The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills (2010–…): Season 5, Episode 10 - House of Cards - full transcript

(Lisa R) Previously on The
Real Housewives of Beverly Hills...

Here we go.

[camera shutter clicking]

Looks beautiful, babe.

(Gigi) I can't wait to
see it all put together.

Your first house, baby!

I don't think it ever gets easy

sending your girls
off to college.

[crying]
You're gonna have so much fun.

Okay?

Okay, I love you. Okay?



Let's go.

I've known this man
since I'm just 19 years old.

My first husband is
currently living me

during chemo and radiation.

I mean,
I was an ass[bleep] to you, yes,

but you have been
an ass[bleep] to me too.

I can't be the friend that you...
That you want.

I'm happy to be
friendly with you.

That's all I ask for.

(Lisa R) You won an Emmy.

Thanks. [gasps]

Brandi! Why did you do that?

I really am sorry.

I've never thrown a drink
at anyone in my life.



You were like a little creepy
fan-type thing.

Yeah. Do you accept my apology?

I do.

I still don't trust her.

[upbeat music]

Throw me to the wolves,

and I shall return
leading the pack.

Character isn't what you have;
it's who you are.

You've heard a lot about me,

but it's only true
when it comes from my lips.

I'm not a bitch,
but I've played one on TV.

I've been rich,
and I've been famous,

but happiness beats them both.

I'd rather spend my life
kicking ass than kissing it.

Planes and yachts are nice,
but my happiness starts at home.

Hi!

- Hey, there.
- How are you, beautiful?

- Good, how are you?
- Good.

(Kyle)
Oh, you're all, like,
bright and colorful.

(Eileen)
Our giant car has arrived.

(Kyle)
Well, it's the only one
that fits us all.

Did you just get back
from Arizona?

- I just got back.
- [gasps]

I just got back last night.

Ever since
I dropped Alexia off at college,

I feel like I left half my body
in Arizona.

It was rough.

I mean, we also had
a lot of fun too

'cause all four of my daughters
were there,

but it's just so emotional.

So I organized a spa day
up the coast in Santa Barbara

with the girls just to get away
and laugh and relax.

And we tend to have a lot of fun
during our spa days.

[all yelling and laughing]

- Oh!
- Oh!

[gasps]

Go.

Aah!

[laughs]

(Kyle)
I see a skirt.
It must be Lisa Vanderpump.

How are you?

I took my sunglasses off.

Hi, how are you?

Good, how are you?

Good.

Hi, girls.

- How are you?
- Good.

(Lisa R)
Okay, let's get in this van.

Anywhere?

Help me in.

Okay, I'll help you.

Hello.

(all) Hello.

(Kyle) How are you?

I'm on my best behavior today.

(Lisa V)
How long is it gonna last?

Hello.

Hopefully at least
a little while.

Till we start drinking.

(Lisa V)
Well, if Eileen can be in a van
for two hours

with Brandi after getting
a glass of wine in her face,

I guess I can too.

Hello.

- Hey, Kim.
- Hello.

Thank you.

- Hi.
- Hey, Kim.

Hello. Ooh.

Hello.

- Hi, honey, how are you?
- Good, how are you?

The younger generation,
they, like, laser everything off

so there's nothing. Guess what.

My mom told me one day
they're gonna regret that.

That day is coming up.

One day it falls out,
and there's nothing left.

I once read an article

where you said
Harry is a fan of the bush.

If I walked around,

nothing,
didn't touch that thing,

he'd be happy as a clam.

[laughs]

No pun intended!

But he wants a really
hairy, hairy, hairy bush.

If it were up to Harry,

it would be hairy.

[British accent] What is
your situation down there?

Why is it any of your business?

Because we're all sharing.
We want to know.

I think Lisa's privates are
for sure, like,

'70s groovy afro bump.

Unless, like, Rocio makes it
pretty for her,

I just can't see her getting
down there and doing it herself.

Yolanda just sent me
a text message.

I guess this is
Bella's new room.

Let's send Yolanda a selfie.

I'm too close to you.
I don't look cute there.

[camera shutter clicks]
- There we go.

Okay,
I'm gonna send these to Yolanda.

[upbeat music]

(man) Hello, ladies.

Thank you.
Oh, bloody hell, sorry.

- I thought I've been here.
- Ooh, look at those flowers.

How pretty.
Oh, my God, how gorgeous.

Welcome, ladies.
Please have some champagne.

We've got a fantastic day
planned for you.

What is this?

- Thank you.
- We have a non-alcoholic one.

Orange juice, freshly squeezed.

Thank you.

You're gonna start
with some fantastic massages

on our spa roof deck
overlooking the ocean.

I'll take pampering
any way I can get it.

I'm a pamper whore. [laughs]

(woman)
We're gonna have three of you
going in one direction

and three of you
going in the other direction.

Oh, it's the same thing
on each side?

- Yes, use the same setup.
- Who do you want to go where?

Maybe the three of you that way.

- Okay.
- Good-bye.

And then the three of you
this way.

- Good luck.
- Bye!

No, come on, off you go.
Come on, go.

(Brandi) Don't touch me.

(Lisa V) No, go on.

I think actually digging
trenches would be more relaxing

than having a massage
next to Brandi Glanville,

with her in my ear,
"Er, er, er, er, er."

- Get...
- Hi, how are you?

- Okay, I'll go in the middle.
- Just ignore them.

Because they throw things
at each other.

(Lisa R) Ohh.

And I like it very hard.

You can go deep.

Quit talking like
such a pervert, Lisa.

(Lisa R)
I know, I sound like Brandi.

