The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills (2010–…): Season 3, Episode 18 - A Shot Through the Heart - full transcript
Adrienne throws an eye-popping party to launch her new vodka line, but her relationship with Paul worsens. News of their separation reaches the shocked women as they head toward Lisa's housewarming party/vow renewal. Drama develops quickly, as Brandi confronts Marisa about talking behind her back.
- PREVIOUSLY ON THE REAL
HOUSEWIVES OF BEVERLY HILLS...
- WELL, I THOUGHT
IT'D BE A GREAT IDEA...
NOT JUST A HOUSEWARMING,
BUT RENEWING OUR VOWS.
- OH, THAT'D BE SO ROMANTIC.
- I WANT TO LEAVE.
- YOU CAN'T GET OUT, THOUGH.
- GET IN!
- YOU CAN'T GET OUT.
- MOVE! MOVE.
- COME HERE.
- WHAT IS HE THINKING?
WHAT COULD BE MORE IMPORTANT
THAN BEING WITH YOUR FAMILY
AND YOUR CHILDREN?
[siren wailing]
I'M LEAVING.
- YOU JUST THROW THINGS
OUT THERE AT RANDOM,
AND I CAN'T WAIT TO HEAR
WHAT YOU'RE GONNA START SAYING
ABOUT ME NEXT.
- I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOU.
WHY WOULD I TALK ABOUT YOU?
[upbeat music]
- LIFE ISN'T ALL DIAMONDS
AND ROSE,
BUT IT SHOULD BE.
- MONEY DOESN'T GIVE YOU CLASS.
IT JUST GIVES YOU MONEY.
- KNOW YOUR FRIENDS.
SHOW YOUR ENEMIES THE DOOR.
- I FOUGHT TOO HARD
FOR THIS ZIP CODE
TO GO HOME NOW.
- I LIKE TO HAVE FUN,
BUT I DON'T PLAY GAMES.
- LIFE IS A JOURNEY,
AND I'M FINDING MYSELF
EVERY DAY.
- I'M BORN AND RAISED
IN BEVERLY HILLS.
THIS IS MY TOWN.
- YOU LITTLE, FAT PIG,
SIT DOWN HERE.
GIVE ME A KISS. MWAH. - DARLING?
- GIVE ME YOUR PAW. YES?
- WHAT ARE YOU DOING OUT THERE?
- I'M MAKING OUT
WITH THE SEX MONSTER.
- HELP ME OUT.
- I'M CHILLING. I'M GETTING
INTO THE RELAXING MODE
FOR MY MASSAGE WITH BRANDI.
- I'M TRYING TO DECIDE WHAT
SHIRT TO WEAR FOR THE PARTY.
- SO YOU'VE BEEN MARRIED
TO ME 30 YEARS,
AND YOU HAVE TO ASK ME
WHICH ONE. TAKE A GUESS.
- THE PINK.
THAT'S WHAT I WANT TO WEAR.
- OH, YES. OKAY, WELL, THAT'S
WHY WE'RE MARRIED, ISN'T IT?
- [chuckles]
- WE'RE THROWING
A HOUSEWARMING PARTY,
BUT KEN WANTS TO RENEW OUR VOWS,
AND I WANT TO MAKE HIM HAPPY,
SO WE'RE GONNA HAVE
A SHORT CEREMONY.
LEAVE HIM. - OKAY.
I'LL SEE YOU LATER.
[line trilling]
- HELLO?
- HELLO, DARLING. IT'S MOMMY.
- HI. HOW ARE YOU?
- GOOD.
- HAVE YOU WRITTEN YOUR VOWS?
- OH, I DON'T KNOW
ABOUT THIS, PANDY.
I'M GONNA DO IT.
I AM GONNA DO IT.
I'M NOT GONNA MAKE A FUSS AGAIN.
- YOU HAVE TO DO IT.
- I AM DOING IT.
I DON'T LIKE PUBLIC
KIND OF PROCLAMATIONS OF LOVE.
I DON'T WANT IT
TO ALL BE ABOUT ME.
I'M BETTER
WHEN IT'S ABOUT SOMEBODY ELSE.
WHAT'S DADDY SAYING?
GOD FORBID.
THAT'S A SCARY THOUGHT.
- I'VE HEARD SOME OF IT.
HE'LL BE FINE.
[both laugh]
- PANDY, I NEED YOU
TO SPY ON HIM,
'CAUSE I'M A LITTLE BIT
WORRIED ABOUT THAT.
- I'VE BEEN SWORN TO SECRECY.
- OH, MY GOD.
NOW, I'M REALLY SCARED.
REAFFIRMING OUR VOWS,
IT'S NOT SOMETHING
I REALLY WANT TO DO,
BUT I LOVE HIM SO MUCH,
AND MAYBE IT'S THE TIME
TO TELL HIM.
- OH, IT'S GONNA BE SO GREAT.
- I KNOW.
OKAY, ON THAT NOTE,
I'LL SAY GOOD-BYE.
BYE, DARLING. I LOVE YOU.
- BYE. LOVE YOU TOO.
- [laughing] BYE.
WHAT DO YOU THINK, JAKE?
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
DID HE WET HIMSELF?
- HOW'S EVERYTHING?
LOOKING GOOD.
WHERE'S THE RED TIE, THOUGH?
- IT'S RED.
- IS IT? OH, OKAY.
I SEE THAT LITTLE ITTY-BITTY...
YEAH, BUT VERY STYLISH,
MY FRIEND.
CAN WE WALK THROUGH
AND DO A WALK-THROUGH?
- YEAH, LET'S WALK THROUGH.
YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.
- TONIGHT I'M LAUNCHING
A NEW VODKA LINE CALLED ZING.
ZING IS A PROJECT THAT I'VE BEEN
WORKING ON FOR ABOUT A YEAR.
OUR RED VELVET VODKA
IS VERY DECADENT,
AND I WANT THE PARTY
TO REFLECT THAT.
- THE THINGS WE DO FOR VODKA.
[man laughs]
- HELLO, PINKY.
- HELLO.
OH, MY GOD, YOU'RE, LIKE, 6'4".
- I'M HERE.
- YOU LOOK... [both laugh]
- YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL AS ALWAYS.
- HOW ARE YOU?
- HI, MAMA. READY FOR THIS.
- NO, TAKE YOUR SHOES OFF NOW.
THIS IS RIDICULOUS.
- WELL, I NEED A ROBE, LADY.
- UNFORTUNATELY, WE'RE MISSING
ADRIENNE'S VODKA PARTY.
WHAT WOULD I RATHER DO...
MASSAGE OR ADRIENNE'S PARTY?
UH, LET ME THINK
ABOUT THAT FOR A SEC.
- WELL, AND LET ME TELL YOU,
JUST THE VIEW ALONE,
I DON'T THINK THERE'S
ANY PLACE I WOULD RATHER BE.
- I'M SO GLAD.
I COULDN'T... I JUST COULDN'T GO.
I SWEAR TO YOU, I JUST
COULDN'T GO TO ADRIENNE'S PARTY.
- NOT THAT I WAS INVITED,
BUT THE LAST PLACE ON EARTH
THAT I WOULD EVER WANT TO BE
IS AT A MALOOF PARTY.
I MEAN, I DON'T FEEL LIKE
YOU NEED TO GO SUPPORT HER
PROMOTING YET ANOTHER THING
THAT SHE'S PROMOTING.
- EVERY PARTY'S
PROMOTING SOMETHING.
- YEAH, EVERYTHING SHE DOES
IS A PROMOTION FOR SOMETHING.
- THAT'S EDIBLE GOLD.
- OKAY.
- HOW COULD I GO WITH HER CHEF,
LIKE, SELLING STORIES ABOUT ME?
- ME TOO.
- MY CHILDREN.
- MORNING.
- HEY, HOW YOU DOING?
- HI, HONEY.
- HI.
- THESE ARE LOVELY,
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT I WOULD DO?
I KNOW IT'S HARD
TO WORK IN THE DARK,
BUT CAN WE LOWER THE LIGHTS
A LITTLE BIT?
- YEAH. OH, WE DON'T NEED
THE CHANDELIERS ON.
- BECAUSE WHEN YOU
LOWER THE LIGHTS,
THIS IS REALLY GONNA...
HERE, LET ME SHOW YOU.
- IF YOU'VE BEEN
TO ONE OF HER PARTIES
PUSHING A PRODUCT,
YOU'VE BEEN TO ALL OF 'EM.
- TELL ME IF YOU CAN TAKE THIS.
NOT ONLY IS
THE TASTE AMAZING, BUT...
- OH, I KNOW.
- SEE?
- IT'S BEAUTIFUL.
- SO CAN WE LEAVE IT?
- YEAH.
- ARE YOU OKAY TO WORK THIS WAY?
- OH, YEAH,
'CAUSE WE HAVE EVERYTHING DONE.
WE'RE AHEAD OF SCHEDULE.
- I MEAN, I THINK SHE'S JUST...
SHE'S NOT, LIKE, REALLY
A HAPPY PERSON IN GENERAL.
- I THINK THAT'S THE PROBLEM,
TO BE HONEST.
I THINK IT'S... SHE HAS KIND OF...
SHE'S VERY CAUGHT UP
IN HER OWN LIFE,
BUT SHE HAS DIFFICULTY KIND OF
FACING THINGS HEAD-ON, YOU KNOW?
- WOULD YOU BE BETTER OFF...
INSTEAD OF RED,
WHY DON'T YOU DO A REGULAR HAND,
SO THAT YOU SEE THE HAND?
SO IT'S A CONTRAST. - ADRIENNE.
ADRIENNE,
THERE'S A HAND COMING OUT.
- NO, WE ONLY HAVE RED SATIN.
- BECAUSE THE ONLY REASON
WHY I'M SAYING THAT...
'CAUSE IT LOOKS COOL
TO HAVE A HAND THERE.
[laughter]
- LOOK, LOOK, LOOK.
- PAUL AND ADRIENNE
DO NOT HAVE A HAPPY MARRIAGE.
DID YOU EVER SEE THEM,
LIKE, HOLDING HANDS OR KISSING
AND NOT BE, LIKE,
AN AWKWARD SITUATION?
- WHAT IS THIS?
- I THINK THE MARRIAGE...
I THINK IT'S MORE
OF A BUSINESS ARRANGEMENT THAN...
- WHAT, THE MARRIAGE?
- YEAH.
YOU THINK THEY'RE SEXY? NO.
- NOT EVERYBODY
HAS THE FAIRY-TALE ROMANCE.
- NO, NO, I KNOW, BUT I JUST...
- I DON'T THINK
IT'S A BUSINESS ARRANGEMENT.
- I DO.
- REALLY?
- YEAH.
- HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT?
NOT ANOTHER ONE
OF YOUR THREESOMES?
[both laugh] - NO! EW. GOD.
[retches]
I JUST THREW UP IN MY MOUTH.
- OH, MY GOD.
- MMM.
- GOOD?
- MMM.
HOW ARE YOU GONNA SERVE
THAT CHEESE BALL?
- PAUL, HE KNOWS HOW.
- I'M JUST ASKING...
- HE'S DOING A GREAT JOB.
- 'CAUSE I JUST WANT TO TASTE...
- LEAVE HIM ALONE.
- I JUST WANT TO JUST KIND OF,
LIKE, TASTE A BITE.
- THANK YOU, MY DEAR.
"ME FIRST, ME FIRST,"
AND THEN...
WHEN I NEED HELP,
IT'S "SAYONARA."
- PAUL, MAKE YOURSELF USEFUL.
- THESE ARE DINNER...
NO, THESE ARE DINNER PLATES.
- THAT'S OKAY.
BY THE TIME PEOPLE GET...
- BERNIE...
YOU SEE WHAT SHE'S DOING?
SHE'S RUNNING EVERYTHING.
- SEE HOW WONDERFUL THE FOOD IS?
THERE'S GONNA BE
MORE THAN JUST APPETIZERS,
SO LET'S FILL THE PLATES UP.
- NO, I KNOW,
BUT HE'S NOT GONNA WANT
THESE PLATES HERE.
- GOD BLESS YOU.
WE WANT OUR PLATES HERE.
[laughter]
GO AHEAD.
- TYPICAL DIG, TYPICAL INSULT.
YOU KNOW, THAT'S THE WAY IT IS.
I'M USED TO IT.
- I GUARANTEE YOU,
I KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.
- NO, HE'S NOT...
- RIGHT THERE. GO AHEAD.
HE'S NOT GONNA USE THESE PLATES,
I'M TELLING YOU.
- YES, HE WILL.
SO WE NEED A BIGGER PLATE.
- WHAT ABOUT SOME...
WHAT ABOUT PAPER PLATES?
- I THINK SHE LIKES IT
A LITTLE BIT ROUGH.
- LITTLE ROUGH?
- NO, I DON'T.
[both laugh] - GIGS.
- DO NOT PUT HIM THERE.
IT'S NOT SAFE.
DO NOT PUT HIM THERE.
- WHERE'S THE PEANUT BUTTER?
- GET HIM OUT... [both laugh]
GET HIM OUT OF THERE.
KEVIN, GO AND GET HIM.
- HE'S GRAZING.
- GET HIM OUT.
- HI, GIRLS. HURRY UP.
- TALK OF THE DEVIL.
- HELLO.
- I BROUGHT GIGGY A DRINK,
JUST IN CASE HE NEEDS A DRINK.
- HE DOES.
- HE WAS BETWEEN MY LEGS
FOR A WHILE. HE GOT THIRSTY.
- HELLO, DARLING.
[both laugh]
- WHY WOULD HE GET THIRSTY
IN BETWEEN YOUR LEGS?
- I DON'T KNOW. [both laugh]
- THAT IS SO RUDE.
DID YOU JUST SAY THAT?
- THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID.
[both laugh]
SHE SAID THAT.
- YOU'RE IN SO MUCH TROUBLE.
IS MARTIN HERE?
- NO, MARTIN'S NOT HERE.
- "MY NAME IS GIGOLO,
BUT MANY CALL ME GIGGY.
"MY OWNER DECIDED ON THE NAME,
AS SHE SAW ME TO BE
POSSIBLY THE MOST ATTRACTIVE
LITTLE DOG ON THIS PLANET."
- [laughs]
WHO IS TOUCHING ME?
- WHAT? [laughter]
- I'M LIKE... [laughter]
- COME ON, THAT WAS THE BEST
MASSAGE YOU'VE EVER HAD.
[laughter]
- OH, MY GOD.
HAVE I GOT TO DO THIS AGAIN?
- OH. NO, STOP. KEN... OH!
[laughter]
WAIT TILL OUR ANNIVERSARY!
GET OFF, KEN.
[laughter] - YOU LOVE THIS.
THE NEW HIP WORKS LIKE A CHARM.
[laughter]
YOU LOVE THAT MASSAGE.
- KEN!
- I'M DYING, YOU GUYS.
I'M DYING.
[laughter] - GET OFF ME!
- COMING UP...
- DON'T TRASH-TALK.
- RIGHT, RIGHT.
- YOU KNOW, YOU HAVE SOMETHING
TO SAY ABOUT SOMEBODY...
- I AGREE.
- LOOK A PERSON IN THE EYE
AND SAY IT.
- WOW.
THE DIFFERENCE
BETWEEN A NORMAL PARTY
AND AN ADRIENNE PARTY,
ADRIENNE GOES BIG,
ELABORATE,
EVERYTHING OVER-THE-TOP BIG.
OH, MY GOD,
I THOUGHT SHE WAS FAKE!
- THAT'S THE WHOLE IDEA.
- I THOUGHT SHE WAS A STATUE
THAT YOU HAD HERE IN THE HOUSE.
- NO. [laughter]
- OH, MY GOODNESS.
OH, MY GOD,
I THOUGHT THAT WAS YOU.
- I KNOW YOUR MOUTH
WAS GONNA BE LIKE THAT.
- YOLANDA? [both laugh]
- NO, THAT'S YOLANDA
20 YEARS AGO, BABY.
- OH, MY GOSH.
- NOT ANYMORE. HI, HONEY.
- HOW ARE YOU?
- GOOD. THAT WAS SO FUNNY.
I WENT... I KNEW YOU WERE
RIGHT BEHIND ME.
[both laugh]
HELLO. NOTHING LIKE...
I WAS FEELING OKAY ABOUT MYSELF.
[laughs] - UNTIL WE SAW THIS.
OKAY, WELL... - YEAH, LET'S...
I FEEL SO OVERDRESSED.
- HOW ARE YOU?
- HELLO.
COME HAVE A SHOT.
- HI, ADRIENNE.
- COME HAVE A SHOT? OH, MY GOD.
- YEAH, YOU NEED IT.
- SHE'S TAKING SHOTS
WITH EVERYBODY. HI, BABY.
- MY HUSBAND'S NOT EVEN HERE,
AND I'M DOING VODKA SHOTS.
HEY, NONE OF US HAVE HUSBANDS
WITH US TONIGHT.
- I KNOW.
WE'RE ALL "HUSBANDLESS."
- WELL, WE'RE LOOKING OUT
FOR EACH OTHER.
- WE'RE ALL TOGETHER.
- IT'S LIKE, OH, MY GOSH,
THE ONLY ONE HERE WITH A HUSBAND
TONIGHT IS ADRIENNE.
- ARE YOU REALLY THAT TALL?
- SHE'S GORGEOUS TOO.
- LET'S GO.
- ONE, TWO, THREE, GO, GIRLS.
LET'S GO. - [laughing] KYLE!
- RIGHT AWAY, ADRIENNE
WANTED TO DO VODKA SHOTS
AND, YOU KNOW, GET DRUNK,
AND THAT'S
JUST NOT MY CUP OF TEA.
- WHOO!
[laughter]
- I NEED ABS.
- YEAH, DONE.
- GREAT.
- OH, JESUS, THAT'S COLD!
- [laughs]
OH!
YOU'RE NOT GONNA SPRAY THAT
IN MY FACE LIKE THAT, ARE YOU?
- UH, NO. I'LL BE NICE TO YOU.
- OH, MAN.
- IT'S GONNA BE A TREAT.
- [grunts]
OKAY, IT'S MAKING MY FAT
DISAPPEAR. I LOVE IT ALREADY.
SO THIS HAS TO BE SCRUBBED OFF
IS WHAT YOU'RE SAYING?
- YEAH, JUST ASK YOUR WIFE.
- I DON'T THINK
SHE'S GONNA LEAVE THE PARTY
TO GO AND SCRUB MY BACK,
I DON'T THINK.
- YOU NEVER KNOW.
- OH, MY GOD,
THAT'S GOING IN MY EARS!
[laughter] OH, MY GOD.
[indistinct chatter]
- I'VE GOT TO TELL YOU GUYS
SOMETHING.
THE OTHER DAY
DEAN AND I WERE AT DINNER,
AND I GET THIS TEXT
OUT OF THE BLUE, OKAY?
- FROM?
- BRANDI.
OKAY? AND IT SAYS...
"I THINK I KNOW
WHAT WOULD BE GREAT...
WHAT WILL SAVE YOUR MARRIAGE."
- WHY?
YOU HAVE A GREAT MARRIAGE.
- AND I'M LIKE,
"WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?"
DEAN AND I HAVE BEEN
HAPPILY MARRIED FOR 16...
