The Phil Silvers Show (1955–1959): Season 3, Episode 3 - Hillbilly Whiz - full transcript

What a shellacking we took!

We just weren't hitting.

24 to nothing ain't bad.

Oh shut up.

There are they, Bilko's Bombers!

Oh this is a proud day.

24 to nothing, say
we're lucky at that

the score could have
been much worse.

Fortunately they called the
game at the end of the 5th inning.

Bilko's bombers. Bilko's
misguided missiles.

This is a day of infamy
you, where is my pitcher?



Where's fireball Papparelli?

Come here my Italian
ace, any excuses?

Sarge, don't pick on me,
my control was a little off.

- So, I hit two batters.
- Oh is that all?

It doesn't matter
that one of them

was sitting in the dugout, huh?

- I couldn't get my arm loose.
- Loose?

If you're any looser
they'd have massacred us.

Well, it's probably all
over the post by now.

Motor Platoon nothing,
WAC Typists, 24.

Are you proud of yourselves?

Sarge, we tried.

How do you think we feel?

You feel? How
do you think I feel?



I've got $50 bet against
company A platoon next week

and that's $50 we
can kiss goodbye.

They're men.

- Baseball players.
- Sarge.

All right, knock it
off take your shower.

Doberman, shower
that's an order.

Too bad about that bet Ernie?

Don't worry I'll take that
50 bucks out of their hides.

Maybe you can get
out of the bet Sarge.

Oh sure, can't you just
see Grover and Ritzik

letting me off the
hook, if only we had

some decent pitching
we'd have a chance.

- Is that him?
- I'm sure of it.

Hey, could we have your
autograph Mr. Stengel!

Mr. Stengel!

All right, get out of here.

Wait till next week before you
start to gloat, get out of here.

Say, Ernie we've been
thinking about that $50 bet.

Oh I'm sure you have.

We're willing to settle
right now for $49.50.

Look, I'm in no mood for
your ribbing, get out of here!

Wait, we'll give you
a fighting chance,

how about we change the
game from baseball to potsy!

- Potsy!
- That's enough, get out!

That settles it, I want the team

first thing tomorrow
morning out for practice.

We can't, we got to be out on
the rifle range tomorrow morning.

Oh yeah, well, if I ask you
for a rifle in front of them,

don't give it to me.
Not in my mood.

And watch where you're shooting

and don't waste that
ammunition, keep it going!

Hold it! Papparelli,
you're not hosing a lawn.

You're trying to hit a
target, now watch it.

- Bull's eye!
- What happened?

- I closed my eyes.
- Maybe that's the best way.

Oh, here is a
real sharp shooter.

Hey Sarge!

Sarge we got new boarders,
they sent him out there.

What's your name son?

Ah Lumpkin, Hank Lumpkin.

He says he's a pretty
good mechanic, Sarge.

Okay, we'll find out.

Well take him back to the
barracks and find a place for him.

Sarge, what are them men doing?

What are they
doing? They're fishing.

Don't I get him, don't I?

What do you mean they're doing?

You see those sticks on
their hands those are rifles.

They're trying to hit
that target over there.

Shucks, Sarge, all I meant was

you don't need rifles
to hit them targets.

Them is only about
150 feet away.

You don't need rifles? What
do you use, tobacco juice?

Heck, no Sarge. I
could hit that with a rock.

- Bull's eye.
- It's very good.

That may have been
effective a thousand years ago

when they used spears
and bows and arrows.

But for the time been if you...

- Is that Bull's eye?
- Yeah.

Hey, Little lamb, where'd
you learn to throw like that?

Well, Sarge we hunt
squirrels back home

and ammunition is expensive
and rocks are downright plenty.

Hey, Sarge did you see
how fast that rock went?

- Yeah, I saw it.
- I don't always throw 'em that hard

if the squirrel ain't looking
right at me I give him

what I call my
take it easy throw.

- Your take it easy throw?
- Yeah, it goes like this.

