The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills (2010–…): Season 5, Episode 12 - Drama Queens - full transcript

(Yolanda) Previously,
on the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills...

I'm not gonna have
the conversation with him

about running, bar-backing,
or bartending school

until he's got his car
smog tested.

(Lisa V) He's a different
animal to Ken and I and Pandora.

Is that because we don't share
the same genes?

I don't know.

It looks like you're doing good.

Text me tonight when you're home
in bed.

[kisses]

Now that my daughters are gone,



all of a sudden,
it's just David and Anwar and I.

It's a big change.

Oh, I love you.

To me,
this is a very fruity wine.

Do you want to smell it?

I'm really not a drinker
any longer.

Kim and I have become really
close lately.

I'm feeling like she's strong
enough in her sobriety

to handle friends
that aren't sober.

- Are you drinking?
- [bleep] you.

[bleep] you.

(Kim) Kyle, whoo!

Kim does not seem like herself.
I've been down this road before.

- Don't [bleep] touch me.
- Don't [bleep] do that.



- Don't [bleep] touch me.

(Kyle) This is personal.

She's coming between my sister
and me.

I think that you were
out of line in there.

[crying] About what?

(Lisa R)
Do you think something was
going on with her?

I really don't know.

- Kim...
- Yeah?

- Is in the hospital.

[upbeat music]

Throw me to the wolves,

and I shall return
leading the pack.

♪♪ ♪♪

Character isn't what you have,
it's who you are.

♪♪ ♪♪

You've heard a lot about me,

but it's only true
when it comes from my lips.

♪♪ ♪♪

I'm not a bitch,
but I've played one on TV.

♪♪ ♪♪

I've been rich,
and I've been famous,

but happiness beats them both.

♪♪ ♪♪

I'd rather spend my life
kicking ass than kissing it.

♪♪ ♪♪

Planes and yachts are nice,
but my happiness starts at home.

- What is that?
- Fabulous number in here.

Wait, is this that top
that I have in gray?

Yeah, but it's...

Oh, the one
that Lilly Ghalici wore.

- This is a little sexier.
- This is a little disco-y.

Don't you think?

- I kind of like that.
- I love that.

- Ooh, I kind of do like this.
- Gorg.

I will be keeping this.

Do you have a pen and paper?

- Let's do this.
- Yeah, what are we...

What are we doing here?

Well, we need to count
how many people.

Because we don't want it
be a zoo.

- Right.
- You're like, "Yes, we do."

- A gay, crazy zoo.
- We like a zoo.

(Kyle)
Everyone in town has four
or five gays of their own.

They're like girlfriends
without the drama.

And sometimes more drama.

- I'm doing it.
- We're having a gay mixer.

Yeah, I said on the invite,
"Bring your tops and bottoms,

and I don't mean your bikini."

- You did not.
- Yeah, seriously.

A lot of my gays are single,
so I thought maybe there'll be

a little love connection,
at least make a friend,

and hopefully keep them off
Grindr.

- Hotties to the front.
- So, you.

- Hi.
- How are you?

- I'm Cal, this is Brian.
- Oh, how are you?

- Kyle, nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you.

- This is Matthew.
- Hi, Matthew.

- Nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you, Matthew.

- How are you guys?
- We're good.

We're actually just
going over our list.

Okay, what I think you guys are
trying to do is a mixer.

- Right?
- Yes.

So you want everyone
to sort of meet and mingle.

- I need to get married.
- You and me both.

I have so many amazing
guy friends...

Gay guy friends who are single.

Yeah.

They don't want to just
be out there,

you know,
sleeping with people or...

Right, right.

Your indoor dinner party gays

that you don't meet at,
you know, at The Abbey.

- Exactly.
- Yeah, yeah.

We've got this down
to a science.

Will there be drinking?

It's in a martini lounge,
so, yeah.

That definitely helps
with the playing and the mixing

and the people losing
their inhibitions.

A game that we can do
as people arrive is where

we put the name of a celebrity
on your back and you

have to go around and ask people
questions about who you are.

- And you have to figure out...
- Oh, that's cute.

- Who you are.
- Oh, that's cute, okay.

- I like that.
- Yeah.

Make sure I have a good, like,
range of types and...

Yeah. And especially, um...

- You know.
- What?

There's a drought
in West Hollywood.

There's a lack of tops.

- [laughs]
- Yeah, so...

I've heard that
there's a lack of tops.

It's a serious problem.

If I was gay,
I would definitely be a top.

Right?

The tops must love
this situation.

They're a hot commodity.

(both) Yeah.

(Kyle) I like to be in control.

Yeah.

- I'm excited.
- I'm excited too.

- I love a party.
- There's eligible bachelors.

[laughter]

(Yolanda)
Hey, Blancie,
can you come upstairs

and give me a hand, please?

So Thursday night is black tie,

Friday night is casual white.

We're going to Italy.

David's charity and
Andrea Bocelli's Foundation

are going to blend together

for this once-in-a-lifetime
event.

Sophia Loren and George Clooney
are going to be the recipients

of the awards this year.

Saturday is cocktail,
Sunday is black tie.

So Wednesday, Thursday, Friday,
Saturday...

Four days.

(Yolanda)
My husband is the most
charitable man that I know.

And he doesn't
just write a check.

He goes,
travels all over the world

to do charity events
and raise money.

