The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills (2010–…): Season 4, Episode 8 - She Hears You, She Hears You Not - full transcript

- PREVIOUSLY ON THE REAL
HOUSEWIVES OF BEVERLY HILLS...

- HEY! OFF!
- HEY, KINGSLEY!

KINGSLEY! KINGSLEY! - OFF! OFF!

- KINGSLEY!
- OFF!

- HOW MANY BARS DID WE DO
IN LONDON,

AND EVERY TIME WE DID THEM
YOU WERE SCARED?

WHAT ARE YOU WORRIED ABOUT?

- THERE'S JUST
SO MANY COMPONENTS

THAT GO INTO OPENING
A VENUE LIKE THIS.

IT'S A BIT OF A NIGHTMARE.

- I'M PLANNING A DINNER PARTY
AT MY HOUSE,



AND WE ARE THINKING

THAT THE CANADIAN TENORS
MIGHT BE IN TOWN,

SO I REALLY WANTED
YOU GUYS TO MEET THE GUYS.

- IF THIS IS A STEP
IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION,

I'M ALL FOR IT.

- WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH THAT?
- HOW DID YOU KNOW?

- GIVE IT TO ME NOW!

- JACLYN, DO YOU WANT ONE,
JACLYN?

JACLYN? JACLYN?

JACLYN? JACLYN.

- I WILL NOT ACKNOWLEDGE YOU
WHEN YOU CALL ME JACLYN.

- JOYCE IS A BIG, FAT PIG.

- NO MATTER WHAT I DO,

YOU GUYS ARE ALWAYS GONNA SIDE
BECAUSE YOU GUYS ARE A TEAM.



- NO, IT'S NOT...
- YOU'RE A GANG.

- WE'RE NOT A TEAM, WE'RE...

SWEETHEART,
I'M ALMOST 50 YEARS OLD.

WE DON'T DO TEAM
AND WE DON'T DO...

WE'RE NOT IN HIGH SCHOOL.

- YOUR HOUSE WAS BROKEN INTO.

- ARE THE DOGS OKAY?
- WE CAN'T FIND CHICA.

- WHAT THE [bleep]
ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

- WE GOT TO GET THE SIGNS UP
RIGHT AWAY.

- I NEED TO GO HOME. [crying].

[dramatic music]

- I'M FROM THIS TOWN.

I KNOW WHAT'S REAL
AND WHAT'S FAKE.

- DON'T TELL ME
YOU'RE MY FRIEND.

ACT LIKE ONE.

- IN BEVERLY HILLS,

THE HIGHER YOU CLIMB,
THE FARTHER YOU FALL.

- EVERYBODY LOVES A COMEBACK
STORY, ESPECIALLY STARRING ME.

- IN MY WORLD,
MONEY DOESN'T TALK.

IT SWEARS.

- YOU CAN NEVER BE TOO YOUNG,

TOO THIN, OR TOO HONEST.

- LIFE IS A SEXY LITTLE DANCE,
AND I LIKE TO TAKE THE LEAD.

- HI, YOLANDA.
- HEY!

- HOW ARE YOU? GOOD TO SEE YOU.

- NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN.

I WAS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD...
- PERFECT.

- SO I THOUGHT I'D STOP BY...
- ABSOLUTELY.

- AND SEE WHAT YOU HAVE.
- ALL RIGHT.

WELL, LET'S GO FIGURE OUT
WHAT YOU WANT TO MAKE.

- I'M DOING
A LITTLE DINNER PARTY.

- WHAT'S THE DINNER PARTY FOR,

SO I KNOW WHAT
WE'RE WORKING AROUND.

- WELL, WE HAVE
THE CANADIAN TENORS...

- OH!
- WHICH IS AN INCREDIBLE

GROUP FROM CANADA.
YOU KNOW, THEY'RE TOURING

AND THEY HAVE ONE NIGHT OFF
AND THEY'RE COMING TO THE HOUSE.

THIS IS REALLY THE FIRST NIGHT
WE'RE ENTERTAINING

IN THE PAST NINE MONTHS
SINCE I'VE GOTTEN SICK,

SO I THOUGHT IT'D BE PERFECT
TO INVITE ALL THE GIRLS

AND HAVE A NICE PARTY.

- EXCITING.
- EXCITING. YEAH.

I LOVE GIVING DINNER PARTIES.

IT ADDS TO MY SPIRIT
AND IT MAKES ME...

YOU KNOW, IT MAKES ME HAPPY.

- COLOR-WISE YOU SAID, LIKE,
LIGHT PINKS AND...

- YEAH. LIKE, MAYBE PEONIES.

OH, THOSE ARE BEAUTIFUL. YEAH.

THIS IS MY FAVORITE FLOWER.
IT'S BEAUTIFUL.

I, OF COURSE, AS A TYPICAL
DUTCH GIRL, LOVE FLOWERS.

WHAT ARE THESE?
- AND THEN THOSE ARE CALL...

THAT'S A NEW VARIETY OF ROSE,
ACTUALLY.

- I WAS RAISED IN THE COUNTRY

WITH THE MOST BEAUTIFUL FLOWERS
IN THE WORLD.

OH, I LOVE THAT. IT'S LIKE AN...

- AND WE COULD MIX THE PINK
ROSES WITH THE PEONIES

AND THE HYDRANGEA, TOO.

- NOW, I DON'T WANT TO
SOUND OBNOXIOUS,

BUT I CAN SEND $1,000 ON FLOWERS
AND ORCHIDS,

AND THAT'S A LOT OF MONEY
ON FLOWERS.

PEOPLE WORK A WHOLE MONTH
FOR THAT.

- SO ABOUT $125 SIZE IS GOOD?

- YEAH. THIS IS PERFECT.

- OKAY. GREAT.
- I LOVE IT.

SOME GIRLS IN BEVERLY HILLS
ARE ADDICTED TO SHOES.

SOME GIRLS
ARE ADDICTED TO PURSES.

OH, THAT IS SO BEAUTIFUL.

I LOVE FLOWERS.

- FANTASTIC.
WELL, WE'RE EXCITED TO BE

A PART OF ANOTHER ONE
OF YOUR DINNER PARTIES.

- PALM SPRINGS
ENDED UP IN A DISASTER,

SO I WANT TO GO OUT OF MY WAY
TO MAKE THIS DINNER BEAUTIFUL.

- THANK YOU.

- ALL RIGHT. WELL, THANK YOU.

BYE, GUYS. - YOU'RE WELCOME.

- NICE TO SEE EVERYBODY.
THANK YOU.

- HELLO. WELCOME.

- HOW ARE YOU? GOOD EVENING.

OHOVEN. - TWO?

- FOR TWO, YES.
- PLEASE, RIGHT THIS WAY.

- THANK YOU SO MUCH.

- RIGHT HERE.

- THANK YOU, MY LOVE.

MY BABY. - HOW NICE, MY GIRL.

- BABY, LEO GOT HIS YELLOW BELT
IN KARATE.

- OH, HOW BEAUTIFUL.
- HE WENT "KYAH AND YA!"

- MIND STRONG...

both:
SPIRIT STRONG, BODY STRONG.

- KYAH! A LOT OF PEOPLE SAY

THAT THEY HAVE TO WORK
AT KEEPING ROMANCE ALIVE.

WITH MICHAEL AND I,
IT JUST COMES NATURAL.

- HI, HOW ARE YOU?
- HI, GOOD.

HOW ARE YOU DOING?

- I LIKE THE CRISPY RICE
SPICY TUNA.

- THE MISO SOUP IS FOR ME.
- MISO SOUP? THANK YOU.

- I THINK WHEN YOU'RE IN LOVE,

THERE'S NO WORKING ON
KEEPING THINGS ALIVE.

THINGS ARE ALIVE BECAUSE
YOU'RE JUST MADLY IN LOVE

AND OBSESSED WITH EACH OTHER.

SO YOLANDA IN PALM SPRINGS

INVITED US TO THIS DINNER PARTY
AT HER HOME.

- WHAT'S THE OCCASION?

- SHE'S FEELING BETTER
FROM THE LYME DISEASE,

SO SHE WANTS TO CELEBRATE.

I CAN'T IMAGINE HER FEELING SICK
FOR SO LONG...

- TRUE.
- AND THEN SUDDENLY...

- TRUE.
- WHEN YOU'RE FEELING BETTER,

YOU DO WANT TO CELEBRATE, SO...
- LET'S DO IT, THEN.

