The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills (2010–…): Season 4, Episode 6 - Palm Springs Breakers - full transcript
The ladies travel to Palm Springs for a girls' bonding trip and Kyle is surprised when Carlton confronts her about a list of issues. As the group relaxes by the pool, Brandi reveals that she and Carlton made out, much to Carlton's chagrin. When questioned about her pentagram tattoo, Carlton finally reveals she is a practicing Wiccan, eliciting eye rolls from some of the women. Brandi riles up Joyce by repeatedly calling her Jaclyn, amongst other things and the group dinner goes downhill quickly when a tipsy Brandi picks a fight with Kyle.
- PREVIOUSLY ON THE REAL
HOUSEWIVES OF BEVERLY HILLS...
- I WAS TALKING TO MICHAEL
BECAUSE I WANTED TO DO,
LIKE, A LITTLE GETAWAY,
AND HE FOUND THIS PLACE
HE WAS GONNA SHOOT AT
IN PALM SPRINGS.
- I WOULD LOVE
TO DO THAT, ACTUALLY.
I-I REALLY FEEL LIKE I NEED
A DE-STRESSING.
- LIKE, [bleep] IN A GOOD WAY.
- OH, FOR GOD'S SAKE, BRANDI.
- IT'S BRANDI, BABE.
- I KNOW.
- LET HER BE.
- NO, I LIKE IT.
- I MADE OUT
WITH CARLTON YESTERDAY.
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN "MADE OUT"?
- IN THE HOT TUB.
WE MADE OUT. - YOU MADE OUT?
YOU'RE LYING.
- YES. WE MADE OUT.
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU MADE OUT?
- WE MADE OUT.
- I DON'T THINK PALM SPRINGS
IS READY FOR THIS, DARLING.
- YOU ALSO SAID THAT LISA
CAN GIVE CRITICISM,
BUT SHE DOESN'T TAKE IT.
- THAT'S NOT WHAT I SAID.
- YES, IT WAS.
- WHEN HAVE I GIVEN CRITICISM
TO ANYONE?
- OH, WOW. OKAY.
I TRIED TO GIVE JOYCE
SOME GOOD ADVICE,
AND SHE TURNED ON ME
AND MADE IT SEEM
LIKE I WAS TALKING [bleep]
WHEN I WAS JUST TRYING
TO HELP THAT GIRL OUT.
LESSON LEARNED.
I WILL NOT DO THAT AGAIN.
- HOW ARE YOU WITH KYLE?
- I MEAN, I'M NOT
IN A BETTER PLACE
WITH THE WOMAN
THAT CALLED ME A LIAR.
- THE PROBLEM IS,
IS THAT SHE'S KIND OF
STABBED EVERYONE IN THE BACK,
SO YOU DON'T...
ONCE THAT HAPPENS,
IT ISN'T THE SAME.
[upbeat music]
- I'M FROM THIS TOWN.
I KNOW WHAT'S REAL
AND WHAT'S FAKE.
- DON'T TELL ME
YOU'RE MY FRIEND.
ACT LIKE ONE.
- IN BEVERLY HILLS,
THE HIGHER YOU CLIMB,
THE FARTHER YOU FALL.
- EVERYBODY LOVES
A COMEBACK STORY,
ESPECIALLY STARRING ME.
- IN MY WORLD,
MONEY DOESN'T TALK.
IT SWEARS.
- YOU COULD NEVER BE TOO YOUNG,
TOO THIN, OR TOO HONEST.
- LIFE IS A SEXY LITTLE DANCE,
AND I LIKE TO TAKE THE LEAD.
[upbeat music]
♪♪ ♪♪
- I LOVE YOUR NEW PLACE.
- THANK YOU.
- IT'S REALLY CUTE.
- I LOVE IT TOO.
CHEERS TO THAT. - OKAY.
- OKAY, SO YOU KNOW WHY I CALLED
YOU HERE TODAY, GIRLS.
I HAVE A SECOND BOOK DEAL,
VERY EXCITING.
OUT OF 12 CHAPTERS,
I THINK 9 OF THEM
HAVE TO DO WITH SEX.
WELCOME TO MY VAGINA.
OKAY, SO FIRST OFF,
I WANT TO KNOW
WHAT GETS YOU OFF.
- OH. [laughter]
- A LOT OF THINGS.
- WOW.
FIRST QUESTION.
- JUST GO FOR THE JUGULAR.
- I KNOW.
- I JUST WANTED TO GET MORE
THAN MY PERSPECTIVE,
'CAUSE IT CAN'T ALL BE ME,
BECAUSE THEN I'M A WHORE.
DO YOU LIKE ORAL BEFORE,
OR IS IT LIKE...
- ORAL BEFORE.
- FOR SURE, ORAL? FOR SURE?
- WAIT, I LIKE YOU
TO PINCH MY NIPPLES,
AND TWIST THEM, AND LIKE...
- SEE? REALLY?
- I LIKE BEING, LIKE...
- I LIKE THE ROUGH SEX.
- I'M NOT INTO THE NIPPLE TWIST.
- OH, MY GOD.
- NOW, THERE'S
THE TWO-FINGER TRICK.
DO YOU GUYS KNOW WHAT THAT IS?
- I DO.
- OH, YOU MEAN THE... THE G-SPOT?
- REALLY?
- I FEEL LIKE
IT'S REALLY IMPORTANT
THAT MEN LEARN THIS
BECAUSE WHEN A MAN
DOESN'T KNOW IT,
I'M BREAKING UP WITH HIM.
THERE ARE THINGS
THAT EVERY MAN SHOULD KNOW.
THE TWO FINGER,
THE PRESSING-DOWN THING.
IF YOU DON'T KNOW IT,
YOU'RE DOING SOMETHING WRONG.
GET THE BOOK, GOOGLE IT,
FIGURE IT OUT,
BECAUSE YOUR GIRLFRIEND'S
CHEATING IF YOU'RE NOT DOING IT.
HOW LONG DO YOU LIKE
TO HAVE SEX FOR?
HOW MANY MINUTES?
- I'M NOT INTO, LIKE, 30-
[bleep]-MINUTE SEX, I'M SORRY.
- I'M INTO 30 MINUTES,
BUT NOT AN HOUR.
- NO.
- IT JUST... IT HURTS.
- I WOULD SAY...
- I LIKE THAT.
- BUT IF YOU'RE GETTING
TO A POINT
WHERE YOU'RE JUST DONE,
ASK THEM TO CHOKE YOU.
- I LOVE THAT.
I ALWAYS DO THAT.
- YEAH, BUT, LIKE,
THAT, THEY GET SO TURNED ON
BY THAT.
- ETIRSA'S LIKE, "WHAT?"
- IT HAPPENS EVERY TIME.
- OH, I LOVE BEING CHOKED.
- IS THAT REALLY BAD?
IS THAT A FETISH?
- LIKE CHOKED OUT
TO WHERE YOU'RE LIKE...
[gagging]
- NO... NO, I MEAN, SOMETIMES.
[laughs]
- WHAT KIND OF PEOPLE
ARE YOU DATING
THAT IT GETS THEM OFF?
- WELL, I THINK
THAT YOU HAVE TO KIND OF
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX.
[laughs] GET IT?
THESE GIRLS HAVE BEEN MY FRIENDS
FOR OVER 20 YEARS.
THEY ACCEPT ME,
THEY UNDERSTAND ME
FOR THE GOODS, THE BADS,
AND THE UGLY,
AND EVERYONE ELSE
CAN JUST SUCK IT.
OH, HAVE YOU EVER
BEEN WITH A WOMAN?
I'VE MADE OUT WITH A LOT OF YOU.
- NOT ME.
- YEAH.
YOU HAVE, LIKE,
REALLY SOFT LIPS.
- OH, THANKS.
- I-I THINK I'M GETTING,
LIKE, SEXUALLY STIMULATED.
- IT'S WARM IN...
IT'S WARM IN HERE.
IT'S REALLY WARM IN HERE.
- I'M SUPER HORNY.
[upbeat music]
♪♪ ♪♪
- MAYBE WITH THAT ONE.
THIS ONE. - I LOVE IT.
JUST OPEN AND FLOWING
WITH HEELS.
JUST LIKE, "HELLO." - HELLO.
- VERY SEX AND THE CITY.
[both laugh]
- THAT'S AMAZING.
- THIS ONE I LOVE.
PALM SPRINGS IS ONLY
A TWO-DAY TRIP,
BUT I THINK THAT GIRLS
DRESS FOR GIRLS.
I WANT TO LOOK MY BEST.
- HOW ABOUT THIS ONE?
WITH A LITTLE BAG...
- I'VE ALWAYS LOVED CLOTHES
GROWING UP.
MY MOTHER WOULD GIVE ME $20
SO I COULD GO TO THE MALL
AND BUY MYSELF SOMETHING.
AND I FELT SO COOL
LIKE, "OH, MOM, LOOK.
I GOT THIS DRESS FOR MYSELF,
AND I STYLED IT MYSELF."
OH, THAT'S GORGEOUS.
THAT IS BEAUTIFUL. RIGHT?
- IT LOOKS... YEAH.
- I LOVE IT.
- OH, LOOK AT THIS.
IT'S VERY CUTE.
- MM, YEAH. YEP.
THAT'S COOL.
- I LOVE TO GO TO PALM SPRINGS.
THERE'S SOMETHING
VERY SPIRITUAL ABOUT IT.
[mimics whooshing]
OM... AH.
- OH, LOOK AT THIS.
YOU PUT YOUR TOOTHBRUSH IN IT.
- [laughs]
- OH.
IT'S GOT A TOOTHBRUSH IN IT.
- WAIT, IS IT... IS IT...
[device vibrating]
- STOP IT.
- [laughs] OKAY.
- [laughs] HOW DO YOU...
THAT'S NOT RIGHT. YOU... YOU...
- I FIND YOUR TOOLS, MOM.
- I'M A LITTLE UPSET
THAT YOU KNOW
ABOUT THESE THINGS.
- WELL, WHEN I FIND THEM
IN YOUR DRAWER.
- [laughs]
OH, YOU'RE SO WRONG.
[laughs]
YOU KNOW WHAT THIS IS?
THIS IS A PADDLE.
[laughs]
- LOOK HOW CUTE.
- OH, IT'S BEAUTIFUL.
WHO'S THAT BY?
- KINGA DID THIS.
THIS IS KINGA'S.
I'M A TOTAL GIRLY GIRL,
SO FASHION
PLAYS A REALLY BIG PART
IN MY LIFE.
I LOVE TO GO SHOPPING
WITH MY GIRLFRIENDS
AND TELL THEM
WHAT LOOKS GOOD ON THEM.
I LOVE TO MAKE MAKEOVERS
ON MY GIRLFRIENDS.
I JUST LOVE FASHION.
- THIS IS SENSATIONAL, KINGA.
- IT'S BEAUTIFUL, RIGHT?
- OH, MY GOODNESS.
ELEGANT. - WHAT IS IT?
- CAVALLI.
- IT'S CAVALLI.
IT'S BEAUTIFUL. I LOVE CAVALLI.
- THESE ARE CUTE.
- BYE-BYE.
- [sighs]
LET'S SEE HOW LIGHT THEY ARE.
- OH, THAT IS LIGHT.
- IT'S LIGHT.
- SO ONE MORE NIGHT, RIGHT?
- YES.
- HOW ABOUT THIS ONE
FOR A NIGHT?
- YES.
SHE KNOWS ME.
I LOVE IT.
I RARELY GET AWAY
WITH MY GIRLFRIENDS.
I HATE LEAVING MY KIDS.
SO I WANT US TO RELAX
AND JUST HAVE A GREAT TIME.
- OH, LOOK AT THIS.
- WHAT'S THAT?
- PEACE.
[laughs]
HOPEFULLY, THIS WILL BE LIKE
ONE OF THOSE TRIPS THAT MAYBE
EVERYBODY GETS ALONG.
- THIS IS REALLY COOL.
CAN WE GET TWO
OF THESE, ACTUALLY?
- DO YOU HAVE ONE
THAT DOESN'T VIBRATE?
- NO, SONICARE VIBRATES.
- NO, I'M JUST TEASING.
ACTUALLY, COULD YOU...
- I LIKE VIBRATING ONES.
- STOP IT.
- JUST KIDDING.
- IT'S NOT RIGHT.
- WE'LL TAKE TWO OF THESE.
- PERFECT. IN PINK?
- YEAH.
- ALL RIGHT.
[upbeat music]
♪♪ ♪♪
- HEY, KYLE.
- HI THERE.
HOW ARE YOU?
- GOOD. HOW ARE YOU?
- GOOD. GOOD TO SEE YOU.
- YOU TOO.
- HI, CUTIE.
YOU GET A KISS FIRST.
OH, LOOK HOW CUTE,
ALWAYS NAPPING
ON THE COUNTER LIKE THAT.
- HE'S THE GREETER HERE.
- YES, I KNOW.
- HI.
- HI. HOW ARE YOU?
IT'S GOOD TO SEE YOU.
- I'M LATE.
MWAH. - NO WORRIES.
THIS IS WENDY, CARLTON. - HI.
- HI, NICE TO MEET YOU.
- NICE TO MEET YOU TOO.
- I'VE GOT TO FIND SOMETHING
TO WEAR IN PALM SPRINGS,
AND MY KIDS HAVE STOLEN
ALL OF MY CLOTHES.
THEY STEAL EVERYTHING,
MY DAUGHTERS.
LOOK HOW CUTE THIS COLOR IS.
THIS MAY NOT BE FLATTERING
ON THE BUTT, THOUGH.
- YOU KNOW WHAT
I WAS GONNA TELL YOU, KYLE?
YOUR BUTT LOOKS SO SMALL
AND CUTE IN THOSE JEANS.
LIKE, YOU'RE LOOKING SO HOT.
YOU REALLY ARE. - I AM?
- YOU'RE ALWAYS
COMPLAINING TO ME
ABOUT YOUR
BODY DYSMORPHIA, BUT...
WELL, I'M CALLING IT
BODY DYSMORPHIA.
BUT YOU'RE LOOKING SO GOOD.
- WELL, THANK YOU.
- THIS IS AS FLAT
AS I'VE EVER SEEN IT,
AND I KNOW THAT YOU HAVE
A REAL THING ABOUT THAT.
- I KNOW YOU DO...
- I DO. I DO.
- AND THAT'S WHY
I'M TELLING YOU,
BECAUSE I KNOW
YOU HAVE A THING ABOUT IT.
SO WHEN I SEE IT
LOOKING SO GOOD,
YOU NEED TO KNOW.
- OH, GOD, REALLY?
- I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU SINCE
THAT WHOLE CRAZY DAY
AT THE POOL TOP.
- YEAH, THAT WAS FUN.
- IT JUST SUCKS
TO BE CALLED A BULLY
IN FRONT OF MY CHILDREN.
- YOU SHOULD TELL
THE PAPARAZZI THAT.
- I DID.
- GOOD FOR YOU.
- I ABSOLUTELY DID.
- I HAVE NO CONTROL
WHAT THE PAPARAZZI SAYS TO...
TO YOU, OR TO ME,
OR TO ANY OF US.
- I WOULD OBVIOUSLY THINK
THAT THAT WAS COMING
FROM YOUR CAMP
BECAUSE IT WAS DEFINITELY...
- I DON'T HAVE A CAMP
TO TALK TO PRESS, BRANDI.
I DON'T HAVE A CAMP.
I'VE NEVER DONE THAT.
- OKAY.
- YEAH, I FELT SO BAD
THAT YOU WERE,
LIKE, CAUGHT IN THE CROSSFIRE.
- I DON'T KNOW THAT KYLE
IS TRULY SINCERE
ABOUT APOLOGIZING
FOR THE CRAZINESS
AT THE HOTEL...
'CAUSE SHE WAS PART OF IT.
WELL... AND ACTUALLY... AND I'M...
I'M REALLY HAPPY
THAT WE HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY,
BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE
THERE WERE A COUPLE OF OCCASIONS
THAT YOU SAID STUFF TO ME
THAT DIDN'T SIT WELL
WITH ME EITHER.
- ME TO YOU?
- YEAH, YEAH.
OBVIOUSLY, THE BIGGEST THING
THAT STICKS OUT IN MY HEAD
WAS WHEN WE WERE AT MY HOUSE
AND YOU ASKED ME,
"AM I A WITCH?"
OR SOMETHING TO THAT EFFECT.
- HAVE YOU EVER EXPLORED
WITH WITCHCRAFT?
- REALLY?
I FELT LIKE I WAS KIND OF
PUT ON THE SPOT.
- OH, I DIDN'T MEAN IT
LIKE THAT.
- WELL, I KINDA
TOOK IT THAT WAY.
WHAT PEOPLE DON'T UNDERSTAND,
THEY USUALLY,
YOU KNOW, ATTACK VERBALLY,
OR WHATEVER.
- RIGHT.
- TRUST ME,
IT'S NOT THE FIRST TIME
I'VE EVER BEEN JUDGED.
THE OTHER THING
WAS WHEN I WAS AT YOUR HOUSE
FOR BRUNCH WITH JOYCE AND...
- SHARON.
- UH-UH.
- AND I WAS TELLING THE STORY
ABOUT THE BLOODY BIRD...
I SAW THIS BIRD FLYING,
AND THE BLACK CAT, MIDNIGHT,
WENT FOR IT, AND...
- I'M GONNA OPEN THE WINE.
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
SHARON, YOU WANT WHITE WINE
OR RED?
- LITERALLY, MID-SENTENCE,
YOU TURNED AND WALKED AWAY.
- OH, MY GOSH. NO.
- SO I'M LIKE...
- I WAS SO OVERWHELMED
BECAUSE I HAD NO HELP THAT DAY,
AND I DIDN'T EVEN HAVE
A BABY-SITTER,
AND IT WAS, LIKE, JUST
KIND OF CRAZY THAT DAY.
I HAVE OFFENDED YOU ONCE.
I OFFENDED YOU TWICE.
I CAN GUARANTEE I'M PROBABLY
GONNA OFFEND YOU AGAIN.
I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING ABOUT YOU.
I-I THOUGHT WE WERE HAVING FUN.
- AND THERE WAS ONE MORE THING.
- OH, MY GOD.
- I KNOW, I'M JUST...
I'M JUST TELLING YOU,
'CAUSE I WANT
TO GET IT OUT THERE,
BECAUSE I DO...
I DO WANT TO MOVE FORWARD
PROPERLY WITH YOU.
- OKAY.
- WHEN I MET YOU
FOR THE FIRST TIME
AT THE CHAMBER OF COMMERCE,
AND YOU SAID SOMETHING
ABOUT LISA'S NIPPLE.
- I HEARD ABOUT THAT.
LITTLE 3/4THS OF A NIPPLE.
WHOOPTIE-DOO.
- THAT DIDN'T SIT WELL WITH ME
BECAUSE I THINK
THAT LISA'S YOUR FRIEND, AND...
- SHE... I GOT THAT JOKE FROM HER.
SHE'S THE ONE WHO SAYS THAT.
SHE SAID...