Put these three in the hanging.

Mm-hmm.

Then the whites in one hanging.

Oh, yeah, and I forgot this one.

And here's his toiletry bag.
Where do you want to fold it?

- On the bed?
- Yes, on the bed.

(Yolanda)
You know,
I am a professional packer.

I've carried more luggage around
the world probably than anybody.

We're going
to Roberto Cavalli's house.

I think I've got packing down
to a science by now.

Isn't that great?

So I think I'm gonna wear this
to his house.

That's pretty.

'Cause I don't want
to wear his dress,

because that looks
kind of weird.

So Anwar has tutoring

Wednesday night
and Thursday night.

- Nick is gonna come.
- Okay.

(Yolanda)
I'm gonna miss
my Anwar so much, my baby.

As every mother knows, you know,
leaving your children

for these short periods of time
is good for them.

What are you gonna do tomorrow?

Uh, go to the beach.

Go to the beach with all
your friends from school?

Friends, yeah, yeah.

Be careful though
because there'll be

a lot of alcohol and stuff,
right?

Yeah, I guess so.

(Yolanda)
When I travel,
Mohamed is in charge.

Mohamed and I
have been separated

since Anwar was 18 months old,

so I think that kind of prepared
him for this part of life

where now sometimes he's gonna
have to be alone.

I miss him already.
I haven't even left yet.

- [laughs]
- My only child left now.

- Yeah, I know.
- All right.

Four outfits, four shoes, bags.

Ow.

Let me get that too.

- Don't break your back.
- [laughs]

We let the boys do the work.

- Darling?
- Hi.

- Mohamed phoned.
- Oh, he did?

- We got to meet him at 8:00.
- Okay, good.

My God, I was so thin here.
I need to stop eating.

Look at Max here.

Max came to me recently
and he said he was interested

in finding out
about his heritage.

It kind of threw me,
the fact that he would ask me

after 22 years.

I wasn't prepared for that.

There's this kind
of genetic testing

where you can give a swab
or a hair,

and they can go
into their database,

which is millions of people,

and they can identify where your
genetic background is from.

And he just came up with this.

(Lisa V)
I never wanted to overload Max

with giving him
too much information.

So he's asked me the odd thing,

and I've answered it
without offering any more.

If he says to me, "I want
to find my birth parents..."

How would you feel about that?

Do you care?

Well, of course I would care.

But I've had the good parts,
haven't I?

Nobody can take him
from me now, right?

He once said to me,
when he was quite young,

"Is there someone,
somewhere who's sad today,

on my birthday?"

I said, "I think they're
probably remembering that day,

but they should be happy to see
the life you have now."

What I don't want is if he gets
to 40 or something

and say, "I never looked
for any of my birth family

because of how you felt."

It's probably every adoptive
parent's nightmare

when suddenly
their child questions.

Because they might look at it
like it's a threat.

And it's not a threat.

Well, I'm behind you,
for sure, do it.

- Okay.
- Why not?

That might be enough for him.
He might just say,

"Oh, look, Mom. I'm from here,

"and I'm... you know... I've got
a bit of this, European in me.

I've got that or whatever."

(Lisa V)
It's my job as a mother not to
stand in his way.

[sniffles]

(Lisa R) Coming up...

She's there for me, you're not.

Kim, you can't compare
the two situations.

Do you not know how rude
that is?

[knock at door]

Hold on.

(Brandi) Where are you?

(Kim) I'm in here.

- You look gorgeous.
- Oh.

I'm afraid to touch you.
I don't want to hurt you.

- I know, I'm breakable.
- You look really good.

Can't really do much because...
Because I can't.

Right, that's what
I was wondering.

But I-I feel good, you know?

It's just,
got out of the hospital,

came home, and just rested
the whole time.

And just, you know,
needed to do that.

(Kim)
I was in the hospital
seven or eight days.

The pain was just too bad.

Do you remember talking to me?
I was in the car.

And you had just got out
of your procedure?

Yeah.

You seemed like you were in so
much pain.

I was. It's just painful.

The whole thing's
just so much pain.

(Kim)
I was on an anti-inflammatory,

steroids, three different kinds
of antibiotics.

It was beginning
to make me feel like

maybe there
was something terminal.

Like, it was beginning
to frighten me.

Who have you talked to
since the party?

Well, I saw Lisa,
and Yolanda's called me,

and I just saw Kyle.

They told me so many different
things that I didn't know

what the actual
final diagnosis was.

I coughed and something snapped.

And, Kyle,
I just let out a scream.

And Monty called a doctor,
and he's like, "This is bad."

And he said, "That's it.
Get in the car."

Was that the night
you went to the hospital?

Yeah.

What happened at Eileen's house

at poker night was really scary.

(Kim) I'm 100% in pain.

Monty gave me something
for the pain,

and I took it, and that's it.

I'm relieved that my sister Kim

went to the hospital
and got checked.

If she's in that kind of pain,
she needs to see a doctor.

Sure enough it was a hernia and
a cracked and fractured rib.

What is a hernia?

I don't even really know
exactly what it even is.

Yeah, uh-huh, mm-hmm.

- I know that they can...
- It hurts.

[coughs]

Do you want something?
Do you need something?

No, thanks.

I don't remember everything.

Well, because I took
a pain pill.

