The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills (2010–…): Season 5, Episode 1 - Guess Who's Coming to the White Party? - full transcript
Lisa Vanderpump is still wary of her former friends but begins to reconnect with Yolanda and Kyle; all of the women come face-to-face at Kyle's extravagant White party; the annual event brings together the original Beverly Hills housewives.
- THIS SEASON ON THE REAL
HOUSEWIVES OF BEVERLY HILLS...
- YOU WANT TO RACE?
- WHOOP. AAH!
[crowd cheers] - LISA!
[cheers and applause]
- AAH!
- CAN WE CATCH A RIDE?
- WELCOME TO AMSTERDAM. WHOO!
- [laughs]
- CAN WE JUST GO IN ALREADY?
- IT'S REALLY IMPORTANT TO ME
PORTIA DOESN'T BECOME
A SPOILED BRAT.
- MWAH.
- HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
- I'LL DO ANYTHING
TO MAKE A BUCK.
I DON'T SAY NO VERY MUCH.
I SAY YES.
- HOW WOULD HE EVER KNOW
THIS IS US?
- KIM IS ABSOLUTELY
NUTBALL CRAZY.
- [bleep] YOU.
- WHAT DID YOU SAY?
- I-I DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING.
- WHOO!
- THE FIRST TIME I MET EILEEN
ON YOUNG AND THE RESTLESS,
TO ME, IT WAS LIKE,
"OH, MY GOD, THERE'S ASHLEY."
- DID YOU KILL ANYONE?
- NOT YET. BEING AN ACTOR,
PEOPLE ASSUME
THAT YOU LOVE TO HAVE
THE ATTENTION FOCUSED ON YOU.
PLEASE PAY ATTENTION TO ME!
DON'T PAY ATTENTION TO ME!
PLEASE PAY ATTENTION TO ME!
- YOLANDA?
- I KNEW SOMETHING WAS WRONG.
IT JUST THREW ME OFF.
- IT WAS A TRAGIC MISTAKE.
- IT'S JUST FEAR
THAT I HAVE TO DEAL WITH.
- EVERYONE IS
ENABLING AN ADDICT.
- I'M NOT GONNA KISS YOUR ASS.
- OH, ARE YOU WITH KYLE?
I REALLY DON'T THINK IT'S
ANYBODY'S [bleep] BUSINESS,
TO BE HONEST.
YOU ARE FEELING
HOW I FELT LAST YEAR.
I-I'M NOT... I'M...
- THIS IS NOT ABOUT YOU
RIGHT NOW, LISA!
- WHY WOULD ANYBODY DO THAT?
IT'S SO RUDE.
IT FELT LIKE A VIOLATION,
WHICH WAS SUPER CREEPY.
- SHE SLEEPS AROUND
AND TRIES TO STEAL MEN.
- DON'T [bleep] CALL ME
A HOME WRECKER.
OH!
- YOU [bleep]...
- WOW, REALLY?
- [bleep] DO THAT.
- DO YOU EVER
TAKE RESPONSIBILITY
FOR ANY OF YOUR ACTIONS?
- DON'T YOU [bleep]...
- [bleep] YOU!
- DON'T YOU EVER GO
AFTER MY [bleep] HUSBAND!
[overlapping shouts]
♪♪ ♪♪
- THROW ME TO THE WOLVES
AND I SHALL RETURN
LEADING THE PACK.
- CHARACTER ISN'T WHAT YOU HAVE.
IT'S WHO YOU ARE.
- YOU'VE HEARD A LOT ABOUT ME,
BUT IT'S ONLY TRUE
WHEN IT COMES FROM MY LIPS.
- I'M NOT A BITCH,
BUT I'VE PLAYED ONE ON TV.
- I'VE BEEN RICH
AND I'VE BEEN FAMOUS,
BUT HAPPINESS BEATS THEM BOTH.
- I'D RATHER SPEND MY LIFE
KICKING ASS
THAN KISSING IT.
- PLANES AND YACHTS ARE NICE,
BUT MY HAPPINESS STARTS AT HOME.
- IT'S SORT OF
A DISCO CIRQUE PARTY
WITH WHAT WE HAVE, RIGHT,
WITH THE DISCO NINJAS?
- YEAH.
- THEY'RE MAKING A BAR FOR YOU
THAT'S TUFTED, THAT'S...
THE WHITE AND SILVER.
- NICE.
- TUFTED.
- OKAY.
- THAT GLOWS,
IF YOU WANT IT TO GLOW.
- I WANT IT TO GLOW.
I'M ALL ABOUT THE GLOWING.
- YEAH.
- I KNOW YOU ARE.
- OKAY.
- NOW, LET'S TALK ABOUT...
YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT
WHAT WE SORT OF FEEL
THE WAY IT SHOULD BE?
'CAUSE I WANT TO... I HAVE...
- SHOULD WE GO OUTSIDE?
- I HAVE SUCH A GREAT
IDEA FOR YOU. - OKAY.
THE WHITE PARTY HAS GROWN
AND BECOME SUCH A BIG PARTY.
I MEAN, EVERY YEAR I FEEL LIKE
I WANT IT TO GET BETTER
AND BETTER AND BETTER.
AND IT PUTS A LOT OF
PRESSURE ON ME.
- WE'RE GONNA DO THE DANCE FLOOR
ON THIS SIDE.
WE'RE GONNA HAVE THE TENT... IT'S
GONNA BE SWAGGED GORGEOUSLY.
- RIGHT.
- IT'S GONNA LOOK BEAUTIFUL.
THE LOUNGES AND THE BOOTHS
THAT WE'RE GETTING...
- OKAY.
- AROUND HERE.
- WHAT ABOUT THOSE PLATFORMS
FOR THE DANCERS?
MAYBE TWO ON EACH SIDE
OF THE DANCE FLOOR?
- OH, OKAY.
ONE OF OUR CIRQUE PERFORMERS
IS A SNAKE-CHARMER.
- NO, I'M NOT HAVING
ANYTHING TO DO WITH A SNAKE.
THERE'S NO WAY.
THE BUDGET FOR THE WHITE PARTY
HAS PRETTY MUCH QUADRUPLED.
SO MY LITTLE DO-IT-MYSELF PARTY
THAT I DID WITH MY FRIENDS
HAS NOW TURNED
INTO THIS BEVERLY HILLS
EVENT OF THE YEAR PARTY
THAT EVERYBODY WANTS TO COME TO.
I NEED SOME ADVICE
REALLY QUICKLY.
SO THE WHITE PARTY NEEDS A THEME
OTHER THAN WHITE.
WHAT SHOULD WE DO?
- HOW COOL WOULD IT BE
IF, LIKE, WE DID,
LIKE, A WHITE CIRCUS,
WHERE, LIKE, WE HAVE
A BUNCH OF PEOPLE, LIKE,
FLAME-THROWERS, LIKE, DRESSED
IN ALL, LIKE, BEADED WHITE,
AND, LIKE, WHITE HORSES?
- LIKE A CIRQUE DU SOLEIL?
MY KIDS ARE ALL DOING FANTASTIC.
PORTIA IS AS FEISTY AS EVER.
- LET'S GET
A WHITE FERRIS WHEEL.
- I'M JUST SAYING.
- A WHITE FERRIS WHEEL!
SOPHIA IS NOW 5'9"
AND GOING INTO HIGH SCHOOL
FOR HER FIRST YEAR.
AND ALEXIA IS GOING
OFF TO COLLEGE,
WHICH IS REALLY SCARY.
FARRAH IS KILLING IT
IN REAL ESTATE AT THE AGENCY,
AND I COULDN'T BE MORE PROUD.
WE'RE JUST GOING
OVER EVERYTHING.
I'LL GIVE YOU
THE WHOLE RECAP LATER.
- SURE.
- OVER THE WHITE PARTY,
EVERYTHING.
I'M SO PROUD OF MAURICIO.
THE AGENCY'S JUST BLOWN UP.
WE HAD TO MOVE OFFICES.
HE'S OPENING EVERYWHERE.
HE'S NOW NUMBER-ONE BROKER
IN CALIFORNIA
AND NUMBER, I THINK,
SIX IN THE NATION.
- DO YOU WANT TO GO
OVER THIS GUEST LIST?
- YEAH, THERE'S A COUPLE PEOPLE
ON THERE THAT I DON'T KNOW
HOW THEY GOT ON THERE,
BY THE WAY.
- WELL, CAN WE DO IT NOW
BEFORE THEY OPEN THEM?
ALI AND ALEJANDRO HAVE RSVP'D.
WE HAVE TAYLOR COMING.
- TAYLOR AND JOHN.
- TAYLOR AND JOHN.
BLAIR CHANG, BRANDI,
BRENDAN AND MORGAN...
- WHO...
- BROOKE DAVENPORT.
- HAS LISA VANDERPUMP
RSVP'D YET?
- NO.
- LISA AND I HAVE NOT SEEN
EACH OTHER IN A LONG TIME.
LAST TIME WE SPOKE, WE DID NOT
LEAVE OFF IN THE BEST PLACE.
- DON'T HURL LIES.
- AT LEAST ADMIT ONE THING
YOU'VE DONE WRONG.
- KYLE, I WAS...
- CAN YOU NOT SAY ONE THING?
WE WERE BOTH HURT BY EACH OTHER,
BUT I THINK THAT
IF YOU'VE HAD A FRIENDSHIP
WITH SOMEONE
AND YOU CARED ABOUT THEM ENOUGH,
IT'S WORTH FIXING.
I ALSO DID NOT PUT
ADRIENNE AND PAUL.
- [laughs]
- THAT WAS YOUR BAD.
- I CORRECTED IT.
I CORRECTED IT.
COULD YOU IMAGINE?
- HOW DO YOU KNOW
SHE DIDN'T SEE THAT?
- BECAUSE IT ONLY SAYS
"SENT" AND "NOT OPEN."
- THAT'S EMBARRASSING.
- [sighs]
- YOLANDA?
IT TOOK ME SO LONG TO GET HERE.
- JEEZ, HOW ARE YOU?
- I KNOW.
THAT'S WHY I NEVER COME TO TOWN.
- I KNOW.
- THAT'S WHY I'M STUCK
ON THE MOUNTAIN HERE.
- OH. IT'S BEAUTIFUL.
- HOW ARE YOU?
- THERE'S A BETTER...
I MEAN, THERE'S NO BETTER PLACE
FOR YOUR STUFF, BUT...
- YEAH.
- ARE WE HIKING?
- WELL, LET'S GO TO THE BEACH.
IT'S SUCH A BEAUTIFUL DAY.
ALL RIGHT, LET'S GO.
MY LOVE.
- HI, HONEY.
- HOW ARE YOU?
- I'M GOOD, HOW ARE YOU?
- GOOD. WHERE YOU GUYS GOING?
- WE'RE GONNA GO
FOR A WALK ON THE BEACH.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
- WE'RE WORKING ON THE PLAY.
- WHAT ARE YOU... WELL,
CAN WE HEAR A LITTLE?
- NO.
- JUST A LITTLE.
- [laughs]
- ONE NOTE.
- WELL, I WAS JUST
ABOUT TO EXPLAIN TO THEM ABOUT...
[upbeat piano music]
- [laughs]
♪♪ ♪♪
WE GOT A JOB ON BROADWAY!
- RIGHT?
- YOU DO BETTER THAN ME.
♪♪ ♪♪
DAVID AND I ARE MOVING
TO A NEW CHAPTER OF LIFE.
- IT'S AMAZING.
- GOOD.
- WE'RE WORKING.
- SOLD.
- ALL RIGHT.
- SOLD.
- GIGI'S BEEN IN COLLEGE
FOR A YEAR,
BELLA'S LEAVING, YOU KNOW,
THIS AUGUST,
AND IT'LL JUST BE DAVID AND I
AND ANWAR, SO...
LIFE IS CHANGING.
- ALL RIGHT.
- LOVE YOU. BYE, GUYS.
- BYE, GUYS.
YOLANDA AND I ARE GREAT.
SHE'S INSPIRATIONAL
TO EVERYONE AROUND HER.
SHE'S THE BEST MOM,
SHE'S THE BEST WIFE,
SHE'S BATTLING THIS, YOU KNOW,
LIFE-THREATENING ILLNESS,
AND SHE'S STILL, LIKE,
DOING EVERYTHING BETTER
THAN MOST PEOPLE DO ANYTHING.
- OH, MY GOD.
- THAT'S CUTE.
- WHAT ARE THESE PEOPLE DOING
ON MY PROPERTY?
- ARE THEY...
IS THIS YOUR PROPERTY?
- YEAH. [laughs]
THAT IS SO FUNNY.
SOMEBODY MOVED IN.
HI.
- HOW YOU DOING?
- GOOD.
DO YOU KNOW
THAT THIS IS OUR PROPERTY?
- THIS IS?
- YEAH.
- OKAY, NO. I DIDN'T KNOW.
- [laughs]
IT'S CUTE, THOUGH.
YOU HAVE BEAUTIFUL STUFF.
- THANK YOU.
- IT'S NICE.
- MAYBE HOW LONG
ARE THEY GONNA BE HERE.
- WELL, AS LONG AS YOU'RE NOT
GONNA BE HERE EVERY DAY...
- NO.
- IT'S OKAY.
HAVE A GOOD DAY, AND I HOPE
YOU HAVE A LOT OF BUSINESS.
- ALL RIGHT.
- OKAY, SEE YOU, BYE.
THE PROPERTY IS 4 1/2 ACRES.
YOU KNOW, THAT'S A LOT OF LAND.
SO I DON'T REALLY KNOW
WHAT GOES ON
ON THE BOTTOM OF THE PROPERTY
OR ON THE TOP.
- OH, IT FEELS REALLY GOOD.
- YAY!
THE BEACH!
ISN'T IT GREAT?
WE GOTTA CONNECT TO THE EARTH.
- [laughs]
NO, YOU DO.
- FEEL.
- ALL RIGHT.
- DO YOU FEEL IT? DON'T YOU FEEL
WHEN YOU CONNECT TO THE EARTH?
- I DON'T FEEL ANYTHING.
- YOU DON'T FEEL THAT?
- UH-UHH.
- I'M AN EARTH CHILD.
I WAS BORN ON THE FARM,
AND YOU CAN TAKE THE GIRL
AWAY FROM THE FARM,
BUT YOU CAN'T TAKE...
HOW DO YOU SAY THAT? [laughs]
I LOVE IT.
- SO GIGI... SO TELL ME.
- GIGI'S GOOD.
GIGI'S IN NEW YORK.
- GIGI'S, LIKE, KILLING IT
IN THE MODELING SCENE.
- SHE'S DOING SO WELL.
DID I TELL YOU
SHE GOT THE TOM FORD CAMPAIGN?
- YES.
- AND LOOK AT GIGI
AND GOING LIKE, "OH, MY GOD."
SHE'S A TEN-TIME BETTER VERSION
OF WHAT I EVER WAS IN MY LIFE,
AND I THOUGHT I WAS
A GIRL WITH BALLS
AND I TOOK ON A LOT
EARLY ON IN LIFE,
BUT SHE JUST...
I MEAN, SHE'S DOING IT.
BELLA'S GOING OFF TO COLLEGE...
- THAT'S CRAZY.
- IN AUGUST, AND...
SO ALL IS JUST MOVING ALONG.
- I JUST NEED TO [bleep]ING
MOVE INTO A HOUSE,
BECAUSE WE'VE BEEN TWO MONTHS
NOW FLOATING AROUND.
- YEAH.
- WE'VE SPENT, LIKE,
OVER $40,000 IN TWO MONTHS
JUST WITH STORAGE AND MOVING
AND MOVING AGAIN AND...
- OH, MY GOD.
- HAVING TO GET FULLY FURNISHED,
LIKE, CONDOS TO STAY IN.
MY LIFE IS CRAZY HECTIC.
YOU KNOW,
I'M A MOTHER OF TWO BOYS.
MY ELDEST IS STARTING
JUNIOR HIGH,
WHICH I'M NOT OKAY WITH.
I'M MOVING INTO A NEW HOUSE,
AND IT IS A RENTAL,
BUT I'M HOPING TO BUY IT
AT THE END OF THE LEASE.
THIS YEAR, IT'S ALL POSITIVE.
- YES.
- I HAVE A THIRD BOOK DEAL.
I HAVE A PODCAST.
I HAVE AMAZING
OPPORTUNITIES IN BUSINESS.
I MEAN, IT COULDN'T BE BETTER,
SO I JUST WANT TO, LIKE,
MOVE FORWARD AND BE POSITIVE
AND GET RID OF ALL THE NEGATIVE
BULL[bleep] IN MY LIFE.
- WE NEED TO START MAKING
A CONSCIOUS DECISION
TO BE POSITIVE... - HAPPY.
- AND TO JUST MAKE HAPPY DAYS.
- YEAH.
I MEAN, I DON'T KNOW
WITH LISA AND EVERYTHING,
BUT I REALLY THINK...
I HOPE THAT WE CAN
ALL MOVE FORWARD WITH HER.
I KNOW LISA PROBABLY BETTER
THAN ANY OF THE GIRLS, AND,
YOU KNOW, SHE CAN NEVER ADMIT
TO EVER BEING WRONG
OR DOING WRONG.
I DO NOT WANT TO TALK TO SOMEONE
THAT [bleep] MY HUSBAND
WHILE I WAS PREGNANT.
- I GET IT, I GET IT, I GET IT.
- BUT YOU ALREADY...
YOU ALREADY GOT IT.
YOU ALREADY KNEW THAT.
- UGH.
- THE FACT IS,
WE'RE ALL IMPERFECT.
YOU KNOW, I'VE DONE WRONG,
SHE'S DONE WRONG,
BUT I CAN ADMIT WHEN I'M WRONG.
- LET'S CHECK OUT
THOSE LITTLE THINGS.
COME HERE.
- YOU HAVE TO FORGIVE TO BE
A GOOD FRIEND TO SOMEBODY.
AH!
THERE'S A CRAB RIGHT THERE!
- [laughs]
- JESUS CHRIST.
