The Prisoner (1967–1968): Season 1, Episode 10 - It's Your Funeral - full transcript

(Thunder)

(Six) Where am I?

(Two) In the village.

(Six) What do you want?

(Two) Information.

(Six) Whose side are you on?

(Two) That would be telling.

(Two) We want information...

(Two) Information...

(Two) Information.

(Six) You won't get it.



(Two) By hook or by crook...
. . .we will.

(Six) Who are you?

(Two) The new Number Two.

(Six) Who is Number One?

(Two) You are Number Six.

(Six) I am not a number.
I am a free man!

(Number Two laughs)

At last.

- What are you doing here?
- I was going to wake you.

You have. Who are you?

I'm a number, just like you.
Does it matter which?

- How did you get in?
- The door was open.

Always is, to them.

- I'm not one of them.
- No. What do you want?



Help.

The Citizens' Council promises
help and advice to everyone!

- Their Citizens' Council.
- What's theirs is yours.

I'm NOT one of them!

No. No one is.

Go back, tell them I was not
interested, I wouldn't even listen.

What's the point?
They know already.

I WON'T GO FOR IT,
WHATEVER IT IS!

So you may as well stop trying.

We never stop, Number Six.

Now we'll see
how accurately they've timed it.

Yesterday, she was given one of
the new moprobomate drugs.

She knows nothing about it.

Yesterday?

It's triggered by the
nervous system.

It's then released to the desired
quantities to produce

instant tranquillity
or temporary oblivion.

But why?

In anticipation of Number Six
throwing her out,

which he was about to do.

- And will, when she revives.
- No.

She's become a lady in distress.

He's going to be all
good deeds and sympathy.

She'll come to, soon.

I don't recall my procedure
agenda authorising

the door being
left open... at night.

An afterthought. To ensure that
once the girl decided to see him,

she'd have access.

Can't she knock on a door?

He doesn't always answer.
It seemed like a good idea.

It wasn't, because now he's
going to assume we sent her.

And we don't want that, do we?

Do we?

No.

This plan is too important
for slapdash improvisations,

no matter how good
the idea seems.

Yes, Number Two.

She's coming out of it.

Exactly the time the chemist said.

Sorry.

- Exhaustion.
- No.

Drugs.

Your pupils are contracted.

I don't take drugs.

Force-feeding, then.

- Why would they?
- You tell me.

You'll condescend to listen?

As long as what you're saying
isn't too obviously phoney, yes.

- I'll find help elsewhere.
- Did they tell you to find it here?

Think what you like.
It doesn't matter any more.

No. No, it does matter.

This concerns the welfare
of everybody in this village.

Welfare's our biggest
consumer item!

Joke about this if you can:
assassination.

- Organisation or prevention?
- Prevention.

- Everyone would suffer reprisals.
- What can I do?

I told you -
help prevent an assassination.

They've HEARD, they are AWARE
and they don't need anyone's help!

They don't believe me.

No comment.

So much caution in a man like you
seems wrong!

Many times bitten, forever shy.

But they're not shy,
they love to listen.

You don't understand.
My name, my number - on a list.

- Honours or deportation?
- Jamming.

Domestic science?

Jamming's our most important way
of fighting back.

Enlighten me now.

No. I tell lies, remember?

I'm sorry I ever bothered you.

Call in any time.

If only I had a bit longer...

- We're late as it is.
- I KNOW! Better than anybody.

(Phone bleep)

Yes, sir. At once.

Number Two here.

Yes, but what put us behind
was the girl's hesitancy.

She took a long time
making up her mind to see him.

I had hoped to catch up,
but Number Six refused

to have anything to do with her,
which caused another delay.

If we could replace him
with someone less suspicious.

I realise that, sir.
The reason we selected Number Six -

a matter of credibility without
which the plan might backfire.

Indeed I will. As you say,
I must find a way to interest him.

Yeah... I want today's
Activities Prognosis on Number Six -

quickly as possible.

Standby for priority.
Standby for priority.

Today's Activities Prognosis on
Number Six - Number Two requires it.

6:30 am, subject exercises daily
with a walk round The Village.

Daily, climbs the bell tower.
Reason unknown.

Subject certainly watching,
waiting. Constantly aggressive.

Is possible subject likes view.

7:30 am. Physical work-out
with subject's home-made apparatus.

8:1 5 am. The subject cooling off.

9 o'clock am.
Coffee at café and buys newspaper.

9:20 am. Subject proceeds to old
people's home for game of chess,

ending with an 1 1 -move
checkmate win by subject.

Humours eccentric resident
by sitting for portrait.

Or perhaps has ulterior motive.