You know, I was getting ready
to leave the house,

and I was in a lot of pain.

I told Monty, I said,
"I just don't know

if I should go, really."

So Monty said, "Tell you what.

"Take one of my pain pills.
It'll make you feel better.

And just go."

So I took one.

The fact that my sister took
this pill is scary,

and it was a really bad choice,
but at least she's acknowledging

it was a bad choice and that she
shouldn't have done it.

Whatever it is, it's for cancer.

- And so, the thing is...
- Kim!

It was so hurting.

You could be allergic to that.

It was not a good night for you,

for myself, for Kyle.

It...

Why do you think
this is your business?

- It's not my business.
- Then go away.

[overlapping arguing]

No, I'm not. [bleep] you.

I was scared. I was nervous.

Everything was going through
my mind, you know?

Brandi didn't want me
to talk to you.

I was trying to protect you
from your sister.

(Kim)
I know Kyle had concern for me
that night.

And I went in the bathroom
with her and I...

It just had a very familiar
feeling to me.

I've been having horrible
panic attacks.

Panic attacks?

Like, I feel like my heart's
jumping out of my skin

and I haven't eaten,
slept seven days.

We'll just be another minute.

Don't worry about it.
Take your time.

(Kim)
I lost... I'm losing my balance.

I can't... I look at people,

I see... I can't hear.

(Kyle)
Okay, let's go.
Come on, you look good.

- You look good, let's go.
- It's okay.

Kim, you're taking too long.
This is rude.

Okay.

If Kyle feels
there's something wrong,

to make more of a spectacle
of the situation,

especially after
three years of sobriety,

I'm just disappointed.

I know that you're fine,
you're sober,

but I knew, clearly,
something was wrong.

At the time I didn't know
what it was.

So I was just trying
to keep you close

and protect you, really.

I just felt like you were
better off with me than her.

She's feels like
she's there for me.

You're not.

(Kim)
I consider Brandi
one of my closest friends.

And I love that she's supporting
me through this.

Because I need that support
right now.

I don't need any fake support
or any fake stuff, you know?

She doesn't know
the four decades of history.

No.

If there's something
in the night

that you're talking to her,
I don't know that.

You haven't shared that with me.

- It's not just in the night.
- That's what she was saying.

- It's in the day and the night.
- In the middle of the night.

Kyle, where were you
all those, you know, nights

when she was having drama
and I called you,

and you were like, "You know
what, I can't help you"?

That's what I remember.

Like, the Kyle that was like,
"You know what?

It's just Kim."

And I'm like, "Mm."

You just need make time
with the people you love.

And I feel like sometimes
my sister

doesn't have enough time for me.

It hurts my feelings
because sometimes...

I've really needed her.

You have been there
for me as an amazing sister.

And she's been there
for me as a great friend.

Right, but who is she
to compare the two

and try to say
that I haven't been?

I have always been there
for my sister.

Kim and I both know that.

And for Brandi to come in
after a hot minute

and to just suggest otherwise
is a slap in my face.

Kim, you can't compare
the two situations.

- I'm not.
- Yes, you are.

- You are right now.
- No, I'm not.

You're saying, "What you haven't
been as my sister,

she's been as my friend."

Do you not know how rude
that is?

I know she's your sister
and I respect that.

And you guys have been
through it.

I feel like you and I have been
through more over the summer

with the marriage and all this
stuff that's been going on.

Can't be easy watching
your ex-husband die

in front of you every day.

Kim's sober,
they're all in one house,

it's just not a healthy
situation for Kim to be in.

I worry about her, I do,
because I love her.

She hasn't really been
there for you and I have.

I think Kyle's done.
I think she doesn't want

the burden anymore of worrying
about Kim.

You're my sister.

And we've had our ups and downs.

But I love you so much.

I love you too.

I'm really...
I really don't trust her, Kim.

I really don't.

It's time to get people around
you that you can lean on,

and that you trust.

That's right.

(Kim)
Being a friend,
you have each other's backs.

That just comes with, you know,

loving each other,
and protecting each other,

and Brandi is on my side.

That's it.

On the road to recovery.

Yes, you need to get better
for my gay mixer.

I wanna... oh! Tomorrow night?

Yes.

Why don't you and I
grab Mark and go?

It'll be a good way
to break the ice.

I'm gonna break something
on her.

I'm kidding. I'm kidding!

You've always been
my best friend.

Since we were little,

I've taken care of you.

You've taken care of me.

Nobody can come between that
at the end of the day.

I love you.

(Eileen) Coming up...

Oh, my God, this is really
awkward, this is really weird.

This is comfortable.

(Ken)
Do you want some tea, baby?

Sex Machine.

Let me kiss you.

You can kiss me, by the way,
hello.

- Give me one.
- My wife?

Exactly, your second wife,
reporting for duty.

Hurry up, bring my tea,
I'm thirsty.

- Hey, Mom - Hey.

- Hey, Dad.
- How are you?

(Ken) Where'd you come from?

I'm great, how are you?
I just got here.

- Did you drive that old banger?
- I did, yeah.

Or are you still borrowing
your girlfriend's car?

No, I'm driving with Hunter.

Okay, so how are you liking
running?

You feel like,
you've been promoted,

you're making more money.

Are you making much more money?

Um, well, yeah,
'cause when I run,

I get tips from the lounge
and the restaurant.

