The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills (2010–…): Season 4, Episode 7 - Escape to Bitch Mountain - full transcript

NARRATOR: Previously on The Real
Housewives of Beverly Hills.

Lisa has hurt my feelings now.

You know, she knows what we've
been going through with all

the lies in the tabloids.

You can't say, oh,
it's definitely not true.

You'll look like an idiot.

I'm reading some
of this [BLEEP]..

And I'm wondering who
I'm reading about.

I made out with
Carlton yesterday.

What do you mean made out?

In the hot tub, we made out.



You made out and what?

We made out.

What do you mean you made out?

We made out.

JOYCE: I wanted to do a little
getaway in Palm Springs.

I would love to do that.

JOYCE: Hello there.

Thank you.

This place is just stunning.

It's almost like having a
mini hotel just for us girls.

Jasmine, do we have drinks?

Is there a waiter?

Joyce, babe, Joyce.

When I think of the name
Joyce, I think of a grandma.



Joyce.

Yois?

Joyce.

She doesn't look like a Joyce.

Joyce is a big fat pig.

[LAUGHS]

You cannot say that.

I can say that.

KYLE: I can already see
Brandi going to the dark side.

Here we go.

You and I need to have a
conversation at some point.

And a group of people,
it's not the place.

YOLANDA: You keep brushing all
the [BLEEP] under the carpet

and pretend everything
is OK, and it's not.

WOMAN: It's true.

Respect and friendship
is earned over time.

And I kind of lost
that with you but I'm...

Likewise.

KYLE: I'm from this town.

I know what's real
and what's fake.

[THEME MUSIC]

YOLANDA: Don't tell
me you're my friend.

Act like one.

BRANDI: In Beverly Hills, the
higher you climb, the farther

you fall.

KIM: Everybody loves a comeback
story, especially starring me.

CARLTON: In my world,
money doesn't talk.

It swears.

JOYCE: You can never be too
young, too thin, or too honest.

LISA: Life is a sexy little
dance, and I like to take lead.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

YOLANDA: I'm trying to talk.

Aren't we talking to each?

Aren't we having a conversation?

No, you're talking at me.

I'm trying to like...

No, we're talking to each other.

We're having a conversation.

WOMAN: OK.

OK, there we go.

No matter what I do, you
guys are always going to side.

Because that's her team.

You're a gang.

I get it.

No matter what happens...

We're 50 years olds.

We don't do team and we don't
do... we're not in high school.

Come on.

No, no no.

You cannot say that.

It's hard because
you seemed so sweet.

And then when you want
to feel sorry for you,

you're so kind and so lovely.

And then you become
this crazy [BLEEP]..

KYLE: Excuse me?

No.

Brandi, stop.

Stop.

No.

I'm serious.

I've given her...

No, I'm saying...

When have I been
crazy [BLEEP] to you?

I've been nothing
but nice to you.

Because it's right.

You're being to Yolanda.

If you come after her,
you come after me.

KYLE: Why are you doing that?

She pulls out her dagger.

And it has to...

[STABBING SOUND]

And it hurts.

I just came after you?

BRANDI: I'm not having it.

KYLE: When have I
come after you once?

Have you and I not only had
gotten along for the last year?

When did we have to fight?

Welcome to 12 months, yeah.

No, when?

If you [BLEEP] with my
friend, as far as I...

[INTERPOSING VOICES]

YOLANDA: This is the point.

She's getting mad
because you're saying

why can't she get involved,
and why can she get involved?

She was part of the group.

She wasn't.

KIM: I don't know what's
going on with Brandi.

I don't think she
realises how bad she is.

She needs help.

I don't want to talk about this.

This is something
that we don't need.

This is something that
we agreed to disagree.

We can move forward
and be happy.

YOLANDA: OK, I heard you.

KYLE: Right.

I heard you.

And my answer to
you, if I may speak...

Please.

...is you have much bigger
fish to fry in your life.

And what happened between us
really is nothing compared...

It's just a blip...

I agree.

YOLANDA:... to what is going
on in your life today?

And I wish you well.

You too.

I'm a girls' girl.

I wish you well.

And I hope, you know, that
you and your family are safe.

Kyle's husband was on the
front of all the tabloids.

And I could see her
just going through such

a hard and hurtful time.

I am not going to kick
her while she's down.

Excuse me, I'm just going
to use the bathroom.

BRANDI: The way you treated
Yolanda, she's my friend.

You know what I mean?

Brandi, we've agreed
to disagree on that.

I agreed to disagree.

No, OK, we're...

Her children are my life.

KYLE: When we're alone, you
act like you're my friend too.

I am your friend.

So why do you say...

BRANDI: I'm your
friend even now.

KYLE: So why are
you saying that?

I could say a hundred
[BLEEP] thousand

things that are horrible.

And I'm not doing that.

We can all do that.

I don't like the
direction this is going.

Let's leave it, OK?

Let's... yeah, yeah, yeah.

