The Nanny (1993–1999): Season 5, Episode 9 - Educating Fran - full transcript
Maggie has a crush on her Philosophy professor, Steve, which both she and Maxwell think he is reciprocating. Maxwell orders Fran to talk to Steve to put a stop to it. In reality, Steve is a handsome man who is the attention of many a schoolgirl and schoolboy crushes as the case may be. But Steve, who is Jewish himself, thinks that Fran may be the one for him, especially since he, a devout follower of astrology - is told by his horoscope that someone like Fran would be entering his life. Fran considers going out with Steve, but both does not want to hurt Maggie and doesn't know what her situation is with Maxwell. After getting the OK from Maggie and much to the chagrin of a jealous Maxwell, Fran and Steve do start to date. But their relationship ends as soon as it starts based on news from Steve's psychic. Both Maxwell and Fran are somewhat relieved as they both individually tell their respective confidantes, Niles and Niles, that they are meant to be with each other. Meanwhile, Niles and C.C.are hooked on a Spanish soap opera.
Franny, read me my horoscope.
Okay.
"Scorpio.
-Tomorrow you will awaken--"
-Woo-hoo!
What are you woo-hooing?
I didn't say anything.
I heard "tomorrow" and "awaken."
I'm cool.
Fran, my philosophy professor
has so opened my eyes
to realize that my eyes
may not even be open.
-Well.
-I mean, I may not even have eyes.
I may not even exist.
Yeah, well, according to your father,
neither do I.
I mean, do you realize
that red may not even be red?
I mean, blue may not even be blue.
Well, thank God
gray can still become black,
according to my mentor, Lady Clairol.
-You know what else Steve says?
-What?
You call your professor Steve?
Just over cappuccinos.
You're having cappuccinos with Steve?
All right, you're talking too much, honey.
Daddy's getting nervous. Shutty-uppy.
Well, of course I'm getting nervous.
An older, distinguished man,
a young, beautiful woman
right under his nose, day after day.
What do you think's gonna happen?
Well, according to my experience, nothing.
Miss Fine, I want you to go down
to that university
and talk to Margaret's professor...
Who probably has nothing
but sex on the brain.
I've had worse assignments.
I'm not joking.
Oh, come on. Now, what's it
gonna look like if I go down there?
I mean, the girl's 18 years old.
I don't care if she's 35.
Which isn't old either.
-You are her nanny. Now, go. Please.
-All right.
I'll go too and pick up
a little education.
I can only keep Sammy
happy in the bedroom for so long.
Sooner or later, he's gonna wanna talk.
She was working in a bridal shop
In Flushing, Queens
'Til her boyfriend kicked her out
In one of those crushing scenes
What was she to do, where was she to go?
She was out on her fanny
So, over the bridge from Flushing
To the Sheffields' door
She was there to sell makeup
But the father saw more
She had style, she had flair
She was there
That's how she became the Nanny
Who would have guessed
That the girl we described
Was just exactly
What the doctor prescribed?
-Now the father finds her beguiling
-Watch out, C.C.
-And the kids are actually smiling
-Such joie de vivre!
She's the lady in red
When everybody else is wearing tan
The flashy girl from Flushing
The Nanny named Fran
I remember when I went to school.
I used to walk past the daisy field
carrying my little metal lunch pail.
Pa was chopping wood--
Yetta, Yetta, that's the opening sequence
to Little House on the Prairie.
Excuse me, are you Professor Steve?
Hello.
You ought to be ashamed of yourself.
A grown man taking advantage
of innocent, young women.
Do you do any private tutoring?
Yetta. Yetta. Go wait for me downstairs.
Just don't lie down
anywhere near Pre-med.
Well, Professor Steve, I'm here
because Mr. Sheffield is very concerned
that you might be paying just a little
too much attention to his daughter.
Now, I give all of my students
special attention.
Some of them just misinterpret it.
Now, look at these notes that I get. Here.
"Dear Steve, I love you. Ashley."
