lisa R) Oh, how cute.

This is where...
Guys, this is where I lived.

This is... this flat here.

On the second floor...
This is where I was born.

Wow, this is really
down memory lane.

- Literally.
- Literally.

(Kyle) Oh, here's the bike shop.

(all) Hi.

- How are you?
- Hello, ladies. How are you?

- Good.
- Good. How are you?

(Lisa R)
What would be a good size
for me?

- Maybe this?
- I think this one.

- Yeah.
- [bleep].

Oh.

(Lisa R)
Last time I rode something
that big was

Harry last week.

No.

[laughs]

I'm like... I feel like
I'm in a circus.

Holy [bleep]. Watch out.

- I can't touch the floor.
- [laughs]

- I can't touch the floor.
- Look at Lisa.

(Yolanda) Let's go.

- If you want to slow down...
- [yelps]

- Oh! [laughter]

- Girlfriends bike like this.
- Okay.

Okay. One holds on.

Is this how [bleep] bike?

It seems aggressive.

No, it's just like...
It's romantic.

Okay.

Yolanda's back in town,
everyone.

This is my home sweet home.

- Oh, it's beautiful.
- Isn't it cute?

- I love it.
- That's my doctor's office.

[women scream]

That was close.

(Eileen)
I'm having to focus
on riding the bike,

and I can't think about
anything else.

That's nice.

It's like a little brain
vacation.

You know, girls, I wanted
to show you the windmills.

- Yeah?
- Where are we going?

(woman) The "vind-er-mills."

- Oh, it's gorgeous.
- This is amazing.

(Kim) I love your country.

(Yolanda) Me too. I love it.

- It's amazing.
- [bleep] gorgeous.

[muttering]

Oh, nobody's home, but we'll...

- People live there?
- What?

- Someone lives there?
- Yeah, people... yeah, of course.

- People live in that?
- Yeah.

(Kim)
That's just
a very simple, quiet life.

I wonder what they would do
if they came and saw ours.

Probably like, "Run for the...
Run for the windmills!"

(Kim)
I can't believe people
live in these things.

(Yolanda)
I think I'm gonna
buy a windmill.

(Brandi)
This is hurting the...
pussycat.

[Kim laughs]

- Hallo.
- Hallo.

- Ik ben Yolanda. Hi.
- Hallo.

Ahoi. Hi. Hi. Yolanda.

[speaking Dutch]
I remember you from back then.

From where?

From school or Papendrecht?

We dated.

Dated? Really?

[woman laughs]

- Your name?
- Peter Paul.

- They had a kiss?
- We kissed? Oh.

[laughter] Really?

- Oh, my God.
- Was it good?

(Yolanda) I don't remember.

- I was asking him.
- It was very short. Yeah.

(Yolanda voice-over)
I'm gonna blame it
on the brain damage,

because I swear to God
I do not remember the guy.

I don't even remember his name,
and it makes me feel awful,

because he said
I gave him a kiss.

I mean,
I should remember who I kissed.

So that's so cool.

(Lisa V)
If things had gone better,

Yolanda
could have been living here.

All this could have been yours,
Yolanda.

Do it again,
just for old times' sake.

- [laughs]
- [jabbering in fake Dutch]

She was clearly riding
a lot of things.

It wasn't just bikes in Holland.

(Peter Paul)
Okay, girls, now look like
you're happy you've met me.

- Get in here.
- Come on, girls.

- Get in.
- Get in, Kyle.

- Like that.
- We're good?

Yeah? Take more. Take more.

My wife won't believe me.
[laughter]

(Lisa V)
Oh, she definitely won't.

(Kyle) Coming up...

I can do this. Lisa.

(Yolanda) Nice, deep body stone.

[laughter]

You are kidding me. [groans]

Oh!

- This is good for your butt.
- Really?

Guys, this is one
of the oldest street in town.

Oh, my God, this is
serious sexual stimulation.

(Lisa V) This is huge.

I haven't ridden
something this big for ages.

Oh, I've been away
from my husband too long.

Oh! Oh!

Most fun I've had in years.

[laughs]

(Yolanda)
Welcome to my mammie's home.

[speaking Dutch]
Shall I get the coffee?

No, of course not.

- You excited?
- Yeah, I'm so excited.

I think they're stuck
in the elevator.

(Leo) Uh-oh.