[both laughing]

I'm covered in mosquito bites.

Some people call them herpes.

Is that right?

- [laughs]
- I feel great, thank you.

Well, you would know.

I'm trying to relax,
so no arguing, you two.

Eileen, what does Vincent do?

Is he still a tennis pro?

No, he's...

he's the cohost
of the World Poker Tour.

So, when you invite people over
to play poker,

is it, like, serious?

Depends on who's playing.
You know?

I don't think it'd be
too serious with this bunch.

(Eileen)
I know.
It's just gonna be fun.

He's gonna teach everybody,
and then we're gonna have

a little tournament.

He got a trophy.

What's wrong
with some good, clean fun?

That involves
some wicked gambling?

Should be fun.

Sorry you're gonna miss it.

Sadly, I'll be
on the beach in Cabo

with the Gigster and Ken,

and I won't be able
to make poker.

Are Eileen and Brandi okay since
what happened the other night?

I don't know...
It was the most bizarre thing

I think I've almost ever seen,

and I've seen a lot
of bizarre things in my life.

(Kim)
But she definitely feels bad,

and she definitely said
she's sorry?

Yeah, she definitely feels bad,

and she definitely said
she's sorry, so there you go.

When there's a situation
going down,

Brandi always used to just
fly off the handle.

It was immediate.

And I don't feel
she does that anymore.

As much. [chuckles]

The truth is, now that I've
gotten to know Brandi better

and I do know she feels bad
and she's sorry,

but some things just like...

Just sometimes
"sorry" doesn't cut it.

I always feel
she's unpredictable,

so I want to find
the best in her,

but I know she has that side.

I have to go to work.

Good-bye.

Bye, darling.

Nice seeing you briefly.

- I know.
- I know, right?

I have to miss out
on a lot of fun.

A lot.

Some people might think
it sucks,

but then also I do remember
when I was in my 20s,

when I would stay out all night

and then just drive
right into CBS.

Go to work.

[laughs]

I don't do that anymore.

(Lisa V)
My spine's been hurting.

He's hitting your tailbone
when you guys do anal.

You see,
you're trying to shock again.

You see, all your shock tactics
don't work on me now.

On to our next little adventure.

Onward.

Ow.

Exactly. Get her.

- You said something about...
- Get her, get her good.

(Yolanda) Gigi.

I gotta admit two crazy things.

You have that?

Yeah,
I just found it last night.

- How?
- At the...

I was just at the agency today,
and Louis said that

even Harper's Bazaar hasn't even
sent it to him yet.

I found it
at the hairdresser last night.

I went to get my hair done.

And I have to say,

it was very embarrassing,

but I said to the woman,

"That's my daughter."

- Oh, my God.
- It was so embarrassing.

That's cute.

(Yolanda)
I'm in awe with how much
Gigi has accomplished

in her first year and a half

in New York
in the fashion industry.

(Yolanda) There's

Gigi on the bus.

- Mommy...
- That is so cute.

Oh, my God.

(Bella)
I saw her in a magazine
this morning

when I was getting my hair done.

(Yolanda)
19 years of seven days a week,

24 hours a day
you invest in this child.

And there's no greater reward
than seeing them be successful

in what they love to do.

Look, it's Carine's Icons.

No, I know what it is.

Obviously,
I'm not an icon of fashion.

- Like, you know?
- Yeah.

But she... what the point... why she
put me in it as an icon

is that I'm the icon
of my generation.

- Aww.
- Is what she told me.

(Yolanda) Oh, my God.

You get them ready to spread
their wings and fly,

and then all of sudden,
they're just flying,

and they're just flying by.

And you're just like,
"See you, okay."

You know, Gigi,
I mean, honestly,

when I dropped you here
last year...

Be safe.

I will. I will be fine.

- Please don't cry.
- I know.

I know you're fine.
I trust that you're fine.

I just miss you.

Miss you too.

I mean, in my wildest dreams,

I could have never imagined
you doing so much in one year.

- Me either.
- That's really amazing.

Oh, this is just
where I want to be.

Hello, ladies.

I've been waiting for this
all day.

Yes, I bet you have.

Welcome to the tasting room.

Get yourself some food,
and then come back over

to the bar, and we're gonna do
a little blind tasting for you.

Thank you.

- Look at this.
- That's all I need.

Oh, look.

(Lila) Is that for you?

Yes, thank you.

(Lila)
The chef prepared you
a mango juice.

Thank you.

(Lila)
Nice, fresh, tropical fruit.

(Kyle)
This has been
a huge misunderstanding.

It's one thing to have lunch
and maybe pair with wine,

but an actual wine tasting?

I would never want to put
my sister in that position.

We have a nice little
kind of mix of different wines.

It's a little awkward to
sit at the bar with all of you

while you all taste wine.

So, no matter what I do,
it's awkward.

This is gonna be my glass.

[laughter]

And now it's all of ours
and not yours.

Everybody used to say,
"I don't understand.

Kim only had one glass."

We're gonna start with the wine
that is to your left here,

so wine number one.

And what we're gonna do is,

we're gonna
try to evaluate these wines.

There's different things
you can kind of look at

to be able to distinguish

what a wine is
without knowing what it is.

We want to swirl the wines.

You know, you see everyone
swirling the glasses.

(Lisa V)
This is when you throw it at me.

[laughter]

It's a good thing
Eileen is not here.

Exactly.

Without me, they would have
nothing to talk about.

But then I guess if I stopped
being an ass[bleep],

then they would.

For me,
this is a very fruity wine.

Do you want to smell it?

Really not a drinker any longer.