I MEAN,
WE'VE BEEN TOGETHER 16 YEARS.
- HE ADORES YOU.
- NO, WE LOVE EACH OTHER
SO MUCH.
OKAY, SO THEN SHE SAYS,
"YOU EACH SHOULD GIVE EACH OTHER
A HALL PASS."
- A HALL PASS?
I'M SORRY. IS THAT
A ONE-TIME CHEATING SITUATION?
THAT'S BASICALLY
AN INVITATION TO DIVORCE.
STUPID.
- I DON'T REALLY KNOW
WHAT THAT MEANS,
BUT I'M THINKING
IT'S, LIKE, A FREE NIGHT,
I GUESS, OF NOT BEING MARRIED,
IS WHAT I'M THINKING.
- I DON'T KNOW
THAT BRANDI'S THE RIGHT ONE
TO BE GIVING ADVICE ON MARRIAGE.
- TO SPICE UP YOUR MARRIAGE.
- SPICE UP MY MARRIAGE.
MY MARRIAGE
DOESN'T NEED ANY SPICING.
DEAN WANTS TO HAVE SEX
EVERY SINGLE [bleep] DAY, OKAY?
- I KNOW. YOU TOLD ME THAT.
- IT'S ANNOYING.
SO I TEXT BACK,
AND I SAID, "NO, THANK YOU.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT
YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT."
- WELL, NONE OF US KNOW
WHAT SHE'S TALKING ABOUT.
- I MEAN, IT JUST
WAS VERY BIZARRE,
BECAUSE I DON'T TALK
ABOUT MY MARRIAGE.
THE ONLY THING I DO DO
IN FRONT OF EVERYBODY
IS I JOKE WHEN GUYS ARE HOT,
AND IT WOULD BE GREAT
TO, LIKE, SLEEP
WITH SOMEBODY NEW.
- BIG DEAL, BIG DEAL.
- WHO DOESN'T, THOUGH?
BUT I'M NOT SAYING I'M NOT
GONNA BE WITH MY HUSBAND,
OR I'M GONNA GO AND CHEAT.
- RIGHT.
- SHE DOES TALK ABOUT THREESOMES
AND ALL THAT STUFF A LOT,
AND I THOUGHT, IF ANYTHING,
THAT'S GONNA MAKE
YOUR MARRIAGE WORSE.
- I SWEAR TO GOD,
IT WOULD MAKE IT HORRIBLE.
- I THINK
THAT IS THE WORST THING
YOU COULD EVER DO IN A MARRIAGE,
BUT SHE ACTUALLY THINKS THAT.
SHE TOLD US THAT IN PARIS
ON THE PATIO.
WELL, WHEN SHE WAS MARRIED,
SHE DID THAT, SHE SAID.
- SHE SAID WHEN SHE WAS MARRIED,
SHE DID THREESOMES.
- WELL, THAT'S PROBABLY
WHY THE MARRIAGE FAILED.
- [laughs]
- THAT MIGHT BE
WHY THE MARRIAGE FAILED.
- I THINK THAT THREESOMES
AND A HALL PASS
IS A DIFFERENT THING,
BUT I CAN JUST TELL YOU,
ANYBODY TOUCHES MY HUSBAND,
THEY'RE GONNA GET
THEIR HAND CHOPPED OFF.
- I DIDN'T WANT TO GET INTO IT
WITH HER,
BECAUSE I THOUGHT, "YOU KNOW,
I'M NOT GONNA GIVE HER THAT."
- BUT MY ADVICE...
- YEAH?
- WHY ARE YOU ASKING US?
ASK BRANDI.
I THINK MARISA IS
ON PURPOSELY TRYING
TO THROW BRANDI UNDER THE BUS,
BECAUSE OTHERWISE,
SHE WOULDN'T HAVE SHOWED THAT.
SHE WOULD HAVE WAITED
UNTIL SHE SEES BRANDI IN PERSON.
- MAYBE SHE HAS A CRUSH ON DEAN.
- [laughs]
- I THINK THAT.
- REALLY?
- DEAN THINKS THAT.
- REALLY?
- DEAN THINKS BRANDI
HAS A CRUSH ON HIM?
- ARE YOU KIDDING?
NO, SHE FLIRTS
WITH ALL THE GUYS.
- SHE FLIRTS WITH ALL THE GUYS,
FOR SURE.
- IN A FRIENDLY WAY.
- WELL, WE ALL FLIRT A BIT,
BUT NOT WITH MARRIED MEN.
- SHE'S THE FLIRTY TYPE.
YEAH, BUT I DON'T THINK, THOUGH,
AFTER WHAT SHE WENT THROUGH
WITH SOME...
EDDIE CHEATING ON HER
AND LEAVING HER
THAT SHE WOULD GO THERE
WITH A MARRIED MAN.
- NO, I AGREE WITH YOU.
SHE WOULDN'T.
- I DON'T THINK SHE WOULD.
- I DON'T THINK SHE WOULD
EITHER.
- KYLE, DID YOU REALLY SAY THAT?
- I DID.
- YEAH.
- DID YOU REALLY SAY THAT?
- I MEAN, LISTEN...
- SWEETHEART, WHAT HAPPENED
IN THE BATHROOM AT YOUR HOUSE
AT THE WHITE PARTY? PLEASE.
- NO, NO, MY POINT IS...
- WAIT, WHAT HAPPENED?
- SHE WAS FOUND
IN THE BATHROOM WITH...
NOT A LOT OF CLOTHES ON.
- NOT BY ANY OF US.
- WHAT?
- WHAT?
- MY BOYFRIEND'S HERE,
BY THE WAY.
- OOH, WHAT'S YOUR BOYFRIEND?
- HE'S MY BOYFRIEND.
- A REAL BOYFRIEND?
- NO, I'M... IN MY HEAD.
HE'S GOT, LIKE,
A SEXY GAP IN HIS TEETH
THAT I JUST WANT TO SUCK ON.
- ACTUALLY, IN THE BATHROOM
OF A CHILD'S ROOM,
WHICH I THOUGHT WAS...
- INAPPROPRIATE.
- INAPPROPRIATE ENTIRELY.
- I DID NOT SEE ANYTHING
WITH MY OWN EYES,
AND I REALLY HOPE THAT
DIDN'T HAPPEN AT MY WHITE PARTY,
BUT I DON'T KNOW.
- OH, MY GOD.
- I HATE SPECULATION.
- YEAH, YEAH.
- I HATE TO TELL,
"WELL, SO-AND-SO SAID
THAT SO-AND-SO CHEATED ON SO...
- WE KNOW FOR SURE ABOUT THIS.
THERE'S NO SPECULATION.
- WELL, YOU DON'T REALLY MAKE
SUCH A BIG STATEMENT
UNLESS YOU SEE IT
WITH YOUR OWN EYES, I BELIEVE.
- WELL, I KNOW ABOUT IT
FOR TWO SETS OF EYES,
AND THERE WERE NO DRAPES
IN THERE.
- I JUST DON'T WANT
TO THROW SOMEBODY UNDER THE BUS.
- YOU DON'T WANT TO THROW
ANYBODY UNDER THE BUS,
BUT SHE'S THROWN ALL OF US
UNDER THE BUS, SO...
- SHE'S THROWN ALL OF US
UNDER THE BUS
EVERY SINGLE TIME THAT SHE CAN.
- YOU, YOU, ALL OF US
AT SOME POINT.
- I HAVE NEVER SEE... I'VE NEVER
FELT SHE THREW ME UNDER THE BUS.
- REALLY?
- NO. BRANDI?
- JUST WAIT.
- WHAT SHE SAID ABOUT...
WELL, ABOUT THE...
- ABOUT WHAT? TELL ME.
WHAT SHE SAID ABOUT WHAT?
I DON'T THINK THAT ADRIENNE
IS A VERY CREDIBLE SOURCE
RIGHT NOW.
YOU KNOW, WHATEVER SHE SAYS
ABOUT BRANDI RIGHT NOW,
SHE'S COMING FROM A PLACE
OF HURT AND INSECURITY,
AND I JUST DON'T FEEL
THAT BRANDI'S A BACKSTABBER,
AND I DON'T THINK
SHE WOULD TALK ABOUT ME.
DON'T TRASH-TALK.
- RIGHT, RIGHT.
- YOU KNOW, YOU HAVE SOMETHING
TO SAY ABOUT SOMEBODY,
LOOK A PERSON IN THE EYE
AND SAY IT.
- I AGREE.
- OH, AND WE'D LOVE TO.
- THEN DO IT. WHAT STOPS YOU?
- WELL, LET'S LEAVE IT AT THAT.
- MARISA NEEDS TO GO
DIRECTLY TO BRANDI
AND ASK BRANDI THAT QUESTION,
AND SAY, "HEY, WHY DID YOU
SEND ME THIS TEXT?
IT'S NOT COOL.
I LOVE MY HUSBAND."
WHATEVER SHE WANTS TO SAY.
- SHE IS NOT A NICE PERSON.
- KYLE AND I SAID WE MISSED YOU.
- YEAH.
- SHE SAID SOMETHING MEAN.
- ADRIENNE
DOESN'T OWN THE PALMS.
- WHAT?
- ADRIENNE ONLY OWNS
2% OF THE PALMS.
- I HAD TO DEFEND YOU BECAUSE
IT WAS THE RIGHT THING TO DO.
- KYLE WAS, LIKE...
WENT TO BAT FOR YOU.
SHE WAS LIKE, "OH, MY GOD."
- OH, YEAH, AND THEN I...
- YEAH, IT WAS MEAN.
- I'M SORRY.
IT WAS SO BELOW THE BELT.
IT'S LIKE, IS ANYTHING SACRED?
AND WHEN IS ENOUGH IS ENOUGH?
WHEN DO YOU DRAW THE LINE
AND SAY,
"OKAY, YOU KNOW,
THERE'S CERTAIN THINGS"...
- THERE'S SOME THINGS
YOU DON'T TALK ABOUT. YEAH.
- BUSINESS, FAMILY.
- YEAH.
- ADRIENNE,
PEOPLE DON'T UNDERSTAND
HOW UPSET YOU WERE.
I MEAN, IT'S OKAY TO SHOW...
- WELL, IT DOESN'T MATTER.
SHE IS WHAT SHE IS.
- NO, NO, IT'S OKAY.
SHE'S HURT YOU,
AND WE'VE ALL BEEN THERE,
AND WE'VE BEEN THERE 'CAUSE...
AND WE CARE ABOUT YOU.
- YOU KNOW, VEGAS,
EVERYBODY GOT HIT IN VEGAS,
INCLUDING US,
BUT MY FAMILY WORKS HARD.
FOR 150 YEARS,
WE WORK OUR ASS OFF.
- YEAH.
- AND, YOU KNOW...
IT DOESN'T MATTER. I DON'T...
I DON'T SINK TO THAT LEVEL.
- LISTEN, YOU GUYS
ARE IN A GREAT PLACE, AND... YEAH.
- I DON'T SINK TO THAT LEVEL,
BUT UNFORTUNATELY, SHE DOES.
- WHERE'S PAUL?
- HE SEEMED UPSET. HE LEFT.
I DON'T KNOW.
SOMETHING HAPPENED.
- UPSET ABOUT WHAT?
- I DON'T KNOW.
HE JUST... HE SEEMED PRETTY UPSET,
AND HE SAID,
"JUST TELL ADRIENNE I LEFT."
- ARE YOU SERIOUS?
[laughter]
OH, [bleep].
I'M LOOKING
AT THESE BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE,
AND THEN... I SEE YOU.
[applause]
AS LONG AS HE'S GETTING
ATTENTION
AND YOU'RE FEEDING HIS EGO,
HE'S HAPPY.
HE ACTUALLY KIND OF LOOKS
A LITTLE PATHETIC.
GIVE ME YOUR HAND.
I'LL HELP YOU GET DOWN.
- NO.
ADRIENNE, IF I FALL,
I'LL FALL ON THAT TABLE.
- YOU WON'T FALL.
- YES.
- YOU WON'T. REALLY?
- COMING UP...
- KEVIN, SERIOUSLY, ARE YOU
GONNA HAVE YOUR TROUSERS ON
WHEN EVERYBODY ARRIVES?
- WHAT ELSE DO YOU WANT, LISA?
- YOU'VE GOT THIS.
YOU'VE GOT LOADS OF THINGS.
JUST USE YOUR IMAGINATION.
USE ANYTHING.
ADRIENNE AND PAUL
ANNOUNCED THEIR SEPARATION
ONLINE THIS MORNING...
I'M SHOCKED.
I DON'T QUITE UNDERSTAND IT,
BUT I DO FEEL A LOT OF SORROW
FOR THE SITUATION.
[exhaling sharply]
FRANCIS?
SO WHAT ARE WE DOING?
I FEEL LIKE WE'RE BEHIND.
- IT FEELS LIKE WE'RE BEHIND.
- IT DOES, RIGHT?
- WE'RE NOT. WE'RE NOT.
- OKAY.
- DO YOU WANT TO TASTE ANYTHING?
- NO, NO, I'M FINE.
I FEEL A BIT STRESSED.
I DON'T KNOW WHY.
I JUST FEEL...
OH, BOY. I'M JUST NOT...
- WELL, IT LOOKS AND KIND OF
FEELS THAT WE'RE BEHIND, BUT...
- I KNOW, BUT I'M MUCH BETTER
WHEN IT'S ABOUT SOMEBODY ELSE.
WHEN IT'S TO DO WITH ME,
I'M LIKE, "UGH."
- IT'S ONLY
YOUR 30TH ANNIVERSARY.
- I KNOW, RIGHT? THOSE DON'T
REALLY COME AROUND TOO OFTEN.
WHAT'S THIS? IS THIS SPICY TUNA?
- WE GOT...
CRISPY RICE, SPICY TUNA...
- OKAY.
- LOBSTER TACOS.
- JUST SEX IT UP.
MAKE EVERYTHING SEXY.
MAKE EVERYTHING ABUNDANT.
- YOU HAVE ANY EXTRA ROSES
I COULD USE?
- AND DON'T HIT ON MY FRIENDS.
TRY AND RESTRAIN YOURSELF
TONIGHT.
THERE'S STILL QUITE A LOT TO DO,
BUT LUCKILY, I HAVE A STAFF
WHO CAN PICK UP
A LOT OF THE SLACK.
WHERE'S PETER? PETER?
- YES, MA'AM.
- OH, YOU'RE HERE.
- YES, I AM. AT YOUR SERVICE.
- OKAY, SO...
RIGHT. YOU KNOW
THE CUCUMBER MARTINI?
- YES.
- WHAT ARE WE DOING?
- CUCUMBER MARTINI...
SUR COSMO... - SUR COSMO.
- MM-HMM, AND SOME... SOME PIMM'S.
- THERE'S A PIMM'S?
YOU DON'T WANT
TO SERVE RED WINE...
- OKAY.
- BECAUSE IT...
YOU KNOW, FURNITURE.
- KEN SAID RED,
BUT I'M GONNA MAKE
A HUGE PITCHER OF MARGARITA.
- YEAH. OKAY, YEAH.
- KEN SAID TO MAKE A PITCHER.
- KEVIN?
I LOVE IT. I THINK IT'S REALLY,
REALLY PRETTY, ACTUALLY.
GORGEOUS. - IT'S SO ROMANTIC.
- IT IS. IT REALLY IS.
- GORGEOUS, RIGHT?
WHAT ELSE DO YOU WANT?
- VERY SWEET.
NOW, I AM SCARED THAT
THIS LOOKS LIKE A BLOODY MESS,
AND THEY'RE GONNA BE HERE
IN AN HOUR AND A HALF.
- SCARED OF WHAT?
LISA, DON'T WORRY.
- HUH?
- YOU DON'T HAVE TO SCARE
OF ANYTHING.
WHY ARE YOU SCARING ABOUT?
- BECAUSE LOOK AT IT.
- I'M GONNA CLEAN IT RIGHT NOW.
I'M CLEANING.
LISA, YOU'RE GONNA
KILL ME TODAY.
- KEVIN DRIVES ME NUTS.
I PUT UP WITH HIM
BECAUSE HE'S BRILLIANT,
AND HE DELIVERS, AND I LOVE HIM.
IT'S LIKE...
WE'VE GOT AN HOUR AND A HALF.
- OH, MY GOD. THIS IS SO HARD
TO WORK WITH HERE.
- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
- LISA, OH, MY GOD.
IT'S SO HARD
TO WORK IN THE POOL.
- DON'T FALL IN.
- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
- MY GOD. WE HAVE TO PUT
SOME FLOWERS IN THE WATER.
- YEAH, BUT YOU'VE GOT
AN HOUR AND A HALF.
YOU NEED TO DO IT NOW.
- WELL, I CAN'T GET INTO WATER.
- YEAH, YOU CAN.
JUST GET IN THERE.
- ARE YOU SERIOUS?
- GET IN.
- OH, MY GOD. ARE YOU SERIOUS?
- YEAH, BUT SERIOUSLY,
YOU'VE GOT TO GET IN.
JUST DO IT. GO ON. JUST DO IT.
- LISA.
- I'M GONNA HAVE TO
TAKE MY PANTS OFF.
- JUST DO IT.
WHAT HAVE YOU GOT TO HIDE?
- UGH. I'LL DO IT, JUST FOR YOU.
- JUST FOR LISA.
I'VE NEVER SEEN THIS DONE.
- I WILL DO IT JUST FOR YOU,
MY LOVE.
- DO YOU SHAVE YOUR LEGS
AS WELL?
- THEY'RE PRETTY LEGS.
- WELL!
- CHI CHI CHI, BABY.
CHI CHI CHI. BEVERLY HILLS.
- THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT.
- OH, MY GOD, I HAVE TO DO THIS.
WHOO! - OH, MY GOD. HURRY UP.
- PULL IT UP.
- SERIOUSLY?
- WHOO!
- NO! NO, NO.
- SERIOUSLY.
OKAY, YOU CLEAN THE DOORS.
- GET AWAY. GET AWAY.
- LISTEN, KEVIN...
- GET AWAY.
- WE'VE GOT AN HOUR AND A HALF.
STOP MESSING ABOUT.
- OKAY, I GOT IT, I GOT IT.
- NO, I'M SERIOUS.
- YOU GOT IT.
- AND YOU GOT TO DO THIS SIDE.
- I'M GONNA FINISH IT.
OH, MY GOD.
- KEVIN, SERIOUSLY...
WE'VE GOT AN HOUR AND A HALF.
- WHAT ELSE YOU WANT ME TO DO?
- WELL, MORE THAN THAT.
- OH, MY GOODNESS.
- ARE YOU GONNA HAVE
YOUR TROUSERS ON
WHEN EVERYBODY ARRIVES?
- WHAT ELSE DO YOU WANT, LISA?
COME ON.
- THIS BREEZE FEELS REALLY GOOD.
- OH, MY GOD.
THIS BREEZE FEELS SO...
- THANK GOODNESS.
- I'M EXCITED
TO SEE LISA'S HOUSE.
- YEAH. OH, YOU HAVEN'T
SEEN IT YET. THAT'S RIGHT.
- UH-UH.
- IT'S BEAUTIFUL.
IT'S SO PRETTY.
- SHE WAS TEXTING ME
THE SWEETEST THINGS
THE OTHER DAY. - SHE'S ADORABLE.
