The Nanny (1993–1999): Season 5, Episode 19 - Immaculate Concepcion - full transcript
The Sheffields receive news that Maxwell's father has passed away. What's equally painful to hear, if not more disturbing, is that he had an illegitimate child named Concepcion, to whom he is leaving his entire estate of $100 million. The kids are only concerned that they received nothing of substantive value in the will. And although Fran is not overly concerned with money, C.C. gets it into Fran's head that Maxwell probably was relying on part of his father's estate to live a comfortable life in his golden years. Sylvia convinces Fran to try and talk Concepcion into giving the money back, but when Fran gets face to face with her soon to be sister-in-law, Fran can only welcome her into the family. Later, Maxwell reassures Fran that they are far from being poor. However, they end up being a little wealthier than they expect by a unsuspecting move by Fran. Elsewhere, C.C. is discharged from the sanitarium. Her discharge is short-lived.
Niles, what is that sickeningly sweet,
overpowering smell?
The cologne you gave me for my birthday.
Don't you just love it?
What's it called again?
"Tester."
Say, wait a minute.
Cologne? What's that? New oven mitts?
And you're wearing a girdle.
Miss Babcock is coming home
from the sanitarium.
This has nothing to do with her.
I'm wearing it because I pulled my back.
yeah, sure, and I wear a Wonderbra
because I sprained my breasts.
-Hi, darling.
-Good morning, darling.
What have we here?
The proposal from the wedding planner?
-Yeah.
-Now, tell me, is the caterer
gonna be charging us by the person
or by the couple?
Well, after all the samples
that me and Ma consumed,
the caterer decided to charge my side
of the family per person as a couple.
Well, that's outrageous.
The bartender's doing the same thing
with your side.
We don't really have to use this guy.
I mean, I could plan this wedding myself.
No, no. We want it to be nice.
I mean, you know, fancy. Classy.
When do they need the deposit?
You don't think that I can make
a nice affair?
Listen, I know how it's done.
You just need a very good theme.
Something that's elegant and understated.
Starlight Express. Do you skate?
Frannie, it's not that the Duchess of Kent
wouldn't love to arrive at the dais
on Rollerblades, but you're my princess.
I want this to be the wedding
of your dreams.
But
this is the wedding of my dreams.
Sir, it's your brother
with some urgent news.
Yes, Nigel, what is it?
Oh, my God. I see.
Yes, well, thank you for calling.
-Goodbye.
-What?
That was Nigel. Apparently, last night,
my father passed away.
Oh, honey, I'm so sorry.
Hello, hello, I'm back.
Well, what's with the sourpusses?
Who died?
She was working in a bridal shop
In Flushing, Queens
'Til her boyfriend kicked her out
In one of those crushing scenes
What was she to do, where was she to go?
She was out on her fanny
So, over the bridge from Flushing
To the Sheffields' door
She was there to sell makeup
But the father saw more
She had style, she had flair
She was there
That's how she became the Nanny
Who would have guessed
That the girl we've described
Was just exactly
What the doctor prescribed?
-Now the father finds her beguiling
-Watch out, C.C.
-And the kids are actually smiling
-Such joie de vivre!
She's the lady in red
When everybody else is wearing tan
The flashy girl from Flushing
The Nanny named Fran
Let's have the Sheffields in here, please.
-Max, Hello.
-Chandler.
-Thank you.
-Sit here.
I'm just so embarrassed.
I mean, I hardly knew Grandpa
but I felt close to him,
after all those heartfelt cards
his secretary wrote us on our birthdays.
She never forgot.
You know, honey, just let it out.
But at least you know what happened
to your grandpa.
Mine stepped into a magician's box
in the Catskills
and was never seen again.
Many years later, someone spotted him
with a magician's assistant in Miami,
but nothing was ever proven.
Please be seated.
First of all, let me say how sorry I am
for your loss.
Maggs. It's okay.
I cried like a baby, too, when I realized
how much money we're gonna inherit.
Brighton, please.
Not everything is just about money,
you know.
Really, Brighton,
have a little more sensitivity.
It happens to be very traumatic
when a man loses his father.
He's no longer the son
looking up to somebody.
He's now the one that's next
in line to die.
It's lonely. It's aging.
Thanks, dear.
Lean on me, baby.
Anyway, getting down to business,
your father left you all...
What? The race horses, the Ferrari,
the country house in Tuscany?