(Lila)
So are you picking up
darker fruit off of this one?

Hold on one second.

It says earth.

(Kyle) Are you okay?

I don't want you to feel
uncomfortable.

Well, I feel bad.

I feel like
we're all sitting here...

(Lila)
And then we'll go back through
and we'll...

- You're okay?
- Yeah.

You're okay? Okay.

Mm-hmm.

So, again, let's take a look
at the color on this one.

(Kim) 100%.

Okay,
going back to the middle one,

so...

Normally, I don't stay
in an awkward situation.

I don't want
to make myself vulnerable.

So I know when to say,
"Let's go."

(Lila)
That's right,
so this is kind of

the medium intensity
on this second one.

- Say I'm going with the Merlot.
- I have more of those.

(Brandi) Coming up...

[bleep] you!
Don't [bleep] call me stupid.

Don't do it, Lisa.

You don't do it.

[bleep] you.

(Lila)
Okay, going back
to the middle one,

so...

Kind of the range on these
kind of

goes from lightest
to most intense, right?

So this is kind of
the medium intensity.

Should I go check on her
and see if she's okay?

She's okay?

Everybody's sobriety
is different.

Certain people can sit and be
around drinkers and no problem.

Other people can't be around it.

So I don't know where Kim is
with her sobriety.

I'm actually going to go
check right now.

I think you should.

I'm sorry, is everything okay?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I think I'm going with Syrah,
and then I'm going with...

I think we're gonna head back
in a little bit.

[indistinct chatter]

It's Whitney.

(Kyle) Oh, okay.

It's all good. Yeah.

[door shuts]

Is she outside?

She's on the phone with Whitney.

Love you.

(Lisa R) You good?

- I'm good.
- Good.

I worry about that.

I mean, here we are
at a drinking thing,

and we're sitting, and I...

You're sober, and we shouldn't
be here with you.

- No, honestly.
- My girl.

I don't think Kyle thought
it was gonna be like that.

- Oh.
- But honestly,

it doesn't bother me.

I mean, I'm around it
all the time.

That's amazing.
I just think that's amazing.

If I didn't feel strong enough,

I would have walked out earlier.

Yeah.

So I'm good.

She always goes to parties
and things,

and all her friends just...

- Oh, yeah.
- No problem with it, right.

Whenever we go to dinner,
I have a glass of wine or two.

- And she's fine with it.
- Yeah, always.

Kim and I have become
really close lately,

and I'm not sober. She is.

If I want to have
a glass of wine, I do it.

So I'm feeling like she's
strong enough in her sobriety

to handle friends
that aren't sober.

Kyle looks at me like,

"Uh, I had no idea
it was gonna be"...

I know.
She was kind of horrified.

You're in a good, safe place
in your life.

- Yes, yes.
- Exactly.

Make sure you're okay.

I, on the other hand,
can get wasted here.

You all get
a little tipsy for me.

Exactly.

Honey, I'm home.

- Hi, baby.
- Oh, my goodness.

- Hi.
- I just made...

I just made a crazy, wild guess

that you were gonna be
wearing all black today.

What?

They are the black swan
and the white swan,

and obviously in sisters
that close in age,

there's always going to be
competition.

But Bella's gonna do it her way.

- Mama.
- Yeah?

(Bella)
Why are you doing this to me?

Huh?

I just want... I just...

Your meeting is at 9:00 a.m.,
so I need to do this.

Gigi, look at these.

Look!

When somebody's looking
for a brunette with blue eyes,

Gigi's not gonna get the job.

If they're looking
for all-American girl,

they're not gonna hire Bella.

I mean, it's just
a big competitive business,

and, you know,
well, if it's meant for them,

they're gonna survive in it
and they're gonna be successful.

(Yolanda) Your baby sissy.

(Bella)
Oh, my God, they're amazing.

So, Gigi...

[gasps]

You guys can't make me do this.
I like all of them.

Well, you can't have...
You can't pick all of them.

You can't have all of them.

Those are my favorite.

Gigi's already been in it
for a year and a half,

and she's done the work.

And, you know,
it's sweet to see her

wanting to make
her little sister part of it.

Which one do you think
is better of these two?

(Gigi) Which one?

These two.

With the cigarette.

- But I ain't even smoke though.
- This one.

- I like that one better.
- No.

Let me see. Can I see it?

Bella wants to be at work.

She said to me last night,
"Mommy, if I become successful,

am I allowed to stop school?"

If she's starting to make
six figures a year,

then I'm gonna support that.

This one's too posed.

This one looks like she's just
moving through the motion.

So you always want to go
for the one that looks natural.

Like, like, you can
move in front of a camera.

Cool, okay.

- So this one, no.
- Kay-kay.

Okay, I'll put them together.
Thank you.

I left Holland when I was 16,
so I grew up

pretty much on my own.

But my two girls together,
they stand strong,

and, you know,
it's beautiful to watch.

Because at the end of the day,
all they have is each other

in the big city.

Ready?

(Bella) I'd be like, "Aah!"

Wait, I'm gonna be very Tyra.

And...

the model...

- that will be moving on...
- [fake crying]

To the next round

of America's Next Top Model
is...

[dramatic music]

- Bella. [both screaming]

(Yolanda)
All right, that's cute.

(Gigi) Okay, time to eat pizza.

(Brandi)
I have an idea.
Let's play a game.

Number one fantasy.

Oh, let's do that.

- Okay.
- You go first.

Well, I probably
am [bleep] Brad Pitt.

My fantasy's living on a beach
somewhere all by myself.

- Aah!
- [bleep] off.

