The Nanny (1993–1999): Season 6, Episode 14 - California, Here We Come - full transcript
One of Maxwell's plays may be picked up to be made into a movie. If so, the Sheffields are moving to California. They dread telling Sylvia, but she seems to be fine with the news. Donna Douglas convinces Fran that Sylvia is putting on an act and in reality her heart is breaking. Just as Maxwell is about the sign the contract, Fran stops him since she doesn't want to leave Sylvia behind in New York. The studio boss, Maury Sherry, suggests they bring the senior Fines to live in Beverley Hills with them. When Sylvia hears the news, she tries to convince Fran that she really wants Fran to live her own life as she needs, and if Beverley Hills is where she needs to be, so be it. But Sylvia is staying put. Fran infers from this that Sylvia is dying. Fran learns second hand that Sylvia has been going to the hospital on a regular basis. Confronting Sylvia, Fran learns that Sylvia is not dying. So the only plausible explanation for her hospital visits is that she's having an affair.
Niles, can you believe this?
I am married,
I have twins on the way,
a beautiful family.
How could life get any better?
Yeah, life's a cabaret.
Well, I have some exciting news.
Let me guess. It's for her.
Darling, you remember that play I did
last summer?
You mean, the one where the critic said,
"And this is what he left
Chicago Hope for?"
Yes.
Well, anyway, Columbia has decided
to option that dreadful thing for a film.
Honey, you are so talented.
Leave it to you to take a piece of dreck
and turn it into a movie.
Now, actually, they do this sort of thing
in Hollywood all the time.
Well, if the deal goes through
and I start producing,
we are moving to Beverly Hills.
Sweetie, Beverly Hills!
With your smarts and my style
we could be the next Aaron
and Candy Spelling.
You know, Maxwell, when we head out
this weekend to close the deal,
maybe we should hang out for a few days.
Just scope things out, stay at the beach.
Five words. "Over my dead body, Missy."
Darling, she meant all of us.
Didn't you, C.C.?
No, I booked a romantic weekend for me
and a married man at the Malibu Inn,
room 308 with the Jacuzzi.
Of course I meant all of us.
When are we leaving?
Tomorrow morning. I've actually set up
some appointments for you
to look at houses to rent
while we're out there.
-Wow!
-The children are so excited to be going.
Wow! Who is not going to be excited
about our family going to California?
Hello.
Oh, my God, Ma! I'm gonna have
to tell her. This is gonna kill her.
Don't worry, darling,
we'll tell her together.
Thank you, sweetie. You're so wonderful.
Come in, Sylvia.
Your daughter and I have something
very important to tell you.
She was working in a bridal shop
In Flushing, Queens
'Til her boyfriend kicked her out
In one of those crushing scenes
What was she to do, where was she to go?
She was out on her fanny
So, over the bridge from Flushing
To the Sheffields' door
She was there to sell makeup
But the father saw more
She had style, she had flair
She was there
That's how she became the Nanny
Who would have guessed
That the girl we described
Was just exactly
What the doctor prescribed?
-Now the father finds her beguiling
-Watch out, C.C.
-And the kids are actually smiling
-Such joie de vivre!
She's the lady in red
When everybody else is wearing tan
The flashy girl from Flushing
The Nanny named Fran
Darling.
Darling, we have something to say
to your mother together.
I know. I know.
Ma, Max and I wanna talk to you about--
Max!
Max!
Copycat.
Here's the deal. You know how
you're bragging about your son-in-law,
the big Broadway producer?
Well, soon you're gonna be able to brag
about your son-in-law,
the big movie producer,
because we're all moving to California,
and I'm gonna be 3,000 miles away.
What do you think would happen
if I wore a push-up bra with this?
I think you'd suffocate.
Ma, did you hear me?
This isn't like the time when I threatened
to run away
and become a roadie for Peaches and Herb.
We're really moving.
How do you think I would look
if I lost the bra altogether?
Like Daddy at the beach.
Ma, I'm serious.
We're gonna be leaving the state.
Darling, I understand.
You're a grown woman now.
You have your life.
I just want you to be happy.
-Does my makeup look natural to you?
-Yeah.
Then I need more. Love you. Bye.
