The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills (2010–…): Season 3, Episode 3 - Don't Sing for Your Supper - full transcript
New housewife Yolanda invites the ladies to a dinner party at the spectacular Malibu home she shares with her husband, 16-time Grammy-Award winning music producer David Foster, but Taylor is annoyed when David won't allow the women to participate in an after-dinner sing-along.
- PREVIOUSLY ON
THE REAL HOUSEWIVES
OF BEVERLY HILLS...
- HI, HOW ARE YOU? YOLANDA.
- NICE TO MEET YOU.
- YOUR EX-HUSBAND IS MOHAMED.
- YES.
IT'S A SMALL TOWN. - YEAH.
YOU KNOW EVERYONE.
YOU'VE SLEPT WITH EVERYONE.
IT'S ALL GOOD. IT'S ALL GOOD.
- WE JUST SLEPT
WITH EVERY GUY IN THIS TOWN.
INTERESTING.
- I LOVE THE FLOWERS.
- KIMBERLY'S PROM IS COMING UP,
AND I WANT HER
TO FEEL THE MOST BEAUTIFUL.
- LOOK AT THE BIRTHDAY GIRL!
WILL YOU COME,
AND YOU AND ADRIENNE,
WE CAN ALL SIT DOWN,
AND YOU GUYS CAN TALK?
- I DON'T WANNA... I'M NOT EVEN
INTERESTED IN THAT.
- I THOUGHT
THAT WE WERE GONNA SEE,
UH, LISA WHEN WE GOT HERE.
- SHE LEFT.
- WHY? ON PURPOSE?
TO COME EARLY AND LEAVE
BEFORE WE WERE HERE?
- I WOULD THINK SOMEBODY
AS BUSY AS HER
WOULD'VE MOVED ON
A LONG TIME AGO.
[upbeat music]
- LIFE ISN'T ALL DIAMONDS
AND ROSE,
BUT IT SHOULD BE.
- MONEY DOESN'T GIVE YOU CLASS.
IT JUST GIVES YOU MONEY.
- KNOW YOUR FRIENDS.
SHOW YOUR ENEMIES THE DOOR.
- I FOUGHT TOO HARD
FOR THIS ZIP CODE
TO GO HOME NOW.
- I LIKE TO HAVE FUN,
BUT I DON'T PLAY GAMES.
- LIFE IS A JOURNEY,
AND I'M FINDING MYSELF
EVERY DAY.
- I'M BORN AND RAISED
IN BEVERLY HILLS.
THIS IS MY TOWN.
- HELLO.
- HELLO!
- HOW ARE YOU? HOW ARE YOU?
WHAT DO YOU WANT? - [giggles]
- HOW YOU BEEN?
- GOOD. HOW ARE YOU?
- I'M GOOD, I'M GOOD.
KIMBERLY? - YEP?
Both: HI!
- HAPPY PROM DAY.
- THANKS.
- YEAH, IT'S A SPECIAL DAY.
WE'RE EXCITED.
- YAY! ARE YOU SO EXCITED?
- YEAH, I'M REALLY EXCITED.
NERVOUS.
- I'VE DONE THREE PROMS
WITH MY OTHER KIDS,
AND THEY'VE BEEN AMAZING.
AND KIMBERLY'S MY YOUNGEST,
AND I'VE MISSED OUT
ON SOME TIME,
AND I WANNA MAKE SURE
THAT EVERY DAY
IS JUST THE BEST I CAN MAKE IT.
I WANT YOU TO DO ME ONE FAVOR.
THIS IS FROM AMMA,
THE HUGGING SAINT.
- [groans]
- I KNOW, RIGHT?
- I DON'T...
- COULD YOU JUST PUT IT ON?
- YOU... NO.
- JUST PUT IT ON...
- I'LL HOLD IT, I'LL HOLD IT.
- IT'S REALLY GOOD VIBES.
- I GOT IT.
- SHE'S A HUGGER.
- VIBES.
- YOU'LL FEEL HUGGED AND LOVED.
- YOU'LL FEEL SO LOVED.
- SHE'S SUCH A NUT.
SHE'S MORE FREAKED OUT
THAN I AM TODAY.
- YEAH, I THINK SHE'S MORE
EXCITED ABOUT PROM THAN YOU.
- I MISSED OUT ON EVERYTHING
AS A CHILD.
SERIOUSLY, I WENT
TO A PROFESSIONAL SCHOOL
FOR CHILDREN THAT WORKED
IN THE INDUSTRY.
SO THE KIDS
THAT WENT TO MY SCHOOL
WERE, LIKE,
KRISTY AND JIMMY MCNICHOL,
AND LEIF GARRETT,
AND THEY'RE ALL THE TEEN THROBS.
MY PROM WAS LIKE...
HMM, NOTHING.
PASS THE SALT.
I AM MAKING THIS
THE MOST AMAZING EXPERIENCE
SHE'S EVER HAD.
LOOK AT MY CHICKEN SALAD.
- OH, THAT LOOKS DELICIOUS.
- I'M STILL PUTTING IN WALNUTS.
LOOK.
APPLE.
- PERFECT.
- I BOUGHT HORS D'OEUVRES...
- OKAY, HOLD REAL STILL.
- JUICES, SODAS.
- YOUR CHIN UP
JUST A LITTLE BIT.
- THINGS. THINGS AND THINGS.
I WOULD LIKE KIMBERLY'S PROM
TO JUST BE THE BEGINNING
OF A WHOLE NEW MEMORY FOR HER.
SHOULD I LEAVE THAT OFF?
OR SHOULD I PUT THAT BACK ON?
I WANNA GET... MY CUPCAKES.
- MOM!
- LET ME TAKE IT... OH, YES!
- I'M READY.
- YEAH.
YOU LOOK SO BEAUTIFUL.
- YEAH?
- YEAH.
- [giggles]
- OH, MY GOSH, YOU ARE SO TALL.
OH, MY GOSH.
- YOU LIKE IT?
- YOU LOOK REALLY BEAUTIFUL.
[exhales]
[doorbell chimes
Star Spangled Banner]
- WHAT A GREAT DOORBELL.
- [squeals]
♪♪ ♪♪
HI! - HEY.
- OH, MY GOSH,
YOU LOOK SO HANDSOME.
LET ME SEE. - THANK YOU.
- YOU READY TO SEE THE GIRL?
- DEFINITELY.
- COME ON. LET'S GO THIS WAY.
- YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL.
- WOW.
- HI!
OH.
- HEY.
- MM, WHAT'S UP?
- GOD, YOU LOOK UNBELIEVABLE.
- THANK YOU.
YOU LOOK SO HANDSOME.
- KIMBERLY'S BOYFRIEND, HE'S,
LIKE, THIS BIG GUY, YOU KNOW?
HE'S 20 YEARS OLD.
HE'S, LIKE, A MAN,
EVEN THOUGH HE'S GOT A BOY FACE.
[growls] BURLY. BUT I'M OKAY.
HE'S A GOOD BOY.
MY RIGHT. - [groans] SO MY LEFT.
- WHY DON'T YOU HAVE A LITTLE
GLASS OF LEMONADE BEFORE YOU GO?
- NO, WE'RE NOT DOING...
- OKAY.
- WE HAVE TO GO.
- FIVE MINUTES.
- NO, REALLY. I CAN'T.
- YOU'RE NOT LEAVING.
- NO, IT'S TIME.
- LET'S JUST SIT DOWN.
- IT'S TIME TO GO.
- I LOVE YOU.
BE CAREFUL, HAVE FUN.
POOL'S HEATED, AND EVERYTHING'S
READY FOR WHEN YOU GUYS
ARE GONNA GET BACK, OKAY?
- BYE.
- ALL RIGHT, BYE.
MMM, TAKE CARE
OF MY GIRL TONIGHT, REMEMBER.
- I DEFINITELY WILL.
- I LOVE YOU.
- I LOVE YOU SO MUCH.
BE CAREFUL, HAVE FUN. - SEE YA.
- BYE, HONEY. BYE, NICK.
- BYE.
- CALL ME!
- I WILL, I WILL!
- I'LL BE CALLING YOU.
[sighs]
[sniffles]
[sighs]
[buzzer sounds]
[phone rings, doorbell chimes]
- HELLO, RICHARD.
- HI, YOLANDA. GOOD AFTERNOON.
- HOW ARE YOU?
- I'M FINE, THANK YOU.
- NICE TO SEE YOU.
YOU LOOK ALWAYS SO PROPER
AND ENGLISH AND GORGEOUS.
- WELL, THAT'S A LOVELY
COMPLIMENT COMING FROM YOU, YES,
FROM A BEAUTIFUL LADY
LIKE YOURSELF.
YOU LOOK LIKE A PIECE OF ART.
- [laughs]
RICHARD, OUR CATERER,
IS INCREDIBLE.
HE'S WORKED WITH MY HUSBAND
FOR 25 YEARS,
SO I KIND OF ADOPTED HIM.
I INVITED MY GROUP
OF GIRLFRIENDS
FOR DINNER MONDAY NIGHT.
- AND SEE
YOUR BEAUTIFUL NEW HOME.
- AND SEE
OUR BEAUTIFUL NEW HOME.
I'M, LIKE,
THE HOSTESS OF THE MOSTEST.
I LOVE HOSTING DINNER PARTIES.
WE LIKE TO MIX OUR CLOSE FRIENDS
WITH FRIENDS
FROM THE MUSIC BUSINESS:
BARBRA STREISAND OR BABYFACE
OR KENNY G OR WHOEVER.
IT'S ALWAYS A FUN COMBINATION.
I WAS THINKING PROBABLY START
WITH MY FAVORITE,
COCONUT SHRIMP...
- YES.
- THE, UH,
TEMPURA AVOCADO ROLLS...
- YES.
- UH, THE...
WHAT'S THAT NICE...
THE GOAT CHEESE THING?
- GOAT CHEESE AND FIG
IN PUFF PASTRY.
- I LOVE THAT.
- YES.
- AND, UH, FILET MIGNON?
- OKAY.
MAYBE A CHICKEN FOIE GRAS
DIJON MUSTARD SAUCE,
OR WITH PORTOBELLO MUSHROOMS
AND A MARSALA WINE SAUCE?
- YEAH, MAYBE...
LET'S DO THE PORTOBELLO...
- PORTOBELLO MUSHROOM?
- UH, YEAH.
I THINK I WANT
TO DO THE COCKTAILS OUTSIDE...
- GOOD IDEA.
- UM, BECAUSE IT LOOKS
LIKE IT'S...
THE WEATHER HAS BEEN
SO BEAUTIFUL, ISN'T IT?
- YES.
- IT'S A GREAT HOUSE
FOR ENTERTAINING.
I THINK
ABOUT 12,000 SQUARE FEET.
EVERYTHING OPENS UP
TO THE OUTSIDE,
AND ON A BEAUTIFUL NIGHT,
PEOPLE CAN JUST MINGLE
FROM ONE ROOM TO THE OTHER
AND, AND...
IT'S A VERY ROMANTIC HOUSE.
SO I THOUGHT MAYBE
WE'LL SET UP A LITTLE,
EH, YOU KNOW, BAR STATION
OUT HERE.
- OH, THIS'LL BE PERFECT.
- YEAH, I THINK IT'LL BE NICE.
IF IT'S WARM ENOUGH, YOU KNOW,
PEOPLE CAN WANDER AROUND,
HAVE A COCKTAIL... - YES.
- HAVE SOME HORS D'OEUVRES.
- ARE WE HAVING
ALL LADY FRIENDS?
OR WILL THEIR HUSBANDS
OR BOYFRIENDS...
- WELL, IT'S, YOU KNOW...
YOU KNOW MY FRIEND LISA
THAT I MET THROUGH MOHAMED?
- YES.
- IT'S ALL HER GIRLFRIENDS.
AND SOME OF THEM ARE SINGLE,
AND SOME OF THEM ARE HUSBANDS.
SO I INVITED EVERYBODY
AND SEE WHO STICKS, RIGHT?
- A-A-AFTER AN EVENING HERE
OF SEEING YOU AND DAVID,
THEY'LL ALL WANT TO BE MARRIED.
- WHAT MAKES ME A GREAT HOSTESS
IS THAT I LOVE PEOPLE,
AND I GUESS YOU CAN FEEL THAT.
WHEN SOMEBODY COMES TO MY HOUSE,
THEY LEAVE KNOWING
THAT I EMBRACED THEM,
I MADE THEM FEEL SPECIAL,
YOU KNOW, IN MY HOME.
- WHEN ARE YOU EVER GOING
TO OPEN UP THAT BEAUTIFUL BOTTLE
THAT OPRAH PRESENTED
TO YOU AND DAVID?
'45 MOUTON.
I DON'T KNOW HOW MANY... - 1945.
- 1945, YES.
- WELL, MAYBE WE SHOULD DO IT
FOR OUR ANNIVERSARY THIS YEAR?
- THAT WOULD BE MARVELOUS.
- BECAUSE IT'S NOT A WINE
YOU JUST WANT TO OPEN, RIGHT?
BY INVITING LISA'S FRIENDS,
I HOPE THAT THEY SEE
WHAT KIND OF PERSON I AM.
I HOPE THEIR HEART
IS FILLED WITH LOVE.
BUT I THINK YOU KNOW
SOME OF THEM.
- I THINK I'VE MET SEVERAL
OF THEM
OVER AT THE, UH,
GRAMMERS' HOUSE.
- YEAH, YEAH.
- CAMILLE'S HOUSE, YES.
ANYTHING ELSE FOR ME? - NOPE.
- OKAY.
OKAY? - THANK YOU, RICHARD.
HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY.
- THANK YOU, APPRECIATE...
- AND THANKS
FOR THE BEAUTIFUL DRESS-UP.
- OH, MY PLEASURE.
SAY A BIG "HI" TO DAVID FOR ME.
- I WILL, I WILL, I WILL.
- YOU NEED TO START
WITH GOING OVER THE THINGS
THAT YOU MADE THE MISTAKES ON.
THAT WAY, YOU DON'T MAKE
THE SAME MISTAKE AGAIN.
ALEXIA IS GETTING HER DRIVER'S
LICENSE AND A CAR SOON,
WHICH HAS BEEN FUN
AND VERY SCARY.
"IF YOU ARE TOWING
ANOTHER VEHICLE OR..."
TOWING?
WHEN WOULD YOU EVER BE TOWING?
"SOLID YELLOW LINES SEPARATE:
"'A', TRAFFIC LANES
ON ONE-WAY STREETS,
"BICYCLE LANES
FROM THE REGULAR TRAFFIC,
VEHICLES GOING
IN OPPOSITE DIRECTIONS."
- IS IT THE BICYCLES?
- MM. "VEHICLES GOING
IN OPPOSITE DIRECTIONS."
THAT'S NOT GOOD.
ANY PARENT WHO HAS TRIED
TO TEACH THEIR TEENAGE CHILD
HOW TO DRIVE...
GOD BLESS YOU.
THIS IS SOMETHING YOU SHOULD BE
WORKING ON ALL THE TIME.
- WHAT? PARALLEL PARKING?
- PARALLEL PARKING.
- IS THAT INSIDE
OR OUTSIDE THE CAR?
[blows] - A BUG?
WHAT WOULD YOU DO, REALLY,
IF A SPIDER WAS IN THE CAR,
AND YOU WERE ON THE FREEWAY?
- I... YOU BETTER HOPE
FOR THE BEST.
- YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED
TO ME ONCE?
I STOLE AUNT KIM'S FERRARI.
- [laughs]
- I WAS 16.
I WAS DRIVING DOWN RODEO DRIVE,
THINKING I WAS COOLIO
WITH THE TOP DOWN,
AND A BEE FLEW IN THE CAR.
- OH, MY GOD.
- AND YOU KNOW
HOW ALLERGIC I AM?
I STARTED SCREAMING,
AND JUMPED OUT OF THE CAR,
AND LEFT IT ROLLING.
AND A STRANGER, A TOURIST,
JUMPED IN THE CAR
AND TOOK IT OVER AND SAVED IT.
IT WAS GONNA CRASH.
DO YOU KNOW
HOW EMBARASSING THAT WAS?
ALL BECAUSE OF A BEE.
- YOU READY?
- YEP, I THINK.
[engine revving]
- OKAY.
- OKAY, PULL PARALLEL,
NEXT TO MY CAR.
- IS THAT WHY IT'S CALLED
"PARALLEL PARKING"?
- WELL, WE ARE PARALLEL
NEXT TO THE SIDEWALK.
OKAY. YOU WANNA GET CLOSE...
OKAY, NOW, TURN YOUR WHEEL
ALL THE WAY THIS WAY.
- CAN YOU HEAR THE CAR
FOR A SECOND?
- THAT'S BECAUSE YOU HAVE
THE EMERGENCY BRAKE ON!
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN? WHERE?
OH, MY GOD! WAIT, WHERE?
- OKAY, THAT'S GOOD.
YOU'RE GOING STRAIGHT.
KEEP GOING.
- [squealing]
- NOW, TURN ALL THE WAY
THIS WAY.
- WHAT AM I EVEN DOING?
- I DON'T KNOW
WHAT YOU'RE DOING.
NOW, LOOK, WE ARE SIDEWAYS.
[giggling]
- I HATE THIS. I HATE THIS.
- YOU HATE THIS?
YOU THINK THIS IS FUN FOR ME?
I THINK I LOSE 5 POUNDS
EVERY TIME I DRIVE WITH HER.
- AAH!
- NO, NO, NO, NO, NO. OKAY.
[squeals]
THIS IS... HEY!
THIS IS ONE OF YOUR BETTER ONES.
- OKAY.
- WAIT, OKAY, YOU'RE STILL,
LIKE, 4 FEET FROM THE CURB.
- WAIT, OKAY.
- OKAY, LET ME SEE HOW...
OKAY, LET ME LOOK NOW.
WELL, THIS IS BETTER.
- HOW CLOSE ARE WE?