- WELL, I DIDN'T KNOW THAT.
- OH, YEAH. NO, NO.
THAT'S WHY...
YEAH, THAT'S WHY, YOU KNOW...
- IT WASN'T COOL TO SAY THAT
ABOUT HER WHEN SHE WASN'T THERE.
- THERE'S A MEXICAN EXPRESSION
WHEN SOMEONE'S
LOOKING FOR A PROBLEM.
CARLTON IS LOOKING
FOR TITS ON AN ANT.
OH, MY GOD,
WELL, LET'S MAKE A DEAL
SO THAT WE DON'T HAVE
ANY ISSUES MOVING FORWARD.
- NO, I DON'T.
THAT'S WHY I'M TELLING YOU.
- YOU KNOW,
SOMETIMES IN THE GROUP,
LIKE, SOMETHING
WILL BOTHER SOMEONE.
THEN THEY'LL GO TO SOMEONE ELSE,
AND IT BECOMES
THIS BIG THING WHERE...
- YEAH, AND I DON'T...
I CAN'T STAND THAT BLOODY DRAMA.
- YEAH, I CAN'T...
IT GIVES ME SO MUCH ANXIETY,
I CAN'T EVEN BEGIN TO TELL YOU.
- YEAH.
- SO I'M GLAD
YOU TOLD ME THAT, AND...
- AND I JUST... I NEEDED,
LIKE, AN OPPORTUNITY
TO TELL YOU ALONE.
I DIDN'T WANT TO DO IT
IN FRONT OF ANYBODY.
- RIGHT, NO, I AGREE.
BECAUSE IT ENDS UP BECOMING
LIKE A BIG HIGH SCHOOL
GANG-UP IN TEAMS...
- THANK YOU. CANNOT DO THAT.
- NO, I CAN'T EITHER.
- ALL RIGHT.
- OKAY?
- WE'RE DONE.
- OKAY, GOOD. [both laugh]
WELL, THAT'S GOOD TO KNOW.
- YEAH, THERE'S A NICE,
CLEAN SLATE NOW.
- I'M GONNA GET THESE.
I JUST KNOW MY KIDS
ARE GONNA STEAL THAT.
- THEY WILL.
- THEY WILL.
THEY'LL STEAL THEM,
THEN I'LL BE BACK FOR MORE.
[alarm wailing]
OH, I THINK THAT'S YOUR CAR.
I HAVE THE SAME ALARM.
- OH, [bleep].
I DIDN'T KNOW MINE... - KYLE.
- IF YOU HAVE THE TOP DOWN,
IT'LL GO OFF.
- THESE ARE THE ONES
WE HAVE IN YOUR COLOR.
- [laughs] OKAY THEN.
- OKAY.
- COMING UP...
- COME ON, GET IN!
- I DON'T WANNA GET IN, BABE.
- BUT IT'S YOUR POOL PARTY.
- I WANT TO LAY HERE.
- I THINK WE'RE TOO OLD
FOR PEER PRESSURE.
- THIS IS NOT
BLOODY PEER PRESSURE.
- TITS ON AN ANT.
[upbeat music]
♪♪ ♪♪
- THANK YOU.
HEY. - HI.
- HELLO.
- HI.
- HOW ARE YOU?
- HELLO.
- WE'RE HERE. YOU GUYS EXCITED?
- YEAH.
OH, MY GOD, YOU'RE SO TALL.
LOOK AT THIS TALL GIRL.
- LOOK AT YOUR BEAUTIFUL DRESS.
- HI, BABE.
- HOW ARE YOU?
- I'M GOOD, HOW ARE YOU?
- GOOD. GOOD TO SEE YOU.
- YOU TOO.
- KIM, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
MOVING TO PALM SPRINGS?
- COME. I'M GONNA HELP YOU.
- I BELIEVE YOU SHOULD BRING
EVERYTHING YOU WANT
IN CASE YOU WANT IT.
OH, THAT'S MY JUICER.
- KIM, YOU DID NOT
BRING A JUICER.
- I DON'T LIKE WHEN
I GO TO A HOTEL OR SOMETHING,
AND THEY TELL ME
IT'S FRESH JUICE AND IT'S NOT.
I CAN'T GO WITHOUT MY JUICER.
I LIKE MY FRESH GRAPEFRUIT JUICE
IN THE MORNING
AND MY FRESH MELON JUICE.
- OKAY, GET IN. LET'S GO.
- JUICE.
[mimics blending]
YEAH.
SO WHAT'S THE PLAN THIS WEEKEND?
- WELL, IT'S A LOT OF
HANGING OUT AND RELAXING
'CAUSE I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE
VERY NICE TO JUST...
YOU KNOW, WHEN WE GET AWAY,
WE HAVE TO RELAX
AND GET AWAY FROM THE MADNESS.
TONIGHT, I HAVE A CHEF
COMING OVER.
HE'S GONNA MAKE DINNER FOR US.
- OH, TONIGHT?
- YEAH, TONIGHT.
- YAY.
- FIRST TIME THAT I WAS EVER
IN PALM SPRINGS
WAS THE FIRST TIME I EVER DID
THE MASTER CLEANSE.
- OH, THAT'S THE FIRST TIME
I EVER DID COCAINE.
I'M KIDDING.
- I THOUGHT YOU WERE SERIOUS.
I'M LIKE...
- NO, THAT WAS SAN FRANCISCO.
- SO HAS JOYCE BEEN DOWN
TO THIS HOUSE BEFORE OR NOT?
- I REALLY DON'T KNOW
ANYTHING ABOUT HER.
I KNOW THAT SHE'S
GOT A SMALL COOCHIE
AND HER HUSBAND'S
GOT A BIG WINKY.
APART FROM THAT,
THAT'S THE ONLY THING
THAT SHE'S EVER TOLD ME.
- I'M SO TIGHT,
IF I DO A NIP-TUCK,
HE WOULDN'T FIT. - [laughs]
YOU DID NOT JUST SAY THAT.
- THAT BLOODY VISUAL'S
NOT GOOD FOR ME, THANK YOU.
- [laughs]
- I'M EATING.
- [speaking Spanish]
I ALMOST GOT IT!
- YOU GOT... YOU CAN'T DO TWO
AT THE SAME TIME!
- SHE'S A BAD THROWER.
- YOU'RE A [bleep] THROWER.
- I GOT IT!
- HOPEFULLY,
IT WILL BE A CALM TRIP.
- YEAH, HOPEFULLY, IT WILL.
WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT?
BUT... BUT ON THE OTHER SIDE,
IT'S ABOUT TIME, YOU KNOW,
WE WORK THROUGH SOME THINGS.
- YEAH, LET'S TALK IT OUT
AND MAKE IT GO AWAY.
MY PLAN IS JUST TO BE VERY KIND
AND KILL HER WITH KINDNESS,
AND NOT ENGAGE
AS FAR AS JOYCE GOES.
- YEAH.
- JOYCE IS A GOOD PERSON.
SHE'S NOT A BAD PERSON.
SHE'S JUST ANNOYING.
I'LL GIVE JOYCE ANOTHER CHANCE.
I'M A BIG GIRL. I CAN DO THAT.
I NEVER REALLY STICK
TO MY PLANS, BUT...
BUT I TRY TO MAKE GOOD PLANS.
- YEAH.
- HELLO, DARLING.
- DARLING.
- DARLINGS.
- WE'RE A LITTLE BIT JEALOUS
THAT YOU'VE KIND OF LEFT US
AND GONE WITH
YOUR NEW GIRLFRIEND, CARLTON.
- WE'RE ACTUALLY
GOING TO A LITTLE HEALTH SPA
FOR A RELAXING TIME.
- YEAH, WE'RE...
WE'RE AT THE OUTLET STORES.
WE'RE ACTUALLY WALKING
INTO GUCCI RIGHT NOW.
- WELL, YOU DON'T NEED
THE BRITISH INVASION.
- DO YOU THINK
THAT WE'RE SHARING ROOMS?
- WELL, IF WE GET THERE LAST.
- [laughs]
- ANYWAY, PINKY, WE MISSING YOU.
- YOU TOO, CARLY. I... WE...
WE HAVE TO COME UP
WITH SOMETHING FOR CARLTON.
- CARLTON, WE'RE GONNA
CALL YOU "BLACKY."
BLACKY AND PINKY. - [laughs]
I LOVE THAT NAME.
- THAT'S NOT A GOOD NICKNAME.
- IT'S NOT?
- NO.
WE'RE GONNA COME UP
WITH SOMETHING...
- BUT SHE ALWAYS WEARS BLACK...
- I KNOW.
- AND LISA ALWAYS WEARS PINK.
- "CATTY." NO, CATTY.
- NO, CATTY'S NOT NICE.
- KITTY, KITTY.
KITTY. MEOW.
WE'LL FIGURE OUT SOMETHING
THAT'S NOT "BLACKY" OR "KITTY."
- DARLING, I'LL SEE YOU
IN A MINUTE.
- ♪♪ WE'RE HERE, WE'RE HERE,
WE'RE HERE ♪♪
COME ON, KIM.
- [groans]
[laughter]
- KIM.
[indistinct chatter]
- [snorts] [laughter]
[upbeat music]
♪♪ ♪♪
- HELLO THERE.
THANK YOU. - MM-HMM.
- IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL.
- GORGEOUS.
- WE'RE ALL GONNA GET LOST HERE,
WHICH WOULD BE NOT BAD.
- THIS PLACE IS JUST STUNNING.
IT'S... IT'S ALMOST LIKE HAVING
A MINI-HOTEL JUST FOR US GIRLS.
HI. - HI, LADIES.
- HI, HOW ARE YOU? I'M JOYCE.
- HI, I'M KELLY. COME ON INSIDE.
- NICE TO MEET YOU.
- GET YOU OUT OF THE HEAT.
- I'M KYLE.
- THIS IS KYLE.
- NICE TO MEET YOU.
- HI. HI. WELCOME, WELCOME.
THIS IS COLONY 29,
7-ACRE ESTATE.
BUILT IN 1929.
THAT'S WHY WE CALL IT COLONY 29.
YOU HAVE THE WHOLE PROPERTY.
THERE ARE SIX HOUSES
ON THE GROUNDS.
THERE'S A TWO-BEDROOM
AND A ONE-BEDROOM
'CAUSE THEY'RE SEPARATE HOUSES.
RIGHT NOW,
WE'RE IN THE MAIN HOUSE.
THERE'S SO MANY NOOKS
AND CRANNIES HERE,
IT'S AMAZING.
YOU GUYS ARE GONNA
ABSOLUTELY LOVE IT.
I PROMISE.
- THAT'S WHAT MICHAEL SAID.
MICHAEL SAID WHEN HE SCOUTED IT,
HE JUST FELL IN LOVE WITH IT.
- I LOVE IT.
- MICHAEL MET THE OWNER
OF THIS COLONY
DURING A FILM SCOUT.
HE ASKED ME IF I WANTED
TO INVITE MY GIRLFRIENDS,
AND I SAID,
"WHAT A PERFECT MOMENT
TO HAVE A LITTLE FUN
AND CONNECT BETTER."
- YEAH, SO WE'RE GONNA
DO A LITTLE TOUR
OF THE BEDROOMS FIRST,
AND THEN YOU GUYS
CAN DECIDE WHICH ONES YOU...
YOU LIKE.
THIS IS ONE
OF THE SMALLER GUEST BEDROOMS,
SO IT'S A QUEEN BED.
YOU'RE RIGHT UP AGAINST
THE MOUNTAIN HERE.
IT'S PRETTY AMAZING.
- HOW MANY ROOMS
ARE IN THE MAIN HOUSE?
- THERE ARE FOUR ROOMS
IN THE MAIN HOUSE.
- FOUR ROOMS, AND THREE OF US
ARE ALREADY HERE.
LOOKS LIKE THE OTHER GIRLS
ARE OUT OF LUCK.
YOU SNOOZE, YOU LOSE.
- THIS HAS A KING-SIZED BED
IN IT
AND WITH ITS OWN
IN-SUITE BATHROOM.
- THAT'S A BEAUTIFUL BED.
- YEAH.
- NICE.
- THIS IS THE MASTER.
- BEAUTIFUL.
- HAVE A GOOD TIME, YEAH.
- THIS IS LIKE A CAVE.
- PRETTY TOO.
- OH, YEAH, THIS IS PRETTY.
WELL, THIS SHOULD DEFINITELY
BE JOYCE'S ROOM.
- I LIKE THE ONE
UPSTAIRS BETTER.
I DON'T THINK I COULD SLEEP
UNDERNEATH THAT ROCK.
IT'S SCARY.
- IS THIS COMING IN
FROM THE OUTSIDE?
OR IS IT A DESIGN?
- IT'S ACTUALLY THE MOUNTAIN.
- IT IS?
- YES, IT'S THE MOUNTAIN.
- IT REALLY IS THE MOUNTAIN.
- IT REALLY IS THE MOUNTAIN.
- NO, I WILL...
I'LL TAKE UPSTAIRS.
- WE'VE ALREADY HAD
NUMEROUS EARTHQUAKES,
AND IT STILL HASN'T COLLAPSED.
IT'S BEEN HERE SINCE 1929.
- I BELIEVE
I HAVE BIGGER PROBLEMS
THAN THIS ROCK RIGHT NOW.
[laughter]
- ONE COULD WORRY THAT THE HOUSE
IS BUILT AROUND THE ROCK.
THE WHOLE HOUSE
IS BUILT AROUND THE ROCK.
WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?
RAH.
- I'M DOWN IN THE DUNGEON.
DON'T LEAVE ME DOWN HERE
ALL BY MYSELF.
- LOVE YOU.
- OH, MY GOD.
HELLO?
- HI, LADIES.
- HELLO.
I'M LISA. - THIS IS CARLTON.
- HI.
- HELLO.
- HI, NICE TO MEET YOU.
- NICE TO MEET YOU.
- WHAT'S YOUR NAME, AGAIN?
- CARLTON. I'M KELLY.
YOU'LL GET YOUR PICK
OF WHERE YOU WANT TO STAY.
SO THERE'S SIX... - OH.
- WE'RE HERE FIRST?
- [laughs]
- YEAH.
OH, REVENGE IS SWEET.
- THOSE ARE LIKE BABY BEDS.
- BUT IT'S FINE.
- I KNOW WHAT LISA'S GONNA SAY.
"IT'S FINE."
AND INSIDE, SHE'LL BE LIKE...
[growls]
[laughter]
- DOESN'T JOYCE...
DOESN'T SHE CHOOSE THE ROOM?
- WELL, YES, AND I THINK
SHE'S ALREADY ARRIVED,
SO I THINK
THEY HAVE ALREADY CHOSEN.
- I WAS BORN AT NIGHT,
BUT IT WASN'T LAST NIGHT.
I'M PROBABLY IN THE SHED
OR THE ATTIC LIKE LAST TIME.
HERE WE ARE, RIGHT ON CUE.
- HOW WAS... HOW WAS YOUR TRIP?
- HI. GOOD, THANK YOU.
THANK YOU. - HOW ARE YOU?
- HI.
- HI, LOVE.
- WELL, HOW WAS YOUR TRIP?
- YEAH, IT WAS REALLY GOOD.
- IT WAS GOOD?
- YEAH, YEAH, THANK YOU.
- THE DRIVE WAS OKAY?
Both: YEAH.
- SO WE WERE JUST TALKING
TO KELLY.
SHE WAS SAYING
TO CHOOSE OUR ROOM,
BUT YOU KNOW HOW YOU LIKE
TO CHOOSE MY ROOM FOR ME.
- YEAH, I HAVE A PERFECT
LITTLE ROOM FOR YOU.
A PERFECT LITTLE ROOM.
NO, I'M KIDDING.
- THANK YOU. A VERY SMOOTH RIDE.
WE NEED A LADY DRIVER
ALL THE TIME.
SHALL WE? - IT'S SO HOT.
YES. - WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG?
- HI.
- HOW WAS YOUR... YOUR DRIVE?
- HOW ARE YOU?
- WE'VE BEEN HERE FOR HOURS!
- I'M SLEEPY AND SWEATY.
- I'M HOT TOO.
- I JUST SAW YOU.
HI. - HI.
- HOW WAS THE DRIVE? GOOD?
- LONG AND SWEATY.
A LONG ONE.
- YEAH, IT'S HOT, THOUGH.
- I AM SWEATY.
- I KNOW, ME TOO.
- I THINK ALL OF THE BEDROOMS
HAVE ALREADY BEEN CLAIMED,
SO WE HAVE TO GO LOOK AT SOME
OF THE OTHER LITTLE BUNGALOWS.
- NOT ALL OF THEM,
BUT THE OTHER ONES ARE SMALL.
WE DON'T WANT YOU
TO HAVE A SMALL BEDROOM.
- ONE OF US COULD SHARE A ROOM.
- YEAH, WE DON'T MIND.
- LET'S GO CHECK OUT
THE BUNGALOWS.
- I'M DONE WALKING.
- WHAT'S DOWN HERE?
OH, THE MAID'S QUARTERS.
WAHH!
THE MAIN HOUSE IS BEAUTIFUL.
CARLTON AND I GOT THE LAST ROOM
THAT WAS GIVEN
BECAUSE I'M OBVIOUSLY
THE STEPCHILD IN THIS SITUATION.
- OH, MY GOSH.
- I THINK JOYCE
TRIED TO FIND THE COTTAGE
AS FAR AWAY AS POSSIBLE.
- IS KEN IN THERE?
- [laughs]
I MEAN, IT'S ONLY,
LIKE, 120 DEGREES
AND, LIKE, A FEW HUNDRED YARDS.
GOD. - OH, MY GOD.
- OH, [bleep].
- AND THE SHEETS ARE NOT IRONED.
I MEAN, WHERE IS THE FLUFFY DOWN
AND THE PINK LITTLE LINE,
YOU KNOW?
WE NEED AN IRON.
CAN I IRON MY SHEET?
[chuckles]
- WELL, JUST FOR THE RECORD.
COMING UP...
- WHOO!
- WHOO-HOO!
- GIRLS.
- WHOO.
- CARLTON.
- WHO WANTS TO TAKE
MY WRAP OFF NOW
WHEN BO DEREK'S
LAYING NEXT TO ME?
- SEE YOU BY THE POOL.
WE'LL SEE YOU IN A BIT.
- I NEED A DRESS AND A SWIMSUIT.
I NEED TO BE NAKED. - I KNOW.
I... MAYBE WE'LL GO
SKINNY-DIPPING TONIGHT.
- YEAH, SERIOUSLY.
- I LIKE THAT. THAT'S CUTE.
BETSEY... IS THAT BETSEY JOHNSON?
- YEAH.
- AH, I LOVE HER.
- I DIDN'T HAVE
ANY LOUIS VUITTONS.
- I LOVE HER.
- I DO TOO.
- YOU KNOW WHAT? I BROUGHT STUFF
THAT YOU CANNOT EVEN WEAR HERE.
- I MEAN, THIS IS JUST TOO...
- I PACKED LIKE...
- THIS IS GONNA MAKE ME
SO TAMED.