"I get lost in your eyes. Karen."
"You look sexy when you don't shave.
Phillip."
Third row. Bette Midler sweatshirt.
Well, the point is
you're not interested in Maggie,
and that's what I came to find out.
Now I feel like I earned
my six bucks an hour.
Oh, wow!
What?
My horoscope said
that I'd meet a beautiful brunette with
big brown eyes and an exotic accent.
Get out of here.
No, see, I'm really into astrology.
What's the date and time of your birth?
5:00 pm, November 26.
Yeah, Ma had them induce labor
so she wouldn't miss
the Thanksgiving meal.
What year?
1970.
Hey, we are so compatible.
You wanna get dinner sometime?
That's very flattering,
but I'm actually seeing...
a therapist about this very problem.
So I'm not your type, huh?
That's so not it.
I'm just late for my...
Doormats Without Partners meeting.
-Well, how about Saturday?
-I'm sorry.
-Wait.
-It's just-- What?
That's my nephew's bar mitzvah.
No, Papa.
Why the hell are you watching
a Spanish soap opera?
Something big just happened.
What?
I have no idea.
Niles, just when I think
you are so pathetic,
you go and top yourself.
Well, I'm sorry, we can't all learn
Spanish the way you did.
Chasing frightened tourists
down the streets of Pamplona.
Excuse me, sir.
I have to sweep Master Brighton's room.
You mean the room
with the broken television?
I meant the living room.
Miss Fine, how did it go
with Margaret's professor?
-Well, better than I expected.
-Wait, wait, wait.
I wanna know what happened.
Nothing, nothing.
He's not at all interested in Maggie.
He's interested in me.
What? What do you mean
he's interested in you?
Well, calm down. Just calm down.
You know, he asked me out on a date.
-I didn't say yes.
-Good.
I didn't say no either.
What? What do you mean you didn't say no?
Well, should I have?
Well, of course.
Why? Do I have any prior engagements?
Miss Fine!
Mr. Sheffield, I don't know
what I'm supposed to do anymore.
I mean, a man asks me out and I say,
"I can't. I'm in a totally
monogamous relationship."
The only part I leave out is
that I'm in it by myself.
Miss Fine, what do you want me to say?
Well, I would like you to give me
one good reason
why I should not say yes to this man.
I should've thought that was obvious.
You want me to go say it--
-Please, would you?
-Fine, I'll say it.
I'll say it. It could hurt Margaret.
Well, you know, if this was a cartoon,
right now you would be strapped
to the back of an Acme moon rocket.
Maggie could care less
if I go out with Steve.
What?
How could you do this to me, Fran?
I hate you.
Oh, God.
Now this, right on the heels
of Brighton crashing the Mercedes.
Oh, my God.
We don't own a Mercedes, Miss Fine.
-I know you're in there.
-Well, move over, Colombo.
Maggie, I'm so sorry.
I had no idea, by the way you were acting,
that you had a crush on Steve.
Well, Fran, what am I supposed to do?
Parade around in some tight little sweater
and throw myself at him?
That's so desperate.
You know, you kids have no respect
for the classics.
Honey, you know, if you don't want me
to go out with him, just say so.
I respect your feelings.
Well, I don't want you to go out with him.
Well, then I won't go out with him.
I love you, and I'd never do anything
to hurt you.
I love you too, Fran.
Then please let me go out with him!
I'm gonna grow old and die
waiting for your father!
You're so young and blonde and rich.
You can have a zillion
good-looking, goyishe guys.
How many gorgeous Jewish guys are there
still left that are single at my age?
Please, Maggie, let me go out with him.
Please!
Fran, I guess you do kind of have a point.
I mean, it is harder to find a guy
at your age...
And I am young.
And you are old.
Okay, you can go out with him.
Thank you for your mercy.
Thank you.
I'm waiting.
How's it feel?
I'm just gonna forget
about Maxwell Sheffield
and have a good time.
Hi, hi.
-Hello.
-There, Max.
-Hi.
