The Odd Couple (2015–2017): Season 3, Episode 12 - The God Couple - full transcript
Oscar's grumpy that Felix is making the group go to church to support Dani's choir solo.
♪ Robert Winkleman ♪
♪ Harry Winona ♪
♪ R.J. ♪
♪ Wo-oo-ood ♪
Nope. No, no, no.
- ♪ Wood ♪
- ♪ Wood from the diaphragm. ♪
Felix, I just need help
with the gospel number.
Why am I singing the phonebook?
Because it's about emotion.
A great singer should be
able to sing any lyrics
and still move the listener to tears.
Now, let's take it from
A.C. Ventner and Son's Towing,
and make me feel it this time.
♪ A.C. Ventner ♪
♪ Arnie Victor ♪
♪ Lucy Volman ♪
- ♪ Mole Removal. ♪
- (door closes)
What are you singing?
It makes me wish I had
a mole to remove.
Oscar, Dani is the featured soloist
in her church choir on Sunday,
and I'm helping her get over her nerves
with a little bit of coaching.
You'll come and hear Dani sing,
won't you?
- Mmm. Wouldn't miss it.
- Oh, great.
It's Sunday at First Baptist Church.
Mmm. I got a thing.
Oscar!
S... I just can't do the church thing.
There's so many rules.
Be nice. Don't sin.
It's just... too much.
Oscar. This is a big moment for Dani.
I went to your laser tag
birthday party.
Okay. I'll go.
And you do sound beautiful.
Thank you. I just hope
I don't freeze up.
Oh, you won't.
- Just remember what I told you.
- Uh-huh.
Look out at the crowd and imagine
that they're in their underwear.
Actually, if it's noon on a Sunday,
you won't have to imagine,
just look at Oscar.
I haven't been to church
in, like, forever.
I don't know when to
stand, or kneel or jump,
or anything like that.
I don't think there's jumping.
Well, this is a black church.
Sometimes there's jumping.
Thank you. I can't stop sweating.
I know this is a place of God,
but the devil made these robes.
- Dani. You are going to be just fine.
- Hmm?
I'm just not a lead singer type.
I'm not Diana Ross; I'm a Supreme.
I always used to dream
about being in the spotlight
when I was a young cellist.
Alas, all the men of my family
are cursed with infantum manos.
Baby hands.
Oh. I'm sorry.
Oh. No. It's okay.
There's not a cookie jar built
that's safe from these bad boys.
But you, you have a gift.
And you're about to
share it with the world.
- Oh. Thank you, Felix.
- Hmm.
I couldn't have done it without you.
(laughing): Oh, this isn't about me.
This is about you
having your moment to shine.
Speaking of which,
you're gonna want to towel off
your forehead. It's, uh...
Oh. Okay.
- Good morning.
- Hi.
- Hi.
- Ah.
There's only one hymnal left.
Hey, do you mind sharing?
I do not.
Hey. Is that Michael Spencer?
Oh, yeah, from the Braves.
I interviewed him once after a game.
He was in the shower.
Not great for my self-esteem.
Hey. Uh, I heard that
he was offered a TV show,
and he's looking for a co-host.
Oh. That would be such a sweet gig.
I'd love another shot at TV.
You should go and talk to him.
No. I don't want to bother
him while he's in church.
I heard your nemesis
Rich Eisen is circling the job.
- I'll be right back.
- Okay.
Hello.
Michael.
- It's Oscar Madison.
- Hey.
What's up, Oscar? It's
good to see you again.
And this time I'm a lot less naked.
Yes. A lot easier to
establish eye contact.
(chuckles)
I'm surprised to see you here.
I didn't know you were
a church-going man.
Oh, yeah. I go to church every...
every...
...time there's church.
♪ Ezekiel saw the wheel ♪
♪ Way up in the middle of the air ♪
♪ Ezekiel saw the wheel ♪
♪ Way in the middle of the air ♪
♪ Some go to church to sing and shout ♪
♪ Way up in the middle of the air ♪
♪ Before six months
they've shouted out ♪
♪ Way in the middle of the air ♪
♪ I'll tell you what a
hypocrite will do ♪
♪ Way up in the middle of the air ♪
♪ He'll talk about me and
he'll talk about you ♪
♪ Way in the middle of the air ♪
♪ Ezekiel saw the wheel ♪
♪ Way up in the middle of the air ♪
♪ Ezekiel saw the wheel ♪
♪ Way in the middle ♪
♪ Of the air... ♪
(cheering and applause)
She's really something.
