The Nanny (1993–1999): Season 5, Episode 17 - Homie-Work - full transcript
As the wedding approaches, Fran realizes that she will no longer be "the nanny" as thus will no longer be a member of the traditional work force. She still wants to be considered an integral contributor to the household economy. When new step-grandfather Sammy mentions that his rap-singing grandson Irwin wants to be on Broadway, Fran thinks she can help by giving Irwin at least a shot of being in Maxwell and C.C.'s new rap musical. When Fran eventually meets Irwin, she realizes that Sammy misrepresented Irwin's intentions. She also realizes that Maxwell's decision may have been clouded by the fact that it was his future wife who made the suggestion. But Irwin, with Fran's help and not wanting to disappoint, does his best to become the rapper Fran wants and Maxwell needs.
What are you doing?
We're arm wrestling to see
who gets your room.
Niles, she's a little girl.
You're hurting me.
I'm sorry.
Sucker!
Meanwhile, you're so busy deciding
who gets my room.
Where am I supposed to sleep?
Once you're married,
you'll move in with Daddy.
Oh, my God!
This just keeps getting better and better.
There's my adorable new roommate now.
Morning, darling.
You know, Sweetie, last night,
you didn't give me something
that I'm used to getting
from you every week.
Fran, since we got engaged,
I didn't think
I had to give it you anymore.
Wait. I know what I'm talking
about. What are you talking about?
Your paycheck.
Thank God.
That's what I'm talking about too.
But honey,
even though we're getting married,
I still wanna work.
We have always been
a two-income family.
Yes, dear, but your income
always came out of my income.
I still wanna have a career.
I don't wanna be one of those wives
that just sits around having lunch
with the girls
or shopping
or getting their hair done.
All right, you know what?
Maybe I'll try it for a couple of weeks.
She was working in a bridal shop
In Flushing, Queens
'Til her boyfriend kicked her out
In one of those crushing scenes
What was she to do, where was she to go?
She was out on her fanny
So, over the bridge from Flushing
To the Sheffields' door
She was there to sell makeup
But the father saw more
She had style, she had flair
She was there
That's how she became the Nanny
Who would have guessed
That the girl we described
Was just exactly
What the doctor prescribed?
-Now the father finds her beguiling
-Watch out, C.C.
-And the kids are actually smiling
-Such joie de vivre!
She is the lady in red
When everybody else is wearing tan
The flashy girl from Flushing
The Nanny named Fran
C.C., I'm going through
these wedding responses
and I see that you've only R.S.V.P.-ed
for one.
You sure you don't want to bring a guest?
Well, I thought I might go with you.
Is that inappropriate?
Well, I am marrying Fran.
I thought, I might sit with her.
Of course. You think I'm serious?
Can I catch a ride with you guys?
Maxwell,
I have two very important things
to talk to you about the wedding.
I say we honeymoon in the Caribbean
and we don't leave our suite for 36 hours.
Wow, I was thinking kishka or potato,
but your way's good too.
Maxwell, will you get off
this damn wedding!
We are on a deadline for this musical.
Maybe we should just cancel it.
Well, C.C., we have investors
we have to answer to.
I meant the wedding.
You know, C.C., I am a little concerned
about this whole idea
of us producing a urban rap musical
in the first place.
I mean, we're not exactly cutting edge,
are we?
Come on. Who's more cutting edge than you?
Who is the one that thought
of putting Charles Nelson Reilly
and Rip Taylor in Love Letters?
My love.
Nanny Fine, we have work to do.
Now, he may belong to you
in every other room in this house
but in this room, he is mine!
-C.C., would you give us a minute?
-Okay!
Ma, put the rosette down.
It's plaster. You wanna scrape
your esophagus again?
-Miss Fine, Mrs. Fine, welcome.
-Hi.
I'm Dirk, your wedding coordinator.
And may I say we are honored
that you selected us
for the Fine-Sheffield reception?
It's truly the wedding of the century!
Well, it took nearly that long to happen.
Now, Dirk, I just wanna tell you,
ours is a mixed marriage.
He's from drinkers, we're from eaters,
so let's plan the menu accordingly.
That is fun, fun, funny, fun, fun!
Now, may I suggest as your guests arrive,
we wow them with an ice sculpture
of the Trevi Fountain?
A fountain sounds nice,
but can they make it out of chopped liver?
