The Odd Couple (2015–2017): Season 1, Episode 10 - Enlightening Strikes - full transcript
When Felix substitute teaches a yoga class, his teaching style rubs everyone, including Emily, the wrong way. Also, Oscar and Dani get trapped on a subway car, adding to their frustration about living in the city, and Murph asks Teddy to be his agent when he's approached to be the spokesperson for a Norwegian health supplement.
Hello, Oscar.
Felix, I hate that
I'm used to this.
Observe.
After weeks of practice,
I have successfully mastered
the salamba sirsasana.
By rooting my power
deep into the earth,
I become an immovable
tower of strength.
Aah!
Oh!
And gracefully transitioning
into plow.
Thank you, Felix.
That was a highlight
to an otherwise crappy day.
What happened?
I'm crossing 71st Street
and some moron
in a hot dog suit
shoves a flier in my face.
Oh, yes, I know him.
He's a very persistent wiener.
Anyway, I finally take it
and throw it in the trash,
but because nobody picks up
the garbage in this stupid city,
it just falls off the top
of this trash mountain
and lands in the street.
I get a ticket for littering,
and the hot dog goes free.
Well, the hot dog
could never go to jail.
He'd be eaten alive.
Really?
Nothing?
You're in that bad of a mood?
I'm just so sick
of New York.
You know what I'm gonna do?
I'm gonna move into
a cabin in the woods.
Yes, and marry
a sexy survivalist
and smoke your own jerky.
You say that every few months.
I mean it this time.
I'm through with this city.
You know what you need
is an uplifting
urban experience,
and I have just the thing.
If you say
"paddle boating" again,
so help me God...
No, no, of course not.
Not when the swans are breeding.
Right.
No, my yoga instructor,
Dante, has asked me
to fill in for him
at his next class.
I didn't know you were
good enough to teach.
Oh, yes, he said, and I quote,
"If you know so much about yoga,
why don't you teach the class?"
And then he called me
"smart guy."
I like this Dante.
Yes, that's the problem;
everyone does.
He can't be a good teacher
because he's too busy
being Mr. Popularity.
Well, you're not
gonna have that problem.
So, what do you say?
Well, let me think it over
for a second. No.
Oscar, your loss.
I really, really wish you would
expose yourself to new things.
Whoa!
You are exposing me
to enough right now!
Oscar, with a little bit
of practice, you could do this.
Felix, if I could do that,
I'd never leave the apartment.
So, ever since I retired
from baseball,
I've been getting offers to
do endorsements and stuff,
and since you do such
great work for Oscar,
I was hoping you
could represent me.
Oh, I thought it might be
something like that.
Great. This Norwegian
company wants me
to endorse a new
sports supplement.
It's called, uh,
Fjelltrakter.
It's supposed to...
(in bad announcer voice):
...enhance your performance
and give you that
extra burst of energy.
Okay, we're gonna get you
an acting coach.
Right.
But if this stuff makes me
look like you,
I'll take some right now.
Well, it's medicine, Teddy.
It's not magic.
Hey, I only take crap
like that from clients.
So sign here and initial there.
Magic, that's hilarious.
Okay, I have
a double cheeseburger.
Uh-huh.
A chicken sandwich.
Uh-huh.
And a loaded baked potato.
And none of that is
what we ordered.
Again?
(groans) Sorry.
What can I get for you?
Oh, great.
You're all at the bar...
bright and early.
I will be teaching
a yoga class tomorrow,
and I would love it
if you could all make it.
If it isn't too much
of a stretch.
(chuckles)
Yeah, yoga's not
really my thing.
Guys, yoga changed my life.
You might be surprised
to know this, but when I was
going through my divorce,
I was a bit of a wreck.
You're kidding.
You? Come on!
Yes, yes.
No.
Thanks to yoga, it helped me
face my demons and emerge
a calmer, stronger man
ready to let go of my marriage
and move on with
the next chapter of my life.
Really? You're moving on?
Like, dating and all that?
I mean, you never
actually said dating,
but I think that we all
just assumed.
I mean, you're a human
with needs and desires.
Yes to yoga.
Great, Emily's in.
Murph, what do you say?
I guess I could.
I did a little yoga...
teacher once.
Got Murph. Teddy?