- REGARDLESS OF WHATEVER COMMENT
BRANDI MAKES,

I'M STILL GONNA HAVE A GOOD TIME

BECAUSE I'M GONNA BE WITH
MY BABY,

AND WHEN I'M WITH MY BABY,
I ALWAYS HAVE A GOOD TIME.

I WISH I WOULD HAVE GONE TO PALM
SPRINGS WITH YOU AND THE KIDS.

THEY'RE JUST SO NEGATIVE,
SOME OF THEM.

IT'S JUST TERRIBLE, AND ON TOP
OF IT THEY WERE SO RUDE.

SO NEGATIVE.

THEN I SAID,
"LET'S GO TO THE POOL."

WE GO TO THE POOL.
WE'RE PREPARING DRINKS.

EVERYTHING IS NICE.

SUDDENLY, BRANDI IS LIKE,
"TAKE YOUR CLOTHES OFF."

YOU KNOW THAT I CANNOT SWIM?

I KID YOU NOT. I CAN'T SWIM.

- YOU'RE A BLACK PERSON.
[laughs]

- NO, SHE... NO.
- YEAH.

- NO, SHE DIDN'T SAY THAT.
- YEAH.

- COME ON.
- YEAH.

LIKE, TOTALLY RACIST, AND
I'M LIKE, "YEAH, I'M BLACK."

- UNBELIEVABLE.
- I WAS...

I WAS SHOCKED.

PUERTO RICANS ARE INDIANS,
AFRICAN, AND SPANISH,

SO IF YOU WANT TO MAKE
YOUR STUPID REMARKS,

DO THEM ON YOUR OWN OR WITH
YOUR GROUP OF FRIENDS

THAT DOESN'T GIVE A [bleep]
ABOUT WHAT YOU SAY.

SO WE GO TO DINNER AND SHE
STARTS SAYING,

"JACLYN!"
SHE'S LIKE, "JACLYN! JACLYN!"

AND SHE KEEPS TALKING TO ME,
REFERRING TO ME AS JACLYN.

- THAT'S SO DISRESPECTFUL.
- WHICH SHE SAID IT ALREADY

AT THE POOL, BUT I LET IT GO.
- SO DISRESPECTFUL.

AND AT ONE POINT I SAID TO HER,
"LISTEN, I'M NOT GONNA

ACKNOWLEDGE YOU UNTIL YOU CALL
ME BY MY PROPER NAME,"

AND THEN SHE SAYS, "OH,
BUT YOU SHOULDN'T BE A JOYCE.

JOYCE IS LIKE A BIG FAT PIG."

- NO.
- YEAH.

"YOU'RE LIKE A LATINA,
LIKE A PRETTY LATINA.

YOU SHOULD BE JACLYN,
NOT JOYCE."

I MEAN, HOW DARE SHE?
HOW DARE SHE?

- I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS.

- I SHOULD HAVE SAID,
"WELL, BRANDI'S JUST A WHORE."

BRANDI IS SO DISRESPECTFUL.

IF YOU'RE GONNA COME TO A TRIP
AND BE RUDE TO YOUR HOST,

THEN WHY DIDN'T YOU
JUST STAY HOME?

ANYWAY, LET'S STOP TALKING
ABOUT THEM.

- OKAY. WE HAVE A GOOD DINNER,
AT LEAST.

- CHEERS, MY LOVE. I LOVE YOU.

- I DO LOVE YOU, MY LOVE.
I'M GLAD I HAVE YOU BACK,

MY LITTLE GIRL. - I LOVE YOU.

[motor hums]

- CHICA!
- CHICA!

- CHICA?

- THERE. OKAY, THAT'S GOOD.

ALL RIGHT. SHOULD WE GO UP HERE?

I TOLD THE KIDS
THAT I WOULD GET HER BACK.

SO IT'S JUST LIKE ONE MORE LOSS
IN THEIR LIVES.

THEY LOST THEIR MOM AND DAD
TOGETHER,

AND I'M JUST THINKING I HAVE TO
PROTECT THESE LITTLE MEN.

I HAVE TO GET CHICA BACK
NO MATTER WHAT.

- HI, GUYS.
- HEY.

- HI.
- HI.

- WE'RE HERE.
- YAY.

- PORTIA, LET'S GO FIND CHICA.

WE HAVE TO HAVE GOOD ENERGY,
OKAY?

WE HAVE TO THINK.
WE HAVE TO HAVE GOOD ENERGY.

WE HAVE TO, LIKE, BELIEVE IN IT,
AND WE BE...

WE BELIEVE WE CAN DO IT.
- OKAY, LET'S GO.

- HI, GUYS.
- HI.

- BRANDI.
- YOU GOT REALLY GOOD

WALKING SHOES ON.
- OBVIOUSLY BRANDI AND I

HAVE HAD OUR PROBLEMS
IN THE PAST,

BUT I FEEL TERRIBLE
HER DOG IS MISSING,

AND I'LL DO ANYTHING
TO HELP HER.

- YUP.
- AH!

THIS IS NOT THE BEST TAPE
IN THE WORLD.

- WE HAVE TO HIT
EVERY STOP SIGN.

DID YOU PUT IT ON THIS SIDE?
ON THIS SIGN TOO.

WE HAVE TO KEEP SAYING
OUR PRAYERS, OKAY?

CAN YOU SAY A PRAYER
TO FIND CHICA?

- OKAY.

- [sighs]
- SO YOU TOLD THE BOYS THAT...

- I TOLD THE BOYS THAT CAMERON
LOST THE DOGS BECAUSE...

WELL, I FIRED HER, NUMBER ONE.

- WELL...
- AND I SAID CHICA'S TAG

WASN'T ON, AND THAT'S WHY
NO ONE'S CALLED,

AND THAT I'M GONNA FIND HER,

'CAUSE I'M GONNA FIND HER,
RIGHT?

- YES. WE'RE GONNA FIND HER,
BUT WE NEED TO TELL THEM

MAYBE THAT SOMEONE WANTED
HER SO BADLY AND IS

PROBABLY IN SOMEONE'S HOME...
- THAT'S WHAT I SAID.

- AND THEY'RE TAKING
CARE OF HER.

- I SAID SOMEONE
PROBABLY ALREADY FOUND HER.

I GO, "BUT ONCE SHE STARTS
PEEING, THEY'RE GONNA CALL US."

IF SOMETHING GOES WRONG, WE'RE
ALL THERE FOR ONE ANOTHER,

EVEN WITH KYLE AND KIM
AND ALL OF OUR ISSUES.

WE DO CARE ABOUT EACH OTHER

REGARDLESS OF THE [bleep]
PETTY BULL[bleep].

- PORTIA, YELL "CHICA!"
- CHICA!

- EVERY SINGLE DOOR
HAS TO BE HIT.

- [sighs]
- YOU OKAY?

- YEAH.
I JUST... I HAVE A BAD FEELING,

AND I-I KNOW I NEED TO
STAY POSITIVE.

I JUST CAN'T. I DON'T KNOW WHY.

IN MY HEART,

I'M GOING THROUGH THE MOTIONS.

I'M PUTTING UP SIGNS FOR A DOG

THAT I THINK GOT KILLED
BY COYOTES.

I AM A LITTLE PESSIMISTIC WHEN
IT COMES TO LOSS IN MY HEART

BECAUSE OF THINGS
THAT I'VE GONE THROUGH,

BUT I HAVE TO SHOW MY KIDS
THAT YOU JUST NEVER GIVE UP.

[melancholy music]

[background chatter]

- COMING UP...

- [gasps] WHAT IS THIS?

- NO! IT DOESN'T GO THERE.

- WHERE DOES IT GO?

- ELIZY?
- YEAH?

- CAN YOU GRAB ME, FROM THE
GIRLS, A NOTEPAD AND PENCIL?

- YEAH.
- 'CAUSE I WANT TO

JUST DO THE MEASUREMENTS,
AND THEN I WANT TO KIND OF

FIGURE OUT A PLATFORM.
- RIGHT THIS SECOND?

- YEAH. YEAH.
- OKAY.

COOL. - YEAH!

CONSIDERING THAT OUR HOUSE IS
COMPLETELY OPEN-PLANNED...

SO THERE'S REALLY NOT A LOT OF
PRIVACY THERE FOR DAVID AND I...

IT'S HARDER TO PLAN OUR MOMENTS,

AND I'M NOT INTO TWO MINUTES.
I'M JUST SAYING.

THIS IS OUR PLAYROOM.

- I KNOW.
- YEAH.

SO WHAT I WANT TO DO IS...

I HAVE IDEAS.

