The Office (2005–2013): Season 4, Episode 3 - Launch Party - full transcript

Hey.
Hey.

I got you one.
Oh, wow. Thank you.

Yeah. I'm just going
to grab some chips.

You want some?
No, thanks.

We're still having
lunch today, right?

I guess.

How dare you.

Hey, Toby, what's this?

"I just want to remind everyone
about the company rules

"involving PDA, or public
displays of affection"?

Yes. Some people in the
office have complained...



Oh, really?
...about some other people

engaging in PDA,

and, you know, I just want to remind
that it's not appropriate to do that.

Is this about me and Jan
in my office?

Because I will have you know
that that was consensual.

What we did has nothing to
do with you or anyone here.

I don't think anyone
heard anything.

We were very discreet and most
people had left by that point.

Okay... So I don't think
it's any of your business.

What I think you should do is
roll up the memo real tight...

Okay, hey, look, the
memo was not about you.

F'or the record, I have never been involved
with anyone at work in any capacity.

All right, everyone.
Look. It...

All right, the complaint
was about Jim and Pam.



So...

No way.
What?

You guys are together?

Um...

Yep.

Yes, we are.
Wow!

Tuna!
Awesome!

- I knew it.
- You guys!

- To the two of you.
- Yes! Yes!

Toby, was this your fun little
way of congratulating us?

Yes.

Okay, mind is exploding.

Get over here. Come on.

Come here. Okay.

Okay, stand up.

Okay, here we go.

Everyone, this is a day
that will live in infamy,

because today is the day
that Jim and Pam become one.

Actually we've been dating
for a couple of months.

I love you guys so much.

Phone's ringing. No, no,
no, Pam, let them ring.

Let the bells of Dunder
Mifflin chime out your love,

because this is really good.
This is really good.

My heart soars
with the eagle's nest.

I don't see it. I think
they both could do better.

It's not a surprise to me.
Pam is the office mattress.

Jim Halpert's
off the market.

Guess who just became the best-looking
single guy in the office?

Hey, can you make
that straighter?

That's what she said.

Did you plan that?

No.

"Can you make
that straighter?

"That job looks hard.

"You should put
your mouth on that."

How can you even use
that one naturally?

Blowing up balloons,
I thought.

"You might want to trim
it a little." Michael...

Oh, is Ryan coming
back today?

Yeah, he is.

Oh.

Pam and Jim are together.
Ryan is visiting.

Only thing that could make
this day better is ice cream.

What do you want?

To give you this.

What is that?

It's a feral barn cat.

I trapped him last night
and I'm giving him to you

as a replacement cat
for the one I destroyed.

Her name was Sprinkles.

And his name is Garbage.

Mose calls him Garbage, 'cause
he likes to eat garbage.

Don't you, Garbage?

I can't believe you just thought
you could replace Sprinkles.

Before she's even
in the ground.

You haven't buried her yet?

Don't rush me.
I'm grieving.

Garbage can be very helpful, okay?
He's a useful cat.

He killed an entire family
of raccoons. Look at him.

I don't want Garbage.
I want Sprinkles.

Hey, Toby.

Hey, you two.

Hey.

So, now that
we are dating,

we just wanted to know if
we had to sign one of those

"we're dating" things
for the company.

Oh, well, you know those are only
for, you know, "relationships."

So if this is just a casual
thing, there's no need.

Really.
Oh.

Well, I won't speak for Jim, but
it's, like, pretty official.

Uh-huh.

Sorry, so do we need
to sign one or...

Let's just wait and
see what happens. Yeah.

What?
Let's just wait.

Oh, okay.
Okay.

Great.

Hey, Ryan, welcome back...
Hold on one second.

Hey, Pam, it's great to see you.
Is Michael in?

Yeah. Hey. There he is.
There he is.

He's back
and he's with a beard.

He has facial hair.

Look at him. All grown
up and no place to go.

Hello, Mr. Sonny Crockett.
I'm Tubbs.

Okay. Should we get started?

Oh, yeah,
let's get started because...

Yes, 'cause this is
very serious business.

Yeah. Exactly.

This is a business meeting.
Business meeting.

F'ire guy.
Stop that!

That's right.

That's right. F'ire guy.
Oh, you scared me.