So? How did she take it?
It was unbelievable.
I mean, I was expecting... That.
I don't want to move to California.
It's a desert.
Do you have any idea
how much dust collects in a desert?
And it's hot, which means
she's gonna be walking around in shorts.
Yeah, like the hot California sun
bouncing off your pink thighs
is gonna get you cast in Dawson's Creek.
Niles, can you believe this?
We are shopping for a house
in Beverly Hills.
I wonder who our neighbors are gonna be.
Well, not everyone in Beverly Hills
is a celebrity.
I mean, it's not all swimming pools
and movie stars.
Well, howdy.
Niles, this is Elly May.
Hi, I'm Fran. The realtor sent us.
Come on in and set a spell.
Well, here's the living room,
and out there is the cement pond.
Your home is so gorgeous.
By the way, this is Niles.
Niles, this is Elly May Clampett.
Donna Douglas.
Forgive me. It must be so annoying to you
when people always confuse you
with your characters.
So, have you seen much of Jethro?
Have you noticed
these high-vaulted ceilings?
Why, you know, they're spectacular.
And the previous owner,
he added this here skylight.
You know, it's a nice effect.
Did he also prepay the trapeze lessons
for the butler
who's going to have to learn how to fly
so he can clean it?
He sure is a bitter fellow, ain't he?
Oh, my God,
it's the Tonetech 2000 intercom system.
With the voice-activated
hypersensitive speakers.
Damn, this baby picks up sign language.
I love L.A.
Let's sit down.
I cannot believe I'm sitting
with Elly May.
I mean Donna. Sorry.
I'll tell you, my mother and I used
to watch your show all the time together.
We just loved it.
Well, that's so sweet.
Are you and your mama close?
Like two hogs in a--
I can't do this. We're close.
She lives out here, too?
No, actually, she lives in New York.
Well, her heart must be broken.
You're moving so far away.
Actually, she said
that she's fine with it.
And she said that I'm a big girl
and it's time for me to live my own life.
You fell for that?
Clampett is a Jewish name?
Well, Granny covered up her feelings
the same way your ma did.
When we loaded up the truck
and moved to Beverly.
She said she was staying behind
and she was happy for us,
but inside, it was just killing her.
Oh, my God, have I been blind.
Of course that's what Ma is doing.
If I move here,
it's just gonna break her heart.
Well, you know, sugar,
my critters has got a saying,
"A mother can have a thousand daughters
but a thousand daughters only has
one mother."
A critter said that?
I'm telling you, Maxwell, your play,
impressive!
-So you saw it.
-No.
-Read it.
-No.
But I've got some great ideas
for the rewrite.
Nothing big.
We turn it into a sitcom.
-Why?
-Because I like funny.
Mr. Sherry, my play is an allegory dealing
with early man's struggle to survive.
So was The Flintstones.
You... You see, Maury,
I'm a man of the theater
and there is such a thing
as artistic integrity.
And I can't sign this.
I have an obligation to my work.
You can make more money
in one season of a sitcom
than you can in a 10-year run of Cats.
Do you have a pen?
You're doing the right thing, Maxwell.
Let me tell you, a lot of people
are frightened of success.
They're afraid of that little voice
in their heads.
Honey, don't sign. We can't move here.
Sorry, Mr. Sherry.
She snuck off the tour bus.
And if you ask me, 28 bucks is a lot
of money to charge
to see Wheezy's old dressing room.
What are you doing here?
Maury, I'm so sorry. This is my wife.
How do you do, Mr. Sherry? Hi.
What a gorgeous head of hair
you got there.
Tell me, does it turn yellow
in the California sun?
Honey, we can't move here.
Ma doesn't want us to be
so far away from her and, frankly,
I don't wanna be away from her either.
I want her to be a part
of our twins growing up.
Darling, I understand. Believe me, I do.
But this is a terrific opportunity.
Now, if I could find some way
around this situation
with you mother,
of course I'd take it, but--
Listen, Sheffield.
I have no idea what you're talking about,
but here's what you should do.
You bring your mother-in-law out here
to live with you.
Mr. Sherry, that is a fabulous idea.
Maxwell, I see your reflection
in the glass.
All right, sweetheart.