Challenge, challenge, challenge.
I love it. I love it.
Okay, now we have over 75 hors d'oeuvres
to choose from.
Would you like to taste them,
or would you trust me--
-Taste.
-Okay.
Assistant! Assistant!
I'm working with a
new person. Forgive me.
Look at me, I'm like Regis
without Kathie Lee.
Ma, you know, I have a little problem
I need to talk to you about.
Mr. Sheffield
doesn't want me to work anymore.
And the conundrum would be...?
I mean, it's not as if I'm not gonna be
busy enough performing my wifely duties
and God knows I've had that stored up
for five years.
Who's gonna have the energy to work?
But still, I wanna feel like I contribute
something to the marriage.
Sure you will. You're his partner in life.
You're the woman behind the man.
Help him. Support him. Be there for him.
Never refuse him.
You get me?
I get you.
You're talking about dinner, right?
What else is there?
Now, would it be too presumptuous
to ask about the releasing of the doves?
No doves. There's no meat on them.
You call this a wedding menu?
Ceviche, sashimi, squid?
Who the heck is the chef, Jules Verne?
And the seating plan is a nightmare.
I've got a lord, a lady and a countess,
sitting next to a Cookie, an Izzy
and a Schmooey.
We're back. Sammy, Yetta,
we're leaving in an hour.
So start putting on your coats now.
-Fran.
-Yes?
Before we hit the road,
I have a favor to ask of you.
Do you think Mr. Sheffield could get
my grandson a job on Broadway?
I don't know, Sammy.
I mean, I really don't like
to interfere in Maxwell's business.
Since when?
Since I got a lot more than six bucks
an hour to lose.
He's a brilliant rapper. A great artist.
Last December, he rapped for Puff Daddy.
A brilliant rap artist? Ma, come here.
Did you hear that? This is my opportunity.
Maxwell is producing a rap musical.
It's all about violent gangs that fight
in the street and every so often,
stop to sing poignantly about it.
Well, darling, here's your chance.
What are you waiting for?
Now you can be the woman
behind the man.
You know, where your father would be
today if I hadn't pushed him?
Not collecting disability?
Well, Ty, you can rest easily tonight.
Yes, I have found the perfect star
for your rap musical.
No, he's fresh off the streets,
he's talented, he's dynamic.
You can see for yourself Tuesday night.
-You've found someone yet?
-No.
Make that Wednesday night.
Oh, God, I knew this was a mistake to try
and do this musical.
Maxwell, you know what you need?
You need a break.
Why don't you and I charter a yacht
and just sail down to St. Barths.
That's where I'm taking Fran
for our honeymoon.
Well, doesn't Miss Special
get to do everything.
Maxwell, I have found the perfect star
for your new musical.
It's a relative of mine.
Nanny Fine, no one wants to hear
your relatives speak,
let alone sing.
Darling, you shouldn't go worrying
your pretty little head
with all our business.
No, you should be busy planning
our wedding.
Are you patronizing me?
No, baby. No, of course not.
Wait a minute.
Why won't you let me help you?
I mean, it's not as if
I've ever screwed up--
Okay, switching gears.
My guy Irwin rapped with Puff Daddy.
-Really?
-That's right.
He turned us down. He didn't think,
we were hip enough for him.
No, don't tell me you bored him
with that Mary Martin trivia.
Well, a lot of people don't know
she's Larry Hagman's mother.
C.C., look, maybe it's worth a chance.
Maybe this Irwin has some talent.
Maxwell,
our entire professional reputation
is resting on the expertise of a woman
who thinks The Importance of Being Earnest
is the sequel to Ernest Scared Stupid!
It's not like we've done any better,
is it?
Besides, maybe Fran has exactly
what we need.
Woah! Now, just wait a minute!
This is business and business is my turf!
-No, I want to go with her guy.
-Okay!
Are you still upset about the wedding?
I have something that'll cheer you up.
Single girls, gather round.
Listen, I still have a chance with Maxwell
as long as I am his business partner.
And I am in this house every single day!
Yes, and why should you lose your job?
I mean, it's not as though she's in there
with some brilliant casting idea.
Come on.
That won't break up your partnership.
When Yoko married John,
did that break up The Beatles?
Fran, I know that this is last minute,
but can I bring a date to the wedding?
He's really cute.
Does he have a brother?
Force of habit. I got to stop that.