-Max.
-Easy now, Max.
-Max.
Easy.
Hi. Good doggie.
-Max takes a while to warm up to you.
-Yeah.
I know the breed.
-Come on in. Make yourself comfortable.
-Thank you. Thanks.
-I'm gonna just check on dinner.
-Okay, great. Thank you.
This whole thing feels so wrong.
I'm just gonna make an excuse.
I gotta get out of here.
I make a killer lasagna.
Well, I don't wanna be rude.
So, Max.
Well, this is freaky.
Do you like red wine or white?
Blueberry.
How did I know that?
-Here you go.
-Okay.
So, Fran...
before you got here, I did your chart.
And your planets are very well-aligned.
Well, actually, one moon is
a little lower than the other.
I take after my mother.
There's that cute little giggle.
Well, don't give me too much of this stuff
or I'll be laughing all night.
So, you need me to help you or anything?
No, no, no. I'm doing all the work.
You just lie back and don't do a thing.
Okay.
Okay, Max, you can go now.
There's not enough room on this couch
for three.
All right, let's go. Move it.
Max, would you marry me?
Works every time.
Niles.
Niles.
Niles, are you awake?
Yes, sir. I'm just getting my papers ready
for my route.
Sorry, old man.
Look, do we have
any of that microwave popcorn?
You see that box right in front of you
on the counter
marked "microwave popcorn"?
Yup.
Try that.
All righty.
And you better not be such a chatterbox.
You won't be able to get back to sleep.
Niles?
-Niles?
-What?
You didn't have to come
all the way down here.
-I could have done it myself.
-Just give me that.
Something troubling you, sir?
I miss Fine.
I mean, I'm just fine.
Whenever I can't sleep it's usually
because there's something
on my mind that's gnawing at me.
-That's making my guts twist.
-All right, all right. I admit it.
I'm jealous. There, all right?
It's driving me crazy,
her being out with some other man.
I can share these feelings with you
because I'm not in love with you.
Well, nobody looks good
at two in the morning.
No, no, no.
No. Aye, Carmencita.
Carmencita shoot Papa?
Si.
Is Papa...
Muerte.
Honestly, do the two of you have nothing
better to do than watch this
drivel in the middle of the afternoon?
Well, you were out rather late last night.
I think.
Well, I had such a wonderful time
with Steve.
He made me a delicious dinner,
and he rented a video.
The Commitments.
So are you planning on seeing him again?
Yep.
I'll get it.
Hi. I'm here to see Fran.
-You're Steve?
-Yeah.
Dad.
No, no, no. She could still pick you.
-Hi, Fran.
-Hi, Steve.
This is Mr. Sheffield.
Mr. Sheffield, this is Steve.
You see, I call him Steve,
he calls me Fran.
We know each other two days.
That's all I wanna say.
Steve.
-Maxwell Sheffield.
-Hi.
I understand you teach philosophy.
-Study of objective thought.
-Yes.
And yet I hear you're into astrology.
The pastime of the tutti-frutti.
That's all I wanna say.
The boy is right. He is smoking.
Hello, Steve. C.C. Babcock.
I understand you're a professor
and you're going out with Nanny Fine.
What's the matter?
Research wouldn't give you a chimp?
If you didn't have toilet paper
on your shoe,
I'd be so upset with you right now.
So tell me, Steve,
what do you wanna do tonight?
Fran, I have to break up with you.
I was thinking of seeing the Titanic,
but apparently I'm already on it.
The thing is, I saw my psychic today,
and she said I should be in a relationship
with a woman older than you.
That's ridiculous.
Who's older than me?
Well, come on. You were born in 1970.
I was? Oh, yeah, I was.
Give or take a year or six.
Look, Fran,
I feel terrible about this, but
my psychic sees me with a woman
in her mid-30s,
having kids, getting married,
living in a split-level house
in Great Neck.
What if I told you I was 34?
Come on, Fran, I'd never believe that.
You're right.
Who am I kidding?
Niles.