I LIKE IT. IT'S BEAUTIFUL.
- IT IS SO GORGEOUS.
- OH, THIS ONE.
- FOOD.
- IT'S GOT
THE MOTHER OF JESUS ON IT.
MARY.
OH, YOU'RE GONNA LOVE THIS.
- I ALWAYS LIKE GAULTIER.
- MARY'S ON MY TITS. [laughs]
- OH, MY GOD. IS SHE SUCKLING?
- [laughs]
- READY, KIM?
- OOH, IT'S HOT.
OKAY, THIS IS VERY, VERY HOT.
- WE'RE SO USED TO HAVING
SO MUCH NOISE IN OUR HOUSE
WITH ALL THE KIDS,
THAT WHEN IT'S QUIET,
IT SEEMS SO STRANGE. - YES.
YOU FEEL OUT OF PLACE, RIGHT?
- I'M LIKE,
"WHAT IS THIS SOUND?"
- I LOVE IT.
- "WHAT IS THIS SOUND?
OH, IT'S SILENCE."
- YOU'RE LIKE, "IT'S PEACEFUL."
- OH, BLOODY HELL.
- HEY.
- [gasps]
YOU COULD DIE FROM THE STEPS.
- NO, I KNOW. I SAID, "HOLD ON."
- HI, GIRLS.
- HI.
- ARE WE GOING IN?
- I'M RELAXING.
- ONE MORE DRINK,
AND WE'LL ALL GO IN.
- HOW IS THE WATER? IS IT NICE?
- I'M GOING SKINNY-DIPPING
LATER TONIGHT.
- OH, LET'S DO IT.
- I'M GONNA GO RIGHT NOW.
- AFTER YOU, I'LL BE FIRST.
- I'LL DO THAT.
- JACQUELINE, ARE... ARE...
DO WE HAVE DRINKS?
IS THERE A WAITER?
- JOYCE, BABE, JOYCE.
- OH, I'M SORRY.
IS THERE A WAITER? - JACQUELINE.
I LIKE THAT NAME, THOUGH.
THAT'S A BEAUTIFUL NAME.
NO, BUT IT'S JOYCE.
- WHEN I THINK
OF THE NAME JOYCE,
I THINK OF A GRANDMA
OR AN OLD, CHUBBY MRS. CLAUS.
I DON'T KNOW.
I DON'T KNOW WHY
THAT'S WHAT I THINK OF,
BUT THAT'S WHAT
I THINK OF, JOYCE.
- THERE'S NO JOYCE
IN PUERTO RICO.
IT'S NOT A LATIN NAME.
- NO, EXACTLY.
THAT'S LIKE MY GRANDMA'S NAME.
- WE BOTH KNOW MY NAME IS JOYCE.
JOYCE. - "YOYCE"?
- JOYCE. JOYCE, JOYCE, JOYCE.
- "YOYCE."
- JOYCE.
- JOYCE.
- "YOYCE," DO WE HAVE DRINKS?
- YES, COME,
LET'S CHECK OUT THE KITCHEN.
WE GO UP.
- HOW COME
YOU DIDN'T BRING GIGGY?
- TOO HOT FOR HIM.
- I CANNOT BELIEVE
THAT'S WHAT'S MISSING.
- HERE'S THE KITCHEN...
HERE'S THE BAR.
I DON'T THINK
WE HAVE GRAPEFRUIT.
- WHAT DID I DO WITH MY...
- THERE IS GRAPEFRUIT.
LOOK. THERE'S EVERYTHING.
- OH, NICE.
- I MISS HIM MADLY.
- LISA.
- I KNOW.
LISTEN, I WILL GO HOME
AND GET HIM
IF YOU REALLY WANT ME TO.
- VANDER-GIG.
- DO YOU WANT ONE, JACQUELINE?
OH. - JOYCE.
- I AM SO SORRY.
IT'S NOT A LATIN NAME.
- JOYCE, JOYCE, JOYCE.
JUST THINK "JOY TO THE WORLD."
- OY, OY, OY, OY, OY.
- JOYCE.
- HERE'S YOUR PINA COLADA.
YOU.
- IS THAT MY VODKA SODA?
THANK YOU.
- YEAH, VODKA SODA
WITH GRAPEFRUIT AND LIME...
- PERFECT.
- WHO ELSE?
- THERE YOU HAVE IT.
- THERE'S NOTHING THERE.
- WELL, THIS WILL DO.
- OH, MY GOD.
All: CHEERS.
- CHEERS. WE TRIED
FOR THE PINA COLADAS,
AND... NO COCONUT. - FAILED.
- WHO'S GETTING IN THE POOL?
- YOU.
- JOYCE IS.
I HAVE A JESUS BATHING SUIT ON.
[laughter] IT'S MARY.
- WHY DON'T YOU
JUST TAKE YOUR DRESS OFF
SO WE CAN SEE IT? - I WILL.
BUT I DON'T WANT TO BE
THE ONLY [bleep] ONE.
- YOU HAVE A BEAUTIFUL BODY.
- I'VE HAD TWO KIDS.
- SO DO YOU.
YOU GET UNDRESSED THEN FIRST.
DO IT. - IF YOU WANT ME TO.
- THE GIRLS ARE OUT.
- WHOO!
- 40 AND UNDER,
TAKE YOUR BATHING SUIT OFF.
- JEEZ, I WAS JUST GETTING READY
TO TAKE MINE OFF
AND GET IN THE POOL,
BUT WHO WANTS
TO TAKE MY WRAP OFF NOW
WHEN BO DEREK'S
LAYING NEXT TO ME?
- STAND UP AND DO IT.
- NAH, I'M GOOD HERE. [laughs]
- COME ON, KITTY CAT.
- I'M ONLY DOING IT
FOR YOU 'CAUSE...
JUST TO SUPPORT YOU.
- NO, I JUST DIDN'T WANT TO BE
THE ONLY ONE THAT HAS PRESSURE
TO BE LIKE... GET YOUR...
SHE HAS THE SICKEST BODY EVER.
- NO, I [bleep] DON'T.
NO, I'M PMS-ING. - YES, YOU DO.
- NO, I'M PMS-ING.
- ME TOO.
I'M GETTING IT ON THE 10TH.
- BUT WE ALL ARE.
- LET'S SEE THIS BA...
BATHING SUIT.
- I KNOW. WHOO!
- WHOO-HOO.
- SHE'S GOT THE TINIEST...
YEAH, WHY ARE YOU
NOT GETTING IN?
- I DON'T WANT
TO GET IN THE WATER.
- OOH, CARLTON.
- WHOO-HOO!
- I MEAN, WE'VE GOT
THE ITSY-BITSIEST,
THAT'S FOR SURE,
AND I'LL JUST STAY IN MY MUMU.
THANK YOU.
- I'M CONTENT RIGHT NOW.
- LOOK AT... LOOK AT THIS.
WHAT DOES THIS SAY?
- "WASH YOUR SHEETS."
- "[bleep] YOU."
- IT DOES NOT SAY...
- IT DOES.
- IT SAYS THAT?
ARE YOU SERIOUS?
- CLEARLY,
THAT'S WHY WE GET ALONG.
- I HAVE A TATTOO OF A CROSS
THAT SAYS "[bleep] YOU."
A [bleep] YOU
TO THE INNER DEMONS,
LIKE, THE NEGATIVITY,
ANYBODY THAT'S GIVEN ME
THE EVIL EYE.
AND I KNOW YOU'RE OUT THERE.
- THAT... THAT SAYS "[bleep] YOU"?
- SO IS THAT...
IS THAT WHAT YOU DO?
- INSIDE IT, IT SAYS IT?
THAT'S PRETTY.
- AND THEN, YOU HAVE ONE
ON YOUR FOOT.
- IT'S MY WICCA STAR.
- OH, THE WICCA.
IS THAT A WITCH?
- OOH. OOH!
[screams, laughs]
GRR. [laughs]
- A PENTA... IS THAT WHAT IT...
WHAT IS IT CALLED?
Both: PENTAGRAM.
- WHAT'S A PENTAGRAM?
- PENTAGRAM, LET ME SEE.
- LET ME HAVE A LOOK AT THAT.
- PRETTY TOO.
- WHAT'S THE PENTAGRAM?
- A PENTAGRAM IS A SYMBOL
OF WICCA.
WICCA IS A FAITH,
OR IT'S A RELIGION.
WHAT WICCANS WORSHIP
IS PRESERVING MOTHER NATURE,
HAVING RESPECT FOR THE EARTH.
I HAVE ALWAYS HAD A CONNECTION
WITH ANIMALS.
I WOULD FIND RABBITS
THAT WERE HURT,
BIRDS THAT WERE HURT.
THEY WOULD ALWAYS COME HOME
WITH ME.
SO I DO HAVE A RESPECT
FOR, BASICALLY, GOD'S CREATURES
AND ANIMALS IN THE DESERT.
COCKROACHES DON'T COUNT,
HUMAN OR OTHERWISE.
IT'S ABOUT CRYSTALS.
THEY'RE... THEY'RE A GIFT
FROM THE EARTH,
AND THEY DO HAVE HEALING POWERS.
- I DON'T KNOW
EXACTLY WHAT THAT MEANS.
I DON'T KNOW.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT I BELIEVE
ABOUT HER WICCA.
- I BELIEVE IN A GODDESS...
- YEAH.
- MORE THAN I DO IN A GOD.
I DO GET DEFENSIVE,
BUT IF SOMEBODY GENUINELY DOES
WANT TO FIND OUT,
ONCE I GET TO KNOW THEM,
I DON'T MIND EXPLAINING IT,
UNVEILING IT IN MY WAY.
I KNOW THAT WOMEN, HONESTLY,
COULD BLOODY RULE THE WORLD
IF THEY JUST GOT OUT
OF THEIR [bleep]WAY.
- THAT IS SO SILLY TO ME.
COME ON. GIVE ME A BREAK.
I HAVE A GOD
THAT IS SO MUCH MORE POWERFUL
THAN ANY WITCH IN THE WORLD.
- I KNOW THAT WE'RE
THE MOST POWERFUL.
- CARLTON AND I HAD A FRIENDSHIP
KISS THE OTHER NIGHT.
ARE YOU GUYS IN FOR IT?
- A FRIENDSHIP WHAT?
- WE HAD A FRIENDSHIP KISS.
- WHAT'S THAT?
- WHAT?
- IT'S A FRIENDSHIP KISS.
- I'M CURIOUS.
WHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE?
SHOW US. - NO, NOT NOW.
- DO YOU ACTUALLY KISS?
- I'VE NEVER KISSED ANY GIRL.
BRANDI THINKS IT'S NO BIG DEAL
TO MAKE OUT WITH A GIRLFRIEND.
SHE'S LIKE, "OH, COME ON,
IT'S FROM THE WAIST UP."
ISN'T IT THE WHOLE POINT OF IT,
LIKE, FROM THE WAIST DOWN?
I MEAN, JUST SAYING,
WHERE I COME FROM...
- YOU KISSED ME
ON THE EIFFEL TOWER.
- WELL, LIKE THIS.
THAT'S NOT A KISS.
- YOU SLIPPED YOUR TONGUE
IN MY MOUTH, LISA.
- OH, YOU. IN YOUR DREAMS.
- COME HERE. GIVE ME A KISS.
- MWAH.
SEE, THAT'S NOTHING.
- SEE, THAT WAS THE SAME THING.
- MM...
I DON'T THINK IT'S BAD.
AND... AND THEY'RE SHARING
A ROOM, RIGHT?
- WHAT HAPPENED TO THE HOSTESS?
YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE HOSTING.
- I'M HERE.
I GOT NAKED JUST TO SUPPORT.
- NO, NO, NO, NO.
- I DIDN'T WANT TO GET NAKED.
- NO. THIS IS YOUR POOL PARTY.
IT'S YOUR IDEA, COME ON.
- I'M VERY RELAXED.
- JACQUELINE... OH, I...
- JACQUELINE,
GET IN THE [bleep]ING POOL.
- JOYCE.
- I KNOW.
- JOYCE, GET IN THE WATER.
- JOYCE.
- I REALLY DO
APPRECIATE THE FACT
THAT JOYCE INVITED ME
TO THE HOTTEST PLACE ON EARTH
WHERE THERE'S NOTHING TO DO.
GET IN THE [bleep]ING POOL.
- I'M WAITING FOR THE HOSTESS
TO GET IN THE POOL.
- I REALLY DON'T WANT
TO GET IN THE POOL.
- OKAY, THIS IS YOUR POOL PARTY.
WHY AREN'T YOU GETTING UP
AND JUMPING IN?
MAYBE YOU DON'T WANT
TO GET YOUR HAIR WET,
YOUR MAKEUP IS GONNA RUN.
WHAT... WHY ARE YOU NOT
PARTICIPATING HERE?
- COME ON, GET IN.
- I DON'T WANNA GET IN, BABE.
- WHY? YOU'RE LIKE MISS AMERICA,
LIKE, SITUATION.
YOU'RE FINE, YOU'RE
HALF THE SIZE OF ALL OF US.
- I'M NOT EMBARRASSED
OF GETTING IN.
I JUST DON'T WANT
TO GET IN THE WATER.
I'LL GET IN IF I WANT TO,
BUT I DON'T WANT TO GET IN.
- BUT IT'S YOUR POOL PARTY.
- WHY ARE YOU PRESSURING ME
TO GO IN?
WHY DON'T YOU GO IN?
- BECAUSE IT'S NOT MY...
NEXT WEEK IS MY PARTY,
AND I WILL LEAD MY PARTY.
THIS IS YOUR PARTY.
YOU'RE LEADING YOUR PARTY.
[chuckles] - I WANT TO LAY HERE.
- I THINK WE'RE TOO OLD
FOR PEER PRESSURE.
- YEAH, I'M VERY RELAXED.
- WE'RE TOO OLD
FOR PEER PRESSURE.
- PLEASE DON'T SAY
"PEER PRESSURE."
- DON'T SAY WHAT?
- DON'T SAY "PEER PRESSURE."
THIS IS NOT
BLOODY PEER PRESSURE.
- TITS ON AN ANT.
- LET'S ALL GO SWIMMING.
- OKAY.
[overlapping chatter]
- YOU'RE NOT GOING.
- I'M GOING.
- THERE'S NO WAY YOU'RE...
YOU'RE GOING?
- I'M GOING. WHY NOT?
- AND I'LL BE LEFT
ON MY OWN HERE?
- [cheering]
- LISA.
- PINKY. PINKY.
[coughs] - OKAY, DARLING.
- WHAT HAPPENED?
- HER WATCH. GRAB HER WATCH.
- I DON'T WANT MY WATCH
IN THE WATER.
- OKAY, I KNOW YOUR TRICK.
- NO, I'M NOT TAKING YOUR HAND.
NO. - OH, MY GOD!
I'LL GO OVER HERE.
- YOU GAVE HER AN IDEA.
- OKAY. NO, I KNOW.
YOU WERE JUST GONNA PULL ME IN.
- THAT'S YOUR TRICK.
- I KNOW.
- I WILL SHOW THE HOSTESS
HOW TO SWIM
AND HOW TO GET IN THE POOL.
- SO, ACTUALLY,
YOU KNOW THAT I CANNOT SWIM?
I KID YOU NOT.
- LET ME TEACH YOU.
- I CAN'T SWIM.
- YOU'RE A BLACK PERSON.
- DID THAT REALLY
JUST COME OUT OF YOUR MOUTH?
- [coughs]
- DID YOU SAY, YOU'RE A WHAT?
A BLACK PERSON?
- IT WAS A JOKE,
AND MY BLACK FRIENDS
WOULD HAVE LAUGHED CRAZY
'CAUSE THEY DON'T GO
IN THE POOL,
BECAUSE THEY WILL GET
THEIR WEAVE [bleep] UP.
ALL MY BLACK FRIENDS CAN'T SWIM.
- [laughs] WHAT DID...
- IS THAT BAD?
- YES, I'M BLACK.
WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM?
I AM BLACK.
PUERTO RICANS ARE BLACK,
THEY'RE INDIAN,
AND THEY'RE SPANISH.
SO I AM A MIX OF THREE CULTURES,
AND I'M VERY PROUD
TO REPRESENT ALL THREE.
- OH, COME THEN. LET'S GO.
- I'M NOT GETTING A VERY GOOD
FEELING ABOUT THIS WEEKEND.
NO BUENO. NO BUENO.
- COMING UP...
- I WANT TO SHARE SOMETHING
WITH YOU GUYS.
- JACQUELINE'S SHARING...
SHARING SOMETHING WITH US.
- I WILL NOT ACKNOWLEDGE YOU
WHEN YOU CALL ME JACQUELINE.
- [gasps] OH, MY GOD.
- OH, GOD,
I WISH THERE WAS ROOM SERVICE.
A CUP OF TEA?
- YEAH.
- WHO CAN WE GET?
BRANDI.
SEE IF WE CAN GET BRANDI
ON THE RUN TODAY.
SHE ALREADY DID
THE GLASS OF WINE.
SHOULD I CALL HER ROOM AND SAY,
"CAN I HAVE A CUP OF TEA?"
IS THERE A PHONE?
COULDN'T WE WIND HER UP?
- B!
- ASK HER FOR A CUP OF TEA.
- B!
B!
WELL, THIS IS PRETTY, ISN'T IT?
IT SMELLS REALLY GOOD HERE.
I MEAN, THERE'S PROBABLY
LOTS OF SNAKES.
RIGHT? - I KNOW.
THERE'S PROBABLY
A LOT OF EVERYTHING UP THERE.
I MEAN, IT'S LIKE WILD TERRAINS.
PROBABLY COYOTES
AND ALL KINDS OF STUFF UP THERE.
- IT'S THE PERFECT LOCATION
TO BRING A BUNCH OF GIRLFRIENDS.
- RIGHT, WHO CAN WE DUMP
IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DESERT?
- THAT'S CRAZY.
[upbeat music]
♪♪ ♪♪
- HELLO.
HI. GOOD EVENING.
HOW ARE YOU? I'M JOYCE.
- I JUST WASHED MY HANDS.
- IT'S ALL GOOD.
IT'S ALL GOOD.
THANK YOU SO MUCH.
HI. - YEAH, I'M HENG.
- HELLO, CHEF.
VERY NICE TO MEET YOU.
THANK YOU FOR COOKING ALL
OF THIS WONDERFUL STUFF FOR US.
- OH, MY PLEASURE.
- THANK YOU SO MUCH.
- YOU'RE WELCOME.
- I WANT TO BE A GOOD HOST
AND GET PAST BRANDI'S
RACIAL REMARKS
AND ALL OF THIS NEGATIVE STUFF
THAT'S SUDDENLY
COMING OUT OF THE BLUE
AND JUST HAVE A FUN,
GOOD DINNER.
I-I REALLY HOPE FOR THAT.
CAN I STEAL ONE?
- I FINISHED FOR YOU.
HOW'S IT, RIGHT? - MM.
MM. AMAZING.
[both laugh] - GO ON.
GET YOUR LITTLE DUTCH BOTTOM
UP THOSE STAIRS.
