The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills (2010–…): Season 3, Episode 14 - White Party Pooper - full transcript
Kim reveals her new post-surgery nose with a party in her backyard. When Taylor calls to say she won't be attending, Kim and Kyle are shocked that Taylor doesn't know where her daughter is. Later, Adrienne gets angry with Paul because he won't evacuate their home during a neighbor's fire, but they make up in time for Kyle's white party where they are a united front when everyone confronts them about their threatened lawsuit against Brandi.
- PREVIOUSLY ON THE REAL
HOUSEWIVES OF BEVERLY HILLS...
- SHE MADE THESE COMMENTS
IN FRONT OF PEOPLE,
WHICH ARE COMPLETELY DEFAMATORY.
- BRANDI CROSSED THE LINE
AND HIT BELOW THE BELT.
OH, BOY, SHE'S GONNA GET SLAPPED
WITH A FAT, OLD LAWSUIT.
- SHE TOLD ME SHE HAS A LETTER
THAT YOU'RE SUING HER.
- COME ON,
LOOK AT HER CHARACTER.
WHAT IS SHE TALKING ABOUT?
- YOUR LAWYER DIDN'T SEND
MY LAWYER A LETTER?
- ABSOLUTELY NOT.
- I HAVE THE LETTER.
- SHAME ON YOU, SHAME ON YOU...
- SHAME ON ME?
- FOR BEING SO CALCULATING.
- SHAME ON YOU!
[upbeat music]
- LIFE ISN'T ALL DIAMONDS
AND ROSE,
BUT IT SHOULD BE.
- MONEY DOESN'T GIVE YOU CLASS.
IT JUST GIVES YOU MONEY.
- KNOW YOUR FRIENDS.
SHOW YOUR ENEMIES THE DOOR.
- I FOUGHT TOO HARD
FOR THIS ZIP CODE
TO GO HOME NOW.
- I LIKE TO HAVE FUN,
BUT I DON'T PLAY GAMES.
- LIFE IS A JOURNEY,
AND I'M FINDING MYSELF
EVERY DAY.
- I'M BORN AND RAISED
IN BEVERLY HILLS.
THIS IS MY TOWN.
- [murmuring]
MMM, NICE.
I'M INVITING PEOPLE OVER
TO SEE WHAT MY NOSE LOOKS LIKE
BEFORE I HEAD OUT THERE
INTO THE...
THE REAL WORLD,
JUST TO SEE WHAT THEY THINK
AND TELL ME IF IT LOOKS RIGHT,
AND ALSO KIND OF
TO TELL THEM THANK YOU
FOR SUPPORTING ME
DURING MY SOBRIETY.
ONLY THE WHITE ONES
GO IN THE POOL TONIGHT.
THE PINK AND THE YELLOW
WE CAN PUT AWAY.
YEAH, BUT FOR NOW,
LET'S JUST DO THOSE.
THE ONE THING I DID WANT
IS ICED DRINKS.
WE CAN DO THIS, RIGHT? - OKAY.
- SINCE I DON'T REALLY HAVE A...
FULL BAR SETUP FOR EVERYBODY,
I WANTED PEOPLE TO BE ABLE
TO COME AND GET
ICED COFFEE DRINKS, OKAY?
- THAT'LL WORK FOR ME.
- ALL RIGHT, PERFECT.
THANK YOU, THANK YOU.
PERFECT.
UM, THESE ARE NOT LIT.
OKAY, MILTON,
I'M GONNA HAVE YOU RUN DOWN
AND GET A FEW BAGS OF ICE.
AND THEN WE'LL NEED, UM...
PLASTIC CUPS.
OH! PLASTIC COFFEE CUPS.
- OKAY.
- KINGSLEY, DO NOT JUMP!
- WHOOP. OKAY.
- WELL, NOT FOR LONG.
- COME ON, GIRLS.
CAREFUL WALKING UP THE STAIRS
IN THESE HEELS.
I KNOW IT'S HARD WORK
BEING A GIRL.
- OH, BEAUTIFUL.
- WATCH YOUR STEP, GIRLS.
- HOW PRETTY IS
AUNTIE KIM'S HOUSE!
- HI. OH, LOOKIT,
THOSE ARE PRETTY...
ALL LIT UP LIKE THAT.
- I LOVE IT.
COME ON, SWEETIE.
- KENNEDY AND PORTIA
OFTEN PLAY TOGETHER,
SO I THOUGHT IT'D BE FUN
TO DRESS THEM UP
AND BRING 'EM TO KIM'S
FOR A NIGHT OUT.
AND TAYLOR'S
GONNA MEET US HERE LATER.
- HI!
- HEY, LOVEY.
- HI.
- KIM!
LOOKS SO PRETTY BACK HERE.
- I KNOW.
- I LOVE IT.
- I KNOW, RIGHT?
- WHY DO YOU FEEL SO TINY?
OH, BECAUSE YOU HAVE YOUR FLATS.
- 'CAUSE I'M NOT
GONNA BREAK A NOSE
AND WEAR ANY MORE HIGH HEELS
IN MY DAY.
- OH, I HEARD THE DOG.
WHAT HAPPENED
WITH THE DOG BUMPING YOUR NOSE?
- WELL, HE ALMOST BROKE
MY NEW NOSE.
- NO.
- YES.
- SO WHAT DID
THE DOCTOR HAVE TO DO?
- IT WASN'T HIS FAULT.
HE HAD TO REDO EVERYTHING
BECAUSE YOU TOLD ME
I HAD AN UGLY NOSE,
AN UGLY FACE.
- I DIDN'T! WOULD YOU STOP?
- ALL YOUR FAULT.
- DON'T PLAY THE MARTYR.
DON'T EVEN START WITH ME.
YOU GUYS SAY HI TO AUNT KIM?
- HI, HI.
- [laughs]
- SHE'S S-C-A-R-E-D.
- I KNOW, I'M SURE...
ARE YOU SCARED OF ME?
- HONEY, WE LIVE
IN BEVERLY HILLS.
YOU BETTER GET USED TO THAT.
- WHAT DO YOU THINK?
IS BUBBIE BEAUTIFUL? - [screams]
- I AM TRYING...
- HELLO.
- HI, HOW ARE YOU?
- HI, HOW ARE YOU?
- I'M GOOD. HOW ARE YOU?
- GOOD.
- HI. HI, KIM.
HOW ARE YOU?
- GOOD. HOW ARE YOU?
- OKAY, SEE, MARISA,
MY MOM WOULD SAY,
"SPIT THAT GUM OUT."
- I KNOW.
- SHE WALKS IN...
- I KNOW, AND YOU SHOULD HAVE
SEEN HOW I DROVE UP, RIGHT?
- GIVE ME THAT GUM,
GIVE ME THAT GUM.
- YOU'RE SO CUTE!
- [laughs]
[cell phone rings]
- KIM?
- YES?
- I'M SORRY.
I HAVE SOMETHING TO TELL YOU.
- [mouths words]
- OKAY.
- I HAVE JUST BECOME CLOSE
TO SOMEONE
THAT I'VE KNOWN FOR A LONG TIME.
AND HE'S JUST INVITED ME
TO GO ON A PLANE TONIGHT,
FROM VAN NUYS,
AND I THINK I'M IN LOVE.
I'M BEING REALLY SERIOUS.
IN THE LAST 48 HOURS,
I THINK I'VE FALLEN IN LOVE.
- WHO IS THIS GUY THAT YOU'RE
IN LOVE WITH ALL OF A SUDDEN?
- [snickering]
- OKAY, SO YOU'RE LEAVING
FOR... VEGAS?
- NO, I'M GOING TO BEAVER CREEK.
- OKAY.
- YEAH, ON A PLANE TONIGHT.
SO I'M JUST GONNA MISS
THE PARTY,
AND I LOVE YOU GIRLS,
AND I'LL CALL YOU
FROM THERE, OKAY?
- O...
- BUT I'M...
I'M SO HAPPY,
AND HE LOVES KENNEDY.
- I HAVE KENNEDY WITH ME ANYWAY.
CAN I JUST KEEP HER
WITH ME THEN?
- OH, YOU HAVE KENNEDY WITH YOU?
- YEAH, KENNEDY'S WITH ME.
- WELL, TAKE HER.
I'M COMING BACK
FOR THE WHITE PARTY.
- CAN SHE SPEND THE NIGHT
WITH ME TONIGHT THEN?
- IF YOU WANT, YEAH.
- YOU DIDN'T KNOW
SHE WAS AT MY HOUSE?
- NO IDEA.
YOU KNOW I TRUST YOU MORE
THAN ANY PERSON ON THE PLANET.
- WHERE ARE YOU RIGHT NOW?
YOU'RE NOT AT YOUR HOUSE?
- SHE'S AT THE HOUSE.
- NO, I'M ON MY WAY
TO THE AIRPORT.
- OKAY, HAVE FUN.
- OKAY.
- OKAY, I LOVE YOU.
Both: I LOVE YOU.
- [murmurs]
- THIS IS WEIRD. both: YEAH.
- SHE DIDN'T EVEN KNOW
YOU HAD KENNEDY.
SHE SAID,
"OH, YOU HAVE KENNEDY?"
- WHAT?
- WHO IS SHE GOING WITH?
- I HAVE NO IDEA
WHO THAT COULD EVEN POSSIBLY BE.
- DOES SHE KNOW
WHO SHE'S GOING WITH?
- DOES SHE KNOW
WHO SHE'S GOING WITH?
- [laughs] YEAH.
- SHH. HERE COMES KENNEDY.
- OH.
Both: HI.
- NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN!
- DIDN'T YOU HEAR HER VOICE?
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
- SHE COULD BARELY TALK, KYLE.
I FEEL... IT'S DANGEROUS.
[stammers] SHE HAS
A LITTLE GIRL, YOU KNOW?
- [sighs]
- BUT...
- TAYLOR'S VOICE ABSOLUTELY
SOUNDED TIPSY TO ME.
BEYOND TIPSY.
[overlapping chatter]
- WE GET A PHONE CALL.
I GET A PHONE CALL FROM TAYLOR
THAT SHE SAYS,
"HEY, KIM, I JUST WANT
TO TELL YOU, I WON'T...
"I'M REALLY SORRY,
I WON'T BE COMING
BECAUSE... I THINK I'M IN LOVE."
- I HAVEN'T SEEN HER, YOU KNOW,
GO ON A DATE EVEN.
NOT EVEN A DATE. - WHO?
Both: TAYLOR.
- SO THEN SHE SAID
SHE'S NOT COMING,
THAT SHE'S IN LOVE
AND SHE'S GOING WITH THIS MAN
TO BEAVER CREEK.
- WHEN? both: RIGHT NOW.
- SORRY.
- WHAT?
- AND THAT SHE CAN'T COME HERE.
OKAY, SO KENNEDY STAYS
WITH ME A LOT, I GIVE YOU...
- YEAH, WHICH I THINK IS
A LITTLE BIZARRE, TO BE HONEST.
- BUT SHE JUST THOUGHT
IT'S FINE.
- I MEAN, LOOK, IT'S
A HORRIBLE THING FOR ME TO SAY,
BUT I'M GONNA SAY IT BECAUSE YOU
KNOW THAT'S WHAT I DO.
IT SEEMS LIKE HER CHILD...
- WE DON'T WANT ANYTHING...
- HER CHILD IS ALWAYS WITH YOU,
SO SHE CAN GO DO
WHATEVER SHE WANTS TO DO.
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
AND IT'S LIKE, THAT'S... - WELL...
- I MEAN,
AND I DON'T KNOW TAYLOR,
BUT IT DOES SEEM LIKE
YOU ALWAYS HAVE HER KID.
- KENNEDY GOES HOME,
AND IT'S JUST THE TWO OF THEM.
AND THEN SHE'S LIKE...
- BUT IT DOES SEEM...
- "MOMMY, THEIR HOUSE
IS SO MUCH MORE FUN."
- BUT THEN WHEN YOU TELL ME
A STORY ABOUT THIS...
- THAT'S WEIRD.
- I WOULD NEVER JUST GO
ON A WHIM WITH A GUY...
- WELL,
THAT'S A DIFFERENT STORY.
- AND NOT CALL YOU, AND BE LIKE,
"KYLE, I JUST MET THIS GUY.
"I REALLY WANT
TO GO FOR A WEEKEND.
"DO YOU WANT
TO KEEP KENNEDY THIS WEEKEND?
"AND THEN NEXT WEEK I'LL TAKE
THE GIRLS TO THE MOVIES,
AND I'LL TAKE THE GIRLS OUT."
- RIGHT.
WELL, THIS IS
A DIFFERENT SITUATION.
- IT'S INDICATIVE OF WHO SHE IS,
AND THEN IT SHOWS
WHY SHE'S ALWAYS AT YOUR HOUSE.
THAT'S ALL I'M GONNA SAY.
- AND WHAT I'M SAYING,
I THINK IT'S A LITTLE WRONG
THAT SHE DIDN'T KNOW
WHERE KENNEDY WAS RIGHT NOW.
- I AGREE.
TAYLOR SHOULD KNOW
WHAT'S GOING ON IN HER HOUSE,
WITH THE PEOPLE
WHO WORK FOR HER,
AND SHE SHOULD BE KEEPING TABS
ON WHERE HER KID IS.
- ABSOLUTELY.
I WOULD NEVER NOT KNOW
WHERE PORTIA IS,
I CAN TELL YOU THAT RIGHT NOW.
HOWEVER, I DON'T THINK
SHE WAS EXACTLY
IN THE BEST FRAME
OF MIND TONIGHT.
- THAT'S WHAT I SAID.
- SHE WAS DRINKING?
- AS A PERSON IN SOBRIETY,
I'M CONCERNED THAT...
WHO IS THIS PERSON?
AND IS SHE SAFE?
- COMING UP...
- I'M LIKE, "WHAT DO I DO?"
- OH, MY GOD, WHAT HAVE
YOU DONE TO HER, DOCTOR?
[overlapping chatter]
- HELLO.
- HOW ARE YOU?
Both: MWAH!
- WAIT, THE BETTER QUESTION IS,
WHO IS IT?
- I DON'T KNOW.
KYLE SAYS SHE HASN'T SEEN HER
AND ANY MEN.
WELL, MAYBE IT'S A WOMAN.
- YOU ARE SO FUNNY.
YOU LOOK GOOD THOUGH.
BUT I THINK MY HUSBAND
WOULD HAVE BEEN A...
DONE AS GOOD OF A JOB,
IF NOT BETTER.
- NOW YOU KNOW WHY.
- I KNOW.
- AS HIS WIFE,
I KNOW SHE HAS TO SAY THAT.
BUT I FEEL LIKE IT WAS BETTER
IF I JUST DON'T MIX BUSINESS
WITH PLEASURE.
- SHOULD GO...
- FABULOUS.
- JUST DO A CONSULTATION.
- YEAH, I THINK
I'M GONNA ASK HIM.
- IT MIGHT BE
SOMETHING REALLY SIMPLE.
YOU MIGHT NOT EVEN NEED SURGERY.
- THEY COULD GO IN
AND TAKE OUT SOMETHING,
AND THEN
IT WOULD JUST BE LIKE...
- DONE.
- I MEAN, I THINK
THAT YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL.
- NO, I LIKE MY NOSE.
BUT IT'S... I JUST ALWAYS
HAVE HATED THAT.
SEE HOW IT GOES UP RIGHT THERE?
- YOU KNOW, MY HUSBAND
WOULD KNOW IN ABOUT TWO SECONDS.
- YEAH, HE'S AMAZING.
- I WANT IT...
I WANT IT... I WANT YOURS.
LIKE, POINTY.
- HE DIDN'T DO MY NOSE,
BUT HE IS A GREAT SURGEON.
- I SHOULD GO...
I SHOULD MAYBE GO SEE HIM.
- YOU SHOULD.
- OH, THE DOCTOR'S HERE.
SAVED BY THE DOCTOR.
- HI. VLADIMIR.
- YOU GUYS,
THIS IS DR. GRIGORYANTS.
All: HI. - AND HIS WIFE.
SO ARE YOU GONNA TAKE
THE BANDAGE OFF?
I FEEL LIKE
YOU'RE HAVING A BABY!
[laughter]
HE'S HERE TO DELIVER THE BABY.
- I KNOW.
- TONIGHT IS
KIND OF A SPECIAL NIGHT
'CAUSE IT'S NOT JUST ABOUT...
MY BEAUTIFUL NOSE
THAT DR. GRIGORYANTS HAS,
LIKE, MADE FOR ME.
BUT IN MY VERY SPECIAL HOME
THAT I NOW CAN REALLY CALL...
I HAVEN'T CALLED ANYPLACE
MY HOME IN A LONG TIME.
AND MAYBE... 'CAUSE
I WAS JUST TALKING TO KYLE...
MAYBE I REALLY HAVEN'T FELT
AT HOME MYSELF,
INSIDE MYSELF.
I HAVE A NEW START WITH LIFE.
I'M WILLING TO WORK VERY HARD
FOR WHATEVER I HAVE TO DO
TO MAKE THINGS RIGHT
WITH THE PEOPLE I LOVE THE MOST.
ANYWAY, TONIGHT'S
KIND OF A SPECIAL NIGHT,
'CAUSE FOR ME
TO BRING EVERYBODY TOGETHER,
I'M JUST REALLY GLAD
I CAN HAVE YOU ALL
IN MY SPECIAL SPACE.
- FOR SO LONG,
IT WAS A BIG, DARK, DIRTY SECRET
IN MY FAMILY.
SHE WOULDN'T TALK ABOUT IT,
I WASN'T
SUPPOSED TO TALK ABOUT IT,
AND MY FAMILY
JUST DIDN'T TALK ABOUT IT.
SO HEARING HER BE OPEN TELLS ME
SHE'S ON THE RIGHT PATH.
- YEAH, LET ME SEE. WAIT.
I'M GONNA GO SEE MY NEW NOSE,
AND THEN I'LL BRING IT OUTSIDE.
OKAY, I'LL BE OUTSIDE.
OKAY, ALL RIGHT, NOW WAIT.