- DON'T... WATCH YOUR STEP HERE,
'CAUSE YOU KNOW
WE'LL ALL GO DOWN.
- I KNOW.
- HI.
- HELLO.
GOOD AFTERNOON.
Both: GOOD AFTERNOON.
- I'M EXCITED FOR YOU
TO SEE THE HOUSE.
- I KNOW, I KNOW.
- IT'S SO PRETTY.
- IS IT... IT'S BIGGER
THAN THE LAST HOUSE?
- NO, NO, NO. IT'S SMALLER,
BUT I MEAN, IT'S STILL...
IT'S STILL REALLY BIG. - YEAH.
- BUT NO, IT'S BEAUTIFUL.
IT'S... SHE NAMED IT "VILLA ROSA."
- AW.
- I'M A LITTLE...
I'M WONDERING IF ADRIENNE
IS GONNA COME TONIGHT,
BECAUSE OF THE ANNOUNCEMENT
THEY MADE THIS MORNING.
- I KNOW. THAT'S SO SAD.
- I KNOW.
- IT'S REALLY SAD. IT'S SO SAD
WHEN ANOTHER MARRIAGE ENDS.
- I AM DEFINITELY NOT
SURPRISED OR SHOCKED
TO HEAR THAT ADRIENNE AND PAUL
ARE SEPARATING,
BUT I DO THINK THE TIMING'S
A LITTLE SUSPECT.
I'M THINKING, "PUBLICITY STUNT."
YOU KNOW, IT'S HARD, BECAUSE
YOU HEAR ALL THESE RUMORS
OVER THE YEARS ABOUT, YOU KNOW,
THEM LIVING SEPARATE LIVES
AND HAVING, YOU KNOW,
DIFFERENT BEDROOMS
AND AFFAIRS AND OPEN MARRIAGE
AND ALL THIS STUFF,
AND THEN YOU JUST
KIND OF WONDER...
MAYBE IT'S TRUE. I MEAN,
MAYBE IT WAS TRUE... WHO KNOWS?
IT JUST... YOU NEVER KNOW, BUT...
- HMM.
- IT'S SO HARD
WHEN YOU'RE, LIKE...
YOU KNOW,
EVERYONE IN TOWN KNOWS THEM.
YOU KNOW, YOU CAN'T JUST
GO THROUGH THIS QUIETLY.
EVERYONE HAS TO KNOW
EVERY LITTLE DETAIL
ABOUT EVERYONE'S LIFE.
- I KNOW.
- YOU KNOW?
WHEN YOU GET SEPARATED,
IT'S ON TMZ.
I FEEL LIKE EVERYTHING
THAT THEY'VE BEEN GOING THROUGH
AND THE WHOLE PROBLEM
WITH BRANDI...
I FELT LIKE
THEY WERE GETTING CLOSER.
I THOUGHT IT WAS BRINGING THEM
CLOSER TOGETHER.
- WOW.
- YOLANDA WENT TO THIS PARTY
THAT ADRIENNE AND PAUL HOSTED
THE OTHER NIGHT,
AND SHE SAID IT WAS JUST
A REALLY, REALLY...
IT WAS LIKE HIGH SCHOOL.
THIS LITTLE GROUP OF OLDER WOMEN
CACKLING ABOUT...
IT WAS ALL ME, ME, ME, ME,
EVEN MARISA.
THEY WERE SAYING
THAT I WOULD SLEEP WITH ANYONE,
I WOULD SLEEP
WITH A MARRIED MAN,
THAT I... YEAH.
- WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT,
W-W-W-W-WHAT? YOU? - MM-HMM.
- ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
- NO, I SWEAR.
THAT I WOULD [bleep] ANYONE,
ESPECIALLY MARRIED MEN.
- REALLY?
BECAUSE THAT'S REALLY...
- OH, AND THAT I FLIRT
WITH ALL OF THEIR HUSBANDS.
THE THING IS, I DON'T KNOW
WHO SAID I FLIRT
WITH ALL OF THEIR HUSBANDS.
LIKE, MAYBE...
- I'VE NEVER SEEN YOU FLIRT
WITH DEAN OR MAURICIO
OR PAUL. - EW. EW.
- I GOTTA TELL YOU,
I REALLY LIKED MARISA.
I THOUGHT SHE WAS A GIRL'S GIRL.
I DIDN'T REALIZE
SHE WOULD SAY THINGS LIKE THAT,
IF THAT WAS HER THAT SAID IT.
- WELL, WE'LL HAVE TO GET
TO THE BOTTOM OF IT,
BECAUSE I KIND OF WANT TO GIVE
HER THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT.
I'M REALLY DISAPPOINTED
IN MARISA,
BECAUSE WE HAVE A FRIENDSHIP,
AND I FEEL LIKE
IF SOMETHING WAS BOTHERING HER,
SHE SHOULD HAVE COME TO ME
AND NOT TALK
TO A BUNCH OF CATTY BITCHES
AT A PARTY ABOUT IT.
I'M LIKE,
"OH, MY GOD. KILL ME NOW."
WHO KNOWS?
I GUESS WE'LL STRAIGHTEN IT
ALL OUT TODAY.
- COMING UP...
- I SAW YOUR POINT IN IT.
- BUT THAT'S NOT
WHAT YOU WERE SAYING
THE OTHER NIGHT
IN FRONT OF THE GIRLS, THOUGH.
- THANK YOU.
I'LL SEE YOU IN A LITTLE WHILE.
- HELLO.
- HELLO.
OH, YOU GOT THE MEMO?
- HOW ARE YOU?
- "WEAR THE BLACK."
- NO, I DIDN'T GET THE MEMO.
- PINK ADDITION... SO CUTE.
HI, GIGGY. HI, ROCIO.
- HEY, GIGGY.
- HI, BABY.
LOOK AT YOU. GOOD BOY. GOOD BOY.
- HOW YOU DOING, BUD?
- IT'S VILLA ROSA.
- OH, MY... OH, MY GOD.
ANYONE HOME?
HI. - HELLO.
OH, YOU'RE WEARING WHITE.
- I KNOW!
- OF COURSE YOU ARE.
HELLO, DARLING.
ARE YOU GONNA BEHAVE
YOURSELF TONIGHT?
- I'M HOPING TO. NO PROMISES.
- NO, THAT'S TRUE. OKAY, WELL,
JUST DO WHAT YOU DO BEST.
[laughter] - OH, MY BOYFRIEND!
OH, HI. I DIDN'T SEE YOU THERE.
HOW ARE YOU? - HI.
- YOU LOOK SO PRETTY.
LIKE, EVERYONE'S WEARING BLACK.
- I KNOW.
DIDN'T YOU GET THE MEMO?
- NO.
- THERE WAS NO MEMO.
LISA WAS LIKE,
"DID YOU GET THE MEMO?"
I'M LIKE, "NO MEMO." [laughs]
- HELLO. HOW ARE YOU?
- HI, LISA.
- GOOD. THANK YOU. THANK YOU.
- WELCOME.
THANK YOU. THIS IS MY MOTHER.
THIS IS GAYLE.
- OH, HELLO.
SO NICE TO MEET YOU.
- MY MOM. LISA.
- OH, I CAN SEE THE LIKENESS.
ABSOLUTELY. WELL, WELCOME.
- THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
NICE TO BE HERE.
- SO YOU GOT THE...
- I GOT ALL BLACK.
- YOU GOT THE DRESS CODE.
- YES.
- THAT'S FINE.
WELCOME. COME IN.
- THANKS, LISA.
- ALL RIGHT, DARLING.
SO EVERYBODY TURN UP
IN A LONG, BLACK DRESS.
THAT'S WHAT I GET
FOR NOT WEARING PINK.
- OH, MY GOD.
ISN'T IT INCREDIBLE?
- OH, YES. YES.
- WOW, IT'S BEAUTIFUL, HUH?
IT'S VERY FAR AWAY, BUT...
- [chuckles] "VILLA ROSA."
- HELLO. [laughs]
- WHAT'S UP, KIDS?
- HI, HONEY.
- NICE PAD.
- GOOD TO SEE...
I'M GONNA KISS YOU FIRST.
- THAT'S RIGHT.
- OF COURSE.
- HOW ARE YOU?
- HELLO, DARLING. HOW ARE YOU?
- GOOD. GOOD TO SEE YOU.
YOU LOOK GORGEOUS.
- NICE TO SEE YOU. THANK YOU.
WHAT A BEAUTIFUL PLACE.
- IT REALLY IS. IT REALLY IS.
- THANK YOU.
- OKAY. READY, HONEY?
THIS MAKES ME FEEL LIKE
I'M GONNA FALL IN.
HELLO. - OH, TROUBLE'S HERE.
- HELLO, LISA.
- LOOK HOW GORGEOUS YOU ARE.
- HOW ARE YOU?
- GOOD. MWAH. MWAH.
- HOW ARE YOU?
- WELCOME.
- I'M SO EXCITED
TO SEE THIS FINALLY.
- OH, YOU CAN HAVE A LOOK
EVERYWHERE.
- IT LOOKS BEAUTIFUL.
- MINUS...
- ARE YOU NERVOUS?
YOU LOOK A LITTLE NERVOUS.
- NO, I'M FINE.
- YOU ARE?
- YEAH.
- WHAT?
- WHAT?
- [laughs]
- I DON'T KNOW.
- WHAT DO YOU KNOW
THAT I DON'T KNOW?
- I DON'T KNOW. DO I KNOW...
- OH, I KNOW. IT'S NOT GOOD.
- IT'S NOT GOOD.
- THERE'S NO UP SIDE
TO THAT ONE, IS THERE?
- WELL, NOW, SUPPOSED...
I JUST HEARD
THAT HE'S ALREADY MOVED OUT,
OR HE'S NOT STAYING THERE.
- YEAH.
IT MUST BE SERIOUS IF THEY'RE
FILING LEGAL SEPARATION, RIGHT?
- I DON'T KNOW
WHETHER TO BELIEVE IT OR NOT.
THERE ARE SO MANY LIES
ALWAYS OUT THERE.
- WELL, SHE'S CONFIRMED IT.
- YEAH, NOW SHE'S...
AND HE'S CONFIRMED IT TOO.
- YEAH.
OY, YIKES. - I KNOW.
- ANYWAY, LET'S...
- SO I ASSUME
THEY'RE NOT COMING.
- WELL, I DON'T KNOW.
MAYBE ONE OF THEM.
- I MEAN, YOU NEVER KNOW.
- WOW. THIS IS BEAUTIFUL, HUH?
- HELLO.
- HELLO.
- HOW ARE YOU? NICE TO SEE YOU.
- NICE TO SEE YOU TOO.
- HI. HOW ARE YOU?
- HELLO.
- GREAT TO SEE YOU.
- GOOD. GREAT TO SEE YOU TOO.
- HI, CAMILLE.
- HELLO. MWAH.
- THIS IS BEAUTIFUL.
- SO PRETTY.
- THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE
A HOUSEWARMING PARTY,
BUT IT LOOKS A LOT MORE THAN...
- IT'S LOOKING LIKE...
- IT LOOKS LIKE A...
- THEY'RE GONNA BE
RENEWING THEIR VOWS.
THAT'S MY GUESS.
- OH, IS THAT IT?
- THERE'S...
WELL, THERE'S A PRIEST.
- NOW, HOW SAD
THAT WE'RE GONNA BE CELEBRATING
A RENEWAL...
- YEAH, ON THE SAME DAY
THAT WE HEAR
ABOUT OUR FRIENDS' SPLIT.
- YEAH.
IT'S SO UPSETTING. - I KNOW.
- CAN YOU CLEANSE HER?
- [laughs]
- ANGELIC. ANGELIC.
- BLESS YOU, MY DAUGHTER.
- CAN YOU HELP HER?
[laughter]
- WHAT IS IT
THAT YOU'RE DOING HERE, SIR?
- I'M PART OF THE FAM...
I DID PANDY'S WEDDING.
- HE'S PART OF THE FAMILY.
- SO YEAH, YEAH.
- THAT'S AMAZING.
- THE LITTLE HALO IS SLIPPING.
[laughter]
FORGIVE HER, FATHER...
- I FORGIVE YOU.
- BECAUSE SHE HAS SINNED
MANY, MANY TIMES.
- BLESS YOU, MY DAUGHTER.
[laughs]
- I'M GONNA GO
HAVE SOME, UM, ROSE WATER.
- BUT NOT AS MANY AS...
[laughter]
- HELLO.
- HOW ARE YOU DOING?
- OH, I ALMOST MADE OUT WITH YOU
BY ACCIDENT. SORRY.
- IT'S NEVER AN ACCIDENT.
- MWAH.
- EVERYTHING GOOD?
- IT'S GOOD, GOOD, GOOD.
- COME IN.
- DID YOU SEE WHO I BROUGHT?
MARTIN, DWIGHT, AND RICH.
- NO, I... I KNOW.
- I'M FLANKED BY MEN TONIGHT.
- ARE YOU GETTING
YOUR LITTLE CLAWS INTO MARTIN?
ARE YOU?
- [laughs]
- HI, BRANDI.
- HI. HOW ARE YOU?
- GOOD. AND YOU?
- CAN I ASK YOU
ONE QUICK QUESTION?
- YES.
- HAVE I EVER FLIRTED WITH YOU
IN MY LIFE? - NO.
- OKAY, THANKS.
THAT'S ALL I WANTED TO KNOW.
- HAVE I? YES.
- [laughs]
- YES, ALL THE TIME.
- A LITTLE BIT...
JUST A LITTLE BIT. - [laughs]
- JUST TAKING IT ONE BY ONE.
- WHY? WHY ARE YOU ASKING THAT?
- I'M GONNA GET TO IT LATER.
- WHY? ARE WE GONNA START?
- NO.
- ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
- THIS IS THE BIGGEST
MISCONCEPTION OF ALL TIME.
I ONLY FLIRT WITH KEN.
I WOULD NEVER CHEAT ON KEN.
I'M A VERY FAITHFUL GAL.
- WHY DO YOU HAVE ANY PROBLEMS?
- READ RADAR ONLINE.
- WHAT'S GOING ON NOW?
WHAT'S GOIN... OH. - OH, MY GOD.
ADRIENNE, LIKE, PUT OUT
HER LITTLE STORY ABOUT HER...
- RIGHT, YEAH, I HEARD.
- YOU KNOW, SHE'S GETTING...
WHATEVER.
- I DIDN'T READ IT, BUT I HEARD.
- YES, AND THEN THE SAME WRITER
WROTE A STORY ABOUT ME.
- SAYING?
- THAT I SLEPT WITH SOMEONE
AT THE WHITE PARTY
IN THE BATHROOM.
- UH, HELLO. I WAS THERE.
- [laughs] I KNOW YOU WERE.
- I WAS THERE.
YOU DIDN'T HAVE TIME TO DO THAT.
- ADRIENNE IS BEHIND EVERY STORY
THAT HITS THE PRESS.
THERE HASN'T BEEN
A STORY OUT THERE
THAT SHE HASN'T BEEN BEHIND,
AND I KNOW THIS, BECAUSE
I KNOW SOMEONE THAT WORKS THERE,
AND THEY CALL ME, AND IT'S SAD.
IT'S DISGUSTING.
IT'S FRUSTRATING THAT
THE SAME WRITER WROTE THAT STORY
THAT WROTE ADRIENNE'S EXCLUSIVE
ABOUT HER MARRIAGE.
- OH.
- I'M LIKE, "OH, REALLY?"
- OH, SO SHE'S
DUMPING YOU IN IT.
BUT LOOK HOW MANY TIMES
WE'VE BEEN DUMPED IN IT.
- WELL...
- I MEAN, NOBODY ELSE HAS.
- I KNOW.
- I THINK IT'S IRONIC, THOUGH,
THAT EVERY TIME ADRIENNE
HAS SOMETHING TO SAY,
SOMEBODY EITHER SAYS IT FOR HER,
OR IT APPEARS ON RADAR ONLINE.
JUST SAYING.
- WELL, IS SHE COMING?
- I DON'T THINK SO.
SO YOU'VE GOT A FREE PASS.
[both laugh]
- WHEN YOU ARE
IN THE SOCIAL CIRCLES
IN BEVERLY HILLS AND YOU GET
A DIVORCE, IT'S ROTTEN.
I JUST DON'T KNOW
IF SHE EVEN SAW IT COMING.
- I MEAN, OBVIOUSLY,
PEOPLE DON'T DECIDE OVERNIGHT,
"I'M GETTING DIVORCED."
YOU KNOW IT'S COMING.
- BUT I DO KNOW
THAT HE'S MOVED OUT ON OCCASION,
BUT I DON'T KNOW
IF THAT JUST MEANS
INTO A GUEST ROOM
AT THEIR HOUSE.
MOVING OUT IS LIKE MOVING
A MILE AWAY IN THAT HOUSE.
[chuckles]
- I FEEL THAT EXTRA PRESSURES
AND EXTRA BURDENS
AND PROBLEMS TO YOUR MARRIAGE,
WHICH I'M SURE
BRANDI LAID SOME EXTRA STRESS
ON THEIR SITUATION,
BUT I FEEL
THEY WOULD BE STRONG ENOUGH
TO TAKE IT ON AS A TEAM
AND TAKE IT TOGETHER AND FIX IT.
THAT'S... THAT'S WHAT...
THAT'S WHAT TEAMS DO.
THAT'S WHAT HUSBANDS
AND WIVES DO, RIGHT?
I MEAN, I DON'T HAVE A HUSBAND,
BUT THAT'S WHAT TEAMS DO.
- I CALLED HER AND TEXTED
BOTH PAUL AND ADRIENNE,
AND I HAVEN'T HEARD BACK
FROM THEM.
- LOOK, I KNEW IT WAS BAD...
I KNEW IT WAS BAD
FOR THE TWO OF THEM,
BUT I DIDN'T KNOW
IT WAS THIS BAD.
- THAT'S WHY IT MAKES IT
ALL THE MORE SAD.
WHEN YOU SEE PEOPLE FIGHTING,
YOU THINK, "YOU KNOW WHAT?
IT'S SAD,
BUT IT'S FOR THE BEST."
I KNOW THEY BICKER,
BUT TO ME, IT SEEMED LIKE
THEY REALLY LOVE EACH OTHER.
- THAT WORKED FOR THEM.
BUT THAT WORKED FOR THEM.
- AND I'VE ACTUALLY THOUGHT
RECENTLY THAT EVERYTHING
THEY'VE BEEN GOING THROUGH,
WITH THE FIGHT WITH BRANDI
AND ALL OF THIS STUFF
THAT'S BEEN COMING UP WAS
BRINGING THEM CLOSER TOGETHER.
I REALLY THOUGHT THAT.
- NO, I THINK
IT WAS JUST THE OPPOSITE.
- IT EXACERBATED EVERYTHING
AND TORE THEM APART... I DO.
- ADRIENNE TOLD ME TODAY.
- 'CAUSE IT PUT A STRESS...
IT PUT STRESS
ON THE RELATIONSHIP.
- SHE TOLD ME TODAY
THAT SHE JUST FEELS
THAT PAUL'S PRIORITIES ARE
JUST COMPLETELY OUT OF WHACK.
I MEAN, HE'S JUST LOOKING TO BE
THE CENTER OF ATTENTION.