- 2 FEET, MAYBE.
IT'S A LITTLE CROOKED,
BUT IT'S GOOD.
I'M HAPPY.
THAT ONLY TOOK 45 MINUTES.
[laughs]
- WAIT.
- COMING UP...
- IF SHE THINKS I LACKED
THAT MUCH INTEGRITY...
WHAT SHE ACCUSED ME OF...
WHY WOULD SHE WANNA BE
AROUND ME?
SIMPLE AS THAT.
- YOU NEED A BATH.
NO, YOU CAN'T HAVE ANY OF THOSE.
[rhythmic knock on door]
[dog barks]
CHLOE, SHH, SHH, SHH, SHH, SHH.
HELLO. - HELLO! HELLO.
- HE'S BARKING AT YOU. HI.
- HI. HOW ARE YOU?
- GOOD. HOW ARE YOU?
YOU LOOK PRETTY.
WHERE YOU OFF TO?
- DO I SMELL CATTLE IN HERE?
- IF MAURICIO SAW THIS
ON MY HARDWOOD FLOORS...
- THE PARTY'S STARTED.
- PORTIA!
- ONE OF US CAN HAVE
OUR ANIMAL COOKIES.
- DOG BISCUITS?
- NO, NOT DOG BISCUITS.
- [laughs]
- ANIMAL COOKIES.
- 'CAUSE YOU KNOW,
OUT OF EVERYBODY,
I'M THE ONLY ONE
THAT WOULD EAT DOG BISCUITS.
- I WILL GET THE TEACUPS.
- [sighs]
- SO...
- DON'T TELL ANYBODY.
DO NOT TELL ANYBODY.
- OKAY.
- OH, SHE'S BACK.
- WE HAD FUN, UM, SATURDAY.
THAT WAS SO MUCH FUN.
- I JUST THOUGHT...
- YOU WERE ESCAPING.
- NO, I WASN'T.
I MEAN, I DID HAVE
A MEETING THERE WITH KEN
THAT I DIDN'T REALLY WANT
TO CHANGE.
BUT I JUST FELT THAT
FOUR-YEAR-OLD BIRTHDAY PARTY...
- WHO...
- IS NOT THE PLACE!
IT'S NOT THE TIME, YOU KNOW?
I HAVEN'T SEEN ADRIENNE
AND PAUL FOR MONTHS,
AND I'M ACTUALLY QUITE GLAD
THAT WE DIDN'T CROSS PATHS
AT PORTIA'S BIRTHDAY.
- I ACTUALLY KIND OF THOUGHT,
WELL, MAYBE IT'S A GOOD PLACE
FOR EVERYONE TO MEET,
BECAUSE IT IS A
FOUR-YEAR-OLD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY.
ADRIENNE ASKED ME...
I KNOW THAT YOU DIDN'T WANT ME
SETTING UP A MEETING
WITH YOU GUYS.
BUT THEN SHE ASKED ME TO.
- RIGHT.
- I REALLY WANT LISA
AND ADRIENNE TO TALK,
BECAUSE THIS IS CHILDISH
AND RIDICULOUS.
IT'S AFFECTING OUR ENTIRE GROUP.
- IF SHE THINKS
I LACKED THAT MUCH INTEGRITY...
WHAT SHE ACCUSED ME OF...
WHY WOULD SHE WANNA BE
AROUND ME?
SIMPLE AS THAT.
- YOU'VE NEVER SOLD A STORY.
- I'VE NEVER SOLD A STORY
IN MY LIFE...
- I DON'T BELIEVE THAT
FOR A MINUTE.
- AND I WON'T BE ACCUSED
OF THAT.
I JUST THINK
IT'S SUCH AN INSULT,
SUCH A LOW BLOW,
SUCH A CHARACTER ASSASSINATION,
AND I'VE LOST RESPECT
FOR A LOT OF THE SITUATION.
- YOU'VE SEEN A LITTLE BIT
OF EACH OTHER IN BETWEEN...
- NO. NEVER.
EVEN WHEN I MOVED,
I MOVED OUT OF THE HOUSE.
NOBODY CAME ACROSS FROM...
- I KNOW, BUT SHE THINKS,
YOU KNOW,
LIKE, YOU DIDN'T SAY GOOD-BYE.
AND YOU'RE, LIKE,
SHE DIDN'T SAY SAYONARA.
- I JUST DON'T LIKE
TO BE INSULTED
AND ACCUSED OF THINGS
I DON'T DO.
- I THINK PAUL IS UPSET TOO,
BECAUSE I SAID TO PAUL,
"WELL, ONCE THE GIRLS
GET PAST THIS,
ARE YOU GONNA BE OKAY?"
'CAUSE HE SEEMS VERY, LIKE...
- GETS ON MY NERVES,
TO BE HONEST, IT REALLY DOES.
IF ADRIENNE'S GOT SOMETHING
TO SAY TO ME...
AND IT SHOULD START
WITH AN APOLOGY...
THEN I'M WILLING TO LISTEN.
APART FROM THAT,
NO, I'M NOT READY
TO RESUME MY RELATIONSHIP
WITH HER.
- BUT YOU'RE GONNA TALK
WITH HER EVENTUALLY?
- YEAH, YEAH.
IT'S ALL GOING TO BE GOOD.
WELL, THE HOUSE LOOKS GORGEOUS.
- YOU SEE MY DINING ROOM?
- YEAH, OF COURSE.
- IT'S COMING ALONG,
WITH THE COLOR.
- YEAH.
- SO PRETTY, EH? FROM HOLLAND.
- WOW.
- I WAS
AT THE FLOWER MARKET TODAY.
THERE WERE SO MANY TULIPS.
- THEY LOOK SO FRESH.
- YEAH, THEY'RE GORGEOUS.
I SHOULD'VE BEEN
MARTHA STEWART'S DAUGHTER.
WOW, BEAUTIFUL.
- YES.
- I LOVE TO GO
TO THE FLOWER MART DOWNTOWN
AT 5:00 A.M.
JUST TO BUY BEAUTIFUL FLOWERS
THAT CAME FROM HOLLAND.
I THINK I'M GONNA GO
GET SOME ROSE PETALS.
ARE THE PINK ROSES OUT YET?
- YES, WE HAVE A FEW ONES.
- WHEN I GIVE A DINNER PARTY,
FOR ME,
IT'S ABOUT THE WHOLE EXPERIENCE.
THE COLORS, THE CANDLES,
EVERYTHING HAS TO BE PERFECT.
[scissors snip]
MM-HMM.
YOU KNOW, I HAVE
A HUGE LEMON GROVE,
AND I PLANTED
LIKE, YOU KNOW, 50 TREES,
NOT IMAGINING
HOW MANY LEMONS 1 TREE GIVES.
SO NOW I HAVE,
LIKE, HUNDREDS OF LEMONS
COMING OUT
OF THIS LEMON ORCHARD,
NOT KNOWING WHAT TO DO WITH IT.
WOW. THAT'S PRETTY.
- THANK YOU.
- WHAT ARE THOSE?
- THESE ARE PEPPERS.
PEPPERS AND RADISHES AND...
- RICHARD!
- VERY SEASONAL.
- YES?
- SO HOW ARE YOU, MY FRIEND?
- VERY WELL, THANK YOU.
ALI HAS A BEAUTIFUL
WATERMELON SALAD PREPARED.
AND THEN,
IF THE LADIES ARE GOOD,
AND THEY'VE EATEN
ALL OF THEIR DINNER,
I HAVE A BEAUTIFUL
CHOCOLATE DESSERT FOR EVERYBODY.
- MMM, MMM.
MY HUSBAND'S FAVORITE.
- YES, YES.
- SO WILL YOU TELL ALBERTA
TO PUT THE CANDLES ON,
LIKE, AT, UH, 6:45?
- YES, MA'AM?
- WE'LL PUT THE TALLEST GIRLS
ON THIS SIDE,
AND THE TALLEST PEOPLE
ON THIS SIDE,
AND THE SMALLEST PEOPLE
ON THAT SIDE.
[laughter]
WE'LL ASK FOR THEIR MEASUREMENTS
WHEN THEY COME IN.
I'VE DECIDED TO DO THE DINNER
IN THE KITCHEN
AND THE FAMILY ROOM,
'CAUSE WE LIVE
IN 12,000 SQUARE FEET,
BUT WE REALLY LIVE IN THE
KITCHEN AND THE FAMILY ROOM.
THE REST OF THE HOUSE,
WE PROBABLY NEVER USE.
- PLEASE, PLEASE, HAVE ONE.
- OH, YOU WANT TO TRY IT?
- NO, NO, THEY'RE QUAIL EGGS.
EWW! - NO?
- WHAT HAPPENED TO MY ESCARGOT
THAT WAS ON THE FLOWERS?
- WE, UH, BLENDED THAT
IN THE SAUCE.
- OOH, THAT'S DISGUSTING.
- [laughs]
- ALL RIGHT,
THIS LOOKS ALL VERY GOOD.
I'M GONNA GO
AND GET READY AND CHANGE
AND TRY TO LOOK PRETTY.
MAYBE DO MY HAIR.
- THAT'LL BE THE EASIEST THING
FOR YOU TO DO, YOUNG LADY.
- OH, YOU'RE JUST BIASED.
SEE YOU LATER.
- NO, YOU'RE
A VERY GORGEOUS YOUNG LADY.
- HI, HOW ARE YOU?
- GOOD, HOW ARE YOU DOING?
- GOOD, THANK YOU.
ALL READY TO GO
TO MALIBU, RIGHT?
- SURE THING.
- AWESOME.
WILL YOU GRAB MY HAND HERE?
I DON'T LIKE THIS.
STEPS ARE NOT MY THING LATELY.
THANK YOU.
WELL, HI, THERE. - HI, DARLING.
- HOW ARE YOU?
- HEY, KIM.
- HI!
- HERE, LET ME MOVE OVER.
- LOOKIN' GOOD, GIRL.
- OH, WELL.
- [grunts]
- HI.
- ALWAYS EATIN'.
YOLANDA OBVIOUSLY CALLED YOU.
- SHE DID, AND SHE SEEMS,
YOU KNOW, LOVELY ON THE PHONE.
I HAVE NOT MET HER YET.
- HER AURA IS SO WONDERFUL.
- WHO, YOLANDA? both: YEAH.
- SHE'S REALLY
JUST A GOOD PERSON.
SHE'S ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE,
AND SHE'S...
"I KNEW," YOU KNOW,
I FORGET HOW SHE SAID,
LIKE, "I KNEW... YOU AND YOU,
WE GET ALONG SO WELL."
AND I SAID, "YOU'RE A VIRGO."
AND SHE GOES...
- IS SHE A VIRGO?
- NO. SHE'S A CAPRICORN.
I GO... I GO, "OH." - OH.
[laughter]
- HOW ARE YOU FEELING
NOW OVERALL? JUST...
- FEEL HEALTHY.
I FEEL, YOU KNOW, BETTER.
I MEAN, THERE'S DEFINITELY DAYS
THAT I HAVE...
THAT DEFINITELY ARE ROUGHER
THAN OTHERS.
I-I HAVE MY CHALLENGES
WITH RELATIONSHIPS
OR PEOPLE OR CERTAIN THINGS.
- WELL, THAT'S LIFE.
- YOU KNOW,
THERE'S DEFINITELY THE DAYS...
I THINK SOMETIMES,
WHEN I HAVE THESE,
LIKE, I HAVE
AN INTERACTION WITH SOMEBODY
THAT JUST KIND OF GETS
THE MOST OF ME...
- LIKE LISA?
- MM.
- TAKE A DEEP BREATH.
- YEAH.
- COUNT TO TEN.
IT'S VERY DIFFICULT TO DO.
WE ALL HAVE TO LEARN THAT.
- NOT TO REACT.
- YES, YES.
THIS IS THE FIRST TIME
I'M SEEING LISA
IN SEVERAL MONTHS.
I KNOW I'LL BE
ON MY BEST BEHAVIOR.
I HOPE SHE'S ALSO.
I THINK YOU HAVE TO KIND OF
GET OVER IT AND MOVE ON.
- RIGHT.
- AND THERE'S BIGGER THINGS
TO WORRY ABOUT.
- I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND
THIS WOMAN.
WELL, IT'LL BE INTERESTING
TO SEE HOW SHE RESPONDS TONIGHT,
BUT IN FRONT OF PEOPLE, THOUGH,
SHE MIGHT BE, "HI,"
AND MAYBE TRY TO GIVE ME A KISS
ON BOTH SIDES,
WHICH, OBVIOUSLY, I'M NOT.
LISA OWES ADRIENNE AN APOLOGY.
SHE MADE NEGATIVE COMMENTS
ABOUT ADRIENNE'S
INCREDIBLY BEAUTIFUL SHOES,
MADE COMMENTS
ABOUT OUR DOG JACKPOT,
CALLING HIM "CRACKPOT."
WHEN THEY MOVED,
THEY DIDN'T SAY GOOD-BYE.
AS A MATTER OF FACT, WHAT...
THEY SAID THAT THEY'RE GONNA
THROW THEIR UNWANTED BELONGINGS
OVER OUR GATE.
MAYBE LISA'S ABOVE APOLOGIES.
- I'M TRYING TO MOVE FORWARD...
- YEAH, THAT'S WHY...
- AND NOT SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF.
- PAUL?
WHY YOU GOTTA BRING THIS...
SHE'S TRYING TO MOVE FORWARD?
- WAIT A MINUTE. HOLD ON.
SHE CAN MOVE FORWARD.
- NO, NO, NO.
- PAUL'S NOT MOVING FORWARD.
- I GOTTA TELL YOU,
THAT WAS SO INSULTING TO ME.
- BUT IT'S REALLY HARD,
BECAUSE...
LET'S JUST SEE WHAT HAPPENS
WHEN WE GET THERE,
'CAUSE THIS COULD GO EITHER WAY.
THIS IS YOLANDA'S
FIRST DINNER PARTY
WHERE ALL OF US
ARE GETTING TOGETHER.
YOU TWO BETTER KEEP IT TOGETHER.
- I HAVE A THOUSAND THINGS
GOING ON, SO THIS IS...
THIS IS NOT SOMETHING
THAT ENCROACHES ON MY LIFE.
- COMING UP...
- SHE HAS SLEPT WITH EVERY MAN
IN BEVERLY HILLS.
- THERE'S NOTHING MORE UGLY
THAN A DRUNK WOMAN.
- YOU KNOW, I DREW
EVERY INCH OF THIS HOUSE,
EVERY DETAIL, EVERY INCH,
EVERY...
AND IT KILL...
LIKE, IT KILLED MY BRAIN.
WHEN YOU BUILD A HOUSE,
THE PUNCH OF A HOUSE
IS WHEN YOU HAVE A VIEW
RIGHT AWAY,
SO WHEN YOU COME
INTO MY FRONT DOORS,
THE FIRST THING YOU SEE
IS THIS BEAUTIFUL OCEAN,
FROM SANTA MONICA
TO MALIBU PIER.
AND YOU GO TO THE KITCHEN,
YOU HAVE ANOTHER PUNCH
OF THIS BEAUTIFUL INFINITY POOL
AND NATURE.
I MEAN, I WORKED ON IT
WITH A HUNDRED GUYS EVERY DAY.
THE PEOPLE IN THAT BUSINESS,
I MEAN,
"OH, I'LL BE THERE MONDAY
AT 8:00."
- RIGHT.
- NEVER SHOW UP, NEVER CALLED.
- LIKE MUSICIANS.
- IT'S, LIKE, YOU KNOW,
DISAPPOINTMENT IN HUMANKIND.
YOU KNOW? - YEAH.
- ALL OF US.
- HONEY, PUT YOUR PHONE AWAY.
[sighs]
- OH, GIVE ME MY GIFT.
- DON'T EVEN THINK IT.
IT'S MY GIFT.
WHERE'S YOUR GIFT? TAYLOR?
[imitates Yolanda] HOW RUDE!
- I KNOW. [giggles]
- YOU ASKED FOR IT.
[giggles]
ARE YOU GONNA
PUT YOUR PHONE AWAY?
NO MORE BUSINESS?
- MY PHONE IS GONE.
- OKAY.
- AWW.
- HONEY, YOU HAVE TWO WIVES
TONIGHT.
- HOW SWEET.
- I LIKE THAT.
THAT SOUNDS LIKE FUN.
- WE'RE SHARING.
[laughter]
- OH, HI.
Both: GOOD EVENING.
- HOW ARE YOU?
- VERY WELL.
NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN.
- NICE TO SEE YOU. HOW ARE YOU?
OH, HELLO. HOW ARE YOU?
- FROM CAMILLE'S?
- YES, OF COURSE.
- YES, YOU LOOK VERY FAMILIAR.
YOU WORK HERE TOO? - YEAH.
- OH, WHAT A COINKYDINK.
- HE WORKS ALL OVER MALIBU.
[laughter]
- YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME.
CAMILLE'S BUTLER?
PLEASE NOT ANOTHER DINNER PARTY
FROM HELL.
- HELLO.
- HOW ARE YOU?
- HI, GIRLS!
- GOOD TO SEE YOU.
- NICE TO SEE YOU. HOW ARE YOU?
- PRETTY GOOD, THANK YOU.
HAVE A LITTLE GIFT FOR YOU.
- YOU'RE SO SWEET.
- IT'S ACTUALLY FROM ME.
[laughter] - HOW ARE YOU?
NICE TO SEE YOU, GIRLS.
- NICE TO SEE YOU TOO.
YOUR HOUSE IS BEAUTIFUL.
I SEE PERFECTION.
EVERYTHING IS PRISTINE.
- NICE TO SEE YOU.
- HEY, HOW ARE YOU? WELCOME.
- THANK YOU, THANK YOU.
- LOOK AT THIS GORGEOUS VIEW.
- YEAH, WELL, IT'S...
IT'S A LITTLE HAZY TODAY.