OKAY. - OH, MY GOD.
[overlapping chatter]
- ALL RIGHT.
- OKAY.
- SO I'M JUST GONNA GENTLY ROLL
THE Q-TIP UNDER THE TAPE.
I'M GONNA LOOSEN IT.
- UH-HUH, UH-HUH.
- A LITTLE BIT
UNCOMFORTABLE HERE.
GOOD, GOOD, GOOD,
IT'S COMING OFF.
GOOD, GOOD, GOOD, GOOD.
- IT'S SORE.
- SORE? THAT'S IT.
AND... THAT'S OFF.
- WOW.
- OH, MY GOD.
- BROOKE, LOOK.
- OH, BROOKE BLOCKED ME.
[laughs]
WE'RE ALL STANDING THERE
LIKE IT'S A QUINCEANERA
FOR A NOSE.
[laughs]
WHAT IS SHE DOING?
IS SHE...
- MOM!
- I KNOW.
- GOD, KIM.
YOU'RE KILLING US.
- ALL MY FRIENDS ARE OUT THERE,
AND I HEAR, "KIM! KIM! KIM!"
AND I'M LIKE...
[gasps] WHAT DO I DO?
- WHAT A DOLL.
- I KNOW FOR SURE,
BUT I'VE GOT SIX.
- WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO HER,
DR. GRIGORYANTS?
- I KNOW. WOW, YOU ARE GOOD.
[laughter]
- SHE LOOKS SO MUCH YOUNGER.
- I KNOW.
- HEY.
- OOH, BEAUTIFUL.
- OH, MY GOD.
- RIGHT?
- OH, MY GOD.
[cheers and applause]
- OH, MY GOD.
- GORGEOUS.
- I WANT TO SEE UP CLOSE!
- GORGEOUS.
- OH, MY GOSH.
OH, MY GOD. - BEAUTIFUL JOB.
- IT'S GORGEOUS!
I MEAN...
- IT DOES LOOK GOOD, YEAH.
- AND YOU LOOK STILL LIKE KIM.
- WOW.
- AND THE SAME.
AND THAT'S WHAT'S SO GREAT.
- YEAH, HE DID A GOOD JOB.
- IT LOOKS LIKE THIS HAD
BARELY ANY SWELLING
AND NO BRUISING.
IT'S GONNA LOOK INCREDIBLE.
- I REALLY DIDN'T THINK
THAT KIM HAD A BAD NOSE
TO BEGIN WITH.
I ACTUALLY THOUGHT IT FIT
HER FACE, AND SHE LOOKED GREAT.
BUT MORE POWER TO HER,
AND LET HER DO WHAT SHE WANTS.
- MY HUSBAND WOULD HAVE DONE
JUST AS GOOD A JOB.
BUT IT LOOKS BEAUTIFUL,
I HAVE TO SAY.
- YES, HE WOULD.
- IT'S GORGEOUS.
- SO BEAUTIFUL.
- OH, I LOVE IT!
- [gasps]
- IT'S REALLY BEAUTIFUL.
CONGRATULATIONS. - IT'S PERFECT.
- FEEL LIKE I SHOULD BE LIKE...
- IT HASN'T EVEN BEEN
A WEEK, RIGHT?
- IT'S ABOUT A WEEK NOW, YEAH.
- OH, MY GOD.
[overlapping comments]
- REALLY, REALLY BEAUTIFUL.
THE ONLY OTHER PERSON THAT WOULD
DO JUST AS GOOD OF A JOB
IS MY HUSBAND.
- HE'D PROBABLY DO BETTER.
- NO, YOU DID A GOOD JOB.
SO I'LL TELL
MY HUSBAND'S FAMILY.
THEY CAN ALL GO TO YOU NOW.
- NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.
- NO, BECAUSE
I DON'T WANT HIM... YEAH.
HE IS THE BEST. HE'S THE BEST.
YEAH. - TURN TO THE SIDE.
- OH, MY GOD, IT LOOKS GORGEOUS.
IT'S SO PRETTY.
- DOES IT FEEL STUFFED?
YOUR NOSE?
- NO, I CAN BREATHE.
- YOU'RE LIKE...
[imitates her breathing]
- I THINK IT'S RIGHT.
I DON'T KNOW.
I THINK IT LOOKS GOOD.
DOES IT? I DON'T KNOW.
- BEAUTIFUL JOB.
[overlapping comments]
- THIS IS
THE BEST NOSE COMING-OUT PARTY
I'VE EVER BEEN TO.
[laughter]
- NO RUNNING!
NO RUNNING!
- WHAT ARE WE DOING?
- CHRISTIAN!
[water splashes] NO! NO RUNNING!
- YOU CAN JUMP, BUT NO RUNNING.
- NO RUNNING. GO TO THE EDGE.
- NOW JUMP. OH!
- THERE YOU GO.
GOOD JOB, HONEY, GOOD JOB.
COME ON, WE'RE GONNA EAT.
[background chatter] - ADRIENNE!
DO YOU SMELL SMOKE?
- SALLY, WHERE ARE THE BOYS?
[sniffs] OOH, THE SMELL!
- WELL, WAIT A MINUTE.
OH, THERE IS SMOKE.
THAT'S A FIRE.
WAIT A MINUTE, THAT'S A FIRE.
THE HOUSE IS ON FIRE.
[stammers]
THAT'S LISA'S OLD HOUSE.
- OH, MY GOSH!
- DO YOU THINK
WE SHOULD STAY HERE?
I DON'T THINK
WE SHOULD STAY HERE.
I DON'T THINK IT'S SAFE.
HERE, I'M GONNA GO GET THE KIDS.
I'M LEAVING. - THERE HE GOES.
- THAT'S A BIG FIRE.
- OH, MY GOD! THEY CAN'T GET IN!
HOLY, [bleep].
THE WHOLE HOUSE IS BURNING DOWN.
- WE CAN'T... LET'S GO BACK.
WE CAN'T SEE FROM HERE.
- OH, MY GOD, THAT'S HORRIBLE.
- THEY'RE ACTUALLY GOING DOWN.
LET'S LOOK FROM THE TOP.
- THIS IS AWFUL.
OH, MY GOD! LOOK AT THAT! LOOK!
- ARE THEY TRYING
TO GET IN THE FRONT DOOR?
- IT'S GETTING WORSE!
IT'S NOT GETTING BETTER.
[overlapping chatter]
- I'M LEAVING.
I'M TAKING THE KIDS.
LET'S JUST GO,
LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.
- THERE IS NO IMMEDIATE DANGER
TO OUR HOUSE.
IT'S MORE OF A PANIC MODE
FOR ADRIENNE.
BETWEEN OUR HOUSE
AND LISA'S OLD HOUSE
THERE'S HUNDREDS OF FIREMEN.
[coughing] WE GOT TO GO IN.
- WE'RE GONNA
MELT DOWN THE CONES?
- GIVE ME THE KEYS.
- ADRIENNE!
- COME ON, GUYS.
- YOU CAN'T LEAVE!
- YEAH, COME ON.
[overlapping chatter]
- MOM!
- IT DOESN'T MATTER.
- YOU CAN'T LEAVE.
- I'M LEAVING.
- ADRIENNE, THE WHOLE STREET'S
BLOCKED OFF.
- LET'S GO.
- YOU CAN'T LEAVE.
- I'M GONNA TRY ANYWAY.
- YOU CAN'T!
- WHY?
- JUST, ADRIENNE...
- I'M GOING ANYWAY.
- ADRIENNE!
- NO, I WANNA... I WANNA LEAVE.
- YOU CAN'T GET OUT, THOUGH.
- GET IN!
- YOU CAN'T GET OUT.
- PAUL DOESN'T GET IN THE CAR
WITH THE KIDS AND I.
WHAT IS HE THINKING?
- JUST WAIT A MINUTE.
- MOVE! MOVE!
- COME HERE.
- WHAT COULD BE MORE IMPORTANT
THAN BEING WITH YOUR FAMILY
AND YOUR CHILDREN?
I'M LEAVING.
[overlapping chatter]
- LET'S GO, LET'S GO, LET'S GO.
[sirens wailing]
- REALLY A BAD CHOICE.
[shutter clicking]
- CAN'T BELIEVE
THAT WHOLE HOUSE IS ON FIRE.
THAT IS ABSOLUTELY CRAZY.
- COMING UP...
- SEEING PAUL
AT THE WHITE PARTY,
I'M FREAKING OUT, REALLY.
I'M NOT OKAY.
- COME ON, GUYS.
WANT TO HELP ME OUTSIDE?
MAYBE WE COULD USE
THE SMALLER...
ON THESE,
AND THE BIGGER ON THOSE.
BUT YOU DON'T HAVE ENOUGH,
RIGHT?
- NO, ONLY HAVE THREE.
- OKAY, 'CAUSE I COUNTED WRONG.
I'M SORRY.
TODAY IS MY WHITE PARTY.
AND, AS USUAL,
MY DJ'S MISSING...
OH, MY GOD.
I DON'T LIKE THE FURNITURE
THAT'S BEING DELIVERED.
I DON'T LIKE THE WAY
THE LIGHTING FIXTURES LOOK.
I MEAN, HOW IN THE HECK
AM I SUPPOSED
TO PUT FLOWERS OVER HERE?
I'M LOSING MY MIND.
GLENN, WE'RE NOT PUTTING
A TABLE, SO PEOPLE...
WHO'S GONNA TAKE DOWN
MY BASKETBALL NETS?
- DON'T WE HAVE TWO HOURS
TO THE PARTY?
- GLENN, YOU'RE GIVING ME...
I NEED TO GET
IN THE SHOWER SOON... I... HONEY!
HONEY, I'M SO GLAD
THAT YOU'RE SO HELPFUL.
- WHAT DO YOU NEED?
- FIRST OF ALL, I WANTED
THE POOL TABLE OUT OF THE ROOM
SO WE COULD PUT COCKTAIL TABLES.
- WE CAN MOVE IT,
BUT WE CAN'T GET IT OUT.
- WELL, WHAT GOOD
DOES THAT DO ME?
WAIT, WHAT'S WRONG
WITH THESE THINGS?
THEY LOOK LIKE EGGS.
- THAT'S WHAT THEY ARE.
THEY'RE EGGS.
- I DON'T WANT EGGS.
- I WANT BA... ROUND BALLS.
GONNA BE YOUR BALLS IN THE POOL
IN A MINUTE,
IF THAT DOESN'T GET FIXED.
SO FAR, MY WHITE PARTY
IS ALREADY A DISASTER.
NOTHING LOOKS RIGHT,
AND PAUL HAS NOT SEEN BRANDI
SINCE THE BIG FIGHT.
WHAT WAS I THINKING?
[air blowing]
GLENN? - YES?
- I'M... I'M...
- FANTASTIC, HUH?
- I'M TERRIFIED RIGHT NOW.
- YOU'RE LOVIN' IT.
- [yelling] WHAT IS THAT?
- IT'S MEDUSA.
- GLENN, THAT IS AN OCTOPUS!
YOU HAVE
TO BE [bleep] KIDDING ME.
- IT'S A UNICORN.
IT'S A UNICORN.
- GLENN, YOU BLEW IT
WITH THAT ONE...
BIG-TIME BLEW IT WITH THAT ONE.
THAT IS THE UGLIEST THING
I'VE EVER SEEN
IN MY ENTIRE LIFE.
[deflates raspberry-like]
I'M HAVING A HEART ATTACK.
- I'LL SEE YOU
IN A COUPLE OF HOURS.
I GUESS WE'RE NOT GONNA DO
THE OCTOPUS, GUYS.
- DON'T PULL ME,
BECAUSE WHEN YOU PULL...
- MM-HMM.
- I'LL FALL.
I'M TELLING YOU.
JUST GO SLOW.
I WAS VERY WORRIED
THAT THE FIRE WAS GOING TO JUMP,
AND WAS FORTUNATE
THAT NOTHING HAPPENED
TO OUR HOME.
MY KIDS ARE SAFE, I'M SAFE.
- [grunts]
- BUT I AM LOOKING FORWARD NOW
TO GOING TO THE WHITE PARTY.
- VERY NICE.
BEAUTIFUL DRESS. - THANK YOU.
YOU LOOK NICE TOO.
- THANK YOU, MY BABY.
- I'M GOING TO THIS PARTY
TO HAVE A NICE TIME.
BRANDI'S THERE.
[claps hands together]
HEY, HOW ARE YOU?
DEAL WITH IT.
I COULD REALLY CARE LESS
ABOUT BRANDI.
[chattering in distance]
- CAN I HAVE A BESO?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH.
[both smooch]
- IT IS LOOKING
SO BEAUTIFUL OUTSIDE, KYLE.
OKAY, SO WHO'S ARRIVING FIRST?
DO YOU KNOW?
- WELL, ADRIENNE'S ALWAYS LATE,
SO WE KNOW SHE'LL BE LAST.
- OKAY.
- RIGHT? YEAH.
- SO I HAVEN'T SEEN THE GROUP
IN QUITE A WHILE.
- WELL...
- ALL I CAN TELL YOU IS...
- DO ME A FAVOR.
- I CAN HOPEFULLY ENJOY MYSELF.
- [stammers] I CAN GIVE YOU
SOME ADVICE, HERE.
- YEAH, TELL ME, MY DARLING.
- DON'T GO TO HER LEVEL.
BE ABOVE THE FRAY.
DO NOT GO TO HER LEVEL,
'CAUSE SHE'S GONNA TRY...
IT'D BE GREAT TO MOVE ON.
BUT IF SHE CHOOSES NOT TO,
THEN SHE'S... THEN...
- DID YOU SPEAK TO OUR ATTORNEY?
- I DID, BECAUSE I ASKED HIM.
THEY... THEY SAID
THAT THERE WAS A LETTER.
BRANDI SAID THERE WAS
SOME LETTER THAT HE SENT.
- THERE WAS NO LETTER TO BRANDI.
- I HAVEN'T SEEN IT.
- HER MAKING ALL THESE COMMENTS,
THAT "YOU'RE SUING ME,
A POOR MOTHER."
FIRST OF ALL, DOES THAT MEAN
YOU CAN DO WHATEVER YOU WANT,
BECAUSE YOU'RE A MOTHER?
OF COURSE NOT.
- I WOULD NEVER DO THAT
TO SOMEBODY ELSE...
FOR NO REASON,
AND NOT ONLY THAT...
- YOU WOULD NEVER DO WHAT
FOR SOMEBODY ELSE?
- DESTROY SOMEBODY'S REPUTATION.
- OF COURSE NOT.
THAT'S NOT US.
- YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY
ABOUT KARMA.
IT'S A...
- THE TEA WAS SO AWKWARD
THE OTHER DAY.
I HAVE TO SAY.
- IT WAS SO AWKWARD.
- EXTREMELY UNCOMFORTABLE.
I'M GLAD WE'LL GET
A BIGGER GROUP TONIGHT,
SO IT WON'T BE A PROBLEM.
- ME TOO.
I MEAN, IF WE COULD JUST HAVE
A NICE, SWEET WHITE PARTY
LIKE WE USED TO HAVE,
WHERE EVERYBODY HAD
THE BEST TIME...
- WELL, LAST YEAR WAS THE WORST.
I WAS VERY HESITANT
TO DO MY WHITE PARTY THIS YEAR.
LAST YEAR WAS A DISASTER.
[crying] - WHAT'S WRONG.
- [stammers] I GUESS
THE EMAIL YOU SENT CAMILLE...
I GUESS, NOW HER LAWYERS
ARE SAYING OR WHATEVER
THAT SHE CAN'T BE AROUND
YOU GUYS.
AND IT'S LIKE THIS WHOLE...
[sobs]
[speaking incoherently]
- DON'T CRY.
- NO, I DO.
I FEEL REALLY BAD.
- IT'S OKAY, IT'S OKAY.
- BUT I'M NOT GONNA STOP
DOING THIS
JUST BECAUSE
OF BRANDI AND ADRIENNE'S FIGHT.
[overlapping chatter
in distance]
- HELLO.
- HI, LISA!
- HI. HOW ARE YOU?
- GOOD, HOW ARE YOU?
- GOOD.
- THERE WAS A FIRE.
- YEAH, THERE WAS A FIRE.
- WHERE?
- SO I GET A CALL.
LIKE, IT ACTUALLY SCARED
THE LIFE OUT OF ME.
BECAUSE SOMEBODY PHONED,
AND THEY SAID,
"YOUR HOUSE IS ON FIRE."
- SO YOU THOUGHT
IT WAS YOUR ACTUAL...
- SO I'M LIKE,
OH, MY GOD, YOU KNOW.
SO WE ONLY MOVED OUT OF IT
A FEW MONTHS AGO.
AND MY DAUGHTER GOT MARRIED
THERE JUST BEFORE.
SO IT WAS A LITTLE EMOTIONAL,
REALLY.
IT WAS A BEAUTIFUL HOUSE.
THERE'S SO MANY HAPPY MEMORIES.
SO, OF COURSE,
IT WAS REALLY UPSETTING
WHEN I FOUND OUT
THAT IT WAS RUINED.
IT'S RED-TAGGED THIS MORNING.
- OH, IT IS RED-TAGGED.
- YEAH.
- 18 FIREFIGHTERS.
- THAT IS SO SAD.
- I KNOW. VERY STRANGE.
ANYWAY, WHO DO WE HAVE
TO SLEEP WITH
TO GET A DRINK AROUND HERE?
- HI.
- HOW ARE YOU?
- GOOD.
- IT'S PRETTY, RIGHT?
- LET ME ASK GLENN.
- HI, HONEY.
- HELLO!
- YOU LOOK SO NICE.
Both: HOW ARE YOU? - [both kiss]
- I'M GOOD, HOW ARE YOU?
- I'M JUST FINE, ACTUALLY.
HELLO! EVERYBODY
LOOKS SO BEAUTIFUL.
HOW ARE YOU?
- I HAVE SO MUCH ANXIETY.
I'M FREAKING OUT, REALLY.
I'M NOT OKAY.
- I ALWAYS TORTURE GLENN...
- OH, LOOKS SO PRETTY.