- I THINK
THAT'S REALLY UNFAIR, THOUGH.
- WELL, BUT THAT'S HOW SHE
FEELS... THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID.
- WELL, BUT WE DON'T HEAR
HOW HE FEELS, THOUGH.
THERE'S ALWAYS
TWO SIDES OF THE STORY.
- I'M SURE THERE IS.
- HOW ARE YOU?
- HI, LINDA.
- HOW ARE YOU?
- NICE TO SEE YOU.
GOOD. HOW ARE YOU? HI. - HI.
- YOUR HOME IS GORGEOUS.
- THANK YOU.
- I BROUGHT YOU
A HOUSEWARMING GIFT.
- OH, THANK YOU SO MUCH.
- HONEY.
- I GAVE YOU GUYS SOME...
MY HOMEMADE JAM.
- OH, THANK YOU SO MUCH.
- HI. HOW ARE YOU?
SO IT'S... I MAKE APRICOT AND PLUM
EVERY YEAR.
- OH, THANK YOU SO MUCH...
VERY KIND OF YOU.
- SO MIDDLE-CLASS. [laughs]
- I LOVE IT. NO, IT'S GREAT.
- THANK YOU.
THAT'S VERY KIND OF YOU.
- YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL.
- THANK YOU.
- WHERE'S YOUR LITTLE PUP?
- UH, HE'S WITH KEN.
- I'M GONNA GO FIND TAYLOR.
- I THINK TAYLOR'S RIGHT THERE.
- OKAY.
- OKAY,
- NO, I'M FINE.
- ARE YOU OKAY WITH THAT?
- TOTALLY, YES.
- OH, GOOD. I DIDN'T KNOW.
- I SEE HER ALL THE TIME, YEAH.
- OH, YOU DID? OH, OKAY.
I JUST HAD A HEART ATTACK THEN.
- NO, I'M TOTALLY...
SHE TOLD MY HUSBAND
THAT SHE STILL LOVES HIM
AND WISHED THAT THEY WERE
STILL TOGETHER.
- THERE YOU GO, RIGHT?
- YEAH.
- I DIDN'T KNOW HOW...
- NO, TOTALLY COOL.
- OKAY, GOOD. OKAY, GOOD.
- NO, NO.
- IT ABOUT GAVE ME
A HEART ATTACK.
- SO THERE'S ALL THIS STUFF
ABOUT YOU ON THE INTERNET.
- RIGHT, RIGHT, RIGHT.
- ABOUT YOU GETTING,
LIKE, A FULL-BODY MAKEOVER,
YOU KNOW, WITH THE LIPO.
- [laughs]
- I KNOW! THAT'S RIDICULOUS!
- NO, NO, NO.
- I'M LIKE...
- HOLD ON. HOLD ON. NO...
- W-W-W-WAIT. NO, I READ THAT.
- THAT IS SUCH A LIE.
- THAT IS RIDICULOUS.
- WELL, NO.
IT WAS NOT A FULL-BODY...
THERE ACTUALLY IS TRUTH TO THAT.
I DID HAVE MY LOVE HANDLES...
THAT IS... THAT PART IS TRUE.
IT WAS AN EXAGGERATED STORY.
- HERE?
- YEAH, I HAD IT RIGHT HERE,
BUT THE STORIES ARE LIKE,
"HEAD TO TOE,
20 POUNDS CHOPPED OFF."
LIKE, I WAS, LIKE,
WALKING AROUND LIKE THIS.
[laughter] - NO!
- WENDY SAID THAT I NEED
A WOMAN THAT DOTES ON ME.
I DON'T THINK THAT'S TRUE,
IN SPITE OF WHAT YOU HEARD.
- YOU DO LIKE IT, THOUGH.
- DOESN'T EVERY MAN
WANT TO BE TAKEN CARE OF?
- WELL, YES, YES.
I'M JUST SAYING
THAT I JUST REALLY BELIEVE
THAT YOU... YOU REALLY...
- YOU THINK I'M AN EXTRA CASE.
NO, YOU'RE WRONG.
- OKAY.
- I MEAN, WELL...
- BUT YOU'RE MY KING,
AND I TAKE VERY BIG PRIDE
IN TAKING CARE OF MY KING.
- AND THAT'S MY POINT.
NOT EVERY WOMAN LOOKS
AND SAYS, "THAT'S MY KING."
- I'M ONLY DRIVEN BY ROMANCE.
I MEAN, THAT'S WHAT DRIVES ME
EVERY DAY OF MY LIFE.
SOME WOMEN THINKS THAT
IF YOU'RE OBEDIENT TO THE MAN...
- IT'S WEAKNESS.
- IT'S WEAKNESS.
IT'S NOT WEAKNESS.
IT'S STRENGTH.
- TRUE OR FALSE? YOU WOULD LIKE
TO BUY HIM A PLANE.
- YEAH.
BECAUSE HE HAS EVERYTHING.
I MEAN, WHAT ELSE...
- OH, HE DOES HAVE EVERYTHING.
[laughter]
HI. [laughs] - LISA...
IF YOU HAD ALL THE MONEY
IN THE WORLD,
WOULD YOU BUY KEN A PLANE?
- NO. WE'D CHARTER ONE.
WE'VE ALWAYS CHARTERED.
- WE CHARTER TOO,
BUT THAT'S NOT THE SAME.
- ACTUALLY, I THINK THERE'S
AN UPSIDE TO THIS CONVERSATION.
YES, I THINK
YOU SHOULD BUY HIM A PLANE.
[laughter]
- VACATIONS ARE COMING.
[laughter] - HELLO.
- HEY. YOU LOOK GORGEOUS.
- OH, THANK YOU.
- HEY, THAT IS A GREAT DRESS.
- OH, THANK YOU.
- THAT'S GORGEOUS.
- IT'S A GORGEOUS DRESS.
- THANK YOU.
- I LOVE IT.
- MM. OH, OF COURSE WE ARE.
[laughs] - HELLO.
- HI, SWEETIE. HOW ARE YOU?
- HELLO.
- HI, EJ.
- YES.
- HOW ABOUT YOU?
- I'M GOOD. HOW ARE YOU?
- PERFECT.
- IN GOOD COMPANY.
- THERE HE IS.
- THANK YOU.
- MARISA?
- YEAH?
- WE GOTTA ASK YOU A QUESTION.
I WANTED
TO TAKE THIS OPPORTUNITY...
BRANDI ASKED ME, "HOW WAS
LAST NIGHT AT ADRIENNE'S?"
- YEAH.
- AND I TOLD BRANDI...
THIS AND THIS IS WHAT HAPPENED.
- YEAH.
- AND I TOLD BRANDI
THAT YOU BROUGHT UP THE TEXT
IN FRONT OF ALL THE GIRLS...
- YEAH.
- AND WERE WONDERING
WHAT THE TEXT MEANT.
SO I THOUGHT TONIGHT
WOULD BE THE PERFECT OPPORTUNITY
FOR YOU TO, YOU KNOW,
ASK THAT QUESTION
AND FOR YOU TO EXPLAIN IT.
- I HAVE A QUESTION, THOUGH,
BECAUSE I'VE BEEN
SO NICE TO YOU.
I'VE BEEN SUCH A FAN OF YOURS.
- AND I AGREE WITH YOU TOTALLY.
- NO, BUT I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
LIKE, WHY DID YOU WAIT
TILL I WASN'T AROUND
TO SAY SOMETHING?
- WELL, HONESTLY...
I DON'T FEEL, HONESTLY,
LIKE IT WAS
THAT BIG A DEAL TO ME.
I SAW YOUR POINT IN IT,
SO I SAW THAT YOU WERE
KIND OF LOOKING OUT FOR ME.
- I WAS TRYING TO BE HELPFUL.
I DON'T ALWAYS GIVE
THE BEST ADVICE... LET'S BE CLEAR.
- BUT THAT'S NOT WHAT... BUT
THAT'S NOT WHAT YOU WERE SAYING
THE OTHER NIGHT
IN FRONT OF THE GIRLS, THOUGH.
- YOU DIDN'T SAY IT
LIKE THAT AT ALL.
- NO. NO, BUT, YOLANDA,
WHEN WE WERE ALL TOGETHER,
ALL I DID WAS SAY,
"LOOK AT THIS TEXT
BRANDI SENT ME."
- YEAH, "CAN YOU GUYS BELIEVE"...
- I DIDN'T SAY...
- "CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS TEXT?"
- "CAN YOU BELIEVE THE TEXT?"
- I MEAN, "HOW DARE SHE?"
- NO, NOT "HOW DARE SHE?"
- YEAH, YOU...
- NOT "HOW DARE SHE?" 'CAUSE
THAT'S NOT WHAT I WOULD SAY.
- I WOULD NOT SAY
"HOW DARE SHE?"
- IN DIFFERENT WORDS,
YOU WERE SAYING,
"I CAN'T BELIEVE
SHE WOULD EVEN SAY SOMETHING
"LIKE THAT ABOUT ME
AND MY HUSBAND,
BECAUSE MY HUSBAND AND I
ARE SO TIGHT."
- WELL, NO, WHAT YOU SAID WAS,
"IT'LL SAVE YOUR MARRIAGE,"
AND I WAS LIKE,
"SAVE MY MARRIAGE?
THERE'S NO PROBLEM
WITH MY MARRIAGE."
- NO. WELL,
THAT'S THE QUESTION MARK.
YOUR HUSBAND IS MORE IN LOVE
WITH YOU THAN YOU ARE WITH HIM.
- THE THING WITH US,
I THINK IT CAN BE READ WRONG.
THERE'S NO PROBLEM
WITH MY MARRIAGE.
- BUT THIS WHOLE TIME IS WHAT...
- I JOKE AROUND.
- BUT YOU'VE BEEN SAYING, LIKE...
- I AM A JOKER.
- YOU'RE LIKE, "YOU AND I
HAVE THE SAME TYPE...
TALL, DARK, AND LATIN.
- YEAH, I KNOW.
- THAT'S NOT YOUR HUSBAND.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
- TALL, DARK, AND HANDSOME
IS MY TYPE,
AND IF I COULD [bleep] TALL,
DARK, AND HANDSOME RIGHT NOW,
I WOULD, OKAY?
- THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYING.
- AND I'M THE ONE TO SAY IT.
- OH, MY GOD,
LISTEN TO WHAT YOU SAY!
- COMING UP...
- NO MATTER HOW MANY CHANELS
YOU BORROW,
YOU WILL NEVER, EVER BE A LADY.
- WE NEED A WOMAN'S PERSPECTIVE
ON WHAT'S GOING ON OVER THERE.
- I DON'T HAVE TO KNOW.
- [laughs]
- MY GOD. I'M NOT A GOSSIPER.
- WHAT'S GOING ON?
- WELL, THEY'RE FIGHTING,
ALWAYS FIGHTING, YOU KNOW THAT.
THEY'RE GOSSIPING SO MUCH.
- FIGHTING ABOUT WHAT?
- ALWAYS GOSSIPING ABOUT WHAT.
- THAT DOESN'T LOOK LIKE GOSSIP.
- THEY'RE ALWAYS GOSSIPING
SOMETHING ABOUT THOSE LADIES.
- WE THOUGHT YOU'D BE INVOLVED.
- THAT LOOKS INTENSE.
- I DON'T WANT TO BE
A PART OF IT. DO YOU?
- WELL, I'M STANDING OVER HERE.
- EXACTLY.
I DON'T WANT ANY PART OF IT.
IT ALWAYS JUST, LIKE, CHAOS.
- THIS IS
MY WEDDING ANNIVERSARY.
I HAVE TO PUT UP
WITH THAT [bleep]?
- WHO NEEDS IT? WHO NEEDS IT?
[laughter]
- OH, MY GOD,
LISTEN TO WHAT YOU SAY!
- BUT MY POINT IS,
I JOKE AROUND.
I JOKE AROUND, BUT IT DOESN'T
MEAN I DON'T ADORE MY HUSBAND.
- LET'S TAKE IT DOWN, GIRLS,
'CAUSE I LIKE YOU BOTH, AND...
- IT DOESN'T MEAN
I DON'T ADORE MY...
NO, WAIT. BUT WAIT. BUT WAS IT
A JOKE, OR DID YOU MEAN THAT?
- WHICH PART?
- "I'M GONNA...
DARK, TALL, AND HANDSOME. I WANT
TO [bleep] ONE RIGHT NOW."
- OH, MY GOD, IF SAID IT
IN FRONT OF MY HUSBAND...
- IF THERE'S A BLONDE
AND THERE'S A...
- WHY ARE THEY ATTACKING MARISA?
SHE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING.
- LET'S GO.
- I DON'T WANT TO GO OVER THERE.
I DON'T THINK I WANT TO BE
A PART OF ALL THIS.
- I THINK THAT IF WE'RE NOT,
MARISA STANDS ON HER OWN.
- IF THERE'S A BLONDE
AND THERE'S A BRUNETTE...
A DARK GUY WITH DARK HAIR,
DARK SKIN,
YES, THAT IS MY TYPE.
- LIKE YOUR BROTHER.
- WELL, NO, NOT MY BROTHER,
BUT, LIKE, YOUR EX'S TYPE,
LIKE, THAT KIND OF THING.
- YOU'RE NOT INVOLVED IN THIS.
YOU CAN GO.
- I'M INVOLVED WITH EVERYTHING,
SO DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO.
- NO, YOU CAN GO.
- NO, I WILL NOT GO.
- YOU CAN GO.
- BE A LADY FOR ONCE.
- OH, MY GOD.
BRANDI JUST TOLD FAYE TO LEAVE,
AND SHE SAID,
"I'M NOT GOING ANYWHERE."
- WHAT?
- GOOD.
- GOOD FOR HER.
- GOOD.
- I'M NOT GOING.
- NOT, BUT SHE... SHE...
WE'RE... - OH, MY GOSH.
- I WOULDN'T WANT TO MESS
WITH FAYE.
SHE'S ONE TOUGH COOKIE.
- I THINK WE SAID IT ALREADY.
YOU CAN GO.
- BRANDI, DON'T TRY TO CONTROL
EVERYTHING, OKAY?
- "CONTROL EVERYTHING"?
- NO, NO.
YOU'RE TRYING TO CONTROL IT.
YOU'RE WALKING
INTO A CONVERSATION.
- THIS HAS NOTHING
TO DO WITH YOU.
- I AM NOT GOING ANYWHERE.
- WELL, YOU WEREN'T INVITED
TO THIS CONVERSATION, HONEY.
WE'RE TALKING, THE THREE OF US.
- YOLANDA, YOU'RE BEING MISLED
BY A VERY BAD GIRL,
AND I HATE TO SEE YOU
GO DOWN THIS ROAD, HONESTLY.
- WOW.
- SWEETHEART, I'M 48 YEARS OLD.
- I'M SURE YOU ARE.
- I KNOW WHICH ROAD I'M WALKING.
BUT THANKS FOR THE CONCERN,
BUT I THINK I CAN FIGURE
THINGS OUT ON MY OWN.
- THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO
WITH YOU... HONESTLY, IT DOESN'T.
- FAYE, HONESTLY, WE'RE JUST
HAVING A CONVERSATION.
- WELL, I JUST WANT TO BE
A PART OF IT.
- BUT YOU WEREN'T ASKED
TO BE PART OF IT.
- AND YOU WERE ASKED TO GO.
- NO, FAYE, I MEAN...
- WELL, I'M NOT LEAVING.
- THEN BE A LADY AND GO.
- I DON'T THINK SO.
- I'M SORRY?
- YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT LADIES?
- YEAH, LET'S...
- NO MATTER HOW MANY CHANELS
YOU BORROW...
YOU WILL NEVER, EVER BE A LADY.
- THAT IS...
- OKAY.
- NO, LET'S NOT FIGHT.
- FAYE WALKS UP TO A SITUATION
THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH HER,
PUTS HER DICK ON THE TABLE
AND DECIDES
THAT WE NEED TO HAVE A TALK, AND
SHE'S GOTTA BE INVOLVED IN IT.
NO, FAYE DOES NOT NEED TO BE...
THIS HAS NOTHING
TO DO WITH FAYE.
- THAT'S A REALLY LOW BLOW.
- I'VE HEARD A LOT OF LOW BLOWS.
ADRIENNE... RIGHT NOW ADRIENNE
AND HER FAMILY ARE UNDER ATTACK.
- EXCUSE ME.
- YOU'RE MORALLY CORRUPT FAYE.
WHAT WAS YOUR LAST NAME...
RANCID, ARSENIC?
- OH, PLEASE, THAT'S
THE BIGGEST JOKE IN THE WORLD.
- BUT, WAIT, GUYS...
- LIKE, "FAYE ARSENIC"?
- DO YOU FEEL GOOD
ABOUT YOURSELF?
DO YOU FEEL GOOD
ABOUT YOURSELF...
- I DO.
- BREAKING UP A FAMILY? I BET.
- "BREAKING UP A FAMILY"?
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
- ADRIENNE AND PAUL, THEY...
- ARE YOU KIDDING?
- ARE YOU JOKING?
- WHAT? WHAT'S WRONG?
- THEY, UM... THEY ANNOUNCED
THEIR SEPARATION THIS MORNING.
- THAT'S NOTHING TO DO WITH ME.
- SHUT UP.
- OH, REALLY?
YOU PUT THEM THROUGH HELL,
LIKE YOU PUT EVERYBODY ELSE
THROUGH HELL HERE.
- NO, BUT THAT'S NOT... NO.
- NO, THAT'S BULL[bleep].
- NO, BUT, FAYE, THAT'S...
- FAYE, THAT IS SUCH...
- THEY MUST HAVE
HAD PROBLEMS BEFORE...
- OH, OH, LET'S JUST...
- BECAUSE THAT'S NOT GONNA
MAKE SOMEBODY HAVE A DIVORCE
OR SEPARATE.
- OKAY, LET'S JUST BE REALISTIC.
- HONESTLY.
- FIRST OF ALL...
- OH, THAT'S PATHETIC.
- NEXT TIME,
ON THE SEASON FINALE...
- WHATEVER I SAID 30 YEARS AGO
STILL STANDS.
I WILL OBEY YOU.
[laughter]
- OKAY, I'M FINE.
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN "FINE"?
- SO SHE HURT YOU TOO.
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN "FINE"?
"TOO"?
- OKAY, "IN ADDITION TO,"
SHE HURT MY SISTER.
- WHAT YOU MEAN
"IN ADDITION TO"?
SHE REALLY HURT ME.
- I THINK IF YOU'RE BORED,
YOU SHOULD GO.
- OH, I'M SURE YOU DO, LOVE,
'CAUSE YOU'RE SO INNOCENT.
- OH, MY GOSH.
- I NEVER THOUGHT
I WAS INNOCENT. - OH, MY GOD.
- THERE'S NOTHING INNOCENT
ABOUT ME.
- WE KNOW THAT. WE KNOW THAT.
- OH, MY GOD, YOU GUYS,
ADRIENNE'S HERE.
- [sobs]
- ADRIENNE, WE'RE HERE FOR YOU.
- SHE INSULTED ME...
- I DIDN'T HEAR ABOUT THAT.
- AND SHE SAYS
I GET BRANDI TO TALK FOR ME.
REALLY? THAT'S A [bleep] INSULT.
