The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills (2010–…): Season 3, Episode 4 - Uh Oh, Somebody's Crying - full transcript

- PREVIOUSLY ON

THE REAL HOUSEWIVES
OF BEVERLY HILLS...

- YOU DON'T LIKE ME.
YOU'RE NEVER GONNA LIKE ME.

I SAID I'M SORRY.

YOU GUYS WERE OUT OF LINE.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO EVER LIKE ME.

- DON'T EVEN APOLOGIZE,
IT'S NOT WORTH IT.

I DON'T EVEN ACCEPT
YOUR APOLOGY.

- YOU DON'T HAVE TO. I SAID...

- I WON'T. I DON'T, I WON'T.

I'M AN ALCOHOLIC.



I COULDN'T LOOK AT MYSELF
IN THE MIRROR ANYMORE.

AND I'VE BEEN WORKING ON IT
FOR A WHILE.

- I'VE HEARD FROM PEOPLE
THAT WORK FOR YOU

THAT YOU DON'T LIKE LISA.

- WHY WOULD YOU TELL HER THAT?

- BECAUSE SHE'S MY FRIEND,
AND WE WERE TALKING.

- OKAY, BUT I THOUGHT
WE WERE FRIENDS, RIGHT?

- WE'RE NOT FRIENDS, CLEARLY.

- WHAT'S THAT FACE?
- HMM?

- WHAT'S THAT FACE?
- NOTHING, I'M JUST TIRED.

I'M NOT GOING TO SAY HI
TO THAT ONE, THAT'S ALL.

- OH, COME ON.

BE NICE, BE NICE.

- NOPE. ABSOLUTELY NOT.



[upbeat music]

- LIFE ISN'T ALL DIAMONDS
AND ROSE,

BUT IT SHOULD BE.

- MONEY DOESN'T GIVE YOU CLASS.

IT JUST GIVES YOU MONEY.

- KNOW YOUR FRIENDS.
SHOW YOUR ENEMIES THE DOOR.

- I FOUGHT TOO HARD
FOR THIS ZIP CODE

TO GO HOME NOW.

- I LIKE TO HAVE FUN,
BUT I DON'T PLAY GAMES.

- LIFE IS A JOURNEY,

AND I'M FINDING MYSELF
EVERY DAY.

- I'M BORN AND RAISED
IN BEVERLY HILLS.

THIS IS MY TOWN.

- AT YOLANDA'S, IT FELT
A LITTLE STRANGE, FOR ME.

LISA AND I DIDN'T REALLY
INTERACT TOO MUCH.

I FELT IT WAS TIME
TO PUT ALL OUR ISSUES ASIDE.

Both: HI.

Both: HOW ARE YOU?

- I'M FINE, THANK YOU.

- WELL, YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL.

AS ALWAYS. - THANK YOU, DITTO.

THANK YOU FOR THE FLOWERS.

- ADRIENNE MALOOF
HAS SENT THIS TO YOU

WITH LOTS OF BEST WISHES.

- OH, INTERESTING.

I'M NOT SURE ABOUT THAT.

- I SAID
A BEAUTIFUL ARRANGEMENT,

NOT THE WHOLE FLOWER SHOP.

SO I'M SORRY
THAT IT WAS SO BIG THAT...

- WELL, IT CERTAINLY MADE
A STATEMENT.

- IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE...

HOW ARE YOU?

- I'M REALLY, REALLY...
- YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL.

- I COULD DO WITH ONE OF THOSE.

OH, HELLO,
- BONSOIR, HOW ARE YOU DOING?

- CAN I JUST HAVE A GLASS
OF PINOT GRIGIO ACTUALLY?

- BY ALL MEANS, ABSOLUTELY.

SALUT.

- I THANK YOU FOR THE FLOWERS,

AND I REALIZE THAT WAS...

I HOPE IT WAS
A KIND OF PEACE OFFERING.

- ABSOLUTELY. I THINK...

- AND I NEEDED THAT, ADRIENNE.
I'M TELLING YOU THAT.

I NEEDED THAT. - I KNOW, I KNOW.

UM, YOU KNOW.

UM, IF I HURT YOUR FEELINGS,

I DIDN'T MEAN
TO HURT YOUR FEELINGS.

YOU'VE NEVER SOLD A STORY?

- I'VE NEVER SOLD
A STORY IN MY LIFE...

- I DON'T BELIEVE THAT
FOR A MINUTE.

- AND I WON'T BE ACCUSED
OF THAT.

I JUST THINK IT'S
SUCH AN INSULT,

SUCH A LOW BLOW.

- BUT AT THE TIME
[clears throat]

WHAT I HAD HEARD
HAD HURT MY FEELINGS.

SO I REACTED. UM...

AND SOMETIMES, YOU KNOW,
FRIENDS REACT

AND THEY...

THEY DO STUPID THINGS.

- I FEEL THAT SHE'S NERVOUS.

I DON'T MEAN
TO MAKE HER NERVOUS...

THAT MUCH.

- THAT WAS STUPID.

UH... I THINK, YOU KNOW,

I SHOULD HAVE COME TO YOU FIRST

AND TALKED ABOUT IT.

AND THAT'S WHAT FRIENDS DO.

- AND THAT'S FINE, BUT...

NOW SHE HAS TO DELIVER.

- WE ARE MUCH BETTER FRIENDS,

AND WE HAVE
A GREAT TIME TOGETHER,

THAN NOT BEING FRIENDS.

AND I ALSO THINK
THAT YOU AND I ARE VERY BUSY.

YOU HAVE YOUR BUSINESS,
I HAVE MY BUSINESS.

I HAVE MY CHILDREN.

THAT TO WASTE TIME ON...

ON ISSUES THAT, UM...

GRANTED, YOU AND I
HAVE BOTH SAID THINGS...

OR FRIENDS SAY THINGS
THAT HURT EACH OTHER'S FEELINGS.

WE ALL DO.

THAT'S FRIENDSHIP,
THAT'S RELATIONSHIPS.

UM...

SO...

UM...

LET ME JUST SAY,

I THINK WE BOTH ARE MORE MATURE

TO TRY TO MOVE ON AND TO...

- ALL RIGHT, THE PINOT GRIGIO.

Both: THANK YOU.

- YOU'RE WELCOME.

- SO, [stammers]
I OWE YOU AN APOLOGY.

I'M VERY SORRY.

- IT REALLY, REALLY
DEVASTATED ME.

- MM-HMM.
- I LEFT TOWN FOR A WEEK.

I FELT THAT YOU TRIED
TO HUMILIATE ME.

AND TO BE ACCUSED
OF SOMETHING LIKE THAT,

THAT KIND OF QUESTIONS
MY INTEGRITY,

I FELT REALLY, UM...

VIOLATED, INSULTED.

BUT I APPRECIATE
YOU REACHING OUT.

- MM-HMM.

- AND I DON'T WANT

TO GET INTO A SHOUTING
AND SCREAMING MATCH...

- NO, NO, NO.
- 'CAUSE THAT'S NOT WHO I AM.

AND I'M NOT GOING
TO BE BEHIND YOUR BACK

TRASHING YOU AND SAYING BITCHY,
VICIOUS THINGS.

THAT'S NOT WHERE I WANT TO GO.
- NEITHER AM I.

- OKAY? YEAH.
- NEITHER AM I.

WHEN SOMEBODY REALLY HURTS YOU,

THE RELATIONSHIP CHANGES.

YOU CAN'T AVOID THAT.

HOW CAN I FEEL
THE SAME WAY ABOUT HER,

WHEN SHE ATTACKED ME, REALLY?

WILL IT BE THE SAME? NO.

I'M BEING HONEST. NO.

- HERE'S TO MOVING ON.

I APOLOGIZE.

- APOLOGY ACCEPTED.

- SHE PROBABLY
ALSO OWED ME AN APOLOGY,

BUT I KNEW THAT WAS PROBABLY
NOT GOING TO HAPPEN.

[upbeat pop music]

♪ ♪

- HMM.

HELLO.

HOW ARE YOU? - HI, HONEY.

- HI.
- HOW ARE YOU?

- I'M GOOD.

- WHEN I MET KIM,
WE KIND OF HAD A CONNECTION.

YOU KNOW, I JUST FELT
LIKE I NEEDED

TO HAVE A LITTLE
ONE-ON-ONE TIME WITH HER.

AND SEE A LITTLE BIT MORE
WHAT SHE'S ABOUT.