- AND THROW A FIT
AND ALMOST CRY.
- THE FUNNY THING IS
SHE ALWAYS SAYS,
"I'M A MOTHER,
I DON'T HAVE ANY MONEY."
BUT SHE ALWAYS HAS MONEY
FOR PLASTIC SURGERY.
- LIKE I SAID...
- NO, YOU CAN'T.
POSITIVE KARMA... KARMA AND LIFE.
- I THINK WE'RE JUST ABOUT HERE.
- THAT'S OKAY.
RELAX.
YOU KNOW WHAT? THINK OF KARMA.
KARMA AND LIFE.
- HMM.
[dance music]
♪ ♪
- MY BOYFRIEND'S HERE,
BY THE WAY.
- OOH, WHICH IS YOUR BOYFRIEND?
- HE'S MY BOYFRIEND.
- WHERE IS HE?
- A REAL BOYFRIEND?
- NO, IN MY HEAD.
I THINK HE HAS A DATE,
ALL OF A SUDDEN.
- OKAY, THAT COULD BE
JUST A DATE.
I'LL INVESTIGATE.
- HE'S SO HOT, SUPER HOT.
YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, PERFECT.
- HE'S, LIKE, MY TYPE.
- I THINK HE'S EVERYONE'S TYPE.
HE'S HOT.
- NO, BUT I LIKE LATIN.
YOU KNOW ME.
HE'S GOT,
LIKE, A SEXY GAP IN HIS TEETH
THAT I JUST WANT TO SUCK ON.
- OH, WAIT, I'M SORRY,
I WAS...[mutters, laughs]
- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
- THERE ARE SEVEN BEDROOMS
IN THIS HOUSE.
- FANTASTIC.
- ALL RIGHT, LET'S...
- BE ABLE TO... DO WE EVEN...
- WHOA! A BUG JUST...
- I HAVE A SUGGESTION.
- HOLD ON, A BUG
JUST FLEW IN MY SHIRT.
- OOH, IT'S RIGHT THERE.
- GET IT! GET IT!
- I GOT IT.
- THAT'S MY HAIR.
- [laughs]
- THAT'S OKAY.
- HELLO.
- HI.
- OH, ARE YOU ON THE LIST?
LET ME CHECK.
[laughs]
- THIS IS MY FRIEND ETIRSA,
THIS IS JENNIFER.
- GOOD TO SEE YOU.
- HI, GUYS.
- IT'S SO WEIRD.
IT'S HARD TO HUG IN WHITE,
BECAUSE WE'RE ALWAYS AFRAID...
- I KNOW, RIGHT?
WE'RE ALWAYS AFRAID THAT...
- HELLO.
LOOK AT THAT BEAUTIFUL DRESS.
- THANK YOU.
- YOU TOO, WITH THIS...
- I'M HOPING
THAT THE PARTY IS BIG ENOUGH
THAT PEOPLE WHO DON'T WANT
TO SEE EACH OTHER
CAN SORT OF DISAPPEAR.
- [laughs nervously]
- I HOPE SO.
- ALL RIGHT, WE'RE GONNA HAVE
A FUN NIGHT?
- WE ARE HAVING FUN.
- NO STRESS?
- REALLY?
- I... BELIEVE ME.
- I'LL BELIEVE IT WHEN I SEE IT.
- I'M GONNA BE
IN THE POOL LATER.
I HAVE A LITTLE SOFA PUT
IN THE POOL.
- REALLY?
- I'M GONNA BE
IN THAT POOL LATER.
- OH, GOOD.
- WE MIGHT BE JOINING YOU.
UNLESS WE GET PUSHED IN
FOR SOME REASON.
- LET'S HOPE
THAT DOESN'T HAPPEN.
- WELL, DON'T YOU THINK
WE SHOULD HAVE TEQUILA?
- I KNOW WHAT I'M GONNA GET YOU.
ADRIENNE AND I ARE
GONNA HAVE TEQUILA JELLITO.
- JUST HALF A SHOT.
- THIS IS A TINY LITTLE SHOT.
- OKAY, SO CAN YOU ADD
A LITTLE BIT OF GRAPEFRUIT
TO THAT?
- JUST TRY THIS. both: CHEERS.
- SALUD. ARRIBA.
- SALUD.
- [speaking Spanish slowly]
- OH, YEAH.
WOW, THAT'S STRONG.
- YOU KNOW WHAT I LIKE.
[overlapping chatter]
- HI, LADIES.
- HOW ARE YOU?
- I KNOW, TOO MUCH...
- I KNOW, ALL OVER
MY WHITE CHAIR.
- I KNOW, ME TOO.
- NOT ON MY WHITE CHAIR.
- DO YOU GUYS KNOW EACH OTHER?
- OH, DID I DO IT?
OH, I'M SORRY.
MY TANNING STUFF?
- ADRIENNE HAS LEFT BROWN MAKEUP
ALL OVER MY COUCH
THAT I HAD TO RECOVER
ABOUT 18 MONTHS AGO.
I NEVER MENTIONED IT.
THIS TIME, AT THE TEA PARTY,
WHEN SHE GOT
OFF THE WHITE CHAIR,
KYLE AND BRANDI WERE LIKE...
[gasps]
THAT'S OKAY. - IT'LL COME OUT.
IT'LL COME OUT.
YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DO?
USE BABY WIPES.
'CAUSE I GOT IT ALL OVER.
- OH, NO IT WAS...
- IT'S SELF-TANNER.
- I KNOW, BUT IT COMES OFF.
- NO, NO, NO.
BUT IT'S THE SELF-TANNER
THAT YOU BRONZE...
- IT'S A DARK BROWN IMPRINT.
THIS DARK BROWN STAIN
ALL THE WAY
FROM THE TOP TO THE BOTTOM.
AND EVEN ON ONE CHAIR,
WHERE SHE'D RESTED FOR A SECOND,
THE TOP WAS DARK BROWN.
- HOW BIG WAS IT?
- THE WHOLE THING.
SO, YEAH,
I'M POINTING OUT TO HER
THIS IS THE SECOND TIME
IT'S HAPPENED.
- NO, BUT HOW BIG
WAS THE IMPRINT?
- HUGE.
- THE STAIN WAS HUGE?
WELL, I USE...
WHEN YOU SPRAY TAN,
YOU SPRAY TAN YOUR WHOLE BODY.
- ANYWAY...
[overlapping chatter]
- THANK YOU.
- OKAY.
- MM, SO GOOD TO SEE YOU.
I LOVE SEEING YOU GUYS,
EVERY... EVERY YEAR.
- HI, HOW ARE YOU?
HEY! HOW ARE YOU?
- OH, MY GOD, YOU LOOK GREAT.
- THANK YOU, ARE YOU...
DO YOU KNOW LEEANN?
- YOU LOOK GREAT.
DON'T THINK
YOU'VE EVER MET LEEANN.
- I'M SERIOUS.
WELL, LET ME JUST TELL YOU...
FINISH TELLING YOU
HOW GOOD YOU LOOK.
- REALLY? OH, YEAH, WAIT.
- NO, YOU LOOK GREAT.
- RIGHT?
- JOHNNY!
- BRO, HOW ARE YOU?
[indistinct chatter]
[overlapping chatter]
- TAYLOR, WHAT HAPPENED
THE OTHER NIGHT?
- I REKINDLED
WITH AN OLD FRIEND.
HE CALLED ME... I HAD A MEETING
RIGHT BEFORE I WAS SUPPOSED
TO COME TO YOUR HOUSE...
AND HE SAID, "I NEED
TO SEE YOU RIGHT NOW."
AND HE SAID,
"I'M LEAVING TONIGHT,
AND I WANT YOU TO COME WITH ME."
AND I WAS LIKE, "OKAY."
BECAUSE I'M CRAZY.
BUT IT WAS GREAT. IT WAS GREAT.
SO EVEN
IF IT NEVER GOES ANYWHERE,
IT WAS JUST NICE TO HAVE...
TO HOLD HANDS WITH A GUY
AND HAVE THEM, LIKE,
OPEN SOME DOORS FOR ME
AND ORDER MY DINNER FOR ME.
AND I WAS THINKING,
"I FORGOT WHAT THIS FEELS LIKE."
- RIGHT.
I DON'T KNOW WHY SHE DIDN'T FEEL
ANY KIND OF A NEED
TO EXPLAIN WHAT HAPPENED.
- YEAH. WHEN ARE YOU
GONNA SEE HIM AGAIN?
- I DON'T KNOW.
- YOU DON'T KNOW?
YOU SPENT THREE DAYS WITH HIM.
- WELL, I DON'T KNOW.
- SHE SHOULD HAVE SAID,
"IT WAS A LITTLE CHAOTIC
THE OTHER NIGHT,
AND WE'LL TALK ABOUT IT LATER."
BUT, YOU KNOW, SOMETHING
TO LET ALL OF US KNOW...
THAT WHAT HAPPENED WAS NOT OKAY.
WELL, I'M GLAD YOU HAD FUN.
I WAS A LITTLE BIT WORRIED
WHEN YOU CALLED.
I'M LIKE, OH, MY GOD.
BUT I'M GLAD YOU HAD FUN.
- I DID.
I HAD A REALLY GOOD TIME.
- ALL RIGHT.
- THANKS FOR CHECKING ON ME.
- OKAY.
REALLY? LIKE...
SOMETHING'S REALLY WRONG.
- I'M TRYING
TO KEEP MY ACT TOGETHER.
[overlapping chatter]
- COMING UP...
- CAN'T YOU JUST...
- I DON'T HAVE OVER $10,000
TO SPEND ON THIS.
- THEN WATCH WHAT YOU SAY.
- WELCOME TO
THE UNITED [bleep] STATES
OF AMERICA.
- OH, MY GOD,
WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?
WHAT ARE THOSE?
[both laughing]
- THESE ARE HARD TO WALK IN.
- I KNOW.
- THEY HAVE, LIKE,
A TOE-STOPPER.
- I KNOW.
- THEY'RE NOT FLAT.
THEY GO UP. - I KNOW.
AND YOUR TOE GOES NUMB.
- LOOK AT THIS.
- ARE YOU WEARING THE SAME
SHOES?
- BUT MINE ARE SLING-BACK.
- YOU WERE AT FRICKING
NEIMANS YESTERDAY,
FOLLOWING ME.
- NO, MINE ARE SLING-BACK.
NO, I'VE HAD THESE... GOD THESE...
- [imitative]
I'VE HAD THESE FOR EVER!
- OH, YOU GOT THEM IN THE SALE.
- OH, MY GOD.
- SHE'S HAD THOSE
FOR A LONG TIME.
- [giggles]
- YOU HAVE...
- SEE HOW WORN MINE ARE?
- THESE AREN'T FIRST-TIMERS.
- OH! MINE HAS
A BIG, BLACK BLOB.
I WIN.
- OH, YOURS HAS GOT
A RED STICKER ON, FOR SALE.
- OH, MY GOD,
WE HAVE A FASHION EMERGENCY.
- OH, MY... [both laugh]
- THIS IS A DISASTER.
SOMEONE'S GOT TO TAKE 'EM OFF.
- GO AND CHANGE.
- YOU.
- NO, YOU.
[both laugh]
[overlapping chatter]
- MOVE OVER.
- OKAY.
[screams]
[laughs]
NOW HOW DO WE GET OUT?
- WE DON'T.
[kisses]
- I LOVE YOU.
[both kissing]
[overlapping chatter]
- MARISA.
- I LOOK LIKE HER.
- DID YOU HEAR... YOU HEARD
ABOUT THE FIRE, RIGHT?
- YEAH, I HEARD.
- IT WAS SO CLOSE.
I AM TELLING YOU, I THOUGHT
I HAVE SEEN EVERYTHING.
TILL YOU SEE A FIRE,
AND YOU'RE SO CLOSE TO IT...
IT WENT FROM ZERO
TO A HUNDRED WITHIN SECONDS.
- YOU JUST TOOK EVERYBODY
AND LEFT, RIGHT?
- BECAUSE YOU DON'T...
I WENT TO MY MOM'S HOUSE.
[overlapping chatter]
- HI, HOW ARE YOU?
- GOOD.
YOU LOOK PRETTY.
- YOUR NOSE LOOKS AMAZING.
- I MEAN, IT FEELS GOOD.
ARNICA IS...
- ALSO ARNICA...
- NO, THEY SAID ARNICA'S NOT.
- BROMELAIN, IT'S LIKE THAT.
THAT'S GOOD.
WELL, YOU LOOK GOOD.
- THANK YOU.
- HEY, HOW ARE YOU?
- SEEING PAUL
AT THE WHITE PARTY,
I HAVE SO MUCH ANXIETY.
I DON'T LIKE UNDERLYING TENSION.
- GOOD FOR YOU.
- I'M SORRY YOU COULDN'T
COME THE OTHER NIGHT.
- I KNOW, RIGHT?
- I WOULD HAVE INVITED YOU,
MARTIN, BUT IT WAS ALL WOMEN.
- WELL, THAT'S ALL RIGHT.
I LOVE THAT.
- OTHERWISE, YOU COULD HAVE
PUT ON A LITTLE DRESS.
- THAT'S MY FAVORITE
ENVIRONMENT.
- I KNOW.
- EXCUSE ME FOR ONE SECOND.
- NOW, YOU'RE SCARING ME
AS WELL.
- NO, IT'S NOT SCARY.
- LISA HAD MENTIONED TO ME,
WITH THE HOUSE,
THAT I HAD SAT DOWN,
I HAD SELF-TANNER ON...
SHE SAID, "BY THE WAY..."
- NO, SHE NOTICED?
- "YOU LEFT A WHOLE..."
- SHE NOTICED?
- I SAW IT TOO.
- WE DIDN'T LOOK DOWN.
YOU JUST LOOK AHEAD.
- WELL, SOMEBODY LOOKED DOWN.
- [laughing]
- I DON'T LOOK DOWN ON PEOPLE
UNLESS I'M WILLING
TO PICK THEM UP.
- AGREED.
YOU SHOULD HAVE SAID THAT.
- I DIDN'T REALIZE
I WAS GONNA GET THIS ANXIOUS
WHEN I SAW PAUL,
BECAUSE I HAVEN'T SEEN PAUL
SINCE THE LAST TIME,
WHEN HE WENT CRAZY.
- I DON'T GET IT. NO.
- GET YOUR HEAD... UHH!
- GO AHEAD,
WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO?
YOU WANT TO TOUCH ME?
- AND I SAW HIM,
AND I LITERALLY BEELINED
FOR THE CORNER.
- DID HE...
- AND, LIKE, IT GIVES ME...
I'M VERY SCARED.
I'M NOT SCARED, BUT, LIKE...
- VERY ANXIOUS ABOUT IT.
- I WOULD RATHER JUST HAVE
A CONVERSATION WITH HER.
I DON'T WANT IT TO GET UGLY.
BUT IF SHE WANTED TO GO IN,
LET'S SAY,
THE MOVIE THEATER WITH ME
AND TALK ABOUT THIS,
I WOULD DO IT.
- OKAY, WHY DON'T YOU SAY TO HER
"CAN WE TALK
ON OUR OWN, PLEASE?"
- [exhales]
- SAY, "PAUL..."
SAY, "I'M ON MY OWN.
THIS IS JUST
BETWEEN ADRIENNE AND I."
- I DON'T KNOW.
HE'S A SCARY MAN.
I'M HOPING TO GET
TO SPEAK TO ADRIENNE ALONE,
BECAUSE TWO ON ONE,
THAT DYNAMIC,
IS VERY INTIMIDATING TO ME.
[laughs]
[dance music]
♪ ♪
I JUST NEEDED A BREAK
FROM THE ANXIETY.
I DON'T WANT TO HAVE A...
I DON'T WANT TO RUIN THE PARTY.
I DON'T WANT IT TO BE A DRAMA.
I WOULD LOVE
TO HAVE A CONVERSATION WITH HER.
[groans] I'M HAVING...
LIKE, I THINK
I AM HAVING, LIKE...
- ANXIETY?
- YEAH.
- AN ANXIETY ATTACK? YEAH.
- LIKE, I FEEL LIKE
IF I WALK UP TO HER
AND ASK HER
TO COME AND TALK TO ME...
DO YOU WANT TO DO IT?
- YEAH, SURE.
- WILL YOU? I LOVE HER.
SHE'LL DO ANYTHING.
SHE'S SO FUNNY.
- ASK HER IF SHE WANTS TO TALK.
- DON'T MOVE MY PURSE.
- THANK YOU.
- IT'S NOT GONNA BE
A FAIR FIGHT.
BATTLE OF THE WITS
BETWEEN BRANDI AND ADRIENNE?
I MEAN, ADRIENNE'S UNARMED.
- GOOD TO SEE YOU.
- BRANDI WOULD LIKE TO TALK.
CALM, VERY CALM.
- I KNEW IT.
- WHAT?
- SHE SENT YOU OVER
TO DO BRANDI'S JOB.
- NO.
- WAIT A MINUTE, WAIT A MINUTE.
- WHAT'S THE QUESTION?
- BRANDI WOULD LIKE
TO HAVE CALM WORDS.
- WITH WHO?
- WITH ADRIENNE.
- ALONE OR WITH ME?
- JUST ALONE.
- NO, PROBABLY NOT.
BRANDI SENDS SOME FRIEND,
SOME PERSON
THAT WE'VE NEVER MET,
TO COME SUMMON ADRIENNE
TO COME TALK TO HER.
WHICH I'M NOT GONNA LET
THAT HAPPEN.
AND I'M NOT GONNA LET ADRIENNE
GO ALONE.
- OH, HERE SHE COMES.
- WELL, TWO AGAINST ONE.
- I DIDN'T WANT
TO HAVE A GIANT CONFRONTATION
WITH ADRIENNE AND PAUL.
I WANTED TO HAVE A CIVIL
CONVERSATION WITH ADRIENNE.
- HI, PAUL, I HAVEN'T
SEEN YOU SINCE THE LAST TIME,
SO A LITTLE NERVOUS, SEEING YOU.
- WE'RE ALL A LITTLE NERVOUS.