Bull's eye.

Sarge, are you thinking
what I'm thinking?

- Yeah.
- All right, cease fire.

All right you men everybody
back to the barracks, come on!

Got any more...
throws like that?

Yeah, I got one
I call my bender.

Your 'Bender'?

Yeah, that's in case of a
squirrel a hiding behind a tree.

I'll show it to you.

Well, Hank the
target is over there.

- Oh I know.
- He knows, he knows.

Bull's eye!

A fast ball, change of pace, a
curve, it's too good to be true.

I also got what I
call a butterfly-fling.

'Butterfly-fling'?

That's if a squirrel is
looking right square at you,

you throw him the butterfly-fling
and it gets flung confusion.

Yeah, yeah.

I'll show it to you.

- Bull's eye.
- A knuckler!

- What's knuckler?
- Never mind.

- Did you ever pitched a baseball?
- Huh?

- Did you ever throw a baseball?
- Oh yeah.

I had a kid that lived in
Memphis, he brought one with him.

- I throwed it.
- What happened?

I killed me a mountain-lion.

He killed a mountain, oh boy.

Wait till we tell the fellows
when we get back to the barracks.

- He's great.
- Perfect.

You're going to say
nothing, not a word.

Keep it under your hats!

Look, we're going to teach
you how to play baseball.

You're going to like
it around here fine.

- Do you think you'd like it?
- I sure would, Sarge.

- We sure like you.
- Where'd you say you're from?

- Tennessee.
- I had some kin folk there.

The fellow was a tooth
dentist, did you know him?

Sure I know him.

I didn't see anything like it.

- What a patriot?
- Men, he looks great.

I tell you something, that
$50 bet to Grover and Ritzik

is just as good as won,
with one little variation.

I'm going to let them
raise the ante a little.

There is he is, Casey
Stengel himself.

Hiya Case!

Hey, what happened
to Bilko's Bombers, I

didn't see them
practicing today.

- Maybe they were over trained.
- Oh knock it off.

They've got a fighting chance.

They have, well
I'll tell you what,

how about making it a
$100 bet instead of just 50?

- You come on knock it off.
- What's the matter Bilko?

No faith in your boys, just
because the WACS beat them?

- What bums!
- I don't like that kind of talk.

- Okay, it's $100 bet.
- Sarge, are you crazy?

No, I was only kidding
nothing. Come on.

No, no I heard
you. It's a bet, $100.

You're not going to take
something I said in anger, are you?

You made a bet
Bilko. It's a bet.

Now don't welch.

Oh nice friends, fine
sportsmen, why stop at $100

why not take my last penny?

Let's make it $200,
let's make it $300.

- It's a bet! It's a bet!
- No I didn't mean to say...

You're not going to
back out now Bilko?

You said $300
everybody heard you,

even your pal, did he say $300?

- I didn't say, did I Roc?
- Sarge, they got you.

Me and my big mouth.

We go him! Woo! Woo!

We got him!

They think they're so smart.

Boy have they got
a surprise coming.

Where did you see such
cleverness, such craftiness?

Oh this gets better and better.

Come on we've got work to do,

fill out the duty
rosters for tomorrow.

Roc, do me a favor, get
me those sports roundup.

I've got a small
bet on the Yankees.

What you got for tomorrow?

Let's see, I'm taking
Doberman off the garbage detail.

No, leave him there.

He's grown
accustomed to the place.

- This is the sports roundup.
- Wait a minute I wanna hear this.

New York Yankees lost
their second in a row today

to the Boston Red Soxs 9 to 2.

Whitey Ford came up with the
recurrence of his shoulder injury.

All right turn it off.

In the national league
there isn't too much.

How do you like those Yankees,

they are going to
blow this pennant.

A week ago they were
leading by 6 games.

You know what it
is, it is the injuries.

They need a stopper.

They need a pitcher,
they need somebody.

- Hold it, I got it.
- You got what?