If it'll make you happy,
of course we'll bring
your mother out here.
Thank you, sweetie. I love you so much.
You know, Maury, since you like funny,
I've got a little "pitcherino,"
just between us.
Cops. Funny cops. But here's the twist.
The cell where they hold the criminals
is in the squad room.
Sucks.
Fran, the guest house is like one big room
with a giant kitchen.
Are you sure your mom's gonna like
living in a place like that?
What? Shangri-La?
What's the matter, B?
Well, I can't believe we have
to leave New York
just as I get a girlfriend.
Honey, you'll fold her up,
put her in your suitcase,
and take her on the plane with you.
That's a good idea. Yeah.
Fran, how would you feel if I didn't move
to California with you?
You know, honey,
the critters have a saying,
"Do you wanna put a knife
through my heart?"
They're minks. Jewish critters.
-Hi, Ma.
-Hi, darling.
What did you wanna talk to me about?
Well, I've got some
thrilling news for you.
We're not gonna have to be separated.
Your heart is not going to be broken.
What would you say if I told you
that Maxwell and I rented
a house in Beverly Hills,
and you and Daddy are moving with us?
No, thanks.
Ma, it's okay. You can drop the act.
I know that you've been covering up,
that you feel your heart's gonna be broken
because you're not gonna be with me,
and you really wanna move with us.
No, I don't.
Ma, enough already.
You're moving to California
so your heart won't be broken
and you'll be near your damn daughter.
Darling, I can't move to California.
-You have your life, I have mine.
-What?
You shouldn't revolve your life around me.
You know, I'm not gonna be around forever.
But you'll be three doors down
from Rue McClanahan.
Life shouldn't revolve around her?
She won't be around forever?
What's that supposed to mean?
Oh, my God!
There's something wrong with my mother.
Val, I'm so glad that you're here.
I'm going crazy.
You're going crazy? I've been here
since noon, I've had three cups of coffee,
I'm ready to burst, and look.
Has Ma been here?
What would your mother be doing
at Krispy Kreme?
Even I knew that was a stupid question.
I need to talk to her
and I can't find her anywhere.
I went to the Carnegie Deli,
she's not there.
I went to Pizza Hut, she's not there.
And you know she's banned
from the Sizzler ever since
she had them cater her last dinner party.
They don't cater.
Well, they do if you carry
an extra-large shopping bag.
-Fran, what's the matter?
-Val, I'm really worried.
She told me I had to get used
to her not being around.
-You know what that means, don't you?
-It doesn't mean anything.
My grandmother said the same thing to me.
She died, Val.
Yeah, but she said it before she died.
Well, I really gotta talk to her.
This is really driving me nuts.
I'm gonna call my father.
-Yeah.
-Maybe he knows where she is.
Hi, Daddy. It's-- Hello?
Hello. Hi. Hello. Hi.
Hi, Dad. Hi.
Fran. Yeah.
Where's Mommy? Do you know?
The beauty parlor.
Okay. Thank you. I love you too.
Love you too.
-Aren't these amazing?
-Yeah.
Today?
It's not gonna happen.
-Hi. I'm Fran Sheffield.
-Yeah, I know who you are.
We keep your wedding picture up here
for advertisement.
But I didn't get my hair done here
for my wedding.
So? No one else knows that.
Your mother said we could use it
if we comped all her bikini waxings.
Who's sorry now?
Meanwhile, I gotta talk to her.
Where is she?
-Sylvia don't have an appointment today.
-But she told my father that she did.
Well, then she's a big fat liar.
I would go check out Mount Sinai.
The hospital?
Yeah, she goes there every Tuesday,
Wednesday, Thursday, 4:00, fifth floor.
And she carries that imitation Prada bag
and she thinks no one can tell.
But I know.
I don't believe this.
Why would Ma be going to a hospital?
I don't know. What am I, a yenta?
It can't be true. You must be mistaken.
Maybe she's in the back
getting a pedicure.
Trust me. She's not here.
Those are feet one doesn't forget.
Chatterbox. How you doing?
Today? It's not gonna happen.
Ma, you're here.
Sorry, Fran. Just me. Still no luck?
I have looked everywhere for her.