Exactly, so you're making
quite a bit more.

Yeah.

(Lisa V)
My kids are not gonna be
promoted before anybody else.

They're gonna be promoted when
they do the job properly

and they understand what they
have to put into it.

This swab test thing.

- You want to do it, right?
- Yeah, I do.

You do.

With a bit of luck,
he's related to the Kennedys,

or somebody with some load of
dough that you're gonna inherent

a massive amount of money,
and you won't have to

buss tables anymore.

And you can keep me in
my old age.

(Lisa V)
Exactly, well,
that's already past, Ken.

Yeah, but I can still do
with some...

(Lisa V)
It's a bit late for that.

- Somebody keeping me...
- I'm keeping you.

In the style I'm accustomed to.

(Lisa V)
Okay, then.
Let's do it.

I don't think there's any harm
in Max finding out his heritage.

But I suddenly
have warning bells

that maybe he wants to
find the family.

- Fill in your name.
- What is it?

- What's your real name?
- Yeah.

What, you mean the name
before I got you?

Yeah, my last name.

I'm not gonna tell you that.

Why?

Because I don't want to.

Well, just type it in, Mom.
I won't look.

(Lisa V) No, it's not.

I'm not gonna do that.

- What do you mean?
- Why would it need that name?

Okay, I'll type it in then,
but don't look at it.

Okay.

Max was adopted
from foster care.

We met his birth parents,

but in 22 years
I've never even uttered

the name that Max was born with.

Because, doesn't that open up
even more questions?

- Can you just do it, please?
- I can't.

It's fine.

- It doesn't mean anything.
- Oh.

I just want to know my heritage.

I don't care about them.

I don't want to burden him
with putting another identity

in front of him when this is the
only identity that he's known.

Just find out where
they're from,

what country they're from.

Don't wag your paw at me, okay?

Mom, that's all I want to know.

I just want to know
what my heritage.

What, huh?

Well, your father
was from Japan.

[laughs] That's good.

Stop hitting your father.

And your mother
was from Nigeria, so.

Go on, get out of here.
I'm gonna do it now.

For me, I would pretend
that he was mine biologically.

But I owe him that, so
it doesn't matter what I feel.

All right, I love you. Go.

I love you too, Mom.

How much?

Varies. [laughs].

Tonight, I just want to have fun
with my girls, and my gays,

and just have the best time.

It is all about love.

(Kyle) Good, just in time.

What about this clutch?

I don't want anything
that really stand out.

Yeah, yeah.
No, that's beautiful.

There's so much going on
with this dress.

But does it go with these shoes?

Everything looks so good. Yeah.

- It does?
- Everything looks great.

You look really good.

It's... it got altered
a little too short.

I mean, but when I bend over,
I'm scared my butt will hang out

and it's not really
age-appropriate.

Honey, this is the first time
in your life that no one's

gonna be looking at your butt.

(Brandi) Better?

Yeah, that's gorg.

And we kind of... we go together.

(both) "Go to-getter"?

- We go to...
- We go to the gutter.

Going in the gutter.

Whoo! Lots of dirt here.

- Hello?
- Hi, mommy.

- Hi.
- Hi.

- How are you?
- Hi, love.

We're late. We should go, right?

Yeah.

You guys, do not leave my side.
I can't...

I do not want to deal
with your sister tonight.

Brandi and Kyle were on such
a good track.

Have I put on weight?

Are you kidding me?

Don't even stand next to me.

I mean, I have a little but...

I was feeling good
until you showed up.

Let's try to fix this.

This is an chance to put this
all behind us.

Let's not let that night
ruin everything.

(Brandi)
Lisa Vanderpump might be
bringing some really hot guys

from Pump tonight.

All those guys were hot
when we were there.

- Are they gay?
- Yeah.

(Brandi)
Tonight, I'm feeling a little
bit better about poker night.

Because just realizing it was,

like, an alcohol-infused
craziness,

that maybe we can both say,
you know what?

[bleep] happened,
we were all drinking,

nothing should've happened
like that,

and let's let bygones
be bygones.

(Kim)
You guys are gonna make up.

I just... I don't want people
to want other people to fail.

I don't ever want
that for anyone, and so...

That's why things go very well
for you, Brandi,

because you have a good heart,
and you want people to do well.

You know?

But I also have a bad temper.

(Kim) I love both of you.

- So...
- But who do you love more?

[both laughing]

- I knew that was coming next.
- I'm just kidding.

- Pick, pick.
- I knew that was coming next.

No, blood's thicker
than water, I get it.

Thank you.

- Hi.
- Hello.

Hey, hi. Come with me.

Shaun works for me, he's
involved with the PR at Pump,

and he wants to come to Kyle's
mixer to see what goes down.

Or who goes down, literally.

We're gonna put the name
of a celebrity on your back...

- Oh, great.
- And you need to go around

asking people
yes or no questions

to figure out who you are.

(Cal)
I gave you a nice and easy one,
okay?

(Lisa V) Okay.

(Shaun) Oh, good one.

Is it? Okay.

That's a really good one.

Okay, do I... Do I have a penis?

No.

Am I glamorous?

Yes.

- Am I a brunette?
- No.

I'm a blonde.

(Lisa V) How are you, darling?

Hi. Mwah.

I'm well.