I WANT TO MAKE IT KIND OF
LIKE THE '20s,

KIND OF LIKE A BURLESQUE STYLE.

- YES.
- OKAY, SO... TO DO.

I WANT A ROOM IN THE HOUSE

WHERE I CAN LOCK THE DOOR

AND COMPLETELY HAVE
NO INHIBITIONS WHATSOEVER.

SO THIS BURLESQUE ROOM IS GONNA
BE MUM AND DADDY'S PLAYROOM.

ON THIS WALL... I WANT TO

COMPLETELY JUST MIRROR
THAT WALL.

AND THEN THIS REALLY IS
THE STAGING WALL, AND THEN...

- MORE SO THAN THIS WALL?
- WELL, I WAS WONDERING,

BUT I'M... IT'S NOT LIKE I'M GONNA
HAVE A [bleep] AUDIENCE.

- RIGHT. [laughs]
- RIGHT?

AN AUDIENCE OF ONE, OR POSSIBLY
TWO IF YOU BEHAVE.

OKAY, SO WHAT I WANT TO DO
IS PUT...

- I'LL BEHAVE.
- [laughs]

- NOT ONLY IS ELIZY
MY SON'S NANNY,

SHE'S ALSO ONE OF
MY BEST FRIENDS,

AND SHE'S INCREDIBLY PLAYFUL

AND SO INAPPROPRIATE
THAT I LOVE IT.

- WELL, I REALLY LIKE THE RED.

- ISN'T IT SEXY?

IT'S GOT A LITTLE BIT OF A...

- HEY.
- HEY.

[laughs] ALL RIGHT, SO, UM...

- I WANT TO SEE YOU IN THIS.
- REALLY?

ELIZABETH IS LIKE AN ANGEL,

BUT HER HALO IS REALLY,
REALLY [laughs] FAR DOWN.

SHE'S NOT AS INNOCENT
AS SHE PRETENDS.

- WHAT IS THIS?

- LEG THINGIES.

- WHAT?
- WELL, NO, ACTUALLY,

THESE ARE WRISTS.
NO, THESE ARE ANKLES.

WELL, THE... I DON'T KNOW.

ANYWAY, THEY'RE RESTRAINTS.

DAVID DOES NOT KNOW YET
WHAT HE'S IN FOR.

HE KNOWS THAT I HAVE SOMETHING
BREWING DOWNSTAIRS, SO TO SPEAK,

BUT I THINK HE'LL BE
A VERY HAPPY BOY.

- [gasps] WHAT IS THIS?

- [laughs]
NO! IT DOESN'T GO THERE.

- WHERE'S IT GO?
- FACE.

[both laugh]

- IT GOES ON YOUR FACE?
- YEAH.

WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO,
BLOCK YOUR...

ANYWAY, IT'S LIKE THAT.

- BUT WHAT'S THE BALL FOR?
- [muffled] SHUT UP.

TO STOP TALKING.
- OH, TO GAG YOU.

- YEAH.
- "SHUT UP!"

- I TRIED THIS ON DAVID.

- "SHUT UP."
- HE ABOUT HAD A HEART ATTACK.

- OH, MY...

- [laughs] I LIKE TO PLAY.

I LIKE TO, YOU KNOW...

I LIKE TO EXPERIMENT
A LITTLE BIT.

I WANT TO KEEP MY MAN HAPPY.

ANYWAY... [clears throat].
- [gasps]

- [laughs]

STOP IT. [both laughing]

- OH... MY... CARLTON...

- I KNOW. I KNOW.

YAY FOR TOYS. I LIKE ADULT TOYS.

IT'S, YOU KNOW, HISTORY. - OKAY.

- MEMORIES.
- YEAH.

- THIS IS THE MEMORY BOX.
- WHICH IS WHY I VISIT...

- WE'LL KEEP IT HIDDEN.
- YEAH, WELL, THIS IS WHY

THERE'S A LOCK ON THE DOOR.
- OH, MY GOSH.

THAT'S SO FUNNY.

- MY LIFE HAS BEEN ABSOLUTELY
CRAZY LATELY.

WE'RE CREATING THIS NEW
RESTAURANT CALLED PUMP,

SO OF COURSE
IT'S GONNA BE EXPENSIVE,

BUT IT'S GONNA BE WORTH IT
IN THE END.

HEY! HI.

- HI, BABY.
- I NEED A HAT.

HEY. HI. OH!

- [laughs]
- CUTE.

I WANT MY LITTLE GAY GARDEN
IN HOLLYWOOD,

BUT I THINK
THE BIGGEST CHALLENGE

IS CHANGING A MAGICAL GARDEN

OUT OF THIS KIND OF CONCRETE,
YOU KNOW, VOID.

STOP THE TRAFFIC.

I DON'T CARE. I'LL DO ANYTHING.

I'LL DIG TRENCHES AT THIS POINT.

IF THERE'S A JOB TO BE DONE,
I'M GONNA DO IT.

OKAY. I GOT IT.

[horn honks]

OKAY. GO ON.

IF I'M ON A PROJECT,
I GO AT IT 1,000%.

TIME IS MONEY. I GOT TO MOVE IT.

OH, WELL, THEN. BACK TO WORK.

YOU START OFF WITH A BUILDING,

AND THEN SUDDENLY YOU END UP
WITH A BUILDING SITE,

AND IT'S PRETTY CHALLENGING.

WOW.

- BEAUTIFUL, HUH?

- YEAH. I MEAN, IT'S ACHIEVED

EXACTLY WHAT WE WANT TO DO.

THEY LOOK GREAT. - YEAH.

- I MEAN, FILLED OUT, SEXY.

- GOT RID OF THE BUILDING
BEHIND IT.

- TELL YOU WHAT I DON'T LIKE,
THOUGH,

AND YOU'RE NOT GONNA LIKE THIS.
- OH.

- I DON'T LIKE WHERE
IT'S DIPPING DOWN IN THE CORNER.

- YEAH.
- IF ANYTHING, I NEED IT

TALLER IN THE CORNER.
- IT'S HARD, I MEAN...

- CAN YOU TAKE THOSE TWO
OUT THERE AND PUT THEM...

- WELL, WE GOT THEM ALL PLANTED
ALREADY IN HERE.

THEY'VE ALREADY BEEN SECURED
INTO THE GROUND.

- IF SOMETHING'S NOT RIGHT
AND I LET IT SLIDE BY,

THAT'S THE THING I ALWAYS LOOK
AT AND I ALWAYS REGRET IT.

LET'S SORT IT OUT NOW.
THE WHOLE POINT OF IT

IS TO FEEL LIKE WE'RE IN
THE MIDDLE OF A GARDEN.

- LISA'S RIGHT.
WE WANT TO TAKE THAT OUT.

- WHAT'D YOU SAY?
- I SAID, "LISA'S RIGHT."

- SAY IT AGAIN.
- LISA'S RIGHT.

- OH!
- OH, I LOVE IT!

IT ALWAYS SCARES ME
WHEN WE START A PROJECT.

YOU HAVE TO MAKE THINGS A LOT
WORSE BEFORE THEY GET BETTER.

SAY DOUBLE THE TIME LIMIT
AND DOUBLE THE BUDGET,

AND YOU'RE NEARER ON THE MARK,

SO I'VE JUST GOT TO BE 100%
COMMITTED AND HAVE DEEP POCKETS.

- COME ON, GUYS.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

WHY AREN'T YOU WORKING?
LET'S GO.

- YEAH, LET'S GO.

[woof]

- SIT. SIT.

GOOD SIT.

GOOD SIT, KINGSLEY.

HEEL. HEEL. HEEL.

SIT.

GOOD SIT.

I'M LEARNING HOW TO DO

ALL THESE THINGS WITH YOU.

I'VE BEEN WORKING WITH THIS DOG
TRAINER FOR A FEW WEEKS NOW.

I'M NOT DOING EVERYTHING
HE WANTS ME TO DO...

BUT I'M DOING A LOT OF IT.

I'M STILL GONNA DO IT KIM'S WAY.

I DON'T LIKE ALL THIS.

[doorbell rings]

OKAY. HEEL.

SIT.

- THERE YOU GO.
- SIT.

- HI. HOW YOU DOING?

- HI. HOW ARE YOU?

NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN.
- GOOD, GOOD.

HE LOOKS BIG IMPROVEMENT.
- GOOD.

- YEAH?
- GOOD.

- HE'S GETTING A GOOD TAIL WAG
OUT OF HIM.

- YEAH? GOOD BOY, KINGSLEY.

I DO SEE A CHANGE IN HIM.