Yeah... You're satisfied with
your progress on Plan Division Q?

We're on time.
You can quote me in your report.

Mmm, well, I shall.

Any sign of penetration
of your cover?

No. They still see me as a prisoner.

Getting along with your subject?

We're kindred spirits. Comrades.
There'll be no trouble from him.

- You moved.
- Sorry.

What they do, these jammers,
they talk about plots.

Plots?

Escapes mostly,
but plans for all kinds of mischief.

They do it to confuse the observers.

- Still, please!
- So sorry.

The plots they talk about
are always make-believe.

Control can't know
until they've checked them out.

Used to run around
investigating jammers' schemes.

Used to?

Now they just keep a list
of all known jammers.

Anything Control picks up
from them, they ignore.

I see.

- What do you think?
- Perfect likeness.

I brought the Activities Prognosis.

How accurate are they?

- We don't know.
- Why not?

Twice, our machines refused to give
efficiency percental appraisals.

Refused?

- How?
- By not returning the data to us.

They'll want a trade union next.

Go ahead, read it out to me, please.

It is 1 0: 1 9 exactly. The subject
is strolling through The Village.

- Go on.
- At 1 0:20 he will go to the Kiosk.

He will buy a copy
of the newspaper...

...a bar of soap...

...and a bag of sweets.
- Oh, no.

He never eats candy.

- According to the prognosis...
- It doesn't matter!

It's wrong - it doesn't work.

It'll only take a moment to find out.

All right. Go ahead.

(Woman) But I must have them!

You've used your week's credit.
Come back tomorrow.

I can't go through a day
without my sweets!

Sorry. Yes?

A bag of candy for the lady.

My apologies.
How did you know?

Patient prognosis
includes a quantum permutation

of the effect of all elements.

In other words,
the computer calculated

the woman's behaviour
would change that of Number Six.

The subject will proceed
to the old people's home.

At 1 0:45 he will undertake
a game of chess with Number 82,

the 1 5-minute game ending with an
1 1 -move checkmate win by Number Six.

- A second chess match...
- Forget the chess matches. Go on.

Between 1 1 :40 and 1 1 :50, he arrives
at the gym for kosho practice.

- That's it.
- There's more - he's very active.

No, I've found what I want.

Yes, Number Two.

You know what I have in mind.

(Gong clash)

(Oriental music)

(Chimes)

(Bell rings)

Good afternoon.

It's, er, stopped.

Just be a moment.

(Clicks)

It's all right now.

Intriguing. What's it for?

It's nothing. It's just a toy.

Good. Very good. Thank you.

(Shop bell chimes)

Well? Was it all right?

Exactly right.

I don't understand why
we need to expose our method.

It will be explained
to you in time.

No, now! What do we gain
by letting the enemy know?

Add to their confusion,
that's what.

They don't believe
anything we say or do.

That's why we're able
to carry out our plan.

- Saw you go in. How'd you find out?
- I beg your pardon?

What put you on
to the watchmaker?

Er, my...my watch. It stopped.

That the only reason
you called on my father?

Father? That explains your concern.

- And you? Same total disinterest?
- Not quite.

What's happened?
What's made you so interested?

I don't believe a device to detonate
explosives by radio is a toy.

Neither does your father.

- I suppose it may work.
- It IS working.

I'll take a bow later.

Whatever you call it,
Plan Division Q is murder.

Stick to your duties.
Leave the rest to 1 -0-0.

Think Number Six has fallen for it?

No, not yet.

But he will, he will.

And you'll be showered
with congratulations.

Yes...
Well, after he's been here to warn me

that an assassination
is being plotted,

and that I am the intended victim.

- Tell me what you know.
- Very little.

- The victim?
- Number Two.

- Go on.
- I don't know anything else.

Not when, how or where they'll do it.

- They?
- Yes, there's another man.

I've seen him, but don't know him.

Who's anyone here?

Let's go and see your father.

Think you can make him
listen to reason?

Maybe. If he's still able to.

Certain of your
subject's indoctrination?

Never had a failure.
I won't with the watchmaker.

You'll see.

- Hello, Father.
- Ah, Monique.

I believe you've met
this gentleman.

Yes. It has stopped again?

No, it's running well.

- We've come to talk.
- I can guess what about.

The look on your face,
tone of your voice.

- Do we ever talk of anything else?
- We did, before this insane idea.

You see me as a madman?

You must give it up. For my sake.

Not again!
I'm SICK of your begging and whining.

There'll be no more of it.
NO MORE!

You refuse to understand.
What I am doing is for principle.

We're all in this prison for life.

But I've met no one here
who has committed a crime.

