The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills (2010–…): Season 2, Episode 15 - A Book, a Bachelorette and a Breakdown - full transcript

- PREVIOUSLY ON THE REAL
HOUSEWIVES OF BEVERLY HILLS...

- MY MAID OF HONOR'S FLYING IN
FOR THE BACHELORETTE.

- PANDORA WANTS TO HAVE HER
BACHELORETTE PARTY IN LAS VEGAS.

- YOU HAVE TO COME. I HAVE ONE
BACHELORETTE PARTY IN MY LIFE.

- MY FEELINGS ARE HURT
BECAUSE OF VEGAS.

YOU KNOW I WOULD HAVE ROLLED
THE RED CARPET OUT FOR YOU.

- I THINK
IT'S AN IMPOSITION TO ASK.

- I WOULD HAVE PREFERRED
THAT SHE SAID,

"YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU'RE RIGHT."
THAT WASN'T THE ANSWER I GOT.

YOU KNOW I'M GONNA BE THERE
THE SAME WEEKEND.

- I DIDN'T KNOW THAT, NO.



- I'VE BEEN SEEING SOMEBODY

THAT I'VE BEEN KEEPING
A LITTLE PRIVATE.

SO WE'RE MOVING IN TOGETHER.

- I JUST DON'T FEEL THAT THIS IS
THE RIGHT PERSON FOR HER.

NICE TO SEE YOU.
- NICE TO MEET YOU.

- BE HER FRIEND.
YOU BE EACH OTHER'S FRIENDS.

- I HAVE BEEN HER FRIEND!

I HAVE NEVER HURT HER!
SHE HAS HURT ME SO MUCH!

IT'S NOT FAIR!

[upbeat music]

- LIFE IN BEVERLY HILLS
IS A GAME,

AND I MAKE THE RULES.

- I'M NOT THE RICHEST GIRL
IN BEVERLY HILLS,

BUT I AM THE LUCKIEST.



- PEOPLE TRY TO FIGURE ME OUT,
BUT I'M ONE OF A KIND.

- I'VE FINALLY FOUND MY VOICE,
AND I'M NOT AFRAID TO USE IT.

- HAVING IT ALL IS EASY,

IF YOU'RE WILLING TO WORK
FOR IT.

- DIAMONDS AREN'T
A GIRL'S BEST FRIEND.

FREEDOM IS.

- LET'S SIT HERE.
THIS IS NICE AND QUIET.

Both: AHH.

- GOSH, I'VE HAD
SUCH A LONG DAY.

- I HAVE AS WELL.
- AH, PERFECT.

YOU KNOW ME WELL. [laughter]

- JUST IN TIME.

- I TOLD THE KITCHEN
WHAT WE'D LIKE...

JUST A COUPLE OF APPETIZERS.
IS THAT OKAY?

SO WHAT'S GOING ON?

- I'M STRESSED OUT
ABOUT THE OTHER NIGHT.

- WELL, I HEARD A LITTLE BIT.
- IT WAS BAD.

- HOW BAD?

- WELL, UNFORTUNATELY
I DON'T REMEMBER

BECAUSE I HAD
A LITTLE TOO MUCH TO DRINK...

- OH, GOD.
- WHICH I'M NOT PROUD OF.

BUT YOU KNOW WHEN MY ANXIETY
REVS UP, LIS, I CAN'T HELP IT.

IT'S THE FIRST THING I REACH
FOR, 'CAUSE I'M, LIKE...[gasps]

- WHEN SOMEBODY SAYS THEY
CAN'T REMEMBER WHAT WENT DOWN,

YOU KNOW THERE'S A PROBLEM.

I'M LOOKING AT TAYLOR.
I SEE SHE'S IN TROUBLE.

TO ME, THIS LOOKS LIKE
A CRY FOR HELP.

- I GET SO STRESSED, AND I START
TO FEEL MY HEART RACE,

AND MY PALMS GET SWEATY,
AND SO I HAD A FEW DRINKS.

- WHY WERE YOU SO ANXIOUS?

- I WASN'T READY WHEN I WALKED
INTO THE LION'S DEN.

AND THIS WHOLE THING
WITH CAMILLE...

I FELT SO BETRAYED
AND SO BLINDSIDED.

SHE SAID THINGS
SHE SHOULDN'T HAVE SAID.

- I DIDN'T ORDER PIZZA.
- I THINK I DID.

- LATELY, IT'S ALWAYS TEARS,
AND YOU'RE UPSET AND EVERYTHING.

AND IT SEEMS LIKE IT'S GOING
RAPIDLY DOWNHILL.

YOU'VE GOT TO PUT
THE BRAKES ON HERE.

I'VE DEFINITELY HAD
MY ISSUES WITH TAYLOR.

BUT NOW I FEEL
SHE NEEDS OUR SUPPORT.

YOU NEVER KNOW
WHEN SHE'S GOING TO BREAK,

AND I FEEL THAT
I SHOULD BE THERE TO HELP HER.

- I HAVE TO BE TRUE TO MYSELF
NOW, LISA,

BECAUSE I'VE LET PEOPLE WALK
ALL OVER ME.

AND IT'S ALMOST
MY 40TH BIRTHDAY,

AND I'M NOT LETTING
IT HAPPEN ANYMORE.

SO, IF CAMILLE CAN'T BE
A TRUE FRIEND TO ME,

THEN IT'S HER LOSS,
AND I'M WALKING AWAY.

HERE I FIND MYSELF
CONFIDING TO LISA,

AND I'M THINKING, "OH, MY GOD,
HOW FAST THINGS CHANGE," RIGHT?

- I MEAN, KYLE CALLED ME,
AND SHE SAID... AND I SAID,

"ON ONE TO TEN, HOW BAD WAS IT?"

AND SHE SAID THAT IT WAS A...
MORE THAN TEN.

- MORE THAN TEN.
- SHE SAID IT WAS BAD.

DO YOU REMEMBER IT?
- NO. I'M JUST BEING HONEST.

I DON'T REMEMBER. - IT'S OKAY.

WE'VE ALL HAD OUR MOMENTS.

- I MEAN, I NEED
MY LIQUID COURAGE,

AND I HAVEN'T REALLY
BEEN DRINKING MUCH.

SO, FOR ME, YOU KNOW,
IT DOESN'T TAKE ME

TWO GLASSES OF WINE, AND I'M
THREE SHEETS TO THE WIND.

BUT AT THE SAME TIME, YOU KNOW,

I DON'T KNOW WHY D.D. WAS, LIKE,

VERY VOLATILE THAT EVENING.

AND I FELT LIKE SHE WANTED TO
FIGHT CAMILLE'S FIGHT FOR HER.

BUT CAMILLE AND I ARE FRIENDS.

IT'S NOT... WELL,
I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS.

BUT IT'S NOT LIKE I NEED
SOMEONE ELSE TO FIGHT HER FIGHT.

IF CAMILLE WANTS TO SPEAK TO ME,
SHE'S A GROWN WOMAN.

- YEAH, BUT THEY WENT IN
WITH ALL GUNS BLAZING.

- THAT'S WHY I WAS LIKE,
"WHY ARE WE TALKING ABOUT THIS?

WE'RE AT A BELLY-DANCING PARTY."

AND KYLE DID THE SPLITS.

- OF COURSE SHE DID.
WHY WOULDN'T SHE?

- I REALLY THINK WE NEED KYLE
TO COME TO THE CHIPPENDALES.

- I WANTED HER TO COME.

- BECAUSE THE SPLITS
WOULD REALLY...

- KYLE CAN'T GO TO VEGAS,

SO PANDORA HAS INVITED
TAYLOR INSTEAD.

IT'S ABOUT TIME SHE HAD
SOME FUN, THAT'S FOR SURE.

I MEAN, WISH ME LUCK
WITH THIS ONE.

YOU KNOW, I SAID TO PANDY,
"OKAY, MAYBE I'LL GO."

AND NOW YOU'RE GOING.
I'M REALLY SCARED.

- YOU MIGHT ACTUALLY HAVE
A GOOD TIME.

- IMAGINE, A MOTHER ENDS UP
BEING SHAGGED

BY A TEAM OF CHIPMUNKS.

CHIPPENDALES... SAME THING.

OH, WELL, DARLING, I BETTER GO.

- I HAVE TO GO
TO A PARENT/TEACHER MEETING.

- OH, YOU DO?
- I DO.

- WELL, THAT PUTS IT ALL
IN PERSPECTIVE.

- THANK YOU FOR LUNCH.

- I THOUGHT YOU'RE PAYING
FOR IT.