The pitcher for the
Yankees, Lumpkin.

- Lumpkin with the Yankees?
- Why not?

- A bonus player.
- Now you're thinking Henshaw.

Yeah but look Sarge, maybe
with Baltimore or Kansas City but.

Never, if he goes with anybody!
He goes with the Yankees.

I've been a Yankee fan
since I'm 10 years old

and this is my
chance to repay them

for the countless thrills they've
given me through the years.

And besides they're loaded

and I'm going to
hook them real good.

After all I'd be fair, including my
20% commission for the agency.

But Sarge, an agents
commission is only 10%.

Look, let me run my
own business please,

not only that I'm going
to charge him the...

- There he is.
- The rookie of the year.

That golden arm, those muscles,

that wiry wrist,
these talented fingers.

Ouch!

Good idea keeping them warm
and when he's not using them?

- Did you say ouch?
- Ouch!

- I'm sorry, Sarge.
- What happened?

- Well I... I...
- What happened, what happened?

I'm in a hurry to kill you and
you're keeping me waiting,

what happened?

Sarge, I was closing the
hood of a jeep and crack!

- He said crack?
- Yeah.

Well there it is.

I had a million dollar
proposition laid right in my lap.

A chance to break into the big
time at last and what happens?

Crack! And it's all gone.

No bonus, no big salary,
no endorsement money,

no sitting in the audience
on the Ed Sullivan Show.

The world was in
my hands and crack!

What have I got left?

A pitcher with a broken
hand and a fat stupid catcher,

which I am now going to kill.

- Sarge.
- Sarge, it ain't broken.

- It ain't?
- The doc says it's just a sprain.

It will be good
as new in a week.

In a week? In a week?

Tomorrow I play with
Company A, I've got $300 bet,

what is a week
going to do for me?

Sarge, you mean I
can't play in that game?

How are you going to
pitch with a bandaged hand?

Well, I reckon I just
don't know the rules.

What does the
rules got to do with it?

Well, the way you're talking
there must be some rule

against me flinging
with this other hand.

Look, an accident happened.
You don't worry about rules.

We'll get this hand in shape.

Did you say pitch
with the other hand?

You can pitch with
your right hand too?

Just as good. Just as... oh gee.

Thank you. Thank you.

- Sergeant, just one thing.
- What?

The bender don't go
this way, it goes that way.

Come on let's go Company B.

Where did Bilko
get that pitcher?

- Strike 1.
- I knew it.

- Strike 2.
- I knew it.

- Strike 3.
- Hey!

- I knew it.
- I knew it.

Hold it, hold it wait
a minute. Will you?

Yes operator, that's
Mr. Phil Rizzuto,

New Back hotel Kansas city.

Will you stay on the call

and let me know
when you get him?

It's very important
I'd appreciate it.

Thank you very much. How
you feeling Hank baby boy?

- How are you feeling?
- Is he ready Sarge?

- Yeah he's ready. What
do you want me to do Sarge?

Now here is what I want to
do, now that your hand is better,

I want you take
some batting practice.

- Here Fender, here's 3 balls.
- Okay Sarge.

Now keep him out
for a half hour, got it.

Doberman, you're going
to catch for Papparelli.

- On the double.
- Okay, Sarge.

Sarge, can you do me a favor?

I am your pal ain't I, what
do you want baby boy?

Well, I ain't seen my gal
Lulabelle in about 3 months now,

could I get some time off?

I've got a better idea.

Why don't you invite
her to stay down here?

- She can live at Roseville.
- Well, I don't know Sarge.

She ain't never been
in no big city before.

Oh she'll love it here.

This town really
jumps till 9 o'clock.

Oh it's a blockbuster.

Why don't you call her up
and invite her down here.

I can't call her Sarge.

We ain't got no phones at home.

- Oh well send her a wire.
- Is that like a telegram?

Yeah. It's practically
the same thing.