- IT'S OKAY.
- LISTEN,
I DON'T WANT TO BE EARTHY.
[bleep] THE EARTH. - [laughs]
- DARLING?
THERE YOU ARE.
TAKE THE SEX MONSTER.
- OH, OKAY, HI. OH.
I HAVE TO PUT MY CUP DOWN.
WHERE ARE YOU OFF TO?
- ALL RIGHT, BYE.
- WHERE ARE YOU OFF TO?
- I'M NOT TELLING YOU,
BUT I'LL BE BACK
IN A COUPLE OF HOURS.
IF I TELL YOU, YOU WON'T LET ME.
BYE. - WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
- BYE. I LOVE YOU.
- I LOVE YOU TOO.
- I FEEL THAT I HAVE SEPARATED
MYSELF FROM THIS GROUP
AFTER PUERTO RICO, AND, REALLY,
JUST TRIED TO FORGET
EVERYTHING THAT HAD GONE DOWN.
- YOU HAVEN'T CALLED ME.
YOU HAVEN'T CHECKED IN ON ME
LIKE YOU NORMALLY DO.
- OH, I HAVE, BRANDI.
YOU KNOW WHAT? I'M REALLY UPSET.
- I WANT TO KNOW THE TRUTH
ABOUT THE TABLOIDS
AND THE SUITCASE.
- ALL RIGHT, WE'VE BEEN SET UP.
- KEN HAD TWO DIFFERENT...
- WELL DONE.
- THERE'S... NOBODY'S...
- LISTEN.
- THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
- I THINK IT WAS VICIOUS.
I THINK IT WAS MEAN-SPIRITED.
I DON'T QUITE UNDERSTAND
WHERE IT CAME FROM,
BUT IT WAS A REAL EYE-OPENER.
SO I WILL WAIT
FOR EACH ONE OF THEM
TO REACH OUT TO ME,
AND WE'LL SEE.
HI. - HI.
- TABLE FOR TWO?
- THIS WAY.
- THANK YOU.
- HELLO.
HOW ARE YOU? - HOW ARE YOU?
GOOD. - GOOD TO SEE YOU.
- DON'T WORRY, I'VE ONLY
BEEN HERE HALF AN HOUR.
- OH, PLEASE.
HOW IS EVERYTHING?
- EVERYTHING'S GOOD.
- GOOD.
- A LITTLE CRAZY, BUT IT'S OKAY.
- CRAZY? WELL, CRAZY IS GOOD.
- EH.
- BETTER THAN BEING BORED.
I CALLED LISA AND I TEXTED HER
A NUMBER OF TIMES
WITH NO RESPONSE.
HONESTLY, I FELT THAT...
I WAS THE ONE
WHO SHOULD'VE BEEN CALLED.
- COMING UP...
- NO, I GOT A LITTLE...
- LOOK AT YOUR BOOBS.
- WHAT CAN I SAY?
- GOD, YOU HAVE SUCH GOOD BOOBS.
- YOU LOOK GOOD.
- I DO?
YOU LOOK SKINNY. - YEAH.
I DO? - YEAH.
- I'VE BEEN TRYING REALLY HARD.
HOW'S KEN, IS HE GOOD?
- YEAH, HE'S REALLY GOOD.
- AND PANDORA AND MAX?
- YEAH, THEY'RE ALL GOOD.
- GOOD EVENING, LADIES.
WELCOME TO PALMERI. - HI.
THANK YOU. - HI.
I-I'M GONNA START OFF
WITH A CHARDONNAY.
- I'LL HAVE A GLASS OF ROSE.
- OH...
- WOULD YOU LIKE TO HEAR
THE SPECIALS?
- UM...
- UM, YOU KNOW WHAT?
I'M JUST GONNA HAVE
THE BURRATA, PLEASE,
WITH THE HEIRLOOM TOMATOES.
- THAT'S MY FAVORITE.
IT'S A GREAT CHOICE.
- IT IS?
- IT IS, ABSOLUTELY.
- THEN I THINK I'M GONNA
HAVE THAT TOO, ACTUALLY.
- YEAH, THANK YOU.
- OKAY, NOT A PROBLEM.
- THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
- NOT A PROBLEM.
- IT'S BEEN AGES,
BUT, YOU KNOW, MAYBE...
BUT A DISTANCE WAS GOOD
BECAUSE IT ALL GOT A BIT
TOO KIND OF CRAZY AND...
- THE DISTANCE MADE YOU MISS ME.
- NO, NO, YOU MISSED ME.
- I DON'T DENY THAT.
- OKAY.
- I DON'T DENY THAT.
I MEAN, OBVIOUSLY, WHAT HAPPENED
HAPPENED, AND I'M...
- IT WAS ALL SO STUPID.
- HAPPY TO MOVE FORWARD.
- IT WAS ALL SO RIDICULOUS.
- BUT I'VE ALWAYS WANTED
TO MOVE FORWARD FROM ANY TIME
WE'VE HAD AN ISSUE.
- WELL, LET'S NOT EVEN
TALK ABOUT IT AGAIN, SHALL WE?
- YEAH...
- IF YOU WANT TO.
- I'M PRETTY GOOD ABOUT THAT.
- WELL I AM, BUT THEN
YOU DO KIND OF BRING IT UP.
- NO, WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
- YES, YOU DO,
LIKE ON THE EIFFEL TOWER.
- YOU'RE JUST DIFFERENT
TOWARDS ME AND YOU ACT DISTANT
AND ODD AND THEN... THEN...
- THERE WERE THINGS
YOU SAID TO ME
THAT WERE PRETTY MEAN.
- NO, I BRING IT UP
TO FIX THINGS.
- AND THEN YOU BRING IT UP.
- AND YOU BRING UP
THE THINGS THAT HAPPENED.
I'M... I WAS TRYING TO...
- WELL, LET'S NOT
BRING IT UP AT ALL.
- IT'S VERY HARD FOR LISA
TO TAKE ANY RESPONSIBILITY
WHEN SHE'S DONE SOMETHING WRONG.
BUT HER EVEN JUST SAYING,
"YOU KNOW WHAT?
I FEEL BAD.
I SHOULDN'T HAVE SAID THIS."
I WOULD BE...
SHOCKED AND HAPPY. [laughs]
I REALLY WANT TO MOVE FORWARD
AND NOT... - OKAY.
- YOU KNOW, AND...
HANDLE THINGS DIFFERENTLY.
- IT ALL GOT TOO COMPLICATED.
IT GOT TOO BITCHY.
IT GOT TOO AGGRESSIVE.
I JUST COULDN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE,
TO BE HONEST.
- ME EITHER.
THE SIDE OF LISA THAT I LOVE,
THAT I WANT TO HAVE BACK
IN MY LIFE,
IS THE LISA THAT IS FUNNY
AND BEAUTIFUL AND SMART
AND MAKES ME LAUGH, YOU KNOW?
SHE IS. SHE'S ALL THOSE THINGS.
SO...
I THINK THAT'S WHY
I STILL MAKE THAT EFFORT.
LET ME ASK YOU A QUICK QUESTION.
OR MAYBE THIS
IS DELVING TOO DEEP.
- YOU CAN ASK ME ANYTHING.
GO ON, I DON'T CARE.
- NO, BUT LAST TIME,
YOU SAID, "WELL, I DON'T WANT
ANYTHING FROM YOU."
- SO YOU WOULD LIKE...
YOU WOULD LIKE WHAT FROM KYLE?
- NOTHING.
- REMEMBER THAT?
WHEN YOU SAID THAT,
IT HURT MY FEELINGS.
- OH, FOR GOODNESS SAKE.
- NOT THAT I'M THINKING...
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
IT SEEMED LIKE
YOU WERE MORE OPEN
TO FORGIVING BRANDI THAN...
- I DON'T REALLY HAVE...
- THAN PATCHING THINGS WITH ME.
- I DON'T REALLY HAVE ANYTHING...
- THERE WAS NOTHING FOR YOU
TO FORGIVE WITH ME, BUT...
- EXACTLY.
- OKAY.
- YEAH, BUT, I MEAN, I DON'T...
- MAYBE THAT'S WHAT YOU MEANT.
- YEAH.
NOTHING. STOP, IT'S DONE.
NO?
- FOR ME, YEAH.
FOR ME, YEAH, FOR SURE. - YEAH.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
STOP GOING BACKWARDS.
GO FORWARD.
I JUST HOPE THAT KYLE AND I HAVE
ENOUGH OF A RELATIONSHIP,
REALLY, TO MOVE FORWARD
AND TO UNDERSTAND
THAT WHAT'S GONE DOWN
IS BEST LEFT IN THE PAST.
TO LOYALTY
AND TO NOT TALKING [bleep]
BEHIND EACH OTHER'S BACK.
- OH, AND WHO'S GONNA SAY
LOYALTY TO EACH OTHER
AND WHEN WE'RE NOT
WITH EACH OTHER.
- OH, 1,000%
- YEAH.
[cell phone ringing]
- HELLO?
- HELLO, HOW ARE YOU? IT'S KYLE.
- HI, KYLE.
I'M GOOD. HOW ARE YOU?
- I'M GOOD. WHAT'S GOING ON?
- LET'S SEE, WHAT AM I DOING?
I-I DON'T KNOW WHERE I'VE BEEN.
YOU KNOW WHEN YOU'VE BEEN
ON A PLANE SO MANY TIMES,
YOU'RE LIKE, "OKAY,
"AM I COMING? AM I GOING?
WHERE... WHERE AM I?"
- I-I KNOW THE FEELING. ME TOO.
I KNEW LISA FROM TELEVISION AND
LIVING IN THE SAME NEIGHBORHOOD.
I'D SEE HER AT SPINNING CLASS
AND KABBALAH CLASS.
OUR KIDS WERE IN A CLASS CALLED
"SPIRITUALITY FOR KIDS."
IT SOUNDS REALLY OBNOXIOUS.
WHATEVER.
- WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN DOING?
- I'M PLANNING, YOU KNOW,
THE ANNUAL WHITE PARTY.
I WANT TO BE SURE
THAT YOU HAVE IT ON YOUR RADAR.
- YES.
THE ONLY THING THAT WE HAVE...
IS THE MAD MEN WRAP PARTY.
- OKAY, SO THEN AT LEAST
COME BY THE WHITE PARTY,
HAVE SOME FUN WITH US,
AND THEN GO ON
TO THE MAD MEN PARTY.
- YEAH, IT'LL BE SO FUNNY
BECAUSE
YOUR PARTY BEING ALL WHITE,
WE'LL LITERALLY
HAVE TO DRIVE HOME, I THINK,
AND CHANGE OUR CLOTHES BECAUSE
IF WE SHOWED UP IN ALL WHITE
AT A MAD MEN PARTY,
WE WOULD LOOK LIKE JESUS.
[laughs]
I HAVE A REALLY FABULOUS LIFE
AND I WOULDN'T CHANGE IT
FOR THE WORLD.
I AM MARRIED TO HARRY HAMLIN.
HE'S CURRENTLY ON MAD MEN.
HE'S A [bleep] FOX.
- OKAY, GOOD, WELL, I'M GLAD
THAT YOU GUYS CAN MAKE IT.
- OF COURSE.
- AND WE LOOK FORWARD
TO SEEING YOU GUYS THEN.
- HI, LOVIES.
MWAH.
WE'RE GONNA GO TO THE CAR.
LET'S GO.
HOW WAS SCHOOL?
- IT WAS OKAY.
- I AM THE MOTHER
OF TWO GORGEOUS GIRLS.
DELILAH BELLE IS 16
AND AMELIA GRAY IS 13.
TELL ME ABOUT COACHELLA.
- WHAT ABOUT COACHELLA?
- I'M SO JEALOUS OF THEM.
- WELL, HOW WAS IT?
- THEY CAME BACK
AND THEY SAID IT WAS, LIKE,
THE BEST THING OF THEIR LIVES,
BUT THEY'RE, LIKE, RUBBING IT
IN ALL OF OUR FACES
AND, LIKE, SHOWING US
PICTURES OF IT
AND, OH, I'M SO JEALOUS.
- WHAT ARE YOU JEALOUS ABOUT?
- LIKE, EVERYTHING.
- IT IS A TRIP AND A HALF
RAISING TEENAGE DAUGHTERS.
SOMETIMES, I FEEL LIKE
I'M ON AN ACID TRIP.
THOUGH I'VE NEVER TAKEN ACID.
I IMAGINE THIS IS WHAT
AN ACID TRIP WOULD FEEL LIKE.
[playing acoustic guitar]
HARRY!
- WHAT?
- IS THIS THE VASE
I USE FOR THESE?
- YEAH.
- HARRY IS KING,
SO WE KIND OF
PLAY ALONG WITH THAT WITH HARRY.
WE LET HIM BE KING.
WE LET HIM BE GOD.
HOW MUCH DO I CUT AT THE BOTTOM?
- YOU HAVE TO BE AN ARTIST
ABOUT THIS, DARLING.
YOU GOTTA LOOK AT IT
AND YOU GOTTA GO,
"OH, THAT'S JUST EXACTLY
THE WAY I WANT IT."
DO IT THE WAY YOU WANT TO DO IT.
- OH, IS THAT HOW
I HAVE TO DO IT? - THAT'S RIGHT.
- DO I HAVE TO STAND BACK
AND GO,
"OOH, I'M GONNA DO IT
JUST LIKE THIS"?
- YES.
- ALL RIGHT, THANK YOU
VERY MUCH, SIR. [laughs]
SOMETIMES, I DON'T WANT
TO ANSWER TO GOD OR KING,
AND I REBEL AGAINST THAT.
IT'S MY OWN FAULT
FOR SETTING UP THE DYNAMIC.
- IT IS A GOOD THING
YOU GOT A CUTE BUTT
'CAUSE YOU'RE NOT
VERY GOOD WITH FLOWERS.
- AND DON'T YOU
[bleep]ING FORGET IT.
DON'T YOU [bleep]ING FORGET IT.
- [laughs]
- I'M AN ENTERTAINER. YOU KNOW?
I'M AN ACTOR/ENTERTAINER.
[laughs]
I DON'T KNOW
WHAT THE [bleep] I AM, REALLY.
THE HIGHLIGHTS OF MY CAREER
ARE BILLIE ON DAYS OF OUR LIVES.
ROXIE HART, CHICAGO ON BROADWAY.
UM...
MELROSE PLACE!
I FORGOT MELROSE PLACE.
TAYLOR MCBRIDE, HELLO!
- AH! OH!
- WHAT?
- OH.
- OH-HO-HO-HO.
- I FOUND THIS GUY OUTSIDE.
THIS IS THE RATTLESNAKE
THAT WAS OUTSIDE.
- HARRY, IT COULD JUMP OUT!
- AH!
- [laughs]
JUST CLOSE IT. - COVER IT!
PUT YOUR HANDS OVER THE TOP!
- NO, IT'S NOT GONNA JUMP OUT.
- OH, MY GOD, IT'S POISED TO.
- [laughs]
- IT'S COILED.
- I KNOW.
IT'S COILED, IT'S READY TO GO...
- IT'S LOOKING AT US.
BUT IT'S NOT GONNA JUMP OUT.
- IT'S LOOKING AT US.
- IT'S OKAY.
- IT'S LOOKING AT US.
- WHEN I'M WITH MY FAMILY,
WHEN I HAVE
ALL FOUR OF US TOGETHER,
I KNOW WHERE WE ALL ARE.
WE'RE ALL IN THE SAME PLACE.
THAT IS WHEN
I AM BLISSFULLY HAPPY.
LOOK AT THE COLORING, THOUGH.
THAT WOULD MAKE SUCH A PRETTY...
[snake rattles] - OH!
[all exclaiming and laughing]
- HARRY, IT'S GONNA JUMP OUT.
- COMING UP...
- DO WE HAVE TO GO TO THE PARTY?
- YES, WE DO. NOW, STOP.
IF WE DON'T GO,
IT'S GONNA LOOK REALLY BAD.
- OH, MY GOD, IT LOOKS SO GOOD.
I LOVE THE DETAIL.
LOOKING GOOD.
I NEVER IMAGINED,
WHEN IT WAS JUST MY FRIENDS
HELPING ME DO THIS LITTLE PARTY,
IT WOULD TURN IT INTO ONE
OF THE PARTIES OF THE YEAR
IN L.A. THAT EVERYBODY'S TRYING
TO GET ON THE LIST TO.
ARE YOU THE DANCER?
THE MALE DANCER?
- I CAN, I CAN BE.
- [laughs]
- I CAN BE.
- OH, BUT YOU'RE NOT?
- I'M NOT, NO.
I'M THE BARTENDER.
- WHY'D YOU ASSUME
HE WAS THE DANCER, AND NOT ME?
- HONEY. I'VE SEEN YOU...
[laughter]
- AS THE AGENCY HAS GROWN,
SO HAS THE WHITE PARTY.
WE'RE NOT JUST ENTERTAINING
OUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY.
NOW, WE'RE ENTERTAINING
CLIENTS AND AGENTS
AND WE BOTH WANT THIS TO BE
A REALLY BIG, FUN EVENT.
- WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?
I MEAN, HELLO.
- YOU READY?
- GETTING READY.
YOU'RE NOT READY.
- WELL, I'VE SHOWERED.
WE'RE NOT TAKING GIGGY, NO?
- NO. HE'LL CRY, THOUGH,
SO JUST DON'T LET HIM KNOW
WE'RE GOING OUT.
- DO WE HAVE TO GO TO THE PARTY?
- YES, WE DO. NOW, STOP.
IF WE DON'T GO,
IT'S GONNA LOOK REALLY BAD.
- OH, COME ON.
- GO PUT YOUR WHITE, YOU KNOW,
TENNIS SHORTS ON.
- I DON'T THINK I CAN STAND...
STAND ANOTHER FATBURGER.
- MAY I HAVE A CHEESEBURGER,
PLEASE?
- OKAY.
- OH, STOP IT. THAT'S SO RUDE.
- [laughs]
- THAT REALLY IS RUDE.
- THAT'S NOT RUDE.
- UH-UHH.