Well, my wife wants me
to stay home
and watch The Notebook tomorrow,
so I'd say yes to an hour
of being punched in the face.
I really look forward
to teaching you,
but fair warning,
I plan on doing lots
of hands-on adjustments.
Ooh, (chuckles) no problem.
Just grab me and go for it.
It's been a long time
since I was...
adjusted.
Run, Oscar, move
your skinny ass.
(panting)
I got to quit smoking.
You don't smoke.
Then I'm really out of shape.
Now, remember, to get out
of your littering ticket,
you have to walk into that
courtroom with respect.
Keep a positive attitude.
Stupid court, stupid cop,
stupid city.
Just a little ray of
sunshine, aren't you?
Oh, step aside, stale urine.
We have a winner
in the subway smell contest.
Oh, is it bothering you?
I'm so sorry.
(saxophone playing)
Oh, fantastic.
Dinner and a show.
Could you do that
in a different car, please?
Who made you king
of the subway?
You just spit vindaloo
all over my shirt.
Okay, some of that
was already there.
Can't I just get
from point "A" to point "B"
without the music,
the spitting
and the making out?
Do you not see the ad
for teenage pregnancy up there?
Oscar, calm down.
I'm not gonna calm down
until I'm off this train
and away
from all these idiots.
(brakes squeal)
Son of a...
(playing louder)
How long are we talking
here, half an hour?
Well, the flier
said 90 minutes.
With a nap in the middle?
Is that what
that mat is for?
I'm gonna need some of
those endurance pills.
How many should I take?
Let's see, uh,
between fjorten and,
uh, keveld.
So, you just did
your hair and makeup.
No heels?
Shut up.
I just came from a thing.
Was it a meeting with your john?
Have you guys seen Felix?
Class should be starting.
It's not like him to be...
FELIX:
Join me, fellow travelers,
as we embark
on a voyage of self-discovery.
Please welcome
your spiritual captain...
...Felix Unger.
(whooping)
Where's Dante?
Okay, Dante is at his cousin's
commitment ceremony in Paramus.
So I have the privilege
of teaching you today.
Okay.
A couple of good spots
have opened up, uh...
Now,
as some of you may know,
I recently went
through a pretty
painful divorce,
but it was yoga
that got me through it.
It got me out of my spiral,
let me release my anger
and become
the totally centered man
you see before you today.
Will Dante be back next week?
It's my belief that you haven't
really practiced yoga
unless you've had a cathartic
emotional breakthrough.
So hold on to your chakras,
'cause it's about
to get namaste-y up in here.
We will dive in
with a pose that tests
both your physical
and your emotional strength,
yoganidrasana,
aka the human pretzel.
That's not how Dante
starts the class.
Okay, Steve,
as we've established,
Dante isn't here today.
Joke's on him.
I have the parking validations.
DRIVER (over P.A.):
Sorry for the inconvenience.
We are...
(static)
...electrical fire...
(static)
...up to 30 to...
(static)
...patience.
We're working to...
(feedback squeals)
Well, that clears that up.
Looks like you're gonna
miss your court date.
So I'm gonna have
to pay the fine?
This is a $200 train ride.
Thanks, New York.
Stop complaining.
New York is the greatest
city in the world.
No, it's rude,
obnoxious and dirty.
And I know that
also describes me,
but it doesn't mean
I want to hang out with it.
You take this place
for granted.
Me, growing up in Ohio,
I used to see New York in
movies and on television.
It looked so exciting.
I remember the first time
I saw that Billy Joel video.
Now I'm living that video.
I'm the Uptown Girl.
You can't afford
to live uptown.
'Cause I got a cheap-ass boss.
But it's still the
greatest city in the world.
Come on, people, back me up.
(groaning)
I pay two grand a month
for my apartment,
and I got a bathtub
in my kitchen.
Mr. Trump's got
his own bathtub.
Must be nice.
Does that ever end?
I got mugged
in the park yesterday.
Why were you at the park?
Were you with
that whore Donna?
Mind your business.
Mind my business?
Okay, okay, come on, you guys.
You're forgetting
about all the great things
that could only happen
in New York.
DRIVER:
...will now last at least...
(static)
...please don't panic...
...giant snake...
(static)
See?
That would never happen in Ohio.
And starting out
in downward dog,
checking to make sure
that your weight is balanced,
your hands are shaped
like little turtles
and your toes are laughing.
