The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills (2010–…): Season 3, Episode 13 - Game of Scones - full transcript

[MUSIC PLAYING]

ADRIENNE: Previously,
on "The Real

Housewives of Beverly Hills."

You spoke to the doctor
about the medicine?

Yeah, I talked
about the medicine.

So what are you supposed
to do now when you have pain?

But I haven't even
needed anything.

I worry about Kim.

Monday she could be fine
and Tuesday she could slip.

You are a bitch.

No, I'm not, on my children.



On my children.

[BLEEP] you.

You're a piece of [BLEEP].

Adrienne and Paul are suing me.

Can we talk about who
owns your restaurants?

I own my restaurants.

No, you don't own SUR.

I own 51% of it.

They put out a story
about me today saying

that I'm partying too hard.

How do you know they did?

It's not difficult
to figure it out.

It's really funny that the
day after Adrienne screaming

in my face I'm a bad mother
and I sleep till 3:00 PM,



it appears at Radar
Online like the next day.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

LISA: Life isn't all diamonds
and rosé, but it should be.

BRANDI: Money doesn't give you
class, it just gives you money.

ADRIENNE: Know your friends.

Show your enemies the door.

TAYLOR: I fought too hard for
this zip code to go home now.

YOLANDA: I like to have
fun, but I don't play games.

KIM: Life is a journey and
I'm finding myself every day.

KYLE: I'm born and
raised in Beverly Hills.

This is my town.

[MUSIC CONTINUING]

[DOGS BARKING]

Hi, honey.

What's up?

How are you?

That's my rack of extra clothes.

It keeps falling over.

Well, it shouldn't be in here.

Well, honey, I don't know
where to put my extra clothes.

It doesn't fit in the closet.

Well then...

I have it.

...get rid of it.

YOLANDA: Let me take
it in my closet.

Here, let go because it's...

Well, it's falling.

Well, I'm going
to take it in here.

[LAUGHS]

Stop.

Honey, it's not funny.

[LAUGHS]

Oh my god.

Wait, honey.

Oh my god.

Look what you made me do.

What's going on?

MAURICIO: I'm just chilling.

I'm going over to Lisa's.

You are?

Yeah.

I'm going to go over there and
talk to her for a little while.

What about...

Well, in Vegas, she said
things and I said things.

Well, what about all the
things she said about me?

You didn't think they were mean?
- I know.

I know, I know, I know.

We already know that.

But my point is...

All right, but
that's not relevant.

No, it is relevant.

We talk about it every single
time we're together, though.

She was upset with me
that I didn't defend her,

and I just feel like it's time
for me to sit down with her

and get it all out.

And how are you feeling
right now to go over there,

are you all right?

You know me, I hate this stuff.

I have a pit in my stomach.

I get like, I don't know.

I get such anxiety.

You know how I am.

Right. You have to be strong.

And whenever I have
a friend I care about

that I feel like is upset or,
you know, having an argument,

I feel physically ill.

It's harder.

Lisa and I do have
a lot of fun together.

We laugh together.

We completely
understand each other.

So to toss that
aside for, to me,

a petty argument
would be a waste.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Hello.

Looks so beautiful,
you and the house.

[LAUGHS]

Pulling up and seeing the thing,

I mean, hello, everybody
would know this house.

Welcome.

Yes.

Looks unbelievable, Lisa.

It has a modern feeling, yet I
don't know, just so glamorous.

It's like a vacation.

It has been a lot of work.

And you know what?

She makes me think that I
don't want to do it again.

Well, don't.

We've done it so many times.

You don't need to.

Where are you going
to move after this?

I don't know.

I'm kind of always work in
progress and always evolving.

But you can do it
with your restaurants.

Yeah, well, which I don't own.

That's why I was upset with you.

I didn't say that.

No, but you didn't back me up.

There she goes, how many times
have you been to SUR with me?

Said that you weren't the owner.

That you were "kind of
own a small piece of it."

You don't own the whole thing.

I never said I did.

I own 51% of it.

But that's why I didn't
even need defending.

You came in right in and
said, hello, I own 51%.

We've all met Guillermo.

Exactly.

It's so ridiculous.

I didn't even think
that needed defending.

I've apologised so
many times to Lisa.

I don't know how many
more times I can.

I never for a second
even thought...

I mean, Lisa, really,
I did not say that.

LISA: Did you not
think it was the most

stupid thing you ever heard?

I thought that
it was ridiculous,

and you came right in
and you said, excuse me.

But where does it come from?

I don't know.

I've never heard that.

My hand to God, I've
never heard that.

So we all kind of
make accusations,

like Adrienne did
when it's I heard,

you know what I'm saying?
- That's what...