SO COME ON, KYLE,
HERE'S YOUR LAST CHANCE...
[softly] BACK ME UP.
- TO LEARN MORE
ABOUT THE HOUSEWIVES,
HOUSEWIVES OF BEVERLY HILLS...
- WELL, I THOUGHT
IT'D BE A GREAT IDEA...
NOT JUST A HOUSEWARMING,
BUT RENEWING OUR VOWS.
- OH, THAT'D BE SO ROMANTIC.
- I WANT TO LEAVE.
- YOU CAN'T GET OUT, THOUGH.
- GET IN!
- YOU CAN'T GET OUT.
- MOVE! MOVE.
- COME HERE.
- WHAT IS HE THINKING?
WHAT COULD BE MORE IMPORTANT
THAN BEING WITH YOUR FAMILY
AND YOUR CHILDREN?
[siren wailing]
I'M LEAVING.
- YOU JUST THROW THINGS
OUT THERE AT RANDOM,
AND I CAN'T WAIT TO HEAR
WHAT YOU'RE GONNA START SAYING
ABOUT ME NEXT.
- I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOU.
WHY WOULD I TALK ABOUT YOU?
[upbeat music]
- LIFE ISN'T ALL DIAMONDS
AND ROSE,
BUT IT SHOULD BE.
- MONEY DOESN'T GIVE YOU CLASS.
IT JUST GIVES YOU MONEY.
- KNOW YOUR FRIENDS.
SHOW YOUR ENEMIES THE DOOR.
- I FOUGHT TOO HARD
FOR THIS ZIP CODE
TO GO HOME NOW.
- I LIKE TO HAVE FUN,
BUT I DON'T PLAY GAMES.
- LIFE IS A JOURNEY,
AND I'M FINDING MYSELF
EVERY DAY.
- I'M BORN AND RAISED
IN BEVERLY HILLS.
THIS IS MY TOWN.
- YOU LITTLE, FAT PIG,
SIT DOWN HERE.
GIVE ME A KISS. MWAH. - DARLING?
- GIVE ME YOUR PAW. YES?
- WHAT ARE YOU DOING OUT THERE?
- I'M MAKING OUT
WITH THE SEX MONSTER.
- HELP ME OUT.
- I'M CHILLING. I'M GETTING
INTO THE RELAXING MODE
FOR MY MASSAGE WITH BRANDI.
- I'M TRYING TO DECIDE WHAT
SHIRT TO WEAR FOR THE PARTY.
- SO YOU'VE BEEN MARRIED
TO ME 30 YEARS,
AND YOU HAVE TO ASK ME
WHICH ONE. TAKE A GUESS.
- THE PINK.
THAT'S WHAT I WANT TO WEAR.
- OH, YES. OKAY, WELL, THAT'S
WHY WE'RE MARRIED, ISN'T IT?
- [chuckles]
- WE'RE THROWING
A HOUSEWARMING PARTY,
BUT KEN WANTS TO RENEW OUR VOWS,
AND I WANT TO MAKE HIM HAPPY,
SO WE'RE GONNA HAVE
A SHORT CEREMONY.
LEAVE HIM. - OKAY.
I'LL SEE YOU LATER.
[line trilling]
- HELLO?
- HELLO, DARLING. IT'S MOMMY.
- HI. HOW ARE YOU?
- GOOD.
- HAVE YOU WRITTEN YOUR VOWS?
- OH, I DON'T KNOW
ABOUT THIS, PANDY.
I'M GONNA DO IT.
I AM GONNA DO IT.
I'M NOT GONNA MAKE A FUSS AGAIN.
- YOU HAVE TO DO IT.
- I AM DOING IT.
I DON'T LIKE PUBLIC
KIND OF PROCLAMATIONS OF LOVE.
I DON'T WANT IT
TO ALL BE ABOUT ME.
I'M BETTER
WHEN IT'S ABOUT SOMEBODY ELSE.
WHAT'S DADDY SAYING?
GOD FORBID.
THAT'S A SCARY THOUGHT.
- I'VE HEARD SOME OF IT.
HE'LL BE FINE.
[both laugh]
- PANDY, I NEED YOU
TO SPY ON HIM,
'CAUSE I'M A LITTLE BIT
WORRIED ABOUT THAT.
- I'VE BEEN SWORN TO SECRECY.
- OH, MY GOD.
NOW, I'M REALLY SCARED.
REAFFIRMING OUR VOWS,
IT'S NOT SOMETHING
I REALLY WANT TO DO,
BUT I LOVE HIM SO MUCH,
AND MAYBE IT'S THE TIME
TO TELL HIM.
- OH, IT'S GONNA BE SO GREAT.
- I KNOW.
OKAY, ON THAT NOTE,
I'LL SAY GOOD-BYE.
BYE, DARLING. I LOVE YOU.
- BYE. LOVE YOU TOO.
- [laughing] BYE.
WHAT DO YOU THINK, JAKE?
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
DID HE WET HIMSELF?
- HOW'S EVERYTHING?
LOOKING GOOD.
WHERE'S THE RED TIE, THOUGH?
- IT'S RED.
- IS IT? OH, OKAY.
I SEE THAT LITTLE ITTY-BITTY...
YEAH, BUT VERY STYLISH,
MY FRIEND.
CAN WE WALK THROUGH
AND DO A WALK-THROUGH?
- YEAH, LET'S WALK THROUGH.
YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.
- TONIGHT I'M LAUNCHING
A NEW VODKA LINE CALLED ZING.
ZING IS A PROJECT THAT I'VE BEEN
WORKING ON FOR ABOUT A YEAR.
OUR RED VELVET VODKA
IS VERY DECADENT,
AND I WANT THE PARTY
TO REFLECT THAT.
- THE THINGS WE DO FOR VODKA.
[man laughs]
- HELLO, PINKY.
- HELLO.
OH, MY GOD, YOU'RE, LIKE, 6'4".
- I'M HERE.
- YOU LOOK... [both laugh]
- YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL AS ALWAYS.
- HOW ARE YOU?
- HI, MAMA. READY FOR THIS.
- NO, TAKE YOUR SHOES OFF NOW.
THIS IS RIDICULOUS.
- WELL, I NEED A ROBE, LADY.
- UNFORTUNATELY, WE'RE MISSING
ADRIENNE'S VODKA PARTY.
WHAT WOULD I RATHER DO...
MASSAGE OR ADRIENNE'S PARTY?
UH, LET ME THINK
ABOUT THAT FOR A SEC.
- WELL, AND LET ME TELL YOU,
JUST THE VIEW ALONE,
I DON'T THINK THERE'S
ANY PLACE I WOULD RATHER BE.
- I'M SO GLAD.
I COULDN'T... I JUST COULDN'T GO.
I SWEAR TO YOU, I JUST
COULDN'T GO TO ADRIENNE'S PARTY.
- NOT THAT I WAS INVITED,
BUT THE LAST PLACE ON EARTH
THAT I WOULD EVER WANT TO BE
IS AT A MALOOF PARTY.
I MEAN, I DON'T FEEL LIKE
YOU NEED TO GO SUPPORT HER
PROMOTING YET ANOTHER THING
THAT SHE'S PROMOTING.
- EVERY PARTY'S
PROMOTING SOMETHING.
- YEAH, EVERYTHING SHE DOES
IS A PROMOTION FOR SOMETHING.
- THAT'S EDIBLE GOLD.
- OKAY.
- HOW COULD I GO WITH HER CHEF,
LIKE, SELLING STORIES ABOUT ME?
- ME TOO.
- MY CHILDREN.
- MORNING.
- HEY, HOW YOU DOING?
- HI, HONEY.
- HI.
- THESE ARE LOVELY,
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT I WOULD DO?
I KNOW IT'S HARD
TO WORK IN THE DARK,
BUT CAN WE LOWER THE LIGHTS
A LITTLE BIT?
- YEAH. OH, WE DON'T NEED
THE CHANDELIERS ON.
- BECAUSE WHEN YOU
LOWER THE LIGHTS,
THIS IS REALLY GONNA...
HERE, LET ME SHOW YOU.
- IF YOU'VE BEEN
TO ONE OF HER PARTIES
PUSHING A PRODUCT,
YOU'VE BEEN TO ALL OF 'EM.
- TELL ME IF YOU CAN TAKE THIS.
NOT ONLY IS
THE TASTE AMAZING, BUT...
- OH, I KNOW.
- SEE?
- IT'S BEAUTIFUL.
- SO CAN WE LEAVE IT?
- YEAH.
- ARE YOU OKAY TO WORK THIS WAY?
- OH, YEAH,
'CAUSE WE HAVE EVERYTHING DONE.
WE'RE AHEAD OF SCHEDULE.
- I MEAN, I THINK SHE'S JUST...
SHE'S NOT, LIKE, REALLY
A HAPPY PERSON IN GENERAL.
- I THINK THAT'S THE PROBLEM,
TO BE HONEST.
I THINK IT'S... SHE HAS KIND OF...
SHE'S VERY CAUGHT UP
IN HER OWN LIFE,
BUT SHE HAS DIFFICULTY KIND OF
FACING THINGS HEAD-ON, YOU KNOW?
- WOULD YOU BE BETTER OFF...
INSTEAD OF RED,
WHY DON'T YOU DO A REGULAR HAND,
SO THAT YOU SEE THE HAND?
SO IT'S A CONTRAST. - ADRIENNE.
ADRIENNE,
THERE'S A HAND COMING OUT.
- NO, WE ONLY HAVE RED SATIN.
- BECAUSE THE ONLY REASON
WHY I'M SAYING THAT...
'CAUSE IT LOOKS COOL
TO HAVE A HAND THERE.
[laughter]
- LOOK, LOOK, LOOK.
- PAUL AND ADRIENNE
DO NOT HAVE A HAPPY MARRIAGE.
DID YOU EVER SEE THEM,
LIKE, HOLDING HANDS OR KISSING
AND NOT BE, LIKE,
AN AWKWARD SITUATION?
- WHAT IS THIS?
- I THINK THE MARRIAGE...
I THINK IT'S MORE
OF A BUSINESS ARRANGEMENT THAN...
- WHAT, THE MARRIAGE?
- YEAH.
YOU THINK THEY'RE SEXY? NO.
- NOT EVERYBODY
HAS THE FAIRY-TALE ROMANCE.
- NO, NO, I KNOW, BUT I JUST...
- I DON'T THINK
IT'S A BUSINESS ARRANGEMENT.
- I DO.
- REALLY?
- YEAH.
- HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT?
NOT ANOTHER ONE
OF YOUR THREESOMES?
[both laugh] - NO! EW. GOD.
[retches]
I JUST THREW UP IN MY MOUTH.
- OH, MY GOD.
- MMM.
- GOOD?
- MMM.
HOW ARE YOU GONNA SERVE
THAT CHEESE BALL?
- PAUL, HE KNOWS HOW.
- I'M JUST ASKING...
- HE'S DOING A GREAT JOB.
- 'CAUSE I JUST WANT TO TASTE...
- LEAVE HIM ALONE.
- I JUST WANT TO JUST KIND OF,
LIKE, TASTE A BITE.
- THANK YOU, MY DEAR.
"ME FIRST, ME FIRST,"
AND THEN...
WHEN I NEED HELP,
IT'S "SAYONARA."
- PAUL, MAKE YOURSELF USEFUL.
- THESE ARE DINNER...
NO, THESE ARE DINNER PLATES.
- THAT'S OKAY.
BY THE TIME PEOPLE GET...
- BERNIE...
YOU SEE WHAT SHE'S DOING?
SHE'S RUNNING EVERYTHING.
- SEE HOW WONDERFUL THE FOOD IS?
THERE'S GONNA BE
MORE THAN JUST APPETIZERS,
SO LET'S FILL THE PLATES UP.
- NO, I KNOW,
BUT HE'S NOT GONNA WANT
THESE PLATES HERE.
- GOD BLESS YOU.
WE WANT OUR PLATES HERE.
[laughter]
GO AHEAD.
- TYPICAL DIG, TYPICAL INSULT.
YOU KNOW, THAT'S THE WAY IT IS.
I'M USED TO IT.
- I GUARANTEE YOU,
I KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.
- NO, HE'S NOT...
- RIGHT THERE. GO AHEAD.
HE'S NOT GONNA USE THESE PLATES,
I'M TELLING YOU.
- YES, HE WILL.
SO WE NEED A BIGGER PLATE.
- WHAT ABOUT SOME...
WHAT ABOUT PAPER PLATES?
- I THINK SHE LIKES IT
A LITTLE BIT ROUGH.
- LITTLE ROUGH?
- NO, I DON'T.
[both laugh] - GIGS.
- DO NOT PUT HIM THERE.
IT'S NOT SAFE.
DO NOT PUT HIM THERE.
- WHERE'S THE PEANUT BUTTER?
- GET HIM OUT... [both laugh]
GET HIM OUT OF THERE.
KEVIN, GO AND GET HIM.
- HE'S GRAZING.
- GET HIM OUT.
- HI, GIRLS. HURRY UP.
- TALK OF THE DEVIL.
- HELLO.
- I BROUGHT GIGGY A DRINK,
JUST IN CASE HE NEEDS A DRINK.
- HE DOES.
- HE WAS BETWEEN MY LEGS
FOR A WHILE. HE GOT THIRSTY.
- HELLO, DARLING.
[both laugh]
- WHY WOULD HE GET THIRSTY
IN BETWEEN YOUR LEGS?
- I DON'T KNOW. [both laugh]
- THAT IS SO RUDE.
DID YOU JUST SAY THAT?
- THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID.
[both laugh]
SHE SAID THAT.
- YOU'RE IN SO MUCH TROUBLE.
IS MARTIN HERE?
- NO, MARTIN'S NOT HERE.
- "MY NAME IS GIGOLO,
BUT MANY CALL ME GIGGY.
"MY OWNER DECIDED ON THE NAME,
AS SHE SAW ME TO BE
POSSIBLY THE MOST ATTRACTIVE
LITTLE DOG ON THIS PLANET."
- [laughs]
WHO IS TOUCHING ME?
- WHAT? [laughter]
- I'M LIKE... [laughter]
- COME ON, THAT WAS THE BEST
MASSAGE YOU'VE EVER HAD.
[laughter]
- OH, MY GOD.
HAVE I GOT TO DO THIS AGAIN?
- OH. NO, STOP. KEN... OH!
[laughter]
WAIT TILL OUR ANNIVERSARY!
GET OFF, KEN.
[laughter] - YOU LOVE THIS.
THE NEW HIP WORKS LIKE A CHARM.
[laughter]
YOU LOVE THAT MASSAGE.
- KEN!
- I'M DYING, YOU GUYS.
I'M DYING.
[laughter] - GET OFF ME!
- COMING UP...
- DON'T TRASH-TALK.
- RIGHT, RIGHT.
- YOU KNOW, YOU HAVE SOMETHING
TO SAY ABOUT SOMEBODY...
- I AGREE.
- LOOK A PERSON IN THE EYE
AND SAY IT.
- WOW.
THE DIFFERENCE
BETWEEN A NORMAL PARTY
AND AN ADRIENNE PARTY,
ADRIENNE GOES BIG,
ELABORATE,
EVERYTHING OVER-THE-TOP BIG.
OH, MY GOD,
I THOUGHT SHE WAS FAKE!
- THAT'S THE WHOLE IDEA.
- I THOUGHT SHE WAS A STATUE
THAT YOU HAD HERE IN THE HOUSE.
- NO. [laughter]
- OH, MY GOODNESS.
OH, MY GOD,
I THOUGHT THAT WAS YOU.
- I KNOW YOUR MOUTH
WAS GONNA BE LIKE THAT.
- YOLANDA? [both laugh]
- NO, THAT'S YOLANDA
20 YEARS AGO, BABY.
- OH, MY GOSH.
- NOT ANYMORE. HI, HONEY.
- HOW ARE YOU?
- GOOD. THAT WAS SO FUNNY.
I WENT... I KNEW YOU WERE
RIGHT BEHIND ME.
[both laugh]
HELLO. NOTHING LIKE...
I WAS FEELING OKAY ABOUT MYSELF.
[laughs] - UNTIL WE SAW THIS.
OKAY, WELL... - YEAH, LET'S...
I FEEL SO OVERDRESSED.
- HOW ARE YOU?
- HELLO.
COME HAVE A SHOT.
- HI, ADRIENNE.
- COME HAVE A SHOT? OH, MY GOD.
- YEAH, YOU NEED IT.
- SHE'S TAKING SHOTS
WITH EVERYBODY. HI, BABY.
- MY HUSBAND'S NOT EVEN HERE,
AND I'M DOING VODKA SHOTS.
HEY, NONE OF US HAVE HUSBANDS
WITH US TONIGHT.
- I KNOW.
WE'RE ALL "HUSBANDLESS."
- WELL, WE'RE LOOKING OUT
FOR EACH OTHER.
- WE'RE ALL TOGETHER.
- IT'S LIKE, OH, MY GOSH,
THE ONLY ONE HERE WITH A HUSBAND
TONIGHT IS ADRIENNE.
- ARE YOU REALLY THAT TALL?
- SHE'S GORGEOUS TOO.
- LET'S GO.
- ONE, TWO, THREE, GO, GIRLS.
LET'S GO. - [laughing] KYLE!
- RIGHT AWAY, ADRIENNE
WANTED TO DO VODKA SHOTS
AND, YOU KNOW, GET DRUNK,
AND THAT'S
JUST NOT MY CUP OF TEA.
- WHOO!
[laughter]
- I NEED ABS.
- YEAH, DONE.
- GREAT.
- OH, JESUS, THAT'S COLD!
- [laughs]
OH!
YOU'RE NOT GONNA SPRAY THAT
IN MY FACE LIKE THAT, ARE YOU?
- UH, NO. I'LL BE NICE TO YOU.
- OH, MAN.
- IT'S GONNA BE A TREAT.
- [grunts]
OKAY, IT'S MAKING MY FAT
DISAPPEAR. I LOVE IT ALREADY.
SO THIS HAS TO BE SCRUBBED OFF
IS WHAT YOU'RE SAYING?
- YEAH, JUST ASK YOUR WIFE.
- I DON'T THINK
SHE'S GONNA LEAVE THE PARTY
TO GO AND SCRUB MY BACK,
I DON'T THINK.
- YOU NEVER KNOW.
- OH, MY GOD,
THAT'S GOING IN MY EARS!
[laughter] OH, MY GOD.
[indistinct chatter]
- I'VE GOT TO TELL YOU GUYS
SOMETHING.
THE OTHER DAY
DEAN AND I WERE AT DINNER,
AND I GET THIS TEXT
OUT OF THE BLUE, OKAY?
- FROM?
- BRANDI.
OKAY? AND IT SAYS...
"I THINK I KNOW
WHAT WOULD BE GREAT...
WHAT WILL SAVE YOUR MARRIAGE."
- WHY?
YOU HAVE A GREAT MARRIAGE.
- AND I'M LIKE,
"WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?"
DEAN AND I HAVE BEEN
HAPPILY MARRIED FOR 16...
I MEAN,
WE'VE BEEN TOGETHER 16 YEARS.
- HE ADORES YOU.
- NO, WE LOVE EACH OTHER
SO MUCH.