ALL RIGHT, THEN. [chuckles]

- OKAY, HERE, YOU WANT ME
TO POUR YOURS FIRST?

- SURE.
- OKAY. THERE YOU GO.

- THAT'S GOOD.
- IS THAT TOO MUCH?

- THAT'S FINE.
- OKAY.

I'LL POUR A LITTLE BIT MORE
FOR MYSELF.

- OH...
- OH, HEY! IT'S BRANDI.

[dog barking]
JOEY! COME ON, BACK UP.

- JUST BREAKING AND ENTERING.
- THE GUARD DOG.

- DON'T MIND THE DOG.
- HI. HOW ARE YOU?

- GOOD, GOOD, GOOD.

- HI, PRETTY.
- HEY. HOW ARE YOU?

YOU LOOK GORGEOUS, AS USUAL.

- HAVING A LONG DAY.
- HOW DO YOU FEEL AFTER...

OH, MY GOD!

I'M SORRY FOR BAILING OUT
ON YOUR PARTY.

- I WANTED TO BAIL OUT.

I WAS LIKE, "THIS IS THE
CRAZIEST THING I'VE EVER SEEN."

- YEAH, AND THEN EVERYTHING
KEPT GOING DOWNHILL.

- DO YOU WANT A GLASS OF WINE?
- I'LL HAVE A LITTLE BIT.

- LOOKING BACK
ON TAYLOR'S BEHAVIOR,

I'M SHOCKED AND DISAPPOINTED

IN HOW OUTRAGEOUS
AND OVERBOARD SHE WENT.

- I KNEW AS SOON AS TAYLOR
WALKED IN,

IT'S GONNA BE TROUBLE.
- SHE WASN'T EVEN IN HER BODY.

- DID YOU SEE HER EYES?
- SHE WAS JUST, LIKE...

- HER EYES JUST GLAZED OVER.
- SHE WAS JUST GLAZED OVER.

- SHE WAS JUST
COMPLETELY DISCONNECTED.

- YOU HAVE NO IDEA
WHAT SHE'S DONE TO ME!

YOU HAVE NO IDEA...
NO, YOU DON'T!

- WHAT'S THAT MOVIE
WHERE THAT CHICK'S HEAD SPINS?

- EXORCIST.
- EXORCIST.

- SHE REALLY WAS KIND OF LIKE
THE EXORCIST THAT NIGHT.

I WAS LIKE, "OH, MY GOD."

- SHE WAS IN DIRE NEED
OF AN EXORCISM THAT EVENING.

I JUST THINK THAT SHE'S STUCK
IN A PATTERN OF ABUSE

THAT SHE'S HAVING A REALLY
HARD TIME GETTING OUT OF.

I FELT LIKE
I DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING

THAT EVERYBODY ELSE
HASN'T BEEN SAYING TO HER.

- YOU DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING...

YOU DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING
THAT SHE HASN'T SAID HERSELF.

THAT'S BASICALLY
WHAT YOU WANT TO SAY.

I WENT UP TO HER,
AND I SAID, "LOOK,

"YOU KNOW WHAT?
YOU'RE HERE, CAMILLE'S HERE.

LIKE, LET'S CUT THE CRAP
RIGHT NOW."

SHE SAID THAT, BASICALLY,
YOU PUT KENNEDY IN JEOPARDY...

HER DAUGHTER.

- THAT'S UNFORTUNATE
THAT SHE WOULD SAY THAT.

- YEAH.
- SHE'S...

PUTTING HER FAMILY IN JEOPARDY.

- SHE'S PUTTING HER DAUGHTER
IN JEOPARDY

BY STAYING WITH A MAN
WHO IS NOT GOOD TO HER.

SHE'S IN THIS RELATIONSHIP

BECAUSE SHE'S
IN THIS RELATIONSHIP,

NOT BECAUSE YOU FORCED HER
TO BE IN THE RELATIONSHIP,

OR ANYBODY ELSE,
FOR THAT MATTER.

- I'M NOT FORCING HER
TO STAY IN A RELATIONSHIP.

- AND YOU'RE NOT FORCING HER.

- OWN IT.
- YEAH.

IT'S HARD TO DO.
- SHE NEEDS TO OWN HER [bleep].

- AND NOW TAYLOR AND LISA
ARE GOOD FRIENDS?

- LIKE, FRIENDS NOW.

- FRIENDS WHEN THEY
COULDN'T STAND ONE ANOTHER.

- YEAH, I MEAN,
JUST LIKE THREE WEEKS AGO.

- FOR ABOUT A YEAR AND A HALF,
THEY DIDN'T GET ALONG.

- MAYBE LISA'S TRYING TO
TAKE HER UNDER HER WING

AND HELP HER.

- MAKES LISA LOOK LIKE
THE GOOD GUY.

- YEAH. YEAH.
- LIKE SHE CAME IN.

NOW LISA'S THE HERO
'CAUSE SHE'S SAVING...

- SHE'S GONNA SAVE THE WORLD.
- SHE'S GONNA SAVE... YEAH.

- SHE LOVES TO SPIN IT THAT WAY.

SHE'S GOING TO VEGAS
WITH TAYLOR,

AND WE'RE GOING ON OUR OWN,
WHICH IS GREAT.

I'M SO EXCITED.

- ADRIENNE HAS INVITED ME,
BRANDI, AND DANA

TO GO TO THE PALMS
FOR A FUN GIRLS' WEEKEND.

I'M GLAD THAT YOU'RE
COMING WITH US THIS YEAR.

I'M GONNA GET SOME WATER,
SO I'M GONNA GO INSIDE.

- YEAH, SURE.

- WE SHOULD GET SOMETHING
TO EAT TOO.

- YEAH. SUSHI.
- I'M GONNA GET A SCOTCH.

- OKAY. [laughter]

- ADRIENNE?
- YES. I'M READY. I'M READY.

- OKAY, YOU KNOW, UNFORTUNATELY,
WE'RE RUNNING LATE, AS USUAL.

- I KNOW, I KNOW.

SHOULD I WEAR THIS SASH?

OH, NEVER MIND.

- IS IT A LITTLE BIT BUSY?
- NEVER MIND.

PAUL AND I ARE APPEARING
ON THE TALK SHOW THE DOCTORS.

AND THIS HAPPENS
TO BE AN EPISODE

ABOUT STAYING HEALTHY AND FIT
WHILE BEING BUSY.

- I HEARD I'M DOING
A SEGMENT WITH...

- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
- LET ME PUT MY SCRUBS IN HERE.

- CAN YOU GET ANOTHER BAG?

- WHY DO I... COME ON, MAN.
- 'CAUSE YOU SEE HOW BIG...

GO AHEAD. - WELL, LOOK-IT.

- GO AHEAD. SMASH EVERYTHING
THAT'S IN THERE.

- WAIT A MINUTE.
HOW AM I GONNA SMASH THIS...

- ALL MY STUFF IS IN HERE.
CAN'T YOU JUST SEPARATE IT?

'CAUSE I MIGHT NOT SEE YOU...
- I'LL JUST GET MY OWN BAG.

- I THINK THEY WANTED TO SHOW
A POWER COUPLE

THAT IS TRYING
TO WORK SCHEDULES OUT.

I DON'T KNOW WHY.

PAUL, COME ON!

- YOU ALWAYS LEAVE
YOUR LIGHTS ON.

I AM PRETTY HUNGRY, THOUGH.
- LET'S GO.

- ARE WE TAKING MY CAR
OR YOUR CAR?

- MY CAR.
I'M GONNA LET YOU DRIVE.

- WHEN HAVE YOU DRIVEN?
- MANY TIMES.

WHEN YOU FALL ASLEEP
WHILE YOU'RE DRIVING.

- BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY,
I GOTTA TELL YOU,

I'M EXTREMELY HUNGRY.

I HAD NOTHING FOR BREAKFAST.

- SEE, THAT'S THE PROBLEM.

YOU NEED TO HAVE SOMETHING FOR
BREAKFAST, EVEN IF IT'S SMALL.

- WELL, MAYBE YOU'LL GET UP...

WILL YOU GET UP AND MAKE ME
EGGS AND BACON IN THE MORNING?

- [chuckles]

PART OF BEING
HALF OF A POWER COUPLE

IS KNOWING WHEN TO DELEGATE.

PAUL WANTED BREAKFAST,
BUT THAT'S BERNIE'S JOB.

WATCH IT. - I SEE IT.

WHY DO YOU ALWAYS SAY "WATCH IT"
WHEN YOU KNOW I'M LOOKING?