DO YOU LIKE A LATTE? - YEAH.

- OKAY, I'M GONNA MAKE YOU
A REALLY NICE LATTE.

- [sighs] I'D LIKE A SUGAR-FREE
VANILLA LATTE, PLEASE.

- OKAY, COMING UP.
- YES, THANK YOU.

- HI, MY L... OH, MY GOD!

YOU HAD A BUZZ CUT! COME HERE.

OH, MY GOD, IT'S SO CUTE.

I LOVE IT,
HE JUST HAD A BUZZ CUT.

[laughs] - LOOKS CUTE, RIGHT?

I LIKE IT. - OOH, I LIKE IT.

I LOVE IT. [kisses]

- I LIKE IT TOO.
- OKAY, JUMP IN THE POOL.

- I LIKE IT TOO...
- IT'S CUTE, EH?

- A LOT.
- IT'S ADORABLE.

WHAT ABOUT THE KIDS?

ARE YOUR KIDS GOING BACK
TO SCHOOL YET?

OR NOT YET?

- TODAY.
- TODAY?

- YEAH, RIGHT?
- OH, MY GOD, I MISS THEM.

LIKE, I AM NOT READY

FOR THE KIDS
TO GO BACK TO SCHOOL AT ALL.

- I NEVER AM.

I LIKE TO HAVE 'EM
AT HOME WITH ME.

- YEAH, ME TOO.

- I LIKE YOLANDA.

SHE'S GOT A BEAUTIFUL AURA
ABOUT HER.

I THINK SHE'S
A VERY GIVING PERSON.

AND SHE SEEMS VERY KIND.

OOH.

- SO WHAT ARE WE GOING
TO DO IN OJAI?

- OJAI IS BEAUTIFUL.

I MEAN, YOU KNOW MONTECITO...
- YEAH, I LIKE IT.

- SO YOU KNOW OJAI.
- YES, YES, YES.

- BUT, YOU KNOW,
TO ME, IT'S JUST SO AMAZING.

IT'S JUST SO SPIRITUAL.

IT'S JUST SO CALMING.

I'VE ORGANIZED A TRIP TO OJAI.

I THINK IT WOULD BE A GOOD PLACE
TO BRING EVERYBODY TOGETHER

AND TRY TO MEND SOME...

SOME WOUNDS, SOME HURT FEELINGS.

AND TO TAKE FRIENDSHIPS
AND MAKE THEM BETTER.

- WHY DID YOU PICK OJAI?

WHAT'S YOUR RELATIONSHIP
WITH OJAI?

- UH, I HAVE A FRIEND UP THERE.

AND I STARTED GOING UP THERE
AND VISITING MY FRIEND.

AND IT WAS JUST...

IT BECAME A PLACE, FOR ME...

THAT I SO LOVED TO GO.

YOU KNOW, WE... WE JUST...

IT WAS...

THE MOST RELAXING,
HAPPIEST PLACE I HAVE FOUND...

- EVER BEEN?
- YEAH.

- IT'S MAGIC, ISN'T IT?

- IT'S MAGIC.
- YEAH.

AND ARE WE STAYING
IN A PRIVATE HOUSE

OR IN THE HOTEL?

- IT'S A PRIVATE HOME

PART OF THE HOTEL KIND OF THING.

IT'S REALLY...
- YEAH, YEAH, I'VE SEEN THAT.

THEY'RE LIKE
BEAUTIFUL MANSIONS...

- YEAH, THEY'RE GORGEOUS.

- ON THE GROUNDS OF THE HOTEL.

- EXACTLY.
- YEAH, I VISITED.

I HAD A FRIEND
THAT STAYED THERE ONCE.

- YEAH, IT'S...
- IT'S BEAUTIFUL.

- IT IS BEAUTIFUL.

- HANGING OUT.
I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO IT.

I CAN'T WAIT. - YEAH, ME TOO.

- DAVID HAS A, UM, HAS A CONCERT

AT THE KENNEDY CENTER
IN WASHINGTON.

SO WE'RE GONNA GO THERE,

AND THEN HE'LL DROP ME
IN OJAI ON THE WAY HOME.

SO I'LL SEE YOU GUYS AT NIGHT.
- OKAY.

- YOU KNOW, I DON'T REMEMBER
THE LAST TIME

I'VE EVER BEEN AWAY
WITH A GROUP OF GIRLS.

- [laughs]
- I MEAN, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

- ME TOO.
- IT'S, LIKE, SO DIFFERENT.

IT'S LIKE...
- I'M ALWAYS WITH MY KIDS.

- THE KIDS, THE HUSBAND,
THE THIS, THE FAMILY.

- RIGHT.
- YOU KNOW, IT'S DIFFERENT.

- I THINK YOU'LL
REALLY, REALLY ENJOY IT.

- I'M ALL FOR IT, GIRL.
- [laughs]

- LET'S GO, I CAN'T WAIT.

IT'S GONNA BE FUN.
- IT'LL BE FUN.

THERE'S HORSEBACK RIDING...
- YAY.

- THERE'S RACQUETBALL, THERE'S...

THERE'S SO MANY
DIFFERENT ACTIVITIES...

- RIGHT.
- WE CAN DO.

AND EVERYBODY NEEDS
A LITTLE GETAWAY SOMETIME.

- WELL, I'M EXCITED.
- YEAH.

[doorbell chimes, dog yipping]

- GET HIM.

- HELLO.
- HELLO, WHAT'S UP?

- THE GUARD DOGS ARE HERE.

HI, HONEY.

- HOW ARE YOU DOING?
- FINE, HOW ARE YOU?

- GOOD.
- GIRLS!

THESE GIRLS HAVE TO GET IN.

COME IN. WE DID IT.

- WE DID. ARE YOU HAPPY?

- NEW YORK. I THOUGHT FOR SURE

WE WERE GONNA HAVE
A DRUNKY NIGHT IN NEW YORK,

BUT NOT ON 36 HOURS. - I KNOW.

IT'S HARD TO DRINK AND GO
TO DO THE MEETINGS THE NEXT DAY.

- I KNOW.
WE WERE SOBER SOLDIERS.

OOH, I JUST MADE THAT UP.

THAT COULD BE A BOOK TITLE.
- "SOBER SOLDIERS."

- THROUGH MY DIVORCE,
WHICH IS VERY PUBLIC,

AND VERY DIFFICULT,

I WROTE
ABOUT OUR THERAPY SESSIONS

WHILE WE WERE MARRIED.

I ALSO WROTE
ABOUT EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENED

THROUGH MY DIVORCE.

AND, YOU KNOW, I-I THOUGHT,

"OH, MY GOSH,

THIS COULD
REALLY HELP SOMEBODY," SO...

IT'S GONNA BE A BOOK.

- EVERYONE HAS LOVED
THE PROPOSAL.

THEY THINK THAT YOU DID
A GREAT JOB ON THE PROPOSAL.

UM, THE TITLE.

WE'RE HAVING
A PROBLEM WITH THE TITLE.

- OKAY.

- 'CAUSE, YOU KNOW,
IT'S DIVORCE, NOT CANCER.

THEY FEEL LIKE THAT MIGHT
LIMIT THE READERSHIP.

- MICHAEL BROUSSARD
DISCOVERED CHELSEA HANDLER.

IN THE BOOK WORLD,
HE'S KIND OF A SUPERSTAR.

SO WE MIGHT HAVE TO BROADEN IT

AND MAKE IT JUST MORE
ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS THAT END...

- OKAY.
- NOT JUST MARRIAGES THAT END.

- LIKE, MAYBE, LIKE,
IT'S BREAKUP, NOT CANCER.

IT'S A BREAKUP, NOT CANCER?

- THE HARPERCOLLINS PEOPLE
REALLY LIKED YOU.

- I LOVED...
I LOVED ALL THE MEETINGS.

I'VE NEVER SAT
AT A BUSINESS MEETING BEFORE,

SO I FELT LIKE A GROWN-UP.

UNTIL I SAID THE "F" WORD
AND THEN THE "B" WORD.

BUT THANK GOD
THAT WENT OVER OKAY.

- WELL, THANK GOD YOU DIDN'T
WEAR THAT ONE OUTFIT.

THAT BLACK THING.
- [laughs] I KNOW.

- I'VE NEVER SEEN
A BODY LIKE THAT.

- REALLY?