- 52 yellow. [intercom beeps]

(woman) Mama, let us in.

Hi, love, we're here.

[doorbell rings]

[speaking Dutch]

- Hi.
- Hi. Hallo.

Hi, Mammie.

(Yolanda)
Seeing my mom
and my brother... you know,

it just warms my heart,
because that's my family.

Long time, no see.

[both speaking Dutch]

(Yolanda)
I love being with them.

Unfortunately, you know,
I don't get to see them enough.

Look at this.

- Doesn't it look good?
- Fantastic.

It's my favorite, favorite cake.

Tell me if it's amazing or not.

- Oh, my God.
- Oh, my God, to die for, right?

It's amazing.

You can't be doing
your L.A. diet thing here.

- Eat up, chicken.
- Shut up.

[both laugh]

Gigi. [speaking Dutch]

- Yeah.
- For Chanel.

- Gigi for Chanel today.
- Oh.

- Isn't it cute?
- Wow.

- Yeah.
- She looks like my mom.

[both speaking Dutch]

My mom survived breast cancer
and, you know,

to now go through uterine cancer
is obviously...

You know, her body's tired,

and she's struggling,
but her spirit is strong.

I mean,
she's one kick-ass woman.

(Leo)
Are we going to
the coffee shop?

Of course.

I was trying to explain
to the girls that,

you know,
just because it's legal...

But, like, we never did it.

I mean, have you ever...
We never did drugs, which is...

Well, Leo... I don't know.

- Oh. [laughter]

The plan tonight is apparently
to go out

to the pot cookie shop,
which sounds like it'll be fun.

I mean, you're obliged
to do something like that.

You're in Amsterdam.

But... so what do you do

at the Bulldog coffee shop
if you don't want to?

- If you want to...
- If you don't smoke?

(Kim) Yeah.

(Ans)
That's why
you're gonna do that.

You smoke or...

(Leo)
Or you eat,
or you smoke, or you...

No, no.
You go in for to smoke weed.

- Joint.
- A joint.

- But what if you don't do that?
- Then you don't go in.

It's not nice to go there then.

(Kim)
I don't think
it's a good idea.

Nope, I don't do that.

(Lisa R)
What do they put
in a space cake?

- Hashish or marijuana?
- I don't really know.

- Hash. Hash.
- It's hash.

(Lisa V)
Is it very strong?
I mean, like...

- No, it's not so strong.
- Yeah.

(Lisa V)
Have you done it, Ans?
Have you...

- Yeah, I try it.
- You have?

- Yeah.
- How was it for you?

Okay.

I eat the space cake,
and I don't feel anything.

Nothing? [laughter]

(woman)
"I didn't feel anything."

(Yolanda)
I was so happy
to see you on the bicycle.

Once I saw you on the bicycle
with the windmills behind you,

I knew... you know, I didn't
want you to miss that day.

- It was magical.
- We both were not going.

And then we just said,

"We can't let that kind
of stuff get in the way."

Oh, no. You know what?
Life's too short.

Time to move on... move forward.
Just...

I am so glad to be able
to share in this beautiful part

of the world
that Yolanda calls home,

and thank God I didn't let
that moment ruin everything.

(Yolanda)
You know, my brother
has to put the kids to bed

not too late,
so I think we should get going.

- Where's Kim? Is she coming?
- Mm-mm.

- Kim's not coming?
- I don't know.

(Lisa V) No, she's not coming.

Well, I don't think she's gonna
go to the pot shop, is she?

She's not gonna
go to the pot shop.

- Oh.
- Yeah.

(Kyle)
It's best that Kim isn't coming.

Kim and I are not even
looking at each other.

It may not be the most
mature route to go,

but anything other than this
is going to lead to a disaster.

- Oh, what a gorgeous night.
- It's beautiful, isn't it?

(Kyle)
I don't know
why I feel so good.

I have to buy my kids
some presents.

- Some clogs.
- Dark alleys alone?

What's what my mother
always told me.

(Yolanda)
Hey, that's why I
brought my brother.

- Exactly.
- He's like our bodyguard.

You know, I cannot imagine...

Like, you with your sister...
Like, I cannot imagine.

I couldn't go a day
without talking to my brother.

- Oh.
- No, honestly.

I wish I had a brother.

(Kyle) I smell "Mary J. Guana."

Kyle. My back hurts.