Sure, sweetie.
That's Sammy's grandson, the future star
of your father's new musical.
Thanks to me.
But I don't want to toot my own horn.
Hi, Sammy. I didn't know you were coming.
Well, somebody had to drive Irwin.
Well, where is he?
Hi. I'm Irwin.
Hi. I'm scared.
Do you always dress that way
to sing or were you just audited?
I don't sing
and I don't make enough to get audited.
What do you mean you don't sing?
Your grandfather told me
that you're a great rapper.
I'm the best.
You got Scotch tape, paper, and a ribbon?
You're a gift-wrapper?
Sammy, why did you tell me that he rapped
for Puff Daddy?
Well, he did last Christmas.
Puff likes lots of bows
and those little plastic Santas and--
Who cares!
Why did you tell your grandfather
that you wanted to work on Broadway?
Well, I live on 8th Avenue.
I figured I could just walk.
Sammy, do you realize
that Mr. Sheffield has one
of the most important composers
on Broadway coming here
to listen to a gift-wrapper
from Crate and Barrel?
Pottery Barn. We were first.
It's not the first time
that I've screwed up.
What's he going to do? Take back the ring?
Give me something salty. I'll bloat.
He'll never get this ring off.
Listen, I don't want to ruin everything
for you.
You know, maybe this is a blessing
in disguise.
I don't want to be a gift-wrapper
all my life.
Maybe I do have some talent, you know?
My grand-daddy,
he plays the piano and sings great.
Stop, you're making me blush.
Just let me try.
Okay, well, what have I got to lose?
Try really hard.
Home, home on the range
Where the deer and the antelope play
-Who's that?
-Irwin.
Miss Fine!
Mr. Sheffield!
You know what? I was just thinking.
Rap is dead.
What are you talking about?
It's the hottest thing on Broadway.
Then it must be me that's dead.
Would you excuse us a minute, please?
I want to see you in my office.
Get something salty! Salty pretzels!
Wait till you meet the mother.
I have a very important composer coming
to this house in less than 24 hours,
expecting to meet Puff Daddy's protégé.
Well, I never said protégé.
That was your embellishment. Bye, now.
Miss Fine!
You're calling me Miss Fine?
That can't be a good thing.
It's not. Trust me.
Why did I listen to you?
Why did I think things were going to be
different just because we got engaged?
Well, first of all...
we are still engaged, aren't we?
Now, "Home, Home On The Range" happens
to be a very complicated number.
That does not mean he isn't
an excellent rapper.
So, why don't you stop adding gray
to that beautiful head of hair of yours?
He does rap? You're not patronizing me?
No, baby.
No, I can look you straight in the eyes
and say Irwin's one professional wrapper.
Yes, a gift wrapper for Crate and Barrel.
-Is that true?
-No, it is not.
It's Pottery Barn. They were first.
Niles, have you seen Mr. Sheffield?
I've never seen him
this angry at me before.
Well, I have, but not today.
I'm not speaking to you.
Why? What did I do to you?
You have ruined our wedding.
Five years I've waited for this day.
What am I going to say
to the other butlers in the market?
Do you know what it's like
to be the only one in the park
with no wedding pictures to show.
Yes, I do.
Well, don't just stand there.
I beat Miss Grace playing hoops
and I want your room.
Well, what am I supposed to do?
Turn Irwin into some kind
of a street rapper?
I don't know anything about rap.
Either that or call your mother
and tell her the wedding's off.
Whuzzup, Irwin?
It's time to get bomb-biggity.
You go, girl.
So Mr. Twister hit him with her
Fame's M.C.'s quicker
This is what I picture
When tipsy off liquor
Sitting thinking of a style like no other
Honk and run for cover
Dipping in my Hummer
And so.
Thank you, Blue.
Excellent. Really. Truly, excellent.
Well, I'll be getting in touch
with your posse.
No, no.
Why can't I express to you
what I'm looking for?
It's in the rhythm, Max, the rhythm.
You see, I see things in geometric shapes.
This is what I want.
You know, bring me this guy.
Yes. Can't get him. He's in Ragtime.
So is that it? Is that all of them?
What about the guy you hyped on the phone?
Well, you know,
he turned out to be a bust.
He was discovered by Maxwell's
nanny/fiancé/back-to-nanny again.
Listen to me, Ty, if you can see your way
to give us a few more days
I know there has to be another him
in this town.