Niles.
Niles, are you asleep?
No, I was just going out to the barn
to milk Bessie.
Niles, remember last week when I told you
to hide
that Entenmann's Louisiana Crunch Cake
-...because Ma was coming over--
-Just sit down.
What's wrong?
Well, what kind of an idiot
breaks up such a positive relationship
just because some dumb psychic said
that he should date an older woman?
Well, you call
the Psychic Friends Network.
That is Dionne Warwick.
That's an entirely different thing.
God knows what kind of a quack
he's talking to.
Why don't you just tell him
how old you really are?
Why don't you just take a dip
in the Dead Sea with a hemorrhoid?
He wants an older woman.
Well, he should like me for who I am.
Yes, but that's not who you are.
Mr. Sheffield accepts
that I was born in 1970.
Yes, but he knows you're lying.
Well, that's my point exactly.
He accepts me for the woman
I'm really not.
Why am I dating these nut jobs anyway?
Mr. Sheffield and I belong together.
Well, why are you telling me?
Go upstairs and tell him.
Niles, I'm gonna wake him up
at 2:00 in the morning?
That is so inconsiderate.
I wouldn't do it.
Fran, the guy who dumped you
is back again.
What the hell is he doing here?
Well, I don't wanna see him.
How's my lipstick?
All right, let him in.
Hi, Fran.
These are for you.
Look who's here.
Well, did the psychic tell you
you'd come crawling back carrying Godivas?
Because I could have saved you
that 50 bucks.
Actually,
I just thought you might like them.
Phillip left them on my desk.
And, Fran, my psychic was right.
I've met an older woman who I really like.
Well, who cares? I wouldn't date you
if you whistled "Dixie."
Don't wait up.
Miss Fine?
-Yes, Mr. Sheffield?
-Did I hear Steve?
Yes, you did. You know, he was here,
but I sent him away.
Because I knew that you were so jealous
that I was dating him
-I didn't want fist-fighting to break out.
-Niles told me everything.
I'm such a loser.
Now I'm lying about two relationships
I don't have.
Come on, Miss Fine.
I tell you what, I'll buy you a drink.
Oh, don't forget to bring your ID.
Just in case they wanna card you.
Mr. Sheffield.
Miss Fine.
I love you!
-Yeah, we love you too, Niles.
-We love you too, Niles.
Okay, Max, up here.
Good boy.
Okay, Max, speak. Speak.
Good boy.
Down, Max. Down, Max.
Good boy.
Kiss me, Max.
If only life were this easy.
Okay.
"Scorpio.
-Tomorrow you will awaken--"
-Woo-hoo!
What are you woo-hooing?
I didn't say anything.
I heard "tomorrow" and "awaken."
I'm cool.
Fran, my philosophy professor
has so opened my eyes
to realize that my eyes
may not even be open.
-Well.
-I mean, I may not even have eyes.
I may not even exist.
Yeah, well, according to your father,
neither do I.
I mean, do you realize
that red may not even be red?
I mean, blue may not even be blue.
Well, thank God
gray can still become black,
according to my mentor, Lady Clairol.
-You know what else Steve says?
-What?
You call your professor Steve?
Just over cappuccinos.
You're having cappuccinos with Steve?
All right, you're talking too much, honey.
Daddy's getting nervous. Shutty-uppy.
Well, of course I'm getting nervous.
An older, distinguished man,
a young, beautiful woman
right under his nose, day after day.
What do you think's gonna happen?
Well, according to my experience, nothing.
Miss Fine, I want you to go down
to that university
and talk to Margaret's professor...
Who probably has nothing
but sex on the brain.
I've had worse assignments.
I'm not joking.
Oh, come on. Now, what's it
gonna look like if I go down there?
I mean, the girl's 18 years old.
I don't care if she's 35.
Which isn't old either.
-You are her nanny. Now, go. Please.
-All right.
I'll go too and pick up
a little education.
I can only keep Sammy
happy in the bedroom for so long.