(Kyle) My fantasy is...

Come on, Kyle, bring it.

It has crossed my mind that if
I were to be a stripper with...

with my face covered. [laughs]

- What?
- See, that's cute.

- Have you ever stripped?
- The fun of, like, freeing.

Have you ever done it
for Mauricio?

For my husband but nobody else.

But you want to do it for, like,
a crowd?

I want to do it for strangers.

(Lisa V) You could do it for us.

[laughter]

I want to get paid
for this [bleep].

[dance music]

♪♪ ♪♪

I love a good stripper.

And to see Kyle do a stripper
and have her do her splits...

I'd pay for that.
A lot of money.

[all cheering]

Aah!

So it's your turn.

I'm gonna be very real
with you guys.

- Uh-oh.
- Oh, no.

- Okay.
- No, it's...

(Lisa R) Like you're not?

No, no, but it turns me...

Here's what turns me on,
and I don't...

I'm not sure I'm ready for this.

The fact that I'm drunk
I'm telling you guys this.

What turns me on is,
the guy that I'm having s...

That I am...

Having relations with?

Relations with...
Or even my ex-husband

or, like, whoever it is
that I'm with,

to walk in on them with another
girl, like, behind the girl.

Ohh. Oh.

- Behind the girl, like...
- Uh!

And then not being able
to walk away

because he still has to come.

- For real?
- What?

That's creepy.

It's a little bit creepy.

Little bit.

(Brandi) I have sick fantasies.

It's not really that sick.

It's just a fantasy that
I don't ever want to happen,

but it randomly turns me on.

Ugh. Sicko.

I don't know if Brandi says
this stuff to shock us

or she's actually
just a masochist.

No, here's a good fantasy,

which I only saw in a movie,
but...

- Lisa hasn't gone yet.
- I did.

I don't have
those kind of fantasies.

I don't think that deep down

they have, like,
any more impulses.

Like, that's why
all their husbands are cheating.

[laughs] Just kidding.

(Lisa V)
A fantasy is just
something you put in a box.

(Kyle) Coming up...

You seem pissy.

I am...

Are you drinking?

(Kyle)
Oh, I meant to bring back
the white Herve.

It makes me look like
a porn star.

- Hello.
- Oh, I love it.

Hello.

How are you?

Oh, my gosh, Becky,
look at those zapatos.

Hi, how are you?

I love these shoes.

- You do?
- So funny.

I just got a pair of those
without all the...

bedazzle.

And of course,
my kids took them right away.

Like, "Ohh, I love 'em."

That's what I just said...
All my clothes

went to Arizona with Alexia.

When we were younger,

we didn't steal
each other's clothes.

We stole
everybody else's clothes.

[Kim laughs]

We stole Kathy's all the time.

So are we gonna go have lunch?

- I want to shop.
- Come play.

Ask Kyle.
She'll tell you the truth too.

She... she did it.

(Kyle) We gotta go to lunch.

(Kim) I know, I know.

So...

Oh, I'm so excited.
I got a few things.

I also got a couple of those

Monrow sweatpants
for Kimberly's...

- Love.
- And for me.

[indistinct chatter]

I just ordered them
for the store.

- Hello.
- Hey, how are you?

- Good. For two?
- Just two of us.

- Perfect.
- Yeah.

- Thank you.
- You're welcome.

Would you like a candy?

Yes.

(Kyle)
Look at the little fishies.

(hostess) There you are.

- Thank you.
- And here are your menus.

- There you are.
- Oh, my...

- Here you are.
- Thank you.

Your wine and drink menu.

Your server will be with you,
ladies.

- Thank you so much.
- Thank you.

I actually really enjoyed
yesterday.

I was laughing so hard
in the car.

Those conversations...

The things you learn
about people in a car ride.

- That was funny.
- I thought it was good.

It was okay. It was...

I felt really bad yesterday,
just so you know.

In my mind,

I thought it was a lunch.

Sitting around and they would
just, like, be pairing,

you know, putting certain wines
with certain foods.

I did not know
it was gonna be like that.

I really wanted to die, so...

And I know you're okay,
but it still made me feel bad.

I'm sorry.

Honestly,
it didn't bother me at all.

It was just weird
that it was like...

- That it was so...
- You had to be interactive

and that
you couldn't participate.

I swear to God,
it didn't make me uncomfortable,

which is kind of weird.

I know, and I...

Isn't that weird
that it didn't bother me?

No, I think it's great.

Otherwise you wouldn't have said
you were okay to begin with.

This is not good, so I left.

But you're strong enough
in your sobriety,

I see that you are...
That you're comfortable enough,

and when you don't feel
comfortable, you leave, like...

Yeah, so...

This was just like, it was
just funny to me, actually.

It was just...

Oh, my God,
it was not funny to me.

(Kyle) In the past,

it would have been something
that we didn't talk about.

And now, just to be able
to say that to her

and have it be so open

makes me feel good and shows me
that she's in a good place,

and our relationship's
in a good place.

The only thing
I really was upset about,

I'm sorry, that did bother me,

was don't lie to me and tell me
that you're feeding us food.

That bothered me.

[laughs]

[bleep] off.
That really pissed me off.

I'm sorry, that was rude.

That was their version
of a lunch.

They told me all day,

we're gonna have wine tasting
and food.

And lunch.

Okay, if you think
six walnuts and four grapes

are gonna fill me up...

That's a lot of food
for these girls.

That pissed me off.

- That's funny.
- I didn't mind about the wine.

(Kim) But I want food.

[Kyle laughs]

3,000 in chips to everyone,
right?