So, turtle hands, laughing toes
and lower chaturanga.
What the hell
are turtle hands?
This is harder than I thought.
It might help
if you take off your shirt.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah, that's helping.
Ingrid, roll your tongue
back up.
And now we will rise up
into warrior two.
So press your weight forward,
your spine is breathing,
soften your eyes
and give your kidneys
permission to dance.
F-Felix, am I
doing this right?
Uh, yeah.
Uh, not bad, just, um,
activate that quad there
and square your hips like so.
Ah, yeah, that's it.
(chuckles)
I mean, is that it?
Hey, I love your accent.
Where's that from?
Like, Wisconsin?
More like Norway.
Ah! Really?
I'm about to become
the spokesman
for something
called Fjelltrakter.
Fjelltrakter.
Yeah, yeah.
Do you experience
a problem with the penis?
What?
No. No, why?
Fjelltrakter means
"mountain maker."
It, uh, gives the struggling man
an erection.
Are you kidding me?
No, she is not.
Murph, Teddy... focus, please.
Now, everyone, we will rise up
and let's stretch out
our hips for eagle.
Oh, hell, no.
Okay, and we'll cross
our right leg over our left,
bring your arms up together
and press them.
Press them together
nice and tight.
Very, very good.
And... ah.
Everyone, attention
here on Emily.
Because this
is a perfect example
of what not to do.
Your spine is straight,
your chin is tucked,
and keep those buttocks even.
Feels like they are.
Hmm...
How many people think
Emily's buttocks are even?
Right one's
definitely higher.
Thanks, Murph.
That's not how Dante
corrects people.
Okay, I wouldn't
know, Steve,
because he's never
had to correct me.
Um, Teddy, do you need
some help getting up there?
No, I'm good.
You sure?
Don't touch me!
So if voodoo isn't real,
then why'd I kill
all those chickens, huh?
What did you ask him?
I didn't ask
him anything.
What is with
these people?
I'm telling you,
it's New York.
It's a melting
pot of people
who are too crazy
to live anywhere else.
Come on, somebody's got to
have some love for this town.
What about you,
kindly gentleman?
Tell us your story.
Well, I was born and raised
in the Bronx.
Spent 40 years on Wall Street
to support my passion.
Which was...?
Flashing.
I... I-I'm sorry?
I was a flasher.
Doesn't anybody remember
flashing anymore?
What's wrong
with you people?
Everybody's so busy
looking down at their
fancy iTelephones,
swiping and-and typing,
they don't
even notice
an old man who's willing
to expose his
private parts to you!
I hate this town.
This is hard.
Can we take a break?
Good idea.
Maybe turn off the lights
and everybody close their eyes?
Come on, that is quitter talk.
What is this, Pilates?
People, when things get tough,
this is when we dig down deep
and find our hidden
reserves of strength.
Okay, wow, looks like
Tonya is done digging.
Somebody's already
found enlightenment.
And doesn't want
her parking validated.
Now, then, let's
rise up into tree.
And...
Where's Murph?
I think he's invading Norway.
Why is everybody
leaving?
Well, maybe you could try
to make the class
a little more fun.
Than it already is.
'Cause it's so fun.
Hey, you know what, everybody?
It's time to try an original
pose that I invented,
something I like to call
the "Double Felix."
(students groan)
Dante doesn't
make up poses.
Well, I'm not Dante, Steve,
and I can do whatever I want.
Okay, Emily,
front and center, please.
Oh. Okay.
And we start in prasarita,
your legs spread wide
and your fingers
splayed...
Sorry, sorry.
Had to take a call.
I'm guessing it was
a booty call?
And now we will
gracefully press on through,
rising up into headstand
like a giant bonsai tree.
Wouldn't a giant bonsai tree
just be a regular tree?
As long as the tree
is silent, Steve!
Teddy, please,
show a little bit of effort.
Look at Ingrid
over here.
Nope.
Bad idea.
Okay, now, and raising your feet
up into the heavens.
Higher.
Okay, no, except higher.
Okay, higher.
They can't go any higher.
Not with that attitude,
they can't.
Murph, back on
your own mat, please.
And there is that
wandering buttock again.
Hmm.
Where is it going?
Does it have a plane to catch?
I'm sorry.
This is really difficult.
Impossible.