- COME ON.
- I MEAN, BRANDI MIGHT BE THERE,
BUT THAT'S OKAY.
I HAVEN'T SEEN HER IN...
- OH, CAN'T WAIT.
- HUH?
- I CAN'T WAIT.
- I THINK YOLANDA'S GOING.
- WELL, I SAW YOLANDA
THE OTHER DAY...
- I KNOW.
- WHEN YOU WERE
HAVING LUNCH WITH HER, SO...
- WE NEED TO MOVE ON.
IT BLEW OUT OF PROPORTION, BUT...
- IT START... IT DID, YEAH.
- BUT THE HEART OF IT WAS THAT I
JUST MISSED YOU WHEN I WAS SICK,
AND I WANTED YOU
TO PAY MORE ATTENTION TO ME,
BUT I UNDERSTAND
THAT YOU ARE BUILDING
THIS HUGE, BIG NEW RESTAURANT
AND THAT YOUR TIME WAS THERE,
AND I GET IT. THAT'S WHY.
I MEAN, IT'S... FOR ME, IT'S DONE.
- I THINK SO 100%.
- YOU KNOW?
- I DON'T WANT TO GO
BACKWARDS AT ALL.
- NO, ME NEITHER.
- AND IT'S GOOD TO SEE YOU.
- IT'S GOOD TO SEE YOU TOO.
- I'M GONNA PUT IT
IN THE BACK OF MY MIND.
- I'LL PUT SOMETHING
IN YOUR BACK...
[laughs] - AND...
- IN THE BACK OF YOUR BEHIND.
- UH-HUH.
- CAN YOU GO AND GET
YOUR ASS IN GEAR, PLEASE?
- [laughs]
- I'M SWEATY BETTY RIGHT NOW.
- YES.
ARE YOU? - I DON'T KNOW WHY.
I THINK I'M ANXIOUS FOR TONIGHT.
- WELL, IT'S A LOT.
THERE'S A LOT OF PEOPLE
GONNA BE THERE TONIGHT.
- THAT'S YOUR PHONE.
AT THE MOMENT,
WE'RE STAYING IN A CONDO.
IT'S TEMPORARY.
I DON'T THINK IT MATTERS
WHERE YOU LIVE.
I MEAN, AS LONG AS LOVE
IS THERE.
MY KIDS SLEEP IN MY BED, ANYWAY.
- WHO ALL'S GONNA BE...
LIKE, WHO, LIKE, EVERYONE?
LIKE...
- LISA, TAYLOR,
ADRIENNE, CAMILLE.
CAMILLE IS GREAT.
YOU'LL LOVE HER, SHE'S AWESOME.
- I'M EXCITED TO MEET CAMILLE.
- SHE'S REALLY SWEET.
I'M FEELING ANXIETY BECAUSE
I HAVEN'T SEEN LISA FOR A WHILE,
AND I HAVEN'T SEEN ADRIENNE
SINCE I RAN INTO HER
AT THE POLO LOUNGE
AND WE DIDN'T SPEAK,
WHICH WAS VERY UNCOMFORTABLE.
HERE, HAVE A SEAT.
I'M GONNA JUST FINISH THIS UP
REAL... AND THEN I'LL GO
TO THE HAIR CHAIR.
WHAT I AM NERVOUS ABOUT
IS SEEING LISA.
I FEEL LIKE, "WAH!"
I HAVEN'T SEEN LISA AND KEN
IN MONTHS.
I WANT TO BE FRIENDS WITH THEM
AND APOLOGIZE.
IT REALLY SUCKED THAT THEY
BACKED OFF OF OUR FRIENDSHIP.
IT REALLY HURT MY FEELINGS.
- I DON'T THINK I COULD EVER
LET YOU BACK INTO MY LIFE.
- YOU KNOW I LOVE YOU. [cries]
BUT I CARE ABOUT THEM IMMENSELY
AND I WANT TO MOVE FORWARD.
- ARE WE DOING GLITTER?
- NO, WE DON'T NEED GLITTER.
WE'LL SAVE GLITTER.
THAT'S ADRIENNE MALOOF'S DEAL.
I DON'T WANT TO STEAL
HER GLITTER.
- THAT LOOKS GOOD, ALEXIA.
- YEAH?
- YOUR EYE MAKEUP LOOKS PRETTY.
- WAIT, CAN I PICK OUT
MY NAIL POLISH?
- YOU'RE NOT WEARING
NAIL POLISH.
WE'RE TAKING
YOUR NAIL POLISH OFF.
WHAT DO YOU NEED ME TO DO?
- I'M GETTING READY.
DO YOU LIKE THESE?
- I DO.
OKAY? - MWAH.
YOU LOOK HOT.
- READY?
- HI.
WELL, EAT YOUR DINNER,
AND THEN...
I KNOW YOU GUYS LIKE FISH.
[both laughing]
HI, GIRLS.
- HELLO.
- WAIT, HONEY.
- YEAH.
- SHOULD WE HAVE THEM THERE
RIGHT NOW?
OR ON THE PLATFORM OVER THERE?
- UNTIL YOU HAVE MUSIC
OVER THERE,
UNTIL YOU TURN IT UP,
YOU NEED TO HAVE THEM HERE.
- RIGHT.
- YOU CAN'T HAVE THEM
WITHOUT MUSIC.
- THERE'S TONS OF FOOD
BEING PASSED,
THERE'S A SUSHI BAR, WE HAVE
A FATBURGER TRUCK COMING.
MOHAMED.
- KYLE.
- HOW ARE YOU?
- I WAS JUST SAYING,
"WHO IS THAT WOMAN
IN THAT BEAUTIFUL..."
- MM. HOW ARE YOU?
- "MOST GORGEOUS DRESS?"
- HOW ARE YOU?
- WOW, PRETTY.
HI, GUYS.
- HI, HOW ARE YOU? MWAH.
- THANK YOU, GOOD.
- NICE TO MEET YOU, AS WELL.
- HI, HOW ARE YOU?
- YOLANDA, HOW ARE YOU?
- MMM.
- HOW ARE YOU?
Both: NICE TO SEE YOU.
- GLAD YOU MADE IT.
- OF COURSE.
- HI, GORGEOUS GIRLS.
- HEY!
- WOW. FANTASTIC.
- YAY, LOOK HOW GREAT THIS IS.
- HI.
- HI.
- HOW ARE YOU?
- HEY.
- HOW ARE YOU? NICE TO SEE YOU.
- IT'S SO GOOD TO SEE YOU.
- YOU LOOK GREAT.
IT'S SO GOOD TO SEE YOU.
- HI.
- HELLO!
- ELIZABETH.
- NICE TO SEE YOU.
- MMM.
- I'M SO GLAD YOU'RE HERE.
- ME TOO.
- SO GOOD TO SEE YOU.
- WE ARE READY
TO HAVE FUN TONIGHT.
- COME ON IN.
- I GOT YOU A FUN BOOK.
- OH, NO, NOT AGAIN.
WHAT IS THIS?
A PICTURE OF US?
HUGGING? - I WISH.
- A BOOK.
"HOW TO BEHAVE AND WHY."
- [laughs]
- SO NOW...
- I'M GLAD WE MOVED
THROUGH THAT, AND MOVED PAST...
- "I SEE YOU MADE AN EFFORT."
- [laughs]
- "COMPLIMENTS, INDIGNITIES,
AND SURVIVAL STORIES
FROM THE EDGE OF 50."
[all laughing] - CUTE.
WHAT A COOL COVER.
- THAT IS SO CUTE.
THANK YOU.
- THAT IS REALLY CUTE.
- MWAH.
- YOU KNOW IT'S A JOKE, RIGHT?
- I KNOW IT'S A JOKE.
- IT'S FUN, IT'S...
- CAMILLE AND I STARTED OFF
PROBABLY WANTING
TO KILL EACH OTHER.
- YOU SAID IT TO ME.
YOU SAID IT.
- I NEVER TALKED LIKE THAT.
- I WOULDN'T MAKE THAT UP.
- YOU'RE SUCH
A [bleep]ING LIAR, CAMILLE.
AND NOW,
TO BE SUCH GOOD FRIENDS,
YOU JUST LOOK BACK AND THINK,
"WHAT A WASTE OF TIME
THAT ARGUING WAS."
- I LIKE THE PINK PANTIES.
- I LOVE THE PINK PANTIES TOO.
I'M GONNA HAVE TO GET
SOME OF THOSE.
- AND I ACTUALLY
WANT TO READ IT.
- OH, LOOK, IT'S WHITE CARPET.
I LIKE THAT.
- OH, YEAH, NICE.
- THIS IS A GOOD START.
LOOK HOW PRETTY IT LOOKS.
- OH, YEAH, NICE.
- THIS IS A GOOD START. - YOU DON'T EVEN...
WHAT? - YES!
- DID YOU JUST SAY THE "P" WORD?
- IT'S BRIGHT PINK.
- YES, YOU'RE ALLOWED
TO SAY THAT IN ENGLAND.
DO YOU WANT TO SEE IT?
- YEAH, I DO.
- THEN GO ON.
GO PUT YOUR HEAD UNDER THERE.
- OKAY, LET ME SEE IT TOO.
- I'M JOKING.
OH, FOR GOD'S SAKE. - [laughs]
- MY DOG'S PINK,
SO WHY SHOULDN'T MY PUSSY BE?
[dance music]
- HI, TINY DANCER.
♪♪ ♪♪
- YOU LOOK SO BEAUTIFUL.
HOW IS EVERYTHING NOW?
HOW IS THE RESTAURANT?
- EVERYTHING...
- I THINK PUMP LOOKS GREAT.
I THOUGHT IT LOOKED SO PRETTY.
- IT WAS SO MUCH WORK.
- LOOK AT THIS.
- WHAT?
- OH, MY GOD.
- OKAY, THAT'S FUN.
- OKAY, GET IN THERE.
THE OLD CAMILLE I KNEW
WOULD BE IN THERE. - [laughs]
- SHAKING YOUR BOOBIES.
- THAT WAS ME THREE YEARS...
THREE YEARS AGO.
- HI. OR WERE YOU WERE GONNA
SHAKE MY HAND? - [laughs]
- LOVE SHAKING HANDS.
- [laughs]
- HELLO.
- I WAS THINKING THAT WE SHOULD
JUMP IN THE POOL TONIGHT.
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
- WELL THEN YOU GO FIRST.
I'LL BE RIGHT BEHIND YOU.
- [all laughing]
- NO, I'M HOLDING YOUR HAND
WHEN I JUMP.
WELL, LISA HAS A HARD TIME
TO SAY "I'M SORRY."
I ACCEPT HER FOR WHO SHE IS
AND WHAT SHE IS.
YOU KNOW, LIFE GOES ON.
ONCE YOU ACCEPT SOMEBODY
FOR WHO THEY ARE, YOU KNOW,
YOU CAN MOVE ON.
AND I MOVED ON
A LONG, LONG TIME AGO.
- TAYLOR.
- YOU KNOW...
- LOOK AT YOU.
- WHOA, TAYLOR'S HERE?
- LOOK AT YOU.
- OH, MY GOD.
- LOOK AT YOU.
- I AM!
- UNDO WITH THAT, WE'RE MARRIED.
- HI!
AW. all: AWW.
- ARE YOU WORKING IT.
- WELL, LOOK AT YOU, BABY.
WORKING IT OUT LIKE ALWAYS.
- YEAH.
- HELLO.
- HOW ARE YOU?
- HEY. HOW ARE YOU?
- HOW ARE YOU?
- I'M GOOD, THANK YOU.
- HI, JOHN.
- HI.
- [laughs]
both: MM.
- YAY.
- YOU LOOK SO PRETTY.
- TAYLOR'S ALWAYS BEEN
A GREAT FRIEND TO ME.
SHE'S NEVER STABBED ME
IN THE BACK
AND SHE'S JUST A GOOD PERSON
AND SOMEONE WHO'S GONE THROUGH
VERY DIFFICULT TIMES.
- I'M SCARED.
AND I LOVE HIM.
I DO.
- I'M GONNA BE
FIGHTING FOR SOMETHING
THAT REALLY IS NOT WORTH
FIGHTING FOR, TO BE HONEST.
AND NOW TO SEE HER
HAPPY AND MARRIED,
AND KENNEDY HAVING A GREAT
STEPDAD WHO'S ADOPTED HER,
IT JUST, YOU KNOW, IT'S AMAZING.
I LOVE IT.
- IT'S NICE TO BE AROUND WITH
OUR GROUP OF FRIENDS AGAIN.
I MEAN, 'CAUSE I WAS AWAY IN
TEXAS GETTING MY CANCER SURGERY
AND TREATMENTS,
AND YOU WERE GONE IN COLORADO.
IT'S NICE TO SEE EVERYBODY.
- NOW WE'RE BACK,
AND YOU WON'T BE ABLE
TO SHAKE US.
[all laughing]
- OH, I'VE GOTTA GO BACK
TO ENGLAND TO GET RID OF YOU.
- YOU HAVE TO REALLY HOLD ME
BECAUSE THIS STUFF IS
HARD TO WALK ON WITH HEELS.
HI, HOW ARE YOU? - GREAT.
- HI, NICE TO SEE YOU.
- WELCOME.
- THANK YOU.
- HI, GUYS.
- OH, MY GOSH.
- HOW ARE YOU?
- HOW ARE YOU, HONEY?
- ARE YOU COMING?
- YEAH.
- OH, MY GOD, WHAT, LIKE,
WE DIDN'T BR...
THEY HAVE THREE GIFTS.
- THAT'S WHAT I SAID.
- NO, WE NEVER BRING GIFTS.
- THAT'S WHY I WAS LIKE...
- HI, GUYS!
- HI!
- HOW CUTE DO YOU LOOK.
- OH, HOW ARE YOU?
HOW ARE YOU? - I'M GOOD.
- YOU'RE GOOD?
- AH.
I'VE BEEN HAVING
THE WORST ANXIETY TODAY.
THIS IS WHY
WE WERE A LITTLE LATE.
- YOU HAD ANXIETY? WHY, HONEY?
- JUST WITH ALL OF THESE
LOVELY PEOPLE
THAT I HAVEN'T SEEN FOR SO LONG.
- NO.
ADRIENNE AND I
HAD A FALLING OUT.
- WHY DO YOU LIE?
- NO.
- THIS HAS NOTHING
TO DO WITH YOU.
- GET YOUR FINGER
OUT OF MY FACE.
- NO, NO, NO.
MY FINGER'S NOT IN YOUR FACE.
- REALLY?
HOW... OH, ARE YOU KIDDING?
- NO, ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
- ARE...
- SHE HAS.
- MORE COMMENTS WHEN YOU HAVE
A SMILE ON YOUR FACE?
- ON MY CHILDREN.
- YOU ARE LYING.
- I GUESS YOU WEREN'T DOING
ANYTHING. - REALLY, I'M LYING?
- DON'T DO THAT
ON YOUR CHILDREN.
- BUT WHY DID YOUR... REALLY?
I'M AM NOT LYING, BITCH.
- YOU LIE.
- [bleep] YOU.
- YOU'RE A PIECE OF [bleep].
- I REVEALED SOMETHING
I SHOULDN'T HAVE SAID,
AND SHE TALKED ABOUT MY FAMILY
IN WAYS SHE SHOULDN'T HAVE.
IT WAS JUST A REALLY DISASTROUS,
NEGATIVE SITUATION TO BE IN
FOR BOTH OF US.
- THERE'S ADRIENNE.
- WHERE IS ADRIENNE?
- MY GOD.
COME ON, WE'VE GOT TO SAY HI.
- OKAY.
- OH.
OH! - OH.
- [bleep] IT. LET'S JUST DO IT.
- THERE'S NO EASY WAY TO DO IT.
- COMING UP...
- I SEE YOU SOCIALLY.
I SAW YOU AT POLO.
I SEE YOU HERE AND THERE.
I'M LIKE, "AH."
AND I DON'T WANT IT
TO BE WEIRD WITH US.
- DO YOU... WILL YOU ORDER
YOUR SISTER A FATBURGER?
SHE LIKES KETCHUP ONLY
AND PICKLES.
- NO. THAT'S NOT MY TASTE.
- THAT'S NOT YOUR TASTE?
- OKAY.
[laughs] - TELL ME YOUR TASTE.
- CAN I HAVE ONLY FRENCH FRIES?
- ONLY FRENCH FRIES.
- PORTIA HAS FOUND HER VOICE.
SHE IS SIX YEARS OLD,
GOING ON 35,
AND SHE WAS NO PROBLEM
SAYING WHAT SHE WANTS,
WHEN SHE WANTS IT,
AND HOW SHE'S GONNA GET IT.
- SHE SAID YES.
- OH, WOW.
PORTIA, LICKETY-SPLIT,
YOUR SISTER HAS TWO FATBURGERS
FOR YOU GUYS.
- WAIT.
- YOU AND ELLIE...
- THIS IS NOT HOW WE LIKE IT,
MOM.
- NO, WAIT.
- THIS IS NOT HOW YOU LIKE IT?
- BUT THIS HAS NO PICKLES ON IT.
- I'LL BE TAKING THAT.
THANK YOU.
- I KNOW, I'M STARVING.
- YOU KNOW WHAT?
YOU BETTER LET
YOUR MOM HANDLE THIS.
- ALL RIGHT, OKAY, COME ON,
LET'S GO.
YOU READY? - YEAH.
EW.
I DON'T LIKE
TOMATOES AND LETTUCE.
- [bleep] IT. LET'S JUST DO IT.
- THERE'S NO EASY WAY TO DO IT.
- HELLO.
- OH, LOOK WHO'S HERE.
- OH, MY GOD.
- [laughs]
- HI, HELLO.
- I JUST SAW YOU OVER THERE.
- HOW ARE YOU? OH, MY GOSH.
- HI.
- SO WEIRD.
- HI, HOW ARE YOU?
- HOW ARE YOU?
- GOOD.
- HI.
- HI, HOW ARE YOU?
- OH, MY GOD.
YOU LOOK FABULOUS. - HELLO.