USUALLY, YOU CAN SEE
ALL OVER THERE.
- OH, THAT IS BEAUTIFUL.
OH, MY GOSH.
AM I IN A RESTAURANT?
- THIS IS MY REFRIGERATOR.
- THAT'S A REFRIGERATOR?
- WOW.
- YOU'VE GOTTA BE KIDDING ME.
- NO, I DESIGNED THIS.
- SHE'S CLEARLY A PERFECTIONIST.
HER FRUITS AND VEGETABLES
ARE COLOR-COORDINATED.
YOU CAN'T HAVE ANY MESS.
WHAT HAPPENS, LIKE...
THE LEFTOVERS IN THE TUPPERWARE?
- YOU KNOW,
THOSE SMALL REFRIGERATORS,
WHERE DO YOU PUT ALL THAT STUFF?
IF IT'S NOT ALL LINED UP
AND LOOKING PRETTY,
I CAN'T BE... - A LITTLE OCD?
- COMPLETELY...
- WE LIKE OCD.
- NOT A LITTLE, A LOT.
- I LIKE THAT.
A LITTLE OCD IS GOOD.
[overlapping chatter]
ISN'T THIS HOUSE, UM,
SO BEAUTIFUL?
- UNBELIEVABLE.
- HI, HOW ARE YOU?
- GOOD, HOW ARE YOU?
WOULD YOU CARE FOR...
- OH, MY GOSH, WHAT IS THAT?
THAT LOOKS...
- IT'S A FRIED TEMPURA WITH
ROASTED EGGPLANT AND SCALLOPS.
- THOSE? YES.
- AND A SCALLOP.
- MM-HMM.
- OKAY.
THIS LOOKS LIKE
IT'S GOING TO BE HARD TO EAT.
- I WAS GONNA SAY, I'M NOT SURE
IF I CAN FIT THIS IN MY MOUTH.
- YOU HAVE BIG LIPS
AND A BIG MOUTH.
YOU CAN PUT ANYTHING
IN YOUR MOUTH.
NOT TO BE RUDE, BUT IT'S TRUE.
- HI, NICE TO MEET YOU.
- NICE TO MEET YOU. [laughter]
- OOH! [laughs]
- HELLO.
- WELL, GOOD EVENING.
Both: HELLO. - HI.
- NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN.
RICHARD, RICHARD.
I MET YOU
AT CAMILLE GRAMMER'S HOUSE.
- SEEN YOU BEFORE.
- OH, YES, YES, HI.
- KEN, RIGHT?
NICE TO SEE YOU. - HEY, RICHARD.
- LISA!
- HELLO!
- HELLO, DARLING.
- HOW ARE YOU?
- AW, LOOKIE HERE.
- HELLO, BEAUTIFUL.
HOW ARE YOU? - MWAH.
Both: HOW ARE YOU?
- GOOD.
- COME HERE, DARLING.
- MWAH. MWAH.
- ISN'T THIS VIEW UNBELIEVABLE?
- THIS IS AMAZING.
- I KNOW. WONDERFUL, ISN'T IT?
- I LOVE IT.
- GORGEOUS.
- LISA AND HER HUSBAND KEN.
- HI, KEN.
- HOW ARE YOU?
- WHAT'S UP, MY BROTHER?
- MWAH.
YOU'RE LIKE A COMBINATION
OF ROD STEWART AND GIGGY,
THE COLORING AND EVERYTHING.
- [laughs]
- THAT'S VERY FUNNY!
- DOESN'T HE?
- FUNNY OF YOU! [laughter]
- DID YOU RECOGNIZE THE BUTLER?
- OH, YES, THE GUY FROM...
- THE DINNER PARTY AT THE HOUSE.
- YEAH.
- AT CAMILLE'S HOUSE.
- OH, HOPEFULLY,
THAT'S NOT A SIGN.
YES, NO, HE SAID,
"YES, WE'VE MET BEFORE."
WHEN MOHAMED THREW
A BIRTHDAY PARTY FOR ME,
HE WAS THERE AS WELL.
YOU DON'T REMEMBER THAT? - YES!
AND I WAS THINKING,
"THIS MAN IS STALKING US."
I REMEMBER YOUR BIRTHDAY,
I LOOKED UP.
I'M LIKE, "WAIT,
YOU WERE AT CAMILLE'S.
NOW YOU'RE AT MOHAMED'S."
NOW HE'S HERE?
- YEAH.
- HE'S A SPY.
- YEAH.
- I WANT YOU TO TASTE MY FOOD
FIRST, JUST TO BE SURE.
- YEAH. [laughter]
EXACTLY. - FOR SURE.
- WELL, HERE WE GO.
HERE WE GO.
- PAUL'S COMPLAINTS AGAINST LISA
AND KEN ARE LEGITIMATE,
AND THIS IS NOT THE RIGHT TIME,
NOT THE RIGHT PLACE.
- AAH! HELLO.
- HI, GUYS.
- HI. HOW ARE YOU? [kissing]
- GOOD. HOW ARE YOU?
- WHEN I WALK UP
TO THE GROUP TO SAY HI,
LISA JUST TURNS AND WALKS AWAY.
JUST... NOT COOL.
- OH, HELLO, BUTTERCUP.
HOW ARE YOU?
YOU GOOD? YOU GOOD?
WHAT'S THAT FACE? - HMM?
OH, NOTHING, NOTHING. JUST...
I'M NOT GONNA SAY HI
TO THAT ONE, THAT'S ALL.
OH, COME ON. - [bleep] THAT.
AFTER WHAT SHE DID TO US,
I'M NOT GONNA DO THAT.
[bleep] NO.
- BE NICE, PLEASE.
- NOPE. ABSOLUTELY NOT.
- HI. [overlapping chatter]
- I'M NOT PARTICULARLY TALKING
TO ADRIENNE AND PAUL MUCH,
BUT, YOU KNOW, IT'S FINE.
WE'RE CIVILIZED ADULTS.
WELL, ONE OF US IS, ANYWAY.
- PAUL'S AN EMOTIONAL MAN.
- AND I DON'T LIKE THAT [bleep].
IT'S VERY, VERY SIMPLE.
- BUT YOU ENJOYED IT SO MUCH.
[overlapping chatter]
- HOW WEIRD IS THAT...
- HI. HOW ARE YOU?
- HE WORKS FOR MOHAMED,
DAVID, AND CAMILLE?
- YOU HAVE A CHOICE OF...
- "WOULD YOU LIKE A COCKTAIL?"
YOU REMEMBER THAT? - YES!
- WHO'S... WHO'S THIS GUY?
I KNOW HIM.
WITH THE BLOND HAIR.
- OH, HE'S CHRIS BOTTI.
YOU KNOW, THE MOST FAMOUS
TRUMPET PLAYER IN THE WORLD.
I'D ACTUALLY INVITED CHRIS BOTTI
TO SIT NEXT TO BRANDI,
MAYBE SET UP ONE OF THE GIRLS
WITH A CUTE GUY.
BUT BRANDI COULDN'T MAKE IT.
- OH, HE SIGNED UP FOR THIS
BUNCH, TO HAVE DINNER WITH US?
- YEAH, HE'S...
- [laughs]
- HE'S DOING ME A FAVOR. I KNOW.
I THINK THAT WE NEED
SOME NICE-LOOKING GUYS
THAT... YOU KNOW,
WITH ALL THESE GIRLS.
- YOU'RE OKAY WITH EVERYBODY,
RIGHT?
- I'M OKAY WITH EVERYBODY...
- OH.
- I THINK.
- ME TOO.
- WHAT'S UP, GUYS?
- HOW ARE YOU?
GOOD TO SEE YOU.
- CAN YOU IMAGINE
THAT WE'RE ACTUALLY HERE TO...
HEY, KEN. - HOW ARE YOU DOING?
- DOING ALL RIGHT.
- YOUR HOME IS SO BEAUTIFUL.
- YOLANDA.
- OH, MY GOD, WELL, YES.
I'M IMPRESSED. - KIM.
HOW ARE YOU, KIM?
- NICE TO SEE YOU.
ARE YOU GUYS...
YOU GUYS ARE RELATED, RIGHT?
- THAT'S MY SISTER.
- I GOT IT.
- YEAH.
- WHAT'S UP, KEN?
GOOD TO SEE YOU, BUDDY.
- DAVID FOSTER WAS MARRIED
TO ONE OF MY BEST FRIENDS,
LINDA THOMPSON.
- HI, KYLE, HOW ARE YOU?
- HELLO, HONEY.
HOW ARE YOU? - TAYLOR.
- I MEAN "TAYLOR."
NO, THAT'S KYLE.
- KYLE. I'M TAYLOR.
- DON'T CONFUSE ME.
THAT'S TAYLOR. - AND I'M PAUL.
- I GOT IT.
- COME ON, DAVID.
YOU CAN'T REMEMBER MY NAME?
- HEY, LISA.
- HELLO, DARLING.
- HOW ARE YOU, HONEY?
- I KNOW DAVID PRETTY WELL.
I THINK HE'S A LOT OF FUN.
HE'S A GREAT CHARACTER.
A COUPLE OF TIMES
HE HAS PLAYED THE PIANO,
GOT ME UP TO SING.
- HEY, GUYS,
LET'S SIT DOWN FOR DINNER.
ARE YOU HUNGRY? - YEAH.
Both: LET'S GO.
- WHERE AM I?
- THERE ARE.
- WHERE ARE YOU?
HERE, NEXT TO MY HUSBAND.
- OKAY, WHO'LL SAY IT WITH ME?
THIS LOOKS BEAUTIFUL!
- WELL, NICE TO MEET YOU, YEAH.
- WE MISSED YOU
AT THE RESTAURANT LAST WEEK,
I HEARD... - I KNOW.
- BECAUSE YOU GUYS DIDN'T COME,
BUT THAT'S OKAY.
- THAT'S NOT TRUE.
- WELL, WE DIDN'T COME
BECAUSE WE WEREN'T INVITED.
- I'VE ALREADY TOLD YOU
THAT HE DOES THAT.
YEAH, THERE'S TENSION
BETWEEN ADRIENNE AND LISA.
IT'S GETTING WORSE
AND WORSE AND WORSE.
- WHAT GREAT EARRINGS
YOU'VE GOT ON.
- THANK YOU, THANK YOU.
GREAT WAY TO CHANGE THE SUBJECT.
[overlapping chatter]
- I MIGHT, ON THE SURFACE,
BE POLITE AND TOLERANT.
BUT I NEED AN APOLOGY,
IT'S SIMPLE AS THAT.
[overlapping chatter]
- THAT'S NICE.
- HE IS A GENIUS.
- HE IS, YEAH.
- YOUR SALAD,
THIS EVENING, IS, UM, UM,
WATERMELON SALAD
WITH BUFFALO MOZZARELLA.
AND IT HAS A LITTLE MANGO COULIS
AND A LITTLE BALSAMIC GLAZE.
SHAVED PARMESAN ON TOP.
- OWE YOU ONE.
Both: BON APPETIT.
- THANK YOU.
- WE EAT LIKE THIS EVERY NIGHT,
OF COURSE.
- OF COURSE. [laughter]
- YOLANDA, AS A HOSTESS,
IS NOTHING SHORT
OF STUNNING AND SPECTACULAR.
I'M SHOCKED NOW
AT HOW MANY WOMEN
DON'T KNOW HOW
TO BE A GREAT HOMEMAKER/HOSTESS.
SHE JUST GETS EVERYTHING RIGHT
AND WITHOUT BEING FROUFROU,
BECAUSE I HATE, HATE,
HATE FROUFROU.
- I'M 50. MY WHOLE BODY'S
COVERED IN BOTOX.
- 50?
- I'M LIKE... I'M 50.
- IN WHAT?
- NO WAY.
- YEAH, IN 4 MONTHS, I'M 50.
- OH, COME ON.
- HOW GREAT DOES HE LOOK?
- YEAH, THAT LOOKS GOOD.
- AMAZING.
- OH, MY GOD.
- WELL, I'M 65.
- YOU MUST HAVE GONE
TO DR. PAUL NASSIF.
- THAT'S RIGHT.
- YEAH, I WAS GONNA SAY THAT.
- NO, BUT I PLAY THE TRUMPET,
SO I CAN'T REALLY DO
ANYTHING HERE.
BECAUSE OTHERWISE IT...
[overlapping interjections]
- [imitates trumpet]
- YEAH, YOU NEED THESE MUSCLES.
- WELL, TONIGHT, ACTUALLY WE'VE
GOT A PRETTY GOOD TABLE,
BECAUSE MY ARCH NEMESIS
IS NOT HERE.
- OH.
- OTHERWISE, SHE WOULD BE
GOING DOWN RIGHT NOW.
SHE'S SLEPT WITH EVERYONE
IN BEVERLY HILLS.
SHE HAD TO ACTUALLY TRAVEL
TO GO AND FIND SOMEONE
TO SLEEP WITH.
- OH, NO.
- LISA, I'M SURE THERE WAS
SOME SORT OF A FLIGHT PLAN.
[slurring] SHE TOLD YOLANDA,
THE FIRST TIME THEY MET,
THAT SHE HAS SLEPT
WITH EVERY MAN IN BEVERLY HILLS.
THERE ARE...
CLOSE TO 16,000 MEN
IN BEVERLY HILLS,
AND SHE'S ONLY BEEN DIVORCED
FOR A COUPLE OF YEARS.
THAT'S A LOT OF TRACTION.
- TAYLOR SEEMS TIPSY.
YOU KNOW, THE CONVERSATION
THAT SHE'S HAVING WITH HIM
IS JUST REALLY INAPPROPRIATE.
THERE IS NOTHING MORE UGLY
THAN A DRUNK WOMAN.
- I DIDN'T SAY IT, SHE SAID IT.
- COMING UP...
- SHH. [overlapping chatter]
YOU DON'T SPEAK, YOU DON'T SING.
- REALLY? WE DON'T WANT TO SING?
[overlapping chatter]
- BON APPETIT, GUYS.
- THANK YOU.
- AM I THE ONLY HEALTHY...
- HOW DID YOU TWO MEET?
- YOU'RE SO FAR AWAY.
- WE MET THROUGH HER EX-HUSBAND.
- MOHAMED?
- YEAH.
- WHAT?
- I WAS ACTUALLY SINGLE,
AND WAS GONNA MOVE IN
WITH MOHAMED.
CAN YOU IMAGINE MOHAMED AND I
LIVING TOGETHER?
- YOU GUYS WERE FRIENDS?
- YES, WE WERE FRIENDS.
AS I WAS IN HIS HOUSE GOING,
"THIS IS GONNA BE NICE,
WE'RE GONNA HAVE FUN,"
I KEPT SEEING THESE PICTURES
OF THIS BEAUTIFUL WOMAN.
I SAID, "I'D LIKE TO MEET HER.
IS THAT POSSIBLE?"
AND HE SAID, "THAT'S MY EX-WIFE.
YEAH, YOU CAN MEET HER."
THE ARAB CULTURE IS LIKE,
"WELL, I'LL INTRODUCE YOU
TO HER,
"BUT I DON'T REALLY WANT
ANYTHING TO HAPPEN,
BUT, I'LL JUST..."
IN HIS WORDS, IT WAS LIKE...
- BUT THAT'S HIS CULTURE,
NOT YOURS.
- THAT'S IT.
THAT'S RIGHT, THAT'S RIGHT.
- THAT'S NOT OUR PROBLEM.
- RIGHT.
SO HE INTRODUCED US,
AND I MET HER,
AND THIS IS WHAT SHE DID.
I WAS STANDING THERE.
SWEAR TO GOD, SHE WENT,
"YOU MUST BE DAVID.
IT'S NICE TO MEET YOU."
AND SHE WENT ALL THE WAY DOWN
AND ALL THE WAY UP.
- THE SHOES: VERY IMPORTANT.
- OH, I THOUGHT IT WAS
SOMETHING ELSE.
- STOPPED MIDWAY
AND THEN WENT ALL THE WAY UP.
- WE KIND OF GOT STUCK
IN EACH OTHER'S EYES.
LIKE, WE LOOKED AND WE'RE LIKE...
- OH, SO IT WAS
REALLY LIKE A MOMENT.
Both: IT WAS. - YES.
- IT WAS A GREAT MOMENT.
- IT WAS LIKE...
- AND I WAS THERE
WHEN HE ASKED YOU TO MARRY HIM.
- YES, ON CHRISTM...
NEW YEAR'S EVE.
- YES.
- ON CHRISTMAS EVE.
- YES, HE ASKED ME FIRST,
BUT I TURNED HIM DOWN.
SO THEN HE ASKED HER.
- I ASKED YOU FIRST.
- [laughs]
- YES, SHE TURNED ME DOWN.
- THAT WAS LAST...
- AT MOHAMED'S CHRISTMAS DINNER.
YEAH. - TWO...
- TWO YEARS AGO.
- YEARS AGO.
- WELL, YOU AND I SLEPT TOGETHER
FIVE YEARS AGO.
DON'T YOU REMEMBER?
- OH, GOD, YEAH, ABSOLUTELY.
IT WAS MAGNIFICENT.
DAVID AND I HAVE QUITE
A GOOD RAPPORT.
I LIKE THEM VERY MUCH
AS A COUPLE.
I HAVEN'T SLEPT WITH ANYBODY
IN FIVE YEARS.
DON'T WORRY ABOUT THAT.
- NOT EVEN YOUR HUSBAND?
- NO. WHY WOULD I DO THAT?
[overlapping chatter]
- WE ALWAYS HAVE A TRADITION
AT OUR DINNER PARTIES,
THAT WE DO A LITTLE MUSIC
AFTERWARDS.
AND TONIGHT WILL BE
NO EXCEPTION.
SO WE'RE GONNA BUST OUT.
CHRIS AND I HAVE BEEN
WORKING TOGETHER.
CHRIS BOTTI IS THE MOST AMAZING
TRUMPET PLAYER ON THE PLANET.