Look how weird, her chair is empty.
I don't think I've ever seen the seat.
And all that's left is the imprint
of when she was 40 pounds heavier.
Sweetheart, where have you been?
I've been looking all over for Ma.
And you know what?
Libby from the Chatterbox,
she said that Ma's been seeing a doctor
three times a week.
Honey, I think there might be
something seriously wrong with her.
Darling, I hardly think
you should be taking the word
of a girl who answers the phones
at a beauty parlor.
I don't know. Libby is usually
pretty right on about this stuff.
And why are you optioning
your play for 275,
when you know
you could have held out for 300,000?
How the devil did you know that?
Oh, God. Libby?
What are we gonna do?
Oh, my God. That's Ma.
I don't want her to know I know.
-I don't want her upset. You get the door.
-Yeah.
Sylvia, come on in.
Well, we were just...
What's with her?
Your hair looks pretty.
Darling, what's the matter?
Ma, I can't believe
you didn't say anything.
How can you go through this
all by yourself?
Why didn't you tell me if you were sick?
Sick? I'm not sick.
It's all right, Sylvia. Libby told us.
We know you're seeing a doctor.
And if you're not sick,
then why would you be going
to this guy's office three times a week?
What's that look on your face about?
Ma, what are you saying?
Are you telling me that
you're having an affair?
Oh, my God!
How could you just go
and blurt that out like that?
I'm sorry, but I do not want
to discuss this.
Well, if you don't want to discuss this,
too bad.
-Is there a fight? Did we miss anything?
-What's going on?
When the two of them talk
at the same time, the intercom shorts out.
Fran's having a rather delicate
conversation with her mother.
I think it best we just stay
out of their way till they're done.
Get away from me. Leave me alone.
-I'd say they're done.
-Ma, freeze.
Ever since she lost the weight,
she's like The Flash.
Now, I want an answer.
Are you having an affair?
-I've got a phone call I need to make.
-I think I have to go now.
Since when are you my keeper?
Since I heard you're being kept.
Ma, doesn't this ring on your finger
mean anything?
-What ring is that on your finger?
-QVC. It's a ring/pillbox.
-Now leave me alone.
-Ma!
Why don't you stop giving me
the third degree?
Who do you think you are?
Because I'm your daughter,
that's who I think I am.
Just because I have the figure
of a teenager
doesn't mean I'm not a mature woman
who's entitled to her privacy.
Now, nothing is going on.
If your father calls,
tell him I took the little girl
brassiere shopping.
Is this unbelievable or what?
You're telling me she's having sex
and I'm not?
Y'all come back now, you hear?
I am married,
I have twins on the way,
a beautiful family.
How could life get any better?
Yeah, life's a cabaret.
Well, I have some exciting news.
Let me guess. It's for her.
Darling, you remember that play I did
last summer?
You mean, the one where the critic said,
"And this is what he left
Chicago Hope for?"
Yes.
Well, anyway, Columbia has decided
to option that dreadful thing for a film.
Honey, you are so talented.
Leave it to you to take a piece of dreck
and turn it into a movie.
Now, actually, they do this sort of thing
in Hollywood all the time.
Well, if the deal goes through
and I start producing,
we are moving to Beverly Hills.
Sweetie, Beverly Hills!
With your smarts and my style
we could be the next Aaron
and Candy Spelling.
You know, Maxwell, when we head out
this weekend to close the deal,
maybe we should hang out for a few days.
Just scope things out, stay at the beach.
Five words. "Over my dead body, Missy."
Darling, she meant all of us.
Didn't you, C.C.?
No, I booked a romantic weekend for me
and a married man at the Malibu Inn,
room 308 with the Jacuzzi.
Of course I meant all of us.
When are we leaving?
Tomorrow morning. I've actually set up
some appointments for you
to look at houses to rent
while we're out there.
-Wow!
-The children are so excited to be going.
Wow! Who is not going to be excited
about our family going to California?
Hello.
Oh, my God, Ma! I'm gonna have
to tell her. This is gonna kill her.
Don't worry, darling,
we'll tell her together.
Thank you, sweetie. You're so wonderful.
Come in, Sylvia.
Your daughter and I have something
very important to tell you.