Where do we go?

But that's what
our whole point was.

We can't just say things that
we've heard and pull them out.

Exactly.

But you defended
yourself right on the spot.

You've never...

I know, but I still wanted you
to tell her to shut the [BLEEP]

up, throw brandy on her.

I know.

But my not jumping in
was not to hurt you.

It really wasn't.

I just didn't want to
fight with someone else.

I didn't want to be
bigger than it already is.

Look how many people
are fighting right now.

I didn't want it to be...

I know, I hate it.

Anyway, come on.

Let's go upstairs
and have a drink.

I love this house so much.

Kyle wants relationship
back to how it was,

but I can't unknow something.

The relationship's changed.

I didn't not jump
in to hurt you.

Really, what the fighting
does for my anxiety I

can't even tell you, you know.

I saw you got really
emotional that night.

But did you see me?

My chest was kind of red.

I felt like get out of there.

It just like
triggered something.

I don't know, I can't stand it.

I cannot stand it.

I can't, either.

I mean, you know,
I never even should

have mentioned Adrienne's name.

I just hope that all
of us can get past this

and never talk about it again.

We're going to have
to make a pact.

She's got to now
focus on the solution

rather than the problem.

You know, it's
been quite a while.

You know what I'm saying?

I know.

She's got to...

She's got to...

She's let too much time relapse.

Well, I'm inviting
Adrienne to come to tea.

I think Adrienne's been out
of this group for too long.

That's why I'm inviting
her to the tea party.

I think it's time now
maybe for her to come

back to speak for herself.

I think it's good
for her to come now.

I mean, she's safe
here, but it's...

I hope it doesn't all kick off.

Our group has really
been fighting a lot lately,

and it seems like there's
one common denominator.

That's Brandi.

I don't want Brandi to
come between you and me.

What does she keep doing?

Just saying things
on purpose that

are embarrassing to Adrienne.

Maybe she's too
honest for her own good,

but that's who she is.

It's embarrassing for her.

You don't think it
was embarrassing for me

being accused of bull [BLEEP]?

You've never sold a story?

- No, never.
- Never?

To Radar Online?

No.

You've never sold a story?

Never sold a story.

I think that's such
a [BLEEP] insult.

It would be nice if you
turned around and said,

oh, what are you talking about?

You know?

You know what I'm saying?

I didn't jump in when Adrienne
said what she said about you,

but I also, like in Vegas, don't
want to feel like every time

there's an argument
between my friends...

Sometimes it's a balancing
act because I don't want

to have another fight.

I'm not worried about
Camille's stupid accusation.

But listen.

To me, that's pathetic.

You knew I was very
sensitive about not you

having defended me on the case.

Well, maybe that's a
character flaw in me,

but however, you
also hold a grudge.

I don't.

But who against?

Well, with you and
me, with Adrienne.

I absolutely moved
on with Adrienne.

I said, relationship...

You haven't moved on
with me, because every time

we're out together, you
bring that up again.

I want...

Because you keep saying,

I want to go forward.

I do.

And I have to explain to
you why the relationship

isn't the same.

But you said we're
past it, we moved on.

We're laughing,
we're on the pole.

We're having the best time,
and then it comes up again.

But I know you'll
never defend me.

Maybe I'm not perfect,
but maybe you're not either.

OK.

I have also felt hurt by
Lisa, as well, at times.

There are things I don't want
to discuss because I want

to move forward, not backward.

It does bother me that it keeps
coming up over and over again.

But you've never
said, I feel really bad.

I did, Lisa.

You do feel really bad?

Say it to me now,
I feel really bad.

Lisa, I'm not
going to have you...

Say that to me, I feel really
bad about not defending me,

and then I'll move on.

I'm not going to be told
like that to do it like that.

Well, you owe it.

Don't.

Don't cry.

I didn't do that to be mean, OK?

The thing that hurt me was the
fact that you didn't defend me,

and then out of left field,
Camille's being a total bitch,

trying to humiliate me
again, like Adrienne

did about something that
was totally ridiculous.

That, again, would have
been your chance to say,

you know what?

You know what?

Lisa, you came right in
in one second and you said...

It doesn't matter, Kyle.

It's always nice to have
a friend that turns around

and says, you know what?

I'm on your side.

And I just said it.

Shut the [BLEEP] up.

I will work on
that, like I said,

and it was not to hurt you.

She made choices that
changed the parameters

of the friendship.

Listen, darling, I
better go because I

have to get to the restaurant.

Are you going to work tonight?

Yeah.

I'm OK, though.

I'm going to the restaurant
that I don't own.

Stop.