Sooner or later, he's gonna wanna talk.
She was working in a bridal shop
In Flushing, Queens
'Til her boyfriend kicked her out
In one of those crushing scenes
What was she to do, where was she to go?
She was out on her fanny
So, over the bridge from Flushing
To the Sheffields' door
She was there to sell makeup
But the father saw more
She had style, she had flair
She was there
That's how she became the Nanny
Who would have guessed
That the girl we described
Was just exactly
What the doctor prescribed?
-Now the father finds her beguiling
-Watch out, C.C.
-And the kids are actually smiling
-Such joie de vivre!
She's the lady in red
When everybody else is wearing tan
The flashy girl from Flushing
The Nanny named Fran
I remember when I went to school.
I used to walk past the daisy field
carrying my little metal lunch pail.
Pa was chopping wood--
Yetta, Yetta, that's the opening sequence
to Little House on the Prairie.
Excuse me, are you Professor Steve?
Hello.
You ought to be ashamed of yourself.
A grown man taking advantage
of innocent, young women.
Do you do any private tutoring?
Yetta. Yetta. Go wait for me downstairs.
Just don't lie down
anywhere near Pre-med.
Well, Professor Steve, I'm here
because Mr. Sheffield is very concerned
that you might be paying just a little
too much attention to his daughter.
Now, I give all of my students
special attention.
Some of them just misinterpret it.
Now, look at these notes that I get. Here.
"Dear Steve, I love you. Ashley."
"I get lost in your eyes. Karen."
"You look sexy when you don't shave.
Phillip."
Third row. Bette Midler sweatshirt.
Well, the point is
you're not interested in Maggie,
and that's what I came to find out.
Now I feel like I earned
my six bucks an hour.
Oh, wow!
What?
My horoscope said
that I'd meet a beautiful brunette with
big brown eyes and an exotic accent.
Get out of here.
No, see, I'm really into astrology.
What's the date and time of your birth?
5:00 pm, November 26.
Yeah, Ma had them induce labor
so she wouldn't miss
the Thanksgiving meal.
What year?
1970.
Hey, we are so compatible.
You wanna get dinner sometime?
That's very flattering,
but I'm actually seeing...
a therapist about this very problem.
So I'm not your type, huh?
That's so not it.
I'm just late for my...
Doormats Without Partners meeting.
-Well, how about Saturday?
-I'm sorry.
-Wait.
-It's just-- What?
That's my nephew's bar mitzvah.
No, Papa.
Why the hell are you watching
a Spanish soap opera?
Something big just happened.
What?
I have no idea.
Niles, just when I think
you are so pathetic,
you go and top yourself.
Well, I'm sorry, we can't all learn
Spanish the way you did.
Chasing frightened tourists
down the streets of Pamplona.
Excuse me, sir.
I have to sweep Master Brighton's room.
You mean the room
with the broken television?
I meant the living room.
Miss Fine, how did it go
with Margaret's professor?
-Well, better than I expected.
-Wait, wait, wait.
I wanna know what happened.
Nothing, nothing.
He's not at all interested in Maggie.
He's interested in me.
What? What do you mean
he's interested in you?
Well, calm down. Just calm down.
You know, he asked me out on a date.
-I didn't say yes.
-Good.
I didn't say no either.
What? What do you mean you didn't say no?
Well, should I have?
Well, of course.
Why? Do I have any prior engagements?
Miss Fine!
Mr. Sheffield, I don't know
what I'm supposed to do anymore.
I mean, a man asks me out and I say,
"I can't. I'm in a totally
monogamous relationship."
The only part I leave out is
that I'm in it by myself.
Miss Fine, what do you want me to say?
Well, I would like you to give me
one good reason
why I should not say yes to this man.
I should've thought that was obvious.
You want me to go say it--
-Please, would you?
-Fine, I'll say it.
I'll say it. It could hurt Margaret.
Well, you know, if this was a cartoon,
right now you would be strapped
to the back of an Acme moon rocket.