Why are you looking at me?

Because let it go.

Let it go.

I have let it go.

Are you [BLEEP] kidding me?

No, I'm not kidding you.

Brandi has gone too far.

She doesn't know
what she's saying.

I mean, she's drunk as a skunk.

Her honesty is her
greatest asset,

but it's also her worst fault.

[SOBBING]

YOLANDA: What's the matter?

YOLANDA: I just could see that
she was really hurting inside.

And forget about all
the stuff between us

because it really
is not important.

You know, when your husband is
being dragged through the trash

rags, in times like these, you
stick together as girlfriends.

KYLE: What's happened now with
the tabloids with my family

me is just so ugly and so mean.

They can try to do
whatever they want to us.

Nobody could ever
come between us.

No lie, nobody being mean,
nothing can ever take us apart.

Are you OK?

YOLANDA: I hope in the
future Kim, and Kyle,

and I can move on from this.

Life is too short.

I mean, I'm... you know, I'm
battling for my life every day.

You know, that's important
stuff for me right now,

not, you know, Kim and Kyle
and their little antics.

KIM: I'm glad you guys made up.

You OK?

What's that about?

I just couldn't handle
how [BLEEP] mean it is.

Are you good?

YOLANDA: Yes.

- Are you sure?
- Yeah.

Are we good?

I'm great.

I'm good.

I'm in a point in my
life where I need everybody

to be supportive and nice.

I cannot handle all the mean
stares and the comments.

I really can't, Kim.

Are you joking or is
there something going on?

KIM: Yes.

Kyle's lashes fell off.

And she opened up the
door while I'm peeing.

LISA: What's the matter?

Nothing.

I just hate...

LISA: No, it's everything
that's going on.

I know it's everything
it's going on.

KIM: That's what I
have to say to you.

Not now.

I know, I know.

It's everything that's
going on right now.

I know.

No, I know.

No, it's everything's
that's going on.

She needs everybody to be nice.

I know.

I don't want everybody to fight.

I can't take it in
my life right now.

I know, I know, I know, I know.

I was trying to
fix it at the table.

I know, I know.

OK, that's done.

That's done.

Sit down here.

KIM: Literally, and
my panties in a...

No, no, we don't
want to see that.

...a wad, literally.

We don't want to see that.

OK.

No, come on.

It's OK.

Kyle, this is going to pass.

KIM: Bam!

Don't shut that door on my face.

Don't you even.

The truth is I never
had a problem with her.

[INTERPOSING VOICES]

I don't know what happened.

KIM: You know what, Lisa?

I'm so tired of you telling
me what to do today.

No please, don't
fight, you guys.

You've been annoying me so bad.

Honestly?

When have I told you what to do?

KIM: You've been
annoying me tonight.

I just... really, you have.

OK, done.

KYLE: You guys, don't fight.

Please, please.

Please, don't.

Lisa, don't leave.

LISA: It's fine.

No, don't.

KIM: She's been doing
it all night to me.

LISA: You've been dismissive
to me this weekend.

You've been this...

I haven't.

I have no problem with Kim.

Let's be honest, even
if I did, I'd let it go.

And what she would say?

I didn't lose it.

That is OK.

I don't want you to leave.

Listen, this is stupid, for
everybody to be like this.

We're here to have fun.

I didn't say that.

- I don't...
- It's fine.

Don't worry.

I don't want you
to feel sad, OK?

It's a big day for you today.

And I know it's been awful.

No one... don't go
walk away right now.

No, I'm going to have a tea.

I really...

KYLE: Lisa and I haven't
been speaking a lot lately.

So we really we're trying
to have a conversation.

Whether Kim and Lisa
have a problem together,

that's not my problem.

KIM: I was into her.

YOLANDA: Who just got
in a fight with who?

I don't get it.
- I have no idea.

I was in the...

You... she got in
a thing with her.

I was in the bathroom.

That's all I know.

KIM: I was in my room.

I'm in my room and I'm standing
there, and she tells me go.

CARLTON: Bloody hell, really?

I can't stand drama.

I certainly don't want to be
in the [BLEEP] thick of it.

You know what?

I've been dismissed by Lisa
too many times this evening.

Let's leave it alone.

Let's leave what alone?

Ugh, never mind.

I'm asking the questions.

Yeah.

OK.

Don't dismiss me like that.

BRANDI: I think she
does that to anyone.

KIM: Yeah, but I don't like it.

Don't dismiss me
like that in my room.

Don't be rude.

Just don't be rude to me.

NARRATOR: Coming up.

CARLTON: Brandi is a turn on.

And I like her a lot.

KIM: Don't be rude.

Just don't be rude to me.

I don't like it.

So it hit me wrong.

Maybe I reacted wrong.

But she shouldn't...

So then, you should be the
one talking to Lisa right now.

KIM: No, I don't want it.

I really just... I don't really...

You know, and I'm tired.

I just I want people
telling me what to do.

LISA: I don't want
you to feel upset.