I'm sorry, Max, but I don't think
we're on the same page.
My soul, my soul, my soul
my soul, my soul...
You can try to throw salt
But I keep my game face on
The only thing on your mind
Is crackin' more digits than a telephone
Me and 39 thieves
Jumping out of white Hummer
From Compton
While your crew get dumb and dumber
Grew up straight out of Locash
Like CB4
Now I got dough and you got
One night stands like HBO
See on the low it's all gravy
But the threat of this new world order
Is about to drive me crazy
And all you want
Is the Lex and gold Visa
And bomb singles
And stacking your chips like Pringles
While my rhymes
Jack for platinum plaques
Quicker than one-time Jack Blacks
I twist sacks and sip yac
Plus the Invisible Man
Got my back like a spine
So why you all up in mine?
Keep the money in the bank
All I really want to hold
Is my artistic freedom
And control of my soul
Bravo!
Irwin!
The guy's great.
What are you, saving the best for last?
Yes, he was because that's his style.
Slow to the point of madness
and then he proposes.
Ty, why don't we step
into my office and talk some business?
-Fran, why don't you bring Irwin along.
-Okay.
-Irwin!
-I am so excited.
Fran. This is so phat, Fran.
Irwin, I know that "phat" is a good thing,
but please don't say it so near
to my name.
Well, Niles.
I guess, I know, where I stand.
Outside the door.
Well, at least it's over.
The pain.
The degradation.
The shame.
I'm frightened.
I don't want to be alone.
Well, you finally went crackers.
Yes, hello, Dr. Balk. This is Niles.
Yes, it's about Miss Babcock.
Yes, I think we have a little problem.
She's behaving in a very strange way.
Well, I wouldn't call it delusional.
Grandmama, is that you?
Yes, child. Maybe I would.
Come along.
Come on, Chester. Yes.
Hi, Chester.
-There you go.
-Hi, sweetie.
Fran, this fun. How long do we get
to keep Chester here?
Until Miss Babcock is released--
I mean comes home.
Yeah, you mean, from her "vacation"?
It's really so funny.
Usually when a pet misses its master,
it's really depressed and walks
around whimpering.
Hey.
-Frannie.
-Hi, kids.
Sammy has a niece that wants
to sing at your wedding.
I'm sorry, Sammy,
but Maxwell has a new policy.
No more relatives.
Okay, Aretha, she said no.
Aretha? Aretha?
Call her back! Call her back!
-You want her?
-Yes! Wait till Maxwell hears.
D.M.V., Aretha Jones, please.
We're arm wrestling to see
who gets your room.
Niles, she's a little girl.
You're hurting me.
I'm sorry.
Sucker!
Meanwhile, you're so busy deciding
who gets my room.
Where am I supposed to sleep?
Once you're married,
you'll move in with Daddy.
Oh, my God!
This just keeps getting better and better.
There's my adorable new roommate now.
Morning, darling.
You know, Sweetie, last night,
you didn't give me something
that I'm used to getting
from you every week.
Fran, since we got engaged,
I didn't think
I had to give it you anymore.
Wait. I know what I'm talking
about. What are you talking about?
Your paycheck.
Thank God.
That's what I'm talking about too.
But honey,
even though we're getting married,
I still wanna work.
We have always been
a two-income family.
Yes, dear, but your income
always came out of my income.
I still wanna have a career.
I don't wanna be one of those wives
that just sits around having lunch
with the girls
or shopping
or getting their hair done.
All right, you know what?
Maybe I'll try it for a couple of weeks.
She was working in a bridal shop
In Flushing, Queens
'Til her boyfriend kicked her out
In one of those crushing scenes
What was she to do, where was she to go?
She was out on her fanny
So, over the bridge from Flushing
To the Sheffields' door
She was there to sell makeup
But the father saw more
She had style, she had flair
She was there
That's how she became the Nanny
Who would have guessed
That the girl we described
Was just exactly
What the doctor prescribed?
-Now the father finds her beguiling
-Watch out, C.C.
-And the kids are actually smiling
-Such joie de vivre!
She is the lady in red
When everybody else is wearing tan
The flashy girl from Flushing
The Nanny named Fran
C.C., I'm going through
these wedding responses
and I see that you've only R.S.V.P.-ed
for one.
You sure you don't want to bring a guest?