- I DON'T WANT
TO RUIN ANYONE'S PARTY.
AND I ACTUALLY DON'T WANT
TO HAVE ISSUES WITH YOU GUYS.
AND I'VE SAID THIS
ABOUT YOU GUYS.
I LIKED YOU GUYS BEFORE.
- I JUST WANT TO SETTLE...
A LETTER IS DIFFERENT
THAN A LAWSUIT.
- BUT I HAD TO HIRE A LAWYER
TO HANDLE THIS.
- WELL, I HAD TO TOO.
- BUT WHY?
- BECAUSE I WAS HEARING THINGS
THAT YOU WERE SAYING.
AND HE WAS HEARING THESE THINGS
THAT YOU WERE SAYING.
- I FEEL LIKE SHE LIES A LOT,
AND THEN...
- ADRIENNE IS REALLY PROTECTIVE
OVER HER FAMILY.
THIS IS GONNA BE A BIG PROBLEM.
- SO OBVIOUSLY WE BOTH HAD
TO HIRE LAWYERS.
- I DIDN'T WANT
TO HIRE A LAWYER.
- I DIDN'T EITHER.
- I HIRED A LAWYER
BECAUSE I HAVE A...
- I DIDN'T WANT
TO HIRE A LAWYER EITHER.
- IF SHE DIDN'T WANT
TO HIRE A LAWYER,
WHY DID SHE HIRE A LAWYER?
I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
- HONEY, YOU HAVE
TO UNDERSTAND SOMETHING.
THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU.
- THEN WHY HAVE I PAID A LAWYER
OVER $10,000?
- WHY HAVE I PAID A LAWYER?
- I HAVE NO IDEA.
- BECAUSE IT DOESN'T
HAVE TO DO WITH YOU.
IT HAS TO DO WITH WHAT YOU SAID.
- LET'S MAKE THIS EASY.
- IT'S ABOUT TWITTER.
IT'S ABOUT OTHER THINGS
THAT YOU'VE SAID.
- SEE, BRANDI...
- I CAN PROVE THAT TOO, THOUGH.
- WE FEEL DIFFERENTLY.
I CAN PROVE IT TOO.
- WAIT A MINUTE,
WE'RE NOT LITIGIOUS.
WE DON'T HAVE TIME TO GO OUT...
"LET'S GO OUT AND SUE SOMEONE."
- WHAT ARE YOU SAYING
YOU'RE NOT "LITIGIOUS"?
OH, MY GOSH.
- BECAUSE, YOU KNOW WHAT?
- NO, WE DON'T DO THAT.
- I JUST SAID...
- I WAS ASKED A QUESTION, 100%.
- RELAX.
- KYLE ASKED ME, "WHAT ARE YOUR
ISSUES WITH ADRIENNE?" AND I...
- WHAT ARE YOUR ISSUES
WITH ADRIENNE?
- SHE SAID I WAS TRASH.
- NO.
- AND THAT I SLEEP TILL 3:00.
- NO, I NEVER SAID THAT.
- AND THAT I'M AN ALCOHOLIC.
- WHO SAID THAT?
- YOU DID.
- TO WHO THOUGH?
- TO YOU?
I WOULD CALL YOU TRASH?
- YES.
- WHEN? TO YOUR FACE?
- DID YOU HEAR IT
FROM A THIRD PARTY?
- NOT TO MY FACE... YOU NEVER
SAY ANYTHING TO MY FACE.
YOU'RE HIRING A LAWYER TO DO IT.
- OH, COME ON, THAT'S NOT NICE.
- ARE YOU KIDDING? IT'S TRUE!
- THAT'S NOT NICE.
- YOU USE BERNIE.
AND YOU USE LAWYERS.
- OKAY, THEN SHOW US.
BECAUSE YOUR LAWYER COULDN'T
PRODUCE IT TO OUR LAWYER.
- YES, HE CAN!
- NO, HE CAN'T.
- GET ME A COPY
OF THIS LETTER FROM BERNIE.
- WHAT LETTER?
- I HAVE SOMETHING FROM BERNIE.
- NO, FROM BERNIE.
AND IF THAT'S THE CASE,
IF YOU DID SOMETHING,
WE HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF THAT
OBVIOUSLY.
- I HAVE THOSE.
THE RADAR ONLINE AND TO...
- NO, NO. TO BERNIE DIRECTLY.
- NO, NO, NO, NO.
- FROM BERNIE.
SOMEBODY FROM RADAR ONLINE
SAID IT WAS BERNIE?
- BRANDI IS TELLING US
THAT BERNIE IS...
SELLING STORIES ABOUT HER.
OBVIOUSLY, IF HE'S DOING IT,
THEN, YOU KNOW, WE CAN'T
HAVE HIM AROUND US ANYMORE.
WE WOULDN'T WANT SOMEONE AROUND
WHO'S ACTUALLY SELLING STORIES.
'CAUSE THAT'S NOT GOOD.
THEY CAN SELL STORIES
ABOUT ANYBODY.
OKAY, HOLD ON.
- SO FAR, SO GOOD. NO PROBLEMS.
[Lisa murmuring]
BUT I THOUGHT ADRIENNE AND
BRANDI WERE SUCH GOOD FRIENDS.
[both laughing]
- HEY, HOW ARE YOU?
GOOD TO SEE YOU.
TAYLOR ARMSTRONG.
NICE TO MEET YOU.
- CAN YOU BELIEVE IT'S A YEAR?
- NO.
- YOU KNOW MY OPINION?
I THINK IT'S KIND
OF HYPOCRITICAL, REALLY.
BECAUSE ADRIENNE AND PAUL
WERE STANDING UP
REFUSING RUSSELL AND TAYLOR
AND SAYING THEY HAD TO LEAVE,
AND IT WAS EXACTLY
THE SAME SITUATION.
I MEAN, IT WAS, KYLE.
NOBODY FILED A LAWSUIT.
- SO, WELL, ADRIENNE SAYS
SHE'S NEVER FILED.
- NO, BUT NOR HAD RUSSELL.
THEY JUST SENT...
THEY JUST SENT A LETTER
WITH AN INTENT TO SUE.
AND EVERYBODY GOT SO UPSET
AND SAID YOU CAN'T COME
IN THE PARTY.
- CAMILLE DIDN'T WANT
TO BE IN FRONT OF
TAYLOR AND RUSSELL.
- WELL, HOW DO YOU THINK
BRANDI FEELS WHEN...
I MEAN, CAMILLE HAD MONEY
TO FIGHT IT AT LEAST.
BRANDI HAS NOTHING
TO FIGHT IT, YOU KNOW.
AND SUDDENLY SHE'S SPENT $10,000
JUST TRYING TO DEFEND HERSELF
AGAINST THE LETTERS
WITH INTENT TO SUE.
IT'S EXACTLY THE SAME.
- THEY'LL WORK IT OUT.
- SO YOU HAVE TO GO
AND THROW ADRIENNE OUT
AND SAY, "RULES ARE RULES."
- NO, LISTEN,
I TOLD EVERYBODY, FLAT OUT,
I INVITE EVERYONE TO MY PARTIES.
I'M NOT GONNA GO THROUGH
WHAT I WENT THROUGH
LAST YEAR OKAY?
- THIS IS ALL...
THIS IS THE OTHER STUFF.
THIS HAS TO DO WITH ME
AND MY BILLS
AND WHAT I PAID OUT...
THE THREATENING OF THE LAWSUIT.
WHAT? - THERE'S NO LAWSUIT.
- THERE IS NO LAWSUIT.
- THERE'S NO LAWSUIT. STOP.
- THEN WHY AM I PAYING A BILL?
- STOP. [overlapping chatter]
- IT SAYS THAT IF SHE DIDN'T
SHOW UP TO THE MEETING
THAT THE LAWYER
WOULD GO ABOUT SUING HER.
- NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.
- NO, NO. THAT'S NOT TRUE.
I HAVE NOT TAKEN LEGAL ACTION
AGAINST HER.
WHAT'S LEGAL ACTION?
TALKING WITH YOUR LAWYER.
EVERYBODY TALKS TO THE LAWYER.
I'M HAPPY
TO GIVE YOU ALL OF THIS.
- IS THAT TO YOU,
OR IS THAT TO YOUR FRIEND?
BUT THAT'S NOT TO YOU.
- WAS SHE WARNED?
YES.
- WHAT WERE YOU SAYING
YOU TRIED TO SAY TO ME
AT THE TEA PARTY?
- I WAS SAYING AT THE TEA PARTY,
AND I SAID THIS TO YOU TODAY,
IT WAS THE SA...
I FEEL AS THOUGH
IT WAS THE SAME SCENARIO
AS LAST YEAR
WHEN RUSSELL WROTE CAMILLE
A LETTER
THAT THREATENED TO SUE IF SHE
DIDN'T RETRACT WHAT SHE SAID.
IT'S BASICALLY THE SAME THING
AS ASKING BRANDY
TO RETRACT WHAT SHE SAID
WITH THE THREAT OF A LAWSUIT.
IS IT OR IS IT NOT? - YEAH.
- OKAY.
- SHE'S A HYPOCRITE.
- EVEN THOUGH I CAN UNDERSTAND
HOW UPSET PAUL AND ADRIENNE
HAVE BEEN WITH BRANDI,
I DO AGREE
THERE ARE SIMILARITIES.
AND, YOU KNOW, THERE
SHOULDN'T BE A DOUBLE STANDARD.
FRIENDS SHOULDN'T SUE FRIENDS.
- I DON'T HAVE OVER $10,000
TO SPEND ON THIS STUFF.
- HERE'S THE ISSUE.
- I KNOW YOU DON'T WANT...
- THEN WATCH WHAT YOU DO THEN.
- WATCH WHAT YOU SAY.
- YOU CANNOT... GUESS WHAT.
- YOU CAN SAY,
"I DON'T LIKE SOMEONE."
- ARE YOU JOKING?
- JUST WATCH YOURSELF.
- I'M NOT GONNA WATCH MYSELF.
- THEN THAT'S UP TO YOU.
- NO, NO, NO.
- ALL I SAID WAS THE TRUTH,
SO IT'S NOT SLANDER,
SO I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
MAYBE THEY SHOULD WATCH
WHAT THEY LIE ABOUT.
- HOW ABOUT IF, LIKE,
NOBODY EVER SUES ANYBODY.
HOW ABOUT THAT?
IT'S VERY SIMPLE.
I DON'T KNOW, I DON'T WANT
TO GET INVOLVED.
IT'S NOT MY PROBLEM.
- OH, YES, IT IS.
AND CHEERS. [chuckles]
- YOU'RE A LOOSE CANNON,
BECAUSE YOU JUST SAY
WHATEVER YOU HEAR.
- YOU JUST SAY
WHATEVER'S ON YOUR MIND.
- WELCOME TO
THE UNITED [bleep] STATES
OF AMERICA.
- EVERY SINGLE... LET'S STOP.
[overlapping chatter]
- STOP, STOP, STOP.
- LEAVE ME ALONE.
I'M JUST THE LITTLE GUY.
YOU'RE THE ONE THAT LIVES
IN THE GAZILLION-DOLLAR HOUSE.
LEAVE ME THE [bleep] ALONE.
- COMING UP...
- DO YOU WANT TO START AGAIN
WITH US NOW TOO?
- OH, MY GOD.
- NO, YOU FINISH YOUR...
- THEN YOU CAN SAY
WHATEVER YOU LIKE.
- BULL[bleep],
AND THEN WE'LL TALK.
- MY BULL[bleep]?
[dance music]
- LET'S BE MATURE HERE.
- JUST DO ME ONE FAVOR.
BEFORE YOU TWEET SOMETHING,
CALL ADRIENNE,
SAY, "ADRIENNE,
DID YOU DO BAH, BAH, BAH?"
- RIGHT. both: IS THAT OKAY?
- I DON'T WANT
TO PAY MY LAWYER ANYTHING ELSE.
- THERE IS NONE.
- IT'S OKAY.
- I DON'T WANT ANYONE ELSE
IN HERE RIGHT NOW,
BECAUSE WE'RE FINISHING THIS UP.
THIS WAS A DISCUSSION BETWEEN
BRANDI AND THE TWO OF US.
THAT'S ALL IT SHOULD BE.
- THERE'S ALWAYS THREE SIDES
TO A STORY, AND SO...
- I ALWAYS FEEL, THOUGH,
THAT THE TRUTH HAS ONE STORY.
- THE TRUTH HAS ONE STORY?
- NO, TO ME, THAT'S NOT
A NEGATIVE THING TO SAY.
I'M SAYING THE TRUTH
HAS ONE STORY.
- THERE'S ALWAYS THREE SIDES
TO THE STORY.
- FRIENDS DO NOT SUE FRIENDS.
WE COULD HAVE TAKEN UMBRAGE
AGAINST BERNIE AND YOU
FOR WHAT YOU SAID.
WE DIDN'T. WHY WOULD WE?
- DO YOU WANT
TO START AGAIN WITH US NOW TOO?
- OH, MY GOD.
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN, BERNIE?
BERNIE HAS NOTHING TO DO
WITH IT.
- YOU FINISH YOUR BULL[bleep],
AND THEN WE'LL TALK.
- MY BULL[bleep]?
- STOP.
- IS THAT WHAT YOU SAID?
I MEAN, COME ON.
- ADRIENNE SAID
THAT MY WIFE SOLD STORIES
TO THE NEWSPAPER. - YES.
- AND THAT'S AFFECTING
MY BUSINESS.
I DIDN'T SUE YOU, DID I?
- AND VICE VERSA.
- NOTHING, VICE VERSA.
- WAIT A MINUTE. "MALOOF HOOF"?
I MEAN, THAT DOESN'T AFFECT
HER BUSINESS AND HER SHOES?
- THOSE SHOES:
I WOULD DEFINITELY CALL IT
THE "MALOOF HOOF."
- COME ON!
- THAT MADE YOUR SHOE.
- OH, IT MADE YOUR SHOES?
YOU KNOW, COME ON.
- I LOVE HIM, AND I LOVE HIM.
- LISTEN TO TAYLOR.
- I WANT YOU TO ACKNOWLEDGE
THAT THERE WAS A SIMILARITY
BETWEEN WHAT YOU DID
AND WHAT RUSSELL CHOSE TO DO.
- NO, NO, NO.
- YES, THERE IS.
IT'S THE SAME THING.
- I'M SORRY, BUT THERE'S NOT.
- AT LAST YEAR'S WHITE PARTY,
ADRIENNE AND PAUL
REALLY LED THE CHARGE
OF HOW WRONG IT WAS
FOR FRIENDS TO SUE FRIENDS.
- WHAT REALLY SUCKS ABOUT THIS
IS FRIENDS DON'T SUE FRIENDS
OR THREATEN TO SUE FRIENDS.
- HYPOCRITE?
DO YOU RECOGNIZE
THE SIMILARITIES?
- NO, I DON'T, I DON'T.
ARE YOU TRYING TO GET US
TO RECOGN... WE DON'T.
- PAUL, THERE WASN'T A LAWSUIT
LAST YEAR WITH RUSSELL,
IT WAS JUST AN EMAIL.
AND YOU ASKED HER
TO GET KICKED OUT OF THIS PARTY.
- WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE,
DWIGHT?
YOU KNOW WHAT, I DON'T WANT
TO HEAR IT, ALL RIGHT?
SO WHY DON'T YOU BUZZ OFF?
- I DON'T WANT ANYBODY
IN MY HOME
FEELING THEY'RE ATTACKED, OKAY?
I REALLY DON'T.
- THANK YOU, KYLE.
- I GUESS SHE JUST GETS
TO GET AWAY WITH IT
BECAUSE SHE'S IN A MORE POWERFUL
POSITION THAN EVERYBODY ELSE.
- LET'S PAY
BRANDI'S LAWYER'S FEES,
AND WE'LL ALL LIVE
HAPPILY EVER AFTER.
- YOU'RE TOUCHING ME
FOR ME TO PAY FOR IT?
- YEAH, BECAUSE YOU SUED HER.
- WHY DON'T YOU PAY FOR IT?
- YOU SUED HER, I DIDN'T.
- WE DIDN'T SUE HER.
THERE'S NO LAWSUIT.
YOU PAY FOR IT!
WHAT, IS SHE YOUR DAUGHTER NOW,
ALL OF A SUDDEN?
OR YOUR GIRLFRIEND?
OR WHATEVER THE HECK SHE IS.
THE THREE OF YOU HANGING OUT
ALL THE TIME?
THERE'S NO LAWSUIT.
[overlapping chatter]
- BEFORE WE ALL WALKED
IN THE ROOM,
WEREN'T YOU MAKING PROGRESS?
- YES, THEY WERE.
- OKAY, EVERYBODY, I'M DONE.
- I DON'T THINK THEY'LL EVER
ADMIT THEY WERE WRONG
OR THAT THEY STARTED IT.
BUT I WAS HAPPY THAT I SPOKE
MY PIECE, AND I WAS DONE.
- COME ON.
- LET'S GET DANCE.
WE'RE GOING... I'M TAKING
MY BOYFRIEND TO DANCE.
- THAT'S RIGHT, YOUR BOYFRIEND.
- HE IS MY BOYFRIEND.
- HE IS, ACTUALLY.
- FRIENDS SHOULDN'T SUE FRIENDS.
- THEY'RE HORRIBLE.
THEY'RE DISGUSTING.
- NEXT TIME,
ON THE REAL HOUSEWIVES
OF BEVERLY HILLS...
- I BELIEVE TAYLOR HAS
A PROBLEM WITH DRINKING.
I'M NOT GONNA SUGARCOAT IT
OR BE AFRAID TO TELL YOU.
I DO RECOGNIZE WHEN I SEE
SOMEBODY THAT HAS A PROBLEM.
- CHEERS. TO A WONDERFUL WEEK
IN PARIS.
[cheering]
- VOOM, VOOM, SHE-BANG.
- WHAT TIME
DID YOU GET HERE, KIM?
- I'VE BEEN HERE FOR DAYS, LISA.
- SHE SEEMS
TO NOT BE THAT LUCID.
- WOW. WHOO. FEEL LIKE MARILYN.