Yes, we are.
When you sang, Sister Dani,
I felt the Spirit.
Your voice is amazing.
Oh. Thank you, Raylene.
I couldn't have done
it without the help
- of the Lord.
- Her friend, Felix.
And also the Lord.
Brava, Dani!
I'm so proud of you.
Oh. Your help meant so much, Felix.
Oh, please. It doesn't
matter who did what
or who was able to
inspire you to reach heights
you never would have otherwise.
- Ooh, Dani.
- Oh.
You were amazing.
I was literally crying.
My favorite part was when you...
you know, sang and stuff.
Hey.
Man, that was amazing.
That guy gave such a great speech.
(whispering): Sermon.
Fine. Sermon gave a great speech.
Hey, Oscar.
Me and a couple of my boys
are getting together tomorrow night.
It's gonna be a righteous time.
You want to hang?
Playoffs. Nice.
I'd love to. How about
we do it at my place?
That sounds great.
Hey, fellas. My friend Oscar
said we could do Bible study
at his place this week.
That's right. It's gonna be fun.
Remember: BYOB.
Bring your own Bible.
(chuckles weakly)
Dani, I hope that you're sitting down.
I hope you can see that I am.
I just talked to my friend who works at
Good Evening New York
with Rick Rovener,
and I sent her the video of your
solo at church yesterday,
and she loved it.
She wants to book you and the choir
for an upcoming segment on the show.
This is your cue to jump up and hug me.
Felix, I can't sing on TV.
I can only sing at church
because the people
there can't judge me.
You know, lest they be judged.
This could be huge for you.
Dani, think about it.
Out of all of the people in
New York, God has chosen me...
...to put you in front of the masses.
It is humbling, really.
Oh.
If it's the Lord's will,
- I can't really say no, can I?
- No.
Plus, I already said yes
and I forged your name
on some stuff.
And I'll, I'll go tell the choir.
- Can I get that hug now?
- Yes. Thank you.
Oh. I'm gonna be singing about
the Lord's glory on television.
My sister's gonna be so jealous.
Suck it, Denise.
All right, Teddy, quiz me
on the top ten commandments.
Well, first, they're not the top ten.
Then how did they get in the Bible?
Oscar. I never thought I'd
see you reading the Good Book.
Or a book.
Very funny, Felix,
but I have decided to
turn the other cheek.
Oh, nice.
Let's stay in that Bible zone.
Oscar. Do you think that the Lord
would approve of you pretending
to be religious to get a job?
(laughing):
Oh, right. Like God's perfect.
Oscar. I'm going to need you to stay
a lightning bolt's distance
away from me at all times.
The New Testament?
Hey, Oscar.
Here's the, uh, Reuben from
Langford's that you ordered.
I didn't order anything.
And why do you look good?
No reason.
This is just something
that I threw on this morning.
Oh. You're hoping to run into
your church buddy, aren't you?
His name is Troy,
and he said he would be here...
on his Facebook page.
Okay. Y-you've got to go.
This is Bible study, not a booty call.
(laughs) Oh. Like you're so pious
with your pornography lying around.
It's the swimsuit issue.
But good catch; I'll get rid of that.
(knocking on door)
Welcome, brothers.
I mean, religious brothers.
You know, 'cause...
Welcome.
And finally, Lord, we ask
that you send us into this
new week with your blessing,
and your guidance that we may do
your good work.
- Amen.
- ALL: Amen.
Am... amen.
Well, thanks for hosting, Oscar.
Oh, hey. Mi casa es God casa.
(laughs)
Hey, Oscar, I don't know if you heard,
but I'm doing a TV show.
What? Huh? Really?
Would you have any interest
in being my co-host?
Hell, yeah.
- Lujah.
- (laughs)
You know, Oscar, just
listening to your show,
I would have never thought
that you were so...
Religious?
Well, I was gonna say "funny".
But now I know the real you.
And I think America should
get to know you, too.
Wow. I'm... thank you, Michael.
It's like some great powerful force
wanted God to put you and I together.
There's that funny again.
♪ Savior ♪
♪ Savior... ♪
♪ Hear my ♪
♪ Humble cry ♪
♪ While on others ♪
♪ Thou art calling ♪
♪ Do not pass me ♪
♪ By... ♪
Okay.
Dani.
You were amazing, you lifted me up.
The rest of you... okay.