He's the fire guy.
Don't start any fires.

F'ire guy.

You weren't here for that.

Here for what?
When he started the fire.

Look how big he is. Look at you.
You are so mature and old

and little man now.
You're like our little man.

Okay...
Little old man-boy.

Michael, everybody...
With a beard.

- Bearded man-boy.
- Wow!

Let me say something. I know
I used to be a temp here,

but now everything
is different.

I'd like your respect.
I am your boss now.

You're gonna have to treat me
the same way you treated Jan.

Oh, wow.
So...

Mmm. That's a little kinky.
I don't swing that way.

Okay.
Woo!

I think Ryan has
a gay crush on me.

Enough! Okay? This is inappropriate
and it stops right now.

Do you understand?

Yes.

Everybody, come on,
settle down.

Let's get serious here.

Ryan has a very special
important presentation to do,

which we will be doing in the
conference room in 10 minutes.

Perfect. Sound good?
Okay. All right.

Yeah, Ryan snapped at me.

But there was this twinkle in his eye
that I picked up on, which said,

"Dude, we're friends. I'm
doing this for appearances.

"I am the big boss now,

"and I have to seem like
an ogre, but you know me

"and you trust me
and we like each other,

"and we'll always be friends and I
would never take you for granted

"in a million years.

"And I miss you, man,
and I love you."

His words.

Dunder Mifflin Infinity represents
a floor-to-ceiling streamlining

of our business model.

The centerpiece
of the campaign

is a new business-to-business
website interface

that will allow us to compete
directly with big-box chains.

Wait a second,

last time I checked, Dunder
Mifflin already has a website.

And quite frankly, I'm not really
sure what's wrong with it.

This is a
massive overhaul.

We're getting
younger, sleeker

and more agile with the way that
we adapt to the marketplace.

All essential personnel will be
issued BlackBerries for company use.

Oh, gimme, gimme,
gimme, gimme.

I'll stick around for a while to
help you set them up afterwards.

Any questions? Dwight?

What if we don't want to use a BlackBerry
because they are stupid and pointless?

This is company-wide, Dwight.

Got it.

Andy?

You should call it
Dunder Mifflinfinity.

You know,
push the words together.

Any other questions?

Kelly Kapour?

Can we speak privately
about our relationship?

Thank you, everybody.

Ryan Howard, everybody.

Good job.

That was some fun stuff.

When does the website go up?
As fast as possible.

We want to start
retraining people ASAP

so we can hit the ground
running with the new system.

Cool beans.

We're screwed.
Who is?

Us. You and me.
The old-timers.

I am not old. You are old.

You are, like, 100.

You're over 40.
That's the cut-off.

Are you listening to
what he's saying?

"Retraining,"
"new system," "youth."

I'm telling you this kid is the
Grim Reaper. You deal with this

or you, me, Sammy, Phyllis, the chick
you hit with the car, we're goners.

I swore I wouldn't tell
anybody this, but

in the interest of
revealing secrets...

Oh, my God, this is gonna
make your brain explode.

Dwight and Angela

dating.

Have been for six months.

No.
Swear to God.

Oh, this is great. I was actually gonna
wait and tell you on your birthday,

but this is much more fun.

No, they have been dating
for, like, two years.

Since before your barbecue.

Wait, what?

You knew?

And you didn't
say anything?

You didn't say
anything to me.

F'air enough.

Wow. We should have started
dating, like, a long time ago.

Oh, sorry...
Can you believe that?

I didn't know you guys
were in here.

Oh, no.
We're just sitting here.

I couldn't see your hands.

Hey, Pam, by the way,
it's great that you're dating.

But when a new client calls, you just have
to randomly assign them to a salesperson.

You can't base who gets new clients on
who you're sleeping with that week.

Okay?
Okay.

Okay.
Okay.

And that is why we waited
so long to tell people.

Okay, what's up?

Yeah, okay,
I was just...

After the presentation I just wanted to
make sure that vis-à-vis me in the office,

everything is
business as usual?

Well, it is business,
but not as usual.

Yeah, no, I understand.

We're making great strides, we're
updating, but business as usual, no?

No. We're throwing out the entire
playbook, we're starting from scratch,

we're implementing
a brand new system.