What do you need my help for?

You're the professional.
Do you really need my help?

'Cause there's, like, a million
other things I could be doing.

We bet a lot.

And when we got together,
Vinny and I,

he kind of got me
hooked on sports betting.

(Vince)
Do they know how
to play poker at all?

I don't think so.

(Vince) Okay, good.

(Eileen)
It completely ruined sports
for me

'cause I used to just
be a sports fan.

But I remember when we first
were seeing each other

and I was like, "You can't bet
against the Lakers,"

he was like, "Why not?

They don't pay my bills."

I was like, "Ohh, I see."

[laughs]

It's skimpy food, isn't it?

(Eileen)
It's not skimpy food.
Stop.

- Here, try this.
- That dessert?

It's got a lot of green things.

- I'm gonna pass.
- No, come on, that's not nice.

I can't do it, honey.
No, no, I can't do it.

I do it later. I can't do it.

[gasps] Are you kidding me?

- I really can't.
- You can't do that.

Come here and eat this.

That's awful.
It's awful. I can't do it.

"Can't do that."

Here, can you try it?

We're gonna need
lots of drinks tonight.

(Eileen) What a horrible man.

Why don't you help me
with the manly work over here?

Come here.

No, you're not gonna really do
a fire.

I'm doing a fire.

You can't.

(Eileen) I'm doing a fire.

This is silliness.

I'm doing a fire.
I'm doing a fire!

Don't do it.
Don't, don't, don't.

It's really hot.

It's not gonna be that hot.

First of all, I have to get it...

See where the thing's opened up,
all right?

- Oh, no.
- Back off.

Well, please do it quickly
because now we're on fire.

No, no, turn that off.

I can't turn it off.
It's a fire.

Are you kidding me?

You gotta be kidding.

(Eileen)
I do most of the work
when we have a party,

although I know he would
totally disagree with that.

Vincent would say that
he does a lot of it too.

Maybe he does some of it.

Okay, I'm putting it in.
I'm not kidding. Get out.

Get it in there, then.

Jeez.

I know I do more.

Don't do that.
You're gonna burn yourself up.

Let's get some real wood
in there

if we're gonna do it right.
Let's do it right.

We don't have any wood.
You want to chop down a tree?

(Vince)
We're gonna have fun tonight.

(Eileen) Oh, my God.

[clinking]

[laughing]

Whoo! You ready to party?

[laughs]

(both) Hi.

- I'm Brandi.
- Nice to meet you.

Oh, help me.

Oh, my goodness. Oh.

- Champagne glasses.
- Oh, well, look at that.

You are very well equipped.

Yes.

Two for Eileen and one for us.

I see the party's
already started.

(Brandi)
I feel like
I owe Kim an apology.

(Kyle) Why, what happened?

Just at that wine tasting,

I was really uncomfortable.

I'm, like, wanting
to include her with...

How do you think I felt felt?

(Brandi) Trying to include her

on something that
she couldn't be included on.

But I... then, looking back,

that was an ass[bleep] move,
Brandi.

I knew it was like a...

It was not intentional
and just like...

- Uh, yeah.
- Mine wasn't intentional,

but I felt... I felt really bad.

Thank God she's as strong as she
is, but I have to tell you...

No, she is. Of course.

So weird now what we talk about,

because for so long,
it was like...

She wasn't.

No, I mean, she was secretive,
and no one talked about it.

And for... you know, my mom didn't
want people to talk about it,

and she was
very protective of her.

Was your mom a drinker,
or is she...

No, I mean,
my mom would drink socially.

I think some families
are very open

about their problems,

but that's not how my mom
taught us how to handle this.

I don't necessarily think
it's the right way,

but it's nobody's business
but my family's.

I actually used to say
to my mom,

"You know, you keeping it
so secretive and private

"and not having it
out in the open allows her

- to get away with it more."
- Makes people ashamed of it.

- Right.
- No, but it also allows her

- to get away with it more.
- Right.

- Call her out.
- I mean, I would call...

- Well, you did.
- My family out. Well...

You did.

You are a liar and second
an alcoholic.

Stop it. Stop it.

Okay? You are an alcoholic.

Oh, my God.

Yes, that's right.

- Oh, my God.
- That's right.

I've said it now,
and everybody knows.

I had so much anger toward her.

Hi.

Hi!

I was just gonna put
some lipstick on.

Put it on!

Hi, babe.

Mwah.

How are you?

I'm good. How are you?

Ornery!

I know. What's wrong?

You seem pissy.

I am just...

ornery.

- Really?
- Yeah.

Are you drinking?

Drinking?

Are you taking drugs?

Not today.

All right, good.
You're still sober?

Yeah.

All right, good.

(Lisa R)
I've only ever seen Kim
very sweet, very clear.

And she is...

[bleep] up.

I'm worried about you,
to be honest with you.

I've been so sad because
Monty has not been around.

Normally,
Monty is with me every night,

and he hasn't been home.

He's in pain. He's dying, right?

So am I.

What am I supposed to do?

I've done nothing but him
for all these years.

You're gonna leave me like this?

[phone chimes]

I feel bad about that. You know?

Well, don't, Lisa.

All right. Okay.

Don't [bleep] feel sorry for me,
bitch.

I... okay, I wont.

You don't know
what I go through at night.

No, that's true. I don't.

It's whack-a-doodle time.

It is whack-a-doodle time.

You seem really like
a good girl.

[grunts] And I like it.

Know what I'm saying?

Yeah, no, you're a tough bitch.

- Yeah.
- I can see that.

(Kyle)
With Kim,
it was always all or nothing.