Yeah, it's hard.
Yeah.
Terrible.
Really hard.
I'm sorry.
If you're not going to try,
what is the point
of even being here?
Good point.
That was sarcasm.
And these
are my uneven buttocks
wandering out the door.
Okay, okay.
So nobody wants to try
and stay
and do the hard work.
Okay, well, here's a pose
that you're all going to love.
It's called the moving donkey.
Oh, yeah? Well, how does
that one work, bro?
You get your asses
out of my studio!
How long are they
going to keep us waiting?
Why is there no air?
And what exactly is so
fascinating about my cleavage?!
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
what's happening here?
You're supposed to be
the upbeat one.
And I'm the cranky
pain in the ass.
You're upsetting
the balance of nature.
You're right
about this city.
It's crowded
and dirty,
and everybody is just
out for themselves.
No, it's not that bad.
The Big Apple!
Huddled masses!
Not Los Angeles!
Rat!
(screaming)
Oh, my God!
It looked right at me!
It's coming
back this way!
(screaming)
That's it! That's it!
I'm moving back to Cleveland.
The apartments are bigger
and the rats are smaller.
You're not going anywhere.
All right, listen up,
New Yorkers.
That rat's gotta go!
Cleavage Guy,
give me your umbrella.
Stinky Food Lady,
give me your stinky food.
Inappropriate Couple,
harness all your sexual energy
to get that door open.
What can I do?
You just sit there
with your coat
securely fastened.
Ew! Ew! Ew!
It's moving! Ew! Ew!
Ew! Open the door!
There it goes! Close the door!
(cheering)
And that's how
we do it in New York.
(train rumbles)
(cheering)
(playing "New York, New York")
(sighs)
Oh, Teddy.
You're still here.
I couldn't leave.
Oh, bless you
and your tender heart.
Mm-hmm, yeah, that's it.
You've really taken
to that pose.
I can see why.
It's very powerful.
I really messed
this up, Teddy.
I just wanted to share
something I love with people
and have them do it exactly
the way I thought they should.
Nothing's wrong
with that first part.
But as for the rest,
I'll tell you
the same thing I'd say
to a woman who wants
to cut her hair short:
no one wants that.
I thought that yoga had made me
this calm, enlightened person,
but I'm actually the same
demanding perfectionist
I was with my ex.
And I drove my students away
just like I drove Ashley away.
I'm so...
What's the opposite
of enlightened?
Unenlightened.
Right.
Doesn't have the gravitas
I was hoping for.
Well, Felix, you can't
change overnight.
But at least
you're trying.
As a wise man
once said,
when things get toughest,
that's when you find
your strength.
Keep digging.
You'll find it.
Well said, Teddy.
There's no magic pill
to make you grow.
(chuckles)
I wonder if there's a
pill to make you shrink.
Ah, well... ah...
should we go?
Uh...
Yeah, okay.
I think
I'm ready.
Are you done?
We've got Cardio Strip Tease
at 6:00.
Oh, come on,
man...
Everyone, we've had
quite an afternoon.
We boarded this
train as strangers,
but we'll exit
a band of brothers...
led by a quiet hero.
MAN:
You know what?
You are a hero.
Because you reminded me
why I fell in love
with this city
in the first place.
Aw.
In fact, you've inspired me.
New York, I'm back!
You realize
you are wearing pants.
Damn it!
Give me a minute!
Let's go.
Come on,
be a sport!
I can get them down now!
What are you looking at?
(knocking at door)
Oh, Emily.
Hi.
I'm so glad you're here.
I want to apologize.
Yes, I got your message.
And the flowers.
And the picture of the goat
that you gave to that
African tribe in my name.
Forgive me?
(chuckles)
So, did you buy goats
for everyone in class?
No. Just you.
I'm not made of goats.
(laughs)
Well, thank you.
And if you ever
teach again,
I would love to
come to your class.
Well, we can finish
the class now if you'd like.
Okay.
Uh, fun.
Uh, would you like
to do a partners pose?
Sure.
Great.
Uh, begin
in downward dog.
I hate that I'm used to this.
Oscar, how was
the courthouse?
We never made it.
Spent the afternoon
stuck on the subway.
Oh, no!
Actually, it
turned out to be
a classic New York adventure.
I took a photo.
They were the sweetest,
nicest...