- THERE'S VAST IMPROVEMENT.

- KINGSLEY.

SIT, KINGSLEY.

GOOD SIT.

DOWN, KINGSLEY. DOWN.
- THERE YOU GO.

- SEEING WHAT BRANDI'S GOING
THROUGH WITH CHICA,

IT JUST MADE ME REALIZE

HOW IMPORTANT ANIMALS ARE
TO YOUR FAMILY.

I DIDN'T EXPECT, WHEN I SAID,
"OH, LET'S TRAIN KINGSLEY

AND LET'S SAVE ALL OUR SHOES,"

I DIDN'T EXPECT EVERYTHING
THAT I SAW...

- MM-HMM.

- BECAUSE I DO DEPEND ON
KINGSLEY, YOU KNOW?

MY KIDS ARE ALL KIND OF
OFF AND GONE,

AND I'VE BECOME VERY DEPENDENT
ON KINGSLEY.

HE'S BECOME MY BEST FRIEND,
YOU KNOW?

SO ALL OF A SUDDEN WHEN I GET IN
BED AT NIGHT AND HE'S NOT THERE,

IT'S PUT ME IN A VERY
VULNERABLE, EMOTIONAL STATE.

- SEE, YOU'VE ALREADY CREATED
NEEDINESS IN THE ANIMAL.

YOU HAVE TO NOW CORRECT IT,

AND CORRECTING'S NOT ALWAYS FUN.

- THERE'S JUST CERTAIN THINGS

ABOUT THIS WHOLE PROCEDURE
SO FAR THAT MAKES ME FEEL

LIKE A HAVE A NOOSE AROUND
MY NECK, YOU KNOW?

- BUT WE CAN'T WHITEWASH IT.

WE CAN'T... - I KNOW, I-I KNOW.

- YOU KNOW, WE CAN'T LIVE
IN THE UNICORN LAND.

- I KNOW.
- YOU KNOW, IT'S...

RIGHT?
- BUT, YOU KNOW, I ALWAYS HAVE.

- RIGHT, BUT YOU ALWAYS HAVE.
- NOT GONNA LIE.

I LIVED IN A FANTASY WORLD...
- RIGHT. I UNDERSTAND.

- FOR A LONG TIME.
- RIGHT. RIGHT.

[laughter] - ALL RIGHT. OKAY.

- HEY, GUYS.
- HI, HONEY.

- HI. HOW YOU DOING?
- GOOD.

- GOOD TO SEE YOU AGAIN.
- GOOD TO SEE YOU TOO.

- SO THIS IS WHAT
THE GAME PLAN IS.

WE'RE DOING A GREAT JOB.

EVERYONE'S DOING A GREAT JOB,

'CAUSE I SEE A HUGE DIFFERENCE.

NOW WE'RE GONNA WORK ON WHAT
WE ALREADY SPOKE ABOUT,

ABOUT THE CO-DEPENDENCY
AND THE NEEDINESS.

- RIGHT.
- 'CAUSE OTHERWISE,

YOU CAN'T GET OVER THE HILL
AND REHAB HIM,

SO WE'RE GONNA GET THE DOG
WITH ME FOR A WEEK,

BONDING WITH A PACK OF DOGS

THAT ALL KNOW DOG SOCIOLOGY,

'CAUSE HE'S NEVER GOTTEN THAT.

- RIGHT, WHICH IS HEALTHY
FOR HIM.

- YEAH. IT'S HEALTHY FOR HIM.

- HE'S NEVER BEEN AROUND DOGS
LIKE HIM.

- YOU GOT HUMAN SOCIOLOGY.

YOU'VE BEEN AROUND HUMANS
ALL YOUR LIFE.

IT'S NOT FAIR TO HIM. - MM-HMM.

IT'S LIKE WHEN YOU
WENT AWAY TO REHAB.

WE WERE ALL SAD, YOU KNOW,
IT'S SAD, BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?

YOU CAME BACK, AND YOU'RE
A BETTER PERSON FOR IT.

HE'S GONNA GO AND HE'S GONNA BE
AROUND OTHER DOGS

AND IT'S GONNA BE GOOD FOR HIM.

HE'S GONNA COME BACK
A BETTER DOG.

- BEEN A LOT OF CHANGES FOR US
THIS LAST YEAR,

AND DEFINITELY KINGSLEY HAS BEEN

ONE OF THE BIGGEST PARTS
OF MY GROWTH.

- I LOVE MY BABY.

I LOVE YOU SO MUCH. [kissing]

- NO, SEE,
THAT'S WHAT RUINS HIM.

YOU DON'T WANT TO DO THAT.
YOU WANT TO SAY IT'S OKAY.

- AT THE END OF THE DAY,

IT'S THAT DOG THAT I'VE TOLD
EVERYTHING TO,

THAT I LAY WITH AT NIGHT, AND...

THAT DOG HAS HELD ME.

- THANK YOU.
- OKAY. TAKE CARE, EVERYONE.

- BYE.
- BYE.

- CALL ME WHEN YOU GET THERE,
WILL YOU?

- I WILL.

- KINGSLEY'S MORE THAN A DOG.

HE'S MY BEST FRIEND.

- OFF TO JAIL.
I'M JUST... [laughs]

- YOU'RE SO MEAN.

- I'M JUST PLAYING.
- AW, THAT'S SO SAD.

- COMING UP....

- HOW COME SOME PEOPLE
HAVE LITTLE HEARTS

AND SOME PEOPLE DON'T?

- THAT WAS MY TEAM.
THE DREAM TEAM!

[laughs] - REALLY?

LOUD AND CLEAR.

- HOW IS IT GOING, GUYS?

OH, MY GOD! IS THAT NEW?

- I MADE YOU A VEGGIE PIZZA
AND A...

- OH, MY GOD.

OKAY, I GOT TO HAVE
ONE BITE OF THAT.

- YES. DEFINITELY.
- DOING A DINNER PARTY

IS NOT JUST ABOUT, YOU KNOW,

CALLING A CATERER AND A FLORIST
AND, YOU KNOW,

COME AND HAVE THEM DO THE PARTY.

FOR ME, IT'S ALL ABOUT
THE PREPARATION.

HERE, TAKE THOSE, AND THEN YOU
WILL BE IN CHARGE

OF PUTTING ALL THE... - YES.

I'LL HAVE ALL THE CANDLES LIT.
- YUP.

- MAYBE ABOUT 7:15 AND 7:30
WE'LL START WITH THOSE.

- YEAH.
I ALWAYS DO IT DIFFERENT.

YOU'LL NEVER SEE THE SAME
DINNER TABLE TWICE,

BECAUSE OTHERWISE YOU MIGHT AS
WELL MAKE A RESERVATION

AT A RESTAURANT.

WHAT IS THIS? INJECTED WHAT?

- GRAND MARNIER GOING
INTO THE STRAWBERRIES.

- WHAT?
- GRAND MARNIER.

- THIS IS ILLEGAL
IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA.

- THIS IS MALIBU.

THIS IS NOT THE UNITED STATES
OF AMERICA.

[group holding note]

♪ ♪

[all singing in Italian]

[end notes] - YEAH, AND THEN...

[playing piano]

- ENTERTAINING FOR ME IS...
IT'S AN ART.

I WANT IT TO BE
A ROMANTIC EXPERIENCE

WITH THE CANDLES
AND THE BEAUTIFUL FLOWERS

AND GREAT FOOD, AND AFTER DINNER

WE END UP AROUND THE PIANO
AND MAKE SOME MUSIC.

[piano chords]
- THERE'S SUPPOSED TO BE

A MINOR THERE TOO, RIGHT?
- PROBABLY.

- UH-OH. THE BOSS IS FIXING.

- SHOULD I HAVE KEN NEXT TO ME
OR MAURICIO?

- WHO'S SITTING ON THE OTHER
SIDE OF MAURICIO?

- KYLE.

[laughs]

- PUT HER NEXT TO ME.

- WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?
- NOTHING. [laughs]

- THAT WAS VERY CUTE.
- I WAS JUST THINKING, OKAY?

- YOU KNOW WHAT?
YOU ALWAYS GOT TO BE

THE BIGGER, BETTER PERSON,

AND BECAUSE OF THAT I'M GONNA
KEEP THEM RIGHT NEXT TO ME.

- THERE YOU GO.

- KEEP YOUR ENEMIES CLOSE.
- RIGHT.

- JUST KIDDING.

- HEY, THERE.
- HELLO!

- HOW ARE YOU?
- GOOD. HOW ARE YOU?