OKAY, SO THEN SHE SAYS,
"YOU EACH SHOULD GIVE EACH OTHER
A HALL PASS."
- A HALL PASS?
I'M SORRY. IS THAT
A ONE-TIME CHEATING SITUATION?
THAT'S BASICALLY
AN INVITATION TO DIVORCE.
STUPID.
- I DON'T REALLY KNOW
WHAT THAT MEANS,
BUT I'M THINKING
IT'S, LIKE, A FREE NIGHT,
I GUESS, OF NOT BEING MARRIED,
IS WHAT I'M THINKING.
- I DON'T KNOW
THAT BRANDI'S THE RIGHT ONE
TO BE GIVING ADVICE ON MARRIAGE.
- TO SPICE UP YOUR MARRIAGE.
- SPICE UP MY MARRIAGE.
MY MARRIAGE
DOESN'T NEED ANY SPICING.
DEAN WANTS TO HAVE SEX
EVERY SINGLE [bleep] DAY, OKAY?
- I KNOW. YOU TOLD ME THAT.
- IT'S ANNOYING.
SO I TEXT BACK,
AND I SAID, "NO, THANK YOU.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT
YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT."
- WELL, NONE OF US KNOW
WHAT SHE'S TALKING ABOUT.
- I MEAN, IT JUST
WAS VERY BIZARRE,
BECAUSE I DON'T TALK
ABOUT MY MARRIAGE.
THE ONLY THING I DO DO
IN FRONT OF EVERYBODY
IS I JOKE WHEN GUYS ARE HOT,
AND IT WOULD BE GREAT
TO, LIKE, SLEEP
WITH SOMEBODY NEW.
- BIG DEAL, BIG DEAL.
- WHO DOESN'T, THOUGH?
BUT I'M NOT SAYING I'M NOT
GONNA BE WITH MY HUSBAND,
OR I'M GONNA GO AND CHEAT.
- RIGHT.
- SHE DOES TALK ABOUT THREESOMES
AND ALL THAT STUFF A LOT,
AND I THOUGHT, IF ANYTHING,
THAT'S GONNA MAKE
YOUR MARRIAGE WORSE.
- I SWEAR TO GOD,
IT WOULD MAKE IT HORRIBLE.
- I THINK
THAT IS THE WORST THING
YOU COULD EVER DO IN A MARRIAGE,
BUT SHE ACTUALLY THINKS THAT.
SHE TOLD US THAT IN PARIS
ON THE PATIO.
WELL, WHEN SHE WAS MARRIED,
SHE DID THAT, SHE SAID.
- SHE SAID WHEN SHE WAS MARRIED,
SHE DID THREESOMES.
- WELL, THAT'S PROBABLY
WHY THE MARRIAGE FAILED.
- [laughs]
- THAT MIGHT BE
WHY THE MARRIAGE FAILED.
- I THINK THAT THREESOMES
AND A HALL PASS
IS A DIFFERENT THING,
BUT I CAN JUST TELL YOU,
ANYBODY TOUCHES MY HUSBAND,
THEY'RE GONNA GET
THEIR HAND CHOPPED OFF.
- I DIDN'T WANT TO GET INTO IT
WITH HER,
BECAUSE I THOUGHT, "YOU KNOW,
I'M NOT GONNA GIVE HER THAT."
- BUT MY ADVICE...
- YEAH?
- WHY ARE YOU ASKING US?
ASK BRANDI.
I THINK MARISA IS
ON PURPOSELY TRYING
TO THROW BRANDI UNDER THE BUS,
BECAUSE OTHERWISE,
SHE WOULDN'T HAVE SHOWED THAT.
SHE WOULD HAVE WAITED
UNTIL SHE SEES BRANDI IN PERSON.
- MAYBE SHE HAS A CRUSH ON DEAN.
- [laughs]
- I THINK THAT.
- REALLY?
- DEAN THINKS THAT.
- REALLY?
- DEAN THINKS BRANDI
HAS A CRUSH ON HIM?
- ARE YOU KIDDING?
NO, SHE FLIRTS
WITH ALL THE GUYS.
- SHE FLIRTS WITH ALL THE GUYS,
FOR SURE.
- IN A FRIENDLY WAY.
- WELL, WE ALL FLIRT A BIT,
BUT NOT WITH MARRIED MEN.
- SHE'S THE FLIRTY TYPE.
YEAH, BUT I DON'T THINK, THOUGH,
AFTER WHAT SHE WENT THROUGH
WITH SOME...
EDDIE CHEATING ON HER
AND LEAVING HER
THAT SHE WOULD GO THERE
WITH A MARRIED MAN.
- NO, I AGREE WITH YOU.
SHE WOULDN'T.
- I DON'T THINK SHE WOULD.
- I DON'T THINK SHE WOULD
EITHER.
- KYLE, DID YOU REALLY SAY THAT?
- I DID.
- YEAH.
- DID YOU REALLY SAY THAT?
- I MEAN, LISTEN...
- SWEETHEART, WHAT HAPPENED
IN THE BATHROOM AT YOUR HOUSE
AT THE WHITE PARTY? PLEASE.
- NO, NO, MY POINT IS...
- WAIT, WHAT HAPPENED?
- SHE WAS FOUND
IN THE BATHROOM WITH...
NOT A LOT OF CLOTHES ON.
- NOT BY ANY OF US.
- WHAT?
- WHAT?
- MY BOYFRIEND'S HERE,
BY THE WAY.
- OOH, WHAT'S YOUR BOYFRIEND?
- HE'S MY BOYFRIEND.
- A REAL BOYFRIEND?
- NO, I'M... IN MY HEAD.
HE'S GOT, LIKE,
A SEXY GAP IN HIS TEETH
THAT I JUST WANT TO SUCK ON.
- ACTUALLY, IN THE BATHROOM
OF A CHILD'S ROOM,
WHICH I THOUGHT WAS...
- INAPPROPRIATE.
- INAPPROPRIATE ENTIRELY.
- I DID NOT SEE ANYTHING
WITH MY OWN EYES,
AND I REALLY HOPE THAT
DIDN'T HAPPEN AT MY WHITE PARTY,
BUT I DON'T KNOW.
- OH, MY GOD.
- I HATE SPECULATION.
- YEAH, YEAH.
- I HATE TO TELL,
"WELL, SO-AND-SO SAID
THAT SO-AND-SO CHEATED ON SO...
- WE KNOW FOR SURE ABOUT THIS.
THERE'S NO SPECULATION.
- WELL, YOU DON'T REALLY MAKE
SUCH A BIG STATEMENT
UNLESS YOU SEE IT
WITH YOUR OWN EYES, I BELIEVE.
- WELL, I KNOW ABOUT IT
FOR TWO SETS OF EYES,
AND THERE WERE NO DRAPES
IN THERE.
- I JUST DON'T WANT
TO THROW SOMEBODY UNDER THE BUS.
- YOU DON'T WANT TO THROW
ANYBODY UNDER THE BUS,
BUT SHE'S THROWN ALL OF US
UNDER THE BUS, SO...
- SHE'S THROWN ALL OF US
UNDER THE BUS
EVERY SINGLE TIME THAT SHE CAN.
- YOU, YOU, ALL OF US
AT SOME POINT.
- I HAVE NEVER SEE... I'VE NEVER
FELT SHE THREW ME UNDER THE BUS.
- REALLY?
- NO. BRANDI?
- JUST WAIT.
- WHAT SHE SAID ABOUT...
WELL, ABOUT THE...
- ABOUT WHAT? TELL ME.
WHAT SHE SAID ABOUT WHAT?
I DON'T THINK THAT ADRIENNE
IS A VERY CREDIBLE SOURCE
RIGHT NOW.
YOU KNOW, WHATEVER SHE SAYS
ABOUT BRANDI RIGHT NOW,
SHE'S COMING FROM A PLACE
OF HURT AND INSECURITY,
AND I JUST DON'T FEEL
THAT BRANDI'S A BACKSTABBER,
AND I DON'T THINK
SHE WOULD TALK ABOUT ME.
DON'T TRASH-TALK.
- RIGHT, RIGHT.
- YOU KNOW, YOU HAVE SOMETHING
TO SAY ABOUT SOMEBODY,
LOOK A PERSON IN THE EYE
AND SAY IT.
- I AGREE.
- OH, AND WE'D LOVE TO.
- THEN DO IT. WHAT STOPS YOU?
- WELL, LET'S LEAVE IT AT THAT.
- MARISA NEEDS TO GO
DIRECTLY TO BRANDI
AND ASK BRANDI THAT QUESTION,
AND SAY, "HEY, WHY DID YOU
SEND ME THIS TEXT?
IT'S NOT COOL.
I LOVE MY HUSBAND."
WHATEVER SHE WANTS TO SAY.
- SHE IS NOT A NICE PERSON.
- KYLE AND I SAID WE MISSED YOU.
- YEAH.
- SHE SAID SOMETHING MEAN.
- ADRIENNE
DOESN'T OWN THE PALMS.
- WHAT?
- ADRIENNE ONLY OWNS
2% OF THE PALMS.
- I HAD TO DEFEND YOU BECAUSE
IT WAS THE RIGHT THING TO DO.
- KYLE WAS, LIKE...
WENT TO BAT FOR YOU.
SHE WAS LIKE, "OH, MY GOD."
- OH, YEAH, AND THEN I...
- YEAH, IT WAS MEAN.
- I'M SORRY.
IT WAS SO BELOW THE BELT.
IT'S LIKE, IS ANYTHING SACRED?
AND WHEN IS ENOUGH IS ENOUGH?
WHEN DO YOU DRAW THE LINE
AND SAY,
"OKAY, YOU KNOW,
THERE'S CERTAIN THINGS"...
- THERE'S SOME THINGS
YOU DON'T TALK ABOUT. YEAH.
- BUSINESS, FAMILY.
- YEAH.
- ADRIENNE,
PEOPLE DON'T UNDERSTAND
HOW UPSET YOU WERE.
I MEAN, IT'S OKAY TO SHOW...
- WELL, IT DOESN'T MATTER.
SHE IS WHAT SHE IS.
- NO, NO, IT'S OKAY.
SHE'S HURT YOU,
AND WE'VE ALL BEEN THERE,
AND WE'VE BEEN THERE 'CAUSE...
AND WE CARE ABOUT YOU.
- YOU KNOW, VEGAS,
EVERYBODY GOT HIT IN VEGAS,
INCLUDING US,
BUT MY FAMILY WORKS HARD.
FOR 150 YEARS,
WE WORK OUR ASS OFF.
- YEAH.
- AND, YOU KNOW...
IT DOESN'T MATTER. I DON'T...
I DON'T SINK TO THAT LEVEL.
- LISTEN, YOU GUYS
ARE IN A GREAT PLACE, AND... YEAH.
- I DON'T SINK TO THAT LEVEL,
BUT UNFORTUNATELY, SHE DOES.
- WHERE'S PAUL?
- HE SEEMED UPSET. HE LEFT.
I DON'T KNOW.
SOMETHING HAPPENED.
- UPSET ABOUT WHAT?
- I DON'T KNOW.
HE JUST... HE SEEMED PRETTY UPSET,
AND HE SAID,
"JUST TELL ADRIENNE I LEFT."
- ARE YOU SERIOUS?
[laughter]
OH, [bleep].
I'M LOOKING
AT THESE BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE,
AND THEN... I SEE YOU.
[applause]
AS LONG AS HE'S GETTING
ATTENTION
AND YOU'RE FEEDING HIS EGO,
HE'S HAPPY.
HE ACTUALLY KIND OF LOOKS
A LITTLE PATHETIC.
GIVE ME YOUR HAND.
I'LL HELP YOU GET DOWN.
- NO.
ADRIENNE, IF I FALL,
I'LL FALL ON THAT TABLE.
- YOU WON'T FALL.
- YES.
- YOU WON'T. REALLY?
- COMING UP...
- KEVIN, SERIOUSLY, ARE YOU
GONNA HAVE YOUR TROUSERS ON
WHEN EVERYBODY ARRIVES?
- WHAT ELSE DO YOU WANT, LISA?
- YOU'VE GOT THIS.
YOU'VE GOT LOADS OF THINGS.
JUST USE YOUR IMAGINATION.
USE ANYTHING.
ADRIENNE AND PAUL
ANNOUNCED THEIR SEPARATION
ONLINE THIS MORNING...
I'M SHOCKED.
I DON'T QUITE UNDERSTAND IT,
BUT I DO FEEL A LOT OF SORROW
FOR THE SITUATION.
[exhaling sharply]
FRANCIS?
SO WHAT ARE WE DOING?
I FEEL LIKE WE'RE BEHIND.
- IT FEELS LIKE WE'RE BEHIND.
- IT DOES, RIGHT?
- WE'RE NOT. WE'RE NOT.
- OKAY.
- DO YOU WANT TO TASTE ANYTHING?
- NO, NO, I'M FINE.
I FEEL A BIT STRESSED.
I DON'T KNOW WHY.
I JUST FEEL...
OH, BOY. I'M JUST NOT...
- WELL, IT LOOKS AND KIND OF
FEELS THAT WE'RE BEHIND, BUT...
- I KNOW, BUT I'M MUCH BETTER
WHEN IT'S ABOUT SOMEBODY ELSE.
WHEN IT'S TO DO WITH ME,
I'M LIKE, "UGH."
- IT'S ONLY
YOUR 30TH ANNIVERSARY.
- I KNOW, RIGHT? THOSE DON'T
REALLY COME AROUND TOO OFTEN.
WHAT'S THIS? IS THIS SPICY TUNA?
- WE GOT...
CRISPY RICE, SPICY TUNA...
- OKAY.
- LOBSTER TACOS.
- JUST SEX IT UP.
MAKE EVERYTHING SEXY.
MAKE EVERYTHING ABUNDANT.
- YOU HAVE ANY EXTRA ROSES
I COULD USE?
- AND DON'T HIT ON MY FRIENDS.
TRY AND RESTRAIN YOURSELF
TONIGHT.
THERE'S STILL QUITE A LOT TO DO,
BUT LUCKILY, I HAVE A STAFF
WHO CAN PICK UP
A LOT OF THE SLACK.
WHERE'S PETER? PETER?
- YES, MA'AM.
- OH, YOU'RE HERE.
- YES, I AM. AT YOUR SERVICE.
- OKAY, SO...
RIGHT. YOU KNOW
THE CUCUMBER MARTINI?
- YES.
- WHAT ARE WE DOING?
- CUCUMBER MARTINI...
SUR COSMO... - SUR COSMO.
- MM-HMM, AND SOME... SOME PIMM'S.
- THERE'S A PIMM'S?
YOU DON'T WANT
TO SERVE RED WINE...
- OKAY.
- BECAUSE IT...
YOU KNOW, FURNITURE.
- KEN SAID RED,
BUT I'M GONNA MAKE
A HUGE PITCHER OF MARGARITA.
- YEAH. OKAY, YEAH.
- KEN SAID TO MAKE A PITCHER.
- KEVIN?
I LOVE IT. I THINK IT'S REALLY,
REALLY PRETTY, ACTUALLY.
GORGEOUS. - IT'S SO ROMANTIC.
- IT IS. IT REALLY IS.
- GORGEOUS, RIGHT?
WHAT ELSE DO YOU WANT?
- VERY SWEET.
NOW, I AM SCARED THAT
THIS LOOKS LIKE A BLOODY MESS,
AND THEY'RE GONNA BE HERE
IN AN HOUR AND A HALF.
- SCARED OF WHAT?
LISA, DON'T WORRY.
- HUH?
- YOU DON'T HAVE TO SCARE
OF ANYTHING.
WHY ARE YOU SCARING ABOUT?
- BECAUSE LOOK AT IT.
- I'M GONNA CLEAN IT RIGHT NOW.
I'M CLEANING.
LISA, YOU'RE GONNA
KILL ME TODAY.
- KEVIN DRIVES ME NUTS.
I PUT UP WITH HIM
BECAUSE HE'S BRILLIANT,
AND HE DELIVERS, AND I LOVE HIM.
IT'S LIKE...
WE'VE GOT AN HOUR AND A HALF.
- OH, MY GOD. THIS IS SO HARD
TO WORK WITH HERE.
- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
- LISA, OH, MY GOD.
IT'S SO HARD
TO WORK IN THE POOL.
- DON'T FALL IN.
- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
- MY GOD. WE HAVE TO PUT
SOME FLOWERS IN THE WATER.
- YEAH, BUT YOU'VE GOT
AN HOUR AND A HALF.
YOU NEED TO DO IT NOW.
- WELL, I CAN'T GET INTO WATER.
- YEAH, YOU CAN.
JUST GET IN THERE.
- ARE YOU SERIOUS?
- GET IN.
- OH, MY GOD. ARE YOU SERIOUS?
- YEAH, BUT SERIOUSLY,
YOU'VE GOT TO GET IN.
JUST DO IT. GO ON. JUST DO IT.
- LISA.
- I'M GONNA HAVE TO
TAKE MY PANTS OFF.
- JUST DO IT.
WHAT HAVE YOU GOT TO HIDE?
- UGH. I'LL DO IT, JUST FOR YOU.
- JUST FOR LISA.
I'VE NEVER SEEN THIS DONE.
- I WILL DO IT JUST FOR YOU,
MY LOVE.
- DO YOU SHAVE YOUR LEGS
AS WELL?
- THEY'RE PRETTY LEGS.
- WELL!
- CHI CHI CHI, BABY.
CHI CHI CHI. BEVERLY HILLS.
- THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT.
- OH, MY GOD, I HAVE TO DO THIS.
WHOO! - OH, MY GOD. HURRY UP.
- PULL IT UP.
- SERIOUSLY?
- WHOO!
- NO! NO, NO.
- SERIOUSLY.
OKAY, YOU CLEAN THE DOORS.
- GET AWAY. GET AWAY.
- LISTEN, KEVIN...
- GET AWAY.
- WE'VE GOT AN HOUR AND A HALF.
STOP MESSING ABOUT.
- OKAY, I GOT IT, I GOT IT.
- NO, I'M SERIOUS.
- YOU GOT IT.
- AND YOU GOT TO DO THIS SIDE.
- I'M GONNA FINISH IT.
OH, MY GOD.
- KEVIN, SERIOUSLY...
WE'VE GOT AN HOUR AND A HALF.
- WHAT ELSE YOU WANT ME TO DO?
- WELL, MORE THAN THAT.
- OH, MY GOODNESS.
- ARE YOU GONNA HAVE
YOUR TROUSERS ON
WHEN EVERYBODY ARRIVES?
- WHAT ELSE DO YOU WANT, LISA?
COME ON.
- THIS BREEZE FEELS REALLY GOOD.
- OH, MY GOD.
THIS BREEZE FEELS SO...
- THANK GOODNESS.
- I'M EXCITED
TO SEE LISA'S HOUSE.
- YEAH. OH, YOU HAVEN'T
SEEN IT YET. THAT'S RIGHT.
- UH-UH.
- IT'S BEAUTIFUL.
IT'S SO PRETTY.
- SHE WAS TEXTING ME
THE SWEETEST THINGS
THE OTHER DAY. - SHE'S ADORABLE.
- DON'T... WATCH YOUR STEP HERE,
'CAUSE YOU KNOW
WE'LL ALL GO DOWN.
- I KNOW.
- HI.
- HELLO.