- BECAUSE YOU GET RIGHT UP
BEHIND THE CAR,

AND THEN YOU SLAM ON YOUR BRAKE.

- LET'S COMPARE DRIVING
TECHNIQUES BETWEEN THE TWO...

- LET'S NOT GO THERE.

- YOU GET LOST
GOING AROUND THE CORNER.

- PAUL...

AT LEAST I CAN GET
AROUND THE CORNER.

- YOU KNOW, YOU LET ME
MAKE ALL YOUR DECISIONS.

- YOU DO. YOU MAKE A LOT
OF MY DECISIONS.

- NO, I DON'T.
- I KNEW YOU'D THROW THAT IN.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
DON'T GIVE ME THAT RIGHT NOW.

NOBODY IS AS CONTROLLING
AS YOU ARE.

OH, YOU GONNA GO THERE?
YOU GONNA START?

YOU'RE TRYING TO START
AN ARGUMENT.

NO. I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING.

- LIGHTEN UP. COME ON.

- COMING UP...

- ARE YOU GONNA CRY?
- NO. WHY?

- 'CAUSE YOU'VE NEVER SEEN ME
IN A WEDDING DRESS.

- OH, IT'S PERFECT.

- HI, HOW ARE YOU? I'M ADRIENNE.

- NICE TO MEET YOU.
- HI. NICE TO MEET YOU.

- HOW ARE YOU? NICE TO SEE YOU.

- GOOD. GOOD. COME ON UP.

LET'S TAKE YOU
TO YOUR GREEN ROOM.

- YOU GUYS DON'T HAPPEN TO HAVE
ANY, LIKE, CANDY, DO YOU?

LIKE, A LITTLE PIECE
OF CHOCOLATE?

ADRIENNE, TAKE A LOOK AT THIS.

- OH, MY GOSH. NO WAY.

- CHOCOLATE. OH...
- HE CAN'T STOP AT ONE BITE.

THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE
ABOUT FITNESS.

- OH.

- SERIOUSLY, PAUL'S...
OH, MY GOD.

- YOU'RE JUST TALKING TO THEM,
CONVERSATIONAL...

[cheers and applause]

- I HAVE BEEN
ON SEVERAL TALK SHOWS,

AND NORMALLY
IT'S EITHER BY MYSELF,

OR I'M WITH MY FAMILY.

HOWEVER, IT'S A LITTLE DIFFICULT

WHEN YOU'RE GOING ON
WITH YOUR HUSBAND.

- PLEASE WELCOME ADRIENNE MALOOF
AND HER HUSBAND,

PLASTIC SURGEON DR. PAUL MASSIF.

[cheers and applause]

YOU'RE A PLASTIC SURGEON.
YOU'RE A BUSINESSWOMAN.

YOU HAVE THREE KIDS.

OUR SHOW IS ABOUT
STAYING HEALTHY

DESPITE BEING BUSY.

HOW DO YOU GUYS DO THAT?
- WE ARE VERY BUSY.

IT'S 15-, 16-HOUR DAYS
DOING EVERYTHING.

I'M GETTING UP EARLY,
AND I'M WALKING OUR HILLS

AND WORKING OUT THEN, EARLY.

AND THE BIGGEST THING, THOUGH,
IS TRYING TO EAT PROPERLY

IN MULTIPLE SMALL MEALS A DAY.

- SEVERAL SMALL MEALS...
CANDY, NUTS, POPCORN.

- BASICALLY WHAT THEY FOUND
WHEN THEY POLLED AMERICAN WOMEN,

ABOUT 50% THOUGHT THAT
THEY WERE MORE SUCCESSFUL

THAN THEIR SPOUSES.

BUT WHAT DO YOU GUYS THINK?
- WOMEN ARE VERY METICULOUS,

AND THEY TAKE CARE OF DETAILS.

SO, FOR ME, I FEEL
THAT IT COULD BE EVEN.

I WOULDN'T NECESSARILY SAY THAT
I'M MORE SUCCESSFUL THAN PAUL,

BUT I DO KNOW THAT
I'M A BETTER DRIVER,

AND I CAN DIET
MUCH BETTER THAN HE CAN.

- AND IN THE END, IT'S ALL ABOUT
THAT INNER PERSONAL DYNAMIC.

AND I DON'T THINK
WHO IS MORE SUCCESSFUL

IS AS IMPORTANT AS
IS THE FAMILY SUCCESSFUL?

- NO.
- THANKS FOR INVITING US.

- KEEP IT UP.
- THANK YOU.

- I CAN'T EVEN HANDLE THIS.
THIS IS LIKE JEWELRY...

- NO, IT'S LIKE A CANDY STORE
FOR A DESIGNER.

- OH, MY GOD, RIGHT?

- OH, MY GOD.

- HI.
- HELLO, GLENN.

- HI.
- SO PUNCTUAL.

I'M SO PROUD OF YOU.

- I FEEL REALLY BAD
THAT I CAN'T MAKE IT

TO PANDORA'S BACHELORETTE PARTY.

I'D ALREADY SCHEDULED
A PHOTO SHOOT

TO SHOOT THE COVER OF MY BOOK,

AND I HAVE TO PLAN
THE WHITE PARTY.

- I THINK THIS IS A REALLY
BEAUTIFUL ALTERNATIVE OVER HERE.

I MEAN, IT'S OBVIOUSLY
A LOT MORE DRAMATIC.

- NOW, THAT IS OUR CHANDELIER.

- CAN I JUST THROW
SOMETHING OUT THERE REALLY...

CAN I JUST
THROW SOMETHING OUT THERE?

WHAT ABOUT IF YOU HAVE ALL
THE WHITE AND THEN THAT BLUE?

I MEAN, IT'S UNBELIEVABLE.
THERE'S SO MANY COLORS.

THERE'S PURPLE.
THERE'S RED. THERE'S BLUE.

- WERE UP-LIGHTING THE
SURROUNDINGS DIFFERENT COLORS.

LET'S KEEP
THE WHITE PARTY WHITE.

I LOVE THESE LITTLE BLACK ONES...
- 'CAUSE THIS IS CRAZY.

- OKAY, SO TWO BLACK...
AND THAT'S PRETTY.

- WHAT IF WE DID,
THOUGH, A COLOR?

- I DON'T THINK IT'S GONNA LOOK
PRETTY AGAINST THE WHITE.

- YOU ARE THE EVENT PLANNER.
- YOU ARE THE DESIGNER!

- I KNOW. THAT'S WHY...
- IT'S MY PARTY TOO!

[laughing]

- I'M GONNA CHANGE MY TITLE.

FIRST OF ALL, EVENT PLANNERS
ARE TYPICALLY WOMEN, I THINK.

- YOU'RE AN EVENT PRODUCER.
- YOU CAN JUST CALL ME

THE EVENT WHIPPING BOY.

EVENT WHIPPING BOY,
THAT'S WHO I AM.

- THE FINAL DECISION...
THE WHITE ONE ON THIS.

OKAY, CAN WE DO THAT ONE?
- THAT WHITE ONE'S GREAT.

- BY THE WAY, WE NEED
A MEZUZAH FOR THE DOOR.

- YEAH.
- WE NEED A COUPLE MEZUZAHS...

- ABEY, SHABBAT SHALOM.

- BECAUSE WE HAVE SOME PEOPLE
COMING INTO THE HOUSE

THAT HAVE THE EVIL EYE.

- WE HAVE A LOT
OF EVIL PEOPLE COMING.

- WE HAVE A LOT OF EVIL PEOPLE
COMING TO THE PARTY,

AND WE NEED A LOT OF PROTECTION.

- I'M GOING TO GET IT FOR YOU.

I SEND IT WITH THE MERCHANDISE
OVER, OKAY?

- SO I HEAR YOU HAVE
A CHANDELIER FOR ME TO LOOK AT.

- THE CHANDELIER?
- IN THE BACK?

I'M DONE. - GET OVER HERE.

- I'M ANTSY. WHAT ABOUT THIS?
WHAT ABOUT THIS?

- SO NOW THIS COULD BE
THE CABANA CHANDELIER.

GREAT FOR THE CABANA.

UHH... [glass shatters]

UM, MAYBE NOT.

- IS A GIFT FOR YOU.

- I REALIZE WHAT HAS
JUST HAPPENED.

- DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.
- [chuckles]

WE'LL TAKE THREE.

- I'M SORRY. I HAVE TO GO NOW.

- IT WAS NOT ME.
FAYE DROPPED IT.

BUT I'M GONNA PAY FOR IT, RIGHT?

WE'LL TAKE THAT ONE
FOR THE CABANA.