Damn it!
One of those bastards
stole my phone!
Shall we?
OSCAR:
I hate this city!
Every time you give
this town a chance,
it kicks you
in the teeth!
Captioning sponsored by
CBS
Felix, I hate that
I'm used to this.
Observe.
After weeks of practice,
I have successfully mastered
the salamba sirsasana.
By rooting my power
deep into the earth,
I become an immovable
tower of strength.
Aah!
Oh!
And gracefully transitioning
into plow.
Thank you, Felix.
That was a highlight
to an otherwise crappy day.
What happened?
I'm crossing 71st Street
and some moron
in a hot dog suit
shoves a flier in my face.
Oh, yes, I know him.
He's a very persistent wiener.
Anyway, I finally take it
and throw it in the trash,
but because nobody picks up
the garbage in this stupid city,
it just falls off the top
of this trash mountain
and lands in the street.
I get a ticket for littering,
and the hot dog goes free.
Well, the hot dog
could never go to jail.
He'd be eaten alive.
Really?
Nothing?
You're in that bad of a mood?
I'm just so sick
of New York.
You know what I'm gonna do?
I'm gonna move into
a cabin in the woods.
Yes, and marry
a sexy survivalist
and smoke your own jerky.
You say that every few months.
I mean it this time.
I'm through with this city.
You know what you need
is an uplifting
urban experience,
and I have just the thing.
If you say
"paddle boating" again,
so help me God...
No, no, of course not.
Not when the swans are breeding.
Right.
No, my yoga instructor,
Dante, has asked me
to fill in for him
at his next class.
I didn't know you were
good enough to teach.
Oh, yes, he said, and I quote,
"If you know so much about yoga,
why don't you teach the class?"
And then he called me
"smart guy."
I like this Dante.
Yes, that's the problem;
everyone does.
He can't be a good teacher
because he's too busy
being Mr. Popularity.
Well, you're not
gonna have that problem.
So, what do you say?
Well, let me think it over
for a second. No.
Oscar, your loss.
I really, really wish you would
expose yourself to new things.
Whoa!
You are exposing me
to enough right now!
Oscar, with a little bit
of practice, you could do this.
Felix, if I could do that,
I'd never leave the apartment.
So, ever since I retired
from baseball,
I've been getting offers to
do endorsements and stuff,
and since you do such
great work for Oscar,
I was hoping you
could represent me.
Oh, I thought it might be
something like that.
Great. This Norwegian
company wants me
to endorse a new
sports supplement.
It's called, uh,
Fjelltrakter.
It's supposed to...
(in bad announcer voice):
...enhance your performance
and give you that
extra burst of energy.
Okay, we're gonna get you
an acting coach.
Right.
But if this stuff makes me
look like you,
I'll take some right now.
Well, it's medicine, Teddy.
It's not magic.
Hey, I only take crap
like that from clients.
So sign here and initial there.
Magic, that's hilarious.
Okay, I have
a double cheeseburger.
Uh-huh.
A chicken sandwich.
Uh-huh.
And a loaded baked potato.
And none of that is
what we ordered.
Again?
(groans) Sorry.
What can I get for you?
Oh, great.
You're all at the bar...
bright and early.
I will be teaching
a yoga class tomorrow,
and I would love it
if you could all make it.
If it isn't too much
of a stretch.
(chuckles)
Yeah, yoga's not
really my thing.
Guys, yoga changed my life.
You might be surprised
to know this, but when I was
going through my divorce,
I was a bit of a wreck.
You're kidding.
You? Come on!
Yes, yes.
No.
Thanks to yoga, it helped me
face my demons and emerge
a calmer, stronger man
ready to let go of my marriage
and move on with
the next chapter of my life.
Really? You're moving on?
Like, dating and all that?
I mean, you never
actually said dating,
but I think that we all
just assumed.
I mean, you're a human
with needs and desires.
Yes to yoga.
Great, Emily's in.
Murph, what do you say?
I guess I could.
I did a little yoga...
teacher once.
Got Murph. Teddy?
Well, my wife wants me
to stay home
and watch The Notebook tomorrow,
so I'd say yes to an hour
of being punched in the face.
I really look forward
to teaching you,
but fair warning,
I plan on doing lots
of hands-on adjustments.
Ooh, (chuckles) no problem.