- How are you?
- Good.

These are my friends,
Glenn and Christopher.

- Hello.
- Hello, Glenn.

- Hi, hello, nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you.

(man) Are you ready, girls?

[laughter]

(man) Get it.

We could just, like,
seal the deal here and go home.

Well, I mean... [laughter]

That'd be a threesome.

Let's just go home right now.

Exactly. [laughter]

- Bye.
- It was so simple.

Yay, the first one.

This is, like, sexy in here,
right?

Oh, here she is.

Hello!

- Okay.
- Hi. Mwah.

- I mean, hi.
- Well, you look beautiful.

- How are you?
- Welcome to your party.

Thank you.

(both) Mwah.

Thank you.

(both) How are you?

(Lisa R)
Mixer, alcohol with gays.

Fun. [laughs]

Oh, is that short enough?
I love you.

Of course, I can only do that,

you know, like,
around the boys I feel safe.

You're not gonna get laid
tonight, darling.

I'm certainly not here
gonna get laid.

- Hi. Hi!
- Hi.

(Lisa V) Who's coming?

Brandi? No.

- I didn't invite Brandi.
- Oh, right, okay.

- Just because we're not...
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I mean, I haven't spoken to her
since poker night.

And Yolanda's away, all right.

Yolanda's away.

(Kim)
I think that if you just go in
and just say hi,

and if it feels right, you know,
you could give her a hug.

- Right.
- If you don't, just...

Oh, I'm not hugging that bitch.

Okay... oh. Oh! Shut up!

[laughter]

I'm kidding, I'm kidding.

You see, I get delirious,
I start making jokes,

and then I get inappropriate,
and then...

And then you get
appropriate again.

Yes, I'm trying.

Inappropriate, appropriate,
and...

And I think Kyle will appreciate
the gesture of you coming.

[indistinct chatter]

Do you know Shaun?
Do you know Mr. Valentine?

Do you guys know each other? No.

- No, this... this is Shaun.
- Hi, I'm Cal.

- I'm so sorry.
- That's Shaun, I'm sorry.

Thank you.

Look at the back of my leg.

(Lisa V) Wait...

- Is it a woman?
- Yes.

Is it an actress?

(both) No.

A singer?

(both) Yes.

Celine Dion?

(both) No.

Do an imitation for me.

Um...

- Let me think.
- Wait, watch.

- Oh.
- Oh!

No, Madonna,
Christina Aguillera.

And I liked it.

(Lisa R) I love Lisa Vanderpump.

She smells like roses. Hello.

Taken me 53 years to do that.

Katy Perry.

- Oh, yay!
- Yay!

- High five.
- Hey, did I... did I...

I just kissed...

Did I just do that?

You did!

Oh, wait, let's get
our man in the middle.

Ooh.

I'm Lady Gaga.

- Yes!
- Oh.

See, I like that.

How'd you know that?

This game is super easy.

Is there another game we can
play that's a bit harder?

- Exactly, right?
- Let's do me.

Keep coming up the ramp.

Oh.

Up the ramp.

I'm with her.

(Brandi)
A lot of the tables are pretty.

Man?

(Kyle)
Oh, my God,
this is really awkward.

This is really weird.

Brandi's here.
Brandi just walked in.

(Eileen) Yeah.

So I take it
you didn't invite her.

No.

The last thing I wanted
was any negativity,

and it just burst
through the door.

Comfortable.

[indistinct chatter]

(Yolanda) Coming up...

I came with her,
and I'm leaving with her.

I don't care. You're not wanted.

Excuse me, neither are you.

- Good-bye.
- Ask your husband.

This is my [bleep]...

I would have sex with you
right now.

[laughs]

We'll say Sean Connery.

No. [laughter]

Not bad, no.

- He is my go-to man.
- Really?

Yes, so I'm really allowed
to say yes on that.

Who's my celebrity go-to man?

Is he English?

No.

Um... [laughs]

Ohh.

[both laughing]

Daniel Day-Lewis.

Oh, no!

He was cute.
Isn't he still cute?

He's still really cute.

- George Clooney?
- Yes!

Okay, that was easy.

Oh, go on, give that to me.

I want him on my back,
seeing as it's probably

the only way I'm gonna
get him on my back.

He would have to give me
a hall pass for George Clooney.

It's George bloody Clooney,
for God's sake,

and he's got a sense of humor,
which he would probably need

when I took my clothes off.

[both laughing]

I want George Clooney
on my back.

(Lisa V) I know, right?

Oh, my God,
this is really awkward.

This is really weird.

Brandi's here.
Brandi just walked in.

So I take it you didn't
invite her.

No.

(Eileen) Not this again.

We're gonna have Kim and Kyle
and Brandi arguing,

but now, we're in public.

We've moved from my driveway,
and now, we're at a nightclub.

That's lovely.

I think this is comfortable.

No, this is a very awkward
situation right now.

(Kyle)
I sat with my sister
on her bed yesterday,

telling her how I felt
about Brandi and how hurt I was,

And now, she brings her
to my party?

- Hi.
- Hi.

Hang on.
I brought Brandi to try to...

I saw that.

I thought, like, you know,
to try to break the ice

and kind of put thing
back together a little bit.

I thought, you know,
it'd be a nice way.

- Hope you don't mind, but...
- Oh, no, it's...