- IT WAS THE BEST BODY
I THINK I'VE EVER SEEN.

- REALLY? THAT'S SO SWEET
COMING FROM A GAY MAN. OH!

- I CALLED
ALL MY STRAIGHT BOYFRIENDS,

AND I'M LIKE, "OH, MY GOD,
I JUST SAW THE BEST..."

- OH, YOU PIMPED ME OUT?
- YEAH, I DID.

I DID.

I JUST SAW
THE BEST TITTIES EVER.

[laughter]

- WELL, THEY CAN BUY 'EM TOO.

- THE THING IS, IS THE PROPOSAL
WENT OVER VERY, VERY WELL.

IT'S FRESH, THE CONTENT'S GOOD,

AND THERE'S
A SENSE OF HUMOR THERE.

IT REALLY, YOU KNOW,
SHOWS YOUR PERSONALITY

AND THE HUMOROUS SIDE OF YOU,

BUT ALSO THERE'S
SUCH GOOD ADVICE IN IT.

- I DRANK TOO MUCH,
I [bleep] A FEW TOO MANY GUYS

FOR A HOT SECOND,

I WENT ON LEXAPRO,

I, YOU KNOW, PARTIED A LOT,

I... CRIED ALL DAY.

I DID EVERYTHING
THAT NO ONE TALKS ABOUT,

AND I'M TALKING ABOUT IT.

I'M SO GLAD
THAT I DIDN'T DO THE BOOK

THAT I ORIGINALLY WANTED TO DO...
THE BASHING BOOK.

- YEAH.
- 'CAUSE I WAS SET TO DO THAT.

[imitates Psycho
shower scene music]

BUT THEN, YEAH,
I TOOK IT OUT ON THE TIRES.

WE'VE ALL HEARD
FROM THE MISTRESSES...

LEANN, THE COUNTRY SINGER.
SCHEANA, THE WAITRESS.

OH, YOU'RE THE GIRL
THAT HAD SEX WITH MY HUSBAND.

- I DON'T KNOW
ANYTHING ABOUT THIS,

BUT I THINK IT'S EASIER
IF YOU'RE NOT HERE.

- ABSOLUTELY.
- NOW, IS THAT OKAY?

- NO, I TOTALLY AGREE. YEAH.
- IS THAT OKAY?

- SHE THINKS I HATE HER.
I DON'T... I DON'T CARE.

SO THE BOOK IS MY OPPORTUNITY
TO TELL THE STORY

THE WAY IT REALLY HAPPENED.

SO WHAT DO YOU THINK
OUR NEXT STEP IS?

HAVE YOU HEARD ANY...

- I HOPE TO GET AN OFFER
THIS WEEK.

- REALLY?
- UH-HUH.

- THAT FAST?
DOES IT HAPPEN THAT FAST?

- SOMETIMES IT DOES, YEAH.
- REALLY?

- AND SOMETIMES
IT TAKES A LONG TIME.

- OKAY. [both laughing]

I TRAVELLED A LONG WAY
TO GET HERE.

I AM SO BLESSED. I REALLY AM.

I KNOW IT TOO.

I [bleep] THANK THE LORD
EVERY DAY FOR IT.

- EVERY DIVORCE, I THINK THAT
THERE'S A WINNER AND A LOSER.

AND I THINK THAT, IN THIS ONE,

YOU DEFINITELY CAME OUT
THE WINNER.

AND I THINK THAT BOOK'S
GONNA SHOW THIS.

- COMING UP...

- [laughs]
- HI, HONEY!

- SO GLAD YOU COULD COME.

HELLO, DARLING. - HI.

- THERE'S NOWHERE IN MY PROGRAM

THAT SAYS I HAVE
TO GIVE BRANDI A KISS.

- BE ABLE TO SEE
EVERYTHING PERFECTLY.

[sigh] OKAY.

TODAY, WE'RE GOING TO THE DMV
FOR THE THIRD TIME.

ALEXIA'S ALREADY FAILED
THIS TEST TWICE,

AND I AM A NERVOUS WRECK.

I KNOW HOW BADLY SHE WANTS THIS,

AND SHE IS GOING
TO BE HEARTBROKEN

IF SHE DOESN'T PASS THIS TEST.

HI. - HI.

H001? both: YES.

- WHAT ARE YOU HERE TO DO TODAY?

- PERMIT TEST.
- PERMIT. OKAY.

- AM I ALLOWED TO GO WITH HER
WHILE SHE TAKES THE TEST?

- NO.
- NOT INSIDE, NO.

YOU CAN WAIT OUTSIDE.

- ARE YOU CRAZY?

I'M DYING RIGHT NOW.
- YOU'RE GONNA BE FINE.

- [sighs]

- I KNOW THAT ONCE ALEXIA
HAS HER LICENSE,

SHE'S GOING
TO BE ON HER OWN A LOT.

ALL THOSE MOMENTS I HAVE

OF DRIVING HER
TO SCHOOL IN THE MORNING

OR PICKING HER UP
AND HAVING THOSE CONVERSATIONS

ARE GONNA BE...

FEWER AND FAR BETWEEN.

ARE YOU OKAY?
- I'M GOOD! I'M GOOD.

- GIMME A KISS. GIMME A KISS.

GOOD LUCK.

GO IN HERE, HONEY.

- OKAY, TAKE YOUR TIME.

AND WHEN YOU'RE READY
TO BE GRADED,

COME BACK TO THE LINE, OKAY?

- OKAY, THANK YOU.

[indistinct chatter]

- SEEING ALEXIA GROW UP
LIKE THIS IS HARD,

BECAUSE I KNOW
I'M THIS MUCH CLOSER TO HER

GOING TO COLLEGE
AND BEING ON HER OWN.

IT'S LIKE... CUTTING THE CORD.

- READY?
- YEAH.

- I'M GONNA TAKE YOUR PAPER.
THANK YOU.

- PASSED.
- [exhales]

GREAT.

THANK GOD.

- [laughs] I COULDN'T FEEL
MY LEGS STANDING THERE.

OH.

- CAN YOU IMAGINE?
- OH, WAIT! I'M DRIVING.

SCOOT DOWN. - CAN YOU IMAGINE?

OH, YOU'RE DRIVING?
- I'M DRIVING NOW.

- OH, I'M SORRY.

I REALLY WANTED ALEXIA
TO PASS THIS TEST...

SEATBELT FIRST.

BUT I DON'T REALLY WANT HER
TO DRIVE.

ESPECIALLY NOT MY NEW MASERATI.

NOW REMEMBER, YOU HAVEN'T
DRIVEN THIS CAR BEFORE, SO...

- WHAT IS THIS FOR?

- I'M FEARING FOR MY LIFE
AND MY CAR AT THIS POINT.

OKAY, OKAY, GO LEFT HERE.

SLOW DOWN, SLOW DOWN.
- AM I TURNING LEFT?

- YEAH, BUT YOU GOTTA...
[engine revs]

OH, WE GOTTA BRAKE.

- I KNOW, MOM. [laughs] STOP.

[shutter clicking]

- CHANGE THE REFLECTOR
JUST A LITTLE.

[indistinct talking]

GORGEOUS.

- I DO LOVE HER RED LIPS.

I'M NOT EVEN GONNA
PUT THE CAPE ON HER.

IT'S JUST SO GORGEOUS
JUST THE WAY IT IS.

- WHOO-HOO!

- HELLO.
- WOW!

LOOK AT YOU. YOU SCRUB UP WELL.

[laughing]

- LISA WORKS FOR A MAGAZINE
CALLED BEVERLY HILLS LIFESTYLE,

AND SHE THOUGHT IT'D BE A GREAT
IDEA IF I MODELED FOR IT.

- YOU'RE LOOKING GREAT.

- I HAD A PRETTY SUCCESSFUL
MODELING CAREER

THROUGH THE '90s,

AND MODELING IS DIFFICULT
AS YOU GET OLDER.

SO ONCE I GOT TO L.A.,

I KINDA JUST PUT IT
ON THE BACK BURNER.

- SO WHAT DO YOU THINK?
- I THINK...

- SHE LOOKS BEAUTIFUL.
- WOW, IT'S BEAUTIFUL.

- WHAT DO YOU THINK
OF THE CLOTHES?

- I LOVE THEM.

I FEEL LIKE A LADY.
I'M ALL GROWN UP.

- I KNOW.
- DOESN'T SHE LOOK GORGEOUS?