- DID YOU GET MY TEXT THAT

MAURICIO IS MEETING US THERE?
- I DID. I DID.

- YEAH.
- I TEXT... JUST TEXT YOU BACK.

SORRY, I WAS TRYING TO
RUSH AND GO.

- WAIT. WHERE ARE ALL THE SIGNS?

- THE LADY TOOK 'EM DOWN.
- WELL, I'M SORRY TO HEAR THAT.

- THERE'S THIS GRUMPY OLD LADY
TAKING CHICA'S REWARD SIGN DOWN.

SHE SAID IT WAS LITTERING

AND IT WAS NOT IN THE RULES
OF THE H.O.A.

IF MY KIDS WEREN'T WITH ME,

I PROBABLY WOULD HAVE BEAT
THE [bleep] OUT OF HER.

IT JUST SUCKS THAT MY WHOLE
BELIEF IN THE HUMAN RACE

IS JUST GRO... I'M JUST GROSSED
OUT BY EVERYONE RIGHT NOW.

- I AM TOO. GET IN LINE.

[telephone rings]

- WHAT?

HELLO?

- HI, BEAUTIFUL. IT'S CARLTON.

- HEY, CARLTON. HOW ARE YOU?

- I'M REALLY NOT
FEELING VERY WELL.

- OH, NO!
- AND I DON'T WANT TO

COME THERE BECAUSE I KNOW
THAT YOU'RE VERY,

VERY SENSITIVE. - YEAH.

- SO I'M SO SORRY
I WON'T MAKE TONIGHT.

- OKAY, BABE.
WELL, WE'LL MISS YOU.

- THANK YOU, BABY.
- OKAY.

HOPE YOU FEEL BETTER SOON.

BYE. - BYE.

CARLTON JUST CANCELLED.

- YOU'RE KIDDING.
- SHE SAID SHE'S SICK,

AND KNOWING THAT MY IMMUNE
SYSTEM IS SO DOWN SHE SAID,

"I DON'T WANT TO COME."

- DON'T YOU KNOW YOU'RE SICK
BEFORE 6:30?

- THAT'S WHAT I SAY,

BUT NOT EVERYBODY IS AS PROPER
AS YOU AND I, BABY DOLL.

OH, WELL. WE'LL HAVE FUN ANYWAY.

- LET'S DRINK NOW
'CAUSE WHEN WE GET THERE,

WE'RE NOT ALLOWED TO DRINK.
- WHY?

- 'CAUSE LISA AND YOLANDA
ARE MY MOMS.

- LISA DRINKS.
NO, SHE'S ALWAYS UP LATE

'CAUSE OF SUR
AND VILLA BLANCA, I THOUGHT.

- WELL...
- MAYBE SHE'S TOO TIRED

FROM DOING TOO MUCH LATELY.

- I JUST... I KNOW SHE LOVES ME,

BUT I FEEL LIKE I'M A GROWN
WOMAN AND I CAN...

IF I WANT TO GO ON VACATION
AND HAVE A FEW DRINKS,

IT'S FINE TO LET LOOSE.

LIKE, I DON'T NEED LECTURES
FROM YOLANDA AND LISA.

- SO THEY GIVE YOU ONE?

- THAT'S ALL THEY DO!

- OH, I DIDN'T KNOW THAT.
- ALL THE TIME.

I MEAN, IT'S FINE.
I SAID, "YOU GUYS,

I'M GONNA HAVE TO START
HANGING OUT WITH KYLE."

- WHEN BRANDI AND I ARE ALONE,

WE ALWAYS HAVE FUN AND WE LAUGH
AND HAVE A GOOD TIME,

AND THEN WHEN SHE'S WITH LISA
OR IN A GROUP,

ALL OF A SUDDEN SHE'S
A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT BRANDI.

IT MAKES ME WONDER IF BRANDI
DOESN'T WANT LISA TO KNOW

THAT SHE ACTUALLY LIKES ME.

I WANT TO ASK YOU SOMETHING.

I DON'T WANT TO PUT
YOU ON THE SPOT.

I KNOW YOU SAID YOU COULD
MAKE IT TO MY...

THE CHILDREN'S HOSPITAL
FASHION SHOW...

- YEAH.
- ON JUNE 26TH.

HOW WOULD YOU FEEL ABOUT
MODELING IN IT?

- IF YOU NEED MODELS.
- I DO.

- YEAH.
- YOU GUYS WOULD BE, LIKE,

WALKING AROUND... - OH.

I'M THINKING RUNWAY,
LIKE WHEN I WAS IN EUROPE,

AND THEN SHE EXPLAINS

THAT IT'S INFORMALLY
WALKING AROUND THE STORE.

[laughs] I DON'T THINK I'VE EVER
DONE THAT, TO BE HONEST,

BUT FOR SICK KIDS,
I'LL DO ANYTHING.

STAND IN A WINDOW.

CRAWL ON THE FLOOR LICKING
DUST UP WITH A G-STRING ON.

DOESN'T MATTER.

- THANK YOU.

I'M TRYING TO GET AS MUCH HELP
AS I CAN HERE

IN DOING THIS.

- THANK YOU.
- YOU'RE WELCOME.

- SORRY [laughs]

IT'S JUST... GETTING VERY
FRIENDLY.

HI. - HI.

- THANK YOU. [laughter]

- COMING.

- HELLO?

- OH... YOU JUST ARE SO HAPPY
WITH YOURSELVES

YOU JUST WALK INTO OUR HOUSE.

- OH, NO! NO, NO.
- YOU DON'T NEED A... NO, PLEASE.

- THAT WAS NOT ME.
- [clapping] COME IN! COME IN!

- I KNOCKED
AND I RANG THE DOORBELL.

- I'M JUST KIDDING.
- HOW ARE YOU?

NICE TO SEE YOU.
- HI, KYLE, HOW ARE YOU?

- GOOD. GOOD TO SEE YOU.
- COME ON IN.

ARE YOU HUSBAND-LESS TONIGHT?
- THIS IS FOR YOU GUYS

FROM BRANDI AND ME
AND MY HUSBAND.

- OH, THANK YOU.

- MY HUSBAND'S COMING.
- OH, GOOD.

- YES.
- DO I HAVE TO FILL IN

FOR YOU AGAIN? - YES, PLEASE.

- HOW ARE YOU GUYS? HI.

DID YOU DRIVE DOWN TOGETHER?
- YES.

- THAT BLOUSE IS GORGEOUS.
HOW ARE YOU?

- GOOD. HOW ARE YOU?

- I'M A LITTLE BIT UNCOMFORTABLE

SINCE THIS IS THE FIRST TIME
I'VE BEEN TO HER HOME

IN A LONG TIME.

PLEASE LET THIS REALLY BE
A FRESH START.

- CARLTON JUST CANCELLED.
- WHY?

- SHE SAID SHE'S SICK.
- WHAT'S WRONG WITH HER?

- I DON'T KNOW.
SHE SAID SHE WAS FEELING SICK.

- WHAT'S WRONG WITH CALLING
AT 6:45

TO SAY YOU'RE NOT COMING?

- [laughs] DAVID IS LIKE,
"IT'S TEN TO 7:00.

YOU'RE SICK NOW?"

- I'M NOT GOOD ON ETIQUETTE.

I DON'T KNOW THE RULES
AND ALL THAT,

BUT I'VE ALWAYS TRIED TO BE
THAT GUY

THAT WHEN I SAY I'M GONNA BE
SOMEWHERE, I GO.

- I KEEP SEEING GIGI EVERYWHERE

LOOKING SO GORGEOUS
ON RODEO DRIVE.

- WE WERE IN THE CAR
ON RODEO DRIVE,

AND I GO "THERE SHE IS! YES."

[laughter]
IT WAS LIKE A PERFECT TIMING.

- WELL, TEN MINUTES AGO SHE WAS
IN BED, AND CARLTON CANCELLED.

- AND CARLTON CANCELLED SO I
SAID, "GIGI, GET OUT OF BED."

[laughter] - AND FILL THE SEAT.

- OH, MY GOD.
- YOU'RE A SEAT-FILLER TONIGHT.

- HELLO.
- HI!

- HI. HOW ARE YOU?

- I'M GOOD.
- WELCOME.

- THANK YOU SO MUCH
FOR HAVING US.

- HI, MICHAEL.

[speaking Dutch]

- WHERE'S MY SISTER?

HI. - HI.

- WOW. LOOK AT THOSE JEANS.
- THANK YOU. HI!

OOH, HOW ARE YOU?
GOOD TO SEE YOU.