Just grab me and go for it.
It's been a long time
since I was...
adjusted.
Run, Oscar, move
your skinny ass.
(panting)
I got to quit smoking.
You don't smoke.
Then I'm really out of shape.
Now, remember, to get out
of your littering ticket,
you have to walk into that
courtroom with respect.
Keep a positive attitude.
Stupid court, stupid cop,
stupid city.
Just a little ray of
sunshine, aren't you?
Oh, step aside, stale urine.
We have a winner
in the subway smell contest.
Oh, is it bothering you?
I'm so sorry.
(saxophone playing)
Oh, fantastic.
Dinner and a show.
Could you do that
in a different car, please?
Who made you king
of the subway?
You just spit vindaloo
all over my shirt.
Okay, some of that
was already there.
Can't I just get
from point "A" to point "B"
without the music,
the spitting
and the making out?
Do you not see the ad
for teenage pregnancy up there?
Oscar, calm down.
I'm not gonna calm down
until I'm off this train
and away
from all these idiots.
(brakes squeal)
Son of a...
(playing louder)
How long are we talking
here, half an hour?
Well, the flier
said 90 minutes.
With a nap in the middle?
Is that what
that mat is for?
I'm gonna need some of
those endurance pills.
How many should I take?
Let's see, uh,
between fjorten and,
uh, keveld.
So, you just did
your hair and makeup.
No heels?
Shut up.
I just came from a thing.
Was it a meeting with your john?
Have you guys seen Felix?
Class should be starting.
It's not like him to be...
FELIX:
Join me, fellow travelers,
as we embark
on a voyage of self-discovery.
Please welcome
your spiritual captain...
...Felix Unger.
(whooping)
Where's Dante?
Okay, Dante is at his cousin's
commitment ceremony in Paramus.
So I have the privilege
of teaching you today.
Okay.
A couple of good spots
have opened up, uh...
Now,
as some of you may know,
I recently went
through a pretty
painful divorce,
but it was yoga
that got me through it.
It got me out of my spiral,
let me release my anger
and become
the totally centered man
you see before you today.
Will Dante be back next week?
It's my belief that you haven't
really practiced yoga
unless you've had a cathartic
emotional breakthrough.
So hold on to your chakras,
'cause it's about
to get namaste-y up in here.
We will dive in
with a pose that tests
both your physical
and your emotional strength,
yoganidrasana,
aka the human pretzel.
That's not how Dante
starts the class.
Okay, Steve,
as we've established,
Dante isn't here today.
Joke's on him.
I have the parking validations.
DRIVER (over P.A.):
Sorry for the inconvenience.
We are...
(static)
...electrical fire...
(static)
...up to 30 to...
(static)
...patience.
We're working to...
(feedback squeals)
Well, that clears that up.
Looks like you're gonna
miss your court date.
So I'm gonna have
to pay the fine?
This is a $200 train ride.
Thanks, New York.
Stop complaining.
New York is the greatest
city in the world.
No, it's rude,
obnoxious and dirty.
And I know that
also describes me,
but it doesn't mean
I want to hang out with it.
You take this place
for granted.
Me, growing up in Ohio,
I used to see New York in
movies and on television.
It looked so exciting.
I remember the first time
I saw that Billy Joel video.
Now I'm living that video.
I'm the Uptown Girl.
You can't afford
to live uptown.
'Cause I got a cheap-ass boss.
But it's still the
greatest city in the world.
Come on, people, back me up.
(groaning)
I pay two grand a month
for my apartment,
and I got a bathtub
in my kitchen.
Mr. Trump's got
his own bathtub.
Must be nice.
Does that ever end?
I got mugged
in the park yesterday.
Why were you at the park?
Were you with
that whore Donna?
Mind your business.
Mind my business?
Okay, okay, come on, you guys.
You're forgetting
about all the great things
that could only happen
in New York.
DRIVER:
...will now last at least...
(static)
...please don't panic...
...giant snake...
(static)
See?
That would never happen in Ohio.
And starting out
in downward dog,
checking to make sure
that your weight is balanced,
your hands are shaped
like little turtles
and your toes are laughing.
So, turtle hands, laughing toes
and lower chaturanga.
What the hell
are turtle hands?
This is harder than I thought.
It might help
if you take off your shirt.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah, that's helping.