Well, I thought I might go with you.
Is that inappropriate?
Well, I am marrying Fran.
I thought, I might sit with her.
Of course. You think I'm serious?
Can I catch a ride with you guys?
Maxwell,
I have two very important things
to talk to you about the wedding.
I say we honeymoon in the Caribbean
and we don't leave our suite for 36 hours.
Wow, I was thinking kishka or potato,
but your way's good too.
Maxwell, will you get off
this damn wedding!
We are on a deadline for this musical.
Maybe we should just cancel it.
Well, C.C., we have investors
we have to answer to.
I meant the wedding.
You know, C.C., I am a little concerned
about this whole idea
of us producing a urban rap musical
in the first place.
I mean, we're not exactly cutting edge,
are we?
Come on. Who's more cutting edge than you?
Who is the one that thought
of putting Charles Nelson Reilly
and Rip Taylor in Love Letters?
My love.
Nanny Fine, we have work to do.
Now, he may belong to you
in every other room in this house
but in this room, he is mine!
-C.C., would you give us a minute?
-Okay!
Ma, put the rosette down.
It's plaster. You wanna scrape
your esophagus again?
-Miss Fine, Mrs. Fine, welcome.
-Hi.
I'm Dirk, your wedding coordinator.
And may I say we are honored
that you selected us
for the Fine-Sheffield reception?
It's truly the wedding of the century!
Well, it took nearly that long to happen.
Now, Dirk, I just wanna tell you,
ours is a mixed marriage.
He's from drinkers, we're from eaters,
so let's plan the menu accordingly.
That is fun, fun, funny, fun, fun!
Now, may I suggest as your guests arrive,
we wow them with an ice sculpture
of the Trevi Fountain?
A fountain sounds nice,
but can they make it out of chopped liver?
Challenge, challenge, challenge.
I love it. I love it.
Okay, now we have over 75 hors d'oeuvres
to choose from.
Would you like to taste them,
or would you trust me--
-Taste.
-Okay.
Assistant! Assistant!
I'm working with a
new person. Forgive me.
Look at me, I'm like Regis
without Kathie Lee.
Ma, you know, I have a little problem
I need to talk to you about.
Mr. Sheffield
doesn't want me to work anymore.
And the conundrum would be...?
I mean, it's not as if I'm not gonna be
busy enough performing my wifely duties
and God knows I've had that stored up
for five years.
Who's gonna have the energy to work?
But still, I wanna feel like I contribute
something to the marriage.
Sure you will. You're his partner in life.
You're the woman behind the man.
Help him. Support him. Be there for him.
Never refuse him.
You get me?
I get you.
You're talking about dinner, right?
What else is there?
Now, would it be too presumptuous
to ask about the releasing of the doves?
No doves. There's no meat on them.
You call this a wedding menu?
Ceviche, sashimi, squid?
Who the heck is the chef, Jules Verne?
And the seating plan is a nightmare.
I've got a lord, a lady and a countess,
sitting next to a Cookie, an Izzy
and a Schmooey.
We're back. Sammy, Yetta,
we're leaving in an hour.
So start putting on your coats now.
-Fran.
-Yes?
Before we hit the road,
I have a favor to ask of you.
Do you think Mr. Sheffield could get
my grandson a job on Broadway?
I don't know, Sammy.
I mean, I really don't like
to interfere in Maxwell's business.
Since when?
Since I got a lot more than six bucks
an hour to lose.
He's a brilliant rapper. A great artist.
Last December, he rapped for Puff Daddy.
A brilliant rap artist? Ma, come here.
Did you hear that? This is my opportunity.
Maxwell is producing a rap musical.
It's all about violent gangs that fight
in the street and every so often,
stop to sing poignantly about it.
Well, darling, here's your chance.
What are you waiting for?
Now you can be the woman
behind the man.
You know, where your father would be
today if I hadn't pushed him?
Not collecting disability?
Well, Ty, you can rest easily tonight.
Yes, I have found the perfect star
for your rap musical.
No, he's fresh off the streets,
he's talented, he's dynamic.
You can see for yourself Tuesday night.
-You've found someone yet?
-No.
Make that Wednesday night.
Oh, God, I knew this was a mistake to try
and do this musical.
Maxwell, you know what you need?
You need a break.
Why don't you and I charter a yacht
and just sail down to St. Barths.