- IF SHE CAN KEEP HER...

KNEES TOGETHER
AND HER MOUTH CLOSED...

- OH, STOP!
- WE'LL BE IN BUSINESS.

NO, WE LOOK BEAUTIFUL.

LET'S... TURN AROUND.
THIS IS REALLY FABULOUS ON YOU.

- THE REASON I'M MOVING FORWARD
WITH THIS MAGAZINE SHOOT

IS BECAUSE LISA TALKED ME
INTO IT.

SHE BELIEVES THAT IT WILL
HELP ME GET ANOTHER JOB

THAT COULD CAUSE SOME INCOME
TO COME MY WAY.

- OH, MY GOD!
- I'M OBSESSED WITH THIS.

LOOK HOW SEXY THAT IS.
- THIS IS BEAUTIFUL!

WE BETTER GET A MOVE ON.
YOU'VE GOT SO MUCH STUFF.

THIS IS EXQUISITE.

I'M TRYING TO HURRY BRANDI UP.

WE'VE GOT TO GET IN THIS CAR

AND WE'VE GOT TO GET UP
TO OJAI, ASAP.

WELL, WE BETTER GET A MOVE ON,
BECAUSE WE'VE GOT...

WE'VE GOT TO GO.
- WE HAVE A LONG DAY.

- EXACTLY, RIGHT?

KIM SAYS IT'S PERFECTLY OKAY

FOR ME TO INVITE BRANDI
FOR THE WEEKEND,

AND I THINK SHE'S OKAY WITH IT.

REALLY. SHE IS.

REALLY.

- A LITTLE BIT OF THAT.
I'M GONNA TOUCH IT UP.

- SO WAS YOUR DINNER
WITH ADRIENNE?

- OH, NO, IT WASN'T DINNER.
IT WAS DRINKS.

IT WAS LIKE... I WAS
IN AND OUT OF THERE

IN, LIKE, TEN MINUTES.
[laughter]

- SMART GIRL.

- NO, SHE JUST... SHE SAID,
"OH, I WANT TO APOLOGIZE.

I SHOULDN'T HAVE SAID IT."
SO THAT WAS IT.

BUT, YOU KNOW. - RIGHT.

- YOU KNOW WHAT I THINK.
- YEP.

I DON'T KNOW
WHAT ADRIENNE'S MOTIVES ARE,

BECAUSE I KNOW
SHE'S INCREDIBLY SELFISH,

SELF-SERVING.

I DON'T THINK SHE'S HONEST.
I THINK SHE'S VERY MANIPULATIVE.

- BUT YOU KNOW, WHATEVER.

IT'S GONNA BE A NICE, COZY...
COZY COUPLE OF DAYS...

- I KNOW.
- IN OJAI.

- JEEZ.
- [laughs]

- HEY, THERE!

- HI!
- HI!

- ARE YOU READY?
- I'M READY!

- YOU LOOK CUTE.

- YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL
AND COMFORTABLE.

WELL, THIS IS LIKE A T-SHIRT.
- OH, THAT'S CUTE.

- YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL, HI. MWAH!

- HI, DARLING.
- HOW ARE YOU?

- I'M GOOD, I'M GOOD.
- GOOD?

HI!

- IT'S KIND OF COLORFUL, RIGHT?

- LOOKING GOOD, YEAH.
- THANK YOU.

- MWAH!

- HELLO!
- HI!

- DON'T YOU LOOK BRIGHT
AND CHEERFUL.

- IT FEELS REALLY GOOD
THAT I CAN CALL EVERYBODY

AND INVITE THEM
TO A PLACE THAT I LOVE.

I KNOW ONE THING.

THEY'LL FEEL BETTER
ABOUT THEMSELVES,

IF THEY DON'T END UP
HURTING EACH OTHER.

I'M SO GLAD YOU GUYS DECIDED

THAT THIS WAS SOMETHING
YOU WANNA DO.

- I'VE NEVER BEEN THERE.

- THAT'S WHY I WANTED YOU
TO DO THIS.

IT'S VERY SPIRITUAL,
A LOT OF SERENITY,

YOU'LL FIND A LOT OF PEACE.

- I LOVE IT.
- I NEED ALL THAT.

CHECK, CHECK, CHECK.

I'M REALLY PROUD OF KIM
FOR PUTTING THIS TRIP TOGETHER.

IN THE PAST, WE DIDN'T EVEN KNOW

IF SHE WAS GONNA
SHOW UP TO THINGS.

SO I THINK IT'S IMPORTANT
WE ALL COME TOGETHER

AND SUPPORT KIM THIS WEEKEND.

- SO I KNOW THAT EVERYBODY,
YOU KNOW,

IS COMING TOGETHER.

AND I THINK LISA MIGHT'VE
INVITED SOME PEOPLE, AND...

- WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

- [stammering] SHE MIGHT'VE
INVITED SOMEONE ELSE,

AND THAT'S COOL.

WHEN LISA PRESENTED ME
WITH BRANDI,

WHERE I'M AT,
I COULDN'T VERY WELL SAY NO.

IT'S TIME FOR ME
TO MEND AND FORGIVE.

IF I CAN FIX MY SIDE
OF THE FENCE,

MAKE IT RIGHT...

THAT'S WHAT I'D LIKE TO DO.

- HOW LONG IS IT GONNA
TAKE US TO GET THERE?

- HOUR AND A HALF, MAX.

- NOT BAD AT ALL.

CAMILLE, I HEARD KELSEY
GOT A NEW TATTOO.

- YEAH, IN A VERY SPECIAL PLACE.

RIGHT BY HIS PRIVATES. - WHAT?

- RIGHT BY HIS PRIVATES.
- RIGHT HERE.

- HE GOT A GIRLIE TATTOO.

- WELL, THAT'S FOR
WHEN HE WEARS HIS BIKINI.

- IT WAS THE ILLUSION
OF MAKING IT LOOK BIGGER.

- DMITRI SAID TO TELL TMZ,
'CAUSE IT WAS RELEASED ON TMZ.

TMZ SAID DMITRI GOT A TATTOO

OF CAMILLE GIULIA DONATACCI
GRAMMER CHARALAMBOPOULOS.

AND IT FIT!

[laughter]

- I'M GONNA HAVE TO SAY,

WITH THE WAY CAMILLE DESCRIBES

HIS LONG GREEK NAME,

I WANTED TO SAY
IT'S DEFINITELY...

NERP!

I'D LIKE TO KNOW HOW MANY
LETTERS IT IS EXACTLY THOUGH.

- THAT IS TOO FUNNY.
WE ARE SO BAD.

- COMING UP...

- THIS IS WHAT I WEAR TO BED.
ARE YOU EXCITED?

DOO, DOO, DOO.

- YOU SLEEP IN THAT?
- YEAH.

- WHERE'S THE REST OF IT?

- GORGEOUS, BRANDI.

YEP, JUST LIKE THAT.
YOU'RE GORGEOUS RIGHT THERE.

ELEGANT.

BEAUTIFUL.

I DON'T THINK SHE'S EVER DONE
THIS BEFORE, DO YOU?

[laughing] SHE LOOKS AMAZING.

BEAUTIFUL, BRANDI. NICE.

GORGEOUS.

- SHE'S JUST A NATURAL.

- GORGEOUS, GORGEOUS.
RIGHT THERE.

THAT'S REALLY NICE.

- OH, SHE'S PERFECT.
SHE ALWAYS LOOKS GOOD.

- BEAUTIFUL.

- NOW I GET WHY THE OTHER WOMEN
DON'T LIKE HER.

- NICE. [laughter]

NICE, RIGHT THERE. HOLD THAT.

- THE ONLY ONES THAT LIKE ME
ARE THE PRETTY ONES,

YOU AND CAMILLE.

- THE CONFIDENT ONES.

- HAVE A LOOK AT THIS.
THIS IS LOVELY.

- THIS IS GONNA BE
ON THE WALL IN YOUR HOUSE.

- REALLY?
- DO YOU LIKE IT?

- YEAH, WELL, YOU WERE LIKE...
- WHAT?

- WHAT DON'T YOU LIKE?
- I DON'T WANNA POINT IT OUT.

- GO ON, LET'S POINT IT OUT.
- POINT IT OUT.

- THE WRINKLES ON MY THUMB,
RIGHT THERE.

- ON YOUR WHAT?
- DON'T POINT TO THEM.