- IT'S REALLY UNCOMFORTABLE
WITH LISA AND ADRIENNE
BEING IN THE SAME SPOT
WHEN I GO TO SAY HELLO.
- IT'S SO GOOD TO SEE YOU.
- BUT THIS IS SO WEIRD.
- SO GOOD TO SEE YOU.
- HI, HOW ARE YOU?
- WOW, THAT'S HOT.
- YEAH.
- LOOKING BEAUTIFUL.
- YOU KNOW, YOU JUST FEEL LIKE
AN OUTSIDER,
LIKE A... LIKE YOU'RE IN HIGH
SCHOOL AND THEY'RE IN A CLIQUE
AND YOU'RE NOT INVITED IN.
AND IT'S LIKE,
NOT COOL.
- WHAT?
- I KNOW.
- THIS IS SO FUNNY.
- I KNOW, IT'S SO WEIRD.
- [laughs]
- LIKE OLD TIMES.
- I KNOW.
- RIGHT?
- YEAH.
- THIS IS UNCOMFORTABLE.
- [laughs]
- I KNOW.
I'M REALLY BLESSED.
- I MEAN, HOW ARE YOU 75
AND ROLLING YOUR EYES?
- WHAT'S GOING ON?
- NOTHING.
- NOTHING?
- JUST HANGING OUT
WITH KATHERINE.
- YOU'RE JUST HANGING OUT
AT THE BAR?
- MARTIN.
- [laughs]
- HOW ARE YOU?
- I'M GOOD, HOW ARE YOU?
- GOOD.
- MM.
- I AM NOT COMFORTABLE.
I'M NOT PART OF THE CLUB
ANYMORE.
I FEEL LIKE I'VE BEEN
EXCOMMUNICATED FROM THE GIRLS
BECAUSE LISA THE GODDESS
SAID I HAVE TO G.O.
IT'S LIKE MEAN GIRLS
WITH LINDSAY LOHAN,
BUT THEY'RE ALL 78.
- HI, HOW ARE YOU?
- HI, GOOD.
- THIS IS DEFINITELY REMINISCENT
FROM WHEN I WAS ON CRUTCHES
AND I FIRST MET
THIS GROUP OF WOMEN.
- WHY WOULD YOU WEAR A STILETTO
WHEN YOU HAVE A BROKEN LEG?
- EXCUSE ME. IT'S A WEDGE!
- NO, WAIT, WHEN YOU...
- SO YOU CAN LOSE YOUR BALANCE
AND GET ANOTHER BROKEN LEG.
- [laughs]
- THAT IS SO BITCHY.
I LOVE IT. - [laughs]
- AND SHE FELL OFF HER SHOE.
- I'M TRYING TO BE
THE GROWN-UP HERE,
AND THAT'S LIKE A FIRST FOR ME.
- YOU ARE, BUT YOU SHOULD BE
A LITTLE MORE, LIKE, ASSERTIVE.
- I DON'T WANT TO.
- DUDE, I, LIKE, I'VE HAD...
- WELL, YOU SHOULD.
- I'M... I'M IN, LIKE,
A PEACEFUL PLACE.
I GOT ENOUGH
[bleep]ING STRESS IN MY LIFE.
[sighs]
- DR. THOMAS MARINARO?
- YEAH, HE'S ON THE LIST.
- OKAY.
- THAT'S MY CHIROPRACTOR.
- WAIT, ADRIENNE,
HOW OLD'S YOUR BOYFRIEND?
HE'S SO CUTE. - [laughs]
- HE'S OLD ENOUGH.
- HE'S OLD ENOUGH TO DRINK.
THAT'S ALL THAT MATTERS.
- OLD ENOUGH TO KNOW
HOW TO HAVE
A GREAT RELATIONSHIP.
- HE CAN DRIVE.
- IT'S NOT ABOUT A NUMBER.
IT'S ABOUT WHETHER YOU JUST...
- NO, WE KNOW YOU'RE SO HAPPY.
- I KNOW 50-YEAR-OLD MEN
THAT ACT LIKE THEY'RE...
- HELLO.
- 18.
OH, YEAH, I'M SORRY...
- MY EX-HUSBAND!
[both laughing]
- I'M HAPPY TO SEE ADRIENNE.
SHE'S RUNNING AROUND WITH
A LITTLE BUSH BETWEEN HER LEGS.
THAT LITTLE BUSH BEING
JACOB BUSCH, HER NEW BOYFRIEND.
IF SHE'S HAPPY AND SHE'S GOT
THAT SMILE ON HER FACE,
THEN I'M HAPPY FOR HER
BECAUSE SHE WAS A BIT OF A MOODY
OLD COW WHEN SHE WAS WITH PAUL.
- WOW, THOSE SHOES MAKE
A LOT OF NOISE.
- THIS IS SO FUNNY.
- I KNOW.
- LOOK AT ALL
THE PEOPLE IN FRONT OF...
- I KNOW.
- IS THIS LIKE, WOW.
- I KNOW, RIGHT?
- WHO ARE WE MISSING HERE?
- WHO IS ALWAYS MISSING?
- KIM!
- WHERE'S KIM?
- WAIT, ONE, TWO, THREE...
WHERE'S KIM?
- WHERE'S KIM?
- WHERE IS KIM?
- WAIT, WHERE'S KIM?
- WHERE'S KIM?
- KIM IS M.I.A., AS USUAL.
- THERE'S SOMETHING MISSING.
I THINK I FOUND IT. - [laughs]
- WOW!
- HI!
- WOW.
- OH, MY GOSH.
- WELL, THE HAIR DOES GOOD.
I HAVE TO ADMIT, THOUGH.
- HI.
- HOW ARE YOU?
- GOOD, HOW ARE YOU?
- WE WERE JUST SAYING
SOMETHING WAS MISSING. - HI.
- HI, HOW ARE YOU? MWAH.
- I DON'T DO CONFLICT, REALLY.
USUALLY. [laughs]
I LOOK FORWARD TO
PUTTING ALL THAT BEHIND US.
IF WE HAVEN'T ALREADY.
OR DID WE?
THIS IS REMINDING ME
OF SOMETHING.
- [laughs]
- OH, ISN'T IT?
- RIGHT?
- NOW SAYING SOMEBODY'S INSECURE
DOESN'T SEEM SO DRAMATIC.
- BING.
[all laugh]
- THAT WAS SUCH A [bleep]ING...
- I CAN SAY NOW ON IT'S SECURE.
[all laugh]
- WE'RE HERE. THANK GOD.
LISA RINNA AND HARRY HAMLIN.
HEY! - HELLO.
- HELLO!
HI. AW.
HI, HONEY. HI, MY FAVORITES.
OH, MY GOSH, HI.
I REMEMBER YOLANDA GOING ON
AUDITIONS AND CASTINGS AND
SHE WOULD WALK IN THE ROOM,
AND THE WHOLE...
EVERYBODY WOULD BE LIKE,
"OH, MY GOD, THERE'S YOLANDA."
[gasps]
AND THE WHOLE ROOM WOULD STOP
BECAUSE SHE WAS THE IT GIRL,
LIKE SUPERMODEL.
THROUGHOUT THE '90s, AND I WOULD
SEE HER AROUND, YOU KNOW,
WHEN SHE WAS MARRIED TO MOHAMED.
- HELLO.
- HELLO!
- HI!
- CAMILLE!
- HOW ARE YOU?
- LISA!
SO GOOD TO SEE YOU.
- IT'S SO GOOD TO SEE YOU.
HOW ARE YOU? - GREAT, GREAT.
- IF YOU SPEND ENOUGH TIME
IN THIS TOWN...
DARLING!
THANK YOU, GIRL.
MY LITTLE TURTLE MAMA.
YOU KNOW EVERYBODY.
AND HOW ARE YOU?
EVERYTHING GOOD?
- YEAH, IT'S BEEN BUSY, CRAZY,
DOING PUMP.
WE'RE GETTING IT ALL TOGETHER.
- THREE RESTAURANTS?
- YEAH, WHATEVER, YEAH, EXACTLY.
- WHY?
YOU KNOW, WHEN I FIRST MET LISA,
I HAD NO IDEA THAT LISA
VANDERPUMP WAS AS RICH AS SHE IS
UNTIL WE STARTED TO GO TO SUR
AND SHE WOULD COME OUT
IN THIS DIAMOND NECKLACE
THAT I'LL NEVER FORGET,
AND I REMEMBER LOOKING AT HARRY
AND SAYING,
"THEY'RE FILTHY RICH."
[laughs]
HELLO, GORGEOUS. - HOW ARE YOU?
- MWAH. HI, BABY.
- I'M SO SWEATY, I'M SORRY.
- YOU ARE, BUT IT FEELS SO GOOD.
- I'M GOING TO WIPE DOWN.
- LOOK AT YOUR BOOBS.
- WHAT CAN I SAY?
- GOD, YOU HAVE SUCH GOOD BOOBS.
CAN I JUST TOUCH THEM?
THEY'RE SO GOOD.
- AH!
- YOU CAN TOUCH MINE.
- IS THAT RIGHT?
- I NEED TO GO DRY OFF.
I'M SO SWEATY.
I'LL BE BACK. - [laughs]
- HEY!
- WHAT KIND OF HUSBANDS ARE YOU?
YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE
GETTING US A DRINK.
- HELLO, DARLING.
- THEY'RE GOING.
- WHO'S GOING?
- YEAH, WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO GO
IN A MINUTE 'CAUSE...
- NO, YOU'RE NOT GOING.
- BUT IT'S THE WRAP PARTY.
- WE HAVE TO GO
TO THE MAD MEN WRAP PARTY.
- OH.
- FOR THE WHOLE SERIES.
IT'S THE SERIES WRAP PARTY.
- OH, REALLY?
- YEAH, THE WHOLE SERIES IS
OVER TONIGHT.
- HARRY, HE'S JUST A NICE MAN.
HE'S A GOOD HUSBAND
AND A GOOD FATHER,
AND I HAVE A LOT OF RESPECT
FOR THEM AND THEIR RELATIONSHIP.
IT SOUNDS LIKE I LOVE HIM SO
MUCH I WANT TO SWING WITH THEM.
I DON'T.
I JUST THINK THEY'RE GREAT.
[laughs]
- I'M NOT GOING UP TO ADRIENNE
IF SHE'S WITH LISA.
- WHERE IS SHE? I DON'T SEE.
- WHERE IS SHE AT?
SHE'S OVER THERE.
- WHERE?
I'M NOT GOING OVER THERE.
- TALKING TO KIM.
- WHERE?
- SHE'S NOT WITH LISA.
LISA'S OVER HERE.
- BUT WHERE?
- OVER THERE
WHERE THAT LIGHT IS.
- I HONESTLY DON'T HAVE TIME
FOR PETTY BULL[bleep].
I WAS POSITIVE PEOPLE AROUND ME,
AND IF YOU'RE GONNA GO BACK
AND BE LIKE, "WOE IS ME,
YOU SAID THIS OR THIS,
AND IT HURT MY FEELINGS,"
I CAN'T... LISTEN, LET'S SIT DOWN
WITH ADRIENNE, SQUASH IT,
AND MOVE ON.
- WHAT IS YOUR NAME AGAIN?
I'M SORRY.
- JACOB.
- JAKE.
- JACOB?
- YES.
- YEAH. I CALL HIM MR. JAKE.
- YEAH. [laughs]
- HOLD MY HAND
BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO FALL.
I'M AFRAID THAT
I'M NOT GONNA STAY IN CONTROL
AND I'M AFRAID
THAT I'M GONNA SNAP.
AND BE LIKE,
"WELL, YOU DID THIS, TOO."
BLA BLA, LIKE, BLA BLA BLA.
I KNOW ME, AND I CAN GO THERE.
LIKE THE LITTLE ANOREXIC,
BARKING CHIHUAHUA.
[barks like a Chihuahua]
- YEAH, SO...
AND... RIGHT? - THAT'S GOOD.
- BEAUTIFUL NIGHT.
- SO...
- WHERE YOU GOING?
YOU'RE NOT LEAVING.
- NO, WE'RE NOT LEAVING.
BUT... - YOU'RE NOT.
- I WOULD LOVE TO HAVE
A CONVERSATION WITH YOU.
DO YOU MIND?
I'M SORRY, I'M, LIKE,
I'M SWEATING.
I'M NERVOUS. IS IT OKAY?
- YEAH, NO WORRIES.
- OKAY.
WHAT I WANT FROM ADRIENNE IS
NOT TO BE BEST FRIENDS
AND JUST TO MOVE FORWARD,
AND IT WON'T BE AWKWARD
FOR EVERYONE AROUND US.
THANK YOU FOR SITTING WITH ME.
I FEEL LIKE MAYBE
WE DON'T DO THIS CHAIR BECAUSE
LAST TIME WE DID THIS CHAIR...
- OH, I REMEMBER THIS CHAIR.
- LET'S JUST DO THIS SIDE.
- YOU'RE A LOOSE CANNON BECAUSE
YOU JUST SAY WHATEVER YOU HEAR.
- YOU JUST
SAY WHATEVER'S ON YOUR MIND.
- WELCOME TO THE UNITED
[bleep]ING STATES OF AMERICA.
- EVERY SINGLE... LET'S STOP.
- LET'S... LET'S...
- STOP.
- IT'S GOING IN A CIRCLE
- STOP, STOP, STOP, STOP,
STOP, STOP, STOP.
- I JUST WANT TO SAY TO YOU,
I DON'T WANT TO DO...
I DON'T WANT TO HAVE
A MAJOR CONVERSATION HERE.
I THINK IT...
I THINK IT GOES BOTH WAYS
MAKING EACH OTHER ANGRY
AND IT'S NEVER GOOD TO BE ANGRY.
- COMING UP...
- I DON'T REALLY WANT
TO GO DANCE.
- I DON'T HAVE ANY ANGER
TOWARDS BRANDI.
I KIND OF FEEL SORRY FOR HER
BECAUSE I KNOW I'M
A [bleep]ING GOOD FRIEND.
- IT'S NEVER GOOD TO BE ANGRY.
I KNEW YOU WERE COMING TONIGHT,
AND I'VE JUST BEEN ANXIOUS
ALL DAY,
AND I WOULD LOVE TO EXPLAIN
CERTAIN THINGS TO YOU,
I DON'T WANT TO DO IT HERE. UM...
- WELL, IT'S NOT APPROPRIATE
TO DO IT HERE.
- RIGHT.
CAN... CAN I TAKE YOU TO COFFEE?
- LET'S DO THAT.
- I WAS SHOCKED THAT SHE WAS
REALLY RECEPTIVE,
'CAUSE SHE KNOWS KARATE,
AND SHE COULD'VE HURT ME.
HOPEFULLY.
THIS IS SINCERE.
- YEAH, WE'LL HAVE COFFEE.
LET'S DO THAT. - OKAY.
OKAY, THAT'S A GOOD... GOOD THING.
- YES.
[dance music]
- ADRIENNE! BRANDI?
KIM!
CAMILLE, TAYLOR.
WHERE'D LISA GO?
IT WAS REALLY FUN TO SEE
CAMILLE, ADRIENNE, TAYLOR,
YOLANDA, LISA, KIM,
ALL OF US TOGETHER.
NOW, OBVIOUSLY, THERE'S TIMES
WE HAVEN'T GOTTEN ALONG,
BUT WHEN YOU HAVE
THAT HISTORY TOGETHER,
THERE'S ALWAYS GONNA BE
THAT BOND.
♪♪ ♪♪
- I DON'T REALLY WANT
TO GO DANCE.
THERE'S DEFINITELY
A LITTLE BIT OF NEGATIVE ENERGY
AT THIS PARTY
BECAUSE LISA HAS A HARD TIME
FORGIVING AND FORGETTING.
I DON'T WANT THAT TO BE,
BECAUSE I'M GENUINELY SORRY,
AND... YOU KNOW,
IT GOES BOTH WAYS.
- THANK YOU SO MUCH.
- YOU'RE WELCOME.
- HEY, OMAR, HOW WAS THE GAME?
- YOU GUYS HAVE A GOOD TIME?
- YEAH, GOOD, THANKS.
- THANK YOU.
I DON'T HAVE ANY ANGER
TOWARDS BRANDI.
I KIND OF FEEL SORRY FOR HER,
BECAUSE I KNOW I'M
A [bleep]ING GOOD FRIEND,
AND I AM THERE WHEN YOU NEED ME.
NO, NO, NO,
SHE BURNED THAT BRIDGE.
- NEXT TIME, ON THE REAL
HOUSEWIVES OF BEVERLY HILLS...
- THE SAME TIME.
- UGH!
- THAT IS...
- SWEET.
- I LIKE THE ENERGY
THE YOUNG GUNS HAVE.
- HI, MY LOVE.
- WOW.
- [laughs]
- I'M SPEECHLESS.
I DON'T WANT WHAT TO SAY.
- HOW WOULD HE EVER KNOW
THIS IS US?
THEY WON'T EVEN KNOW WHO WE ARE.
WE'RE GONNA LOOK
VERY, VERY DIFFERENT.
[chuckles]
- I SWEAR, I THINK HE'S COMING.
- OH, MY GOD.
- I SWEAR TO GOD.
- OH, THIS IS A GOOD PART
FOR ME.
"SHE'S TRYING TO STAY
YOUTHFUL AND RELATABLE,
WITH HIGHLIGHTS."
- OOH, WITH HIGHLIGHTS.
[both laughing]
- I'LL DO ANYTHING
TO MAKE A BUCK.
I DON'T SAY NO VERY MUCH.
I SAY YES.
- THERE WAS SO MUCH NASTINESS.
JUST REMEMBER
WHO CERTAIN PEOPLE ARE
AND WHAT THEY'RE CAPABLE OF.
WHEN THAT LOYALTY IS GONE
IS IT AIR KISSING? BULL[bleep].
- I'M ACTUALLY GOING TO MEET
ADRIENNE MALOOF.
- OH, MY GOD.
- I WANT TO BE
ON MY BEST BEHAVIOR,
AND I DON'T TRUST MYSELF.