Who cares?

Don't even pay attention.

I know, I don't.

As long as we
are moving forward,

we really mean it, though.

OK, but you better
defend me if any [BLEEP]..

You better not hold a grudge.

[LAUGHS] We better
really be moving forward.

OK, so then let's drink to this.

Let's drink to that.

No talking behind
each other's back.

Just like Lisa's
fight with Adrienne,

it'll never be the same.

She'll be polite, and that's it.

She's moved on.

I've always had your
skinny ass, or whatever...

It's not so skinny.

OK, whatever that
ass you are sitting on.

To moving on.

LISA: Coming up.

Adrienne is a
very insecure woman.

Really, who is Adrienne
Maloof in this world?

Uh.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[HORSE NEIGHING]

BRANDI: Hi.

YOLANDA: Hey, how are you?

Good.

So pretty.

Hi, pretty lady.

How are you, honey?

Good.

[LAUGHTER]

BRANDI: Who is this, Bella?

YOLANDA: This is Bella.

This is my beautiful baby Bella.

Oh my gosh, she's gorgeous.

That's my little one.

Isn't he beautiful?

Yeah.

It's gorgeous.

His name is Lego.

Lego?

Yes.

Oh, my kids would like that.

[LAUGHS]

Brandi and I are
becoming good friends

because I like an honest girl.

She's very opposite
of me in many ways,

but I love that she's just
honest and says as it is.

Does she jump professionally?

I mean, yeah, she competes.

Yeah, she competes.

She's a very strong competitor.

I mean, she's...

Oh, scary when they jump.

You know, I wish I had more
money to put into her sport,

you know?

BRANDI: You will.

YOLANDA: You know, most kids
here have two, three horses.

I can only afford
one for her, so.

How old is she?

15.

Oh, wow.

Good job, Belly.

Hey, Belle, come and
say hi to Brandi.

She's so gorgeous.

She's on a little break.

How are you? BRANDI: I'm good.

I'm Brandi.

Nice to meet you.

Oh, hi.

You need carrots or
apples or something.

Oh sure, yes.

Hi, sweetheart.

Gorgeous.

Oh, you doing good
job with my baby.

You taking care of my baby.

Do you want water, love?

No, I'm just going
to keep walking him.

Nice to meet you.

Be careful.

Well, I just wanted to say
thank you so much for the Vegas,

for just trying to
diffuse the situation

and not have the drama continue.

And you're pissed off?

Yeah, yes.

I am upset.

This is not your job
to defend her, either.

I will defend what
I think is right.

I know, but you've
said it so many times.

We know your opinion.

I'm worried because are you
going to Lisa's tea party?

No, I can't.

I'll be out of town.

Yeah, I have to go
with David to an event.

Oh, boy.

I'm just kind of... of course
I will go because Lisa is so

good to me and I love
her, but I'm really

worried with the whole
Adrienne lawsuit thing,

and I know she's going.

You know, you have
been great about it.

I mean, you've been saying from
the beginning, hey, I [BLEEP]

up.

I did something wrong.

I apologise.

Now can we move on?

She's the one that
doesn't want to move on,

so there's not much
for you left to say.

Well, she wants to move
on if I sign something

saying I'll never speak my
mind again or say the truth

or have an opinion, which
I can't censor myself.

And why would I want to do that?

It's a free world.

It's like if I do
that, I will implode.

It's ridiculous.

But I mean, you shouldn't worry.

You know, Adrienne
is, you know, a very

insecure woman that is using
her status to intimidate people.

Based on Brandi's
experience with Adrienne,

I just feel that, you know,
Adrienne's using her little

rich girl's powers to
intimidate people in this group,

and I just don't
think that's cool.

If she had balls and she felt
strongly about her conviction,

she would pick up the
phone and talk to you

and say, listen,
woman, I don't like

you did this, this, and that.

But instead, she calls a lawyer.

You know why?

Because she can and she
has the money to do so.

You know, because
$10,000, you know,

maybe doesn't mean
anything to her.

So when you go to
that tea party,

just keep telling yourself that.

If you step back from it,
you can just look at it

and go like, screw you.

I mean, who are you, really?

Who is Adrienne
Maloof in this world?

Uh.

You know what I mean?

In the big picture,
she's nobody.

[SIGH]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Rocio, let's put the
sandwiches on this tiered tray

and then cover it with plastic.

Just put these around.

Yeah, around there.

Do you want me to take...

Yeah, take those off.

Yeah.

And then you know the hydrangeas
outside where the table is?

They need some water.

OK.

Peter, Jax, so
listen, have fun today.

I mean, you are in
Cougar Town at its best.