I'll help you send it later.
Go out there and work out.

You sure are good to me Sarge.

Why not? Why?

Oh this guy is too
good to be true.

Well, I think I'll
ask for $125,000.

Well that's a lot
of money Sarge.

He's worth it.

He throws
right-handed, left-handed,

he can pitch doubleheaders.

Tell that to
Rizzuto. Don't worry.

By the way, what
makes you think Rizzuto

is going to be interested
in an unknown ballplayer?

When he hears from his old
pal Ernie Bilko, are you kidding?

Wait a minute,
that may be Rizzuto.

Keep your fingers crossed.

Hello, yes operator.

Mr. Rizzuto is
ready, I'll talk to him.

Hallo Phil baby boy?

How's is the old scooter
be there... wha? this is Bilko.

Look it Phil, didn't
I tell you it's Bilko.

Look I want... Ernie
Bilko, B I L K O Bilko.

It must be a bad connection.

Look, Phil here is what I want.

Phil, no. Wait a second.

Don't hang up
Mr. Rizzuto this is.

Mr. Rizzuto, I'm paying
for this call myself

and $3 is a lot
of money to a G.I

who served in New Guinea
and Okinawa, he remembers.

Look, Mr. Rizzuto, I know
you're a very busy man.

But if you want to do
the Yankees a favor,

listen to this and
listen to it good.

They've got a catcher down
here with the Roseville Rockets.

A catcher, yes.

He's with the Roseville Rockets,

he hit 5 home runs yesterday
and he wasn't even trying.

This is the greatest
natural ball player.

He is a catcher. Yeah.

Roseville Rockets it's not far
from Kansas City, Roseville.

You will? That's wonderful Phil.

You'll never regret
it. Thanks a lot pal.

Yah! Haiyaa! Haiyaa!

Is he coming?

Better than that he is
sending down a Yankee Scout,

right down here.

Sarge, Sarge, there is
something I don't understand.

What was all that
about a catcher?

He doesn't think.

Every baseball
scout prides himself

that he can discover raw talent.

I'll be touting Doberman.

I'll let the scout discover
Lumpkin by himself, huh?

Huh?

What are you doing back so soon?

Sarge, I pitched 3 balls to him.

I told you to keep him
out there a half hour.

We can't find the balls.

He hit them out of sight.

- It was frightening.
- Frightening?

Sarge, he was bunting.

He hits too.

Sarge, will you do me
favor? Anything, anything!

Since we get some more
baseballs can I take a real swing?

Real swing? Thank
you. Thank you.

How about these,
you want a hot dog?

Did I tell you what
a greater honor it is

to have a Yankee scout
come down as our guest.

Thank, Sergeant.

Wait you see this
catcher you're going to flip.

- What's his name?
- Doberman, Duane Doberman.

Look at him he moves as
graceful as a ballet dancer.

He looks fat and slow to me.

Oh it's all muscle
pal, all muscle.

He stole 38 bases last season.

- Hey who's that pitcher?
- What pitcher?

- The one warming up for Roseville.
- He throws pretty hard.

Local boy, no experience, you
keep your eye on the catcher.

- That's the way it is.
- He looks pretty strong.

Oh that Doberman is as strong
as a ox and he still growing.

I'm talking about the pitcher.

Oh him, local
boy, no experience,

you want to watch the
catcher he hits the ball a mile.

Oh he hits, he hits a ball a
mile, how come he's up 8th?

8th? whose batting...

Oh you see... Oh look
the game is starting.

Nice work out.
Abelence's to bat.

Now watch and you'll
see some fancy catching.

- Strike.
- Attaboy Dob...

- What's his name anyway?
- Doberman, Duane Doberman.

I mean the pitcher.

Pitcher oh Lumpkin, Shumkin
something like that, I don't know.

Watch it.

What a curve!

That's working Duane baby babe.

Boy, look at that boy throw.

Strike 3.

Wait a minute he threw
that ball with his other hand.