I'm just a little taken aback.

My heart is in my stomach
right now.

I know, I think
you look shocked.

So I just thought
it'd be a way...

'Cause you guys are
on the road to something.

I know, maybe a text next time
to let me... a little heads up.

Okay, I will.

But is was, like,
she was kind of hesitant,

and I thought you were too, and
I thought it was just a way to...

Thought a fun night like this
would just be a way,

and... so...

Okay. I don't know... I mean...

Just be nice. She's...

I mean, I'm... I mean,
I just don't know what... yeah.

Hi.

Hi.

That was a fake hug.

Well, I'm a little distracted
right now.

Okay, give me another one.

So how's this going?

It's so awkward, I can't even...

- Just be nice, you know?
- Um...

I'm... I-I am, I mean,
I'll be nice, but it's like,

I just wanted it to be when
I felt ready and comfortable,

and... you know?

I don't... I mean...

Sometimes, you just let it...

"Hi, how are you?"
Like everything's hunky-dory.

Well, it's not, but you know,
it's just a way just to be...

"Hello."

- You know?
- [sighs]

- Yeah.
- Baby steps.

- Yeah.
- Okay.

Let me just gather my thoughts
for one second.

All right.

Give me one second.

Okay.

(Kyle)
This is not the time or place

to be making up
with Brandi Glanville.

I'm here to enjoy myself
and be around happy people

and positive people and laugh,
and that's not gonna happen

with Brandi tonight,
I can tell you that much.

(man)
You need a shot.
You need a shot.

N... yeah. No, no, no, I'm good.

(Lisa V)
She's got some balls
showing up, really.

Well, obviously, she...
Not coming in to be aggressive

if she showed up.

Clearly.

Just go up and say hello. "Hi."

You know, "hi," that's it.

(Lisa V) Easier said than done.

Don't even think about it.
Let's go.

Go on.

(Kyle) How are you?

I'm good, how are you?

- Good, thank you.
- Good.

You...

[indistinct chatter]

Oh, my God! Whoo!

[indistinct chatter]

We do a fake air kiss,
and I'm thinking,

"Okay, this might be okay."

You look gorgeous, Faye,
as always.

Thank you, you two.

(Faye) I need a quick cocktail.

What? You need a...

Let's get a cocktail.

[indistinct chatter]

(Eileen) You okay?

I'm fine, I was just a little
taken aback for a second when...

I just think it's
so bizarre to me.

My sister brought her,
saying that she was hoping

that we could fix things.

- Oh, I see.
- To break the ice.

(Eileen)
I think it's so incredibly rude
and insensitive.

Who does that?
She's having a party.

She's thinking
about other people.

It's not about Kim or Brandi.

This is not the time
or the place, people.

Okay.

With no... with no heads-up.

How long were you
in the hospital?

Five days.

Five days? That's a long time.

Yeah, it was.

What made you go in?
Was it the hernia?

- The pain.
- The pain.

I'm happy that Kim was
in the hospital for five days,

because she needed to be
in the hospital.

This was a very sick woman.

- Don't...
- Okay.

[bleep] feel sorry for me,
bitch.

I... okay, I won't.

You don't know what I go through
at night.

No, that's true.

You're stupid.
Don't [bleep] call me stupid.

(Taylor)
Don't start me with...
don't, don't.

I'm taking the dildo. [laughs]

She was completely
off her rocker.

This was a woman who was
very sick, in my eyes.

Maybe she got help
and some relief that she needed.

I had never seen her like that,
and you know...

It's scary, I mean she really
doesn't remember

your ride over at all.

It's scary.
I believe that, though, 'cause...

And so... no, and I told her
when I got there,

I'm like, "You're not okay.
Stick by me and...

Oh, you did?
You see, I never really...

Tyler had had a whole bottle
of champagne on the ride over,

so it was like... and then tequila
when... she switched to tequila,

and then I had wine,
and I was like, "Oh."

And then it just...

- Basically, it...
- Well...

- Nothing went well.
- No.

It was a... I...

Well, I mean, it was just a...
It was an...

- [bleep] show.
- It was a substance moment.

I've seen Brandi get to a point
where she's slurring her words,

and she can say mean things,
but you know,

if I had two glasses of wine,
I would be off my rocker.

Substance took over
the entire night.

That's true.

Yeah.

You'll never get, like,
an apology from her.

- You'll never do that.
- You're not gonna...

She's not going to.

Just act like it never happened,
and be cool.

I will always forgive everybody.
That's the problem.

- Right, you're just...
- That's a problem.

That's my problem.

(Kyle)
And I have to literally
control myself.

But you have to live with that,

because you know that
that's how you are.

- You have to accept that.
- And I've lived with that.

You just have to accept that,
'cause she'll never be that way.

I have to respect myself too.

(Adrienne)
You have to,
that's what he's saying.

Because I started thinking
the other day about,

you know,
her saying the other night,

"I've been there for Kim,
and you haven't been."

I know how much you've been
there for her, and that's zero.

You don't know anything.

I talk to her every [bleep] day.
You don't even talk to her.

Wait, Brandi, Brandi, Brandi...

You're [bleep] not even there
for her at all!

[bleep] you.

Right, yeah, that's not right.

Then last year, saying, "I think
you wanted Kim to fail."