She was working in a bridal shop
In Flushing, Queens
'Til her boyfriend kicked her out
In one of those crushing scenes
What was she to do, where was she to go?
She was out on her fanny
So, over the bridge from Flushing
To the Sheffields' door
She was there to sell makeup
But the father saw more
She had style, she had flair
She was there
That's how she became the Nanny
Who would have guessed
That the girl we described
Was just exactly
What the doctor prescribed?
-Now the father finds her beguiling
-Watch out, C.C.
-And the kids are actually smiling
-Such joie de vivre!
She's the lady in red
When everybody else is wearing tan
The flashy girl from Flushing
The Nanny named Fran
Darling.
Darling, we have something to say
to your mother together.
I know. I know.
Ma, Max and I wanna talk to you about--
Max!
Max!
Copycat.
Here's the deal. You know how
you're bragging about your son-in-law,
the big Broadway producer?
Well, soon you're gonna be able to brag
about your son-in-law,
the big movie producer,
because we're all moving to California,
and I'm gonna be 3,000 miles away.
What do you think would happen
if I wore a push-up bra with this?
I think you'd suffocate.
Ma, did you hear me?
This isn't like the time when I threatened
to run away
and become a roadie for Peaches and Herb.
We're really moving.
How do you think I would look
if I lost the bra altogether?
Like Daddy at the beach.
Ma, I'm serious.
We're gonna be leaving the state.
Darling, I understand.
You're a grown woman now.
You have your life.
I just want you to be happy.
-Does my makeup look natural to you?
-Yeah.
Then I need more. Love you. Bye.
So? How did she take it?
It was unbelievable.
I mean, I was expecting... That.
I don't want to move to California.
It's a desert.
Do you have any idea
how much dust collects in a desert?
And it's hot, which means
she's gonna be walking around in shorts.
Yeah, like the hot California sun
bouncing off your pink thighs
is gonna get you cast in Dawson's Creek.
Niles, can you believe this?
We are shopping for a house
in Beverly Hills.
I wonder who our neighbors are gonna be.
Well, not everyone in Beverly Hills
is a celebrity.
I mean, it's not all swimming pools
and movie stars.
Well, howdy.
Niles, this is Elly May.
Hi, I'm Fran. The realtor sent us.
Come on in and set a spell.
Well, here's the living room,
and out there is the cement pond.
Your home is so gorgeous.
By the way, this is Niles.
Niles, this is Elly May Clampett.
Donna Douglas.
Forgive me. It must be so annoying to you
when people always confuse you
with your characters.
So, have you seen much of Jethro?
Have you noticed
these high-vaulted ceilings?
Why, you know, they're spectacular.
And the previous owner,
he added this here skylight.
You know, it's a nice effect.
Did he also prepay the trapeze lessons
for the butler
who's going to have to learn how to fly
so he can clean it?
He sure is a bitter fellow, ain't he?
Oh, my God,
it's the Tonetech 2000 intercom system.
With the voice-activated
hypersensitive speakers.
Damn, this baby picks up sign language.
I love L.A.
Let's sit down.
I cannot believe I'm sitting
with Elly May.
I mean Donna. Sorry.
I'll tell you, my mother and I used
to watch your show all the time together.
We just loved it.
Well, that's so sweet.
Are you and your mama close?
Like two hogs in a--
I can't do this. We're close.
She lives out here, too?
No, actually, she lives in New York.
Well, her heart must be broken.
You're moving so far away.
Actually, she said
that she's fine with it.
And she said that I'm a big girl
and it's time for me to live my own life.
You fell for that?
Clampett is a Jewish name?
Well, Granny covered up her feelings
the same way your ma did.
When we loaded up the truck
and moved to Beverly.
She said she was staying behind
and she was happy for us,
but inside, it was just killing her.
Oh, my God, have I been blind.
Of course that's what Ma is doing.
If I move here,
it's just gonna break her heart.
Well, you know, sugar,
my critters has got a saying,
"A mother can have a thousand daughters
but a thousand daughters only has
one mother."
A critter said that?
I'm telling you, Maxwell, your play,
impressive!
-So you saw it.
-No.
-Read it.
-No.