Oh he is show off. He's
just a flash in the pan.

You want to watch that one.

I've got to hunch that kid to
pitch in the majors right now.

Well you're right look at him,
he moves just like Yogi Berra,

and you want to know something,

I think you can pick him up
for a bonus of only $10,000.

- Strike 2.
- What did you say?

I said you could pick up
Doberman for a bonus of $10,000.

- What?
- Maybe $9,000

How much for the pitcher?

Oh the pitcher, him,
$125,000 in cash.

- What?
- Yes Sir.

Wait, let me see this pitch.

- Strike 3.
- Yeah!

$125,000 he may
be worth it at that.

I want the front office
to get a look at him.

Good, I'll have him in Kansas
City first thing in the morning.

No good, the Yanks
leave for New York tonight.

No trouble, we'll be in
New York. Come on let's go.

Don't you want to
watch your catcher?

Him, I'm sick of looking
at him? Come on!

I got 'em, I got
'em 3 day passes,

come on we've got to be
at the airbase in 15 minutes.

- Let's go.
- Where are we going Sarge?

We're going us to New York
City and have us a little fun.

Huh! Wait a minute, I can't go.

Lulabelle's coming here.

I thought of that I wired
her some money last night.

She's going to meet
us in New York City.

Does the old Sarge
think, do I think?

What are you standing, come on!

Oh New York
Yankees here we come!

- Hold on a minute, friend.
- Did you say Yankees?

Yeah, I was going to keep
this as a surprise, Hank.

You're going to get a tryout
with the New York Yankees.

Oh, I don't reckon I
can do that, Sergeant.

My daddy wouldn't
hold still for me

my being on the same
side with Yankees.

Oh wait a minute, what is this?

The Civil War has
been over 90 years.

Well, I'm sorry Sergeant

but my pappy says Gen.
Lee gave up too soon.

Look Hank, I'm going
to tell you the truth.

That New York Yankees don't
mean nothing, that's just the name.

They're really
Southern Mountain boys.

- Sure now?
- Why sure, listen to their names!

Country boy Slaughter,
Hillbilly Skowron,

Mickey Moonshine Mantle.
Then there is Hank Bauer.

He's got the same
first name as you've got.

They sound like
right nice fellows.

Now you don't think
Col. Casey Stengel

would have anything but
Southern boys with him, do you?

Well, I reckon not Sergeant.

Well that's the kin
I was talking about

Cousin Casey, the tooth dentist.

- Oh yeah.
- Sure. Let's go.

How does the
arm feel? This is it.

Over there
Mr. Topping is watching.

Now get in there and throw

like you're throwing
at those squirrels.

You got it, now get in there.

Good luck. Throw it boy.

Hey Sarge should I.

Get in there and catch 'em,

and call for the
butterfly-fling move it.

Hey Hank, give
it the old butterfly.

That's the old
come in there Hank.

Let's have a fast one Hank.

Attaboy, swell Hank.

What do you think Mr. Topping?

He's amazing. I've never
seen anything like him.

Now watch his fast ball.

- You win 30 games for sure.
- Easy.

From now on, we'll
clinch the pennant in July.

I'm tired of having
to wait till September.

Don't you want to watch him hit?

Never mind. I'm sold.

Bring him up to
the office right away.

All right, where is
this Bilko fellow?

Oh he'll be here any minute.

I got to warn you this
Bilko is a real conman.

Oh leave it to me.

I'll get this Lumpkin guy for a
bonus of $15,000 maybe less.

Oh I'm sorry to keep
you gentlemen waiting.

I was delayed on the phone
with a Mr. Hank Greenberg,

of Cleveland a
very insistent man.

Bilko, this is
Mr. Topping he is the...

Hold that, hold
that just a minute.

Who doesn't know the
famous Dan Topping?

I've been an admirer
of yours for years Sir.

Now let's get down
to business Bilko.

- Shall we?
- Yes.