Good. So we're
on the same page.

No, we're not.

Michael, I know exactly how much time
and manpower are wasted in this branch.

This company is getting younger,
faster and more efficient.

You need to
prepare yourself.

We had a foreign exchange student
live with us when I was young

and we called him my brother and
that's what I thought he was.

And then he went home to what
is now formerly Yugoslavia,

taking all of my
blue jeans with him.

And I had to spend
the entire winter in shorts.

That is what Ryan is like.

A fake brother
who steals your jeans.

So, how are you?

Awesome. I am dating
a lot of guys.

Good. A lot. Black guys, mostly.

- Kelly.
- What?

Wait...

How do you touch just one
of these buttons at a time?

I don't know.

Did you even try?

If the kid wants to
set mine up, I'll let him.

I can't see half the things.

It's too little.
Use the phone.

I want you to tell me that you care
about me. That is what I want.

Kelly, I'm your
boss now, okay?

You can't keep talking to
me like I'm your boyfriend.

Oh, big strong man,
fancy new whatever.

I don't think you
ever cared about me.

I never cared about you?

Six months ago, Karen
F'ilippelli sent me an email,

asked me out,
I said no,

because I was committed
to our relationship.

Well, I hope you're still
committed, because I'm pregnant.

And guess what, buddy?
I am keeping it.

Okay. Okay.

Do you feel prepared to
help me raise a baby?

I can't... I can't talk
about this right now, okay?

After work,
we'll go out to dinner.

We'll talk about it
then, okay?

We have a date.

Hello.
Hello, Dwight.

I've been thinking
about things

and I wanted to know if you would
have dinner with me tonight.

Really?

Yes.

I'll make a reservation.
No, no. Let me cook for you.

Cauliflower and noodles.
Baked potato on the side.

I would prefer a public place.

See you after work.

Hi, Pam.
Hi.

Is Michael in?
In his office.

You can go right in.
Okay.

Hey.
Jan.

Ryan. Ryan, Ryan, Ryan.

So, elephant in the room,
I have your old job.

Well, not exactly my job. I
mean, I had a different title.

Oh, well, excuse me. Same
office, same responsibilities.

Different salary. You'll get there.
Don't worry.

Well, you look great.

Thank you. Thank you.

Scranton suits you.

Best decision I ever made.

You were let go.

You know, I love the beard.
Keep it forever.

- Hey.
- Hey.

What is the actual deal with these
things in terms of testicles?

What?

I don't want to grow weird sperm
in case we ever want to have kids.

So what's Ryan doing here?

Oh, I don't know.

They're launching a
big new business plan,

new website...
Blah, blah, blah.

He's being a real twerp
about it, too.

It's all about youth and
agility and streamlining

and trying to squeeze out
the older people.

He's such a snake.
Well...

I hope he gets hit
with an ageism suit.

What is that word?

Ageism?

Companies, they can't discriminate
against people due to old age.

Like a couple of years ago, we tried to
force out some of the older branch managers

with a mandatory
retirement age.

And then Ed Truck,
your old boss,

threatened us with a lawsuit,
so we had to back off.

So older people have just as
many rights as younger people?

Yes, Michael.

They do.

Creed?
Yes, sir.

Everything okay?
Everything's cool, dude.

I'm 30. Well,
in November, I'll be 30.

Is there another
meeting scheduled?

I was gonna do the
BlackBerry tutorial in here.

Michael told us to wait in here.
We don't know why.

Oh, man.

Good. We're all here.

We can get started.
Michael.

Have a seat.
We're not doing this today.

Have a seat like
everybody else.

Okay. This is...

It's still my office,
Ryan.

Well, there has been a lot of
talk about new ideas today.

Well, new ideas are fine,

but they are also illegal

because they are
a form of ageism.

What? Yes. I am right.

Did you know that, "The age
discrimination in employment act of 1967

"prohibits employment discrimination
based on age with respect to employees

"40 years of age or older"?

I did.

Mmm. Technically, he's right.

Hey, shut up, Toby.

Look, why do we, as a society,
hate old people so much?

Because they're lame.

No! Creed, no, they are not.

In fact, many cultures
revere old people

because of their
storytelling ability.

Like the old lady
from Titanic.