- WHAT?
- DON'T POINT AT THEM, RIGHT?

- ON YOUR WHAT?
- I'LL TELL YOU LATER.

- [laughing]

- DID YOU SAY A WRINKLE
ON YOUR THUMB?

- YES.

- OH, THERE'S
SOMETHING WRONG WITH YOU.

BRANDI'S VERY SELF-CRITICAL.

I THINK WHEN
HER HUSBAND LEFT HER

FOR THIS OTHER WOMAN,

AND HE'S HAD AFFAIRS
THROUGHOUT THEIR RELATIONSHIP,

I THINK IT HAS LEFT HER
FEELING VERY INSECURE.

I THINK THIS HAS MORE
TO DO WITH HER HEAD...

- OH, YEAH.

- DON'T YOU?
THAN THE PICTURE. OKAY.

I THINK IF THE SHOOT'S
A SUCCESS,

IT WOULD BE GOOD FOR HER.

- YEP, JUST LIKE THAT.

ELEGANT. BEAUTIFUL.

- YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL.
YOU'RE GONNA LOVE THIS.

- I LOVE LISA.

SHE'S LIKE
A FAMILY MEMBER TO ME.

SHE'S TAKING ME UNDER HER WING.

AND SHE'S TAKING CARE OF ME,
LIKE, IN A WAY

THAT'S VERY NURTURING,
VERY SISTERLY, VERY MOTHERLY.

SHE DOESN'T LIKE ME
TO SAY MOTHERLY,

'CAUSE SHE GETS UPSET.

- YOU GOTTA COME LOOK.

- LOOK. LOOK AT THAT.

- DOESN'T THAT LOOK BEAUTIFUL?

- THERE'S A UNDER-EYE BAG.
FIX THOSE.

- THESE ARE SO LOVELY.

- I DON'T EVEN WANNA
SEE ANYMORE.

- OH, FOR GOODNESS SAKE.
I MEAN, GET OVER IT.

YOU DESERVE CELLULITE,
BECAUSE...

THEN IT WOULD GIVE YOU SOMETHING
LEGITIMATE TO WORRY ABOUT.

- ALL RIGHT!
- WE'RE HERE.

- PULLING UP! [all cheering]

- OH, THIS IS AWESOME!
- SO PRETTY.

- I HOPE THIS IS RELAXING.
- I HOPE IT IS TOO.

- IT HAS TO BE.

- NO DRAMA.
- NO DRAMA.

- WE'RE HERE TO RELAX.

- YEAH, KIM.
- [laughs]

- I FELT LIKE THAT WAS
A MEAN COMMENT.

- HERE WE ARE, LADIES.

- AYE, AYE, AYE.

THANK YOU.

- HEY. WOW! LOOK AT THIS.

- SO HERE WE ARE.
- BEAUTIFUL.

- IT'S AMAZING.
- YEAH? YOU THINK?

- REALLY PRETTY.
- OH, MY GOD.

I HOPE AFTER MY SETTLEMENT,

I CAN AFFORD
SOMETHING LIKE THIS.

- WELCOME, LADIES.

WELCOME TO CASA ELAR.
COME THIS WAY.

- THANK YOU.
- YOU'RE WELCOME.

- THANK YOU SO MUCH.

- WHICH ONE'S KIMBERLY?
- THAT'S ME.

- KIMBERLY, SHAUN O'BRYAN.
I'M THE RESORT MANAGER.

HOW ARE YOU?
- I'M FINE, THANK YOU.

- NICE TO MEET YOU.
UP FOR A TOUR?

- YES. WHY NOT?

- GREAT, LET ME TAKE YOU
ON A LITTLE BIT OF A TOUR

AND SHOW YOU WHAT
THE HOUSE HAS TO OFFER.

- GREAT.
- GREAT. COME THIS WAY, LADIES.

- OH!
- OH, THIS IS BEAUTIFUL.

- LOVELY.

- A LITTLE BREAKFAST NOOK HERE,
AND WE HAVE OUR KITCHEN...

OUR KITCHEN TO THE RIGHT HERE.

- OH, I LOVE THE KITCHEN.

- THE FRIDGE IS FULLY STOCKED.

- THE HOUSE IN OJAI IS GORGEOUS.

THE VIEWS ARE AMAZING.
EVERYTHING ABOUT IT...

I COULD JUST MOVE RIGHT IN.

- SO THIS IS OUR POOL,
AND IT'S HEATED WITH A JACUZZI.

- I AM SO EXCITED RIGHT NOW.
- SO COME THIS WAY.

- THAT IS SO PRETTY.

IT'S THIS MEDITERRANEAN VILLA.

THIS MAGICAL BACKDROP
WITH THE MOUNTAINS.

IT'S JUST PRISTINE. EXQUISITE.

- AND ANOTHER
DOUBLE-BEDDED ROOM.

- WOW!
- SO COME THROUGH.

- HOW MANY BEDROOMS ARE THERE?
- WE HAVE FIVE BEDROOMS.

SO COME THROUGH. - OKAY.

- SURPRISE.

I TOLD YOU WE HAD LOTS
OF SURPRISES.

- HERE'S A COUPLE
THAT ARE TWIN-BEDDED.

- WOW.

- SO THREE TWIN-BEDDED ROOMS,
UM, FOR YOU.

- UH-HUH.

- SO WE'LL GO THROUGH

AND SHOW YOU
THE REST OF THE ROOMS,

AND THEN I'LL LEAVE IT
TO YOU ALL TO DECIDE

WHO SLEEPS WHERE, OKAY?

[laughing]

- YOU COULD SEE
EVERYBODY'S MIND JUST...

TICK, TICK, TICK, TICK,
TICK, TICK.

HOLY [bleep].

- AND ANOTHER
DOUBLE-BEDDED ROOM.

- THESE ARE TINY BEDS.

- WE CAN FIGURE OUT THE ROOMS
SITUATION IN A LITTLE BIT.

WE'LL TALK ABOUT IT AFTERWARDS,

AND THEN WE CAN MAKE
THE FINAL DECISION.

- THIS IS NOT MY ROOM.
JUST KIDDING. [laughing]

- YOU'RE TRULY SCARED.
YOU HAVE ANXIETY.

- A LITTLE BIT, YEAH.

- LET ME TELL YOU THIS.
SO KIM WAS OKAY.

SHE'S IN AN OKAY PLACE,

BECAUSE IT'S KIND OF HER
WHO'S INITIATED THIS WEEKEND.

AND WHEN SHE ASKED ME,

I SAID THAT I WAS DOING
THIS PHOTO SHOOT WITH YOU.

YOU KNOW, I'D HAVE TO COME
VIRTUALLY STRAIGHT FROM THERE.

AND SHE SAID, "OKAY.

BRING HER."
- WELL, THAT'S A START.

- SO THAT IS A START.

- I FEEL LIKE
WE DON'T EVEN KNOW EACH OTHER.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
LIKE WE-WE DON'T.

- ALL THIS TIME,
I FEEL I DON'T KNOW HER

BECAUSE I THINK I SAW HER
THROUGH THIS KIND OF FOG.

YOU KNOW, I WANNA KNOW
WHO THE REAL KIM IS.

- RIGHT.
- NOW SHE'S BEEN THROUGH...

YOU KNOW, SHE'S KINDA SOBER.
- RIGHT.

- SHE'S BEEN THROUGH
ALL THIS STUFF.

I WANT TO GET
TO KNOW HER A BIT BETTER.

IN FACT, I REACHED OUT TO HER
TO HAVE LUNCH.

- OH, THAT'S NICE.

I THINK SHE PROBABLY
WANTS TO GET TO KNOW HER.

- YEAH. IT'S TOUGH.

- I MISSED DRIVING
WITH THE GIRLS TO OJAI

BECAUSE DAVID HAD A PERFORMANCE
IN WASHINGTON, D.C.

YOU KNOW, I'M REALLY EXCITED
TO SEE THE GIRLS,

AND HOPEFULLY TO HAVE SOME FUN.

- OH, MY GOSH,
THE CLOTHES TODAY WERE AMAZING.

- SHE'S JUST GOT AMAZING TASTE.

I'VE WRITTEN FOR THE MAGAZINE
THREE YEARS NOW.

BUT THIS ARTICLE'S
GONNA BE GREAT.

- YOU HAD A LOT OF JOBS.
- I KNOW, I DO.

- YOU HAVE A LOT GOING ON.
- I WEAR A LOT OF HATS.