- HI.

I'M AT THE PALMS FOR BUSINESS,

BUT I INVITED THE GIRLS,
HOPING THAT THEY COULD HAVE

A LITTLE BIT OF FUN.

AND I THINK AT THIS POINT,
WE ALL NEED IT.

- [chuckles] I FOUND ERIN.

[laughter] - HI, ERIN.

- YOU KNOW MY SISTER?
- HI. HOW ARE YOU?

- THIS IS ERIN.
- I SAW YOU EARLIER.

- YEAH. HOW YOU DOING?
- HOW YOU DOING?

- IT'S OKAY IF ERIN WALKS...
- HOLDING HANDS?

NO. NO, NO, NO. - [laughs]

- WE'RE NOT DOING THAT.

- OH, WE'RE NOT DOING THAT.
- HAPPY NOW?

- SORRY, ERIN.

- COME ON, THEN.
- LOOK AT THAT, MUMMY.

- WELL, THAT'S BEAUTIFUL TOO.
- THAT'S SO BEAUTIFUL.

- HI, NICE TO MEET YOU.
- HI, I'M LISA.

- I'M LAURA.
- HEY.

- WE WANTED TO LOOK
AT IAN STUART DRESSES, I THINK.

- OH, OKAY.
- DO YOU HAVE A LOT OF THEM?

- YES, WE DO.
THEY'RE RIGHT OVER HERE.

- TO GO SHOPPING WITH PANDORA
AS A MOTHER

TO GET HER WEDDING DRESS,

I CAN'T THINK OF ANYTHING
I'D RATHER DO.

- I WANT YOU TO WEAR THE DRESS
THAT I SAW IN THE WINDOW.

- OH, GOD, DON'T YOU...
- YOU HAVE TO. WHERE IS IT?

- NO, WE'RE NOT... I AM NOT.

MAYBE I'LL JUST LOOK AT
SOME OF THE EVENING DRESSES.

PANDORA, DON'T BE RIDIC...
- I WANT YOU TO WEAR THIS.

- I'D LOOK LIKE AN IDIOT
WALKING DOWN THE AISLE

AT YOUR WEDDING WEARING THAT.

- WHY? IT'S PINK.
IT'S PERFECT FOR YOU.

- PANDORA, I HAVEN'T GOT TIME
TO TO MESS ABOUT.

GO AND TRY YOUR DRESS ON.

[chuckles] GET IN THERE.

- SHOULD I GET A TIARA?
- DARLING, JUST START.

- I AM STARTING.
I'M GETTING A TIARA.

- YOU DON'T NEED A TIARA.

BABY, JUST START.
PUT THE DRESS ON.

- ARE YOU GONNA CRY?
- NO. WHY?

- 'CAUSE YOU'VE NEVER SEEN ME
IN A WEDDING DRESS.

- OH...

- FIRST TIME.

- OH...

- IT'S BEAUTIFUL.
- YOU LIKE IT?

- OH, IT'S PERFECT.

WHEN SHE COMES OUT,
THE FIRST ONE...

OH, IT'S PERFECT.

I DON'T KNOW.
IT'S TOO MUCH FOR ME.

- TOLD YOU YOU WERE GONNA CRY.

- I'M NOT GOING TO CRY.

I LOVE YOU IN IT.

- I THINK I'D WANT
MORE DIAMONDS ON IT, THOUGH.

LET'S TRY ON ANOTHER ONE.
- OKAY.

- WHAT DO YOU THINK
OF HER, HMM, GIGSTER?

OH, DEAR, I JUST GOT
SOME WATER ON THERE.

- I LOVE THIS DRESS,
BUT IN WHITE, NOT PURPLE.

- I MEAN, I LOVE THEM ALL.
THAT'S THE PROBLEM.

IT'S GOT TO COME DOWN
TO WHAT YOU WANT, REALLY.

- THIS DRESS IS GORGEOUS.

- BUT I THINK YOU SHOULD
STAY TRUE

TO WHAT YOU WANTED
IN THE FIRST PLACE,

WITH THE PINK ROSES.

- I WISH I COULD HAVE
A DRESS LIKE THIS

WITH MORE DIAMONDS

AND THEN HAVE PINK ROSES
ALL THE WAY DOWN THE TRAIN.

DO YOU THINK YOU COULD ADD
TO SOMETHING LIKE THIS?

- OF COURSE. YES.

- GIGGY, AT LEAST PRETEND
TO BE INTERESTED.

- THAT IS SWEET, ISN'T IT?
- ISN'T IT CUTE?

- WHAT DOES JASON WANT?
HAVE YOU EVEN ASKED HIM?

WE DON'T CARE, REALLY, DO WE?

- HE WANTS ME TO HAVE
WHATEVER I WANT, PRETTY MUCH.

- EXACTLY. SMART MAN.

- OKAY, WELL, LET'S THINK
ABOUT IT, SHALL WE?

ONE MINUTE WE'RE SHOPPING
FOR WEDDING DRESSES,

AND THE NEXT MINUTE
WE'RE GOING TO VEGAS,

SHOPPING FOR NAKED MEN
FOR THE BACHELORETTE PARTY.

NOW, LET ME THINK,
WHICH DO I PREFER?

- GIG-JOG, DID YOU LIKE THAT?
- OH, MY, THAT WAS BEAUTIFUL.

- I STILL WANT YOU TO WEAR
THIS MASSIVE PINK...

- PANDORA, I WOULD LOOK LIKE
A COMPLETE BLOODY IDIOT

WALKING DOWN THE AISLE
BEHIND YOU

OR IN FRONT OF YOU
IN A BIG PINK BALL GOWN.

- I THINK YOU'D LOOK PERFECT.

- CAN YOU IMAGINE?
I ALREADY TOLD...

I'VE ALREADY BEEN TOLD
MY EGO'S OUT OF CONTROL.

[both laugh]

- COMING UP...

- DON'T TELL DADDY
I'M UP TO NO GOOD, OKAY?

IT'LL JUST BE OUR LITTLE SECRET.

- I'M SURE HE'LL NEVER FIND OUT.

- IT'LL BE OUR LITTLE SECRET.

- TA-DA!

- OH... MY...
- WOW.

- OH, MY GOSH.

- GOT THE FIREPLACE GOING
FOR YOU.

- AW.
- THIS PLACE IS AWESOME.

- I LOVE THE SIZE OF IT TOO.
- I LOVE IT.

- WOW, THAT'S SEXY.
- TA-DA.

- I LOVE IT.
- SO SEXY.

- WHAT A VIEW FROM YOUR BED.

- I'M EXCITED ABOUT TONIGHT.
- I KNOW.

I'M STILL WAITING
FOR THE OTHER GIRLS.

- YAY.

- WHOO-HOO.
- YAY, VEGAS!

- VEGAS, BABY!

- I ARRIVED AT THE PALMS.
I WAS SUPER EXCITED.

VEGAS IS ALWAYS FUN.
BRANDI AND VEGAS... FUN.

- KIM...

YOU'RE NOT COMING. I'M SO SAD.

I'M GONNA PUT HER ON SPEAKER
SO YOU GUYS CAN...

- I HAD TO, LIKE, TAKE MY OWN.

LIKE, I WANT TO MOVE THE TABLES.

THEN WE HAD MOVERS,
AND I'M, LIKE, "NO, NO, NO,

I WANT TO MOVE IT MYSELF."

AND I PULLED SOMETHING
IN MY NECK.

AND I LITERALLY... I CAN'T MOVE
LEFT TO RIGHT AT ALL.

LIKE, MY NECK JUST DOESN'T MOVE.

- WELL, WE'RE GONNA MISS YOU.

I'M HERE WITH CAMILLE AND D.D.

both: HEY, KIM.

I MISS YOU GUYS.
All: LOVE YOU. BYE.

- NO SURPRISE THAT KIM HAS
POSSIBLY MADE UP AN EXCUSE

NOT TO COME TO VEGAS.

SHE'S BUSY. SHE'S MOVING.
- SHE'S MOVING.

SHE'S GOT A NEW MAN IN HER LIFE.

I UNDERSTAND SHE HAS
A NEW BOYFRIEND,

SO I'M HOPING THAT
IT'S ABOUT THAT.

- WELL...
- GOOD FOR HER.

- I'M HAPPY FOR HER.

THAT'S GOOD.
- YEAH, YEAH, THAT'S GOOD.

- OH, MY GOSH.
- WE'RE HERE. WE'RE HERE.

OKAY, QUIT IT.

OKAY. OKAY. BEHAVE YOURSELVES.