(Brandi) Right.

Like, if she liked a pair
of shoes, she had to have...

- 87 of them.
- 10 of them, yeah.

That's just a personality type,
I guess.

But anyway,
so it was very secretive,

and no one would talk about it.

And then it would be
like this hidden thing,

and then it was
passive aggressiveness

and then fighting.

But now it's like,
to talk freely about it

when she talks about...

So... I think that's
what's saving her.

I wasn't a drinker
before my divorce.

I don't know.
I think there's traumas and...

In your life that kind of...

I think there's
a certain personality type.

I think you're either an
addictive person, or you're not.

Right.

I think alcoholism is a disease,

and I don't think
that you can help it

if you have that disease.

It's not just
a personality trait.

- In Chicago!
- Maybe I should get a job,

working again.

You should. Why not?

But what would I do
with, like, acting?

You could go there.

You've grown up doing it.

You've done it all your life.

You just...
It's like riding a bike.

- Do you act anymore?
- When I get something.

Would you do acting like a part,

like, a murderess, sexy?

Well, it depends.
You would have to, like...

I mean, I would become
very calculated...

Oh, my God.
I see it in your eye right now.

- Do you?
- Yeah. You're doing it.

Look at you.

[bleep] you.

I would change.

You're disgusting.

- Yeah.
- You're a slut.

[bleep] you.

(Kim)
What are you doing to me
right now?

I'm [bleep] with you.

[bleep] you.

You're disgusting.

- Exactly.
- [bleep] you.

- Oh, come on.
- [bleep] you.

Oh, come on.

Disgusting.

(Lisa R)
I think we're playing a game,

but yet
she gets weird and aggressive,

and I want to run.

I want to get out of the car
and run,

'cause I don't know
what to do with this.

You act all day long,
Kim Richards.

Yeah. And?

And you're good at it.

(Eileen) Coming up...

I want everyone
to stop acting stupid.

I'm not acting stupid.
I'm actually very smart.

So you're just...
You're just stupid.

Hello!

(woman)
[laughs]
Hurry up, lazy bones.

This is a one-way trip.

I'm not coming home.

I love it.

- [laughs]
- Well-deserved rest.

(Lisa V)
When we're on vacation,
Giggy kind of knows it.

You know? It's one-on-one time.

Me with my gigolo.

Back to basics.

That's when he's really happy.

(Ken)
Oh, yes.
He likes his drinky.

(Lisa V)
Giggy's gonna have
a hangover tomorrow.

He's been drinking so much,

he really will have the hair
of the dog that bit him.

This is a nudist beach,
except for me, Giggy.

- Cheers, Gig.
- Cheers, Giggy.

Don't film him naked.

It's too sexy when he takes
his clothes off on the beach.

A gigolo running around naked.

No.

No, no, no, no.
It's just too much.

- Cheers.
- [laughs]

Thank you
for a wonderful ride out.

Thank you, Joseph.

Look at that gorgeous hair.

Had to get my business together.

Your gorgeous business?

My business together.

(Lisa R)
Kim seems to be
pulling it together.

Okay, good. Now she can...

Let them have her.

Let me take a break.

Hello!

- Hi, welcome.
- Hi!

- Hello.
- Ohh!

You guys look hot
and ready for some poker.

- Hey.
- Hi.

- Welcome.
- You look beautiful.

How are you?

[cork pops] - Yeah.

Ooh, nice job.

- Ooh.
- Yeah.

I feel like we swapped outfits
and looks tonight.

- I know, right?
- You got some high heels.

(Eileen) Hi, girls.

(Kyle)
We didn't know
if we should just walk right in.

Welcome!

- How are you?
- Great.

- Jack.
- Monty said if I get this hand,

hold on to it and then...

Yeah.

Oh, it's great.

- Hi!
- Hi.

Oh, look at... you guys are like
a bunch of ninjas.

- Hello.
- How are you?

- I like it.
- I know, right?

Hi.

(Eileen)
So anyway,
here's the living room.

- I'll just take you in here.
- Oh, yeah.

Yeah, let's take...
Take us on more of a tour.

- Let me put my...
- Oh, let's see.

Oh, this is gorgeous, this...

- Love it.
- God, that's pretty.

Is this, like, an antique?

That is, yes.

- Nice.
- Just about everything is.

(Lisa R) Sure, everything is.

I think the house is
Norman Bates chic.

I would say it's eclectic.

- Eclectic.
- It's like American Psycho.

- Yeah.
- Right? A little bit.

- A little bit.
- Ooh, those paintings are cool.

Thanks.

Brandi's... weird.

It's like, you know, like,
family pictures

and then people
that want to kill people

and then, like,
a hot soap opera picture.

[dramatic piano notes]

Da-da-da.

[imitates horror music]

[upbeat music]

♪♪ ♪♪

Welcome to the house!

[all cheering]

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

Thank you for having us.

Girls. [tapping glass]

The first, no? That's okay.

Oh.

[tapping glass]

Okay, say something.

- Well...
- Guys.

- Yeah.
- Okay.

So I want to teach you
a little poker.

We're gonna play Texas Hold'em.
Right?

You get two cards down.

Okay? Look at your cards.

- Right.
- All right? But...

- How do I know if I won?
- People will look.

(Kyle) I think I won.

[laughs]

That's a great poker face
right there.

Now, what's the best
starting hand you get?

We call this the starting hand.

Ace, ace.

Exactly. Ace, ace is aces.

- All right?
- That's it.

A great starting hand.

Second best hand?

Ten, ten.

Queen, queen. King, king!

King, king.
King, king, queen, queen.