But I've got some great ideas
for the rewrite.
Nothing big.
We turn it into a sitcom.
-Why?
-Because I like funny.
Mr. Sherry, my play is an allegory dealing
with early man's struggle to survive.
So was The Flintstones.
You... You see, Maury,
I'm a man of the theater
and there is such a thing
as artistic integrity.
And I can't sign this.
I have an obligation to my work.
You can make more money
in one season of a sitcom
than you can in a 10-year run of Cats.
Do you have a pen?
You're doing the right thing, Maxwell.
Let me tell you, a lot of people
are frightened of success.
They're afraid of that little voice
in their heads.
Honey, don't sign. We can't move here.
Sorry, Mr. Sherry.
She snuck off the tour bus.
And if you ask me, 28 bucks is a lot
of money to charge
to see Wheezy's old dressing room.
What are you doing here?
Maury, I'm so sorry. This is my wife.
How do you do, Mr. Sherry? Hi.
What a gorgeous head of hair
you got there.
Tell me, does it turn yellow
in the California sun?
Honey, we can't move here.
Ma doesn't want us to be
so far away from her and, frankly,
I don't wanna be away from her either.
I want her to be a part
of our twins growing up.
Darling, I understand. Believe me, I do.
But this is a terrific opportunity.
Now, if I could find some way
around this situation
with you mother,
of course I'd take it, but--
Listen, Sheffield.
I have no idea what you're talking about,
but here's what you should do.
You bring your mother-in-law out here
to live with you.
Mr. Sherry, that is a fabulous idea.
Maxwell, I see your reflection
in the glass.
All right, sweetheart.
If it'll make you happy,
of course we'll bring
your mother out here.
Thank you, sweetie. I love you so much.
You know, Maury, since you like funny,
I've got a little "pitcherino,"
just between us.
Cops. Funny cops. But here's the twist.
The cell where they hold the criminals
is in the squad room.
Sucks.
Fran, the guest house is like one big room
with a giant kitchen.
Are you sure your mom's gonna like
living in a place like that?
What? Shangri-La?
What's the matter, B?
Well, I can't believe we have
to leave New York
just as I get a girlfriend.
Honey, you'll fold her up,
put her in your suitcase,
and take her on the plane with you.
That's a good idea. Yeah.
Fran, how would you feel if I didn't move
to California with you?
You know, honey,
the critters have a saying,
"Do you wanna put a knife
through my heart?"
They're minks. Jewish critters.
-Hi, Ma.
-Hi, darling.
What did you wanna talk to me about?
Well, I've got some
thrilling news for you.
We're not gonna have to be separated.
Your heart is not going to be broken.
What would you say if I told you
that Maxwell and I rented
a house in Beverly Hills,
and you and Daddy are moving with us?
No, thanks.
Ma, it's okay. You can drop the act.
I know that you've been covering up,
that you feel your heart's gonna be broken
because you're not gonna be with me,
and you really wanna move with us.
No, I don't.
Ma, enough already.
You're moving to California
so your heart won't be broken
and you'll be near your damn daughter.
Darling, I can't move to California.
-You have your life, I have mine.
-What?
You shouldn't revolve your life around me.
You know, I'm not gonna be around forever.
But you'll be three doors down
from Rue McClanahan.
Life shouldn't revolve around her?
She won't be around forever?
What's that supposed to mean?
Oh, my God!
There's something wrong with my mother.
Val, I'm so glad that you're here.
I'm going crazy.
You're going crazy? I've been here
since noon, I've had three cups of coffee,
I'm ready to burst, and look.
Has Ma been here?
What would your mother be doing
at Krispy Kreme?
Even I knew that was a stupid question.
I need to talk to her
and I can't find her anywhere.
I went to the Carnegie Deli,
she's not there.
I went to Pizza Hut, she's not there.
And you know she's banned
from the Sizzler ever since
she had them cater her last dinner party.
They don't cater.
Well, they do if you carry
an extra-large shopping bag.
-Fran, what's the matter?
-Val, I'm really worried.
She told me I had to get used
to her not being around.
-You know what that means, don't you?
-It doesn't mean anything.
My grandmother said the same thing to me.
She died, Val.