MICHAEL JOHNS, OF COURSE,
FROM AMERICAN IDOL,
AND HAS HAD
A HUGE CAREER SINCE THEN.
PLAYS WITH ME ALL THE TIME.
THEY GRACIOUSLY SHOWED UP
TONIGHT
TO DO A LITTLE MUSIC.
BUT BESIDES TOASTING ALL OF YOU,
I WANTED
TO TOAST MY BEAUTIFUL BRIDE,
BECAUSE SHE HAS MADE MY LIFE...
BETTER THAN I EVER, EVER,
EVER THOUGHT IT COULD BE, EVER.
AND THAT'S
THE GOD'S HONEST TRUTH.
AND I THANK YOU FOR THAT, BABY.
[applause]
AND WELCOME, EVERYONE.
- YEAH, I LOVE THAT, YEAH.
I SECOND THAT.
- WHAT'S THE MOST FAVORITE SONG
YOU'VE EVER WRITTEN?
- IT'S ONE
THAT YOU MIGHT NOT KNOW.
SHOOT. - LET'S HEAR IT.
- OKAY, THIS IS
MY FAVORITE SONG I WROTE.
- OKAY, YOU WROTE THIS?
- YEAH.
[plays Look What You've Done
to Me]
- WE'RE GONNA SING IT.
[laughter]
- ♪♪ LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE
TO ME ♪♪
- NEVER KNEW...
- ♪♪ NEVER KNEW
I'D FALL AGAIN ♪♪
♪♪ SO EASILY ♪♪
♪♪ OH, LOVE ♪♪
- MY MOM LOVED THAT SONG.
- YOU WOULDN'T LIE TO ME.
- ♪♪ YOU WOULDN'T LIE TO ME ♪♪
- LEADING ME TO...
- THAT'S RIGHT.
♪♪ LEADING ME
TO FEEL THIS WAY ♪♪
♪♪ YEAH ♪♪
- THAT'S IT.
- OH, MY GOD, THAT'S IT?
- THAT WAS
MY MOM'S FAVORITE SONG.
- REALLY?
- I DID NOT REALIZE
THAT SO MUCH OF HIS MUSIC
I GREW UP LISTENING TO.
WE WOULD LISTEN
TO THAT ON THE 8-TRACKS.
- WHEN TRAVOLTA TAKES
THE GIRL UP THE...
- IN MY MOM'S SEVILLE
ON AN 8-TRACK.
- URBAN COWBOY. [laughter]
- I SWEAR TO GOD!
- OH, MY GOSH.
- THAT WAS, LIKE,
A HUGE PART OF MY GROWING UP.
THAT WAS A HUGE PART
OF MY GROWING UP...
- I'LL GET BACK TO YOU.
- WITH MY MOM.
- YOU KNOW, BOZ WAS...
- GROWING UP, I MEAN,
I REMEMBER JUST LITERALLY
THAT WAS ALL MY MOM WOULD
LISTEN TO IN MY CAR.
- HE WAS THE STRANGEST GUY
TO WRITE WITH,
BECAUSE HE CAME
TO MY LITTLE HOUSE
IN NORTH HOLLYWOOD,
WHICH WAS EXCITING ENOUGH...
BOZ SCAGGS WAS IN MY HOUSE.
- YOU HAD A LITTLE HOUSE
IN NORTH HOLLYWOOD,
NOW YOU HAVE THIS.
- RIGHT, BUT...
AND MANY IN BETWEEN,
THAT I GAVE AWAY,
BUT THAT'S ANOTHER STORY.
- TO SOME EX-WIVES.
- YEAH.
- [guffaws] I FIGURED.
- THREE, TO BE EXACT.
BUT HE CAME OVER.
AND HE SAT
WITH HIS PEN AND PAPER.
AND I WAS EXCITED
TO BE WITH HIM,
'CAUSE, YOU KNOW, UM...
AND I PLAYED
AND PLAYED AND PLAYED
FOR THREE HOURS
EVERYTHING I COULD IMAGINE
THAT HE WOULD LIKE,
AND HE DIDN'T SAY A WORD.
AND WHAT HAPPENED IS,
AFTER THREE HOURS,
AND I'M REALLY GETTING...
I'M THINKING,
"OKAY, THIS IS A BUST.
HE HATES ME.
I'LL NEVER WORK AGAIN."
AND THEN, AFTER THREE HOURS,
I WENT LIKE THIS.
LIKE, I FELL INTO THIS.
I WENT... - I'M LOVING THIS.
- I WENT...
I'M PLAYING LIKE...
[plays random notes on piano]
WHATEVER I'M PLAYING.
AND THEN I WENT...
[plays introduction to
Look What You've Done to Me]
HE WENT, "THAT.
I WANT TO WRITE THAT."
- JUST THAT LITTLE PIECE?
- JUST THAT.
JUST THIS MUCH.
[repeats introduction to song]
- CAN YOU DO MORE
WITH THAT PIECE?
[continues playing introduction]
OH, MY GOD!
- AND HE... AND HE, YOU KNOW.
- DON'T STOP, DAVID.
- AND HE WENT... HE WENT,
"THAT'S THE ONE
WE'RE GONNA WRITE."
- KIM AND I WERE, LIKE, TAKING
A WALK DOWN MEMORY LANE.
IT WAS SO FUN.
- THAT'S WHAT YOUR MOM KNEW.
- MY MOM.
- AND THAT'S WHAT WE KNEW.
- I'M BIG WITH THE OVER-60s.
[laughter]
- MY FRIEND JUST GOT HERE,
SO I'M JUST GONNA SAY HI.
HI, NITA.
- HI, BABY!
- HOW ARE YOU, HONEY?
LOOK HOW CUTE YOU ARE.
- OH, LOOK AT YOU.
Both: HOW ARE YOU?
- ARE YOU HUNGRY?
- GOOD, YEAH, A LITTLE BIT.
- YOU WANT TO EAT SOMETHING?
COME.
- SURE.
- GUYS, THIS IS
MY GIRLFRIEND NITA.
- HELLO.
- NITA, HOW ARE YOU?
- HI, EVERYBODY.
- THIS IS A REALLY
GREAT DINNER...
FOR A CHANGE.
- SETTLE DOWN.
- ACTUALLY, WE'VE ALL BEEN
VERY WELL BEHAVED SO FAR.
WE'RE MAKING
POLITE CONVERSATION.
THAT'S FINE.
BUT IF SHE WANTS
TO RESUME THE RELATIONSHIP,
THEN SHE HAS
TO START WITH AN APOLOGY.
IT'S AS SIMPLE AS THAT.
IF NOT, THEN I'M NOT INTERESTED.
- WHY DON'T WE...
EVERYBODY TAKE YOUR CHAIR,
AND LET'S MAKE
A CIRCLE AROUND THE PIANO...
- I LOVE THAT.
- AND WE'LL DO A LITTLE MUSIC.
EVERY SINGLE PARTY AT THIS HOUSE
ENDS UP AROUND THE PIANO.
- YOU HAVE SO MANY OF THESE.
DO YOU MIND IF I TAKE ONE?
- YOU KNOW, BY THE WAY...
YEAH, GO AHEAD.
- ARE THESE PARTY FAVORS?
- THEY'RE PARTY FAVORS.
EVERYBODY GETS A GRAMMY.
- I WAS LIKE,
"OH, IT'S A GRAMMY."
THAT'S A GRAMMY?
- YEAH, THOSE ARE GRAMMYS.
- THOSE ARE GRAMMYS?
- YEAH, BUT...
- I'M TAKING ONE.
- BUT I DON'T LIKE THEM
BEING OUT THERE.
BUT YOLANDA LIKES IT OUT THERE.
I DON'T LIKE...
- ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
- I KEPT THEM
IN MY MOTHER'S HOUSE FOR YEARS,
'CAUSE I DIDN'T WANT THEM OUT,
BUT SHE THINKS IT'S COOL
TO HAVE THEM OUT.
- I'VE NEVER SEEN A GRAMMY
IN REAL LIFE.
- YOU HAVEN'T?
- YOU HAVE SO MANY.
YOU DON'T CARE IF
I TAKE ONE OR TWO, DO YOU?
- THESE WERE BEFORE 1985.
SINGING IS A MANDATORY PART
OF COMING TO THE DINNER PARTIES.
IT DOESN'T MATTER WHO'S HERE.
KENNY G WILL COME OVER
AND HE'LL PLAY,
OR, YOU KNOW, LIKE,
OPRAH WINFREY.
IT DOESN'T MATTER.
NITA SANG ALL THE DEMOS
TO THE BODYGUARD FOR WHITNEY.
- OH, REALLY?
- WHITNEY COPIED HER LATER.
- OH, REALLY?
- YES, ABSOLUTELY.
- THAT REALLY
MAKES ME FEEL GOOD.
- LET'S DO AMAZING GRACE.
CAN WE DO IT?
- NO, NO, NO.
- WE GOT TO WAIT FOR CHRIS.
Both: ♪♪ AMAZING GRACE ♪♪
- ADRIENNE.
- UH, WHICH SONG WE WERE DOING?
Both: ♪♪ HOW SWEET THE SOUND ♪♪
- I DON'T EVEN REMEMBER IT.
- REALLY? ARE YOU GUYS GONNA
SING WITH NITA IN THE ROOM?
SERIOUSLY? - [laughs]
- WE HAVE NITA
AND MICHAEL AND CHRIS
THAT ARE GONNA DO THE SONG.
YOU'LL HAVE TO LISTEN.
- WE'RE NOT SINGING.
WE'RE JUST LISTENING. - SHH!
YOU DON'T SPEAK, YOU DON'T SING.
- RIGHT.
- [imitates a lock clicking]
[laughter]
- YOU'RE NOT PROFESSIONAL,
BUT SHE CAN SING.
I REALLY DON'T WANT
TO START SINGING
AND HAVE EVERYBODY LOOK
AND THINK,
"IS SHE TRYING
TO, LIKE, RUIN THE SONG?"
I MEAN, REALLY, I COULD RUIN
TWINKLE, TWINKLE.
- WE'RE NOT REALLY WORTHY
OF SINGING WITH YOU GUYS.
NO, NO! WE DON'T WANT TO SING!
WE DON'T...
REALLY, WE DON'T WANT TO SING.
WE DON'T WANT
TO BE A PART OF IT.
WE'RE NOT ALLOWED TO SING?
LIGHTEN UP. WE'RE ALL JUST
HERE TO HAVE A GOOD TIME.
WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE?
WE'RE NOT MAKING AN ALBUM HERE.
I MEAN, WHY DON'T WE
JUST NOT SING?
I MEAN, I GOT A GREAT IDEA.
- I GOT A BETTER IDEA.
- WE PROBABLY SOUND
LIKE A LOAD OF CATS
THAT ARE BEING STRANGLED,
SO I THINK PROBABLY IT'S BEST.
[piano and trumpet play] - GO.
- ♪♪ AMAZING GRACE ♪♪
♪♪ HOW SWEET THE SOUND ♪♪
- THAT SAVED...
- ♪♪ THAT SAVED A WRETCH ♪♪
♪♪ LIKE ME ♪♪
♪♪ OH ♪♪
♪♪ I ONCE WAS LOST ♪♪
♪♪ BUT NOW I AM FOUND ♪♪
♪♪ WAS BLIND ♪♪
♪♪ BUT NOW I SEE ♪♪
- [plays Danny Boy]
[overlapping chatter]
[piano and trumpet
continue song]
- THAT'S SO SAD, THOUGH.
- OH, THAT'S KIND OF SAD.
- HAVEN'T I HAD ENOUGH SADNESS?
DANNY BOY? THIS IS HORRIBLE.
OF ALL THE SONGS IN THE WORLD,
I'VE GOT TO LISTEN
TO AN IRISH FUNERAL SONG?
OH, GOOD GRIEF!
♪♪ ♪♪
- USUALLY WHEN MY HUSBAND STARTS
PLAYING THE PIANO,
EVERYBODY'S SILENT.
THESE GIRLS DIDN'T GET
THAT MEMO.
- DAVID... [music stops]
SHE HAS A LITTLE
BAD MEMORIES RIGHT NOW.
SO GIVE HER A LITTLE BIT
SOMETHING UPBEAT RIGHT NOW...
- OKAY.
- IF YOU CAN.
- YOU KNOW, IT WAS A NICE NIGHT,
UNTIL TAYLOR TOLD MY HUSBAND
TO CHANGE THAT SONG.
SHUT UP, YOU KNOW.
DON'T SPEAK.
MY HUSBAND IS AT THE PIANO.
THANK YOU, EVERYBODY,
FOR COMING.
IT WAS REALLY NICE
TO GET TO KNOW YOU BETTER
AND SPEND MORE TIME.
AND I HOPE TO SEE YOU ALL SOON.
AND THEN WE GO TO BED.
- NOW I'M IN A ROTTEN MOOD.
SO THANKS FOR DINNER, YOLANDA.
- THANK YOU SO MUCH.
- YOU'RE WELCOME.
- SUCH A BEAUTIFUL NIGHT.
Both: THANK YOU.
- MUSIC AND THEN NIGHT-NIGHT.
I NEED MY SLEEP.
- COMING UP...
- I MEAN, IT WAS AWKWARD
THE OTHER NIGHT
AT DAVID AND YOLANDA'S.
AND SO WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?
EVERY TIME WE'RE TOGETHER,
ARE WE GONNA SIT THERE
AND LOOK AT EACH OTHER
ALL NIGHT AGAIN?
- I THINK THEY'RE
BOTH DESPICABLE.
[trumpet plays
When the Saints Go Marching In]
- OH!
- ♪ OH, WHEN THE SAINTS
GO MARCHING IN ♪
♪ I WANT TO BE IN THAT NUMBER ♪♪
♪♪ OH, WHEN THE SAINTS
GO MARCHING IN ♪♪
♪♪ LORD, I WANT TO BE
IN THAT NUMBER ♪♪
♪♪ WHEN THE SAINTS
GO MARCHING IN ♪♪
[cheers and applause]
- OKAY, THAT'S IT.
THANK YOU, MY LOVE.
- YOU'RE WELCOME, BABY.
- SEE, GIGGY?
IF YOU HAD FUR...
IT'S A LOT OF WORK, RIGHT?
HEY. - OH, HI.
- HI, DARLING.
- WHAT'S HAPPENING?
- HUH?
- WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
- I AM GOING...
YOU'RE NOT GONNA LIKE THIS...
TO HAVE A DRINK WITH ADRIENNE.
AFTER THE KIND OF AWKWARDNESS
AT YOLANDA AND DAVID'S
DINNER PARTY,
ADRIENNE'S ASKED ME
IF I WOULD COME AND MEET HER.
- IS SHE GOING TO APOLOGIZE?
- WHO KNOWS?
BUT I JUST FEEL
THAT I HAVE TO GO, REALLY.
- BECAUSE SHE OWES YOU
AN APOLOGY, THAT'S FOR SURE.
REMEMBER HOW UPSET YOU WERE
AFTER THE THINGS
SHE SAID ABOUT YOU?
IT WAS CATTY REMARKS...
- I KNOW.
- AND LIES, ACTUALLY.
- YEAH, IF I DON'T GO,
I'M GONNA BE ACCUSED AS THE ONE
THAT DIDN'T WANT
TO LISTEN WHEN, YOU KNOW,
[mocking]
SHE WANTED TO APOLOGIZE.
- I THINK
THEY'RE BOTH DESPICABLE.
- WELL, I HAVE TO GO.
I MEAN, IT WAS AWKWARD
THE OTHER NIGHT
AT DAVID AND YOLANDA'S.
AND SO WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?
EVERY TIME WE'RE TOGETHER,
ARE WE GONNA SIT THERE
AND LOOK AT EACH OTHER
ALL NIGHT AGAIN?
AND WE CAN NEVER GO FORWARD.
- I DON'T CARE WHETHER
I EVER SEE THEM AGAIN.
- BUT WE ARE GOING
TO SEE THEM AGAIN.
THAT'S THE POINT.
REALLY, TRUST ME.
IF IT WAS DOWN TO ME,
WOULD I INITIATE MEETING
WITH HER?
ABSOLUTELY NOT.
YOU WANT TO COME?
- I WOULD.
IF I KNEW SHE WAS GOING
TO APOLOGIZE,
I'D LIKE TO BE A FLY ON THE WALL
AND WATCH HER.
- DOESN'T SHE HAVE SOMEBODY
TO APOLOGIZE FOR HER?
- NORMALLY, YEAH.
- I HAVE NO IDEA
WHAT ADRIENNE'S GOING TO SAY.
BUT I'M EXPECTING TO HEAR THE
TWO LITTLE WORDS "I'M SORRY."
OTHERWISE THIS MEETING WILL BE
AS SHORT AS SHE IS.
I'LL PHONE YOU IF I NEED BACKUP.
- [laughs]
- AT YOLANDA'S,
IT FELT A LITTLE STRANGE FOR ME.
LISA AND I DIDN'T
REALLY INTERACT TOO MUCH.
I FELT IT WAS TIME
TO PUT ALL OUR ISSUES ASIDE.
HI. - HOW ARE YOU?
UNLESS THE APOLOGY IS
FORTHCOMING,
I'M OUT OF HERE.
- UM...
- NEXT TIME,
ON THE REAL HOUSEWIVES
OF BEVERLY HILLS...
- I FELT THAT YOU TRIED
TO HUMILIATE ME.
I FELT REALLY VIOLATED.
- WELL, I KNOW WHOSE ROOM
THIS IS.
IT'S NOT MINE.
- HELLO, DARLING.
- HI.
- THERE'S NOWHERE IN MY PROGRAM
THAT SAYS I HAVE
TO GIVE BRANDI A KISS.
- I KNOW I'VE APOLOGIZED
TO YOU A FEW TIMES.
- THAT'S 'CAUSE
THAT WAS REALLY UNCALLED FOR.
- UH-OH, SOMEBODY'S CRYING.