- IS THERE ANY SEATING PLAN
YOU HAVE IN MIND?
- NO, WHERE DO YOU WANT TO SIT?
WHEREVER YOU LIKE.
- WHEREVER YOU LIKE.
- WHEREVER YOU LIKE.
- WELL, YOU'RE THE HOSTESS...
- IT'S VERY FREE.
- OF THE MOSTEST.
- I'LL SIT HERE.
- I'LL BE IN THE MIDDLE GROUND.
- WHERE AM I?
ANYWHERE?
OH, GOSH.
OKAY, GONNA BEHAVE YOURSELF?
- LADIES, THE FIRST LITTLE THING
IS AN AMUSE-BOUCHE.
IT IS A CEVICHE.
- THANK YOU.
- IS THAT ALCOHOL OR FOOD?
[laughter]
IS THIS A SOUP OR A DRINK?
- THANK YOU FOR INVITING US.
- YOU ARE SO WELCOME.
I'M GLAD YOU COULD COME.
All: CHEERS.
- SO YOU'RE GOING
SKINNY-DIPPING, ARE YOU?
- I AM. WHY NOT?
- IS IT ALL SORTED OUT
DOWN THERE?
YOU READY TO GO?
- WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?
"ALL SORTED OUT?"
- WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?
- WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT MEAN?
- SHE'S ALWAYS READY.
- I DON'T KNOW.
- HOLD ON, LET ME CHECK.
ARE YOU READY TO GO?
- LET ME HAVE A LOOK.
- YES, I AM.
[laughter]
- JACQUELINE,
TELL US WHAT YOU'D LIKE TO DO.
HALF THE TIME,
WHEN I CALL JOYCE "JACQUELINE,"
IT IS GOD-HONEST A ACCIDENT.
- SHE CALLS
HER JACQUELINE AGAIN.
- I-I DIDN'T MEAN IT.
IT'S JUST... IT'S JUST...
I FEEL LIKE
SHE'S A LATINA, JACQUELINA.
THE OTHER HALF OF THE TIME,
I DO IT TO ANNOY HER
BECAUSE I FIND HER ANNOYING.
- BUT JACQUELINE'S
NOT A LATINA NAME.
- IT'S MORE SO THAN "YOYCE."
- ACTUALLY, "YOYCE,"
I REALLY HATE.
DON'T SAY "YOYCE,"
BECAUSE WHEN I WAS IN SCHOOL,
THEY WOULD SAY "HOY-SE."
- WHAT IS THAT?
- WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?
- WHAT THEY SAY TO HORSES.
SO THEY WOULD GO, "HOY-SE, BRR."
SO THEY BULLIED ME A LOT
IN SCHOOL FOR THAT GROWING UP.
- GIRL, THAT WORD IS AGGRESSIVE.
CALLING YOU THE WRONG NAME
IS NOT BULLYING.
IT'S TEASING. IT'S BEING BITCHY.
- I WAS "OLIVE OYL."
I WAS... IT WAS EVERYTHING.
- I GOT OLIVE OYL A LOT...
I GOT, LIKE, I COULD...
"I COULD ICE SKATE
ON YOUR CHEST."
- I WANT TO BE OLIVE OYL.
- I DON'T KNOW.
I DON'T THINK IT'S BULLYING.
- I'M JUST TRYING
TO REMAIN A LADY,
AND TRYING TO NOT GET UP
AND LOSE MY TEMPER.
- IT'S A BIG WORD.
- FOR YOU TO SAY,
"OH, I WAS BULLIED
ABOUT MY NAME,"
JUST THEN AND THERE,
WHICH YOU DID SAY.
- I SAID I WAS BULLIED
IN HIGH SCHOOL.
- YEAH, BUT YOU STILL REFERRED
TO IT AS HER CALLING YOU...
- NO, I SAID I DON'T APPRECIATE
GETTING BACK TO THAT MOMENT.
- YOU SAID IT WAS BULLYING.
- SO IF SOMEBODY CALLS ME THAT,
IT TAKES ME BACK TO THAT MOMENT.
[overlapping chatter]
OKAY, CONTINUE. - OH, IT'S OKAY.
YOU CARRY ON, IT'S FINE.
- CONTINUE.
- IT'S FINE, IT'S FINE.
- WHAT'S YOUR POINT? TELL ME.
- DON'T... SHE'S TRYING
TO TELL YOU SOMETHING...
- OKAY, TELL ME.
- AND YOU'RE INTERRUPTING TWICE.
- IF SOMEONE'S CALLING YOU
JENNIFER ALL NIGHT,
YOU WOULDN'T LIKE IT.
- I GET IT. I GET THAT.
THAT'S NOT
WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.
- WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
- I'M SAYING...
- WELL...
- [sighs]
NEVERMIND.
- WHAT?
- BECAUSE I WAS TRYING
TO EXPLAIN MYSELF.
- BUT WHAT'S SHE'S SAYING
IS SHE'S CALLING HER
THE WRONG NAME.
- I GET IT, AND SHE SHOULDN'T.
- AND THE NAME SHE'S
CALLING HER, SHE WAS BULLIED.
- WE ALL AGREE ON THAT.
- I JUST ASKED THE QUESTION.
- BUT WE ALL AGREED, SO...
- I JUST ASKED THE QUESTION.
- KIM, I WAS TRYING
TO MAKE IT BETTER.
- I JUST...
I JUST ASKED THE QUESTION.
LISA PUTS ME TO THE SIDE LIKE,
"SHH, SHH, SHH, SHH."
I CAN BE EVERYBODY'S FRIEND.
I CAN BE BRANDI'S FRIEND
AND I CAN BE JOYCE'S FRIEND,
AND I CAN POINT OUT THE TRUTHS
FOR EVERYBODY
AND NOT TAKE SIDES.
THAT'S BEING A GOOD FRIEND.
- SHE'S USING THE WRONG NAME.
LET'S LEAVE IT ALONE.
- LET'S LEAVE WHAT ALONE?
- [sighs] OH, NEVERMIND.
- I'M ASKING THE QUESTION.
- THE BULLYING WORD.
- BUT THAT'S
WHAT SHE SAID HAPPENED
WHEN SHE GOT CALLED
THE WRONG NAME.
THAT'S THE NAME
SHE GOT CALLED IN SCHOOL.
THAT'S WHY SHE'S... - YEAH.
OKAY.
[upbeat music]
♪♪ ♪♪
- THIS IS THE OVEN-ROASTED FILET
ALONG WITH GRAND MARNIER SHRIMP.
THEN THERE IS THE MALAYSIAN
STICKY RICE AND ASPARAGUS.
- WAIT, I WANT TO SHARE
SOMETHING WITH YOU GUYS.
- JACQUELINE'S SHARING...
SHARING SOMETHING WITH US.
- I WILL NOT ACKNOWLEDGE YOU
WHEN YOU CALL ME JACQUELINE.
- [gasps] OH, MY GOD.
I'M GETTING DRUNK-ISH. OKAY.
- DRUNK-ISH.
- DRUNK-ISH.
- CAN WE HAVE SOME WATER?
CAN WE HAVE SOME WATER HERE?
HERE, DRINK... HAVE SOME WATER.
- NO, NO, NO, I KNOW.
WHO NEEDS WATER?
- I CAN ALREADY SEE BRANDI
GOING TO THE DARK SIDE.
HER VOICE HAS GONE UP
A FEW OCTAVES.
SHE'S STARTING TO SWAY A LITTLE.
LITTLE MEAN COMMENTS COMING OUT.
HERE WE GO.
- I WANT TO SHARE
WITH ALL OF YOU.
I DID THIS SHOW,
AND I'M REALLY, REALLY EXCITED.
IT'S CALLED SIBERIA,
AND I'M THE LEAD,
SO I WANT YOU GUYS TO WATCH IT.
- ISN'T THERE AN EXPRESSION...
ISN'T THERE AN EXPRESSION,
"SENDING YOU TO SIBERIA?"
- CAN YOU FIX MY...
I HAVE A WEAVE.
I'M TAKING THE WEAVE OUT.
LET'S JUST CALL IT...
- NO, NO, NO. DON'T MESS IT UP.
- JUST TAKING THE WEAVE OUT.
- NO, DON'T DO...
NO, WE CAN'T DO THAT.
- I DON'T KNOW IF THESE GIRLS
ARE JUST JEALOUS,
DON'T LIKE HER, SO THEY'RE
NOT EXCITED FOR HER.
BUT WHATEVER IT WAS,
IT WASN'T VERY NICE.
- NO, DON'T...
NO, WE CAN'T TAKE IT OUT.
[overlapping chatter]
- TELL ME MORE ABOUT YOUR SHOW.
YOU'RE STUCK IN SIBERIA.
- WE'RE STUCK IN SIBERIA.
- AND YOU'RE THE FEMALE LEAD.
- SIBERIA? HONEY, I THINK
YOU'RE THERE ALREADY.
[laughs] - I LOVE IT.
- JACQUELINE,
I THINK THAT YOU'RE THE...
THE HOST OF THE EVENING.
- OH, MY GOD.
- [laughs]
- SHE...
- JOYCE.
- SHE DOESN'T LOOK LIKE A JOYCE.
JOYCE IS A BIG, FAT PIG.
- [laughs]
YOU CANNOT SAY THAT.
- I CAN SAY THAT.
- EVEN THOUGH IT SOUNDS LIKE
A BIG, FAT PIG, I LIKE IT.
- IT DOESN'T SOUND
LIKE A BIG, FAT PIG.
IT SOUNDS LIKE A BEAUTIFUL GIRL.
I THINK IT SOUNDS LIKE
A BEAUTIFUL GIRL...
- I LOVE MY NAME.
- WHO IS DROP DEAD GORGEOUS,
WHOSE NAME MEANS JOY
AND HAPPINESS.
- I DON'T LIKE BRANDI. I MEAN...
- SO CHANGE YOUR NAME.
CHANGE YOUR NAME,
BUT I LIKE JOYCE.
- OH, GO [bleep] YOURSELF.
- I LIKE MY NAME.
- [laughs]
- I LOVE MY NAME.
IT'S JUST ALL
BEYOND COMPREHENSION.
AND I'M STILL TRYING
TO KEEP MY COOL,
AND I'M STILL TRYING
TO BE A LADY,
AND I'M STILL TRYING
TO NOT REACT TO HER ATTACKS,
BECAUSE THEY'RE ALL ATTACKS
FOR NO REASON.
- WITH ALL YOUR BABIES?
- MM-HMM?
- IS THERE A PROBLEM, KYLE?
YOU SHOOK YOUR HEAD,
BUT I DON'T KNOW WHY.
- YOU DID. SHE SAW IT TOO.
- YOU AND I NEED TO HAVE
A CONVERSATION AT SOME POINT.
AND A GROUP OF PEOPLE,
IT'S NOT THE PLACE,
AS YOU AND I BOTH KNOW.
- THIS IS AN AWKWARD MOMENT
FOR ME.
IT'S UNCOMFORTABLE WITH KYLE
BECAUSE WE HAVEN'T SPOKEN
ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED.
WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT LISA?
- SHE'S PHONY,
AND THAT SHE'S A FAKE,
AND THAT SHE'S PRETENDING
TO CARE ABOUT KIM
TO LOOK GOOD
IN FRONT OF EVERYBODY,
AND THAT SHE DOESN'T
GIVE A [bleep] ABOUT KIM.
- YOU'RE A LIAR. PLEASE.
- YOLANDA, YOU ARE A LIAR.
- COME ON.
WE KEEP BRUSHING
ALL THIS [bleep]
UNDER THE CARPET
AND PRETEND EVERYTHING IS OKAY,
AND IT'S NOT. - IT'S TRUE.
- WE HAVE VERY
DIFFERENT RECOLLECTIONS
OF WHAT HAPPENED THAT NIGHT,
AND I THINK THE ONLY WAY
TO MOVE FORWARD
IS TO SAY THAT WE AGREE
TO DISAGREE.
- AS AN OLDER LADY,
IF SOMEBODY'S COMING TO YOU
AND SAYING,
"LET'S AGREE TO DISAGREE,"
AGREE TO DISAGREE.
I DO THAT.
- TO ME, RESPECT AND FRIENDSHIP
IS EARNED OVER TIME,
AND I KIND OF LOST THAT
WITH YOU...
- LIKEWISE.
- BUT I'M TOTALLY WILLING... YEAH.
- LIKEWISE.
- YEAH.
- I'M JUST GONNA SAY THIS,
'CAUSE NONE OF US
WERE THERE EXCEPT FOR YOU TWO.
- AND KIM, AND GOD.
- AND KIM.
- KIM AND I KNOW
THAT WE DID NOT JUST INVENT
THAT STORY OUT OF THIN AIR.
IT'S EXTREMELY FRUSTRATING
WHEN YOU KNOW
THAT YOU ARE TELLING THE TRUTH.
- CLEARLY, I BELIEVE YOLANDA.
- CLEARLY.
- AND... YEAH, OBVIOUSLY.
NO, I'M...
- AND KIM BELIEVES KYLE.
- I'M A GIRL'S GIRL.
I'M A WOMAN'S WOMAN,
AND, YOU KNOW...
- HEY, I-I'M
A WOMAN'S WOMAN TOO.
I HAVE ALL DAUGHTERS.
- WELL, I'M NOT...
I'M TALKING RIGHT NOW.
I-I'M TRYING TO TALK,
BUT IF YOU WANT TO, GO AHEAD.
- AREN'T WE TALKING
TO EACH OTHER?
- NO, I'M...
I'M TELLING YOU SOMETHING,
AND THEN YOU SAY,
"AH, I'M A WOMAN'S WOMAN TOO."
- WE'RE HAVING
A CONVERSATION, YOLANDA.
- I'M TRYING TO TALK.
- AREN'T WE TALKING
TO EACH OTHER?
AREN'T WE HAVING A CONVERSATION?
- NO. YOU'RE TALKING AT ME.
I'M TRYING TO, LIKE, ANSWER
TO WHAT YOU JUST SAID.
- NO, WE'RE TALKING
TO EACH OTHER.
WE'RE HAVING A CONVERSATION.
- OKAY.
- OKAY, THERE WE GO.
- YEP.
- COMING UP...
- GIRLS, YOU'RE HAVING
A CONVERSATION.
YOU BOTH TALK.
- WAIT, SWEETHEART.
DON'T GET INVOLVED.
- I'M TRYING TO TALK.
- AREN'T WE TALKING
TO EACH OTHER?
AREN'T WE HAVING A CONVERSATION?
- NO. YOU'RE TALKING AT ME.
I'M TRYING TO, LIKE, ANSWER
TO WHAT YOU JUST SAID.
- NO, WE'RE TALKING
TO EACH OTHER.
WE'RE HAVING A CONVERSATION.
- OKAY.
- OKAY, THERE WE GO.
- YEP.
- NO MATTER WHAT I DO,
YOU GUYS ARE ALWAYS GONNA SIDE,
BECAUSE YOU GUYS ARE A TEAM.
- THAT IS NOT TRUE.
- NO, IT'S NOT.
- YOU'RE A GANG.
- WE'RE NOT A TEAM.
- I GET IT.
- SWEETHEART.
- NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS...
- IF WE WANTED TO HURT YOU,
WE COULD GO THERE.
- AND WE DON'T DO...
WE'RE NOT IN HIGH SCHOOL.
- NO, NO, NO, NO.
YOU CANNOT SAY THAT.
- GIRLS, YOU'RE HAVING
A CONVERSATION.
YOU BOTH TALK. - SHH.
WAIT, SWEETHEART,
DON'T GET INVOLVED.
- SHE'S NOT MY MOTHER,
SO SHE CAN'T BE SHUSHING ME
AT MY DINNER.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN
"DON'T GET INVOLVED"?
- DON'T GET INVOLVED...
NO, BECAUSE YOU AND I,
WE'RE HAVING A CONVERSATION.
- YEAH.
SO THEY CAN GET INVOLVED,
BUT SHE CAN'T?
- SHE DOESN'T KNOW THE STORY.
SHE WASN'T THERE.
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
SHE'S MY FRIEND.
SHE'S... WE'RE HERE TOGETHER.
- SHE WASN'T THERE.
SHE DOESN'T GET INVOLVED.
- SO THEY CAN JUMP IN,
BUT SHE CAN'T?
- SHE WASN'T THERE.
SIT BACK,
JUST LISTEN FOR A LITTLE BIT
BEFORE YOU START
GIVING YOUR OPINION
AND RUBBING PEOPLE
THE WRONG WAY.
YOU BOTH WEREN'T THERE.
YOU DON'T KNOW
WHAT WE'RE TALKING ABOUT.
- NO. OKAY, OKAY.
- IT'S NOT FAIR, SAYING,
"YOU'RE A TEAM,"
LIKE WE'RE A PATHETIC
LITTLE HIGH SCHOOL TEAM.
- NO, THAT WAS AFTER...
AFTER THEY STARTED...
- NO, NO, DON'T...
- ACTING LIKE THAT.
LISA IS 100% PART OF THE LISA,
BRANDI, AND YOLANDA TEAM.
SHE DOESN'T WANT TO ADMIT THAT,
BECAUSE IT LOOKS CHILDISH
TO BE PART OF A TEAM,
BUT THAT'S A FACT.
- I'M NOT JUMPING ON THAT,
SAYING I AGREE WITH YOLANDA.
I WAS BEING IMPARTIAL,
SO YOU AGREE TO DISAGREE.
- WHY DON'T WE ALL
JUST BE ADULTS HERE,
BE HONEST, AND SPEAK THE TRUTH?
- IT'S HARD,
BECAUSE YOU SEEM SO SWEET,
AND THEN YOU BECOME
THIS CRAZY [bleep]HOLE.
- EXCUSE ME?
- NEXT TIME ON THE REAL
HOUSEWIVES OF BEVERLY HILLS...
- WHEN HAVE I BEEN
A CRAZY [bleep]HOLE TO YOU?
I'VE BEEN NOTHING
BUT NICE TO YOU.
- NO, I'M SAYING TONIGHT,
YOU'RE BEING... TO YOLANDA.
YOU COME AFTER HER,
YOU COME AFTER ME.
- GIVE IT TO ME NOW.
GIVE IT TO ME NOW.
YOU ARE NOT DOING THAT.
- OH, MY GOD. IT GOES SO HIGH.
- OH, [bleep], GET OUT!
I'M SORRY.
- WHAT HAPPENED?
- IT WAS RIGHT UP MY BUTT.
- WHAT IS KIM DOING
PRAYING IN THE CORNER?
- NEXT TO THE TRASH CAN?
[laughs]
- IS SHE PRAYING THAT THE BIN
SHOULD BE EMPTIED?
- WHATEVER.
- BRANDI IS A TURN-ON,
AND I LIKE HER A LOT.
- WHAT THE [bleep]?
"THE COPS JUST LEFT."
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?
- YOUR HOUSE WAS BROKEN INTO.
- WHAT THE [bleep]
ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
[sighs]
IT'S NOT A [bleep]
COMPETITION, JOYCE.
- I DON'T WANT THIS RIGHT NOW.