HI. HI, BEAUTIFUL GIRL.

- HOW ARE YOU?
- LOOK AT YOU.

HOW BEAUTIFUL. - OOH.

- [laughs] [background chatter]

HI. HI, GORGEOUS.

I'VE SEEN ALL YOUR PICTURES,
AND YOU'RE SO BEAUTIFUL.

- THANK YOU.
- GIGI IS VERY SWEET AND GENTLE.

I REALLY LIKE HER.
SHE'S BEAUTIFUL.

- SHE CAN'T STOP LOOKING AT YOU.

YOU'RE MAKING THIS GIRL SEE RED.

AND I, LIKE, REALLY LIKE IT.

IF THERE'S SOMEBODY YOUNGER,
PRETTIER, HOTTER,

LIKE, IT CAN'T BE ABOUT ANYONE
BUT JOYCE.

EVERYTHING'S A COMPETITION.

SHE FEELS LIKE IT ALWAYS
HAS TO BE ABOUT HER.

IT'S NOT.

- GIRLFRIEND!

- PINKY'S GONNA BE MAD.
- WHY?

- BECAUSE I'M WEARING PINK...
- IT'S NOT TOO PINK, IT'S GOOD.

- NOT TOO PINK?
IT'S MORE TO THE RED.

CARLTON CANCELLED. - REALLY?

- SHE SAID SHE DIDN'T WANT TO
GET ME SICK

BECAUSE MY IMMUNE SYSTEM
IS SO BAD.

- OH, RIGHT, WELL, THAT'S...
- SO, THAT'S...

THERE'S SOMETHING TO THAT.
- SHE'S SWEET.

HELLO.

YOU WANT TO STOP IT NOW? ENOUGH.

- I MEAN, IT'S... THERE'S...
- THERE'S NOTHING THAT...

- NO, LISA'S LIKE THIS.
SHE'S LIKE, "OH, STOP IT.

OH, STOP IT." - [laughs]

WITH YOUR ARMS BACK.

- SO I THINK SHE'S REALLY
SEARCHING FOR THE IMPLANT.

SHE AIN'T GONNA FIND IT.

OKAY. - BUT YOU CAN TELL

THERE'S AN IMPLANT.
- NO, THERE'S NO IMPLANT.

YOU SAW MY MAMMOGRAM.

- DO YOU HAVE AN IMPLANT?
- NO. YOU CAN...

- OH, YOU DON'T?
- I DON'T.

- BUT YOU HAVE A GOOD BRA.

- I HAVE A LITTLE...
I HAVE A STRAPLESS BRA,

'CAUSE MY NIPPLES ARE SHOWING
THROUGH, BUT I HAVE NO IMPLANTS.

- I HAVE AN IMPLANT.
HERE, FEEL MINE.

I'M... - BUT YOU CAN'T TELL.

- THIS? OH.

- I CAN.
- YEAH.

- YOU'RE TAKING A LONG TIME
WITH HER.

- OH, BUT THAT'S
SO NOT MY THING.

- YOU DIDN'T TAKE THAT LONG
WITH ME.

- DON'T GET JEALOUS!
- WHY DIDN'T YOU...

[laughter]

- HEY, EVERYBODY.

HI, YOLANDA. HI, DAVID.

- WE'RE GONNA SIT DOWN
IN A MINUTE.

- I LOVE IT.
I GOT HERE JUST IN TIME.

- YOU DID.

- HOW ARE YOU, MY FRIEND?
- GOOD, AND YOU?

- I FEEL SOMEBODY ATTACKING ME
FROM BEHIND.

- LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
DINNER IS READY.

PLEASE COME THIS WAY.

- GORGEOUS.

KYLE, YOU'RE SITTING
NEXT TO BRANDI.

BRANDI, KEEP YOUR PAWS
ON THE TABLE.

- BE CAREFUL. I THINK THIS
GUY NEXT TO YOU HAS A BIG DICK.

- [laughs]

- HERE, DARLING.

- HOW COME SOME PEOPLE HAVE
LITTLE HEARTS ON THEIR CARDS

AND SOME PEOPLE DON'T?
- THAT WOULD BE US.

- I DON'T HAVE A HEART
ON MY CARD.

JOYCE, DO YOU HAVE A HEART?
- I DON'T HAVE A HEART EITHER.

- DO YOU HAVE A HEART, LISA?

DO YOU HAVE A HEART, BRANDI?
- YES, I DO.

- I DID NOT GET A HEART.

- YOU GOT A HEART ON YOUR NAME.

- NO, I DIDN'T.
- THAT'S A HEART.

WHAT DOES THAT SAY? - NO.

- REALLY?

NO HEARTS FOR US, JOYCE,
OR FOR KIM.

- MAYBE SHE'S MAKING A STATEMENT

OF THE PEOPLE SHE'S CLOSEST TO.

LET HER HAVE IT.
SHE'S THE HOSTESS.

SHE'S INVITED YOU FOR DINNER,
BUT IT'S EASY FOR ME TO SAY

'CAUSE I HAVE A BIG, FAT,
SEXY HEART NEXT TO MY NAME.

- I DID THE NAME TAGS.

THERE WAS ABSOLUTELY NO...
[laughs]

- NO RHYME OR REASON?
- EXACTLY.

- OKAY.

- IT'S A COINKY-DINK.
- EXACTLY.

- IT WAS MY UNCONSCIOUS SPEAKING
WITHOUT ME NOTICING,

BUT IT LOOKS LIKE MY UNCONSCIOUS
WORKED ACCURATELY.

- MY HUSBAND GIVES ME
ALL THE HEARTS I NEED.

- YOU CAN'T GET MAD AT SOMEONE

FOR SOMETHING THEY DID
SUBCONSCIOUSLY.

WAS IT KIND OF DICKY?

SURE, BUT IT WAS DONE
ON ACCIDENT,

AND ACCIDENTS YOU HAVE TO
FORGIVE.

- HOLD ON.
LET ME JUST GET THIS STRAIGHT.

CARLTON, BRANDI,
AND LISA GOT A HEART.

- YES. MY TEAM.

THE DREAM TEAM!

[laughs]

- I DIDN'T KNOW
WE WERE IN TEAMS!

THAT'S GOOD TO KNOW. IT'S TEAMS.

- THE DREAM TEAM?
I DON'T THINK SO.

I THINK THAT THEY ARE
A NIGHTMARE TEAM.

- THE DREAM TEAM GOT A HEART.

YOUR "GANG."

- HEY, EASY GIRL.
WE'RE JUST GETTING BACK.

OKAY?
DON'T BE TOO GREEDY RIGHT AWAY.

WE'RE JUST MENDING FENCES,
SO EASY.

- SO WE HAVE TO EARN THE HEARTS.

- EXACTLY.

- WHETHER IT WAS INTENTIONAL

OR HER SUBCONSCIOUS SPEAKING,

IT WAS LOUD AND CLEAR.

- FRIENDSHIPS ARE EARNED.

- WE GOT TO EARN THOSE HEARTS.

- COMING UP...

- I WAS SPEAKING TO KIM
AND TO MY BABY.

- ARE YOU A BABY OR A MAN?

[laughs]

- GUYS, EACH TAKE TWO PLATES
WHEN THEY'RE READY, OKAY?

WATCH THEY DON'T TOPPLE, GUYS.

GONNA BE VERY AWKWARD
PUTTING THEM DOWN.

- LOOKS FANTASTIC. THANK YOU.

- JOYCE, DO YOU LIKE TO SKI?
- NO.

- YOU GUYS ARE LIKE MY MOTHER.

BEFORE THEY GOT MARRIED,
MY MOTHER SAID,

"OH, I'M GONNA GO SKI WITH
YOU, I'M GONNA GO HUNTING,"

THEN THE MOMENT THEY GOT
MARRIED, NOTHING.

- NOTHING.
WELL, BEFORE WE GOT MARRIED,

SHE WAS GONNA GO SCUBA DIVING
WITH ME, SKIING.

- BECAUSE WHEN WE WENT SCUBA
DIVING THERE WAS A DEAD BODY!

- ARE YOU CRAZY?

- I SAID, "THAT'S IT."
THAT WAS MY LAST TIME.

- SHARK BAIT OUT THERE.
- SHARK BAIT.

- YOU DON'T WANT TO SEE
A DEAD SCUBA DIVER

DRESSED EXACTLY LIKE YOU.
- NO, NO, NO, YOU DON'T.

YOU DON'T. - OH, NO.

- OKAY. SHE HAS A GOOD
REASON NOT TO SCUBA DIVE.