- CALL IT OUT.
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
- THAT MEANS
"SHUT THE [bleep] UP."
- GOD.
- TO LEARN MORE
ABOUT THE HOUSEWIVES,
THE REAL HOUSEWIVES
OF BEVERLY HILLS...
- HI, HOW ARE YOU? YOLANDA.
- NICE TO MEET YOU.
- YOUR EX-HUSBAND IS MOHAMED.
- YES.
IT'S A SMALL TOWN. - YEAH.
YOU KNOW EVERYONE.
YOU'VE SLEPT WITH EVERYONE.
IT'S ALL GOOD. IT'S ALL GOOD.
- WE JUST SLEPT
WITH EVERY GUY IN THIS TOWN.
INTERESTING.
- I LOVE THE FLOWERS.
- KIMBERLY'S PROM IS COMING UP,
AND I WANT HER
TO FEEL THE MOST BEAUTIFUL.
- LOOK AT THE BIRTHDAY GIRL!
WILL YOU COME,
AND YOU AND ADRIENNE,
WE CAN ALL SIT DOWN,
AND YOU GUYS CAN TALK?
- I DON'T WANNA... I'M NOT EVEN
INTERESTED IN THAT.
- I THOUGHT
THAT WE WERE GONNA SEE,
UH, LISA WHEN WE GOT HERE.
- SHE LEFT.
- WHY? ON PURPOSE?
TO COME EARLY AND LEAVE
BEFORE WE WERE HERE?
- I WOULD THINK SOMEBODY
AS BUSY AS HER
WOULD'VE MOVED ON
A LONG TIME AGO.
[upbeat music]
- LIFE ISN'T ALL DIAMONDS
AND ROSE,
BUT IT SHOULD BE.
- MONEY DOESN'T GIVE YOU CLASS.
IT JUST GIVES YOU MONEY.
- KNOW YOUR FRIENDS.
SHOW YOUR ENEMIES THE DOOR.
- I FOUGHT TOO HARD
FOR THIS ZIP CODE
TO GO HOME NOW.
- I LIKE TO HAVE FUN,
BUT I DON'T PLAY GAMES.
- LIFE IS A JOURNEY,
AND I'M FINDING MYSELF
EVERY DAY.
- I'M BORN AND RAISED
IN BEVERLY HILLS.
THIS IS MY TOWN.
- HELLO.
- HELLO!
- HOW ARE YOU? HOW ARE YOU?
WHAT DO YOU WANT? - [giggles]
- HOW YOU BEEN?
- GOOD. HOW ARE YOU?
- I'M GOOD, I'M GOOD.
KIMBERLY? - YEP?
Both: HI!
- HAPPY PROM DAY.
- THANKS.
- YEAH, IT'S A SPECIAL DAY.
WE'RE EXCITED.
- YAY! ARE YOU SO EXCITED?
- YEAH, I'M REALLY EXCITED.
NERVOUS.
- I'VE DONE THREE PROMS
WITH MY OTHER KIDS,
AND THEY'VE BEEN AMAZING.
AND KIMBERLY'S MY YOUNGEST,
AND I'VE MISSED OUT
ON SOME TIME,
AND I WANNA MAKE SURE
THAT EVERY DAY
IS JUST THE BEST I CAN MAKE IT.
I WANT YOU TO DO ME ONE FAVOR.
THIS IS FROM AMMA,
THE HUGGING SAINT.
- [groans]
- I KNOW, RIGHT?
- I DON'T...
- COULD YOU JUST PUT IT ON?
- YOU... NO.
- JUST PUT IT ON...
- I'LL HOLD IT, I'LL HOLD IT.
- IT'S REALLY GOOD VIBES.
- I GOT IT.
- SHE'S A HUGGER.
- VIBES.
- YOU'LL FEEL HUGGED AND LOVED.
- YOU'LL FEEL SO LOVED.
- SHE'S SUCH A NUT.
SHE'S MORE FREAKED OUT
THAN I AM TODAY.
- YEAH, I THINK SHE'S MORE
EXCITED ABOUT PROM THAN YOU.
- I MISSED OUT ON EVERYTHING
AS A CHILD.
SERIOUSLY, I WENT
TO A PROFESSIONAL SCHOOL
FOR CHILDREN THAT WORKED
IN THE INDUSTRY.
SO THE KIDS
THAT WENT TO MY SCHOOL
WERE, LIKE,
KRISTY AND JIMMY MCNICHOL,
AND LEIF GARRETT,
AND THEY'RE ALL THE TEEN THROBS.
MY PROM WAS LIKE...
HMM, NOTHING.
PASS THE SALT.
I AM MAKING THIS
THE MOST AMAZING EXPERIENCE
SHE'S EVER HAD.
LOOK AT MY CHICKEN SALAD.
- OH, THAT LOOKS DELICIOUS.
- I'M STILL PUTTING IN WALNUTS.
LOOK.
APPLE.
- PERFECT.
- I BOUGHT HORS D'OEUVRES...
- OKAY, HOLD REAL STILL.
- JUICES, SODAS.
- YOUR CHIN UP
JUST A LITTLE BIT.
- THINGS. THINGS AND THINGS.
I WOULD LIKE KIMBERLY'S PROM
TO JUST BE THE BEGINNING
OF A WHOLE NEW MEMORY FOR HER.
SHOULD I LEAVE THAT OFF?
OR SHOULD I PUT THAT BACK ON?
I WANNA GET... MY CUPCAKES.
- MOM!
- LET ME TAKE IT... OH, YES!
- I'M READY.
- YEAH.
YOU LOOK SO BEAUTIFUL.
- YEAH?
- YEAH.
- [giggles]
- OH, MY GOSH, YOU ARE SO TALL.
OH, MY GOSH.
- YOU LIKE IT?
- YOU LOOK REALLY BEAUTIFUL.
[exhales]
[doorbell chimes
Star Spangled Banner]
- WHAT A GREAT DOORBELL.
- [squeals]
♪♪ ♪♪
HI! - HEY.
- OH, MY GOSH,
YOU LOOK SO HANDSOME.
LET ME SEE. - THANK YOU.
- YOU READY TO SEE THE GIRL?
- DEFINITELY.
- COME ON. LET'S GO THIS WAY.
- YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL.
- WOW.
- HI!
OH.
- HEY.
- MM, WHAT'S UP?
- GOD, YOU LOOK UNBELIEVABLE.
- THANK YOU.
YOU LOOK SO HANDSOME.
- KIMBERLY'S BOYFRIEND, HE'S,
LIKE, THIS BIG GUY, YOU KNOW?
HE'S 20 YEARS OLD.
HE'S, LIKE, A MAN,
EVEN THOUGH HE'S GOT A BOY FACE.
[growls] BURLY. BUT I'M OKAY.
HE'S A GOOD BOY.
MY RIGHT. - [groans] SO MY LEFT.
- WHY DON'T YOU HAVE A LITTLE
GLASS OF LEMONADE BEFORE YOU GO?
- NO, WE'RE NOT DOING...
- OKAY.
- WE HAVE TO GO.
- FIVE MINUTES.
- NO, REALLY. I CAN'T.
- YOU'RE NOT LEAVING.
- NO, IT'S TIME.
- LET'S JUST SIT DOWN.
- IT'S TIME TO GO.
- I LOVE YOU.
BE CAREFUL, HAVE FUN.
POOL'S HEATED, AND EVERYTHING'S
READY FOR WHEN YOU GUYS
ARE GONNA GET BACK, OKAY?
- BYE.
- ALL RIGHT, BYE.
MMM, TAKE CARE
OF MY GIRL TONIGHT, REMEMBER.
- I DEFINITELY WILL.
- I LOVE YOU.
- I LOVE YOU SO MUCH.
BE CAREFUL, HAVE FUN. - SEE YA.
- BYE, HONEY. BYE, NICK.
- BYE.
- CALL ME!
- I WILL, I WILL!
- I'LL BE CALLING YOU.
[sighs]
[sniffles]
[sighs]
[buzzer sounds]
[phone rings, doorbell chimes]
- HELLO, RICHARD.
- HI, YOLANDA. GOOD AFTERNOON.
- HOW ARE YOU?
- I'M FINE, THANK YOU.
- NICE TO SEE YOU.
YOU LOOK ALWAYS SO PROPER
AND ENGLISH AND GORGEOUS.
- WELL, THAT'S A LOVELY
COMPLIMENT COMING FROM YOU, YES,
FROM A BEAUTIFUL LADY
LIKE YOURSELF.
YOU LOOK LIKE A PIECE OF ART.
- [laughs]
RICHARD, OUR CATERER,
IS INCREDIBLE.
HE'S WORKED WITH MY HUSBAND
FOR 25 YEARS,
SO I KIND OF ADOPTED HIM.
I INVITED MY GROUP
OF GIRLFRIENDS
FOR DINNER MONDAY NIGHT.
- AND SEE
YOUR BEAUTIFUL NEW HOME.
- AND SEE
OUR BEAUTIFUL NEW HOME.
I'M, LIKE,
THE HOSTESS OF THE MOSTEST.
I LOVE HOSTING DINNER PARTIES.
WE LIKE TO MIX OUR CLOSE FRIENDS
WITH FRIENDS
FROM THE MUSIC BUSINESS:
BARBRA STREISAND OR BABYFACE
OR KENNY G OR WHOEVER.
IT'S ALWAYS A FUN COMBINATION.
I WAS THINKING PROBABLY START
WITH MY FAVORITE,
COCONUT SHRIMP...
- YES.
- THE, UH,
TEMPURA AVOCADO ROLLS...
- YES.
- UH, THE...
WHAT'S THAT NICE...
THE GOAT CHEESE THING?
- GOAT CHEESE AND FIG
IN PUFF PASTRY.
- I LOVE THAT.
- YES.
- AND, UH, FILET MIGNON?
- OKAY.
MAYBE A CHICKEN FOIE GRAS
DIJON MUSTARD SAUCE,
OR WITH PORTOBELLO MUSHROOMS
AND A MARSALA WINE SAUCE?
- YEAH, MAYBE...
LET'S DO THE PORTOBELLO...
- PORTOBELLO MUSHROOM?
- UH, YEAH.
I THINK I WANT
TO DO THE COCKTAILS OUTSIDE...
- GOOD IDEA.
- UM, BECAUSE IT LOOKS
LIKE IT'S...
THE WEATHER HAS BEEN
SO BEAUTIFUL, ISN'T IT?
- YES.
- IT'S A GREAT HOUSE
FOR ENTERTAINING.
I THINK
ABOUT 12,000 SQUARE FEET.
EVERYTHING OPENS UP
TO THE OUTSIDE,
AND ON A BEAUTIFUL NIGHT,
PEOPLE CAN JUST MINGLE
FROM ONE ROOM TO THE OTHER
AND, AND...
IT'S A VERY ROMANTIC HOUSE.
SO I THOUGHT MAYBE
WE'LL SET UP A LITTLE,
EH, YOU KNOW, BAR STATION
OUT HERE.
- OH, THIS'LL BE PERFECT.
- YEAH, I THINK IT'LL BE NICE.
IF IT'S WARM ENOUGH, YOU KNOW,
PEOPLE CAN WANDER AROUND,
HAVE A COCKTAIL... - YES.
- HAVE SOME HORS D'OEUVRES.
- ARE WE HAVING
ALL LADY FRIENDS?
OR WILL THEIR HUSBANDS
OR BOYFRIENDS...
- WELL, IT'S, YOU KNOW...
YOU KNOW MY FRIEND LISA
THAT I MET THROUGH MOHAMED?
- YES.
- IT'S ALL HER GIRLFRIENDS.
AND SOME OF THEM ARE SINGLE,
AND SOME OF THEM ARE HUSBANDS.
SO I INVITED EVERYBODY
AND SEE WHO STICKS, RIGHT?
- A-A-AFTER AN EVENING HERE
OF SEEING YOU AND DAVID,
THEY'LL ALL WANT TO BE MARRIED.
- WHAT MAKES ME A GREAT HOSTESS
IS THAT I LOVE PEOPLE,
AND I GUESS YOU CAN FEEL THAT.
WHEN SOMEBODY COMES TO MY HOUSE,
THEY LEAVE KNOWING
THAT I EMBRACED THEM,
I MADE THEM FEEL SPECIAL,
YOU KNOW, IN MY HOME.
- WHEN ARE YOU EVER GOING
TO OPEN UP THAT BEAUTIFUL BOTTLE
THAT OPRAH PRESENTED
TO YOU AND DAVID?
'45 MOUTON.
I DON'T KNOW HOW MANY... - 1945.
- 1945, YES.
- WELL, MAYBE WE SHOULD DO IT
FOR OUR ANNIVERSARY THIS YEAR?
- THAT WOULD BE MARVELOUS.
- BECAUSE IT'S NOT A WINE
YOU JUST WANT TO OPEN, RIGHT?
BY INVITING LISA'S FRIENDS,
I HOPE THAT THEY SEE
WHAT KIND OF PERSON I AM.
I HOPE THEIR HEART
IS FILLED WITH LOVE.
BUT I THINK YOU KNOW
SOME OF THEM.
- I THINK I'VE MET SEVERAL
OF THEM
OVER AT THE, UH,
GRAMMERS' HOUSE.
- YEAH, YEAH.
- CAMILLE'S HOUSE, YES.
ANYTHING ELSE FOR ME? - NOPE.
- OKAY.
OKAY? - THANK YOU, RICHARD.
HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY.
- THANK YOU, APPRECIATE...
- AND THANKS
FOR THE BEAUTIFUL DRESS-UP.
- OH, MY PLEASURE.
SAY A BIG "HI" TO DAVID FOR ME.
- I WILL, I WILL, I WILL.
- YOU NEED TO START
WITH GOING OVER THE THINGS
THAT YOU MADE THE MISTAKES ON.
THAT WAY, YOU DON'T MAKE
THE SAME MISTAKE AGAIN.
ALEXIA IS GETTING HER DRIVER'S
LICENSE AND A CAR SOON,
WHICH HAS BEEN FUN
AND VERY SCARY.
"IF YOU ARE TOWING
ANOTHER VEHICLE OR..."
TOWING?
WHEN WOULD YOU EVER BE TOWING?
"SOLID YELLOW LINES SEPARATE:
"'A', TRAFFIC LANES
ON ONE-WAY STREETS,
"BICYCLE LANES
FROM THE REGULAR TRAFFIC,
VEHICLES GOING
IN OPPOSITE DIRECTIONS."
- IS IT THE BICYCLES?
- MM. "VEHICLES GOING
IN OPPOSITE DIRECTIONS."
THAT'S NOT GOOD.
ANY PARENT WHO HAS TRIED
TO TEACH THEIR TEENAGE CHILD
HOW TO DRIVE...
GOD BLESS YOU.
THIS IS SOMETHING YOU SHOULD BE
WORKING ON ALL THE TIME.
- WHAT? PARALLEL PARKING?
- PARALLEL PARKING.
- IS THAT INSIDE
OR OUTSIDE THE CAR?
[blows] - A BUG?
WHAT WOULD YOU DO, REALLY,
IF A SPIDER WAS IN THE CAR,
AND YOU WERE ON THE FREEWAY?
- I... YOU BETTER HOPE
FOR THE BEST.
- YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED
TO ME ONCE?
I STOLE AUNT KIM'S FERRARI.
- [laughs]
- I WAS 16.
I WAS DRIVING DOWN RODEO DRIVE,
THINKING I WAS COOLIO
WITH THE TOP DOWN,
AND A BEE FLEW IN THE CAR.
- OH, MY GOD.
- AND YOU KNOW
HOW ALLERGIC I AM?
I STARTED SCREAMING,
AND JUMPED OUT OF THE CAR,
AND LEFT IT ROLLING.
AND A STRANGER, A TOURIST,
JUMPED IN THE CAR
AND TOOK IT OVER AND SAVED IT.
IT WAS GONNA CRASH.
DO YOU KNOW
HOW EMBARASSING THAT WAS?
ALL BECAUSE OF A BEE.
- YOU READY?
- YEP, I THINK.
[engine revving]
- OKAY.
- OKAY, PULL PARALLEL,
NEXT TO MY CAR.
- IS THAT WHY IT'S CALLED
"PARALLEL PARKING"?
- WELL, WE ARE PARALLEL
NEXT TO THE SIDEWALK.
OKAY. YOU WANNA GET CLOSE...
OKAY, NOW, TURN YOUR WHEEL
ALL THE WAY THIS WAY.
- CAN YOU HEAR THE CAR
FOR A SECOND?
- THAT'S BECAUSE YOU HAVE
THE EMERGENCY BRAKE ON!
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN? WHERE?
OH, MY GOD! WAIT, WHERE?
- OKAY, THAT'S GOOD.
YOU'RE GOING STRAIGHT.
KEEP GOING.
- [squealing]
- NOW, TURN ALL THE WAY
THIS WAY.
- WHAT AM I EVEN DOING?
- I DON'T KNOW
WHAT YOU'RE DOING.
NOW, LOOK, WE ARE SIDEWAYS.
[giggling]
- I HATE THIS. I HATE THIS.
- YOU HATE THIS?
YOU THINK THIS IS FUN FOR ME?
I THINK I LOSE 5 POUNDS
EVERY TIME I DRIVE WITH HER.
- AAH!
- NO, NO, NO, NO, NO. OKAY.
[squeals]
THIS IS... HEY!
THIS IS ONE OF YOUR BETTER ONES.
- OKAY.
- WAIT, OKAY, YOU'RE STILL,
LIKE, 4 FEET FROM THE CURB.
- WAIT, OKAY.
- OKAY, LET ME SEE HOW...
OKAY, LET ME LOOK NOW.
WELL, THIS IS BETTER.
- HOW CLOSE ARE WE?
- 2 FEET, MAYBE.
IT'S A LITTLE CROOKED,
BUT IT'S GOOD.
I'M HAPPY.
THAT ONLY TOOK 45 MINUTES.