Or the funny things that they can
do, like, "Where's the Beef?"

Yeah? Why do you have the
Big picture up again?

You used that already
when you burned your foot.

Reusing the Ben Kingsley, too.

I was going to put up
some new pictures,

but all of the ink
in the printer was gone.

Oh.

Michael Scott?
That is me. Come on in.

Who is this old fart?

Did you just stagger off the
street out of a box or something?

Who's this worthless
bag of bones?

Well, this guy is none other than one
of the founders of Dunder Mifflin,

Mr. Robert Dunder.

Huh?
Oh, yeah.

Yes!

Hi, everyone. Michael, can I
talk to you for a second?

Sure thing.

Excuse me.

We have actual work to do.

F'ine.

Then I will call David Wallace
and you can explain to him

why you threw the founder of the
company out on his ancient butt.

Bob, how old are you?

I'm 87.

87 years young.

And still active.
That is great.

Did you know that Bob is still a
member of the board of Dunder Mifflin?

Well, I haven't been
to a board meeting in years.

I send a proxy.

Ah! Still sends his own proxy.
Good for you.

I'm gonna live for
a very long time.

My Grandma Schrute
lived to be 101.

My Grandpa Manheim is 103,

and still puttering around
down in Argentina.

I tried to go visit him once,

but my travel visa was protested
by the Shoah F'oundation.

I started this
company in 1949.

Wow.

Back then it was an
industrial supplier

of metal brackets,
mostly, for construction.

Oh, boy.

And then Mifflin,

of course he killed
himself later,

uh, but I knew Mifflin
through the Rotary Club.

Great.

And he was...

He was at dinner with Beverly
and her husband...

What was his name?

Jerry. Jerry Trupianno...
I don't know.

...from South Jersey
and he was tall.

Both he and Mifflin
were tall guys.

Great. That's great.
Thank you for coming in.

Robert Dunder, everybody.

Thank you. That was wonderful.
Do you have a ride?

Well, I came here in a cab.
Perfect.

Could you get me that...
That's nice.

Inspirational.
What have we learned?

Well, we have learned that you
can't teach an old dog new tricks,

because it's illegal.
And you will go to jail.

I think that I should
help him get home.

No. No, don't help him.
He doesn't need help, Pam.

What a nice guy.

Good night, guys.

Well, today was a
fantastic waste of time.

I disagree. I think it
was very valuable.

Michael, technology helps business, okay?
You should not resist it.

This is the way
the world is moving.

I happen to think that the old
ways of doing business are better.

And I can prove it.

Okay. I look forward to
hearing your ideas.

Where do you want to go?

I don't know, someplace
romantic and expensive.

Kelly, come on.

You know what,
you're right.

I'm feeling kind of nauseous, anyway.
So, you know, skip it.

Are you enjoying
your vegetarian noodles?

Very much.

How's your meat?

Dry. Delicious.

I heard a joke today.

Oh, that's funny.

Yes, it was.

Are you enjoying
your mineral water?

I can't do this.
I can't be with you.

Every time I look in your eyes I see
Sprinkles' stiff, lifeless body.

Then don't look in my eyes. Look
right here. It's an old sales trick.

I'm sorry. I gave this
everything I could.

No, please don't
do this, monkey.

I will leave your toothbrush on top
of your tire tomorrow morning.

Smell that.

Do you smell that?

Dry rot?

No, Dwight, that smells
like good business to me.

What I have done here
is I have collected

all the finest gourmet items
that Scranton has to offer.

Sweet, chocolate turtles.

Yes. No, no, those
are for our clients.

Actually, our ex-clients.
I'll explain later.

Ryan wants everything in our company
to be about emails and IMs,

but I think he is forgetting about
the original instant message,

letters attached to
baskets of food.

Excuse me, Angela. Michael asked
me to turn in these receipts

for these gift
basket items.

Thank you.
You're welcome.

Is that all?
Yes.

I miss you.

Elevators.

Dwight, you have
to listen to me.

We are not seeing each other anymore.
Can you accept that?

F'ine.

Then I just want to
be friends.

Good.

Plus a little extra.
Also, I love you.

I don't understand
what the big deal is.

You don't?
No.

You lied about being pregnant.
Right. So?

You really don't understand why
that might make me kind of angry?