Ingrid, roll your tongue
back up.
And now we will rise up
into warrior two.
So press your weight forward,
your spine is breathing,
soften your eyes
and give your kidneys
permission to dance.
F-Felix, am I
doing this right?
Uh, yeah.
Uh, not bad, just, um,
activate that quad there
and square your hips like so.
Ah, yeah, that's it.
(chuckles)
I mean, is that it?
Hey, I love your accent.
Where's that from?
Like, Wisconsin?
More like Norway.
Ah! Really?
I'm about to become
the spokesman
for something
called Fjelltrakter.
Fjelltrakter.
Yeah, yeah.
Do you experience
a problem with the penis?
What?
No. No, why?
Fjelltrakter means
"mountain maker."
It, uh, gives the struggling man
an erection.
Are you kidding me?
No, she is not.
Murph, Teddy... focus, please.
Now, everyone, we will rise up
and let's stretch out
our hips for eagle.
Oh, hell, no.
Okay, and we'll cross
our right leg over our left,
bring your arms up together
and press them.
Press them together
nice and tight.
Very, very good.
And... ah.
Everyone, attention
here on Emily.
Because this
is a perfect example
of what not to do.
Your spine is straight,
your chin is tucked,
and keep those buttocks even.
Feels like they are.
Hmm...
How many people think
Emily's buttocks are even?
Right one's
definitely higher.
Thanks, Murph.
That's not how Dante
corrects people.
Okay, I wouldn't
know, Steve,
because he's never
had to correct me.
Um, Teddy, do you need
some help getting up there?
No, I'm good.
You sure?
Don't touch me!
So if voodoo isn't real,
then why'd I kill
all those chickens, huh?
What did you ask him?
I didn't ask
him anything.
What is with
these people?
I'm telling you,
it's New York.
It's a melting
pot of people
who are too crazy
to live anywhere else.
Come on, somebody's got to
have some love for this town.
What about you,
kindly gentleman?
Tell us your story.
Well, I was born and raised
in the Bronx.
Spent 40 years on Wall Street
to support my passion.
Which was...?
Flashing.
I... I-I'm sorry?
I was a flasher.
Doesn't anybody remember
flashing anymore?
What's wrong
with you people?
Everybody's so busy
looking down at their
fancy iTelephones,
swiping and-and typing,
they don't
even notice
an old man who's willing
to expose his
private parts to you!
I hate this town.
This is hard.
Can we take a break?
Good idea.
Maybe turn off the lights
and everybody close their eyes?
Come on, that is quitter talk.
What is this, Pilates?
People, when things get tough,
this is when we dig down deep
and find our hidden
reserves of strength.
Okay, wow, looks like
Tonya is done digging.
Somebody's already
found enlightenment.
And doesn't want
her parking validated.
Now, then, let's
rise up into tree.
And...
Where's Murph?
I think he's invading Norway.
Why is everybody
leaving?
Well, maybe you could try
to make the class
a little more fun.
Than it already is.
'Cause it's so fun.
Hey, you know what, everybody?
It's time to try an original
pose that I invented,
something I like to call
the "Double Felix."
(students groan)
Dante doesn't
make up poses.
Well, I'm not Dante, Steve,
and I can do whatever I want.
Okay, Emily,
front and center, please.
Oh. Okay.
And we start in prasarita,
your legs spread wide
and your fingers
splayed...
Sorry, sorry.
Had to take a call.
I'm guessing it was
a booty call?
And now we will
gracefully press on through,
rising up into headstand
like a giant bonsai tree.
Wouldn't a giant bonsai tree
just be a regular tree?
As long as the tree
is silent, Steve!
Teddy, please,
show a little bit of effort.
Look at Ingrid
over here.
Nope.
Bad idea.
Okay, now, and raising your feet
up into the heavens.
Higher.
Okay, no, except higher.
Okay, higher.
They can't go any higher.
Not with that attitude,
they can't.
Murph, back on
your own mat, please.
And there is that
wandering buttock again.
Hmm.
Where is it going?
Does it have a plane to catch?
I'm sorry.
This is really difficult.
Impossible.
Yeah, it's hard.
Yeah.
Terrible.
Really hard.
I'm sorry.
If you're not going to try,
what is the point
of even being here?
Good point.
That was sarcasm.