Maggie could care less
if I go out with Steve.
What?
How could you do this to me, Fran?
I hate you.
Oh, God.
Now this, right on the heels
of Brighton crashing the Mercedes.
Oh, my God.
We don't own a Mercedes, Miss Fine.
-I know you're in there.
-Well, move over, Colombo.
Maggie, I'm so sorry.
I had no idea, by the way you were acting,
that you had a crush on Steve.
Well, Fran, what am I supposed to do?
Parade around in some tight little sweater
and throw myself at him?
That's so desperate.
You know, you kids have no respect
for the classics.
Honey, you know, if you don't want me
to go out with him, just say so.
I respect your feelings.
Well, I don't want you to go out with him.
Well, then I won't go out with him.
I love you, and I'd never do anything
to hurt you.
I love you too, Fran.
Then please let me go out with him!
I'm gonna grow old and die
waiting for your father!
You're so young and blonde and rich.
You can have a zillion
good-looking, goyishe guys.
How many gorgeous Jewish guys are there
still left that are single at my age?
Please, Maggie, let me go out with him.
Please!
Fran, I guess you do kind of have a point.
I mean, it is harder to find a guy
at your age...
And I am young.
And you are old.
Okay, you can go out with him.
Thank you for your mercy.
Thank you.
I'm waiting.
How's it feel?
I'm just gonna forget
about Maxwell Sheffield
and have a good time.
Hi, hi.
-Hello.
-There, Max.
-Hi.
-Max.
-Easy now, Max.
-Max.
Easy.
Hi. Good doggie.
-Max takes a while to warm up to you.
-Yeah.
I know the breed.
-Come on in. Make yourself comfortable.
-Thank you. Thanks.
-I'm gonna just check on dinner.
-Okay, great. Thank you.
This whole thing feels so wrong.
I'm just gonna make an excuse.
I gotta get out of here.
I make a killer lasagna.
Well, I don't wanna be rude.
So, Max.
Well, this is freaky.
Do you like red wine or white?
Blueberry.
How did I know that?
-Here you go.
-Okay.
So, Fran...
before you got here, I did your chart.
And your planets are very well-aligned.
Well, actually, one moon is
a little lower than the other.
I take after my mother.
There's that cute little giggle.
Well, don't give me too much of this stuff
or I'll be laughing all night.
So, you need me to help you or anything?
No, no, no. I'm doing all the work.
You just lie back and don't do a thing.
Okay.
Okay, Max, you can go now.
There's not enough room on this couch
for three.
All right, let's go. Move it.
Max, would you marry me?
Works every time.
Niles.
Niles.
Niles, are you awake?
Yes, sir. I'm just getting my papers ready
for my route.
Sorry, old man.
Look, do we have
any of that microwave popcorn?
You see that box right in front of you
on the counter
marked "microwave popcorn"?
Yup.
Try that.
All righty.
And you better not be such a chatterbox.
You won't be able to get back to sleep.
Niles?
-Niles?
-What?
You didn't have to come
all the way down here.
-I could have done it myself.
-Just give me that.
Something troubling you, sir?
I miss Fine.
I mean, I'm just fine.
Whenever I can't sleep it's usually
because there's something
on my mind that's gnawing at me.
-That's making my guts twist.
-All right, all right. I admit it.
I'm jealous. There, all right?
It's driving me crazy,
her being out with some other man.
I can share these feelings with you
because I'm not in love with you.
Well, nobody looks good
at two in the morning.
No, no, no.
No. Aye, Carmencita.
Carmencita shoot Papa?
Si.
Is Papa...
Muerte.
Honestly, do the two of you have nothing
better to do than watch this
drivel in the middle of the afternoon?
Well, you were out rather late last night.
I think.
Well, I had such a wonderful time
with Steve.
He made me a delicious dinner,
and he rented a video.
The Commitments.
So are you planning on seeing him again?
Yep.
I'll get it.
Hi. I'm here to see Fran.
-You're Steve?