- THE KIM I'M SEEING TONIGHT
IS NOT THE KIM I'VE BEEN SEEING
FOR THE LAST FEW MONTHS.
- TO LEARN MORE
ABOUT THE HOUSEWIVES,
HOUSEWIVES OF BEVERLY HILLS...
- SHE MADE THESE COMMENTS
IN FRONT OF PEOPLE,
WHICH ARE COMPLETELY DEFAMATORY.
- BRANDI CROSSED THE LINE
AND HIT BELOW THE BELT.
OH, BOY, SHE'S GONNA GET SLAPPED
WITH A FAT, OLD LAWSUIT.
- SHE TOLD ME SHE HAS A LETTER
THAT YOU'RE SUING HER.
- COME ON,
LOOK AT HER CHARACTER.
WHAT IS SHE TALKING ABOUT?
- YOUR LAWYER DIDN'T SEND
MY LAWYER A LETTER?
- ABSOLUTELY NOT.
- I HAVE THE LETTER.
- SHAME ON YOU, SHAME ON YOU...
- SHAME ON ME?
- FOR BEING SO CALCULATING.
- SHAME ON YOU!
[upbeat music]
- LIFE ISN'T ALL DIAMONDS
AND ROSE,
BUT IT SHOULD BE.
- MONEY DOESN'T GIVE YOU CLASS.
IT JUST GIVES YOU MONEY.
- KNOW YOUR FRIENDS.
SHOW YOUR ENEMIES THE DOOR.
- I FOUGHT TOO HARD
FOR THIS ZIP CODE
TO GO HOME NOW.
- I LIKE TO HAVE FUN,
BUT I DON'T PLAY GAMES.
- LIFE IS A JOURNEY,
AND I'M FINDING MYSELF
EVERY DAY.
- I'M BORN AND RAISED
IN BEVERLY HILLS.
THIS IS MY TOWN.
- [murmuring]
MMM, NICE.
I'M INVITING PEOPLE OVER
TO SEE WHAT MY NOSE LOOKS LIKE
BEFORE I HEAD OUT THERE
INTO THE...
THE REAL WORLD,
JUST TO SEE WHAT THEY THINK
AND TELL ME IF IT LOOKS RIGHT,
AND ALSO KIND OF
TO TELL THEM THANK YOU
FOR SUPPORTING ME
DURING MY SOBRIETY.
ONLY THE WHITE ONES
GO IN THE POOL TONIGHT.
THE PINK AND THE YELLOW
WE CAN PUT AWAY.
YEAH, BUT FOR NOW,
LET'S JUST DO THOSE.
THE ONE THING I DID WANT
IS ICED DRINKS.
WE CAN DO THIS, RIGHT? - OKAY.
- SINCE I DON'T REALLY HAVE A...
FULL BAR SETUP FOR EVERYBODY,
I WANTED PEOPLE TO BE ABLE
TO COME AND GET
ICED COFFEE DRINKS, OKAY?
- THAT'LL WORK FOR ME.
- ALL RIGHT, PERFECT.
THANK YOU, THANK YOU.
PERFECT.
UM, THESE ARE NOT LIT.
OKAY, MILTON,
I'M GONNA HAVE YOU RUN DOWN
AND GET A FEW BAGS OF ICE.
AND THEN WE'LL NEED, UM...
PLASTIC CUPS.
OH! PLASTIC COFFEE CUPS.
- OKAY.
- KINGSLEY, DO NOT JUMP!
- WHOOP. OKAY.
- WELL, NOT FOR LONG.
- COME ON, GIRLS.
CAREFUL WALKING UP THE STAIRS
IN THESE HEELS.
I KNOW IT'S HARD WORK
BEING A GIRL.
- OH, BEAUTIFUL.
- WATCH YOUR STEP, GIRLS.
- HOW PRETTY IS
AUNTIE KIM'S HOUSE!
- HI. OH, LOOKIT,
THOSE ARE PRETTY...
ALL LIT UP LIKE THAT.
- I LOVE IT.
COME ON, SWEETIE.
- KENNEDY AND PORTIA
OFTEN PLAY TOGETHER,
SO I THOUGHT IT'D BE FUN
TO DRESS THEM UP
AND BRING 'EM TO KIM'S
FOR A NIGHT OUT.
AND TAYLOR'S
GONNA MEET US HERE LATER.
- HI!
- HEY, LOVEY.
- HI.
- KIM!
LOOKS SO PRETTY BACK HERE.
- I KNOW.
- I LOVE IT.
- I KNOW, RIGHT?
- WHY DO YOU FEEL SO TINY?
OH, BECAUSE YOU HAVE YOUR FLATS.
- 'CAUSE I'M NOT
GONNA BREAK A NOSE
AND WEAR ANY MORE HIGH HEELS
IN MY DAY.
- OH, I HEARD THE DOG.
WHAT HAPPENED
WITH THE DOG BUMPING YOUR NOSE?
- WELL, HE ALMOST BROKE
MY NEW NOSE.
- NO.
- YES.
- SO WHAT DID
THE DOCTOR HAVE TO DO?
- IT WASN'T HIS FAULT.
HE HAD TO REDO EVERYTHING
BECAUSE YOU TOLD ME
I HAD AN UGLY NOSE,
AN UGLY FACE.
- I DIDN'T! WOULD YOU STOP?
- ALL YOUR FAULT.
- DON'T PLAY THE MARTYR.
DON'T EVEN START WITH ME.
YOU GUYS SAY HI TO AUNT KIM?
- HI, HI.
- [laughs]
- SHE'S S-C-A-R-E-D.
- I KNOW, I'M SURE...
ARE YOU SCARED OF ME?
- HONEY, WE LIVE
IN BEVERLY HILLS.
YOU BETTER GET USED TO THAT.
- WHAT DO YOU THINK?
IS BUBBIE BEAUTIFUL? - [screams]
- I AM TRYING...
- HELLO.
- HI, HOW ARE YOU?
- HI, HOW ARE YOU?
- I'M GOOD. HOW ARE YOU?
- GOOD.
- HI. HI, KIM.
HOW ARE YOU?
- GOOD. HOW ARE YOU?
- OKAY, SEE, MARISA,
MY MOM WOULD SAY,
"SPIT THAT GUM OUT."
- I KNOW.
- SHE WALKS IN...
- I KNOW, AND YOU SHOULD HAVE
SEEN HOW I DROVE UP, RIGHT?
- GIVE ME THAT GUM,
GIVE ME THAT GUM.
- YOU'RE SO CUTE!
- [laughs]
[cell phone rings]
- KIM?
- YES?
- I'M SORRY.
I HAVE SOMETHING TO TELL YOU.
- [mouths words]
- OKAY.
- I HAVE JUST BECOME CLOSE
TO SOMEONE
THAT I'VE KNOWN FOR A LONG TIME.
AND HE'S JUST INVITED ME
TO GO ON A PLANE TONIGHT,
FROM VAN NUYS,
AND I THINK I'M IN LOVE.
I'M BEING REALLY SERIOUS.
IN THE LAST 48 HOURS,
I THINK I'VE FALLEN IN LOVE.
- WHO IS THIS GUY THAT YOU'RE
IN LOVE WITH ALL OF A SUDDEN?
- [snickering]
- OKAY, SO YOU'RE LEAVING
FOR... VEGAS?
- NO, I'M GOING TO BEAVER CREEK.
- OKAY.
- YEAH, ON A PLANE TONIGHT.
SO I'M JUST GONNA MISS
THE PARTY,
AND I LOVE YOU GIRLS,
AND I'LL CALL YOU
FROM THERE, OKAY?
- O...
- BUT I'M...
I'M SO HAPPY,
AND HE LOVES KENNEDY.
- I HAVE KENNEDY WITH ME ANYWAY.
CAN I JUST KEEP HER
WITH ME THEN?
- OH, YOU HAVE KENNEDY WITH YOU?
- YEAH, KENNEDY'S WITH ME.
- WELL, TAKE HER.
I'M COMING BACK
FOR THE WHITE PARTY.
- CAN SHE SPEND THE NIGHT
WITH ME TONIGHT THEN?
- IF YOU WANT, YEAH.
- YOU DIDN'T KNOW
SHE WAS AT MY HOUSE?
- NO IDEA.
YOU KNOW I TRUST YOU MORE
THAN ANY PERSON ON THE PLANET.
- WHERE ARE YOU RIGHT NOW?
YOU'RE NOT AT YOUR HOUSE?
- SHE'S AT THE HOUSE.
- NO, I'M ON MY WAY
TO THE AIRPORT.
- OKAY, HAVE FUN.
- OKAY.
- OKAY, I LOVE YOU.
Both: I LOVE YOU.
- [murmurs]
- THIS IS WEIRD. both: YEAH.
- SHE DIDN'T EVEN KNOW
YOU HAD KENNEDY.
SHE SAID,
"OH, YOU HAVE KENNEDY?"
- WHAT?
- WHO IS SHE GOING WITH?
- I HAVE NO IDEA
WHO THAT COULD EVEN POSSIBLY BE.
- DOES SHE KNOW
WHO SHE'S GOING WITH?
- DOES SHE KNOW
WHO SHE'S GOING WITH?
- [laughs] YEAH.
- SHH. HERE COMES KENNEDY.
- OH.
Both: HI.
- NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN!
- DIDN'T YOU HEAR HER VOICE?
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
- SHE COULD BARELY TALK, KYLE.
I FEEL... IT'S DANGEROUS.
[stammers] SHE HAS
A LITTLE GIRL, YOU KNOW?
- [sighs]
- BUT...
- TAYLOR'S VOICE ABSOLUTELY
SOUNDED TIPSY TO ME.
BEYOND TIPSY.
[overlapping chatter]
- WE GET A PHONE CALL.
I GET A PHONE CALL FROM TAYLOR
THAT SHE SAYS,
"HEY, KIM, I JUST WANT
TO TELL YOU, I WON'T...
"I'M REALLY SORRY,
I WON'T BE COMING
BECAUSE... I THINK I'M IN LOVE."
- I HAVEN'T SEEN HER, YOU KNOW,
GO ON A DATE EVEN.
NOT EVEN A DATE. - WHO?
Both: TAYLOR.
- SO THEN SHE SAID
SHE'S NOT COMING,
THAT SHE'S IN LOVE
AND SHE'S GOING WITH THIS MAN
TO BEAVER CREEK.
- WHEN? both: RIGHT NOW.
- SORRY.
- WHAT?
- AND THAT SHE CAN'T COME HERE.
OKAY, SO KENNEDY STAYS
WITH ME A LOT, I GIVE YOU...
- YEAH, WHICH I THINK IS
A LITTLE BIZARRE, TO BE HONEST.
- BUT SHE JUST THOUGHT
IT'S FINE.
- I MEAN, LOOK, IT'S
A HORRIBLE THING FOR ME TO SAY,
BUT I'M GONNA SAY IT BECAUSE YOU
KNOW THAT'S WHAT I DO.
IT SEEMS LIKE HER CHILD...
- WE DON'T WANT ANYTHING...
- HER CHILD IS ALWAYS WITH YOU,
SO SHE CAN GO DO
WHATEVER SHE WANTS TO DO.
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
AND IT'S LIKE, THAT'S... - WELL...
- I MEAN,
AND I DON'T KNOW TAYLOR,
BUT IT DOES SEEM LIKE
YOU ALWAYS HAVE HER KID.
- KENNEDY GOES HOME,
AND IT'S JUST THE TWO OF THEM.
AND THEN SHE'S LIKE...
- BUT IT DOES SEEM...
- "MOMMY, THEIR HOUSE
IS SO MUCH MORE FUN."
- BUT THEN WHEN YOU TELL ME
A STORY ABOUT THIS...
- THAT'S WEIRD.
- I WOULD NEVER JUST GO
ON A WHIM WITH A GUY...
- WELL,
THAT'S A DIFFERENT STORY.
- AND NOT CALL YOU, AND BE LIKE,
"KYLE, I JUST MET THIS GUY.
"I REALLY WANT
TO GO FOR A WEEKEND.
"DO YOU WANT
TO KEEP KENNEDY THIS WEEKEND?
"AND THEN NEXT WEEK I'LL TAKE
THE GIRLS TO THE MOVIES,
AND I'LL TAKE THE GIRLS OUT."
- RIGHT.
WELL, THIS IS
A DIFFERENT SITUATION.
- IT'S INDICATIVE OF WHO SHE IS,
AND THEN IT SHOWS
WHY SHE'S ALWAYS AT YOUR HOUSE.
THAT'S ALL I'M GONNA SAY.
- AND WHAT I'M SAYING,
I THINK IT'S A LITTLE WRONG
THAT SHE DIDN'T KNOW
WHERE KENNEDY WAS RIGHT NOW.
- I AGREE.
TAYLOR SHOULD KNOW
WHAT'S GOING ON IN HER HOUSE,
WITH THE PEOPLE
WHO WORK FOR HER,
AND SHE SHOULD BE KEEPING TABS
ON WHERE HER KID IS.
- ABSOLUTELY.
I WOULD NEVER NOT KNOW
WHERE PORTIA IS,
I CAN TELL YOU THAT RIGHT NOW.
HOWEVER, I DON'T THINK
SHE WAS EXACTLY
IN THE BEST FRAME
OF MIND TONIGHT.
- THAT'S WHAT I SAID.
- SHE WAS DRINKING?
- AS A PERSON IN SOBRIETY,
I'M CONCERNED THAT...
WHO IS THIS PERSON?
AND IS SHE SAFE?
- COMING UP...
- I'M LIKE, "WHAT DO I DO?"
- OH, MY GOD, WHAT HAVE
YOU DONE TO HER, DOCTOR?
[overlapping chatter]
- HELLO.
- HOW ARE YOU?
Both: MWAH!
- WAIT, THE BETTER QUESTION IS,
WHO IS IT?
- I DON'T KNOW.
KYLE SAYS SHE HASN'T SEEN HER
AND ANY MEN.
WELL, MAYBE IT'S A WOMAN.
- YOU ARE SO FUNNY.
YOU LOOK GOOD THOUGH.
BUT I THINK MY HUSBAND
WOULD HAVE BEEN A...
DONE AS GOOD OF A JOB,
IF NOT BETTER.
- NOW YOU KNOW WHY.
- I KNOW.
- AS HIS WIFE,
I KNOW SHE HAS TO SAY THAT.
BUT I FEEL LIKE IT WAS BETTER
IF I JUST DON'T MIX BUSINESS
WITH PLEASURE.
- SHOULD GO...
- FABULOUS.
- JUST DO A CONSULTATION.
- YEAH, I THINK
I'M GONNA ASK HIM.
- IT MIGHT BE
SOMETHING REALLY SIMPLE.
YOU MIGHT NOT EVEN NEED SURGERY.
- THEY COULD GO IN
AND TAKE OUT SOMETHING,
AND THEN
IT WOULD JUST BE LIKE...
- DONE.
- I MEAN, I THINK
THAT YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL.
- NO, I LIKE MY NOSE.
BUT IT'S... I JUST ALWAYS
HAVE HATED THAT.
SEE HOW IT GOES UP RIGHT THERE?
- YOU KNOW, MY HUSBAND
WOULD KNOW IN ABOUT TWO SECONDS.
- YEAH, HE'S AMAZING.
- I WANT IT...
I WANT IT... I WANT YOURS.
LIKE, POINTY.
- HE DIDN'T DO MY NOSE,
BUT HE IS A GREAT SURGEON.
- I SHOULD GO...
I SHOULD MAYBE GO SEE HIM.
- YOU SHOULD.
- OH, THE DOCTOR'S HERE.
SAVED BY THE DOCTOR.
- HI. VLADIMIR.
- YOU GUYS,
THIS IS DR. GRIGORYANTS.
All: HI. - AND HIS WIFE.
SO ARE YOU GONNA TAKE
THE BANDAGE OFF?
I FEEL LIKE
YOU'RE HAVING A BABY!
[laughter]
HE'S HERE TO DELIVER THE BABY.
- I KNOW.
- TONIGHT IS
KIND OF A SPECIAL NIGHT
'CAUSE IT'S NOT JUST ABOUT...
MY BEAUTIFUL NOSE
THAT DR. GRIGORYANTS HAS,
LIKE, MADE FOR ME.
BUT IN MY VERY SPECIAL HOME
THAT I NOW CAN REALLY CALL...
I HAVEN'T CALLED ANYPLACE
MY HOME IN A LONG TIME.
AND MAYBE... 'CAUSE
I WAS JUST TALKING TO KYLE...
MAYBE I REALLY HAVEN'T FELT
AT HOME MYSELF,
INSIDE MYSELF.
I HAVE A NEW START WITH LIFE.
I'M WILLING TO WORK VERY HARD
FOR WHATEVER I HAVE TO DO
TO MAKE THINGS RIGHT
WITH THE PEOPLE I LOVE THE MOST.
ANYWAY, TONIGHT'S
KIND OF A SPECIAL NIGHT,
'CAUSE FOR ME
TO BRING EVERYBODY TOGETHER,
I'M JUST REALLY GLAD
I CAN HAVE YOU ALL
IN MY SPECIAL SPACE.
- FOR SO LONG,
IT WAS A BIG, DARK, DIRTY SECRET
IN MY FAMILY.
SHE WOULDN'T TALK ABOUT IT,
I WASN'T
SUPPOSED TO TALK ABOUT IT,
AND MY FAMILY
JUST DIDN'T TALK ABOUT IT.
SO HEARING HER BE OPEN TELLS ME
SHE'S ON THE RIGHT PATH.
- YEAH, LET ME SEE. WAIT.
I'M GONNA GO SEE MY NEW NOSE,
AND THEN I'LL BRING IT OUTSIDE.
OKAY, I'LL BE OUTSIDE.
OKAY, ALL RIGHT, NOW WAIT.
OKAY. - OH, MY GOD.
[overlapping chatter]
- ALL RIGHT.
- OKAY.
- SO I'M JUST GONNA GENTLY ROLL
THE Q-TIP UNDER THE TAPE.
I'M GONNA LOOSEN IT.