I'll protest so they can't ignore it.

Some other way. Not by murder.

Assassination!

The entire Village will be punished.

Maybe we need to wake them up
out of their lethargy -

make them angry enough to FIGHT!
- If they survive the punishment!

It's no use.
You'll never understand.

It's YOU who doesn't understand.

I must get back to my work.
It must be ready in time.

Father!

Must get on with my work!

My apologies. Well done.

He can't reason with the watchmaker,
so he'll come to warn you.

(Number Two)
Camera One, are you ready?

- Ready, sir.
- Stay alert. Camera Two?

- Camera Two ready.
- Audio?

All set, Number Two.

Ah, Number Six, my dear fellow.
Do come in, do come in.

Shall I order coffee or tea?

Forgo the amenities.
This isn't a social call.

Oh. Well, then, to what do I owe
the pleasure of your company?

I'm here to deliver a warning.

A warning? What about?

- A plot to kill you.
- To what?

- To kill you - assassinate you.
- Uh?

Ass-ass-inate you.

- I don't believe it.
- There are some unhappy people here.

I have seen the list of malcontents.

It might interest you to know
you are top of the bill.

I'll do my best to live up to it.

What, by saving my despicable life?

- Not for your sake.
- Oh. What, then?

If they killed you,
what would your people do?

They would punish those responsible.
What do you expect?

A mass reprisal of a
never-to-be-forgotten deterrent.

Oh, I see.
Yes...

Well, I still don't believe it.

My observers would have told me.
They do see and hear everything.

- They don't believe everything.
- You're referring to jamming.

Naturally, when a person is known
to us as one who continually ta...

Oh, don't tell me. It's the little
watchmaker that concerns you.

We expected something like this,

that they'd try to get through
to us through a dupe.

They chose you to lead us
into their fantasies.

How did they sell you the idea?
Did they show you the gun?

They're not going to shoot you.
They're going to blow you up.

Did they tell you how they're going
to go about it? Where? When?

Would you find out for me? The laugh
will do me an awful lot of good.

You may find out. Quite suddenly.

In which case you
won't be laughing.

Vision. Did you get that?

Camera One, perfect, sir.

Camera Two, perfect, sir.

Audio?

Loud and clear, sir.

(Brass band music)

- What did he say?
- He thinks I'm being used as a medium.

One more credible than your father.

- You don't believe him?
- Wouldn't know.

- You're... going on with it?
- I haven't much choice.

(Tannoy) Good afternoon, everyone.
I've some exciting news for you.

Your Citizens' Council
officially proclaims Thursday -

the day after tomorrow -
as Appreciation Day,

the day we pay
honour to the noble men

who govern us so wisely.

Proceedings will be opened with
an address by Number Two himself,

and concluded by the unveiling
of our new Appreciation Monument.

There'll be thrills and excitement!

Maybe more excitement
than planned.

(Bell tolls)

(Clock chimes)

(Monique) The Great Seal of Office.
Worn by Number Two at ceremonies.

Seems your father's making a replica.

Why?

(Number Six) Plastic explosive.
To be detonated by radio.

Number Six, isn't it?
I've been expecting you.

- I want to see Number Two.
- I am Number Two.

Come to tell me there's a plot
against my life, haven't you?

My colleague is concerned about
these death-by-violence projects

you've been reporting.

Plots? I've reported one only.

Not so. My efficient colleague -
should I say, my heir presumptive -

has been collecting evidence
that every interim Number Two

who's served during my leave
has been cautioned by you.

About a conspiracy to murder him.

Really?

You obviously don't believe me.

The psychiatrist warned me
that might be the case.

- Shall I show you proof?
- Please go ahead.

My successor,
my heir presumptive.

Ah, Number Six, my dear fellow!
Do come in, do come in.

I'm here to deliver a warning.

A warning? What about?

A plot to kill you.

- Shall I continue?
- Go ahead.

- They're going to what?
- Kill you. Assassinate you.

- What did you say?
- Assassinate.

- More?
- Why bother?

- So, you're convinced.
- Convinced those excerpts are fakes.

You mean they've been doctored?
For what purpose?

Why convince you you're not well?

Perhaps they want to
convince you.

Me? Tomorrow I hand over
to my successor. I retire.

Perhaps they want to
save a pension.

- What was the reason?
- To discredit me.

- Why?
- He might have believed me.

That's him -
Father's fellow conspirator.

I saw him leaving
Number Two's house.

- What would he be doing there?
- Planning an assassination.

- With Number Two?
- With his stand-in. Perhaps.

Did you call?

Yes. Send someone
to the Bureau of Visual Records.