-A video tape.
-Damn.
Brighton, please, look, your grandfather
may have been cold, selfish
and detached, but to me,
he will always be "sir."
In any case, Mr. Sheffield, Senior,
made this tape
to convey his plans regarding his estate.
-I can never get this thing to work.
-Give me that.
Channel three, video one, extended play.
Go, go.
To my three children
who've enjoyed all the privileges
of the Sheffield name and upbringing,
I leave my sincere wishes
for a long and happy life
and a few little trinkets
for the grandchildren.
Please tell me the race horse's name
is "Trinket."
Yes, and what about the bulk
of his estate?
You may be wondering what the plans are
for the bulk of my estate.
-Yes.
-Well, let me explain.
Too bad you two couldn't communicate
like this when he was alive.
There's a woman who was never able
to enjoy the privileges
that come along with being a Sheffield.
My fourth child, Concepcion.
What... Where did this
fourth child come from?
Well, I guess Concepcion
wasn't immaculate.
To her, I leave my entire estate.
Well, that's that, then.
Good luck. Goodbye.
Ta-ta.
I can't believe this.
Send her in, please.
I'm Maria de la Concepcion
Bustillo Garcia Delamo... Sheffield.
It is your father's wish that his estate
in the amount of $100 million goes to her.
Auntie Concepcion.
Brighton, would you knock it off?
Look, my father was such a philanderer,
he'd believe anyone who claimed
to be his child.
What proof do we have this woman
and I are related?
Well, let's get to know her a little bit.
Hi, honey. Are you married?
Well, I was living with a man
for five years
but I couldn't make a commitment.
Well, there's your DNA test.
I cannot believe how many people
showed up for that memorial.
My tongue is so dry from putting stamps
on all these thank-you notices.
Are you sure I wasn't mentioned
in the will?
He always said I was like a son to him.
You were. You got bubkes too.
I'm supposed to be jumping up and down
because Grandpa left me
a cracked porcelain doll?
You could buy a car with how much that
stamp collection you inherited is worth.
You know, most people don't have
what we have.
Maybe this will give you the opportunity
to understand something beyond
your privileged existence.
You do know if Dad hasn't socked anything
away, he's gonna dip into your trust fund.
He can do that?
You know, I don't believe you kids.
You just lost your grandfather,
you just found out that you have
a new member of the family,
and all you three are focused on
is the money.
I'm very disappointed in you,
and think you should go to your rooms
-and really think about this.
-Sorry, Fran.
-Yeah, well.
-Well, Brighton brought it up.
She's always been poor. What's it to her?
Can you believe those kids?
Making something out of nothing?
They are making something
out of nothing, aren't they?
After not having been in my apartment
for three months,
I really had to air it out.
It smelled like a cat died in there.
You have a dog.
We're taking care of him.
Perhaps what you smelled in your apartment
was the stench of your decaying youth.
You know, Niles,
I learned something at the place.
If 220 volts of electricity can't hurt me,
300 pounds of butler sure can't.
Well, are you happy to have
your little friend home?
It's all right.
So, isn't it a pity that Maxwell's father
left all his money to a trollop?
He left something for me?
Oh, you meant her.
So, Nanny Fine, what are you gonna do
now that the wedding's off?
Well, who said anything
about the wedding being off?
Nanny Fine, without his inheritance,
Maxwell will run out of money like that.
It takes a lot of money
to keep you looking that cheap.
Well, for your information,
it would not matter to me
if Maxwell were completely broke,
because I am not in it for the money.
I'm in it for love.
Well, isn't that sweet?
We'll see if you feel the same way
when Maxwell has to move in
with you and your mother.
Think about it, Nanny Fine.
Hi, honey.
Bad news. The doctor says
I gotta quit the paper route.
I'm getting too big for the bike.
Darling, come here, and let Daddy
give you some sugar.
Look, here. I was looking
through the want ads.
I thought I'd circle a few things
you were qualified to do.
But there's nothing circled here, my pet.
No kidding.
Now, this is ridiculous.
We're overreacting.
I mean, a smart man like Mr. Sheffield
isn't gonna burn through his own money
because he knows that he's got
his father's hundred mil coming.
We would but he wouldn't.
Well, I'm sure you're right.
There's nothing to worry about.
If Maxwell were seriously
counting on his inheritance,
he'd be rushing off to London
to contest the will.