- ALL RIGHT. MAURICE,
DID YOU SELL A HOUSE TODAY?

- YEAH, I ACTUALLY DID
SELL A HOUSE TODAY.

- YOU DID? WOW.
- SURE.

- I SOLD THREE HOUSES.
- NO, YOU DID NOT.

- I DID.
- IN ONE DAY? THAT'S GREAT.

- BEHAVE YOURSELF.

- OH, NOT AGAIN.

- WHEN I SEE BRANDI DRINKING,

I FEEL ALMOST LIKE
A MOTHERLY KIND OF INSTINCT.

THAT'S WHY I STEP IN AND SAY

"THAT'S ENOUGH" WHETHER BRANDI
LIKES IT OR NOT.

NO, DON'T, IT'S BORING.
- HAVE SOME MORE WATER.

- OH, MY GOD.

[rhythmic dinging]

- THERE'S ALWAYS A SOUND
TO EVERYTHING.

DID YOU HEAR THAT?
THERE WAS A SOUND TO THE GLASS.

- I LIKE THAT SONG, BY THE WAY.

- IT WAS PRETTY GOOD.
- I LIKE THAT SONG.

- IT'S SO GREAT TO HAVE YOU ALL
IN OUR HOUSE AND, YOU KNOW,

YOLANDA HAS MADE SUCH
A HAPPY HOME FOR ME,

SO I'M ALWAYS EXCITED WHEN WE
CAN SHARE WITH FRIENDS,

AND AS YOU PROBABLY NOTICE,

WE HAVE GIGI TAKING PLACE OF
CARLTON,

WHO COULDN'T MAKE IT TONIGHT.

I'M SURE YOU'RE BORED
[bleep]LESS, GIGI, BUT...

[laughter]

- NEVER WHEN BRANDI'S
IN THE ROOM.

- WE'RE FUNNY.
HOW LONG ARE YOU GONNA LAST FOR?

WE DON'T KNOW,
BUT THANKS FOR FILLING IN.

- UNTIL DESSERT,
AND THEN I'M GONE.

- BUT ANYWAY,
THANKS FOR BEING HERE.

WE'RE GONNA HAVE A LITTLE
MUSICAL TREAT AFTERWARDS.

NOBODY'S GONNA HAVE TO SING
UNLESS YOU WANT TO.

- [laughs]
- ARE WE ALLOWED?

- YOU'RE ALLOWED TO SING...
OH, NO.

YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO SING.
- OOH!

- NO, NO. YOU'LL HAVE TO LISTEN.

- WE ARE NOT SINGING.
WE'RE JUST LISTENING.

- YOU DON'T SPEAK.
YOU DON'T SING.

WELCOME AND CHEERS,
AND LET'S HAVE A GREAT NIGHT.

All: CHEERS.

- I WANTED TO MAKE A TOAST
ESPECIALLY TO YOU, MY LOVE.

THANK YOU FOR STANDING BY ME

IN THIS LAST NINE MONTHS.

- AW.

- THE TOUGHEST NINE MONTHS
OF MY LIFE,

AND I NEVER IN MY ENTIRE LIFE

IMAGINED THAT SOMEBODY COULD
LOVE ME THE WAY YOU LOVE ME.

All: AW. - OH!

- I LOVE YOU, BABE.

- CHEERS! OH, MY GOD.

- I WOULD DO IT
FOR 20 MORE YEARS,

BUT I HOPE I DON'T HAVE TO,
'CAUSE YOU'RE GONNA GET BETTER.

- TO YOU BEING WELL. CHEERS.

- AND NOW WE WILL HEAR
FROM JOYCE, IN SPANISH.

[laughter] - [speaking Spanish]

- I PREFER ENGLISH

'CAUSE I DON'T... LIKE, I MEAN...
- I LOVE IT.

- AND YOU JUST GOT
A SECOND PLACE.

- YES.
- [laughs]

- EVERY TIME THERE'S ALCOHOL
INVOLVED,

BRANDI CHANGES, AND FOR SOME
REASON, I'M HER TARGET.

I DON'T UNDERSTAND IT.

- I THINK BRANDI'S GONE INTO
KIND OF PROVOCATIVE PHASE AGAIN.

I KIND OF THINK IT'S FUNNY
BUT IT'S WRONG,

BUT...[snickers].

YOU'RE GONNA GET YOURSELF
IN TROUBLE... STOP IT.

- NO, I'M NOT.
- PUT YOUR SWIMSUIT ON.

- SHE DOESN'T KNOW WHO SHE IS.

SHE'S LOST... LOST SOUL.

- WHAT?
- SHE HAS NO IDEA WHO SHE IS.

- WHAT? I DON'T HEAR ANYTHING.

I'M DOWN... I'M ALL THE WAY
IN THE CORNER HERE.

- NO. YOU'RE JUST VERY QUIET.

- OH, I'M SPEAKING OVER HERE.

I JUST DON'T WANT TO YELL
OVER... AROUND,

BUT I WAS SPEAKING TO KIM
AND TO MY BABY.

- UH, LEO?

- NO, MY BABY.

- OH, HOW MANY BABIES
DO YOU HAVE?

- I HAVE THREE BABIES.
ONE BIG ONE AND TWO LITTLE ONES.

- HUSBAND.
- OKAY.

- YOU HAVE TWO LITTLE ONES,
RIGHT?

- I HAVE TWO ME... LITTLE MEN,
YEAH.

- TWO LITTLE MEN. I HAVE BABIES.

- ARE YOU A BABY OR A MAN?

- FOR THE REST OF THE WORLD,
A MAN, BUT FOR HER, A BABY.

IT'S FINE.

- I'M LUCKY.

HE IS MY BABY,

AND IF YOU ARE UPSET BECAUSE
YOU DON'T HAVE A BABY,

THEN GO FIND A BABY.
MAYBE IF YOU ACTED DIFFERENT,

YOU WOULD HAVE A BABY
OF YOUR OWN.

- HAVE YOU EVER HEARD THIS
LANGUAGE THAT GIGI SPEAKS?

- [speaking made-up language]

[laughter] - MY SISTERS AND I

HAVE A LANGUAGE
SO THAT WE CAN SPEAK

AND THE PARENTS DON'T KNOW
WHAT WE'RE TALKING ABOUT.

- MY SISTER AND I HAVE THAT TOO.
- REALLY?

- [speaking made-up language]
- [speaking made-up language]

- THAT'S OUR SPANISH.

[laughs]
- LADIES AND GENTLEMEN...

- OH, OKAY.
- DESSERT.

I HAVE TO TALK ABOUT DESSERT.

- ARE THESE INJECTED?
- YES.

- THESE ARE INJECTED...
- BUT NOT GIGI'S.

- THESE ARE BOTOX INJECTED
STRAWBERRIES.

- THEY ARE.
- DESSERT HAS TO BE

CHOCOLATE CAKE AT THIS HOUSE
FOR DAVID.

THE STRAWBERRIES HAVE BEEN
INFUSED WITH GRAND MARNIER.

- THAT'S LIKE BOTOX.
- YES.

- WELCOME TO MY LIFE.

WHY WOULDN'T A STRAWBERRY BE
INJECTED WITH A DOCTOR NEEDLE?

WE LIVE IN BEVERLY HILLS.

- HMM. THAT'S HER SECRET.

THAT'S WHAT I GIVE EVERYBODY
FOR BREAKFAST

IN THE MORNINGS. [laughs]

SO THEY HAVE A GOOD DAY.

- WHEN YOU EAT THE STRAWBERRY,
YOUR WRINKLES GO AWAY.

- ALL RIGHT,
SO, FOR JUST A BRIEF MOMENT,

MICHAEL, YOU AND JOYCE
DON'T KNOW

BECAUSE YOU HAVEN'T BEEN
TO OUR HOME BEFORE,

BUT WE ALWAYS DO A LITTLE MUSIC

AND TRY AND HAVE A NICE LITTLE
SURPRISE FOR YOU,

SO TONIGHT WE HAVE BROUGHT
FOUR SUPER GOOD LOOKING GUYS.

- REALLY?
- BRANDI, CALM DOWN.

NO, LISTEN,
THESE GUYS ARE INCREDIBLE.

ALL FOUR OF THEM SING
UNBELIEVABLE.

THEY'RE HAVING A HUGE SUCCESS
NOW ALL OVER THE WORLD,

AND THEY'RE HERE FOR US
TONIGHT... THE TENORS.