- You're boy is good.
- Oh thank you.

I'm willing to go as
high as $10,000 for him.

Well that's very
nice of you, however,

I have a few ideas I'd
like to kick around with...

Good lets go in
here. We'll talk it over.

Thank you.

Goodness you drive a
hard bargain Mr. Topping

I'm sorry Bilko, that's
the best I can do.

Well, if that's the
way you want it,

okay he is yours for $125,000.

See you later at the hotel,
don't forget our little plan.

It's very important.

Thank you, you've
done a wonderful job.

Good man, he should
get a raise. Great job.

- You're giving him $125,000?
- Oh I'm lucky at that.

He wanted a piece
of the stadium.

- What's keeping the Sarge?
- He should be here now.

- Yankee do!
- Getting down to baseball.

He got it! He got it!
- Where is Hank?

I've got to get him
to sign this contract.

- He'll be right back.
- He's with Lulabelle.

Did you see her yet, does
she at least wear shoes?

No, we ain't see her.

But look Ernie,
he'll still upset about

playing with the Yankees.
- Not kidding, why?

He took a look up at the
stadium today and said,

all them flags flying and
not one confederate flag.

Forget about it,
I've got a clincher.

What's that?

You'll see for yourself
when you see Mr. Yogi Berra,

mighty Ford Phil Rizzuto
and Gil McDougald I got a plan.

Here's the way...
Shh, this could be him

Hank! Hank!

- All right, Ernie.
- Where's Lulabelle?

- She's in her room resting up.
- Good sit down a minute.

Here, I want you
son to sign this.

- Right there, right there.
- What is it?

That's a baseball contract.

You're going to get
a bonus of $125,000!

$125,000?

- Yeah boy.
- That's a lot of money.

Sure, pen, pen, sign
it, right there Hank, sign.

That's a good boy sign.

He is not signing
it. Sign, sign.

- Jeez, Sarge I don't know.
- What's wrong now?

Well my pappy ain't
gonna like it one bit

me playing up north
with the Yankees.

Hank, I told you 100 times
they're all Southern boys.

Well, I ain't calling
you no liar Sarge.

But I sure didn't hear
no Southern accents

out at that ballpark today.

All right Hank, don't take my
word for it the owner himself

will be up here,
you can ask him.

That must be him now. Come in.

Well bless my soul, Hank,
this is Col. Dan Topping.

This is Hank Lumpkin.

Well, I'm glad to
meet you Colonel.

Sho nuff!

Here we have Col.
Phillip Calhoun Rizzuto.

- Hallo.
- Sho nuff.

And coming this way is Col.
Gilbert Beauregard McDougald.

- Hallo.
- Sho nuff!

Well bless my soul.

Here Col. Whitey Stonewall Ford.

- How do you?
- Sho nuff!

And last but least
from the Deep South,

this is Col. Yogi Ashley Berra.

Right pleased to make
your acquaintance.

Sho nuff!

Col. Yogi he's going
to be your catcher

now ain't that right Yogi?
- Sho nuff!

- I like him.
- Good.

Yeah, he reminds me of Doberman.

Who is Doberman?

Never... Well, gentlemen
I guess you all came here

to pick up the contract.
- Sho nuff!

Well, Hank these
gentlemen are in a hurry

to get back to their plantation.

You sign the contract
they'll gives us the check.

- Ain't that right gentlemen?
- Sho nuff!

I'll be glad to sign this.

That's a good boy.

Sign right there,
sign, sign that's it.

Here is the contract
Colonel and this is the check.

I wish I was in land of cotton.
- Yeah. Yeah.

Well, gentlemen we'll
talk this over again

sometime over some Mint Juleps.
Thank you all for coming down.

I'll be over to your plantation

we'll have some compo... huh?

- Who's Doberman?
- I don't know.

Well so long, say goodbye!

- Arrivaderci you all.
- That's a good one.

- We got it.
- Let me see it!