Just off to London on the Concorde.
Nothing to worry about.
Well, I must say, so far, I am enjoying
my return to sanity very much.
I can't believe this is happening.
I love this house.
Well, get used to it, Ma, because we're
one step away from the poor house.
I hate the poor house.
Look, we're just going to have to learn
to economize, that's all.
I mean, the kids will get used
to wearing hand-me-downs.
Maggie will give her skirts to Gracie.
Gracie will give her skirts to me.
What are you, nuts?
What is the one thing that I taught you?
Death begins in the colon?
That, and don't give up without a fight.
Go and get that inheritance back
from Conception.
Why should she wind up with our money?
She's not even a real Sheffield like us.
Ma, we're just gonna have to learn
to save like normal people.
Beginning with, why is Mr. Sheffield
paying for this wedding?
Isn't it traditional
for the bride's parents to pay for it?
Haven't you guys been saving for years?
Well, we were, but when you turned 30,
we thought it was safe to spend it
on a Buick.
Ma, I'm just so worried
about the Sheffields.
I mean, they're used to
the finer things in life.
They're not like me.
I know what it's like to scrimp,
struggle, go hungry.
You're gonna march your tuchus
right down to that gold digger's hotel
and protect your family
from losing all of this.
I know. Max and the kids mean everything.
What Max? I'm talking about me and Daddy.
Francesca. What a surprise.
I love what you're wearing.
You got such great taste.
Ma, I want you to meet Concepcion.
-And this is my mother.
-Consuela.
Sylvi-oh.
-You see, that's how I want my hair.
-You see, that's how I want my hair.
Consuelo, you really had a pretty
hot affair with Maxwell's father?
Yes, I was a flamenco dancer.
So, why did you stop?
Who says I stopped?
-Fran, come sit down.
-Okay.
-So, what can I do for you?
-Look, let's not beat around the bush.
Where is the room service menu?
-Here it is.
-Okay.
It's so hard for me to accept
that this is all mine.
But I guess I'll have to adapt.
You know, Concepcion, me and your brother
are gonna be married in less than a month,
and if you and your mother
are still in town,
I'd just love you to come and pay
for the wedding. Did I say pay?
-We'd love to come.
-Oh, good.
This platter looks like
it's enough for us.
No, no. It says, "served from 8 to 11."
Well, that's no good.
-Let me offer you something to drink.
-Okay.
You know, Connie,
just a little hypothetical here.
What if, like, you had all of my money?
What would be a tactful way for me
to ask for it back
and still come out smelling like a rose?
You're so funny, chica.
"Funny chica," that's me.
-You and I are gonna be good friends.
-Good.
-Fran.
-Yes?
You know, my whole life,
I felt I was nothing
and that my father was ashamed of me.
But him leaving me all this money
proves that I lived in his heart.
You're so lucky.
You have a home, beautiful children
and a man who loves you.
Double oy.
You know, Niles, when I was away at the
place,
it was really scary because
when I was all doped up,
I kept hearing these voices.
"Maxwell loves Fran."
"You're alone and old."
"You have to wear a straightjacket
to feel a man's arms around you."
That was you?
You did come and visit me, you old softy.
Oh, God, all is right with the world.
Maxwell's father is dead.
He left Maxwell broke
and in desperate need of a rich wife.
Welcome home, sir.
Is it hot in here?
Welcome home, Maxwell.
How's the family, sir?
Well, they're dealing with it
as best they can, Niles.
Nigel wanted to contest the will,
but the lawyer seems to think
it's ironclad.
That is despicable.
Maxwell, let me put this delicately:
I have 20 mil. I'll buy my own ring.
I have no pride.
I've missed that sense of humor, C.C.
Hi, honey. I'm so glad you're home.
-I missed you.
-Darling. I've missed you too.
-How'd it go?
-Well, the will is incontestable,
I'm afraid, but...
Niles, there's a list here of things
from my father's estate that have to go
to Concepcion. A few dusty old antiquities
-we can live without.
-Sir, this just isn't fair.
Miss Babcock's not on the list.
Honey, I wanna talk to you.
I've given this a lot of thought,
and you know,
I have been poor, and I can be poor again,
but you don't know what it is to be broke.
-And you got the kids to think about...
-No, wait, Fran, what are you saying?
Well, I'm saying that
if you need to marry a woman
with money to preserve your lifestyle,
I will understand and I'll let you out
of your commitment.