- UH-HUH, UH-HUH.
- A LITTLE BIT
UNCOMFORTABLE HERE.
GOOD, GOOD, GOOD,
IT'S COMING OFF.
GOOD, GOOD, GOOD, GOOD.
- IT'S SORE.
- SORE? THAT'S IT.
AND... THAT'S OFF.
- WOW.
- OH, MY GOD.
- BROOKE, LOOK.
- OH, BROOKE BLOCKED ME.
[laughs]
WE'RE ALL STANDING THERE
LIKE IT'S A QUINCEANERA
FOR A NOSE.
[laughs]
WHAT IS SHE DOING?
IS SHE...
- MOM!
- I KNOW.
- GOD, KIM.
YOU'RE KILLING US.
- ALL MY FRIENDS ARE OUT THERE,
AND I HEAR, "KIM! KIM! KIM!"
AND I'M LIKE...
[gasps] WHAT DO I DO?
- WHAT A DOLL.
- I KNOW FOR SURE,
BUT I'VE GOT SIX.
- WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO HER,
DR. GRIGORYANTS?
- I KNOW. WOW, YOU ARE GOOD.
[laughter]
- SHE LOOKS SO MUCH YOUNGER.
- I KNOW.
- HEY.
- OOH, BEAUTIFUL.
- OH, MY GOD.
- RIGHT?
- OH, MY GOD.
[cheers and applause]
- OH, MY GOD.
- GORGEOUS.
- I WANT TO SEE UP CLOSE!
- GORGEOUS.
- OH, MY GOSH.
OH, MY GOD. - BEAUTIFUL JOB.
- IT'S GORGEOUS!
I MEAN...
- IT DOES LOOK GOOD, YEAH.
- AND YOU LOOK STILL LIKE KIM.
- WOW.
- AND THE SAME.
AND THAT'S WHAT'S SO GREAT.
- YEAH, HE DID A GOOD JOB.
- IT LOOKS LIKE THIS HAD
BARELY ANY SWELLING
AND NO BRUISING.
IT'S GONNA LOOK INCREDIBLE.
- I REALLY DIDN'T THINK
THAT KIM HAD A BAD NOSE
TO BEGIN WITH.
I ACTUALLY THOUGHT IT FIT
HER FACE, AND SHE LOOKED GREAT.
BUT MORE POWER TO HER,
AND LET HER DO WHAT SHE WANTS.
- MY HUSBAND WOULD HAVE DONE
JUST AS GOOD A JOB.
BUT IT LOOKS BEAUTIFUL,
I HAVE TO SAY.
- YES, HE WOULD.
- IT'S GORGEOUS.
- SO BEAUTIFUL.
- OH, I LOVE IT!
- [gasps]
- IT'S REALLY BEAUTIFUL.
CONGRATULATIONS. - IT'S PERFECT.
- FEEL LIKE I SHOULD BE LIKE...
- IT HASN'T EVEN BEEN
A WEEK, RIGHT?
- IT'S ABOUT A WEEK NOW, YEAH.
- OH, MY GOD.
[overlapping comments]
- REALLY, REALLY BEAUTIFUL.
THE ONLY OTHER PERSON THAT WOULD
DO JUST AS GOOD OF A JOB
IS MY HUSBAND.
- HE'D PROBABLY DO BETTER.
- NO, YOU DID A GOOD JOB.
SO I'LL TELL
MY HUSBAND'S FAMILY.
THEY CAN ALL GO TO YOU NOW.
- NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.
- NO, BECAUSE
I DON'T WANT HIM... YEAH.
HE IS THE BEST. HE'S THE BEST.
YEAH. - TURN TO THE SIDE.
- OH, MY GOD, IT LOOKS GORGEOUS.
IT'S SO PRETTY.
- DOES IT FEEL STUFFED?
YOUR NOSE?
- NO, I CAN BREATHE.
- YOU'RE LIKE...
[imitates her breathing]
- I THINK IT'S RIGHT.
I DON'T KNOW.
I THINK IT LOOKS GOOD.
DOES IT? I DON'T KNOW.
- BEAUTIFUL JOB.
[overlapping comments]
- THIS IS
THE BEST NOSE COMING-OUT PARTY
I'VE EVER BEEN TO.
[laughter]
- NO RUNNING!
NO RUNNING!
- WHAT ARE WE DOING?
- CHRISTIAN!
[water splashes] NO! NO RUNNING!
- YOU CAN JUMP, BUT NO RUNNING.
- NO RUNNING. GO TO THE EDGE.
- NOW JUMP. OH!
- THERE YOU GO.
GOOD JOB, HONEY, GOOD JOB.
COME ON, WE'RE GONNA EAT.
[background chatter] - ADRIENNE!
DO YOU SMELL SMOKE?
- SALLY, WHERE ARE THE BOYS?
[sniffs] OOH, THE SMELL!
- WELL, WAIT A MINUTE.
OH, THERE IS SMOKE.
THAT'S A FIRE.
WAIT A MINUTE, THAT'S A FIRE.
THE HOUSE IS ON FIRE.
[stammers]
THAT'S LISA'S OLD HOUSE.
- OH, MY GOSH!
- DO YOU THINK
WE SHOULD STAY HERE?
I DON'T THINK
WE SHOULD STAY HERE.
I DON'T THINK IT'S SAFE.
HERE, I'M GONNA GO GET THE KIDS.
I'M LEAVING. - THERE HE GOES.
- THAT'S A BIG FIRE.
- OH, MY GOD! THEY CAN'T GET IN!
HOLY, [bleep].
THE WHOLE HOUSE IS BURNING DOWN.
- WE CAN'T... LET'S GO BACK.
WE CAN'T SEE FROM HERE.
- OH, MY GOD, THAT'S HORRIBLE.
- THEY'RE ACTUALLY GOING DOWN.
LET'S LOOK FROM THE TOP.
- THIS IS AWFUL.
OH, MY GOD! LOOK AT THAT! LOOK!
- ARE THEY TRYING
TO GET IN THE FRONT DOOR?
- IT'S GETTING WORSE!
IT'S NOT GETTING BETTER.
[overlapping chatter]
- I'M LEAVING.
I'M TAKING THE KIDS.
LET'S JUST GO,
LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.
- THERE IS NO IMMEDIATE DANGER
TO OUR HOUSE.
IT'S MORE OF A PANIC MODE
FOR ADRIENNE.
BETWEEN OUR HOUSE
AND LISA'S OLD HOUSE
THERE'S HUNDREDS OF FIREMEN.
[coughing] WE GOT TO GO IN.
- WE'RE GONNA
MELT DOWN THE CONES?
- GIVE ME THE KEYS.
- ADRIENNE!
- COME ON, GUYS.
- YOU CAN'T LEAVE!
- YEAH, COME ON.
[overlapping chatter]
- MOM!
- IT DOESN'T MATTER.
- YOU CAN'T LEAVE.
- I'M LEAVING.
- ADRIENNE, THE WHOLE STREET'S
BLOCKED OFF.
- LET'S GO.
- YOU CAN'T LEAVE.
- I'M GONNA TRY ANYWAY.
- YOU CAN'T!
- WHY?
- JUST, ADRIENNE...
- I'M GOING ANYWAY.
- ADRIENNE!
- NO, I WANNA... I WANNA LEAVE.
- YOU CAN'T GET OUT, THOUGH.
- GET IN!
- YOU CAN'T GET OUT.
- PAUL DOESN'T GET IN THE CAR
WITH THE KIDS AND I.
WHAT IS HE THINKING?
- JUST WAIT A MINUTE.
- MOVE! MOVE!
- COME HERE.
- WHAT COULD BE MORE IMPORTANT
THAN BEING WITH YOUR FAMILY
AND YOUR CHILDREN?
I'M LEAVING.
[overlapping chatter]
- LET'S GO, LET'S GO, LET'S GO.
[sirens wailing]
- REALLY A BAD CHOICE.
[shutter clicking]
- CAN'T BELIEVE
THAT WHOLE HOUSE IS ON FIRE.
THAT IS ABSOLUTELY CRAZY.
- COMING UP...
- SEEING PAUL
AT THE WHITE PARTY,
I'M FREAKING OUT, REALLY.
I'M NOT OKAY.
- COME ON, GUYS.
WANT TO HELP ME OUTSIDE?
MAYBE WE COULD USE
THE SMALLER...
ON THESE,
AND THE BIGGER ON THOSE.
BUT YOU DON'T HAVE ENOUGH,
RIGHT?
- NO, ONLY HAVE THREE.
- OKAY, 'CAUSE I COUNTED WRONG.
I'M SORRY.
TODAY IS MY WHITE PARTY.
AND, AS USUAL,
MY DJ'S MISSING...
OH, MY GOD.
I DON'T LIKE THE FURNITURE
THAT'S BEING DELIVERED.
I DON'T LIKE THE WAY
THE LIGHTING FIXTURES LOOK.
I MEAN, HOW IN THE HECK
AM I SUPPOSED
TO PUT FLOWERS OVER HERE?
I'M LOSING MY MIND.
GLENN, WE'RE NOT PUTTING
A TABLE, SO PEOPLE...
WHO'S GONNA TAKE DOWN
MY BASKETBALL NETS?
- DON'T WE HAVE TWO HOURS
TO THE PARTY?
- GLENN, YOU'RE GIVING ME...
I NEED TO GET
IN THE SHOWER SOON... I... HONEY!
HONEY, I'M SO GLAD
THAT YOU'RE SO HELPFUL.
- WHAT DO YOU NEED?
- FIRST OF ALL, I WANTED
THE POOL TABLE OUT OF THE ROOM
SO WE COULD PUT COCKTAIL TABLES.
- WE CAN MOVE IT,
BUT WE CAN'T GET IT OUT.
- WELL, WHAT GOOD
DOES THAT DO ME?
WAIT, WHAT'S WRONG
WITH THESE THINGS?
THEY LOOK LIKE EGGS.
- THAT'S WHAT THEY ARE.
THEY'RE EGGS.
- I DON'T WANT EGGS.
- I WANT BA... ROUND BALLS.
GONNA BE YOUR BALLS IN THE POOL
IN A MINUTE,
IF THAT DOESN'T GET FIXED.
SO FAR, MY WHITE PARTY
IS ALREADY A DISASTER.
NOTHING LOOKS RIGHT,
AND PAUL HAS NOT SEEN BRANDI
SINCE THE BIG FIGHT.
WHAT WAS I THINKING?
[air blowing]
GLENN? - YES?
- I'M... I'M...
- FANTASTIC, HUH?
- I'M TERRIFIED RIGHT NOW.
- YOU'RE LOVIN' IT.
- [yelling] WHAT IS THAT?
- IT'S MEDUSA.
- GLENN, THAT IS AN OCTOPUS!
YOU HAVE
TO BE [bleep] KIDDING ME.
- IT'S A UNICORN.
IT'S A UNICORN.
- GLENN, YOU BLEW IT
WITH THAT ONE...
BIG-TIME BLEW IT WITH THAT ONE.
THAT IS THE UGLIEST THING
I'VE EVER SEEN
IN MY ENTIRE LIFE.
[deflates raspberry-like]
I'M HAVING A HEART ATTACK.
- I'LL SEE YOU
IN A COUPLE OF HOURS.
I GUESS WE'RE NOT GONNA DO
THE OCTOPUS, GUYS.
- DON'T PULL ME,
BECAUSE WHEN YOU PULL...
- MM-HMM.
- I'LL FALL.
I'M TELLING YOU.
JUST GO SLOW.
I WAS VERY WORRIED
THAT THE FIRE WAS GOING TO JUMP,
AND WAS FORTUNATE
THAT NOTHING HAPPENED
TO OUR HOME.
MY KIDS ARE SAFE, I'M SAFE.
- [grunts]
- BUT I AM LOOKING FORWARD NOW
TO GOING TO THE WHITE PARTY.
- VERY NICE.
BEAUTIFUL DRESS. - THANK YOU.
YOU LOOK NICE TOO.
- THANK YOU, MY BABY.
- I'M GOING TO THIS PARTY
TO HAVE A NICE TIME.
BRANDI'S THERE.
[claps hands together]
HEY, HOW ARE YOU?
DEAL WITH IT.
I COULD REALLY CARE LESS
ABOUT BRANDI.
[chattering in distance]
- CAN I HAVE A BESO?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH.
[both smooch]
- IT IS LOOKING
SO BEAUTIFUL OUTSIDE, KYLE.
OKAY, SO WHO'S ARRIVING FIRST?
DO YOU KNOW?
- WELL, ADRIENNE'S ALWAYS LATE,
SO WE KNOW SHE'LL BE LAST.
- OKAY.
- RIGHT? YEAH.
- SO I HAVEN'T SEEN THE GROUP
IN QUITE A WHILE.
- WELL...
- ALL I CAN TELL YOU IS...
- DO ME A FAVOR.
- I CAN HOPEFULLY ENJOY MYSELF.
- [stammers] I CAN GIVE YOU
SOME ADVICE, HERE.
- YEAH, TELL ME, MY DARLING.
- DON'T GO TO HER LEVEL.
BE ABOVE THE FRAY.
DO NOT GO TO HER LEVEL,
'CAUSE SHE'S GONNA TRY...
IT'D BE GREAT TO MOVE ON.
BUT IF SHE CHOOSES NOT TO,
THEN SHE'S... THEN...
- DID YOU SPEAK TO OUR ATTORNEY?
- I DID, BECAUSE I ASKED HIM.
THEY... THEY SAID
THAT THERE WAS A LETTER.
BRANDI SAID THERE WAS
SOME LETTER THAT HE SENT.
- THERE WAS NO LETTER TO BRANDI.
- I HAVEN'T SEEN IT.
- HER MAKING ALL THESE COMMENTS,
THAT "YOU'RE SUING ME,
A POOR MOTHER."
FIRST OF ALL, DOES THAT MEAN
YOU CAN DO WHATEVER YOU WANT,
BECAUSE YOU'RE A MOTHER?
OF COURSE NOT.
- I WOULD NEVER DO THAT
TO SOMEBODY ELSE...
FOR NO REASON,
AND NOT ONLY THAT...
- YOU WOULD NEVER DO WHAT
FOR SOMEBODY ELSE?
- DESTROY SOMEBODY'S REPUTATION.
- OF COURSE NOT.
THAT'S NOT US.
- YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY
ABOUT KARMA.
IT'S A...
- THE TEA WAS SO AWKWARD
THE OTHER DAY.
I HAVE TO SAY.
- IT WAS SO AWKWARD.
- EXTREMELY UNCOMFORTABLE.
I'M GLAD WE'LL GET
A BIGGER GROUP TONIGHT,
SO IT WON'T BE A PROBLEM.
- ME TOO.
I MEAN, IF WE COULD JUST HAVE
A NICE, SWEET WHITE PARTY
LIKE WE USED TO HAVE,
WHERE EVERYBODY HAD
THE BEST TIME...
- WELL, LAST YEAR WAS THE WORST.
I WAS VERY HESITANT
TO DO MY WHITE PARTY THIS YEAR.
LAST YEAR WAS A DISASTER.
[crying] - WHAT'S WRONG.
- [stammers] I GUESS
THE EMAIL YOU SENT CAMILLE...
I GUESS, NOW HER LAWYERS
ARE SAYING OR WHATEVER
THAT SHE CAN'T BE AROUND
YOU GUYS.
AND IT'S LIKE THIS WHOLE...
[sobs]
[speaking incoherently]
- DON'T CRY.
- NO, I DO.
I FEEL REALLY BAD.
- IT'S OKAY, IT'S OKAY.
- BUT I'M NOT GONNA STOP
DOING THIS
JUST BECAUSE
OF BRANDI AND ADRIENNE'S FIGHT.
[overlapping chatter
in distance]
- HELLO.
- HI, LISA!
- HI. HOW ARE YOU?
- GOOD, HOW ARE YOU?
- GOOD.
- THERE WAS A FIRE.
- YEAH, THERE WAS A FIRE.
- WHERE?
- SO I GET A CALL.
LIKE, IT ACTUALLY SCARED
THE LIFE OUT OF ME.
BECAUSE SOMEBODY PHONED,
AND THEY SAID,
"YOUR HOUSE IS ON FIRE."
- SO YOU THOUGHT
IT WAS YOUR ACTUAL...
- SO I'M LIKE,
OH, MY GOD, YOU KNOW.
SO WE ONLY MOVED OUT OF IT
A FEW MONTHS AGO.
AND MY DAUGHTER GOT MARRIED
THERE JUST BEFORE.
SO IT WAS A LITTLE EMOTIONAL,
REALLY.
IT WAS A BEAUTIFUL HOUSE.
THERE'S SO MANY HAPPY MEMORIES.
SO, OF COURSE,
IT WAS REALLY UPSETTING
WHEN I FOUND OUT
THAT IT WAS RUINED.
IT'S RED-TAGGED THIS MORNING.
- OH, IT IS RED-TAGGED.
- YEAH.
- 18 FIREFIGHTERS.
- THAT IS SO SAD.
- I KNOW. VERY STRANGE.
ANYWAY, WHO DO WE HAVE
TO SLEEP WITH
TO GET A DRINK AROUND HERE?
- HI.
- HOW ARE YOU?
- GOOD.
- IT'S PRETTY, RIGHT?
- LET ME ASK GLENN.
- HI, HONEY.
- HELLO!
- YOU LOOK SO NICE.
Both: HOW ARE YOU? - [both kiss]
- I'M GOOD, HOW ARE YOU?
- I'M JUST FINE, ACTUALLY.
HELLO! EVERYBODY
LOOKS SO BEAUTIFUL.
HOW ARE YOU?
- I HAVE SO MUCH ANXIETY.
I'M FREAKING OUT, REALLY.
I'M NOT OKAY.
- I ALWAYS TORTURE GLENN...
- OH, LOOKS SO PRETTY.
- AND THROW A FIT
AND ALMOST CRY.
- THE FUNNY THING IS
SHE ALWAYS SAYS,
"I'M A MOTHER,
I DON'T HAVE ANY MONEY."
BUT SHE ALWAYS HAS MONEY
FOR PLASTIC SURGERY.