That's where I'm taking Fran
for our honeymoon.
Well, doesn't Miss Special
get to do everything.
Maxwell, I have found the perfect star
for your new musical.
It's a relative of mine.
Nanny Fine, no one wants to hear
your relatives speak,
let alone sing.
Darling, you shouldn't go worrying
your pretty little head
with all our business.
No, you should be busy planning
our wedding.
Are you patronizing me?
No, baby. No, of course not.
Wait a minute.
Why won't you let me help you?
I mean, it's not as if
I've ever screwed up--
Okay, switching gears.
My guy Irwin rapped with Puff Daddy.
-Really?
-That's right.
He turned us down. He didn't think,
we were hip enough for him.
No, don't tell me you bored him
with that Mary Martin trivia.
Well, a lot of people don't know
she's Larry Hagman's mother.
C.C., look, maybe it's worth a chance.
Maybe this Irwin has some talent.
Maxwell,
our entire professional reputation
is resting on the expertise of a woman
who thinks The Importance of Being Earnest
is the sequel to Ernest Scared Stupid!
It's not like we've done any better,
is it?
Besides, maybe Fran has exactly
what we need.
Woah! Now, just wait a minute!
This is business and business is my turf!
-No, I want to go with her guy.
-Okay!
Are you still upset about the wedding?
I have something that'll cheer you up.
Single girls, gather round.
Listen, I still have a chance with Maxwell
as long as I am his business partner.
And I am in this house every single day!
Yes, and why should you lose your job?
I mean, it's not as though she's in there
with some brilliant casting idea.
Come on.
That won't break up your partnership.
When Yoko married John,
did that break up The Beatles?
Fran, I know that this is last minute,
but can I bring a date to the wedding?
He's really cute.
Does he have a brother?
Force of habit. I got to stop that.
Sure, sweetie.
That's Sammy's grandson, the future star
of your father's new musical.
Thanks to me.
But I don't want to toot my own horn.
Hi, Sammy. I didn't know you were coming.
Well, somebody had to drive Irwin.
Well, where is he?
Hi. I'm Irwin.
Hi. I'm scared.
Do you always dress that way
to sing or were you just audited?
I don't sing
and I don't make enough to get audited.
What do you mean you don't sing?
Your grandfather told me
that you're a great rapper.
I'm the best.
You got Scotch tape, paper, and a ribbon?
You're a gift-wrapper?
Sammy, why did you tell me that he rapped
for Puff Daddy?
Well, he did last Christmas.
Puff likes lots of bows
and those little plastic Santas and--
Who cares!
Why did you tell your grandfather
that you wanted to work on Broadway?
Well, I live on 8th Avenue.
I figured I could just walk.
Sammy, do you realize
that Mr. Sheffield has one
of the most important composers
on Broadway coming here
to listen to a gift-wrapper
from Crate and Barrel?
Pottery Barn. We were first.
It's not the first time
that I've screwed up.
What's he going to do? Take back the ring?
Give me something salty. I'll bloat.
He'll never get this ring off.
Listen, I don't want to ruin everything
for you.
You know, maybe this is a blessing
in disguise.
I don't want to be a gift-wrapper
all my life.
Maybe I do have some talent, you know?
My grand-daddy,
he plays the piano and sings great.
Stop, you're making me blush.
Just let me try.
Okay, well, what have I got to lose?
Try really hard.
Home, home on the range
Where the deer and the antelope play
-Who's that?
-Irwin.
Miss Fine!
Mr. Sheffield!
You know what? I was just thinking.
Rap is dead.
What are you talking about?
It's the hottest thing on Broadway.
Then it must be me that's dead.
Would you excuse us a minute, please?
I want to see you in my office.
Get something salty! Salty pretzels!
Wait till you meet the mother.
I have a very important composer coming
to this house in less than 24 hours,
expecting to meet Puff Daddy's protégé.
Well, I never said protégé.
That was your embellishment. Bye, now.
Miss Fine!
You're calling me Miss Fine?
That can't be a good thing.
It's not. Trust me.
Why did I listen to you?
Why did I think things were going to be
different just because we got engaged?
Well, first of all...
we are still engaged, aren't we?
Now, "Home, Home On The Range" happens
to be a very complicated number.
That does not mean he isn't
an excellent rapper.
So, why don't you stop adding gray
to that beautiful head of hair of yours?