Because it's about
today, isn't it?

Now, stop it.

I know it is.

And it's going to pass.

Trust me, it's going to pass.

BRANDI: Kim... Kim, are
you good with Yolanda?

I said it from the beginning.

I'll say it now.

I love you or I
think truly there's

a really good person there.

I would love to be your friend
and start fresh if we can.

And I think we have a great
opportunity to do that.

But you know, friendships are
earned over time, and respect.

Yes.

YOLANDA: You know?

And so it's going to take time.

KIM: I think... I know that.

I think you it will.

You know?

You're right.

And I think everytime...

But I'm willing to do the work.

BRANDI: That's a
big [BLEEP] deal.

Because she would not
do the work for anyone.

KIM: Let's start now.

Yeah.

Thank you so much.

Because 100% in my heart...

My grapefruit juice.

Thank you so much.

YOLANDA: I don't have
a point to prove.

I know who I am.

I can sleep at night knowing
that I've done the right thing.

And, you know, I've
forgiven her already.

And I won't forget.

But I've forgiven her.

LISA: I think dessert's on.
Let's go.

KIM: Lisa, I don't want to
make a big deal out of this.

No, no, it's fine, darling.

KIM: Let's just... we
make this go away.

Because I don't want to...
- Fine.

I didn't realise I've been
telling you what to do all day.

Then I must understand.

KIM: I guess I should say
I'm sorry but I snapped.

I feel like I've
just kind of been...

Maybe all the turmoil,
maybe [INAUDIBLE]

I haven't told you
what to do all day.

KIM: I think you just kind of
dismissed me a couple of times.

And I felt insulted.
- Sorry, what?

I don't want to get into it.
I just want to say I'm sorry.

LISA: OK.

Let's just... I mean, we could...

When I was talking...

But let's just... can you
just accept my apology?

Yeah, yeah.

OK.

It might be better.

Thank you.

LISA: I don't need this battle.

I have enough battles of my own.

Let her have her moment.

It's fine.

LISA: OK.

So who's skinny-dipping?

Carlton, you're first.

CARLTON: No, I'm like
a pot-bellied pig

since I ate the [INAUDIBLE].

[INTERPOSING VOICES]

There's nothing wrong with a
pot-bellied pig skinny dipping.

BRANDI: Carlton has the best
body I've ever seen on a woman,

like, so beautiful.

You do.

CARLTON: Thank you, but no.

BRANDI: She's so
sexy, it's ridiculous.

[LAUGHS]

BRANDI: We're sharing
the room tonight.

We have... we are definitely
going super soon.

Going to kiss before bed?

I was just joking.

CARLTON: Seriously?

KIM: They were teasing the
girls and I in the pool today.

What about the pool?

KIM: I'm curious.

What does it look like?

Show us.

I am teasing them back.

[LAUGHS] YOLANDA: All right.

Good night, guys.

See you tomorrow for breakfast.

Well, you'll be like mum and go

skinny dipping all by yourself.

I will, all by myself.

Good night, girls.

Good night.

See you.

YOLANDA: Right, lean
back, lean back.

Isn't that a song?

Lean back.

Lean back, lean back, lean back.

All right, the villa of Rosa.

Where's your purse?

I got it.

[INTERPOSING VOICES]

YOLANDA: Rosa.

OK, do you guys want
to come on for water

or you're going night-night?

If we're coming over,
it's not for water.

KIM: Oh, no, no.

We're going to sleep.

All right, I love you.

YOLANDA: I love you.

Good night, baby.

BRANDI: Sometimes you
just want to let go.

I mean, it's 8:30
in Palm Springs.

Like, what should we
be doing, sleeping?

Lean back.

[LAUGHTER]

You're throwing me off.

No, lean on me.

Why don't you go
first or second?

Which... you know what?

No.

Yeah.

Welcome to trouble.

CARLTON: Brandi, yeah, is drunk.

But so what?

It is just harmless fun.

JOYCE: Is it warm?

I hate cold water.

Oh, looks nice.

Yeah, right?

KYLE: Yes, It's like a little...

Huh?

Look at that big light.

Are you kidding me?

Never.

I don't mind that
one with the others.

OK, I can only go as
far as I can tippy-toe it.

[LAUGHS]

BRANDI: Welcome to [BLEEP]
bull [BLEEP] all day long.

Carlton.

Yes, darling?

You're so funny.

You're so [INAUDIBLE].

Get out.

Get over here.

I'm going to molest you.

CARLTON: I'm going to bed.

JOYCE: Look at you.

KYLE: Woo-hoo!

JOYCE: Are you free?

KYLE: Free world.

Free!

JOYCE: Oh, my god.

I would have so much fun
to do it with Michael.

I know, right?

[INTERPOSING VOICES]

JOYCE: We might
make a little girl.

[LAUGHS]

Oh, my god. - Well, yeah.

And I might make a little boy.

Yes.

BRANDI: Get here.

Get here, bitch. - No.