No. We're never getting
back together.

Why not?

Hey.

Hey.

All right, I just have to
ask, now that we're public,

is the magic gone?

It's funny you bring that up
because, yes, it is.

I knew it. Oh, man.
Just like that, huh?

I think, I mean, I don't
know what it is, but...

Be honest.
I now find you repulsive.

That's honest.

All right. F'air enough.

It was really fun while it
lasted, though, wasn't it?

Yeah.

F'or me it was.

Okay.

All right.

Yeah.

Hey, boss, I didn't know
you were coming in today.

What is going on here?

I am glad that you asked.

Listen up, everybody.

In the last year, we have lost
seven clients to the big chains.

These gift baskets are our
ticket back into their lives.

We are going to show up

at these businesses unannounced and
we are going to win them back.

With gift baskets?

With peanut brittle,

with macadamia nut cookies,
with chocolate turtles,

with raspberry jam, and a
little bit of fat and salt.

Because you know what?
That's what people like.

Ever since I was a kid,

people have been telling
me that I can't do things.

"You can't be on the team.

"You can't move on
to second grade."

Well, now they're telling me
that I can't win back clients

using old-fashioned
business methods.

We'll see about that.

And F'YI, I eventually aced second grade,
and I was the biggest kid in class.

Okay, we're gonna split up into teams.
Jim, Phyllis. Stanley, Dwight. Me, Andy.

I'm not driving with him.

I'll go with you, Stanley.
Or him.

Why don't we just go
by ourselves?

Why don't we just go as teams to
demonstrate our teamsmanship?

Michael?
Yes.

This is stupid.
Well, that's... Okay.

That's not helpful, Phyllis.

How is giving people gift baskets
going to get our clients back?

Gift baskets are
amazing, Phyllis.

Gift baskets are

the essence of class
and fanciness.

They are the ultimate present
that a person can receive.

What about cash? With cash you
can buy whatever you want,

including a gift basket. So,
it's kind of the best gift ever.

What about a gift basket
full of cash?

Yes. Cash basket.
Nice work, Tuna.

F'ine. I'm just gonna
go by myself.

And I am going to win them back by
myself because this is important to me.

Michael, wait.

Let me go.

No, this is my quest.

Please. Let me go.

I need to win
those clients back.

Please.

F'ine.

Then Godspeed
to both of us.

Good luck, Michael.

We don't need luck.

Yeah.
But thank you.

That was really nice of you to say.
Thank you.

Business to business,
the old-fashioned way,

no BlackBerries,
no websites.

I would like to see a website
deliver baskets of food to people.

Yes, I understand that, David.

I just felt that if we
were to downsize Kelly

and then outsource customer service
to India, which a lot of companies...

Yeah. No.
Yes, Kelly is Indian.

I understand that's confusing.

Hey, bro, I've been
meaning to ask you,

can we get some
Red Bull for these things?

Sometimes a guy's got to ride the bull.
Am I right? Later, skater.

Sweet ride.
American-made.

What happened
to the Sebring?

It is in the body shop.

I had to have the dent taken out
of the hood where I hit Meredith.

Oh, that's a pain
in the ass.

I know.

So, who's next?
Larry Meyers.

Left us six months ago
for Office Depot.

Proceed to the highlighted route,
then route guidance will begin.

Why do you
use that thing?

It lets them know where
you are at all times.

Who?

The government, spy satellites,
private detectives,

ex-girlfriends.

Next night, I'm out at a bar, 2:00 a.m.
I figure I'll get a sandwich,

'cause you can get a sandwich
any time of the night,

I run into Vince Vaughn.

No way.

Literally.

Dude, you are so money,

but you don't even
know it, but you do.

Later, guys.
Yeah.

Later, dude.
Later, man.

Jim, how awesome
is Ryan now?

Yeah. He's
definitely something.

What does that mean?

That whole lifestyle, his whole
vibe, you find that appealing?

Tuna.

Tuna, Tuna, Tuna.

Tuna, Tuna, Tuna.

He has a killer job.
He's rich.

He smells like what I think Pierce
Brosnan probably smells like.

He wears really cool
rich-guy clothes.

And he can get
any girl that he wants.