Peter and Jax, they work
at my restaurant, SUR

and I thought that I would
bring them in to liven up a bit,

give these cougars
something to play with.

You can make sure
my bar is perfect.

Have fun, but it's still a job.

Don't worry about me.

It'll be perfect.

Just worry about your
friends being around me.

I do worry about you.

I do.

[LAUGHTER]

Hello.

How are you?

I'm good, dear.

You smell nice.

Oh, thank you.

I love it when I see you
two together because whatever

fantasy he has, when
he sees you in reality

you are a foot taller than him.

[LAUGHING]

Oh, shut up.

So rude.

I haven't heard that one before.

Who are the cute
guys in the backyard?

They're party favours.

Oh, yay.

I knew it was going
to be a good night.

They're my guys from SUR.

Oh.

So I'm excited and nervous
all at the same time.

Listen, just keep a lid on it.

I'm good.

We've all got to integrate.

Also, before you
open your mouth,

remember the last time you
did it cost you 20 grand.

Right?

It is true.

She made these comments
which were defamatory.

Oh, boy, she's
going to get slapped

with a fat, old lawsuit.

I think your honesty is
your most enduring quality.

And my worst.

Your worst as well.

I know.

Yes.

[MUSIC CONTINUING]

TAYLOR: Hi, darling.

How are you?

I'm good.

I brought you something.

I'm sorry about the wrapping.

It was wrapped
from a beautiful...

Well, it matches your dress.

I know, but you know, I was
just thinking a lot about...

You were thinking about
last year's tea party?

Yes, and I wore the
necklace that you gave me.

Oh, good.

For your birthday last year.

Last year.

But I was thinking
about Ken's surgery

and just everything you guys
have been going through,

and I thought maybe
this would be...

[GASP]

[LAUGHTER]

...the appropriate gift.

It's for you.

Lisa is a freak of the week.

She's always talking
about sex, so it

makes perfect sense that Taylor
would bring her a vibrator.

Here you go.

[SCREAMS]

Take it with you.

[LAUGHTER]

Oh my god.

And if you don't want it, I've
been single for an entire year.

You know what?

My husband's got a new hip.

Clearly I don't need it.

But I'm feeling like she
could have gotten like butt

beads, or something special.

OK, show me around.
I want to see the whole house.

OK. Well, you know what?

I'm not going to do that.

She's going to do that.

I've got too much
to do to get ready,

but maybe if we go upstairs,
you can see my bedroom closet.

And then there's two
bedrooms and a gym.

You'll never want to leave.

I don't already want to leave.

I'm in love.

Oh, thank you.

It's gorgeous, Lisa.

You've outdone yourself.

Thank you.

Wait till you see my closet.

I mean her closet.

TAYLOR: This is so different
than the last house.

BRANDI: I know.

This is where all
the magic happens.

This is?

This is where the magic happens?

My princess room.

Oh, this is your room?

BRANDI: Yeah. TAYLOR: Oh.

[LAUGHS]

BRANDI: If I'm
showing you the house,

I'm going to pretend
like it's mine.

TAYLOR: OK, OK.

You know Kim doesn't
drink because, you

know, she went to rehab, so
don't offer her any alcohol.

This is the end
all, be all in here.

[GASPS]

TAYLOR: Lisa's closet looks
like a clothing store, organised

like you wouldn't believe.

It's fantastic.

Welcome home.

[LAUGHS]

TAYLOR: Is this all only hers?

BRANDI: Yeah.

There's a whole
other one he has.

It's crazy.

You think these OK?

Yeah.

Put them all on.

No, put them all on.

Yeah.

And then just cover
it with plastic

'cause I feel they're
getting a bit dry.

Brandi, you've really outdone
yourself with this house.

You know what?

It was really nothing.

This is where I get ready.

TAYLOR: Really?

It takes her all
that to get ready?

BRANDI: Yeah.

They have an adjoining shower
so that they can get freaky.

What?

What do you mean?

It's her shower, as
well, on the other side,

so they meet in the
middle and magic happens.

I think they're doing OK.

Yeah.

I'm going to stop
worrying about them.

It's really been on my mind.

Yeah.

That's the secret exit.

This is my boyfriend's closet.

Is this your boyfriend's closet?

- Yeah.
- Oh, look at this.

I do love what you've
done here, Brandi.

Oh my god.

Naked Lisa.

Wow.

I was shocked to see
Little Miss perfect naked.

It's just there in the
closet for everyone to see.

But she's got great tits.

Like I'd have it out, too.

We're clearly in
their personal space.

[LAUGHS] I'm in Ken's closet.

She told me to show the house.

I don't know what
I'm doing here.