GOOD AFTERNOON.
Both: GOOD AFTERNOON.
- I'M EXCITED FOR YOU
TO SEE THE HOUSE.
- I KNOW, I KNOW.
- IT'S SO PRETTY.
- IS IT... IT'S BIGGER
THAN THE LAST HOUSE?
- NO, NO, NO. IT'S SMALLER,
BUT I MEAN, IT'S STILL...
IT'S STILL REALLY BIG. - YEAH.
- BUT NO, IT'S BEAUTIFUL.
IT'S... SHE NAMED IT "VILLA ROSA."
- AW.
- I'M A LITTLE...
I'M WONDERING IF ADRIENNE
IS GONNA COME TONIGHT,
BECAUSE OF THE ANNOUNCEMENT
THEY MADE THIS MORNING.
- I KNOW. THAT'S SO SAD.
- I KNOW.
- IT'S REALLY SAD. IT'S SO SAD
WHEN ANOTHER MARRIAGE ENDS.
- I AM DEFINITELY NOT
SURPRISED OR SHOCKED
TO HEAR THAT ADRIENNE AND PAUL
ARE SEPARATING,
BUT I DO THINK THE TIMING'S
A LITTLE SUSPECT.
I'M THINKING, "PUBLICITY STUNT."
YOU KNOW, IT'S HARD, BECAUSE
YOU HEAR ALL THESE RUMORS
OVER THE YEARS ABOUT, YOU KNOW,
THEM LIVING SEPARATE LIVES
AND HAVING, YOU KNOW,
DIFFERENT BEDROOMS
AND AFFAIRS AND OPEN MARRIAGE
AND ALL THIS STUFF,
AND THEN YOU JUST
KIND OF WONDER...
MAYBE IT'S TRUE. I MEAN,
MAYBE IT WAS TRUE... WHO KNOWS?
IT JUST... YOU NEVER KNOW, BUT...
- HMM.
- IT'S SO HARD
WHEN YOU'RE, LIKE...
YOU KNOW,
EVERYONE IN TOWN KNOWS THEM.
YOU KNOW, YOU CAN'T JUST
GO THROUGH THIS QUIETLY.
EVERYONE HAS TO KNOW
EVERY LITTLE DETAIL
ABOUT EVERYONE'S LIFE.
- I KNOW.
- YOU KNOW?
WHEN YOU GET SEPARATED,
IT'S ON TMZ.
I FEEL LIKE EVERYTHING
THAT THEY'VE BEEN GOING THROUGH
AND THE WHOLE PROBLEM
WITH BRANDI...
I FELT LIKE
THEY WERE GETTING CLOSER.
I THOUGHT IT WAS BRINGING THEM
CLOSER TOGETHER.
- WOW.
- YOLANDA WENT TO THIS PARTY
THAT ADRIENNE AND PAUL HOSTED
THE OTHER NIGHT,
AND SHE SAID IT WAS JUST
A REALLY, REALLY...
IT WAS LIKE HIGH SCHOOL.
THIS LITTLE GROUP OF OLDER WOMEN
CACKLING ABOUT...
IT WAS ALL ME, ME, ME, ME,
EVEN MARISA.
THEY WERE SAYING
THAT I WOULD SLEEP WITH ANYONE,
I WOULD SLEEP
WITH A MARRIED MAN,
THAT I... YEAH.
- WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT,
W-W-W-W-WHAT? YOU? - MM-HMM.
- ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
- NO, I SWEAR.
THAT I WOULD [bleep] ANYONE,
ESPECIALLY MARRIED MEN.
- REALLY?
BECAUSE THAT'S REALLY...
- OH, AND THAT I FLIRT
WITH ALL OF THEIR HUSBANDS.
THE THING IS, I DON'T KNOW
WHO SAID I FLIRT
WITH ALL OF THEIR HUSBANDS.
LIKE, MAYBE...
- I'VE NEVER SEEN YOU FLIRT
WITH DEAN OR MAURICIO
OR PAUL. - EW. EW.
- I GOTTA TELL YOU,
I REALLY LIKED MARISA.
I THOUGHT SHE WAS A GIRL'S GIRL.
I DIDN'T REALIZE
SHE WOULD SAY THINGS LIKE THAT,
IF THAT WAS HER THAT SAID IT.
- WELL, WE'LL HAVE TO GET
TO THE BOTTOM OF IT,
BECAUSE I KIND OF WANT TO GIVE
HER THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT.
I'M REALLY DISAPPOINTED
IN MARISA,
BECAUSE WE HAVE A FRIENDSHIP,
AND I FEEL LIKE
IF SOMETHING WAS BOTHERING HER,
SHE SHOULD HAVE COME TO ME
AND NOT TALK
TO A BUNCH OF CATTY BITCHES
AT A PARTY ABOUT IT.
I'M LIKE,
"OH, MY GOD. KILL ME NOW."
WHO KNOWS?
I GUESS WE'LL STRAIGHTEN IT
ALL OUT TODAY.
- COMING UP...
- I SAW YOUR POINT IN IT.
- BUT THAT'S NOT
WHAT YOU WERE SAYING
THE OTHER NIGHT
IN FRONT OF THE GIRLS, THOUGH.
- THANK YOU.
I'LL SEE YOU IN A LITTLE WHILE.
- HELLO.
- HELLO.
OH, YOU GOT THE MEMO?
- HOW ARE YOU?
- "WEAR THE BLACK."
- NO, I DIDN'T GET THE MEMO.
- PINK ADDITION... SO CUTE.
HI, GIGGY. HI, ROCIO.
- HEY, GIGGY.
- HI, BABY.
LOOK AT YOU. GOOD BOY. GOOD BOY.
- HOW YOU DOING, BUD?
- IT'S VILLA ROSA.
- OH, MY... OH, MY GOD.
ANYONE HOME?
HI. - HELLO.
OH, YOU'RE WEARING WHITE.
- I KNOW!
- OF COURSE YOU ARE.
HELLO, DARLING.
ARE YOU GONNA BEHAVE
YOURSELF TONIGHT?
- I'M HOPING TO. NO PROMISES.
- NO, THAT'S TRUE. OKAY, WELL,
JUST DO WHAT YOU DO BEST.
[laughter] - OH, MY BOYFRIEND!
OH, HI. I DIDN'T SEE YOU THERE.
HOW ARE YOU? - HI.
- YOU LOOK SO PRETTY.
LIKE, EVERYONE'S WEARING BLACK.
- I KNOW.
DIDN'T YOU GET THE MEMO?
- NO.
- THERE WAS NO MEMO.
LISA WAS LIKE,
"DID YOU GET THE MEMO?"
I'M LIKE, "NO MEMO." [laughs]
- HELLO. HOW ARE YOU?
- HI, LISA.
- GOOD. THANK YOU. THANK YOU.
- WELCOME.
THANK YOU. THIS IS MY MOTHER.
THIS IS GAYLE.
- OH, HELLO.
SO NICE TO MEET YOU.
- MY MOM. LISA.
- OH, I CAN SEE THE LIKENESS.
ABSOLUTELY. WELL, WELCOME.
- THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
NICE TO BE HERE.
- SO YOU GOT THE...
- I GOT ALL BLACK.
- YOU GOT THE DRESS CODE.
- YES.
- THAT'S FINE.
WELCOME. COME IN.
- THANKS, LISA.
- ALL RIGHT, DARLING.
SO EVERYBODY TURN UP
IN A LONG, BLACK DRESS.
THAT'S WHAT I GET
FOR NOT WEARING PINK.
- OH, MY GOD.
ISN'T IT INCREDIBLE?
- OH, YES. YES.
- WOW, IT'S BEAUTIFUL, HUH?
IT'S VERY FAR AWAY, BUT...
- [chuckles] "VILLA ROSA."
- HELLO. [laughs]
- WHAT'S UP, KIDS?
- HI, HONEY.
- NICE PAD.
- GOOD TO SEE...
I'M GONNA KISS YOU FIRST.
- THAT'S RIGHT.
- OF COURSE.
- HOW ARE YOU?
- HELLO, DARLING. HOW ARE YOU?
- GOOD. GOOD TO SEE YOU.
YOU LOOK GORGEOUS.
- NICE TO SEE YOU. THANK YOU.
WHAT A BEAUTIFUL PLACE.
- IT REALLY IS. IT REALLY IS.
- THANK YOU.
- OKAY. READY, HONEY?
THIS MAKES ME FEEL LIKE
I'M GONNA FALL IN.
HELLO. - OH, TROUBLE'S HERE.
- HELLO, LISA.
- LOOK HOW GORGEOUS YOU ARE.
- HOW ARE YOU?
- GOOD. MWAH. MWAH.
- HOW ARE YOU?
- WELCOME.
- I'M SO EXCITED
TO SEE THIS FINALLY.
- OH, YOU CAN HAVE A LOOK
EVERYWHERE.
- IT LOOKS BEAUTIFUL.
- MINUS...
- ARE YOU NERVOUS?
YOU LOOK A LITTLE NERVOUS.
- NO, I'M FINE.
- YOU ARE?
- YEAH.
- WHAT?
- WHAT?
- [laughs]
- I DON'T KNOW.
- WHAT DO YOU KNOW
THAT I DON'T KNOW?
- I DON'T KNOW. DO I KNOW...
- OH, I KNOW. IT'S NOT GOOD.
- IT'S NOT GOOD.
- THERE'S NO UP SIDE
TO THAT ONE, IS THERE?
- WELL, NOW, SUPPOSED...
I JUST HEARD
THAT HE'S ALREADY MOVED OUT,
OR HE'S NOT STAYING THERE.
- YEAH.
IT MUST BE SERIOUS IF THEY'RE
FILING LEGAL SEPARATION, RIGHT?
- I DON'T KNOW
WHETHER TO BELIEVE IT OR NOT.
THERE ARE SO MANY LIES
ALWAYS OUT THERE.
- WELL, SHE'S CONFIRMED IT.
- YEAH, NOW SHE'S...
AND HE'S CONFIRMED IT TOO.
- YEAH.
OY, YIKES. - I KNOW.
- ANYWAY, LET'S...
- SO I ASSUME
THEY'RE NOT COMING.
- WELL, I DON'T KNOW.
MAYBE ONE OF THEM.
- I MEAN, YOU NEVER KNOW.
- WOW. THIS IS BEAUTIFUL, HUH?
- HELLO.
- HELLO.
- HOW ARE YOU? NICE TO SEE YOU.
- NICE TO SEE YOU TOO.
- HI. HOW ARE YOU?
- HELLO.
- GREAT TO SEE YOU.
- GOOD. GREAT TO SEE YOU TOO.
- HI, CAMILLE.
- HELLO. MWAH.
- THIS IS BEAUTIFUL.
- SO PRETTY.
- THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE
A HOUSEWARMING PARTY,
BUT IT LOOKS A LOT MORE THAN...
- IT'S LOOKING LIKE...
- IT LOOKS LIKE A...
- THEY'RE GONNA BE
RENEWING THEIR VOWS.
THAT'S MY GUESS.
- OH, IS THAT IT?
- THERE'S...
WELL, THERE'S A PRIEST.
- NOW, HOW SAD
THAT WE'RE GONNA BE CELEBRATING
A RENEWAL...
- YEAH, ON THE SAME DAY
THAT WE HEAR
ABOUT OUR FRIENDS' SPLIT.
- YEAH.
IT'S SO UPSETTING. - I KNOW.
- CAN YOU CLEANSE HER?
- [laughs]
- ANGELIC. ANGELIC.
- BLESS YOU, MY DAUGHTER.
- CAN YOU HELP HER?
[laughter]
- WHAT IS IT
THAT YOU'RE DOING HERE, SIR?
- I'M PART OF THE FAM...
I DID PANDY'S WEDDING.
- HE'S PART OF THE FAMILY.
- SO YEAH, YEAH.
- THAT'S AMAZING.
- THE LITTLE HALO IS SLIPPING.
[laughter]
FORGIVE HER, FATHER...
- I FORGIVE YOU.
- BECAUSE SHE HAS SINNED
MANY, MANY TIMES.
- BLESS YOU, MY DAUGHTER.
[laughs]
- I'M GONNA GO
HAVE SOME, UM, ROSE WATER.
- BUT NOT AS MANY AS...
[laughter]
- HELLO.
- HOW ARE YOU DOING?
- OH, I ALMOST MADE OUT WITH YOU
BY ACCIDENT. SORRY.
- IT'S NEVER AN ACCIDENT.
- MWAH.
- EVERYTHING GOOD?
- IT'S GOOD, GOOD, GOOD.
- COME IN.
- DID YOU SEE WHO I BROUGHT?
MARTIN, DWIGHT, AND RICH.
- NO, I... I KNOW.
- I'M FLANKED BY MEN TONIGHT.
- ARE YOU GETTING
YOUR LITTLE CLAWS INTO MARTIN?
ARE YOU?
- [laughs]
- HI, BRANDI.
- HI. HOW ARE YOU?
- GOOD. AND YOU?
- CAN I ASK YOU
ONE QUICK QUESTION?
- YES.
- HAVE I EVER FLIRTED WITH YOU
IN MY LIFE? - NO.
- OKAY, THANKS.
THAT'S ALL I WANTED TO KNOW.
- HAVE I? YES.
- [laughs]
- YES, ALL THE TIME.
- A LITTLE BIT...
JUST A LITTLE BIT. - [laughs]
- JUST TAKING IT ONE BY ONE.
- WHY? WHY ARE YOU ASKING THAT?
- I'M GONNA GET TO IT LATER.
- WHY? ARE WE GONNA START?
- NO.
- ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
- THIS IS THE BIGGEST
MISCONCEPTION OF ALL TIME.
I ONLY FLIRT WITH KEN.
I WOULD NEVER CHEAT ON KEN.
I'M A VERY FAITHFUL GAL.
- WHY DO YOU HAVE ANY PROBLEMS?
- READ RADAR ONLINE.
- WHAT'S GOING ON NOW?
WHAT'S GOIN... OH. - OH, MY GOD.
ADRIENNE, LIKE, PUT OUT
HER LITTLE STORY ABOUT HER...
- RIGHT, YEAH, I HEARD.
- YOU KNOW, SHE'S GETTING...
WHATEVER.
- I DIDN'T READ IT, BUT I HEARD.
- YES, AND THEN THE SAME WRITER
WROTE A STORY ABOUT ME.
- SAYING?
- THAT I SLEPT WITH SOMEONE
AT THE WHITE PARTY
IN THE BATHROOM.
- UH, HELLO. I WAS THERE.
- [laughs] I KNOW YOU WERE.
- I WAS THERE.
YOU DIDN'T HAVE TIME TO DO THAT.
- ADRIENNE IS BEHIND EVERY STORY
THAT HITS THE PRESS.
THERE HASN'T BEEN
A STORY OUT THERE
THAT SHE HASN'T BEEN BEHIND,
AND I KNOW THIS, BECAUSE
I KNOW SOMEONE THAT WORKS THERE,
AND THEY CALL ME, AND IT'S SAD.
IT'S DISGUSTING.
IT'S FRUSTRATING THAT
THE SAME WRITER WROTE THAT STORY
THAT WROTE ADRIENNE'S EXCLUSIVE
ABOUT HER MARRIAGE.
- OH.
- I'M LIKE, "OH, REALLY?"
- OH, SO SHE'S
DUMPING YOU IN IT.
BUT LOOK HOW MANY TIMES
WE'VE BEEN DUMPED IN IT.
- WELL...
- I MEAN, NOBODY ELSE HAS.
- I KNOW.
- I THINK IT'S IRONIC, THOUGH,
THAT EVERY TIME ADRIENNE
HAS SOMETHING TO SAY,
SOMEBODY EITHER SAYS IT FOR HER,
OR IT APPEARS ON RADAR ONLINE.
JUST SAYING.
- WELL, IS SHE COMING?
- I DON'T THINK SO.
SO YOU'VE GOT A FREE PASS.
[both laugh]
- WHEN YOU ARE
IN THE SOCIAL CIRCLES
IN BEVERLY HILLS AND YOU GET
A DIVORCE, IT'S ROTTEN.
I JUST DON'T KNOW
IF SHE EVEN SAW IT COMING.
- I MEAN, OBVIOUSLY,
PEOPLE DON'T DECIDE OVERNIGHT,
"I'M GETTING DIVORCED."
YOU KNOW IT'S COMING.
- BUT I DO KNOW
THAT HE'S MOVED OUT ON OCCASION,
BUT I DON'T KNOW
IF THAT JUST MEANS
INTO A GUEST ROOM
AT THEIR HOUSE.
MOVING OUT IS LIKE MOVING
A MILE AWAY IN THAT HOUSE.
[chuckles]
- I FEEL THAT EXTRA PRESSURES
AND EXTRA BURDENS
AND PROBLEMS TO YOUR MARRIAGE,
WHICH I'M SURE
BRANDI LAID SOME EXTRA STRESS
ON THEIR SITUATION,
BUT I FEEL
THEY WOULD BE STRONG ENOUGH
TO TAKE IT ON AS A TEAM
AND TAKE IT TOGETHER AND FIX IT.
THAT'S... THAT'S WHAT...
THAT'S WHAT TEAMS DO.
THAT'S WHAT HUSBANDS
AND WIVES DO, RIGHT?
I MEAN, I DON'T HAVE A HUSBAND,
BUT THAT'S WHAT TEAMS DO.
- I CALLED HER AND TEXTED
BOTH PAUL AND ADRIENNE,
AND I HAVEN'T HEARD BACK
FROM THEM.
- LOOK, I KNEW IT WAS BAD...
I KNEW IT WAS BAD
FOR THE TWO OF THEM,
BUT I DIDN'T KNOW
IT WAS THIS BAD.
- THAT'S WHY IT MAKES IT
ALL THE MORE SAD.
WHEN YOU SEE PEOPLE FIGHTING,
YOU THINK, "YOU KNOW WHAT?
IT'S SAD,
BUT IT'S FOR THE BEST."
I KNOW THEY BICKER,
BUT TO ME, IT SEEMED LIKE
THEY REALLY LOVE EACH OTHER.
- THAT WORKED FOR THEM.
BUT THAT WORKED FOR THEM.
- AND I'VE ACTUALLY THOUGHT
RECENTLY THAT EVERYTHING
THEY'VE BEEN GOING THROUGH,
WITH THE FIGHT WITH BRANDI
AND ALL OF THIS STUFF
THAT'S BEEN COMING UP WAS
BRINGING THEM CLOSER TOGETHER.
I REALLY THOUGHT THAT.
- NO, I THINK
IT WAS JUST THE OPPOSITE.
- IT EXACERBATED EVERYTHING
AND TORE THEM APART... I DO.
- ADRIENNE TOLD ME TODAY.
- 'CAUSE IT PUT A STRESS...
IT PUT STRESS
ON THE RELATIONSHIP.
- SHE TOLD ME TODAY
THAT SHE JUST FEELS
THAT PAUL'S PRIORITIES ARE
JUST COMPLETELY OUT OF WHACK.
I MEAN, HE'S JUST LOOKING TO BE
THE CENTER OF ATTENTION.
- I THINK
THAT'S REALLY UNFAIR, THOUGH.
- WELL, BUT THAT'S HOW SHE
FEELS... THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID.