I WANT TO GIVE YOU A HUG.
- OKAY, I GET THAT.
YOU'RE LOVELY, BUT THE WORLD
IS NOT A COMPETITION.
[crying]
THIS IS NOT OKAY.
THIS IS NOT...
[cries]
- TO LEARN MORE
ABOUT THE HOUSEWIVES,
HOUSEWIVES OF BEVERLY HILLS...
- I WAS TALKING TO MICHAEL
BECAUSE I WANTED TO DO,
LIKE, A LITTLE GETAWAY,
AND HE FOUND THIS PLACE
HE WAS GONNA SHOOT AT
IN PALM SPRINGS.
- I WOULD LOVE
TO DO THAT, ACTUALLY.
I-I REALLY FEEL LIKE I NEED
A DE-STRESSING.
- LIKE, [bleep] IN A GOOD WAY.
- OH, FOR GOD'S SAKE, BRANDI.
- IT'S BRANDI, BABE.
- I KNOW.
- LET HER BE.
- NO, I LIKE IT.
- I MADE OUT
WITH CARLTON YESTERDAY.
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN "MADE OUT"?
- IN THE HOT TUB.
WE MADE OUT. - YOU MADE OUT?
YOU'RE LYING.
- YES. WE MADE OUT.
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU MADE OUT?
- WE MADE OUT.
- I DON'T THINK PALM SPRINGS
IS READY FOR THIS, DARLING.
- YOU ALSO SAID THAT LISA
CAN GIVE CRITICISM,
BUT SHE DOESN'T TAKE IT.
- THAT'S NOT WHAT I SAID.
- YES, IT WAS.
- WHEN HAVE I GIVEN CRITICISM
TO ANYONE?
- OH, WOW. OKAY.
I TRIED TO GIVE JOYCE
SOME GOOD ADVICE,
AND SHE TURNED ON ME
AND MADE IT SEEM
LIKE I WAS TALKING [bleep]
WHEN I WAS JUST TRYING
TO HELP THAT GIRL OUT.
LESSON LEARNED.
I WILL NOT DO THAT AGAIN.
- HOW ARE YOU WITH KYLE?
- I MEAN, I'M NOT
IN A BETTER PLACE
WITH THE WOMAN
THAT CALLED ME A LIAR.
- THE PROBLEM IS,
IS THAT SHE'S KIND OF
STABBED EVERYONE IN THE BACK,
SO YOU DON'T...
ONCE THAT HAPPENS,
IT ISN'T THE SAME.
[upbeat music]
- I'M FROM THIS TOWN.
I KNOW WHAT'S REAL
AND WHAT'S FAKE.
- DON'T TELL ME
YOU'RE MY FRIEND.
ACT LIKE ONE.
- IN BEVERLY HILLS,
THE HIGHER YOU CLIMB,
THE FARTHER YOU FALL.
- EVERYBODY LOVES
A COMEBACK STORY,
ESPECIALLY STARRING ME.
- IN MY WORLD,
MONEY DOESN'T TALK.
IT SWEARS.
- YOU COULD NEVER BE TOO YOUNG,
TOO THIN, OR TOO HONEST.
- LIFE IS A SEXY LITTLE DANCE,
AND I LIKE TO TAKE THE LEAD.
[upbeat music]
♪♪ ♪♪
- I LOVE YOUR NEW PLACE.
- THANK YOU.
- IT'S REALLY CUTE.
- I LOVE IT TOO.
CHEERS TO THAT. - OKAY.
- OKAY, SO YOU KNOW WHY I CALLED
YOU HERE TODAY, GIRLS.
I HAVE A SECOND BOOK DEAL,
VERY EXCITING.
OUT OF 12 CHAPTERS,
I THINK 9 OF THEM
HAVE TO DO WITH SEX.
WELCOME TO MY VAGINA.
OKAY, SO FIRST OFF,
I WANT TO KNOW
WHAT GETS YOU OFF.
- OH. [laughter]
- A LOT OF THINGS.
- WOW.
FIRST QUESTION.
- JUST GO FOR THE JUGULAR.
- I KNOW.
- I JUST WANTED TO GET MORE
THAN MY PERSPECTIVE,
'CAUSE IT CAN'T ALL BE ME,
BECAUSE THEN I'M A WHORE.
DO YOU LIKE ORAL BEFORE,
OR IS IT LIKE...
- ORAL BEFORE.
- FOR SURE, ORAL? FOR SURE?
- WAIT, I LIKE YOU
TO PINCH MY NIPPLES,
AND TWIST THEM, AND LIKE...
- SEE? REALLY?
- I LIKE BEING, LIKE...
- I LIKE THE ROUGH SEX.
- I'M NOT INTO THE NIPPLE TWIST.
- OH, MY GOD.
- NOW, THERE'S
THE TWO-FINGER TRICK.
DO YOU GUYS KNOW WHAT THAT IS?
- I DO.
- OH, YOU MEAN THE... THE G-SPOT?
- REALLY?
- I FEEL LIKE
IT'S REALLY IMPORTANT
THAT MEN LEARN THIS
BECAUSE WHEN A MAN
DOESN'T KNOW IT,
I'M BREAKING UP WITH HIM.
THERE ARE THINGS
THAT EVERY MAN SHOULD KNOW.
THE TWO FINGER,
THE PRESSING-DOWN THING.
IF YOU DON'T KNOW IT,
YOU'RE DOING SOMETHING WRONG.
GET THE BOOK, GOOGLE IT,
FIGURE IT OUT,
BECAUSE YOUR GIRLFRIEND'S
CHEATING IF YOU'RE NOT DOING IT.
HOW LONG DO YOU LIKE
TO HAVE SEX FOR?
HOW MANY MINUTES?
- I'M NOT INTO, LIKE, 30-
[bleep]-MINUTE SEX, I'M SORRY.
- I'M INTO 30 MINUTES,
BUT NOT AN HOUR.
- NO.
- IT JUST... IT HURTS.
- I WOULD SAY...
- I LIKE THAT.
- BUT IF YOU'RE GETTING
TO A POINT
WHERE YOU'RE JUST DONE,
ASK THEM TO CHOKE YOU.
- I LOVE THAT.
I ALWAYS DO THAT.
- YEAH, BUT, LIKE,
THAT, THEY GET SO TURNED ON
BY THAT.
- ETIRSA'S LIKE, "WHAT?"
- IT HAPPENS EVERY TIME.
- OH, I LOVE BEING CHOKED.
- IS THAT REALLY BAD?
IS THAT A FETISH?
- LIKE CHOKED OUT
TO WHERE YOU'RE LIKE...
[gagging]
- NO... NO, I MEAN, SOMETIMES.
[laughs]
- WHAT KIND OF PEOPLE
ARE YOU DATING
THAT IT GETS THEM OFF?
- WELL, I THINK
THAT YOU HAVE TO KIND OF
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX.
[laughs] GET IT?
THESE GIRLS HAVE BEEN MY FRIENDS
FOR OVER 20 YEARS.
THEY ACCEPT ME,
THEY UNDERSTAND ME
FOR THE GOODS, THE BADS,
AND THE UGLY,
AND EVERYONE ELSE
CAN JUST SUCK IT.
OH, HAVE YOU EVER
BEEN WITH A WOMAN?
I'VE MADE OUT WITH A LOT OF YOU.
- NOT ME.
- YEAH.
YOU HAVE, LIKE,
REALLY SOFT LIPS.
- OH, THANKS.
- I-I THINK I'M GETTING,
LIKE, SEXUALLY STIMULATED.
- IT'S WARM IN...
IT'S WARM IN HERE.
IT'S REALLY WARM IN HERE.
- I'M SUPER HORNY.
[upbeat music]
♪♪ ♪♪
- MAYBE WITH THAT ONE.
THIS ONE. - I LOVE IT.
JUST OPEN AND FLOWING
WITH HEELS.
JUST LIKE, "HELLO." - HELLO.
- VERY SEX AND THE CITY.
[both laugh]
- THAT'S AMAZING.
- THIS ONE I LOVE.
PALM SPRINGS IS ONLY
A TWO-DAY TRIP,
BUT I THINK THAT GIRLS
DRESS FOR GIRLS.
I WANT TO LOOK MY BEST.
- HOW ABOUT THIS ONE?
WITH A LITTLE BAG...
- I'VE ALWAYS LOVED CLOTHES
GROWING UP.
MY MOTHER WOULD GIVE ME $20
SO I COULD GO TO THE MALL
AND BUY MYSELF SOMETHING.
AND I FELT SO COOL
LIKE, "OH, MOM, LOOK.
I GOT THIS DRESS FOR MYSELF,
AND I STYLED IT MYSELF."
OH, THAT'S GORGEOUS.
THAT IS BEAUTIFUL. RIGHT?
- IT LOOKS... YEAH.
- I LOVE IT.
- OH, LOOK AT THIS.
IT'S VERY CUTE.
- MM, YEAH. YEP.
THAT'S COOL.
- I LOVE TO GO TO PALM SPRINGS.
THERE'S SOMETHING
VERY SPIRITUAL ABOUT IT.
[mimics whooshing]
OM... AH.
- OH, LOOK AT THIS.
YOU PUT YOUR TOOTHBRUSH IN IT.
- [laughs]
- OH.
IT'S GOT A TOOTHBRUSH IN IT.
- WAIT, IS IT... IS IT...
[device vibrating]
- STOP IT.
- [laughs] OKAY.
- [laughs] HOW DO YOU...
THAT'S NOT RIGHT. YOU... YOU...
- I FIND YOUR TOOLS, MOM.
- I'M A LITTLE UPSET
THAT YOU KNOW
ABOUT THESE THINGS.
- WELL, WHEN I FIND THEM
IN YOUR DRAWER.
- [laughs]
OH, YOU'RE SO WRONG.
[laughs]
YOU KNOW WHAT THIS IS?
THIS IS A PADDLE.
[laughs]
- LOOK HOW CUTE.
- OH, IT'S BEAUTIFUL.
WHO'S THAT BY?
- KINGA DID THIS.
THIS IS KINGA'S.
I'M A TOTAL GIRLY GIRL,
SO FASHION
PLAYS A REALLY BIG PART
IN MY LIFE.
I LOVE TO GO SHOPPING
WITH MY GIRLFRIENDS
AND TELL THEM
WHAT LOOKS GOOD ON THEM.
I LOVE TO MAKE MAKEOVERS
ON MY GIRLFRIENDS.
I JUST LOVE FASHION.
- THIS IS SENSATIONAL, KINGA.
- IT'S BEAUTIFUL, RIGHT?
- OH, MY GOODNESS.
ELEGANT. - WHAT IS IT?
- CAVALLI.
- IT'S CAVALLI.
IT'S BEAUTIFUL. I LOVE CAVALLI.
- THESE ARE CUTE.
- BYE-BYE.
- [sighs]
LET'S SEE HOW LIGHT THEY ARE.
- OH, THAT IS LIGHT.
- IT'S LIGHT.
- SO ONE MORE NIGHT, RIGHT?
- YES.
- HOW ABOUT THIS ONE
FOR A NIGHT?
- YES.
SHE KNOWS ME.
I LOVE IT.
I RARELY GET AWAY
WITH MY GIRLFRIENDS.
I HATE LEAVING MY KIDS.
SO I WANT US TO RELAX
AND JUST HAVE A GREAT TIME.
- OH, LOOK AT THIS.
- WHAT'S THAT?
- PEACE.
[laughs]
HOPEFULLY, THIS WILL BE LIKE
ONE OF THOSE TRIPS THAT MAYBE
EVERYBODY GETS ALONG.
- THIS IS REALLY COOL.
CAN WE GET TWO
OF THESE, ACTUALLY?
- DO YOU HAVE ONE
THAT DOESN'T VIBRATE?
- NO, SONICARE VIBRATES.
- NO, I'M JUST TEASING.
ACTUALLY, COULD YOU...
- I LIKE VIBRATING ONES.
- STOP IT.
- JUST KIDDING.
- IT'S NOT RIGHT.
- WE'LL TAKE TWO OF THESE.
- PERFECT. IN PINK?
- YEAH.
- ALL RIGHT.
[upbeat music]
♪♪ ♪♪
- HEY, KYLE.
- HI THERE.
HOW ARE YOU?
- GOOD. HOW ARE YOU?
- GOOD. GOOD TO SEE YOU.
- YOU TOO.
- HI, CUTIE.
YOU GET A KISS FIRST.
OH, LOOK HOW CUTE,
ALWAYS NAPPING
ON THE COUNTER LIKE THAT.
- HE'S THE GREETER HERE.
- YES, I KNOW.
- HI.
- HI. HOW ARE YOU?
IT'S GOOD TO SEE YOU.
- I'M LATE.
MWAH. - NO WORRIES.
THIS IS WENDY, CARLTON. - HI.
- HI, NICE TO MEET YOU.
- NICE TO MEET YOU TOO.
- I'VE GOT TO FIND SOMETHING
TO WEAR IN PALM SPRINGS,
AND MY KIDS HAVE STOLEN
ALL OF MY CLOTHES.
THEY STEAL EVERYTHING,
MY DAUGHTERS.
LOOK HOW CUTE THIS COLOR IS.
THIS MAY NOT BE FLATTERING
ON THE BUTT, THOUGH.
- YOU KNOW WHAT
I WAS GONNA TELL YOU, KYLE?
YOUR BUTT LOOKS SO SMALL
AND CUTE IN THOSE JEANS.
LIKE, YOU'RE LOOKING SO HOT.
YOU REALLY ARE. - I AM?
- YOU'RE ALWAYS
COMPLAINING TO ME
ABOUT YOUR
BODY DYSMORPHIA, BUT...
WELL, I'M CALLING IT
BODY DYSMORPHIA.
BUT YOU'RE LOOKING SO GOOD.
- WELL, THANK YOU.
- THIS IS AS FLAT
AS I'VE EVER SEEN IT,
AND I KNOW THAT YOU HAVE
A REAL THING ABOUT THAT.
- I KNOW YOU DO...
- I DO. I DO.
- AND THAT'S WHY
I'M TELLING YOU,
BECAUSE I KNOW
YOU HAVE A THING ABOUT IT.
SO WHEN I SEE IT
LOOKING SO GOOD,
YOU NEED TO KNOW.
- OH, GOD, REALLY?
- I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU SINCE
THAT WHOLE CRAZY DAY
AT THE POOL TOP.
- YEAH, THAT WAS FUN.
- IT JUST SUCKS
TO BE CALLED A BULLY
IN FRONT OF MY CHILDREN.
- YOU SHOULD TELL
THE PAPARAZZI THAT.
- I DID.
- GOOD FOR YOU.
- I ABSOLUTELY DID.
- I HAVE NO CONTROL
WHAT THE PAPARAZZI SAYS TO...
TO YOU, OR TO ME,
OR TO ANY OF US.
- I WOULD OBVIOUSLY THINK
THAT THAT WAS COMING
FROM YOUR CAMP
BECAUSE IT WAS DEFINITELY...
- I DON'T HAVE A CAMP
TO TALK TO PRESS, BRANDI.
I DON'T HAVE A CAMP.
I'VE NEVER DONE THAT.
- OKAY.
- YEAH, I FELT SO BAD
THAT YOU WERE,
LIKE, CAUGHT IN THE CROSSFIRE.
- I DON'T KNOW THAT KYLE
IS TRULY SINCERE
ABOUT APOLOGIZING
FOR THE CRAZINESS
AT THE HOTEL...
'CAUSE SHE WAS PART OF IT.
WELL... AND ACTUALLY... AND I'M...
I'M REALLY HAPPY
THAT WE HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY,
BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE
THERE WERE A COUPLE OF OCCASIONS
THAT YOU SAID STUFF TO ME
THAT DIDN'T SIT WELL
WITH ME EITHER.
- ME TO YOU?
- YEAH, YEAH.
OBVIOUSLY, THE BIGGEST THING
THAT STICKS OUT IN MY HEAD
WAS WHEN WE WERE AT MY HOUSE
AND YOU ASKED ME,
"AM I A WITCH?"
OR SOMETHING TO THAT EFFECT.
- HAVE YOU EVER EXPLORED
WITH WITCHCRAFT?
- REALLY?
I FELT LIKE I WAS KIND OF
PUT ON THE SPOT.
- OH, I DIDN'T MEAN IT
LIKE THAT.
- WELL, I KINDA
TOOK IT THAT WAY.
WHAT PEOPLE DON'T UNDERSTAND,
THEY USUALLY,
YOU KNOW, ATTACK VERBALLY,
OR WHATEVER.
- RIGHT.
- TRUST ME,
IT'S NOT THE FIRST TIME
I'VE EVER BEEN JUDGED.
THE OTHER THING
WAS WHEN I WAS AT YOUR HOUSE
FOR BRUNCH WITH JOYCE AND...
- SHARON.
- UH-UH.
- AND I WAS TELLING THE STORY
ABOUT THE BLOODY BIRD...
I SAW THIS BIRD FLYING,
AND THE BLACK CAT, MIDNIGHT,
WENT FOR IT, AND...
- I'M GONNA OPEN THE WINE.
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
SHARON, YOU WANT WHITE WINE
OR RED?
- LITERALLY, MID-SENTENCE,
YOU TURNED AND WALKED AWAY.
- OH, MY GOSH. NO.
- SO I'M LIKE...
- I WAS SO OVERWHELMED
BECAUSE I HAD NO HELP THAT DAY,
AND I DIDN'T EVEN HAVE
A BABY-SITTER,
AND IT WAS, LIKE, JUST
KIND OF CRAZY THAT DAY.
I HAVE OFFENDED YOU ONCE.
I OFFENDED YOU TWICE.
I CAN GUARANTEE I'M PROBABLY
GONNA OFFEND YOU AGAIN.
I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING ABOUT YOU.
I-I THOUGHT WE WERE HAVING FUN.
- AND THERE WAS ONE MORE THING.
- OH, MY GOD.
- I KNOW, I'M JUST...
I'M JUST TELLING YOU,
'CAUSE I WANT
TO GET IT OUT THERE,
BECAUSE I DO...
I DO WANT TO MOVE FORWARD
PROPERLY WITH YOU.
- OKAY.
- WHEN I MET YOU
FOR THE FIRST TIME
AT THE CHAMBER OF COMMERCE,
AND YOU SAID SOMETHING
ABOUT LISA'S NIPPLE.
- I HEARD ABOUT THAT.
LITTLE 3/4THS OF A NIPPLE.
WHOOPTIE-DOO.
- THAT DIDN'T SIT WELL WITH ME
BECAUSE I THINK
THAT LISA'S YOUR FRIEND, AND...
- SHE... I GOT THAT JOKE FROM HER.
SHE'S THE ONE WHO SAYS THAT.
SHE SAID...
- WELL, I DIDN'T KNOW THAT.
- OH, YEAH. NO, NO.
THAT'S WHY...
YEAH, THAT'S WHY, YOU KNOW...
- IT WASN'T COOL TO SAY THAT
ABOUT HER WHEN SHE WASN'T THERE.