EXACTLY. WHERE ARE THE OTHERS?

- VEGAS.

THANK YOU.

- OKAY, THANK YOU.
- HI.

- WELCOME TO PLANET HOLLYWOOD.
- AH, MY SHOE. THANK YOU.

- WERE YOU ABLE TO KEEP IT ON?

[all cheering]

- KEN DOESN'T KNOW
THE FULL STORY

ABOUT WHAT I'M GOING TO BE
UP TO IN VEGAS.

BUT LET'S BE HONEST,
I DON'T KNOW THE FULL STORY

ABOUT WHAT I'M GOING TO BE
UP TO IN VEGAS,

'CAUSE IF I DID, I PROBABLY
WOULDN'T BE GOING.

OKAY, COME ON.

DON'T FORGET, GIRLS,
IT'S TAYLOR'S BIRTHDAY.

[cheers and applause]

THANK YOU SO MUCH. - THANK YOU.

[all cheering]

- OH, MY GOD!
- OH, MY GOD!

- I LOVE FOOSBALL.

[overlapping chatter]

- CAN WE LOOK THROUGH THE SUITE?
- YEAH, HAVE A LOOK. GO.

- YOU'VE GOTTA TAKE THE TEA BAG
OUT BEFORE YOU DRINK IT.

- I'VE GOTTA LET IT SOAK.
- NO, YOU'VE GOTTA TAKE IT OUT

BEFORE IT HITS YOU IN THE FACE.
- IT HAS TO SOAK MORE.

- DARLING, TAKE IT OUT.
TRUST ME.

- IT'S NOT STRONG ENOUGH.
- TAKE IT OUT.

OKAY, YOU KNOW THEY'RE GONNA
GET ALL THIS MIXED UP.

OKAY, I'M GONNA STOP
BEING A MOTHER FOR A SECOND

AND LET THEM
SORT IT OUT THEMSELVES.

I THINK, ACTUALLY, THEY SHOULD
LOOK AFTER ME THIS WEEKEND,

NOT ME LOOKING AFTER THEM.
- ALL RIGHT, I SUPPORT THAT.

I'LL LOOK AFTER YOU. [laughs]

- SOMEHOW THAT DOESN'T MAKE ME
FEEL ANY BETTER.

- I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO SEEING
LISA WITH THE CHIPPENDALES.

THIS IS GONNA BE ONE
FOR THE RECORD BOOKS.

- PANDY,
YOU'VE GOTTA TAKE THE HEAT.

I DO NOT WANT TO BE THE TARGET
OF 50 CHIPMUNKS.

[laughter]

I'M SERIOUS.

I THINK IT'S GONNA BE GOOD
FOR TAYLOR

TO BE SHAGGED BY A CHIPMUNK.
YAY.

- ALL RIGHT.
- AHH, THAT WAS EASY.

- THEY ACTUALLY LET YOU IN
ONE OF THESE ROOMS.

- ALL RIGHTY.
- THIS IS NICE. WOW.

- THIS IS NICE, RIGHT?
- YEAH.

THIS IS MORE OUR SPEED.

I THINK THAT THE PARTY SUITE
IS OFF THE CHAIN, BUT...

- SHOULD WE JUST STAY IN
AND ORDER ROOM SERVICE?

I TELL YOU. [both laugh]

- LET'S DO.

- OH, MY GOODNESS.
- I KNOW.

THEY ARE CUTE, THOUGH. - YEAH.

- BEING GIRLS AND...

- YEAH. YOU'VE GOT SO MUCH
TO LOOK FORWARD TO.

YOUR DAUGHTER'S ONLY,
WHAT, FIVE?

- FIVE.

- I MEAN, IT'S THE BEST YEARS
TO COME, YOU KNOW?

IT'S JUST LIKE,
I ALWAYS USED TO YELL AT MAX.

YOU KNOW, HE USED TO LEAVE
HIS BACKPACK BY THE POOL.

YOU KNOW, JUST KIND OF
COME HOME,

DUMP IT THERE, DIVE IN THE POOL.

AND THEN SUDDENLY ONE DAY THAT
BACKPACK'S NOT THERE ANYMORE,

YOU KNOW, AND IT'S LIKE,

"GOD, I MISS THAT BACKPACK."

YOU KNOW, HOWEVER...
IT WAS ALWAYS IRRITATING,

YOU KNOW,
DUMPING HIS STUFF THERE.

I THINK, "OH, MY GOD,
I MISS IT."

YOU KNOW?

- THIS MORNING, KENNEDY HAD
MADE ME 40 CUPCAKES.

I THOUGHT I WAS GONNA HAVE TO
CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT,

WITH ALL THE CANDLES.
- OH, HOW SWEET.

- IT WAS REALLY SWEET.
AND THEY WERE ALL MISSHAPEN,

AND, YOU KNOW, NONE OF
THE TOPPINGS WERE THE SAME.

THERE WAS M&Ms AND...

- AND SHE DID THAT ON HER OWN...
- SHE HAD HELP. MY ASSISTANT.

- OH, REALLY?
- YEAH.

- I'M HAPPY THAT TAYLOR
IS WITH US,

AND I THINK SHE'S BEEN
IN A VERY SAD PLACE

FOR QUITE A WHILE.

SO NOW I'M GOING TO SHOW HER

A GOOD TIME TONIGHT.

[both laughing]

BYE.
- SEE YOU IN A LITTLE WHILE.

- OHH...

- I'M WRITING A BOOK,

AND TODAY
WE'RE SHOOTING THE COVER.

- ALL RIGHT, SO, LOOK,
THAT'S WHAT...

YOU GO IN THERE.

LIKE I SAID, JUST, LIKE,
GIVE EVERYTHING A SHOT

AND LET ME KNOW. - OKAY.

- WHEN THEY ASKED ME
TO DO THIS BOOK,

I THOUGHT IT'D BE
A GREAT OPPORTUNITY TO SHARE

EVERYTHING ABOUT MY LIFE...

MY RELATIONSHIP
WITH MY HUSBAND, MY KIDS,

FASHION, BEAUTY...
ALL MY PASSIONS.

- YEAH, I LOVE THAT IN HERE.

- I LOVE THAT.
- LOVE THAT.

- THE DEADLINE IS
FAST APPROACHING,

AND I'VE BEEN UP LATE
EVERY NIGHT.

SOMETIMES I'M WRITING
AT 2:00, 3:00 IN THE MORNING.

IT'S VERY FUN, IT'S EXCITING,
BUT IT'S A LOT OF PRESSURE.

[line ringing]

- HI, YOU'VE REACHED KIM,
AND I'M NOT AVAILABLE.

I HAVE LOST ALL CONTACTS,
SO PLEASE DO ME A FAVOR

AND LEAVE ME
YOUR TELEPHONE NUMBER

AND THE TIME THAT YOU CALLED.

PLEASE, I DON'T PICK UP
VOICE MAIL, SO...

- WELL, SO I GUESS
I DON'T LEAVE A MESSAGE.

- WHEN WAS SHE SUPPOSED
TO BE HERE?

I SAID, YOU KNOW, "THIS IS
AN IMPORTANT DAY FOR ME."

AND I REALLY WANTED HER
TO COME BY AND...

WHATEVER,
JUST BE SUPPORTIVE AND BE HERE.

AND SHE JUST, YOU KNOW,
DOESN'T EVEN PICK UP HER PHONE.

[line ringing]

- YOU HAVE ALL OF US.
WHAT DO YOU NEED HER FOR?

- I JUST WANTED MY SISTER TOO.

- HI, YOU'VE REACHED KIM,
AND I'M NOT AVAILABLE.

- DOES SHE ANSWER
HER HOME PHONE?

- I DON'T KNOW.
DOES SHE EVEN HAVE ONE?

- SHE SAYS SHE DOESN'T KNOW HOW
TO CHECK HER EMAIL,

DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO CHECK
HER FACEBOOK,

DOESN'T KNOW TWITTER...

SHE DOESN'T...
I DON'T UNDERSTAND.

- SHE'S LIVING IN THE 1900s
- STONE AGE.

I'M GONNA SEND HER
A MESSAGE IN A BOTTLE.

"GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE."
[line ringing]

WELL, I GUESS
SHE'S NOT GONNA PICK UP,

SO I'M GONNA TAKE IT
THAT SHE'S NOT COMING.

I DON'T KNOW IF THIS HAS
ANYTHING TO DO WITH KEN OR NOT,

BUT WE'VE COME TOO FAR
IN OUR RELATIONSHIP,

AND I JUST FEEL LIKE
IT'S SETTING US BACK.