This is for medicinal purposes.

- [groans]
- I've got it.

[laughter]

(Kyle)
I'm gonna get a contact high.

(Lisa V)
This is for medicinal
purposes.

(Kyle)
Oh, my God,
is that what that is?

- Is that it?
- Shh. Act mature.

(Yolanda)
You look like
such a tourist.

I mean, what is it?

Doobie, weed, pot, joint?
I don't know.

Whatever you want to call it,

it's just out there
for everybody.

There's one tailor-made for you.

Pungent, lemon, and hazy,
full, energetic, and high.

You'll be cheerful and happy
for 12 weeks.

[laughter]

No, that's the flowering time.

Okay, is this really true
that this is... will happen?

I guess so.

They know exactly what it'll
make you feel like?

Oh, here's the one that makes
you act like an ass[bleep].

That's what was
happening last night.

[laughs]

- You're having a space cake.
- I am not.

- What? What?
- You're eating the space cake.

I am chickening out.

(Lisa V) Yolanda, your mother

has even had the space cake.

(Kyle)
Your mother wants you
to have a space cake.

- She wants you to.
- Look at them.

They're like, trying to sell it.

Are you having a space cake?

I'm not.

Listen, I have children.

Whatever I do,
I will not be admitting to.

(Kyle)
So no one's having
a space cake?

What are we doing here
in space cake town?

Okay, let's get
down to the core of it.

He's getting us
a special muffin.

Who's gonna do it?
Yes, are you in or...

I mean,
we're kind of in Amsterdam.

It's kind of rude not to.

Yeah, it's rude not to.

I think, Brandi,
you're gonna do a bite.

- Come on.
- I can't.

- Yes, you can.
- No, I can't.

- You can.
- I can't.

(Brandi)
I'm happy the 21-day
cleanse thing is over.

I just don't think that I need
to be high around these people.

I need to be, like,
game on, ready for anything.

I can do this.

There's nothing in it,
but I can...

This is what they do, right?

Yeah, that's...
You twist the end, and...

Lisa. [laughing]

(Yolanda) "Nice deep body stone.

Strong, intense feeling."

Welcome to Amsterdam. [laughing]

No, but it... honestly, I think
I'm getting a contact high.

It may be psychological.

It's just exhausting
seeing these women pretend

to be something they're not.

Almost everyone I know
smokes a little pot.

Who cares?

Is everyone here pretending
like they've never smoked pot

in their lives?

- I have.
- I have too, but I'm...

I have too.

The last time I smoked pot,
I was with you,

so let's not pretend
like we're angels.

- [laughs]
- Thanks, Brandi.

- Sure.
- [laughs]

I don't want to say that
'cause of my children, Brandi.

Well, if you don't want
to say it, then don't do it.

- I'm not.
- Okay.

But I don't want to say that
'cause of my kids.

It's a parenting choice,
you know what I mean?

Mm, not really.

That's my... well, that is
my opinion, and you know, okay...

Okay, that's your opinion,
but go to sit here...

You can pretend all day long,
but that's the truth.

But you always, like do things
like that that are...

Whatever, it's fine.

(Kyle)
She's dangerous, and she just
throws things out there.

Not [bleep] cool.

- It's pure silver haze.
- Pure silver haze?

You've ordered that? Here it is.

Just give it to me.
I'll eat the whole thing.

(Lisa R)
What will happen if you have,
like, a bite?

- Nothing.
- Go on, Lisa.

- If you have half?
- Come on.

(woman)
If you're not a regular smoker,
then half of one will...

(Eileen)
Keep going, Lisa. Keep going.

Then we're gonna watch you

in about an hour
and make you paranoid.

(Lisa R) She's doing it.

She did it. She did it!

- No, Lisa. No.
- Settle down, now.

[laughter]

Lisa, Lisa.

[laughs]

Listen, I lived in London
in the '80s.

Trust me. Have I seen it all?

Yes. Have I done it all?

No.

But I've had a little whiff
occasionally.

- Eileen... there goes Eileen.
- Oh, Eileen!

I decided to give in
because I'm weak,

and I succumb to peer pressure.

[laughs]

(Lisa V)
You have some.
Don't be such a pussy. Come on.

(Eileen)
It's just...
it's not gonna do anything.

- It's actually very good.
- One bite.

(Lisa R)
I have two children. I do.