And these
are my uneven buttocks
wandering out the door.
Okay, okay.
So nobody wants to try
and stay
and do the hard work.
Okay, well, here's a pose
that you're all going to love.
It's called the moving donkey.
Oh, yeah? Well, how does
that one work, bro?
You get your asses
out of my studio!
How long are they
going to keep us waiting?
Why is there no air?
And what exactly is so
fascinating about my cleavage?!
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
what's happening here?
You're supposed to be
the upbeat one.
And I'm the cranky
pain in the ass.
You're upsetting
the balance of nature.
You're right
about this city.
It's crowded
and dirty,
and everybody is just
out for themselves.
No, it's not that bad.
The Big Apple!
Huddled masses!
Not Los Angeles!
Rat!
(screaming)
Oh, my God!
It looked right at me!
It's coming
back this way!
(screaming)
That's it! That's it!
I'm moving back to Cleveland.
The apartments are bigger
and the rats are smaller.
You're not going anywhere.
All right, listen up,
New Yorkers.
That rat's gotta go!
Cleavage Guy,
give me your umbrella.
Stinky Food Lady,
give me your stinky food.
Inappropriate Couple,
harness all your sexual energy
to get that door open.
What can I do?
You just sit there
with your coat
securely fastened.
Ew! Ew! Ew!
It's moving! Ew! Ew!
Ew! Open the door!
There it goes! Close the door!
(cheering)
And that's how
we do it in New York.
(train rumbles)
(cheering)
(playing "New York, New York")
(sighs)
Oh, Teddy.
You're still here.
I couldn't leave.
Oh, bless you
and your tender heart.
Mm-hmm, yeah, that's it.
You've really taken
to that pose.
I can see why.
It's very powerful.
I really messed
this up, Teddy.
I just wanted to share
something I love with people
and have them do it exactly
the way I thought they should.
Nothing's wrong
with that first part.
But as for the rest,
I'll tell you
the same thing I'd say
to a woman who wants
to cut her hair short:
no one wants that.
I thought that yoga had made me
this calm, enlightened person,
but I'm actually the same
demanding perfectionist
I was with my ex.
And I drove my students away
just like I drove Ashley away.
I'm so...
What's the opposite
of enlightened?
Unenlightened.
Right.
Doesn't have the gravitas
I was hoping for.
Well, Felix, you can't
change overnight.
But at least
you're trying.
As a wise man
once said,
when things get toughest,
that's when you find
your strength.
Keep digging.
You'll find it.
Well said, Teddy.
There's no magic pill
to make you grow.
(chuckles)
I wonder if there's a
pill to make you shrink.
Ah, well... ah...
should we go?
Uh...
Yeah, okay.
I think
I'm ready.
Are you done?
We've got Cardio Strip Tease
at 6:00.
Oh, come on,
man...
Everyone, we've had
quite an afternoon.
We boarded this
train as strangers,
but we'll exit
a band of brothers...
led by a quiet hero.
MAN:
You know what?
You are a hero.
Because you reminded me
why I fell in love
with this city
in the first place.
Aw.
In fact, you've inspired me.
New York, I'm back!
You realize
you are wearing pants.
Damn it!
Give me a minute!
Let's go.
Come on,
be a sport!
I can get them down now!
What are you looking at?
(knocking at door)
Oh, Emily.
Hi.
I'm so glad you're here.
I want to apologize.
Yes, I got your message.
And the flowers.
And the picture of the goat
that you gave to that
African tribe in my name.
Forgive me?
(chuckles)
So, did you buy goats
for everyone in class?
No. Just you.
I'm not made of goats.
(laughs)
Well, thank you.
And if you ever
teach again,
I would love to
come to your class.
Well, we can finish
the class now if you'd like.
Okay.
Uh, fun.
Uh, would you like
to do a partners pose?
Sure.
Great.
Uh, begin
in downward dog.
I hate that I'm used to this.
Oscar, how was
the courthouse?
We never made it.
Spent the afternoon
stuck on the subway.
Oh, no!
Actually, it
turned out to be
a classic New York adventure.
I took a photo.
They were the sweetest,
nicest...
Damn it!
One of those bastards
stole my phone!
Shall we?
OSCAR:
I hate this city!
Every time you give
this town a chance,
it kicks you
in the teeth!
Captioning sponsored by
CBS