I don't think she
meant that part.

BRANDI: Coming up.

Faye's here.

Oh, it's Faye.

TAYLOR: I didn't
know Faye was coming.

It's like, oh, [BLEEP].

Here comes the evil bunch.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

MARISA: Thank you.

Thank you.

I am very excited
about Lisa's tea party

because I haven't been
to many tea parties.

She's very elegant.

I'm sure it's going
to be very beautiful.

Hello. LISA: Hi.

How are you?

Your house is beautiful.

Thank you.

Welcome.

I love it.

You and your white
dresses, I love it.

I know.

It's summer.

Hi, pretty.

I only wear black
or maybe white.

Hi.

Their house is a 6.

It's a 6 out of 10,
what do you think?

It's beautiful.

Thank you, darling.

What would you like to drink?

A glass of rosé or Pimm's.

Jax, what are you doing?

You're supposed to be on it.

Sell it, come on.

You think they're bar tenders.

They're actually security.

Because the way you
behaved last year,

I felt like I might
need it, right?

I haven't said I'm
not your friend.

Lisa, you better
backtrack, girl, because I'm

telling you right now.

Calm down.

Yes, you have.

Oh.

[LAUGHTER]

[MUSIC CONTINUING]

It's been a while since
the last time I've seen Lisa

and some of the other women.

I don't really expect Brandi
to be too warm and fuzzy.

She has been coocoo.

She is so cute, though.

KYLE: Hello.

Hi, girls.

How are you?

These are my friends.

I really just don't want
Brandi dictating my life.

You have a nice husband.

I do.

Yeah, except that you
are constantly talking

about how he's not sexy.

I know.

No, I'm not saying
he's not sexy.

It's just after having
sex with him for 16 years,

it's like it would be
nice to have a change.

Are you guys not
into threesomes?

No.

[LAUGHTER]

I mean, it really
helps out a marriage.

LISA: What are
you talking about?

OK, what did you just say?

Put this down now.

What are you talking about?

OK, I'm cutting you off.

JAX: You need more.

No.

Well, maybe it's time to
bring in some outside talent.

She said she's
bored with having sex

with her husband for
16 years and Brandi

offered to do a threesome.

I did not.

[SHOUTING]

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

You said I was bored.

I mean, talking to
me about threesomes,

they're, you know,
barking up the wrong tree.

I'm still working my
way up to a twosome.

It'd go really well for Ken
and the girl and lousy for me.

I just say what every other
[BLEEP] bitch is thinking.

I'd like to sleep
with somebody else.

LISA: And cheers.

FAYE: Before we go in there,
how are you and Brandi?

Have you guys been talking?

I haven't spoken to
her because she hasn't

been very nice at all to me.

You're kidding.

So I'm not going to waste my...

Right.

What am I going to do?

I told everybody that we need
to leave this between you guys

because we're all so emotionally
charged with this topic.

And it's really created a
division amongst all of us.

She should just, you
know, move on in life.

Don't let it affect you.

It's hard not to.

LISA: Let's have another drink.

Let's try and get
through this afternoon,

just bringing her
back into the group,

if anybody wants
her in the group.

And then you guys do
with it what you may.

By the way, I
never sold a story,

and you know that, right?

Yeah.

I know you never sold a story.

Are you kidding?

Let me just point out
very clearly to you,

there's been multiple
stories sold this year

and it's all Adrienne.

I believe it to be true, too.

Maybe not selling
them, but certainly

leaking stories to the press.

It's ironic that I
was accused of it

and now, suddenly, my accuser
is actually the perpetrator.

Go figure.

Let's just hope for the best.

Let's invest her
with some manners.

Some manners.

Faye, that's why you're
such a lovely person.

Not everybody thinks
the way that you think.

Wouldn't that be great, though?

I think our motto in life
has to be, hope for the best,

prepare for the worst.

Faye's here.

You have to... what?

Oh.

Oh, it's Faye.

I didn't know Faye was coming.

And Adrienne.

Oh.

Kyle, Adrienne, and Faye.

Good luck with that.

[LAUGHTER]

Why would I invite Faye Resnick?

She is not particularly
a close friend of mine.

Kyle wanted to bring her, and
nothing what had gone down

with Brandi at the dinner.

You have to viciously
attack people.

I don't viciously attack people.

Well, you do.

You viciously attacked Kim
last year, Adrienne this year.

You just throw things
out there at random,

and I can't wait to
hear what you're going

to start saying about me next.

Of course I didn't
want her to come.

I now see that she's here.

I hope she can be
civil with Brandi.

Hello.

Hi, honey, how are you?

Right on time.

Hello.