- HI, WELCOME TO RIVE GAUCHE.
- HI, HOW ARE YOU?
- TO LEARN MORE
ABOUT THE HOUSEWIVES,
HOUSEWIVES OF BEVERLY HILLS...
- YOU WANT TO RACE?
- WHOOP. AAH!
[crowd cheers] - LISA!
[cheers and applause]
- AAH!
- CAN WE CATCH A RIDE?
- WELCOME TO AMSTERDAM. WHOO!
- [laughs]
- CAN WE JUST GO IN ALREADY?
- IT'S REALLY IMPORTANT TO ME
PORTIA DOESN'T BECOME
A SPOILED BRAT.
- MWAH.
- HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
- I'LL DO ANYTHING
TO MAKE A BUCK.
I DON'T SAY NO VERY MUCH.
I SAY YES.
- HOW WOULD HE EVER KNOW
THIS IS US?
- KIM IS ABSOLUTELY
NUTBALL CRAZY.
- [bleep] YOU.
- WHAT DID YOU SAY?
- I-I DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING.
- WHOO!
- THE FIRST TIME I MET EILEEN
ON YOUNG AND THE RESTLESS,
TO ME, IT WAS LIKE,
"OH, MY GOD, THERE'S ASHLEY."
- DID YOU KILL ANYONE?
- NOT YET. BEING AN ACTOR,
PEOPLE ASSUME
THAT YOU LOVE TO HAVE
THE ATTENTION FOCUSED ON YOU.
PLEASE PAY ATTENTION TO ME!
DON'T PAY ATTENTION TO ME!
PLEASE PAY ATTENTION TO ME!
- YOLANDA?
- I KNEW SOMETHING WAS WRONG.
IT JUST THREW ME OFF.
- IT WAS A TRAGIC MISTAKE.
- IT'S JUST FEAR
THAT I HAVE TO DEAL WITH.
- EVERYONE IS
ENABLING AN ADDICT.
- I'M NOT GONNA KISS YOUR ASS.
- OH, ARE YOU WITH KYLE?
I REALLY DON'T THINK IT'S
ANYBODY'S [bleep] BUSINESS,
TO BE HONEST.
YOU ARE FEELING
HOW I FELT LAST YEAR.
I-I'M NOT... I'M...
- THIS IS NOT ABOUT YOU
RIGHT NOW, LISA!
- WHY WOULD ANYBODY DO THAT?
IT'S SO RUDE.
IT FELT LIKE A VIOLATION,
WHICH WAS SUPER CREEPY.
- SHE SLEEPS AROUND
AND TRIES TO STEAL MEN.
- DON'T [bleep] CALL ME
A HOME WRECKER.
OH!
- YOU [bleep]...
- WOW, REALLY?
- [bleep] DO THAT.
- DO YOU EVER
TAKE RESPONSIBILITY
FOR ANY OF YOUR ACTIONS?
- DON'T YOU [bleep]...
- [bleep] YOU!
- DON'T YOU EVER GO
AFTER MY [bleep] HUSBAND!
[overlapping shouts]
♪♪ ♪♪
- THROW ME TO THE WOLVES
AND I SHALL RETURN
LEADING THE PACK.
- CHARACTER ISN'T WHAT YOU HAVE.
IT'S WHO YOU ARE.
- YOU'VE HEARD A LOT ABOUT ME,
BUT IT'S ONLY TRUE
WHEN IT COMES FROM MY LIPS.
- I'M NOT A BITCH,
BUT I'VE PLAYED ONE ON TV.
- I'VE BEEN RICH
AND I'VE BEEN FAMOUS,
BUT HAPPINESS BEATS THEM BOTH.
- I'D RATHER SPEND MY LIFE
KICKING ASS
THAN KISSING IT.
- PLANES AND YACHTS ARE NICE,
BUT MY HAPPINESS STARTS AT HOME.
- IT'S SORT OF
A DISCO CIRQUE PARTY
WITH WHAT WE HAVE, RIGHT,
WITH THE DISCO NINJAS?
- YEAH.
- THEY'RE MAKING A BAR FOR YOU
THAT'S TUFTED, THAT'S...
THE WHITE AND SILVER.
- NICE.
- TUFTED.
- OKAY.
- THAT GLOWS,
IF YOU WANT IT TO GLOW.
- I WANT IT TO GLOW.
I'M ALL ABOUT THE GLOWING.
- YEAH.
- I KNOW YOU ARE.
- OKAY.
- NOW, LET'S TALK ABOUT...
YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT
WHAT WE SORT OF FEEL
THE WAY IT SHOULD BE?
'CAUSE I WANT TO... I HAVE...
- SHOULD WE GO OUTSIDE?
- I HAVE SUCH A GREAT
IDEA FOR YOU. - OKAY.
THE WHITE PARTY HAS GROWN
AND BECOME SUCH A BIG PARTY.
I MEAN, EVERY YEAR I FEEL LIKE
I WANT IT TO GET BETTER
AND BETTER AND BETTER.
AND IT PUTS A LOT OF
PRESSURE ON ME.
- WE'RE GONNA DO THE DANCE FLOOR
ON THIS SIDE.
WE'RE GONNA HAVE THE TENT... IT'S
GONNA BE SWAGGED GORGEOUSLY.
- RIGHT.
- IT'S GONNA LOOK BEAUTIFUL.
THE LOUNGES AND THE BOOTHS
THAT WE'RE GETTING...
- OKAY.
- AROUND HERE.
- WHAT ABOUT THOSE PLATFORMS
FOR THE DANCERS?
MAYBE TWO ON EACH SIDE
OF THE DANCE FLOOR?
- OH, OKAY.
ONE OF OUR CIRQUE PERFORMERS
IS A SNAKE-CHARMER.
- NO, I'M NOT HAVING
ANYTHING TO DO WITH A SNAKE.
THERE'S NO WAY.
THE BUDGET FOR THE WHITE PARTY
HAS PRETTY MUCH QUADRUPLED.
SO MY LITTLE DO-IT-MYSELF PARTY
THAT I DID WITH MY FRIENDS
HAS NOW TURNED
INTO THIS BEVERLY HILLS
EVENT OF THE YEAR PARTY
THAT EVERYBODY WANTS TO COME TO.
I NEED SOME ADVICE
REALLY QUICKLY.
SO THE WHITE PARTY NEEDS A THEME
OTHER THAN WHITE.
WHAT SHOULD WE DO?
- HOW COOL WOULD IT BE
IF, LIKE, WE DID,
LIKE, A WHITE CIRCUS,
WHERE, LIKE, WE HAVE
A BUNCH OF PEOPLE, LIKE,
FLAME-THROWERS, LIKE, DRESSED
IN ALL, LIKE, BEADED WHITE,
AND, LIKE, WHITE HORSES?
- LIKE A CIRQUE DU SOLEIL?
MY KIDS ARE ALL DOING FANTASTIC.
PORTIA IS AS FEISTY AS EVER.
- LET'S GET
A WHITE FERRIS WHEEL.
- I'M JUST SAYING.
- A WHITE FERRIS WHEEL!
SOPHIA IS NOW 5'9"
AND GOING INTO HIGH SCHOOL
FOR HER FIRST YEAR.
AND ALEXIA IS GOING
OFF TO COLLEGE,
WHICH IS REALLY SCARY.
FARRAH IS KILLING IT
IN REAL ESTATE AT THE AGENCY,
AND I COULDN'T BE MORE PROUD.
WE'RE JUST GOING
OVER EVERYTHING.
I'LL GIVE YOU
THE WHOLE RECAP LATER.
- SURE.
- OVER THE WHITE PARTY,
EVERYTHING.
I'M SO PROUD OF MAURICIO.
THE AGENCY'S JUST BLOWN UP.
WE HAD TO MOVE OFFICES.
HE'S OPENING EVERYWHERE.
HE'S NOW NUMBER-ONE BROKER
IN CALIFORNIA
AND NUMBER, I THINK,
SIX IN THE NATION.
- DO YOU WANT TO GO
OVER THIS GUEST LIST?
- YEAH, THERE'S A COUPLE PEOPLE
ON THERE THAT I DON'T KNOW
HOW THEY GOT ON THERE,
BY THE WAY.
- WELL, CAN WE DO IT NOW
BEFORE THEY OPEN THEM?
ALI AND ALEJANDRO HAVE RSVP'D.
WE HAVE TAYLOR COMING.
- TAYLOR AND JOHN.
- TAYLOR AND JOHN.
BLAIR CHANG, BRANDI,
BRENDAN AND MORGAN...
- WHO...
- BROOKE DAVENPORT.
- HAS LISA VANDERPUMP
RSVP'D YET?
- NO.
- LISA AND I HAVE NOT SEEN
EACH OTHER IN A LONG TIME.
LAST TIME WE SPOKE, WE DID NOT
LEAVE OFF IN THE BEST PLACE.
- DON'T HURL LIES.
- AT LEAST ADMIT ONE THING
YOU'VE DONE WRONG.
- KYLE, I WAS...
- CAN YOU NOT SAY ONE THING?
WE WERE BOTH HURT BY EACH OTHER,
BUT I THINK THAT
IF YOU'VE HAD A FRIENDSHIP
WITH SOMEONE
AND YOU CARED ABOUT THEM ENOUGH,
IT'S WORTH FIXING.
I ALSO DID NOT PUT
ADRIENNE AND PAUL.
- [laughs]
- THAT WAS YOUR BAD.
- I CORRECTED IT.
I CORRECTED IT.
COULD YOU IMAGINE?
- HOW DO YOU KNOW
SHE DIDN'T SEE THAT?
- BECAUSE IT ONLY SAYS
"SENT" AND "NOT OPEN."
- THAT'S EMBARRASSING.
- [sighs]
- YOLANDA?
IT TOOK ME SO LONG TO GET HERE.
- JEEZ, HOW ARE YOU?
- I KNOW.
THAT'S WHY I NEVER COME TO TOWN.
- I KNOW.
- THAT'S WHY I'M STUCK
ON THE MOUNTAIN HERE.
- OH. IT'S BEAUTIFUL.
- HOW ARE YOU?
- THERE'S A BETTER...
I MEAN, THERE'S NO BETTER PLACE
FOR YOUR STUFF, BUT...
- YEAH.
- ARE WE HIKING?
- WELL, LET'S GO TO THE BEACH.
IT'S SUCH A BEAUTIFUL DAY.
ALL RIGHT, LET'S GO.
MY LOVE.
- HI, HONEY.
- HOW ARE YOU?
- I'M GOOD, HOW ARE YOU?
- GOOD. WHERE YOU GUYS GOING?
- WE'RE GONNA GO
FOR A WALK ON THE BEACH.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
- WE'RE WORKING ON THE PLAY.
- WHAT ARE YOU... WELL,
CAN WE HEAR A LITTLE?
- NO.
- JUST A LITTLE.
- [laughs]
- ONE NOTE.
- WELL, I WAS JUST
ABOUT TO EXPLAIN TO THEM ABOUT...
[upbeat piano music]
- [laughs]
♪♪ ♪♪
WE GOT A JOB ON BROADWAY!
- RIGHT?
- YOU DO BETTER THAN ME.
♪♪ ♪♪
DAVID AND I ARE MOVING
TO A NEW CHAPTER OF LIFE.
- IT'S AMAZING.
- GOOD.
- WE'RE WORKING.
- SOLD.
- ALL RIGHT.
- SOLD.
- GIGI'S BEEN IN COLLEGE
FOR A YEAR,
BELLA'S LEAVING, YOU KNOW,
THIS AUGUST,
AND IT'LL JUST BE DAVID AND I
AND ANWAR, SO...
LIFE IS CHANGING.
- ALL RIGHT.
- LOVE YOU. BYE, GUYS.
- BYE, GUYS.
YOLANDA AND I ARE GREAT.
SHE'S INSPIRATIONAL
TO EVERYONE AROUND HER.
SHE'S THE BEST MOM,
SHE'S THE BEST WIFE,
SHE'S BATTLING THIS, YOU KNOW,
LIFE-THREATENING ILLNESS,
AND SHE'S STILL, LIKE,
DOING EVERYTHING BETTER
THAN MOST PEOPLE DO ANYTHING.
- OH, MY GOD.
- THAT'S CUTE.
- WHAT ARE THESE PEOPLE DOING
ON MY PROPERTY?
- ARE THEY...
IS THIS YOUR PROPERTY?
- YEAH. [laughs]
THAT IS SO FUNNY.
SOMEBODY MOVED IN.
HI.
- HOW YOU DOING?
- GOOD.
DO YOU KNOW
THAT THIS IS OUR PROPERTY?
- THIS IS?
- YEAH.
- OKAY, NO. I DIDN'T KNOW.
- [laughs]
IT'S CUTE, THOUGH.
YOU HAVE BEAUTIFUL STUFF.
- THANK YOU.
- IT'S NICE.
- MAYBE HOW LONG
ARE THEY GONNA BE HERE.
- WELL, AS LONG AS YOU'RE NOT
GONNA BE HERE EVERY DAY...
- NO.
- IT'S OKAY.
HAVE A GOOD DAY, AND I HOPE
YOU HAVE A LOT OF BUSINESS.
- ALL RIGHT.
- OKAY, SEE YOU, BYE.
THE PROPERTY IS 4 1/2 ACRES.
YOU KNOW, THAT'S A LOT OF LAND.
SO I DON'T REALLY KNOW
WHAT GOES ON
ON THE BOTTOM OF THE PROPERTY
OR ON THE TOP.
- OH, IT FEELS REALLY GOOD.
- YAY!
THE BEACH!
ISN'T IT GREAT?
WE GOTTA CONNECT TO THE EARTH.
- [laughs]
NO, YOU DO.
- FEEL.
- ALL RIGHT.
- DO YOU FEEL IT? DON'T YOU FEEL
WHEN YOU CONNECT TO THE EARTH?
- I DON'T FEEL ANYTHING.
- YOU DON'T FEEL THAT?
- UH-UHH.
- I'M AN EARTH CHILD.
I WAS BORN ON THE FARM,
AND YOU CAN TAKE THE GIRL
AWAY FROM THE FARM,
BUT YOU CAN'T TAKE...
HOW DO YOU SAY THAT? [laughs]
I LOVE IT.
- SO GIGI... SO TELL ME.
- GIGI'S GOOD.
GIGI'S IN NEW YORK.
- GIGI'S, LIKE, KILLING IT
IN THE MODELING SCENE.
- SHE'S DOING SO WELL.
DID I TELL YOU
SHE GOT THE TOM FORD CAMPAIGN?
- YES.
- AND LOOK AT GIGI
AND GOING LIKE, "OH, MY GOD."
SHE'S A TEN-TIME BETTER VERSION
OF WHAT I EVER WAS IN MY LIFE,
AND I THOUGHT I WAS
A GIRL WITH BALLS
AND I TOOK ON A LOT
EARLY ON IN LIFE,
BUT SHE JUST...
I MEAN, SHE'S DOING IT.
BELLA'S GOING OFF TO COLLEGE...
- THAT'S CRAZY.
- IN AUGUST, AND...
SO ALL IS JUST MOVING ALONG.
- I JUST NEED TO [bleep]ING
MOVE INTO A HOUSE,
BECAUSE WE'VE BEEN TWO MONTHS
NOW FLOATING AROUND.
- YEAH.
- WE'VE SPENT, LIKE,
OVER $40,000 IN TWO MONTHS
JUST WITH STORAGE AND MOVING
AND MOVING AGAIN AND...
- OH, MY GOD.
- HAVING TO GET FULLY FURNISHED,
LIKE, CONDOS TO STAY IN.
MY LIFE IS CRAZY HECTIC.
YOU KNOW,
I'M A MOTHER OF TWO BOYS.
MY ELDEST IS STARTING
JUNIOR HIGH,
WHICH I'M NOT OKAY WITH.
I'M MOVING INTO A NEW HOUSE,
AND IT IS A RENTAL,
BUT I'M HOPING TO BUY IT
AT THE END OF THE LEASE.
THIS YEAR, IT'S ALL POSITIVE.
- YES.
- I HAVE A THIRD BOOK DEAL.
I HAVE A PODCAST.
I HAVE AMAZING
OPPORTUNITIES IN BUSINESS.
I MEAN, IT COULDN'T BE BETTER,
SO I JUST WANT TO, LIKE,
MOVE FORWARD AND BE POSITIVE
AND GET RID OF ALL THE NEGATIVE
BULL[bleep] IN MY LIFE.
- WE NEED TO START MAKING
A CONSCIOUS DECISION
TO BE POSITIVE... - HAPPY.
- AND TO JUST MAKE HAPPY DAYS.
- YEAH.
I MEAN, I DON'T KNOW
WITH LISA AND EVERYTHING,
BUT I REALLY THINK...
I HOPE THAT WE CAN
ALL MOVE FORWARD WITH HER.
I KNOW LISA PROBABLY BETTER
THAN ANY OF THE GIRLS, AND,
YOU KNOW, SHE CAN NEVER ADMIT
TO EVER BEING WRONG
OR DOING WRONG.
I DO NOT WANT TO TALK TO SOMEONE
THAT [bleep] MY HUSBAND
WHILE I WAS PREGNANT.
- I GET IT, I GET IT, I GET IT.
- BUT YOU ALREADY...
YOU ALREADY GOT IT.
YOU ALREADY KNEW THAT.
- UGH.
- THE FACT IS,
WE'RE ALL IMPERFECT.
YOU KNOW, I'VE DONE WRONG,
SHE'S DONE WRONG,
BUT I CAN ADMIT WHEN I'M WRONG.
- LET'S CHECK OUT
THOSE LITTLE THINGS.
COME HERE.
- YOU HAVE TO FORGIVE TO BE
A GOOD FRIEND TO SOMEBODY.
AH!
THERE'S A CRAB RIGHT THERE!
- [laughs]
- JESUS CHRIST.
- IT'S OKAY.
- LISTEN,
I DON'T WANT TO BE EARTHY.
[bleep] THE EARTH. - [laughs]
- DARLING?
THERE YOU ARE.