So, I'm sorry, Tuna, but if you
don't know why that's awesome,

then

you need awesome lessons.

Tuna, check you later.

'Cause he's so money
that he doesn't even know it.

Wow, those things
are heavy.

There's a lot
of stuff in there.

We have macadamia
nut cookies,

the honey mustard pretzels.

Have you ever
tried focaccia crisps?

You know we closed our
account with you, right?

Yes. We do. We're with
Office Depot now.

Yes.
Yes. Yes, we know.

But we just have not gotten over you.
Well...

And we are dedicated to providing you
with the very best customer service...

This is...
...the very best

personal business relationship...
That's exactly right.

...we can if you ever
decide to come back to us.

Okay. I don't think
we're coming back.

Please come back.
Okay, you know what?

Just enjoy
the gift basket

and remember that we provide
a personal touch.

Remember what we had,
Larry.

I mean, really,
it's about money.

Well, just enjoy
the gift basket.

Okay, thanks.
All right.

I mean, their website's
really easy to use, too.

That's a big deal for us.

That guy was so...

How can they not know
how much better we are?

I don't know. Sometimes
people are just impossible

and they make you miserable.
That is true.

Like Angela
in accounting.

Yes. She is nuts.

No, she's wonderful
at accounting.

But she drives me crazy.

Make the next right turn.

How do they know? How does
this know where to turn?

That's very impressive.

Hey, Pam,

I haven't settled on a final design
logo yet for Dunder Mifflin Infinity

and I know you're
into graphic design.

Do you want to give it a shot?
Maybe try and design the logo.

Totally.
Cool.

That would be great.

Can you do a couple mock-ups
and I'll take a look?

Yeah.
Thank you very much.

Thank you.
Cool.

Okay.

Yeah, I'm going to do some mock-ups
and then turn those into thumbnails,

maybe do some
splash frames...

I don't know what I'm talking
about, but I'm excited.

And the last guy says,
"No, hairy body."

You know,
I have heard it before.

Ah. Well, it's
still very good.

I bet I know someone
who hasn't heard that joke,

your daughter Emily.

How's she doing?

She's great.
Thanks for asking.

Great memory, by the way.

Is she gonna be,
like, 11 this winter?

Wow. They grow up so fast.

I have a few of my own
that I want someday.

Listen, I don't want to take
any more of your time.

I know you're
a very busy man.

The reason we have stopped
by is to drop you off

this elaborate bag of goodies
and to ask you to reconsider.

Okay.

Okay. Okay.
So you'll reconsider?

Okay, thanks for the goodies.

Ah.

Is that all
you have to say?

It looks delicious.
I don't know.

You don't know?

Look, we want you back.

Can you offer lower prices?

Well, no.

Well, then,
we're not coming back.

He's not coming back.
It's over, Michael.

No, it's not.
No, he's right.

No. Accept it. Why
would he come back?

Why would he come back?
I will tell you, Dwight.

He would come back because we offer
a wide selection of products,

and because you're definitely not getting
the same sort of customer service

that you get with us,
are you?

That's not gonna
change his mind.

He's moving on. We had our
chance and we killed it.

Look.

We're also coming out
with a website soon.

It's a
state-of-the-art thing.

It'll be up and running.

It's gonna cut costs, and it will
make ordering much, much easier.

Okay. Well, when it's up,
I'll check it out,

and if it really cuts costs,
maybe we'll come back.

Great. The magic of
the gift basket.

That I don't care
about as much.

Let me know
when the site's up.

Okay. Good.

Don't let Emily have any of the
Cajun almonds. She's allergic.

Proceed straight.

Well, we're 0 for 6.

Last chance is the
Elmhurst Country Club.

Other side of the lake
on the southeast side.

I don't get it.

I really don't get it.
I thought this would work.

I threw everything I had
at that guy and nothing.

That's how it goes
sometimes, you know?

You lose everything
and everything falls apart

and eventually you die

and no one
remembers you.

That is a very
good point, Dwight.

Make a right turn.

Wait, wait. No, no, no.
It means bear right.

No. It said right. It said take a right.
Up there.

No, no, no, look.

It means go up to the right,
bear right over the bridge

and hook up with 307.

Make a right turn. Maybe
it's a shortcut, Dwight.

It said go to the right.