It's just as easy to marry a rich girl
as it is to marry a poor one.
That's an interesting saying.
I've not heard that one before.
Me and my big mouth.
Fran, are you sure you don't
want to reconsider?
I mean, it is just as easy to marry
a rich man as it is to marry a poor one.
Actually, it's not.
Fran, I'm not broke. Far from it.
I'm a very successful Broadway producer.
Sometimes, I'm a very successful producer.
I have had a hit on occasion.
Come on, look,
they're not taking everything.
Honey, tell me the truth.
You can be honest with me.
We are not going to starve.
Unless your mother moves in with us.
Look, we're not down and out yet.
Don't worry, I've still got
a few things up my sleeve.
Your watch, sir.
Thank you.
Sweetie, don't worry about it.
I'll replace it wholesale from Avenue K.
Which incidentally, is gonna be
the first letter of your new Cartier.
That is so sweet of you.
Honey, you know, I was trying
to help you today
-and I went over to Waldorf Towers...
-Oh, no, Fran. Dear God.
You didn't go traipsing over to see
Concepcion and talk her into giving back
the money against
my father's dying wishes?
What did she say?
I couldn't ask her for it, sweetie.
I just felt so sorry for her.
I mean, she's got all that money but
-I've got you.
-Darling.
Do you know what worried me most
about my father dying
and leaving me nothing?
The leaving you nothing part?
No.
The thought about losing you.
I mean, you know, I'm not the man
I was when I proposed to you, Fran.
Wait. We are still talking
about the money.
I mean, there wasn't like an accident
or anything?
No, no, just the money.
Sweetie, I love you so much.
For richer, for poorer.
which I'm hoping is at least
a split-level in Long Island?
Darling, it won't have to come to that.
I want you to have the house
of your dreams.
But that is the house of my dreams.
-Sir.
-Niles.
Chandler, what are you doing here?
I have just come from a meeting
with Concepcion
who has decided to share her
inheritance with her new siblings.
-What?
-What?
But I don't understand. I thought you said
you didn't ask for the money.
I didn't. I just welcomed her
into the family.
Which is all she ever really wanted.
Baby, you're the greatest.
You know, Miss Babcock,
with Mr. Sheffield and Miss Fine
doing so well, no one would fault you
if you went back to the asylum
for a little jolt.
Actually, Niles,
I think I'm handling it very well.
What?
I'm just responding to what you said.
I didn't say a word.
What do you mean? I distinctly heard
you say something about the asylum.
Are you insinuating
that I am in some way...
Wasn't Niles just here?
I didn't see him.
Tell your father that I'll be back
in a few weeks.
overpowering smell?
The cologne you gave me for my birthday.
Don't you just love it?
What's it called again?
"Tester."
Say, wait a minute.
Cologne? What's that? New oven mitts?
And you're wearing a girdle.
Miss Babcock is coming home
from the sanitarium.
This has nothing to do with her.
I'm wearing it because I pulled my back.
yeah, sure, and I wear a Wonderbra
because I sprained my breasts.
-Hi, darling.
-Good morning, darling.
What have we here?
The proposal from the wedding planner?
-Yeah.
-Now, tell me, is the caterer
gonna be charging us by the person
or by the couple?
Well, after all the samples
that me and Ma consumed,
the caterer decided to charge my side
of the family per person as a couple.
Well, that's outrageous.
The bartender's doing the same thing
with your side.
We don't really have to use this guy.
I mean, I could plan this wedding myself.
No, no. We want it to be nice.
I mean, you know, fancy. Classy.
When do they need the deposit?
You don't think that I can make
a nice affair?
Listen, I know how it's done.
You just need a very good theme.
Something that's elegant and understated.
Starlight Express. Do you skate?
Frannie, it's not that the Duchess of Kent
wouldn't love to arrive at the dais
on Rollerblades, but you're my princess.
I want this to be the wedding
of your dreams.
But
this is the wedding of my dreams.
Sir, it's your brother
with some urgent news.
Yes, Nigel, what is it?
Oh, my God. I see.
Yes, well, thank you for calling.
-Goodbye.
-What?
That was Nigel. Apparently, last night,
my father passed away.
Oh, honey, I'm so sorry.
Hello, hello, I'm back.
Well, what's with the sourpusses?
Who died?