[laughs]
- WAIT.
- COMING UP...
- IF SHE THINKS I LACKED
THAT MUCH INTEGRITY...
WHAT SHE ACCUSED ME OF...
WHY WOULD SHE WANNA BE
AROUND ME?
SIMPLE AS THAT.
- YOU NEED A BATH.
NO, YOU CAN'T HAVE ANY OF THOSE.
[rhythmic knock on door]
[dog barks]
CHLOE, SHH, SHH, SHH, SHH, SHH.
HELLO. - HELLO! HELLO.
- HE'S BARKING AT YOU. HI.
- HI. HOW ARE YOU?
- GOOD. HOW ARE YOU?
YOU LOOK PRETTY.
WHERE YOU OFF TO?
- DO I SMELL CATTLE IN HERE?
- IF MAURICIO SAW THIS
ON MY HARDWOOD FLOORS...
- THE PARTY'S STARTED.
- PORTIA!
- ONE OF US CAN HAVE
OUR ANIMAL COOKIES.
- DOG BISCUITS?
- NO, NOT DOG BISCUITS.
- [laughs]
- ANIMAL COOKIES.
- 'CAUSE YOU KNOW,
OUT OF EVERYBODY,
I'M THE ONLY ONE
THAT WOULD EAT DOG BISCUITS.
- I WILL GET THE TEACUPS.
- [sighs]
- SO...
- DON'T TELL ANYBODY.
DO NOT TELL ANYBODY.
- OKAY.
- OH, SHE'S BACK.
- WE HAD FUN, UM, SATURDAY.
THAT WAS SO MUCH FUN.
- I JUST THOUGHT...
- YOU WERE ESCAPING.
- NO, I WASN'T.
I MEAN, I DID HAVE
A MEETING THERE WITH KEN
THAT I DIDN'T REALLY WANT
TO CHANGE.
BUT I JUST FELT THAT
FOUR-YEAR-OLD BIRTHDAY PARTY...
- WHO...
- IS NOT THE PLACE!
IT'S NOT THE TIME, YOU KNOW?
I HAVEN'T SEEN ADRIENNE
AND PAUL FOR MONTHS,
AND I'M ACTUALLY QUITE GLAD
THAT WE DIDN'T CROSS PATHS
AT PORTIA'S BIRTHDAY.
- I ACTUALLY KIND OF THOUGHT,
WELL, MAYBE IT'S A GOOD PLACE
FOR EVERYONE TO MEET,
BECAUSE IT IS A
FOUR-YEAR-OLD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY.
ADRIENNE ASKED ME...
I KNOW THAT YOU DIDN'T WANT ME
SETTING UP A MEETING
WITH YOU GUYS.
BUT THEN SHE ASKED ME TO.
- RIGHT.
- I REALLY WANT LISA
AND ADRIENNE TO TALK,
BECAUSE THIS IS CHILDISH
AND RIDICULOUS.
IT'S AFFECTING OUR ENTIRE GROUP.
- IF SHE THINKS
I LACKED THAT MUCH INTEGRITY...
WHAT SHE ACCUSED ME OF...
WHY WOULD SHE WANNA BE
AROUND ME?
SIMPLE AS THAT.
- YOU'VE NEVER SOLD A STORY.
- I'VE NEVER SOLD A STORY
IN MY LIFE...
- I DON'T BELIEVE THAT
FOR A MINUTE.
- AND I WON'T BE ACCUSED
OF THAT.
I JUST THINK
IT'S SUCH AN INSULT,
SUCH A LOW BLOW,
SUCH A CHARACTER ASSASSINATION,
AND I'VE LOST RESPECT
FOR A LOT OF THE SITUATION.
- YOU'VE SEEN A LITTLE BIT
OF EACH OTHER IN BETWEEN...
- NO. NEVER.
EVEN WHEN I MOVED,
I MOVED OUT OF THE HOUSE.
NOBODY CAME ACROSS FROM...
- I KNOW, BUT SHE THINKS,
YOU KNOW,
LIKE, YOU DIDN'T SAY GOOD-BYE.
AND YOU'RE, LIKE,
SHE DIDN'T SAY SAYONARA.
- I JUST DON'T LIKE
TO BE INSULTED
AND ACCUSED OF THINGS
I DON'T DO.
- I THINK PAUL IS UPSET TOO,
BECAUSE I SAID TO PAUL,
"WELL, ONCE THE GIRLS
GET PAST THIS,
ARE YOU GONNA BE OKAY?"
'CAUSE HE SEEMS VERY, LIKE...
- GETS ON MY NERVES,
TO BE HONEST, IT REALLY DOES.
IF ADRIENNE'S GOT SOMETHING
TO SAY TO ME...
AND IT SHOULD START
WITH AN APOLOGY...
THEN I'M WILLING TO LISTEN.
APART FROM THAT,
NO, I'M NOT READY
TO RESUME MY RELATIONSHIP
WITH HER.
- BUT YOU'RE GONNA TALK
WITH HER EVENTUALLY?
- YEAH, YEAH.
IT'S ALL GOING TO BE GOOD.
WELL, THE HOUSE LOOKS GORGEOUS.
- YOU SEE MY DINING ROOM?
- YEAH, OF COURSE.
- IT'S COMING ALONG,
WITH THE COLOR.
- YEAH.
- SO PRETTY, EH? FROM HOLLAND.
- WOW.
- I WAS
AT THE FLOWER MARKET TODAY.
THERE WERE SO MANY TULIPS.
- THEY LOOK SO FRESH.
- YEAH, THEY'RE GORGEOUS.
I SHOULD'VE BEEN
MARTHA STEWART'S DAUGHTER.
WOW, BEAUTIFUL.
- YES.
- I LOVE TO GO
TO THE FLOWER MART DOWNTOWN
AT 5:00 A.M.
JUST TO BUY BEAUTIFUL FLOWERS
THAT CAME FROM HOLLAND.
I THINK I'M GONNA GO
GET SOME ROSE PETALS.
ARE THE PINK ROSES OUT YET?
- YES, WE HAVE A FEW ONES.
- WHEN I GIVE A DINNER PARTY,
FOR ME,
IT'S ABOUT THE WHOLE EXPERIENCE.
THE COLORS, THE CANDLES,
EVERYTHING HAS TO BE PERFECT.
[scissors snip]
MM-HMM.
YOU KNOW, I HAVE
A HUGE LEMON GROVE,
AND I PLANTED
LIKE, YOU KNOW, 50 TREES,
NOT IMAGINING
HOW MANY LEMONS 1 TREE GIVES.
SO NOW I HAVE,
LIKE, HUNDREDS OF LEMONS
COMING OUT
OF THIS LEMON ORCHARD,
NOT KNOWING WHAT TO DO WITH IT.
WOW. THAT'S PRETTY.
- THANK YOU.
- WHAT ARE THOSE?
- THESE ARE PEPPERS.
PEPPERS AND RADISHES AND...
- RICHARD!
- VERY SEASONAL.
- YES?
- SO HOW ARE YOU, MY FRIEND?
- VERY WELL, THANK YOU.
ALI HAS A BEAUTIFUL
WATERMELON SALAD PREPARED.
AND THEN,
IF THE LADIES ARE GOOD,
AND THEY'VE EATEN
ALL OF THEIR DINNER,
I HAVE A BEAUTIFUL
CHOCOLATE DESSERT FOR EVERYBODY.
- MMM, MMM.
MY HUSBAND'S FAVORITE.
- YES, YES.
- SO WILL YOU TELL ALBERTA
TO PUT THE CANDLES ON,
LIKE, AT, UH, 6:45?
- YES, MA'AM?
- WE'LL PUT THE TALLEST GIRLS
ON THIS SIDE,
AND THE TALLEST PEOPLE
ON THIS SIDE,
AND THE SMALLEST PEOPLE
ON THAT SIDE.
[laughter]
WE'LL ASK FOR THEIR MEASUREMENTS
WHEN THEY COME IN.
I'VE DECIDED TO DO THE DINNER
IN THE KITCHEN
AND THE FAMILY ROOM,
'CAUSE WE LIVE
IN 12,000 SQUARE FEET,
BUT WE REALLY LIVE IN THE
KITCHEN AND THE FAMILY ROOM.
THE REST OF THE HOUSE,
WE PROBABLY NEVER USE.
- PLEASE, PLEASE, HAVE ONE.
- OH, YOU WANT TO TRY IT?
- NO, NO, THEY'RE QUAIL EGGS.
EWW! - NO?
- WHAT HAPPENED TO MY ESCARGOT
THAT WAS ON THE FLOWERS?
- WE, UH, BLENDED THAT
IN THE SAUCE.
- OOH, THAT'S DISGUSTING.
- [laughs]
- ALL RIGHT,
THIS LOOKS ALL VERY GOOD.
I'M GONNA GO
AND GET READY AND CHANGE
AND TRY TO LOOK PRETTY.
MAYBE DO MY HAIR.
- THAT'LL BE THE EASIEST THING
FOR YOU TO DO, YOUNG LADY.
- OH, YOU'RE JUST BIASED.
SEE YOU LATER.
- NO, YOU'RE
A VERY GORGEOUS YOUNG LADY.
- HI, HOW ARE YOU?
- GOOD, HOW ARE YOU DOING?
- GOOD, THANK YOU.
ALL READY TO GO
TO MALIBU, RIGHT?
- SURE THING.
- AWESOME.
WILL YOU GRAB MY HAND HERE?
I DON'T LIKE THIS.
STEPS ARE NOT MY THING LATELY.
THANK YOU.
WELL, HI, THERE. - HI, DARLING.
- HOW ARE YOU?
- HEY, KIM.
- HI!
- HERE, LET ME MOVE OVER.
- LOOKIN' GOOD, GIRL.
- OH, WELL.
- [grunts]
- HI.
- ALWAYS EATIN'.
YOLANDA OBVIOUSLY CALLED YOU.
- SHE DID, AND SHE SEEMS,
YOU KNOW, LOVELY ON THE PHONE.
I HAVE NOT MET HER YET.
- HER AURA IS SO WONDERFUL.
- WHO, YOLANDA? both: YEAH.
- SHE'S REALLY
JUST A GOOD PERSON.
SHE'S ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE,
AND SHE'S...
"I KNEW," YOU KNOW,
I FORGET HOW SHE SAID,
LIKE, "I KNEW... YOU AND YOU,
WE GET ALONG SO WELL."
AND I SAID, "YOU'RE A VIRGO."
AND SHE GOES...
- IS SHE A VIRGO?
- NO. SHE'S A CAPRICORN.
I GO... I GO, "OH." - OH.
[laughter]
- HOW ARE YOU FEELING
NOW OVERALL? JUST...
- FEEL HEALTHY.
I FEEL, YOU KNOW, BETTER.
I MEAN, THERE'S DEFINITELY DAYS
THAT I HAVE...
THAT DEFINITELY ARE ROUGHER
THAN OTHERS.
I-I HAVE MY CHALLENGES
WITH RELATIONSHIPS
OR PEOPLE OR CERTAIN THINGS.
- WELL, THAT'S LIFE.
- YOU KNOW,
THERE'S DEFINITELY THE DAYS...
I THINK SOMETIMES,
WHEN I HAVE THESE,
LIKE, I HAVE
AN INTERACTION WITH SOMEBODY
THAT JUST KIND OF GETS
THE MOST OF ME...
- LIKE LISA?
- MM.
- TAKE A DEEP BREATH.
- YEAH.
- COUNT TO TEN.
IT'S VERY DIFFICULT TO DO.
WE ALL HAVE TO LEARN THAT.
- NOT TO REACT.
- YES, YES.
THIS IS THE FIRST TIME
I'M SEEING LISA
IN SEVERAL MONTHS.
I KNOW I'LL BE
ON MY BEST BEHAVIOR.
I HOPE SHE'S ALSO.
I THINK YOU HAVE TO KIND OF
GET OVER IT AND MOVE ON.
- RIGHT.
- AND THERE'S BIGGER THINGS
TO WORRY ABOUT.
- I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND
THIS WOMAN.
WELL, IT'LL BE INTERESTING
TO SEE HOW SHE RESPONDS TONIGHT,
BUT IN FRONT OF PEOPLE, THOUGH,
SHE MIGHT BE, "HI,"
AND MAYBE TRY TO GIVE ME A KISS
ON BOTH SIDES,
WHICH, OBVIOUSLY, I'M NOT.
LISA OWES ADRIENNE AN APOLOGY.
SHE MADE NEGATIVE COMMENTS
ABOUT ADRIENNE'S
INCREDIBLY BEAUTIFUL SHOES,
MADE COMMENTS
ABOUT OUR DOG JACKPOT,
CALLING HIM "CRACKPOT."
WHEN THEY MOVED,
THEY DIDN'T SAY GOOD-BYE.
AS A MATTER OF FACT, WHAT...
THEY SAID THAT THEY'RE GONNA
THROW THEIR UNWANTED BELONGINGS
OVER OUR GATE.
MAYBE LISA'S ABOVE APOLOGIES.
- I'M TRYING TO MOVE FORWARD...
- YEAH, THAT'S WHY...
- AND NOT SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF.
- PAUL?
WHY YOU GOTTA BRING THIS...
SHE'S TRYING TO MOVE FORWARD?
- WAIT A MINUTE. HOLD ON.
SHE CAN MOVE FORWARD.
- NO, NO, NO.
- PAUL'S NOT MOVING FORWARD.
- I GOTTA TELL YOU,
THAT WAS SO INSULTING TO ME.
- BUT IT'S REALLY HARD,
BECAUSE...
LET'S JUST SEE WHAT HAPPENS
WHEN WE GET THERE,
'CAUSE THIS COULD GO EITHER WAY.
THIS IS YOLANDA'S
FIRST DINNER PARTY
WHERE ALL OF US
ARE GETTING TOGETHER.
YOU TWO BETTER KEEP IT TOGETHER.
- I HAVE A THOUSAND THINGS
GOING ON, SO THIS IS...
THIS IS NOT SOMETHING
THAT ENCROACHES ON MY LIFE.
- COMING UP...
- SHE HAS SLEPT WITH EVERY MAN
IN BEVERLY HILLS.
- THERE'S NOTHING MORE UGLY
THAN A DRUNK WOMAN.
- YOU KNOW, I DREW
EVERY INCH OF THIS HOUSE,
EVERY DETAIL, EVERY INCH,
EVERY...
AND IT KILL...
LIKE, IT KILLED MY BRAIN.
WHEN YOU BUILD A HOUSE,
THE PUNCH OF A HOUSE
IS WHEN YOU HAVE A VIEW
RIGHT AWAY,
SO WHEN YOU COME
INTO MY FRONT DOORS,
THE FIRST THING YOU SEE
IS THIS BEAUTIFUL OCEAN,
FROM SANTA MONICA
TO MALIBU PIER.
AND YOU GO TO THE KITCHEN,
YOU HAVE ANOTHER PUNCH
OF THIS BEAUTIFUL INFINITY POOL
AND NATURE.
I MEAN, I WORKED ON IT
WITH A HUNDRED GUYS EVERY DAY.
THE PEOPLE IN THAT BUSINESS,
I MEAN,
"OH, I'LL BE THERE MONDAY
AT 8:00."
- RIGHT.
- NEVER SHOW UP, NEVER CALLED.
- LIKE MUSICIANS.
- IT'S, LIKE, YOU KNOW,
DISAPPOINTMENT IN HUMANKIND.
YOU KNOW? - YEAH.
- ALL OF US.
- HONEY, PUT YOUR PHONE AWAY.
[sighs]
- OH, GIVE ME MY GIFT.
- DON'T EVEN THINK IT.
IT'S MY GIFT.
WHERE'S YOUR GIFT? TAYLOR?
[imitates Yolanda] HOW RUDE!
- I KNOW. [giggles]
- YOU ASKED FOR IT.
[giggles]
ARE YOU GONNA
PUT YOUR PHONE AWAY?
NO MORE BUSINESS?
- MY PHONE IS GONE.
- OKAY.
- AWW.
- HONEY, YOU HAVE TWO WIVES
TONIGHT.
- HOW SWEET.
- I LIKE THAT.
THAT SOUNDS LIKE FUN.
- WE'RE SHARING.
[laughter]
- OH, HI.
Both: GOOD EVENING.
- HOW ARE YOU?
- VERY WELL.
NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN.
- NICE TO SEE YOU. HOW ARE YOU?
OH, HELLO. HOW ARE YOU?
- FROM CAMILLE'S?
- YES, OF COURSE.
- YES, YOU LOOK VERY FAMILIAR.
YOU WORK HERE TOO? - YEAH.
- OH, WHAT A COINKYDINK.
- HE WORKS ALL OVER MALIBU.
[laughter]
- YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME.
CAMILLE'S BUTLER?
PLEASE NOT ANOTHER DINNER PARTY
FROM HELL.
- HELLO.
- HOW ARE YOU?
- HI, GIRLS!
- GOOD TO SEE YOU.
- NICE TO SEE YOU. HOW ARE YOU?
- PRETTY GOOD, THANK YOU.
HAVE A LITTLE GIFT FOR YOU.
- YOU'RE SO SWEET.
- IT'S ACTUALLY FROM ME.
[laughter] - HOW ARE YOU?
NICE TO SEE YOU, GIRLS.
- NICE TO SEE YOU TOO.
YOUR HOUSE IS BEAUTIFUL.
I SEE PERFECTION.
EVERYTHING IS PRISTINE.
- NICE TO SEE YOU.
- HEY, HOW ARE YOU? WELCOME.
- THANK YOU, THANK YOU.
- LOOK AT THIS GORGEOUS VIEW.
- YEAH, WELL, IT'S...
IT'S A LITTLE HAZY TODAY.
USUALLY, YOU CAN SEE
ALL OVER THERE.
- OH, THAT IS BEAUTIFUL.
OH, MY GOSH.
AM I IN A RESTAURANT?