- THERE'S A MEXICAN EXPRESSION
WHEN SOMEONE'S
LOOKING FOR A PROBLEM.
CARLTON IS LOOKING
FOR TITS ON AN ANT.
OH, MY GOD,
WELL, LET'S MAKE A DEAL
SO THAT WE DON'T HAVE
ANY ISSUES MOVING FORWARD.
- NO, I DON'T.
THAT'S WHY I'M TELLING YOU.
- YOU KNOW,
SOMETIMES IN THE GROUP,
LIKE, SOMETHING
WILL BOTHER SOMEONE.
THEN THEY'LL GO TO SOMEONE ELSE,
AND IT BECOMES
THIS BIG THING WHERE...
- YEAH, AND I DON'T...
I CAN'T STAND THAT BLOODY DRAMA.
- YEAH, I CAN'T...
IT GIVES ME SO MUCH ANXIETY,
I CAN'T EVEN BEGIN TO TELL YOU.
- YEAH.
- SO I'M GLAD
YOU TOLD ME THAT, AND...
- AND I JUST... I NEEDED,
LIKE, AN OPPORTUNITY
TO TELL YOU ALONE.
I DIDN'T WANT TO DO IT
IN FRONT OF ANYBODY.
- RIGHT, NO, I AGREE.
BECAUSE IT ENDS UP BECOMING
LIKE A BIG HIGH SCHOOL
GANG-UP IN TEAMS...
- THANK YOU. CANNOT DO THAT.
- NO, I CAN'T EITHER.
- ALL RIGHT.
- OKAY?
- WE'RE DONE.
- OKAY, GOOD. [both laugh]
WELL, THAT'S GOOD TO KNOW.
- YEAH, THERE'S A NICE,
CLEAN SLATE NOW.
- I'M GONNA GET THESE.
I JUST KNOW MY KIDS
ARE GONNA STEAL THAT.
- THEY WILL.
- THEY WILL.
THEY'LL STEAL THEM,
THEN I'LL BE BACK FOR MORE.
[alarm wailing]
OH, I THINK THAT'S YOUR CAR.
I HAVE THE SAME ALARM.
- OH, [bleep].
I DIDN'T KNOW MINE... - KYLE.
- IF YOU HAVE THE TOP DOWN,
IT'LL GO OFF.
- THESE ARE THE ONES
WE HAVE IN YOUR COLOR.
- [laughs] OKAY THEN.
- OKAY.
- COMING UP...
- COME ON, GET IN!
- I DON'T WANNA GET IN, BABE.
- BUT IT'S YOUR POOL PARTY.
- I WANT TO LAY HERE.
- I THINK WE'RE TOO OLD
FOR PEER PRESSURE.
- THIS IS NOT
BLOODY PEER PRESSURE.
- TITS ON AN ANT.
[upbeat music]
♪♪ ♪♪
- THANK YOU.
HEY. - HI.
- HELLO.
- HI.
- HOW ARE YOU?
- HELLO.
- WE'RE HERE. YOU GUYS EXCITED?
- YEAH.
OH, MY GOD, YOU'RE SO TALL.
LOOK AT THIS TALL GIRL.
- LOOK AT YOUR BEAUTIFUL DRESS.
- HI, BABE.
- HOW ARE YOU?
- I'M GOOD, HOW ARE YOU?
- GOOD. GOOD TO SEE YOU.
- YOU TOO.
- KIM, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
MOVING TO PALM SPRINGS?
- COME. I'M GONNA HELP YOU.
- I BELIEVE YOU SHOULD BRING
EVERYTHING YOU WANT
IN CASE YOU WANT IT.
OH, THAT'S MY JUICER.
- KIM, YOU DID NOT
BRING A JUICER.
- I DON'T LIKE WHEN
I GO TO A HOTEL OR SOMETHING,
AND THEY TELL ME
IT'S FRESH JUICE AND IT'S NOT.
I CAN'T GO WITHOUT MY JUICER.
I LIKE MY FRESH GRAPEFRUIT JUICE
IN THE MORNING
AND MY FRESH MELON JUICE.
- OKAY, GET IN. LET'S GO.
- JUICE.
[mimics blending]
YEAH.
SO WHAT'S THE PLAN THIS WEEKEND?
- WELL, IT'S A LOT OF
HANGING OUT AND RELAXING
'CAUSE I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE
VERY NICE TO JUST...
YOU KNOW, WHEN WE GET AWAY,
WE HAVE TO RELAX
AND GET AWAY FROM THE MADNESS.
TONIGHT, I HAVE A CHEF
COMING OVER.
HE'S GONNA MAKE DINNER FOR US.
- OH, TONIGHT?
- YEAH, TONIGHT.
- YAY.
- FIRST TIME THAT I WAS EVER
IN PALM SPRINGS
WAS THE FIRST TIME I EVER DID
THE MASTER CLEANSE.
- OH, THAT'S THE FIRST TIME
I EVER DID COCAINE.
I'M KIDDING.
- I THOUGHT YOU WERE SERIOUS.
I'M LIKE...
- NO, THAT WAS SAN FRANCISCO.
- SO HAS JOYCE BEEN DOWN
TO THIS HOUSE BEFORE OR NOT?
- I REALLY DON'T KNOW
ANYTHING ABOUT HER.
I KNOW THAT SHE'S
GOT A SMALL COOCHIE
AND HER HUSBAND'S
GOT A BIG WINKY.
APART FROM THAT,
THAT'S THE ONLY THING
THAT SHE'S EVER TOLD ME.
- I'M SO TIGHT,
IF I DO A NIP-TUCK,
HE WOULDN'T FIT. - [laughs]
YOU DID NOT JUST SAY THAT.
- THAT BLOODY VISUAL'S
NOT GOOD FOR ME, THANK YOU.
- [laughs]
- I'M EATING.
- [speaking Spanish]
I ALMOST GOT IT!
- YOU GOT... YOU CAN'T DO TWO
AT THE SAME TIME!
- SHE'S A BAD THROWER.
- YOU'RE A [bleep] THROWER.
- I GOT IT!
- HOPEFULLY,
IT WILL BE A CALM TRIP.
- YEAH, HOPEFULLY, IT WILL.
WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT?
BUT... BUT ON THE OTHER SIDE,
IT'S ABOUT TIME, YOU KNOW,
WE WORK THROUGH SOME THINGS.
- YEAH, LET'S TALK IT OUT
AND MAKE IT GO AWAY.
MY PLAN IS JUST TO BE VERY KIND
AND KILL HER WITH KINDNESS,
AND NOT ENGAGE
AS FAR AS JOYCE GOES.
- YEAH.
- JOYCE IS A GOOD PERSON.
SHE'S NOT A BAD PERSON.
SHE'S JUST ANNOYING.
I'LL GIVE JOYCE ANOTHER CHANCE.
I'M A BIG GIRL. I CAN DO THAT.
I NEVER REALLY STICK
TO MY PLANS, BUT...
BUT I TRY TO MAKE GOOD PLANS.
- YEAH.
- HELLO, DARLING.
- DARLING.
- DARLINGS.
- WE'RE A LITTLE BIT JEALOUS
THAT YOU'VE KIND OF LEFT US
AND GONE WITH
YOUR NEW GIRLFRIEND, CARLTON.
- WE'RE ACTUALLY
GOING TO A LITTLE HEALTH SPA
FOR A RELAXING TIME.
- YEAH, WE'RE...
WE'RE AT THE OUTLET STORES.
WE'RE ACTUALLY WALKING
INTO GUCCI RIGHT NOW.
- WELL, YOU DON'T NEED
THE BRITISH INVASION.
- DO YOU THINK
THAT WE'RE SHARING ROOMS?
- WELL, IF WE GET THERE LAST.
- [laughs]
- ANYWAY, PINKY, WE MISSING YOU.
- YOU TOO, CARLY. I... WE...
WE HAVE TO COME UP
WITH SOMETHING FOR CARLTON.
- CARLTON, WE'RE GONNA
CALL YOU "BLACKY."
BLACKY AND PINKY. - [laughs]
I LOVE THAT NAME.
- THAT'S NOT A GOOD NICKNAME.
- IT'S NOT?
- NO.
WE'RE GONNA COME UP
WITH SOMETHING...
- BUT SHE ALWAYS WEARS BLACK...
- I KNOW.
- AND LISA ALWAYS WEARS PINK.
- "CATTY." NO, CATTY.
- NO, CATTY'S NOT NICE.
- KITTY, KITTY.
KITTY. MEOW.
WE'LL FIGURE OUT SOMETHING
THAT'S NOT "BLACKY" OR "KITTY."
- DARLING, I'LL SEE YOU
IN A MINUTE.
- ♪♪ WE'RE HERE, WE'RE HERE,
WE'RE HERE ♪♪
COME ON, KIM.
- [groans]
[laughter]
- KIM.
[indistinct chatter]
- [snorts] [laughter]
[upbeat music]
♪♪ ♪♪
- HELLO THERE.
THANK YOU. - MM-HMM.
- IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL.
- GORGEOUS.
- WE'RE ALL GONNA GET LOST HERE,
WHICH WOULD BE NOT BAD.
- THIS PLACE IS JUST STUNNING.
IT'S... IT'S ALMOST LIKE HAVING
A MINI-HOTEL JUST FOR US GIRLS.
HI. - HI, LADIES.
- HI, HOW ARE YOU? I'M JOYCE.
- HI, I'M KELLY. COME ON INSIDE.
- NICE TO MEET YOU.
- GET YOU OUT OF THE HEAT.
- I'M KYLE.
- THIS IS KYLE.
- NICE TO MEET YOU.
- HI. HI. WELCOME, WELCOME.
THIS IS COLONY 29,
7-ACRE ESTATE.
BUILT IN 1929.
THAT'S WHY WE CALL IT COLONY 29.
YOU HAVE THE WHOLE PROPERTY.
THERE ARE SIX HOUSES
ON THE GROUNDS.
THERE'S A TWO-BEDROOM
AND A ONE-BEDROOM
'CAUSE THEY'RE SEPARATE HOUSES.
RIGHT NOW,
WE'RE IN THE MAIN HOUSE.
THERE'S SO MANY NOOKS
AND CRANNIES HERE,
IT'S AMAZING.
YOU GUYS ARE GONNA
ABSOLUTELY LOVE IT.
I PROMISE.
- THAT'S WHAT MICHAEL SAID.
MICHAEL SAID WHEN HE SCOUTED IT,
HE JUST FELL IN LOVE WITH IT.
- I LOVE IT.
- MICHAEL MET THE OWNER
OF THIS COLONY
DURING A FILM SCOUT.
HE ASKED ME IF I WANTED
TO INVITE MY GIRLFRIENDS,
AND I SAID,
"WHAT A PERFECT MOMENT
TO HAVE A LITTLE FUN
AND CONNECT BETTER."
- YEAH, SO WE'RE GONNA
DO A LITTLE TOUR
OF THE BEDROOMS FIRST,
AND THEN YOU GUYS
CAN DECIDE WHICH ONES YOU...
YOU LIKE.
THIS IS ONE
OF THE SMALLER GUEST BEDROOMS,
SO IT'S A QUEEN BED.
YOU'RE RIGHT UP AGAINST
THE MOUNTAIN HERE.
IT'S PRETTY AMAZING.
- HOW MANY ROOMS
ARE IN THE MAIN HOUSE?
- THERE ARE FOUR ROOMS
IN THE MAIN HOUSE.
- FOUR ROOMS, AND THREE OF US
ARE ALREADY HERE.
LOOKS LIKE THE OTHER GIRLS
ARE OUT OF LUCK.
YOU SNOOZE, YOU LOSE.
- THIS HAS A KING-SIZED BED
IN IT
AND WITH ITS OWN
IN-SUITE BATHROOM.
- THAT'S A BEAUTIFUL BED.
- YEAH.
- NICE.
- THIS IS THE MASTER.
- BEAUTIFUL.
- HAVE A GOOD TIME, YEAH.
- THIS IS LIKE A CAVE.
- PRETTY TOO.
- OH, YEAH, THIS IS PRETTY.
WELL, THIS SHOULD DEFINITELY
BE JOYCE'S ROOM.
- I LIKE THE ONE
UPSTAIRS BETTER.
I DON'T THINK I COULD SLEEP
UNDERNEATH THAT ROCK.
IT'S SCARY.
- IS THIS COMING IN
FROM THE OUTSIDE?
OR IS IT A DESIGN?
- IT'S ACTUALLY THE MOUNTAIN.
- IT IS?
- YES, IT'S THE MOUNTAIN.
- IT REALLY IS THE MOUNTAIN.
- IT REALLY IS THE MOUNTAIN.
- NO, I WILL...
I'LL TAKE UPSTAIRS.
- WE'VE ALREADY HAD
NUMEROUS EARTHQUAKES,
AND IT STILL HASN'T COLLAPSED.
IT'S BEEN HERE SINCE 1929.
- I BELIEVE
I HAVE BIGGER PROBLEMS
THAN THIS ROCK RIGHT NOW.
[laughter]
- ONE COULD WORRY THAT THE HOUSE
IS BUILT AROUND THE ROCK.
THE WHOLE HOUSE
IS BUILT AROUND THE ROCK.
WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?
RAH.
- I'M DOWN IN THE DUNGEON.
DON'T LEAVE ME DOWN HERE
ALL BY MYSELF.
- LOVE YOU.
- OH, MY GOD.
HELLO?
- HI, LADIES.
- HELLO.
I'M LISA. - THIS IS CARLTON.
- HI.
- HELLO.
- HI, NICE TO MEET YOU.
- NICE TO MEET YOU.
- WHAT'S YOUR NAME, AGAIN?
- CARLTON. I'M KELLY.
YOU'LL GET YOUR PICK
OF WHERE YOU WANT TO STAY.
SO THERE'S SIX... - OH.
- WE'RE HERE FIRST?
- [laughs]
- YEAH.
OH, REVENGE IS SWEET.
- THOSE ARE LIKE BABY BEDS.
- BUT IT'S FINE.
- I KNOW WHAT LISA'S GONNA SAY.
"IT'S FINE."
AND INSIDE, SHE'LL BE LIKE...
[growls]
[laughter]
- DOESN'T JOYCE...
DOESN'T SHE CHOOSE THE ROOM?
- WELL, YES, AND I THINK
SHE'S ALREADY ARRIVED,
SO I THINK
THEY HAVE ALREADY CHOSEN.
- I WAS BORN AT NIGHT,
BUT IT WASN'T LAST NIGHT.
I'M PROBABLY IN THE SHED
OR THE ATTIC LIKE LAST TIME.
HERE WE ARE, RIGHT ON CUE.
- HOW WAS... HOW WAS YOUR TRIP?
- HI. GOOD, THANK YOU.
THANK YOU. - HOW ARE YOU?
- HI.
- HI, LOVE.
- WELL, HOW WAS YOUR TRIP?
- YEAH, IT WAS REALLY GOOD.
- IT WAS GOOD?
- YEAH, YEAH, THANK YOU.
- THE DRIVE WAS OKAY?
Both: YEAH.
- SO WE WERE JUST TALKING
TO KELLY.
SHE WAS SAYING
TO CHOOSE OUR ROOM,
BUT YOU KNOW HOW YOU LIKE
TO CHOOSE MY ROOM FOR ME.
- YEAH, I HAVE A PERFECT
LITTLE ROOM FOR YOU.
A PERFECT LITTLE ROOM.
NO, I'M KIDDING.
- THANK YOU. A VERY SMOOTH RIDE.
WE NEED A LADY DRIVER
ALL THE TIME.
SHALL WE? - IT'S SO HOT.
YES. - WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG?
- HI.
- HOW WAS YOUR... YOUR DRIVE?
- HOW ARE YOU?
- WE'VE BEEN HERE FOR HOURS!
- I'M SLEEPY AND SWEATY.
- I'M HOT TOO.
- I JUST SAW YOU.
HI. - HI.
- HOW WAS THE DRIVE? GOOD?
- LONG AND SWEATY.
A LONG ONE.
- YEAH, IT'S HOT, THOUGH.
- I AM SWEATY.
- I KNOW, ME TOO.
- I THINK ALL OF THE BEDROOMS
HAVE ALREADY BEEN CLAIMED,
SO WE HAVE TO GO LOOK AT SOME
OF THE OTHER LITTLE BUNGALOWS.
- NOT ALL OF THEM,
BUT THE OTHER ONES ARE SMALL.
WE DON'T WANT YOU
TO HAVE A SMALL BEDROOM.
- ONE OF US COULD SHARE A ROOM.
- YEAH, WE DON'T MIND.
- LET'S GO CHECK OUT
THE BUNGALOWS.
- I'M DONE WALKING.
- WHAT'S DOWN HERE?
OH, THE MAID'S QUARTERS.
WAHH!
THE MAIN HOUSE IS BEAUTIFUL.
CARLTON AND I GOT THE LAST ROOM
THAT WAS GIVEN
BECAUSE I'M OBVIOUSLY
THE STEPCHILD IN THIS SITUATION.
- OH, MY GOSH.
- I THINK JOYCE
TRIED TO FIND THE COTTAGE
AS FAR AWAY AS POSSIBLE.
- IS KEN IN THERE?
- [laughs]
I MEAN, IT'S ONLY,
LIKE, 120 DEGREES
AND, LIKE, A FEW HUNDRED YARDS.
GOD. - OH, MY GOD.
- OH, [bleep].
- AND THE SHEETS ARE NOT IRONED.
I MEAN, WHERE IS THE FLUFFY DOWN
AND THE PINK LITTLE LINE,
YOU KNOW?
WE NEED AN IRON.
CAN I IRON MY SHEET?
[chuckles]
- WELL, JUST FOR THE RECORD.
COMING UP...
- WHOO!
- WHOO-HOO!
- GIRLS.
- WHOO.
- CARLTON.
- WHO WANTS TO TAKE
MY WRAP OFF NOW
WHEN BO DEREK'S
LAYING NEXT TO ME?
- SEE YOU BY THE POOL.
WE'LL SEE YOU IN A BIT.
- I NEED A DRESS AND A SWIMSUIT.
I NEED TO BE NAKED. - I KNOW.
I... MAYBE WE'LL GO
SKINNY-DIPPING TONIGHT.
- YEAH, SERIOUSLY.
- I LIKE THAT. THAT'S CUTE.
BETSEY... IS THAT BETSEY JOHNSON?
- YEAH.
- AH, I LOVE HER.
- I DIDN'T HAVE
ANY LOUIS VUITTONS.
- I LOVE HER.
- I DO TOO.
- YOU KNOW WHAT? I BROUGHT STUFF
THAT YOU CANNOT EVEN WEAR HERE.
- I MEAN, THIS IS JUST TOO...
- I PACKED LIKE...
- THIS IS GONNA MAKE ME
SO TAMED.
I LIKE IT. IT'S BEAUTIFUL.
- IT IS SO GORGEOUS.
- OH, THIS ONE.
- FOOD.
- IT'S GOT
THE MOTHER OF JESUS ON IT.
MARY.
OH, YOU'RE GONNA LOVE THIS.
- I ALWAYS LIKE GAULTIER.