- YES, YOU DO.

HOW DO YOU FIND TIME
FOR EVERYTHING?

I MEAN, I HAVE A LOT OF THINGS
GOING ON RIGHT NOW,

BUT I KINDA FEEL, LIKE...
JUMBLED.

- LIFE ISN'T PERFECT THOUGH,
BRANDI.

YOU CAN NEVER... I MEAN,
IT IS WHAT IT IS, YOU KNOW?

AS SOON AS ONE DOOR CLOSES,
ANOTHER OPENS.

- I THINK IT'S BEEN
VERY DIFFICULT FOR HER

TO HAVE HAD EVERYTHING.

HER HUSBAND LEFT.

SUDDENLY, SHE LOSES HER HOUSE

AND HER CHILDREN
50% OF THE TIME.

IT'S TOUGH.

IF YOU COULD
TURN BACK THE CLOCK,

WHAT WOULD YOU DO DIFFERENTLY?

- I-I DON'T THINK I...
I REALLY DID EVERYTHING.

I WAS, YOU KNOW,
A GREAT WIFE, A GREAT MOM.

I DID EVERYTHING I COULD DO.

I THINK MAYBE...

MAYBE TO LOOK MORE INTO THINGS

WHEN I THOUGHT... WHEN I
SUSPECTED HE WAS CHEATING.

- WELL, WHAT COULD YOU
HAVE DONE ABOUT IT?

- I WOULD'VE LEFT HIM.
BUT THAT'S NOT AN EXISTING...

- OH, YOU WOULD'VE LEFT HIM
EARLIER, YOU MEAN?

- YEAH, I MEAN, IT WENT ON
FOR A LONG TIME, SO...

- HOW LONG?

- WELL, YOU CAN ASK SCHEANA.

BUT NEVER WANNA BE THAT PERSON
THAT'S SNOOPING...

- NO!
- AND LOOKING AT THE PHONE.

I DON'T LIKE THAT.

- I THINK, IF YOU DO SNOOP,
REALLY,

THEN YOU HAVE A REASON TO.
- RIGHT.

- YOU KNOW?
- RIGHT.

SO I JUST COULDN'T DO IT.

- [humming]

[whistling]

[indistinct chatter]

- GOOD.
YOU GOTTA PICK THE RIGHT ONES.

- WELL, I KNOW
WHOSE ROOM THIS IS.

IT'S NOT MINE! [laughing]

- LAST YEAR AT CAMILLE'S HOUSE,

LISA SCOOPED THAT MASTER BEDROOM

RIGHT OUT IN FRONT OF ALL OF US.

- THIS IS GOOD.
- REALLY? FOR ME?

- NO, FOR ME.

- FOR ME.

- THIS YEAR,
I'M PLANNING ON GETTING

A BETTER BEDROOM THAN SHE DOES.

- THESE BEDS ARE LIKE...
HANSEL AND GRETEL.

[laughter]

COMING UP...

NO, I KNOW
WHAT LISA'S GONNA SAY.

SHE'S GONNA SAY,

"OH, I COULD CARE LESS.

IT'S FINE!"

AND INSIDE,
SHE'LL BE LIKE... [growls].

- SO THE SHOES.

WE'RE IN HORSE COUNTRY.

- I KNOW,
THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYING.

THIS IS NOT HORSE COUNTRY
TYPE OF SHOES.

- I'M NOT A HORSE COUNTRY
KIND OF GAL.

- YOU SHOULD'VE BROUGHT
YOUR HOOVES.

- [laughing]

- THE MALOOF HOOF.

- BUT THAT'S A JOKE.

- IF I STARTED MAKING FUN
OF VILLA BLANCA OR SUR,

YOU WOULD HAVE A HEART ATTACK.

- NO, BUT THE MALOOF HOOF
WAS CUTE.

IT WAS A LITTLE FAT SHOE.
IT'S CUTE.

DON'T MENTION THE "H" -BOMB,
PLEASE.

- YOU JUST SAID IT.
- I KNOW, BUT THAT'S BETWEEN US.

- OH. WE ARE IN HORSE COUNTRY.
IT'S GONNA BE HARD.

[laughing]
- DON'T EVEN GO THERE.

OTHERWISE,
YOU'LL BE GETTING THE HOOF.

- WHAT A CUTE HOUSE.

THANK YOU.

HEY, KIM! - HI, COME ON IN.

- HOW ARE YOU?
LOOK HOW BEAUTIFUL YOU LOOK.

- I'M SO GLAD YOU COULD COME.
- IT'S SUCH A GREAT IDEA.

- HEY!
- HI, GIRLS.

- HOW ARE YOU?

- LOOK HOW FANCY
YOU GIRLS ARE...

IN OJAI, CALIFORNIA.
- GOOD TO SEE YOU.

- OJAI IS REALLY...
IT'S MOUNTAINS.

IT'S, YOU KNOW, IT'S NATURE.

IT'S A PLACE WHERE YOU GO HIKING

AND BE WITH NO MAKEUP,
SHORTS, AND SNEAKERS.

BUT I GUESS BEVERLY HILLS GIRLS,

THEY MADE A WHOLE DIFFERENT OJAI
OUT OF IT.

- COME ON IN.
- I WILL TAKE A SHOWER...

SO I SMELL A LITTLE BETTER
FOR YOU GIRLS.

- OKAY, I'LL SHOW YOU
TO YOUR ROOM.

- OKAY, THANKS.

- OH, WOW! IT IS A HOUSE.

- OH, THIS IS PRETTY.

- I'M GETTING OUT THIS WAY.
THANK YOU, SIR.

- YOU'RE WELCOME.

- IT'S BEAUTIFUL. WOW!

- WELL, HI!
- HELLO!

- YOU LOOK SO BEAUTIFUL.

[all greeting]

- LOOK WHO'S HERE! HI, HONEY!

HI!

OH, YOU LOOK NICE.
GOOD TO SEE YOU.

- VERY PRETTY.
- OH, THANK YOU.

- HOW ARE YOU?
- HI.

- LOOK, THERE'S NOWHERE
IN MY PROGRAM

THAT SAYS I HAVE
TO GIVE BRANDI A KISS.

HI, HOW ARE YOU?
- THANK YOU FOR HAVING ME.

- YOU KNOW, LOOK,
I'M NOT ABOUT BEING RUDE EITHER.

AND I FEEL
WE'RE BOTH TRYING HERE.

WELCOME. GLAD YOU COULD COME.

- IT'S GOOD TO SEE YOU.

- THERE WAS, LIKE,
THIS LITTLE AWKWARD MOMENT.

AND WE DID A LITTLE, LIKE...

WEIRD PECK HELLO ON THE CHEEKS.

AND YOU KNOW,
THERE WAS DEFINITELY TENSION.

- IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL HERE.
- YES, IT'S VERY SERENE AND...

- IT'S GORGEOUS.
- PEACEFUL.

- WE'RE NOT SHARING ROOMS,
ARE WE, KIM?

- WHAT WE DID IS WE HAD
A COUPLE OF THE GIRLS DOUBLE UP,

UM, AND I FIGURED SINCE YOU...

- OH, ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
- YOU AND BRANDI TOGETHER.

- I'M NOT SHARING A ROOM
WITH HER.

- YOU AND YOUR FRIEND.
- NO, WE'RE NOT TOGETHER.

- FIGURED YOU WERE
WITH YOUR FRIEND.

AND THEN I PUT YOLANDA...

I FIGURED SINCE SHE HASN'T
GOTTEN TO KNOW EVERYBODY YET...

- SHE'S GOT HER OWN ROOM?
- SHE'S GOT HER OWN ROOM.

THAT'S RIGHT, DEAR.

- IT BETTER BE THE SIZE
OF A CUPBOARD.

IF I'M SHARING, SHE BETTER NOT
HAVE A MASTER SUITE.

- HAVE YOU BEEN
TO YOUR ROOM YET?

- NO!

COME ON,
LET'S GO AND SEE OUR ROOM.

- OKAY. [laughing]

- UM...

NEXT TRIP,
I'LL SHARE WITH YOU, LISA.

ARE YOU GONNA MISS ME?
ARE YOU GONNA MISS ME?

- I'LL LET YOU KNOW.

- YOU'RE GOING TO.

[evil laugh]

- HI!
- HI.

HOW ARE YOU? - GOOD.

- SORRY, LISA.