Get here.

No.

Oh, shut the [BLEEP] up.

CARLTON: You shut up.

[LAUGHS]

Brandi is a turn on.

She is.

I think that she is sexy.

She's wild.

She's passionate.

And I like her a lot.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

KYLE: I got so
emotional tonight.

Oh, you need to wind down.

I have some wind down.

Yeah.

I started feeling like...

[INAUDIBLE]

KYLE:... picked on a little bit.

And I felt like you were being
picked on with, you know.

- I was but...
- On your name.

You know what?

I was being very picked on.

But I was just trying
to be a gracious host.

And you don't invite
people over to attack them.

If this wasn't my
dinner where I wanted

to get to know these ladies
more and I wanted to just make

them feel comfortable,
I, for sure,

would have not taken all that
attack and all that injustice.

I have actually a very loud
voice and very proud voice.

So I never let people
attack me for no reason.

Shh!

Hello there!

Look at you in your
cute little PJs.

Good evening.

Are you coming in?

Kim, it's so nice.

Just stick your feet in.

Just stick your feet...

I mean, dip your pussy.

Shut the [BLEEP] up.

[CHUCKLING]

[INTERPOSING VOICES]

Should we go see Lisa?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

These are really ugly slippers.

No, they're not.

They're cute.

[LAUGHING]

Stop it.

They're my CVS slippers.

Stop it!

I love my slippers!

[CHUCKLING]

[INAUDIBLE].

We had to break into their room.

Let's be really quiet.

Wait. Oh, no.

Where is it?

Oh, it's there.

[SCREAMING]

[LAUGHING]

Oh, my god!

You look so cute.

You look so sexy!

What are you doing with that?

How did you know?

You are not having that.

Give that to me.

Give that to me now.

Give it to me now.

Lisa's not the vacation please.

I mean, we're all big girls.

We can all make
our own decisions.

Oh, my god.

Really?

We were going to spy on you.

Look, we came...

[INTERPOSING VOICES]

...so we came to spy.

We were hiding in a bush for one
second, and then you came by.

OK.

- Yeah.
- OK.

What?

Uh... Brandi says strategizing,
because she thinks Lisa

controls or says
certain things to create

certain opportunities.

That's it.

What's wrong?

No, you... you have it.

ANNOUNCER: Coming up.

Here.

OK.

[SQUEALING] OK!

Oh, you didn't get any.

Oh, those squirrels.

They're so cute.

Ooh!

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Hello, girls.

ALL: Good morning.

Hi.

- How are you?
- I'm good.

Good to see you.

How are you?

Good. You're making breakfast?

Did you sleep well?

Yes.

You?

We went to bed so late.

What'd you guys do last night?

We went to scare
Yolanda and Lisa,

and they ended up
jumping out at us, so...

[CHUCKLING]

Do you feel good?

Yeah.

Well, Lisa was worried
that you were mad.

No, I wasn't mad.

I just always have
fun, you know.

And, like, sometimes... you
know, when you're on vacation,

you want to have a little
more fun, you know.

Well, you did have fun.

I was just worried.

I kept giving you water
just to dilute it.

I thought, you have another
couple of hours to go.

I knew you were going to... - No.

No, I know.

It's fine.

OK.

I didn't want you
to think I'm, like...

I didn't want to
ruin Joycita's trip.

Isn't that what you said?

I'm... you know I'm
leaving early, right?

No.

You're not.

[CHUCKLING]

Oh.

You are strong.

I have to go home early from
Palm Springs because David

and I had committed
to a charity event,

and you need to keep
your commitment.

So, but, you're going
to be fine tonight.

You're going to have fun.

How?

No, but I mean...

You're leaving, Lisa's
leaving, Carlton's sleeping.

But Carlton is
leaving after dinner,

so at least you
have a dinner date.

[CHUCKLING]

I'm not going to run away.

I'm a big girl.

I can handle any situation.

I might cry, I might yell,
but I don't need anyone.

I got this.

Hello, darling.

Hello.

God, it's cooler in here.

Thank god. - I know.

That's why I got
out of the kitchen.

I started feeling faint.

Listen, I think last night...

I know we had fun, and I'm
telling you off or whatever,

but whatever. I'm your mother.

I just... I told...
[INTERPOSING VOICES]

I'm your mother. Get used to it.

We're like the boring ones.

We're like the
grandmas of the group.

I'm gonna... I'm gonna,
like, roofie you guys.

You know what?

Maybe you should.

See what happens.

Maybe that's the only
way you can get us to...

[INTERPOSING VOICES]

I did actually say to you that
I do treat Brandi like a child

sometimes.

Well, I act like
a child sometimes.

Well, you know what,
it's funny because I was...

And it's because I care
about you that I tell you off.

Sorry.

And it's never going to change.

You know, I didn't
plan to get drunk,

but it definitely wasn't
part of Lisa's plan for me.

I am me.

I do me.

And that's the difference
between the two of us.