- MARY'S ON MY TITS. [laughs]
- OH, MY GOD. IS SHE SUCKLING?
- [laughs]
- READY, KIM?
- OOH, IT'S HOT.
OKAY, THIS IS VERY, VERY HOT.
- WE'RE SO USED TO HAVING
SO MUCH NOISE IN OUR HOUSE
WITH ALL THE KIDS,
THAT WHEN IT'S QUIET,
IT SEEMS SO STRANGE. - YES.
YOU FEEL OUT OF PLACE, RIGHT?
- I'M LIKE,
"WHAT IS THIS SOUND?"
- I LOVE IT.
- "WHAT IS THIS SOUND?
OH, IT'S SILENCE."
- YOU'RE LIKE, "IT'S PEACEFUL."
- OH, BLOODY HELL.
- HEY.
- [gasps]
YOU COULD DIE FROM THE STEPS.
- NO, I KNOW. I SAID, "HOLD ON."
- HI, GIRLS.
- HI.
- ARE WE GOING IN?
- I'M RELAXING.
- ONE MORE DRINK,
AND WE'LL ALL GO IN.
- HOW IS THE WATER? IS IT NICE?
- I'M GOING SKINNY-DIPPING
LATER TONIGHT.
- OH, LET'S DO IT.
- I'M GONNA GO RIGHT NOW.
- AFTER YOU, I'LL BE FIRST.
- I'LL DO THAT.
- JACQUELINE, ARE... ARE...
DO WE HAVE DRINKS?
IS THERE A WAITER?
- JOYCE, BABE, JOYCE.
- OH, I'M SORRY.
IS THERE A WAITER? - JACQUELINE.
I LIKE THAT NAME, THOUGH.
THAT'S A BEAUTIFUL NAME.
NO, BUT IT'S JOYCE.
- WHEN I THINK
OF THE NAME JOYCE,
I THINK OF A GRANDMA
OR AN OLD, CHUBBY MRS. CLAUS.
I DON'T KNOW.
I DON'T KNOW WHY
THAT'S WHAT I THINK OF,
BUT THAT'S WHAT
I THINK OF, JOYCE.
- THERE'S NO JOYCE
IN PUERTO RICO.
IT'S NOT A LATIN NAME.
- NO, EXACTLY.
THAT'S LIKE MY GRANDMA'S NAME.
- WE BOTH KNOW MY NAME IS JOYCE.
JOYCE. - "YOYCE"?
- JOYCE. JOYCE, JOYCE, JOYCE.
- "YOYCE."
- JOYCE.
- JOYCE.
- "YOYCE," DO WE HAVE DRINKS?
- YES, COME,
LET'S CHECK OUT THE KITCHEN.
WE GO UP.
- HOW COME
YOU DIDN'T BRING GIGGY?
- TOO HOT FOR HIM.
- I CANNOT BELIEVE
THAT'S WHAT'S MISSING.
- HERE'S THE KITCHEN...
HERE'S THE BAR.
I DON'T THINK
WE HAVE GRAPEFRUIT.
- WHAT DID I DO WITH MY...
- THERE IS GRAPEFRUIT.
LOOK. THERE'S EVERYTHING.
- OH, NICE.
- I MISS HIM MADLY.
- LISA.
- I KNOW.
LISTEN, I WILL GO HOME
AND GET HIM
IF YOU REALLY WANT ME TO.
- VANDER-GIG.
- DO YOU WANT ONE, JACQUELINE?
OH. - JOYCE.
- I AM SO SORRY.
IT'S NOT A LATIN NAME.
- JOYCE, JOYCE, JOYCE.
JUST THINK "JOY TO THE WORLD."
- OY, OY, OY, OY, OY.
- JOYCE.
- HERE'S YOUR PINA COLADA.
YOU.
- IS THAT MY VODKA SODA?
THANK YOU.
- YEAH, VODKA SODA
WITH GRAPEFRUIT AND LIME...
- PERFECT.
- WHO ELSE?
- THERE YOU HAVE IT.
- THERE'S NOTHING THERE.
- WELL, THIS WILL DO.
- OH, MY GOD.
All: CHEERS.
- CHEERS. WE TRIED
FOR THE PINA COLADAS,
AND... NO COCONUT. - FAILED.
- WHO'S GETTING IN THE POOL?
- YOU.
- JOYCE IS.
I HAVE A JESUS BATHING SUIT ON.
[laughter] IT'S MARY.
- WHY DON'T YOU
JUST TAKE YOUR DRESS OFF
SO WE CAN SEE IT? - I WILL.
BUT I DON'T WANT TO BE
THE ONLY [bleep] ONE.
- YOU HAVE A BEAUTIFUL BODY.
- I'VE HAD TWO KIDS.
- SO DO YOU.
YOU GET UNDRESSED THEN FIRST.
DO IT. - IF YOU WANT ME TO.
- THE GIRLS ARE OUT.
- WHOO!
- 40 AND UNDER,
TAKE YOUR BATHING SUIT OFF.
- JEEZ, I WAS JUST GETTING READY
TO TAKE MINE OFF
AND GET IN THE POOL,
BUT WHO WANTS
TO TAKE MY WRAP OFF NOW
WHEN BO DEREK'S
LAYING NEXT TO ME?
- STAND UP AND DO IT.
- NAH, I'M GOOD HERE. [laughs]
- COME ON, KITTY CAT.
- I'M ONLY DOING IT
FOR YOU 'CAUSE...
JUST TO SUPPORT YOU.
- NO, I JUST DIDN'T WANT TO BE
THE ONLY ONE THAT HAS PRESSURE
TO BE LIKE... GET YOUR...
SHE HAS THE SICKEST BODY EVER.
- NO, I [bleep] DON'T.
NO, I'M PMS-ING. - YES, YOU DO.
- NO, I'M PMS-ING.
- ME TOO.
I'M GETTING IT ON THE 10TH.
- BUT WE ALL ARE.
- LET'S SEE THIS BA...
BATHING SUIT.
- I KNOW. WHOO!
- WHOO-HOO.
- SHE'S GOT THE TINIEST...
YEAH, WHY ARE YOU
NOT GETTING IN?
- I DON'T WANT
TO GET IN THE WATER.
- OOH, CARLTON.
- WHOO-HOO!
- I MEAN, WE'VE GOT
THE ITSY-BITSIEST,
THAT'S FOR SURE,
AND I'LL JUST STAY IN MY MUMU.
THANK YOU.
- I'M CONTENT RIGHT NOW.
- LOOK AT... LOOK AT THIS.
WHAT DOES THIS SAY?
- "WASH YOUR SHEETS."
- "[bleep] YOU."
- IT DOES NOT SAY...
- IT DOES.
- IT SAYS THAT?
ARE YOU SERIOUS?
- CLEARLY,
THAT'S WHY WE GET ALONG.
- I HAVE A TATTOO OF A CROSS
THAT SAYS "[bleep] YOU."
A [bleep] YOU
TO THE INNER DEMONS,
LIKE, THE NEGATIVITY,
ANYBODY THAT'S GIVEN ME
THE EVIL EYE.
AND I KNOW YOU'RE OUT THERE.
- THAT... THAT SAYS "[bleep] YOU"?
- SO IS THAT...
IS THAT WHAT YOU DO?
- INSIDE IT, IT SAYS IT?
THAT'S PRETTY.
- AND THEN, YOU HAVE ONE
ON YOUR FOOT.
- IT'S MY WICCA STAR.
- OH, THE WICCA.
IS THAT A WITCH?
- OOH. OOH!
[screams, laughs]
GRR. [laughs]
- A PENTA... IS THAT WHAT IT...
WHAT IS IT CALLED?
Both: PENTAGRAM.
- WHAT'S A PENTAGRAM?
- PENTAGRAM, LET ME SEE.
- LET ME HAVE A LOOK AT THAT.
- PRETTY TOO.
- WHAT'S THE PENTAGRAM?
- A PENTAGRAM IS A SYMBOL
OF WICCA.
WICCA IS A FAITH,
OR IT'S A RELIGION.
WHAT WICCANS WORSHIP
IS PRESERVING MOTHER NATURE,
HAVING RESPECT FOR THE EARTH.
I HAVE ALWAYS HAD A CONNECTION
WITH ANIMALS.
I WOULD FIND RABBITS
THAT WERE HURT,
BIRDS THAT WERE HURT.
THEY WOULD ALWAYS COME HOME
WITH ME.
SO I DO HAVE A RESPECT
FOR, BASICALLY, GOD'S CREATURES
AND ANIMALS IN THE DESERT.
COCKROACHES DON'T COUNT,
HUMAN OR OTHERWISE.
IT'S ABOUT CRYSTALS.
THEY'RE... THEY'RE A GIFT
FROM THE EARTH,
AND THEY DO HAVE HEALING POWERS.
- I DON'T KNOW
EXACTLY WHAT THAT MEANS.
I DON'T KNOW.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT I BELIEVE
ABOUT HER WICCA.
- I BELIEVE IN A GODDESS...
- YEAH.
- MORE THAN I DO IN A GOD.
I DO GET DEFENSIVE,
BUT IF SOMEBODY GENUINELY DOES
WANT TO FIND OUT,
ONCE I GET TO KNOW THEM,
I DON'T MIND EXPLAINING IT,
UNVEILING IT IN MY WAY.
I KNOW THAT WOMEN, HONESTLY,
COULD BLOODY RULE THE WORLD
IF THEY JUST GOT OUT
OF THEIR [bleep]WAY.
- THAT IS SO SILLY TO ME.
COME ON. GIVE ME A BREAK.
I HAVE A GOD
THAT IS SO MUCH MORE POWERFUL
THAN ANY WITCH IN THE WORLD.
- I KNOW THAT WE'RE
THE MOST POWERFUL.
- CARLTON AND I HAD A FRIENDSHIP
KISS THE OTHER NIGHT.
ARE YOU GUYS IN FOR IT?
- A FRIENDSHIP WHAT?
- WE HAD A FRIENDSHIP KISS.
- WHAT'S THAT?
- WHAT?
- IT'S A FRIENDSHIP KISS.
- I'M CURIOUS.
WHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE?
SHOW US. - NO, NOT NOW.
- DO YOU ACTUALLY KISS?
- I'VE NEVER KISSED ANY GIRL.
BRANDI THINKS IT'S NO BIG DEAL
TO MAKE OUT WITH A GIRLFRIEND.
SHE'S LIKE, "OH, COME ON,
IT'S FROM THE WAIST UP."
ISN'T IT THE WHOLE POINT OF IT,
LIKE, FROM THE WAIST DOWN?
I MEAN, JUST SAYING,
WHERE I COME FROM...
- YOU KISSED ME
ON THE EIFFEL TOWER.
- WELL, LIKE THIS.
THAT'S NOT A KISS.
- YOU SLIPPED YOUR TONGUE
IN MY MOUTH, LISA.
- OH, YOU. IN YOUR DREAMS.
- COME HERE. GIVE ME A KISS.
- MWAH.
SEE, THAT'S NOTHING.
- SEE, THAT WAS THE SAME THING.
- MM...
I DON'T THINK IT'S BAD.
AND... AND THEY'RE SHARING
A ROOM, RIGHT?
- WHAT HAPPENED TO THE HOSTESS?
YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE HOSTING.
- I'M HERE.
I GOT NAKED JUST TO SUPPORT.
- NO, NO, NO, NO.
- I DIDN'T WANT TO GET NAKED.
- NO. THIS IS YOUR POOL PARTY.
IT'S YOUR IDEA, COME ON.
- I'M VERY RELAXED.
- JACQUELINE... OH, I...
- JACQUELINE,
GET IN THE [bleep]ING POOL.
- JOYCE.
- I KNOW.
- JOYCE, GET IN THE WATER.
- JOYCE.
- I REALLY DO
APPRECIATE THE FACT
THAT JOYCE INVITED ME
TO THE HOTTEST PLACE ON EARTH
WHERE THERE'S NOTHING TO DO.
GET IN THE [bleep]ING POOL.
- I'M WAITING FOR THE HOSTESS
TO GET IN THE POOL.
- I REALLY DON'T WANT
TO GET IN THE POOL.
- OKAY, THIS IS YOUR POOL PARTY.
WHY AREN'T YOU GETTING UP
AND JUMPING IN?
MAYBE YOU DON'T WANT
TO GET YOUR HAIR WET,
YOUR MAKEUP IS GONNA RUN.
WHAT... WHY ARE YOU NOT
PARTICIPATING HERE?
- COME ON, GET IN.
- I DON'T WANNA GET IN, BABE.
- WHY? YOU'RE LIKE MISS AMERICA,
LIKE, SITUATION.
YOU'RE FINE, YOU'RE
HALF THE SIZE OF ALL OF US.
- I'M NOT EMBARRASSED
OF GETTING IN.
I JUST DON'T WANT
TO GET IN THE WATER.
I'LL GET IN IF I WANT TO,
BUT I DON'T WANT TO GET IN.
- BUT IT'S YOUR POOL PARTY.
- WHY ARE YOU PRESSURING ME
TO GO IN?
WHY DON'T YOU GO IN?
- BECAUSE IT'S NOT MY...
NEXT WEEK IS MY PARTY,
AND I WILL LEAD MY PARTY.
THIS IS YOUR PARTY.
YOU'RE LEADING YOUR PARTY.
[chuckles] - I WANT TO LAY HERE.
- I THINK WE'RE TOO OLD
FOR PEER PRESSURE.
- YEAH, I'M VERY RELAXED.
- WE'RE TOO OLD
FOR PEER PRESSURE.
- PLEASE DON'T SAY
"PEER PRESSURE."
- DON'T SAY WHAT?
- DON'T SAY "PEER PRESSURE."
THIS IS NOT
BLOODY PEER PRESSURE.
- TITS ON AN ANT.
- LET'S ALL GO SWIMMING.
- OKAY.
[overlapping chatter]
- YOU'RE NOT GOING.
- I'M GOING.
- THERE'S NO WAY YOU'RE...
YOU'RE GOING?
- I'M GOING. WHY NOT?
- AND I'LL BE LEFT
ON MY OWN HERE?
- [cheering]
- LISA.
- PINKY. PINKY.
[coughs] - OKAY, DARLING.
- WHAT HAPPENED?
- HER WATCH. GRAB HER WATCH.
- I DON'T WANT MY WATCH
IN THE WATER.
- OKAY, I KNOW YOUR TRICK.
- NO, I'M NOT TAKING YOUR HAND.
NO. - OH, MY GOD!
I'LL GO OVER HERE.
- YOU GAVE HER AN IDEA.
- OKAY. NO, I KNOW.
YOU WERE JUST GONNA PULL ME IN.
- THAT'S YOUR TRICK.
- I KNOW.
- I WILL SHOW THE HOSTESS
HOW TO SWIM
AND HOW TO GET IN THE POOL.
- SO, ACTUALLY,
YOU KNOW THAT I CANNOT SWIM?
I KID YOU NOT.
- LET ME TEACH YOU.
- I CAN'T SWIM.
- YOU'RE A BLACK PERSON.
- DID THAT REALLY
JUST COME OUT OF YOUR MOUTH?
- [coughs]
- DID YOU SAY, YOU'RE A WHAT?
A BLACK PERSON?
- IT WAS A JOKE,
AND MY BLACK FRIENDS
WOULD HAVE LAUGHED CRAZY
'CAUSE THEY DON'T GO
IN THE POOL,
BECAUSE THEY WILL GET
THEIR WEAVE [bleep] UP.
ALL MY BLACK FRIENDS CAN'T SWIM.
- [laughs] WHAT DID...
- IS THAT BAD?
- YES, I'M BLACK.
WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM?
I AM BLACK.
PUERTO RICANS ARE BLACK,
THEY'RE INDIAN,
AND THEY'RE SPANISH.
SO I AM A MIX OF THREE CULTURES,
AND I'M VERY PROUD
TO REPRESENT ALL THREE.
- OH, COME THEN. LET'S GO.
- I'M NOT GETTING A VERY GOOD
FEELING ABOUT THIS WEEKEND.
NO BUENO. NO BUENO.
- COMING UP...
- I WANT TO SHARE SOMETHING
WITH YOU GUYS.
- JACQUELINE'S SHARING...
SHARING SOMETHING WITH US.
- I WILL NOT ACKNOWLEDGE YOU
WHEN YOU CALL ME JACQUELINE.
- [gasps] OH, MY GOD.
- OH, GOD,
I WISH THERE WAS ROOM SERVICE.
A CUP OF TEA?
- YEAH.
- WHO CAN WE GET?
BRANDI.
SEE IF WE CAN GET BRANDI
ON THE RUN TODAY.
SHE ALREADY DID
THE GLASS OF WINE.
SHOULD I CALL HER ROOM AND SAY,
"CAN I HAVE A CUP OF TEA?"
IS THERE A PHONE?
COULDN'T WE WIND HER UP?
- B!
- ASK HER FOR A CUP OF TEA.
- B!
B!
WELL, THIS IS PRETTY, ISN'T IT?
IT SMELLS REALLY GOOD HERE.
I MEAN, THERE'S PROBABLY
LOTS OF SNAKES.
RIGHT? - I KNOW.
THERE'S PROBABLY
A LOT OF EVERYTHING UP THERE.
I MEAN, IT'S LIKE WILD TERRAINS.
PROBABLY COYOTES
AND ALL KINDS OF STUFF UP THERE.
- IT'S THE PERFECT LOCATION
TO BRING A BUNCH OF GIRLFRIENDS.
- RIGHT, WHO CAN WE DUMP
IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DESERT?
- THAT'S CRAZY.
[upbeat music]
♪♪ ♪♪
- HELLO.
HI. GOOD EVENING.
HOW ARE YOU? I'M JOYCE.
- I JUST WASHED MY HANDS.
- IT'S ALL GOOD.
IT'S ALL GOOD.
THANK YOU SO MUCH.
HI. - YEAH, I'M HENG.
- HELLO, CHEF.
VERY NICE TO MEET YOU.
THANK YOU FOR COOKING ALL
OF THIS WONDERFUL STUFF FOR US.
- OH, MY PLEASURE.
- THANK YOU SO MUCH.
- YOU'RE WELCOME.
- I WANT TO BE A GOOD HOST
AND GET PAST BRANDI'S
RACIAL REMARKS
AND ALL OF THIS NEGATIVE STUFF
THAT'S SUDDENLY
COMING OUT OF THE BLUE
AND JUST HAVE A FUN,
GOOD DINNER.
I-I REALLY HOPE FOR THAT.
CAN I STEAL ONE?
- I FINISHED FOR YOU.
HOW'S IT, RIGHT? - MM.
MM. AMAZING.
[both laugh] - GO ON.
GET YOUR LITTLE DUTCH BOTTOM
UP THOSE STAIRS.
- IS THERE ANY SEATING PLAN
YOU HAVE IN MIND?
- NO, WHERE DO YOU WANT TO SIT?
WHEREVER YOU LIKE.
- WHEREVER YOU LIKE.
- WHEREVER YOU LIKE.
- WELL, YOU'RE THE HOSTESS...
- IT'S VERY FREE.