- WELL, BUT WE DON'T HEAR
HOW HE FEELS, THOUGH.
THERE'S ALWAYS
TWO SIDES OF THE STORY.
- I'M SURE THERE IS.
- HOW ARE YOU?
- HI, LINDA.
- HOW ARE YOU?
- NICE TO SEE YOU.
GOOD. HOW ARE YOU? HI. - HI.
- YOUR HOME IS GORGEOUS.
- THANK YOU.
- I BROUGHT YOU
A HOUSEWARMING GIFT.
- OH, THANK YOU SO MUCH.
- HONEY.
- I GAVE YOU GUYS SOME...
MY HOMEMADE JAM.
- OH, THANK YOU SO MUCH.
- HI. HOW ARE YOU?
SO IT'S... I MAKE APRICOT AND PLUM
EVERY YEAR.
- OH, THANK YOU SO MUCH...
VERY KIND OF YOU.
- SO MIDDLE-CLASS. [laughs]
- I LOVE IT. NO, IT'S GREAT.
- THANK YOU.
THAT'S VERY KIND OF YOU.
- YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL.
- THANK YOU.
- WHERE'S YOUR LITTLE PUP?
- UH, HE'S WITH KEN.
- I'M GONNA GO FIND TAYLOR.
- I THINK TAYLOR'S RIGHT THERE.
- OKAY.
- OKAY,
- NO, I'M FINE.
- ARE YOU OKAY WITH THAT?
- TOTALLY, YES.
- OH, GOOD. I DIDN'T KNOW.
- I SEE HER ALL THE TIME, YEAH.
- OH, YOU DID? OH, OKAY.
I JUST HAD A HEART ATTACK THEN.
- NO, I'M TOTALLY...
SHE TOLD MY HUSBAND
THAT SHE STILL LOVES HIM
AND WISHED THAT THEY WERE
STILL TOGETHER.
- THERE YOU GO, RIGHT?
- YEAH.
- I DIDN'T KNOW HOW...
- NO, TOTALLY COOL.
- OKAY, GOOD. OKAY, GOOD.
- NO, NO.
- IT ABOUT GAVE ME
A HEART ATTACK.
- SO THERE'S ALL THIS STUFF
ABOUT YOU ON THE INTERNET.
- RIGHT, RIGHT, RIGHT.
- ABOUT YOU GETTING,
LIKE, A FULL-BODY MAKEOVER,
YOU KNOW, WITH THE LIPO.
- [laughs]
- I KNOW! THAT'S RIDICULOUS!
- NO, NO, NO.
- I'M LIKE...
- HOLD ON. HOLD ON. NO...
- W-W-W-WAIT. NO, I READ THAT.
- THAT IS SUCH A LIE.
- THAT IS RIDICULOUS.
- WELL, NO.
IT WAS NOT A FULL-BODY...
THERE ACTUALLY IS TRUTH TO THAT.
I DID HAVE MY LOVE HANDLES...
THAT IS... THAT PART IS TRUE.
IT WAS AN EXAGGERATED STORY.
- HERE?
- YEAH, I HAD IT RIGHT HERE,
BUT THE STORIES ARE LIKE,
"HEAD TO TOE,
20 POUNDS CHOPPED OFF."
LIKE, I WAS, LIKE,
WALKING AROUND LIKE THIS.
[laughter] - NO!
- WENDY SAID THAT I NEED
A WOMAN THAT DOTES ON ME.
I DON'T THINK THAT'S TRUE,
IN SPITE OF WHAT YOU HEARD.
- YOU DO LIKE IT, THOUGH.
- DOESN'T EVERY MAN
WANT TO BE TAKEN CARE OF?
- WELL, YES, YES.
I'M JUST SAYING
THAT I JUST REALLY BELIEVE
THAT YOU... YOU REALLY...
- YOU THINK I'M AN EXTRA CASE.
NO, YOU'RE WRONG.
- OKAY.
- I MEAN, WELL...
- BUT YOU'RE MY KING,
AND I TAKE VERY BIG PRIDE
IN TAKING CARE OF MY KING.
- AND THAT'S MY POINT.
NOT EVERY WOMAN LOOKS
AND SAYS, "THAT'S MY KING."
- I'M ONLY DRIVEN BY ROMANCE.
I MEAN, THAT'S WHAT DRIVES ME
EVERY DAY OF MY LIFE.
SOME WOMEN THINKS THAT
IF YOU'RE OBEDIENT TO THE MAN...
- IT'S WEAKNESS.
- IT'S WEAKNESS.
IT'S NOT WEAKNESS.
IT'S STRENGTH.
- TRUE OR FALSE? YOU WOULD LIKE
TO BUY HIM A PLANE.
- YEAH.
BECAUSE HE HAS EVERYTHING.
I MEAN, WHAT ELSE...
- OH, HE DOES HAVE EVERYTHING.
[laughter]
HI. [laughs] - LISA...
IF YOU HAD ALL THE MONEY
IN THE WORLD,
WOULD YOU BUY KEN A PLANE?
- NO. WE'D CHARTER ONE.
WE'VE ALWAYS CHARTERED.
- WE CHARTER TOO,
BUT THAT'S NOT THE SAME.
- ACTUALLY, I THINK THERE'S
AN UPSIDE TO THIS CONVERSATION.
YES, I THINK
YOU SHOULD BUY HIM A PLANE.
[laughter]
- VACATIONS ARE COMING.
[laughter] - HELLO.
- HEY. YOU LOOK GORGEOUS.
- OH, THANK YOU.
- HEY, THAT IS A GREAT DRESS.
- OH, THANK YOU.
- THAT'S GORGEOUS.
- IT'S A GORGEOUS DRESS.
- THANK YOU.
- I LOVE IT.
- MM. OH, OF COURSE WE ARE.
[laughs] - HELLO.
- HI, SWEETIE. HOW ARE YOU?
- HELLO.
- HI, EJ.
- YES.
- HOW ABOUT YOU?
- I'M GOOD. HOW ARE YOU?
- PERFECT.
- IN GOOD COMPANY.
- THERE HE IS.
- THANK YOU.
- MARISA?
- YEAH?
- WE GOTTA ASK YOU A QUESTION.
I WANTED
TO TAKE THIS OPPORTUNITY...
BRANDI ASKED ME, "HOW WAS
LAST NIGHT AT ADRIENNE'S?"
- YEAH.
- AND I TOLD BRANDI...
THIS AND THIS IS WHAT HAPPENED.
- YEAH.
- AND I TOLD BRANDI
THAT YOU BROUGHT UP THE TEXT
IN FRONT OF ALL THE GIRLS...
- YEAH.
- AND WERE WONDERING
WHAT THE TEXT MEANT.
SO I THOUGHT TONIGHT
WOULD BE THE PERFECT OPPORTUNITY
FOR YOU TO, YOU KNOW,
ASK THAT QUESTION
AND FOR YOU TO EXPLAIN IT.
- I HAVE A QUESTION, THOUGH,
BECAUSE I'VE BEEN
SO NICE TO YOU.
I'VE BEEN SUCH A FAN OF YOURS.
- AND I AGREE WITH YOU TOTALLY.
- NO, BUT I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
LIKE, WHY DID YOU WAIT
TILL I WASN'T AROUND
TO SAY SOMETHING?
- WELL, HONESTLY...
I DON'T FEEL, HONESTLY,
LIKE IT WAS
THAT BIG A DEAL TO ME.
I SAW YOUR POINT IN IT,
SO I SAW THAT YOU WERE
KIND OF LOOKING OUT FOR ME.
- I WAS TRYING TO BE HELPFUL.
I DON'T ALWAYS GIVE
THE BEST ADVICE... LET'S BE CLEAR.
- BUT THAT'S NOT WHAT... BUT
THAT'S NOT WHAT YOU WERE SAYING
THE OTHER NIGHT
IN FRONT OF THE GIRLS, THOUGH.
- YOU DIDN'T SAY IT
LIKE THAT AT ALL.
- NO. NO, BUT, YOLANDA,
WHEN WE WERE ALL TOGETHER,
ALL I DID WAS SAY,
"LOOK AT THIS TEXT
BRANDI SENT ME."
- YEAH, "CAN YOU GUYS BELIEVE"...
- I DIDN'T SAY...
- "CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS TEXT?"
- "CAN YOU BELIEVE THE TEXT?"
- I MEAN, "HOW DARE SHE?"
- NO, NOT "HOW DARE SHE?"
- YEAH, YOU...
- NOT "HOW DARE SHE?" 'CAUSE
THAT'S NOT WHAT I WOULD SAY.
- I WOULD NOT SAY
"HOW DARE SHE?"
- IN DIFFERENT WORDS,
YOU WERE SAYING,
"I CAN'T BELIEVE
SHE WOULD EVEN SAY SOMETHING
"LIKE THAT ABOUT ME
AND MY HUSBAND,
BECAUSE MY HUSBAND AND I
ARE SO TIGHT."
- WELL, NO, WHAT YOU SAID WAS,
"IT'LL SAVE YOUR MARRIAGE,"
AND I WAS LIKE,
"SAVE MY MARRIAGE?
THERE'S NO PROBLEM
WITH MY MARRIAGE."
- NO. WELL,
THAT'S THE QUESTION MARK.
YOUR HUSBAND IS MORE IN LOVE
WITH YOU THAN YOU ARE WITH HIM.
- THE THING WITH US,
I THINK IT CAN BE READ WRONG.
THERE'S NO PROBLEM
WITH MY MARRIAGE.
- BUT THIS WHOLE TIME IS WHAT...
- I JOKE AROUND.
- BUT YOU'VE BEEN SAYING, LIKE...
- I AM A JOKER.
- YOU'RE LIKE, "YOU AND I
HAVE THE SAME TYPE...
TALL, DARK, AND LATIN.
- YEAH, I KNOW.
- THAT'S NOT YOUR HUSBAND.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
- TALL, DARK, AND HANDSOME
IS MY TYPE,
AND IF I COULD [bleep] TALL,
DARK, AND HANDSOME RIGHT NOW,
I WOULD, OKAY?
- THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYING.
- AND I'M THE ONE TO SAY IT.
- OH, MY GOD,
LISTEN TO WHAT YOU SAY!
- COMING UP...
- NO MATTER HOW MANY CHANELS
YOU BORROW,
YOU WILL NEVER, EVER BE A LADY.
- WE NEED A WOMAN'S PERSPECTIVE
ON WHAT'S GOING ON OVER THERE.
- I DON'T HAVE TO KNOW.
- [laughs]
- MY GOD. I'M NOT A GOSSIPER.
- WHAT'S GOING ON?
- WELL, THEY'RE FIGHTING,
ALWAYS FIGHTING, YOU KNOW THAT.
THEY'RE GOSSIPING SO MUCH.
- FIGHTING ABOUT WHAT?
- ALWAYS GOSSIPING ABOUT WHAT.
- THAT DOESN'T LOOK LIKE GOSSIP.
- THEY'RE ALWAYS GOSSIPING
SOMETHING ABOUT THOSE LADIES.
- WE THOUGHT YOU'D BE INVOLVED.
- THAT LOOKS INTENSE.
- I DON'T WANT TO BE
A PART OF IT. DO YOU?
- WELL, I'M STANDING OVER HERE.
- EXACTLY.
I DON'T WANT ANY PART OF IT.
IT ALWAYS JUST, LIKE, CHAOS.
- THIS IS
MY WEDDING ANNIVERSARY.
I HAVE TO PUT UP
WITH THAT [bleep]?
- WHO NEEDS IT? WHO NEEDS IT?
[laughter]
- OH, MY GOD,
LISTEN TO WHAT YOU SAY!
- BUT MY POINT IS,
I JOKE AROUND.
I JOKE AROUND, BUT IT DOESN'T
MEAN I DON'T ADORE MY HUSBAND.
- LET'S TAKE IT DOWN, GIRLS,
'CAUSE I LIKE YOU BOTH, AND...
- IT DOESN'T MEAN
I DON'T ADORE MY...
NO, WAIT. BUT WAIT. BUT WAS IT
A JOKE, OR DID YOU MEAN THAT?
- WHICH PART?
- "I'M GONNA...
DARK, TALL, AND HANDSOME. I WANT
TO [bleep] ONE RIGHT NOW."
- OH, MY GOD, IF SAID IT
IN FRONT OF MY HUSBAND...
- IF THERE'S A BLONDE
AND THERE'S A...
- WHY ARE THEY ATTACKING MARISA?
SHE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING.
- LET'S GO.
- I DON'T WANT TO GO OVER THERE.
I DON'T THINK I WANT TO BE
A PART OF ALL THIS.
- I THINK THAT IF WE'RE NOT,
MARISA STANDS ON HER OWN.
- IF THERE'S A BLONDE
AND THERE'S A BRUNETTE...
A DARK GUY WITH DARK HAIR,
DARK SKIN,
YES, THAT IS MY TYPE.
- LIKE YOUR BROTHER.
- WELL, NO, NOT MY BROTHER,
BUT, LIKE, YOUR EX'S TYPE,
LIKE, THAT KIND OF THING.
- YOU'RE NOT INVOLVED IN THIS.
YOU CAN GO.
- I'M INVOLVED WITH EVERYTHING,
SO DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO.
- NO, YOU CAN GO.
- NO, I WILL NOT GO.
- YOU CAN GO.
- BE A LADY FOR ONCE.
- OH, MY GOD.
BRANDI JUST TOLD FAYE TO LEAVE,
AND SHE SAID,
"I'M NOT GOING ANYWHERE."
- WHAT?
- GOOD.
- GOOD FOR HER.
- GOOD.
- I'M NOT GOING.
- NOT, BUT SHE... SHE...
WE'RE... - OH, MY GOSH.
- I WOULDN'T WANT TO MESS
WITH FAYE.
SHE'S ONE TOUGH COOKIE.
- I THINK WE SAID IT ALREADY.
YOU CAN GO.
- BRANDI, DON'T TRY TO CONTROL
EVERYTHING, OKAY?
- "CONTROL EVERYTHING"?
- NO, NO.
YOU'RE TRYING TO CONTROL IT.
YOU'RE WALKING
INTO A CONVERSATION.
- THIS HAS NOTHING
TO DO WITH YOU.
- I AM NOT GOING ANYWHERE.
- WELL, YOU WEREN'T INVITED
TO THIS CONVERSATION, HONEY.
WE'RE TALKING, THE THREE OF US.
- YOLANDA, YOU'RE BEING MISLED
BY A VERY BAD GIRL,
AND I HATE TO SEE YOU
GO DOWN THIS ROAD, HONESTLY.
- WOW.
- SWEETHEART, I'M 48 YEARS OLD.
- I'M SURE YOU ARE.
- I KNOW WHICH ROAD I'M WALKING.
BUT THANKS FOR THE CONCERN,
BUT I THINK I CAN FIGURE
THINGS OUT ON MY OWN.
- THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO
WITH YOU... HONESTLY, IT DOESN'T.
- FAYE, HONESTLY, WE'RE JUST
HAVING A CONVERSATION.
- WELL, I JUST WANT TO BE
A PART OF IT.
- BUT YOU WEREN'T ASKED
TO BE PART OF IT.
- AND YOU WERE ASKED TO GO.
- NO, FAYE, I MEAN...
- WELL, I'M NOT LEAVING.
- THEN BE A LADY AND GO.
- I DON'T THINK SO.
- I'M SORRY?
- YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT LADIES?
- YEAH, LET'S...
- NO MATTER HOW MANY CHANELS
YOU BORROW...
YOU WILL NEVER, EVER BE A LADY.
- THAT IS...
- OKAY.
- NO, LET'S NOT FIGHT.
- FAYE WALKS UP TO A SITUATION
THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH HER,
PUTS HER DICK ON THE TABLE
AND DECIDES
THAT WE NEED TO HAVE A TALK, AND
SHE'S GOTTA BE INVOLVED IN IT.
NO, FAYE DOES NOT NEED TO BE...
THIS HAS NOTHING
TO DO WITH FAYE.
- THAT'S A REALLY LOW BLOW.
- I'VE HEARD A LOT OF LOW BLOWS.
ADRIENNE... RIGHT NOW ADRIENNE
AND HER FAMILY ARE UNDER ATTACK.
- EXCUSE ME.
- YOU'RE MORALLY CORRUPT FAYE.
WHAT WAS YOUR LAST NAME...
RANCID, ARSENIC?
- OH, PLEASE, THAT'S
THE BIGGEST JOKE IN THE WORLD.
- BUT, WAIT, GUYS...
- LIKE, "FAYE ARSENIC"?
- DO YOU FEEL GOOD
ABOUT YOURSELF?
DO YOU FEEL GOOD
ABOUT YOURSELF...
- I DO.
- BREAKING UP A FAMILY? I BET.
- "BREAKING UP A FAMILY"?
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
- ADRIENNE AND PAUL, THEY...
- ARE YOU KIDDING?
- ARE YOU JOKING?
- WHAT? WHAT'S WRONG?
- THEY, UM... THEY ANNOUNCED
THEIR SEPARATION THIS MORNING.
- THAT'S NOTHING TO DO WITH ME.
- SHUT UP.
- OH, REALLY?
YOU PUT THEM THROUGH HELL,
LIKE YOU PUT EVERYBODY ELSE
THROUGH HELL HERE.
- NO, BUT THAT'S NOT... NO.
- NO, THAT'S BULL[bleep].
- NO, BUT, FAYE, THAT'S...
- FAYE, THAT IS SUCH...
- THEY MUST HAVE
HAD PROBLEMS BEFORE...
- OH, OH, LET'S JUST...
- BECAUSE THAT'S NOT GONNA
MAKE SOMEBODY HAVE A DIVORCE
OR SEPARATE.
- OKAY, LET'S JUST BE REALISTIC.
- HONESTLY.
- FIRST OF ALL...
- OH, THAT'S PATHETIC.
- NEXT TIME,
ON THE SEASON FINALE...
- WHATEVER I SAID 30 YEARS AGO
STILL STANDS.
I WILL OBEY YOU.
[laughter]
- OKAY, I'M FINE.
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN "FINE"?
- SO SHE HURT YOU TOO.
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN "FINE"?
"TOO"?
- OKAY, "IN ADDITION TO,"
SHE HURT MY SISTER.
- WHAT YOU MEAN
"IN ADDITION TO"?
SHE REALLY HURT ME.
- I THINK IF YOU'RE BORED,
YOU SHOULD GO.
- OH, I'M SURE YOU DO, LOVE,
'CAUSE YOU'RE SO INNOCENT.
- OH, MY GOSH.
- I NEVER THOUGHT
I WAS INNOCENT. - OH, MY GOD.
- THERE'S NOTHING INNOCENT
ABOUT ME.
- WE KNOW THAT. WE KNOW THAT.
- OH, MY GOD, YOU GUYS,
ADRIENNE'S HERE.
- [sobs]
- ADRIENNE, WE'RE HERE FOR YOU.
- SHE INSULTED ME...
- I DIDN'T HEAR ABOUT THAT.
- AND SHE SAYS
I GET BRANDI TO TALK FOR ME.
REALLY? THAT'S A [bleep] INSULT.
SO COME ON, KYLE,
HERE'S YOUR LAST CHANCE...
[softly] BACK ME UP.
- TO LEARN MORE
ABOUT THE HOUSEWIVES,