I know, hi.

I'm Adrienne.

I'm Marisa.

Nice to meet you.

Adrienne and Faye together,
I was just like, oh [BLEEP]..

Here comes the evil bunch.

Hello.

That's pretty.

Pretty colour, oh my gosh.

Faye, I think I'm going to
grab something to drink.

Yeah, what do you want, a rosé?

Yeah.

Reaching out to Brandi
at Lisa's tea party

would not be the
proper time to discuss

any differences that we have.

[MUSIC CONTINUING]

- Hello.
- Hello.

How are you?

Hello.

Hi.

Thank you.

How are you?

Good to see you.

This is a gift, OK?

This is a housewarming present.

My relationship with Lisa may
be a bit rocky after Vegas.

And this is Pindar's gift...

The wedding present?

Yes, I've been
waiting to give it.

Oh my god.

Wow.

Oh my good lord.

That's so sweet of you.

Hopefully, we can let bygones
be bygones and move forward.

Well, thank you.

That's very sweet of you.

Thank you.

Well, welcome.

Rather than defend myself
against Camille's accusations,

I'll take her gifts
as a peace offering.

So where's Kim?

She's coming, right?

I don't know.

Wait, if I had a dime for
every time we said where's Kim.

[LAUGHTER]

Hello?

KIM (ON PHONE): Lisa, it's Kim.

What do you mean you
got hit in the face?

By who?

Is your nose OK?

I cannot believe that Kim
suddenly has been hit on her

new nose by her new dog, or
a dog on a nose, or whatever,

or she's hit a dog's nose.

I don't know what she's done.

Lots of love.

Bye.

Only Kim.

Kim's not coming and she's OK,
but she got hit in the nose.

What?

No, no, not by anybody or
anything, but by her dog.

So she had to call the doctor.

I couldn't quite understand
what she was saying.

Oh my god.

So wait, it was hit with the
bandage and everything on it?

Yeah, but she's OK.

OK.

You've got to be kidding me.

KYLE: Coming up.

Your lawyer didn't
send my lawyer a letter?

Absolutely not.

OK.

I have the letter.

[CHATTER]

LISA: Darling, what
do you want to drink?

A rosé.

Give Brandi a
drink, a stiff one.

Yeah, we have tea, but
clearly no one ever drinks it.

Cheers.

- Cheers.
- Cheers.

I love it.

What are you drinking?

I hope that's not vodka.

OK, what am I having?

What is this Pimm's?

What is Pimm's?

Is that rum?

Juice with alcohol
in it, basically.

MARISA: A tea party with a
full open bar, with really

hot guys serving us our drinks.

Lisa is right on with that.

OK, give me the bottle.

It's the only tea
in town when there's

never a spot of tea served.

[LAUGHTER]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[CHATTER]

I love it.

Wait, are these gifts?

Yes, they are.

Everybody has a little gift.

Welcome, all of you.

I'm just excited
that you're all here.

We all have our
differences sometimes

and we try to work them out as
they happen and move on, right?

Yes.

So I'm glad you're all here.

Let's just take
a couple of hours

to appreciate what we have
under these olive branches.

We're all on the same page.

We're all good, OK?

We all have so much
to be grateful for.

Every one of us.

Let's look forward.

Everyone, cheers.

Cheers.

[CHATTER]

Yes.

No? No?

I said cheers.

I did cheers everyone.

No.

For everybody, cheers.

Cheers.

Exactly.

Jax.

[CLINKING GLASS] Can
you bring the salads?

You guys are useless, really.

Peter, your boss...

But your body looks cute.

[LAUGHTER]

You do look cute, exactly.

I'm going to have
one of these crabs.

I'm starving.

Salmon.

Thanks.

Did Lisa ask you not
to put a shirt on today?

Oh, it's always [INAUDIBLE].

I did.

What did I say?

I said welcome to
Cougar Town, boys.

I said, come on.

Make them happy.

Get the shirts off.

Can we open these?

Yes, open your gifts.

Oh my god, it's a tiger.

Oh.

How apropos.

Oh, I love it.

I thought if you get a little
chilly, you can put it on now.

I'm not inviting you
to stay the night.

[LAUGHS]

Wow, that's quite a cake.

That's yummy.

She and I have been cycling.

I went this morning. - You did?

I went yesterday, last night.

Are you cycling?

We're doing Soul Cycle together.

It's intense.

Yes.

I really want my ass
back where it used to be.

Oh, come on.

Your ass looks great.

Taylor, Taylor.

Taylor, your ass
is this big anyway.

Who cares if it's wrapped
around your flipping ankle.

OK, let's see your ass and
we'll all make decisions.