- OF THE MOSTEST.
- I'LL SIT HERE.
- I'LL BE IN THE MIDDLE GROUND.
- WHERE AM I?
ANYWHERE?
OH, GOSH.
OKAY, GONNA BEHAVE YOURSELF?
- LADIES, THE FIRST LITTLE THING
IS AN AMUSE-BOUCHE.
IT IS A CEVICHE.
- THANK YOU.
- IS THAT ALCOHOL OR FOOD?
[laughter]
IS THIS A SOUP OR A DRINK?
- THANK YOU FOR INVITING US.
- YOU ARE SO WELCOME.
I'M GLAD YOU COULD COME.
All: CHEERS.
- SO YOU'RE GOING
SKINNY-DIPPING, ARE YOU?
- I AM. WHY NOT?
- IS IT ALL SORTED OUT
DOWN THERE?
YOU READY TO GO?
- WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?
"ALL SORTED OUT?"
- WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?
- WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT MEAN?
- SHE'S ALWAYS READY.
- I DON'T KNOW.
- HOLD ON, LET ME CHECK.
ARE YOU READY TO GO?
- LET ME HAVE A LOOK.
- YES, I AM.
[laughter]
- JACQUELINE,
TELL US WHAT YOU'D LIKE TO DO.
HALF THE TIME,
WHEN I CALL JOYCE "JACQUELINE,"
IT IS GOD-HONEST A ACCIDENT.
- SHE CALLS
HER JACQUELINE AGAIN.
- I-I DIDN'T MEAN IT.
IT'S JUST... IT'S JUST...
I FEEL LIKE
SHE'S A LATINA, JACQUELINA.
THE OTHER HALF OF THE TIME,
I DO IT TO ANNOY HER
BECAUSE I FIND HER ANNOYING.
- BUT JACQUELINE'S
NOT A LATINA NAME.
- IT'S MORE SO THAN "YOYCE."
- ACTUALLY, "YOYCE,"
I REALLY HATE.
DON'T SAY "YOYCE,"
BECAUSE WHEN I WAS IN SCHOOL,
THEY WOULD SAY "HOY-SE."
- WHAT IS THAT?
- WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?
- WHAT THEY SAY TO HORSES.
SO THEY WOULD GO, "HOY-SE, BRR."
SO THEY BULLIED ME A LOT
IN SCHOOL FOR THAT GROWING UP.
- GIRL, THAT WORD IS AGGRESSIVE.
CALLING YOU THE WRONG NAME
IS NOT BULLYING.
IT'S TEASING. IT'S BEING BITCHY.
- I WAS "OLIVE OYL."
I WAS... IT WAS EVERYTHING.
- I GOT OLIVE OYL A LOT...
I GOT, LIKE, I COULD...
"I COULD ICE SKATE
ON YOUR CHEST."
- I WANT TO BE OLIVE OYL.
- I DON'T KNOW.
I DON'T THINK IT'S BULLYING.
- I'M JUST TRYING
TO REMAIN A LADY,
AND TRYING TO NOT GET UP
AND LOSE MY TEMPER.
- IT'S A BIG WORD.
- FOR YOU TO SAY,
"OH, I WAS BULLIED
ABOUT MY NAME,"
JUST THEN AND THERE,
WHICH YOU DID SAY.
- I SAID I WAS BULLIED
IN HIGH SCHOOL.
- YEAH, BUT YOU STILL REFERRED
TO IT AS HER CALLING YOU...
- NO, I SAID I DON'T APPRECIATE
GETTING BACK TO THAT MOMENT.
- YOU SAID IT WAS BULLYING.
- SO IF SOMEBODY CALLS ME THAT,
IT TAKES ME BACK TO THAT MOMENT.
[overlapping chatter]
OKAY, CONTINUE. - OH, IT'S OKAY.
YOU CARRY ON, IT'S FINE.
- CONTINUE.
- IT'S FINE, IT'S FINE.
- WHAT'S YOUR POINT? TELL ME.
- DON'T... SHE'S TRYING
TO TELL YOU SOMETHING...
- OKAY, TELL ME.
- AND YOU'RE INTERRUPTING TWICE.
- IF SOMEONE'S CALLING YOU
JENNIFER ALL NIGHT,
YOU WOULDN'T LIKE IT.
- I GET IT. I GET THAT.
THAT'S NOT
WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.
- WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
- I'M SAYING...
- WELL...
- [sighs]
NEVERMIND.
- WHAT?
- BECAUSE I WAS TRYING
TO EXPLAIN MYSELF.
- BUT WHAT'S SHE'S SAYING
IS SHE'S CALLING HER
THE WRONG NAME.
- I GET IT, AND SHE SHOULDN'T.
- AND THE NAME SHE'S
CALLING HER, SHE WAS BULLIED.
- WE ALL AGREE ON THAT.
- I JUST ASKED THE QUESTION.
- BUT WE ALL AGREED, SO...
- I JUST ASKED THE QUESTION.
- KIM, I WAS TRYING
TO MAKE IT BETTER.
- I JUST...
I JUST ASKED THE QUESTION.
LISA PUTS ME TO THE SIDE LIKE,
"SHH, SHH, SHH, SHH."
I CAN BE EVERYBODY'S FRIEND.
I CAN BE BRANDI'S FRIEND
AND I CAN BE JOYCE'S FRIEND,
AND I CAN POINT OUT THE TRUTHS
FOR EVERYBODY
AND NOT TAKE SIDES.
THAT'S BEING A GOOD FRIEND.
- SHE'S USING THE WRONG NAME.
LET'S LEAVE IT ALONE.
- LET'S LEAVE WHAT ALONE?
- [sighs] OH, NEVERMIND.
- I'M ASKING THE QUESTION.
- THE BULLYING WORD.
- BUT THAT'S
WHAT SHE SAID HAPPENED
WHEN SHE GOT CALLED
THE WRONG NAME.
THAT'S THE NAME
SHE GOT CALLED IN SCHOOL.
THAT'S WHY SHE'S... - YEAH.
OKAY.
[upbeat music]
♪♪ ♪♪
- THIS IS THE OVEN-ROASTED FILET
ALONG WITH GRAND MARNIER SHRIMP.
THEN THERE IS THE MALAYSIAN
STICKY RICE AND ASPARAGUS.
- WAIT, I WANT TO SHARE
SOMETHING WITH YOU GUYS.
- JACQUELINE'S SHARING...
SHARING SOMETHING WITH US.
- I WILL NOT ACKNOWLEDGE YOU
WHEN YOU CALL ME JACQUELINE.
- [gasps] OH, MY GOD.
I'M GETTING DRUNK-ISH. OKAY.
- DRUNK-ISH.
- DRUNK-ISH.
- CAN WE HAVE SOME WATER?
CAN WE HAVE SOME WATER HERE?
HERE, DRINK... HAVE SOME WATER.
- NO, NO, NO, I KNOW.
WHO NEEDS WATER?
- I CAN ALREADY SEE BRANDI
GOING TO THE DARK SIDE.
HER VOICE HAS GONE UP
A FEW OCTAVES.
SHE'S STARTING TO SWAY A LITTLE.
LITTLE MEAN COMMENTS COMING OUT.
HERE WE GO.
- I WANT TO SHARE
WITH ALL OF YOU.
I DID THIS SHOW,
AND I'M REALLY, REALLY EXCITED.
IT'S CALLED SIBERIA,
AND I'M THE LEAD,
SO I WANT YOU GUYS TO WATCH IT.
- ISN'T THERE AN EXPRESSION...
ISN'T THERE AN EXPRESSION,
"SENDING YOU TO SIBERIA?"
- CAN YOU FIX MY...
I HAVE A WEAVE.
I'M TAKING THE WEAVE OUT.
LET'S JUST CALL IT...
- NO, NO, NO. DON'T MESS IT UP.
- JUST TAKING THE WEAVE OUT.
- NO, DON'T DO...
NO, WE CAN'T DO THAT.
- I DON'T KNOW IF THESE GIRLS
ARE JUST JEALOUS,
DON'T LIKE HER, SO THEY'RE
NOT EXCITED FOR HER.
BUT WHATEVER IT WAS,
IT WASN'T VERY NICE.
- NO, DON'T...
NO, WE CAN'T TAKE IT OUT.
[overlapping chatter]
- TELL ME MORE ABOUT YOUR SHOW.
YOU'RE STUCK IN SIBERIA.
- WE'RE STUCK IN SIBERIA.
- AND YOU'RE THE FEMALE LEAD.
- SIBERIA? HONEY, I THINK
YOU'RE THERE ALREADY.
[laughs] - I LOVE IT.
- JACQUELINE,
I THINK THAT YOU'RE THE...
THE HOST OF THE EVENING.
- OH, MY GOD.
- [laughs]
- SHE...
- JOYCE.
- SHE DOESN'T LOOK LIKE A JOYCE.
JOYCE IS A BIG, FAT PIG.
- [laughs]
YOU CANNOT SAY THAT.
- I CAN SAY THAT.
- EVEN THOUGH IT SOUNDS LIKE
A BIG, FAT PIG, I LIKE IT.
- IT DOESN'T SOUND
LIKE A BIG, FAT PIG.
IT SOUNDS LIKE A BEAUTIFUL GIRL.
I THINK IT SOUNDS LIKE
A BEAUTIFUL GIRL...
- I LOVE MY NAME.
- WHO IS DROP DEAD GORGEOUS,
WHOSE NAME MEANS JOY
AND HAPPINESS.
- I DON'T LIKE BRANDI. I MEAN...
- SO CHANGE YOUR NAME.
CHANGE YOUR NAME,
BUT I LIKE JOYCE.
- OH, GO [bleep] YOURSELF.
- I LIKE MY NAME.
- [laughs]
- I LOVE MY NAME.
IT'S JUST ALL
BEYOND COMPREHENSION.
AND I'M STILL TRYING
TO KEEP MY COOL,
AND I'M STILL TRYING
TO BE A LADY,
AND I'M STILL TRYING
TO NOT REACT TO HER ATTACKS,
BECAUSE THEY'RE ALL ATTACKS
FOR NO REASON.
- WITH ALL YOUR BABIES?
- MM-HMM?
- IS THERE A PROBLEM, KYLE?
YOU SHOOK YOUR HEAD,
BUT I DON'T KNOW WHY.
- YOU DID. SHE SAW IT TOO.
- YOU AND I NEED TO HAVE
A CONVERSATION AT SOME POINT.
AND A GROUP OF PEOPLE,
IT'S NOT THE PLACE,
AS YOU AND I BOTH KNOW.
- THIS IS AN AWKWARD MOMENT
FOR ME.
IT'S UNCOMFORTABLE WITH KYLE
BECAUSE WE HAVEN'T SPOKEN
ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED.
WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT LISA?
- SHE'S PHONY,
AND THAT SHE'S A FAKE,
AND THAT SHE'S PRETENDING
TO CARE ABOUT KIM
TO LOOK GOOD
IN FRONT OF EVERYBODY,
AND THAT SHE DOESN'T
GIVE A [bleep] ABOUT KIM.
- YOU'RE A LIAR. PLEASE.
- YOLANDA, YOU ARE A LIAR.
- COME ON.
WE KEEP BRUSHING
ALL THIS [bleep]
UNDER THE CARPET
AND PRETEND EVERYTHING IS OKAY,
AND IT'S NOT. - IT'S TRUE.
- WE HAVE VERY
DIFFERENT RECOLLECTIONS
OF WHAT HAPPENED THAT NIGHT,
AND I THINK THE ONLY WAY
TO MOVE FORWARD
IS TO SAY THAT WE AGREE
TO DISAGREE.
- AS AN OLDER LADY,
IF SOMEBODY'S COMING TO YOU
AND SAYING,
"LET'S AGREE TO DISAGREE,"
AGREE TO DISAGREE.
I DO THAT.
- TO ME, RESPECT AND FRIENDSHIP
IS EARNED OVER TIME,
AND I KIND OF LOST THAT
WITH YOU...
- LIKEWISE.
- BUT I'M TOTALLY WILLING... YEAH.
- LIKEWISE.
- YEAH.
- I'M JUST GONNA SAY THIS,
'CAUSE NONE OF US
WERE THERE EXCEPT FOR YOU TWO.
- AND KIM, AND GOD.
- AND KIM.
- KIM AND I KNOW
THAT WE DID NOT JUST INVENT
THAT STORY OUT OF THIN AIR.
IT'S EXTREMELY FRUSTRATING
WHEN YOU KNOW
THAT YOU ARE TELLING THE TRUTH.
- CLEARLY, I BELIEVE YOLANDA.
- CLEARLY.
- AND... YEAH, OBVIOUSLY.
NO, I'M...
- AND KIM BELIEVES KYLE.
- I'M A GIRL'S GIRL.
I'M A WOMAN'S WOMAN,
AND, YOU KNOW...
- HEY, I-I'M
A WOMAN'S WOMAN TOO.
I HAVE ALL DAUGHTERS.
- WELL, I'M NOT...
I'M TALKING RIGHT NOW.
I-I'M TRYING TO TALK,
BUT IF YOU WANT TO, GO AHEAD.
- AREN'T WE TALKING
TO EACH OTHER?
- NO, I'M...
I'M TELLING YOU SOMETHING,
AND THEN YOU SAY,
"AH, I'M A WOMAN'S WOMAN TOO."
- WE'RE HAVING
A CONVERSATION, YOLANDA.
- I'M TRYING TO TALK.
- AREN'T WE TALKING
TO EACH OTHER?
AREN'T WE HAVING A CONVERSATION?
- NO. YOU'RE TALKING AT ME.
I'M TRYING TO, LIKE, ANSWER
TO WHAT YOU JUST SAID.
- NO, WE'RE TALKING
TO EACH OTHER.
WE'RE HAVING A CONVERSATION.
- OKAY.
- OKAY, THERE WE GO.
- YEP.
- COMING UP...
- GIRLS, YOU'RE HAVING
A CONVERSATION.
YOU BOTH TALK.
- WAIT, SWEETHEART.
DON'T GET INVOLVED.
- I'M TRYING TO TALK.
- AREN'T WE TALKING
TO EACH OTHER?
AREN'T WE HAVING A CONVERSATION?
- NO. YOU'RE TALKING AT ME.
I'M TRYING TO, LIKE, ANSWER
TO WHAT YOU JUST SAID.
- NO, WE'RE TALKING
TO EACH OTHER.
WE'RE HAVING A CONVERSATION.
- OKAY.
- OKAY, THERE WE GO.
- YEP.
- NO MATTER WHAT I DO,
YOU GUYS ARE ALWAYS GONNA SIDE,
BECAUSE YOU GUYS ARE A TEAM.
- THAT IS NOT TRUE.
- NO, IT'S NOT.
- YOU'RE A GANG.
- WE'RE NOT A TEAM.
- I GET IT.
- SWEETHEART.
- NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS...
- IF WE WANTED TO HURT YOU,
WE COULD GO THERE.
- AND WE DON'T DO...
WE'RE NOT IN HIGH SCHOOL.
- NO, NO, NO, NO.
YOU CANNOT SAY THAT.
- GIRLS, YOU'RE HAVING
A CONVERSATION.
YOU BOTH TALK. - SHH.
WAIT, SWEETHEART,
DON'T GET INVOLVED.
- SHE'S NOT MY MOTHER,
SO SHE CAN'T BE SHUSHING ME
AT MY DINNER.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN
"DON'T GET INVOLVED"?
- DON'T GET INVOLVED...
NO, BECAUSE YOU AND I,
WE'RE HAVING A CONVERSATION.
- YEAH.
SO THEY CAN GET INVOLVED,
BUT SHE CAN'T?
- SHE DOESN'T KNOW THE STORY.
SHE WASN'T THERE.
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
SHE'S MY FRIEND.
SHE'S... WE'RE HERE TOGETHER.
- SHE WASN'T THERE.
SHE DOESN'T GET INVOLVED.
- SO THEY CAN JUMP IN,
BUT SHE CAN'T?
- SHE WASN'T THERE.
SIT BACK,
JUST LISTEN FOR A LITTLE BIT
BEFORE YOU START
GIVING YOUR OPINION
AND RUBBING PEOPLE
THE WRONG WAY.
YOU BOTH WEREN'T THERE.
YOU DON'T KNOW
WHAT WE'RE TALKING ABOUT.
- NO. OKAY, OKAY.
- IT'S NOT FAIR, SAYING,
"YOU'RE A TEAM,"
LIKE WE'RE A PATHETIC
LITTLE HIGH SCHOOL TEAM.
- NO, THAT WAS AFTER...
AFTER THEY STARTED...
- NO, NO, DON'T...
- ACTING LIKE THAT.
LISA IS 100% PART OF THE LISA,
BRANDI, AND YOLANDA TEAM.
SHE DOESN'T WANT TO ADMIT THAT,
BECAUSE IT LOOKS CHILDISH
TO BE PART OF A TEAM,
BUT THAT'S A FACT.
- I'M NOT JUMPING ON THAT,
SAYING I AGREE WITH YOLANDA.
I WAS BEING IMPARTIAL,
SO YOU AGREE TO DISAGREE.
- WHY DON'T WE ALL
JUST BE ADULTS HERE,
BE HONEST, AND SPEAK THE TRUTH?
- IT'S HARD,
BECAUSE YOU SEEM SO SWEET,
AND THEN YOU BECOME
THIS CRAZY [bleep]HOLE.
- EXCUSE ME?
- NEXT TIME ON THE REAL
HOUSEWIVES OF BEVERLY HILLS...
- WHEN HAVE I BEEN
A CRAZY [bleep]HOLE TO YOU?
I'VE BEEN NOTHING
BUT NICE TO YOU.
- NO, I'M SAYING TONIGHT,
YOU'RE BEING... TO YOLANDA.
YOU COME AFTER HER,
YOU COME AFTER ME.
- GIVE IT TO ME NOW.
GIVE IT TO ME NOW.
YOU ARE NOT DOING THAT.
- OH, MY GOD. IT GOES SO HIGH.
- OH, [bleep], GET OUT!
I'M SORRY.
- WHAT HAPPENED?
- IT WAS RIGHT UP MY BUTT.
- WHAT IS KIM DOING
PRAYING IN THE CORNER?
- NEXT TO THE TRASH CAN?
[laughs]
- IS SHE PRAYING THAT THE BIN
SHOULD BE EMPTIED?
- WHATEVER.
- BRANDI IS A TURN-ON,
AND I LIKE HER A LOT.
- WHAT THE [bleep]?
"THE COPS JUST LEFT."
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?
- YOUR HOUSE WAS BROKEN INTO.
- WHAT THE [bleep]
ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
[sighs]
IT'S NOT A [bleep]
COMPETITION, JOYCE.
- I DON'T WANT THIS RIGHT NOW.
I WANT TO GIVE YOU A HUG.
- OKAY, I GET THAT.
YOU'RE LOVELY, BUT THE WORLD
IS NOT A COMPETITION.
[crying]
THIS IS NOT OKAY.
THIS IS NOT...
[cries]
- TO LEARN MORE
ABOUT THE HOUSEWIVES,