Yeah, but she said it before she died.
Well, I really gotta talk to her.
This is really driving me nuts.
I'm gonna call my father.
-Yeah.
-Maybe he knows where she is.
Hi, Daddy. It's-- Hello?
Hello. Hi. Hello. Hi.
Hi, Dad. Hi.
Fran. Yeah.
Where's Mommy? Do you know?
The beauty parlor.
Okay. Thank you. I love you too.
Love you too.
-Aren't these amazing?
-Yeah.
Today?
It's not gonna happen.
-Hi. I'm Fran Sheffield.
-Yeah, I know who you are.
We keep your wedding picture up here
for advertisement.
But I didn't get my hair done here
for my wedding.
So? No one else knows that.
Your mother said we could use it
if we comped all her bikini waxings.
Who's sorry now?
Meanwhile, I gotta talk to her.
Where is she?
-Sylvia don't have an appointment today.
-But she told my father that she did.
Well, then she's a big fat liar.
I would go check out Mount Sinai.
The hospital?
Yeah, she goes there every Tuesday,
Wednesday, Thursday, 4:00, fifth floor.
And she carries that imitation Prada bag
and she thinks no one can tell.
But I know.
I don't believe this.
Why would Ma be going to a hospital?
I don't know. What am I, a yenta?
It can't be true. You must be mistaken.
Maybe she's in the back
getting a pedicure.
Trust me. She's not here.
Those are feet one doesn't forget.
Chatterbox. How you doing?
Today? It's not gonna happen.
Ma, you're here.
Sorry, Fran. Just me. Still no luck?
I have looked everywhere for her.
Look how weird, her chair is empty.
I don't think I've ever seen the seat.
And all that's left is the imprint
of when she was 40 pounds heavier.
Sweetheart, where have you been?
I've been looking all over for Ma.
And you know what?
Libby from the Chatterbox,
she said that Ma's been seeing a doctor
three times a week.
Honey, I think there might be
something seriously wrong with her.
Darling, I hardly think
you should be taking the word
of a girl who answers the phones
at a beauty parlor.
I don't know. Libby is usually
pretty right on about this stuff.
And why are you optioning
your play for 275,
when you know
you could have held out for 300,000?
How the devil did you know that?
Oh, God. Libby?
What are we gonna do?
Oh, my God. That's Ma.
I don't want her to know I know.
-I don't want her upset. You get the door.
-Yeah.
Sylvia, come on in.
Well, we were just...
What's with her?
Your hair looks pretty.
Darling, what's the matter?
Ma, I can't believe
you didn't say anything.
How can you go through this
all by yourself?
Why didn't you tell me if you were sick?
Sick? I'm not sick.
It's all right, Sylvia. Libby told us.
We know you're seeing a doctor.
And if you're not sick,
then why would you be going
to this guy's office three times a week?
What's that look on your face about?
Ma, what are you saying?
Are you telling me that
you're having an affair?
Oh, my God!
How could you just go
and blurt that out like that?
I'm sorry, but I do not want
to discuss this.
Well, if you don't want to discuss this,
too bad.
-Is there a fight? Did we miss anything?
-What's going on?
When the two of them talk
at the same time, the intercom shorts out.
Fran's having a rather delicate
conversation with her mother.
I think it best we just stay
out of their way till they're done.
Get away from me. Leave me alone.
-I'd say they're done.
-Ma, freeze.
Ever since she lost the weight,
she's like The Flash.
Now, I want an answer.
Are you having an affair?
-I've got a phone call I need to make.
-I think I have to go now.
Since when are you my keeper?
Since I heard you're being kept.
Ma, doesn't this ring on your finger
mean anything?
-What ring is that on your finger?
-QVC. It's a ring/pillbox.
-Now leave me alone.
-Ma!
Why don't you stop giving me
the third degree?
Who do you think you are?
Because I'm your daughter,
that's who I think I am.
Just because I have the figure
of a teenager
doesn't mean I'm not a mature woman
who's entitled to her privacy.
Now, nothing is going on.
If your father calls,
tell him I took the little girl
brassiere shopping.
Is this unbelievable or what?
You're telling me she's having sex
and I'm not?
Y'all come back now, you hear?