I don't have a drinking problem.

I have a drinking solution.

[CHUCKLING]

Oh my god.

I don't have sunblock on.

You guys... oh, well.

Nice knowing you.

[CHUCKLING]

Fried chickens.

Oh, well.

Even though I'm extremely
petrified of heights,

we're going to go today
and take the tram.

And I've arranged a catered
lunch for the ladies

at the top of the mountain.

I hope they enjoy it.

I hope it's going to be fun.

Nothing like going up in a
gondola in 110 degree weather.

Good times.

WOMAN: Oh, my god.

WOMAN: Jesus. Look at that.

WOMAN: Wait.

Is that where we're going?

WOMAN: Yeah.

How high up does this go?

Right now you're at 2,600.

You're going to go up to 8,500.

Oh, my god.

That's 6,000 feet more.

Oh, my god.

About 2 and 1/2 miles.

Lena, I'm afraid of heights.

[INTERPOSING VOICES]

Just want to let you know.

[CHUCKLING]

2 and 1/2 miles.

I don't like heights.

Holy [BLEEP] [BLEEP].

[INTERPOSING VOICES]

It's like the
wheels are going up.

Oh, my god.

So going up this high with
this particular group of women

today in this flying contraption
is not exactly my idea of fun.

Is that that little
shiny thing I see?

Yes.

I don't like it.

- No me gusta.
- No.

No me gusta.

I'm scared.

You're not scared?

Can I ask you a question?

Have you ever had any
accidents with this?

Oh, my god.

No?

OK.

Here it comes.

Kim, it looks like that
little space machine from...

Oh, my god.

It's "Witch Mountain."

Oh, my god.

I remember that movie.

Yeah.

I was the little girl, Tia.

Holy [BLEEP].

Wow!

I loved that movie.

It's no surprise to
me that Carlton likes

"Escape to Witch Mountain."

Ooh!

She's the good witch.

Isn't she?

I'm scared of heights.

Don't be scared.

No?

[INAUDIBLE].

[ELEVATOR LURCHING]

Oh.

Oh, god.

I'm scared.

[INTERPOSING VOICES]

It's cute.

It's perky.

Ow!

[CHUCKLING]

WOMAN: It's smooth.

It's beautiful.

I love it.

[INAUDIBLE].

Are you OK?

Aw!

Are you OK?

Yes, I'm fine.

Oh, she's froze up on the...

[INTERPOSING VOICES]

Yay!

Don't worry.

No one drinks in this group.

[LAUGHING]

I don't like heights.

I don't like motion sickness.

I don't like this tram.

I wonder if we can see
animals from here, you know?

Huh?

[CHUCKLING]

Just saying.

You know, when you drink
the high altitude affects

you much sooner, ladies.

So I expect you to have
a couple of shots, OK?

You feeling OK?

Yeah.

It's a 360 degree
view of the park

and the city and the Valley.

OK.

YOLANDA: It's beautiful.

I mean, I've been in
bed for nine months.

I mean, just to be out and
seeing this beautiful nature

just gives me so much joy.

I love it.

Oh, my gosh.

Oh, wow.

Did you see him?

I did.

Let me get the picture.

See if she'll come back to you.

I got it, I got it, I got it.

Oh, my god. I'm in love.

I've got it.

I got it.

KIM: There's something about,
like, an animal in the wild

that isn't supposed to be here...

Here... that makes
you feel so here.

Look at them.

Oh, just make sure you
give the other ones.

The rest, they're
going to attack you.

OK, OK, Here.

You can have... oh, wow.
Oh, my gosh.

No, no. It's OK.

OK. OK, here.

- Calm down.
- Oh, my gosh.

OK. - All right.

Quickly.

Do it quick.

You guys know you all need
to get a tetanus shot now.

OK.

[SQUEALING]

[INTERPOSING VOICES]

Oh, you didn't get any.

You're being a bit
stingy with the portions.

Guys, I don't have any more.

That's beautiful.

Oh, those squirrels!

They're so cute.

Oh!

Right?

Oh, baby.

I want to take him home.

Well, I have a purse.

Kim!

I think she's with...

What's she doing?

She's with the squirrel.

CARLTON: My beliefs in
Wicca are very, very sacred.

And it's about Mother Nature.

It's about having
respect for the earth.

I marvel at creation.

That's why I do have such
an affiliation with animals.

It's sacred to me.

That was so beautiful.

[INTERPOSING VOICES]

WOMAN: I mean, I wish I
had tennis shoes on now.

I feel like the squirrels
are going to get my feet.

WOMAN: Oh, and there's
a little caterpillar.

WOMAN: Look it,
here's another one.

You know, caterpillars
turn into butterflies,

so don't worry about it.

Well, until it does, I
don't want to be around it.

Oh, my god.

Here comes a squirrel.

Shut up.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

[INTERPOSING VOICES]

Why are you scared
of them like that?

I don't want it
nibbling on my foot.