- SO YOU'RE READY?
- I'M READY.

- ALL RIGHT.
- OKAY, SITTING AT THE TABLE?

- I THINK THAT'S GREAT.
- IT'S GOOD IF YOU...

HOLD IT, JUST LIKE THAT.

- THIS LOOKS STUNNING.
YES, THAT'S GORGEOUS.

- I LIKE THAT.
- YOUR PROFILE'S AMAZING.

- FABULOUS. I LIKE THAT.

- GORGEOUS.

- I KNOW THEY WANT IT TO BE,
LIKE, A GLAMOROUS COVER,

BUT I REALLY WANT IT TO CAPTURE
WHO I AM...

A LITTLE BIT OF GLAMOUR,
A LITTLE BIT OF CHAOS.

- HEY, ROXY. COME HERE.
[whistles]

- GIVE HER A LITTLE PIECE OF
CHEESE, AND SHE'LL COME RUNNING.

THIS IS HER CHEESE, ANYWAY.

SORRY, I STOLE
SOME OF YOUR CHEESE, ROXY.

- IT WOULD BE GREAT
IF YOU WERE SITTING LIKE THAT,

AND SHE... I SAW HER RIGHT HERE.

OH, PERFECT. YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.

EVEN BETTER.

OOH, NOW, IF IT COULD
JUST GET HER DOING THAT,

LIKE, IN THE FRONT
OF THE CAMERA RIGHT HERE.

SCOOCH HER OVER.
- WELL, THIS IS A DOG.

ROXY, THREE INCHES TO YOUR LEFT.

[laughter] LOOK AT THAT.

- WHERE'S THE DOG WRANGLER?
- ROXY, YEAH, GOOD GIRL!

- OKAY, QUICK. BE READY.

GET READY. HERE WE GO.
HERE'S THE SHOT.

- I LOVE IT. THAT'S SO GREAT.

- IT'S THE ULTIMATE.
THERE'S A BEAR IN THE HOUSE.

- MICHELLE, COME SEE THIS.

IT'S UNBELIEVABLE. - I LOVE IT.

SHE JUST MADE OUR SHOT.

- PORTIA'S HERE.
CAN PORTIA GET IN IT?

PORTIA, COME OVER HERE.
- NEXT TO MOMMY.

- COME STAND OVER HERE.

- COME HERE.

- YOU'RE GLAMOUR.
YOU'RE GLAMOUR.

- IT'S KIND OF SPECTACULAR,
THIS, ISN'T IT?

IT'S REALLY FUNNY.

- SMILE, PORSHY. CHEESE!

- MOMMY, WHAT HAPPENED
TO THE PHONE?

- LOOK AT IT.
- YEAH.

- YOU ARE VERY GLAMOROUS.

I LOVE THIS SHOT OF YOU.

LOOK AT YOUR HAIR.
YOUR HAIR LOOKS AMAZING.

- THAT'S COOL.
- AWESOME.

- YOU GUYS, THANK YOU SO MUCH.

THANK YOU SO MUCH
FOR EVERYTHING.

- ABSOLUTELY. THAT WAS AMAZING.

- IT WAS A LOT OF FUN.
- SO GOOD.

- THIS IS CUTE.

- OKAY, WELL, I'VE GOT

A NICE LITTLE TABLE FOR US.

PERFECT.

- I'M SO HUNGRY.

- MAY I OFFER YOU
THE WINE LIST THIS EVENING?

WHO WANTS TO TAKE CONTROL
OF THAT?

- GIVE IT TO MAMA BEAR.

- I'LL TAKE MAMA BEAR.
I LIKE THAT. OKAY.

WHAT I REALLY WANT IS
A BUCKET OF COLD WATER

TO STICK MY FEET IN.

THE THING IN VEGAS,

THE WALKING IS UNBELIEVABLE,
ISN'T IT?

EVERYTHING'S LIKE
A FIVE-MILE HIKE.

I'M GLAD TO SEE A BOX THIS SIZE.

IT MEANS IT'S NOTHING RUDE.

BECAUSE I DID KIND OF SAY,
"COME ON..."

- DO YOU THINK I WOULD BUY
ANYTHING RUDE?

- NO, YOU WOULDN'T,
BUT SOME OF THESE GIRLS WOULD.

OH, THAT IS SO SWEET.
- LOOK AT THIS.

IT SAYS "PROPERTY
OF JASON SABO."

- PROPERTY OF JASON SABO.

EXCUSE ME, YOU'RE ACTUALLY
THE PROPERTY OF ME.

I CREATED YOU.
- YOU'VE RELINQUISHED ME.

- NO, I HAVEN'T.
- [gasps]

[hums sinister fanfare]

- A DAUGHTER...
A DAUGHTER IS FOREVER.

- THANK YOU.

- A DAUGHTER IS A DAUGHTER
FOR LIFE.

AND A SON IS A SON
TILL HE GETS HIS WIFE.

AW. - OH, NO.

I WON'T GIVE HIM UP EITHER.

- SHE'S GONNA CRY.
- OH, STOP IT. I'M FINE.

ACTUALLY, LET'S PROPOSE A TOAST.

THANK YOU ALL FOR COMING SO MUCH

AND MAKING THIS
REALLY MEMORABLE.

- I WOULDN'T HAVE MISSED IT
FOR THE WORLD.

[laughter]

[all shrieking]

- IT'S AMAZING!
- OH, MY GOD!

- GOT A BOWLING ALLEY!

- OH, MY GOD!

- HI.
- I LOVE THIS.

- YOU LOOK AMAZING.
- SO DO YOU.

- TURN AROUND.
- OH. [gasps]

ARE WE BOWLING?
THAT IS HILARIOUS.

- SHE MADE IT!
- YAY!

- BEING IN VEGAS WITH ADRIENNE
IS SO COOL

BECAUSE IT'S LIKE BEING
WITH ROYALTY.

JUST PEOPLE BEND OVER BACKWARDS,

AND YOU JUST GET
THE BEST SERVICE.

- WHAT DO YOU...
ARE YOU GOOD WITH WHITE WINE?

- I AM VERY GOOD WITH IT.
YEAH. THANK YOU.

I DON'T REGRET NOT BEING
WITH LISA AND TAYLOR.

- SO CHECK THIS OUT.

SO IT'S 125 CARATS
OF PERFECT DIAMONDS.

AND IT UNLOCKS,
AND INSIDE IS THE LOLLIPOP.

IT'S FOR SALE
FOR A MILLION DOLLARS.

- I COULD THINK OF OTHER THINGS
I'D PUT A MILLION DOLLARS INTO

OTHER THAN A LOLLIPOP HOLDER.

- YOU WANT TO TRY TO BOWL?
CAN WE TRY?

- GO AHEAD. KNOCK YOURSELF OUT.

RIGHT IN THE GUTTER.
- BEAUTIFUL.

- AND WITH HEELS ON,
IT'S A LITTLE...

- YOU'RE AWESOME.
- IT'S SUPER DIFFICULT.

- OKAY, THERE IT IS.

- I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA FALL.

- OOH. [laughs]

- OOH, GOD.

I THINK I MIGHT GET A STRIKE.

- THAT WAS GOOD.

- DOS.
- WHOO!

- WELL, YOU KNOW,
I'M TRYING TO FIGURE OUT

HOW TO BE SEXY AND DO THIS

WITH HEELS ON AT THE SAME TIME.

- YOU'RE LIKE A PROFESSIONAL
BOWLER OVER HERE, GIRL.

- IT'S BARBIE BOWLER.
- DOES IT WORK?

- I LOVE THAT. BARBIE BOWLER.

- OH, MY GOSH, YOU'RE SO TINY.
I WANT YOUR WAIST.

- SO ARE YOU.
- GIVE IT TO ME. GIVE IT TO ME!

- I THINK BRANDI HAS A FUTURE
WITH THIS GROUP OF GIRLS.

SHE TELLS IT LIKE IT IS,

AND SHE MAKES NO APOLOGIES
FOR WHO SHE IS.

AND SHE'S A LOT OF FUN
TO BE AROUND.

- PERFECT.

- NICE. [all cheer]

- SHE'S HOT.

- WHAT DO YOU THINK...
DO I LOOK SUITABLY SLUTTY

FOR A MOTHER OF THE BRIDE?

- I THINK THEY'D LIKE YOU
A LITTLE LESS CLOTHED.

- THIS CAR WASN'T DESIGNED
FOR THIS.

OH! OKAY, OH! [laughter]

- OKAY. OH...
- VERY GOOD.

- THAT WAS VERY ELEGANT.