(sighs)
A couple of thoughts. Okay.
First of all, right now, you all do
a lot of singing, okay.
And it's powerful.
But it's also
just a little bit expected.
Just a little expected,
don't you think?
So here's what I think.
We'll have Dani start it off.
Okay? And then the rest of you
will join in in the middle
for the-the "oohs", okay?
And then we all join
together for the final chorus.
- (others agreeing)
- Or...
hear me out...
we just let Dani take
it home all by herself.
We're not a backup group.
We sing together, right?
(others agreeing)
Okay. And here,
here, that's great.
But tomorrow you're going to be singing
on Good Evening New York
with Rick Rovener!
(chuckles) We don't
care about being on TV.
(others agreeing)
Well, that's fine.
You don't have to be,
because it's Dani's solo
that got you the spot.
Are you gonna let this bow-tied
busybody talk to us this way?!
You know, he-he did get us the booking,
so maybe we should just hear him out?
Oh. You're on his side.
- (others murmuring)
- Well,
we were singing good
before you got here,
and we'll sing just as
good when you're gone.
(others agreeing)
So it's gonna be like
that, huh, Raylene?
I don't remember any TV producers
knocking on your door
before I got here.
Hit the road, Jack.
What'd you say?
♪ Hit the road, Jack ♪
♪ And don't you come back no more ♪
♪ No more, no more, no more ♪
- ♪ Hit the road, Jack, and don't
you come back ♪ - Felix, let's go.
- ♪ No more ♪
- Boy, they really had that cued up.
- Mm.
- (woman singing)
I don't think I can do another
one of these Bible study things.
I mean, I got some weird
looks when I mentioned
Noah of the Lost Ark.
Just fake it until
you sign the contract
and the job is yours.
Hey, Oscar.
What's this about the job?
It's pronounced "Jobe," Teddy.
- Hey, Teddy.
- Hey.
Hey, Oscar, uh, you brought your agent?
Well, who needs to read
the Bible more than an agent?
Am I right?
We're slime.
Tell me, Oscar, um,
how many Gospels are there?
I believe it was Jesus
who said, "Number not
"the Gospels,
"because mine is the only true number,
and that is good."
And then I think he said, "Amen."
Oh, look, it's, um, Brother...
Teddy, don't, don't. Teddy, Ted...
(mutters)
I'm really disappointed in you, Oscar.
Pretending that you're religious
just to further your career.
Obviously I can't work
with someone like that.
I get it. That's a new low
for even me.
I'm a selfish, greedy bastard.
And I just said "bastard" in church.
Twice.
(sighs)
Come on.
You could really use Bible study.
But instead of going in
with an ulterior motive,
try it with an open heart.
You're right. I'm in.
I need to be open to this, not
get all Lady Crawley about it.
It's a Downton Abbey thing.
Oh.
Because I'm black,
I don't know Downton Abbey?
What? No, no...
(laughs) I'm just kidding
with you, Oscar.
DANI: ♪ Do, re, mi, fa ♪
- ♪ So, la, ti... ♪
- Stop. Stop.
Stop singing.
What now?
You're getting a little pitchy.
No, you're getting a little...
Oh, you said "pitchy"?
Why are you riding me so much?
- Your friend said I was a star!
- Ah.
"Could be a star."
After I'm done molding you.
Do you think that little
Moshe Lipshitz from Yonkers
just turned himself into
Rick Rovener overnight?
Now let's take it again.
I'm just about done taking it.
Why don't you just focus on the booking
and let me focus on the singing?
If I hadn't focused on the singing,
you would still be way
in the back row of the choir
without a solo, so...
I'm thinking about
going solo right now.
You already dropped the choir,
so... Oh, you're...
Oh, she's talking about me.
- Mm-hmm.
- Okay.
You are so ungrateful!
I made you!
I'm leaving, Felix.
Fine!
Enjoy being a stripper!
What?!
It's from the movie musical Gypsy.
Her mother was her manager
and then Gypsy's on the verge
of becoming a star and
then her ego gets the better...
Oh, Netflix it!
(huffs)
Uh-oh, you're book-dusting.
What's wrong?
Dani and I had a fight.
After everything I've done for her,
she doesn't want me
at our TV appearance.
Your TV appearance?
Her TV appearance.
Felix, you seem troubled.
Like a sheep who's strayed
from the path,
away from the flock.
Oscar, are you experiencing
rare side effects
and should you consult a doctor?