TAKE THE SEX MONSTER.
- OH, OKAY, HI. OH.
I HAVE TO PUT MY CUP DOWN.
WHERE ARE YOU OFF TO?
- ALL RIGHT, BYE.
- WHERE ARE YOU OFF TO?
- I'M NOT TELLING YOU,
BUT I'LL BE BACK
IN A COUPLE OF HOURS.
IF I TELL YOU, YOU WON'T LET ME.
BYE. - WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
- BYE. I LOVE YOU.
- I LOVE YOU TOO.
- I FEEL THAT I HAVE SEPARATED
MYSELF FROM THIS GROUP
AFTER PUERTO RICO, AND, REALLY,
JUST TRIED TO FORGET
EVERYTHING THAT HAD GONE DOWN.
- YOU HAVEN'T CALLED ME.
YOU HAVEN'T CHECKED IN ON ME
LIKE YOU NORMALLY DO.
- OH, I HAVE, BRANDI.
YOU KNOW WHAT? I'M REALLY UPSET.
- I WANT TO KNOW THE TRUTH
ABOUT THE TABLOIDS
AND THE SUITCASE.
- ALL RIGHT, WE'VE BEEN SET UP.
- KEN HAD TWO DIFFERENT...
- WELL DONE.
- THERE'S... NOBODY'S...
- LISTEN.
- THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
- I THINK IT WAS VICIOUS.
I THINK IT WAS MEAN-SPIRITED.
I DON'T QUITE UNDERSTAND
WHERE IT CAME FROM,
BUT IT WAS A REAL EYE-OPENER.
SO I WILL WAIT
FOR EACH ONE OF THEM
TO REACH OUT TO ME,
AND WE'LL SEE.
HI. - HI.
- TABLE FOR TWO?
- THIS WAY.
- THANK YOU.
- HELLO.
HOW ARE YOU? - HOW ARE YOU?
GOOD. - GOOD TO SEE YOU.
- DON'T WORRY, I'VE ONLY
BEEN HERE HALF AN HOUR.
- OH, PLEASE.
HOW IS EVERYTHING?
- EVERYTHING'S GOOD.
- GOOD.
- A LITTLE CRAZY, BUT IT'S OKAY.
- CRAZY? WELL, CRAZY IS GOOD.
- EH.
- BETTER THAN BEING BORED.
I CALLED LISA AND I TEXTED HER
A NUMBER OF TIMES
WITH NO RESPONSE.
HONESTLY, I FELT THAT...
I WAS THE ONE
WHO SHOULD'VE BEEN CALLED.
- COMING UP...
- NO, I GOT A LITTLE...
- LOOK AT YOUR BOOBS.
- WHAT CAN I SAY?
- GOD, YOU HAVE SUCH GOOD BOOBS.
- YOU LOOK GOOD.
- I DO?
YOU LOOK SKINNY. - YEAH.
I DO? - YEAH.
- I'VE BEEN TRYING REALLY HARD.
HOW'S KEN, IS HE GOOD?
- YEAH, HE'S REALLY GOOD.
- AND PANDORA AND MAX?
- YEAH, THEY'RE ALL GOOD.
- GOOD EVENING, LADIES.
WELCOME TO PALMERI. - HI.
THANK YOU. - HI.
I-I'M GONNA START OFF
WITH A CHARDONNAY.
- I'LL HAVE A GLASS OF ROSE.
- OH...
- WOULD YOU LIKE TO HEAR
THE SPECIALS?
- UM...
- UM, YOU KNOW WHAT?
I'M JUST GONNA HAVE
THE BURRATA, PLEASE,
WITH THE HEIRLOOM TOMATOES.
- THAT'S MY FAVORITE.
IT'S A GREAT CHOICE.
- IT IS?
- IT IS, ABSOLUTELY.
- THEN I THINK I'M GONNA
HAVE THAT TOO, ACTUALLY.
- YEAH, THANK YOU.
- OKAY, NOT A PROBLEM.
- THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
- NOT A PROBLEM.
- IT'S BEEN AGES,
BUT, YOU KNOW, MAYBE...
BUT A DISTANCE WAS GOOD
BECAUSE IT ALL GOT A BIT
TOO KIND OF CRAZY AND...
- THE DISTANCE MADE YOU MISS ME.
- NO, NO, YOU MISSED ME.
- I DON'T DENY THAT.
- OKAY.
- I DON'T DENY THAT.
I MEAN, OBVIOUSLY, WHAT HAPPENED
HAPPENED, AND I'M...
- IT WAS ALL SO STUPID.
- HAPPY TO MOVE FORWARD.
- IT WAS ALL SO RIDICULOUS.
- BUT I'VE ALWAYS WANTED
TO MOVE FORWARD FROM ANY TIME
WE'VE HAD AN ISSUE.
- WELL, LET'S NOT EVEN
TALK ABOUT IT AGAIN, SHALL WE?
- YEAH...
- IF YOU WANT TO.
- I'M PRETTY GOOD ABOUT THAT.
- WELL I AM, BUT THEN
YOU DO KIND OF BRING IT UP.
- NO, WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
- YES, YOU DO,
LIKE ON THE EIFFEL TOWER.
- YOU'RE JUST DIFFERENT
TOWARDS ME AND YOU ACT DISTANT
AND ODD AND THEN... THEN...
- THERE WERE THINGS
YOU SAID TO ME
THAT WERE PRETTY MEAN.
- NO, I BRING IT UP
TO FIX THINGS.
- AND THEN YOU BRING IT UP.
- AND YOU BRING UP
THE THINGS THAT HAPPENED.
I'M... I WAS TRYING TO...
- WELL, LET'S NOT
BRING IT UP AT ALL.
- IT'S VERY HARD FOR LISA
TO TAKE ANY RESPONSIBILITY
WHEN SHE'S DONE SOMETHING WRONG.
BUT HER EVEN JUST SAYING,
"YOU KNOW WHAT?
I FEEL BAD.
I SHOULDN'T HAVE SAID THIS."
I WOULD BE...
SHOCKED AND HAPPY. [laughs]
I REALLY WANT TO MOVE FORWARD
AND NOT... - OKAY.
- YOU KNOW, AND...
HANDLE THINGS DIFFERENTLY.
- IT ALL GOT TOO COMPLICATED.
IT GOT TOO BITCHY.
IT GOT TOO AGGRESSIVE.
I JUST COULDN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE,
TO BE HONEST.
- ME EITHER.
THE SIDE OF LISA THAT I LOVE,
THAT I WANT TO HAVE BACK
IN MY LIFE,
IS THE LISA THAT IS FUNNY
AND BEAUTIFUL AND SMART
AND MAKES ME LAUGH, YOU KNOW?
SHE IS. SHE'S ALL THOSE THINGS.
SO...
I THINK THAT'S WHY
I STILL MAKE THAT EFFORT.
LET ME ASK YOU A QUICK QUESTION.
OR MAYBE THIS
IS DELVING TOO DEEP.
- YOU CAN ASK ME ANYTHING.
GO ON, I DON'T CARE.
- NO, BUT LAST TIME,
YOU SAID, "WELL, I DON'T WANT
ANYTHING FROM YOU."
- SO YOU WOULD LIKE...
YOU WOULD LIKE WHAT FROM KYLE?
- NOTHING.
- REMEMBER THAT?
WHEN YOU SAID THAT,
IT HURT MY FEELINGS.
- OH, FOR GOODNESS SAKE.
- NOT THAT I'M THINKING...
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
IT SEEMED LIKE
YOU WERE MORE OPEN
TO FORGIVING BRANDI THAN...
- I DON'T REALLY HAVE...
- THAN PATCHING THINGS WITH ME.
- I DON'T REALLY HAVE ANYTHING...
- THERE WAS NOTHING FOR YOU
TO FORGIVE WITH ME, BUT...
- EXACTLY.
- OKAY.
- YEAH, BUT, I MEAN, I DON'T...
- MAYBE THAT'S WHAT YOU MEANT.
- YEAH.
NOTHING. STOP, IT'S DONE.
NO?
- FOR ME, YEAH.
FOR ME, YEAH, FOR SURE. - YEAH.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
STOP GOING BACKWARDS.
GO FORWARD.
I JUST HOPE THAT KYLE AND I HAVE
ENOUGH OF A RELATIONSHIP,
REALLY, TO MOVE FORWARD
AND TO UNDERSTAND
THAT WHAT'S GONE DOWN
IS BEST LEFT IN THE PAST.
TO LOYALTY
AND TO NOT TALKING [bleep]
BEHIND EACH OTHER'S BACK.
- OH, AND WHO'S GONNA SAY
LOYALTY TO EACH OTHER
AND WHEN WE'RE NOT
WITH EACH OTHER.
- OH, 1,000%
- YEAH.
[cell phone ringing]
- HELLO?
- HELLO, HOW ARE YOU? IT'S KYLE.
- HI, KYLE.
I'M GOOD. HOW ARE YOU?
- I'M GOOD. WHAT'S GOING ON?
- LET'S SEE, WHAT AM I DOING?
I-I DON'T KNOW WHERE I'VE BEEN.
YOU KNOW WHEN YOU'VE BEEN
ON A PLANE SO MANY TIMES,
YOU'RE LIKE, "OKAY,
"AM I COMING? AM I GOING?
WHERE... WHERE AM I?"
- I-I KNOW THE FEELING. ME TOO.
I KNEW LISA FROM TELEVISION AND
LIVING IN THE SAME NEIGHBORHOOD.
I'D SEE HER AT SPINNING CLASS
AND KABBALAH CLASS.
OUR KIDS WERE IN A CLASS CALLED
"SPIRITUALITY FOR KIDS."
IT SOUNDS REALLY OBNOXIOUS.
WHATEVER.
- WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN DOING?
- I'M PLANNING, YOU KNOW,
THE ANNUAL WHITE PARTY.
I WANT TO BE SURE
THAT YOU HAVE IT ON YOUR RADAR.
- YES.
THE ONLY THING THAT WE HAVE...
IS THE MAD MEN WRAP PARTY.
- OKAY, SO THEN AT LEAST
COME BY THE WHITE PARTY,
HAVE SOME FUN WITH US,
AND THEN GO ON
TO THE MAD MEN PARTY.
- YEAH, IT'LL BE SO FUNNY
BECAUSE
YOUR PARTY BEING ALL WHITE,
WE'LL LITERALLY
HAVE TO DRIVE HOME, I THINK,
AND CHANGE OUR CLOTHES BECAUSE
IF WE SHOWED UP IN ALL WHITE
AT A MAD MEN PARTY,
WE WOULD LOOK LIKE JESUS.
[laughs]
I HAVE A REALLY FABULOUS LIFE
AND I WOULDN'T CHANGE IT
FOR THE WORLD.
I AM MARRIED TO HARRY HAMLIN.
HE'S CURRENTLY ON MAD MEN.
HE'S A [bleep] FOX.
- OKAY, GOOD, WELL, I'M GLAD
THAT YOU GUYS CAN MAKE IT.
- OF COURSE.
- AND WE LOOK FORWARD
TO SEEING YOU GUYS THEN.
- HI, LOVIES.
MWAH.
WE'RE GONNA GO TO THE CAR.
LET'S GO.
HOW WAS SCHOOL?
- IT WAS OKAY.
- I AM THE MOTHER
OF TWO GORGEOUS GIRLS.
DELILAH BELLE IS 16
AND AMELIA GRAY IS 13.
TELL ME ABOUT COACHELLA.
- WHAT ABOUT COACHELLA?
- I'M SO JEALOUS OF THEM.
- WELL, HOW WAS IT?
- THEY CAME BACK
AND THEY SAID IT WAS, LIKE,
THE BEST THING OF THEIR LIVES,
BUT THEY'RE, LIKE, RUBBING IT
IN ALL OF OUR FACES
AND, LIKE, SHOWING US
PICTURES OF IT
AND, OH, I'M SO JEALOUS.
- WHAT ARE YOU JEALOUS ABOUT?
- LIKE, EVERYTHING.
- IT IS A TRIP AND A HALF
RAISING TEENAGE DAUGHTERS.
SOMETIMES, I FEEL LIKE
I'M ON AN ACID TRIP.
THOUGH I'VE NEVER TAKEN ACID.
I IMAGINE THIS IS WHAT
AN ACID TRIP WOULD FEEL LIKE.
[playing acoustic guitar]
HARRY!
- WHAT?
- IS THIS THE VASE
I USE FOR THESE?
- YEAH.
- HARRY IS KING,
SO WE KIND OF
PLAY ALONG WITH THAT WITH HARRY.
WE LET HIM BE KING.
WE LET HIM BE GOD.
HOW MUCH DO I CUT AT THE BOTTOM?
- YOU HAVE TO BE AN ARTIST
ABOUT THIS, DARLING.
YOU GOTTA LOOK AT IT
AND YOU GOTTA GO,
"OH, THAT'S JUST EXACTLY
THE WAY I WANT IT."
DO IT THE WAY YOU WANT TO DO IT.
- OH, IS THAT HOW
I HAVE TO DO IT? - THAT'S RIGHT.
- DO I HAVE TO STAND BACK
AND GO,
"OOH, I'M GONNA DO IT
JUST LIKE THIS"?
- YES.
- ALL RIGHT, THANK YOU
VERY MUCH, SIR. [laughs]
SOMETIMES, I DON'T WANT
TO ANSWER TO GOD OR KING,
AND I REBEL AGAINST THAT.
IT'S MY OWN FAULT
FOR SETTING UP THE DYNAMIC.
- IT IS A GOOD THING
YOU GOT A CUTE BUTT
'CAUSE YOU'RE NOT
VERY GOOD WITH FLOWERS.
- AND DON'T YOU
[bleep]ING FORGET IT.
DON'T YOU [bleep]ING FORGET IT.
- [laughs]
- I'M AN ENTERTAINER. YOU KNOW?
I'M AN ACTOR/ENTERTAINER.
[laughs]
I DON'T KNOW
WHAT THE [bleep] I AM, REALLY.
THE HIGHLIGHTS OF MY CAREER
ARE BILLIE ON DAYS OF OUR LIVES.
ROXIE HART, CHICAGO ON BROADWAY.
UM...
MELROSE PLACE!
I FORGOT MELROSE PLACE.
TAYLOR MCBRIDE, HELLO!
- AH! OH!
- WHAT?
- OH.
- OH-HO-HO-HO.
- I FOUND THIS GUY OUTSIDE.
THIS IS THE RATTLESNAKE
THAT WAS OUTSIDE.
- HARRY, IT COULD JUMP OUT!
- AH!
- [laughs]
JUST CLOSE IT. - COVER IT!
PUT YOUR HANDS OVER THE TOP!
- NO, IT'S NOT GONNA JUMP OUT.
- OH, MY GOD, IT'S POISED TO.
- [laughs]
- IT'S COILED.
- I KNOW.
IT'S COILED, IT'S READY TO GO...
- IT'S LOOKING AT US.
BUT IT'S NOT GONNA JUMP OUT.
- IT'S LOOKING AT US.
- IT'S OKAY.
- IT'S LOOKING AT US.
- WHEN I'M WITH MY FAMILY,
WHEN I HAVE
ALL FOUR OF US TOGETHER,
I KNOW WHERE WE ALL ARE.
WE'RE ALL IN THE SAME PLACE.
THAT IS WHEN
I AM BLISSFULLY HAPPY.
LOOK AT THE COLORING, THOUGH.
THAT WOULD MAKE SUCH A PRETTY...
[snake rattles] - OH!
[all exclaiming and laughing]
- HARRY, IT'S GONNA JUMP OUT.
- COMING UP...
- DO WE HAVE TO GO TO THE PARTY?
- YES, WE DO. NOW, STOP.
IF WE DON'T GO,
IT'S GONNA LOOK REALLY BAD.
- OH, MY GOD, IT LOOKS SO GOOD.
I LOVE THE DETAIL.
LOOKING GOOD.
I NEVER IMAGINED,
WHEN IT WAS JUST MY FRIENDS
HELPING ME DO THIS LITTLE PARTY,
IT WOULD TURN IT INTO ONE
OF THE PARTIES OF THE YEAR
IN L.A. THAT EVERYBODY'S TRYING
TO GET ON THE LIST TO.
ARE YOU THE DANCER?
THE MALE DANCER?
- I CAN, I CAN BE.
- [laughs]
- I CAN BE.
- OH, BUT YOU'RE NOT?
- I'M NOT, NO.
I'M THE BARTENDER.
- WHY'D YOU ASSUME
HE WAS THE DANCER, AND NOT ME?
- HONEY. I'VE SEEN YOU...
[laughter]
- AS THE AGENCY HAS GROWN,
SO HAS THE WHITE PARTY.
WE'RE NOT JUST ENTERTAINING
OUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY.
NOW, WE'RE ENTERTAINING
CLIENTS AND AGENTS
AND WE BOTH WANT THIS TO BE
A REALLY BIG, FUN EVENT.
- WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?
I MEAN, HELLO.
- YOU READY?
- GETTING READY.
YOU'RE NOT READY.
- WELL, I'VE SHOWERED.
WE'RE NOT TAKING GIGGY, NO?
- NO. HE'LL CRY, THOUGH,
SO JUST DON'T LET HIM KNOW
WE'RE GOING OUT.
- DO WE HAVE TO GO TO THE PARTY?
- YES, WE DO. NOW, STOP.
IF WE DON'T GO,
IT'S GONNA LOOK REALLY BAD.
- OH, COME ON.
- GO PUT YOUR WHITE, YOU KNOW,
TENNIS SHORTS ON.
- I DON'T THINK I CAN STAND...
STAND ANOTHER FATBURGER.
- MAY I HAVE A CHEESEBURGER,
PLEASE?
- OKAY.
- OH, STOP IT. THAT'S SO RUDE.
- [laughs]
- THAT REALLY IS RUDE.
- THAT'S NOT RUDE.
- UH-UHH.
- COME ON.
- I MEAN, BRANDI MIGHT BE THERE,
BUT THAT'S OKAY.
I HAVEN'T SEEN HER IN...