Taylor, by the
way, we saw in Ojai

flipped over backwards with a
G string, and it was this big.

[LAUGHTER]

You know what?

I think we should do
it again right now.

Taylor, you said that
you got a scholarship,

gymnastics scholarship.

Yeah.

Take the floor.

Show us.

Taylor, let's see what you got.

[LAUGHTER]

She already won the golden Ojai.

We're going to give her a pass.

[LAUGHTER]

Why does every tea
party turn out about me?

No, it's not about you.

It's just about your gymnastics.

If I break my neck on
a back handspring...

Oh, can you sign
a release for us?

Yeah, everybody loves
to sue everyone here,

so that will be fun.

So I'll sue you if I break
my neck, how about that?

Let's sign a release
before we do anything.

I know where that one was going.

[LAUGHTER]

I'm not ready for the talk
of the lawsuit to be had.

By bringing this up, it's going
to open a giant can of worms.

So you guys, I'm so
excited by the white party.

Me, too.

We're all going
to have so much fun.

Don't we always?

You guys, we do.

You know what?

We usually do.

I guess the thing
that really bothers me

about the white party last
year is being met at the door

and being turned away.

It's become a situation
where everybody...

Nobody wants to get sued.

You guys should go.

You guys enjoy your party.

We're going to go.

You know I felt bad about that.

I know.

You felt horrible about it.

You're one of my closest
friends and I know

it was torture for you, so.

Yes, it was.

Where's the cute
guys serving drinks?

Whoo, whoo.

Come on, guys.

Right?

I was just trying to loose...

Yeah.

Could you help me carry
something into the kitchen?

- Me?
- Yeah, you.

OK.

And you.

I'm going to bring
some tea back.

There's already
some on the table.

Take this.

Well, I'm going to get Rocio.

OK.

[INAUDIBLE] Listen,
all these innuendoes,

do you know where it's going?

Cut the innuendos.

Cut the crap, OK?

We're on the same page or not?

I'm just here to carry this in.

I've been very good.

I know what she's trying
to do, but there's no

lawsuit with [INAUDIBLE].

I know what she's
trying to bring up.

And Adrienne's
not suing anybody.

She's telling everybody that.

She's not suing anybody.

Do you believe
everything Brandi says?

Come on.

Well, you never told
me you were suing her

so I had never heard that.

She's not suing her.

I really think
Brandi is confused.

Adrienne just wants her to
back off in saying statements

that are, you know,
malicious and mean

about her and her family.

So that's not true?

No.

That's not true?

No, no.

Oh my god, this is
getting so bad, you guys.

Why was she saying that then?

I'm so confused.

Did she send a letter
saying I'm warning you,

or did she sent a letter
actually threatening to sue

her, and is there a difference?

Are you OK?

It's very uncomfortable when
I have to curb every word I say.

So why don't you
say what you mean?

[INTERPOSING VOICES]
- Because I...

Why don't we not say
what we mean for a second.

...I'm getting
sued and you're not.

I don't think that Taylor
was coming from a mean place

or anything, I just
don't think that she

knows how to not be dramatic.

Now we need to lay it.

I'm going to go be very sweet.

Off you go.

Giddy-up.

I know that Lisa wants
today to be drama-free.

But every once in a while,
when I decide to speak my mind

and you throw in a bottle
of rosé, not always

going to get what you want.

Adrienne just told us
that she's not suing you.

But the letter you sent
is the same exact thing

that you got from me.

I didn't send a letter.

What letter?

What are you talking about?

She said she has a letter.

Are you serious?

What letter?

She told me she has a
letter that you're suing her.

There is no letter.

Come on, look at her character.

Brandi got a letter
from an attorney

and had to hire an attorney.

I think Adrienne's lying.

What is she talking about?

You guys.

You know what?

I have to tell you,
this energy should be...

It's going to be a nice
day, nice day, nice day.

Um, did Adrienne send you
a letter about suing you?

She sent my lawyer.

Pardon me?

To my lawyer.

She sent a letter
to your lawyer.

Her lawyer sent
one to my lawyer.

I'm sorry, what was that?

She said your attorney
sent a letter to her attorney

about suing her.

No, there's no lawsuit.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

TAYLOR: OK, then we're good.

That's good.

ADRIENNE: No.

Good.

Perfect.

I'm actually shocked.

I don't know if she's
giving me a free pass

and we should high five
or if she's in denial

and just doesn't
want to admit it.

No, she said that your
attorney sent a letter

to her attorney about suing
her, and so is that true

is or is that not true?

I'm asking you a question.

That's absolutely,
without a doubt, not true.

That's 100% true, though.