- THERE'S SOMETHING ABOUT
THE MUSIC PART OF THE NIGHT

WHERE YOU FEEL CLOSE. YOU SING.

YOU DANCE.
I MEAN, IT'S JUST, LIKE,

THIS LANGUAGE OF LOVE
THAT IS CREATED BY MUSIC

THAT I'M REALLY DRAWN TO,

AND I LOVE TO SHARE THAT
WITH MY FRIENDS.

- ARE YOU READY?
- WE ARE READY.

- THE TENORS! LET'S HEAR IT.

[whooping and applause]

- OH, THESE ARE, LIKE,
CUTE TENORS.

CUTE BOYS EVERYWHERE.

- WE ARE A SMALL
BUT MIGHTY CREW.

- NICE.
- ALL RIGHT, HERE'S A LITTLE

SONG THAT I WROTE WITH MY FRIEND
CAROLE BAYER SAGER

FOR ANDREA BOCELLI
AND CELINE DION.

PLAYING THE PART OF CELINE
TONIGHT WILL BE...

[laughter]

- IT TAKES TWO MEN
TO MAKE UP THAT WOMAN.

[piano begins]

♪ ♪

- ♪ I PRAY YOU'LL BE OUR EYES ♪

♪ AND WATCH US WHERE WE GO ♪

♪ AND HELP US TO BE WISE ♪

♪ IN TIMES WHEN WE DON'T KNOW ♪

- ♪ NEED TO FIND A PLACE ♪

- I LIKE THIS FEELING
OF EVERYONE SITTING AROUND,

LISTENING TO MUSIC.

EVERYONE LOVES MUSIC,

SO I THINK IT SORT OF BRINGS
EVERYONE TOGETHER.

[all singing in Italian]

[sustained note]

- I TYPICALLY LISTEN
TO GANGSTER RAP,

BUT THEY DEFINITELY
ROCKED IT OUT.

[all singing in Italian]

♪ ♪

[applause] - I ADMIT IT.

TONIGHT DIDN'T START OFF
ON THE GREATEST NOTE,

BUT AT THE END OF THE NIGHT,

WE'RE BONDING AND JUST
ENJOYING A GREAT NIGHT

IN TYPICAL FOSTER FASHION.

[applause] - THE TENORS!

- BRAVO.

- BRAVO!

- COMING UP...

- I DO THINK YOU HAVE TO DO AN
INTERVENTION WITH BRANDI THOUGH.

- WASTED.
- SHE GETS LONELY.

- SHE GETS WASTED AND LONELY.
- SHE GETS LONELY AND DRUNK.

[piano playing]

- ♪ HEY EY ♪

[singing in Italian]

♪ ♪

- I LOVE THEM.

I JUST THINK THEY'RE AMAZING.

- ♪ BORN TO SHINE ♪

♪ ALL OF US HERE ♪

- THAT VOICE. OH!

THEIR VOICE IS AMAZING.

THEY REALLY... THEY REACH OUT
AND TOUCH YOU.

THEY REACH OUT.

[all singing in Italian]

♪ ♪

THEY REACH OUT,
AND THEY GRAB INTO YOUR SOUL.

THAT'S WHAT THEY DO.

♪ ♪

LIKE... AH! AH!

[end notes]

[cheers and applause]

- OKAY. BYE.

- THANK YOU SO MUCH.
- GOOD NIGHT.

YOU'RE WELCOME.
- THANK YOU SO MUCH.

- IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
- GOOD NIGHT.

- DAVID, THANK YOU SO MUCH,
MY FRIEND.

THAT WAS BEAUTIFUL. - OH, MAN.

I KNOW YOU LOVE
THAT KIND OF MUSIC.

- OH, I LOVE IT.
- YOUR WONDERFUL HOME.

THANK YOU FOR HAVING US.
- THANK YOU FOR COMING.

- IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I LOVED THE TENORS.

THEY'RE AMAZING.

- THEY'RE AMAZING.
- FANTASTIC.

- OKAY. THANK YOU.

- THANK YOU SO MUCH.
- BYE-BYE!

- I THINK THERE WAS
DEFINITELY THINGS

THAT WERE A LITTLE BIT
UNCALLED FOR.

THE WHOLE HEART SITUATION,
THE WHOLE TEAM SITUATION,

THE WHOLE BRANDI
GIGGLING IN THE CORNER.

BUT DAVID WAS
SUCH A GRACIOUS HOST

THAT HE MADE IT A FUN
AND NICE EVENING.

OH, BABY.

- HM?
- MM.

- THEY GIVE A FANTASTIC DINNER.
- BEAUTIFUL DINNER.

- IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
- VERY FANTASTIC.

- BEAUTIFUL.
AND I'M TELLING YOU, I LOVE...

- I DON'T EVEN LIKE CHOCOLATE
CAKE, AND THIS WAS UNBELIEVABLE.

- I LOVE DAVID.
- OH, HE'S WONDERFUL.

- I'M NOW A FAN.
- NO, HE'S WONDERFUL.

- YOU KNOW I'M NEVER A FAN.
- HE'S WONDERFUL.

- I'M NOW A FAN. I LOVE HIM.

- I AGREE WITH YOU.

I DIDN'T SAY BYE TO
YOUR DRUNK BRANDI.

- NO?
- WAS SHE DRUNK?

- I THINK SHE WAS WASTED
OUT OF HER MIND.

- UNBELIEVABLE.
- SHE'S ALWAYS DRUNK.

ALWAYS. - IT'S SO SAD.

- IT'S SAD, RIGHT?

- EVERYBODY ELSE IS SO NICE.
- SHE'S SO PRETTY.

- I DON'T UNDERSTAND
THIS BEHAVIOR.

- IT'S SO UGLY
WHEN A PRETTY GIRL

IS SO WASTED OUT OF HER MIND
AND JUST LIKE

UHH... AND SLURGING. IT'S UGLY.

I THINK BRANDI
IS A DIFFERENT PERSON

WHEN THERE'S ALCOHOL INVOLVED,

AND I DON'T KNOW WHICH OF
THE PERSONALITIES

I NEED TO BELIEVE
IS THE REAL BRANDI.

- I DO THINK YOU HAVE TO DO AN
INTERVENTION WITH BRANDI THOUGH.

SHE GETS LONELY. - WASTED.

SHE GETS WASTED AND LONELY.
- SHE GETS LONELY AND DRUNK.

- I'LL LET HER TEAM DO THAT.

- OH, THE DREAM TEAM...
- THE DREAM TEAM [laughs].

THE DREAM TEAM
CAN DO THE INTERVENTION.

- HMM.
- I DON'T NEED TO DO THAT.

- NOT OUR PROBLEM, MY LOVE.
- NO.

NOT OUR PROBLEM.

- NEXT TIME ON THE REAL
HOUSEWIVES OF BEVERLY HILLS...

- "FOR YOUR EYES ONLY"?

- REMEMBER THAT.

- OH, MY GOD!

- WOW.
- WHOA.

- PRETTY HOT.

- UH, I THINK
IT'S A LITTLE REVEALING.

WHOO! [giggling]

IT'S A LITTLE REVEALING.

- THIS IS A LITTLE BIG.

- OH, BUT THAT LOOKS PRETTY ON
YOU, AND IT IS A LITTLE BIG.

OH, THAT LOOKS GREAT.
- I THINK IT'S A LITTLE BIG.

- I MEAN, HOW SMALL
DO YOU HAVE TO DO?

- IT'S BIG AGAIN.
- HONEY, YOU'RE TOO THIN

FOR EVERYTHING.
- EVERYTHING IS BIG.

- DO YOU WANT A CHEESEBURGER
WITH THAT DRESS?

- I FEEL LIKE
I DRIVE LIKE THIS ANYWAY.

[both laughing]

JUST JOKING.

- WHY IS IT MEN AREN'T
COMPASSIONATE LIKE THAT?

LOOK AT PIKACHU.

HE DOESN'T REALLY GIVE A DAMN
IF HE GETS IT OR NOT.

- GO ON, JAKE. GET THE BALL.

- THE WOMEN, THEY'LL TEAR
THEIR THROATS OUT.

- YOU'RE SO STUPID!
- NO, YOU ARE STUPID.

YOU'RE BEING A... YOU'RE A RACIST.

YOU'RE A RACIST, A BULLY.

- I DON'T THINK I'M [bleep]
RACIST, BITCH.

- YOU'RE A SMART GIRL.
DON'T ACT LIKE A BIMBO.

YOU'RE JUST BLONDE,
BUT YOU'RE NOT A BIMBO.

- GO [bleep] YOURSELF.