- OH, CAN'T WAIT.
- HUH?
- I CAN'T WAIT.
- I THINK YOLANDA'S GOING.
- WELL, I SAW YOLANDA
THE OTHER DAY...
- I KNOW.
- WHEN YOU WERE
HAVING LUNCH WITH HER, SO...
- WE NEED TO MOVE ON.
IT BLEW OUT OF PROPORTION, BUT...
- IT START... IT DID, YEAH.
- BUT THE HEART OF IT WAS THAT I
JUST MISSED YOU WHEN I WAS SICK,
AND I WANTED YOU
TO PAY MORE ATTENTION TO ME,
BUT I UNDERSTAND
THAT YOU ARE BUILDING
THIS HUGE, BIG NEW RESTAURANT
AND THAT YOUR TIME WAS THERE,
AND I GET IT. THAT'S WHY.
I MEAN, IT'S... FOR ME, IT'S DONE.
- I THINK SO 100%.
- YOU KNOW?
- I DON'T WANT TO GO
BACKWARDS AT ALL.
- NO, ME NEITHER.
- AND IT'S GOOD TO SEE YOU.
- IT'S GOOD TO SEE YOU TOO.
- I'M GONNA PUT IT
IN THE BACK OF MY MIND.
- I'LL PUT SOMETHING
IN YOUR BACK...
[laughs] - AND...
- IN THE BACK OF YOUR BEHIND.
- UH-HUH.
- CAN YOU GO AND GET
YOUR ASS IN GEAR, PLEASE?
- [laughs]
- I'M SWEATY BETTY RIGHT NOW.
- YES.
ARE YOU? - I DON'T KNOW WHY.
I THINK I'M ANXIOUS FOR TONIGHT.
- WELL, IT'S A LOT.
THERE'S A LOT OF PEOPLE
GONNA BE THERE TONIGHT.
- THAT'S YOUR PHONE.
AT THE MOMENT,
WE'RE STAYING IN A CONDO.
IT'S TEMPORARY.
I DON'T THINK IT MATTERS
WHERE YOU LIVE.
I MEAN, AS LONG AS LOVE
IS THERE.
MY KIDS SLEEP IN MY BED, ANYWAY.
- WHO ALL'S GONNA BE...
LIKE, WHO, LIKE, EVERYONE?
LIKE...
- LISA, TAYLOR,
ADRIENNE, CAMILLE.
CAMILLE IS GREAT.
YOU'LL LOVE HER, SHE'S AWESOME.
- I'M EXCITED TO MEET CAMILLE.
- SHE'S REALLY SWEET.
I'M FEELING ANXIETY BECAUSE
I HAVEN'T SEEN LISA FOR A WHILE,
AND I HAVEN'T SEEN ADRIENNE
SINCE I RAN INTO HER
AT THE POLO LOUNGE
AND WE DIDN'T SPEAK,
WHICH WAS VERY UNCOMFORTABLE.
HERE, HAVE A SEAT.
I'M GONNA JUST FINISH THIS UP
REAL... AND THEN I'LL GO
TO THE HAIR CHAIR.
WHAT I AM NERVOUS ABOUT
IS SEEING LISA.
I FEEL LIKE, "WAH!"
I HAVEN'T SEEN LISA AND KEN
IN MONTHS.
I WANT TO BE FRIENDS WITH THEM
AND APOLOGIZE.
IT REALLY SUCKED THAT THEY
BACKED OFF OF OUR FRIENDSHIP.
IT REALLY HURT MY FEELINGS.
- I DON'T THINK I COULD EVER
LET YOU BACK INTO MY LIFE.
- YOU KNOW I LOVE YOU. [cries]
BUT I CARE ABOUT THEM IMMENSELY
AND I WANT TO MOVE FORWARD.
- ARE WE DOING GLITTER?
- NO, WE DON'T NEED GLITTER.
WE'LL SAVE GLITTER.
THAT'S ADRIENNE MALOOF'S DEAL.
I DON'T WANT TO STEAL
HER GLITTER.
- THAT LOOKS GOOD, ALEXIA.
- YEAH?
- YOUR EYE MAKEUP LOOKS PRETTY.
- WAIT, CAN I PICK OUT
MY NAIL POLISH?
- YOU'RE NOT WEARING
NAIL POLISH.
WE'RE TAKING
YOUR NAIL POLISH OFF.
WHAT DO YOU NEED ME TO DO?
- I'M GETTING READY.
DO YOU LIKE THESE?
- I DO.
OKAY? - MWAH.
YOU LOOK HOT.
- READY?
- HI.
WELL, EAT YOUR DINNER,
AND THEN...
I KNOW YOU GUYS LIKE FISH.
[both laughing]
HI, GIRLS.
- HELLO.
- WAIT, HONEY.
- YEAH.
- SHOULD WE HAVE THEM THERE
RIGHT NOW?
OR ON THE PLATFORM OVER THERE?
- UNTIL YOU HAVE MUSIC
OVER THERE,
UNTIL YOU TURN IT UP,
YOU NEED TO HAVE THEM HERE.
- RIGHT.
- YOU CAN'T HAVE THEM
WITHOUT MUSIC.
- THERE'S TONS OF FOOD
BEING PASSED,
THERE'S A SUSHI BAR, WE HAVE
A FATBURGER TRUCK COMING.
MOHAMED.
- KYLE.
- HOW ARE YOU?
- I WAS JUST SAYING,
"WHO IS THAT WOMAN
IN THAT BEAUTIFUL..."
- MM. HOW ARE YOU?
- "MOST GORGEOUS DRESS?"
- HOW ARE YOU?
- WOW, PRETTY.
HI, GUYS.
- HI, HOW ARE YOU? MWAH.
- THANK YOU, GOOD.
- NICE TO MEET YOU, AS WELL.
- HI, HOW ARE YOU?
- YOLANDA, HOW ARE YOU?
- MMM.
- HOW ARE YOU?
Both: NICE TO SEE YOU.
- GLAD YOU MADE IT.
- OF COURSE.
- HI, GORGEOUS GIRLS.
- HEY!
- WOW. FANTASTIC.
- YAY, LOOK HOW GREAT THIS IS.
- HI.
- HI.
- HOW ARE YOU?
- HEY.
- HOW ARE YOU? NICE TO SEE YOU.
- IT'S SO GOOD TO SEE YOU.
- YOU LOOK GREAT.
IT'S SO GOOD TO SEE YOU.
- HI.
- HELLO!
- ELIZABETH.
- NICE TO SEE YOU.
- MMM.
- I'M SO GLAD YOU'RE HERE.
- ME TOO.
- SO GOOD TO SEE YOU.
- WE ARE READY
TO HAVE FUN TONIGHT.
- COME ON IN.
- I GOT YOU A FUN BOOK.
- OH, NO, NOT AGAIN.
WHAT IS THIS?
A PICTURE OF US?
HUGGING? - I WISH.
- A BOOK.
"HOW TO BEHAVE AND WHY."
- [laughs]
- SO NOW...
- I'M GLAD WE MOVED
THROUGH THAT, AND MOVED PAST...
- "I SEE YOU MADE AN EFFORT."
- [laughs]
- "COMPLIMENTS, INDIGNITIES,
AND SURVIVAL STORIES
FROM THE EDGE OF 50."
[all laughing] - CUTE.
WHAT A COOL COVER.
- THAT IS SO CUTE.
THANK YOU.
- THAT IS REALLY CUTE.
- MWAH.
- YOU KNOW IT'S A JOKE, RIGHT?
- I KNOW IT'S A JOKE.
- IT'S FUN, IT'S...
- CAMILLE AND I STARTED OFF
PROBABLY WANTING
TO KILL EACH OTHER.
- YOU SAID IT TO ME.
YOU SAID IT.
- I NEVER TALKED LIKE THAT.
- I WOULDN'T MAKE THAT UP.
- YOU'RE SUCH
A [bleep]ING LIAR, CAMILLE.
AND NOW,
TO BE SUCH GOOD FRIENDS,
YOU JUST LOOK BACK AND THINK,
"WHAT A WASTE OF TIME
THAT ARGUING WAS."
- I LIKE THE PINK PANTIES.
- I LOVE THE PINK PANTIES TOO.
I'M GONNA HAVE TO GET
SOME OF THOSE.
- AND I ACTUALLY
WANT TO READ IT.
- OH, LOOK, IT'S WHITE CARPET.
I LIKE THAT.
- OH, YEAH, NICE.
- THIS IS A GOOD START.
LOOK HOW PRETTY IT LOOKS.
- OH, YEAH, NICE.
- THIS IS A GOOD START. - YOU DON'T EVEN...
WHAT? - YES!
- DID YOU JUST SAY THE "P" WORD?
- IT'S BRIGHT PINK.
- YES, YOU'RE ALLOWED
TO SAY THAT IN ENGLAND.
DO YOU WANT TO SEE IT?
- YEAH, I DO.
- THEN GO ON.
GO PUT YOUR HEAD UNDER THERE.
- OKAY, LET ME SEE IT TOO.
- I'M JOKING.
OH, FOR GOD'S SAKE. - [laughs]
- MY DOG'S PINK,
SO WHY SHOULDN'T MY PUSSY BE?
[dance music]
- HI, TINY DANCER.
♪♪ ♪♪
- YOU LOOK SO BEAUTIFUL.
HOW IS EVERYTHING NOW?
HOW IS THE RESTAURANT?
- EVERYTHING...
- I THINK PUMP LOOKS GREAT.
I THOUGHT IT LOOKED SO PRETTY.
- IT WAS SO MUCH WORK.
- LOOK AT THIS.
- WHAT?
- OH, MY GOD.
- OKAY, THAT'S FUN.
- OKAY, GET IN THERE.
THE OLD CAMILLE I KNEW
WOULD BE IN THERE. - [laughs]
- SHAKING YOUR BOOBIES.
- THAT WAS ME THREE YEARS...
THREE YEARS AGO.
- HI. OR WERE YOU WERE GONNA
SHAKE MY HAND? - [laughs]
- LOVE SHAKING HANDS.
- [laughs]
- HELLO.
- I WAS THINKING THAT WE SHOULD
JUMP IN THE POOL TONIGHT.
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
- WELL THEN YOU GO FIRST.
I'LL BE RIGHT BEHIND YOU.
- [all laughing]
- NO, I'M HOLDING YOUR HAND
WHEN I JUMP.
WELL, LISA HAS A HARD TIME
TO SAY "I'M SORRY."
I ACCEPT HER FOR WHO SHE IS
AND WHAT SHE IS.
YOU KNOW, LIFE GOES ON.
ONCE YOU ACCEPT SOMEBODY
FOR WHO THEY ARE, YOU KNOW,
YOU CAN MOVE ON.
AND I MOVED ON
A LONG, LONG TIME AGO.
- TAYLOR.
- YOU KNOW...
- LOOK AT YOU.
- WHOA, TAYLOR'S HERE?
- LOOK AT YOU.
- OH, MY GOD.
- LOOK AT YOU.
- I AM!
- UNDO WITH THAT, WE'RE MARRIED.
- HI!
AW. all: AWW.
- ARE YOU WORKING IT.
- WELL, LOOK AT YOU, BABY.
WORKING IT OUT LIKE ALWAYS.
- YEAH.
- HELLO.
- HOW ARE YOU?
- HEY. HOW ARE YOU?
- HOW ARE YOU?
- I'M GOOD, THANK YOU.
- HI, JOHN.
- HI.
- [laughs]
both: MM.
- YAY.
- YOU LOOK SO PRETTY.
- TAYLOR'S ALWAYS BEEN
A GREAT FRIEND TO ME.
SHE'S NEVER STABBED ME
IN THE BACK
AND SHE'S JUST A GOOD PERSON
AND SOMEONE WHO'S GONE THROUGH
VERY DIFFICULT TIMES.
- I'M SCARED.
AND I LOVE HIM.
I DO.
- I'M GONNA BE
FIGHTING FOR SOMETHING
THAT REALLY IS NOT WORTH
FIGHTING FOR, TO BE HONEST.
AND NOW TO SEE HER
HAPPY AND MARRIED,
AND KENNEDY HAVING A GREAT
STEPDAD WHO'S ADOPTED HER,
IT JUST, YOU KNOW, IT'S AMAZING.
I LOVE IT.
- IT'S NICE TO BE AROUND WITH
OUR GROUP OF FRIENDS AGAIN.
I MEAN, 'CAUSE I WAS AWAY IN
TEXAS GETTING MY CANCER SURGERY
AND TREATMENTS,
AND YOU WERE GONE IN COLORADO.
IT'S NICE TO SEE EVERYBODY.
- NOW WE'RE BACK,
AND YOU WON'T BE ABLE
TO SHAKE US.
[all laughing]
- OH, I'VE GOTTA GO BACK
TO ENGLAND TO GET RID OF YOU.
- YOU HAVE TO REALLY HOLD ME
BECAUSE THIS STUFF IS
HARD TO WALK ON WITH HEELS.
HI, HOW ARE YOU? - GREAT.
- HI, NICE TO SEE YOU.
- WELCOME.
- THANK YOU.
- HI, GUYS.
- OH, MY GOSH.
- HOW ARE YOU?
- HOW ARE YOU, HONEY?
- ARE YOU COMING?
- YEAH.
- OH, MY GOD, WHAT, LIKE,
WE DIDN'T BR...
THEY HAVE THREE GIFTS.
- THAT'S WHAT I SAID.
- NO, WE NEVER BRING GIFTS.
- THAT'S WHY I WAS LIKE...
- HI, GUYS!
- HI!
- HOW CUTE DO YOU LOOK.
- OH, HOW ARE YOU?
HOW ARE YOU? - I'M GOOD.
- YOU'RE GOOD?
- AH.
I'VE BEEN HAVING
THE WORST ANXIETY TODAY.
THIS IS WHY
WE WERE A LITTLE LATE.
- YOU HAD ANXIETY? WHY, HONEY?
- JUST WITH ALL OF THESE
LOVELY PEOPLE
THAT I HAVEN'T SEEN FOR SO LONG.
- NO.
ADRIENNE AND I
HAD A FALLING OUT.
- WHY DO YOU LIE?
- NO.
- THIS HAS NOTHING
TO DO WITH YOU.
- GET YOUR FINGER
OUT OF MY FACE.
- NO, NO, NO.
MY FINGER'S NOT IN YOUR FACE.
- REALLY?
HOW... OH, ARE YOU KIDDING?
- NO, ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
- ARE...
- SHE HAS.
- MORE COMMENTS WHEN YOU HAVE
A SMILE ON YOUR FACE?
- ON MY CHILDREN.
- YOU ARE LYING.
- I GUESS YOU WEREN'T DOING
ANYTHING. - REALLY, I'M LYING?
- DON'T DO THAT
ON YOUR CHILDREN.
- BUT WHY DID YOUR... REALLY?
I'M AM NOT LYING, BITCH.
- YOU LIE.
- [bleep] YOU.
- YOU'RE A PIECE OF [bleep].
- I REVEALED SOMETHING
I SHOULDN'T HAVE SAID,
AND SHE TALKED ABOUT MY FAMILY
IN WAYS SHE SHOULDN'T HAVE.
IT WAS JUST A REALLY DISASTROUS,
NEGATIVE SITUATION TO BE IN
FOR BOTH OF US.
- THERE'S ADRIENNE.
- WHERE IS ADRIENNE?
- MY GOD.
COME ON, WE'VE GOT TO SAY HI.
- OKAY.
- OH.
OH! - OH.
- [bleep] IT. LET'S JUST DO IT.
- THERE'S NO EASY WAY TO DO IT.
- COMING UP...
- I SEE YOU SOCIALLY.
I SAW YOU AT POLO.
I SEE YOU HERE AND THERE.
I'M LIKE, "AH."
AND I DON'T WANT IT
TO BE WEIRD WITH US.
- DO YOU... WILL YOU ORDER
YOUR SISTER A FATBURGER?
SHE LIKES KETCHUP ONLY
AND PICKLES.
- NO. THAT'S NOT MY TASTE.
- THAT'S NOT YOUR TASTE?
- OKAY.
[laughs] - TELL ME YOUR TASTE.
- CAN I HAVE ONLY FRENCH FRIES?
- ONLY FRENCH FRIES.
- PORTIA HAS FOUND HER VOICE.
SHE IS SIX YEARS OLD,
GOING ON 35,
AND SHE WAS NO PROBLEM
SAYING WHAT SHE WANTS,
WHEN SHE WANTS IT,
AND HOW SHE'S GONNA GET IT.
- SHE SAID YES.
- OH, WOW.
PORTIA, LICKETY-SPLIT,
YOUR SISTER HAS TWO FATBURGERS
FOR YOU GUYS.
- WAIT.
- YOU AND ELLIE...
- THIS IS NOT HOW WE LIKE IT,
MOM.
- NO, WAIT.
- THIS IS NOT HOW YOU LIKE IT?
- BUT THIS HAS NO PICKLES ON IT.
- I'LL BE TAKING THAT.
THANK YOU.
- I KNOW, I'M STARVING.
- YOU KNOW WHAT?
YOU BETTER LET
YOUR MOM HANDLE THIS.
- ALL RIGHT, OKAY, COME ON,
LET'S GO.
YOU READY? - YEAH.
EW.
I DON'T LIKE
TOMATOES AND LETTUCE.
- [bleep] IT. LET'S JUST DO IT.
- THERE'S NO EASY WAY TO DO IT.
- HELLO.
- OH, LOOK WHO'S HERE.
- OH, MY GOD.
- [laughs]
- HI, HELLO.
- I JUST SAW YOU OVER THERE.
- HOW ARE YOU? OH, MY GOSH.
- HI.
- SO WEIRD.
- HI, HOW ARE YOU?
- HOW ARE YOU?
- GOOD.
- HI.
- HI, HOW ARE YOU?
- OH, MY GOD.
YOU LOOK FABULOUS. - HELLO.
- IT'S REALLY UNCOMFORTABLE
WITH LISA AND ADRIENNE
BEING IN THE SAME SPOT
WHEN I GO TO SAY HELLO.