You guys... [INTERPOSING VOICES]

They don't do anything.
They're cute.

- They don't do anything.
- They're not cute.

They have rabies. Go away.

Brandi, [INAUDIBLE].

[INTERPOSING VOICES]

There's no food, baby.

There's no food.

I don't want it coming near me.

I think it's cute, but
I don't want it near me.

OK

I really don't. - See?

[INAUDIBLE]

She said... the lady
said, they have rabies.

They do!

Of course they have rabies.

They're bloody wild.

They're [BLEEP] rate.

They're not rats.

They're all neurotic.

This is a sexy, cute little
squirrel that needs a nut.

[INTERPOSING VOICES]

I already said I'm sorry.

You were mean.

I know you love me, and I
think it's not you and me.

I think it's just your way
when you go, nu-uh, no.

You kind of do that sometimes.

Don't you think she
was having a moment?

Yeah.

And I think it was just...

I think it was all that.

I don't think it
was even you and me.

I think it was me not
dealing with all that,

and I have a lot
going on at home.

Whitney is moving.

Kimberly's leaving.

And I think it's...

You want to move in with Lisa?

Lisa?

I think that's what I'm trying...
[INTERPOSING VOICES]

I get it. I get it.

I think I'm just
trying to ask you.

I love your house, and I
was wondering if I could

stay with you for a while.
- OK, you can.

No problem. - Oh, my god.

Thank you, Lisa.

Thank you.

Oh, my god.

I knew the real...

What's a while?

Like, 10 minutes?

I'm counting on
us moving forward.

That means no holding torches.

That means you're not
holding that flaming torch

as we move forward.

That means... fresh air.

Whew!

Woo!

I pre-ordered some
amazing food for us.

I hope it's going to be yummy.

[INAUDIBLE].

Oh, my gosh.

That looks so good.

I'm going to cut one in half.

Oh, my gosh.

Those squirrels changed my day.

I felt so...

Certain moments like
that just give you such

an enlightening experience.

So, guys, Tuesday I'm planning
a dinner party at my house.

So if any of you are in town,
I would love to have you.

Are you cooking?

No.

I'll decorate the table...

- Is there an occasion or...
- I'll give you wine.

Just dinner? Or an occasion?

Or a birthday?

We were thinking that
the Canadian Tenors

might be in town,
so I really wanted

you guys to meet the guys.

[INTERPOSING VOICES]

It will be a beautiful
night of music and dinner.

Oh, I like that.

And, you know, we always end up

around the piano at my house.

So since we have decided to
move forward, I thought I'll...

A celebration.

...invite you all.

Yeah, we'll have a celebration.

If this is a step in the
right direction, I'm all for it.

Sounds good.

Yeah, nice.

Thank you.

Oh, [BLEEP].

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
- What happened?

I just said a bad word.
I'm sorry.

What happened?

It was right under me.

WOMAN: It was right
there, what happened?

But was it the
squirrel or Carlton?

Carlton, was it the squirrel?

Was it the squirrel?

It was right up my butt.

No.

Yes, they're adorable to look
at and wave at in a tree.

Nibbling on my ass, not so fun.

WOMAN: They're not squirrels.

They're my children.

WOMAN: Oh, boy.

WOMAN: Children of the desert.

WOMAN: We gotta get
out of the altitude.

Check, please.

What is Kim doing
praying in the corner?

She's lost her mind.

She's praying to the trash can.

Oh, come on, guys.

That was so not...

What were you doing?

I just...

I'm just really grateful.

I just have something...

I have something
going on in my life.

You know what?

Whatever you have to do.

But now?

Yeah.

It just...

Next to the trashcan?

Whatever.

I was praying.

Praying for what?

Is she praying that the
bin should be emptied?

What is she praying for?

OK.

I can't be judgmental.

I can't be.

I can't be judgmental.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

It feels nice, the breeze.

With my eyes closed, I love it.

Oh, I love it.

CARLTON: It was a
nice couple of days.

We had a little
glitch in the middle,

but I'm happily just staying
for one night, not two.

So I'm out of here.

[INTERPOSING VOICES]

Bye.

Love you, babe.

I don't need back-up.

I can be around this group of
women, any of them at any time.

I can be lovely with Joyce.

It's not that hard.

I can fake it like
she does all the time.

WOMAN: That was crazy.

Yeah.

ANNOUNCER: Coming up.

What the [BLEEP]
are you talking about?

WOMAN: Oh, my god.

Oh, my god.

That's, like, a queen bee.

Mother... girls?

I don't like bugs.

I don't want to
cuddle with them,

I don't want to look at them,
I don't want to see them.

No.

Do you know what?

Carlton's not afraid of them.

Carlton!

It's coming, it's coming.

Ooh!

[SCREAMING]

Come, come.

Carlton is the bug whisperer.

Oh, oh!

You want to try this pillow?

Maybe this pillow
is something softer

for the belly of the bug.

For the belly of the bug?

Yeah, because I'm concerned
about his belly right now.