No, I'm just sharing something
that my new friends turned me on to,
"Do nothing for selfish ambition
or conceit."
- Wow.
- Yeah.
It's from the Bible.
Fallopians.
So you're saying I put my own
ego ahead of Dani's happiness.
And did you say "Fallopians"?
I did, my son.
Yes, I suppose you're right.
I was using Dani to try to
grab a bit of that spotlight
that has always eluded me.
In high school, I spent four
years as second chair cello,
living in the shadow
of, first, Margaret Kim,
then Will Turko, then Duane Foy,
and then the other Margaret Kim.
It's totally understandable, buddy.
You were just using Dani
the way I was using Michael
to get a job.
But I ended up finding
something so much more.
Grace.
So this is just you now?
I'm just as surprised as anyone.
I have to go talk to Dani.
Aw, my lost little lambs.
Five minutes, Ms. Duncan.
Thank you.
And you only need the one mic?
Yeah, it's, uh... it's just me.
I'm all alone.
A choir of one.
Dear God,
it's me, Dani.
Duncan, New York City.
I know you got 1,000 Danis.
Lord, I'm praying
'cause I need forgiveness.
I-I've committed the sin of-of pride.
And I've alienated my friends,
and now I got to go out there
and sing alone.
I want to blame Felix,
but this is really on me,
because I let it happen.
Oh, please, God, please,
send the strength that I need
to make it through today.
And I want to...
(choir singing)
Lord, are you calling me home?
- (singing continues)
- (gasps)
What are you guys doing here?
I called them and explained that
none of this was your fault...
it was all mine.
Not surprisingly,
they were very forgiving.
Of Dani.
Jury's still out on you, little man.
Okay, Ms. Duncan, you're on.
Correction, we're on.
(laughter)
Love it!
(chuckling)
(laughing)
Oh! I'm sorry,
I touched somebody's boob.
(laughter)
♪ Rock my soul in the
bosom of Abraham ♪
♪ Oh, rock my soul ♪
♪ Oh, rock my soul ♪
♪ Oh, rock my soul. ♪
(chuckling)
That was glorious.
I got to say, Oscar, I'm impressed
with how far you've come
in so little time.
Yeah. I didn't even laugh
when they said "bosom."
(chuckles)
Thanks for being so nice to me
- after I lied to you.
- Eh.
It's like the Good book says, "Forgive
and you will be forgiven."
- "And you will be forgiven""
- "Be forgotten."
I mean "forgiven." Um, I'm sorry.
I thought we were doing
a different one.
I had the best time today.
And thank you for escorting me to work.
Oh. (chuckles) What a gentleman.
Well, it is our third date.
Mm.
Bye.
Oh, someone has a crush.
Yes. Troy is amazing.
He's respectful,
he's spiritual, he's kind.
It's just all the stuff you don't find
in a guy these days.
Oh, and, also, he's saving
himself for marriage.
- You mean...?
- Yep.
Okay, but you can still...
Nope.
- But what if you just...
- Uh-uh.
So right now you must feel totally...
Oh, yeah.
(phone chimes)
(chuckles) It's Rich Eisen.
You know Rich, right?
Did I tell you I asked him
to be the co-host of my TV show?
No, you didn't, Michael.
But that's great.
Yeah? 'Cause I know
you two were sort of rivals.
Oh, no, that's the old me.
I'm happy for him now.
I think you two will make a great team.
You know what, I do, too. You
know, 'cause we're so different.
'Cause, like, I'm the
churchgoing goodie-goodie,
and he's, like, the brash bad boy.
(chuckles)
I better call him back.
- I'm sorry, Oscar.
- (sighs)
Yeah. It is frustrating
not to get what you want.
So... frustrating.
OSCAR: Eh,
it's okay. Clearly,
it wasn't meant to be.
I mean, everything happens
for a reason, right?
I'm proud of Oscar.
He's really changed.
He's done a lot of growing.
- Yeah.
- OSCAR: Damn it!
- That is totally unfair!
- (crashing)
Thanks a lot, God!
- I devoted my entire week to you!
- (crashing)
You can add a paper towel
dispenser to my bill.
♪ This little light of mine ♪
♪ I'm gonna let it shine ♪
♪ This little light of mine ♪
♪ I'm gonna let it shine ♪
♪ This little light of mine ♪
♪ I'm gonna let it shine ♪
♪ Let it shine, let it shine ♪
♪ Let it shine ♪
♪ This little light of mine ♪
♪ I'm gonna let it shine ♪
♪ This little light of mine ♪
♪ I'm gonna let it shine... ♪
♪ Harry Winona ♪
♪ R.J. ♪
♪ Wo-oo-ood ♪
Nope. No, no, no.