-Yeah.
Dad.
No, no, no. She could still pick you.
-Hi, Fran.
-Hi, Steve.
This is Mr. Sheffield.
Mr. Sheffield, this is Steve.
You see, I call him Steve,
he calls me Fran.
We know each other two days.
That's all I wanna say.
Steve.
-Maxwell Sheffield.
-Hi.
I understand you teach philosophy.
-Study of objective thought.
-Yes.
And yet I hear you're into astrology.
The pastime of the tutti-frutti.
That's all I wanna say.
The boy is right. He is smoking.
Hello, Steve. C.C. Babcock.
I understand you're a professor
and you're going out with Nanny Fine.
What's the matter?
Research wouldn't give you a chimp?
If you didn't have toilet paper
on your shoe,
I'd be so upset with you right now.
So tell me, Steve,
what do you wanna do tonight?
Fran, I have to break up with you.
I was thinking of seeing the Titanic,
but apparently I'm already on it.
The thing is, I saw my psychic today,
and she said I should be in a relationship
with a woman older than you.
That's ridiculous.
Who's older than me?
Well, come on. You were born in 1970.
I was? Oh, yeah, I was.
Give or take a year or six.
Look, Fran,
I feel terrible about this, but
my psychic sees me with a woman
in her mid-30s,
having kids, getting married,
living in a split-level house
in Great Neck.
What if I told you I was 34?
Come on, Fran, I'd never believe that.
You're right.
Who am I kidding?
Niles.
Niles.
Niles, are you asleep?
No, I was just going out to the barn
to milk Bessie.
Niles, remember last week when I told you
to hide
that Entenmann's Louisiana Crunch Cake
-...because Ma was coming over--
-Just sit down.
What's wrong?
Well, what kind of an idiot
breaks up such a positive relationship
just because some dumb psychic said
that he should date an older woman?
Well, you call
the Psychic Friends Network.
That is Dionne Warwick.
That's an entirely different thing.
God knows what kind of a quack
he's talking to.
Why don't you just tell him
how old you really are?
Why don't you just take a dip
in the Dead Sea with a hemorrhoid?
He wants an older woman.
Well, he should like me for who I am.
Yes, but that's not who you are.
Mr. Sheffield accepts
that I was born in 1970.
Yes, but he knows you're lying.
Well, that's my point exactly.
He accepts me for the woman
I'm really not.
Why am I dating these nut jobs anyway?
Mr. Sheffield and I belong together.
Well, why are you telling me?
Go upstairs and tell him.
Niles, I'm gonna wake him up
at 2:00 in the morning?
That is so inconsiderate.
I wouldn't do it.
Fran, the guy who dumped you
is back again.
What the hell is he doing here?
Well, I don't wanna see him.
How's my lipstick?
All right, let him in.
Hi, Fran.
These are for you.
Look who's here.
Well, did the psychic tell you
you'd come crawling back carrying Godivas?
Because I could have saved you
that 50 bucks.
Actually,
I just thought you might like them.
Phillip left them on my desk.
And, Fran, my psychic was right.
I've met an older woman who I really like.
Well, who cares? I wouldn't date you
if you whistled "Dixie."
Don't wait up.
Miss Fine?
-Yes, Mr. Sheffield?
-Did I hear Steve?
Yes, you did. You know, he was here,
but I sent him away.
Because I knew that you were so jealous
that I was dating him
-I didn't want fist-fighting to break out.
-Niles told me everything.
I'm such a loser.
Now I'm lying about two relationships
I don't have.
Come on, Miss Fine.
I tell you what, I'll buy you a drink.
Oh, don't forget to bring your ID.
Just in case they wanna card you.
Mr. Sheffield.
Miss Fine.
I love you!
-Yeah, we love you too, Niles.
-We love you too, Niles.
Okay, Max, up here.
Good boy.
Okay, Max, speak. Speak.
Good boy.
Down, Max. Down, Max.
Good boy.
Kiss me, Max.
If only life were this easy.