- IT'S SO GOOD TO SEE YOU.
- BUT THIS IS SO WEIRD.
- SO GOOD TO SEE YOU.
- HI, HOW ARE YOU?
- WOW, THAT'S HOT.
- YEAH.
- LOOKING BEAUTIFUL.
- YOU KNOW, YOU JUST FEEL LIKE
AN OUTSIDER,
LIKE A... LIKE YOU'RE IN HIGH
SCHOOL AND THEY'RE IN A CLIQUE
AND YOU'RE NOT INVITED IN.
AND IT'S LIKE,
NOT COOL.
- WHAT?
- I KNOW.
- THIS IS SO FUNNY.
- I KNOW, IT'S SO WEIRD.
- [laughs]
- LIKE OLD TIMES.
- I KNOW.
- RIGHT?
- YEAH.
- THIS IS UNCOMFORTABLE.
- [laughs]
- I KNOW.
I'M REALLY BLESSED.
- I MEAN, HOW ARE YOU 75
AND ROLLING YOUR EYES?
- WHAT'S GOING ON?
- NOTHING.
- NOTHING?
- JUST HANGING OUT
WITH KATHERINE.
- YOU'RE JUST HANGING OUT
AT THE BAR?
- MARTIN.
- [laughs]
- HOW ARE YOU?
- I'M GOOD, HOW ARE YOU?
- GOOD.
- MM.
- I AM NOT COMFORTABLE.
I'M NOT PART OF THE CLUB
ANYMORE.
I FEEL LIKE I'VE BEEN
EXCOMMUNICATED FROM THE GIRLS
BECAUSE LISA THE GODDESS
SAID I HAVE TO G.O.
IT'S LIKE MEAN GIRLS
WITH LINDSAY LOHAN,
BUT THEY'RE ALL 78.
- HI, HOW ARE YOU?
- HI, GOOD.
- THIS IS DEFINITELY REMINISCENT
FROM WHEN I WAS ON CRUTCHES
AND I FIRST MET
THIS GROUP OF WOMEN.
- WHY WOULD YOU WEAR A STILETTO
WHEN YOU HAVE A BROKEN LEG?
- EXCUSE ME. IT'S A WEDGE!
- NO, WAIT, WHEN YOU...
- SO YOU CAN LOSE YOUR BALANCE
AND GET ANOTHER BROKEN LEG.
- [laughs]
- THAT IS SO BITCHY.
I LOVE IT. - [laughs]
- AND SHE FELL OFF HER SHOE.
- I'M TRYING TO BE
THE GROWN-UP HERE,
AND THAT'S LIKE A FIRST FOR ME.
- YOU ARE, BUT YOU SHOULD BE
A LITTLE MORE, LIKE, ASSERTIVE.
- I DON'T WANT TO.
- DUDE, I, LIKE, I'VE HAD...
- WELL, YOU SHOULD.
- I'M... I'M IN, LIKE,
A PEACEFUL PLACE.
I GOT ENOUGH
[bleep]ING STRESS IN MY LIFE.
[sighs]
- DR. THOMAS MARINARO?
- YEAH, HE'S ON THE LIST.
- OKAY.
- THAT'S MY CHIROPRACTOR.
- WAIT, ADRIENNE,
HOW OLD'S YOUR BOYFRIEND?
HE'S SO CUTE. - [laughs]
- HE'S OLD ENOUGH.
- HE'S OLD ENOUGH TO DRINK.
THAT'S ALL THAT MATTERS.
- OLD ENOUGH TO KNOW
HOW TO HAVE
A GREAT RELATIONSHIP.
- HE CAN DRIVE.
- IT'S NOT ABOUT A NUMBER.
IT'S ABOUT WHETHER YOU JUST...
- NO, WE KNOW YOU'RE SO HAPPY.
- I KNOW 50-YEAR-OLD MEN
THAT ACT LIKE THEY'RE...
- HELLO.
- 18.
OH, YEAH, I'M SORRY...
- MY EX-HUSBAND!
[both laughing]
- I'M HAPPY TO SEE ADRIENNE.
SHE'S RUNNING AROUND WITH
A LITTLE BUSH BETWEEN HER LEGS.
THAT LITTLE BUSH BEING
JACOB BUSCH, HER NEW BOYFRIEND.
IF SHE'S HAPPY AND SHE'S GOT
THAT SMILE ON HER FACE,
THEN I'M HAPPY FOR HER
BECAUSE SHE WAS A BIT OF A MOODY
OLD COW WHEN SHE WAS WITH PAUL.
- WOW, THOSE SHOES MAKE
A LOT OF NOISE.
- THIS IS SO FUNNY.
- I KNOW.
- LOOK AT ALL
THE PEOPLE IN FRONT OF...
- I KNOW.
- IS THIS LIKE, WOW.
- I KNOW, RIGHT?
- WHO ARE WE MISSING HERE?
- WHO IS ALWAYS MISSING?
- KIM!
- WHERE'S KIM?
- WAIT, ONE, TWO, THREE...
WHERE'S KIM?
- WHERE'S KIM?
- WHERE IS KIM?
- WAIT, WHERE'S KIM?
- WHERE'S KIM?
- KIM IS M.I.A., AS USUAL.
- THERE'S SOMETHING MISSING.
I THINK I FOUND IT. - [laughs]
- WOW!
- HI!
- WOW.
- OH, MY GOSH.
- WELL, THE HAIR DOES GOOD.
I HAVE TO ADMIT, THOUGH.
- HI.
- HOW ARE YOU?
- GOOD, HOW ARE YOU?
- WE WERE JUST SAYING
SOMETHING WAS MISSING. - HI.
- HI, HOW ARE YOU? MWAH.
- I DON'T DO CONFLICT, REALLY.
USUALLY. [laughs]
I LOOK FORWARD TO
PUTTING ALL THAT BEHIND US.
IF WE HAVEN'T ALREADY.
OR DID WE?
THIS IS REMINDING ME
OF SOMETHING.
- [laughs]
- OH, ISN'T IT?
- RIGHT?
- NOW SAYING SOMEBODY'S INSECURE
DOESN'T SEEM SO DRAMATIC.
- BING.
[all laugh]
- THAT WAS SUCH A [bleep]ING...
- I CAN SAY NOW ON IT'S SECURE.
[all laugh]
- WE'RE HERE. THANK GOD.
LISA RINNA AND HARRY HAMLIN.
HEY! - HELLO.
- HELLO!
HI. AW.
HI, HONEY. HI, MY FAVORITES.
OH, MY GOSH, HI.
I REMEMBER YOLANDA GOING ON
AUDITIONS AND CASTINGS AND
SHE WOULD WALK IN THE ROOM,
AND THE WHOLE...
EVERYBODY WOULD BE LIKE,
"OH, MY GOD, THERE'S YOLANDA."
[gasps]
AND THE WHOLE ROOM WOULD STOP
BECAUSE SHE WAS THE IT GIRL,
LIKE SUPERMODEL.
THROUGHOUT THE '90s, AND I WOULD
SEE HER AROUND, YOU KNOW,
WHEN SHE WAS MARRIED TO MOHAMED.
- HELLO.
- HELLO!
- HI!
- CAMILLE!
- HOW ARE YOU?
- LISA!
SO GOOD TO SEE YOU.
- IT'S SO GOOD TO SEE YOU.
HOW ARE YOU? - GREAT, GREAT.
- IF YOU SPEND ENOUGH TIME
IN THIS TOWN...
DARLING!
THANK YOU, GIRL.
MY LITTLE TURTLE MAMA.
YOU KNOW EVERYBODY.
AND HOW ARE YOU?
EVERYTHING GOOD?
- YEAH, IT'S BEEN BUSY, CRAZY,
DOING PUMP.
WE'RE GETTING IT ALL TOGETHER.
- THREE RESTAURANTS?
- YEAH, WHATEVER, YEAH, EXACTLY.
- WHY?
YOU KNOW, WHEN I FIRST MET LISA,
I HAD NO IDEA THAT LISA
VANDERPUMP WAS AS RICH AS SHE IS
UNTIL WE STARTED TO GO TO SUR
AND SHE WOULD COME OUT
IN THIS DIAMOND NECKLACE
THAT I'LL NEVER FORGET,
AND I REMEMBER LOOKING AT HARRY
AND SAYING,
"THEY'RE FILTHY RICH."
[laughs]
HELLO, GORGEOUS. - HOW ARE YOU?
- MWAH. HI, BABY.
- I'M SO SWEATY, I'M SORRY.
- YOU ARE, BUT IT FEELS SO GOOD.
- I'M GOING TO WIPE DOWN.
- LOOK AT YOUR BOOBS.
- WHAT CAN I SAY?
- GOD, YOU HAVE SUCH GOOD BOOBS.
CAN I JUST TOUCH THEM?
THEY'RE SO GOOD.
- AH!
- YOU CAN TOUCH MINE.
- IS THAT RIGHT?
- I NEED TO GO DRY OFF.
I'M SO SWEATY.
I'LL BE BACK. - [laughs]
- HEY!
- WHAT KIND OF HUSBANDS ARE YOU?
YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE
GETTING US A DRINK.
- HELLO, DARLING.
- THEY'RE GOING.
- WHO'S GOING?
- YEAH, WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO GO
IN A MINUTE 'CAUSE...
- NO, YOU'RE NOT GOING.
- BUT IT'S THE WRAP PARTY.
- WE HAVE TO GO
TO THE MAD MEN WRAP PARTY.
- OH.
- FOR THE WHOLE SERIES.
IT'S THE SERIES WRAP PARTY.
- OH, REALLY?
- YEAH, THE WHOLE SERIES IS
OVER TONIGHT.
- HARRY, HE'S JUST A NICE MAN.
HE'S A GOOD HUSBAND
AND A GOOD FATHER,
AND I HAVE A LOT OF RESPECT
FOR THEM AND THEIR RELATIONSHIP.
IT SOUNDS LIKE I LOVE HIM SO
MUCH I WANT TO SWING WITH THEM.
I DON'T.
I JUST THINK THEY'RE GREAT.
[laughs]
- I'M NOT GOING UP TO ADRIENNE
IF SHE'S WITH LISA.
- WHERE IS SHE? I DON'T SEE.
- WHERE IS SHE AT?
SHE'S OVER THERE.
- WHERE?
I'M NOT GOING OVER THERE.
- TALKING TO KIM.
- WHERE?
- SHE'S NOT WITH LISA.
LISA'S OVER HERE.
- BUT WHERE?
- OVER THERE
WHERE THAT LIGHT IS.
- I HONESTLY DON'T HAVE TIME
FOR PETTY BULL[bleep].
I WAS POSITIVE PEOPLE AROUND ME,
AND IF YOU'RE GONNA GO BACK
AND BE LIKE, "WOE IS ME,
YOU SAID THIS OR THIS,
AND IT HURT MY FEELINGS,"
I CAN'T... LISTEN, LET'S SIT DOWN
WITH ADRIENNE, SQUASH IT,
AND MOVE ON.
- WHAT IS YOUR NAME AGAIN?
I'M SORRY.
- JACOB.
- JAKE.
- JACOB?
- YES.
- YEAH. I CALL HIM MR. JAKE.
- YEAH. [laughs]
- HOLD MY HAND
BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO FALL.
I'M AFRAID THAT
I'M NOT GONNA STAY IN CONTROL
AND I'M AFRAID
THAT I'M GONNA SNAP.
AND BE LIKE,
"WELL, YOU DID THIS, TOO."
BLA BLA, LIKE, BLA BLA BLA.
I KNOW ME, AND I CAN GO THERE.
LIKE THE LITTLE ANOREXIC,
BARKING CHIHUAHUA.
[barks like a Chihuahua]
- YEAH, SO...
AND... RIGHT? - THAT'S GOOD.
- BEAUTIFUL NIGHT.
- SO...
- WHERE YOU GOING?
YOU'RE NOT LEAVING.
- NO, WE'RE NOT LEAVING.
BUT... - YOU'RE NOT.
- I WOULD LOVE TO HAVE
A CONVERSATION WITH YOU.
DO YOU MIND?
I'M SORRY, I'M, LIKE,
I'M SWEATING.
I'M NERVOUS. IS IT OKAY?
- YEAH, NO WORRIES.
- OKAY.
WHAT I WANT FROM ADRIENNE IS
NOT TO BE BEST FRIENDS
AND JUST TO MOVE FORWARD,
AND IT WON'T BE AWKWARD
FOR EVERYONE AROUND US.
THANK YOU FOR SITTING WITH ME.
I FEEL LIKE MAYBE
WE DON'T DO THIS CHAIR BECAUSE
LAST TIME WE DID THIS CHAIR...
- OH, I REMEMBER THIS CHAIR.
- LET'S JUST DO THIS SIDE.
- YOU'RE A LOOSE CANNON BECAUSE
YOU JUST SAY WHATEVER YOU HEAR.
- YOU JUST
SAY WHATEVER'S ON YOUR MIND.
- WELCOME TO THE UNITED
[bleep]ING STATES OF AMERICA.
- EVERY SINGLE... LET'S STOP.
- LET'S... LET'S...
- STOP.
- IT'S GOING IN A CIRCLE
- STOP, STOP, STOP, STOP,
STOP, STOP, STOP.
- I JUST WANT TO SAY TO YOU,
I DON'T WANT TO DO...
I DON'T WANT TO HAVE
A MAJOR CONVERSATION HERE.
I THINK IT...
I THINK IT GOES BOTH WAYS
MAKING EACH OTHER ANGRY
AND IT'S NEVER GOOD TO BE ANGRY.
- COMING UP...
- I DON'T REALLY WANT
TO GO DANCE.
- I DON'T HAVE ANY ANGER
TOWARDS BRANDI.
I KIND OF FEEL SORRY FOR HER
BECAUSE I KNOW I'M
A [bleep]ING GOOD FRIEND.
- IT'S NEVER GOOD TO BE ANGRY.
I KNEW YOU WERE COMING TONIGHT,
AND I'VE JUST BEEN ANXIOUS
ALL DAY,
AND I WOULD LOVE TO EXPLAIN
CERTAIN THINGS TO YOU,
I DON'T WANT TO DO IT HERE. UM...
- WELL, IT'S NOT APPROPRIATE
TO DO IT HERE.
- RIGHT.
CAN... CAN I TAKE YOU TO COFFEE?
- LET'S DO THAT.
- I WAS SHOCKED THAT SHE WAS
REALLY RECEPTIVE,
'CAUSE SHE KNOWS KARATE,
AND SHE COULD'VE HURT ME.
HOPEFULLY.
THIS IS SINCERE.
- YEAH, WE'LL HAVE COFFEE.
LET'S DO THAT. - OKAY.
OKAY, THAT'S A GOOD... GOOD THING.
- YES.
[dance music]
- ADRIENNE! BRANDI?
KIM!
CAMILLE, TAYLOR.
WHERE'D LISA GO?
IT WAS REALLY FUN TO SEE
CAMILLE, ADRIENNE, TAYLOR,
YOLANDA, LISA, KIM,
ALL OF US TOGETHER.
NOW, OBVIOUSLY, THERE'S TIMES
WE HAVEN'T GOTTEN ALONG,
BUT WHEN YOU HAVE
THAT HISTORY TOGETHER,
THERE'S ALWAYS GONNA BE
THAT BOND.
♪♪ ♪♪
- I DON'T REALLY WANT
TO GO DANCE.
THERE'S DEFINITELY
A LITTLE BIT OF NEGATIVE ENERGY
AT THIS PARTY
BECAUSE LISA HAS A HARD TIME
FORGIVING AND FORGETTING.
I DON'T WANT THAT TO BE,
BECAUSE I'M GENUINELY SORRY,
AND... YOU KNOW,
IT GOES BOTH WAYS.
- THANK YOU SO MUCH.
- YOU'RE WELCOME.
- HEY, OMAR, HOW WAS THE GAME?
- YOU GUYS HAVE A GOOD TIME?
- YEAH, GOOD, THANKS.
- THANK YOU.
I DON'T HAVE ANY ANGER
TOWARDS BRANDI.
I KIND OF FEEL SORRY FOR HER,
BECAUSE I KNOW I'M
A [bleep]ING GOOD FRIEND,
AND I AM THERE WHEN YOU NEED ME.
NO, NO, NO,
SHE BURNED THAT BRIDGE.
- NEXT TIME, ON THE REAL
HOUSEWIVES OF BEVERLY HILLS...
- THE SAME TIME.
- UGH!
- THAT IS...
- SWEET.
- I LIKE THE ENERGY
THE YOUNG GUNS HAVE.
- HI, MY LOVE.
- WOW.
- [laughs]
- I'M SPEECHLESS.
I DON'T WANT WHAT TO SAY.
- HOW WOULD HE EVER KNOW
THIS IS US?
THEY WON'T EVEN KNOW WHO WE ARE.
WE'RE GONNA LOOK
VERY, VERY DIFFERENT.
[chuckles]
- I SWEAR, I THINK HE'S COMING.
- OH, MY GOD.
- I SWEAR TO GOD.
- OH, THIS IS A GOOD PART
FOR ME.
"SHE'S TRYING TO STAY
YOUTHFUL AND RELATABLE,
WITH HIGHLIGHTS."
- OOH, WITH HIGHLIGHTS.
[both laughing]
- I'LL DO ANYTHING
TO MAKE A BUCK.
I DON'T SAY NO VERY MUCH.
I SAY YES.
- THERE WAS SO MUCH NASTINESS.
JUST REMEMBER
WHO CERTAIN PEOPLE ARE
AND WHAT THEY'RE CAPABLE OF.
WHEN THAT LOYALTY IS GONE
IS IT AIR KISSING? BULL[bleep].
- I'M ACTUALLY GOING TO MEET
ADRIENNE MALOOF.
- OH, MY GOD.
- I WANT TO BE
ON MY BEST BEHAVIOR,
AND I DON'T TRUST MYSELF.
- HI, WELCOME TO RIVE GAUCHE.
- HI, HOW ARE YOU?
- TO LEARN MORE
ABOUT THE HOUSEWIVES,