She was working in a bridal shop
In Flushing, Queens
'Til her boyfriend kicked her out
In one of those crushing scenes
What was she to do, where was she to go?
She was out on her fanny
So, over the bridge from Flushing
To the Sheffields' door
She was there to sell makeup
But the father saw more
She had style, she had flair
She was there
That's how she became the Nanny
Who would have guessed
That the girl we've described
Was just exactly
What the doctor prescribed?
-Now the father finds her beguiling
-Watch out, C.C.
-And the kids are actually smiling
-Such joie de vivre!
She's the lady in red
When everybody else is wearing tan
The flashy girl from Flushing
The Nanny named Fran
Let's have the Sheffields in here, please.
-Max, Hello.
-Chandler.
-Thank you.
-Sit here.
I'm just so embarrassed.
I mean, I hardly knew Grandpa
but I felt close to him,
after all those heartfelt cards
his secretary wrote us on our birthdays.
She never forgot.
You know, honey, just let it out.
But at least you know what happened
to your grandpa.
Mine stepped into a magician's box
in the Catskills
and was never seen again.
Many years later, someone spotted him
with a magician's assistant in Miami,
but nothing was ever proven.
Please be seated.
First of all, let me say how sorry I am
for your loss.
Maggs. It's okay.
I cried like a baby, too, when I realized
how much money we're gonna inherit.
Brighton, please.
Not everything is just about money,
you know.
Really, Brighton,
have a little more sensitivity.
It happens to be very traumatic
when a man loses his father.
He's no longer the son
looking up to somebody.
He's now the one that's next
in line to die.
It's lonely. It's aging.
Thanks, dear.
Lean on me, baby.
Anyway, getting down to business,
your father left you all...
What? The race horses, the Ferrari,
the country house in Tuscany?
-A video tape.
-Damn.
Brighton, please, look, your grandfather
may have been cold, selfish
and detached, but to me,
he will always be "sir."
In any case, Mr. Sheffield, Senior,
made this tape
to convey his plans regarding his estate.
-I can never get this thing to work.
-Give me that.
Channel three, video one, extended play.
Go, go.
To my three children
who've enjoyed all the privileges
of the Sheffield name and upbringing,
I leave my sincere wishes
for a long and happy life
and a few little trinkets
for the grandchildren.
Please tell me the race horse's name
is "Trinket."
Yes, and what about the bulk
of his estate?
You may be wondering what the plans are
for the bulk of my estate.
-Yes.
-Well, let me explain.
Too bad you two couldn't communicate
like this when he was alive.
There's a woman who was never able
to enjoy the privileges
that come along with being a Sheffield.
My fourth child, Concepcion.
What... Where did this
fourth child come from?
Well, I guess Concepcion
wasn't immaculate.
To her, I leave my entire estate.
Well, that's that, then.
Good luck. Goodbye.
Ta-ta.
I can't believe this.
Send her in, please.
I'm Maria de la Concepcion
Bustillo Garcia Delamo... Sheffield.
It is your father's wish that his estate
in the amount of $100 million goes to her.
Auntie Concepcion.
Brighton, would you knock it off?
Look, my father was such a philanderer,
he'd believe anyone who claimed
to be his child.
What proof do we have this woman
and I are related?
Well, let's get to know her a little bit.
Hi, honey. Are you married?
Well, I was living with a man
for five years
but I couldn't make a commitment.
Well, there's your DNA test.
I cannot believe how many people
showed up for that memorial.
My tongue is so dry from putting stamps
on all these thank-you notices.
Are you sure I wasn't mentioned
in the will?
He always said I was like a son to him.
You were. You got bubkes too.
I'm supposed to be jumping up and down
because Grandpa left me
a cracked porcelain doll?
You could buy a car with how much that
stamp collection you inherited is worth.
You know, most people don't have
what we have.
Maybe this will give you the opportunity
to understand something beyond
your privileged existence.
You do know if Dad hasn't socked anything
away, he's gonna dip into your trust fund.
He can do that?
You know, I don't believe you kids.
You just lost your grandfather,
you just found out that you have
a new member of the family,
and all you three are focused on
is the money.
I'm very disappointed in you,
and think you should go to your rooms
-and really think about this.
-Sorry, Fran.
-Yeah, well.
-Well, Brighton brought it up.
She's always been poor. What's it to her?
Can you believe those kids?
Making something out of nothing?
They are making something
out of nothing, aren't they?