Here, try this.
Scoop it up with a pillow.

This bitch is going
to come at me, OK?

So stop giving me
the [INAUDIBLE]..

[SCREAMING]

I have such a passion
for animals and creatures.

But I've never seen
anything this bloody big.

It was like a big, big,
big, big black bee.

OK.

This is very traumatic.

[SQUEALING] Good.

I'm good.

What happened?

Are you OK?

[INAUDIBLE].

[LAUGHING]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

I'm going to tell them that
you're the best at barbecuing.

Well, I am.

CARLTON: Brandi, I
really would like

to sit down and talk to you.

I had no problem
with what we did...

Right.

...in the Jacuzzi.

I mean, it was just, whatever,
a harmless bloody kiss.

And I'm OK with that.

I just... I was
just really [BLEEP]

sideswiped when you
said it in the pool.

Carlton and I had a
friendship kiss the other night.

Are you guys into it? l

A friendship what?

BRANDI: We had a
friendship kiss.

It was uncomfortable.

I'm sorry. I know.

I saw your face,
and I was like...

No, I was mortified.

Because it's like,
are you serious?

I make no apologies
for my behaviour.

She's not the first
girl I've kissed,

and she probably
won't be the last.

But what I do have a
really big problem with

is I decide who I share that
information with, not her.

You have a mouth on you.

I do.

So I can't even
tell you any secrets.

I'm very sorry.

Do you just have to
kind of shake me?

No, I'm good.

Yeah.

Turn it upside...

Right.

I'm sweaty.

I'm very sorry.

I promise you,
I'm not that girl.

No, I know you're not.

Carlton and I, we were
very upfront, very honest.

We tell the truth.

And if we [BLEEP] up,
we're like, you know what?

I probably shouldn't
have said that.

I'm sorry.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Hola.

Can you open this?

OK.

I have a broken...

That's my mum's trick.

I can't do it.

Ow!

[INAUDIBLE].

We're so colourful.

I love your outfit.

It's beautiful. - Thank you.

I love your shoes.

Beautiful.

I hope that there's not
a repeat of last night.

Me, too.

Because that was a bit insane.

I was just telling myself
to breathe and let it go.

Obviously nobody wants it
to be that kind of night.

- Well...
- Yeah.

I'd hope not anyway.

Well, I for sure didn't want
it to be that kind of night.

I was like, come on, we're
supposed to have fun.

I...

I know.

Hello, ladies.

Hello there.

What are you doing?

Oh.

We're doing just little
here so that the chef can

actually munch while she cooks.

Thank you.

And we'll be back in an hour.

Terrific.

And we'll come back to
help you take the stuff out.

BRANDI: I'm volunteering to cook
dinner tonight because I don't

think any of these
other ladies cook

I'm the boss in the kitchen.

It's just the way I roll.

Hello.

Hi.

Hello there.

Did you get your blow dryer?

Right?

Good job.

We're doing really
good teamwork.

I think maybe when
there's alcohol involved,

Brandi might become
a different person.

But we're having actually
a really good time cooking

dinner, and I'm enjoying myself
learning her famous recipe

for the tacos.

Oh, my god.

Is everybody in the
big high heels now?

All right.

So we are in,
like, really good...

We're good right now.

OK, girls.

Cheers.

To a beautiful day.

Cheers, cheers.

Thank you for the dinner.

It's been a very fun bloody day.

It was nice.

It was so much fun.

It was a great day.

KYLE: All of a sudden,
the girls are together,

laughing, having fun,
cooking together.

Hm.

It's like, very calm tonight.

What's going on?

There's something
calmness in the air.

It's not like last night.

I think...

Last night was not calm.

I think once you get it
out, it's like, [BREATHING], ,

you know what I mean?

That deep breath.

[CHUCKLING]

You know, just being up
there, it felt so good up there.

When I said [BLEEP] hell
at the top of my lungs,

oh, my god.

Because I looked back, it
was like out of a movie.

It was, like, on its hind
legs, it was like, [INAUDIBLE]..

Oh, my god.

They're so stupid.

Kim and I had a
moment with them.

Yes, we did.

All three of them.

Four.

He wanted to have
a moment with me.

I didn't want it.

[BLEEP] stupid squirrels.

Stop talking about
the squirrels like that.

They're going to
come and get you.

[INAUDIBLE].

I'm gonna sneak away
since we're doing this,

and I'm gonna call my kids.

OK.

I'll be back.

I feel like I have
to do that, too.

Hm?

I feel like I have
to call my kids, too.

We're all getting along,
and I'm really happy about it.

It's because I'm the boss.

I'll be right back.

The cops just left.

What?

[BLEEP] come on.

Brandi.

Brandi, I need to know
what you want me to do.

Can you text me back?

No problem.

What the [BLEEP].

The cops just left.

What does that mean?

I'm just thinking
if my dogs are OK.

[INAUDIBLE].

Just take a moment.

Seriously.