Do I say, "Hit me"?

You never want to hit
at the poker table.

Completely different game.

Poor Vincent...
Trying to teach these ladies

how to play poker
is like herding cats.

What is the goal?
What do you want to get?

- Yeah, the goal is...
- Pairs?

- Let's flip up your cards.
- Okay.

- Everybody flip them over.
- But I think I won.

- I won.
- That's a solid starting hand.

Very strong.
Let's see your hand.

- [bleep] you.
- [laughs]

(Brandi)
Eileen, what do you have?

(Vince)
That's not too good,
so you wouldn't...

I understand that, Vince.

(Vince) Okay, what do you got?

Okay, put it down, put it down.
All right.

So let's just say that...

"You don't have a good hand."

See no evil. Hear no evil.

Speak no evil.

I don't want to get
in the middle of that.

I'm so embarrassed. I'm...

- I don't understand anything.
- Kyle!

(Kyle)
I don't know what the hell
I'm supposed to have.

I'm like, let's play Go Fish.

Go Fish.

Look at your cards,

and you don't
flinch your muscles.

That's why I thought
you actresses would be good.

(Vince) Yeah, actresses are...

And you're not.

I want everyone to stop
acting stupid and, like...

I'm not acting stupid.
I don't understand...

- [bleep] you.
- This is just how

you [bleep] roll? - Kyle.

(Kyle)
It's offensive
when you say that.

I'm not acting stupid.
I'm actually very smart.

So you're just...
You're just stupid.

(Kyle)
I don't know how to play poker.

What is wrong with her?

We were fine on the car ride
over here,

but clearly
she's had a few drinks,

and now
she's going to the dark side.

And don't judge
that I don't understand, okay?

Give me...

Kyle, this is all about judging.

Okay. Shh.

Welcome to your whole life.

(Vince) You can check or bet.

Shut up.

Okay, so I check or bet?

(Vince) Yeah.

(Kyle) Um...

I'm going to... bet.

[laughs]

Show 'em. You were bluffing?

- Sixes.
- That's it?

- Yeah.
- That's Kimmy's.

- Queen, jack.
- That's Kimmy.

- A full... who?
- Whoo!

You had the whole thing.

- [clapping]
- Kim, you had that?

- Whoo!
- Oh, my gosh.

Ah!

- I told you.
- That is a big hand.

(Kim)

Whoo!

(Vince) Tried to bluff that?

- Guess who won.
- I saw...

- That's right.
- Wow.

Whoo! Mmm.

I told you.
I wouldn't let you fold.

(Kim)
We love each other.
We win.

(Vince) Now...

Are you jealous 'cause we won?

What?

Are you jealous 'cause we won?

No, I want to learn.

(Vince) Girls.

Monty's gonna be so proud of me.

(Brandi)
You know, I think
it's really hard for Kyle

to see Kim excel at things,
much like in their childhood.

Kim excelled at acting.
Kyle didn't.

There's just
crazy jealousy there.

I call a thousand.

(Vince) The blue, the blue.

- I call a thousand.
- The blue, not the black.

You don't even know
what you're doing.

You stupid...

I don't know what I'm doing.

- [bleep] you!
- Don't [bleep] call me stupid.

(Lisa R)
Don't start me with... don't.
Don't.

- Come on.
- Stop it.

- Quiet, girls.
- If you're gonna call me...

Child upstairs.

(Eileen)
The evening is getting
uglier and uglier,

and I feel like
I'm losing complete control.

Don't do it, Lisa.

You don't do it.

Really? I've been your friend.

Don't do it.

It's fine.

- We're fine.
- We're learning. This is fun.

- I'm just learning.
- We're having fun.

Why are you doing this?

[bleep] you. Really?

(Vince)
I burn the card and now...

(Kyle)
Kim does not seem like herself.

I've been down this road before,

and I don't want to do this.

Are you okay?

Okay, fine, I'm gonna fold.

What's going on?

(Vince) Oh, you won the pot!

Oh, yeah, look,
Kimmy is the winner!

(Vince) Look at you.

- Kimmy's the winner!
- Whoa.

- So I won?
- Take the whole pot.

(Brandi) I like it.

(Kim)
Where's the rest
of my chips, babe?

The winner of this hand is going
to be our champion this evening.

- Oh!
- [laughs]

- I really feel good about this.
- Whoo!

Boom.

- Boom.

- Seven.
- Ace, king.

- That's a great start.
- Ooh, I like it. I like it.

Here we go.

Still big sticks out in front.

- Big stick, I mean...
- You need a six to win.

I feel like
I want to have sex with him.

(Vince) You need a seven to win.

Maybe not.

(Vince)
You need an eight to win.

Here we go, down the line.
Burning.

(Kim) I want a king.

This is unbelievable.

Kim won again?

- She won.
- No, I win! Aah!

- No, she's got...
- You win the whole thing.

- Poker tour!
- She wins the whole thing.

- Poker tour for Brandi.
- Whoo!

[humming]

(Brandi) Whoo!

- Brandi!
- [gasps]

Are you kidding?

Well, you gotta say something.

[laughs]

I'm the only non-actress
here, here.

Yours are all...
Super stupid, all of you.

What?

- Brandi, say something.
- I'm kidding, I'm kidding.

(Brandi)
I really don't know what to say.

I've never, like...

you guys are all actresses
and... people...

What does that have to do
with anything?

Yeah, really.

Can I just have
a [bleep] moment?

(Lisa R) She needs a moment.

[laughs]

This sounds really stupid.

(Eileen)
Your sunglasses are right there.