And they also know that I never
pass up a piece of cake.

Ever.

I'm already feeling something
from the atmosphere.

Oh, for God's sake.

(Eileen) You're so sensitive.

No, I honestly...
From the secondhand.

You're being ridiculous.
You're being ridiculous.

Why wouldn't I feel it
from the secondhand?

(Lisa V)
You're being ridiculous.
Eat it.

What were you like
in high school?

Kyle, we all took a bite.

I know,
but you don't understand.

It won't be good for any of us.

I really would be paranoid
and weird.

"Oh, my God, I don't know
what's going to happen to me.

I just can't. This is so creepy.
I'm scared."

It's like, shut the [bleep] up
and have some cake.

(Lisa V)
We must be the best customers
they've ever had...

One piece of cake
between five of us.

(Eileen) Coming up...

You guys are the biggest
hypocrites of all [bleep] time.

By the way, you know that

I said that you actually
love those boys...

[screams]

Lisa, have some of this.
[laughs]

Didn't that smell make you...

[Kyle laughs]

(Lisa V)
You can't say things like that.

(Brandi) What?

The last time I smoked pot,

I was with you, so let's not
pretend like we're angels.

(Brandi)
Anyone and everyone can say

whatever the [bleep]
they want to say about me,

but I can't say the truth
about them,

and it's [bleep] annoying.

- Are you talking about me?
- Yeah.

You guys can all have
a [bleep] opinion about me.

You can say whatever
the [bleep] you want,

but God forbid I tell the truth
about you.

Then the world's ending
'cause you're a great parent.

Well, how the [bleep] do
you think it makes me feel

when you're all talking [bleep]
about me?

I've never said...
I said actually...

You all have!

I've never said
you're a bad parent.

- You all had...
- I said you loved those boys.

Oh, I have an anger
or drinking problems?

You guys are the biggest
hypocrites of all [bleep] time.

By the way, you know that I said

that you actually
love those boys...

[screams]

What is wrong with her?

(Brandi)
I can't take it anymore.

There's different rules
for different people.

God forbid I speak the truth,
and it's below the belt.

It's [bleep] hypocritical.

[speaking Dutch] Let's go.

[groans]

God, I cannot deal with this.

(Eileen)
Where is this coming from?

Finally, we're having
a little reprieve from the drama

and the insanity,

but, no, here it comes again,

walking down the street,
screaming bloody murder.

(Yolanda) What happened?

Yolanda,
I'm just sick of everything.

- I'm, like, over it.
- What?

Everyone's allowed
to have an opinion on my life

and what I'm doing
and what I'm not doing

and do I have
a drinking problem, do I not.

But no one wants to hear
the truth about their lives.

And I'm just [bleep] over it.
I'm over it.

By the way, people have actually
said something, and I said...

When someone made a comment
that you... I won't even say it.

"Someone"? I already told you...

Because I'm not an ass[bleep]
to do that to you, okay?

- Don't touch me.
- I can say...

- Honestly, don't touch me.
- Guys, guys. Brandi.

We've been through this.
Don't touch me.

That's not
about being aggressive.

- We'll talk more...
- What I'm telling you is...

When you go like this,
if someone like...

That's... just don't touch me.

Okay, I won't touch you.
Whatever.

Let's just stay away
from each other.

(Kyle)
The things
that we say about Brandi

are things that she has done.

What Brandi says about us

is designed to hurt people.

She cannot have
a peaceful night.

(Lisa R)
Next time on The Real
Housewives of Beverly Hills...

- I am Amster...
- Oh, I am...

"I Amsterdam."

[camera shutter clicking]

Look at this. This is so cute.

(Lisa V) Oh, God, no.

What's the point in that?

(Eileen) That's one big snake.

(Kyle) Or one little wiener.

God has given all of us
a certain job in life...

I don't want this [bleep] job.

The behavior was heinous,
and to just say,

"Now we're gonna move on,"
is a [bleep] bunch of BS.

Sobriety's a very slippery
slope.

Do we really want to go
down that road?

Because it's a very personal
issue.

Focus on your own family.

You know, Kim,
sue me for giving a damn.

Listen, if anyone
at this table wants help

being a homewrecker...

Don't [bleep]
call me a homewrecker.

Don't bring it up, Brandi.

Pick on somebody your own...

(Eileen)
To learn more about
the housewives, go to...