THIS TIME,
IT'S FIRST COME, FIRST SERVE.

- OH, THIS IS CUTE.
- [laughing]

- THIS IS SWEET.
- THOSE ARE, LIKE, BABY BEDS.

THEY'RE SO CUTE.

- WE HAVE TWO LITTLE TWIN BEDS,

LIKE WE'RE ON
A LITTLE CAMPING TRIP,

BUT IT'S FINE.

- YOU GOT YOUR
OWN LITTLE KITCHEN.

- OH, THAT'S NICE.
SO WE DON'T NEED TO GO OUT.

- MAKE ME SOME TEA!
MAKE ME SOME TEA!

- I THINK I HEAR SCREAMS
FROM IN THERE.

- YOU DO? OH, GOD... GOD FORBID.

- NO, I KNOW
WHAT LISA'S GONNA SAY.

SHE'S GONNA SAY,

"OH, I COULD CARE LESS.

IT'S FINE!"

AND INSIDE,
SHE'LL BE LIKE... [growls]

[laughter]

- OH, GOD, HERE WE GO.

THE LAST TIME I SHARED A ROOM

WAS PROBABLY ABOUT 15 YEARS AGO,
WITH MY HUSBAND.

- THIS IS WHAT I WEAR TO BED.
ARE YOU EXCITED?

DOO, DOO, DOO.

- WHAT'S THAT FOR,
FOR GOD'S SAKE?

- FOR... THIS IS WHAT I SLEEP IN.

- YOU SLEEP IN THAT?
WHERE'S THE REST OF IT?

I'M NOT GONNA MAKE A FUSS.

I'M NOT A DIVA.

WHATEVER. IT IS WHAT IT IS.

YOU SLEEP IN THAT
FRILLY KNICKER THING?

WHY WOULD YOU SLEEP IN THAT?
- I DON'T SLEEP IN...

ALL I SLEEP...
I SLEEP IN PANTIES.

- BUT THAT'S IT?

- YEAH, 'CAUSE THEY'RE LIKE...
THEY'RE COMFY.

- COMFY?

IT LOOKS LIKE
A LITTLE MINI FRILLY DIAPER.

WHAT COULD BE COMFORTABLE
ABOUT THAT?

LET ME SEE THOSE THINGS
YOU SLEEP IN.

I WANNA SHOW YOU
THE DIFFERENT BETWEEN US.

- LET ME SEE YOURS.

[laughing]

DO YOU SLEEP IN THOSE?
- OF COURSE NOT.

ONLY IF I WANT TO REPEL HIM.

- ALL RIGHT, GUYS.

ARE YOU ALL READY
TO HEAD OUT FOR DINNER?

- YES.
- YES, I'M STARVING.

WHAT'S TAKING SO LONG?

- LISA AND BRANDI.

WELL, WHY DON'T WE
HEAD OUT AND GO?

AND WE'LL GO GET 'EM
ON THE WAY OUT.

LET'S HEAD OUT TO THE DOOR,
AND WE'LL GRAB THEM.

- SOUNDS GOOD TO ME.
- OKAY.

HI! - HELLO, GOOD EVENING.

- HOW ARE YOU?
- WELCOME TO MARAVILLA.

- WE HAVE A RESERVATION
UNDER RICHARDS.

- ALL RIGHT.
I'LL TAKE YOU RIGHT THIS WAY.

- THANK YOU.

OKAY.

SO... WHERE DO YOU WANNA SIT?

- YOU'RE THE BOSS. YOU TELL US.

- YOU KNOW WHAT,
I'M GONNA LET YOU ALL

JUST KINDA SIT WHERE YOU WANT.
I'M GONNA SIT.

- OKAY, GOOD.
- I'M GONNA SIT OVER HERE.

- SEE YA.

- YEAH.
- THIS IS GOOD.

- I THINK I'M GONNA SIT HERE.

- WHERE ARE WE GONNA SIT?

- BRA... WHY DON'T YOU JUST
SIT OVER HERE, BRANDI?

AND THEN I'LL SIT
ACROSS FROM YOU.

- WHOO!

- I SAT ACROSS FROM BRANDI.

DID I HAVE IT
PLANNED THAT WAY? NO.

DID THE UNIVERSE? ABSOLUTELY.

- WELCOME TO THE MARAVILLA,
OUR SIGNATURE RESTAURANT

HERE AT THE OJAI VALLEY
INN & SPA.

MAY I START YOU LADIES OFF

WITH SOME COMPLIMENTARY
SCHRAMSBERG ROSE?

- YEAH, I THINK SO.
- WITH THE ROSE?

- YES.
- PERFECT, IT'LL BE RIGHT OVER.

- CAN I JUST HAVE WATER, PLEASE?
- WATER? YES, MA'AM.

- THANK YOU.
- IT'LL BE RIGHT OVER.

- YOLANDA, HOW WAS THE CONCERT?

- IT WAS GREAT.

- HIS MUSIC IS SO BEAUTIFUL.

I THINK THAT NO MATTER
WHERE YOU COME FROM,

WHAT AGE YOU ARE,
YOU'RE GONNA LOVE HIS MUSIC.

- IT'S REALLY EXTRAORDINARY.
- OKAY, WELL, CHEERS!

THANK YOU, DARLING,
FOR INVITING US.

- YOU'RE WELCOME.

THANK YOU, ALL OF YOU,
FOR COMING.

All: CHEERS. - CHEERS, GUYS.

- UM, I THINK AT A PLACE
LIKE THIS, IT REALLY...

YOU DON'T NEED AN OLIVE BRANCH.

I THINK YOU JUST REALLY TAKE IN

THE SERENITY THAT A PLACE
LIKE THIS HAS TO OFFER.

I THINK THAT, UM,
THIS IS NOW A TIME, REALLY,

FOR ALL OF US TO ENJOY
EACH OTHER

AND TO MAYBE REALLY PUT
ANY OF THE THINGS

THAT HAVE HAPPENED BEHIND US...

AND, UM,
REALLY TRY TO MOVE FORWARD

AND, UM, FORGIVE EACH OTHER.

I'M RIGHT NOW IN A PLACE
THAT I REALLY...

I...

[tearing up]
I'M JUST REALLY HAPPY.

All: AWW.

- I CAN'T IMAGINE
THAT LIFE COULD GET ANY BETTER.

SO I WISH THAT ON ALL OF YOU,

AND I...

THANK YOU FOR COMING. - YAY!

- AWW.

IT'S GONNA BE A GREAT YEAR.

- IT'S REALLY REFRESHING
TO SEE KIM REACHING OUT.

SHE'S ALWAYS BEEN VERY CLOSED,

AND IT'S NICE TO SEE HER

EMBRACING ALL
OF OUR FRIENDSHIPS.

- SO I'M GONNA START
WITH THE BEET SALAD.

- THE BEET SALAD.

UH, WHAT KIND OF FISH
DO YOU HAVE?

- EVERYTHING GOOD OVER THERE?

- YEAH, WE'RE JUST TALKING
EX-HUSBANDS.

- UGH.

- THEY JUST RENEWED THEIR VOWS
AFTER ONE YEAR.

- I KNOW. I READ THAT.

- ONE YEAR,
AND IT FEELS LIKE 15.

- WAS THAT A PUBLICITY STUNT
THAT THEY RENEWED THEIR VOWS?

- OH, YEAH. SURE. YEAH.

- OR ARE THEY REALLY...

- I MEAN, I HOPE, FOR THEM,
THAT THEY'RE IN LOVE.

I DON'T KNOW. [laughs]

ONE YEAR! KEEP GOING!

- IS THIS EDDIE AND LEANN?

- I WOULD DO THAT IN TEN YEARS,

NOT AFTER THE FIRST YEAR,
RENEWING YOUR VOWS.

- I'M SORRY,
BUT THAT WAS A PHOTO OP.

THAT WAS A PHOTO OP.

REGARDLESS OF WHAT BRANDI AND I

HAVE GONE THROUGH IN THE PAST,

I DO FEEL FOR HER
FOR WHAT SHE WENT THROUGH

WITH HER EX-HUSBAND.

I CAN'T HELP BUT THINK

THAT THERE'S SOME SORT
OF AN INSECURITY

THAT YOU'RE THE EX-WIFE.

I MEAN, IF YOU WERE
MY HUSBAND'S EX-WIFE,

YOU KNOW, SIX FEET TALL
AND TO-DIE-FOR BODY,

SHE MUST BE
RIPPING HER HAIR OUT.