After not having been in my apartment
for three months,
I really had to air it out.
It smelled like a cat died in there.
You have a dog.
We're taking care of him.
Perhaps what you smelled in your apartment
was the stench of your decaying youth.
You know, Niles,
I learned something at the place.
If 220 volts of electricity can't hurt me,
300 pounds of butler sure can't.
Well, are you happy to have
your little friend home?
It's all right.
So, isn't it a pity that Maxwell's father
left all his money to a trollop?
He left something for me?
Oh, you meant her.
So, Nanny Fine, what are you gonna do
now that the wedding's off?
Well, who said anything
about the wedding being off?
Nanny Fine, without his inheritance,
Maxwell will run out of money like that.
It takes a lot of money
to keep you looking that cheap.
Well, for your information,
it would not matter to me
if Maxwell were completely broke,
because I am not in it for the money.
I'm in it for love.
Well, isn't that sweet?
We'll see if you feel the same way
when Maxwell has to move in
with you and your mother.
Think about it, Nanny Fine.
Hi, honey.
Bad news. The doctor says
I gotta quit the paper route.
I'm getting too big for the bike.
Darling, come here, and let Daddy
give you some sugar.
Look, here. I was looking
through the want ads.
I thought I'd circle a few things
you were qualified to do.
But there's nothing circled here, my pet.
No kidding.
Now, this is ridiculous.
We're overreacting.
I mean, a smart man like Mr. Sheffield
isn't gonna burn through his own money
because he knows that he's got
his father's hundred mil coming.
We would but he wouldn't.
Well, I'm sure you're right.
There's nothing to worry about.
If Maxwell were seriously
counting on his inheritance,
he'd be rushing off to London
to contest the will.
Just off to London on the Concorde.
Nothing to worry about.
Well, I must say, so far, I am enjoying
my return to sanity very much.
I can't believe this is happening.
I love this house.
Well, get used to it, Ma, because we're
one step away from the poor house.
I hate the poor house.
Look, we're just going to have to learn
to economize, that's all.
I mean, the kids will get used
to wearing hand-me-downs.
Maggie will give her skirts to Gracie.
Gracie will give her skirts to me.
What are you, nuts?
What is the one thing that I taught you?
Death begins in the colon?
That, and don't give up without a fight.
Go and get that inheritance back
from Conception.
Why should she wind up with our money?
She's not even a real Sheffield like us.
Ma, we're just gonna have to learn
to save like normal people.
Beginning with, why is Mr. Sheffield
paying for this wedding?
Isn't it traditional
for the bride's parents to pay for it?
Haven't you guys been saving for years?
Well, we were, but when you turned 30,
we thought it was safe to spend it
on a Buick.
Ma, I'm just so worried
about the Sheffields.
I mean, they're used to
the finer things in life.
They're not like me.
I know what it's like to scrimp,
struggle, go hungry.
You're gonna march your tuchus
right down to that gold digger's hotel
and protect your family
from losing all of this.
I know. Max and the kids mean everything.
What Max? I'm talking about me and Daddy.
Francesca. What a surprise.
I love what you're wearing.
You got such great taste.
Ma, I want you to meet Concepcion.
-And this is my mother.
-Consuela.
Sylvi-oh.
-You see, that's how I want my hair.
-You see, that's how I want my hair.
Consuelo, you really had a pretty
hot affair with Maxwell's father?
Yes, I was a flamenco dancer.
So, why did you stop?
Who says I stopped?
-Fran, come sit down.
-Okay.
-So, what can I do for you?
-Look, let's not beat around the bush.
Where is the room service menu?
-Here it is.
-Okay.
It's so hard for me to accept
that this is all mine.
But I guess I'll have to adapt.
You know, Concepcion, me and your brother
are gonna be married in less than a month,
and if you and your mother
are still in town,
I'd just love you to come and pay
for the wedding. Did I say pay?
-We'd love to come.
-Oh, good.
This platter looks like
it's enough for us.
No, no. It says, "served from 8 to 11."
Well, that's no good.
-Let me offer you something to drink.
-Okay.
You know, Connie,
just a little hypothetical here.
What if, like, you had all of my money?
What would be a tactful way for me
to ask for it back
and still come out smelling like a rose?
You're so funny, chica.
"Funny chica," that's me.
-You and I are gonna be good friends.
-Good.
-Fran.