Yeah, I got these
on Venice Beach for $3.

But thank you for having me,
and thank you...

That's where you got
the award too.

No, I'm kidding.

- That's just...
- I'm joking, I'm joking.

(Kyle) I'm joking. [laughs]

And that's where
your soul is, bitch.

[indistinct chatter]

What?

(Eileen)
I think
Brandi needs a thesaurus,

so she can, like, find out

some other ways
of expressing herself.

I'm taking the dildo.

[laughs] Oh.

Big slick and big stick.

- Yes.
- Kyle, don't be jealous.

Of what?

My award. Duh.

Kyle, don't be so, like,
in shock.

Thank you.

About what? What do you mean?

Of what this is.

What are you talking about?

I'm not quite sure.

(Kyle)
I'm feeling panicky inside.

I'm getting embarrassed

because I don't know

what she's gonna say.

I'm sorry if I insulted you.

(Kyle) No, no, it's fine.

Okay.

I'm gonna go talk to my sister
for a minute.

Are you sure? You're okay?

Yeah.

You got it? You're okay?

- Who is it?
- Can I come in?

(Kyle) Who is it?

[knocking]

- I'm getting embarrassed.
- I don't care.

(Kyle) I care.

It doesn't look like
you're okay.

Are you?

(Kim)
I have nothing to hide
from anybody.

I don't drink. I don't smoke.

I don't do drugs.

I don't care.
I don't have anything to hide.

What's happening with Kim?

Because that's
the elephant in the room.

(Brandi)
Um, she's having a rough time.

Her ex-husband is not okay.

There's...

It's so many things going on,
so...

you have to give her
a little break.

Yeah, absolutely.

(Kyle) It looks like...

It looks like you're drinking.

(Kim) I'm 100% in pain.

Before I left the house,

Monty gave me something

for the pain
that the doctor gave me.

And I took it, and that's it.

(Kyle) Oh, my God.

Why did she do this?

(Eileen) Coming up...

Don't [bleep] touch me.

Don't [bleep] do that.

Don't [bleep] touch me.

(Kim) Before I left the house,

Monty gave me something

for the pain
that the doctor gave me.

And I took it, and that's it.

(Kyle) I'm feeling scared.

I'm worried.

And the other part of me
is thinking,

"Well, at least she's
telling me the truth right now."

Who's taking you home?

I don't know.

I'm walking you out.

[distant chatter]

Kyle just made me feel
so uncomfortable.

- She was awkward.
- Huh?

(Kim) Kyle said something to me.

I got you, boo.

No one knows what you're under.

Like, no one gets it.

I get it, all right?

Now, get in the car.

I'm gonna go say good night.

No, you're not.

I'm gonna go say good night.

- I don't think you should.
- Bye.

I have to.

You sure?

Mm-hmm. Oh, yeah.

I'm gonna walk you in
and walk you out.

- Are you okay?
- I got you, yes, just be nice.

(Kim) So awkward.

(Brandi)
Kim's in a really fragile place
in her life.

She can't be
everything to everyone.

She needs people she can lean on

and talk to and not be judged.

And it's not this group.

(Kyle)
No, but it's embarrassing.
Like, I...

[clears throat]

(Kyle)
Like, when it comes to math
and things like that,

I'm really, like, quick, quick,
quick, quick, quick.

- Well, good night, everyone.
- Why are you... are you leaving?

Yeah. 'Cause Monty's at home.

- Monty...
- Okay.

Oh, good.

- Yeah.
- I'm glad...

Why don't you eat something
quickly before you leave?

- Oh, I'm just in and out.
- Got a slice of pizza for you.

Have a slice of pizza
before you leave.

One slice of pizza,
then you leave.

- Take a slice of pizza.
- I'll take a...

Thanks for doing it.

- For doing what?
- Don't.

(Kim) Um, I'll take...

(Kyle)
What are you talking about?

- Thanks.
- Wait, no, no, no.

- You come here for one second.
- Don't.

Stay away from me.

Wait,
you come here for one second.

Thank you.

What are you talking about?

Come here for one second.

I deserve that at least.

- Come here for one second.
- Stop it, stop it.

- What are you...
- Stop it, stop it.

No, no, no, excuse me. Hold on.

Please don't do that one second.

- Stop it.
- No, I want to talk

- to my sister for a second.
- Stop it.

- Wow, don't [bleep] touch me.
- Stop that.

Don't you [bleep]...

Wow, really?
Don't [bleep] touch me.

Don't [bleep] do that.

Don't [bleep] touch me.

I'm sorry. She just pushed me,

and I didn't know what to do.

[distant chatter]

Uh-oh.

We have to get you gone.
We have to get you gone.

[crying]

(Yolanda)
Next time on The Real Housewives
of Beverly Hills...

What happened in the car
on the way over here?

(Kim) I don't know!

- What did you tell her?
- I said...

- Kim, hold on, hold up.
- Kim, I said you weren't

- feeling well.
- Hold on.

(Lisa R) Nutso.

Like, out of her [bleep] mind.

- Kim...
- Yeah.

Is in the hospital.

(Lisa V) Rumpy!

[dog barks] - Welcome home!

Stop, okay, you be nice.

It's hard enough training Ken

without adding another bad dog
to the mix.

I'm a grown-up.
I'm allowed to have drinks.

But you're not
allowed to get drunk.

I can do whatever the [bleep]
I want.

With Brandi,
you're gonna see her

again and again
and again and again.

Exactly. I don't want
to make an effort anymore.

Same with me.

Once bitten,
very, very, bloody shy.

(Eileen)
To learn more
about the housewives,