It can't mean that.

There's a lake there!
I think it

knows where it is going.
This is the lake!

The machine knows!
This is the lake!

Stop yelling at me!
No!

Stop yelling!
There's no road here!

Remain calm.
I have trained for this.

Okay.

Exit the window! Here we go.

Make a U-turn, if possible.

Look out for leeches!

Michael! Are you okay?

Swim for it!
I got you. I got you.

Oh, God.

Michael! Michael!

Let go. Let go of me.

Michael.

I got you! I got you!

Come on. Come on. Come on.

Come on.

You sure you're okay?

F'ine.

Good. That is what's
most important.

Did you get the
rental insurance?

Because that is pretty important,
too, at a time like this.

What a disaster.
This whole thing.

I'll call a cab.

These people just don't realize what a
gift basket means. They don't get it.

Look at that. Still works.
Old-fashioned cell phone.

Yeah. What about that
last guy, Aaron?

Boy, is he a jerk. I don't
even know if I want it.

"Their website is so easy."

Yeah, well, you can have
your technology, jackass.

Look where it got us.

Yes, we need a cab
at Lake Scranton

at the end of East Mountain
Road, in the lake.

Hang up.

You know what
we're gonna do?

We're walking back.

We're walking back
to that office

and we're going to
reclaim our gift basket.

Yes. We're going to take
what's rightfully ours.

We're gonna take
a stand, Dwight.

We're gonna take a stand!
Take a stand!

So it plays on the infinity thing
without being obvious, you know?

Yeah. Definitely.

I'd love to do like
a color version,

just bring a little color to it.
I like it a lot.

It's clear and subtle
at the same time.

It's really good. You have a
real talent for this stuff.

Thanks. I'd love to talk
to you about it more.

That would be great.

Do you want to go
out to dinner tonight?

Oh, is it...

Wear something nice.
No.

What?

I just...
I'm sorry.

I just want to have dinner.

I'm dating Jim.

You're kidding.

We're together.

That's great. I...
That's awesome.

Yeah. Great.

So, let me...
Yeah.

Let me look at these.
Okay. Great.

Cool.
Great.

I guess he can't get
any girl he wants.

Did you forget something?
What happened to you guys?

Give it back.

The gift basket.
Give it back.

Oh, what is this?

It's real simple.

If you don't appreciate what we
do, then give us back our basket.

Maybe you should leave.

Yeah. Maybe we should...

Maybe we should leave.
Come on, let's leave.

But before we leave,

my wet friend and I are gonna wait
for our cabs on your nice couches.

Can you call us a cab, please?
I'm gonna... Sorry.

My clothes
are so wet.

Nice leather.

Oh, my shoes are so muddy.

All right, here you go.
Take it back.

It's been opened.
Yeah, it was mine.

What's missing?
The turtles.

Summer sausage.
Where are the turtles?

Where are the turtles? Come
on, guys, get out of here.

Where are the turtles?
Where are they?

Excuse me, I have an
announcement to make.

We seem to be missing a box of
chocolate turtles with pecans

and we will not be leaving the
premises until we obtain them.

Hand over the turtles now!

I ate them, okay? I ate the turtles.
They're gone.

We'll bill you.

May I have your
attention, please?

This office will not be using
any new technology ever.

Starting now.
That is not correct.

Ryan thinks that technology is the answer.
Well, guess what?

I just drove my car
into a lake.

You did what?

I drove my car
into a lake.

Why, you may ask,
did I do this?

Well, because of a machine.

A machine told me to drive into a lake.
And I did it.

I did it because I trusted
Ryan's precious technology.

And look where it got me.

Into a lake.

Exactly.

Did you get
any clients back?

Maybe. Maybe not.

Time will tell.

But I will tell you one thing,
those gift baskets

never endangered
anybody's lives.

Game, set, match.

Point. Scott. Game over.

End of game.

Everyone always
wants new things.

Everybody likes new
inventions, new technology.

People will never be
replaced by machines.

In the end, life and business
are about human connections.

And computers are about trying
to murder you in a lake.

And to me
the choice is easy.

I'm not saying I had a
meteoric rise, but I did.

And if they knew how much I was
paying for my haircut now,

they wouldn't be
giving me a noogie.

It was $200.