- THIS IS MY REFRIGERATOR.
- THAT'S A REFRIGERATOR?
- WOW.
- YOU'VE GOTTA BE KIDDING ME.
- NO, I DESIGNED THIS.
- SHE'S CLEARLY A PERFECTIONIST.
HER FRUITS AND VEGETABLES
ARE COLOR-COORDINATED.
YOU CAN'T HAVE ANY MESS.
WHAT HAPPENS, LIKE...
THE LEFTOVERS IN THE TUPPERWARE?
- YOU KNOW,
THOSE SMALL REFRIGERATORS,
WHERE DO YOU PUT ALL THAT STUFF?
IF IT'S NOT ALL LINED UP
AND LOOKING PRETTY,
I CAN'T BE... - A LITTLE OCD?
- COMPLETELY...
- WE LIKE OCD.
- NOT A LITTLE, A LOT.
- I LIKE THAT.
A LITTLE OCD IS GOOD.
[overlapping chatter]
ISN'T THIS HOUSE, UM,
SO BEAUTIFUL?
- UNBELIEVABLE.
- HI, HOW ARE YOU?
- GOOD, HOW ARE YOU?
WOULD YOU CARE FOR...
- OH, MY GOSH, WHAT IS THAT?
THAT LOOKS...
- IT'S A FRIED TEMPURA WITH
ROASTED EGGPLANT AND SCALLOPS.
- THOSE? YES.
- AND A SCALLOP.
- MM-HMM.
- OKAY.
THIS LOOKS LIKE
IT'S GOING TO BE HARD TO EAT.
- I WAS GONNA SAY, I'M NOT SURE
IF I CAN FIT THIS IN MY MOUTH.
- YOU HAVE BIG LIPS
AND A BIG MOUTH.
YOU CAN PUT ANYTHING
IN YOUR MOUTH.
NOT TO BE RUDE, BUT IT'S TRUE.
- HI, NICE TO MEET YOU.
- NICE TO MEET YOU. [laughter]
- OOH! [laughs]
- HELLO.
- WELL, GOOD EVENING.
Both: HELLO. - HI.
- NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN.
RICHARD, RICHARD.
I MET YOU
AT CAMILLE GRAMMER'S HOUSE.
- SEEN YOU BEFORE.
- OH, YES, YES, HI.
- KEN, RIGHT?
NICE TO SEE YOU. - HEY, RICHARD.
- LISA!
- HELLO!
- HELLO, DARLING.
- HOW ARE YOU?
- AW, LOOKIE HERE.
- HELLO, BEAUTIFUL.
HOW ARE YOU? - MWAH.
Both: HOW ARE YOU?
- GOOD.
- COME HERE, DARLING.
- MWAH. MWAH.
- ISN'T THIS VIEW UNBELIEVABLE?
- THIS IS AMAZING.
- I KNOW. WONDERFUL, ISN'T IT?
- I LOVE IT.
- GORGEOUS.
- LISA AND HER HUSBAND KEN.
- HI, KEN.
- HOW ARE YOU?
- WHAT'S UP, MY BROTHER?
- MWAH.
YOU'RE LIKE A COMBINATION
OF ROD STEWART AND GIGGY,
THE COLORING AND EVERYTHING.
- [laughs]
- THAT'S VERY FUNNY!
- DOESN'T HE?
- FUNNY OF YOU! [laughter]
- DID YOU RECOGNIZE THE BUTLER?
- OH, YES, THE GUY FROM...
- THE DINNER PARTY AT THE HOUSE.
- YEAH.
- AT CAMILLE'S HOUSE.
- OH, HOPEFULLY,
THAT'S NOT A SIGN.
YES, NO, HE SAID,
"YES, WE'VE MET BEFORE."
WHEN MOHAMED THREW
A BIRTHDAY PARTY FOR ME,
HE WAS THERE AS WELL.
YOU DON'T REMEMBER THAT? - YES!
AND I WAS THINKING,
"THIS MAN IS STALKING US."
I REMEMBER YOUR BIRTHDAY,
I LOOKED UP.
I'M LIKE, "WAIT,
YOU WERE AT CAMILLE'S.
NOW YOU'RE AT MOHAMED'S."
NOW HE'S HERE?
- YEAH.
- HE'S A SPY.
- YEAH.
- I WANT YOU TO TASTE MY FOOD
FIRST, JUST TO BE SURE.
- YEAH. [laughter]
EXACTLY. - FOR SURE.
- WELL, HERE WE GO.
HERE WE GO.
- PAUL'S COMPLAINTS AGAINST LISA
AND KEN ARE LEGITIMATE,
AND THIS IS NOT THE RIGHT TIME,
NOT THE RIGHT PLACE.
- AAH! HELLO.
- HI, GUYS.
- HI. HOW ARE YOU? [kissing]
- GOOD. HOW ARE YOU?
- WHEN I WALK UP
TO THE GROUP TO SAY HI,
LISA JUST TURNS AND WALKS AWAY.
JUST... NOT COOL.
- OH, HELLO, BUTTERCUP.
HOW ARE YOU?
YOU GOOD? YOU GOOD?
WHAT'S THAT FACE? - HMM?
OH, NOTHING, NOTHING. JUST...
I'M NOT GONNA SAY HI
TO THAT ONE, THAT'S ALL.
OH, COME ON. - [bleep] THAT.
AFTER WHAT SHE DID TO US,
I'M NOT GONNA DO THAT.
[bleep] NO.
- BE NICE, PLEASE.
- NOPE. ABSOLUTELY NOT.
- HI. [overlapping chatter]
- I'M NOT PARTICULARLY TALKING
TO ADRIENNE AND PAUL MUCH,
BUT, YOU KNOW, IT'S FINE.
WE'RE CIVILIZED ADULTS.
WELL, ONE OF US IS, ANYWAY.
- PAUL'S AN EMOTIONAL MAN.
- AND I DON'T LIKE THAT [bleep].
IT'S VERY, VERY SIMPLE.
- BUT YOU ENJOYED IT SO MUCH.
[overlapping chatter]
- HOW WEIRD IS THAT...
- HI. HOW ARE YOU?
- HE WORKS FOR MOHAMED,
DAVID, AND CAMILLE?
- YOU HAVE A CHOICE OF...
- "WOULD YOU LIKE A COCKTAIL?"
YOU REMEMBER THAT? - YES!
- WHO'S... WHO'S THIS GUY?
I KNOW HIM.
WITH THE BLOND HAIR.
- OH, HE'S CHRIS BOTTI.
YOU KNOW, THE MOST FAMOUS
TRUMPET PLAYER IN THE WORLD.
I'D ACTUALLY INVITED CHRIS BOTTI
TO SIT NEXT TO BRANDI,
MAYBE SET UP ONE OF THE GIRLS
WITH A CUTE GUY.
BUT BRANDI COULDN'T MAKE IT.
- OH, HE SIGNED UP FOR THIS
BUNCH, TO HAVE DINNER WITH US?
- YEAH, HE'S...
- [laughs]
- HE'S DOING ME A FAVOR. I KNOW.
I THINK THAT WE NEED
SOME NICE-LOOKING GUYS
THAT... YOU KNOW,
WITH ALL THESE GIRLS.
- YOU'RE OKAY WITH EVERYBODY,
RIGHT?
- I'M OKAY WITH EVERYBODY...
- OH.
- I THINK.
- ME TOO.
- WHAT'S UP, GUYS?
- HOW ARE YOU?
GOOD TO SEE YOU.
- CAN YOU IMAGINE
THAT WE'RE ACTUALLY HERE TO...
HEY, KEN. - HOW ARE YOU DOING?
- DOING ALL RIGHT.
- YOUR HOME IS SO BEAUTIFUL.
- YOLANDA.
- OH, MY GOD, WELL, YES.
I'M IMPRESSED. - KIM.
HOW ARE YOU, KIM?
- NICE TO SEE YOU.
ARE YOU GUYS...
YOU GUYS ARE RELATED, RIGHT?
- THAT'S MY SISTER.
- I GOT IT.
- YEAH.
- WHAT'S UP, KEN?
GOOD TO SEE YOU, BUDDY.
- DAVID FOSTER WAS MARRIED
TO ONE OF MY BEST FRIENDS,
LINDA THOMPSON.
- HI, KYLE, HOW ARE YOU?
- HELLO, HONEY.
HOW ARE YOU? - TAYLOR.
- I MEAN "TAYLOR."
NO, THAT'S KYLE.
- KYLE. I'M TAYLOR.
- DON'T CONFUSE ME.
THAT'S TAYLOR. - AND I'M PAUL.
- I GOT IT.
- COME ON, DAVID.
YOU CAN'T REMEMBER MY NAME?
- HEY, LISA.
- HELLO, DARLING.
- HOW ARE YOU, HONEY?
- I KNOW DAVID PRETTY WELL.
I THINK HE'S A LOT OF FUN.
HE'S A GREAT CHARACTER.
A COUPLE OF TIMES
HE HAS PLAYED THE PIANO,
GOT ME UP TO SING.
- HEY, GUYS,
LET'S SIT DOWN FOR DINNER.
ARE YOU HUNGRY? - YEAH.
Both: LET'S GO.
- WHERE AM I?
- THERE ARE.
- WHERE ARE YOU?
HERE, NEXT TO MY HUSBAND.
- OKAY, WHO'LL SAY IT WITH ME?
THIS LOOKS BEAUTIFUL!
- WELL, NICE TO MEET YOU, YEAH.
- WE MISSED YOU
AT THE RESTAURANT LAST WEEK,
I HEARD... - I KNOW.
- BECAUSE YOU GUYS DIDN'T COME,
BUT THAT'S OKAY.
- THAT'S NOT TRUE.
- WELL, WE DIDN'T COME
BECAUSE WE WEREN'T INVITED.
- I'VE ALREADY TOLD YOU
THAT HE DOES THAT.
YEAH, THERE'S TENSION
BETWEEN ADRIENNE AND LISA.
IT'S GETTING WORSE
AND WORSE AND WORSE.
- WHAT GREAT EARRINGS
YOU'VE GOT ON.
- THANK YOU, THANK YOU.
GREAT WAY TO CHANGE THE SUBJECT.
[overlapping chatter]
- I MIGHT, ON THE SURFACE,
BE POLITE AND TOLERANT.
BUT I NEED AN APOLOGY,
IT'S SIMPLE AS THAT.
[overlapping chatter]
- THAT'S NICE.
- HE IS A GENIUS.
- HE IS, YEAH.
- YOUR SALAD,
THIS EVENING, IS, UM, UM,
WATERMELON SALAD
WITH BUFFALO MOZZARELLA.
AND IT HAS A LITTLE MANGO COULIS
AND A LITTLE BALSAMIC GLAZE.
SHAVED PARMESAN ON TOP.
- OWE YOU ONE.
Both: BON APPETIT.
- THANK YOU.
- WE EAT LIKE THIS EVERY NIGHT,
OF COURSE.
- OF COURSE. [laughter]
- YOLANDA, AS A HOSTESS,
IS NOTHING SHORT
OF STUNNING AND SPECTACULAR.
I'M SHOCKED NOW
AT HOW MANY WOMEN
DON'T KNOW HOW
TO BE A GREAT HOMEMAKER/HOSTESS.
SHE JUST GETS EVERYTHING RIGHT
AND WITHOUT BEING FROUFROU,
BECAUSE I HATE, HATE,
HATE FROUFROU.
- I'M 50. MY WHOLE BODY'S
COVERED IN BOTOX.
- 50?
- I'M LIKE... I'M 50.
- IN WHAT?
- NO WAY.
- YEAH, IN 4 MONTHS, I'M 50.
- OH, COME ON.
- HOW GREAT DOES HE LOOK?
- YEAH, THAT LOOKS GOOD.
- AMAZING.
- OH, MY GOD.
- WELL, I'M 65.
- YOU MUST HAVE GONE
TO DR. PAUL NASSIF.
- THAT'S RIGHT.
- YEAH, I WAS GONNA SAY THAT.
- NO, BUT I PLAY THE TRUMPET,
SO I CAN'T REALLY DO
ANYTHING HERE.
BECAUSE OTHERWISE IT...
[overlapping interjections]
- [imitates trumpet]
- YEAH, YOU NEED THESE MUSCLES.
- WELL, TONIGHT, ACTUALLY WE'VE
GOT A PRETTY GOOD TABLE,
BECAUSE MY ARCH NEMESIS
IS NOT HERE.
- OH.
- OTHERWISE, SHE WOULD BE
GOING DOWN RIGHT NOW.
SHE'S SLEPT WITH EVERYONE
IN BEVERLY HILLS.
SHE HAD TO ACTUALLY TRAVEL
TO GO AND FIND SOMEONE
TO SLEEP WITH.
- OH, NO.
- LISA, I'M SURE THERE WAS
SOME SORT OF A FLIGHT PLAN.
[slurring] SHE TOLD YOLANDA,
THE FIRST TIME THEY MET,
THAT SHE HAS SLEPT
WITH EVERY MAN IN BEVERLY HILLS.
THERE ARE...
CLOSE TO 16,000 MEN
IN BEVERLY HILLS,
AND SHE'S ONLY BEEN DIVORCED
FOR A COUPLE OF YEARS.
THAT'S A LOT OF TRACTION.
- TAYLOR SEEMS TIPSY.
YOU KNOW, THE CONVERSATION
THAT SHE'S HAVING WITH HIM
IS JUST REALLY INAPPROPRIATE.
THERE IS NOTHING MORE UGLY
THAN A DRUNK WOMAN.
- I DIDN'T SAY IT, SHE SAID IT.
- COMING UP...
- SHH. [overlapping chatter]
YOU DON'T SPEAK, YOU DON'T SING.
- REALLY? WE DON'T WANT TO SING?
[overlapping chatter]
- BON APPETIT, GUYS.
- THANK YOU.
- AM I THE ONLY HEALTHY...
- HOW DID YOU TWO MEET?
- YOU'RE SO FAR AWAY.
- WE MET THROUGH HER EX-HUSBAND.
- MOHAMED?
- YEAH.
- WHAT?
- I WAS ACTUALLY SINGLE,
AND WAS GONNA MOVE IN
WITH MOHAMED.
CAN YOU IMAGINE MOHAMED AND I
LIVING TOGETHER?
- YOU GUYS WERE FRIENDS?
- YES, WE WERE FRIENDS.
AS I WAS IN HIS HOUSE GOING,
"THIS IS GONNA BE NICE,
WE'RE GONNA HAVE FUN,"
I KEPT SEEING THESE PICTURES
OF THIS BEAUTIFUL WOMAN.
I SAID, "I'D LIKE TO MEET HER.
IS THAT POSSIBLE?"
AND HE SAID, "THAT'S MY EX-WIFE.
YEAH, YOU CAN MEET HER."
THE ARAB CULTURE IS LIKE,
"WELL, I'LL INTRODUCE YOU
TO HER,
"BUT I DON'T REALLY WANT
ANYTHING TO HAPPEN,
BUT, I'LL JUST..."
IN HIS WORDS, IT WAS LIKE...
- BUT THAT'S HIS CULTURE,
NOT YOURS.
- THAT'S IT.
THAT'S RIGHT, THAT'S RIGHT.
- THAT'S NOT OUR PROBLEM.
- RIGHT.
SO HE INTRODUCED US,
AND I MET HER,
AND THIS IS WHAT SHE DID.
I WAS STANDING THERE.
SWEAR TO GOD, SHE WENT,
"YOU MUST BE DAVID.
IT'S NICE TO MEET YOU."
AND SHE WENT ALL THE WAY DOWN
AND ALL THE WAY UP.
- THE SHOES: VERY IMPORTANT.
- OH, I THOUGHT IT WAS
SOMETHING ELSE.
- STOPPED MIDWAY
AND THEN WENT ALL THE WAY UP.
- WE KIND OF GOT STUCK
IN EACH OTHER'S EYES.
LIKE, WE LOOKED AND WE'RE LIKE...
- OH, SO IT WAS
REALLY LIKE A MOMENT.
Both: IT WAS. - YES.
- IT WAS A GREAT MOMENT.
- IT WAS LIKE...
- AND I WAS THERE
WHEN HE ASKED YOU TO MARRY HIM.
- YES, ON CHRISTM...
NEW YEAR'S EVE.
- YES.
- ON CHRISTMAS EVE.
- YES, HE ASKED ME FIRST,
BUT I TURNED HIM DOWN.
SO THEN HE ASKED HER.
- I ASKED YOU FIRST.
- [laughs]
- YES, SHE TURNED ME DOWN.
- THAT WAS LAST...
- AT MOHAMED'S CHRISTMAS DINNER.
YEAH. - TWO...
- TWO YEARS AGO.
- YEARS AGO.
- WELL, YOU AND I SLEPT TOGETHER
FIVE YEARS AGO.
DON'T YOU REMEMBER?
- OH, GOD, YEAH, ABSOLUTELY.
IT WAS MAGNIFICENT.
DAVID AND I HAVE QUITE
A GOOD RAPPORT.
I LIKE THEM VERY MUCH
AS A COUPLE.
I HAVEN'T SLEPT WITH ANYBODY
IN FIVE YEARS.
DON'T WORRY ABOUT THAT.
- NOT EVEN YOUR HUSBAND?
- NO. WHY WOULD I DO THAT?
[overlapping chatter]
- WE ALWAYS HAVE A TRADITION
AT OUR DINNER PARTIES,
THAT WE DO A LITTLE MUSIC
AFTERWARDS.
AND TONIGHT WILL BE
NO EXCEPTION.
SO WE'RE GONNA BUST OUT.
CHRIS AND I HAVE BEEN
WORKING TOGETHER.
CHRIS BOTTI IS THE MOST AMAZING
TRUMPET PLAYER ON THE PLANET.
MICHAEL JOHNS, OF COURSE,
FROM AMERICAN IDOL,
AND HAS HAD
A HUGE CAREER SINCE THEN.
PLAYS WITH ME ALL THE TIME.