He does rap? You're not patronizing me?
No, baby.
No, I can look you straight in the eyes
and say Irwin's one professional wrapper.
Yes, a gift wrapper for Crate and Barrel.
-Is that true?
-No, it is not.
It's Pottery Barn. They were first.
Niles, have you seen Mr. Sheffield?
I've never seen him
this angry at me before.
Well, I have, but not today.
I'm not speaking to you.
Why? What did I do to you?
You have ruined our wedding.
Five years I've waited for this day.
What am I going to say
to the other butlers in the market?
Do you know what it's like
to be the only one in the park
with no wedding pictures to show.
Yes, I do.
Well, don't just stand there.
I beat Miss Grace playing hoops
and I want your room.
Well, what am I supposed to do?
Turn Irwin into some kind
of a street rapper?
I don't know anything about rap.
Either that or call your mother
and tell her the wedding's off.
Whuzzup, Irwin?
It's time to get bomb-biggity.
You go, girl.
So Mr. Twister hit him with her
Fame's M.C.'s quicker
This is what I picture
When tipsy off liquor
Sitting thinking of a style like no other
Honk and run for cover
Dipping in my Hummer
And so.
Thank you, Blue.
Excellent. Really. Truly, excellent.
Well, I'll be getting in touch
with your posse.
No, no.
Why can't I express to you
what I'm looking for?
It's in the rhythm, Max, the rhythm.
You see, I see things in geometric shapes.
This is what I want.
You know, bring me this guy.
Yes. Can't get him. He's in Ragtime.
So is that it? Is that all of them?
What about the guy you hyped on the phone?
Well, you know,
he turned out to be a bust.
He was discovered by Maxwell's
nanny/fiancé/back-to-nanny again.
Listen to me, Ty, if you can see your way
to give us a few more days
I know there has to be another him
in this town.
I'm sorry, Max, but I don't think
we're on the same page.
My soul, my soul, my soul
my soul, my soul...
You can try to throw salt
But I keep my game face on
The only thing on your mind
Is crackin' more digits than a telephone
Me and 39 thieves
Jumping out of white Hummer
From Compton
While your crew get dumb and dumber
Grew up straight out of Locash
Like CB4
Now I got dough and you got
One night stands like HBO
See on the low it's all gravy
But the threat of this new world order
Is about to drive me crazy
And all you want
Is the Lex and gold Visa
And bomb singles
And stacking your chips like Pringles
While my rhymes
Jack for platinum plaques
Quicker than one-time Jack Blacks
I twist sacks and sip yac
Plus the Invisible Man
Got my back like a spine
So why you all up in mine?
Keep the money in the bank
All I really want to hold
Is my artistic freedom
And control of my soul
Bravo!
Irwin!
The guy's great.
What are you, saving the best for last?
Yes, he was because that's his style.
Slow to the point of madness
and then he proposes.
Ty, why don't we step
into my office and talk some business?
-Fran, why don't you bring Irwin along.
-Okay.
-Irwin!
-I am so excited.
Fran. This is so phat, Fran.
Irwin, I know that "phat" is a good thing,
but please don't say it so near
to my name.
Well, Niles.
I guess, I know, where I stand.
Outside the door.
Well, at least it's over.
The pain.
The degradation.
The shame.
I'm frightened.
I don't want to be alone.
Well, you finally went crackers.
Yes, hello, Dr. Balk. This is Niles.
Yes, it's about Miss Babcock.
Yes, I think we have a little problem.
She's behaving in a very strange way.
Well, I wouldn't call it delusional.
Grandmama, is that you?
Yes, child. Maybe I would.
Come along.
Come on, Chester. Yes.
Hi, Chester.
-There you go.
-Hi, sweetie.
Fran, this fun. How long do we get
to keep Chester here?
Until Miss Babcock is released--
I mean comes home.
Yeah, you mean, from her "vacation"?
It's really so funny.
Usually when a pet misses its master,
it's really depressed and walks
around whimpering.
Hey.
-Frannie.
-Hi, kids.
Sammy has a niece that wants
to sing at your wedding.
I'm sorry, Sammy,
but Maxwell has a new policy.
No more relatives.
Okay, Aretha, she said no.
Aretha? Aretha?
Call her back! Call her back!
-You want her?
-Yes! Wait till Maxwell hears.
D.M.V., Aretha Jones, please.