- ♪ Wood ♪
- ♪ Wood from the diaphragm. ♪
Felix, I just need help
with the gospel number.
Why am I singing the phonebook?
Because it's about emotion.
A great singer should be
able to sing any lyrics
and still move the listener to tears.
Now, let's take it from
A.C. Ventner and Son's Towing,
and make me feel it this time.
♪ A.C. Ventner ♪
♪ Arnie Victor ♪
♪ Lucy Volman ♪
- ♪ Mole Removal. ♪
- (door closes)
What are you singing?
It makes me wish I had
a mole to remove.
Oscar, Dani is the featured soloist
in her church choir on Sunday,
and I'm helping her get over her nerves
with a little bit of coaching.
You'll come and hear Dani sing,
won't you?
- Mmm. Wouldn't miss it.
- Oh, great.
It's Sunday at First Baptist Church.
Mmm. I got a thing.
Oscar!
S... I just can't do the church thing.
There's so many rules.
Be nice. Don't sin.
It's just... too much.
Oscar. This is a big moment for Dani.
I went to your laser tag
birthday party.
Okay. I'll go.
And you do sound beautiful.
Thank you. I just hope
I don't freeze up.
Oh, you won't.
- Just remember what I told you.
- Uh-huh.
Look out at the crowd and imagine
that they're in their underwear.
Actually, if it's noon on a Sunday,
you won't have to imagine,
just look at Oscar.
I haven't been to church
in, like, forever.
I don't know when to
stand, or kneel or jump,
or anything like that.
I don't think there's jumping.
Well, this is a black church.
Sometimes there's jumping.
Thank you. I can't stop sweating.
I know this is a place of God,
but the devil made these robes.
- Dani. You are going to be just fine.
- Hmm?
I'm just not a lead singer type.
I'm not Diana Ross; I'm a Supreme.
I always used to dream
about being in the spotlight
when I was a young cellist.
Alas, all the men of my family
are cursed with infantum manos.
Baby hands.
Oh. I'm sorry.
Oh. No. It's okay.
There's not a cookie jar built
that's safe from these bad boys.
But you, you have a gift.
And you're about to
share it with the world.
- Oh. Thank you, Felix.
- Hmm.
I couldn't have done it without you.
(laughing): Oh, this isn't about me.
This is about you
having your moment to shine.
Speaking of which,
you're gonna want to towel off
your forehead. It's, uh...
Oh. Okay.
- Good morning.
- Hi.
- Hi.
- Ah.
There's only one hymnal left.
Hey, do you mind sharing?
I do not.
Hey. Is that Michael Spencer?
Oh, yeah, from the Braves.
I interviewed him once after a game.
He was in the shower.
Not great for my self-esteem.
Hey. Uh, I heard that
he was offered a TV show,
and he's looking for a co-host.
Oh. That would be such a sweet gig.
I'd love another shot at TV.
You should go and talk to him.
No. I don't want to bother
him while he's in church.
I heard your nemesis
Rich Eisen is circling the job.
- I'll be right back.
- Okay.
Hello.
Michael.
- It's Oscar Madison.
- Hey.
What's up, Oscar? It's
good to see you again.
And this time I'm a lot less naked.
Yes. A lot easier to
establish eye contact.
(chuckles)
I'm surprised to see you here.
I didn't know you were
a church-going man.
Oh, yeah. I go to church every...
every...
...time there's church.
♪ Ezekiel saw the wheel ♪
♪ Way up in the middle of the air ♪
♪ Ezekiel saw the wheel ♪
♪ Way in the middle of the air ♪
♪ Some go to church to sing and shout ♪
♪ Way up in the middle of the air ♪
♪ Before six months
they've shouted out ♪
♪ Way in the middle of the air ♪
♪ I'll tell you what a
hypocrite will do ♪
♪ Way up in the middle of the air ♪
♪ He'll talk about me and
he'll talk about you ♪
♪ Way in the middle of the air ♪
♪ Ezekiel saw the wheel ♪
♪ Way up in the middle of the air ♪
♪ Ezekiel saw the wheel ♪
♪ Way in the middle ♪
♪ Of the air... ♪
(cheering and applause)
She's really something.
Yes, we are.