- THAT'S VERY SWEET.

- WHEN BRANDI TALKS ABOUT
EDDIE AND LEANN RIMES,

I CAN SEE THAT SHE WENT THROUGH
A LOT OF PAIN IN HER DIVORCE.

I CAN UNDERSTAND MORE
WHERE SHE'S COMING FROM.

- PARDON THE REACH. BEET SALAD.

- OH, THANK...
OH, THAT LOOKS GORGEOUS.

THANK YOU. - MY PLEASURE.

- [as Lisa] THAT'S GORGEOUS!
OH, MY GOD, THIS IS GORGEOUS.

- OH, JUST CONTINUE
TO TAKE THE PISS OUT OF ME.

IT'S FINE.

WELL, YOU'VE GOT ANOTHER ACCENT
AT THE TABLE NOW.

YOU CAN HAVE A GO AT HER.

- I CAN'T DO THAT ONE.

I CAN DO YOURS VERY WELL.

- NO.

- [laughs]

- YEAH, IT'S GREAT.

- KIM, WHAT'S SO FUNNY
WAS I SEE...

RANDOMLY, I SEE
YOUR DAUGHTERS EVERYWHERE,

BECAUSE I'M FRIENDS
WITH THESE GUYS

THAT YOUR GIRLS
ARE ALWAYS AROUND.

- YEAH.
- THEY ARE SO SWEET,

AND THEY LOVE YOU SO MUCH.

THEY GAVE ME A HARD TIME
A FEW TIMES, I'M NOT GONNA LIE.

- OH, YEAH, I'M SURE.

THEY DON'T LIKE YOU. [laughs]

- OF COURSE. BUT, UM,

THEY'RE REALLY GOOD GIRLS.

- YEAH. THEY REALLY...

MY GIRLS ARE GOOD.

- SO YOU DID GOOD, YOU KNOW?

- YEAH.

- THEY'RE JUST PROTECTING ME,
YOU KNOW, THEY...

- YEAH. NO, OF COURSE THEY ARE.

- YEAH. I'M SURE THEY SEE YOU,
AND THEY'RE LIKE, "HI."

- BUT THEY ARE GOOD GIRLS,
AND THEY'RE SO SMART.

AND EVERYONE AROUND...

ALL MY FRIENDS HAVE SUCH
GREAT THINGS TO SAY ABOUT THEM.

- THANK YOU.

THANK YOU SO MUCH, YEAH.

BUT I'M... I'M THINKING...

UH, NO... I'M THINKING,

"I-I KIND OF LIKE YOU."

IT'S... IT'S KIND OF... STRANGE.

- YOU DID SOMETHING GOOD,
DO YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

- THANK YOU.

- COMING UP...

- CALL IT OUT.

- WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

- THAT MEANS
SHUT THE [bleep] UP.

YOUR GIRLS ARE ALWAYS AROUND.

- YEAH.
- THEY ARE SO SWEET.

AND THEY LOVE YOU SO MUCH.

THEY GAVE ME A HARD TIME
A FEW TIMES, I'M NOT GONNA LIE.

- OH, YEAH, I'M SURE.

THEY DON'T LIKE YOU. [laughs]

- OF COURSE. BUT, UM,

THEY'RE REALLY GOOD GIRLS.

- THANK YOU.

THANK YOU SO MUCH, YEAH.

- THIS IS THE FIRST TIME
WE'RE GETTING TO KNOW

ONE ANOTHER ON A LEVEL OF,

"YEAH, YOU KNOW WHAT?
YOU'RE NOT SO BAD."

"YOU'RE NOT SO BAD EITHER,"
INSTEAD OF JUST GOING "RROWR!"

THERE ARE TIMES
WHEN I WILL SIT BY MYSELF

AND GO INTO A DEEP, DARK HOLE,
AND BE ALONE IN THE DARK

BECAUSE NO ONE'S CALLING
AND SAYING,

"LET'S DO SOMETHING."

BUT IT'S BECAUSE
EVERYONE'S MARRIED WITH KIDS.

- I-I KNOW, I-I GET IT...
- NO, I-I KNOW YOU DO.

- MY KIDS GO,
AND THE HOUSE IS EMPTY.

- I MEAN, MY HOUSE
HAS ALWAYS BEEN FILLED

WITH ALL MY KIDS.

AND THEY'RE ALL HOME...
- AND THE CHA... IT'S LIKE, CHAOS.

- THEN THEY GO
AND THE HOUSE IS EMPTY...

- YEAH.
- AND WHAT DO YOU DO?

- I CRY.

- ME TOO.
- AND I DRINK.

- ME TOO.
- AND I TAKE LEXAPRO.

[laughs] RIGHT.

- I DIDN'T HAVE LEXAPRO.

SO I SAT HOME
AND I DID THE SAME THING,

AND THEN IT WAS SNOWBALLING
FOR ME TOO, SO...

- IT TOOK ME TWO YEARS.

IT TOOK ME TWO YEARS
TO GO THROUGH THAT.

I MEAN, I PLENTY FEEL YOU.

AND I DON'T WANT YOU TO THINK
I'M... LIKE, I'M...

I CALL IT LIKE IT IS,
BUT I'M NOT JUDGING YOU,

BECAUSE I'VE BEEN THERE.

I'M... I'M DOING...
I DID THE SAME THING.

YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?

I'VE BEEN IN THE DARKEST
OF DARK PLACES.

AND I'VE DONE
SOME [bleep] THAT I

HAD TO REALLY
DO SOME SOUL-SEARCHING ABOUT.

SO I DON'T WANT YOU
TO THINK I'M JUDGING YOU.

I WANT YOU TO KNOW
THAT I'VE BEEN THERE.

YOU KNOW?

I KNOW I'VE APOLOGIZED TO YOU
A FEW TIMES.

I HAVE NO FILTER,
AND I DO SAY THINGS

THAT I PROBABLY SHOULDN'T SAY.

- THAT'S 'CAUSE...
THAT WAS REALLY UNCALLED-FOR.

- AWW. SOMEBODY'S CRYING.

- I KNOW YOU DID, BUT...

- UH-OH.

- CALL IT OUT.

- IT'S OKAY.
- SOMEBODY'S CRYING.

- IF YOU REALLY CARE ABOUT KIM,
SAY, "KIM, ARE YOU OKAY?"

DON'T SIT THERE
AND CACKLE A HUNDRED TIMES

TO GET EVERYONE'S ATTENTION
TO MAKE A SPECTACLE.

IT'S OBNOXIOUS.

WHY ARE YOU SAYING THAT?

- 'CAUSE SHE'S CRYING.
SHE FEELS BAD.

- YEAH, BUT YOU'RE GONNA...
DON'T SCREAM IT.

- "CALL IT OUT"?
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

- THAT MEANS
SHUT THE [bleep] UP.

- ALL I KNOW WAS
THAT I HEARD SOMEONE SAY

"SHUT THE [bleep] UP"
AT A DINNER PARTY.

I MEAN, HOW ABOUT SAYING,

"I'M SORRY, WE'RE HAVING
A PRIVATE CONVERSATION."

- PROBLEM IS, EVERY TIME BRANDI

COMES TO AN EVENT WITH US,

WE NEVER KNOW
WHAT SHE'S GONNA SAY OR DO.

AND IT'S JUST TOXIC.

- OH, MY GOSH.

- NEXT TIME,

ON THE REAL HOUSEWIVES
OF BEVERLY HILLS...

- OKAY, THAT'S IT.
IT'S OKAY, IT WAS GOOD.

- IT'S A JOKE.
- IT WAS GOOD.

- I WOULD NEVER EVER
ATTACK YOU FIRST.

- DON'T YOU GUYS CAN
JUST DISCUSS LIKE NORMAL WOMEN?

WHAT PLANET
ARE THESE WOMEN FROM?

- NO, I'M GONNA... [screams]

- [bleep]! OH, [bleep]!

- HELLO? THIS IS DANGEROUS.

- [bleep] [screaming]

[laughter]

[indistinct shouting]

- OH, MY GOD!

- GO!
- [screams]

[laughter]

- YOLANDA.
- COME ON.

GET YOUR LITTLE DUTCH ASS
UP HERE.

- OOH!
- YOU'RE MISSING ALL THE FUN.

TO LEARN MORE
ABOUT THE HOUSEWIVES,