- LIKE I SAID...
- NO, YOU CAN'T.
POSITIVE KARMA... KARMA AND LIFE.
- I THINK WE'RE JUST ABOUT HERE.
- THAT'S OKAY.
RELAX.
YOU KNOW WHAT? THINK OF KARMA.
KARMA AND LIFE.
- HMM.
[dance music]
♪ ♪
- MY BOYFRIEND'S HERE,
BY THE WAY.
- OOH, WHICH IS YOUR BOYFRIEND?
- HE'S MY BOYFRIEND.
- WHERE IS HE?
- A REAL BOYFRIEND?
- NO, IN MY HEAD.
I THINK HE HAS A DATE,
ALL OF A SUDDEN.
- OKAY, THAT COULD BE
JUST A DATE.
I'LL INVESTIGATE.
- HE'S SO HOT, SUPER HOT.
YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, PERFECT.
- HE'S, LIKE, MY TYPE.
- I THINK HE'S EVERYONE'S TYPE.
HE'S HOT.
- NO, BUT I LIKE LATIN.
YOU KNOW ME.
HE'S GOT,
LIKE, A SEXY GAP IN HIS TEETH
THAT I JUST WANT TO SUCK ON.
- OH, WAIT, I'M SORRY,
I WAS...[mutters, laughs]
- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
- THERE ARE SEVEN BEDROOMS
IN THIS HOUSE.
- FANTASTIC.
- ALL RIGHT, LET'S...
- BE ABLE TO... DO WE EVEN...
- WHOA! A BUG JUST...
- I HAVE A SUGGESTION.
- HOLD ON, A BUG
JUST FLEW IN MY SHIRT.
- OOH, IT'S RIGHT THERE.
- GET IT! GET IT!
- I GOT IT.
- THAT'S MY HAIR.
- [laughs]
- THAT'S OKAY.
- HELLO.
- HI.
- OH, ARE YOU ON THE LIST?
LET ME CHECK.
[laughs]
- THIS IS MY FRIEND ETIRSA,
THIS IS JENNIFER.
- GOOD TO SEE YOU.
- HI, GUYS.
- IT'S SO WEIRD.
IT'S HARD TO HUG IN WHITE,
BECAUSE WE'RE ALWAYS AFRAID...
- I KNOW, RIGHT?
WE'RE ALWAYS AFRAID THAT...
- HELLO.
LOOK AT THAT BEAUTIFUL DRESS.
- THANK YOU.
- YOU TOO, WITH THIS...
- I'M HOPING
THAT THE PARTY IS BIG ENOUGH
THAT PEOPLE WHO DON'T WANT
TO SEE EACH OTHER
CAN SORT OF DISAPPEAR.
- [laughs nervously]
- I HOPE SO.
- ALL RIGHT, WE'RE GONNA HAVE
A FUN NIGHT?
- WE ARE HAVING FUN.
- NO STRESS?
- REALLY?
- I... BELIEVE ME.
- I'LL BELIEVE IT WHEN I SEE IT.
- I'M GONNA BE
IN THE POOL LATER.
I HAVE A LITTLE SOFA PUT
IN THE POOL.
- REALLY?
- I'M GONNA BE
IN THAT POOL LATER.
- OH, GOOD.
- WE MIGHT BE JOINING YOU.
UNLESS WE GET PUSHED IN
FOR SOME REASON.
- LET'S HOPE
THAT DOESN'T HAPPEN.
- WELL, DON'T YOU THINK
WE SHOULD HAVE TEQUILA?
- I KNOW WHAT I'M GONNA GET YOU.
ADRIENNE AND I ARE
GONNA HAVE TEQUILA JELLITO.
- JUST HALF A SHOT.
- THIS IS A TINY LITTLE SHOT.
- OKAY, SO CAN YOU ADD
A LITTLE BIT OF GRAPEFRUIT
TO THAT?
- JUST TRY THIS. both: CHEERS.
- SALUD. ARRIBA.
- SALUD.
- [speaking Spanish slowly]
- OH, YEAH.
WOW, THAT'S STRONG.
- YOU KNOW WHAT I LIKE.
[overlapping chatter]
- HI, LADIES.
- HOW ARE YOU?
- I KNOW, TOO MUCH...
- I KNOW, ALL OVER
MY WHITE CHAIR.
- I KNOW, ME TOO.
- NOT ON MY WHITE CHAIR.
- DO YOU GUYS KNOW EACH OTHER?
- OH, DID I DO IT?
OH, I'M SORRY.
MY TANNING STUFF?
- ADRIENNE HAS LEFT BROWN MAKEUP
ALL OVER MY COUCH
THAT I HAD TO RECOVER
ABOUT 18 MONTHS AGO.
I NEVER MENTIONED IT.
THIS TIME, AT THE TEA PARTY,
WHEN SHE GOT
OFF THE WHITE CHAIR,
KYLE AND BRANDI WERE LIKE...
[gasps]
THAT'S OKAY. - IT'LL COME OUT.
IT'LL COME OUT.
YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DO?
USE BABY WIPES.
'CAUSE I GOT IT ALL OVER.
- OH, NO IT WAS...
- IT'S SELF-TANNER.
- I KNOW, BUT IT COMES OFF.
- NO, NO, NO.
BUT IT'S THE SELF-TANNER
THAT YOU BRONZE...
- IT'S A DARK BROWN IMPRINT.
THIS DARK BROWN STAIN
ALL THE WAY
FROM THE TOP TO THE BOTTOM.
AND EVEN ON ONE CHAIR,
WHERE SHE'D RESTED FOR A SECOND,
THE TOP WAS DARK BROWN.
- HOW BIG WAS IT?
- THE WHOLE THING.
SO, YEAH,
I'M POINTING OUT TO HER
THIS IS THE SECOND TIME
IT'S HAPPENED.
- NO, BUT HOW BIG
WAS THE IMPRINT?
- HUGE.
- THE STAIN WAS HUGE?
WELL, I USE...
WHEN YOU SPRAY TAN,
YOU SPRAY TAN YOUR WHOLE BODY.
- ANYWAY...
[overlapping chatter]
- THANK YOU.
- OKAY.
- MM, SO GOOD TO SEE YOU.
I LOVE SEEING YOU GUYS,
EVERY... EVERY YEAR.
- HI, HOW ARE YOU?
HEY! HOW ARE YOU?
- OH, MY GOD, YOU LOOK GREAT.
- THANK YOU, ARE YOU...
DO YOU KNOW LEEANN?
- YOU LOOK GREAT.
DON'T THINK
YOU'VE EVER MET LEEANN.
- I'M SERIOUS.
WELL, LET ME JUST TELL YOU...
FINISH TELLING YOU
HOW GOOD YOU LOOK.
- REALLY? OH, YEAH, WAIT.
- NO, YOU LOOK GREAT.
- RIGHT?
- JOHNNY!
- BRO, HOW ARE YOU?
[indistinct chatter]
[overlapping chatter]
- TAYLOR, WHAT HAPPENED
THE OTHER NIGHT?
- I REKINDLED
WITH AN OLD FRIEND.
HE CALLED ME... I HAD A MEETING
RIGHT BEFORE I WAS SUPPOSED
TO COME TO YOUR HOUSE...
AND HE SAID, "I NEED
TO SEE YOU RIGHT NOW."
AND HE SAID,
"I'M LEAVING TONIGHT,
AND I WANT YOU TO COME WITH ME."
AND I WAS LIKE, "OKAY."
BECAUSE I'M CRAZY.
BUT IT WAS GREAT. IT WAS GREAT.
SO EVEN
IF IT NEVER GOES ANYWHERE,
IT WAS JUST NICE TO HAVE...
TO HOLD HANDS WITH A GUY
AND HAVE THEM, LIKE,
OPEN SOME DOORS FOR ME
AND ORDER MY DINNER FOR ME.
AND I WAS THINKING,
"I FORGOT WHAT THIS FEELS LIKE."
- RIGHT.
I DON'T KNOW WHY SHE DIDN'T FEEL
ANY KIND OF A NEED
TO EXPLAIN WHAT HAPPENED.
- YEAH. WHEN ARE YOU
GONNA SEE HIM AGAIN?
- I DON'T KNOW.
- YOU DON'T KNOW?
YOU SPENT THREE DAYS WITH HIM.
- WELL, I DON'T KNOW.
- SHE SHOULD HAVE SAID,
"IT WAS A LITTLE CHAOTIC
THE OTHER NIGHT,
AND WE'LL TALK ABOUT IT LATER."
BUT, YOU KNOW, SOMETHING
TO LET ALL OF US KNOW...
THAT WHAT HAPPENED WAS NOT OKAY.
WELL, I'M GLAD YOU HAD FUN.
I WAS A LITTLE BIT WORRIED
WHEN YOU CALLED.
I'M LIKE, OH, MY GOD.
BUT I'M GLAD YOU HAD FUN.
- I DID.
I HAD A REALLY GOOD TIME.
- ALL RIGHT.
- THANKS FOR CHECKING ON ME.
- OKAY.
REALLY? LIKE...
SOMETHING'S REALLY WRONG.
- I'M TRYING
TO KEEP MY ACT TOGETHER.
[overlapping chatter]
- COMING UP...
- CAN'T YOU JUST...
- I DON'T HAVE OVER $10,000
TO SPEND ON THIS.
- THEN WATCH WHAT YOU SAY.
- WELCOME TO
THE UNITED [bleep] STATES
OF AMERICA.
- OH, MY GOD,
WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?
WHAT ARE THOSE?
[both laughing]
- THESE ARE HARD TO WALK IN.
- I KNOW.
- THEY HAVE, LIKE,
A TOE-STOPPER.
- I KNOW.
- THEY'RE NOT FLAT.
THEY GO UP. - I KNOW.
AND YOUR TOE GOES NUMB.
- LOOK AT THIS.
- ARE YOU WEARING THE SAME
SHOES?
- BUT MINE ARE SLING-BACK.
- YOU WERE AT FRICKING
NEIMANS YESTERDAY,
FOLLOWING ME.
- NO, MINE ARE SLING-BACK.
NO, I'VE HAD THESE... GOD THESE...
- [imitative]
I'VE HAD THESE FOR EVER!
- OH, YOU GOT THEM IN THE SALE.
- OH, MY GOD.
- SHE'S HAD THOSE
FOR A LONG TIME.
- [giggles]
- YOU HAVE...
- SEE HOW WORN MINE ARE?
- THESE AREN'T FIRST-TIMERS.
- OH! MINE HAS
A BIG, BLACK BLOB.
I WIN.
- OH, YOURS HAS GOT
A RED STICKER ON, FOR SALE.
- OH, MY GOD,
WE HAVE A FASHION EMERGENCY.
- OH, MY... [both laugh]
- THIS IS A DISASTER.
SOMEONE'S GOT TO TAKE 'EM OFF.
- GO AND CHANGE.
- YOU.
- NO, YOU.
[both laugh]
[overlapping chatter]
- MOVE OVER.
- OKAY.
[screams]
[laughs]
NOW HOW DO WE GET OUT?
- WE DON'T.
[kisses]
- I LOVE YOU.
[both kissing]
[overlapping chatter]
- MARISA.
- I LOOK LIKE HER.
- DID YOU HEAR... YOU HEARD
ABOUT THE FIRE, RIGHT?
- YEAH, I HEARD.
- IT WAS SO CLOSE.
I AM TELLING YOU, I THOUGHT
I HAVE SEEN EVERYTHING.
TILL YOU SEE A FIRE,
AND YOU'RE SO CLOSE TO IT...
IT WENT FROM ZERO
TO A HUNDRED WITHIN SECONDS.
- YOU JUST TOOK EVERYBODY
AND LEFT, RIGHT?
- BECAUSE YOU DON'T...
I WENT TO MY MOM'S HOUSE.
[overlapping chatter]
- HI, HOW ARE YOU?
- GOOD.
YOU LOOK PRETTY.
- YOUR NOSE LOOKS AMAZING.
- I MEAN, IT FEELS GOOD.
ARNICA IS...
- ALSO ARNICA...
- NO, THEY SAID ARNICA'S NOT.
- BROMELAIN, IT'S LIKE THAT.
THAT'S GOOD.
WELL, YOU LOOK GOOD.
- THANK YOU.
- HEY, HOW ARE YOU?
- SEEING PAUL
AT THE WHITE PARTY,
I HAVE SO MUCH ANXIETY.
I DON'T LIKE UNDERLYING TENSION.
- GOOD FOR YOU.
- I'M SORRY YOU COULDN'T
COME THE OTHER NIGHT.
- I KNOW, RIGHT?
- I WOULD HAVE INVITED YOU,
MARTIN, BUT IT WAS ALL WOMEN.
- WELL, THAT'S ALL RIGHT.
I LOVE THAT.
- OTHERWISE, YOU COULD HAVE
PUT ON A LITTLE DRESS.
- THAT'S MY FAVORITE
ENVIRONMENT.
- I KNOW.
- EXCUSE ME FOR ONE SECOND.
- NOW, YOU'RE SCARING ME
AS WELL.
- NO, IT'S NOT SCARY.
- LISA HAD MENTIONED TO ME,
WITH THE HOUSE,
THAT I HAD SAT DOWN,
I HAD SELF-TANNER ON...
SHE SAID, "BY THE WAY..."
- NO, SHE NOTICED?
- "YOU LEFT A WHOLE..."
- SHE NOTICED?
- I SAW IT TOO.
- WE DIDN'T LOOK DOWN.
YOU JUST LOOK AHEAD.
- WELL, SOMEBODY LOOKED DOWN.
- [laughing]
- I DON'T LOOK DOWN ON PEOPLE
UNLESS I'M WILLING
TO PICK THEM UP.
- AGREED.
YOU SHOULD HAVE SAID THAT.
- I DIDN'T REALIZE
I WAS GONNA GET THIS ANXIOUS
WHEN I SAW PAUL,
BECAUSE I HAVEN'T SEEN PAUL
SINCE THE LAST TIME,
WHEN HE WENT CRAZY.
- I DON'T GET IT. NO.
- GET YOUR HEAD... UHH!
- GO AHEAD,
WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO?
YOU WANT TO TOUCH ME?
- AND I SAW HIM,
AND I LITERALLY BEELINED
FOR THE CORNER.
- DID HE...
- AND, LIKE, IT GIVES ME...
I'M VERY SCARED.
I'M NOT SCARED, BUT, LIKE...
- VERY ANXIOUS ABOUT IT.
- I WOULD RATHER JUST HAVE
A CONVERSATION WITH HER.
I DON'T WANT IT TO GET UGLY.
BUT IF SHE WANTED TO GO IN,
LET'S SAY,
THE MOVIE THEATER WITH ME
AND TALK ABOUT THIS,
I WOULD DO IT.
- OKAY, WHY DON'T YOU SAY TO HER
"CAN WE TALK
ON OUR OWN, PLEASE?"
- [exhales]
- SAY, "PAUL..."
SAY, "I'M ON MY OWN.
THIS IS JUST
BETWEEN ADRIENNE AND I."
- I DON'T KNOW.
HE'S A SCARY MAN.
I'M HOPING TO GET
TO SPEAK TO ADRIENNE ALONE,
BECAUSE TWO ON ONE,
THAT DYNAMIC,
IS VERY INTIMIDATING TO ME.
[laughs]
[dance music]
♪ ♪
I JUST NEEDED A BREAK
FROM THE ANXIETY.
I DON'T WANT TO HAVE A...
I DON'T WANT TO RUIN THE PARTY.
I DON'T WANT IT TO BE A DRAMA.
I WOULD LOVE
TO HAVE A CONVERSATION WITH HER.
[groans] I'M HAVING...
LIKE, I THINK
I AM HAVING, LIKE...
- ANXIETY?
- YEAH.
- AN ANXIETY ATTACK? YEAH.
- LIKE, I FEEL LIKE
IF I WALK UP TO HER
AND ASK HER
TO COME AND TALK TO ME...
DO YOU WANT TO DO IT?
- YEAH, SURE.
- WILL YOU? I LOVE HER.
SHE'LL DO ANYTHING.
SHE'S SO FUNNY.
- ASK HER IF SHE WANTS TO TALK.
- DON'T MOVE MY PURSE.
- THANK YOU.
- IT'S NOT GONNA BE
A FAIR FIGHT.
BATTLE OF THE WITS
BETWEEN BRANDI AND ADRIENNE?
I MEAN, ADRIENNE'S UNARMED.
- GOOD TO SEE YOU.
- BRANDI WOULD LIKE TO TALK.
CALM, VERY CALM.
- I KNEW IT.
- WHAT?
- SHE SENT YOU OVER
TO DO BRANDI'S JOB.
- NO.
- WAIT A MINUTE, WAIT A MINUTE.
- WHAT'S THE QUESTION?
- BRANDI WOULD LIKE
TO HAVE CALM WORDS.
- WITH WHO?
- WITH ADRIENNE.
- ALONE OR WITH ME?
- JUST ALONE.
- NO, PROBABLY NOT.
BRANDI SENDS SOME FRIEND,
SOME PERSON
THAT WE'VE NEVER MET,
TO COME SUMMON ADRIENNE
TO COME TALK TO HER.
WHICH I'M NOT GONNA LET
THAT HAPPEN.
AND I'M NOT GONNA LET ADRIENNE
GO ALONE.
- OH, HERE SHE COMES.
- WELL, TWO AGAINST ONE.
- I DIDN'T WANT
TO HAVE A GIANT CONFRONTATION
WITH ADRIENNE AND PAUL.
I WANTED TO HAVE A CIVIL
CONVERSATION WITH ADRIENNE.
- HI, PAUL, I HAVEN'T
SEEN YOU SINCE THE LAST TIME,
SO A LITTLE NERVOUS, SEEING YOU.
- WE'RE ALL A LITTLE NERVOUS.
- I DON'T WANT
TO RUIN ANYONE'S PARTY.
AND I ACTUALLY DON'T WANT
TO HAVE ISSUES WITH YOU GUYS.
AND I'VE SAID THIS
ABOUT YOU GUYS.
I LIKED YOU GUYS BEFORE.