When you sang, Sister Dani,
I felt the Spirit.
Your voice is amazing.
Oh. Thank you, Raylene.
I couldn't have done
it without the help
- of the Lord.
- Her friend, Felix.
And also the Lord.
Brava, Dani!
I'm so proud of you.
Oh. Your help meant so much, Felix.
Oh, please. It doesn't
matter who did what
or who was able to
inspire you to reach heights
you never would have otherwise.
- Ooh, Dani.
- Oh.
You were amazing.
I was literally crying.
My favorite part was when you...
you know, sang and stuff.
Hey.
Man, that was amazing.
That guy gave such a great speech.
(whispering): Sermon.
Fine. Sermon gave a great speech.
Hey, Oscar.
Me and a couple of my boys
are getting together tomorrow night.
It's gonna be a righteous time.
You want to hang?
Playoffs. Nice.
I'd love to. How about
we do it at my place?
That sounds great.
Hey, fellas. My friend Oscar
said we could do Bible study
at his place this week.
That's right. It's gonna be fun.
Remember: BYOB.
Bring your own Bible.
(chuckles weakly)
Dani, I hope that you're sitting down.
I hope you can see that I am.
I just talked to my friend who works at
Good Evening New York
with Rick Rovener,
and I sent her the video of your
solo at church yesterday,
and she loved it.
She wants to book you and the choir
for an upcoming segment on the show.
This is your cue to jump up and hug me.
Felix, I can't sing on TV.
I can only sing at church
because the people
there can't judge me.
You know, lest they be judged.
This could be huge for you.
Dani, think about it.
Out of all of the people in
New York, God has chosen me...
...to put you in front of the masses.
It is humbling, really.
Oh.
If it's the Lord's will,
- I can't really say no, can I?
- No.
Plus, I already said yes
and I forged your name
on some stuff.
And I'll, I'll go tell the choir.
- Can I get that hug now?
- Yes. Thank you.
Oh. I'm gonna be singing about
the Lord's glory on television.
My sister's gonna be so jealous.
Suck it, Denise.
All right, Teddy, quiz me
on the top ten commandments.
Well, first, they're not the top ten.
Then how did they get in the Bible?
Oscar. I never thought I'd
see you reading the Good Book.
Or a book.
Very funny, Felix,
but I have decided to
turn the other cheek.
Oh, nice.
Let's stay in that Bible zone.
Oscar. Do you think that the Lord
would approve of you pretending
to be religious to get a job?
(laughing):
Oh, right. Like God's perfect.
Oscar. I'm going to need you to stay
a lightning bolt's distance
away from me at all times.
The New Testament?
Hey, Oscar.
Here's the, uh, Reuben from
Langford's that you ordered.
I didn't order anything.
And why do you look good?
No reason.
This is just something
that I threw on this morning.
Oh. You're hoping to run into
your church buddy, aren't you?
His name is Troy,
and he said he would be here...
on his Facebook page.
Okay. Y-you've got to go.
This is Bible study, not a booty call.
(laughs) Oh. Like you're so pious
with your pornography lying around.
It's the swimsuit issue.
But good catch; I'll get rid of that.
(knocking on door)
Welcome, brothers.
I mean, religious brothers.
You know, 'cause...
Welcome.
And finally, Lord, we ask
that you send us into this
new week with your blessing,
and your guidance that we may do
your good work.
- Amen.
- ALL: Amen.
Am... amen.
Well, thanks for hosting, Oscar.
Oh, hey. Mi casa es God casa.
(laughs)
Hey, Oscar, I don't know if you heard,
but I'm doing a TV show.
What? Huh? Really?
Would you have any interest
in being my co-host?
Hell, yeah.
- Lujah.
- (laughs)
You know, Oscar, just
listening to your show,
I would have never thought
that you were so...
Religious?
Well, I was gonna say "funny".
But now I know the real you.
And I think America should
get to know you, too.
Wow. I'm... thank you, Michael.
It's like some great powerful force
wanted God to put you and I together.
There's that funny again.
♪ Savior ♪
♪ Savior... ♪
♪ Hear my ♪
♪ Humble cry ♪
♪ While on others ♪
♪ Thou art calling ♪
♪ Do not pass me ♪
♪ By... ♪
Okay.
Dani.
You were amazing, you lifted me up.
The rest of you... okay.
(sighs)
A couple of thoughts. Okay.
First of all, right now, you all do
a lot of singing, okay.
And it's powerful.