(Brandi)
Kyle was always doubting
Kim's sobriety...

and I almost feel like it would
make her happy if she failed.

Who the hell is she to say that?

Then bringing up the tabloids
at the lunch with Carlton.

(Brandi)
Kyle, there is that story

about Mauricio cheating
and whatnot.

Like, what's up with that?

Like, she has [bleep] me
again and again and again.

When am I ever gonna learn?

How come you're here anyway?
Just wondering.

I'm gonna go up right now.
I'm gonna go up right now.

Mark's newly single, so he was
invited, and he knows...

Are you here
on good behavior, or...

What do you mean?
She's always on good behavior.

Oh, trust me.

You are?

Okay, you're stretching now.

Anyway, I want to of course
apologize to you.

Should we do this
in front of everyone?

I apologize for pushing
your arm down,

but I do think you should
know better

than to come between
two sisters like that

when you don't know
any history about us.

Anytime that anyone says,
"I'm sorry, but..."

run for [bleep] cover,
or get your boxing gloves on.

I know a lot of history
about you, and I accept your...

No, you don't, Brandi.

- I accept your apology.
- No, you don't.

But I do.

- No, you don't.
- Okay, um...

You know, you've been friends
for six months...

Okay.

And you cannot know
the history between us,

and you should know
better than that.

You shouldn't come
between two sisters like that.

Kyle, it was not my intention,
and I accept your apology.

[people cheering]

You should never touch anyone,
and yes, that's 100% correct.

Well, I did push your arm down,
but you also were

very aggressive at me,
so don't even... I mean...

Well, once you touched me,
then I probably wouldn't, like...

- Yeah, I pushed...
- If somebody touches me...

I wasn't being aggressive.

I was pushing your arm down
to get to my sister.

You were aggressive.

Lisa.

So I apologize if I
pushed your arm down.

No, I was trying to diffuse
the situation.

There was nothing to diffuse.
I wanted to talk to my sister.

You're not my family.

No, I'm not.

(Kyle)
What gives Brandi the right

to get in the middle
of my family's business?

Who does she think she is?

You don't know our history.

I know enough of it
to know that lately...

- No.
- Yes.

No, you don't.

Lately, when I've called,
and I've talked to Kim,

and I've called you
late at night,

you're like, "That's what Kim
does," and you're out.

Do you hear
what I'm saying, Kim?

If Kim did reach out to Brandi

late at night like that,
as a friend,

why does Brandi have to
announce it to everyone?

You don't do that as a friend.

You keep it to yourself,
in private.

What does Kim do? Say what...

You want to elaborate on that?

- Why would you want to do that?
- No.

- No, because she's doing it.
- That's what you're doing now.

Really? That's private.

Why would you want Brandi
to say what we talk about?

Don't do that.

I'm shocked right now that you
just tried to do that to me.

No, no.

[overlapping chatter]

No, no, Don't put me
in the position, Brandi,

to have to defend myself
or explain myself.

- I'm not, no.
- Because that makes me

have to betray my sister.
I'm not gonna do that, okay?

Kyle is an attention-seeking
whore, horrible sister,

[bleep] of a bitch.

Are you out of your
[bleep] mind?

No, but that's what you...

How dare you have the balls

to walk in here uninvited
and to talk to me like that?

Excuse me, you invited me
and you invited Mark,

and he's newly single.

When did I invite you?

Um, we were downtown together
with Lisa Rinna,

and this is how
the whole thing got planned.

Do you have anybody cute
to set him up with?

- Yes, please.
- I totally do.

I'm looking.

We should have a singles gay...

- A gay mixer?
- No, I was going to have...

And I still might do again...
A gay singles party.

- You did invite me.
- I'm sorry.

I thought you were coming here
to be nice...

You should just stop there.

- And then came up to apologize.
- You should stop there.

You should say,
"I'm sorry," and stop.

(Kim)
She is, she did come to be nice.

What are you doing?

'Cause you just walked over
for no reason

to cause something, Kyle.

- Really just now.
- Are you kidding me?

No, I'm not.

I just said I apologize
for pushing her arm down,

but she should know not to get
between two sisters.

Wow.

Why... why do you always do this
to me? I just said... no.

Because you just tried
to do something to me.

Kyle, I'm defending myself.

I'm defending me.

What are you doing?

I'm defending Kim.

Why'd you bring her in here
and do this?

I just said to her...

I brought her in
thinking it would be

a nice way to put things
back together.

But you [bleep] gave me
a heads-up first,

and I said to her, "I apologize
for pushing her arm down."

Why are you looking at me
like that?

Why are you, like,
a completely different person

that I saw yesterday
in your room?

It was this morning, by the way.

No, Kim, it wasn't this morning,
it was yesterday!

I just feel like my sister
is not making

good decisions right now.

She's not even clear
what day it is.

All right, it was yesterday.
I got my days mixed up.

(Brandi)
Listen, there is stuff going on
we helped her with

that when I called you,
you were like, "That's it."

That's not true, Brandi,
you're a [bleep] liar.

Okay, I'm a liar?

Yeah, you are a [bleep] liar.

- Okay.
- You do this all the time.

You say what you think
is your truth...

All the time?

Let me... it's throwing a drink
in Eileen's face.

- [gasps]
- Oh!

(Lisa R) Brandi!

(Eileen) Why did you do that?