- There's a tape I want to review.
- At once.

Subject?

Subject: warning of
an assassination plot.

Persons: Number Six
and my successor.

Well, get on with it!

It would be a waste of time.
There's nothing of that description.

- Strange.
- You've been misinformed.

Strange that you've
no duties in the Bureau,

yet you can state
with total assurance

that those records
are non-existent.

Please explain.

No, Number Two. I'm not able to.

I understand.

The fact that you won't explain
explains everything.

Absolutely, sir, just as planned.
It's going like... clockwork.

Oh, thank you, sir.

No, no. There's no danger of that.
Number Six is no problem.

We have fully convinced him.
You do have my word.

(Tannoy) Just to remind you good
people, the big day is tomorrow.

Appreciation Day. Remember, folks,
speeches by Number Two,

and unveiling
of the Appreciation Monument.

Don't miss it.
Come one, come all.

Be seeing you.

If they're going to do away with
the man, why all the rigmarole?

What would the rank and file think?
They're due for retirement one day.

They brainwashed Father
to do their dirty work.

What will happen to him?

Thank you very much.

Please. We must prevent this thing.
For my father's sake.

For everybody's sake.

I DON'T WANT TO SEE ANYONE.
TELL HIM TO GO AWAY!

I left orders not to be disturbed.

- What I have to say won't wait.
- I know what it is.

Tomorrow, I'm to be assassinated.

For "assassinated",
substitute "executed".

- As it's arranged by my own people?
- You don't mind?

Of course I mind!
I never thought it'd happen to me.

It never does - to anybody.

But it can be prevented.

Only postponed.
You never understood us, Number Six -

we NEVER FAIL!

Why do you care what
happens to me?

I don't.
But innocent people will be blamed.

Sorry, but there's
nothing I can do.

Have the ceremony
without the seal.

- The seal IS the ceremony.
- It's packed with explosives.

Before I hand it to my successor?

IT WILL BE DETONATED
BY RADIO!

I can think of better ways to die.

And better causes to die for.

Plan Division Q all set.
It's working beautifully.

Dead on schedule, you could say.

No, sir, no.
Just the way you ordered it.

People are gathering.
It'll be very spectacular.

No, nothing can go wrong now.
I'll stake my future on it.

Thank you. I know you will!

(Brass band music)

(Tannoy)
This is it, ladies and gentlemen -

the great moment when we all
show our appreciation of Number Two.

Today, he says farewell to us,
and we have the opportunity

to pay our tribute to our leader,

and show gratitude to the man
who has ruled us so wisely.

We also extend our warm welcome
to his successor -

our new leader,
our new Number Two.

Let us salute our leaders.

(Fanfare)

(Cheering)

Fellow citizens...
No, dear friends,

for that's what you are,
each and every one of you.

We're here on this happy occasion,

our annual Appreciation Day,
to pay homage and show gratitude

to our glorious leaders.

(Cheers and clapping)

Now, we give thanks
to our departing leader.

Let us pay tribute to
the achievements of our Number Two...

Can you hear me?

Can you hear me?
Come in, please.

- I hear you.
- Is everything all right?

Everything's all right.
Stop worrying. Repeat, stop worrying.

...and the new clock gong,
of course.

We say "Thank you Number Two"
for the plans you have made for us.

The new concert hall to be built,

the beautiful mural in the library,
and electrification of the clocks.

We salute you
for your glorious achievements.

- Where's your father?
- He didn't come home last night.

- In the shop?
- No. He must be here somewhere.

His transmitter has a wide range.
He could be anywhere.

(Cheers and clapping)

KEEP AWAY!

I know that all of you
are eagerly awaiting events

more interesting and exciting...

We're running out of time.

Find out what's wrong.
And be quick about it.

Right away, Number Two.

You must forgive an old man
for talking so long,

but this is a moment
of great emotion for me...

- Is he all right?
- Yes.

Soon, I'm going to leave you...

- Let me have that.
- Out of my way.

Farewell, my friends.

Yes, I have a job for you.
I want you to talk

to a lot of people -
the entire Village.

- What for?
- A CONFESSION!

(Fanfare)

I proudly dedicate this monument

to our appreciation
of this great community.

(Cheers)

(Fanfare)

- Take it.
- What for?

It's your passport.
No one will question it.

Helicopter's waiting.

- They'll get me eventually.
- Fly now, pay later.

- They'll find me, wherever I am.
- As long as it's not here. Go.

So, the great day is nearly over.
Went off well, better than planned.

Now you can look forward
to your own retirement.

I'm sure they'll arrange something
equally suitable for you.

(Helicopter engine)

Be seeing you,

won't I?