But it's also
just a little bit expected.
Just a little expected,
don't you think?
So here's what I think.
We'll have Dani start it off.
Okay? And then the rest of you
will join in in the middle
for the-the "oohs", okay?
And then we all join
together for the final chorus.
- (others agreeing)
- Or...
hear me out...
we just let Dani take
it home all by herself.
We're not a backup group.
We sing together, right?
(others agreeing)
Okay. And here,
here, that's great.
But tomorrow you're going to be singing
on Good Evening New York
with Rick Rovener!
(chuckles) We don't
care about being on TV.
(others agreeing)
Well, that's fine.
You don't have to be,
because it's Dani's solo
that got you the spot.
Are you gonna let this bow-tied
busybody talk to us this way?!
You know, he-he did get us the booking,
so maybe we should just hear him out?
Oh. You're on his side.
- (others murmuring)
- Well,
we were singing good
before you got here,
and we'll sing just as
good when you're gone.
(others agreeing)
So it's gonna be like
that, huh, Raylene?
I don't remember any TV producers
knocking on your door
before I got here.
Hit the road, Jack.
What'd you say?
♪ Hit the road, Jack ♪
♪ And don't you come back no more ♪
♪ No more, no more, no more ♪
- ♪ Hit the road, Jack, and don't
you come back ♪ - Felix, let's go.
- ♪ No more ♪
- Boy, they really had that cued up.
- Mm.
- (woman singing)
I don't think I can do another
one of these Bible study things.
I mean, I got some weird
looks when I mentioned
Noah of the Lost Ark.
Just fake it until
you sign the contract
and the job is yours.
Hey, Oscar.
What's this about the job?
It's pronounced "Jobe," Teddy.
- Hey, Teddy.
- Hey.
Hey, Oscar, uh, you brought your agent?
Well, who needs to read
the Bible more than an agent?
Am I right?
We're slime.
Tell me, Oscar, um,
how many Gospels are there?
I believe it was Jesus
who said, "Number not
"the Gospels,
"because mine is the only true number,
and that is good."
And then I think he said, "Amen."
Oh, look, it's, um, Brother...
Teddy, don't, don't. Teddy, Ted...
(mutters)
I'm really disappointed in you, Oscar.
Pretending that you're religious
just to further your career.
Obviously I can't work
with someone like that.
I get it. That's a new low
for even me.
I'm a selfish, greedy bastard.
And I just said "bastard" in church.
Twice.
(sighs)
Come on.
You could really use Bible study.
But instead of going in
with an ulterior motive,
try it with an open heart.
You're right. I'm in.
I need to be open to this, not
get all Lady Crawley about it.
It's a Downton Abbey thing.
Oh.
Because I'm black,
I don't know Downton Abbey?
What? No, no...
(laughs) I'm just kidding
with you, Oscar.
DANI: ♪ Do, re, mi, fa ♪
- ♪ So, la, ti... ♪
- Stop. Stop.
Stop singing.
What now?
You're getting a little pitchy.
No, you're getting a little...
Oh, you said "pitchy"?
Why are you riding me so much?
- Your friend said I was a star!
- Ah.
"Could be a star."
After I'm done molding you.
Do you think that little
Moshe Lipshitz from Yonkers
just turned himself into
Rick Rovener overnight?
Now let's take it again.
I'm just about done taking it.
Why don't you just focus on the booking
and let me focus on the singing?
If I hadn't focused on the singing,
you would still be way
in the back row of the choir
without a solo, so...
I'm thinking about
going solo right now.
You already dropped the choir,
so... Oh, you're...
Oh, she's talking about me.
- Mm-hmm.
- Okay.
You are so ungrateful!
I made you!
I'm leaving, Felix.
Fine!
Enjoy being a stripper!
What?!
It's from the movie musical Gypsy.
Her mother was her manager
and then Gypsy's on the verge
of becoming a star and
then her ego gets the better...
Oh, Netflix it!
(huffs)
Uh-oh, you're book-dusting.
What's wrong?
Dani and I had a fight.
After everything I've done for her,
she doesn't want me
at our TV appearance.
Your TV appearance?
Her TV appearance.
Felix, you seem troubled.
Like a sheep who's strayed
from the path,
away from the flock.
Oscar, are you experiencing
rare side effects
and should you consult a doctor?
No, I'm just sharing something
that my new friends turned me on to,
"Do nothing for selfish ambition
or conceit."
- Wow.
- Yeah.