It's not true.

Really?

Really, it's not true.

Why would you say that?

Did you file?

Absolutely not.

OK, that's what I mean.

She didn't file anything.

She didn't file
anything against Brandi.

You've got to be kidding me.

Camille is defending
Adrienne for sending

a letter threatening a
lawsuit after last year she

had me kicked out
of the white party

for doing basically
the same thing.

Your lawyer didn't
send my lawyer a letter?

Absolutely not.

OK.

I have the letter.

Well, you also said on
Twitter that you have letters...

I have the letter.

Absolutely not.

Your lawyer never
sent my lawyer a letter

and you never wanted to sue me?

- No.
- OK, perfect.

I never wanted to sue you.

You're absolutely wrong. - OK.

OK, perfect.

You're absolutely wrong.

OK.

And you've never,
on Twitter, accused

somebody in my camp of
things that were allegations

that were absolutely false?

No, I haven't.

100% true.

I have proof of it.

That is not nice.

Bernie.

That is not nice.

You don't accuse Bernie.

That is absolutely wrong.

Shame on you.

How dare you do that.

BRANDI: Coming up.

Why have you attacked
me so maliciously

and you care about
my life so much?

I care about your life?

You care about
everything that I do.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

You've never, on
Twitter, accused

somebody in my camp of
things that were allegations

that were absolutely false?

No, I haven't.

100% true.

I have proof of it.

That is not nice.

Bernie.

That is not nice.

You don't accuse Bernie.

That is absolutely wrong.

Shame on you.

How dare you do that.

Adrienne and
Paul's chef, Bernie,

called several media
outlets and said

that I'm a bad mother, that I
drink in front of my children.

And I told her about
this on the phone.

I said, Bernie's doing
[BLEEP] up things.

And she's like, oh,
well, if that's true,

we'll figure it out.

We'll fire him.

They never fired him.

How dare you.

That is not nice and you
know what you're doing.

I think Adrienne's fudging
the truth here, absolutely.

A letter was sent, albeit
from a lawyer or her.

It came from her camp.

OK, wait.

Time out.

No.

Time out.

You're not suing me?

No.

Not ever?

There was no lawsuit.

There's nothing?

You're absolutely wrong.

Why have you attacked
me so maliciously

and you care about
my life so much?

I care about your life?

Obviously you do.

You care about
everything that I do.

You know what, Brandi?

I don't care about
anything you do.

I care about what your
lawyer does to me.

Stop.

I care about my family and
the things that you have said

and I don't think it's nice.

I understand that, and I already

said I was sorry for that.

No, you did not.

- Yes, I have.
- No, you didn't.

I sent you an email.

After everybody said
that you should say sorry.

I did apologise.

I sent her an email, and I
copied all the other girls

on it so they didn't
have to hear anyone

wonder if I had apologised.

And it may not have come
as soon as Adrienne wanted,

but she got her apology.

And my lawyer is not suing
you and there is no lawsuit.

Well, why am I spending so
much money defending this?

I will bring you
my lawyer's bill.

You can pay for it if you want.

And I will show you the Twitter

that you said about Bernie
that was absolutely not true.

I have proof that it's true.

It is not true and you know it.

It was you and your friend...

Are you joking?

No, are you joking?

Shame on you.

Shame on me?

Shame on you.

Shame on you for
being so [BLEEP]..

Are you kidding me?

All right, I have to go.

I'm going. - That is not right.

I'm going.

I am going.

It's over.

The whole thing's over.

Yup, the whole thing's over.

OK, we're over.

We're done.

And yes, in answer
to your question...

Adrienne, you're
full of [BLEEP]..

Seriously?

I don't necessarily feel like
I should have to prove myself

in this situation, but
I feel like these women,

they can't trust me
after all this time.

Let me just print out the
letters, all the [BLEEP], ,

and here you go.

[BLEEP] her.

Thank you, Lisa.

You're welcome.

Wait, Lisa, remind me to never
come to one of your tea parties

ever again.

[LAUGHS]

ADRIENNE: Next time on "The Real
Housewives of Beverly Hills."

We're all standing there like
it's a quinceanera for a nose.

Oh my god.

What have you done
to her, doctor?

I have Kennedy with me anyway.

Can I just keep
her with me then?

I would rather just have
a conversation with her.

I don't want it to get ugly.

Oh my god.

Battle of the wits
between Brandi and Adrienne.

I mean, Adrienne's unarmed.

I don't have over
$10,000 to spend on this.

Watch what you say.

Welcome to the United
[BLEEP] States of America.

Oh, you finish your
[BLEEP], , and then we'll talk.

My [BLEEP]?

I'm done.