OKAY, THANK YOU. - BYE.

- OH! SO JUST REMEMBER
IT'S TAYLOR'S BIRTHDAY, OKAY?

- THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IS
THE MOTHER OF THE BRIDE.

- I DON'T THINK SO.

I DON'T THINK
THE MOTHER OF THE BRIDE,

IN THIS EQUATION, IS...

- DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT,
NOBODY'S GONNA FORGET.

[laughter]

- OH, NICELY PLAYED, PANDORA.

[overlapping chatter]

- HAVE YOU GOT ANOTHER ONE
THAT SAYS

"GOD HELP ME" ON IT? [laughter]

WELL, IF YOU CAN'T BEAT THEM,
LET'S JOIN THEM.

- YES.
- BEAUTIFUL.

- DON'T TELL DADDY
I'M UP TO NO GOOD, OKAY?

IT'LL JUST BE OUR LITTLE SECRET.

- I'M SURE HE'LL NEVER FIND OUT.
- IT'LL BE OUR LITTLE SECRET.

- COMING UP...

- WAS IT EMBARRASSING? YES.

DO I WANT TO DO IT AGAIN? YES.

- I'M GONNA GO SEE
THE CHIPPENDALES

AND SEE WHAT I'VE BEEN MISSING
ALL THESE YEARS.

- LADIES, COME RIGHT IN HERE.

- FOR GOD SAKES, I'M TERRIFIED.

- YOU'RE TERRIFIED?
- HI.

IT'S CHIPMUNK HEAVEN.
- OH, HELLO.

- HI.
- HELLO.

- LADIES, THESE ARE
ALL THE GENTLEMEN.

- KEN. NICE TO MEET YOU.
- NICE TO MEET YOU... KEN.

OH, THAT'S OKAY, THEN. - YEAH.

- I JUST WANTED TO ASK YOU,
ARE YOU GONNA, LIKE,

TAKE ALL THE KIT OFF,
OR IS IT GONNA BE A MODEST SHOW?

- YOU'LL SEE SOME ASS,
DEFINITELY.

BUT WE PROTECT OURSELVES
WITH WHAT WE CALL A COCK SOCK.

- A WHAT?

YOU KNOW, I HAVEN'T SEEN
SOMETHING LIKE THAT IN YEARS.

I, YOU KNOW...

KEN DOESN'T WEAR
HIS COCK SOCK OUT.

SO HOW LONG DID IT TAKE
TO KNIT YOUR SOCKS?

I'M GOOD AT KNITTING. [laughter]

ALL RIGHT, GOOD LUCK.
- KEEP YOUR SOCKS ON.

[laughter]

- THIS IS GONNA RUIN US
FOR A LONG TIME.

- OH, I THINK IT'S STARTING.

[cheers and applause]

[house music]

♪♪ ♪♪

[women cheering, shrieking]

♪♪ ♪♪

- EW, IT'S SWEATY!

- ACTUALLY, THIS IS WAY MORE FUN
THAN I ANTICIPATED.

AND IF IT'S WRONG,
I DON'T WANT TO BE RIGHT.

♪♪ ♪♪

- AAH!

THEY JUST DID SOME KIND
OF THING...

HOLD ME.

[women cheering, shrieking]

♪♪ ♪♪

- YOU'RE HURTING ME!

WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
CALM DOWN.

- I'M SORRY. I'M SHOCKED!
- CALM DOWN, WOMAN!

CALM DOWN, FOR GOD'S SAKE.

HAVE YOU NEVER SEEN
A GROWN MAN NAKED?

- MY REACTION TO
THE CHIPPENDALES SHOW WAS

HALF TERROR AND HALF THRILLED.

[laughing]

[dance music]

♪♪ ♪♪

- SOMETIMES IT'S JUST
REALLY GREAT

TO LET YOUR HAIR DOWN
AND ENJOY BEING A WOMAN.

♪♪ ♪♪

- CAMILLE AND BRANDI GRINDING UP
AGAINST EACH OTHER...

OH, MY GOSH.

♪♪ ♪♪

- THINGS GOT A LITTLE CRAZY.

♪♪ ♪♪

- I HAD A REALLY GOOD TIME
BEING WITH THIS GROUP OF LADIES.

I WOULD HAVE LOVED TO
HAVE SHOWN LISA A GREAT TIME,

BUT... OH, WELL.

♪♪ ♪♪

- I WANT TO KNOW WHO'S READY
TO PLAY WITH ME, HUH?

[all cheering]

- YOU AND YOUR MOM.

[laughter, shrieks]

- OKAY!

- CONTESTANT NUMBER ONE,

YOU'VE GOT TEN SECONDS
TO DEMONSTRATE

ONE NASTY LAP DANCE. - OH!

♪♪ ♪♪

- PANDORA WAS GIVING IT
A LITTLE WIGGLE AND EVERYTHING,

AND I WAS KIND OF THINKING,
"OKAY, I'M ALL RIGHT WITH THAT,"

BUT I STILL DON'T WANT TO
SEE MY DAUGHTER GYRATING

OVER THE LAP OF A CHIPMUNK.

♪♪ ♪♪

- NOW, LISA, SHE CAN WORK IT.

SHE WAS MOVING THAT THING
IN HIS FACE.

- I JUST HAD TO SHOW THEM
THERE'S LIFE IN THE OLD DOG YET.

♪♪ ♪♪

TAYLOR WAS ACTUALLY
MUCH MORE RESTRAINED THAN I WAS.

SHE DID A LITTLE WIGGLE,
AND THEN SHE SAT DOWN.

- THANK YOU.

- THEY ALL DID A GREAT JOB.

WE GOTTA FIND
ONE WINNER, LADIES,

AND I NEED YOUR HELP TO DO THAT.

IS IT GONNA BE
CONTESTANT NUMBER ONE?

[cheers and applause]

HOW ABOUT CONTESTANT NUMBER TWO?

[loud cheers and applause]

OR CONTESTANT NUMBER THREE!

[scattered cheers]

- I'M GONNA HAVE TO GO
WITH CONTESTANT NUMBER TWO!

[cheers and applause]

- WAS IT EMBARRASSING? YES.

DO I WANT TO DO IT AGAIN?

YES. [laughs]

- THAT WAS SO FUNNY.
THAT WAS SO FUNNY.

- I'M NO LONGER
A CHIPPENDALE VIRGIN.

- HOW DO WE GET OUT OF HERE?

- DO YOU GUYS WANT TO GO TO
EPITOME AND GET YOUR NAILS DONE?

- YEAH.
- YOU WANT TO GO OVER THERE?

- OKAY.

AND THEN WE'LL GO LOOK
AT DRESSES FOR THE WHITE PARTY.

COME ON, GIRLS. - ALL RIGHT.

- HUG YOU.
- OKAY, OKAY, OKAY, OKAY.

- HEY, THERE.
- HEY, KYLE.

- HOW ARE YOU?
- I'M GOOD. HOW ARE YOU?

- GOOD.
- YOU LOOK GORGEOUS, AS ALWAYS.

- THANK YOU.

SO WE'RE LOOKING FOR SOMETHING
FOR OUR ANNUAL WHITE PARTY.

THIS IS A VERY PRETTY
VINTAGE DRESS.

LOOK AT THAT... IT'S $295.

ESTELLA, THAT WOULD BE PRETTY
ON YOU. WILL YOU TRY IT ON?

I WOULD ALLOW OFF-WHITE
FOR THE WHITE PARTY,

ONLY BECAUSE YOU'RE
THE MOTHER-IN-LAW.

I THINK THAT'S BEAUTIFUL.
IT'S VERY ELEGANT.

I NEED TO START DRESSING YOU.

[gasps]
OH, MY GOSH, IT'S GORGEOUS!

LOOK HOW BEAUTIFUL
AND ELEGANT THAT LOOKS, ESTELLA.

YEAH, WE HAVE TO GET THAT.
WE'LL GET THAT.

SO YOU CAN WRAP THAT UP.
I'M GONNA GO GET MY CREDIT CARD.

- YEAH. OKAY.
- MY KIDS STOLE MY CREDIT CARD.

I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

MY GIRLS ARE NEXT DOOR
GETTING THEIR NAILS DONE.

ON MY WAY TO GO GET
MY CREDIT CARD FROM ALEXIA...

LOOK WHO I FOUND
AT THE SHOE STORE.

- I DON'T WANT TO DO THAT.

- WHAT?
- I DON'T WANT TO TALK TO HER.

- OH, WOW.

- HI.
- WHAT A SURPRISE SEEING YOU.

- HOW ARE YOU?
- THANK YOU.