- Let me touch it please!
- Look at that $125,000.

Just think Hank in a few weeks

you'll be playing in
the major leagues.

If it's all right
with Lulabelle.

Don't you worry about
Lulabelle, I'll handle her.

- Let me take...
- That must be her now.

I'll get it.

Let me handle Lulabelle, right?

I know how to
handle these things.

Sarge.

Uh, hey Corney, I thought
you was coming right back.

You left me up there
all by my lonesome.

Oh I'm sorry honey.

Lulabelle I like for you
to meet my buddies.

This here is Cpl. Henshaw
and that's Cpl. Barbella.

Hi y’all?

And this here is my best
buddy of all, Sgt. Bilko.

Hi y’all.

Honey the Sergeant
wants me to say up north

for a little while
and play baseball.

Stay up North?

Hank Lumpkin, you said
you was getting discharged

from Army in 4 weeks. You
mean you ain't coming home.

- It's just for a little while.
- Nothing doing!

Folks back home are
talking their fool heads off

about me being 16 years
old not and married up yet.

Lulabelle, I can explain.

Hush up, you old
carpetbagger, you.

Hank Lumpkin, you
will come right home

after you get out of
that mean old Army.

I'm going got find
me another beau.

So, now you make up your mind

what you're going to
do right here and now.

Oh jeez, now I'm right confused.

Look honey child I can explain.

Hush your flannel mouth
and don't honey child me.

What am I supposed to do

while he's playing that
little boys game all day?

Well lots of the wives.

- Hush up.
- She keeps hushing me.

I'm too restless to sit
around waiting for him.

Besides I've been
waiting 2 years already.

Hank honey lamb, you don't
want little ole me to be lonesome.

Sergeant, what would
you do if he was me,

play baseball or marry
up with Lulabelle?

There Mr. Sergeant,
what would you do huh?

It's no contest. I'd
play ball with Lulabelle.

Can't win can I. Why? Why?

Come on Hank Williams.

Pumps, pitches it's a curve,
Ted swings and misses.

It's the third time today that
he has struck out Williams.

And now he's getting
all set to pitch to Jennsen.

He's got this crowd out
here, just tan up the feed pack.

Sarge, Sarge.

Hank Lumpkin now
is going to pitch...

Hey Sarge, don't
want you want to watch.

Lumpkin he has got no-hitter
going against the Red Soxs.

Who wants to watch
that double crosser?

Ah, come on sit down, will
you Sarge don't be a sore loser.

Jensen swings, misses.

How did they get
that Lumpkin to sign?

Lulabelle said she'd
never let him go.

- How? How? Shh!
- Here comes Red Bob.

Folks here in the
middle of the seventh,

nobody has gotten on against
Lumpkin pitching right handed

and nobody has gotten on against
Lumpkin pitching left handed.

Your redhead has certainly
enjoyed being with you

and now to take you
the rest of the way,

here is my side
kick, come in partner

Hi y’all sport fans.

It's a bright beautiful day for
baseball here at the stadium.

Man, isn't that a pretty sight,

that confederate flag a-whipping
in the breeze, how about that?

Ready now for the
bottom of the 7th,

Yogi Berra leading off
and our next move is...

Here is one thing
I didn't figure on.

They rode in red Barbara
a real southerner, that's it.

The solid south
you can't beat 'em.

But Sarge, you're
the one that took the...

- Oh hush your mouth.
- Sarge, how come.

- Hush your mouth.
- Sarge.

Hush you carpetbaggers.

Announcer: Also seen
in tonight's cast were;

Dick Van Dyke as Hank Lumpkin,

Joe E. Ross as Sgt. Ritzik,

Jimmy Little as Sgt. Grover,

Joyce Gladman as Lulabelle,

Frank Campanella as a Scout,

Frank Milan as Dan Topping,

Phil Rizzuto, Yogi
Berra, Gil McDougald,

Whitey Ford and Red
Barber played themselves.