THEY GRACIOUSLY SHOWED UP
TONIGHT
TO DO A LITTLE MUSIC.
BUT BESIDES TOASTING ALL OF YOU,
I WANTED
TO TOAST MY BEAUTIFUL BRIDE,
BECAUSE SHE HAS MADE MY LIFE...
BETTER THAN I EVER, EVER,
EVER THOUGHT IT COULD BE, EVER.
AND THAT'S
THE GOD'S HONEST TRUTH.
AND I THANK YOU FOR THAT, BABY.
[applause]
AND WELCOME, EVERYONE.
- YEAH, I LOVE THAT, YEAH.
I SECOND THAT.
- WHAT'S THE MOST FAVORITE SONG
YOU'VE EVER WRITTEN?
- IT'S ONE
THAT YOU MIGHT NOT KNOW.
SHOOT. - LET'S HEAR IT.
- OKAY, THIS IS
MY FAVORITE SONG I WROTE.
- OKAY, YOU WROTE THIS?
- YEAH.
[plays Look What You've Done
to Me]
- WE'RE GONNA SING IT.
[laughter]
- ♪♪ LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE
TO ME ♪♪
- NEVER KNEW...
- ♪♪ NEVER KNEW
I'D FALL AGAIN ♪♪
♪♪ SO EASILY ♪♪
♪♪ OH, LOVE ♪♪
- MY MOM LOVED THAT SONG.
- YOU WOULDN'T LIE TO ME.
- ♪♪ YOU WOULDN'T LIE TO ME ♪♪
- LEADING ME TO...
- THAT'S RIGHT.
♪♪ LEADING ME
TO FEEL THIS WAY ♪♪
♪♪ YEAH ♪♪
- THAT'S IT.
- OH, MY GOD, THAT'S IT?
- THAT WAS
MY MOM'S FAVORITE SONG.
- REALLY?
- I DID NOT REALIZE
THAT SO MUCH OF HIS MUSIC
I GREW UP LISTENING TO.
WE WOULD LISTEN
TO THAT ON THE 8-TRACKS.
- WHEN TRAVOLTA TAKES
THE GIRL UP THE...
- IN MY MOM'S SEVILLE
ON AN 8-TRACK.
- URBAN COWBOY. [laughter]
- I SWEAR TO GOD!
- OH, MY GOSH.
- THAT WAS, LIKE,
A HUGE PART OF MY GROWING UP.
THAT WAS A HUGE PART
OF MY GROWING UP...
- I'LL GET BACK TO YOU.
- WITH MY MOM.
- YOU KNOW, BOZ WAS...
- GROWING UP, I MEAN,
I REMEMBER JUST LITERALLY
THAT WAS ALL MY MOM WOULD
LISTEN TO IN MY CAR.
- HE WAS THE STRANGEST GUY
TO WRITE WITH,
BECAUSE HE CAME
TO MY LITTLE HOUSE
IN NORTH HOLLYWOOD,
WHICH WAS EXCITING ENOUGH...
BOZ SCAGGS WAS IN MY HOUSE.
- YOU HAD A LITTLE HOUSE
IN NORTH HOLLYWOOD,
NOW YOU HAVE THIS.
- RIGHT, BUT...
AND MANY IN BETWEEN,
THAT I GAVE AWAY,
BUT THAT'S ANOTHER STORY.
- TO SOME EX-WIVES.
- YEAH.
- [guffaws] I FIGURED.
- THREE, TO BE EXACT.
BUT HE CAME OVER.
AND HE SAT
WITH HIS PEN AND PAPER.
AND I WAS EXCITED
TO BE WITH HIM,
'CAUSE, YOU KNOW, UM...
AND I PLAYED
AND PLAYED AND PLAYED
FOR THREE HOURS
EVERYTHING I COULD IMAGINE
THAT HE WOULD LIKE,
AND HE DIDN'T SAY A WORD.
AND WHAT HAPPENED IS,
AFTER THREE HOURS,
AND I'M REALLY GETTING...
I'M THINKING,
"OKAY, THIS IS A BUST.
HE HATES ME.
I'LL NEVER WORK AGAIN."
AND THEN, AFTER THREE HOURS,
I WENT LIKE THIS.
LIKE, I FELL INTO THIS.
I WENT... - I'M LOVING THIS.
- I WENT...
I'M PLAYING LIKE...
[plays random notes on piano]
WHATEVER I'M PLAYING.
AND THEN I WENT...
[plays introduction to
Look What You've Done to Me]
HE WENT, "THAT.
I WANT TO WRITE THAT."
- JUST THAT LITTLE PIECE?
- JUST THAT.
JUST THIS MUCH.
[repeats introduction to song]
- CAN YOU DO MORE
WITH THAT PIECE?
[continues playing introduction]
OH, MY GOD!
- AND HE... AND HE, YOU KNOW.
- DON'T STOP, DAVID.
- AND HE WENT... HE WENT,
"THAT'S THE ONE
WE'RE GONNA WRITE."
- KIM AND I WERE, LIKE, TAKING
A WALK DOWN MEMORY LANE.
IT WAS SO FUN.
- THAT'S WHAT YOUR MOM KNEW.
- MY MOM.
- AND THAT'S WHAT WE KNEW.
- I'M BIG WITH THE OVER-60s.
[laughter]
- MY FRIEND JUST GOT HERE,
SO I'M JUST GONNA SAY HI.
HI, NITA.
- HI, BABY!
- HOW ARE YOU, HONEY?
LOOK HOW CUTE YOU ARE.
- OH, LOOK AT YOU.
Both: HOW ARE YOU?
- ARE YOU HUNGRY?
- GOOD, YEAH, A LITTLE BIT.
- YOU WANT TO EAT SOMETHING?
COME.
- SURE.
- GUYS, THIS IS
MY GIRLFRIEND NITA.
- HELLO.
- NITA, HOW ARE YOU?
- HI, EVERYBODY.
- THIS IS A REALLY
GREAT DINNER...
FOR A CHANGE.
- SETTLE DOWN.
- ACTUALLY, WE'VE ALL BEEN
VERY WELL BEHAVED SO FAR.
WE'RE MAKING
POLITE CONVERSATION.
THAT'S FINE.
BUT IF SHE WANTS
TO RESUME THE RELATIONSHIP,
THEN SHE HAS
TO START WITH AN APOLOGY.
IT'S AS SIMPLE AS THAT.
IF NOT, THEN I'M NOT INTERESTED.
- WHY DON'T WE...
EVERYBODY TAKE YOUR CHAIR,
AND LET'S MAKE
A CIRCLE AROUND THE PIANO...
- I LOVE THAT.
- AND WE'LL DO A LITTLE MUSIC.
EVERY SINGLE PARTY AT THIS HOUSE
ENDS UP AROUND THE PIANO.
- YOU HAVE SO MANY OF THESE.
DO YOU MIND IF I TAKE ONE?
- YOU KNOW, BY THE WAY...
YEAH, GO AHEAD.
- ARE THESE PARTY FAVORS?
- THEY'RE PARTY FAVORS.
EVERYBODY GETS A GRAMMY.
- I WAS LIKE,
"OH, IT'S A GRAMMY."
THAT'S A GRAMMY?
- YEAH, THOSE ARE GRAMMYS.
- THOSE ARE GRAMMYS?
- YEAH, BUT...
- I'M TAKING ONE.
- BUT I DON'T LIKE THEM
BEING OUT THERE.
BUT YOLANDA LIKES IT OUT THERE.
I DON'T LIKE...
- ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
- I KEPT THEM
IN MY MOTHER'S HOUSE FOR YEARS,
'CAUSE I DIDN'T WANT THEM OUT,
BUT SHE THINKS IT'S COOL
TO HAVE THEM OUT.
- I'VE NEVER SEEN A GRAMMY
IN REAL LIFE.
- YOU HAVEN'T?
- YOU HAVE SO MANY.
YOU DON'T CARE IF
I TAKE ONE OR TWO, DO YOU?
- THESE WERE BEFORE 1985.
SINGING IS A MANDATORY PART
OF COMING TO THE DINNER PARTIES.
IT DOESN'T MATTER WHO'S HERE.
KENNY G WILL COME OVER
AND HE'LL PLAY,
OR, YOU KNOW, LIKE,
OPRAH WINFREY.
IT DOESN'T MATTER.
NITA SANG ALL THE DEMOS
TO THE BODYGUARD FOR WHITNEY.
- OH, REALLY?
- WHITNEY COPIED HER LATER.
- OH, REALLY?
- YES, ABSOLUTELY.
- THAT REALLY
MAKES ME FEEL GOOD.
- LET'S DO AMAZING GRACE.
CAN WE DO IT?
- NO, NO, NO.
- WE GOT TO WAIT FOR CHRIS.
Both: ♪♪ AMAZING GRACE ♪♪
- ADRIENNE.
- UH, WHICH SONG WE WERE DOING?
Both: ♪♪ HOW SWEET THE SOUND ♪♪
- I DON'T EVEN REMEMBER IT.
- REALLY? ARE YOU GUYS GONNA
SING WITH NITA IN THE ROOM?
SERIOUSLY? - [laughs]
- WE HAVE NITA
AND MICHAEL AND CHRIS
THAT ARE GONNA DO THE SONG.
YOU'LL HAVE TO LISTEN.
- WE'RE NOT SINGING.
WE'RE JUST LISTENING. - SHH!
YOU DON'T SPEAK, YOU DON'T SING.
- RIGHT.
- [imitates a lock clicking]
[laughter]
- YOU'RE NOT PROFESSIONAL,
BUT SHE CAN SING.
I REALLY DON'T WANT
TO START SINGING
AND HAVE EVERYBODY LOOK
AND THINK,
"IS SHE TRYING
TO, LIKE, RUIN THE SONG?"
I MEAN, REALLY, I COULD RUIN
TWINKLE, TWINKLE.
- WE'RE NOT REALLY WORTHY
OF SINGING WITH YOU GUYS.
NO, NO! WE DON'T WANT TO SING!
WE DON'T...
REALLY, WE DON'T WANT TO SING.
WE DON'T WANT
TO BE A PART OF IT.
WE'RE NOT ALLOWED TO SING?
LIGHTEN UP. WE'RE ALL JUST
HERE TO HAVE A GOOD TIME.
WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE?
WE'RE NOT MAKING AN ALBUM HERE.
I MEAN, WHY DON'T WE
JUST NOT SING?
I MEAN, I GOT A GREAT IDEA.
- I GOT A BETTER IDEA.
- WE PROBABLY SOUND
LIKE A LOAD OF CATS
THAT ARE BEING STRANGLED,
SO I THINK PROBABLY IT'S BEST.
[piano and trumpet play] - GO.
- ♪♪ AMAZING GRACE ♪♪
♪♪ HOW SWEET THE SOUND ♪♪
- THAT SAVED...
- ♪♪ THAT SAVED A WRETCH ♪♪
♪♪ LIKE ME ♪♪
♪♪ OH ♪♪
♪♪ I ONCE WAS LOST ♪♪
♪♪ BUT NOW I AM FOUND ♪♪
♪♪ WAS BLIND ♪♪
♪♪ BUT NOW I SEE ♪♪
- [plays Danny Boy]
[overlapping chatter]
[piano and trumpet
continue song]
- THAT'S SO SAD, THOUGH.
- OH, THAT'S KIND OF SAD.
- HAVEN'T I HAD ENOUGH SADNESS?
DANNY BOY? THIS IS HORRIBLE.
OF ALL THE SONGS IN THE WORLD,
I'VE GOT TO LISTEN
TO AN IRISH FUNERAL SONG?
OH, GOOD GRIEF!
♪♪ ♪♪
- USUALLY WHEN MY HUSBAND STARTS
PLAYING THE PIANO,
EVERYBODY'S SILENT.
THESE GIRLS DIDN'T GET
THAT MEMO.
- DAVID... [music stops]
SHE HAS A LITTLE
BAD MEMORIES RIGHT NOW.
SO GIVE HER A LITTLE BIT
SOMETHING UPBEAT RIGHT NOW...
- OKAY.
- IF YOU CAN.
- YOU KNOW, IT WAS A NICE NIGHT,
UNTIL TAYLOR TOLD MY HUSBAND
TO CHANGE THAT SONG.
SHUT UP, YOU KNOW.
DON'T SPEAK.
MY HUSBAND IS AT THE PIANO.
THANK YOU, EVERYBODY,
FOR COMING.
IT WAS REALLY NICE
TO GET TO KNOW YOU BETTER
AND SPEND MORE TIME.
AND I HOPE TO SEE YOU ALL SOON.
AND THEN WE GO TO BED.
- NOW I'M IN A ROTTEN MOOD.
SO THANKS FOR DINNER, YOLANDA.
- THANK YOU SO MUCH.
- YOU'RE WELCOME.
- SUCH A BEAUTIFUL NIGHT.
Both: THANK YOU.
- MUSIC AND THEN NIGHT-NIGHT.
I NEED MY SLEEP.
- COMING UP...
- I MEAN, IT WAS AWKWARD
THE OTHER NIGHT
AT DAVID AND YOLANDA'S.
AND SO WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?
EVERY TIME WE'RE TOGETHER,
ARE WE GONNA SIT THERE
AND LOOK AT EACH OTHER
ALL NIGHT AGAIN?
- I THINK THEY'RE
BOTH DESPICABLE.
[trumpet plays
When the Saints Go Marching In]
- OH!
- ♪ OH, WHEN THE SAINTS
GO MARCHING IN ♪
♪ I WANT TO BE IN THAT NUMBER ♪♪
♪♪ OH, WHEN THE SAINTS
GO MARCHING IN ♪♪
♪♪ LORD, I WANT TO BE
IN THAT NUMBER ♪♪
♪♪ WHEN THE SAINTS
GO MARCHING IN ♪♪
[cheers and applause]
- OKAY, THAT'S IT.
THANK YOU, MY LOVE.
- YOU'RE WELCOME, BABY.
- SEE, GIGGY?
IF YOU HAD FUR...
IT'S A LOT OF WORK, RIGHT?
HEY. - OH, HI.
- HI, DARLING.
- WHAT'S HAPPENING?
- HUH?
- WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
- I AM GOING...
YOU'RE NOT GONNA LIKE THIS...
TO HAVE A DRINK WITH ADRIENNE.
AFTER THE KIND OF AWKWARDNESS
AT YOLANDA AND DAVID'S
DINNER PARTY,
ADRIENNE'S ASKED ME
IF I WOULD COME AND MEET HER.
- IS SHE GOING TO APOLOGIZE?
- WHO KNOWS?
BUT I JUST FEEL
THAT I HAVE TO GO, REALLY.
- BECAUSE SHE OWES YOU
AN APOLOGY, THAT'S FOR SURE.
REMEMBER HOW UPSET YOU WERE
AFTER THE THINGS
SHE SAID ABOUT YOU?
IT WAS CATTY REMARKS...
- I KNOW.
- AND LIES, ACTUALLY.
- YEAH, IF I DON'T GO,
I'M GONNA BE ACCUSED AS THE ONE
THAT DIDN'T WANT
TO LISTEN WHEN, YOU KNOW,
[mocking]
SHE WANTED TO APOLOGIZE.
- I THINK
THEY'RE BOTH DESPICABLE.
- WELL, I HAVE TO GO.
I MEAN, IT WAS AWKWARD
THE OTHER NIGHT
AT DAVID AND YOLANDA'S.
AND SO WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?
EVERY TIME WE'RE TOGETHER,
ARE WE GONNA SIT THERE
AND LOOK AT EACH OTHER
ALL NIGHT AGAIN?
AND WE CAN NEVER GO FORWARD.
- I DON'T CARE WHETHER
I EVER SEE THEM AGAIN.
- BUT WE ARE GOING
TO SEE THEM AGAIN.
THAT'S THE POINT.
REALLY, TRUST ME.
IF IT WAS DOWN TO ME,
WOULD I INITIATE MEETING
WITH HER?
ABSOLUTELY NOT.
YOU WANT TO COME?
- I WOULD.
IF I KNEW SHE WAS GOING
TO APOLOGIZE,
I'D LIKE TO BE A FLY ON THE WALL
AND WATCH HER.
- DOESN'T SHE HAVE SOMEBODY
TO APOLOGIZE FOR HER?
- NORMALLY, YEAH.
- I HAVE NO IDEA
WHAT ADRIENNE'S GOING TO SAY.
BUT I'M EXPECTING TO HEAR THE
TWO LITTLE WORDS "I'M SORRY."
OTHERWISE THIS MEETING WILL BE
AS SHORT AS SHE IS.
I'LL PHONE YOU IF I NEED BACKUP.
- [laughs]
- AT YOLANDA'S,
IT FELT A LITTLE STRANGE FOR ME.
LISA AND I DIDN'T
REALLY INTERACT TOO MUCH.
I FELT IT WAS TIME
TO PUT ALL OUR ISSUES ASIDE.
HI. - HOW ARE YOU?
UNLESS THE APOLOGY IS
FORTHCOMING,
I'M OUT OF HERE.
- UM...
- NEXT TIME,
ON THE REAL HOUSEWIVES
OF BEVERLY HILLS...
- I FELT THAT YOU TRIED
TO HUMILIATE ME.
I FELT REALLY VIOLATED.
- WELL, I KNOW WHOSE ROOM
THIS IS.
IT'S NOT MINE.
- HELLO, DARLING.
- HI.
- THERE'S NOWHERE IN MY PROGRAM
THAT SAYS I HAVE
TO GIVE BRANDI A KISS.
- I KNOW I'VE APOLOGIZED
TO YOU A FEW TIMES.
- THAT'S 'CAUSE
THAT WAS REALLY UNCALLED FOR.
- UH-OH, SOMEBODY'S CRYING.
- CALL IT OUT.
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
- THAT MEANS
"SHUT THE [bleep] UP."
- GOD.
- TO LEARN MORE
ABOUT THE HOUSEWIVES,