-Yes?
You know, my whole life,
I felt I was nothing
and that my father was ashamed of me.
But him leaving me all this money
proves that I lived in his heart.
You're so lucky.
You have a home, beautiful children
and a man who loves you.
Double oy.
You know, Niles, when I was away at the
place,
it was really scary because
when I was all doped up,
I kept hearing these voices.
"Maxwell loves Fran."
"You're alone and old."
"You have to wear a straightjacket
to feel a man's arms around you."
That was you?
You did come and visit me, you old softy.
Oh, God, all is right with the world.
Maxwell's father is dead.
He left Maxwell broke
and in desperate need of a rich wife.
Welcome home, sir.
Is it hot in here?
Welcome home, Maxwell.
How's the family, sir?
Well, they're dealing with it
as best they can, Niles.
Nigel wanted to contest the will,
but the lawyer seems to think
it's ironclad.
That is despicable.
Maxwell, let me put this delicately:
I have 20 mil. I'll buy my own ring.
I have no pride.
I've missed that sense of humor, C.C.
Hi, honey. I'm so glad you're home.
-I missed you.
-Darling. I've missed you too.
-How'd it go?
-Well, the will is incontestable,
I'm afraid, but...
Niles, there's a list here of things
from my father's estate that have to go
to Concepcion. A few dusty old antiquities
-we can live without.
-Sir, this just isn't fair.
Miss Babcock's not on the list.
Honey, I wanna talk to you.
I've given this a lot of thought,
and you know,
I have been poor, and I can be poor again,
but you don't know what it is to be broke.
-And you got the kids to think about...
-No, wait, Fran, what are you saying?
Well, I'm saying that
if you need to marry a woman
with money to preserve your lifestyle,
I will understand and I'll let you out
of your commitment.
It's just as easy to marry a rich girl
as it is to marry a poor one.
That's an interesting saying.
I've not heard that one before.
Me and my big mouth.
Fran, are you sure you don't
want to reconsider?
I mean, it is just as easy to marry
a rich man as it is to marry a poor one.
Actually, it's not.
Fran, I'm not broke. Far from it.
I'm a very successful Broadway producer.
Sometimes, I'm a very successful producer.
I have had a hit on occasion.
Come on, look,
they're not taking everything.
Honey, tell me the truth.
You can be honest with me.
We are not going to starve.
Unless your mother moves in with us.
Look, we're not down and out yet.
Don't worry, I've still got
a few things up my sleeve.
Your watch, sir.
Thank you.
Sweetie, don't worry about it.
I'll replace it wholesale from Avenue K.
Which incidentally, is gonna be
the first letter of your new Cartier.
That is so sweet of you.
Honey, you know, I was trying
to help you today
-and I went over to Waldorf Towers...
-Oh, no, Fran. Dear God.
You didn't go traipsing over to see
Concepcion and talk her into giving back
the money against
my father's dying wishes?
What did she say?
I couldn't ask her for it, sweetie.
I just felt so sorry for her.
I mean, she's got all that money but
-I've got you.
-Darling.
Do you know what worried me most
about my father dying
and leaving me nothing?
The leaving you nothing part?
No.
The thought about losing you.
I mean, you know, I'm not the man
I was when I proposed to you, Fran.
Wait. We are still talking
about the money.
I mean, there wasn't like an accident
or anything?
No, no, just the money.
Sweetie, I love you so much.
For richer, for poorer.
which I'm hoping is at least
a split-level in Long Island?
Darling, it won't have to come to that.
I want you to have the house
of your dreams.
But that is the house of my dreams.
-Sir.
-Niles.
Chandler, what are you doing here?
I have just come from a meeting
with Concepcion
who has decided to share her
inheritance with her new siblings.
-What?
-What?
But I don't understand. I thought you said
you didn't ask for the money.
I didn't. I just welcomed her
into the family.
Which is all she ever really wanted.
Baby, you're the greatest.
You know, Miss Babcock,
with Mr. Sheffield and Miss Fine
doing so well, no one would fault you
if you went back to the asylum
for a little jolt.
Actually, Niles,
I think I'm handling it very well.
What?
I'm just responding to what you said.
I didn't say a word.
What do you mean? I distinctly heard
you say something about the asylum.
Are you insinuating
that I am in some way...
Wasn't Niles just here?
I didn't see him.
Tell your father that I'll be back
in a few weeks.