It's from the Bible.
Fallopians.
So you're saying I put my own
ego ahead of Dani's happiness.
And did you say "Fallopians"?
I did, my son.
Yes, I suppose you're right.
I was using Dani to try to
grab a bit of that spotlight
that has always eluded me.
In high school, I spent four
years as second chair cello,
living in the shadow
of, first, Margaret Kim,
then Will Turko, then Duane Foy,
and then the other Margaret Kim.
It's totally understandable, buddy.
You were just using Dani
the way I was using Michael
to get a job.
But I ended up finding
something so much more.
Grace.
So this is just you now?
I'm just as surprised as anyone.
I have to go talk to Dani.
Aw, my lost little lambs.
Five minutes, Ms. Duncan.
Thank you.
And you only need the one mic?
Yeah, it's, uh... it's just me.
I'm all alone.
A choir of one.
Dear God,
it's me, Dani.
Duncan, New York City.
I know you got 1,000 Danis.
Lord, I'm praying
'cause I need forgiveness.
I-I've committed the sin of-of pride.
And I've alienated my friends,
and now I got to go out there
and sing alone.
I want to blame Felix,
but this is really on me,
because I let it happen.
Oh, please, God, please,
send the strength that I need
to make it through today.
And I want to...
(choir singing)
Lord, are you calling me home?
- (singing continues)
- (gasps)
What are you guys doing here?
I called them and explained that
none of this was your fault...
it was all mine.
Not surprisingly,
they were very forgiving.
Of Dani.
Jury's still out on you, little man.
Okay, Ms. Duncan, you're on.
Correction, we're on.
(laughter)
Love it!
(chuckling)
(laughing)
Oh! I'm sorry,
I touched somebody's boob.
(laughter)
♪ Rock my soul in the
bosom of Abraham ♪
♪ Oh, rock my soul ♪
♪ Oh, rock my soul ♪
♪ Oh, rock my soul. ♪
(chuckling)
That was glorious.
I got to say, Oscar, I'm impressed
with how far you've come
in so little time.
Yeah. I didn't even laugh
when they said "bosom."
(chuckles)
Thanks for being so nice to me
- after I lied to you.
- Eh.
It's like the Good book says, "Forgive
and you will be forgiven."
- "And you will be forgiven""
- "Be forgotten."
I mean "forgiven." Um, I'm sorry.
I thought we were doing
a different one.
I had the best time today.
And thank you for escorting me to work.
Oh. (chuckles) What a gentleman.
Well, it is our third date.
Mm.
Bye.
Oh, someone has a crush.
Yes. Troy is amazing.
He's respectful,
he's spiritual, he's kind.
It's just all the stuff you don't find
in a guy these days.
Oh, and, also, he's saving
himself for marriage.
- You mean...?
- Yep.
Okay, but you can still...
Nope.
- But what if you just...
- Uh-uh.
So right now you must feel totally...
Oh, yeah.
(phone chimes)
(chuckles) It's Rich Eisen.
You know Rich, right?
Did I tell you I asked him
to be the co-host of my TV show?
No, you didn't, Michael.
But that's great.
Yeah? 'Cause I know
you two were sort of rivals.
Oh, no, that's the old me.
I'm happy for him now.
I think you two will make a great team.
You know what, I do, too. You
know, 'cause we're so different.
'Cause, like, I'm the
churchgoing goodie-goodie,
and he's, like, the brash bad boy.
(chuckles)
I better call him back.
- I'm sorry, Oscar.
- (sighs)
Yeah. It is frustrating
not to get what you want.
So... frustrating.
OSCAR: Eh,
it's okay. Clearly,
it wasn't meant to be.
I mean, everything happens
for a reason, right?
I'm proud of Oscar.
He's really changed.
He's done a lot of growing.
- Yeah.
- OSCAR: Damn it!
- That is totally unfair!
- (crashing)
Thanks a lot, God!
- I devoted my entire week to you!
- (crashing)
You can add a paper towel
dispenser to my bill.
♪ This little light of mine ♪
♪ I'm gonna let it shine ♪
♪ This little light of mine ♪
♪ I'm gonna let it shine ♪
♪ This little light of mine ♪
♪ I'm gonna let it shine ♪
♪ Let it shine, let it shine ♪
♪ Let it shine ♪
♪ This little light of mine ♪
♪ I'm gonna let it shine ♪
♪ This little light of mine ♪
♪ I'm gonna let it shine... ♪