Cameron, hey.

I'm just getting your texts.

What's going on?

OK.

OK, so what's the...

What happened to the house?

Are the dogs OK?

What the [BLEEP]
are you talking about?

Her house was broken into.

Are you [BLEEP] kidding me?

Cameron, this is the second
time in one week that my dogs

are gone on your time.

I'm just saying.

I just... like, I'm
not blaming you.

Don't lose my dogs ever.

Two times in one week.

This is going to break
my children's heart.

You get that.

We've got to get the
signs up right away.

Yes.

I feel so bad for
Brandi right now.

I can only imagine what
I'd feel like if I were far

away from my house,
and one of my animals

who are like my
children went missing.

It's breaking my heart.

You guys know you're in trouble.

Come here.

Bad.

Come on.

I'm not mad anymore.

I have to go home.

That's it.

These dogs are like...

Mason will [BLEEP]...

Look it, Brandi.

We can find him.

Listen, we can find him.

That doesn't mean it's gone.

- The dog is probably dead.
- No!

No!

Don't say that.

Listen, every time...
Have you ever seen a dog?

Don't you stop and
pick up the dog?

Someone could've stopped
and picked up the dog.

Hey, Brandi, you will find
your dog, I promise you.

I need to go home.

[SOBBING]

It's not a [BLEEP]
competition, Joyce.

She doesn't know when
to shut the [BLEEP] up.

Why does it always
have to be about you?

No, I'm...

Every time someone
says something's wrong,

you go, oh, my god,
it's been worse for me.

No, I just want
to give you a hug.

[INTERPOSING VOICES]

I don't want this right now.

I want to give you a hug.
Trust me.

OK.

I get that.

You're lovely, but... - No.

The world is not a competition.

Trust me, it's not.

It's really not.

I promise.

I want to give you a hug
because I'm feeling for you.

No, I'm good.

Regardless if
she's being a bitch,

I don't want to fight with her.

I just feel for her.

I want my dog back.

[SOBBING]

I'm coming home.

Just...

I thought you were
staying there.

You said... it doesn't matter.

I need my dog back.

This is not OK.

[SOBBING]

I don't want to go
down there if she's going

to be not wanting us there.

I think I'm going to walk
down there and take a chance.

If I get screamed at,
I get screamed at.

Isn't it a house?

We can wait in the living room.

At least we can
say goodbye to her.

I don't care about
my [BLEEP] house.

I don't care about my things.

I care about my dog, OK?

CAMERON (ON PHONE): I know.

I know.

So go outside and call her name.

That's it.

[SOBBING]

My house got broken
into while I was gone.

And Chica... Chica's gone.

[SOBBING]

I don't know what to do.

The kids are going to be...

Devastated.

[SOBBING]

Please don't come in.

No.

ANNOUNCER: Coming up.

Oh, my gosh.

BRANDI: I'm coming home
to get my [BLEEP] dog.

It's... we're going to
find the dog, for sure.

Either way, the most important
thing is, who gives a [BLEEP]

what else is missing?

The dog's the dog.

So I think we get people
out there calling the name.

And it is what it is.

Let's just find him, you know?

Chica... him, her.

Let's find Chica.

Chica means girl in Spanish.

Yeah, Chica.

Let's find her.

And then, you know,
put up some signs.

I'm sure by tonight
we'll have her back.

You know?

My dog is my
everything, you know.

He's... helped me so much
through this last year.

And if it weren't for Kingsley,
I don't know what I would do.

Bye.

Bye-bye.

[INAUDIBLE].

[INAUDIBLE] the pictures.

Thank you.

We're saying a
little prayer, OK?

Thank you.

It's going to be OK.

OK.

Say a prayer.

Someone picked the dog up.

Somebody picked the dog up.

For Brandi, when her
kids are with their father,

these dogs are her children.

BRANDI: I'm going to find her.

KYLE: So it feels like
a bigger loss to her.

Oh, my gosh.

Oh, my...

BRANDI: I need to find her.

I'm going... I'm coming
home to get my [BLEEP] dog.

ANNOUNCER: Next time,
on "The Real Housewives

of Beverly Hills."

[GASPING]

[CHUCKLING] Stop it.

I like her dog toys.

Oh, my.

Carlton.

I know.

So we're going to get
the dog with me for a week.

Now, see, that's
what ruins them.

You don't want to do that.

You want to say it's OK.

At this point, if
there's a job to be done,

I'm going to do it.

Come on, back to work.

This is really the first night
we're entertaining since I've

gotten sick.

How come some people
have little hearts,

and some people don't?

My team.

The dream team.

[CHUCKLING]

Was it kind of dicky?

Sure.

But I was speaking
to Kim and to my baby.

Are you a baby or a man?

And now we will hear from Joyce.

In Spanish.

[SPANISH]

And you just got second place.

For some reason I'm her target.

I don't understand it.

You're going to get
yourself in trouble.

ANNOUNCER: To learn more
about the Housewives,