- I JUST WANT TO SETTLE...
A LETTER IS DIFFERENT
THAN A LAWSUIT.
- BUT I HAD TO HIRE A LAWYER
TO HANDLE THIS.
- WELL, I HAD TO TOO.
- BUT WHY?
- BECAUSE I WAS HEARING THINGS
THAT YOU WERE SAYING.
AND HE WAS HEARING THESE THINGS
THAT YOU WERE SAYING.
- I FEEL LIKE SHE LIES A LOT,
AND THEN...
- ADRIENNE IS REALLY PROTECTIVE
OVER HER FAMILY.
THIS IS GONNA BE A BIG PROBLEM.
- SO OBVIOUSLY WE BOTH HAD
TO HIRE LAWYERS.
- I DIDN'T WANT
TO HIRE A LAWYER.
- I DIDN'T EITHER.
- I HIRED A LAWYER
BECAUSE I HAVE A...
- I DIDN'T WANT
TO HIRE A LAWYER EITHER.
- IF SHE DIDN'T WANT
TO HIRE A LAWYER,
WHY DID SHE HIRE A LAWYER?
I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
- HONEY, YOU HAVE
TO UNDERSTAND SOMETHING.
THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU.
- THEN WHY HAVE I PAID A LAWYER
OVER $10,000?
- WHY HAVE I PAID A LAWYER?
- I HAVE NO IDEA.
- BECAUSE IT DOESN'T
HAVE TO DO WITH YOU.
IT HAS TO DO WITH WHAT YOU SAID.
- LET'S MAKE THIS EASY.
- IT'S ABOUT TWITTER.
IT'S ABOUT OTHER THINGS
THAT YOU'VE SAID.
- SEE, BRANDI...
- I CAN PROVE THAT TOO, THOUGH.
- WE FEEL DIFFERENTLY.
I CAN PROVE IT TOO.
- WAIT A MINUTE,
WE'RE NOT LITIGIOUS.
WE DON'T HAVE TIME TO GO OUT...
"LET'S GO OUT AND SUE SOMEONE."
- WHAT ARE YOU SAYING
YOU'RE NOT "LITIGIOUS"?
OH, MY GOSH.
- BECAUSE, YOU KNOW WHAT?
- NO, WE DON'T DO THAT.
- I JUST SAID...
- I WAS ASKED A QUESTION, 100%.
- RELAX.
- KYLE ASKED ME, "WHAT ARE YOUR
ISSUES WITH ADRIENNE?" AND I...
- WHAT ARE YOUR ISSUES
WITH ADRIENNE?
- SHE SAID I WAS TRASH.
- NO.
- AND THAT I SLEEP TILL 3:00.
- NO, I NEVER SAID THAT.
- AND THAT I'M AN ALCOHOLIC.
- WHO SAID THAT?
- YOU DID.
- TO WHO THOUGH?
- TO YOU?
I WOULD CALL YOU TRASH?
- YES.
- WHEN? TO YOUR FACE?
- DID YOU HEAR IT
FROM A THIRD PARTY?
- NOT TO MY FACE... YOU NEVER
SAY ANYTHING TO MY FACE.
YOU'RE HIRING A LAWYER TO DO IT.
- OH, COME ON, THAT'S NOT NICE.
- ARE YOU KIDDING? IT'S TRUE!
- THAT'S NOT NICE.
- YOU USE BERNIE.
AND YOU USE LAWYERS.
- OKAY, THEN SHOW US.
BECAUSE YOUR LAWYER COULDN'T
PRODUCE IT TO OUR LAWYER.
- YES, HE CAN!
- NO, HE CAN'T.
- GET ME A COPY
OF THIS LETTER FROM BERNIE.
- WHAT LETTER?
- I HAVE SOMETHING FROM BERNIE.
- NO, FROM BERNIE.
AND IF THAT'S THE CASE,
IF YOU DID SOMETHING,
WE HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF THAT
OBVIOUSLY.
- I HAVE THOSE.
THE RADAR ONLINE AND TO...
- NO, NO. TO BERNIE DIRECTLY.
- NO, NO, NO, NO.
- FROM BERNIE.
SOMEBODY FROM RADAR ONLINE
SAID IT WAS BERNIE?
- BRANDI IS TELLING US
THAT BERNIE IS...
SELLING STORIES ABOUT HER.
OBVIOUSLY, IF HE'S DOING IT,
THEN, YOU KNOW, WE CAN'T
HAVE HIM AROUND US ANYMORE.
WE WOULDN'T WANT SOMEONE AROUND
WHO'S ACTUALLY SELLING STORIES.
'CAUSE THAT'S NOT GOOD.
THEY CAN SELL STORIES
ABOUT ANYBODY.
OKAY, HOLD ON.
- SO FAR, SO GOOD. NO PROBLEMS.
[Lisa murmuring]
BUT I THOUGHT ADRIENNE AND
BRANDI WERE SUCH GOOD FRIENDS.
[both laughing]
- HEY, HOW ARE YOU?
GOOD TO SEE YOU.
TAYLOR ARMSTRONG.
NICE TO MEET YOU.
- CAN YOU BELIEVE IT'S A YEAR?
- NO.
- YOU KNOW MY OPINION?
I THINK IT'S KIND
OF HYPOCRITICAL, REALLY.
BECAUSE ADRIENNE AND PAUL
WERE STANDING UP
REFUSING RUSSELL AND TAYLOR
AND SAYING THEY HAD TO LEAVE,
AND IT WAS EXACTLY
THE SAME SITUATION.
I MEAN, IT WAS, KYLE.
NOBODY FILED A LAWSUIT.
- SO, WELL, ADRIENNE SAYS
SHE'S NEVER FILED.
- NO, BUT NOR HAD RUSSELL.
THEY JUST SENT...
THEY JUST SENT A LETTER
WITH AN INTENT TO SUE.
AND EVERYBODY GOT SO UPSET
AND SAID YOU CAN'T COME
IN THE PARTY.
- CAMILLE DIDN'T WANT
TO BE IN FRONT OF
TAYLOR AND RUSSELL.
- WELL, HOW DO YOU THINK
BRANDI FEELS WHEN...
I MEAN, CAMILLE HAD MONEY
TO FIGHT IT AT LEAST.
BRANDI HAS NOTHING
TO FIGHT IT, YOU KNOW.
AND SUDDENLY SHE'S SPENT $10,000
JUST TRYING TO DEFEND HERSELF
AGAINST THE LETTERS
WITH INTENT TO SUE.
IT'S EXACTLY THE SAME.
- THEY'LL WORK IT OUT.
- SO YOU HAVE TO GO
AND THROW ADRIENNE OUT
AND SAY, "RULES ARE RULES."
- NO, LISTEN,
I TOLD EVERYBODY, FLAT OUT,
I INVITE EVERYONE TO MY PARTIES.
I'M NOT GONNA GO THROUGH
WHAT I WENT THROUGH
LAST YEAR OKAY?
- THIS IS ALL...
THIS IS THE OTHER STUFF.
THIS HAS TO DO WITH ME
AND MY BILLS
AND WHAT I PAID OUT...
THE THREATENING OF THE LAWSUIT.
WHAT? - THERE'S NO LAWSUIT.
- THERE IS NO LAWSUIT.
- THERE'S NO LAWSUIT. STOP.
- THEN WHY AM I PAYING A BILL?
- STOP. [overlapping chatter]
- IT SAYS THAT IF SHE DIDN'T
SHOW UP TO THE MEETING
THAT THE LAWYER
WOULD GO ABOUT SUING HER.
- NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.
- NO, NO. THAT'S NOT TRUE.
I HAVE NOT TAKEN LEGAL ACTION
AGAINST HER.
WHAT'S LEGAL ACTION?
TALKING WITH YOUR LAWYER.
EVERYBODY TALKS TO THE LAWYER.
I'M HAPPY
TO GIVE YOU ALL OF THIS.
- IS THAT TO YOU,
OR IS THAT TO YOUR FRIEND?
BUT THAT'S NOT TO YOU.
- WAS SHE WARNED?
YES.
- WHAT WERE YOU SAYING
YOU TRIED TO SAY TO ME
AT THE TEA PARTY?
- I WAS SAYING AT THE TEA PARTY,
AND I SAID THIS TO YOU TODAY,
IT WAS THE SA...
I FEEL AS THOUGH
IT WAS THE SAME SCENARIO
AS LAST YEAR
WHEN RUSSELL WROTE CAMILLE
A LETTER
THAT THREATENED TO SUE IF SHE
DIDN'T RETRACT WHAT SHE SAID.
IT'S BASICALLY THE SAME THING
AS ASKING BRANDY
TO RETRACT WHAT SHE SAID
WITH THE THREAT OF A LAWSUIT.
IS IT OR IS IT NOT? - YEAH.
- OKAY.
- SHE'S A HYPOCRITE.
- EVEN THOUGH I CAN UNDERSTAND
HOW UPSET PAUL AND ADRIENNE
HAVE BEEN WITH BRANDI,
I DO AGREE
THERE ARE SIMILARITIES.
AND, YOU KNOW, THERE
SHOULDN'T BE A DOUBLE STANDARD.
FRIENDS SHOULDN'T SUE FRIENDS.
- I DON'T HAVE OVER $10,000
TO SPEND ON THIS STUFF.
- HERE'S THE ISSUE.
- I KNOW YOU DON'T WANT...
- THEN WATCH WHAT YOU DO THEN.
- WATCH WHAT YOU SAY.
- YOU CANNOT... GUESS WHAT.
- YOU CAN SAY,
"I DON'T LIKE SOMEONE."
- ARE YOU JOKING?
- JUST WATCH YOURSELF.
- I'M NOT GONNA WATCH MYSELF.
- THEN THAT'S UP TO YOU.
- NO, NO, NO.
- ALL I SAID WAS THE TRUTH,
SO IT'S NOT SLANDER,
SO I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
MAYBE THEY SHOULD WATCH
WHAT THEY LIE ABOUT.
- HOW ABOUT IF, LIKE,
NOBODY EVER SUES ANYBODY.
HOW ABOUT THAT?
IT'S VERY SIMPLE.
I DON'T KNOW, I DON'T WANT
TO GET INVOLVED.
IT'S NOT MY PROBLEM.
- OH, YES, IT IS.
AND CHEERS. [chuckles]
- YOU'RE A LOOSE CANNON,
BECAUSE YOU JUST SAY
WHATEVER YOU HEAR.
- YOU JUST SAY
WHATEVER'S ON YOUR MIND.
- WELCOME TO
THE UNITED [bleep] STATES
OF AMERICA.
- EVERY SINGLE... LET'S STOP.
[overlapping chatter]
- STOP, STOP, STOP.
- LEAVE ME ALONE.
I'M JUST THE LITTLE GUY.
YOU'RE THE ONE THAT LIVES
IN THE GAZILLION-DOLLAR HOUSE.
LEAVE ME THE [bleep] ALONE.
- COMING UP...
- DO YOU WANT TO START AGAIN
WITH US NOW TOO?
- OH, MY GOD.
- NO, YOU FINISH YOUR...
- THEN YOU CAN SAY
WHATEVER YOU LIKE.
- BULL[bleep],
AND THEN WE'LL TALK.
- MY BULL[bleep]?
[dance music]
- LET'S BE MATURE HERE.
- JUST DO ME ONE FAVOR.
BEFORE YOU TWEET SOMETHING,
CALL ADRIENNE,
SAY, "ADRIENNE,
DID YOU DO BAH, BAH, BAH?"
- RIGHT. both: IS THAT OKAY?
- I DON'T WANT
TO PAY MY LAWYER ANYTHING ELSE.
- THERE IS NONE.
- IT'S OKAY.
- I DON'T WANT ANYONE ELSE
IN HERE RIGHT NOW,
BECAUSE WE'RE FINISHING THIS UP.
THIS WAS A DISCUSSION BETWEEN
BRANDI AND THE TWO OF US.
THAT'S ALL IT SHOULD BE.
- THERE'S ALWAYS THREE SIDES
TO A STORY, AND SO...
- I ALWAYS FEEL, THOUGH,
THAT THE TRUTH HAS ONE STORY.
- THE TRUTH HAS ONE STORY?
- NO, TO ME, THAT'S NOT
A NEGATIVE THING TO SAY.
I'M SAYING THE TRUTH
HAS ONE STORY.
- THERE'S ALWAYS THREE SIDES
TO THE STORY.
- FRIENDS DO NOT SUE FRIENDS.
WE COULD HAVE TAKEN UMBRAGE
AGAINST BERNIE AND YOU
FOR WHAT YOU SAID.
WE DIDN'T. WHY WOULD WE?
- DO YOU WANT
TO START AGAIN WITH US NOW TOO?
- OH, MY GOD.
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN, BERNIE?
BERNIE HAS NOTHING TO DO
WITH IT.
- YOU FINISH YOUR BULL[bleep],
AND THEN WE'LL TALK.
- MY BULL[bleep]?
- STOP.
- IS THAT WHAT YOU SAID?
I MEAN, COME ON.
- ADRIENNE SAID
THAT MY WIFE SOLD STORIES
TO THE NEWSPAPER. - YES.
- AND THAT'S AFFECTING
MY BUSINESS.
I DIDN'T SUE YOU, DID I?
- AND VICE VERSA.
- NOTHING, VICE VERSA.
- WAIT A MINUTE. "MALOOF HOOF"?
I MEAN, THAT DOESN'T AFFECT
HER BUSINESS AND HER SHOES?
- THOSE SHOES:
I WOULD DEFINITELY CALL IT
THE "MALOOF HOOF."
- COME ON!
- THAT MADE YOUR SHOE.
- OH, IT MADE YOUR SHOES?
YOU KNOW, COME ON.
- I LOVE HIM, AND I LOVE HIM.
- LISTEN TO TAYLOR.
- I WANT YOU TO ACKNOWLEDGE
THAT THERE WAS A SIMILARITY
BETWEEN WHAT YOU DID
AND WHAT RUSSELL CHOSE TO DO.
- NO, NO, NO.
- YES, THERE IS.
IT'S THE SAME THING.
- I'M SORRY, BUT THERE'S NOT.
- AT LAST YEAR'S WHITE PARTY,
ADRIENNE AND PAUL
REALLY LED THE CHARGE
OF HOW WRONG IT WAS
FOR FRIENDS TO SUE FRIENDS.
- WHAT REALLY SUCKS ABOUT THIS
IS FRIENDS DON'T SUE FRIENDS
OR THREATEN TO SUE FRIENDS.
- HYPOCRITE?
DO YOU RECOGNIZE
THE SIMILARITIES?
- NO, I DON'T, I DON'T.
ARE YOU TRYING TO GET US
TO RECOGN... WE DON'T.
- PAUL, THERE WASN'T A LAWSUIT
LAST YEAR WITH RUSSELL,
IT WAS JUST AN EMAIL.
AND YOU ASKED HER
TO GET KICKED OUT OF THIS PARTY.
- WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE,
DWIGHT?
YOU KNOW WHAT, I DON'T WANT
TO HEAR IT, ALL RIGHT?
SO WHY DON'T YOU BUZZ OFF?
- I DON'T WANT ANYBODY
IN MY HOME
FEELING THEY'RE ATTACKED, OKAY?
I REALLY DON'T.
- THANK YOU, KYLE.
- I GUESS SHE JUST GETS
TO GET AWAY WITH IT
BECAUSE SHE'S IN A MORE POWERFUL
POSITION THAN EVERYBODY ELSE.
- LET'S PAY
BRANDI'S LAWYER'S FEES,
AND WE'LL ALL LIVE
HAPPILY EVER AFTER.
- YOU'RE TOUCHING ME
FOR ME TO PAY FOR IT?
- YEAH, BECAUSE YOU SUED HER.
- WHY DON'T YOU PAY FOR IT?
- YOU SUED HER, I DIDN'T.
- WE DIDN'T SUE HER.
THERE'S NO LAWSUIT.
YOU PAY FOR IT!
WHAT, IS SHE YOUR DAUGHTER NOW,
ALL OF A SUDDEN?
OR YOUR GIRLFRIEND?
OR WHATEVER THE HECK SHE IS.
THE THREE OF YOU HANGING OUT
ALL THE TIME?
THERE'S NO LAWSUIT.
[overlapping chatter]
- BEFORE WE ALL WALKED
IN THE ROOM,
WEREN'T YOU MAKING PROGRESS?
- YES, THEY WERE.
- OKAY, EVERYBODY, I'M DONE.
- I DON'T THINK THEY'LL EVER
ADMIT THEY WERE WRONG
OR THAT THEY STARTED IT.
BUT I WAS HAPPY THAT I SPOKE
MY PIECE, AND I WAS DONE.
- COME ON.
- LET'S GET DANCE.
WE'RE GOING... I'M TAKING
MY BOYFRIEND TO DANCE.
- THAT'S RIGHT, YOUR BOYFRIEND.
- HE IS MY BOYFRIEND.
- HE IS, ACTUALLY.
- FRIENDS SHOULDN'T SUE FRIENDS.
- THEY'RE HORRIBLE.
THEY'RE DISGUSTING.
- NEXT TIME,
ON THE REAL HOUSEWIVES
OF BEVERLY HILLS...
- I BELIEVE TAYLOR HAS
A PROBLEM WITH DRINKING.
I'M NOT GONNA SUGARCOAT IT
OR BE AFRAID TO TELL YOU.
I DO RECOGNIZE WHEN I SEE
SOMEBODY THAT HAS A PROBLEM.
- CHEERS. TO A WONDERFUL WEEK
IN PARIS.
[cheering]
- VOOM, VOOM, SHE-BANG.
- WHAT TIME
DID YOU GET HERE, KIM?
- I'VE BEEN HERE FOR DAYS, LISA.
- SHE SEEMS
TO NOT BE THAT LUCID.
- WOW. WHOO. FEEL LIKE MARILYN.
- THE KIM I'M SEEING TONIGHT
IS NOT THE KIM I'VE BEEN SEEING
FOR THE LAST FEW MONTHS.
- TO LEARN MORE
ABOUT THE HOUSEWIVES,