- HERE'S A LITTLE "PREZZY"
FOR YOU.

- YOU ARE SO NICE.
THANK YOU SO MUCH.

- YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL.
- THANK YOU.

WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN DOING?
- MOVING.

- WHERE TO?

- NOT FAR.
- NOT FAR?

GOOD, GOOD. - YEAH.

- THIS IS YOURS, ESTELLA.

- OKAY. SO...
- THERE YOU GO.

- WOW.

- DON'T LET IT DRAG
ON THE FLOOR.

- LOOK AT THIS.
- I LOVE THAT. VINTAGE.

- YOU HAVE A FEW MINUTES?

- DO I?

- YEAH.

I HAVE TO GO GET MY KIDS
AND RUN,

SO I'M GONNA CHAT WITH HER
AND THEN GO.

- ALL RIGHT.
- LOVE YOU. BYE.

THANK YOU. SEE YOU LATER. BYE.

OH, MY GOD, THAT WAY, I CAN
WATCH THE KIDS PLAY ANYWAY.

WHAT'S GOING ON? - SO...

THIS IS A LITTLE HARDER
THAN I THOUGHT... THIS MOVE.

YOU KNOW, I'VE BEEN ALONE
FOR SO LONG,

AND I THINK THE KIDS ARE...
CHAD'S COOL WITH IT.

HE'S SO HAPPY.

BUT BROOKE AND KIMBERLY
ARE TAKING IT REALLY HARD.

- LIKE HOW? WHAT'S HAPPENING?

- THEY JUST... BROOKE FEELS LIKE

SHE DOESN'T GET ANY TIME
WITH ME ANYMORE,

AND THAT I DON'T CALL HER
EVERY DAY,

WHICH I DO,
BUT SHE FEELS LIKE I DON'T.

I THINK KIMBERLY SAID TO ME
THE OTHER DAY,

"I'M GLAD YOU CAN LIVE
WITHOUT ME NOW."

BUT I CAN'T.

- "YOU CAN LIVE WITHOUT ME?"

I SAID, "KIMBERLY, THIS IS NOT
FOR ME TO BE WITHOUT YOU.

THIS IS FOR US TO START A LIFE,
A NEW LIFE, FOR ME, YOU KNOW?"

THEY'VE NEVER REALLY LIKED...

I MEAN, THAT'S WHY
I'VE NEVER REALLY DATED.

THEY'VE NEVER REALLY
LIKED ANYBODY.

- WELL, EVERYBODY WANTS
THE BEST FOR YOU.

- REALLY?
- YEAH.

- [crying] THEN WHY CAN'T
EVERYBODY BE HAPPY FOR ME?

WELL, I THINK
THEY'RE JUST WONDERING

IF YOU REALLY ARE HAPPY.

IF THAT SITUATION...

- IF I SAY I'M HAPPY,
THEN I'M HAPPY.

- YOU LOOK REALLY THIN,
BY THE WAY.

- I KNOW.

[sobbing, speaking indistinctly]

- KIM, WHAT...

ARE YOU NOT EATING?

- NOT A LOT.

- I DON'T SEE KEN

AS BEING A POSITIVE INFLUENCE
ON MY SISTER.

- I WANT THEM TO KNOW
THIS IS NOT SOMETHING I CHOSE

TO DO WITH HIM
AND LOSE THREE OF MY KIDS

THAT I SPENT MY WHOLE LIFE,
AND I GAVE UP EVERYTHING...

AND ALL OF A SUDDEN,
I PICK SOMEONE,

AND I LOSE MY KIDS.

FORGET IT.

- COMING UP...

- I'VE BEEN ALONE FOR 18 YEARS.

- WELL, THEN DON'T DO THAT
TO YOURSELF.

- [crying]

I WANT THEM TO KNOW
THIS IS NOT SOMETHING I CHOSE

TO DO WITH HIM
AND LOSE THREE OF MY KIDS

THAT I SPENT MY WHOLE LIFE,
AND I GAVE UP EVERYTHING...

AND ALL OF A SUDDEN,
I PICK SOMEONE,

AND I LOSE MY KIDS.

I NEED THEM TO BE
ON BOARD WITH ME.

- THIS IS THE THING.

I FEEL LIKE SOMETIMES YOU...

YOU CHOOSE PEOPLE
WHO ARE LIKE THAT,

WHO COME IN AND WANT TO,
LIKE, JUST SWOOP YOU UP.

THAT DOESN'T NECESSARILY MEAN
YOU LOVE HIM, YOU KNOW?

IT'S LIKE NOT EVERY PERSON
THAT'S NICE TO YOU,

YOU NEED TO, YOU KNOW,
FALL IN LOVE WITH

AND HAVE A RELATIONSHIP WITH.

- HE'S THE KIND OF GUY, TOO.

YOU KNOW, "IT'S BEDTIME.
LIGHTS OUT," YOU KNOW.

AND IT'S NOT ALL MY WAY.
HE'S THE BOSS.

- IT SEEMS TO ME LIKE KEN IS
A LITTLE OBSESSED WITH MY SISTER

AND VERY CONTROLLING.

I KNOW KIM WANTS ME TO LIKE HIM,

BUT THIS INFORMATION
ISN'T HELPING ME.

- THIS IS...

NOT WHAT I HAD IN MIND.

- I THINK IT'S JUST
A BIG ADJUSTMENT FOR EVERYONE.

YOU JUST SPRUNG IT ON US.

ALL OF A SUDDEN, YOU SAID,
"LOOK HOW HAPPY I AM.

I'M MOVING IN."

I THINK MAYBE THEY FEEL
THE SAME WAY.

SO WE WEREN'T SURE
IF YOU WERE REALLY HAPPY,

OR YOU WERE JUST THINKING,
"THIS PERSON IS NICE TO ME,

AND I'M JUST GONNA GO WITH IT."

- I JUST REALLY WANTED
TO TAKE THE TIME

TO WORK ON HE AND I.

AND I KNOW
HOW THE KIDS GET, SO...

AND I'M USED TO GIVING THEM
ALL MY TIME.

SO, WHEN... WHEN THEY COME,
I GIVE THEM ALL THAT TIME.

AND HE'D BE LIKE,
"WHAT ABOUT ME?"

AND I'M LIKE, "IT'S MY TIME
WITH MY KIDS. I'M SORRY."

'CAUSE THAT'S WHAT
THEY'RE USED TO.

- AND IT SHOULD BE LIKE THAT.
- I WANT...

I WANT TO LOVE SOMEBODY
LIKE THIS,

AND I WANT THEM TO LOVE ME BACK.

YOU'VE HAD...
I'VE BEEN ALONE FOR 18 YEARS.

- I KNOW.

I KNOW.

- I'M TIRED OF WALKING
IN PLACES ALONE...

SLEEPING ALONE.

- WELL, THEN YOUR KIDS ARE
GONNA HAVE TO STICK BY YOU

NO MATTER WHAT... WE ALL WILL.

- MAYBE YOU CAN HELP ME.

I'M SO UPSET.

- OH, STOP, STOP, STOP.

- [gasping]

- STOP.

KIM, DON'T DO THAT TO YOURSELF.

[softly] STOP. STOP.

SHE NEEDS TO BE WORKING
ON HERSELF

AND NOT JUMPING
INTO SOMETHING LIKE THIS.

BUT IF I SAY THAT,

THINGS ARE NOT GONNA GO WELL.

- NEXT ON THE REAL HOUSEWIVES
OF BEVERLY HILLS...

- WATCH THE FINGER,
LIKE, LITERALLY.

- NO, NO, NO. I'M NOT GONNA
WATCH ANY [bleep] FINGER.

- WATCH THE FINGER - I WILL NOT.

- ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

- [mockingly]
"ARE YOU KIDDING ME?"

- RUSSELL SENT A EMAIL
THREATENING TO SUE CAMILLE...

- BECAUSE SHE JUST REPEATED
SOMETHING THAT TAYLOR SAID?

OH, COME ON, THAT'S RIDICULOUS.

- THIS IS A REALLY BAD POSITION
TO BE PUT IN.

- YOU JUST WALK UP TO HER
AND SAY,

"I'M SORRY. YOU'RE NOT INVITED."

- SHE'S NOT GONNA TRUST
EITHER OF US AGAIN.

- THE IDEA THAT I HAVE TO
GO OUT AND TELL MY FRIEND

THAT SHE CANNOT COME
INTO MY PARTY FEELS TERRIBLE.

- WE HAVE A PROBLEM.

- TO LEARN MORE
ABOUT THE HOUSEWIVES,