It's being an ass[bleep] to me,

It's being an ass[bleep]
to another one.

You know what they say, Brandi?

If you meet more than one
ass[bleep],

most likely,
you're the ass[bleep].

Okay.

You need to back it up,

because I'm gonna lose
my temper, and I don't want to.

Oh, I've already seen that.
I don't want to see it either,

but you know what,
I don't [bleep] care anymore.

If someone grabs me,
of course I'll do something...

I pushed your arm down, you know
I wasn't being aggressive.

- You scratched me.
- Yeah.

Because I had
a [bleep] spiked bracelet on.

Do not come closer to me.
I swear to God,

I'll knock your teeth out,
I'm not even joking.

I'm sure you will, because
you are that type of girl.

Yeah, I am.

Yeah, you are.

I am.

So why the [bleep] show up here
like that, or do this then?

You invited me. She asked me...

No, we talked about that night.

Back up.

Get the [bleep] out of my face.

No. Really? Back up.

You are disgusting,
a disgusting person.

- You are.
- You guys, just stop.

You're making a scene...

[overlapping arguing]

You said you came to apologize,
and that's not an apology.

Kim, please.

They're yelling at each other
over there.

I'm not doing this.
I don't even want to...

This is not okay with me.

I don't know how
to make that better.

What do you do, get a hose
and hose 'em down?

Sometimes you don't go

to your sister, sometimes
you need a friend outside.

Sometimes you don't want
to go to your family.

- They don't understand.
- Yeah.

Sometimes you need
an outside source.

Maybe she doesn't
come to me at times

and I didn't even [bleep] know.

How do you know that?

You sit there and you say
your truths

that you think are truths,
and they're always wrong.

No.

- Yes, they are, Brandi.
- No.

- No, they're not.
- Yes, they are.

No, they're not.

- Yes, they are.
- No.

You don't know a [bleep] thing.

And for you to sit there, Kim,
right now, and not... why...

What do you mean, sit there?
I'm protecting myself,

because what you just did
was just try to get

the whole thing started
once again towards me.

What is happening here again?

And I'm supposed to defend Kyle

and get in the middle
of this again?

Let's just go,
this is ridiculous.

I went up and I [bleep] said,

"You don't come between..."

I'm so disappointed in you
right now with me.

- Are you kidding me?
- Honestly, no, I'm not.

- I'm not.
- Let's go.

You just hurt my feelings
really bad.

Can you leave first? Just go!

I came with her,
I'm leaving with her.

I don't care. You're not wanted.

Excuse me, neither are you,
ask your husband.

Good-bye. This is my [bleep]...

(Lisa V) Coming up...

You're gonna let this person
come between us?

You can't leave here tonight?

[bleep] you!

(Kyle) Just go!

I came with her,
I'm leaving with her.

I don't care. You're not wanted.

Excuse me, neither are you,
ask your husband.

Good-bye. This is my [bleep]...

Let's go.
I'm [bleep] outta here.

Kim, I am your sister,
and she's not a good person.

For you to sit there like that...

Everything I do,
I'm a good sister to you.

Every time there's a problem,
you try to drag me into it.

You are gonna regret saying...
Talking like this, Kim.

No, I'm not,
you're gonna regret it,

you're gonna feel bad.

(Kyle)
I know this woman will turn
on you on a dime.

What she's done to Adrienne,
to Lisa.

She's turned on all of them.

You lie. You lie.

I am not lying, bitch,
I am not lying.

So how often do you
talk to Scheana?

I mean, I'm glad that you're
capitalizing off my heartbreak.

- It's amazing.
- Okay, believe some...

What, one of her friends?

Yeah.

Jesus, even Brandi?

She will do this
with my sister as well.

What did I [bleep] do?
What did I [bleep] do?

This isn't even about
you and me.

You and I are okay.
This is about us right now.

Kim, I really think
we should go.

I'm just gonna stay here
for a minute.

For... don't pretend to be

a [bleep] good friend to her,
okay?

(Brandi) Are you kidding me?

- No, I'm not.
- Wow.

(Kyle) I am so beyond frustrated

that my sister is sitting back
and not saying anything

when her "best friend"
is treating me like this.

I think that Brandi is trying
to turn my sister against me,

and it's working.

Why are you doing this?

You're gonna let this person
come between us?

(Kim) Kyle, you keep doing it.

I'm trying...
We came here tonight...

Kim, [bleep] you!

Oh, okay, Kyle.

(Eileen)
Next time, on The Real
Housewives of Beverly Hills...

Brandi can [bleep] off,
but like,

my sister, like,
she's coming between us.

I don't understand
her and me anymore.

I don't want to say,
you know, she's back on drugs

or she's drinking,

but her real issue is,
she's an addict.

If you met your birth mother
tomorrow,

how would you feel about her?

You could also not go out
and drink

where you start behaving
like an ass[bleep].

You're saying,
am I an alcoholic?

You've heard that
about your daughter.

- The pressing issue is...
- Kim.

Is Kim and her health,
and saving her life.

Right. I know.

Did you hear what she said
to me?

"Nobody wants to be with you,
including your husband."

- I didn't hear that.
- And you sit there...

Yeah, it's so easy for you
to say, "I didn't hear that.

Oh, I don't remember that."
[bleep] that!

(Lisa R)
To learn more
about the housewives,